Paws of Fury: The Legend of Hank (2022) Movie Script

Where did that come from?

The title department!

Yah!

That blue should be more blue, blue.

Huh? Oh!

That's wrong.

Ahh!

You can't climb those. Start again.

Do you like these?

No!

Ahh!

How's everything coming along?

The Shogun is coming to visit

in one week.

Everyone knows he's trying

to decide

who his successor will be.

And if I have anything

to do with it, it'll be me.

I've spared no expense making this

the grandest palace in the land.

Imported mice to chase,

fine couches to ruin.

I even got first and second

largest balls of yarn in the world.

My, you have big balls.

And the crown jewel of the palace,

my state-of-the-art bathroom.

Behold, the future!

I call it the Super Bowl.

Because that's what it is,

a super bowl!

Impressive.

I hope the Shogun thinks so.

The only thing left to solve

is our little problem.

- Kakamucho?

- Precisely.

What do you do when

you're a landlord

and you have tenants

you really hate?

You evict them.

But the town's been there

for thousands of years.

I give you an order

and you give me facts? Really?

The only fact I'm interested in

is that that hairball of a town

is ruining my magnificent view.

We've got to wipe them off

the map in order

to make this palace

absolutely perfect.

But what about the Samurai

that's there to protect them?

Just get rid of their samurai!

The fraidy cats will follow.

But make sure it can't

be traced back to me.

Bandits!

You warn the others,

I'll get the samurai.

Stranger danger!

What?

Stranger danger!

Huh?

Stranger danger!

Mr Samurai, Mr Samurai!

Bad cats are coming.

We need your help!

I've got this.

I know exactly what to do.

Samurai! We're coming for you!

Bring it on, bandits!

Yah!

Ah! Oh no! Ah!

I know these events look dire,

but we must stand on

our own four legs and fight.

This is our home.

It is the sacred place

where our kittens were born,

and where we will one day

join our ancestors.

In a shoebox buried

behind the garage.

Dr Katz, you have something to say?

No, I just got a hairball.

What we need is a samurai.

We still can't find the last one.

We even put up posters.

What we need is a new samurai!

Not it!

No! Think!

Where did we get our old samurai?

Samurais-R-Us?

No! From the Shogun!

So, why don't we ask

the Shogun to send us a new one?

OK, I've got it.

Why don't we ask the Shogun

to send us a new one? Eh?

Work, work, work. Let's see...

what's on the agenda today?

Cat fights on the western front.

Cat scratch fever breaking out

in the east.

What's this? Our sacred soil

has been soiled by a dog

who crossed the border?

Probably a border collie.

Fortunately he's been apprehended.

Oh well, you break the law,

you pay the price.

It's not personal,

it's just business.

And you know what they say,

there's no business

like Shogun business.

Well, spit it out!

An urgent tweet from Kakamucho.

Hmm...

"Bandits ravaging village. Stop.

We need a new samurai. Stop.

This reign of terror has to stop.

Stop."

OK, tell them I'll send

someone right away.

Marmalade, Marmalade,

I need to make a call.

Get me what's-his-name.

I have Ika Chu on line two.

Oh, good, good. Very good, yes, yes.

Pika Chu, how's it going?

Peek-a-boo, how's it going?

Peek-a-who, how's it going?

Peek a you Baby poo.

Coo-ca roo.

Scooby Doo.

Slappy do.

How's it going?

Pika Chu, how's it going?

It's Ika Chu,

my divine fabulousness.

I'm so excited and grateful

that you will hon our me

with your presence for the unveiling

of my latest creation.

I promise to amaze you.

Listen, I gave you a call

'cause I just got this urgent

appeal from the town of Kakamucho.

Seems they've been set upon

by bandits!

Can't have ordinary law-abiding

cats terrorised, can we?

Of course we can't,

your worshipfulness.

Well, I promised 'em

we'd send a new samurai,

and I'm putting you

in charge of it, Nike Shoe.

Oh sir, I'm so excited

and grateful...

Good, good. And don't forget,

I'll be there next week

to see my new palace.

Looking forward to you

knocking my socks off!

Hey, I'm going to have to put

you on hold. Here, hold this.

No, no, no!

Oh, this could ruin everything.

Send a new samurai to Kakamucho?

I just got rid of the last one!

I have to do what the Shogun says,

but...

in a way that will benefit me!

Yes, that's it! I need a new plan.

But what can that plan be?

Why am I asking you?

Alright, get up. It's time.

Here, this is for you.

- Oh, what's that for?

- Oh, that.

That's for your execution.

What?! But I haven't done anything!

Wh... I don't understand.

You came to this country illegally.

It's strictly "no dogs allowed".

Didn't you know? Cats hate dogs.

Wait, but dogs are lovable.

How could you hate a dog?

My dad hated dogs

and that's good enough for me.

It's not really based on logic.

It just feels right to hate,

you know?

Hey, makes sense to me.

Now severing number one.

Number one.

I don't wanna!

What?

I don't want to do that,

I don't want to go up there.

OK then. You don't have to.

Really? Thank you!

Of course!

I mean, what are we, barbarians?

Archers!

I'm trying to think up here!

I know you've got a lot

of prisoners to kill,

but please, can you keep it down?

Sorry!

Yeah, thank you!

Huh?

There he goes!

Yah!

Hey, can't we just talk this out?

I don't speak dog!

But wait, we're communicating

right now.

No, we're not!

You just understood me.

No, I didn't.

You should never have come here,

dog! You don't belong!

There he is!

Phew!

Dog-gone it!

Plan... plan...

What I need... Yes!

I'll send the worst samurai

in the entire world,

and he'll do a terrible job.

But where do you look

for something truly bad?

Wait! Please!

I only came to your country

to learn to be a samurai!

As if a dog could ever

become a Samurai. Pft. Never!

A dog. A dog! Huh!

Hold your fire!

Aww...

Nice save.

Always happy to lend a hand.

Hi, there! Who's a good dog?

Yeah, who's a good dog,

who's a good dog?

Does this mean

you're not going to kill me?

On the contrary!

Let's talk about

what you can do for me.

I am offering to make you

the new samurai of Kakamucho.

Kakamucho? What's that?

In the way.

But that's not as important

as you are

at this lucky, lucky moment.

Are you sure I'm ready

to defend an entire town?

Maybe I should start out

as a mall samurai or...

What?!

No, no!

Time to get my new samurai

to Kakamucho

so he can hurry up and die-eeve...

Dive... right in!

Whoa, uh...

So do I get a...

badge or a certificate

or you know,

something official-like?

Huh?

There you go,

makes it all official.

Wow! A samurai cup.

Yes, they've all got one.

Just show that around.

"Wow, he's got a cup!

He's a samurai!

We better do what he says."

Well, better get going.

That town isn't gonna samurai

itself.

But I don't know where I'm going!

Don't worry, the horse knows.

He's got GPS!

Giddy up... Positioning System!

Why are you sending the dog

to defend Kakamucho?

They will kill him.

And the orphanage said

you would never speak.

Yes, they will kill him.

And killing an official samurai...

Why, that's against the law!

I would have to arrest all of them.

And that would leave no one in

the town where I want...

no one.

You did know where we were going.

It's the latest thing.

It's called a gun.

Is it dangerous?

Don't be silly.

Guns don't kill cats.

Cars and curiosity kill cats.

What's a car?

Careful, you're being curious.

He's coming, he's coming!

Ya!

There he is! The new samurai!

The new samurai is a d...

He's a what?

The new samurai is a d...

The new samurai is a dong?

"Welcome to Kakamucho."

Whew! OK, here goes nothing.

Welcoming committee?

Maybe this won't be so bad.

OK, first day on the job.

Make eye contact, smile...

It's a dog!

He's going to ruin everything!

Let's kill him before

the new samurai arrives!

Sic him!

Whoa! Oof!

Get him!

Tear him up!

Sit!

Now that's what I call

"woking" the dog!

Yeah, 'cause she hit that dog

with a wok!

Uh, is he dead?

Hey, hey, see if he has any snacks

in his pockets.

Oh, it's a trick!

He's playing dead! Bad doggy!

Dang it!

Sic him!

Wait, wait.

Can we just talk for one minute?

Shut up, dog!

I am the new samurai! I am!

Look, here's my cup!

Let him have it!

Stop!

He is the new samurai!

It says he's been appointed

by the Shogun himself!

Well that is... Wow.

I did not see that coming.

Give me that!

You must be confused, little girl.

Ugh! Well, this is certainly

disappointing.

What is?

I can't read.

She's right. It's official.

So, we cannot kill him?

- Yeah, no.

- Aww!

Yeah, I know, I know,

we're all disappointed.

But we can still hate him, right?

- Absolutely.

- Yay!

You are, number one, not a cat.

Number two, you are a dog,

so that goes back

to you not being a cat.

And C, you are definitely

not a samurai,

because you are a dog,

and that goes back to you

not being a cat!

Go back where you came from,

car chaser!

Again! What's a car?

Stop being curious!

You'll kill us all!

Hi?

Hi.

Are you really a dog?

Yes. I am a dog.

Told you.

Hmm mm!

I didn't know dogs

could be samurai.

Well, they can, and I...

Wait, why not?

Your sword's on backwards.

No it's not, actually.

Is it?

Do you know how this

is supposed to go?

I know a few things

about samuraiing.

Fair enough.

How about I deputise you

as my official assistant?

Bad dog! Don't talk to him!

Did you touch him?

Time to use our hand sanitizers.

No! No! No! Dog gammit!

What kind of a world do we live in

where good and upright citizens

can't be counted on to kill someone

just because they look different?!

We could try beating them up again.

Only problem is

they still have a samurai.

You're kidding me, right?

He's a Labradork.

Put his tail between his legs

and let's finish this!

OK, here goes nothing.

Ooh!

Ow!

Wow.

Excellent!

That's right, I'm a samurai now!

Take that! Take that!

Oh, yeah!

Whoa! Oof!

How about a little nip?

A little catnip?

Um, I don't think I...

Fine, more for me.

Who are you?

My friends call me Jimbo.

And since I have no friends...

I guess...

you can call me Jimbo too.

I guess that works either way.

Well, Jimbo, I'm Hank,

and I'm the new samurai.

New samurai, huh?

You know your sword's on backwards?

Oh, and I suppose you know

everything because you're a samurai?

Well, I know you're not.

Why? Because I'm a dog?

No. Because you're an idiot.

No real samurai would be

caught dead wearing that.

Is that a bathrobe?

You get that from a hotel?

You're not a samurai, are you?

I know, right? I'm not!

I came here to learn

to be a samurai,

and then I got this job,

but I don't have

the slightest idea what I'm doing.

Hey, is there a book?

You know, an instruction manual,

like "How to be a Samurai"?

You mean "Samurai For Dummies"?

Yes!

No! That would be dumb.

Ow, ow, ow!

OK, that hurts! OK, ow! Ah!

Ow!

Pffff!

You better get out there.

It's samurai time...

...and you're the samurai, right?

Uh... it looks a little

dangerous out there.

Oh, yeah. Dangerous.

That's NWA out there.

Ninjas With Attitude.

But you go ahead. It'll be great.

You are the samurai!

Oh, look at that.

It's that mean old lady.

Yes, it is.

Now, I have to...

Yes, you do.

Maybe I can just go talk to them.

Yeah!

You know, work this out.

You should do that.

I will!

You go reason with them.

Uh...

Excuse me?

Excuse me, please.

Excuse me!

Get lost, dog. This is cat business.

Don't listen to him,

you guys are doing a great job!

Sword's still on the wrong side.

My eyes are up here.

Oh, right in the eye!

Interesting choice, using your face

to block those punches.

I wouldn't have considered that.

Yeah, well what do you know?

Enough not to get my butt kicked.

I gotta get some samurai training.

Oh, I don't think training

can help you.

It couldn't hurt!

What am I supposed to do?

If I were you,

I would consider going home.

Maybe being a lap dog.

I can't leave.

Sure you can!

I've got nowhere else to go!

It took everything I had

to come here.

Then it's "Hey, get shot full of

arrows or take this job",

so here I am! I've got to make

this samurai thing work!

I have to.

But first, I need to learn.

Sounds like you need a mentor.

Dog breath?

Not Mentos!

Mentor! A teacher!

To take you under his wing!

Teach you all he knows,

that kind of thing.

That's exactly what I need.

Perhaps a once-great samurai

who has fallen on hard times

and maybe could use

some help himself.

But where would I find one?

Hey, it's you!

What? Get outta here!

Who even made that?

Don't believe everything you read.

This is traditionally

the place in a movie

where the hero meets

his big opportunity!

You're my guy. C'mon, train me!

But you're a dog.

Is that that what's bothering you?

There's a lot about you

that's bothering me.

Like, for instance,

how you got here.

It wasn't easy, that's for sure.

I had to cross impassable seas,

unclimbable mountains,

and really nasty midtown traffic.

But why do you want to be a samurai?

I was always the runt.

Everybody always picked on me.

I lived in a bad neighbourhood

in a bad part of town

full of bad dogs.

But this day,

something awesome happened.

He moved almost faster

than your eye could see.

Oh!

Whoa!

Ahh!

And then he was gone.

A Samurai in a strange land

took the time to help...

...me.

That's why I came here.

To learn to be just like him.

I even kept his sword.

I've been wondering

where that went. Thank you!

Wait a minute. That's your sword?

Then that means you're...

I don't want to talk about it.

But... will you train me?

Nope.

Why? Because you're so busy?

No. Because you're so brainless.

Argh! But I showed you my movie!

The whole flashback thing!

I don't believe it!

Ugh, I'm outta here.

And I never want to see you again.

Ugh!

You! How much did you hear?

Samurai Hank needs your help.

Are you not bound by your Samurai

Oath to help him?

You mean the one that says I can't

turn my back on those in need?

Yeah, that one.

No.

Maybe.

That's not what...

Stupid oath!

The cuteness is strong

with this one.

What's this?

It is a contract between a student,

you, and a teacher, me.

Uh, why do we need a contract?

Because at this moment,

it would be so nice

if I weren't here.

And if you break this contract,

I won't be.

Besides, it's very straightforward.

You swear to be brave, honourable,

protect those in need,

not seek glory,

finish what you started,

and always obey your master.

The Samurai Oath!

Yes.

And if you break it, our contract

is broken and you go home.

OK, should I have my attorney

look at this...

We don't have that kind of time.

Now sign here.

Defend yourself!

What...

What am I supposed to do

with a stick?

Lesson one: It is not

so important what you do,

as it is important

that you do something.

A warrior has cat-like reflexes.

I'm not a cat, I'm a dog!

Nobody's perfect.

Ouch!

Ahh!

Wait! That music!

Hey, this is the training montage,

isn't it?

Hey, can't we just skip ahead

to the part where I'm good?

No! This is my favourite part.

The part where you suffer.

Cross the river. Any way you can.

To a cat, nothing is unclimbable.

Did I mention I wasn't a cat?

Just make it to the other side

of the wall,

then you will be ready.

Wanna gimme a hand?

Very funny... ahh!

Don't forget to land on your...

...feet.

Whoa!

Nope.

Ha!

Ow, ow, ow, ow!

Haha... Nope!

Huh?

Ha!

I'm starting to think you don't

know what you're doing.

I know exactly what I'm doing.

I'm talking about training.

You said you could make me

a samurai.

I can 'make' you a pizza.

But I cannot make YOU into anything.

That power is only within yourself.

You said you would help me.

Not just whack me with stuff!

I've been whacked my whole life.

That's why I came here!

To learn to be a samurai!

Mmm... You want glory.

You know nothing

of being a true samurai.

I'm starting to think you don't

either!

And you know what? I don't even

believe you are a real samurai! Ha!

So, what happened to you?

How did you go from being

a samurai to a washed up loser

who drinks too much catnip,

has an obvious weight problem,

no real friends to speak of,

is pre-diabetic...

That's enough!

There was a time

I was chief bodyguard

of a very important

official named Toshiro Tyfune.

He was a real cool cat,

with greatness ahead of him.

Is this a flashback?

Don't interrupt me.

If it's a flashback try

the projector,

it really brings the thing to life.

I don't need the projector.

It's an old-fashioned remembering,

now stop interrupting!

We had been summoned to a meeting

late one night.

It was all very mysterious.

Just didn't feel right.

It's an ambush, get down!

Ahh!

Happy birthday?

I not only ruined the biggest night

of his life,

I spayed and neutered his in-laws.

I broke my Samurai Oath.

I was shamed.

That's why I left.

I'll make you a deal.

We'll help each other.

Not helpful.

Today, we begin something new.

I have learned I cannot teach a dog

to be a cat.

What I must do is teach a dog

to be a better dog.

What's that?

The blindfold is to help you focus.

Ah.

Now, listen.

Tell me what you hear.

I hear you talking...

and moving.

Good.

I hear a bird.

That's it.

I smell flowers, actually.

Dogs have a keen sense of smell

and excellent hearing.

I hear a dragonfly.

I smell wood burning.

I smell tea brewing.

Hey, are you making nachos?

'Cause someone just cut the cheese.

Lesson over. Well done.

In battle as in life...

a samurai strives

to maintain his balance.

Ha!

Oh!

And always defeats strength

with smart.

I can dig it!

You must control your fear,

or fear will control you.

It is a dance in which a samurai

controls his space and his body.

Ah!

Whoa!

What are you learning?

I don't like sticks as much

as I used to?

What are you learning in here?

It's not the size of the dog

in the fight,

it's the size

of the fight in the...

No! It IS the size of the dog

in the fight!

A big dog has fewer problems.

Let me demonstrate.

Hold this.

See? That wouldn't happen

to a big dog!

We're still behind schedule!

The Shogun will be here

within three days!

Oops.

Ahh!

I'm surrounded by imbeciles,

complete morons.

It must be so hard for you,

the patience and kindness

that you show.

Ohga, don't take this the wrong way,

OK?

But you are a total failure

and a major disappointment.

No of fence.

None taken.

Constructive criticism

is always welcome...

Shh. I didn't expect much of you,

and you still disappointed me.

Listen, the cats of Kakamucho

are no closer to leaving

than when we started.

If you can't get the job done,

perhaps it's time

for a real professional.

Send in the beast!

Now get out.

Ooh!

Hmm...

Ahh!

Ommm!

Ugh!

Do you mind?

You're harshing my mellow.

Oh, sorry.

Teach me something!

How about patience?

Come on, teach me anything!

Seriously, let's do this!

I'm ready for it.

How about these?

You're not ready for those.

How hard could it be? Yah! Hwah!

- Ow!

- Samurai Hank!

Sumo is in town!

What's a sumo?

He's a giant. Samurai Hank,

you have to do something!

Right.

Oh-ho no! No, no, no, no, no way!

You are not ready, not even close.

OK, then we'll go together.

No, no, no! Not my job.

Not my fight,

and you are not prepared.

So, is someone going to do

something?!

Yeah, is someone gonna do something?

No, someone's not!

Ugh!

You know, she's gonna go over there.

Not my student. Not my problem.

Sword!

Ahh!

Hi-yah!

Ha!

Ahh!

Hi-yah!

Ahh!

Ha!

What are you doing? I had him!

I know you did,

but this is kinda my job. Ugh!

I could totally take that guy!

You should know that I am

a highly trained,

mostly trained warrior,

skilled in the ways

of karate and swordplay

as well as musical theatre.

In your own best interest,

you should surrender...

You're under arrest!

Ha!

Wait! Uh, you've got

something on your...

Ahh!

Sumo have edamame bean on face.

Sumo very allergic.

So, we're all good then?

Ha!

Jimbo?

Is your plan to let him hit you

until he gets tired?

Maybe.

Bold plan.

Ah, here he comes!

You wanted to be a samurai.

Fun, isn't it?

Go get 'em!

You can do it, Hank!

Ahh!

Hoo-ah!

He's told you his weakness.

Remember, you defeat strength

with smart.

Now get back out there!

Head in the game, Hank!

Ahh!

Huh?

Yeah!

That just happened!

I'm a bad dog!

Did you see what I just did there?

It was beautiful!

Mm-hmm, and I would say

congratulations,

but since you're already

doing that yourself...

let's get him to a doctor.

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Absolutely. Gotta do that.

I might have really hurt him,

I mean, look at him!

Yah!

Hmm...

Did that hurt?

Didn't feel a thing.

What about that?

Hmm... nope.

Huh? Uh...

Hey, listen. Sorry I had

to do all this to you.

Sometimes I'm surprised

by my own strength.

There's a new sheriff

in town, alright?

Better not let me catch you

breaking the law again, you feel me?

You're free to go.

No one ever beat Sumo before.

No one ever nice before.

Now have feelings for Hank.

Sumo want to live

in Kakamucho with Hank.

Well, who doesn't?

Safe town like this one

with great law enforcement? Ow!

Psst! It's for you.

I wanted to say thank you

for defeating Sumo.

And you are welcome.

Only one thing...

We can never talk on the street

or anything like that.

You know, just wouldn't

look right, you being a...

you know.

Yeah. I gotcha.

Here!

Thank... you.

You're Chuck, right?

Mmm, no...

Chuck! We have to go!

I have to go.

Samurai Hank?

We wanted to give you something.

We?

So... your mom wanted

to throw me a bone?

No. My mom said to hand it to you.

Now, why would she do that?

Well, if I threw it,

it might get on the ground

all dirty and icky.

No, what I meant is why would

she want to give me something?

To thank you for saving our town.

You are the best dog samurai

I have ever seen.

I am the only dog samurai

you have ever seen.

But I gotta say, you're kinda right.

I am mighty impressive,

as far as samurais go.

Are you all finished?

'Cause it's getting late,

and samurai needs his sleep.

Really looks like things

are turning around for me, eh?

You got lucky, kid.

Don't let it go to your head.

Luck? Please...

I should be registered

as a lethal weapon.

Pride goeth before a fall.

What do you mean,

your ninjas are afraid?

Um... since that dog defeated Sumo,

none of my cats want to...

The Shogun will be here

in two days! I don't care

if your ninja are afraid,

take them down to that

road block of a town

and really, just, ugh!

You know what I've done?

Your hair and a catty-pedi?

Yes, but no.

I've outsmarted my own self

by employing that dog.

Oh, nice. Me likey.

The problem with the good

citizens of Kakamucho is...

there are too many

good citizens in Kakamucho.

It's time to take care

of this mutt myself

with the ultimate weapon: me!

Ugh.

Sumo, like butterfly

that was once caterpillar,

fly like dandy-lion.

It's a hat.

And this one's a boat!

That is really good!

Oops, that was the hat.

What did you make?

A swan.

And some other stuff.

Oh wow, that's amazing.

You can make anything

out of folded paper.

Alright, make me a sandwich.

It's not a sandwich, but here...

I made you something.

For good luck.

It looks like me.

It will always remind you

of who you are.

Who you are? Let's concentrate

on who you are not!

And that would be a samurai!

Come on, Jimbo. We're just

enjoying a beautiful day.

The sun is shining,

birds are singing.

And besides, I deserve a break

for taking care of Sumo.

I mean, just look at him.

Butterfly, aww!

That's just the point,

you have one little itsy-bitsy,

tiny weeny bite of success...

I'm sorry, tiny what?

Tiny what, what?

What?

The point is, this is no time

for celebrating!

It's time to double your efforts

and train even harder!

Now, get to it!

Hank! My brawling, battling hero!

Oh, sorry.

I'm not bothering you. Am I?

No, no, no, I was just,

you know, getting a work out in.

Sure. Cor! Very impressive,

you defeating Sumo, oh, wow!

Aw, it was nothing.

Ah, sure it was...

nothing. Anyway, I came here

to invite you out on the town

to celebrate.

Tonight, I'm taking you

to the most exclusive club

in the country.

Even the members aren't allowed in.

Wow! Thank you!

But I can't go, I...

I promised my teacher I'd stay

focused on my training.

Right. Sounds like

your teacher is someone

who's unhappy and wants

everyone else to be unhappy too.

You know? Do you like fun?

You like fun, don't you?

Of course I like fun!

Fun is so fun!

Fun is fun, isn't it?

The clue is in the word.

Drive! Bye! See you later!

Have fun.

It's just one night.

It's not a big deal.

It is a big deal.

It's the only deal.

You committed to me to go

to the end,

and I did the same for you.

You are breaking your word.

I am not breaking my word.

We can start training again

tomorrow.

But tonight, I'm going to have

some fun with my boss.

I am your boss.

What?

I am your boss!

My boss?

I tell you what to do,

and you do it.

I thought you were my friend.

I am your teacher. Your mentor.

As I told you when we met,

I am not your friend!

A Samurai has only duty,

not friends!

Not my friend?

Well, that just sounds sad.

Like someone who is unhappy

and wants everyone else

to be unhappy too!

Well, I don't want to be unhappy!

I'm gonna go have some fun.

I hope you succeed in having fun,

because you have failed

in everything else.

You know a lot about failure,

don't you?

I defeated the unbeatable Sumo

in battle and saved the town!

You can't even get

a birthday party right.

Don't wait up.

Bow and Wow.

This place is awesome.

Where are you going?

Um... end of the line?

Are you kidding?

Hank, don't you get it?

There are no lines for you.

You are Samurai Hank,

the hero of Kakamucho!

Oh, my God! That's Samurai Hank!

The Hero of Kakamucho!

Vip? What's that mean?

V-I-P. Very important pooch.

After you.

I-I don't have any ID.

You have something better

than ID, you have celebrity!

Wait!

Can I have your autograph, Hank?

Um... sure?

Now this is what being

a top dog is all about.

Private table, Hank?

Dog treat, Hank?

Scratch behind your ears, Hank?

Oh, my God!

Can we take a picture with you?

You look hot.

Who licks your hair?

Thank you, Hank!

You're my favourite samurai!

Is it everything I promised?

Don't get me wrong,

this is all so fantastic.

It's just... You don't think that

I'm being a glory-seeker, do you?

Hank, never miss an opportunity

to pat yourself on the back.

Ahh! Heeyyyy!

And there's no other place

I would rather you be tonight!

Yah!

Ahh!

The ninjas are here! Samurai Hank!

The ninjas are... right here!

Ahh!

Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.

Good job. Well done.

Autograph, lovely touch.

There, little bonus for you.

Thank You. Thank you.

Good job. Well done.

Jimbo.

Yo, Jimbo?! Jimbo, you're OK?

What happened here?

The ninjas showed up again

last night.

And where were you?

Having fun with your boss.

What about you?

I failed my oath for the last time.

Where's my sword?

Right.

They've taken Sumo

to the fortress dungeon,

and now I'm going to get him back.

I'll go with you. We're both

samurai, and that's what we...

You are not samurai!

You were a selfish idiot.

Today, you are nothing.

You just don't want to admit

that I beat Sumo.

You never...

Do you really believe that?

Edamame was responsible

for your greatest victory.

Edamame?

What does that have to do...

I failed to teach,

and you failed to learn.

I've learned a lot from you.

Like when things get tough, you can

hide at the bottom of a bottle.

I'm sorry, Jimbo,

I-I didn't mean that.

Jimbo, you're on the horse

backwards.

Goodbye, Dog.

See you, Cat.

Where were you, great samurai?!

Hey, thanks for nothing!

'Cause guess what?

You did nothing!

And I'm thanking you sarcastically!

Good, I'm outta here.

Going to get on the first boat

and get home.

That's right. Go!

Emiko...

Go back home!

Maybe my mom was right.

Maybe dogs can't be samurai!

"It will always

remind you of who you are".

Ahh!

What are you doing here?

I couldn't help myself. I'm a dog.

That makes me loyal.

So, I'm here to make things right.

You really think you can

just come back here

and that makes everything OK?

As a matter of fact, I do.

I'm back!

You should be happy!

Well, I'm not.

And you might as well turn around

and go back where you came from.

I'm not going anywhere!

Sumo is in there, and I'm

not leaving until we get him out!

We can resolve our differences

later.

What now?

You defeat strength with smart.

Somebody taught me that.

Um... do you have any ideas?

Ahh!

This is smart?

Ahhhh!

Watch your back!

You do care!

Only about saving Sumo.

You, I could do without.

Woo!

Now what?

We have to figure out a way in.

Pretty good idea, huh?

Stop wagging your tail.

I didn't say it was a good idea,

I just said it doesn't suck.

Ugh...

Alright, genius. Which way?

To the left.

What do you got?

Got a D.O.G. who's D.O.A.

Want to get him out of sight P.D.Q.

A.S.A.P. Huh? OK.

I'm not even a full-time

security guard!

I'm just a temp! Ooh!

Let's roll, Fido.

OK...

Now this could be difficult

and might take a while.

So, let's split up.

I'll take the areas

to the north and west.

You go south and east.

Let's try to be methodical

about this.

There could be thousands of cells

here and this could take hours,

maybe days.

He's right over here.

Hey, Sumo! We're here to save you.

Guess we should have

stolen some keys.

Stand back.

Well, at least you tried.

Doggie door.

Ah, complication

in the "saving him" department.

Hank, no need to save Sumo.

Sumo's just prawn in ocean of life.

Of course we have to save you!

You're our friend.

Friends?

Sumo overcome with emotion!

While I appreciate the bro-fest,

we should probably

get out of here.

Wait a second, I've gotta

mark my territory.

We don't have time for that!

But... It's a dog thing.

I want them to know I was here!

I even had asparagus last night.

We don't have time!

We have to get back to Kakamucho!

And when we get there,

what's the plan?

At this moment, it is not so

important what we do. As it is...

...important

that we do something.

Not sure yet what that something is.

Shh!

Huh?

Remember, fear is only

in your mind!

And a little bit in my kimono.

Jimbo!

Jimbo! No!

Both of you, get out of here.

What about you?

Don't worry about me.

You have to get back to Kakamucho.

But we're a team.

No. I have to do this,

and there is no team in "I".

But there is an "I" in samurai!

Ahh!

No!

You can't die!

Our issues aren't resolved yet!

Heimlich manoeuvre.

Oh... You saved my life!

But you touched me, ugh!

If that ever happens again,

let me die. OK?

Now, what is it?

The prisoner escaped.

Ah, you let the big cat out

of the bag, didn't you?

Of course you did. Right, OK!

Now, someone is going to pay

for this.

I'm not saying who, but probably

someone very, very stupid.

Do you know what a scapegoat is,

Ohga?

No, but if there's

a goat around here,

I will have him arrested

immediately.

Ugh. Brainless. Absolute...

And that goes for all of you.

Anyway, never mind.

Um, I already have another

plan progressing nicely.

A much bigger plan with even

more deadly consequences.

Ugh!

My lord, pardon the intrusion!

Ugh, what is it?

It's the super bowl!

It's overflowing!

Oh! Jiggle the handle!

Jiggle the handle!

Where's everyone going?

Emiko! What's going on?!

Emiko!? Emiko!

Look at this. Have you read this?

No.

Well, would you read it to me?

Help wanted. Vicious killers

for the destruction of Kakamucho.

Prior criminal record a must.

An equal opportunity employer.

Can't you see that this is just

the last act of a desperate cat?

We don't care if it's the first act

of "Mamma Mia"!

We're leaving

before that army gets here!

Right, how are we doing?

Let's see... cut-throats, good.

Bounty hunters, desperados,

biker gangs, excellent.

Mugs, thugs, nitwits,

dimwits, mobsters,

muggers, bushwhackers,

hornswagglers, serial killers,

studio executives, wow!

It looks like everyone's here.

Great.

What about him?

Well, yes, he is scary.

But in the wrong way. Arrest him.

Wait! Wait! Please, hear me out.

You all need to know something!

In a heroic effort

to protect your town,

today we lost... Jimbo.

No! No, not Jimbo!

Who's Jimbo?

I don't know.

Didn't he date your sister?

No, that was Gumbo.

Why did you even come back?

We're leaving, Hank.

We're all gonna start new lives

somewhere else.

Sure. Go. After all, you're cats.

You've got nine lives, right?

But I'm a dog! I have one life.

And the best thing that happened

to me, in this one life...

is this town.

You had faith in me.

You trusted me.

And I want to earn

that trust back so bad,

I'm willing to lay

my one life down for your...

Uh, let's see,

247 times 9. Um, carry the 5.

2,223.

2,000...?

223.

Yeah, right. Now, what do you say?

Life is short.

And this movie

is only 85 minutes long,

not including end credits,

so we have to hurry!

If we're gonna save this town,

we have to find a way

beyond judging each other

strictly on...

labels, like dog and cat!

Together, we can get past all that.

We can all be better...

together!

Shh...

It's a metaphor.

Saying we are all the same.

Look different on the outside,

but we can choose for ourselves

what our insides look like.

See now, the big guy

makes a lot of sense.

Right? So Sumo, what do we do now?

So what do we do?

Well, step one:

We need to destroy

their lines of communication.

I've cut the telephone line!

Step two. Someone taught me...

that we can make anything

out of folded paper.

Hmm... How's everyone doing?

Feeling evil, yeah?

Don't be stingy with the poison

on those arrows.

Everyone get plenty to eat?

You can't crush the innocent

on an empty stomach, can ya?

Enjoy the entree, because dessert

is death and destruction.

Who knew an evil army

could go through so many beans?

Right. Assemble the troops.

Hmm?

Ah, the smell of victory

in the air!

Go! Go, my terrible army!

Go to Kakamucho!

And do your worst!

Oh, and don't forget,

save your receipts!

The signal. They're coming!

They're coming!

It's showtime! Alright,

everyone knows what to do!

This is the best bit, isn't it?

Waiting for the death and destruc...

Nah, the best bit is the death

and destruction.

This is the second-best bit.

Kakamucho is going out of business.

Everything must go!

Ah, yes, go team go!

They're falling for it!

Ichiro!

I'm right here.

You're up.

"One, you gotta account

for elevation and wind.

And two...

...you gotta watch for birds".

Whoops!

Hey, bird got in the way.

Just try again.

I only had the one bullet.

What are we going to do?!

They'll find out any minute

that we folded them a fake town!

Ha!

We've been tricked!

Oh, my...

Huh?

Time to clean up this town!

Let's go get 'em!

Ha!

Ahh!

Ha!

Hi-yah!

Way to go, Emiko! Woo!

Mom, you're embarrassing me!

Huh?

Sit!

It's the Shogun!

What was that?!

Now that's a car!

My magnificence!

What in the wide, wide world

of sports is going on here?

That's him!

That's the trouble making dog

that started all of this!

Arrest that dog!

Arrest the dog!

Yes!

Oh!

Ouch! Oh, come on!

Ohga! Take care of him!

Is he sick?

No, you simpleminded twit!

Finish him!

Yah!

What the mother father

cocker spaniel's going on here?!

Jimbo. You're alive!

So that's Jimbo!

See, he did date your sister!

OK, OK. That's enough.

Down, boy.

Jimbo? Is that you?

Toshi?

You... are the Shogun?

Yeah, sure! It took years

to work my way up through the ranks,

but look at me now!

What happened to you?

I was shamed, my lord.

I am so, so sorry.

I ruined your birthday.

Are you kidding?

Best birthday party I ever had.

Most surprise parties are so boring!

But that year,

that was a real surprise.

I tell that story all the time,

always brings the house down!

And... the stuff with your in-laws?

My in-laws? Oh, please,

don't get me started.

In-laws you don't pick.

Friends, you choose.

And you, Jimbo, are my friend.

So, you forgive me?

Forgiven, forgotten, no biggie.

Hey, life's short.

Like me. Let's move on!

So, what's up with the dog?

That "dog" was defending Kakamucho.

A dog defending the town? Why?

Because Lord Ika here

was trying to get rid of it.

Don't believe him. I was just

trying to get rid of that dog!

You see? Nike Shoe was only

trying to get rid of the dog.

But sir,

that dog isn't what you think he is.

He isn't? I'm not following you.

Can someone else explain this?

Allow me...

Ika Chu wanted to get rid of the dog

because he was getting

in the way of his plan

to frighten the cats of Kakamucho

so that he could wipe their town

off the map

in order to make his palace

absolutely perfect.

Wha...?

Did I leave anything out?

Brains?

Well, Peek-a-boo... what've

you got to say for yourself?

You want an explanation?

You're going to get one.

I am...

running away!

Looks like we got a little

more samuraiing to do.

Huh?

Ugh!

Oh, you...

Wait, wait, stop, stop, stop!

Right. I have something very

important to tell you, Hank.

What is it?

I am your father.

No, you're not.

No, I'm not.

Ha ha ha!

I distracted you!

I'm certainly not about

to get outwitted by a stupid dog

who's not even a real samurai!

Oh, but you're wrong.

I am a real samurai.

I got a cup right here that says so.

Ahh!

Grab on!

Ugh!

No! No, see, Ohga!

You don't understand this concept,

do you?

I will save you!

Oh, my!

No, no, no! Oh...

What the flush?!

Ohga, are you feeling

what I'm feeling?

I am, sir.

Thar she blows!

This palace is gonna blow.

And when it does, all this water's

going straight down to...

Kakamucho!

What can we do?

We don't have much time!

We've gotta do something!

One, please!

Guys! You gotta help me!

The giant toilet is overflowing!

Have you tried

to jiggle the handle?!

Too late for that!

But I have an idea!

We're listening!

But you better make it snappy!

I know we've had our differences,

but I feel like the times

we've actually worked together

we've really accomplished a lot,

so if you trust me

I think we can save the town!

That was pretty snappy!

What do you want us to do?

Dig!

But cat's don't dig!

OK, so you don't dig.

Can you swim?

You heard him, dig!

Hurry up!

No!

Where are they? Where are they?

Help, help!

Help!

Emiko!

I've got you!

Well, that pretty much wraps things

up.

Almost 85 minutes exactly.

All that's left is appointing

a new samurai for Kakamucho.

Well, what do you say, Jimbo?

Me, my Lord?

Hey, why not?

I can't think of anyone better.

Can you?

I can.

Kakamucho already has a samurai.

The dog? He can't be a samurai!

He can't be anywhere.

It's the law. You know the rules!

No dogs allowed. It's not personal.

It's just business.

And you know what they say:

There's no business...

...like Shogun business!

Exact-ally!

But he's not a dog.

He's... he's my friend.

And more than that,

he's our samurai.

He is?

That's what I was trying

to tell you.

Wow. You live nine lives,

you get to see everything.

Who knew, a dog samurai?

Hank is not a dog samurai.

Hank is a great Samurai!

A truly great samurai!

Woof, woof, woof, woof!

Then I dub thee...

Town Samurai of Kakamucho.

Eh... Actually, you already

officially appointed him.

I did?

I had an official samurai cup

and everything.

Oh, well, if you had

an official cup and everything,

I don't know what that means,

but I bet you don't

have an official sword!

Wait, please wait!

Thank you.

But I can't accept this hon our.

Why not?

Yeah, why not?

I have a contract with my teacher

that says I haven't yet

finished my training.

But there is someone else that's

most deserving of this hon our.

Emiko. You are a true samurai.

The little one?

Yes, my Lord.

She's always defended the town.

I will carry it with hon our.

I know you will.

Emiko!

So, how does it feel

to be a real samurai?

Good, but not as good as it will

feel someday when I'm the shogun.

The shogun? You?

You know something?

That ain't such a bad idea.

Sure, why not?

And I gotta tell ya...

It's good to be the shogun!

Milk's on me!

Kind of warms your heart,

doesn't it?

Ugh!

Ow!

What's that for?

Defend yourself!

Ow! Wait, wait, stop!

Stop, stop, no. T-Time out.

No!

That hurts!

Gotcha again! Haha!

Ow!

How does that feel?

This is my favourite part.

The part where YOU suffer!

Take that, take that!

Ah, gotcha again!

Hey, who's doing the whacking now?

C'mon! C'mon!

There's lots of cats in this world,

but nobody chases tails, his own,

or anybody else as good as Hank.

It's like he's got nine lives,

and he's living them all

at the same time.

And to the fullest.

What, a canine? Hank is a dog?

I thought we were singing

about a cat.

He's the coolest cat,

who happens to be a dog.

Nuh-uh, no way!

We're out of here!

A slobbering dog

can't be no samurai! Please!

...'Cause you're gonna

show 'em all...

Even if you're a dog.

Ugh, dog-gone it.

Still. At least I don't have to do

the sequel.

Paws of Fury: The Legend of Hank (2022) - full transcript