P.J. (1968) - full transcript

Private eye P.J. is reluctant when he gets a new job: he shall protect Maureen Preble, mistress of millionaire Orbeson, mainly from attacks by his wife and her greedy family. In truth Orbeson plans a deadly intrigue in which P.J. is to play a central part. Meanwhile P.J. falls in love with Maureen and Orbeson's money.

Yes, Mr. Orbison?

These letters, Ms Winnick,
do you realize we're paying for

and wasting two inches
of white space in each one?

White space?

I don't understand.

Well, the margins, you cretin.

On all these letters,
the margin is two inches wide.

Now we're mailing away money.

My money.

From now on, company rule,

every division, all correspondence:

Every typewriter is to be set
for a half-inch margin and locked in.

I want a monthly report
on the dollar saving.

That's on paper, carbon, stenographic time,
filing space, postage.

Everything to the decimal, understood?

Uh, yes, sir.

Um, Mrs. Orbison's here to see you.

Tell her to go home.

But, William, I only wanted to...

Ms. Winnick, first you may tell my wife
what I told her at breakfast.

She doesn't get this month's allowance
until she's accounted for last month's.

And then you may tell her
to get out.

Thank you, Ms Winnick.

Ms Winnick, I don't want to see anyone,
and no phone calls.

All right, sit down.

I'll come directly to the point.

You want money, I want someone killed

I'll pay you $100,000.

Cash, of course, non-taxable.

All you have to do to earn this fee

is to arrange an adequate

an adequate murder.

Hey, now what happened?

What do you think you're doing, huh?

Hey now buddy, who do you think you are?

What's going on here?

What are you doing?

Come on.
What is this...

Ooh, you rotten.

Why, you dirty.

What is this?

How about I punch your mouth?

Why don't you get out of here, all of ya!


Shoot him, Al!

Forget about it.

You rotten bastard!

Hey, Detweiler.

Sorry, I was so rough.

I know the beating wasn't in the deal,

but it had to look legit, you know?

I mean, if I don't go into court like a
what do they call, outraged husband?

You know, with the horns on?

That crummy wife of mine in there
is gonna countersue me

right down to dollar one.

Look, what are you kickin'?

You pick up 200 bucks for a frameup.

Just for walking in that door
a minute ahead of us.

That's a lot of dough
for a broken down private detective.

Here's another 50.

You want it or don't you?

Yeah, I want it.

2 5 0


You got that much?


I'll trade you, dollar for dollar.

Mine's the same color as yours.

Yours is cleaner.

They've been waiting.
Rent money.

60 bucks.

Oh, we had to rent your office
to another party.

If you want your furniture,
call the city marshal.

Today it's 175.

I only borrowed 50 bucks.

Yeah, it's a surcharge,
for the convenience, you know.

Yeah, he's here.

I'll tell him.

Hey, don't you want my right arm?

Uh uh, there ain't no watch on it.

P.J. Detweiler, private investigator?

That's me.

What's your name
and how much do I owe ya?

My friends call me lieutenant.

I haven't borrowed any policemen.

Well, that's funny.

You walked out on a lady last night.

That isn't.

One of your domestic relations cases.

He thinks it was a phony shackup.

She's sending up flack about your,
um, professional ethics.

You ever been hungry, Lieutenant?

I guess not.

When you get the empties,
sometimes it spreads up to here,

and then you get the stupids.

No cop-out.

Wanna make up a jacket on me?

Hair: needs cutting
Eyes: piercing.

Left wrist:
birdie on the ball.

You were in the Marines?

Uh huh.


When were we heroes, Charlie?

World War Two and a Half, Korea.

You never heard of it.

I was paid to bug people, like you.

I was an MP.

It's okay this time.

Next squawk about you gets bucked right up
to the license commissioner.

That's your ticket, pally.

Hey, Charlie.

You know what I need
to make this a perfect day?

A double hernia.

Ah, that call, um,
guy said he might have a case for ya.

So, you better have
your jewelry back, huh?


I'm tipped over and tapped out.


Guy said right away, 10th Avenue,
a place called Greavy's.

Okay, I owe ya.


Isn't that a whacked up gymnasium?


What am I gonna do there?

Now what you gotta do is get on a mat
with those other gentlemen.

Then you mix it up, see?

No rounds, no rules,
just a regular scramble.

And the guy that walks away,
he gets the job.

For what, sparring partner?

What sparring partner?

The gentleman over there is in the market
to employ a bodyguard.

You are in that line of business, ain't ya?


But I don't usually audition.

According to my sources,
you still owe $887 around town.

Hi, I'm Shelton Quell.

I should think that you'd simply leap
at the opportunity.

Hey, Greavy, let's go.

Throw the fish in,
and I'll wick him to death.

All right, you guys, winner gets the job,
losers get five bucks apiece.

Now this is a free for all,
so you guys can use your feet,

but, please, gentlemen,
no furniture.

Okay, start punching.

Mind the baby.

Thank you.

Wanna dance?

Oh, I love the way you played possum.

It was devious, absolutely devious.

Oh, you'll do, all right.

Yeah, decidedly, you'll do

I'll do what?

Well, um, primarily the agent,
my principal,

will see you in the morning
early on at this address.

Now brush up, will you?

Pay more attention to your dress, and, uh,

well, do something about your hair,
will you?

Well done, gentlemen.

You may pay them, Mr. Greavy.

They put on a good show.

What show?

That guy can hit.

You can wait in there.

Aren't you afraid I'll steal the silverware?

Uh, is my hair all right?

So you're P.J. Detweiler?

Mm hm.

What's the P.J.?

Peter Joseph.

Sounds kinky.

Like pajamas.

You can call me Maureen

I'm Maureen Preble.

I need a bodyguard.

I believe it.

Someone's trying to kill me.

Mm hm.

A month ago I gave my dog
a piece of candy from that jar.

In 20 minutes, she was dead.

Mm hm.

Two weeks later,
my bedroom caught fire.

- Well...
- I don't smoke.

When I tried to get out,
the door had been locked from the outside.

And you might think
those were coincidences.

And then I got this.


- Police seen this?
- Yes.

But I couldn't give them anything to go on.

It was just stuffed in the mailbox,
no postmark.

They put a man on it, but...

But if you're killed, get in touch.


I'm also being followed,
I'm sure of it.

Anyway, a friend told me
I ought to get a bodyguard.

A friend?

What about Mr. Preble?

There is no Mr. Preble.

It's just cigarettes you don't smoke?

Belong to my friend.

He's a regular visitor.

No master in the house,
just a mistress.

That's right.

Does it matter?

No, it's just that I work for wages,

and a guy who collects stoops
might be buying on discount.

I don't give trading stamps.

My friend's William Orbison.


Well, he is a little eccentric
about wasting money,

but he'll pay over the market
for something he really wants.

You, for instance.

If I approve.

Well, do you approve?

Do you want the job?

Well, it's, uh, better than a kick in the butt
by a copper-toed boot,

it's an old Marine Corps expression.



Call Mr. Orbison.

And bring in Jean Pierre.

He listens at doors.

That's his job.

Reports every move I make
to Mr. Orbison.

He's not much protection,
but he sleeps here.

Where, at the bottom of the garden?

I believe, I believe.

If you're going to be my bodyguard,
why don't we get started?

This is dog walking time.

That's how mistresses
spend the day, you know.

That and going to the bank, of course.

I'm really quite common, you know.

Makes two of us.

You walk the dog.

All right, you're in sour with somebody.

For openers, is there a Mrs. Orbison?


She doesn't recognize my existence.

We've never met, of course.

We keep separate establishments.

But you know all about her?


She was Debutante of the Year,
which she never forgets.

The year was 1935,
which she never remembers.

And she spends all her time
in beauty parlors,

which she should.

Hello, missy.

- That's her sister, keep walking.
- Oh, missy.

I was hoping I'd run into you, Ms Preble.

We decided, the family, that is,
to raise the consideration.

Now we think
you're a reasonable young lady,

so we're prepared to pay
the first of every month.

Please, leave me alone.

So long as you remain away.

Don't you turn your back on me,
you little tramp.

Who do you think you are?

Right where you belong
down in the gutter.

You belong there and stay there.

No hitting.

You're filth, that's what you are.

Now, look,
I don't want to hit an old broad, but.


Mummy, I told you not to come here.

She actually turned her back on me,
the little tramp.

You are only demeaning yourself, Mummy,
and the rest of us, too.

And that creature's a friend of hers.

He put his hands on me,
and he called me a vile name.

I could thrash you, you know.

I was in the Korean War.

I know how to handle people like you.

So she's a friend of yours, huh?

Mm hm.

Well, you tell her if she won't listen to reason,

there are other ways.

You tell her that,
that there are other ways.

Who are you anyway?

I am a well known attorney,
and you have just made a threat.

Wouldn't you say he just made a threat?

That calls for an injunction.

Take Sonny home to nursery school
and drop Mummy off at the pound.

Go on, take a bite.

- P.J.
- Make you feel better.

It'll make you fat,
and fat girls are always jolly.

All right.

Now, they were trying to bribe you
to get you out of Orbison's life, is that it?

Uh uh, his will.

You're in that?

I told you I was common

I'm also expensive.

They want his wife to get it all.

She's their credit card.

They're like a family union,
only nobody works.

You met the best of 'em, the Silenes.

There are cousins and nephews
you wouldn't believe.

Do you think one of them
tipped you the black spot?

They haven't got the guts.

Sweetie, a butterfly will zap a bull elephant
if the moon is high and the price is right.

Marine Corps expression?

Yeah, I was in a philosophy battalion.

Mr. Detweiler.

I'm so glad I found you.

This is Mr. Grenoble.

He works at ORBCO for Mr. Orbison.

Call me Jason.

The Big Orb would like to see you.



You better go, P.J.

It'll be all right.

You'll need a key.

- But...
- Don't worry, I've got the tiger here.

Where are we going?


It's a field and gun club
out in Connecticut.

Exactly 56 and six tenths miles.

And if that speedometer
reads any more than that,

I get my tail in traction.

You mean your boss reads the clock?

Oh, yes.

What business is he in,
skinning flint?

Oh, he owns things.

Companies, properties, patents.

And people.

Well, that's how he gets to own things.

Well, what about you?

Does he own you too?

I'm his executive assistant.

Well, doesn't that impress you?

Not a whole lot.

Well, it shouldn't

I'm just a glorified office boy.

The success story of Jason Grenoble.

Right parents,
right prep school, right college,

and the right draft classification


I'm gun shy.

I'm afraid this field and gun club
is a little bit illegal.


That's Betty's car, Mrs. Orbison.

She's a peach.
You'll like her.

Morning, sir.

But, William, I must have it, I must.


You must have food
and clothing and shelter.

Anything else you just want
and doesn't interest me.

- Oh, boy.
- Yes, sir?

Put my tag on those birds.

And pick up my empties,
they cost money.

- Yes, sir.
- But, William,

my account at Rene's is so large now
I'm afraid to go in there.

And Madam Alfreda has hinted
that she might stop my posture lessons.

Then you'll just have to slouch.

It's not fair making me beg
for every penny.

For what?

To buy more sweet-smelling mud
to smear on your face?

Believe me, my dear,
it's a losing investment.

Oh, Mr. Detweiler.

I want you to meet the charming
and improvident creature

to whom I'm married.

How do you do, Mrs. Orbison?

How do you do, Mr. Detweiler?

I knew a Detweiler once.

Tillman Detweiler, he went to Princeton.

Well, that's what he told his parents.

Actually, he took his tuition money
and lived in New York.

We used to go wading
in the Prometheus Fountain at Radio City.

Oh, you couldn't be related to him.

You're much too handsome.

Mr. Detweiler is a private detective

I'm hiring him to protect Ms Preble.


I'm afraid I don't know her

I've spoken of her many times

Maureen Preble.

Really, William?

I can't recall ever hearing of her.

But I'm sure she'll be safe
with Mr. Detweiler

Jason, Mrs. Orbison wants to return to her car

I'm sure you don't object
to being alone with her for a few minutes,

now do you, Jason?

No, no, happy to.


They're quite fond of each other.

Not that I mind, since they're a good deal fonder
of my money.

In fact, if I pointed this gun at one of them,

I do believe I could get the other one
to pull the trigger.

Just a matter of strong enough incentive

$100,000, say.

What do you think, Private Detective?

I think it's against the law.

So it is.

Would expenses and $100 a day suit you?

See, you're beginning to like me better already.

Crippled him.

Well, aren't you gonna put him
out of his misery?

Yeah, when I'm ready.

When you go to kill, kill.

I think you'll work out just fine.

Ms Preble?



Are you all right?

On the floor.

Stay here.

Did you see who it was?


It was too fast.

Come on.

Now you lock yourself in till I get back.

What are you doing here?

- I was just coming in.
- Or going out!

You take your hands off me.

Don't hack me, Ethel,
someone just took a shot at Ms Preble.

Oh my God, is she dead?


Now you get in your room
and stay there,

because anything I hear move
is gonna bleed a lot.

It's P.J.

I think he went out a window
when I was downstairs.

Cry later.

Tell me what happened.

Well, I was sitting right there,
fixing my stupid face,

and then all of a sudden
there was this explosion,

and then that mirror.

Did you hear the door open?

I don't think it did.

Then somebody was waiting
in this room for you.

Probably in there.

I'd just taken a bath,
and then I put on this.

That explains his bad aim.

After the shot, did you turn around?


Well, did you hear anything?

Yeah, I heard a lady scream.

I heard footsteps,
somebody running.

Man or woman,
could you tell?

P.J., I'm scared.

I'd be too if I had
an expensive bodyguard

who went out to celebrate the job
instead of doing it.

Somebody must have known
that's what I do.

That's what scares me.

You can cry now.

I don't wanna cry now.

I may tremble a little.



Don't let anything happen to me.

Hiya, horse, keeping the old eye peeled?

Oh, Marvy.

Mr. Orbison's check please.

I'm sorry we came late
and you two didn't meet.

Linette Orbison,
this is P.J. Detweiler.

Oh, you're the one my Uncle William hired
to keep an eye on his girlfriend

I'm trying to.

If my side of the family were rich,
I'd hire you too.

Look, kid, I'm working.

Tell me, Mr. P.J. Detweiler,

what do you think of a creepy uncle

who forces it innocent young niece
to be seen in public

with him and his painted hussy?

He's supposed to be quite family,
very respectable.

What do you think of that?

I'm not a chaperone.

Oh, that's right, you're a bodyguard.

Mm hm.

I hope you're a rotten one.

Well, all I meant was,
what if there was with groovy little accident,

and something should happen
to that painted hussy

and my creepy uncle too?

Then I'd be very rich,
and I'd hire you,

and I'd be the only kid on my block
with my very own P.J. Detweiler.

The party is over.

Did you check the bill?

Let me see it.

Bring the car around the front.

What's new, alley cat?

Your face is breaking out.

All right.

The next time we go out on the town,

P.J. dances with the quality folk.

He does not stashed off
at the punch bowl.

Or else?

Or else I quit and buy her a bulletproof girdle.

You drive.

I underestimated you, Detweiler.

But don't underestimate me.

I won't tolerate ultimatums.

Oh, Mr. Orbison,
I have those contracts you asked for.

You idiot.

I can't read them in the car.

Well, you two can just wait
and drive me back to town.

All right, Detweiler,
you take her home.

It's 47 miles and six tenths.

He's a real blister,
you know that.

When you sign that contract,
you don't look for the word lovable.

You look for the word rich.

Or didn't you read yours?

You and I are working
for the same man, honey,

and for the same reason.

Not the butter,
the bread.

I didn't mean to ruffle your fur.

You know, you never asked me
if I was married.

Was I supposed to?

Mm hm.

Well, are you?


There ain't much to offer a girl.

Heard of the Burns Agency,
"We Never Sleep?"

The Detweiler Agency,
"We Never Eat".

I got three guys that owe me money,

and I can't find them.

Well, now that I know
the story of your life,

I guess that entitles you
to know the story of mine,

doesn't it?

How come a pretty girl like you
never got married?

I did get married.

Lasted 20 minutes.

What he had in mind for me
was door to-door selling,

and not Girl Scout cookies.

You're not drooling.

I saw the picture when I was a kid.

Somebody's out to kill me, friend.

But if living means being poor ever again,
I hope he does.

Mr. Orbison would have to be a lot uglier
and a lot kinkier

before this kid would turn in
the nylon nightie.

Does that answer your question?

I don't remember asking any.

What's the matter?

Brake's gone.

Both of 'em.

Got it in low.

Nothing happened.

Get behind me.

Are we safe?
Get back, there's another hill.

Hang tough, I'm gonna stop.

I checked your car.

Somebody got the hydraulic.

- What goes?
- We do.

We're flying down to St Crispin.

Where's that?

- Who says?
- I say.

Despite your lightning reflexes,

I've decided Ms Preble
is no longer safe in this city.

St Crispin will be the ideal sanctuary.

- It's a church?
- Hardly.

St Crispin is a very small island
in the British West Indies,

and rather dependent upon ORBCO
for its industrial development.

To me islands, you come in at
high port from an LST.

How do I tell the friendlies
from the mirror shooters?

On this island, they're all friendly.

They have no choice.

Quell, call Mrs. Orbison,
tell her that any of her peculiar family

who is not packed and ready by noon
will be left behind.

At the mercy of his creditors.

You mean you're taking your family
and Ms Preble?

Why, yes, I am.

It amuses me.

The Orbisons have a cottage there.

They fly down every year.

Ms Preble will travel as my personal secretary.

I assure you no one in my party
will presume to object.

Unless, of course, you do.

Mister, you've gotta be out to lunch.

Anybody who would send her
anywhere with your relations

is putting the canary in with the cats.

And like you said,
I'm not being paid to object, but...

That's right.


Well, is it all right if I worry a little?

Free of charge, of course.


All right, children,
nice and loud now.

Come on, nice and loud.

Welcome friends from America!

Greetings to your president!


God Save the Queen!


She did come down
on the other plane.

And that hired barbarian.

All right, it's our move now.

There we are then.

Thank you, thank you.

Mr. Orbison.

Oh, Mr. Orbison, how rude of me
not to be here to greet you

I've had a bit of a rough night,
bit under the weather.

Oh, no, not what you think,
what I call my Gibraltar tummy.

How do you do, my dear lady?

Now what can we do
to make you happy, hey?

Well, you can start
by putting some hustle into your help.

Ooh, careful, careful, you'll frighten the life
out of my babies if you talk like that.

No, no, Mr. Orbison's quite right, boys,
get moving, keep moving.

Give our honored guests
a nice welcome.

You know, I mean it,
it's a great help to our little island.

You damn Yankees coming to...

American millionaires, I mean,

coming down here.

It helps with our economy.

No, no copper, no exports.

We've gone to bloody flinders.

Good heavens, can't get my babies to work.

All they want to do is just sit in the sun
and dream of independence.

Commonwealth fever, I call it.

Would you like to jump in?

After you, Mr. Orbison.

That's right, damn Yankees indeed.

Oh, how do you do?

I'm the governor.

Would you like to sit in front next to baby?

- Fine.
- That's right, thank you.

Would you be good enough
to come with me please?

I fear I have the advantage of you

I'm Waterpark, Chief Inspector.

All the law east of The Bahamas.

Forgive me.

It's that I'm fanatic
for your American films.

Especially your Western shoot-'em ups.

No thanks.

Mr. Detweiler.

You're a confidential inquiry agent.


Oh, private investigator, yeah.

Are you packing?


Carrying firearms.

Mm hm.

Are you familiar with the British West Indies,
Mr. Detweiler?

I don't often get this far uptown.

We are a bit off the road here.

And we're an astonishingly peaceful little place.

No thanks.

Mr. Detweiler, we have reason to believe
you have a prison record,

and under the circumstance...

Prison record?
Who told you that?

We received a letter.

Anonymous, I suppose.


Well, these have names on 'em.

My license.

My permit.

They're dated, they're still valid.

The state of New York
doesn't hand those out to ex-cons.

Mr. Detweiler, you may or may not know
that St Crispin is not independent.

We are still a Crown Colony.

Someday, of course,
we will petition for our freedom.

Not until our British resident
retires, however.

It would hurt his feelings dreadfully.

Meanwhile, I still have
a certain degree of authority.

Apparently, someone in your party
does not wish you well, Mr. Detweiler

I'd hate to think that, Inspector,
but thanks for the warning.

You know, when you guys finally do
bust loose from the league,

my money says you'll be in the front office.

How nice of you to say so.

Detweiler, get the devil over here!

What are you doing on my time, sightseeing?

I wonder if we'll ever be truly independent.

Well, we'll be keeping an eye on you.

Oh, Mr. Detweiler,
that's a warning.

Security check.

Locks and bolts.

On the job.


He didn't even give me a chance to unpack

I'm not a house detective.

P.J., this place gives me the whim-whams.

He's got 30 rooms up there in that barn.

That cottage.

And he leaves us down here
in slave quarters.

How do you like that?

It's wild.

That lock works, doesn't it?

Are you ready for another whim-wham?

And I don't like the way the boondocks
comes right up to the window.

This doesn't lock too good either.

That settles it.

He can just move one of his relatives down here.

Hey, relax.

You mean to tell me
you'd rather be up on the hill

with Uncle Wealthy
and the family probate society

instead of down here with me?

After all, I'm right next door.

And you know how safe that makes me feel.


Like I was stark naked on a Greek freighter.

I get your point.

Welcome Mr. Orbison.

We extend congratulations.

From entire West Indies Nation.

To the famous ORBCO Corporation.

ORBCO Corporation.

As we have heard, sir.

We hope it's not just whispering.

The Yankee dollar my man.

We'll be coming in to St. Crispin.

Welcome to St. Crispin.

Will you excuse me, sir.

My babies have been rehearsing
hard for this, you know.

They love you damn Yankees.

Ooh, I beg your pardon,
there I go again.

Hey, limbo!

Stick close, kid, I think I may throw up.

Go ahead.

Mr. Orbison's been wondering
where you were.

Love your frock.

Yo, man, yo.

Did you break anything?

Just a strap.

Nothing I need.

Would you fill this again please?

Then take the cup out and boil it.

Listen, I didn't ask to come down here,

but if you don't leave me alone, I...

Why don't you go bite a mailman?

Come on, here, let's dance.

Ooh, Captain Marvel and Godzilla.

What's she so afraid of?

I'm not armed.


You can see.

I can see you're not tattooed.

Look, kid, like I told you before,
I'm working.

Well, I know she is,
but even factories have days off.

Then, of course,
you may be out of work soon.

Just what do you mean by that?

Dead bodies don't need bodyguards.

Well, I mean, old age is setting in rapidly,
you can tell.

How 'bout that dance?

Don't worry, we're cutting.

It's safer out there with the snakes.

You've met Mr. Detweiler, haven't you, my dear?

And this is Maureen Preble.

How do you do, Miss Preble?

My husband has spoken of you many times.

And now we finally meet.

I often wondered what you looked like.

You're a very pretty girl.

Very pretty.

Thank you.

You two girls should get to know one another.

You have many things in common.

Except possibly one thing.

She's going to get killed.

Who told you the party's over?

You were paid for the night,
you'll play for the night.

Yes, sir.

Where are you going?

You know what I like about you?

You're all armpit.

Not only likes to shoot birds,
he likes to pull their wings off.

How do you stay with a flake like that?

I don't have anyplace else to go.

You mean you don't want to walk out of his will.

That's right.

Hey, I'm sorry

I'm sorry.

Besides, he's not the one
I'm worried about anyway.

You saw them,
how they looked at me, how they acted.

Someone is going to kill me, P.J.

That's what that note meant.

Quit it.

Besides, I can bunk in here, if you like.

I'll sleep on the floor, if you'd rather.

You stay here.
Not on your life.

Get ready to run.


Gotta get you up to the main house.

Now, when I throw this, you run like hell.

P.J.! He just grabbed, he's got a gun!


May I have yours, please?

Hey, you know, in the jungle that I come from,
we call this self defense.

Down here, Mr. Detweiler, these facts
are usually determined by a coroner's inquest.

Very seldom by the man who pulled the trigger,

most especially a man who had been warned.

This way, please.
See you, Desmond.

Fresh pot, Mr. Detweiler.

- Can I tempt you?
- No, thanks.

When do I get hung, before or after the inquest?


That was held last night.

What do you mean last night?

Over some very good brandy

on the veranda of
your Mr. Orbison's very fine house.

The house is whitewashed each year.

Apparently, there was some whitewash left over.

I don't dig.

There will be no messy scandal.

St Crispin will receive a packet
of development money from America.

Our resident may retire with honor
and you are free to go.

You mean I'm cleared?

Of what, Mr. Detweiler?

There was there no reception, no shooting.

No case.

I should like very much
to throw this into the sea.

But I am obliged to return it to you once more.

Since this one never existed,
I shall throw it into the sea.

That's Grenoble's cannon, huh?

Sure had me conned good.

I thought he was gun shy.

Perhaps he was.

What do you mean?

He carried this in his hand.

This was in his pocket.

They're cartridges.

You mean, it wasn't loaded?

He was unarmed?

Does Orbison know about this?

He has access to all the facts in the case.

- Well, I'd better talk to him.
- That won't be necessary.

Mr. Orbison asked me to give you this.

Services no longer required.

Any message from Miss Preble?

You mean they've gone?

Come with me.

There's something I want you to see.

- That's...
- Jason Grenoble.

You mean they didn't even take him with them?

It was felt, since he had
no surviving relatives in the States,

it would be less expensive just to leave him here.


And it's hard to get a stiff through Customs,
especially one with a bullet hole in him.

What bullet hole?

According to our records,
he had a very weak heart.

He died of cardiac occlusion.

- Inspector, could you do me a favor?
- Possibly.

If I pay the freight, would you ship
that cardiac case to this address?

By the oddest coincidence,
I was hoping for something like this.

To William Orbison.

Right on his front doorstep.

Uh-oh, how am I gonna get back?

This boat is bound out for Grenada

I'm sure you could arrange
an expensive passage from there.

Why, she's about to cast off.

What an astonishing bit of luck!

Now, hold on, I got luggage.

Another coincidence?

I wish you luck now, Mr. Detweiler,

because when you sail away,
it will be as if you had never been here.

Should you ever think of returning,
I earnestly advise you against it.

I knew you'd understand.

There's something else we both know,
isn't there?

I went and killed the wrong man.

Good hunting!


How did I get here? Banana boat.

How do I feel?

I'm sorry I didn't leave you a note,
he wouldn't let me.

He said that...
All right, but not here.

How did you find me?

Girls in your line of work are either
emptying their dog or filling your purse,

that's what you told me.


Since you're still working,
you can buy me a drink.

All right, supposing somebody
slips him a gun that says,

"Take this down to Maureen,
she can use it for protection,"

only this guy is gun shy,
a loaded gun scares him to death,

so what does he do?

He takes a clip out and puts it in his pocket.

He was down there to deliver that gun, not use it.

- Somebody sent him?
- Right.


Whose errand boy was he?

Who practically owned the island
so nobody could ask questions?

P.J., that's just stupid.

It's right, and that's why he hired me.

He wasn't buying brains,
he was buying a trigger

and a dumb-dumb to pull it.

Hey, Charlie!

I would believe practically anything
about William Orbison, but not this.


Baby, I killed a man

I'd better find out why
in case somebody asks.

Such as?

What do you call those nosy people?


You want a bowser bag for yours?

Charlie, drinks are on the lady.

I, uh, hate to stiff ya, but I ain't been holding,
I've got some things to do.


Are they gone?


Got the body, huh?


That isn't your property, Mr. Detweiler.

Thought Grenoble's family might like to have it.

It's a good picture of him.

Here, you can keep the rest of these jokers.

Jason was an orphan, Mr. Detweiler,
he had no family.

That so?

Well, in that case, I'll keep it myself.

Hate to kill a man
and not remember what he looks like.

I hired you to do a job, you did it, you were paid.

My advice to you now is to forget it.

If you figure on getting more money,
forget that also.

Ah, but I'm wealthy in memories.

Little man, don't be clever.

You haven't the capacity.

All you can do is to put intelligent people
to a lot of trouble.

Now, give me that photograph.

You didn't say "please".

And cheapo, don't leave any lights burning.

- Bank open?
- Mm.

Charlie, I'm in a hurry.


Uh, no, 50.

A watch and ring.

And bourbon.


I'll see.

P.J. Detweiler here?

Is it a broad?


There's something I must tell you.

- Tell.
- Well, not on the phone, I dare not.

- Why?
- Why? I just don't think it's safe.

Can you come over here?
All right, where are ya?

Greenwich Village, the-the what?

No, it figures, yeah.

Safety deposit vault.

Hey, if the lady calls, where are ya?

You wouldn't believe it.

- Can I serve you, sir?
- Yeah, a bourbon.

Any of you tomboys
know a guy named Quell?

Here I am.

Get him!

Grab him.

Watch it!

Kill him, kill him!

Look out!


Well, come on you slobs, let's kill him!

Stop it!

Get off!

Stop it!

Orbison doesn't want him killed!

Stop it!

The picture, get the picture!

Oh, put it back, it's hot, you idiot.

He doesn't have it!

Throw him out!


Lieutenant, what are you doing in the hospital?


You got here just in time.

Should be born any minute.

Multiple lacerations, contusions,
fractured rib, fractured finger.

Where was the fight?

What fight?

Sorority initiation.

Girls got a little rough, that's all.

There's also a Colt special,
38 caliber, serial number 731006.

- Familiar?
- Mhm.

Where is it?

Under the pillow Shoot yourself.

City short of equipment?

Your permit expired two weeks ago.

I think we'll just hold onto it pending renewal.

Oh, I'm sorry!

You planning on using it?

Ah, well, while we're holding it,
you don't mind if we run it through the lab, do you?

Just routine.

Like yesterday, we got a squeal
all the way from Jamaica.


No, no, it's that place where
they make coconuts, the West Indies.

It seems a shipment of goods
come through there for the States

and they check it, and they find
that the goods is damaged.

I mean, it's got a bullet hole in it.

- How about that?
- How about this?

They read the waybill.

Guess who the shipper is.

See you around, Detweiler.

What I mean is don't get too far away.

P.J., I've been worried about you!

It's been two days!

I guess I got used to having you around, that's all.

No, he won't be here.

Mm, later.

I'd like to make it sooner, baby,
but I gotta beat a slow boat from Jamaica.

See ya

Charlie, give me the stuff out of the vault.

You look great!

I mean it!

Like you just got through a bag shift.


Three tickets, parking tickets

August 1st, October 1st, February 2nd.

Three of a kind and a joker,
all around the first of the month,

all returnable to Brooklyn.

Tell me about Brooklyn, Charlie.

- Okay.
- The 84th Precinct, tell me about that.

Over the bridge.

Fulton Street, Fulton Street, Hick Street.

Under the bridge.

On the river?
If you're not careful, in the river.

Rough territory, huh?

Wear your heavy underwear.


Now, tell me this.

What is Peter Prep School doing
in a neighborhood like that?

His car gets tagged regular,
means he goes there regular.


A broad.


But you're gonna find out.

That's right, I am gonna find out.

Hey, have you seen this guy
around the neighborhood?

- What are ya, on the cops?
- No.

- Welfare?
- No, I'm...

Hey, I get it.

Private eye, huh?

Copper for rent, huh?

Lots of time in the feathers, huh?

Chicks? Little of the old sauce? Zarazoom!

- The picture.
- Oh, yeah!


Get lost Zarazoom!

Sure, I seen him lots of times.

That's the Duke Well, I call him the Duke.

- What's he doing around here?
- Nothing.


I was parking his cruddy car.

He gave me a buck so I could watch him.

Yeah? Where did he go?


He gave me another buck.

So I shouldn't lift any of his cruddy hubs.

That's it over there, that brown door.

He used to go over there.

Hey, Mister!

You wanna buy a couple of hubs?

Papa! Papa!

Pop, he's got a picture of Jake.

Uh, no, this is Jason Grenoble.

And who is that?

Well, all I know is he worked
for ORBCO Industries

Ivy League type,
one of those hilltop prep schools.

- That's about all I know.
- Are you a policeman?

Please, Lita, we have nothing to hide.

Come on inside, Mister, come on inside.

Sit down.
Thank you.

Your face I know,
but the name ain't what you said.

He is Jacob Gonowski,
and he is my son.

And he's a rotten phony.

Prep school?

Do you know he was
at the bottom of his class at Erasmus?

He was a dopey dropout.

Please, please, darling.

What has he done, Mister?

Is he in trouble? Huh?

Not now, Mr. Gonowski.

He's dead.

My God.

- Tell me...
- No, don't even ask him, Papa.

We can forget him easier that way.

Look, he's no good, Mister.

Oh, sure, he dressed nice
and he talked better than we do.

He went to the movies to learn that.

And he copied the actors
and he practiced in the mirror

to show his teeth when he smiled
and even had a twinkle in his eyes.

Please, Lita...
He was ashamed of us!

He hated us because we weren't
what he pretended to be.

He said he was too fine
to come from our family.

He said he didn't think Papa
was really his father.

Well then, why did he keep coming here?

You want to laugh?

To pick up his mail.

That's right.

Every month, a letter came here
addressed to him

and he'd show up to collect it.

And he'd sit here for a few minutes telling us

what a big shot businessman he was
and then he'd go.

The letter, what was in it?

We don't know.

One came a week ago.

- Did he ever open them here?
- Why should he?

He must've known what was in them.

That's his own handwriting.

He mailed it to himself.

Who did he phone, do you know?

He made us leave the room.

Wait a minute.

He wrote a number on the wall.

He told us if he didn't show up
on the first of the month

to call this number and tell whoever answered
he'd meet them the next time.

Honey, will you do me a favor?

But why should I?

Because I'm the man that killed your brother.

Not much of a reason, is it?

It was an accident, but it was an accident
somebody wanted to happen,

and if I can't prove who and why,
I'm in bad trouble.

Well, all I know is Jason told me to call you.

He's got to see you right away.

The usual place?

Where's that?

Name any place.

There's a pizzeria.

He said Joe's Pizzeria.

Looking for Jason Grenoble?

- Why?
- He's dead.

Who are you?

I'm a well-known probate attorney.

We're gonna settle Jason's estate right now.

Eat I want to see your hands on the table.

Eat your lunch, sonny, or there'll be
a new face in hell for breakfast.

Or would you rather have
a bigger belly button?

No, no, no.

Then eat.

Now we can do business.

Business? What business is that?


You taking over?
That's right.

How do I know?

I'm just a middleman, understand,
all I do is pick up the material.

And pay for it.

Go ahead, take a look.

It's a good haul, friend.

Bids, contracts, confidential minutes.

Anybody you sell this to
will have ORBCO by the short hair.

It's pretty good material.

Now, put your hand in your pocket
and bring it out with money in it.


Now the rest of the money.

Ah, ah.

Hey, what are you.

You want one in the back or keep walking?

- Where to?
- Straight ahead.

I haven't got a token.

Hold it.

Hang 10.





What happened?

Shall I get my first aid kit?

You got a big one?

Go on, P.J.

Jason, or whatever his name was,
was robbing ORBCO blind.

Any big secret decision made in the front office,
he was peddling in the back alley.

Why have Jason killed?

Why not just have him arrested?

This is why.

Half of this stuff fatso stole
from his competitors,

and how would that look in court?

Besides, he likes to kill people.

Is that blood?

Tomato sauce.

It's got some tasty fingerprints.

This is my evidence.

For what?

When a big, fat cop starts asking questions.

What kind of questions?

Oh, like who killed Grenoble
and why did you do it?

You know, you get asked a question like that
and you hate to look like a dummy.

Sweetie, poor old Jason is dead and buried
all the way down in St Crispin.

Not exactly, I had him dug up again.

If the ice holds out, he ought to be
clearing Customs this week.

P.J., wasn't that just a little bit stupid?

It was neat.

And a little bit stupid, too.

- Kiss me smart.
- It's gonna bust everything wide open.

Like a dropped casaba.

Wait a minute.

I've always wanted to do this.

I think I broke another rib.

Poor beat up baby.

This time, easy.

Oh, all this money, P.J.

What are you going to do with it?

It's evidence, too.

Of course, I could steal some of it.

I might give some to the Gonowskis
so they can bury Jason for good.

Is that all?

Oh, no, there's my expenses,
enough to rent a car

and where did you say Orbison was?

I didn't.

That man he sent to kill you,

Mr. Orbison will know
what happened to him by now.

He'll be after you again.

By the time they glue that joker together
and find out it isn't me,

me and your big Orb
will have tangled toenails already.

Now, where is he?

- I can't stop you, can I?
- Mm-mm.

Can I make you want to come right back?

You know I'm gonna come back.

Now, where is he?

Blow it out your ears, I said where is he?

Now just a minute, buddy,
who do you think you are?

I'm calling the police.

How does the State
Game Commission grab ya?

Oh, why didn't you say so?

Yeah, yeah, Mr. William Orbison is here.

He's out on the field walk.

Oh, and Mrs. Orbison is here, too!

I just saw her car pull in!

Message for Mr. Orbison.


Field Walk? It's Main Gate.

There's trouble Right.

Scramble everything.

You can't hide, Detweiler!

I know the cover here and you don't.

You were stupid to try to take me in unarmed.

Wouldn't you agree, Detweiler?

Don't be shy, speak up!

Better still, stand up!

I could've crippled you then, Detweiler

I'd enjoy that, but it must look like an accident.

So why don't you just stand up?

Oh, come on, Detweiler.

You don't expect me to waste a shot
on an old trick like that, do you?

Besides, shells cost money!

Now you hold it right there.


What was it you told me?

When you go to kill, kill.


Get back.

How did you know it was me?

I saw it in your mirror this afternoon
when I stood behind you.

And you saw my reflection, remember?

A month ago, you said you couldn't see
who stood in the same spot

and took a shot at you,
and you lied, baby.

You shot that mirror yourself.

It was all part of the con, wasn't it?

You and the fat man to get me to gun Jason.

That was Orbison's idea.

He made me do it, that's why I shot him.

It's over, baby The con is over.

Is this what I'm supposed to do?

How much did he pay you to set Jason up?

100,000 bucks, and I earned it.

I'm in his will, too, and I earned that just now.

I hate to tell you this, but on the way out,
I called the state police.

All right, so they find him.

They'll think Betty did it.

All he had were enemies
and any one of them would've killed him.

How about me?

Should I turn around?

What do you see?

What do you see?

Me, killer reflection.

Hey, boy, with the booze, huh?

Couple of ryes.

She'll have a double.

Closed, pal.

Ten minutes to four, come on.


Hey, now, wait a minute, Detweiler.

You ain't still sore, are you?

I mean, about that little workout?

Hey I paid ya extra, right?

Just a minute, I gave her the dough
and you took it.

It's 50 bucks, that's right, 50 bucks.


Yeah, I'll tell him.

He ain't here.

He don't live here anymore