Paperback Hero (1999) - full transcript
Jack Willis is a handsome roadtrain driver with a secret - he has just become a top-selling romance novelist. However, being a 'man's man' in the Australian outlook, to avoid embarrassment, he needs a name, a woman's name - and he chooses that of his best friend, Ruby Vale. He must do some fancy footwork to continue the charade when the glamorous city publisher, Ziggy, arrives in dusty outback Lucktown to sign 'Ruby Vale' to a major book deal. Ruby agrees to help Jack though it's for her own gain as well - the publisher will pay for her coming wedding (with Hamish, Jack's buddy). Accompanied by Jack, Ruby goes to Sydney to meet the media, appear on TV and cocktail parties, etc. Gradually, Jack realizes that he has fallen in love with Ruby, while Ruby is also touched by Jack's novel. However, Hamish arrives in Sydney a few days later and asks both of them to stop all these foolish things...
( 'I DROVE ALL NIGHT'
BY ROY ORBISON PLAYS )
SONG: ♪ I had to escape
♪ The city was sticky and cruel
♪ Maybe I should have called you first
♪ But I was dying to get to you
♪ I was dreaming while I drove
♪ The long straight road ahead
♪ Uh-huh, yeah
♪ Could taste your sweet kisses
♪ Your arms open wide
♪ This fever for you
was just burning me up inside
♪ I drove all night
♪ To get to you
♪ Is that alright?
♪ I drove all night
♪ Crept in your room
♪ Woke you from your sleep
♪ To make love to you
♪ Is that alright?
♪ I drove all night
♪ What in this world
keeps us from falling apart?
♪ No matter where I go
♪ I hear the beating of our one heart
♪ I think about you
when the night is cold and dark
♪ Uh-huh, yeah
♪ No-one can move me
the way that you do
♪ Nothing erases
this feeling between me and you
♪ Oh
♪ I drove all night
♪ To get to you... ♪
MAN: OK, OK. How about this
for chapter four?
Now I know you're going to think
this is a bit cliché,
but why don't we have our Spitfire pilot
meet up with his English rose
the night before he gets shot down
over occupied France?
(Dog whines) Well, jeez.
Don't sit there shaking your head.
Alright. Let's have them
sleep together.
(Dog whines)
What?
(Barks quietly)
Oh, don't worry.
I'll have them parachute out.
(Scans radio stations )
Oh, come on.
Sorry, mate. No Sinatra.
(Roy Orbison sings ) ♪ Over you
♪ Crying... ♪
Beauty.
The Big O.
(Sings ) ♪ And you...
♪ And you
♪ Took so long... ♪
Yeah.
♪ Left me standing
all alone... ♪
Don't worry, we'll be home soon, Lance.
Oh, no!
(Dog whines)
(Whines)
Oh.
Mad bugger!
Lance, you alright?
(Whines)
( TRUCK HORN HONKS )
You're always asking for trouble.
What?
I said you're always asking for trouble.
Hey, Suze.
Let me show you some shots.
Oh, God. If Artie thought
I was over here playing pool...
Hey, you work for me, not Artie.
Come on.
Ruby!
(Taunts ) Ooh.
Tushy tushy.
(Laughs ) No, you don't!
Come here!
(Screams )
Oh, Jack.
(Screams )
You ruined my bloody paint job!
Oh, give it a break, you two!
(Laughs)
Right!
(Screams )
Right, gotcha!
Ow. A truce.
A truce.
No more fertiliser, I promise.
You and that plane of yours.
You do one more and I swear I'll...
What?
Put sugar in your fuel tank.
I'd crash.
Yeah?
Flying around there like a mad bugger.
You're just like your old man.
He would've used cow shit.
Oh!
Eh!
Ah!
Ah!
Put me down!
Jack, I swear I'm going to kill you.
Don't you dare!
Arggh!
No.
You going to do it again?
No.
Don't.
OK.
You bloody child!
Jesus.
Now we have a truce, kiddo.
Whoa!
Don't call me kiddo!
(Laughs)
You wait till Hamish hears about this.
And don't bloody think
you're invited to my wedding.
When's that going to be?
Oh.
Anyway, I've got to be there, Rube.
I'm the best man.
You two have scrubbed up a treat.
Where are you off to?
Pre-wedding party?
Very funny.
Everybody's ready for this event
except you two.
We'll do it when we've got the dough.
Isn't that right, Hamish?
You don't need loads of dough
to get married, love.
She knows that.
( PHONE RINGS )
No, if Ruby wants the whole catastrophe,
then that's what she's going to get.
MAN: Hello.
That's very romantic, Hamish.
Yeah, well, that's me.
Hamish. It's for you. Again.
He's got a point, love.
What?
About spending heaps of money.
If it doesn't happen soon,
I'll be too old to be the matron of honour.
Oh, bullshit.
Hey, Suze!
Stop bloody yapping and fill glasses.
Don't worry.
He only does it in public.
I'd walk out on the bugger.
G'day, stranger.
What are you doing here?
Mmm.
Oh, does it still work?
It's hard to tell with your music, kiddo.
Here you go.
Thanks, Suze.
Cheers.
Hey, Jack.
( 'I REMEMBER YOU'
BY FRANK IFIELD PLAYS )
SONG: ♪ I remember you-ooh
♪ You're the one
who made my dreams come true
♪ A few kisses ago... ♪
Oh, my God.
♪ I remember you-ooh
♪ You're the one who said I love you too
♪ Yes, I do
Didn't you know... ♪
Morning.
Morning. Can I help you, miss?
I'm looking for Miss Ruby Vale.
(Wolf whistles )
He's harmless.
What can I get you?
An iced tea, thanks.
MAN: Excuse me, girlie.
Did you park your car out the back?
Oh, Joe.
Will you leave her alone?
Thanks.
Milk and sugar's on the counter.
Could you tell me where I'd find a Miss...
Hey, there! Eh!
What?
Where's me egg?
Oh, Pete. Put your teeth in.
Oh.
Where's me eggs?
I'm not your missus, OK?
They'll be ready when I say so.
(Farts ) Isn't she great?
Yeah.
Excuse me, girlie.
Um, I really...
Excuse me.
Look, I really just want
to find a Miss Ruby Vale.
Oh, you want Ruby.
Rube, there's someone here to see you.
Now what can I do for you?
( TRUCK HORN HONKS )
( TRUCK HORN HONKS )
Arggh!
( CRASH! )
You know, um... Girlie, where
did you say you parked your car?
MAN: You didn't miss it, Jack.
Is it yours?
What if I'd been in it?
You'd be dead.
(Laughs ) Someone call the police.
Police!
Very funny.
Well, actually, girlie, I'm the police.
Where's your uniform?
I'm off duty.
Well, thank God you're here.
Charge this idiot with negligent driving.
I'm sorry about your car.
What am I going to tell the rental company?
Well, you can tell them
that you parked in Jack's spot.
Anyway.
What's your name, girlie?
Uh-uh.
You're going to deal with him.
Ruby. Ziggy Keane.
I'd love to have a chat with you inside.
OK.
Rube, Rube.
Jack, you don't think
I've finally won the lottery?
No.
This is what they do.
They drive around Australia
handing out cheques
the size of witchy warts.
Rube, Rube.
She'd be more friendly
if she was handing out money.
Rube!
What?! What's the matter?
She's not a lottery girl.
How do you know?
She's a publisher from Sydney.
A what?
A publisher. Ah, God, you know.
Books and stuff.
Well, what does she want me for?
She doesn't.
You heard her.
She said Ruby Vale.
For fuck's sake, listen to me.
She wants me.
I've written a book.
What kind of book?
A novel.
Anyway, anyway.
It's got your name on it.
A book with me in it?
No, a book with your name on it.
On the cover.
Like I wrote it?
Yeah.
Oh, shit.
Shit!
Shh.
Jack!
Rube.
Why didn't you put your name on it?
(Laughs)
It's a, ah... It's a...
A romance novel.
Oh.
Right, see?
(Laughs)
I'm going to get laughed out of town here.
How could you write anything romantic?
Rube, you've got to help me out here.
No. Go in there
and tell her yourself.
Rube, I did...
Go and tell her.
I didn't know they'd buy it.
I reckon she only wants
something else signed.
Have you been forging my name?
Once.
When?
On the contract.
Oh, Jack!
Don't complicate this.
Bugger off.
Hey, Rube.
Bugger off.
Rube.
That's Ruby and her dad.
He taught her how to fly.
Ah, excuse me, miss.
Sweetie.
Oh, Rube.
Flying must run in the family
because your romance book
is about to fly through the roof.
With the money you'll make,
you won't slave over a hamburger grill.
I don't believe it.
It's a bestseller.
Look, I realise your advance wasn't huge,
but the reaction has been so positive
we'll need you in Sydney for publicity.
Publicity?
We'll do cover signings, TV.
You'll look sensational on TV.
Oh...
TV.
I can't go on TV.
We'll fly you first class.
First class.
All you've got to do is be yourself
and answer questions.
Oh, look.
I don't know about this.
We're only talking
a couple of days at the most.
I've got a wedding planned.
Whose?
Mine.
When?
Soon.
Is this the man you're...?
No, are you kidding?
So why don't you and Hamish
get hitched in Sydney?
Brilliant!
Jack, I don't think so.
Alright, then.
Why don't you let us contribute
by engaging a professional?
Ruby, that'd be lovely.
A professional what?
Well, they do everything.
They do the flowers and the food.
Could we have a big tent?
A marquee.
Suze.
It's what you wanted.
Sorry I spoke.
I'll be in the pub.
Sweetie, we have a serious
window of opportunity here.
Oh. Where's your phone?
Ah, phone's just outside.
Jack.
Ruby.
I'll throw in and help pay
for your wedding. Alright?
Ruby Vale.
$3,000?
That's the book advance.
You get that and a cut on the next book.
Next book? (Laughs )
Rube, shh. A cut of the profits
and your wedding paid for.
What sort of cut?
80/20.
Oh, 50/50.
60/40.
Oh...
Rube.
This is a great opportunity.
For who?
For both of us. I get my book sold,
you get a trip to Sydney.
I mean, all expenses paid,
nice hotel. Come on.
Once you get married,
you're going to be stuck over the border.
You know what Hamish is like.
Oh, look.
What do I know about writing?
You know, I read flying manuals.
Rube, this is a trashy romance novel.
You said it was romantic.
Yeah, whatever. Anyway, blokes
aren't meant to write them.
Look, I'll talk to Hamish about it.
You can't do that.
Rube, what if he tells somebody?
Hey, Hamish and I don't have secrets.
Surprise him.
(Sighs) Oh, yeah. Why would
he believe I've written a book?
'Cause you're smart, Rube.
Come on.
I promise not to ask
anything else of you, ever.
OK.
You promise?
(Mouths ) Cross your heart.
Uh, it's on the other side, Jack.
At least that's where my heart is.
Any contribution will impress them, Errol.
They're basically
beer and finger food people.
Yeah. OK.
Don't you say goodbye
to each other in the city?
Goodbye.
I need a lift back to town.
I've got a flight at 4:00.
Yeah, I'll take you, miss.
OK. I'll just get my things.
Yep. First thing tomorrow.
Anyway, as I was saying,
this sheila, she said to me...
It's funny, you know.
I never thought I could...
you know.
What?
Be a writer.
There's a book in everyone, Ruby.
Jeez, Suze! How many times
have you got to be told?
You silly woman.
We always get four cases.
Suze. I've got a guest for you.
Oh, hello.
Oh!
Bloody hell.
Oh!
Well, what are you looking at?
Ruby!
Oh.
Come on, Artie. Come on,
you like humiliating women.
Come on, try me!
Ruby, no.
You...
Come on.
Take a shot.
Take a shot, you mongrel!
Excuse me. Do any
of your rooms have a bath?
You little bitch.
You wimp!
You OK, Ruby?
Yep.
So, um, I'll get you settled in, eh?
A great opportunity this afternoon.
Mr Reece has bred these sheep for 50 years.
We're sad to see them go.
Great sheep.
Represents great value.
Go into lots of different areas.
Could do a great job.
$ 28 to start me?
A bidder at $ 28, surely.
$ 28 to go, surely.
Starting at $ 28. Surely $ 25.
Hamish. I've got to talk to you.
Not now, Ruby, I'm busy.
The sheep must be sold.
He's bred these sheep for 50 years.
Hey.
What?
What would you say if I'd written a book?
Well, that'd be good.
Come on, $ 25, surely.
$ 25 to go. Start me off at $ 25.
Start me off at your price.
Start me off at your price.
MAN: $ 20!
$ 20, $ 20 bid now.
Bid $ 20, bid $ 20...
They're looking pretty good, Mr Reece.
Who?
The sheep. They look good.
I'm bid $ 20, bid $ 20 now.
I'm bid $ 20.
Whoa!
I'm bid $ 22.
$ 22, thank you.
I'll be $ 22 bid now.
$ 22, I'm bid $ 22.
Whoa!
I'm bid $ 23. $ 23 the bid now.
I'm bid $ 24.
Whoa!
$ 24 bidder. $ 24 bid now.
I'm bid $ 24. $ 24 bidder.
I'm bid $ 24 now.
Whoa!
$ 25. The bids are in front.
Bid's up the left hand side.
$ 25 bidder. $ 25, $ 25. $ 25.
Stopping at $ 25 - sold.
That's illegal, you know.
What, swatting flies?
Guess what!
What?
I've got this book.
What, about flying?
No, um, but it'll pay for our wedding.
The wedding? The book?
Hamish. We need you up here.
Is this a joke?
It's all sorted out.
I've just got to go
to Sydney for a few days.
The wedding's paid for?
Yep.
Everything you wanted?
Hamish. Come on, mate.
So we're getting married?
You getting hitched?
Yep.
( 'MAIRI'S WEDDING'
BAGPIPE MARCH PLAYS )
( THUNDER ROLLS )
(Men cheer and shout)
Whoo-hoo!
Yeah!
ALL: One, two, three!
(All cheer)
Come on, Hamish!
Watch my light fittings.
Hey, Hamish.
Scull that, scull that.
Up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up.
WOMAN: Hamish.
Hamish! Eh!
Oh.
Hamish, straight ahead.
Is that you, Jack?
Straight ahead. Come on.
Keep going, that's good.
Keep coming!
( WATER DRIPS ) Oh, bugger.
I hope we don't get an offer on this place
during a rainstorm.
It's funny you should say that.
Why? Do you know someone?
You're looking straight at her.
Oh, Suze.
I'm dead serious.
I want to buy it, Rube.
What about Artie?
I've got a bit stashed away.
Not enough.
Just need a little more time.
He doesn't know about this, does he?
He'll come round.
Ah!
(All shout) Hamish! Hamish!
Hamish! Hamish!
Go left!
Come on.
Turn around to your left!
Straight on!
Hamish, to your right!
Whoa!
Oh! Arggh.
Oh, shit.
I didn't get laid, Jacko.
You're here for our enjoyment, not yours.
Enjoyment?
Christ.
I'm going to be a married man.
(Laughs quietly)
Half your luck, mate.
I'm buggered if I know when Ruby
had time to write that book.
Mmm.
Maybe I should read it.
Nah.
Ah, it's girlish schmalzy crap, mate.
Have you read it?
No. God, no.
It's... Seen them
in supermarkets.
Oh.
Yeah. Yeah, girls hanging off
gay, fine-looking blokes.
Yeah, that's them.
Wankers.
Hey, maybe I'm in it.
Nah.
Brave-Hamish-heart.
(Both laugh)
It might be a bit of an earner.
You never know.
Well, I need a new Landcruiser.
Ah.
Are you still giving Ruby a lift to Sydney?
Absolutely.
I'm going there anyway.
Thanks, mate.
No worries.
No. I really appreciate it.
Yeah. Alright.
Mmm. Might get you
to look after Lance.
Yeah.
Hey.
How does a bloke really know if he's...
What?
...ringing the bells?
Ah, come on, Hamish.
(Sighs)
I've been with lots of girls, but...
What are you talking about?
Orgasm.
What?
They fake it, don't they?
No.
It's not what I've heard.
Hamish, it's all to do with chemistry.
Jeez, are you alright?
(Vomits )
Arggh. Ah.
Oh.
Chemistry was my best subject.
(Laughs)
( SOFT GUITAR MUSIC,
COCK CROWS )
(Groans ) Lance. Lance.
(Groans )
(Sighs)
Tom.
G'day, Jack.
Morning.
Where's Miss Ziggy? Not up yet?
What are they doing?
Chatting about the book, I guess.
Where did Hamish sleep last night?
Er... dunno. In the... in the pub?
I found him lying in the street.
Oh.
Whoopsie.
Well, a couple of years back
I lost my dad in a car accident
and, um...
...about eight years ago my mum
ran away to be a club singer.
Actually, Ruby, I just wanna know
about when you started writing.
Where you get your inspiration...
Oh. Don't you know this stuff?
OK. Sweetie, what about
we start with your next book?
Hi, Jack.
(Sighs ) Had breakfast?
I don't eat breakfast.
Oh. (Tuts)
This is great.
So you reckon our Ruby is a good writer?
Terrific. Where's my ride?
Oh, Pete. He won't be long.
He's probably out the back.
Taking a piss. Filling up.
How's it going, kiddo?
Ziggy was just asking me
about my next book.
Yeah. So if you'll excuse us...
Sure.
Yeah.
Well, it's about, um... love...
...and...
...the war and honour
and all that stuff.
(Clears throat)
Which war, did you say?
(Mouths words ) Um...
Er... Boer. The Boer War.
Good setting.
Oh, you think so?
What's it called?
'African Lovers...
'..In Africa'.
I'm looking for a selling point here, Ruby.
'Love In Africa'.
'Love In Africa'?
Yep.
'Love In Africa'.
You know what my favourite bit
about your story was?
What?
The big argument.
Great female perspective.
They're slugging it out, absolute equals,
and then he leaves her...
still filled with so much love for her.
Mind you, we are stretching
the reality parameter a little.
Oh, I don't know about that.
I reckon some of the best lovers in history
fought like bloody dogs on heat.
Of course. Kate and Petruchio.
Yeah.
You wanna know what
my favourite part of the book was?
The ending.
Oh, perfect.
I know. I slogged my guts out
over that one.
Jack, your eggs are ready!
I suppose he was the one
making all that primal noise last night.
I hardly slept a wink.
Don't you like him?
Hey, miss! Let's get going, eh?
(Farts )
( INSECTS CHIRP )
( WALKMAN'S
EARPHONES JANGLE )
(Hums along tunelessly)
Rube?
Oh! Where the hell
have you been?
You're so un-bloody-reliable.
(Sighs)
Where's the book?
What's this?
Well, it's my book.
Oh. Don't you have one
with a cover and... and all that?
Had a whole box of them
till Lance pissed in it.
I didn't take it personally.
Mmm. Don't believe it.
What?
Do you reckon Ziggy smells a rat?
Nah. No way.
What do you think of her?
Who?
Ziggy.
She's not your type.
How would you know?
Jack, you live in a truck
with a smelly dog.
Oh. Is that a 'no'?
She wouldn't see you as a catch.
Well, I don't wanna get married.
You blokes never do.
(Clears throat)
Have, er... have you and Hamish
set a date yet?
Yeah.
Oh.
23rd.
(Clears throat)
( GENTLE GUITAR MUSIC )
( WONDROUS MUSIC )
What the hell's she doing?
Why's she still up there, Mack?
She's meant to be driving to Sydney.
I think she's just having fun.
I'd be as sick as a dog.
( AIRCRAFT ENGINE STUTTERS )
Uh-oh.
What?
It's just stalling.
RUBY: Want a ride?
What... what were you doing
up there?
I was flying.
You scared the hell out of me.
It's safer than driving.
It'll be dark soon.
Jack's been waiting.
I had to spray Patterson's place.
Anyway, Jack can wait.
I won't see you for a few days.
You can't go like that.
No.
Ha! Ta-da!
I haven't had a chance to tell you
how amazing I think all this is.
What?
Well, you know... the book.
Oh. Hi, Jack. Sorry I'm late.
No worries.
(Grunts )
Go on, boy, get down from there.
Go on.
I'll miss you.
(Kisses dog)
Lance loves a bit of Sinatra.
(Lance whimpers )
Yeah?
Thanks, mate.
(Groans ) Give us a kiss, Hamish.
I really love you, Ruby.
Yeah. Me too.
(Honks horn)
Jesus, Jack.
(Starts engine)
So you like Sinatra?
(Sings) ♪ Strangers
in the night... ♪
(Whimpers)
Don't worry, mate, he's gone to heaven.
Go on, get in the truck.
Go on! Good dog.
Oh, bugger!
What?
I forgot my walkman.
I can't lie and cheat without my music.
OK, what's my next book about?
Let's just concentrate on the first one.
(Laughs ) Oh, bloody hell.
You'll have to watch your mouth...
no bloodies, buggers, Jesus...
Oh, fuck. If I can't say bugger
or Jesus, what can I say?
Stop it.
I'm going to be your manager, OK?
What do you know about being a manager?
More than you know about writing books.
Whose name's up there, Jack?
It's just a name, Rube.
Yeah! But it's mine!
( ROY ORBISON SINGS ) (Groans )
You should've been a Traveling Wilbury.
♪ This fever for you
is just burning me up... ♪
(Both sing) ♪ Inside
♪ I drove all night
♪ To get to you
♪ Is that alright?
♪ I drove all night
♪ Crept in your room
♪ Woke you from your sleep
♪ To make love to you... ♪
(Ejects tape)
Oh.
Don't wanna get bulldust in there, do we?
(Gasps ) Wow!
It's just like a little house back there.
Hey. Hey.
Mind your own business.
Have you read my book yet?
Ah. Yep.
Just started.
Oh!
Oh, for fuck's sake, Rube!
Bugger.
(Sighs)
Um, er... I've read those pages.
Yep. I've read them.
(Sighs)
What kind of questions
are they gonna ask me, Jack?
The usual stuff.
Yeah? What's that?
Your background, the book's characters...
Story analysis -
what dictates your influence
on the main body
and structure of the story.
The use of romance clichés,
which I should tell you
are expected in this type of rubbish.
But those questions you can gloss over.
I don't know.
Just be yourself, Rube.
You should see this country
from the air, Jack.
(Laughs ) No, thanks.
Gazing out of God's window...
that's what Dad used to call it.
You know what?
This Virginia girl's just like me.
Virginia?
This girl's just like me.
Rube, she's from
an Adelaide shipping family.
Ah, well...
She's me with money.
Ha! Jesus, this is like
looking in a mirror.
I like this bloke Brian.
How do you write sex scenes?
What?
Well, do you look at 'Playboys'
and read erotic books and stuff?
I read 'Lady Chatterley's Lover'
when I was 10.
That must've been an eye-opener.
Mmm. Women mature earlier.
This Virginia girl
says 'bugger' all the time.
I do that.
Brian's kind of like you.
He's nothing like me.
Drives a truck.
Anyway, he gets killed.
You get killed?
(Groans )
( INSECTS CHIRP )
"I felt purged by her persuasive scent
"that lingered
in every crevice of my being,
"stirring my emotions into a whirlwind...
"something exquisite,
an ecstasy beyond my experience."
You wrote this on a Shell napkin.
Jesus. It's not meant
to be read out aloud, alright?
Why not?
Hey, hey. Your thing's on fire.
(Laughs)
The character's, um...
He's kind of thinking it to himself
as he... as he rides along.
Oh.
Oh, my God.
(Gasps ) Jesus!
Brian's drowning in the swollen river.
I'm gonna hit the hay.
You, um, take care of the fire?
Mm-hm.
You can sleep in the cab.
No, no. I want to sleep
up there on the trailer.
OK.
Don't whinge to me in the morning
when you're covered with mosquito bites.
( REFLECTIVE MUSIC )
Jack!
What?
'Night.
Go to sleep.
( MUSIC SWELLS )
What do you think?
(Sniffs, sighs )
(Blows )
Hey, no, no, no!
Not that one...
Oh.
I'll... I'll learn this page
by heart.
I'm a pretty good writer, aren't I?
Don't let it go to your head.
Jack!
(Whispers ) What?
I don't know why you had to kill Brian.
( SILENCE )
( FERRY HORN SOUNDS )
( HYDRAULIC BRAKES APPLY )
Oh, God.
Promise me you won't babble on
with these publishing people.
Oi. Hey, hey, hey, hey.
Come on. Just be yourself.
Oh, my God!
Oh, wow! Oh, yeah!
Look at the size of that poster!
Where'd they get that awful picture of me?
Jack?!
Can I help you, sir?
Er, yeah. I'm here with Ruby Vale.
We wanna see Ziggy.
Oh. You are...?
Jack. Jack Willis.
Jack... Ruby... you should've
called from the airport.
I could've sent a car.
No, we came down in Jack's rig
because Jack can't fly.
He gets airsick, don't you, Jack?
You didn't park outside?
Yeah. Yeah,
there was just enough room.
(Brightly) Right.
Welcome to Sydney, Ruby.
Thank you.
I'm sure you'll approve
of what we've prepared.
Oh... um, yeah.
Invitation... list.
ZIGGY: Oh, yes.
The big wedding.
We're supplying a guy
to organise everything.
195 guests.
(Splutters )
Shit. Sorry.
You live in the outback
and you know 195 people?
She'll probably cut down
on that, won't you, Rube?
Um, maybe.
Except that's not counting
Hamish's brother's family.
There's six of them
and they live in Singapore.
ALL: Oh.
I should call Hamish.
Well, Ruby, I think
these reviews will buck you up.
Read them out loud.
(Clears throat)
Um, "A timeless raw lust to her work
"that doesn't kowtow to vogue niceties.
"No Rodeo Drive sexual caresses
for this woman."
Mmm.
"Her primal sexual overtones
are the stuff of epic romance.
"A female Wilbur Smith
of the love jungle."
Oh. Wow.
MAN: We're very proud.
(Whistles) Wow.
OK, Ruby, why don't you tell us
how you modelled your "sacrificed hero"
on your fiancé?
It's very romantic.
Oh, um, Hamish is nothing like Brian...
...is he, Jack?
No.
No.
Who is he like, then?
Er... I don't know.
Um, kind of... Jack?
Oh, come on, Ruby,
you must've had someone...
Well, he's more like an antihero.
Yeah. An antihero.
An antihero.
Right.
(Shakily) Er, Jack's my manager.
He knows a lot about business,
don't you, Jack?
Oh, absolutely.
OK, then... your itinerary...
we've got you in a great hotel.
You can settle in there this afternoon
and I'd like to include you both
in a publishing reception tonight.
That means a new dress, sweetie,
and a complete makeover.
A what?
Makeover.
Lance, stay in the car.
(Lance whimpers )
Hamish.
G'day, Mack.
Big day looming?
Yeah.
I'll just grab Ruby's gear.
Right.
Just wander in?
I'll show you where it is.
How're you goin'?
No complaints.
They're under the bench.
There's a trunk and a box.
But leave the log books.
She's going to need them.
Yep.
Hamish, what do you think of this?
"I was never one to believe
in love at first sight.
"That first explosive moment
"when eyes locked for what seemed...
"..an eternity."
I found it out on the highway.
I reckon it's Ruby's.
Thanks, mate.
I'm gonna miss this old girl.
Yeah.
I wish she'd get rid of it.
I'm the last bloke to know anything
unless some dog's got a disease.
Huh?
(Burps)
That's Jack's writing, isn't it?
Oh, Lord!
I tell you who's been writing
romance novels.
Not you, that's for sure.
"I was never one to believe
in love at first sight."
Bloody hell. I do.
What do you reckon, eh?
In like Flynn.
Room service.
Rube?
Come on, Rube, it's getting late.
Bloody hell.
Rube, what's happened?
Bloody hell.
All you had to do
was just turn up and smile.
Well, ready when you are.
Jack, I don't know anything about, like...
...analysis and all that stuff.
I'm just bullshitting you.
They don't give a bugger
about that kind of stuff.
Ziggy said romantic books sell.
Yeah. Absolutely.
Lots of people like them.
Yeah.
You should be out there
telling them you did it.
I mean, they're your words, Jack.
And I reckon if you're writing
from the heart,
who gives a stuff about the others?
I don't write from the heart.
Why not?
(Sighs)
OK, kiddo, I'm going to sort this mess out
and get you on a plane home.
Sorry about your wedding.
( INTRODUCTION TO 'SUDDENLY'
BY SORAYA )
Thanks, mate.
Hi there.
Hi.
SONG: ♪ A thousand eyes
looking at me
♪ But yours is the look
that goes right through me
♪ And I cannot hide from your stare
♪ Should I let you in? ♪
G'day.
♪ Do I dare?
♪ Some other hands have tried before
♪ But yours is the touch
that makes me want more... ♪
Oh, no, thanks.
♪ And I cannot hide the urgency
♪ To have you
lying here with me... ♪
Oh. Just excuse me, Bobby.
Where have you been?
I got to talk to you.
Nice suit.
Kind of retro.
Antihero, huh?
I'm here to talk about Ruby.
Oh, don't worry about her.
She's doing just fine.
I'll leave you to chat to your client.
♪ But yours are the ones
that will never fade away
♪ And I cannot hide from their sound
♪ I am mesmerised, spinning round and round
♪ Some other hearts... ♪
What do you think?
♪ Have tried to steal mine... ♪
Apart from the colour.
Ruby!
I'm Wilbur Smith of the love jungle.
So where the hell have you been, mister?
Rube.
♪ Suddenly in my life... ♪
Go and grab me a drink.
A champagne, please.
MAN: Who did that?
Thanks for coming.
Uh-oh,
the Lone Ranger's arrived.
What are you going to do with him?
He's only some trucker friend
along for the ride.
Whatever.
Our Ruby's the darling
of the night. Henry.
You really think
there's another book in her?
The partners want her
on the dotted line, Ralph.
Thanks.
Sorry I was mean about your suit.
Vodka martini, thanks.
Thanks.
Jack, let me give you the statistics
on who actually writes romance novels.
Ziggy, can we discuss business later?
No.
At least 10% of romance novels
are written by men.
So?
So...
I'm just trying to work out
whether you're a truck driver
who writes books
or a writer who drives trucks.
What do you mean?
Your secret's safe with me.
Now, all of this is what we call hype.
Without it, I don't have a job,
you don't have a book
and Ruby doesn't have a wedding.
Right now, it's all moving
like the proverbial freight train.
You can't stop it, really.
Not without looking stupid.
So...
...here's the deal.
I keep zipped about
your rather fraudulent activity...
which I commend you for, I have to say.
And you refrain from telling Ruby
that I know anything at all.
Lie to her?
Don't say anything.
She's as nervous as hell as it is.
Deal?
Deal.
Excuse us, Bob. Just a quick...
Alright.
Thanks.
How's it going?
Uh... you just saved my life.
Just think of me as your guardian angel.
Ruby, you need a strong team
behind you now.
You know what I'm saying?
Mmm.
You've got to evolve.
You've got to shed your skin
like a... like a...
A snake?
No, more like a butterfly.
Yes, a butterfly.
You've got to fly, Ruby.
You know what I'm saying?
Mmm.
It's a dog-eat-dog world
out there.
Eh, Jack?
I guess so.
Right.
I, uh... could be your man.
Oh, that would give us
a cosy feeling, wouldn't it, Ralph?
Yes!
SONG: ♪ 'Cause we are gonna be
♪ High forever
♪ Forever you and me
♪ High forever... ♪
RUBY: Wasn't that successful?
Well, I hope
I'm not a one-hit wonder.
No chance of that, is there, Jack?
Ha ha. No way.
Yeah, I guess you're right.
Got so many stories to tell.
I'm sure you do, sweetie.
And we just can't wait to hear them all.
Eugene, drop me
on the next corner, will you?
Now, I'll see you first thing tomorrow.
And, Jack, it's your job
to make sure she gets there.
Jack doesn't need to do that.
I can look after myself.
Yes, darling, I'm sure you can.
Goodnight.
'Night!
(Clears throat)
What are you staring at?
Very touchy-touchy, isn't she?
I saw you two at the bar.
Clinking glasses and grinning and...
I think she fancies me, Rube.
You don't even like her.
What's there to like?
You want to play pool?
( INTRODUCTION
TO 'PRETTY WOMAN' )
(Girl sings off-key) ♪ Pretty woman,
walking down the street
♪ Pretty woman
♪ The kind I'd like to meet
♪ Pretty woman... ♪
Jeez, honey.
Get off!
♪ I don't believe you
♪ You're not the truth... ♪
Get off!
♪ No-one could look
as good as you... ♪
Hey, get her off! She's a joke!
Let's sing.
Good on you, Sandra.
Great effort.
Give her a big hand, everybody!
Thanks, mate!
There's got to be some other
great singers out there.
We've got the big frozen turkey
for the winner.
So any volunteers?
Why don't you have a go, miss?
You're dressed for it.
I just might!
Play pool, kiddo.
Give the scarlet lady a go.
( CHEERING AND WHISTLING )
What are you going to sing?
MC: Look at that dress,
everyone!
Let's get her up here.
It's a catchy little number.
It's called 'You're An Arsehole
When You Drink'.
You are nothing but trouble.
Jack, I could take him.
No, you won't.
You should listen to your big brother.
MC: How about a bloke?
There's got to be a guy out there.
Do the Big O for them, Jack.
Yeah, right.
He reckons he can sing like Roy Orbison!
Come on!
Hey, hey, hey.
Give them heaps!
Shut up, Ruby!
I'm not bloody singing.
Jack!
No!
Come on.
This is your big change
to be a Flying bloody Wilbury.
Come on.
Traveling Wilbury.
( JEERING )
What's your name?
Jack.
Jack, what are you gonna sing for us?
Uh... you guys know 'Crying'?
Course they do.
OK, Jack's going to do 'Crying'.
Let's give him a big hand.
Come on, Jack!
( CHEERING AND APPLAUSE )
Come on, Roy!
( BAND PLAYS INTRODUCTION )
MAN: Where's your glasses?
(Sings ) ♪ I was alright... ♪
Come on!
Oh, jeez, that's a strong start, mate!
♪ For a while
♪ I could smile for a while
♪ Then I saw you last night
♪ You held my hand so tight
♪ Oh, darling, what can I do? ♪
GIRL: Whoo!
♪ For you don't love me
(Both sing) ♪ And I'll always be
♪ Crying
♪ Over you
♪ Crying
♪ Over you
♪ Yes
♪ Now you're gone
♪ And from this moment on
♪ I'll be crying
(All sing) ♪ Crying
♪ Crying
♪ Crying
♪ Oh, crying... ♪
Whoo!
♪ Crying
♪ Over you. ♪
( CHEERING AND APPLAUSE )
How come you don't want
all this for yourself, Jack?
I couldn't eat it.
(Laughs )
No!
Ugh!
All the attention and stuff.
I'm happy with the way it is,
thank you very much.
Frightened of success.
Frightened of success.
No, I'm not.
Yes, you are.
No, I'm not.
Don't think anything.
Jack, you're a liar.
(Laughs)
Well, we're not bad singers.
I wouldn't make it a career move.
Jack, we killed it.
Whoo-hoo!
We killed it!
Thanks, Rube.
That's for not calling me 'kiddo'.
Get out of here.
( TENDER MUSIC )
Oh, Jack...
( THUNDER RUMBLES )
Can you hear that?
Has anyone seen Jack?
We are on in five.
MAN: Stand by, Ruby.
Oh.
On 2JD, the King of Sydney Talkback Radio,
Wensley Parkes with you until midday today
and joining me in the studio now,
hot new romance author Ruby Vale,
author of the new book 'Bird In The Hand'.
Hi, Ruby.
Hi.
( MICROPHONE FEEDBACK )
We're taking your calls.
You're caller one. Hi.
WOMAN: Hi, Ruby.
My name's Harmony.
And I think your book's just wonderful.
Oh, thanks, Harmony.
Virginia and Brian
are really brave characters.
Only a woman can write
such beautiful romantic things.
Uh, yeah.
You're so right, Harmony.
Um, only a woman can
really get down to business.
Your work reminds me of Daphne Du Maurier.
Oh, really?
She's not a romance writer, but...
Is she from Sydney?
(Laughs)
DJ: Thank you.
And next on the phone
this morning, it's Thelma.
G'day, Thelma.
WOMAN: It's me, Ruby. Suze.
I'm incognito.
Suzie?
Where are you?
I'm in the Boomerang, love.
I've got something important to tell you.
(Whispers ) Hey, Suze,
I can't really talk right now.
Is this talkback radio?
Yes!
Well, you just listen to me.
Uh, Thelma, have you read my book?
No, but your husband-to-be
read some of it.
Oh. Did he like it?
No, Rube.
He's seen the handwriting.
He knows.
What?
Thank you, Thelma.
We must move on.
We have other callers waiting.
Oh, no! Oh, no!
What have I done?
Bloody hell!
He's found out!
I know. I know.
I should have told him.
Oh, why did I listen to you?
Everything's a bloody lie!
Hey, no, it's not.
Well, what is it, then?
Oh!
Ruby!
Ruby.
Jack, I just want to settle down.
I want to have
a comfortable life with Hamish
and fly my bloody plane.
If none of this happens, I'm blaming you.
Might as well.
What am I going to do about Hamish?
Come on.
You're the romance writer.
You do nothing. You get married.
Move down over the border,
have lots of kids,
live happily ever after.
Hey, great news!
(Groans )
Guess what!
I've got you on
'The Clive Rooney Show' tonight
via satellite to London.
What about my wedding?
It's coming along beautifully.
So is bloody Christmas.
I spoke to the Special Events
Coordinator this morning.
He wants red roses.
I said check with you.
There you go, Rube.
What - are you getting cold feet?
OK.
I'll do this bloody 'Clive Show'.
And that's it.
I'm going home.
Arrange my wedding
and give the bill to him.
Pre-wedding jitters.
MAN ON P.A.:
'The Clive Rooney Show' segment 3
starting in 10 minutes.
Daphne, um... Muriay -
she's not from Sydney, is she?
Not even alive, love.
Oh, shit.
Just here.
Hamish!
What are...
What are you doing here?
Don't I get a kiss?
Yeah.
Sorry.
Come in.
Um, Mel, this is my...
my fiancé Hamish.
Hamish, this is Mel.
Ruby, I've got to finish your face.
There's nothing wrong with her face, mate.
Give us a minute.
Hamish, I've been trying
to call you, like to explain,
but it...
Jack said I...
Jack!
Yeah, I know what he's about.
He's a weak bastard.
Yeah, I reckon.
Why did you pretend
you wrote this stupid book?
Oh, it's not stupid.
CLIVE ROONEY:
Who'd have thought
from a landscape of red dust
and annoying bush flies,
an Aussie romance writer could evolve
with more beating hearts
than Barbara Taylor-Bradford,
more sizzle than Joan Collins?
And all this mixed
with a dash of Du Maurier.
'Clive Rooney Show'.
Stand by.
After the break, via satellite,
we'll meet this remarkable young woman
who's also
a crop-duster pilot
and the owner of
the Boomerang truckers' cafe.
Come back.
( THEME MUSIC ON TV )
So you've pulled the wool
over this bloke's eyes too.
Well...
This is all bullshit, Ruby.
There's a cafe over the road.
I'll be there for as long as
it takes for me to have a cuppa.
OK?
Stand by. 60 seconds.
Thanks.
Remember, it's TV.
You can't say 'Jesus', 'fuck',
'shit', 'damn', 'bloody'
or discuss sexual organs.
Well, that's a bloody lot to remember.
Ruby, we all get nervous.
You don't, you silly bitch.
And stop calling me sweetie.
I bloody hate it.
Ruby.
What?
Jack, this is not about the book.
It's about...
...being true to yourself.
Problem?
Now is the time, Jack.
You've got to be able to become your dream.
Rube, we are nearly finished.
What - our lives
as we know them?
Clive Rooney, stand by -
one minute.
Ruby!
Oh, Hamish is right.
This is bullshit.
What do you mean?
Hamish - he's out there
waiting for me.
Oh, great, then.
Well, bugger off.
Ruin your big wedding.
I don't want a bloody wedding!
Then why agree to come down here?
You're as blind as a bat.
Our Father, who art in heaven...
BOTH: Shut up, Ziggy!
Ruby, listen to me!
If this is the only way to hype Jack's book
and get you a wedding...
No, no, no!
She knows?
How could you think so little of me
when I've always thought so much of you?
Ruby!
'Clive Rooney Show' -
live, 50 seconds.
( SAD MUSIC )
( CAR HORN BLARES )
Want me to buy you dinner
before I lose my expense account?
You might as well.
You can buy me a drink.
God, have I stuffed up!
Nup.
YOU haven't.
(Sighs)
Thanks.
Now I'll be one of those people
who sleep in on weekdays.
They've got to give you severance pay.
Severance pay?!
I want a career.
No, I don't.
Yes, I do.
Have you ever...
...wondered?
About me?
Like what?
Well, you know, like...
You don't know anything about me, do you?
Nup.
OK.
First of all, I don't cook.
That's number one.
Number two -
I'm not in therapy anymore.
Ziggy, I don't need a list.
Whoa! Whoa, whoa, whoa.
Oh, God.
I'm sorry.
Where did that pop from?
We agreed to a drink.
Of course.
Taxi!
( COCKATOO SHRIEKS OUTSIDE )
( TROUBLED MUSIC )
Oh, no.
( MAGPIES CAROL OUTSIDE )
Liberating, huh?
(Groans )
I've still got some stuff to get.
It's a nice shed.
Warehouse.
I made you breakfast.
I thought you said you didn't cook.
I lied.
Is that why you were in therapy?
Oh, man.
Did we drink a lot last night?
I won't tell if you don't.
Is that it?
Yeah.
With coffee.
Mmm.
(Groans ) Caveman!
Jack.
Mmm?
You know those characters
you write about in your book?
Mmm.
Are they really out there?
Sure.
(Lance whines)
Hey, Mack.
Hamish.
Ruby hasn't called in yet?
No - another couple of runs
yet, mate.
This is George West.
He's prowling round the State
looking for a crop-duster.
G'day.
Any luck?
No. Missed out on a beauty
in Moree.
Yeah.
So they told me to come down here.
I can't think of one.
Can you, Mack?
Well, who's this bird with the Tiger?
Ruby? Yeah, she's got one.
Oh, yeah, but she's welded to it.
You'd have to take her too!
I dunno. Everything's got a price
where I come from.
That must be a great place, George.
Ruby, do you read me? Over.
( PEACEFUL, UPLIFTING MUSIC )
(Barks )
Shut up, Lance.
(Whines)
Lance!
RUBY: Lance!
Lance, no!
LANCE!
Move!
Shit!
(Whimpers)
Ugh!
HAMISH: Ruby!
Bugger me!
Oh, no! Ruby!
Ruby!
Ruby!
What?
You're alive.
Of course I'm bloody well alive!
Let's get you out of there.
OW! Ow, my ankle!
Jeez, what a mess, eh?
Who are you?
Don't worry about who he is.
George, ring the Flying Doctor.
( SIREN WAILS IN BACKGROUND )
I love cities.
Out there, you can be anyone
you want to be...
no questions asked.
You reckon you can still get me
on the 'Clive Rooney Show'?
Are you serious?
One condition.
That I sign with you for my next book.
Oh!
We're back in business!
Old bush rule, Ruby -
don't jeopardise your life for a dog.
It was Lance.
And you call yourself a vet!
I do love you, Ruby.
You're a sweet man, Hamish.
"Sweet"?
Mmmm.
Doesn't sound very sexy.
Come here.
Mmm.
The surgery cottage has been confirmed.
What, we don't get to choose our own house?
Comes with the job.
Hame, has this place got an airstrip?
I don't know.
'Cause I was thinking I could work
for the Flying Doctor Service.
No.
They saw you doing barrel rolls Anzac Day.
Dad used to do that.
No.
We'll just get settled in,
have a nice, quiet wedding -
something we can afford.
Looks like we'll get something
for the biplane.
What do you mean?
That bloke George - carting it
to Brisbane for spares.
Brisbane?
Is that who that guy was -
a buyer?
Yeah. Oh, I didn't...
What, you're trying to sell my plane?
Hamish?!
Ruby, you've wrecked it.
I did not -
I broke the undercarriage.
( GENTLE ACOUSTIC GUITAR )
( DOG BARKS )
( HAMMERING OF SIGN
CONTINUES )
We can't afford it, Suzie.
The bank manager said...
I don't care what he says.
We owe enough here
without spending money
on a place like that.
Anyway, it's only popular
because of your little friend.
That's a steaming pile of wisdom, Art.
I'm not trying to start an argument,
but you're not paying a penny
for a dump like that.
Anyway...
...looks like you're too late.
(Chuckles)
(Laughs)
Hi, Suze!
You're supposed to be still in hospital.
No, I'm fine.
What's going on?
So...
Who bought it, love?
Do you think they'd want me to stay on?
Absolutely.
That's what Jack would say.
"Absolutely."
What's this?
Take a look.
It's, um... it's got your name
on it and everything.
Oh, Lord!
Just pay me something when you can.
That's bloody great.
What if she doesn't want it?
I'll pay you back - I promise.
What?!
I want this, Artie.
Who'll do my bar at nights?
You, you big lug.
No, I don't think so.
Oh, yes, you are.
Because you're looking
at a brand-new woman
who won't take any more shit from you.
If you excuse me, I have a cafe to open.
I wouldn't mess with her, Artie.
What about if I divorce you?
Artie, that's the only decision
I'll leave up to you.
SONG: ♪ Dum, dum, dum
dummie do-wah... ♪
Bloody hell!
( 'ONLY THE LONELY'
CONTINUES )
G'day, Rube.
I think you should give a speech, love.
Hi, Mack.
Ladies and gentlemen,
can I have your attention?
Suze, my wife, would like
to say a few words.
( CHEERING AND WHISTLING )
As I start my new life at the Boomerang...
...thanks to Ruby...
...oh, and, of course, Hamish,
so will they.
When our lovebirds finally
decide on a date and place,
we'd all like to know about it.
( APPLAUSE ) Here's to Ruby and Hamish.
Ruby and Hamish!
MAN: Hey!
Hey, that's our Jack on the tellie.
(People shush)
Is that the sort of thing
truckies do down there?
No, it's not.
But you've had a huge success
with this romance novel.
Were you pulling over at truck stops,
jotting it down on paper napkins?
Yeah, pretty much I was, actually.
What do your mates think
about you posing as a woman?
Well, this is the first
they've heard about it,
so, um... you know,
I have no idea, actually.
What finally made you decide to come clean?
Uh... it was a good friend
of mine.
She, uh...
Yeah, it was a very good friend.
She made me realise that I...
...that I needed to...
I needed to own my own words.
Right, all that "from the heart" stuff.
Who is that, then?
Uh, someone... someone I've known
a long time.
Yeah, she knows who she is.
No wonder the world is sexually confused,
when a female Wilbur Smith
of the love jungle
sets new standards for romantic love
and turns out to be an outback trucker
of the male variety.
G'day.
Sorry I'm late.
I just keep forgetting stuff.
Hardly a bowerbird, Ruby.
I left lots of things for Suze.
Strange thing is, I didn't think
you were gonna show.
What do you mean?
Oh, well, you know, even
thinking of selling your plane...
what sort of bloke am I?
Well, you didn't know
it wasn't a total write-off.
People don't realise it, Ruby, but...
...you and I really don't have
that much in common.
You know when I was waiting for you
in that cafe in Sydney?
Yeah?
For some bloody reason,
I drank six cups of tea.
You know me -
I hate the stuff.
But she just kept on bringing it and...
I've let you down, haven't I?
No.
No, you couldn't let me down, Ruby.
That's what I love about you.
But this old Land Rover here...
a bit of a worry, don't you reckon?
I don't think it'll make the trip.
Take care.
OK.
I'll see ya.
OK.
( POIGNANT GUITAR MUSIC )
( LILTING LAID-BACK
GUITAR MUSIC )
(Honks horn)
Hamish.
Jack.
Thought that was you.
Did you get a paint job?
Yeah, kind of.
Where's Ruby?
She's not coming.
It's not your fault.
It's chemistry, mate.
(Lance barks )
Jack!
(Laughs)
(Laughs ) Hello, stranger.
Ohhhh!
Oh!
Suze.
(Laughs)
Guess what.
Where's Ruby?
Guess what, Jack.
What?
She gave me the cafe.
I'll pay for it as I go.
That's great!
Where is she?
She's long gone, love.
She left this morning -
to rescue her plane.
What do you mean?
( REFLECTIVE MUSIC )
( PLANE ENGINE ROARS )
Mack!
You mad bugger!
MACK: That's Ruby alright.
Hang on -
I gotta get some height here.
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa!
Come on, baby!
(Whimpers)
I don't believe the old girl's doing this.
Lance.
(Lance whimpers )
Ohhhh!
Uh! Mack!
( ENGINE DRONES ) Ohhhh!
Mack!
Oh!
Uh!
You look as sick as a dog, mate.
You're enjoying this, aren't you?
(Chuckles)
Mack...
Mack, how much more?
That's up to you.
Put me down, Mack.
Oh, shit! Ugh!
You want an exclamation mark?
No!
Drop me on the road up ahead.
Oh, shit!
Oh, whoa, whoa!
OK, hang on, mate.
(Lance whines)
Come here. Come on.
( GENTLE GUITAR MUSIC )
What the hell are you doing?
You're a bastard, Jack!
I love you, Ruby.
No, you don't.
I always have.
Where are you heading?
What do you care?
Can I come?
No!
Why not?
Well, you can't leave us here.
OK, Jack Willis, you
bloody well come and get me.
( ROMANTIC MUSIC )
Right, where are we going?
Am I in your next book?
Uh, no.
Yes, I am.
No, you're not. Ask Lance.
Lance?
(Barks )
See?
Yeah, but one bark is a no.
Bullshit! Lance?
(Barks once)
See?
He said yes.
He said no. One bark is a no!
Is that right, Lance?
(Barks twice)
(Laughs ) I was right!
Yes, Ruby, you always are.
SONG: ♪ The dusty red
can clear away your mind
♪ There's no need for better
♪ Now she's there when all
of my thoughts have gone
♪ The scent of her hair
♪ Can carry me along
♪ There's no need for better
♪ Now paperback fairytales
♪ Are nothing compared to falling for her
♪ How can I stand and watch her walk away?
♪ When she's taken my heart
♪ She's taken my soul
♪ And without my noticing
♪ She's taken my words
♪ Oh, oh
♪ Road goes on
♪ And time teaches everyone
♪ Once love's gone
♪ It tears a piece inside
♪ So how can I leave her?
♪ Oh, paperback fairytales
♪ Are nothing compared to falling for her
♪ I'll never turn and let her walk away
♪ She's taken everything
♪ Yeah, she's taken my heart
♪ She's taken my soul
♪ And without my noticing
♪ She's taken my words
♪ She's taken my time
♪ She's touched me deep inside
♪ And without my noticing
♪ She's taken my words
♪ I cherish the moment I look in her eyes
♪ Time on my hands
seems to pass like the skies
♪ I know her heart isn't mine
♪ 'Cause she's taken over
♪ Oohh oohh
♪ Aahh aahh
♪ She
♪ She's taken my heart
♪ She's taken my soul
♪ She's taken my words
♪ She's taken everything
♪ She's taken my heart
♪ She's taken my soul
♪ And without my noticing
♪ She's taken my words
♪ She's taken my time
♪ She's touched me
deep inside... ♪
BY ROY ORBISON PLAYS )
SONG: ♪ I had to escape
♪ The city was sticky and cruel
♪ Maybe I should have called you first
♪ But I was dying to get to you
♪ I was dreaming while I drove
♪ The long straight road ahead
♪ Uh-huh, yeah
♪ Could taste your sweet kisses
♪ Your arms open wide
♪ This fever for you
was just burning me up inside
♪ I drove all night
♪ To get to you
♪ Is that alright?
♪ I drove all night
♪ Crept in your room
♪ Woke you from your sleep
♪ To make love to you
♪ Is that alright?
♪ I drove all night
♪ What in this world
keeps us from falling apart?
♪ No matter where I go
♪ I hear the beating of our one heart
♪ I think about you
when the night is cold and dark
♪ Uh-huh, yeah
♪ No-one can move me
the way that you do
♪ Nothing erases
this feeling between me and you
♪ Oh
♪ I drove all night
♪ To get to you... ♪
MAN: OK, OK. How about this
for chapter four?
Now I know you're going to think
this is a bit cliché,
but why don't we have our Spitfire pilot
meet up with his English rose
the night before he gets shot down
over occupied France?
(Dog whines) Well, jeez.
Don't sit there shaking your head.
Alright. Let's have them
sleep together.
(Dog whines)
What?
(Barks quietly)
Oh, don't worry.
I'll have them parachute out.
(Scans radio stations )
Oh, come on.
Sorry, mate. No Sinatra.
(Roy Orbison sings ) ♪ Over you
♪ Crying... ♪
Beauty.
The Big O.
(Sings ) ♪ And you...
♪ And you
♪ Took so long... ♪
Yeah.
♪ Left me standing
all alone... ♪
Don't worry, we'll be home soon, Lance.
Oh, no!
(Dog whines)
(Whines)
Oh.
Mad bugger!
Lance, you alright?
(Whines)
( TRUCK HORN HONKS )
You're always asking for trouble.
What?
I said you're always asking for trouble.
Hey, Suze.
Let me show you some shots.
Oh, God. If Artie thought
I was over here playing pool...
Hey, you work for me, not Artie.
Come on.
Ruby!
(Taunts ) Ooh.
Tushy tushy.
(Laughs ) No, you don't!
Come here!
(Screams )
Oh, Jack.
(Screams )
You ruined my bloody paint job!
Oh, give it a break, you two!
(Laughs)
Right!
(Screams )
Right, gotcha!
Ow. A truce.
A truce.
No more fertiliser, I promise.
You and that plane of yours.
You do one more and I swear I'll...
What?
Put sugar in your fuel tank.
I'd crash.
Yeah?
Flying around there like a mad bugger.
You're just like your old man.
He would've used cow shit.
Oh!
Eh!
Ah!
Ah!
Put me down!
Jack, I swear I'm going to kill you.
Don't you dare!
Arggh!
No.
You going to do it again?
No.
Don't.
OK.
You bloody child!
Jesus.
Now we have a truce, kiddo.
Whoa!
Don't call me kiddo!
(Laughs)
You wait till Hamish hears about this.
And don't bloody think
you're invited to my wedding.
When's that going to be?
Oh.
Anyway, I've got to be there, Rube.
I'm the best man.
You two have scrubbed up a treat.
Where are you off to?
Pre-wedding party?
Very funny.
Everybody's ready for this event
except you two.
We'll do it when we've got the dough.
Isn't that right, Hamish?
You don't need loads of dough
to get married, love.
She knows that.
( PHONE RINGS )
No, if Ruby wants the whole catastrophe,
then that's what she's going to get.
MAN: Hello.
That's very romantic, Hamish.
Yeah, well, that's me.
Hamish. It's for you. Again.
He's got a point, love.
What?
About spending heaps of money.
If it doesn't happen soon,
I'll be too old to be the matron of honour.
Oh, bullshit.
Hey, Suze!
Stop bloody yapping and fill glasses.
Don't worry.
He only does it in public.
I'd walk out on the bugger.
G'day, stranger.
What are you doing here?
Mmm.
Oh, does it still work?
It's hard to tell with your music, kiddo.
Here you go.
Thanks, Suze.
Cheers.
Hey, Jack.
( 'I REMEMBER YOU'
BY FRANK IFIELD PLAYS )
SONG: ♪ I remember you-ooh
♪ You're the one
who made my dreams come true
♪ A few kisses ago... ♪
Oh, my God.
♪ I remember you-ooh
♪ You're the one who said I love you too
♪ Yes, I do
Didn't you know... ♪
Morning.
Morning. Can I help you, miss?
I'm looking for Miss Ruby Vale.
(Wolf whistles )
He's harmless.
What can I get you?
An iced tea, thanks.
MAN: Excuse me, girlie.
Did you park your car out the back?
Oh, Joe.
Will you leave her alone?
Thanks.
Milk and sugar's on the counter.
Could you tell me where I'd find a Miss...
Hey, there! Eh!
What?
Where's me egg?
Oh, Pete. Put your teeth in.
Oh.
Where's me eggs?
I'm not your missus, OK?
They'll be ready when I say so.
(Farts ) Isn't she great?
Yeah.
Excuse me, girlie.
Um, I really...
Excuse me.
Look, I really just want
to find a Miss Ruby Vale.
Oh, you want Ruby.
Rube, there's someone here to see you.
Now what can I do for you?
( TRUCK HORN HONKS )
( TRUCK HORN HONKS )
Arggh!
( CRASH! )
You know, um... Girlie, where
did you say you parked your car?
MAN: You didn't miss it, Jack.
Is it yours?
What if I'd been in it?
You'd be dead.
(Laughs ) Someone call the police.
Police!
Very funny.
Well, actually, girlie, I'm the police.
Where's your uniform?
I'm off duty.
Well, thank God you're here.
Charge this idiot with negligent driving.
I'm sorry about your car.
What am I going to tell the rental company?
Well, you can tell them
that you parked in Jack's spot.
Anyway.
What's your name, girlie?
Uh-uh.
You're going to deal with him.
Ruby. Ziggy Keane.
I'd love to have a chat with you inside.
OK.
Rube, Rube.
Jack, you don't think
I've finally won the lottery?
No.
This is what they do.
They drive around Australia
handing out cheques
the size of witchy warts.
Rube, Rube.
She'd be more friendly
if she was handing out money.
Rube!
What?! What's the matter?
She's not a lottery girl.
How do you know?
She's a publisher from Sydney.
A what?
A publisher. Ah, God, you know.
Books and stuff.
Well, what does she want me for?
She doesn't.
You heard her.
She said Ruby Vale.
For fuck's sake, listen to me.
She wants me.
I've written a book.
What kind of book?
A novel.
Anyway, anyway.
It's got your name on it.
A book with me in it?
No, a book with your name on it.
On the cover.
Like I wrote it?
Yeah.
Oh, shit.
Shit!
Shh.
Jack!
Rube.
Why didn't you put your name on it?
(Laughs)
It's a, ah... It's a...
A romance novel.
Oh.
Right, see?
(Laughs)
I'm going to get laughed out of town here.
How could you write anything romantic?
Rube, you've got to help me out here.
No. Go in there
and tell her yourself.
Rube, I did...
Go and tell her.
I didn't know they'd buy it.
I reckon she only wants
something else signed.
Have you been forging my name?
Once.
When?
On the contract.
Oh, Jack!
Don't complicate this.
Bugger off.
Hey, Rube.
Bugger off.
Rube.
That's Ruby and her dad.
He taught her how to fly.
Ah, excuse me, miss.
Sweetie.
Oh, Rube.
Flying must run in the family
because your romance book
is about to fly through the roof.
With the money you'll make,
you won't slave over a hamburger grill.
I don't believe it.
It's a bestseller.
Look, I realise your advance wasn't huge,
but the reaction has been so positive
we'll need you in Sydney for publicity.
Publicity?
We'll do cover signings, TV.
You'll look sensational on TV.
Oh...
TV.
I can't go on TV.
We'll fly you first class.
First class.
All you've got to do is be yourself
and answer questions.
Oh, look.
I don't know about this.
We're only talking
a couple of days at the most.
I've got a wedding planned.
Whose?
Mine.
When?
Soon.
Is this the man you're...?
No, are you kidding?
So why don't you and Hamish
get hitched in Sydney?
Brilliant!
Jack, I don't think so.
Alright, then.
Why don't you let us contribute
by engaging a professional?
Ruby, that'd be lovely.
A professional what?
Well, they do everything.
They do the flowers and the food.
Could we have a big tent?
A marquee.
Suze.
It's what you wanted.
Sorry I spoke.
I'll be in the pub.
Sweetie, we have a serious
window of opportunity here.
Oh. Where's your phone?
Ah, phone's just outside.
Jack.
Ruby.
I'll throw in and help pay
for your wedding. Alright?
Ruby Vale.
$3,000?
That's the book advance.
You get that and a cut on the next book.
Next book? (Laughs )
Rube, shh. A cut of the profits
and your wedding paid for.
What sort of cut?
80/20.
Oh, 50/50.
60/40.
Oh...
Rube.
This is a great opportunity.
For who?
For both of us. I get my book sold,
you get a trip to Sydney.
I mean, all expenses paid,
nice hotel. Come on.
Once you get married,
you're going to be stuck over the border.
You know what Hamish is like.
Oh, look.
What do I know about writing?
You know, I read flying manuals.
Rube, this is a trashy romance novel.
You said it was romantic.
Yeah, whatever. Anyway, blokes
aren't meant to write them.
Look, I'll talk to Hamish about it.
You can't do that.
Rube, what if he tells somebody?
Hey, Hamish and I don't have secrets.
Surprise him.
(Sighs) Oh, yeah. Why would
he believe I've written a book?
'Cause you're smart, Rube.
Come on.
I promise not to ask
anything else of you, ever.
OK.
You promise?
(Mouths ) Cross your heart.
Uh, it's on the other side, Jack.
At least that's where my heart is.
Any contribution will impress them, Errol.
They're basically
beer and finger food people.
Yeah. OK.
Don't you say goodbye
to each other in the city?
Goodbye.
I need a lift back to town.
I've got a flight at 4:00.
Yeah, I'll take you, miss.
OK. I'll just get my things.
Yep. First thing tomorrow.
Anyway, as I was saying,
this sheila, she said to me...
It's funny, you know.
I never thought I could...
you know.
What?
Be a writer.
There's a book in everyone, Ruby.
Jeez, Suze! How many times
have you got to be told?
You silly woman.
We always get four cases.
Suze. I've got a guest for you.
Oh, hello.
Oh!
Bloody hell.
Oh!
Well, what are you looking at?
Ruby!
Oh.
Come on, Artie. Come on,
you like humiliating women.
Come on, try me!
Ruby, no.
You...
Come on.
Take a shot.
Take a shot, you mongrel!
Excuse me. Do any
of your rooms have a bath?
You little bitch.
You wimp!
You OK, Ruby?
Yep.
So, um, I'll get you settled in, eh?
A great opportunity this afternoon.
Mr Reece has bred these sheep for 50 years.
We're sad to see them go.
Great sheep.
Represents great value.
Go into lots of different areas.
Could do a great job.
$ 28 to start me?
A bidder at $ 28, surely.
$ 28 to go, surely.
Starting at $ 28. Surely $ 25.
Hamish. I've got to talk to you.
Not now, Ruby, I'm busy.
The sheep must be sold.
He's bred these sheep for 50 years.
Hey.
What?
What would you say if I'd written a book?
Well, that'd be good.
Come on, $ 25, surely.
$ 25 to go. Start me off at $ 25.
Start me off at your price.
Start me off at your price.
MAN: $ 20!
$ 20, $ 20 bid now.
Bid $ 20, bid $ 20...
They're looking pretty good, Mr Reece.
Who?
The sheep. They look good.
I'm bid $ 20, bid $ 20 now.
I'm bid $ 20.
Whoa!
I'm bid $ 22.
$ 22, thank you.
I'll be $ 22 bid now.
$ 22, I'm bid $ 22.
Whoa!
I'm bid $ 23. $ 23 the bid now.
I'm bid $ 24.
Whoa!
$ 24 bidder. $ 24 bid now.
I'm bid $ 24. $ 24 bidder.
I'm bid $ 24 now.
Whoa!
$ 25. The bids are in front.
Bid's up the left hand side.
$ 25 bidder. $ 25, $ 25. $ 25.
Stopping at $ 25 - sold.
That's illegal, you know.
What, swatting flies?
Guess what!
What?
I've got this book.
What, about flying?
No, um, but it'll pay for our wedding.
The wedding? The book?
Hamish. We need you up here.
Is this a joke?
It's all sorted out.
I've just got to go
to Sydney for a few days.
The wedding's paid for?
Yep.
Everything you wanted?
Hamish. Come on, mate.
So we're getting married?
You getting hitched?
Yep.
( 'MAIRI'S WEDDING'
BAGPIPE MARCH PLAYS )
( THUNDER ROLLS )
(Men cheer and shout)
Whoo-hoo!
Yeah!
ALL: One, two, three!
(All cheer)
Come on, Hamish!
Watch my light fittings.
Hey, Hamish.
Scull that, scull that.
Up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up.
WOMAN: Hamish.
Hamish! Eh!
Oh.
Hamish, straight ahead.
Is that you, Jack?
Straight ahead. Come on.
Keep going, that's good.
Keep coming!
( WATER DRIPS ) Oh, bugger.
I hope we don't get an offer on this place
during a rainstorm.
It's funny you should say that.
Why? Do you know someone?
You're looking straight at her.
Oh, Suze.
I'm dead serious.
I want to buy it, Rube.
What about Artie?
I've got a bit stashed away.
Not enough.
Just need a little more time.
He doesn't know about this, does he?
He'll come round.
Ah!
(All shout) Hamish! Hamish!
Hamish! Hamish!
Go left!
Come on.
Turn around to your left!
Straight on!
Hamish, to your right!
Whoa!
Oh! Arggh.
Oh, shit.
I didn't get laid, Jacko.
You're here for our enjoyment, not yours.
Enjoyment?
Christ.
I'm going to be a married man.
(Laughs quietly)
Half your luck, mate.
I'm buggered if I know when Ruby
had time to write that book.
Mmm.
Maybe I should read it.
Nah.
Ah, it's girlish schmalzy crap, mate.
Have you read it?
No. God, no.
It's... Seen them
in supermarkets.
Oh.
Yeah. Yeah, girls hanging off
gay, fine-looking blokes.
Yeah, that's them.
Wankers.
Hey, maybe I'm in it.
Nah.
Brave-Hamish-heart.
(Both laugh)
It might be a bit of an earner.
You never know.
Well, I need a new Landcruiser.
Ah.
Are you still giving Ruby a lift to Sydney?
Absolutely.
I'm going there anyway.
Thanks, mate.
No worries.
No. I really appreciate it.
Yeah. Alright.
Mmm. Might get you
to look after Lance.
Yeah.
Hey.
How does a bloke really know if he's...
What?
...ringing the bells?
Ah, come on, Hamish.
(Sighs)
I've been with lots of girls, but...
What are you talking about?
Orgasm.
What?
They fake it, don't they?
No.
It's not what I've heard.
Hamish, it's all to do with chemistry.
Jeez, are you alright?
(Vomits )
Arggh. Ah.
Oh.
Chemistry was my best subject.
(Laughs)
( SOFT GUITAR MUSIC,
COCK CROWS )
(Groans ) Lance. Lance.
(Groans )
(Sighs)
Tom.
G'day, Jack.
Morning.
Where's Miss Ziggy? Not up yet?
What are they doing?
Chatting about the book, I guess.
Where did Hamish sleep last night?
Er... dunno. In the... in the pub?
I found him lying in the street.
Oh.
Whoopsie.
Well, a couple of years back
I lost my dad in a car accident
and, um...
...about eight years ago my mum
ran away to be a club singer.
Actually, Ruby, I just wanna know
about when you started writing.
Where you get your inspiration...
Oh. Don't you know this stuff?
OK. Sweetie, what about
we start with your next book?
Hi, Jack.
(Sighs ) Had breakfast?
I don't eat breakfast.
Oh. (Tuts)
This is great.
So you reckon our Ruby is a good writer?
Terrific. Where's my ride?
Oh, Pete. He won't be long.
He's probably out the back.
Taking a piss. Filling up.
How's it going, kiddo?
Ziggy was just asking me
about my next book.
Yeah. So if you'll excuse us...
Sure.
Yeah.
Well, it's about, um... love...
...and...
...the war and honour
and all that stuff.
(Clears throat)
Which war, did you say?
(Mouths words ) Um...
Er... Boer. The Boer War.
Good setting.
Oh, you think so?
What's it called?
'African Lovers...
'..In Africa'.
I'm looking for a selling point here, Ruby.
'Love In Africa'.
'Love In Africa'?
Yep.
'Love In Africa'.
You know what my favourite bit
about your story was?
What?
The big argument.
Great female perspective.
They're slugging it out, absolute equals,
and then he leaves her...
still filled with so much love for her.
Mind you, we are stretching
the reality parameter a little.
Oh, I don't know about that.
I reckon some of the best lovers in history
fought like bloody dogs on heat.
Of course. Kate and Petruchio.
Yeah.
You wanna know what
my favourite part of the book was?
The ending.
Oh, perfect.
I know. I slogged my guts out
over that one.
Jack, your eggs are ready!
I suppose he was the one
making all that primal noise last night.
I hardly slept a wink.
Don't you like him?
Hey, miss! Let's get going, eh?
(Farts )
( INSECTS CHIRP )
( WALKMAN'S
EARPHONES JANGLE )
(Hums along tunelessly)
Rube?
Oh! Where the hell
have you been?
You're so un-bloody-reliable.
(Sighs)
Where's the book?
What's this?
Well, it's my book.
Oh. Don't you have one
with a cover and... and all that?
Had a whole box of them
till Lance pissed in it.
I didn't take it personally.
Mmm. Don't believe it.
What?
Do you reckon Ziggy smells a rat?
Nah. No way.
What do you think of her?
Who?
Ziggy.
She's not your type.
How would you know?
Jack, you live in a truck
with a smelly dog.
Oh. Is that a 'no'?
She wouldn't see you as a catch.
Well, I don't wanna get married.
You blokes never do.
(Clears throat)
Have, er... have you and Hamish
set a date yet?
Yeah.
Oh.
23rd.
(Clears throat)
( GENTLE GUITAR MUSIC )
( WONDROUS MUSIC )
What the hell's she doing?
Why's she still up there, Mack?
She's meant to be driving to Sydney.
I think she's just having fun.
I'd be as sick as a dog.
( AIRCRAFT ENGINE STUTTERS )
Uh-oh.
What?
It's just stalling.
RUBY: Want a ride?
What... what were you doing
up there?
I was flying.
You scared the hell out of me.
It's safer than driving.
It'll be dark soon.
Jack's been waiting.
I had to spray Patterson's place.
Anyway, Jack can wait.
I won't see you for a few days.
You can't go like that.
No.
Ha! Ta-da!
I haven't had a chance to tell you
how amazing I think all this is.
What?
Well, you know... the book.
Oh. Hi, Jack. Sorry I'm late.
No worries.
(Grunts )
Go on, boy, get down from there.
Go on.
I'll miss you.
(Kisses dog)
Lance loves a bit of Sinatra.
(Lance whimpers )
Yeah?
Thanks, mate.
(Groans ) Give us a kiss, Hamish.
I really love you, Ruby.
Yeah. Me too.
(Honks horn)
Jesus, Jack.
(Starts engine)
So you like Sinatra?
(Sings) ♪ Strangers
in the night... ♪
(Whimpers)
Don't worry, mate, he's gone to heaven.
Go on, get in the truck.
Go on! Good dog.
Oh, bugger!
What?
I forgot my walkman.
I can't lie and cheat without my music.
OK, what's my next book about?
Let's just concentrate on the first one.
(Laughs ) Oh, bloody hell.
You'll have to watch your mouth...
no bloodies, buggers, Jesus...
Oh, fuck. If I can't say bugger
or Jesus, what can I say?
Stop it.
I'm going to be your manager, OK?
What do you know about being a manager?
More than you know about writing books.
Whose name's up there, Jack?
It's just a name, Rube.
Yeah! But it's mine!
( ROY ORBISON SINGS ) (Groans )
You should've been a Traveling Wilbury.
♪ This fever for you
is just burning me up... ♪
(Both sing) ♪ Inside
♪ I drove all night
♪ To get to you
♪ Is that alright?
♪ I drove all night
♪ Crept in your room
♪ Woke you from your sleep
♪ To make love to you... ♪
(Ejects tape)
Oh.
Don't wanna get bulldust in there, do we?
(Gasps ) Wow!
It's just like a little house back there.
Hey. Hey.
Mind your own business.
Have you read my book yet?
Ah. Yep.
Just started.
Oh!
Oh, for fuck's sake, Rube!
Bugger.
(Sighs)
Um, er... I've read those pages.
Yep. I've read them.
(Sighs)
What kind of questions
are they gonna ask me, Jack?
The usual stuff.
Yeah? What's that?
Your background, the book's characters...
Story analysis -
what dictates your influence
on the main body
and structure of the story.
The use of romance clichés,
which I should tell you
are expected in this type of rubbish.
But those questions you can gloss over.
I don't know.
Just be yourself, Rube.
You should see this country
from the air, Jack.
(Laughs ) No, thanks.
Gazing out of God's window...
that's what Dad used to call it.
You know what?
This Virginia girl's just like me.
Virginia?
This girl's just like me.
Rube, she's from
an Adelaide shipping family.
Ah, well...
She's me with money.
Ha! Jesus, this is like
looking in a mirror.
I like this bloke Brian.
How do you write sex scenes?
What?
Well, do you look at 'Playboys'
and read erotic books and stuff?
I read 'Lady Chatterley's Lover'
when I was 10.
That must've been an eye-opener.
Mmm. Women mature earlier.
This Virginia girl
says 'bugger' all the time.
I do that.
Brian's kind of like you.
He's nothing like me.
Drives a truck.
Anyway, he gets killed.
You get killed?
(Groans )
( INSECTS CHIRP )
"I felt purged by her persuasive scent
"that lingered
in every crevice of my being,
"stirring my emotions into a whirlwind...
"something exquisite,
an ecstasy beyond my experience."
You wrote this on a Shell napkin.
Jesus. It's not meant
to be read out aloud, alright?
Why not?
Hey, hey. Your thing's on fire.
(Laughs)
The character's, um...
He's kind of thinking it to himself
as he... as he rides along.
Oh.
Oh, my God.
(Gasps ) Jesus!
Brian's drowning in the swollen river.
I'm gonna hit the hay.
You, um, take care of the fire?
Mm-hm.
You can sleep in the cab.
No, no. I want to sleep
up there on the trailer.
OK.
Don't whinge to me in the morning
when you're covered with mosquito bites.
( REFLECTIVE MUSIC )
Jack!
What?
'Night.
Go to sleep.
( MUSIC SWELLS )
What do you think?
(Sniffs, sighs )
(Blows )
Hey, no, no, no!
Not that one...
Oh.
I'll... I'll learn this page
by heart.
I'm a pretty good writer, aren't I?
Don't let it go to your head.
Jack!
(Whispers ) What?
I don't know why you had to kill Brian.
( SILENCE )
( FERRY HORN SOUNDS )
( HYDRAULIC BRAKES APPLY )
Oh, God.
Promise me you won't babble on
with these publishing people.
Oi. Hey, hey, hey, hey.
Come on. Just be yourself.
Oh, my God!
Oh, wow! Oh, yeah!
Look at the size of that poster!
Where'd they get that awful picture of me?
Jack?!
Can I help you, sir?
Er, yeah. I'm here with Ruby Vale.
We wanna see Ziggy.
Oh. You are...?
Jack. Jack Willis.
Jack... Ruby... you should've
called from the airport.
I could've sent a car.
No, we came down in Jack's rig
because Jack can't fly.
He gets airsick, don't you, Jack?
You didn't park outside?
Yeah. Yeah,
there was just enough room.
(Brightly) Right.
Welcome to Sydney, Ruby.
Thank you.
I'm sure you'll approve
of what we've prepared.
Oh... um, yeah.
Invitation... list.
ZIGGY: Oh, yes.
The big wedding.
We're supplying a guy
to organise everything.
195 guests.
(Splutters )
Shit. Sorry.
You live in the outback
and you know 195 people?
She'll probably cut down
on that, won't you, Rube?
Um, maybe.
Except that's not counting
Hamish's brother's family.
There's six of them
and they live in Singapore.
ALL: Oh.
I should call Hamish.
Well, Ruby, I think
these reviews will buck you up.
Read them out loud.
(Clears throat)
Um, "A timeless raw lust to her work
"that doesn't kowtow to vogue niceties.
"No Rodeo Drive sexual caresses
for this woman."
Mmm.
"Her primal sexual overtones
are the stuff of epic romance.
"A female Wilbur Smith
of the love jungle."
Oh. Wow.
MAN: We're very proud.
(Whistles) Wow.
OK, Ruby, why don't you tell us
how you modelled your "sacrificed hero"
on your fiancé?
It's very romantic.
Oh, um, Hamish is nothing like Brian...
...is he, Jack?
No.
No.
Who is he like, then?
Er... I don't know.
Um, kind of... Jack?
Oh, come on, Ruby,
you must've had someone...
Well, he's more like an antihero.
Yeah. An antihero.
An antihero.
Right.
(Shakily) Er, Jack's my manager.
He knows a lot about business,
don't you, Jack?
Oh, absolutely.
OK, then... your itinerary...
we've got you in a great hotel.
You can settle in there this afternoon
and I'd like to include you both
in a publishing reception tonight.
That means a new dress, sweetie,
and a complete makeover.
A what?
Makeover.
Lance, stay in the car.
(Lance whimpers )
Hamish.
G'day, Mack.
Big day looming?
Yeah.
I'll just grab Ruby's gear.
Right.
Just wander in?
I'll show you where it is.
How're you goin'?
No complaints.
They're under the bench.
There's a trunk and a box.
But leave the log books.
She's going to need them.
Yep.
Hamish, what do you think of this?
"I was never one to believe
in love at first sight.
"That first explosive moment
"when eyes locked for what seemed...
"..an eternity."
I found it out on the highway.
I reckon it's Ruby's.
Thanks, mate.
I'm gonna miss this old girl.
Yeah.
I wish she'd get rid of it.
I'm the last bloke to know anything
unless some dog's got a disease.
Huh?
(Burps)
That's Jack's writing, isn't it?
Oh, Lord!
I tell you who's been writing
romance novels.
Not you, that's for sure.
"I was never one to believe
in love at first sight."
Bloody hell. I do.
What do you reckon, eh?
In like Flynn.
Room service.
Rube?
Come on, Rube, it's getting late.
Bloody hell.
Rube, what's happened?
Bloody hell.
All you had to do
was just turn up and smile.
Well, ready when you are.
Jack, I don't know anything about, like...
...analysis and all that stuff.
I'm just bullshitting you.
They don't give a bugger
about that kind of stuff.
Ziggy said romantic books sell.
Yeah. Absolutely.
Lots of people like them.
Yeah.
You should be out there
telling them you did it.
I mean, they're your words, Jack.
And I reckon if you're writing
from the heart,
who gives a stuff about the others?
I don't write from the heart.
Why not?
(Sighs)
OK, kiddo, I'm going to sort this mess out
and get you on a plane home.
Sorry about your wedding.
( INTRODUCTION TO 'SUDDENLY'
BY SORAYA )
Thanks, mate.
Hi there.
Hi.
SONG: ♪ A thousand eyes
looking at me
♪ But yours is the look
that goes right through me
♪ And I cannot hide from your stare
♪ Should I let you in? ♪
G'day.
♪ Do I dare?
♪ Some other hands have tried before
♪ But yours is the touch
that makes me want more... ♪
Oh, no, thanks.
♪ And I cannot hide the urgency
♪ To have you
lying here with me... ♪
Oh. Just excuse me, Bobby.
Where have you been?
I got to talk to you.
Nice suit.
Kind of retro.
Antihero, huh?
I'm here to talk about Ruby.
Oh, don't worry about her.
She's doing just fine.
I'll leave you to chat to your client.
♪ But yours are the ones
that will never fade away
♪ And I cannot hide from their sound
♪ I am mesmerised, spinning round and round
♪ Some other hearts... ♪
What do you think?
♪ Have tried to steal mine... ♪
Apart from the colour.
Ruby!
I'm Wilbur Smith of the love jungle.
So where the hell have you been, mister?
Rube.
♪ Suddenly in my life... ♪
Go and grab me a drink.
A champagne, please.
MAN: Who did that?
Thanks for coming.
Uh-oh,
the Lone Ranger's arrived.
What are you going to do with him?
He's only some trucker friend
along for the ride.
Whatever.
Our Ruby's the darling
of the night. Henry.
You really think
there's another book in her?
The partners want her
on the dotted line, Ralph.
Thanks.
Sorry I was mean about your suit.
Vodka martini, thanks.
Thanks.
Jack, let me give you the statistics
on who actually writes romance novels.
Ziggy, can we discuss business later?
No.
At least 10% of romance novels
are written by men.
So?
So...
I'm just trying to work out
whether you're a truck driver
who writes books
or a writer who drives trucks.
What do you mean?
Your secret's safe with me.
Now, all of this is what we call hype.
Without it, I don't have a job,
you don't have a book
and Ruby doesn't have a wedding.
Right now, it's all moving
like the proverbial freight train.
You can't stop it, really.
Not without looking stupid.
So...
...here's the deal.
I keep zipped about
your rather fraudulent activity...
which I commend you for, I have to say.
And you refrain from telling Ruby
that I know anything at all.
Lie to her?
Don't say anything.
She's as nervous as hell as it is.
Deal?
Deal.
Excuse us, Bob. Just a quick...
Alright.
Thanks.
How's it going?
Uh... you just saved my life.
Just think of me as your guardian angel.
Ruby, you need a strong team
behind you now.
You know what I'm saying?
Mmm.
You've got to evolve.
You've got to shed your skin
like a... like a...
A snake?
No, more like a butterfly.
Yes, a butterfly.
You've got to fly, Ruby.
You know what I'm saying?
Mmm.
It's a dog-eat-dog world
out there.
Eh, Jack?
I guess so.
Right.
I, uh... could be your man.
Oh, that would give us
a cosy feeling, wouldn't it, Ralph?
Yes!
SONG: ♪ 'Cause we are gonna be
♪ High forever
♪ Forever you and me
♪ High forever... ♪
RUBY: Wasn't that successful?
Well, I hope
I'm not a one-hit wonder.
No chance of that, is there, Jack?
Ha ha. No way.
Yeah, I guess you're right.
Got so many stories to tell.
I'm sure you do, sweetie.
And we just can't wait to hear them all.
Eugene, drop me
on the next corner, will you?
Now, I'll see you first thing tomorrow.
And, Jack, it's your job
to make sure she gets there.
Jack doesn't need to do that.
I can look after myself.
Yes, darling, I'm sure you can.
Goodnight.
'Night!
(Clears throat)
What are you staring at?
Very touchy-touchy, isn't she?
I saw you two at the bar.
Clinking glasses and grinning and...
I think she fancies me, Rube.
You don't even like her.
What's there to like?
You want to play pool?
( INTRODUCTION
TO 'PRETTY WOMAN' )
(Girl sings off-key) ♪ Pretty woman,
walking down the street
♪ Pretty woman
♪ The kind I'd like to meet
♪ Pretty woman... ♪
Jeez, honey.
Get off!
♪ I don't believe you
♪ You're not the truth... ♪
Get off!
♪ No-one could look
as good as you... ♪
Hey, get her off! She's a joke!
Let's sing.
Good on you, Sandra.
Great effort.
Give her a big hand, everybody!
Thanks, mate!
There's got to be some other
great singers out there.
We've got the big frozen turkey
for the winner.
So any volunteers?
Why don't you have a go, miss?
You're dressed for it.
I just might!
Play pool, kiddo.
Give the scarlet lady a go.
( CHEERING AND WHISTLING )
What are you going to sing?
MC: Look at that dress,
everyone!
Let's get her up here.
It's a catchy little number.
It's called 'You're An Arsehole
When You Drink'.
You are nothing but trouble.
Jack, I could take him.
No, you won't.
You should listen to your big brother.
MC: How about a bloke?
There's got to be a guy out there.
Do the Big O for them, Jack.
Yeah, right.
He reckons he can sing like Roy Orbison!
Come on!
Hey, hey, hey.
Give them heaps!
Shut up, Ruby!
I'm not bloody singing.
Jack!
No!
Come on.
This is your big change
to be a Flying bloody Wilbury.
Come on.
Traveling Wilbury.
( JEERING )
What's your name?
Jack.
Jack, what are you gonna sing for us?
Uh... you guys know 'Crying'?
Course they do.
OK, Jack's going to do 'Crying'.
Let's give him a big hand.
Come on, Jack!
( CHEERING AND APPLAUSE )
Come on, Roy!
( BAND PLAYS INTRODUCTION )
MAN: Where's your glasses?
(Sings ) ♪ I was alright... ♪
Come on!
Oh, jeez, that's a strong start, mate!
♪ For a while
♪ I could smile for a while
♪ Then I saw you last night
♪ You held my hand so tight
♪ Oh, darling, what can I do? ♪
GIRL: Whoo!
♪ For you don't love me
(Both sing) ♪ And I'll always be
♪ Crying
♪ Over you
♪ Crying
♪ Over you
♪ Yes
♪ Now you're gone
♪ And from this moment on
♪ I'll be crying
(All sing) ♪ Crying
♪ Crying
♪ Crying
♪ Oh, crying... ♪
Whoo!
♪ Crying
♪ Over you. ♪
( CHEERING AND APPLAUSE )
How come you don't want
all this for yourself, Jack?
I couldn't eat it.
(Laughs )
No!
Ugh!
All the attention and stuff.
I'm happy with the way it is,
thank you very much.
Frightened of success.
Frightened of success.
No, I'm not.
Yes, you are.
No, I'm not.
Don't think anything.
Jack, you're a liar.
(Laughs)
Well, we're not bad singers.
I wouldn't make it a career move.
Jack, we killed it.
Whoo-hoo!
We killed it!
Thanks, Rube.
That's for not calling me 'kiddo'.
Get out of here.
( TENDER MUSIC )
Oh, Jack...
( THUNDER RUMBLES )
Can you hear that?
Has anyone seen Jack?
We are on in five.
MAN: Stand by, Ruby.
Oh.
On 2JD, the King of Sydney Talkback Radio,
Wensley Parkes with you until midday today
and joining me in the studio now,
hot new romance author Ruby Vale,
author of the new book 'Bird In The Hand'.
Hi, Ruby.
Hi.
( MICROPHONE FEEDBACK )
We're taking your calls.
You're caller one. Hi.
WOMAN: Hi, Ruby.
My name's Harmony.
And I think your book's just wonderful.
Oh, thanks, Harmony.
Virginia and Brian
are really brave characters.
Only a woman can write
such beautiful romantic things.
Uh, yeah.
You're so right, Harmony.
Um, only a woman can
really get down to business.
Your work reminds me of Daphne Du Maurier.
Oh, really?
She's not a romance writer, but...
Is she from Sydney?
(Laughs)
DJ: Thank you.
And next on the phone
this morning, it's Thelma.
G'day, Thelma.
WOMAN: It's me, Ruby. Suze.
I'm incognito.
Suzie?
Where are you?
I'm in the Boomerang, love.
I've got something important to tell you.
(Whispers ) Hey, Suze,
I can't really talk right now.
Is this talkback radio?
Yes!
Well, you just listen to me.
Uh, Thelma, have you read my book?
No, but your husband-to-be
read some of it.
Oh. Did he like it?
No, Rube.
He's seen the handwriting.
He knows.
What?
Thank you, Thelma.
We must move on.
We have other callers waiting.
Oh, no! Oh, no!
What have I done?
Bloody hell!
He's found out!
I know. I know.
I should have told him.
Oh, why did I listen to you?
Everything's a bloody lie!
Hey, no, it's not.
Well, what is it, then?
Oh!
Ruby!
Ruby.
Jack, I just want to settle down.
I want to have
a comfortable life with Hamish
and fly my bloody plane.
If none of this happens, I'm blaming you.
Might as well.
What am I going to do about Hamish?
Come on.
You're the romance writer.
You do nothing. You get married.
Move down over the border,
have lots of kids,
live happily ever after.
Hey, great news!
(Groans )
Guess what!
I've got you on
'The Clive Rooney Show' tonight
via satellite to London.
What about my wedding?
It's coming along beautifully.
So is bloody Christmas.
I spoke to the Special Events
Coordinator this morning.
He wants red roses.
I said check with you.
There you go, Rube.
What - are you getting cold feet?
OK.
I'll do this bloody 'Clive Show'.
And that's it.
I'm going home.
Arrange my wedding
and give the bill to him.
Pre-wedding jitters.
MAN ON P.A.:
'The Clive Rooney Show' segment 3
starting in 10 minutes.
Daphne, um... Muriay -
she's not from Sydney, is she?
Not even alive, love.
Oh, shit.
Just here.
Hamish!
What are...
What are you doing here?
Don't I get a kiss?
Yeah.
Sorry.
Come in.
Um, Mel, this is my...
my fiancé Hamish.
Hamish, this is Mel.
Ruby, I've got to finish your face.
There's nothing wrong with her face, mate.
Give us a minute.
Hamish, I've been trying
to call you, like to explain,
but it...
Jack said I...
Jack!
Yeah, I know what he's about.
He's a weak bastard.
Yeah, I reckon.
Why did you pretend
you wrote this stupid book?
Oh, it's not stupid.
CLIVE ROONEY:
Who'd have thought
from a landscape of red dust
and annoying bush flies,
an Aussie romance writer could evolve
with more beating hearts
than Barbara Taylor-Bradford,
more sizzle than Joan Collins?
And all this mixed
with a dash of Du Maurier.
'Clive Rooney Show'.
Stand by.
After the break, via satellite,
we'll meet this remarkable young woman
who's also
a crop-duster pilot
and the owner of
the Boomerang truckers' cafe.
Come back.
( THEME MUSIC ON TV )
So you've pulled the wool
over this bloke's eyes too.
Well...
This is all bullshit, Ruby.
There's a cafe over the road.
I'll be there for as long as
it takes for me to have a cuppa.
OK?
Stand by. 60 seconds.
Thanks.
Remember, it's TV.
You can't say 'Jesus', 'fuck',
'shit', 'damn', 'bloody'
or discuss sexual organs.
Well, that's a bloody lot to remember.
Ruby, we all get nervous.
You don't, you silly bitch.
And stop calling me sweetie.
I bloody hate it.
Ruby.
What?
Jack, this is not about the book.
It's about...
...being true to yourself.
Problem?
Now is the time, Jack.
You've got to be able to become your dream.
Rube, we are nearly finished.
What - our lives
as we know them?
Clive Rooney, stand by -
one minute.
Ruby!
Oh, Hamish is right.
This is bullshit.
What do you mean?
Hamish - he's out there
waiting for me.
Oh, great, then.
Well, bugger off.
Ruin your big wedding.
I don't want a bloody wedding!
Then why agree to come down here?
You're as blind as a bat.
Our Father, who art in heaven...
BOTH: Shut up, Ziggy!
Ruby, listen to me!
If this is the only way to hype Jack's book
and get you a wedding...
No, no, no!
She knows?
How could you think so little of me
when I've always thought so much of you?
Ruby!
'Clive Rooney Show' -
live, 50 seconds.
( SAD MUSIC )
( CAR HORN BLARES )
Want me to buy you dinner
before I lose my expense account?
You might as well.
You can buy me a drink.
God, have I stuffed up!
Nup.
YOU haven't.
(Sighs)
Thanks.
Now I'll be one of those people
who sleep in on weekdays.
They've got to give you severance pay.
Severance pay?!
I want a career.
No, I don't.
Yes, I do.
Have you ever...
...wondered?
About me?
Like what?
Well, you know, like...
You don't know anything about me, do you?
Nup.
OK.
First of all, I don't cook.
That's number one.
Number two -
I'm not in therapy anymore.
Ziggy, I don't need a list.
Whoa! Whoa, whoa, whoa.
Oh, God.
I'm sorry.
Where did that pop from?
We agreed to a drink.
Of course.
Taxi!
( COCKATOO SHRIEKS OUTSIDE )
( TROUBLED MUSIC )
Oh, no.
( MAGPIES CAROL OUTSIDE )
Liberating, huh?
(Groans )
I've still got some stuff to get.
It's a nice shed.
Warehouse.
I made you breakfast.
I thought you said you didn't cook.
I lied.
Is that why you were in therapy?
Oh, man.
Did we drink a lot last night?
I won't tell if you don't.
Is that it?
Yeah.
With coffee.
Mmm.
(Groans ) Caveman!
Jack.
Mmm?
You know those characters
you write about in your book?
Mmm.
Are they really out there?
Sure.
(Lance whines)
Hey, Mack.
Hamish.
Ruby hasn't called in yet?
No - another couple of runs
yet, mate.
This is George West.
He's prowling round the State
looking for a crop-duster.
G'day.
Any luck?
No. Missed out on a beauty
in Moree.
Yeah.
So they told me to come down here.
I can't think of one.
Can you, Mack?
Well, who's this bird with the Tiger?
Ruby? Yeah, she's got one.
Oh, yeah, but she's welded to it.
You'd have to take her too!
I dunno. Everything's got a price
where I come from.
That must be a great place, George.
Ruby, do you read me? Over.
( PEACEFUL, UPLIFTING MUSIC )
(Barks )
Shut up, Lance.
(Whines)
Lance!
RUBY: Lance!
Lance, no!
LANCE!
Move!
Shit!
(Whimpers)
Ugh!
HAMISH: Ruby!
Bugger me!
Oh, no! Ruby!
Ruby!
Ruby!
What?
You're alive.
Of course I'm bloody well alive!
Let's get you out of there.
OW! Ow, my ankle!
Jeez, what a mess, eh?
Who are you?
Don't worry about who he is.
George, ring the Flying Doctor.
( SIREN WAILS IN BACKGROUND )
I love cities.
Out there, you can be anyone
you want to be...
no questions asked.
You reckon you can still get me
on the 'Clive Rooney Show'?
Are you serious?
One condition.
That I sign with you for my next book.
Oh!
We're back in business!
Old bush rule, Ruby -
don't jeopardise your life for a dog.
It was Lance.
And you call yourself a vet!
I do love you, Ruby.
You're a sweet man, Hamish.
"Sweet"?
Mmmm.
Doesn't sound very sexy.
Come here.
Mmm.
The surgery cottage has been confirmed.
What, we don't get to choose our own house?
Comes with the job.
Hame, has this place got an airstrip?
I don't know.
'Cause I was thinking I could work
for the Flying Doctor Service.
No.
They saw you doing barrel rolls Anzac Day.
Dad used to do that.
No.
We'll just get settled in,
have a nice, quiet wedding -
something we can afford.
Looks like we'll get something
for the biplane.
What do you mean?
That bloke George - carting it
to Brisbane for spares.
Brisbane?
Is that who that guy was -
a buyer?
Yeah. Oh, I didn't...
What, you're trying to sell my plane?
Hamish?!
Ruby, you've wrecked it.
I did not -
I broke the undercarriage.
( GENTLE ACOUSTIC GUITAR )
( DOG BARKS )
( HAMMERING OF SIGN
CONTINUES )
We can't afford it, Suzie.
The bank manager said...
I don't care what he says.
We owe enough here
without spending money
on a place like that.
Anyway, it's only popular
because of your little friend.
That's a steaming pile of wisdom, Art.
I'm not trying to start an argument,
but you're not paying a penny
for a dump like that.
Anyway...
...looks like you're too late.
(Chuckles)
(Laughs)
Hi, Suze!
You're supposed to be still in hospital.
No, I'm fine.
What's going on?
So...
Who bought it, love?
Do you think they'd want me to stay on?
Absolutely.
That's what Jack would say.
"Absolutely."
What's this?
Take a look.
It's, um... it's got your name
on it and everything.
Oh, Lord!
Just pay me something when you can.
That's bloody great.
What if she doesn't want it?
I'll pay you back - I promise.
What?!
I want this, Artie.
Who'll do my bar at nights?
You, you big lug.
No, I don't think so.
Oh, yes, you are.
Because you're looking
at a brand-new woman
who won't take any more shit from you.
If you excuse me, I have a cafe to open.
I wouldn't mess with her, Artie.
What about if I divorce you?
Artie, that's the only decision
I'll leave up to you.
SONG: ♪ Dum, dum, dum
dummie do-wah... ♪
Bloody hell!
( 'ONLY THE LONELY'
CONTINUES )
G'day, Rube.
I think you should give a speech, love.
Hi, Mack.
Ladies and gentlemen,
can I have your attention?
Suze, my wife, would like
to say a few words.
( CHEERING AND WHISTLING )
As I start my new life at the Boomerang...
...thanks to Ruby...
...oh, and, of course, Hamish,
so will they.
When our lovebirds finally
decide on a date and place,
we'd all like to know about it.
( APPLAUSE ) Here's to Ruby and Hamish.
Ruby and Hamish!
MAN: Hey!
Hey, that's our Jack on the tellie.
(People shush)
Is that the sort of thing
truckies do down there?
No, it's not.
But you've had a huge success
with this romance novel.
Were you pulling over at truck stops,
jotting it down on paper napkins?
Yeah, pretty much I was, actually.
What do your mates think
about you posing as a woman?
Well, this is the first
they've heard about it,
so, um... you know,
I have no idea, actually.
What finally made you decide to come clean?
Uh... it was a good friend
of mine.
She, uh...
Yeah, it was a very good friend.
She made me realise that I...
...that I needed to...
I needed to own my own words.
Right, all that "from the heart" stuff.
Who is that, then?
Uh, someone... someone I've known
a long time.
Yeah, she knows who she is.
No wonder the world is sexually confused,
when a female Wilbur Smith
of the love jungle
sets new standards for romantic love
and turns out to be an outback trucker
of the male variety.
G'day.
Sorry I'm late.
I just keep forgetting stuff.
Hardly a bowerbird, Ruby.
I left lots of things for Suze.
Strange thing is, I didn't think
you were gonna show.
What do you mean?
Oh, well, you know, even
thinking of selling your plane...
what sort of bloke am I?
Well, you didn't know
it wasn't a total write-off.
People don't realise it, Ruby, but...
...you and I really don't have
that much in common.
You know when I was waiting for you
in that cafe in Sydney?
Yeah?
For some bloody reason,
I drank six cups of tea.
You know me -
I hate the stuff.
But she just kept on bringing it and...
I've let you down, haven't I?
No.
No, you couldn't let me down, Ruby.
That's what I love about you.
But this old Land Rover here...
a bit of a worry, don't you reckon?
I don't think it'll make the trip.
Take care.
OK.
I'll see ya.
OK.
( POIGNANT GUITAR MUSIC )
( LILTING LAID-BACK
GUITAR MUSIC )
(Honks horn)
Hamish.
Jack.
Thought that was you.
Did you get a paint job?
Yeah, kind of.
Where's Ruby?
She's not coming.
It's not your fault.
It's chemistry, mate.
(Lance barks )
Jack!
(Laughs)
(Laughs ) Hello, stranger.
Ohhhh!
Oh!
Suze.
(Laughs)
Guess what.
Where's Ruby?
Guess what, Jack.
What?
She gave me the cafe.
I'll pay for it as I go.
That's great!
Where is she?
She's long gone, love.
She left this morning -
to rescue her plane.
What do you mean?
( REFLECTIVE MUSIC )
( PLANE ENGINE ROARS )
Mack!
You mad bugger!
MACK: That's Ruby alright.
Hang on -
I gotta get some height here.
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa!
Come on, baby!
(Whimpers)
I don't believe the old girl's doing this.
Lance.
(Lance whimpers )
Ohhhh!
Uh! Mack!
( ENGINE DRONES ) Ohhhh!
Mack!
Oh!
Uh!
You look as sick as a dog, mate.
You're enjoying this, aren't you?
(Chuckles)
Mack...
Mack, how much more?
That's up to you.
Put me down, Mack.
Oh, shit! Ugh!
You want an exclamation mark?
No!
Drop me on the road up ahead.
Oh, shit!
Oh, whoa, whoa!
OK, hang on, mate.
(Lance whines)
Come here. Come on.
( GENTLE GUITAR MUSIC )
What the hell are you doing?
You're a bastard, Jack!
I love you, Ruby.
No, you don't.
I always have.
Where are you heading?
What do you care?
Can I come?
No!
Why not?
Well, you can't leave us here.
OK, Jack Willis, you
bloody well come and get me.
( ROMANTIC MUSIC )
Right, where are we going?
Am I in your next book?
Uh, no.
Yes, I am.
No, you're not. Ask Lance.
Lance?
(Barks )
See?
Yeah, but one bark is a no.
Bullshit! Lance?
(Barks once)
See?
He said yes.
He said no. One bark is a no!
Is that right, Lance?
(Barks twice)
(Laughs ) I was right!
Yes, Ruby, you always are.
SONG: ♪ The dusty red
can clear away your mind
♪ There's no need for better
♪ Now she's there when all
of my thoughts have gone
♪ The scent of her hair
♪ Can carry me along
♪ There's no need for better
♪ Now paperback fairytales
♪ Are nothing compared to falling for her
♪ How can I stand and watch her walk away?
♪ When she's taken my heart
♪ She's taken my soul
♪ And without my noticing
♪ She's taken my words
♪ Oh, oh
♪ Road goes on
♪ And time teaches everyone
♪ Once love's gone
♪ It tears a piece inside
♪ So how can I leave her?
♪ Oh, paperback fairytales
♪ Are nothing compared to falling for her
♪ I'll never turn and let her walk away
♪ She's taken everything
♪ Yeah, she's taken my heart
♪ She's taken my soul
♪ And without my noticing
♪ She's taken my words
♪ She's taken my time
♪ She's touched me deep inside
♪ And without my noticing
♪ She's taken my words
♪ I cherish the moment I look in her eyes
♪ Time on my hands
seems to pass like the skies
♪ I know her heart isn't mine
♪ 'Cause she's taken over
♪ Oohh oohh
♪ Aahh aahh
♪ She
♪ She's taken my heart
♪ She's taken my soul
♪ She's taken my words
♪ She's taken everything
♪ She's taken my heart
♪ She's taken my soul
♪ And without my noticing
♪ She's taken my words
♪ She's taken my time
♪ She's touched me
deep inside... ♪