Palmy Days (1931) - full transcript

Musical comedy antics in an art deco bakery (motto: "Glorifying the American Doughnut") with Eddie Cantor as an assistant to a phoney psychic, who is mistaken for an efficiency expert and placed in charge. Complications ensue when the psychic and his gang attempt to rub the payroll. - stop by if you're interested in the nutritional composition of food
Young lady, I'd like
to order a cake.

I must have it in 24 hours.

Here's my card.

What kind of cake
would you prefer?

A $5 one.

A birthday cake.

Chocolate. All chocolate.

I love chocolate.

Would you like
a little rose on top?

No, make it a pansy.

Very special order.

- A birthday cake.
- Thank you.

Oh, girls!

Everybody upstairs

for Ms. Martin's
gymnasium class.

Fall in.

That's fine, Jane,
you're getting to look

more like me everyday.
Heaven help you!

Oh, Nadine! Watch yourself.

Dangerous curves ahead.

Reach for a pickle
instead of a pie.

Mary, you gained

two pounds since last week.

Didn't I tell you to cut out
the French pastry?

Honestly, Ms. Martin,
I haven't touched any sweet.

I guess, I know French pastry
when I see it.

Now, you all better
listen to me.

Nowadays, the average maiden

is extremely overladen

with what's known

as Adipose tissue.

To retain that normal slant line

in the region of your beltline

has grown a national issue.

Dieticians and physicians

favor this and that

but there's only one sure way

of reducing that fat.

Oh, girls, don't forget
your sun pack

on the roof this afternoon.

Oh, Ms. Martin,
the last few days..

- They have?
- Yes.

Why, the idea?

I'll be up there
this afternoon myself.

Well, what do you think of that?

How about a basketball game?

Not today, girls.
I've got to go over

and see Professor Yolando.

Oh, you mean
that fortune teller?

Say, he's not an ordinary
fortune teller.

Mr. Clark never makes a move
without consulting Yolando.

- Is he expensive?
- Yes, but he's worth it.

Could he tell me whether
I was going to get married?

He's a mystic not a magician.

He promised me a husband

and I am going over
to get my promise.

'And now my friend,
you must leave behind'

'all worldly thoughts.'

'As we prepare'

'to commune'

with the unknown.

Rinse yourself of the flesh

and be purified.

That you may be fit

'to converse'

'with the spirits.'

'Now, let us all'

'join hands'

'and form the mystic circle.'

You feel good now.

You will now hear

three gentle raps.

That was four.

Merely a ghostly echo.

Is there any departed spirit

with whom you would like
to communicate?

I... I would like to

talk to my Aunt Matilda

of Minneapolis.

Aunt Matilda..

Are you there?

Aunt Matilda

are you there?

This is your Aunt Matilda

How are you,
my dear little nephew?

'I am fine, aunt.'

Are you happy..

Where you are?


'The weather is fine'

'here in Minneapolis'

'considering the tough winter
we've had.'

Aunt Matilda..

In Minneapolis?

Matilda, why do you

speak of being in Minneapolis?

I am in heaven

but there is
a Minneapolis in heaven

just as there is a St. Paul.

But don't mix up Minneapolis

with St. Paul.

The spirit cannot linger.

Wait a minute, Aunt Matilda.

When can I hear
your voice again?

'How is Friday'

'at 8:30 for you?'



'At 7:30'

'we have a harp rehearsal.'

A 8:30?


It's a date, I'll meet you here.

Aunt Matilda now signing off

until Friday at 8:30.

What was that?

We are now on a higher plane.

The spirits mocked our approach

by the tinkle of bells.


Oh, the bells.

Bells, bells.

'Stop! Stop!'

'A spirit will suffer'

'if this continues.'

I feel a spirit approaching.

Do you think
it might be my Harold?

I'll enquire.

What is your name?

'This is Harold talking.'

Harold talking?

Why, Harold was my dog.

'There is a conflict'

'between the human
and animal spirits.'

'But the animal spirits
will triumph.'

Oh, make him bark again.

'Harold, your mistress
wants you'

'to bark for her.'

Harold, what are they
feeding you?

'Liver. Liver'

That is enough.

The spirit

has passed on.

'The table will now'

'slowly rise.'

The table will now lower.

Want me to give you a big..


Sometimes, the spirits

are perverse.

The table will now lower.

- Oh!
- It's still going up!

This table don't hear very well.

The spirit should hear

even through walls of stone

unless they're deaf!


Oh, my toe.


'The seance, my friends'

has come to an end.

'Oh, Professor.'

I have a very confidential

question to ask you.

I know.

You want to ask me about...

- Love.
- Of course.

You're a woman
who is much sought after.

I maybe sought after,
but nobody ever finds me.

Ah, that is because
you are one of those

noble souls
who must wait patiently.

Oh, professor,
can't you speed it up?

If I could find my ideal man

I'd give $200.


I see the light.

The man of your dreams

will come to you.

Oh, what does he look like?

I see him clearly.

He wears

a white carnation.

'Oh, I love carnations.'

'Pale and somewhat anemic.'

That's alright.
I'll build him up.

He has big, black eyes

that pop right out of his head.

If you think,
they're popping out now

wait until I get hold of him.

'And this one won't get away!'

'Have no fear!'

At 11 o' clock..

He will come to your place.

- At 11 o' clock?
- Hmm.

Oh, I must hurry.

I'll be waiting with open arms.

What am I gonna do with you?

You almost ruined the seance.

Now, you're going up
to Martin's.

- No, I won't.
- What?

Listen, I have
carried out your predictions

and I've never complained.

But when you start
bringing women into it..

That sex!

You'll do as you're told

or I'll kill you.

Go ahead and kill me.

See if I care.

What's my life worth anyhow?

Yesterday, I tried
to kill myself.

I walked in front of a taxi cab

and dared the taxi
to run over me.

But the taxi wouldn't do it,
you know why?

It was yellow.

Well, I am not yellow.

No, I won't go!

Every time that fool

gets excited, he must sing.

You'll go, you hear?

No, it's not honest.

Would Washington go? No.

Would Lincoln go?

Would Lindbergh go?

Lindbergh wouldn't go!

Lindbergh wouldn't go!

But after all,
I am not Lindbergh.

Oh, 11 o'clock!

Well, that's enough today,
girls! Go on!

All back to work!
Hurry up. Get out!

All of you, all of you.
Hurry, hurry, hurry!

'Come in.'

Oh, my gigolo!

Pardon me, are you Ms. Martin

the physical torturess?

Yes, I'm Helen Martin

but you may call me Helen.

I'm Eddie Simpson,
you may call me Tuesday.

Oh, come back, darling!

All my life

I've been waiting
for this moment.

Well, you've had your moment.

Oh, but you don't understand.

You're the man
I've been waiting for.

Where have you been
all these years?

Oh, it's a long story.

But first tell me

who is that man?

That's our president.

Hmm, how Hoover has changed.

No, that's President Clark

of the bakery.

Oh, but darling, come, sit down.

Oh, come to my arms.

No, no, no, no, no!

But why are you singing?

Are you ready?

Oh, uh, not just now, judge.

Would you mind
waiting in there, please?


Why, what's the judge for?

- He's gonna marry us.
- Oh, no!

- We're gonna be married!
- Oh, no!

Oh, no!

Oh, don't be silly.

We were made for each other.

Oh, no. You're far above me!

How can you say that?

Our marriage was arranged
in heaven.

Well, that's where
I'll marry you!

Oh, I don't know
why I should love you.

You're no Ronald Colman.

Say, you're not
Marlene Dietrich yourself.

Oh, Dietrich's got nothing
I haven't got.

Oh, that's good.

Oh, baby

you're the key to my ignition.

Well, then you better
start your engine

and keep moving.

Oh, you don't understand.

Marriage is a science.

When two fine physical specimens
like us get married.

I know, then all our children
will be acrobats.

Oh, let me explain.

- Here, feel my muscles.
- Mm.

Now, compare it with yours.

It's about even.

Now, let me see,
how heavy you are.

- Now, you lift me.
- Oh, no.

I don't like
this kind of a game.

Let's play hide and seek.
I'll hide first.

Oh, this is science.
You must lift me.

Oh, why don't you get
a fella your size?

Life me!

Oh, no, no, no.

Oh, what brute strength.

Oh, tell me something

about yourself and your family.

What were your parent's names?

Papa and mama.

Oh, I mean,
where do you come from?

What is your pedigree?

Listen, please.

You don't wanna marry me.

All my people came
from the hospital.

My father died

two years before I was born.

My grandfather passed away

when he was still a baby.

And my mother was so sick

she was never allowed to marry.

When I was three years old,
I had measles.

And you know what happened?

It was fatal.

And by the way, I'm insane.


Oh, you're just the man!

All my life, I've been wanting

to work on a thing like you.

- A thing like me?
- Yes.

A thing like you. Come in here.

- I'll build you up.
- I don't wanna be built up.

I'll build you up
and how I'll build you up.

Here, now take this medicine
ball. This will do you good.

Oh, you can't swallow
a thing like that.

- Oh, throw it.
- To you?

Come on.

Atta boy!

Boy! You were better
than I thought you were.

Oh, boy, this will build you up.

Now, come on. Up!

Atta boy!


- Now, isn't that nice?
- Yes.

But what part of me
will it build up?

Well, your back, your shoulders
and your back!

- You want it stronger?
- Well, I don't know.

Wait a minute.
That's no good.

Oh! Isn't that romantic?

I can see us together
in the moonlight

riding way off into the desert.

Your horse going
faster and faster..

Take me off.
I don't like it.

Oh, that's what I call love.

- Take it off.
- Wait a minute.

Wait a minute.
I smell something burning.

It's me! Take me off!
I'd kill the horse.

- Take me off!
- Wait a minute, will you?

- Stop! Will you stop it?
- There.

Stop it. Oh! Oh! That's
the worst thing I ever felt.

Oh, it's, oh, it's
broken bottles.

Oh, it's pins and needles.
You stabbed me.

Oh, don't be worried.

Oh, wait a minute.

I think I'm going to keel over.

Oh, you poor boy!

Oh, no circulation.

A good massage is what you need.

What're you gonna do now?

I'm gonna give you
a good massage.

I don't wanna.. I don't...

You don't realize how happy I am

to be able to do something
for you

that's gonna do you
so much good.

How about me?
Why you can't ask me, dear?

Boy, by God

you've got two left legs.

I was all together
before I got on that horse.

Well, don't worry.
I'll make it right.

Oh, what're you doing?

You crip.. What are
you... doing that for?

Do you think sweetheart that you
could ever learn to love me?

I'm dying
and she asks me riddles!

Now! This may seem
unnecessary, dear

but it's very, very necessary.

- Necessary for whom?
- For you, dear.

This will make you robust!

Did you say robust or robot?

This is good for your diaphragm.

Nothing wrong
with my frying pan.

Now, I've got to unravel you.

Oh, at last

I meet the man of my dreams.

Face to face.

Oh, how often..

Do you feel better, darling?

Yeah, pretty soon
I won't feel anything at all.

Oh! You think you could
marry me now?

Oh, just keep on hitting me
till I'm in the mood.

Oh, if you only knew

what I feel for you.

There isn't any sacrifice

I wouldn't make for you.

I would..
I'd give you everything.

- Oh!
- Oh!

Come back here. I haven't
finished with you yet.

'Oh, I love you so..'

Come on.

Broken bottles.


He comes, Mr. Clark.

He comes.

Who comes?

A man who will build

your business.

He walks into your office.

The clock strikes 12:00.

'Engage him at once'

'and at any cost.'

'Do all he tells you.'

I don't know how to thank you,

Don't thank me.

It is fate.

Put 200 bucks on Clark's bill.

How do we stand
with the old boy?

I've got him eating
out of my hand.

What do we do?

The richest sucker in town

and you ask me what we do.

What do you suppose
I've been planning for?

A lot of cash around there.

One of us ought to be there
to protect it.

Joe, at 12 o' clock today
you go to Clark's office

get the job
and leave the rest to me.

I get you, chief.

Yu-hoo! Busy?

Hello, baby!

Hello, Steve.

Gee, I'm glad you came in.

Do you suppose anyone would see

if I would've kiss you?

I'll close my eyes for one.

- Is father here?
- Well, no.

He went to Yolando's.

Come on into my office.

- Did you tell father about us?
- I did.

What did he say?

Well, he asked me
if I could support you.

I told him I could start you on

bread and milk,
the same as he did.

Well, if you can't,
all he's got to do

is raise your salary
until you can.

And if he doesn't

we'll take a nice little cottage

back at the gasworks.

I might have to give up smoking

but I wouldn't mind that.

And I'd be waiting
at the gate for you.

With little Joan baby Clark.

And I'd say, "Steve

where'd you been all night?"

Hello, dad.

I'm just dropping in
on your future son-in-law.

Hey, hey, young lady.
You get out.

Let this young man work.

I just wanted to tell you,
I'm expecting

a new efficiency expert

who's going to do wonders
for this business.

Where's he coming from?

From heaven.

What time is it?

Almost 12 o'clock.

12 o'clock.

12 o'clock.

Come back! I'll look after you!

- What?
- Come back!

I'll look after you!

Well, here I go. Look after me.

Oh, come back here.

'Don't leave me now
that I've made you so healthy.'

Thanks very much

but I've got date
with an undertaker.

You're here.

You can see for yourself.

Where did you come from?

Out of the everywhere

into the here.

It's a miracle!

I feel the same way about it,
Mr. Clark.

Ah, you know me!

- I saw your picture.
- Where?

Up there!

- Up there?
- Yes.

Up there.

Not down there?

I haven't been down there yet.

This is the happiest day
of my life, Mr..

Simpson. Eddie Simpson.

I can't really believe
you're here.

I'm here! Pinch me.

See? If it was a dream,
you'd wake up, wouldn't you?

Yes, yes.

- Let's get down to business.
- Alright.

If you want the position
of efficiency expert here

I'm ready to pay you
$15,000 a year.


Don't get mad! 20,000.



- Make it 9.
- That's economy for you.

Now, then... what do you make?

I draw 50,000.

From now on, you get 30.

I can't live on 30.

So, you can't live.
What difference does it make?

I tell you, Mr. Clark,
it's up to you.

I've cut mine down to 9,000.

Be a man and cut yours.

I'll take 30.

I'll take 8.

I'll take 25.

That's the spirit.
I'll take 7.

- Cut mine to 20.
- Make it 15.

- No! 15, no.
- Make it 15.

You can eat all the crullers
you want here.

You can take the bread home.
Well, make it 15.

I mean, now-now make it 15.

Make it 15, 15?

- Fifteen?
- Well.

I'll take 15.

That's the boy.

Now, what do you take?

- I'll take 20.
- Oh, oh, but...

We can't keep it up all day.
This is a business.

You got to go on.

For goodness sakes.

Now, if I could only cut down
on my relatives.

- You've got relatives?
- Have I got relatives?

Wait, under that?

Here is the list I have to send
checks to every week.

I'd like to get rid
of half of them.

Half of them?

But you kept the wrong half.

I can fix that too.

Ask me anything.

What's the capital
of United States?

Half of what it was last year.

Boy, you know, this is
a great day's work.

I'm all in.

Whatever you do,
don't wear yourself out.

I can't help myself.

I'm just a bundle of nerves.

When I get going..

I can't keep still.

Say, that's pretty good.

It should be good. I've been
practicing it all my life.

And before I get through,
Mr. Clark

let me tell you something,
I'm gonna have every man

woman and child in this bakery

quacking all day long.

Uh, say, will you teach me too?

Look, have you got a lower lip?

Put it under your upper. Look.

No, no, look.

Did you ever hear one duck
paging another duck? Look.

I'll tell you what to do,
you practice here a while

while I go outside and find
myself an office.

- Alright?
- Yes.

Do you mind
if I use this office?

Why, no. Go right ahead.

Gee, it's swell.

Yes, it has a lot
of nice furniture in it.

Oh, it has more than that.

'What do you like about it?'



Oh, if you have some work to do,
I'll get out.

No, no, no.

I want nothing moved

out of this office.

I want it exactly..

As it is.

I've never seen you
around here before.

I work here.
I'm an efficiency expert.

- Since when?
- Oh, since..

Well, the crash

was in 1930

and my aunt

uh, wait, uh

about five minutes.

- Who engaged you?
- Clark.

- Do you know him?
- Yes, pretty well.

Say, how would you like
to be my secretary?

You know, I can fix it
with Clark.

- You can?
- Oh, yes!

Clark and I, we're like this.

That is I'm like this.

He's practicing.

I'll tell ya,
let me run over to Clark

and ask him if he'd put you,
wait for me.

Oh, no. I'll ask him myself
at dinner.

You have a date with him
for dinner?

It isn't necessary to
have a date with your father.

Oh, give me strength.

Listen, I..

..I want to apologize.

I, you know, when I first came..

I will, you know, you were..

I could never, well..

Then it..

Well, you see?

It's perfectly clear.

It is? Well, then
explain it to me.

Well, it goes like this.

Here I was sitting
in the office.

Hello. Hello?

We have Ms. Clark?
Yeah, she's here.


Ms. Martin.

- Hello?
- Joan.

Can you come up
for your exercises now?

I couldn't leave now.

No, I can't, Helen.

I wouldn't do it for anything.

Oh, break that luncheon date
with Steve.

You wouldn't if you knew him.

'I fell for him,
the moment I laid eyes on him.'

Yes, some other time.
But not now.


Mr. Clark calling Mr. Simpson.

Mr. Clark calling Mr. Simpson.

'Mr. Clark calling Mr. Simpson.'

I'd like to stay but Mr. Clark

is calling Mr. Simpson.

Oh! Oh!


I'm in love. I'm in love.

I had never wanted to fall,
but I'm in love.


Is he crazy?

'Look, I've got it.'

- I got it.
- What?

That's fine.
Now, remind me tonight.

- I'll give you some homework.
- Homework?

Sure. You don't wanna practice
on the first time.

That's right.

Have you got anything else
to suggest?

Nothing, but lunch.

I never let anything interfere

with my lunch
except my indigestion.

You've got indigestion?

- Last year I had an operation...
- You had an operation?

I'm gonna show you an operation,
my dear man.


I get everything set
and you crap it.

What could I do?

I get there and they wouldn't
even take my name in.

They tell me Clark just got
himself an efficiency expert.

- What's the name of this guy?
- I don't know.

Do you know your own name?

Now, I got to go over to Clark

and straighten
the whole thing out.

Well, what do you
want me do now?

- Have you got a gun?
- Yeah.

Then go shoot yourself.

No, no, no, no without jelly.
The unicorns without jelly.

No, we tried them with jelly,
but they become very sticky.

The donuts without
and then, uh, yes.

Hello, hello, don't bother.
No, no, I couldn't do it.


You girls better leave.

There's gonna be
language used here

that you shouldn't hear
for five or six years.

Thank you.

You're welcome.

So, you are
the efficiency expert.

Yes, if you're a fortune teller,
I'm an efficiency expert.

Even if you're not
a fortune teller

I'm still an efficiency expert.

Trying to double-cross me, eh?

- What do you mean double-cros...
- You know how you got the job?

I told Clark I was sending him
an efficiency expert.

I don't care how I got it,
I'm gonna keep it.

Certainly, you're gonna keep it.

Then you don't mind
my resigning from you?

- Resigning?
- Yes.

I sent you a letter
in the mail today.

You'll get it tomorrow.

Of course, there's two cents
due on it

but then you owe me
a week's salary.

- So, we'd be even.
- You rat!

Mr. Rat to you!

If I use my power, how long
do you think you'll be here?

Listen, you couldn't do that.

Give me a chance.
This means my career.

Your career is to
follow up my orders.

The only way to get me
out of here is to kill me!

That can be arranged.

'Say, there's an idea.'

I wonder where
I can get some whiskers.

Say, you know that French guy

whose picture we saw
in the paper this morning?

- What French guy?
- That psychic.

- Ledoux?
- Yeah.

Well, he's waiting out
in the hall to see you.

- To see me?
- Yeah.

Oh, boy!
We're getting up in the world.

I can learn a lot
from that bird.

- He's no phoney.
- No?

No, he's known
all over the world.

- Show him in.
- Fine.

Ah! Monsieur,professor.

I am so happy to meet you.

Mwah! Mwah! Mwah!

I have looked forward
to this moment.

I am honored by your visit,

I am sure you will
never forget it.

Look, I would like
to be alone with you.

Could you please
send away these monkeys?

I want for both of us
to commune with the spirits.

what is the latest method

of reading people's thoughts?

There's only one method.

Madam psychosis..


I will show..

You still use this?

Passe! Passe!

- Why, that cost a fortune.
- Ah! it's worthless.

Ha.. You still read the palm!

The palm, you read?
Such won't stop.

Oh, professor,
this is nothing at all.

Nothing at all! This is nothing!

Ha, what is the modern way?

Mm, come here, I will show you.

Come with me.

Now, you see? Lie down.

Lie down!

First, I put you in a receptive
mood. Yes?

That hurts!

Ah, but only for
the first half hour.

Now, please show me
your Adam's apple.

Your Adam's apple. I see.


You're choking me.

Ah! But it is the
latest French method.

Obviously, but it is painful.

Ah, but it will feel
so good when I stop.

And now, you repeat after me.



That's good.

Now, we join hands..

So I may read your soul.

What-what's the matter,

I am going in a trance.


I feel you're an honest man.

I feel it in your bones,
you're an honest man.

You only take things
beginning with an 'A'

like "A thousand dollars

A diamond bracelet,
A pearl necklace."

Why, professor, such a thing
never comes to my mind.

Does not come to your mind,
but it comes to your hand.

- Yolando...
- Why, professor..


I see a young boy who wishes
to go on the honest path.

But you will not let him go.

You will not let him go
on the path.

And why will you not
let this boy go, I do not know.

But there's something else
I want to talk to you about.

That professor,
and this is this.

This boy has big eyes
and a skinny neck.

'He's a sweet boy and the
spirits are crazy for him.'

They follow him around

and if you do him harm,
the spirits will fix you good.

And I don't mean maybe.

He will become, what you say
in America, a hoodoo.

Yes, he is hoodoo for you.

A hoodoo?

Now I see the number '13.'

Thirteen is my lucky number.

Not this time,
it is your lucky number.

12 jury men and a judge.

- No, no, no.
- Yes, yes.

Who's seeing this, you or me?

Lay down, I give you liver.

- Liver?
- Liver to me.

Now, I see you
sitting nicely in a chair.

- Ask me what kind of a chair.
- What kind of a chair?

A chair,
underneath is electricity

and steam is coming out
of your head.

You are having a hard time,

- No, no.
- Yes, yes.

Stop it! Stop it!

I'll let the boy go.

- You let him go?
- Yes.

- You let the boy go?
- Yes.

Mon ami!

You always sing
when you talk, professor?

Your soul, eh?

I'll tear your liver out,
you little rat!

Oh, please, professor...

Oh, I take things
that being with an 'A.'

How would you like
to have 'A' sock on the gum?

Listen, why don't you
give me a chance?

I did it only because
I wanted to go straight.

Yeah, you'll go straight
to the cemetery.

- What is this?
- I'll take care of him.

But Clark's outside.

Oh, he is.

Listen, you hit me

and I'm gonna tell Clark
all about your fake predictions.

- Oh, wouldn't dare...
- I wouldn't, eh?

Mr. Clark! Mr. Clark!

Why, Eddie, I didn't expect
to find you here.

- I'm ready for your reading.
- You don't have to bother.

I found out that you had an
appointment with the professor

and I took the reading for you.

Boy, you got an
efficiency expert.

You know, Joan, you're getting
prettier everyday.

- How do you do it?
- Well, most of it is makeup.

But some it is being in love.

Must be the make up.
Look at me.

I'm in love right up to my neck

and believe me,
that's pretty far up.

- Is he cute?
- "Is he cute?"

Say, when he looks at you,
your heart goes, hot ziggetty..

Say, you must be
in love with Steve too.

With Steve? Don't make me laugh.

Oh, yeah?
What's the matter with Steve?

Oh, Steve is alright,
but he hasn't got anything

that makes your heart go
hot ziggetty..

- He hasn't?
- No.

Then why does my heart go..

When I see him?

Does you heart go
when you see him?

On the level, Joan,
you do love him, don't you?

Love him?

The stars that shine
and as your sky...

Ahh, hold everything.

You love him, "As your sky,"
as you were.

Well, no accounting for case,
is there?

Well, tell me
about your great moment.

What's he look like?

Oh, it's just an ordinary face

nothing to write home about,
but I like it.

- Tall?
- No.

He only comes up to about there.

Does he show any signs
of being in love?

Well, when he see me,
he runs away.

Does that mean anything?

Are you sure
you're in love with him?

Sure, I'm sure,
I can't sleep, I can't eat.

I see his face in
front of me all the time

in the beach too,
in the asparagus

even in the spinach.

Joan, I keep kissing the spinach

and when you kiss spinach,
you're in love.

Maybe I ought to give
Steve back his ring.

Yeah, maybe I ought
to break your arm.

Steve is alright,
he's a nice young fellow

handsome and got a lot of money,
but no spinach.

Don't you think a marriage
could be happy without spinach?

I'm afraid not.

Don't you think that sometimes
as two people

are good friends,
they may develop some spinach?

Oh, Joan, that's only
artificial spinach.

There's no vitaphones
I mean-I mean vitamins in it.

You might as well eat broccoli.

What do you think I ought to do?
Give Steve up?

Certainly, not. Marry the guy.

You can always get
your spinach on the outside.

If you know what I mean, yeah,
know what I mean.

This is our key room
and that's the cake shop.

You know how many
girls work here?

About half.

Well, you're the
efficiency expert, fix it.

- Alright.
- I'm going to go get a bite.

- I don't like your makeup.
- I like it.

Well, that settles that.

- May I look at you?
- I don't see why you shouldn't.

Thank you.

You know it's nice to see
a girl without too makeup on.

- I bet you don't drink.
- I don't.

- Do you smoke?
- No.

- Do you stay out late nights?
- Never.

My, you're a nice girl.

Say, I'd like to
ask you something.

- Uh-huh.
- Do you drink?

- No.
- Do you smoke?

- No.
- You stay out late night?

- Never!
- You're a nice girl too.



My dear, lady, I know
what you're trying to do.

You're trying to dunk.

Wait a minute, but that's not
dunking. That's bathing.

'Uh, wa-wait a minute, will you
let me tell you one more thing.'

Look, always keep your finger
out like this in dunking.

See? It's acts a safety guard.

Otherwise, you'll have to dunk
right up to the elbow.

Well, you see? My goodness.

Well, Eddie, how're you
getting along?

Sit down. Lady Godunka,
this is Mr. Clark.

- Mr. Clark, lady Godunka.
- How do you do?

- I'm a little bit disappointed.
- Why?

This place should do
a much a bigger business.

We should. We serve
the finest food in town.

And we have the most beautiful
girls in the world.

Not enough,
nowadays, Mr. Clark

people want more than food
and good looking girls.

They want to laugh,
they want to be happy

they want to sing,
they want entertainment.

Mr. Clark, in less than no time

I can make this place
the talk of the town.

And when I say I can make this
place the talk of the town

I mean, make it exactly..

'Just can't wait to hear him.
They say he's wonderful.'

Wait until your hear him.
He's great!

'I hope so.'

Look! Look, everybody!

The first thing, you know,
he'll think you love him.

Daddy is that polite?

Is that the kind of the letter

to write in
Eddie Simpson's office?

It's the kind of the letter
I'm going

to leave on Steve's desk.

- You're very happy, aren't you?
- Why shouldn't I be?

You're announcing
our engagement tonight.

But Steve doesn't know that.

- You haven't told him.
- Certainly, not!

I want to keep it as a surprise.

I'd love to see
the expression on his face

when he finds it out.

- Great boy Steve!
- He's the finest boy on Earth.

- And I'm wild about him.
- Yes, I can see you are.

Will you stop reading
Steve's mail?



Oh. Hello, Eddie.

How's the efficiency expert?

Well, I..

I don't know
what I can tell you.

What's on your mind?

Joan, I..

I'd like to ask you a question.


Do you think that

people should marry young?

Well, I'm no Beatrice Fairfax,
but I say yes

if they loved each other.

Oh, these two love each other

that is, I know the girl
loves the boy and..

I'm just crazy
about the girl, I mean...

Ah! You love the girl?

Love her?

Say I'm cuckoo about her.

And, you know, at night
when I go to sleep, I..

I just can't sleep. I..

I-I get trouble with in-insunami

insunambula, insambulance
or something.

You think,
you think I'll ever get over it?

Why, yes.

You will when you get married.

- Married?
- Yes, married.

- Did you say married?
- 'Yes.'

She said married.

M-A-double R-I..

What happened to the desk?

- Efficiency. Great, isn't it?
- Great what?

Well, don't you know how people
come to your office

sit on the corner of your desk.
No corner, can't sit

can't sit, can't take up
your time. Great, isn't it?

Why can't I think
of these things?

- What am I here for?
- That's right.

Now I told her
not to leave this note around.

I read it. Great girl, Joan.

I'm kind of proud of her.
Let's get to work.

Say, I'm proud of you
for having her.

- Eddie?
- Mm-hm.

- Can you keep a secret?
- Mm-hm.

- I got little surprise for you.
- Yeah?

I'm going to announce
the engagement tonight.

- Announce the engagement?
- Yes.

But don't tell anybody.
I want it as a surprise.

In fact, I intended keeping it
even from you.

Is it okay with Joan?

Sure, it's okay. I asked her.

And she said yes?

Yes. And she kissed me.

- She kissed you?
- Yes.

- That's the least I can do.
- Don't be silly, Eddie.

She kissed him. She loves me.

Oh, my heart. She loves me.

She loves me not. She loves me.
She loves me not. She loves me.

She loves me.

Ah, prosperity at last.

- That's the bonus money.
- The bonus money?

Well, you see, once a year,
I distribute $25,000

amongst the best workers
of each department.

Aren't you gonna
put the money in safe?

Count it and take it downstairs.

Four thousand, 5000.
What's the safe for?

Well, Michael's gonna break
it up in the right amounts.

Four thousand 17,000. It's okay.

Okay? Why don't you count
the rest of it?

See, if it's alright
up to 17,000

you don't have to worry
about the rest.

Alright, take it downstairs.

Yes, sir.

- How do you do, Mr. Clark?
- Hello, professor.

You certainly are.

Everything I do is for the best,
Mr. Clark.

Funny, every time
he gets excited, he sings.

What a peculiar habit?

Hello. Yes.

'No. Take it upstairs.'

- You know Mr. Simpson?
- Of course.

Of course. Of course.

Professor, I'd like to
have you give a reading

before my guests
at the party tonight.

I'd be honored.

You know we try to get
Professor Ledoux

the famous French mystic.

But he suddenly
went out of business

he lost his whiskers.

I'll expect you there,

I'll be there.

And I may have
a message for you.

Thanks, a thousand times.

There's a great man.
As honest as the day is long.


The days are getting shorter
and shorter.

What's up, boss?

There's a lot of cash
in the safe up in Clark's office

and Eddie has the combination
on a yellow strip of paper.

- Will be give it to us?
- He either gives it to you.

Or you take it away
from him, see?

Come on.

Wait.. What are you doing here?

'Just a social call,
that's all.'



No, you don't.

I just wanted to order some tea.

I thought maybe
you'd like some coffee.

Yolanda wants the combination
of that safe.

And we get it from you

dead or alive.

Dead or alive? Can I choose?

Yeah, you can choose. Give it
to us and you're alive.

If you're dead,
we take it away from you.

Well, that's
a very attractive proposition.

I'd like to think it over,

Could you come back
in a couple of years?

Stop wise cracking,
we mean business.

Well then I..
I guess I better give it to you.

'Now, you're talking.
Turn it over.'


He thinks I'm gonna work
Sunday, he's crazy.

- Forth floor.
- Going down.

He couldn't have gone very far.

Well, let's take a peek

Main floor.

Here, I'm not through with that.

Oh, yes, you are.
Oh, yes, you are.

I didn't order that.

Put a little mustard on,
you'll love it.

I'm sure that was him.

Hold. Fall out.

Hey, come here.

- New girl around here, eh?
- Mm.

- What's your name?
- Uh, Daisy Crumb.

Oh, one of the Virginia Crumbs?

No, just a New York Crumb.

Well, turn around.
Let's have a look at you.

- Nice form.
- I think it's just my girdle.

Alright. Get ready for your
swim along with the other girls.

- What?
- Get ready for your swim.

Hey, you, come here.

Wait here. I'll go around.

Hey, you, why aren't you
getting ready for the pond?

- Oh, I wouldn't know the..
- Where's your locker?

- I have no.. Nobody gave me.
- Well, take number seven.

- Well, uh..
- Hurry up.

Look, you can't, you can't dress
in there, it's too small.

Get out of there,
put your clothes in there.

- Will I? But you have to..
- Rather you wouldn't...

Here, that's a good start
for you. Now, hurry up.

Oh, that's-that's too..

Say, what is the matter
with you anyway?

Is there something
that I can get for you?

- Do you want to go anywhere?
- No.

Have you got everything? Have
you got everything you want?

Oh, more than what I want.

- Get yourself a towel.
- You mean to wrap a..

Yeah, to wrap around the oozer.

Oh, I love a shower.

'Oh, I loved it.'

Are you ready, Crumb?

Of all the Crumbs..

What's the matter with you?

- Give me that towel.
- 'No, no.'

- Give me that towel.
- 'No, oh, I'm ruined.'

That's right, girls, don't be
afraid to use a little soap.

It won't do any of you any harm.

Somebody give me a towel
for the love of Lord.

Give me a tow.. A Turkish towel.

Why do you want
a Turkish towel for?

You'll never know.

Go on and take your shower.

Oh! Oh!

'If I don't get a towel,
I'll be the funniest guy'

'Come in. Help! Help!'

- What's the matter with you?
- I'm burning.

- I'll come in inside.
- No, you won't. No, you won't.

I'd rather burn. I like it.

- Crazy. Here's your towel.
- Oh, that's too small.

Give me a large Turkish towel.

You don't need any.

From here you're going
right into the plunge.

Oh, oh.

What's the matter with you?

Nothing. I feel fine.

- I'm gonna be here for life.
- Ah.

Have all my mail send in here.

Oh, mama, look at your boy,
uh, girl.


Well, what in the world is that?

I never travel without it.

How did you get a job?

Who engaged you anyway?

Mr. Clark, personally.


- Well, look at that.
- Why what's wrong with it?

Did you know I was engaged
to be married last week?

- You were?
- Yes.

And the girls gave me a shower.

- Well, how do you mean?
- Come on now.

No, no, I've got,
I've got places to go.

Come on.

You're next.

- What for?
- A rub-down.

But I'm black and blue
from the last rub-down.

Everybody gets it.
That's the order.

Well, cancel my orders.

I'll take ham and egg.

Come on now, girls.

Everybody in line for diving.

Come on, we got only
ten minutes left.

Come on, you all take your
regular places.


I'm cru-aming.

- Who's first?
- You are.

Not now, dearie.

Alright. Go ahead.

Well, it's your turn.

You'll learn.


Oh, Daisy.

Hey, come out of there,
will you? She..

Well, you-you've done enough
dumb things for one day.

Will you please come up
out of there?

Stop playing with me, will..

She didn't come out.

Will you.. Will come out
of there please?

Wait a minute.
I'll get her.


Joe. Come here.
Here it is.

Come on, let's get outta here.

Eighteen, 19 to the left, 22.

I got it. Come on.

- Money's gone.
- What?

Come here.

- You little crook.
- Come on, let's get outta here.

I hope we can find him.

He must've gone
to Clark's party.

Good evening.

Good evening. Good evening.

- Good evening. How are you?
- Hello, Eddie.

- Are you having a nice time?
- Very fine.

- Good evening.
- Hi.

- Hello. Oh, hello.
- Hello.

Good evening. Good evening.

Just a moment.

What have you in that bag?

Now, who are you?

Well, Eddie Simpson,
Mr. Clark's right hand.

- Oh.
- And left.

I'm sorry,
but at a party like this

we have to watch any
suspicious looking character.

Suspicious looking?

Yes, you've met my girl,
that's sufficient for me.

Hey, Mr. Clark,
I wanna talk to you

about a matter
of great importance.

Yes, not now, Eddie.
Not now.

I'm too busy.
I'm too busy.

No, you don't understand.

Oh. Pardon me.
Have you seen Eddie Simpson?

Eddie? Why, yes.
He was here a few minutes ago.

- Oh, he was?
- Yes.

Boss, I tried to tell you before

I had something very
important take up with you.

Can't it wait until morning?

It maybe too late. Too late.

Ah, Mr. Simpson.

Why? Did you see bumps
on the young man's head?

Come, my friend,
I want to give you a reading.

- But, Mr. Clark.
- Go ahead.

The professor will give you
a great kick.

Yeah, that's what I'm afraid of.

- Take that satchel.
- There's nothing in there.

Open it.

- What's that?
- Why, that, that's my lunch.

You know, I've been
to these parties before.

Well, I'll be hanged.

- Is that a prediction?
- Where's the money?

In a place
where you'll never get it.

You'll never get out
of this place alive.

- Wait...
- Gentlemen.

The future has
great things in store for you.

'Mr. Clark requests the presence
of everybody in the gala.'

We're coming.

Meet me at the gates.

After you.

Oh, no. After you.

Still after me, huh?

Joan, may I have this dance?

Why, certainly yes.
Excuse me.

Hold me closer, Eddie.

- Even closer?
- Yes.

Isn't the music beautiful?

Music? Oh, yes.

There is music, isn't there?

- Where are you going?
- Oh, there's such a crowd here.

I'm suffocating. Would you like
to take a little walk?

Maybe I'll say something.

Pardon me. Have you got your
revolver in your pocket?


This is the greatest night
in my life.

It's a wonderful night
for me too, Eddie.

- You mean that?
- Of course, I do.


- Where are you going?
- Look.

But, Eddie...

Come, gather around, everybody.

Where? Where is Mr. Simpson?

- Where is my right hand?
- Right here, at our left.

My friends, I want to introduce
to you a young man you all know.

A young man who has shown
great promise and ability.

'A young man,
whom I shall be glad'

'to count as a member
of my family.'

It gives me great pleasure

to announce the engagement
of my daughter Joan...

Mr. Clark,
you've been robbed!

The safe is wide open,
and thee bonus money is gone.


Eddie, weren't you going
to take care of that?

I'll explain it to you later.

Did you put the money
in the safe?

- I did.
- Well, where is it?

I can't tell you now.

'But we were the only ones
who had the combination.'

'What became of the money?'

But I'm telling you,
I can't tell you now.

I'll make him tell.

- Come on out.
- Well, listen to me.

Come clean now.

- Where's the dough?
- The dough is in the bread.

Don't get funny.

- Where's the dough?
- I tell you, it's in the bread.

I'll have to give him
the old hypnotism.

- You get out.
- Sure.

Stand against that wall.

- Now, look me in the eye.
- Which one?



Not so stiff.



Get up.

- Now, follow me.
- Where're you going?


Watch this finger.

Make a motion.

I move, we adjourned.

Close your eyes.

You're asleep.

- Have I got my pajamas on?
- Sleep.


- Where're you going?
- I'm walking in my sleep.

Stare at me.

Keep staring at me.

Things are going round
and round.

You're getting dizzy.

Everything swims.

- Swim! Swim!
- I'm tired swimming.

Do you mind if I float
a little bit?

Stare at me.

Stare at me.

'Keep staring at me.'



Don't... stare at me.

Oh, so you're the fellow
that was going to..

- 'Have you got it, Eddie?'
- 'Yeah.'

- 'Good.'
- Listen, Mr. Clark..

Well? Now will you tell me?

I've been trying to tell you
all evening.

I was afraid
we were gonna be robbed.

So I baked the money
in the bread.


Well, where is it?

That's funny.

- I guess, the joke's on me.
- Joke?

I must have taken
the wrong loaf.

Why.. You don't think..

Eddie, I like you.

I trusted you.

I looked in you
as a member of my own family.

Joan. Steve.

You don't believe..


You people who know me.

You don't believe I'm a crook?

I'm sorry.

- Come on.
- Why, listen. Somebody.

'Somebody listen to me.'

What have you done to Eddie?

I tell you, officer,
you're makin' a big mistake.

Oh, sure. Get in.

Wait a minute!

- Wait a minute!
- What is it?

I can tell you plenty
about that guy.

- You can?
- Yes.

Hop in.
Come and tell the sergeant.

The bakery. Quick.

Stop the car.
Stop the car.

- Stop it.
- What's the matter?

My hat blew off.
Do you mind if I go and get it?

Wise guy.
You go and get it?

You might forget to come back.

You stay here,
and I'll go and get it.


Oh, that was great, Eddie.

Now we've got to
get to that bakery.

Did you really
bake the money in the bread?

- I did. Honestly, I did.
- Why?

- Yolando is a crook.
- Yolando?

Yes, he was after the money

so I took it out of the safe

and had it changed to 25
$1000 bills.

How could you bake all that
money in one loaf of bread?

It was only this much to it.

- Oh, look out!
- Oh, please!

Eddie, we simply got to find it.

- Where is it?
- I know where it is?

It's in the stock room.

Come with me.

- Where're the lights?
- 'Here they are.'

Now hurry up,
and find the money.

Find the money.
That's almost impossible.

Now, hurry, Eddie.
We've got to find it.

- We've got to find it.
- Sure. Find it.

It's like looking for a haystack
in the needle.

What am I gonna do?
Say, my mother said

I should pick this one?
I suppose you think

I can open it up and find..

It's the money!

I've got to take it right back
to Mr. Clark.

'Give me that money.'

- Get it.
- Throw it! Throw it!

Let me alone!

- Hurry up!
- Alright.

Go on, run! Don't stop.

Look, over here.

You leave him alone now!
Don't you..

Eddie, give it to 'em.

I'll give to them, alright.
Here, take it.

Give it to 'em.
Give 'em anything they want.

- Take that from him.
- Come on, Helen.

Give it to me.

- Why, the money's gone!
- I bet it's him!

Oh, I'm glad
you gave it to them.

You mean, the bread?

Here's the money.

Open the door,
or I'll break it in!

- Phone Mr. Clark. Go ahead.
- Oh, Clark.

Open the door, do you hear?


Mr. Clark, this is Helen Martin.

Eddie and I are in the bakery.
We've got the money.

'Why don't you save yourself
some trouble and open the door?'

'I want to be nice to you,

- 'Give me that dough.'
- No.

The money doesn't belong to me.
It's Mr. Clark's.

'That sucker.'

- And I won't do it.
- 'You all won't, eh? Come on!'

Come on, Helen!

- Helen, come on!
- Get him!

- Clark's Bakery. Fast.
- Alright, captain.

Let's go.

Come on!

Why don't you pick on
somebody your size?

Hey, traitor!

- I won't have you do..
- Hey, let go of my hair.

I'll sock your mouth numb.

I will.

Ah! Oh!

Don't you do that to me.

'Well, what do you mean?'

'Well, you don't know who
you're doing this to rough..'

- You think I can't..
- Let go! Ah!

You get away from me!

Well, search a lady.

The window, Helen!

Leave him alone!

Leave him alone, I tell you.

Help yourself.
I'll be alright?

You're going to see why.

- Knock yourself, Helen!
- Leave that man alone.

Why don't you pick on
somebody your size?

- 'That's what I'm saying!'
- The coat! The coat!

The coat's full..

The coat! It's your own coat!

- Eddie!
- Aah!

This's your coat.

'Make up your mind,
you don't leave this'

'not until I get that money.'

- 'But I haven't got it.'
- 'Who has?'

- 'I have it.'
- 'Oh, don't believe her.'

'Don't believe her, professor.'

'She's just saying that
to protect me.'


- Ah!
- Oh!

Double crosser.

- So long, Eddie.
- Wait a minute.

- Wait a minute.
- Get off my back.

Oh! You senseless brute.

- You do not hurt somebody..
- Let go of me!

'Let go, I say! Let go!'

- There's your man.
- Mr. Clark.

- Why, I'm a sucker.
- I got your hat.

Get 'em outta here.
Get 'em out. All of them.

- Come on.
- Let's go.

- Hurry up. Get 'em out.
- Let's go.

Mr. Clark..

Here's your money.

- Eddie..
- Listen, everybody.

Three cheers for Eddie Simpson.

- Hip-hip-hooray!
- Hooray!



I'm terribly sorry.

Just give me a chance
to prove it.

You want to do something for me?


Mr. Clark..

I've just discovered that
I'm in love..

Really in love
with Helen Martin.


I want you to break the news
gently to Joan.

Tell her I can't marry her.

I hope she doesn't take it
too hard.

Tell her..

Tell her, it's life.


I've got a surprise for you.

- Will you marry me?
- I've got a surprise for you.


You take this man to be your
lawful wedded husband?

- Yes, yes!
- Hmm.