Orphans (1987) - full transcript
The two brothers Treat and Philip live alone since they were kids. Interdependent they dwell in a left house and live of little thefts, until an aging minor criminal moves in with them and takes over the role of a father.
CAPTIONING MADE POSSIBLE BY
WARNER BROS.
YOU DON'T HAPPEN TO HAVE
A CIGARETTE ON YOU, DO YOU?
SORRY. I DON'T SMOKE.
I'M DOING
KIND OF A SURVEY.
YOU'RE NOT
A FAMILY MAN,
ARE YOU?
WELL, I HAVE A FAMILY.
COULD I SEE
A PICTURE OF 'EM?
YOU HAVE A PICTURE?
YOU WANT TO SEE A PICTURE
OF MY FAMILY?
I REALLY WOULD
APPRECIATE IT.
UH-HUH.
YOU GOT
A BOY AND A GIRL.
THAT'S RIGHT.
WHERE'S THE WIFE?
SHE'S NOT THERE.
WHY IS THAT?
WE'RE DIVORCED.
WELL, THAT'S TERRIBLE.
IT'S NOT SO BAD.
WELL, MAYBE NOT FOR YOU,
BUT HOW ABOUT
THE KIDDIES?
CAN I SEE YOUR WATCH?
I AM NOT GOING
TO GIVE YOU MY WATCH!
THANK YOU
VERY MUCH, MISTER.
GIVE IT TO ME!
GOD DAMN IT!
YOU GIVE IT TO ME NOW,
GOD DAMN IT!
AAAH!
OWWW!
YOU CUT ME!
I'M BLEEDING,
YOU BASTARD!
OH, GOD,
I'M BLEEDING!
I'M GONNA DIE!
OH, NO!
I'M GONNA DIE!
OH, NO!
IT'S ALL RIGHT.
IT'S JUST
A FUCKIN' SCRATCH!
OH, GOD!
ALL RIGHT.
THERE YOU GO, MISTER.
GOOD AS NEW, ALL RIGHT?
OOH!
[HONKING]
HEY! WHAT ARE YOU DOIN'?!
WHAT THE FUCK
ARE YOU DOIN'?!
YOU DON'T SEE HER?!
FUCK YOU!
GET OUT OF THE FUCKIN' CAB!
GET OUT, FUCKER!
FUCK!
COME OVER HERE!
COME OVER HERE!
YOU, OUT HERE, RIGHT NOW!
GET THE FUCK OVER HERE!
MY CAB!
[HONKING]
MY FUCKIN' CAB!
FUCK YOU, TOO!
MY CAB!
DO YOU THINK YOU COULD
HURRY THAT UP, PLEASE?
MR. CHIPS IS GETTING COLD.
AREN'T YOU, BABY?
[WHISTLES]
NEWARK AIRPORT.
PUT THESE BAGS
IN THE TRUNK.
YEAH, SURE.
THANK YOU.
THANK YOU, MADAM.
HAVE A GOOD DAY.
HOW YOU DOIN', LADY?
IT'S A BEAUTIFUL DAY, ISN'T IT?
PICK THE BAGS UP AND
PUT THEM IN THE CAR.
THAT IS A NICE DOGGIE.
YES. PLEASE BE
CAREFUL WITH IT.
DON'T DRAG IT
ALONG LIKE THAT!
PLEASE BE CAREFUL
WITH THOSE BAGS.
THEY'RE EXTREMELY
VALUABLE.
THEY'RE--MADE BY--
TREAT THEM GENTLY,
IF YOU DON'T MIND.
I DON'T MIND.
BARBARIAN!
GET IN THE CAR!
DRIVE ME
TO THE AIRPORT!
SOMEBODY OPEN
THIS DOOR, PLEASE.
WHERE IS HE?
WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!
PHILLIP.
HEY, PHILLIP!
HEY!
YOU HOME?
OF COURSE YOU'RE HOME.
WHERE THE HELL ELSE
ARE YOU GONNA BE, HUH?
HEY!
PHILLIP!
YOU IN THERE?
YOU HIDIN' FROM
YOUR BIG BROTHER TREAT?
HUH?
DO YOU HEAR ME, PHILLIP?
I AIN'T IN THE MOOD
FOR NO HIDE-AND-GO-SEEK GAMES,
PHILLIP.
PHILLIP?
DON'T TAG ME.
I AIN'T
GONNA TAG YOU.
'CAUSE I'M SICK AND TIRED
OF BEING IT, TREAT.
I TOLD YA.
I AIN'T GONNA TAG YA.
YOU PROMISE?
YEAH.
I PROMISE.
YOU HAVE LUNCH TODAY?
MM-HMM.
WHAT DID YOU HAVE?
I HAD STARKIST TUNA.
YEAH?
MAYONNAISE?
MM-HMM.
HELLMANN'S.
HOW MUCH MAYONNAISE
YOU HAVE, PHILLIP?
HMM. JUST A COUPLE
OF TABLESPOONS.
A COUPLE OF TABLESPOONS, HUH?
MM-HMM.
IF YOU ONLY HAD
A COUPLE OF TABLESPOONS,
HOW COME WE'RE OUT OF IT?
AH!
YOU'RE IT, PHILLIP.
NO.
YOU'RE FUCKIN' IT!
HA HA!
YOU PROMISED!
I HAD MY FINGERS CROSSED.
I COME OUT 'CAUSE
YOU SAID YOU WOULDN'T!
HA HA HA!
YOU'RE IT!
TIME OUT, PHILLIP.
HA HA HA HA...
THE GAME'S OVER!
NO!
YEAH. I'M GOIN'
OUT TONIGHT, SEE BARNEY.
HEY IF YOU GO OUT,
WILL YOU BRING HOME
SOME MORE HELLMANN'S?
YOU KNOW, PHILLIP...
THIS PLACE
IS GOIN' TO SHIT.
WE'RE GONNA HAVE TO PAY
FOR SOME HOME IMPROVEMENTS.
WE NEVER HAD
HOME IMPROVEMENTS
BEFORE, TREAT.
YA KNOW, I TOOK A WALK
IN THE PARK TODAY.
BUMPED INTO THIS FELLA.
MM-HMM.
KICKED ME RIGHT
IN THE SHINS.
HE KICKED YOU?
YUP. LOOK AT THAT.
JESUS!
GONNA BE FUCKIN'
BLACK AND BLUE.
I'LL GET
THE HYDROGEN PEROXIDE.
HOW COME YOU CAN
REMEMBER ALL THEM
BRAND NAMES, PHILLIP?
I DON'T KNOW.
I MEAN...YOU DON'T HAVE
MUCH OF AN INTELLECT
FOR ANYTHING ELSE,
BUT YOU SEEM
TO BE ABLE TO REMEMBER
ALL THEM BRAND NAMES
AND THE NAMES OF
THEM VARIOUS PRIZES.
JUST COMES TO ME.
WHAT'S THIS, PHILLIP?
WHAT'S WHAT?
HOW COME THERE ARE
UNDERLINED WORDS
IN THIS MAGAZINE?
I GOT NO IDEA, TREAT.
HERE'S A WORD HERE.
"PROVER..."
"PROVERBIAL."
DID YOU UNDERLINE
THIS WORD?
YOU KNOW
I CAN'T READ, TREAT.
YOU GOT A DICTIONARY,
PHILLIP?
NO, I GOT NO DICTIONARY.
YOU SURE YOU AIN'T GOT
A...POCKET DICTIONARY?
YOU SURE...YOU AIN'T
SPENDIN' THE DAY
READIN' BOOKS
AND MAGAZINES,
LOOKIN' UP THE MEANINGS
OF PARTICULAR WORDS,
GETTIN' YOURSELF
AN EDUCATION?
I GOT NO EDUCATION.
WHO UNDERLINED
THIS FUCKIN' WORD?
IT WASN'T ME!
DID SOMEONE
COME IN THE HOUSE
WHILE I WAS AWAY?
I DON'T KNOW.
I WAS IN THE ATTIC.
SOMEONE COME IN THE HOUSE
WHILE YOU WAS IN THE ATTIC
AND UNDERLINED
THIS FUCKIN' WORD?
MAYBE.
YEAH?
YEAH, MAYBE.
MAYBE HE DID.
FIND HIM.
ALL RIGHT.
KILL HIM.
OK.
I WANT HIM DEAD,
YOU UNDERSTAND?
YEAH.
A MAN STEALING
IN MY HOUSE LIKE THAT.
KILL HIM.
YEAH.
M-MAYBE HE'S UPSTAIRS.
YEAH.
MAYBE HE'S UPSTAIRS.
MAYBE HE'S HIDING
UNDER THE BED.
YEAH. GO GET HIM.
I'M GONNA GET HIM.
ALL RIGHT, BUDDY.
ALL RIGHT,
WHERE ARE YOU?
EVERYTHING'S GOING
TO BE FINE, SON.
EVERYTHING'S
GOING TO BE FINE.
HEY, LISTEN, BUDDY,
YOU BETTER GET OUT OF HERE.
YOU BETTER GET OUT
OF HERE RIGHT NOW, BUDDY.
I'M GONNA KILL YOU.
IT'S ALL RIGHT, SON.
IT'S ALL RIGHT.
DON'T TOUCH ME!
DON'T TOUCH ME, BUDDY!
OH, NO. TREAT!
HE'S COMIN'
AT ME, TREAT!
HE'S COMIN' AT ME!
HE'S GONNA--
[CRASH]
AAH! OH, MY GOD!
SON OF A BITCH!
DID YOU GET HIM?
NO, TREAT.
HE GOT ME.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN?
I'M BLEEDIN'.
WHERE IS HE?
HE LEAPED OUT THE WINDOW.
OUT THE WINDOW?
YEAH.
HE GOT AWAY?
UH-HUH.
WHAT DID HE
LOOK LIKE, PHILLIP?
ERROL FLYNN.
ERROL FLYNN?
THE MOVIE ACTOR.
YEAH, I KNOW
ERROL FLYNN.
HE COULD'VE
BROKE A LEG LEAPIN' OUT
A WINDOW LIKE THAT.
HE MUST BE
SOME KIND OF ATHLETE.
THAT LOOKS PRETTY BAD
THERE, PHILLIP.
YEAH.
WELL, I BETTER PUT ON
SOME HYDROGEN PEROXIDE.
COME ON, TREAT,
IT BURNS.
YOU DON'T WANT IT
TO GET INFECTED.
AW, COME ON.
IT AIN'T GONNA
GET INFECTED.
YOU DON'T WANT
TO LOSE YOUR ARM.
I AIN'T GONNA
LOSE MY ARM.
PLEASE.
[TARZAN YELL]
YOU'RE BRINGING
ME DRECK, BOY.
IT'S A STRING OF
FUCKIN' PEARLS, BARNEY!
WHAT'S THIS?
A BULOVA.
A FUCKIN' BULOVA.
"I LOVE YOU, SID.
MILLIE."
JESUS. I'M GONNA PUKE.
WHO'S GONNA WEAR THIS?
A FUCKIN' CORPSE
WOULDN'T WEAR A RING
LIKE THIS.
YOU GOT ANYTHING ELSE?
WHAT THE HELL IS THAT?
IT'S A LEASH.
YOU MUGGIN'
ANIMALS NOW, TREAT?
THAT'S COLORED GLASS,
FOR CHRIST'S SAKES.
YOU AIN'T GONNA FIND
PRECIOUS JEWELS
AROUND HERE.
I'LL GIVE YOU
70 BUCKS FOR THE LOT.
TAKE IT OR LEAVE IT.
FUCK YOU, BARNEY!
NOW DEPARTING
FOR WASHINGTON, D.C.
ON TRACK 18, THE SENATOR,
MAKING STOPS AT TRENTON,
PHILADELPHIA, WILMINGTON,
BALTIMORE, BWI AIRPORT,
AND NEW CARROLLTON.
[WHISTLING]
THANK YOU.
HERE YOU GO.
THANKS A LOT.
AH, HA.
NO, I'M NOT EXACTLY
IN BARBADOS.
HEH. I'M IN NEWARK.
YEAH! HA HA!
HUH!
HUH!
TAKE THAT,
YOU SAXON PIG!
HA HA HA HA!
[PEOPLE SINGING INSIDE BAR]
♪ IN CHICAGO ♪
♪ CHICAGO, MY HOME TOWN ♪
HOW IS THAT?
♪ LA LA LA ♪
♪ LA LA LA LA ♪
YOU'RE DANCIN' NOW.
♪ DE DI
DE DI DE DI DE DI ♪
DON'T FALL.
♪ DIDDLY DIDDLY
DIDDLY DID ♪
♪ BUM BUM BUM HUP
WORKS HARD FOR THAT ♪
♪ LA LA LA ♪
♪ LA LA LA ♪♪
WHOA!
♪ IF I HAD THE WINGS
OF AN ANGEL ♪
♪ OVER THESE PRISON WALLS
I WOULD FLY ♪
♪ STRAIGHT TO THE ARMS
OF MY MUDDER ♪
♪ AND THERE
I'D BE WILLING TO DIE ♪♪
THAT'S ALL, FOLKS.
HEY! YOU KNOW
THAT SONG, SON?
YOU REMEMBER THAT SONG?
CAN'T SAY I DO.
OH, YOU'RE NOT
A DEAD-END KID, ARE YOU?
DEAD-END KID?
YES. BECAUSE IF YOU WERE
A DEAD-END KID,
I'D GIVE YOU
EVERYTHING I HAVE,
I SWEAR TO GOD.
I'D GIVE YOU THE VERY
SHIRT OFF MY BACK.
YOU DON'T HAVE TO GO
THAT FAR, MISTER.
WELL...
THERE ARE NO LIMITS
AS FAR AS
THE DEAD-END KIDS
AND ME ARE CONCERNED.
I LOVE THEM FUCKING
DEAD-END KIDS.
I'M NOT A DEAD-END KID.
WHAT A SHAME.
WHAT ARE YOU DRINKIN'?
GIVE ME A BEER.
A BEER? A BEER. HEY!
I'M FROM CHICAGO,
BORN AND BRED.
NO KIDDIN'.
GREW UP
IN AN ORPHANAGE.
DIDN'T HAVE NO
MOMMY OR DADDY.
I JUST HAD
THEM DEAD-END KIDS!
HEY, FRANK!
I WANT TO BUY A DRINK
FOR EVERYBODY, OK?
TAKE IT OUT OF THAT,
ALL RIGHT? HERE YOU GO.
FINALLY MET
A DEAD-END KID.
FINALLY MET ONE.
I AIN'T ONE, THOUGH.
YEAH!
Treat: HERE YOU ARE,
HAROLD.
HERE YOU ARE--
HOME SWEET HOME.
♪ IF I HAD THE WINGS
OF AN ANGEL ♪
♪ OVER THESE PRISON WALLS
I WOULD FLY ♪
♪ AND STRAIGHT TO THE ARMS
OF MY MUDDER ♪
♪ AND...
I'D BE WILLING TO DIE ♪♪
DOOR'S LOCKED, HAROLD.
DON'T MOVE, ALL RIGHT?
I'LL BE RIGHT BACK.
OK, OK.
♪ DA DA ♪
♪ DA DA DA DA-- ♪
♪ DI DEE DEE
DA DI DA ♪
♪ LA DEE DA DOO ♪
[URINATING]
HAROLD?
♪ YA DA DA DE
YA DA DA DA ♪
♪ LA LA LA ♪
♪ LA LA LA
LA LA LA ♪
♪ LA LA LA ♪
♪ HA HA HA...
LA LA LA LA ♪
BRRR!
♪ LA LA LA
DEE DEE DA ♪
♪ DA DA ♪
♪ BUM DEE DA DA
DAI DA DA DAI DAI... ♪♪
THEY HAD A LITTLE
IRISH MOTHER,
THEM DEAD-END KIDS.
A TOP-O'-THE-MORNING
IRISH MOTHER!
I LOVED THAT WOMAN.
[MIMICKING]
AH, YOU LITTLE DEVIL, YOU!
CORNED BEEF AND CABBAGE
COOKIN' NIGHT AND DAY.
I USED TO WORK UP
A HEARTY APPETITE
JUST SITTIN'
IN THEM DARK...
CHICAGO MOVIE...HOUSES
WATCHIN' THEM DEAD-END...
DEAD-END KIDS!
EEEIIAAA!
HA HA HA!
HAVE YOU GOT ANYTHING
COOKING IN THIS HOUSE?
WELL, THERE'S
NOTHING COOKIN'
RIGHT NOW, HAROLD.
HOW COME?
WELL, IT MUST BE
THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT.
THAT'S WHAT
I'M SAYING, SEE?
NOW IF YOU WERE TO GO
TO THAT DEAD-END KIDS'
HOUSE...
ANY TIME,
DAY OR NIGHT--
THAT DEAD-END KIDS'
HOUSE
SMELLING OF
CORNED BEEF
AND CABBAGE--
YOU'D JUST WALK
STRAIGHT INTO
THE KITCHEN
AND YOU'D CUT
YOURSELF A SLICE.
AHH.
HERE.
JESUS CHRIST, TREAT.
MY MOUTH
IS WATERING.
MY FUCKIN' MOUTH
IS WATERING!
YOU WANT SOMETHIN' TO EAT?
I'M STARVIN' TO DEATH!
WE GOT TUNA.
TUNA?
YEAH.
STARKIST TUNA.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I?
YOU'RE IN MY HOUSE.
YOU'RE OFFERING ME TUNA?
YEAH.
FUCKIN' TUNA...
UMM.
UMM.
UMM...
HOLY SHIT.
TUNA.
[COUGHS]
WHERE'S MY BRIEFCASE,
HMM?
OVER HERE.
I WAS WATCHIN' IT FOR YOU.
YEAH. WELL, I CAN DO
MY OWN WATCHING.
LET'S HAVE IT. COME ON.
YEAH, SURE.
COME ON.
LET'S HAVE IT.
WHERE ARE YOU GOIN',
HAROLD?
I'M LEAVING.
YOU CAN'T WALK!
HA HA HA HA!
I CAN'T WALK, CAN I?
YOU'RE LOADED.
HOW ABOUT THAT!
IT MUST BE BECAUSE
I MET A DEAD-END KID
AFTER ALL THESE YEARS.
I AIN'T NO DEAD-END KID.
I TOLD YOU THAT.
DON'T KID ME!
YOU DON'T SMELL
NO CORNED BEEF AND CABBAGE
COOKIN' AROUND HERE,
DO YA?
NO MATTER.
NO CORNED BEEF
AND CABBAGE COOKING
WHERE I COME FROM,
EITHER.
I COME FROM
AN ORPHANAGE.
A GODDAMN ORPHANAGE.
NO TOP-O'-THE-MORNING
IRISH MOTHER THERE, EITHER--
JUST A BIG,
SON-OF-A-BITCHING GERMAN.
HE WORE A CHEF'S HAT
AND A DIRTY, FILTHY APRON,
AND HE SLEPT
RIGHT IN THE KITCHEN.
ORPHAN'S ALWAYS HUNGRY.
YOU ALWAYS...LOVE TO
CREEP DOWN
IN THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT
AND RAID THE REFRIGERATOR.
BUT A JEW
SLEPT RIGHT THERE,
ONE EYE OPEN.
HE'D BREAK YOUR BACK
IF HE CAUGHT YOU.
HE'D BREAK EVERY BONE
IN YOUR BODY.
HE TOOK A LIKING
TO ME, THOUGH.
HE USED TO FILL MY PLATE
WITH MEAT AND POTATOES.
IT WAS LUCKY FOR ME.
OR-ORPHANS ALWAYS
COUGHING UP BLOOD...
ORPHANS DROPPING DEAD
ALL THE TIME.
THERE'S A TERRIBLE
MORTALITY RATE
IN AN ORPHANAGE.
OH, THANK GOD...
FOR THEM BIG, HEAPIN' PLATES
OF MEAT AND POTATOES.
YEAH, THANK GOD...
FOR THAT...THAT BIG,
FUCKING GERMAN
SON OF A BITCH.
OHH...
Phillip: WHO IS HE, TREAT?
NAME'S HAROLD.
HE'S AN ORPHAN?
YEAH.
HE'S FROM CHICAGO.
HE HAD A REAL BAD CHILDHOOD.
[SNORING]
HA...HA...
YOU KNOW WHAT
ORPHANS CALL OUT
IN THE MIDDLE
OF THE NIGHT, TREAT?
NO, HAROLD.
MOTHERLESS ORPHANS,
MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT,
CHICAGO ORPHANS
ON A BIG HILL
FACING LAKE MICHIGAN.
WHAT DO THEY CALL OUT?
THE WIND USED TO
COME THROUGH THERE
MAKIN'
A TERRIBLE SOUND.
WIND USED TO COME
THROUGH THERE...
[WHISTLING
LIKE THE WIND]
FRIGHTENED ORPHANS
PULLING THEIR BLANKETS
UP OVER THEIR HEADS.
FRIGHTENED ORPHANS
CRYING OUT.
YOU KNOW WHAT
THEY WERE CRYING?
NO.
"MOMMY!"
HA! HONEST TO GOD. MOMMY.
YOU KNOW, ORPHANS DON'T
KNOW THE DIFFERENCE
BETWEEN A MOMMY
AND A DADDY.
THEY DON'T KNOW
THE DIFFERENCE
BETWEEN A MOMMY
AND A FUCKIN' TANGERINE.
UH-HUH. JUST POOR
MOTHERLESS BASTARDS.
MOMMY...HA!
MAMA...
HAROLD.
[SNAP SNAP]
HAROLD.
[TRAIN PASSES]
DO YOU KNOW
WHAT THESE ARE, PHILLIP?
WHAT?
STOCKS, DEEDS,
SECURITIES.
GUY'S WALKIN' AROUND
WITH A MILLION BUCKS
WORTH OF CERTIFICATES
UNDER HIS ARM.
JESUS CHRIST!
COME ON.
WE HIT PAY DIRT,
PHILLIP.
DUMB BASTARD.
HE COULD HAVE
PASSED OUT.
SOMEBODY COULD HAVE
MUGGED HIM.
SOMEBODY COULD HAVE
KIDNAPPED HIM.
YEAH.
SOMEBODY COULD HAVE
KIDNAPPED HIM
AND HELD HIM
FOR RANSOM.
I BET YOU COULD GET
A MILLION BUCKS
FOR A GUY LIKE THIS.
OH, GOD! YOU THINK?
YEAH.
MAYBE EVEN
TWO MILLION.
GUY'S PROBABLY
AN INDUSTRIALIST.
GONNA BE
ON THE FRONT PAGE
OF EVERY NEWSPAPER
IN THE COUNTRY--
"SO-AND-SO,
INDUSTRIALIST,
KIDNAPPED."
I NEED SOME ROPE.
ROPE?
YEAH.
MRRR...
I LIKE HIS FACE,
TREAT.
DON'T GET
TOO ATTACHED TO IT.
HE'S GOT
A FRIENDLY FACE.
HA HA!
HEY, TREAT?
YOU'RE NOT GONNA
CUT HIM, ARE YOU?
IT DEPENDS.
♪ IF I HAD THE WINGS
OF AN ANGEL ♪
♪ OVER THESE PRISON WALLS
I WILL FLY ♪
WHAT'S HE SINGING?
SOME SONG.
♪ STRAIGHT TO THE ARMS
OF MY MUDDER ♪♪
HA HA HA!
AH, YOUR MUDDER.
AH, YOUR MUDDER.
YOUR MUDDER
TAKES IN LAUNDRY.
HA!
LAUNDRY?
THE MARK OF THE SQUEALER,
HUH? AHMM MM...
HMM...
HMM...
[SIREN]
HMMMMM...
AH, YOUR MUDDER.
Treat: WHAT'S THIS?
I--I FOUND IT.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN?
IT WAS UP IN THE ATTIC
UNDER THE CEDAR CHEST.
WHERE'S THE OTHER?
THERE'S
NO OTHER.
WOMAN HAVE
ONLY ONE FOOT?
I DON'T THINK SO, TREAT.
I THINK SHE MUST HAVE
HAD TWO FEET,
ONLY SHE LOST
ONE OF HER SHOES.
YOU FIGURED THAT OUT
ALL BY YOURSELF, HUH?
YES.
YOU MUST BE DOIN'
A LOT OF FIGURIN', PHILLIP.
I HAVEN'T BEEN DOIN'
ANY FIGURIN', TREAT.
MAYBE YOU'RE PULLIN'
MY CHAIN, PHILLIP.
MAYBE YOU AIN'T HANGIN' OUT
IN NO CLOSET ALL DAY.
I AIN'T PULLIN'
YOUR CHAIN, TREAT.
MAYBE YOU'RE SEEIN'
ALL KINDS OF PEOPLE
WHILE I'M OUT WORKIN',
MAKIN' US A LIVIN', HUH?
MAYBE YOU WAS LOOKIN'
OUT THE WINDOW,
AND THIS REAL NICE-LOOKIN'
LADY WALKED BY
WEARIN' THESE VERY
HIGH-HEELED SHOES, HUH?
YOU SURE YOU DIDN'T TAP
ON THE WINDOW, PHILLIP,
AND MOTION HER IN?
YOU SURE YOU DIDN'T
UNDRESS HER RIGHT HERE
ON THIS VERY SOFA, PHILLIP?
YOU SURE THE TWO OF YOUSE
DIDN'T MAKE
AN AFTERNOON OF IT
HERE ON OUR SOFA,
AND SHE HAD
TO LEAVE IN A HURRY
HOLDIN' HER ONE SHOE?
HUH?
IT NEVER HAPPENED,
TREAT!
IT NEVER...NO!
HUH?
I WANT THIS SHOE
OUT OF HERE.
MAYBE--MAYBE IT WAS
MOM'S SHOE, TREAT.
MAYBE IT'S
BEEN UNDER THERE
ALL THESE YEARS?
THIS AIN'T MA'S SHOE.
MOM WOULD HAVE NEVER
WORE A SHOE LIKE THIS.
CAN I KEEP IT?
CAN I KEEP IT?
I WANT THIS SHOE
OUT OF HERE.
I CAN'T SEE WHY I CAN'T
KEEP IT, TREAT.
I'LL PUT IT
IN MY ROOM--
I DON'T WANT IT
IN YOUR ROOM.
I DON'T WANT IT
IN THIS FUCKIN' HOUSE!
OPEN THE WINDOW.
OPEN
THE FUCKING WINDOW!
GO TO BED, PHILLIP.
GET SOME SLEEP.
YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO
TAKE CARE OF HAROLD
TOMORROW.
I'M GONNA BE OUT
MAKIN' SOME INQUIRIES.
WE HIT PAY DIRT,
PHILLIP.
WE ARE GONNA BE
FUCKIN' RICH.
[CLATTERING]
5, 4...
HE'S LOOKIN'
FOR AN OPENING!
2, 1!
[IMITATES
CROWD CHEERING]
YEAH!
YEAH!
HA HA HA!
OH, YEAH! HA HA! HA!
HERE COMES AN OLD MAN
WITH A CANE.
HE'S GOT THIS BIG HAT
AND THIS LITTLE
BROWN PAPER BAG.
HA HA HA!
[IN OLD MAN'S VOICE]
HE'S PROBABLY GOT SOME...
SOME SQUIBB'S MINERAL OIL
IN THAT BROWN BAG.
MAYBE A JAR
OF PLANTER'S PEANUT BUTTER.
HA HA HA!
OH, YEAH. HE'S JUST
GONNA GO HOME,
MAKE HIMSELF
SOME NICE, THICK
PEANUT BUTTER SANDWICHES.
HA HA HA HA HA!
HA HA HA HA!
HMM MMM.
YOU SAYIN' SOMETHIN',
MISTER?
NNMM GMM.
YOU SPEAKIN' TO ME?
MMM.
YOU--YOU HUNGRY?
HMM.
MAYBE YOU'RE HUNGRY.
MAYBE THAT'S IT.
WELL...WELL...
TREAT'S GONNA BE HOME
REAL SOON NOW.
HE'LL PROBABLY MAKE YOU
A TUNA SANDWICH.
STARKIST TUNA
AND MAYO ON TOAST.
HOW'S THAT SOUND?
MMM-MMM.
YEAH, I FIGURED
YOU'D LIKE THAT.
YEAH.
YOU KNOW I BEEN
EATIN' STARKIST TUNA
FOR LUNCH
FOR YEARS NOW? YEAH.
I USED TO MAKE MYSELF
PEANUT BUTTER SANDWICHES,
BUT I GOT SICK OF 'EM.
I LIKE VARIETY
IN MY FOOD.
[TRAIN RUMBLING
ON TRACKS]
HAH!
LOOK AT THAT, MISTER!
HA HA!
THERE'S A COUPLE
MAKIN' OUT ON THE TRAIN.
HA HA!
THE ONLY THING IS,
MISTER...
THERE'S A SHOE
OUT THERE NOW.
A SHOE STARIN' ME
STRAIGHT IN THE FACE,
DRIVIN' ME...
CRAZY.
HEY, LISTEN, MISTER.
IF...IF I CLIMB
OUT THAT WINDOW
AND I BRING BACK
THAT SHOE,
YOU'LL KEEP IT
TO YOURSELF, WON'T YOU?
MM-HMM...MM...
MMMP.
ONLY THING IS, MISTER...
I AIN'T SUPPOSED
TO GO OUT
'CAUSE I GOT
THIS TERRIB--
THIS TERRIBLE...
TERRIBLE ALLERGY.
I ALMOST DIED ONCE.
I WENT OVER
TO THE CORNER THERE,
TO THE GROCERY STORE
WITH TREAT,
AND MY--MY FACE,
IT GOT ALL RED,
AND MY TONGUE
SWELLED UP.
I WAS GASPIN'
FOR BREAT'.
I GOT IT, MISTER.
I'LL HOLD MY BREAT'...
SO'S I DON'T BREATHE IN
ANY OF THAT
DEADLY POLLEN.
HA HA!
HEY, UH...
I CAN TRUST YOU,
CAN'T I, MISTER?
[DRAWS DEEP BREATH]
[GRUNTING]
HA HA! HA!
LOOK, MISTER!
I GOT IT!
HOW'D YOU GET OVER THERE?
MM-HMM.
SHI...I DON'T THINK
TREAT IS GONNA LIKE THIS.
YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO BE
SITTIN' OVER THERE.
WELL...
I'M JUST...
ONLY THING IS I AIN'T
SUPPOSED TO TOUCH YOU.
I'M ONLY SUPPOSED TO WATCH
AND SEE THAT EVERYTHING
IS OK.
AH, FUCK. I DON'T KNOW
WHAT I'M GONNA NOW, MISTER.
TREAT'S GONNA
COME HOME SOON
AND ASK HOW COME
YOU'RE OVER THERE.
I DON'T KNOW
WHAT I'M GONNA SAY!
TAMK MMM GAMMG OMF.
WHAT ARE YOU SAYIN'?
TAMK GMM GAMMG OMF!
I DON'T KNOW
WHAT YOU'RE SAYIN'!
SSSTAKE...
MMY FUCKKING...
GAAAG OFF!
CAN'T TAKE OFF
YOUR GAG, MISTER,
'CAUSE I AIN'T
SUPPOSED TO TOUCH YOU.
SH...SHIT!
HE'S GONNA KICK MY ASS!
I DON'T KNOW WHAT
I'M GONNA DO NOW.
TREAT'S GONNA BE
SO PISSED OFF
WHEN HE GETS BACK.
HE'S GONNA
KICK MY ASS--
HE'S GONNA SAY--
HE'S GONNA SAY--
OH, SHIT!
FUCK! GOD DAMN IT!
SHIT!
[HUMMING]
HOW'D YOU DO THAT,
MISTER?
I'M AN ADMIRER
OF HOUDINI'S.
REAL NAME
WAS EHRICH WEISS.
YIDDISH FELLOW,
HOUDINI.
DON'T LET
THE ITALIAN FLAVOR
FOOL YOU.
BORN EHRICH WEISS,
EAST SIDE OF NEW YORK.
OH!
WHAT AM I GONNA
SAY TO TREAT?
LET ME TAKE CARE
OF THAT.
HE'S GONNA
SLAP ME AROUND.
HE'S NOT GOING TO TOUCH YOU.
HOW CAN YOU STOP HIM?
I HAVE MY WAYS.
TREAT'S GOT
A VIOLENT TEMPER.
I LOVE VIOLENT TEMPERS.
HE SEE YOU OVER THERE,
HE'S GONNA GO CRAZY.
I'M NOT GONNA BE
OVER HERE.
WHERE YOU GONNA BE?
OH, GONNA BE ON THE...
ON THE COUCH, PROBABLY,
SITTING ON THE COUCH,
READING A MAGAZINE.
WHAT'S YOUR NAME?
PHILLIP.
PHILLIP.
MINE'S HAROLD.
PLEASED TO MEET YOU.
I BETTER NOT.
YOU DON'T WANT
TO SHAKE?
TREAT SAID NOT
TO TOUCH YOU.
NOT EVER?
I DON'T KNOW.
OR DID HE MEAN JUST NOW,
JUST TODAY?
I DIDN'T ASK HIM.
BECAUSE THAT WOULD BE
A SHAME IF WE COULD
NEVER TOUCH.
I COULD NEVER PUT MY ARM
AROUND YOUR SHOULDERS,
GIVE THEM
AN ENCOURAGING SQUEEZE.
HOW COME YOU WALK AROUND
WITH YOUR SHOES UNTIED?
DON'T KNOW HOW
TO LACE THEM.
YOU DON'T KNOW HOW
TO TIE A KNOT?
I TRY,
BUT THEY GET ALL...
THEY GET ALL
TANGLED UP.
IT'S NO CRIME.
A MAN DOESN'T HAVE TO
KNOW HOW TO TIE A KNOT.
DIDN'T YOU EVER HEAR
OF, UH, LOAFERS?
LOAFERS?
YEAH.
YOU HAVE
NO NEED OF LACES
WITH LOAFERS, PHILLIP.
DIDN'T ANYONE
EVER TELL YOU THAT?
YOU'RE A DEPRIVED PERSON,
PHILLIP.
YOU DON'T KNOW THE PRINCIPLE
BEHIND ELECTRICITY, DO YOU?
NO.
BUT YOU CAN
TURN ON A LIGHT.
YEAH.
FUCK LACES.
YOU ARE GONNA
BE WEARING LOAFERS
FROM NOW ON IN.
WHAT COLOR YOU LIKE?
WHAT DO YOU MEAN?
WHAT COLOR LOAFER?
I...I DON'T KNOW.
WELL, HOW ABOUT, UH...
PALE YELLOW?
PALE YELLOW'S OK.
I'M GONNA BUY YOU A PAIR
OF PALE YELLOW LOAFERS.
COME ON!
THIS IS
A REAL TRAGIC SITUATION
I'VE WANDERED INTO.
ONE BOY'S A DELINQUENT,
THE OTHER BOY'S
SHOULDERS
JUST DYING FOR A GENTLE,
ENCOURAGING SQUEEZE.
THEY ARE?
DIDN'T ANYONE EVER
GIVE YOUR SHOULDERS
AN ENCOURAGING SQUEEZE?
I DON'T THINK SO.
WELL, THAT'S A TRAGEDY.
EVERY YOUNG MAN'S
SHOULDERS
NEED AN ENCOURAGING
SQUEEZE NOW AND THEN.
TREAT NEVER
DID THAT.
NO, I IMAGINE NOT,
BUT HOW ABOUT
YOUR FATHER?
HE RAN AWAY FROM HOME
WHEN I WAS SMALL.
HE DESERTED THE FAMILY.
YES.
WELL, I KNOW
SHOULDERS, PHILLIP.
AND IF I KNOW
ANYTHING,
I KNOW ALL ABOUT
SHOULDERS.
IF YOU WANT ME
TO GIVE THEM A SQUEEZE,
TRY IT OUT.
SEE HOW IT FEELS.
I DON'T KNOW...
YOU DON'T HAVE TO
TOUCH ME.
I'LL TOUCH YOU.
WELL...
M-MAYBE THAT WOULD
BE ALL RIGHT.
THAT'LL BE FINE.
COME ON OVER HERE.
COME ON.
HEY...
HOW'S THAT FEEL?
IT FEELS OK.
FEELS GOOD?
YES.
FEELS REAL GOOD?
IT...FEELS REAL GOOD.
FEELS ENCOURAGING,
DOESN'T IT?
MM-HMM.
MAKES YOU FEEL
THERE'S HOPE.
YES.
THIS IS WHAT YOU MISSED.
YES.
THAT FEELING.
I MISSED IT.
YOU HAVE IT NOW.
I DO?
FOREVER AND EVER.
SHIT! FUCKIN' DIED ALREADY.
DENNIS KINNIS.
IS THIS DENNIS?
YEAH.
LISTEN CAREFULLY, DENNIS.
I GOT NEWS FOR YOU.
YEAH?
I KIDNAPPED HAROLD.
I'M GONNA TELL YOU WHAT
I WANT YOU TO DO--
YOU GOT HAROLD THERE?
IS THAT WHAT
YOU'RE SAYING?
NOW YOU LISTEN
CAREFULLY, ASSHOLE.
WHAT DID YOU SAY TO ME?
I'M GONNA TELL
YOU AND HAROLD
WHAT TO DO.
HEY! FUCK!
THE FUCK DID YOU--
[DOG BARKING]
[POUNDING ON DOOR]
PHILLIP!
PHILLIP,
WHERE IS HE?
OPEN THE DOOR, PHILLIP.
WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU,
BLIND?
YOU DON'T SEE ME
STANDIN' HERE?
OPEN THE DOOR!
[KICKS DOOR]
YOU DON'T THINK
I FUCKIN' SEE
WHAT YOU'RE DOIN'?
[POUNDING]
WHERE IS HE?
UPSTAIRS.
YOU UNTIE HIM?
I DIDN'T TOUCH HIM.
WHO UNTIED HIM?
NOBODY.
THAT ACTOR FELLA PERSON
COME IN HERE AGAIN
AND UNTIE HIM? HUH?
HE DID IT HIMSELF,
I SWEAR TO GOD.
HOW DID HE DO IT?
I DON'T KNOW, TREAT.
HE'S GOT TO BE SOME KINDA
A MAGICIAN OR SOMETHIN'
'CAUSE ALL OF A SUDDEN,
HE WAS IN THE OTHER ROOM.
I MEAN, IT--IT HAPPENED
RIGHT BEFORE MY VERY EYES.
YEAH?
YEAH.
HIS GAG DISAPPEARED,
HIS MOUTH BEGAN MOVIN',
HIS ARM COME OUT,
AND PRETTY SOON HE WAS
COMPLETELY UNTIED.
WHAT DID HE TALK ABOUT,
PHILLIP?
NOTHIN' SPECIAL.
HE TALKED ABOUT CHICAGO,
I THINK, AND, UH...HOUDINI.
HOUDINI?
YEAH. HE SAID THIS HOUDINI'S
A JEWISH FELLOW.
HE SAID THAT?
MM-HMM.
THIS GUY'S
A BULLSHITTER, PHILLIP.
HOUDINI ISN'T JEWISH?
I'M TALKIN' ABOUT THE--
Harold:
♪ LA DA DADA DA
DA DA LADA ♪
♪ DE DE DEE DEDE
DEE DEE DEE ♪
♪ LA DAI
DADA DUM... ♪
WHAT'S HE DOIN'
UP THERE?
HE'S SHAVING.
HE'S USIN' MY RAZOR?
HE WANTED
TO BE PRESENTABLE
WHEN YOU CAME HOME.
THIS GUY'S
TAKIN' OVER.
HE'S NOT
TAKIN' OVER.
WHAT'S HE DOING, PHILLIP?
I KIDNAPPED
THE SON OF A BITCH.
HE'S SUPPOSED TO BE
A KIDNAP VICTIM!
HE'S NOT A BAD GUY.
OH, NO?
NO. HE TOLD ME
I SHOULD WEAR LOAFERS.
HE SAID THAT?
YEAH. THAT WAY, I WON'T
HAVE TO WALK AROUND
WITH MY LACES UNTIED.
[DOOR OPENS]
WHAT KINDA SHIT IS THAT?
HE SAID HE'D
BUY ME A NEW PAIR.
HE SAID THAT?
MM-HMM.
WHERE'S THIS GUY
GET THE NERVE?
DON'T HURT HIM, TREAT.
HOW COME HE DIDN'T
RUN AWAY OR CALL THE COPS?
HE WANTED TO SEE YOU,
TREAT.
HE TOOK A LIKING TO YOU.
WHAT WAS YOU DOIN'
THE WHOLE TIME HIS HANDS
WAS APPEARIN'?
I WAS WATCHIN' HIM,
JUST LIKE YOU SAID.
I DIDN'T TOUCH HIM.
DID I DO GOOD?
NEVER MIND.
[WHISTLING
THE PRISONER'S SONG]
HOW ARE YOU, SON?
[TURNS FAUCET ON]
I AIN'T YOUR SON.
YOU'RE A DEAD-END KID,
THOUGH, AREN'T YOU?
NO.
OH, I DON'T MEAN
A LITERAL DEAD-END KID.
HOW IN THE HELL COULD
YOU BE A DEAD-END KID?
YOU'D HAVE TO BE
60, 70 YEARS OF AGE,
FOR CHRIST'S SAKE.
I MEAN,
THOSE DEAD-END KIDS
ARE OLD NOW.
THEY'VE AGED.
SOME OF THEM ARE DEAD,
OTHERS SUFFERING
FROM DEBILITATING
ILLNESSES.
UNRECOGNIZABLE.
[GARGLING]
MM...MMMMM...
AH.
WE'RE TALKING ABOUT
LIFE AND DEATH,
TREAT.
MORTALITY,
THE HUMAN CONDITION.
SO YOU REMIND ME
OF A DEAD-END KID.
THAT'S WHY I CAME
HOME WITH YOU,
AND THAT'S WHY
I'M GONNA GIVE YOU
EVERYTHING I HAVE.
I MEAN THAT, SON.
YOU NAME IT, IT'S YOURS.
Phillip: YOU HEAR THAT,
TREAT?
SHUT UP.
LUCKY THING,
ME MEETING UP WITH YOU
IN THAT BAR.
THIS IS
THE FIRST GOOD THING
THAT'S EVER HAPPENED
TO ME IN NEW JERSEY.
WHAT KIND OF FRIENDS
HAVE YOU GOT?
WHAT DO YOU MEAN?
I CALLED UP SOME PEOPLE,
TOLD THEM I HAD YOU.
I TOLD THEM
TO GET IT TOGETHER--
A MILLION BUCKS.
MM-HMM.
WHAT DID THEY DO?
THEY LAUGHED IN MY FACE.
I SAID, "WOULD YOU LIKE
TO RECEIVE HIS RING FINGER
WITH THE RING STILL ON IT?"
THEY SAID THEY WOULD
LOVE TO RECEIVE IT.
THEY SAID IF IT WAS
A NICE RING,
THEY WOULD MELT IT DOWN
AND GET A FEW BUCKS FOR IT
ON THE OPEN MARKET.
HA HA! THAT SOUNDS
LIKE THEM.
I, UH...I HOPE
YOU DIDN'T GIVE THEM
YOUR NAME AND ADDRESS.
I DIDN'T GIVE THEM
NO FUCKIN'
NAME AND ADDRESS.
GOOD.
WHAT DO YOU
THINK I AM, STUPID?
ABSOLUTELY NOT.
I'M CALLIN' UP PEOPLE,
ASKIN' 'EM FOR RANSOM,
I'M GONNA GIVE 'EM
MY FUCKIN' NAME
AND ADDRESS?
YOU'RE INTERESTED
IN MONEY, HUH?
WHAT DO YOU THINK?
I THINK SO.
HOW'D YOU LIKE
TO WORK FOR ME?
FOR YOU?
YEAH. GOOD PAY,
PLEASANT WORKING CONDITIONS.
YOU MUST BE KIDDIN'.
YOU COULD BE
MY PERSONAL BODYGUARD.
YOU HAVE A STREAK
OF VIOLENCE IN YOU, TREAT.
I LIKE THAT.
I'M OFFERING YOU 500 A WEEK
AND ALL EXPENSES PAID.
SHOVE IT.
HA HA...
I'M OFFERING YOU 750.
I DON'T WORK
FOR NO ONE, MISTER.
I'M OFFERING YOU
A THOUSAND A WEEK.
THAT COMES TO 52,000 A YEAR.
THAT'S NOT PEANUTS.
AND I'M, UH, TALKING
ABOUT A POSITION
WHERE THERE'S ROOM
FOR ADVANCEMENT.
I THINK YOU'RE
FULL OF SHIT.
HERE'S YOUR FIRST MONTH'S
SALARY IN ADVANCE.
$4,000.
COUNT IT.
BRING THAT HERE,
PHILLIP.
BRING IT THE FUCK HERE!
WHERE'D YOU GET THIS?
MY ARMPIT.
I GOT YOUR WALLET.
I NEVER CARRY
ALL MY MONEY
IN MY WALLET, TREAT,
JUST IN CASE
I GET ROBBED.
I CARRY MY MONEY
IN MY ARMPIT,
MY MONEY BELT, MY HAT,
ANYWHERE
BUT IN MY WALLET.
HOW MUCH
YOU GOT ON YOU?
QUITE A BIT, TREAT,
AND ACCESS TO MUCH MORE.
WHAT DO YOU SAY?
IS IT A DEAL?
NO DEAL.
A THOUSAND DOLLARS--
THAT'S MY FINAL OFFER.
I DON'T TAKE ORDERS.
I'M EASY TO GET ALONG WITH.
I KIDNAPPED YOU.
WHO'S
IN CONTROL HERE?
THAT DEPENDS.
I'M IN CONTROL.
THIS IS MY HOUSE.
YOU'RE
MY KIDNAP VICTIM.
I UNDERSTAND THAT.
YEAH. SO DON'T GO
OFFERIN' ME NOTHIN'.
EMPTY OUT YOUR
FUCKIN' POCKETS, MISTER.
I CAN'T DO THAT.
YOU CAN'T DO THAT?
IT'S, UH...
AGAINST MY PRINCIPLES.
I'LL CUT YOUR FUCKIN'
HEART OUT, MISTER.
DO WHAT HE SAYS,
HAROLD.
WHAT ARE YOU,
ON A FIRST-NAME BASIS?
PHILLIP AND I
HAVE AN UNDERSTANDING.
HE CALLS ME HAROLD,
I CALL HIM PHILLIP.
I DON'T WORK FOR NOBODY.
YOU UNDERSTAND ME?
THEY TRIED TO GET ME
TO WORK IN A DEPARTMENT
STORE ONCE.
THE ONLY TROUBLE IS
I BURNED IT DOWN.
HA HA HA...YOU'RE VIOLENT.
FUCKING-A, MISTER.
I LIKE IT.
[WHISTLING]
YOU DON'T GIVE ME
ALL YOUR MONEY
RIGHT NOW,
I'M GONNA CUT YOUR
FUCKIN' HEART OUT,
I SWEAR TO GOD.
HE'S NOT KIDDING.
I'LL GIVE YOU MONEY,
TREAT, I TOLD YOU THAT.
I'LL GIVE YOU WAY MORE
THAN WHAT I HAVE ON ME.
YOU WORK FOR ME.
THIS GUY'S CRAZY.
HE'S WELL-INTENTIONED,
TREAT.
HE DON'T HEAR
WHAT I'M SAYIN'.
I'M GONNA TAKE ON
THE TWO OF YOU,
AS A MATTER OF FACT.
I DON'T INTEND
TO LEAVE PHILLIP
OUT OF THE PICTURE.
I'M GONNA WORK OUT
A PACKAGE DEAL.
I'M TALKING ABOUT
NEW CLOTHES, FINE FOOD,
FANCY WOMEN.
YOU LIKE CASHMERE?
I LIKE CASHMERE.
I'M TALKING ABOUT
ALL OF THE BEST.
MAYBE WE SHOULD DO IT,
TREAT.
THIS GUY'S DANGEROUS.
HE'S PUTTIN' IDEAS
IN YOUR HEAD,
MAKIN' YOU THINK
YOU CAN GO OUT THERE
LIKE THE REST OF US.
I DON'T WANT YOU
DROPPIN' DEAD.
I AIN'T GONNA DROP DEAD.
I GOT THE RESPONSIBILITY
TO TAKE CARE OF YOU.
I DON'T WANT YOUR THROAT
AND TONGUE SWELLIN' UP.
I DON'T WANT YOU
GASPIN' FOR BREATH.
I AIN'T GONNA GASP
FOR BREAT'.
ALL RIGHT.
1,750 A WEEK
FOR THE TWO OF YOU
FOR THE FIRST SIX MONTHS
AND A NICE, HEALTHY BONUS
LATER ON.
I'M TALKING ABOUT
RED-HEADED WOMEN, TREAT.
RED-HEADED, FRECKLED WOMEN,
PHILLIP.
DO YOU LIKE BREASTS?
I LIKE BREASTS.
MMM. I HAVE GOT
JUST THE GIRL FOR YOU.
LET'S DO IT, TREAT.
I'LL CUT HIS
FUCKIN' HEART OUT!
DROP THE KNIFE, TREAT.
LITTLE DEAD-END KID,
MY OWN LITTLE DEAD-END KID,
OR YOU'RE GONNA BE
A DEAD DEAD-END KID.
FIRST THING YOU DO
YOU KIDNAP A MAN
IS FRISK HIM.
YOU'RE AN AMATEUR...
A RANK AMATEUR.
I'M NOT GONNA HURT YOU.
YOU UNDERSTAND?
I'M JUST GONNA HIRE YOU.
YOU'RE VIOLENT.
I REALIZED THAT
AT THE BAR DOWNTOWN.
THAT'S WHY
I CAME WITH YOU.
I ADMIRE VIOLENT MEN,
MEN WHO'LL STOP AT NOTHING.
YOU'RE GONNA WORK FOR ME,
MR. TREAT.
YOU'RE GONNA BE
MY PERSONAL BODYGUARD
AND ALL-AROUND MAN.
I'M GONNA TRAIN YOU.
IN A FEW WEEKS,
I'M GONNA BE ABLE
TO PUT MY LIFE
IN YOUR HANDS.
CAN YOU BELIEVE THAT?
RIGHT NOW YOU'RE
FILLED WITH RAGE.
YOU CAN HARDLY
CONTAIN YOURSELF.
YOU DON'T CARE
WHETHER YOU LIVE OR DIE.
YOU JUST WANT TO GET AT ME.
AM I RIGHT?
BULLETS DON'T MEAN
A THING TO YOU.
YOUR LIFE DON'T MEAN
A THING TO YOU.
YOU'RE A WILD ANIMAL.
BUT I'M GOING
TO TAME YOU, TREAT.
I'M GOING TO MAKE YOU
MY VERY OWN.
UH!
THAT'S, UH...
LESSON NUMBER ONE,
PHILLIP.
IT DOES NOT PAY
TO LOSE CONTROL.
YOU EVER LOSE
CONTROL?
NO.
COME HERE, SON.
YOU'RE A GOOD BOY.
WELL, LET ME
ENCOURAGE YOU.
YEAH.
YOU WANT A LITTLE
ENCOURAGEMENT, DON'T YOU?
I HAD A FABULOUS DAY
TODAY, HAROLD.
HOW ABOUT YOU?
CAN'T COMPLAIN.
HUH?
HEY, HOW ABOUT THAT?
HUH? LOOK AT THAT.
HEY.
WHAT DO YOU THINK
OF THIS FIT?
IT'S PERFECT.
YEAH? IT'S NOT TOO TIGHT
IN THE CROTCH THERE?
THE CROTCH IS FINE.
SAY, YOU LIKE THIS SUIT
AS MUCH AS YOU LIKE
THE BEIGE ONE?
I LIKE IT EVEN MORE.
NO KIDDIN'.
EVEN MORE THAN THE BEIGE?
YEAH.
BOY, I TELL YA,
I CAN REALLY GET
INTO THIS SHIT, HAROLD.
YOU DON'T MIND IF I HANG
ONTO THIS HERE PLASTIC
FOR A FEW MORE DAYS, DO YA?
BE MY GUEST.
I TELL YA, THIS LITTLE BASTARD
IS CHANGING MY LIFE.
YOU'RE DEVELOPING
A SENSE OF STYLE,
TREAT.
YEAH.
THAT'S FINE,
BUT REMEMBER...
EVERYTHING
IN MODERATION.
WELL, I DON'T KNOW MUCH
ABOUT MODERATION, HAROLD.
YEAH, I CAN SEE THAT,
TREAT.
IS THAT A NEW RING?
YEAH, IT'S A NEW RING,
HAROLD.
SAY, I GOT YOUR,
UH, CHICAGO PAPER HERE.
FINE.
SAY, WHAT ARE YOU DRINKIN'?
I APPRECIATE THAT.
I'M HAVING
BOURBON AND WATER.
BOURBON AND WATER
COMIN' UP.
THE ONLY CONSTANT THING
IN MY LIFE, TREAT.
EVERYTHING ELSE
IS IN FLUX.
THE WHOLE GODDAMN
UNIVERSE IS IN FLUX,
EXCEPT
THIS ONE CONSTANT.
WHENEVER LIQUOR
MAKES AN APPEARANCE,
YOU CAN BET
YOUR BOTTOM DOLLAR
OLD HAROLD
IS SURE TO ORDER
BOURBON AND WATER.
THAT'S GOOD TO KNOW.
THESE ARE THE FACTS
OF LIFE, TREAT.
MEMORIZE THEM.
THEY'RE MEMORIZED.
DID YOU STOP OFF
AT THE POST OFFICE?
I SURE DID, HAROLD.
I STOP OFF THERE
EVERY DAY.
AND I DON'T KNOW
WHAT'S HOLDING UP
YOUR MERCHANDISE.
HAVE PATIENCE.
IT'LL COME.
YOU KNOW, HAROLD,
IT'S A REAL PLEASURE
MIXING YOU
THESE BOURBON AND WATERS,
PICKING UP
THAT CHICAGO PAPER,
AND TAKING THEM VARIOUS
TAXICAB RIDES.
WHEN ARE YA GONNA SEND ME
ON A REAL ASSIGNMENT?
WHENEVER YOU'RE
READY, TREAT.
WELL, I'M READY NOW,
HAROLD.
WHAT DO YOU SAY
WE FLY UP TO CHICAGO
AND PICK UP
THAT MERCHANDISE?
HAH. CAN'T DO THAT.
THERE ARE
A NUMBER OF MEN
WHO ARE LOOKING FOR ME.
WHY DON'T I
FLY DOWN MYSELF?
YOU THINK YOU COULD
HANDLE IT?
OH, I CAN HANDLE IT,
HAROLD.
I'VE TAKEN GOOD CARE
OF YOU, HAVEN'T I?
HAVE NO COMPLAINTS.
NOBODY'S LAID
A HAND ON YOU, HAVE THEY?
NOBODY.
NOT EVEN A FINGER.
NOT A FINGER.
WHY, IF ONE OF THEM
FELLAS WAS FROM CHICAGO
WAS TO POINT
A GUN AT YOU,
I WOULD PUT MYSELF
BETWEEN YOUR BODY
AND THAT BULLET.
YOU'D HAVE TO MOVE
AWFULLY FAST.
OH, I CAN MOVE FAST,
HAROLD.
YOU'D SACRIFICE
YOURSELF?
WHATEVER IT TAKES.
THIS IS AMAZING.
SO HOW ABOUT IT,
HAROLD?
HOW ABOUT SENDING ME
TO CHICAGO--PICK UP
THAT MERCHANDISE?
WHAT ABOUT THE RING?
WHAT DOES THE RING HAVE TO DO
WITH MY GOIN' TO CHICAGO?
WHERE'D YOU GET IT?
SOME FELLA
GAVE IT TO ME.
WHAT DOES IT MATTER?
IT MATTERS.
WHAT WAS HIS NAME?
WELL, I DON'T
REMEMBER HIS NAME,
FOR CHRIST'S SAKE.
HERBIE, I THINK.
YEAH. HERBIE.
WELL, UH...NO.
IT WAS, UH...
JAKE, MAYBE.
YEAH. JAKE.
HAROLD...
I WAS STANDIN' ON A CORNER
WAITIN' FOR THE RED LIGHT
TO TURN GREEN,
WHEN THIS BIG, FAT,
SON OF A BITCH
CAME BY AND SCUFFED MY SHOE.
IT WAS AN ACCIDENT, HUH?
IT WAS MY BRAND-NEW
ALLIGATOR SHOE HERE.
THERE'S NO JUSTICE.
WHAT'S THAT
SUPPOSED TO MEAN?
WELL, IF YOU'RE
LOOKING FOR JUSTICE,
YOU'RE LIVING IN
THE WRONG CENTURY.
THIS IS
THE 20th CENTURY.
WELL, I DON'T KNOW
IF I AGREE WITH YOU
THERE, HAROLD.
DO YOU MIND IF WE HAVE
A SLIGHT DIFFERENCE
OF OPINION?
I DON'T MIND.
GOOD. BECAUSE WHEN
WE TURNED THE CORNER,
I GRABBED THE BIG
SON OF A BITCH
AND SLAMMED HIM
AGAINST THE WALL,
AND I TOOK HIS RING.
SO YOU SEE, HAROLD,
SOMETIMES, EVERY SO OFTEN,
THERE IS JUSTICE.
SO HOW ABOUT IT,
HAROLD?
HOW ABOUT SENDING ME
TO CHICAGO?
I GOT MY WHOLE
NEW WARDROBE.
NO, I'M AFRAID NOT.
NO?
WHAT DO YOU MEAN NO?
THERE'S MORE TO IT
THAN THAT.
WHAT ELSE IS THERE?
THERE'S YOUR FEELINGS.
WHAT'S THE MATTER
WITH MY FEELINGS?!
THEY'RE STILL
UNCONTROLLABLE.
WHAT AM I SUPPOSED
TO DO WITH 'EM, HUH?
DID YOU EVER TRY
COUNTING TO 10?
COUNTING TO 10?
YEAH. YOU KNOW,
1...2...3...4...
ET CETERA.
YOU MUST BE
KIDDIN', RIGHT?
I'M SERIOUS.
IT'S A FIRST STEP.
IT GIVES YOUR EMOTIONS
TIME TO SETTLE DOWN.
[PHILLIP WHISTLING
CHICAGO]
[STAMPING FEET]
1, 2, 3, 4,
5, 6, 7, 8,
9, 10!
Barney: I MUST BE DYIN'.
THIS MUST BE
FUCKIN' HEAVEN.
WHAT DID YOU DO, TREAT,
KNOCK OFF SOME PARAPLEGIC?
I WORK FOR
THIS FELLA NOW.
HE SENDS ME
ON ASSIGNMENTS.
I'M HIS BODYGUARD
AND RIGHT-HAND MAN.
I JUST BEEN
TO THE MAIN
POST OFFICE.
I STOP THERE
EVERY DAY FOR HIM.
HA HA HA!
WHO'S GONNA SEND YOU
ON AN ASSIGNMENT, TREAT,
SOME IGNORAMUS
WITH HIS HEAD UP HIS ASS?
WELL, BARNEY,
LOOK AT THIS.
MY FIRST
TWO MONTHS' SALARY.
AND THERE'S MORE
WHERE THIS COME FROM.
PLENTY MORE.
1, 2.
THE REASON I STOPPED BY,
BARNEY,
IS BECAUSE I BORROWED
ONE OF YOUR WRECKS
A FEW WEEKS AGO,
WANTED TO PAY MY DEBTS.
I AIN'T INTO
THIS NICKEL-AND-DIME
HUSTLE NO MORE.
I'M IN THE BIG TIME.
LISTEN, BARNEY,
HERE'S A LITTLE BONUS.
SPEND A NIGHT
IN THE WALDORF.
SPEND A COUPLE NIGHTS,
AS A MATTER OF FACT.
GIVE YOURSELF
A NEW LEASE ON LIFE.
THIS PLACE
IS A FUCKIN' NIGHTMARE.
LISTEN, WISE GUY,
I AIN'T HARD UP!
I DON'T NEED YOUR--
YOUR FUCKIN' CHARITY!
♪ OLD MacDONALD
HAD A FARM ♪
♪ E-I-E-I-O ♪
♪ AND ON THIS FARM
HE HAD SOME PIGS ♪
♪ E-I-E-I-O ♪
♪ WITH AN OINK OINK HERE
AND AN OINK OINK THERE... ♪♪
HA HA HA!
Harold: OK. WE'D BETTER
BREAK FOR LUNCH.
Phillip: ALL RIGHT,
LUNCH BREAK!
LUNCH!
ALL RIGHT, BOYS--
[HAROLD WHISTLING
OLD MacDONALD]
ALL RIGHT, BOYS! LUNCH!
LUNCH! LUNCH, BOYS!
Harold: HEY!
Treat: HEY, I GOT
SOMETHIN' SPECIAL HERE,
HAROLD.
WHAT'S THAT?
SPECIAL DELIVERY LETTER.
TOOK REAL GOOD CARE
OF THIS HERE BABY,
HAROLD.
I APPRECIATE THAT.
SAY, YOU WANT ME
TO OPEN IT FOR YOU?
NO, I CAN MANAGE THAT.
WOULD YOU PUT IT
IN MY POCKET, PLEASE?
YEAH, SURE THING,
HAROLD.
THANK YOU.
[WHISTLING]
YEAH...
[FOOTSTEPS ON STAIRS]
[WHISTLING OLD MacDONALD]
[WHISTLING OLD MacDONALD]
[HAROLD WHISTLING BACK]
YOU AND HAROLD
GETTIN' THICK AS THIEVES.
HAROLD'S NO THIEF.
OH, NO?
THEN HOW COME
HE SAID HE COULDN'T
GO BACK TO CHICAGO?
HOW COME HE SAID
HE WAS ON THE LAM?
HE DIDN'T SAY
HE WAS ON A LAMB.
NOT ON A LAMB,
ON THE LAM.
HE NEVER SAID HE WAS
ON ANY KIND OF LAMB.
DIDN'T YOU EVER HEAR
THAT EXPRESSION BEFORE?
I HEARD IT ON
THE LATE-NIGHT MOVIE,
THE BLACK HAND,
STARRING CORNEL WILDE.
AND WHAT DID YOU THINK?
YOU THINK CORNEL WILDE
WAS ON A LAMB?
YES.
WHAT WAS HE DOIN'
ON A LAMB?
HMM...MAYBE HE WAS
SITTING ON IT?
YOU GOT SOME
IMAGINATION, PHILLIP.
GOT SOMETHIN' FOR YOU.
WHAT'S THE MATTER?
WHAT'S THE MATTER?
YOU THINK I'M GONNA
DO SOMETHIN'.
IS THAT IT?
YES.
I'VE ALWAYS TAKEN
GOOD CARE OF YOU,
HAVEN'T I, PHILLIP?
HUH?
AN EXTRA-LARGE BOTTLE
OF HELLMANN'S MAYONNAISE.
WELL, UM...
I'M ACTUALLY SICK AND TIRED
OF MAYONNAISE, TREAT.
WHAT ARE YOU SAYIN'?
I GOT A TASTE
FOR CORNED BEEF
AND CABBAGE.
THE WAY HAROLD
PREPARES IT,
IT'S NICE AND THICK,
AND IT'S JUICY,
AND YOU DIP IT
IN THIS DARK BROWN
MUSTARD. SEE?
YOU JUST DIP IT
IN THERE.
WANT ME
TO CUT YOU OFF
A SLICE?
SUIT YOURSELF.
COME ON. LET'S EAT.
NICE SOUND, HUH?
RAIN ON THE ROOF.
HMM.
COME ON.
LET'S SEE.
OH.
YEAH,
THAT'S A GOOD BOOK.
IT'S A LITTLE STUFFY
IN HERE, ISN'T IT?
MAYBE I SHOULD
OPEN A WINDOW.
NO.
WHY NOT?
WELL, I AIN'T ALLOWED
TO BREATHE IN THE NIGHT AIR.
WHO SAID?
TREAT. HE SAYS IT'S EVEN
WORSE THAN THE DAY.
WELL, YOU CAN'T
KEEP OUT THE NIGHT.
IT SLIPS IN
THROUGH THE DOOR,
COMES IN THROUGH
THE CRACKS.
THE WHOLE
OF NEW JERSEY'S
COVERED BY THE NIGHT,
PHILLIP.
THE WHOLE OF
THE WESTERN HEMISPHERE,
AS A MATTER OF FACT.
[UNLOCKS WINDOW]
DON'T DO THAT,
HAROLD!
COME ON
OVER HERE, PHILLIP.
LET ME GIVE YOU
SOME ENCOURAGEMENT.
HA HA HA!
YOU DID REAL WELL, TREAT.
TOLD YOU I WAS
READY, HAROLD.
[CLINKING]
TOLD YOU
I COULD HANDLE
AN ASSIGNMENT.
WHAT TOOK YOU SO LONG?
I WAS GETTING WORRIED.
WELL, YOU KNOW
THE TRAFFIC, HAROLD.
DID YOU TAKE A CAB?
NAH, I TOOK THE BUS.
WELL, I GAVE YOU
SPECIFIC INSTRUCTIONS
BECAUSE I DIDN'T WANT
ANYONE FOLLOWING YOU HOME.
NO ONE FOLLOWED ME HOME,
HONEST TO GOD.
NEXT TIME, I'M GONNA
TAKE THE CAB, THOUGH,
BECAUSE THE BUS
WAS A REAL BITCH.
OH? WHY IS THAT?
THERE WAS
THIS BIG BLACK GUY
SITTIN' THERE--
MUST HAVE BEEN
A BASKETBALL PLAYER
OR SOMETHING.
HE WAS SITTIN' THERE
WITH HIS LONG LEGS
SPREAD OUT WIDE,
SQUEEZIN' THE LIFE OUT
OF ALL THE PASSENGERS
ON EITHER SIDE OF HIM.
TO HIS LEFT
WAS A GUY IN A SUIT.
NOW, I DIDN'T GIVE
A SHIT ABOUT HIM.
BUT TO HIS RIGHT
WAS THIS SWEET
LITTLE OLD LADY
ALL SCRUNCHED UP.
IT WAS--
WHAT HAPPENED?
YOU WANT TO HEAR
THE STORY?
YEAH, I'M VERY INTERESTED
IN THE STORY.
ALL RIGHT.
THE LITTLE OLD LADY
FINALLY GETS UP
AND LEAVES THE BUS,
SO I SIT DOWN.
THAT'S A MISTAKE.
IT'S A LONG RIDE
ON THE BUS, HAROLD.
YEAH. GO ON.
SO I'M SITTIN'
THERE, RIGHT?
UH-HUH.
UH-HUH.
THERE'S NO ROOM.
SO I FIGURE,
MAYBE IF I APPLY
A LITTLE LEG PRESSURE,
THIS GUY WILL EASE UP.
AND DID HE?
THE GUY DOESN'T BUDGE,
HAROLD.
SO I APPLY
MORE PRESSURE.
I MEAN,
I'M STRAININ'.
MY LEG IS STRAININ'
AGAINST THIS GUY'S
HUGE BLACK LEG.
AND THEN WHAT?
THE GUY LETS ON LIKE
NOTHIN'S HAPPENIN'.
I MEAN,
THIS FUCKIN' GUY IS
THE ROCK OF GIBRALTAR.
YOU WERE IN
A SITUATION, TREAT.
I WARNED YOU
ABOUT THIS.
WELL, I HAD NO CHOICE.
YOU DIDN'T HAVE TO
SIT DOWN.
I FIGURED THE GUY
WOULD SHIFT OVER.
THE MAN ISN'T
GONNA SHIFT OVER.
YOU KNEW THAT, TREAT--
LET'S LAY OUR CARDS
ON THE TABLE.
IN YOUR HEART OF HEARTS,
YOU KNEW THERE WAS NO WAY
THAT MAN
WAS GONNA SHIFT OVER.
HA HA HA!
YEAH, YOU'RE RIGHT.
IN MY HEART OF HEARTS,
I KNEW THIS GUY
WOULD NEVER SHIFT OVER.
AND YOU
SIT DOWN ANYWAY.
I SAT DOWN BECAUSE
THE SON OF A BITCH
WAS SQUEEZIN'
THE LIFE OUT OF
ALL THE PASSENGERS.
NOW, SOMEBODY HAD TO DO
SOMETHIN', RIGHT?
OH, YOU'RE TALKING
ABOUT JUSTICE AGAIN, HUH?
YEAH...JUSTICE.
I TURNED TO THE GUY,
AND I SAYS...
"GUESS WHAT'S IN
MY RIGHT HAND."
OH? WHAT ARE YOU DOING
WITH MY GUN?
IT WAS JUST LYIN'
AROUND, HAROLD.
I FIGURED I COULD
USE SOME PROTECTION.
UH-HUH.
GO ON WITH YOUR STORY.
I SAYS TO THE GUY,
"MY HAND IS PRESSED
AGAINST A PISTOL,
WHICH IS AIMED DIRECTLY
AT YOUR BLACK HEART."
YOU SAID THAT?
YEAH.
I TOLD HIM I WAS GONNA
COUNT TO 10, HAROLD,
JUST LIKE
YOU TAUGHT ME.
I SAYS, "IF YOU DON'T
CLOSE YOUR LEGS
"AND GIVE ME
BREATHING SPACE,
"BY THE TIME
I COUNT TO 10,
"MY INDEX FINGER'S
GONNA PRESS
AGAINST THE TRIGGER
"OF THIS HERE
SEMI-AUTOMATIC PISTOL,
"AND A BULLET
IS GOING TO EXPLODE
RIGHT THROUGH MY JACKET
INTO YOUR BIG
BLACK HEART."
HA HA HA!
HE SAT THERE QUIETLY
FOR A MOMENT,
AND THEN
I BEGAN COUNTIN',
JUST LIKE YOU SAID.
"1...2...3...4..."
AND BY THE TIME
I GOT TO 5,
HE WAS OFF OF THE BUS.
HA HA HA HA!
WHAT WOULD HAVE
HAPPENED, TREAT,
IF, UM, WELL...SAY--
LET'S SAY YOU GOT TO 10,
AND HE STILL
DIDN'T MOVE?
THAT WASN'T THE CASE.
NO, NO. I'M DISCUSSING
A HYPOTHETICAL SITUATION.
I DON'T KNOW NOTHIN'
ABOUT THEM
HYPOTHETICAL SITUATIONS.
NO, BUT YOU KNEW
WHEN YOU SAT DOWN,
IT WAS GOING TO BE
A CASE OF WILLS.
WELL, I KNEW THAT.
I ADMITTED THAT.
LET'S, UH, LET'S TAKE IT
ONE STEP FURTHER.
YOU GET TO 10,
HE DOESN'T BUDGE.
WHAT DO YOU DO?
HE DOESN'T BUDGE?
NOT AN INCH.
YOU WANT THE TRUTH,
HAROLD,
OR YOU WANT ME
TO BULLSHIT YOU?
I WANT THE TRUTH.
I BLOW THE BASTARD'S
BRAINS ALL OVER THE BUS!
BOOM! BOOM! BOOM! BOOM!
HA HA HA!
AND THEN WHAT?
WHAT DO YOU MEAN,
THEN WHAT?
WELL, HE'S DEAD.
BLOOD IS EVERYWHERE.
BLOOD'S ALL OVER
YOUR NEW SUIT.
BLOOD'S ALL OVER
THE PEOPLE AROUND YOU,
WHO ARE SCREAMING.
WHAT DO YOU DO?
WELL, I DIDN'T THINK
ABOUT THAT.
WELL, YOU'RE
CARRYING A PACKAGE
THAT COULD BE WORTH
HUNDREDS OF THOUSANDS
OF DOLLARS.
HUNDREDS OF THOUSANDS
OF DOLL--WHAT DO YOU DO?
WELL, JESUS, HAROLD,
I DON'T KNOW. I, UH...
I RUN, I SUPPOSE.
I, UH...
I, UH, JUMP OFF THE BUS,
AND I RUN
DOWN THE STREET.
YEAH, YOU'RE RUNNING
DOWN THE STREET,
COVERED FROM HEAD TO FOOT
WITH BLOOD.
I TRUSTED YOU, TREAT.
I RELIED ON YOU.
JESUS, HAROLD,
THIS IS, UH, TERRIBLE.
YOU'RE NOT READY TO GO
ON AN ASSIGNMENT.
YOU CAN'T CONTROL
YOUR FEELINGS.
LET ME HAVE THE GUN.
LET ME HAVE THE GUN.
HEY, UH...
GIVE ME ANOTHER CHANCE.
OK, I'M GONNA GIVE YOU
ONE MORE CHANCE.
PHILLIP!
YES?
DID YOU HEAR THE STORY?
MM-HMM.
YOU'RE ON THE BUS.
YOU PLAY THE BLACK MAN.
I'M THE BLACK MAN.
I'M THE BLACK MAN.
YOU'RE THE BLACK MAN.
YOU DON'T BUDGE FOR ANYTHING.
OK...
SIT NEXT TO HIM,
TREAT.
Phillip: I WON'T
FUCKIN' BUDGE, HAROLD.
♪ IF I HAD
THE WINGS ♪
♪ OF AN ANGEL... ♪
HE'S SINGIN', HAROLD.
THAT'S ALL RIGHT.
WHAT THE FUCK
IS HE SINGIN' ABOUT?
THE BLACK GUY DIDN'T SING.
IT'S ALL RIGHT.
YOU JUST CONCENTRATE
ON YOUR PART.
♪ BACK TO THE ARMS
OF MY POOR LOVER ♪
I'M CONCENTRATIN'.
RIGHT. YOU SIT DOWN.
THE BUS IS CROWDED.
YOU HAVE NO ROOM.
WHAT DO YOU DO?
WELL, I DON'T DO NOTHIN'
BECAUSE I DON'T WANT
TO CREATE A SITUATION.
[SINGING LOUDER]
YOUR BALLS
ARE TURNIN' BLUE.
MY BALLS ARE BLUE?
MM-HMM. WHAT DO YOU DO?
♪ I WOULD FLY... ♪
WELL, MAYBE I JUST GIVE HIM
A LITTLE NUDGE, YOU KNOW,
HAROLD?
JUST TO TEST THE WATERS.
MM-HMM. YOU'RE DOING THAT?
YEAH.
I'M GIVING HIM A NUDGE.
MM-HMM. GO ON.
♪ OH, BAH, OH, BAH ♪
THE BASTARD WON'T--
THEN WHAT DO YOU DO? HUH?
I DON'T DO NOTHIN'
BECAUSE I DON'T WANT
TO CREATE A SITUATION.
I JUST EASE UP...
AND I JUST SIT HERE
WITH MY BLUE BALLS.
OK. OK.
THE BUS IS JAM-PACKED,
AND A CRIPPLE COMES ON.
A CRIPPLE?
YEAH. A HORRIBLY
DEFORMED CRIPPLE,
A--A SOLDIER,
A VIETNAM VETERAN,
HIS TESTICLES BLOWN OFF
IN THE WAR.
AW, JESUS! HIS TESTICLES?
YEAH! THE MAN IS
A WALKING NIGHTMARE.
EACH STEP IS TERRIBLE AGONY.
I'LL PLAY THAT MAN.
OOOOH! OOOOH AAA-AAA-AAH!
HELP ME, SOMEBODY!
I'M IN PAIN!
WON'T SOMEBODY PLEASE
GIVE ME A SEAT?!
HERE, MISTER.
TAKE MY SEAT, PLEASE.
I CAN'T SIT THERE.
THERE'S NO ROOM THERE.
THIS GUY! LOOK HERE!
HEY, BUDDY! WHY DON'T YOU
MOVE OVER A LITTLE BIT,
GIVE THIS GUY A SEAT?
HE'S A VET.
AH! AH! AH!
WHY DON'T YOU GO
TAKE A FLYIN' SHIT?
[SINGING]
[MOANING]
WHAT DID YOU SAY TO ME?
I'M NOT GONNA MOVE
A FUCKIN' INCH.
YOU UNDERSTAND ME?
THE GUY NEVER SAID THAT,
HAROLD.
PLEASE! THE MEDICINE
IS WEARING OFF!
JESUS! THE MEDICINE'S
WEARING OFF?!
[SINGING LOUDER]
♪ IF I HAD THE WINGS... ♪
PLEASE! I'M IN PAIN!
WHY DON'T YOU
KISS MY ASS?
AAH! AAH! AAH!
[PHILLIP SINGING]
I GAVE MY BALLS
FOR YOU GUYS!
AAH! AAH!
♪ IF I HAD THE WINGS
OF AN ANGEL ♪
HOW DARE YOU
TREAT ME LIKE THIS?!
I'VE GOT A PURPLE HEART!
I WAS DECORATED!
I GOT NO BALLS!
I GOT
A PURPLE HEART!
♪ I'M GONNA KISS HER,
I'M GONNA HUG HER... ♪
AAH! AAH! AAH!
AAH! AAH! AAH!
THE PAIN!
OH, HAROLD!
I HAVEN'T BEEN LAID
SINCE 1969,
AND NONE OF YOU CARE!
♪ PRISON WALLS
I WOULD FLY-- ♪♪
ACKKK...
GAA...GOD!
Phillip: WHAT HAPPENED?
HIS FEELINGS
WERE TOO MUCH FOR HIM.
YOU TRIED, THOUGH,
DIDN'T YA, HUH?
LITTLE DEAD-END KID...
I APPRECIATE THAT.
HEY, HEY, HEY, HEY.
DON'T BE AFRAID, SON.
I'M NOT YOUR SON.
I DON'T NEED YOU!
TREAT?
TREAT?
TREAT?
[TELEVISION PLAYS]
AAH!
[GUNSHOT]
[TELEVISION PLAYS LOUDLY]
PHILLIP, I THINK
YOU'RE READY FOR A WALK.
A WALK?
MM-HMM.
I--I--I DON'T THINK
I CAN DO THAT, HAROLD.
OH, WHY NOT?
BECAUSE ONCE I GO OUT,
ONCE I TURN THE CORNER
AND LOSE SIGHT
OF THE HOUSE,
TREAT SAYS I MIGHT
NEVER FIND MY WAY
BACK HOME AGAIN.
YOU KNOW YOUR ADDRESS,
DON'T YOU?
I KNOW MY ADDRESS,
ALL RIGHT--6040
NORTH KOMACK STREET--
BUT, HAROLD,
THE ONLY THING IS
TREAT SAYS YOU GO UP
TO THE WRONG PERSON
AND ASK DIRECTIONS,
WHY...THEY MIGHT EVEN
SLIT YOUR THROAT.
I HAVE SOMETHING
FOR YOU, PHILLIP.
YOU NEED NEVER WORRY
ABOUT GETTING LOST AGAIN.
WHAT IS IT?
IT'S A MAP OF NEWARK.
I'VE NEVER
SEEN ONE BEFORE.
YOU NEVER SAW A MAP?
I'VE SEEN A MAP OF
THE UNITED STATES
OF AMERICA,
BUT...I DIDN'T KNOW
THERE WERE MAPS
OF CITIES AND STREETS.
THERE ARE MAPS
OF EVERYTHING, PHILLIP.
THERE'S A MAP
OF THE WHOLE PLANET EARTH.
THERE'S A MAP
OF THE MILKY WAY GALAXY
THAT WE'RE A PART OF.
WE ARE?
MM-HMM.
WE'RE TUCKED AWAY
SAFE AND SOUND
AT THE VERY EDGE
OF THE MILKY WAY,
WHICH IS SWIMMING
IN THE GREAT OCEAN OF SPACE.
WE'RE CIRCLING
THE SUN, PHILLIP.
WE'RE IN THE WESTERN HEMISPHERE,
NORTH AMERICAN CONTINENT...
STATE OF NEW JERSEY...
ESSEX COUNTY.
YOU SEE THIS?
UH-HUH.
YOU KNOW WHAT THAT IS?
WHAT IS IT?
NEWARK.
HA HA HA!
AND THIS...
IS KOMACK STREET.
THAT'S KOMACK STREET?
THE 6040 BLOCK.
I'M GOING TO
CIRCLE IT, PHILLIP,
SO THAT YOU'LL
NEVER GET LOST AGAIN.
YOU'RE GOING TO KNOW
EXACTLY WHERE YOU ARE
IN TIME AND SPACE.
HAROLD?
MM-HMM?
CAN I KEEP IT?
IT'S YOURS.
I KNOW WHERE
I AM NOW, HAROLD.
I KNOW EXACTLY
WHERE I AM.
HEY, UH...
SLIP YOUR ARM IN.
AND THE OTHER.
THERE.
[CHILDREN SHOUTING]
[DOG BARKING]
HA HA!
HA HA HA!
AH HA HA HA!
HA HA HA!
LOOK AT HIM!
HA HA HA!
HA HA HA HA!
HA HA HA HA!
WHEEEE!
WHEEEE!
HA HA HA!
OH, HA HA!
Radio: AND A SPOKESMAN
FOR THE COMPANY SAYS
FULL SERVICE WILL BE
RESUMED BY TUESDAY.
AND NOW THE WEATHER--
THE NEXT THREE DAYS
WILL BE MOSTLY...
[RUMBLING]
Treat: PHILLIP!
Phillip: TREAT?
YOU ALL RIGHT?
WHAT ARE YOU DOIN'
WITH THAT COAT?
THAT'S--THAT'S
MOM'S COAT.
HOW COME YOU'RE
HOLDIN' MOM'S COAT?
YOU SEEN HAROLD?
I SEEN A FRIEND OF YOURS.
HA...
WHO'D YOU SEE?
I SEEN
YOUR OLD BUDDY--
ERROL FLYNN.
HE'S NOT MY BUDDY.
I HARDLY KNOW HIM.
I'M WONDERIN'...
WHAT A FAMOUS MOVIE STAR
LIKE ERROL FLYNN
IS DOIN' HANGIN'
AROUND NEWARK...
SNEAKIN'
INTO PEOPLE'S HOUSES,
UNDERLININ' WORDS,
UNDERLININ' SENTENCES,
EVEN PHRASES.
I WOULDN'T KNOW.
HE MUST HAVE BEEN
HANGIN' AROUND HERE
FOR YEARS, PHILLIP.
LOOK AT THIS.
LIFE ON THE MISSISSIPPI...
BY MARK TWAIN.
THE ARABIAN NIGHTS.
THE COUNTY OF FUCKING
MONTE CRISTO!
AND IN EACH
OF THESE BOOKS, PHILLIP...
UNDERLINED WORDS,
THOUSANDS
OF UNDERLINED WORDS!
LOOK WHAT ELSE
I FOUND HERE, PHILLIP.
HEH HEH HEH...
ALL THIS TIME,
WE WAS THINKIN'...
SHE WAS SOME KIND OF...
ONE-LEGGED TRAMP.
AND ALL ALONG,
SHE HAD TWO LEGS.
HA HA HA!
IMAGINE THAT.
SHE DOES HAVE
AN UNUSUAL PROBLEM,
THOUGH, PHILLIP.
THIS IS A SHOE
FOR A RIGHT FOOT,
AND THE SHOE
WE THREW OUT THE WINDOW
WAS FOR ANOTHER
RIGHT FOOT,
WHICH LEADS ME
TO BELIEVE
THAT THIS WOMAN
HAS TWO RIGHT FEET.
HA...
WHAT THE FUCK DOES SHE
LOOK LIKE, HUH, PHILLIP?
SOME KIND OF AWFUL MONSTER
WALKIN' AROUND
THE STREETS OF NEW JERSEY,
LEANIN' TO THE LEFT.
HUH?
I TOOK A WALK
TONIGHT, TREAT.
I WA--I WALKED
ALL THE WAY OVER
TO THE SUBWAY STATION.
I AIN'T INTERESTED.
I WAS BREATHIN' OK.
I DIDN'T--I DIDN'T HAVE
NO ALLERGY REACTION
LIKE YOU SAID I WOULD.
I DON'T WANT
TO HEAR NO MORE.
HAROLD TOLD ME A SECRET.
YOU KNOW, YOU CAN--
YOU CAN STAND ALL DAY
AT THOSE TURNSTILES
PUTTIN' IN NICKELS
AND DIMES
YOU CAN SAY OPEN SESAME,
YOU CAN SAY ALL KINDS
OF WORDS,
BUT IT WON'T DO ANY GOOD
UNLESS YA GOT ONE OF
THESE MAGICAL COINS,
SEE?
THIS IS A TOKEN.
BUT IF HAROLD HADN'T
GIVEN ME ONE OF THOSE,
I NEVER WOULD HAVE BEEN
ABLE TO TAKE THAT RIDE.
ANYBODY CAN BUY
ONE OF THEM LOUSY TOKENS!
ALL YA GOTTA DO IS
GO INTO ANY TOKEN BOOTH
IN THE COUNTRY!
BUT YOU NEVER TOLD ME
ABOUT TOKENS BOOTHS!
YOU NEVER TOLD ME
ABOUT NOTHIN'!
I WAS OUT
MAKIN' US A LIVIN'.
I HAD THE RESPONSIBILITY!
YOU TOLD ME I WOULD DIE
IF I WENT OUTSIDE!
YOU DON'T REMEMBER WHAT
HAPPENED LAST TIME?!
YOUR FACE SWOLL UP!
YOUR TONGUE WAS HANGIN'
OUTTA YOUR MOUTH!
YOU COULDN'T BREATHE!
I TOOK A WALK
TONIGHT, TREAT.
I WALKED OVER
TO BROAD AND OLNEY.
AND I WAS--I WASN'T
EVEN SCARED.
'CAUSE HAROLD--
HE GAVE ME SOMETHIN'.
LOOK, TREAT.
SEE?
IT'S A FUCKING MAP.
BUT YOU...YOU NEVER
GAVE ME NO MAP.
YOU NEVER TOLD ME
I COULD FIND MY WAY.
I DIDN'T WANT US
SEPARATED.
I DIDN'T WANT NOTHIN'
TO HAPPEN TO YOU!
NOTHIN'S GONNA
HAPPEN TO ME,
'CAUSE I KNOW
WHERE I AM NOW--
AND YOU AIN'T NEVER
GONNA TAKE THAT
AWAY FROM ME!
WHERE ARE YOU?
I'M AT 6040
NORTH KOMACK STREET
IN NEWARK.
I'M ON THE EASTERN EDGE
OF THE STATE
OF NEW JERSEY
IN THE UNITED
STATES OF AMERICA
ON THE NORTH
AMERICAN CONTINENT
ON THE PLANET EARTH
IN THE MILKY WAY GALAXY
SWIMMIN' IN THE GREAT
OCEAN OF SPACE.
I'M SAFE AND SOUND
ON THE VERY EDGE
OF THE MILKY WAY.
THAT'S WHERE I AM,
TREAT.
YOU'RE IT, TREAT.
YOU'RE IT.
THE GAME'S OVER.
HOW COME HAROLD
NEVER MENTIONED TO YOU
THAT THERE WAS
PEOPLE OUT THERE
WHO MIGHT JUST WALK UP
AND STEAL YOUR MAP,
PHILLIP? HUH?
TERRIBLE PEOPLE...
GIVE ME MY MAP.
MALICIOUS PEOPLE...
TREAT, GIVE ME MY MAP.
PEOPLE WHO GOT
NO SCRUPLES AT ALL.
STOP TEARING IT,
YOU--FUCK! FUCK!
UH! OOH!
I FUCKIN' HATE YOU!
I FUCKIN'--
I HATE YOU!
I HATE YOU!
I HATE YOU!
DO YOU HATE ME?
I HATE YOU!
DO YOU HATE ME?
I HA--
DAA!
UH!
UH!
AAH!
DAA!
[COUGHING AND GASPING]
GUESS YOU DON'T
NEED ME ANYMORE,
HUH, PHILLIP?
I GUESS YOU
CAN GET ALONG
WITHOUT ME.
I'M GOING TO GO
VISIT PLACES.
I GUESS YOU DON'T NEED
YOUR BIG BROTHER TREAT
NO MORE.
YOUR BIG BROTHER TREAT,
WHO STOLE
SO WE COULD HAVE FOOD
ON THE TABLE,
SO YOU COULD HAVE THEM
STARKIST TUNA SANDWICHES
SPREAD THICK WITH
HELLMANN'S MAYONNAISE.
THEN,
WHEN THEY COME FOR YOU,
YOUR BIG BROTHER TREAT,
WHO STOOD IN THE DOOR,
BLOCKIN' THE WAY.
YOU REMEMBER?
I REMEMBER.
YOU WERE CRYIN'.
YOU HID IN THE CLOSET.
THEN WHEN THEY TRIED
TO COME IN...
I STOPPED 'EM.
I BIT THE MAN'S HAND.
I WAS ONLY A LITTLE BOY,
BUT I BIT THE MAN'S HAND,
YOU REMEMBER?
I REMEMBER.
I TOOK CARE OF YOU...
ALL THESE YEARS.
YOU DON'T NEED ME ANYMORE,
IS THAT RIGHT, PHILLIP?
I'M LEAVIN'!
WHERE WAS HE ALL THESE YEARS
I WAS RAISIN' YOU, PHILLIP?!
WHERE THE HELL WAS HE?!
HUH?!
WHERE THE HELL WAS HE,
PHILLIP?!
[DOOR OPENS]
HAROLD.
HA HA!
I KNEW YOU'D BE BACK.
I KNEW IT.
I'D NEVER LEAVE YOU,
PHILLIP.
YOU WOULDN'T?
I'LL ALWAYS BE WITH YOU...
FOREVER AND EVER.
YOU CAN COUNT ON ME.
I FOUND MY WAY HOME.
I FOUND MY OWN HOME,
ONLY I AIN'T GOT
NO MORE MAP.
OH...DON'T MATTER.
YOU CAN GET A MAP
AT ANY GAS STATION.
I CAN?
MM-HMM.
HMM.
YEAH, ALL...
ALL OVER AMERICA.
YOU'LL NEVER BE
LOST AGAIN.
M-MAYBE ONE DAY
I WON'T EVEN NEED A MAP.
MAYBE.
[BREATHING HEAVILY]
I STOLE THE, UH...
THE GERMAN'S KEY
ONE NIGHT, BOYS.
A BIG GERMAN
SON OF A BITCH. HUH.
I REACHED
RIGHT INTO HIS POCKET
AND...STOLE HIS KEY.
YOU NEVER SEEN
NOTHIN' LIKE IT.
ORPHANS EVERYWHERE...
RUNNIN'
THROUGH THE STREETS...
PRESSIN' THEIR FACES
AGAINST THE WINDOW.
GERMAN BEAT
THE LIVIN' HELL OUT OF US
WHEN WE GOT BACK.
HA...
WE DIDN'T MIND, THOUGH,
BECAUSE...WE'D SEEN
WHAT WE HAD TO SEE.
IT'S ALL RIGHT, PHILLIP.
YOU JUST NEEDED
SOME ENCOURAGEMENT.
HOW ABOUT YOU, SON?
COME ON OVER HERE...
AND LET ME GIVE YOU
SOME ENCOURAGEMENT.
YOU'RE A DEAD-END KID,
THOUGH, AIN'T YA?
I KNOW...
I KNOW...
A FUCKIN'
DEAD-END KID...
WHEN I SEE ONE.
HAROLD?
HAROLD.
HAROLD?
I NEED SOME...
I NEED SO--
[CRYING]
HE CAN'T HEAR YOU,
PHILLIP.
[SOBBING]
HE'S DEAD.
I NEVER TOUCHED
HIS HAND BEFORE.
IT'S OK NOW, THOUGH...
BECAUSE HE'S DEAD.
OH...
SOMETHIN'S WRONG.
SOMETHIN' HURTS.
AAAHOH!
OHHH!
NO!
NO!
NO!
NO!
NO!
DON'T...LEAVE ME,
HAROLD!
DON'T...LEAVE ME.
I AM A DEAD-END KID,
HAROLD.
I AM A FUCKIN'
DEAD-END KID.
HAROLD!
NOOOHHH!
NOOOOHHH!
NO!
NO! NO!
NO!
NO!
NO!
NO!
NO!
NO!
COME ON. OK.
OHH...
NO.
[WHISTLING
THE PRISONER'S SONG]
CAPTIONING MADE POSSIBLE BY
WARNER BROS.
CAPTIONING PERFORMED BY
THE NATIONAL CAPTIONING
INSTITUTE, INC.
CAPTIONS COPYRIGHT 1988
LORIMAR PRODUCTIONS, INC.
WARNER BROS.
YOU DON'T HAPPEN TO HAVE
A CIGARETTE ON YOU, DO YOU?
SORRY. I DON'T SMOKE.
I'M DOING
KIND OF A SURVEY.
YOU'RE NOT
A FAMILY MAN,
ARE YOU?
WELL, I HAVE A FAMILY.
COULD I SEE
A PICTURE OF 'EM?
YOU HAVE A PICTURE?
YOU WANT TO SEE A PICTURE
OF MY FAMILY?
I REALLY WOULD
APPRECIATE IT.
UH-HUH.
YOU GOT
A BOY AND A GIRL.
THAT'S RIGHT.
WHERE'S THE WIFE?
SHE'S NOT THERE.
WHY IS THAT?
WE'RE DIVORCED.
WELL, THAT'S TERRIBLE.
IT'S NOT SO BAD.
WELL, MAYBE NOT FOR YOU,
BUT HOW ABOUT
THE KIDDIES?
CAN I SEE YOUR WATCH?
I AM NOT GOING
TO GIVE YOU MY WATCH!
THANK YOU
VERY MUCH, MISTER.
GIVE IT TO ME!
GOD DAMN IT!
YOU GIVE IT TO ME NOW,
GOD DAMN IT!
AAAH!
OWWW!
YOU CUT ME!
I'M BLEEDING,
YOU BASTARD!
OH, GOD,
I'M BLEEDING!
I'M GONNA DIE!
OH, NO!
I'M GONNA DIE!
OH, NO!
IT'S ALL RIGHT.
IT'S JUST
A FUCKIN' SCRATCH!
OH, GOD!
ALL RIGHT.
THERE YOU GO, MISTER.
GOOD AS NEW, ALL RIGHT?
OOH!
[HONKING]
HEY! WHAT ARE YOU DOIN'?!
WHAT THE FUCK
ARE YOU DOIN'?!
YOU DON'T SEE HER?!
FUCK YOU!
GET OUT OF THE FUCKIN' CAB!
GET OUT, FUCKER!
FUCK!
COME OVER HERE!
COME OVER HERE!
YOU, OUT HERE, RIGHT NOW!
GET THE FUCK OVER HERE!
MY CAB!
[HONKING]
MY FUCKIN' CAB!
FUCK YOU, TOO!
MY CAB!
DO YOU THINK YOU COULD
HURRY THAT UP, PLEASE?
MR. CHIPS IS GETTING COLD.
AREN'T YOU, BABY?
[WHISTLES]
NEWARK AIRPORT.
PUT THESE BAGS
IN THE TRUNK.
YEAH, SURE.
THANK YOU.
THANK YOU, MADAM.
HAVE A GOOD DAY.
HOW YOU DOIN', LADY?
IT'S A BEAUTIFUL DAY, ISN'T IT?
PICK THE BAGS UP AND
PUT THEM IN THE CAR.
THAT IS A NICE DOGGIE.
YES. PLEASE BE
CAREFUL WITH IT.
DON'T DRAG IT
ALONG LIKE THAT!
PLEASE BE CAREFUL
WITH THOSE BAGS.
THEY'RE EXTREMELY
VALUABLE.
THEY'RE--MADE BY--
TREAT THEM GENTLY,
IF YOU DON'T MIND.
I DON'T MIND.
BARBARIAN!
GET IN THE CAR!
DRIVE ME
TO THE AIRPORT!
SOMEBODY OPEN
THIS DOOR, PLEASE.
WHERE IS HE?
WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!
PHILLIP.
HEY, PHILLIP!
HEY!
YOU HOME?
OF COURSE YOU'RE HOME.
WHERE THE HELL ELSE
ARE YOU GONNA BE, HUH?
HEY!
PHILLIP!
YOU IN THERE?
YOU HIDIN' FROM
YOUR BIG BROTHER TREAT?
HUH?
DO YOU HEAR ME, PHILLIP?
I AIN'T IN THE MOOD
FOR NO HIDE-AND-GO-SEEK GAMES,
PHILLIP.
PHILLIP?
DON'T TAG ME.
I AIN'T
GONNA TAG YOU.
'CAUSE I'M SICK AND TIRED
OF BEING IT, TREAT.
I TOLD YA.
I AIN'T GONNA TAG YA.
YOU PROMISE?
YEAH.
I PROMISE.
YOU HAVE LUNCH TODAY?
MM-HMM.
WHAT DID YOU HAVE?
I HAD STARKIST TUNA.
YEAH?
MAYONNAISE?
MM-HMM.
HELLMANN'S.
HOW MUCH MAYONNAISE
YOU HAVE, PHILLIP?
HMM. JUST A COUPLE
OF TABLESPOONS.
A COUPLE OF TABLESPOONS, HUH?
MM-HMM.
IF YOU ONLY HAD
A COUPLE OF TABLESPOONS,
HOW COME WE'RE OUT OF IT?
AH!
YOU'RE IT, PHILLIP.
NO.
YOU'RE FUCKIN' IT!
HA HA!
YOU PROMISED!
I HAD MY FINGERS CROSSED.
I COME OUT 'CAUSE
YOU SAID YOU WOULDN'T!
HA HA HA!
YOU'RE IT!
TIME OUT, PHILLIP.
HA HA HA HA...
THE GAME'S OVER!
NO!
YEAH. I'M GOIN'
OUT TONIGHT, SEE BARNEY.
HEY IF YOU GO OUT,
WILL YOU BRING HOME
SOME MORE HELLMANN'S?
YOU KNOW, PHILLIP...
THIS PLACE
IS GOIN' TO SHIT.
WE'RE GONNA HAVE TO PAY
FOR SOME HOME IMPROVEMENTS.
WE NEVER HAD
HOME IMPROVEMENTS
BEFORE, TREAT.
YA KNOW, I TOOK A WALK
IN THE PARK TODAY.
BUMPED INTO THIS FELLA.
MM-HMM.
KICKED ME RIGHT
IN THE SHINS.
HE KICKED YOU?
YUP. LOOK AT THAT.
JESUS!
GONNA BE FUCKIN'
BLACK AND BLUE.
I'LL GET
THE HYDROGEN PEROXIDE.
HOW COME YOU CAN
REMEMBER ALL THEM
BRAND NAMES, PHILLIP?
I DON'T KNOW.
I MEAN...YOU DON'T HAVE
MUCH OF AN INTELLECT
FOR ANYTHING ELSE,
BUT YOU SEEM
TO BE ABLE TO REMEMBER
ALL THEM BRAND NAMES
AND THE NAMES OF
THEM VARIOUS PRIZES.
JUST COMES TO ME.
WHAT'S THIS, PHILLIP?
WHAT'S WHAT?
HOW COME THERE ARE
UNDERLINED WORDS
IN THIS MAGAZINE?
I GOT NO IDEA, TREAT.
HERE'S A WORD HERE.
"PROVER..."
"PROVERBIAL."
DID YOU UNDERLINE
THIS WORD?
YOU KNOW
I CAN'T READ, TREAT.
YOU GOT A DICTIONARY,
PHILLIP?
NO, I GOT NO DICTIONARY.
YOU SURE YOU AIN'T GOT
A...POCKET DICTIONARY?
YOU SURE...YOU AIN'T
SPENDIN' THE DAY
READIN' BOOKS
AND MAGAZINES,
LOOKIN' UP THE MEANINGS
OF PARTICULAR WORDS,
GETTIN' YOURSELF
AN EDUCATION?
I GOT NO EDUCATION.
WHO UNDERLINED
THIS FUCKIN' WORD?
IT WASN'T ME!
DID SOMEONE
COME IN THE HOUSE
WHILE I WAS AWAY?
I DON'T KNOW.
I WAS IN THE ATTIC.
SOMEONE COME IN THE HOUSE
WHILE YOU WAS IN THE ATTIC
AND UNDERLINED
THIS FUCKIN' WORD?
MAYBE.
YEAH?
YEAH, MAYBE.
MAYBE HE DID.
FIND HIM.
ALL RIGHT.
KILL HIM.
OK.
I WANT HIM DEAD,
YOU UNDERSTAND?
YEAH.
A MAN STEALING
IN MY HOUSE LIKE THAT.
KILL HIM.
YEAH.
M-MAYBE HE'S UPSTAIRS.
YEAH.
MAYBE HE'S UPSTAIRS.
MAYBE HE'S HIDING
UNDER THE BED.
YEAH. GO GET HIM.
I'M GONNA GET HIM.
ALL RIGHT, BUDDY.
ALL RIGHT,
WHERE ARE YOU?
EVERYTHING'S GOING
TO BE FINE, SON.
EVERYTHING'S
GOING TO BE FINE.
HEY, LISTEN, BUDDY,
YOU BETTER GET OUT OF HERE.
YOU BETTER GET OUT
OF HERE RIGHT NOW, BUDDY.
I'M GONNA KILL YOU.
IT'S ALL RIGHT, SON.
IT'S ALL RIGHT.
DON'T TOUCH ME!
DON'T TOUCH ME, BUDDY!
OH, NO. TREAT!
HE'S COMIN'
AT ME, TREAT!
HE'S COMIN' AT ME!
HE'S GONNA--
[CRASH]
AAH! OH, MY GOD!
SON OF A BITCH!
DID YOU GET HIM?
NO, TREAT.
HE GOT ME.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN?
I'M BLEEDIN'.
WHERE IS HE?
HE LEAPED OUT THE WINDOW.
OUT THE WINDOW?
YEAH.
HE GOT AWAY?
UH-HUH.
WHAT DID HE
LOOK LIKE, PHILLIP?
ERROL FLYNN.
ERROL FLYNN?
THE MOVIE ACTOR.
YEAH, I KNOW
ERROL FLYNN.
HE COULD'VE
BROKE A LEG LEAPIN' OUT
A WINDOW LIKE THAT.
HE MUST BE
SOME KIND OF ATHLETE.
THAT LOOKS PRETTY BAD
THERE, PHILLIP.
YEAH.
WELL, I BETTER PUT ON
SOME HYDROGEN PEROXIDE.
COME ON, TREAT,
IT BURNS.
YOU DON'T WANT IT
TO GET INFECTED.
AW, COME ON.
IT AIN'T GONNA
GET INFECTED.
YOU DON'T WANT
TO LOSE YOUR ARM.
I AIN'T GONNA
LOSE MY ARM.
PLEASE.
[TARZAN YELL]
YOU'RE BRINGING
ME DRECK, BOY.
IT'S A STRING OF
FUCKIN' PEARLS, BARNEY!
WHAT'S THIS?
A BULOVA.
A FUCKIN' BULOVA.
"I LOVE YOU, SID.
MILLIE."
JESUS. I'M GONNA PUKE.
WHO'S GONNA WEAR THIS?
A FUCKIN' CORPSE
WOULDN'T WEAR A RING
LIKE THIS.
YOU GOT ANYTHING ELSE?
WHAT THE HELL IS THAT?
IT'S A LEASH.
YOU MUGGIN'
ANIMALS NOW, TREAT?
THAT'S COLORED GLASS,
FOR CHRIST'S SAKES.
YOU AIN'T GONNA FIND
PRECIOUS JEWELS
AROUND HERE.
I'LL GIVE YOU
70 BUCKS FOR THE LOT.
TAKE IT OR LEAVE IT.
FUCK YOU, BARNEY!
NOW DEPARTING
FOR WASHINGTON, D.C.
ON TRACK 18, THE SENATOR,
MAKING STOPS AT TRENTON,
PHILADELPHIA, WILMINGTON,
BALTIMORE, BWI AIRPORT,
AND NEW CARROLLTON.
[WHISTLING]
THANK YOU.
HERE YOU GO.
THANKS A LOT.
AH, HA.
NO, I'M NOT EXACTLY
IN BARBADOS.
HEH. I'M IN NEWARK.
YEAH! HA HA!
HUH!
HUH!
TAKE THAT,
YOU SAXON PIG!
HA HA HA HA!
[PEOPLE SINGING INSIDE BAR]
♪ IN CHICAGO ♪
♪ CHICAGO, MY HOME TOWN ♪
HOW IS THAT?
♪ LA LA LA ♪
♪ LA LA LA LA ♪
YOU'RE DANCIN' NOW.
♪ DE DI
DE DI DE DI DE DI ♪
DON'T FALL.
♪ DIDDLY DIDDLY
DIDDLY DID ♪
♪ BUM BUM BUM HUP
WORKS HARD FOR THAT ♪
♪ LA LA LA ♪
♪ LA LA LA ♪♪
WHOA!
♪ IF I HAD THE WINGS
OF AN ANGEL ♪
♪ OVER THESE PRISON WALLS
I WOULD FLY ♪
♪ STRAIGHT TO THE ARMS
OF MY MUDDER ♪
♪ AND THERE
I'D BE WILLING TO DIE ♪♪
THAT'S ALL, FOLKS.
HEY! YOU KNOW
THAT SONG, SON?
YOU REMEMBER THAT SONG?
CAN'T SAY I DO.
OH, YOU'RE NOT
A DEAD-END KID, ARE YOU?
DEAD-END KID?
YES. BECAUSE IF YOU WERE
A DEAD-END KID,
I'D GIVE YOU
EVERYTHING I HAVE,
I SWEAR TO GOD.
I'D GIVE YOU THE VERY
SHIRT OFF MY BACK.
YOU DON'T HAVE TO GO
THAT FAR, MISTER.
WELL...
THERE ARE NO LIMITS
AS FAR AS
THE DEAD-END KIDS
AND ME ARE CONCERNED.
I LOVE THEM FUCKING
DEAD-END KIDS.
I'M NOT A DEAD-END KID.
WHAT A SHAME.
WHAT ARE YOU DRINKIN'?
GIVE ME A BEER.
A BEER? A BEER. HEY!
I'M FROM CHICAGO,
BORN AND BRED.
NO KIDDIN'.
GREW UP
IN AN ORPHANAGE.
DIDN'T HAVE NO
MOMMY OR DADDY.
I JUST HAD
THEM DEAD-END KIDS!
HEY, FRANK!
I WANT TO BUY A DRINK
FOR EVERYBODY, OK?
TAKE IT OUT OF THAT,
ALL RIGHT? HERE YOU GO.
FINALLY MET
A DEAD-END KID.
FINALLY MET ONE.
I AIN'T ONE, THOUGH.
YEAH!
Treat: HERE YOU ARE,
HAROLD.
HERE YOU ARE--
HOME SWEET HOME.
♪ IF I HAD THE WINGS
OF AN ANGEL ♪
♪ OVER THESE PRISON WALLS
I WOULD FLY ♪
♪ AND STRAIGHT TO THE ARMS
OF MY MUDDER ♪
♪ AND...
I'D BE WILLING TO DIE ♪♪
DOOR'S LOCKED, HAROLD.
DON'T MOVE, ALL RIGHT?
I'LL BE RIGHT BACK.
OK, OK.
♪ DA DA ♪
♪ DA DA DA DA-- ♪
♪ DI DEE DEE
DA DI DA ♪
♪ LA DEE DA DOO ♪
[URINATING]
HAROLD?
♪ YA DA DA DE
YA DA DA DA ♪
♪ LA LA LA ♪
♪ LA LA LA
LA LA LA ♪
♪ LA LA LA ♪
♪ HA HA HA...
LA LA LA LA ♪
BRRR!
♪ LA LA LA
DEE DEE DA ♪
♪ DA DA ♪
♪ BUM DEE DA DA
DAI DA DA DAI DAI... ♪♪
THEY HAD A LITTLE
IRISH MOTHER,
THEM DEAD-END KIDS.
A TOP-O'-THE-MORNING
IRISH MOTHER!
I LOVED THAT WOMAN.
[MIMICKING]
AH, YOU LITTLE DEVIL, YOU!
CORNED BEEF AND CABBAGE
COOKIN' NIGHT AND DAY.
I USED TO WORK UP
A HEARTY APPETITE
JUST SITTIN'
IN THEM DARK...
CHICAGO MOVIE...HOUSES
WATCHIN' THEM DEAD-END...
DEAD-END KIDS!
EEEIIAAA!
HA HA HA!
HAVE YOU GOT ANYTHING
COOKING IN THIS HOUSE?
WELL, THERE'S
NOTHING COOKIN'
RIGHT NOW, HAROLD.
HOW COME?
WELL, IT MUST BE
THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT.
THAT'S WHAT
I'M SAYING, SEE?
NOW IF YOU WERE TO GO
TO THAT DEAD-END KIDS'
HOUSE...
ANY TIME,
DAY OR NIGHT--
THAT DEAD-END KIDS'
HOUSE
SMELLING OF
CORNED BEEF
AND CABBAGE--
YOU'D JUST WALK
STRAIGHT INTO
THE KITCHEN
AND YOU'D CUT
YOURSELF A SLICE.
AHH.
HERE.
JESUS CHRIST, TREAT.
MY MOUTH
IS WATERING.
MY FUCKIN' MOUTH
IS WATERING!
YOU WANT SOMETHIN' TO EAT?
I'M STARVIN' TO DEATH!
WE GOT TUNA.
TUNA?
YEAH.
STARKIST TUNA.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I?
YOU'RE IN MY HOUSE.
YOU'RE OFFERING ME TUNA?
YEAH.
FUCKIN' TUNA...
UMM.
UMM.
UMM...
HOLY SHIT.
TUNA.
[COUGHS]
WHERE'S MY BRIEFCASE,
HMM?
OVER HERE.
I WAS WATCHIN' IT FOR YOU.
YEAH. WELL, I CAN DO
MY OWN WATCHING.
LET'S HAVE IT. COME ON.
YEAH, SURE.
COME ON.
LET'S HAVE IT.
WHERE ARE YOU GOIN',
HAROLD?
I'M LEAVING.
YOU CAN'T WALK!
HA HA HA HA!
I CAN'T WALK, CAN I?
YOU'RE LOADED.
HOW ABOUT THAT!
IT MUST BE BECAUSE
I MET A DEAD-END KID
AFTER ALL THESE YEARS.
I AIN'T NO DEAD-END KID.
I TOLD YOU THAT.
DON'T KID ME!
YOU DON'T SMELL
NO CORNED BEEF AND CABBAGE
COOKIN' AROUND HERE,
DO YA?
NO MATTER.
NO CORNED BEEF
AND CABBAGE COOKING
WHERE I COME FROM,
EITHER.
I COME FROM
AN ORPHANAGE.
A GODDAMN ORPHANAGE.
NO TOP-O'-THE-MORNING
IRISH MOTHER THERE, EITHER--
JUST A BIG,
SON-OF-A-BITCHING GERMAN.
HE WORE A CHEF'S HAT
AND A DIRTY, FILTHY APRON,
AND HE SLEPT
RIGHT IN THE KITCHEN.
ORPHAN'S ALWAYS HUNGRY.
YOU ALWAYS...LOVE TO
CREEP DOWN
IN THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT
AND RAID THE REFRIGERATOR.
BUT A JEW
SLEPT RIGHT THERE,
ONE EYE OPEN.
HE'D BREAK YOUR BACK
IF HE CAUGHT YOU.
HE'D BREAK EVERY BONE
IN YOUR BODY.
HE TOOK A LIKING
TO ME, THOUGH.
HE USED TO FILL MY PLATE
WITH MEAT AND POTATOES.
IT WAS LUCKY FOR ME.
OR-ORPHANS ALWAYS
COUGHING UP BLOOD...
ORPHANS DROPPING DEAD
ALL THE TIME.
THERE'S A TERRIBLE
MORTALITY RATE
IN AN ORPHANAGE.
OH, THANK GOD...
FOR THEM BIG, HEAPIN' PLATES
OF MEAT AND POTATOES.
YEAH, THANK GOD...
FOR THAT...THAT BIG,
FUCKING GERMAN
SON OF A BITCH.
OHH...
Phillip: WHO IS HE, TREAT?
NAME'S HAROLD.
HE'S AN ORPHAN?
YEAH.
HE'S FROM CHICAGO.
HE HAD A REAL BAD CHILDHOOD.
[SNORING]
HA...HA...
YOU KNOW WHAT
ORPHANS CALL OUT
IN THE MIDDLE
OF THE NIGHT, TREAT?
NO, HAROLD.
MOTHERLESS ORPHANS,
MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT,
CHICAGO ORPHANS
ON A BIG HILL
FACING LAKE MICHIGAN.
WHAT DO THEY CALL OUT?
THE WIND USED TO
COME THROUGH THERE
MAKIN'
A TERRIBLE SOUND.
WIND USED TO COME
THROUGH THERE...
[WHISTLING
LIKE THE WIND]
FRIGHTENED ORPHANS
PULLING THEIR BLANKETS
UP OVER THEIR HEADS.
FRIGHTENED ORPHANS
CRYING OUT.
YOU KNOW WHAT
THEY WERE CRYING?
NO.
"MOMMY!"
HA! HONEST TO GOD. MOMMY.
YOU KNOW, ORPHANS DON'T
KNOW THE DIFFERENCE
BETWEEN A MOMMY
AND A DADDY.
THEY DON'T KNOW
THE DIFFERENCE
BETWEEN A MOMMY
AND A FUCKIN' TANGERINE.
UH-HUH. JUST POOR
MOTHERLESS BASTARDS.
MOMMY...HA!
MAMA...
HAROLD.
[SNAP SNAP]
HAROLD.
[TRAIN PASSES]
DO YOU KNOW
WHAT THESE ARE, PHILLIP?
WHAT?
STOCKS, DEEDS,
SECURITIES.
GUY'S WALKIN' AROUND
WITH A MILLION BUCKS
WORTH OF CERTIFICATES
UNDER HIS ARM.
JESUS CHRIST!
COME ON.
WE HIT PAY DIRT,
PHILLIP.
DUMB BASTARD.
HE COULD HAVE
PASSED OUT.
SOMEBODY COULD HAVE
MUGGED HIM.
SOMEBODY COULD HAVE
KIDNAPPED HIM.
YEAH.
SOMEBODY COULD HAVE
KIDNAPPED HIM
AND HELD HIM
FOR RANSOM.
I BET YOU COULD GET
A MILLION BUCKS
FOR A GUY LIKE THIS.
OH, GOD! YOU THINK?
YEAH.
MAYBE EVEN
TWO MILLION.
GUY'S PROBABLY
AN INDUSTRIALIST.
GONNA BE
ON THE FRONT PAGE
OF EVERY NEWSPAPER
IN THE COUNTRY--
"SO-AND-SO,
INDUSTRIALIST,
KIDNAPPED."
I NEED SOME ROPE.
ROPE?
YEAH.
MRRR...
I LIKE HIS FACE,
TREAT.
DON'T GET
TOO ATTACHED TO IT.
HE'S GOT
A FRIENDLY FACE.
HA HA!
HEY, TREAT?
YOU'RE NOT GONNA
CUT HIM, ARE YOU?
IT DEPENDS.
♪ IF I HAD THE WINGS
OF AN ANGEL ♪
♪ OVER THESE PRISON WALLS
I WILL FLY ♪
WHAT'S HE SINGING?
SOME SONG.
♪ STRAIGHT TO THE ARMS
OF MY MUDDER ♪♪
HA HA HA!
AH, YOUR MUDDER.
AH, YOUR MUDDER.
YOUR MUDDER
TAKES IN LAUNDRY.
HA!
LAUNDRY?
THE MARK OF THE SQUEALER,
HUH? AHMM MM...
HMM...
HMM...
[SIREN]
HMMMMM...
AH, YOUR MUDDER.
Treat: WHAT'S THIS?
I--I FOUND IT.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN?
IT WAS UP IN THE ATTIC
UNDER THE CEDAR CHEST.
WHERE'S THE OTHER?
THERE'S
NO OTHER.
WOMAN HAVE
ONLY ONE FOOT?
I DON'T THINK SO, TREAT.
I THINK SHE MUST HAVE
HAD TWO FEET,
ONLY SHE LOST
ONE OF HER SHOES.
YOU FIGURED THAT OUT
ALL BY YOURSELF, HUH?
YES.
YOU MUST BE DOIN'
A LOT OF FIGURIN', PHILLIP.
I HAVEN'T BEEN DOIN'
ANY FIGURIN', TREAT.
MAYBE YOU'RE PULLIN'
MY CHAIN, PHILLIP.
MAYBE YOU AIN'T HANGIN' OUT
IN NO CLOSET ALL DAY.
I AIN'T PULLIN'
YOUR CHAIN, TREAT.
MAYBE YOU'RE SEEIN'
ALL KINDS OF PEOPLE
WHILE I'M OUT WORKIN',
MAKIN' US A LIVIN', HUH?
MAYBE YOU WAS LOOKIN'
OUT THE WINDOW,
AND THIS REAL NICE-LOOKIN'
LADY WALKED BY
WEARIN' THESE VERY
HIGH-HEELED SHOES, HUH?
YOU SURE YOU DIDN'T TAP
ON THE WINDOW, PHILLIP,
AND MOTION HER IN?
YOU SURE YOU DIDN'T
UNDRESS HER RIGHT HERE
ON THIS VERY SOFA, PHILLIP?
YOU SURE THE TWO OF YOUSE
DIDN'T MAKE
AN AFTERNOON OF IT
HERE ON OUR SOFA,
AND SHE HAD
TO LEAVE IN A HURRY
HOLDIN' HER ONE SHOE?
HUH?
IT NEVER HAPPENED,
TREAT!
IT NEVER...NO!
HUH?
I WANT THIS SHOE
OUT OF HERE.
MAYBE--MAYBE IT WAS
MOM'S SHOE, TREAT.
MAYBE IT'S
BEEN UNDER THERE
ALL THESE YEARS?
THIS AIN'T MA'S SHOE.
MOM WOULD HAVE NEVER
WORE A SHOE LIKE THIS.
CAN I KEEP IT?
CAN I KEEP IT?
I WANT THIS SHOE
OUT OF HERE.
I CAN'T SEE WHY I CAN'T
KEEP IT, TREAT.
I'LL PUT IT
IN MY ROOM--
I DON'T WANT IT
IN YOUR ROOM.
I DON'T WANT IT
IN THIS FUCKIN' HOUSE!
OPEN THE WINDOW.
OPEN
THE FUCKING WINDOW!
GO TO BED, PHILLIP.
GET SOME SLEEP.
YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO
TAKE CARE OF HAROLD
TOMORROW.
I'M GONNA BE OUT
MAKIN' SOME INQUIRIES.
WE HIT PAY DIRT,
PHILLIP.
WE ARE GONNA BE
FUCKIN' RICH.
[CLATTERING]
5, 4...
HE'S LOOKIN'
FOR AN OPENING!
2, 1!
[IMITATES
CROWD CHEERING]
YEAH!
YEAH!
HA HA HA!
OH, YEAH! HA HA! HA!
HERE COMES AN OLD MAN
WITH A CANE.
HE'S GOT THIS BIG HAT
AND THIS LITTLE
BROWN PAPER BAG.
HA HA HA!
[IN OLD MAN'S VOICE]
HE'S PROBABLY GOT SOME...
SOME SQUIBB'S MINERAL OIL
IN THAT BROWN BAG.
MAYBE A JAR
OF PLANTER'S PEANUT BUTTER.
HA HA HA!
OH, YEAH. HE'S JUST
GONNA GO HOME,
MAKE HIMSELF
SOME NICE, THICK
PEANUT BUTTER SANDWICHES.
HA HA HA HA HA!
HA HA HA HA!
HMM MMM.
YOU SAYIN' SOMETHIN',
MISTER?
NNMM GMM.
YOU SPEAKIN' TO ME?
MMM.
YOU--YOU HUNGRY?
HMM.
MAYBE YOU'RE HUNGRY.
MAYBE THAT'S IT.
WELL...WELL...
TREAT'S GONNA BE HOME
REAL SOON NOW.
HE'LL PROBABLY MAKE YOU
A TUNA SANDWICH.
STARKIST TUNA
AND MAYO ON TOAST.
HOW'S THAT SOUND?
MMM-MMM.
YEAH, I FIGURED
YOU'D LIKE THAT.
YEAH.
YOU KNOW I BEEN
EATIN' STARKIST TUNA
FOR LUNCH
FOR YEARS NOW? YEAH.
I USED TO MAKE MYSELF
PEANUT BUTTER SANDWICHES,
BUT I GOT SICK OF 'EM.
I LIKE VARIETY
IN MY FOOD.
[TRAIN RUMBLING
ON TRACKS]
HAH!
LOOK AT THAT, MISTER!
HA HA!
THERE'S A COUPLE
MAKIN' OUT ON THE TRAIN.
HA HA!
THE ONLY THING IS,
MISTER...
THERE'S A SHOE
OUT THERE NOW.
A SHOE STARIN' ME
STRAIGHT IN THE FACE,
DRIVIN' ME...
CRAZY.
HEY, LISTEN, MISTER.
IF...IF I CLIMB
OUT THAT WINDOW
AND I BRING BACK
THAT SHOE,
YOU'LL KEEP IT
TO YOURSELF, WON'T YOU?
MM-HMM...MM...
MMMP.
ONLY THING IS, MISTER...
I AIN'T SUPPOSED
TO GO OUT
'CAUSE I GOT
THIS TERRIB--
THIS TERRIBLE...
TERRIBLE ALLERGY.
I ALMOST DIED ONCE.
I WENT OVER
TO THE CORNER THERE,
TO THE GROCERY STORE
WITH TREAT,
AND MY--MY FACE,
IT GOT ALL RED,
AND MY TONGUE
SWELLED UP.
I WAS GASPIN'
FOR BREAT'.
I GOT IT, MISTER.
I'LL HOLD MY BREAT'...
SO'S I DON'T BREATHE IN
ANY OF THAT
DEADLY POLLEN.
HA HA!
HEY, UH...
I CAN TRUST YOU,
CAN'T I, MISTER?
[DRAWS DEEP BREATH]
[GRUNTING]
HA HA! HA!
LOOK, MISTER!
I GOT IT!
HOW'D YOU GET OVER THERE?
MM-HMM.
SHI...I DON'T THINK
TREAT IS GONNA LIKE THIS.
YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO BE
SITTIN' OVER THERE.
WELL...
I'M JUST...
ONLY THING IS I AIN'T
SUPPOSED TO TOUCH YOU.
I'M ONLY SUPPOSED TO WATCH
AND SEE THAT EVERYTHING
IS OK.
AH, FUCK. I DON'T KNOW
WHAT I'M GONNA NOW, MISTER.
TREAT'S GONNA
COME HOME SOON
AND ASK HOW COME
YOU'RE OVER THERE.
I DON'T KNOW
WHAT I'M GONNA SAY!
TAMK MMM GAMMG OMF.
WHAT ARE YOU SAYIN'?
TAMK GMM GAMMG OMF!
I DON'T KNOW
WHAT YOU'RE SAYIN'!
SSSTAKE...
MMY FUCKKING...
GAAAG OFF!
CAN'T TAKE OFF
YOUR GAG, MISTER,
'CAUSE I AIN'T
SUPPOSED TO TOUCH YOU.
SH...SHIT!
HE'S GONNA KICK MY ASS!
I DON'T KNOW WHAT
I'M GONNA DO NOW.
TREAT'S GONNA BE
SO PISSED OFF
WHEN HE GETS BACK.
HE'S GONNA
KICK MY ASS--
HE'S GONNA SAY--
HE'S GONNA SAY--
OH, SHIT!
FUCK! GOD DAMN IT!
SHIT!
[HUMMING]
HOW'D YOU DO THAT,
MISTER?
I'M AN ADMIRER
OF HOUDINI'S.
REAL NAME
WAS EHRICH WEISS.
YIDDISH FELLOW,
HOUDINI.
DON'T LET
THE ITALIAN FLAVOR
FOOL YOU.
BORN EHRICH WEISS,
EAST SIDE OF NEW YORK.
OH!
WHAT AM I GONNA
SAY TO TREAT?
LET ME TAKE CARE
OF THAT.
HE'S GONNA
SLAP ME AROUND.
HE'S NOT GOING TO TOUCH YOU.
HOW CAN YOU STOP HIM?
I HAVE MY WAYS.
TREAT'S GOT
A VIOLENT TEMPER.
I LOVE VIOLENT TEMPERS.
HE SEE YOU OVER THERE,
HE'S GONNA GO CRAZY.
I'M NOT GONNA BE
OVER HERE.
WHERE YOU GONNA BE?
OH, GONNA BE ON THE...
ON THE COUCH, PROBABLY,
SITTING ON THE COUCH,
READING A MAGAZINE.
WHAT'S YOUR NAME?
PHILLIP.
PHILLIP.
MINE'S HAROLD.
PLEASED TO MEET YOU.
I BETTER NOT.
YOU DON'T WANT
TO SHAKE?
TREAT SAID NOT
TO TOUCH YOU.
NOT EVER?
I DON'T KNOW.
OR DID HE MEAN JUST NOW,
JUST TODAY?
I DIDN'T ASK HIM.
BECAUSE THAT WOULD BE
A SHAME IF WE COULD
NEVER TOUCH.
I COULD NEVER PUT MY ARM
AROUND YOUR SHOULDERS,
GIVE THEM
AN ENCOURAGING SQUEEZE.
HOW COME YOU WALK AROUND
WITH YOUR SHOES UNTIED?
DON'T KNOW HOW
TO LACE THEM.
YOU DON'T KNOW HOW
TO TIE A KNOT?
I TRY,
BUT THEY GET ALL...
THEY GET ALL
TANGLED UP.
IT'S NO CRIME.
A MAN DOESN'T HAVE TO
KNOW HOW TO TIE A KNOT.
DIDN'T YOU EVER HEAR
OF, UH, LOAFERS?
LOAFERS?
YEAH.
YOU HAVE
NO NEED OF LACES
WITH LOAFERS, PHILLIP.
DIDN'T ANYONE
EVER TELL YOU THAT?
YOU'RE A DEPRIVED PERSON,
PHILLIP.
YOU DON'T KNOW THE PRINCIPLE
BEHIND ELECTRICITY, DO YOU?
NO.
BUT YOU CAN
TURN ON A LIGHT.
YEAH.
FUCK LACES.
YOU ARE GONNA
BE WEARING LOAFERS
FROM NOW ON IN.
WHAT COLOR YOU LIKE?
WHAT DO YOU MEAN?
WHAT COLOR LOAFER?
I...I DON'T KNOW.
WELL, HOW ABOUT, UH...
PALE YELLOW?
PALE YELLOW'S OK.
I'M GONNA BUY YOU A PAIR
OF PALE YELLOW LOAFERS.
COME ON!
THIS IS
A REAL TRAGIC SITUATION
I'VE WANDERED INTO.
ONE BOY'S A DELINQUENT,
THE OTHER BOY'S
SHOULDERS
JUST DYING FOR A GENTLE,
ENCOURAGING SQUEEZE.
THEY ARE?
DIDN'T ANYONE EVER
GIVE YOUR SHOULDERS
AN ENCOURAGING SQUEEZE?
I DON'T THINK SO.
WELL, THAT'S A TRAGEDY.
EVERY YOUNG MAN'S
SHOULDERS
NEED AN ENCOURAGING
SQUEEZE NOW AND THEN.
TREAT NEVER
DID THAT.
NO, I IMAGINE NOT,
BUT HOW ABOUT
YOUR FATHER?
HE RAN AWAY FROM HOME
WHEN I WAS SMALL.
HE DESERTED THE FAMILY.
YES.
WELL, I KNOW
SHOULDERS, PHILLIP.
AND IF I KNOW
ANYTHING,
I KNOW ALL ABOUT
SHOULDERS.
IF YOU WANT ME
TO GIVE THEM A SQUEEZE,
TRY IT OUT.
SEE HOW IT FEELS.
I DON'T KNOW...
YOU DON'T HAVE TO
TOUCH ME.
I'LL TOUCH YOU.
WELL...
M-MAYBE THAT WOULD
BE ALL RIGHT.
THAT'LL BE FINE.
COME ON OVER HERE.
COME ON.
HEY...
HOW'S THAT FEEL?
IT FEELS OK.
FEELS GOOD?
YES.
FEELS REAL GOOD?
IT...FEELS REAL GOOD.
FEELS ENCOURAGING,
DOESN'T IT?
MM-HMM.
MAKES YOU FEEL
THERE'S HOPE.
YES.
THIS IS WHAT YOU MISSED.
YES.
THAT FEELING.
I MISSED IT.
YOU HAVE IT NOW.
I DO?
FOREVER AND EVER.
SHIT! FUCKIN' DIED ALREADY.
DENNIS KINNIS.
IS THIS DENNIS?
YEAH.
LISTEN CAREFULLY, DENNIS.
I GOT NEWS FOR YOU.
YEAH?
I KIDNAPPED HAROLD.
I'M GONNA TELL YOU WHAT
I WANT YOU TO DO--
YOU GOT HAROLD THERE?
IS THAT WHAT
YOU'RE SAYING?
NOW YOU LISTEN
CAREFULLY, ASSHOLE.
WHAT DID YOU SAY TO ME?
I'M GONNA TELL
YOU AND HAROLD
WHAT TO DO.
HEY! FUCK!
THE FUCK DID YOU--
[DOG BARKING]
[POUNDING ON DOOR]
PHILLIP!
PHILLIP,
WHERE IS HE?
OPEN THE DOOR, PHILLIP.
WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU,
BLIND?
YOU DON'T SEE ME
STANDIN' HERE?
OPEN THE DOOR!
[KICKS DOOR]
YOU DON'T THINK
I FUCKIN' SEE
WHAT YOU'RE DOIN'?
[POUNDING]
WHERE IS HE?
UPSTAIRS.
YOU UNTIE HIM?
I DIDN'T TOUCH HIM.
WHO UNTIED HIM?
NOBODY.
THAT ACTOR FELLA PERSON
COME IN HERE AGAIN
AND UNTIE HIM? HUH?
HE DID IT HIMSELF,
I SWEAR TO GOD.
HOW DID HE DO IT?
I DON'T KNOW, TREAT.
HE'S GOT TO BE SOME KINDA
A MAGICIAN OR SOMETHIN'
'CAUSE ALL OF A SUDDEN,
HE WAS IN THE OTHER ROOM.
I MEAN, IT--IT HAPPENED
RIGHT BEFORE MY VERY EYES.
YEAH?
YEAH.
HIS GAG DISAPPEARED,
HIS MOUTH BEGAN MOVIN',
HIS ARM COME OUT,
AND PRETTY SOON HE WAS
COMPLETELY UNTIED.
WHAT DID HE TALK ABOUT,
PHILLIP?
NOTHIN' SPECIAL.
HE TALKED ABOUT CHICAGO,
I THINK, AND, UH...HOUDINI.
HOUDINI?
YEAH. HE SAID THIS HOUDINI'S
A JEWISH FELLOW.
HE SAID THAT?
MM-HMM.
THIS GUY'S
A BULLSHITTER, PHILLIP.
HOUDINI ISN'T JEWISH?
I'M TALKIN' ABOUT THE--
Harold:
♪ LA DA DADA DA
DA DA LADA ♪
♪ DE DE DEE DEDE
DEE DEE DEE ♪
♪ LA DAI
DADA DUM... ♪
WHAT'S HE DOIN'
UP THERE?
HE'S SHAVING.
HE'S USIN' MY RAZOR?
HE WANTED
TO BE PRESENTABLE
WHEN YOU CAME HOME.
THIS GUY'S
TAKIN' OVER.
HE'S NOT
TAKIN' OVER.
WHAT'S HE DOING, PHILLIP?
I KIDNAPPED
THE SON OF A BITCH.
HE'S SUPPOSED TO BE
A KIDNAP VICTIM!
HE'S NOT A BAD GUY.
OH, NO?
NO. HE TOLD ME
I SHOULD WEAR LOAFERS.
HE SAID THAT?
YEAH. THAT WAY, I WON'T
HAVE TO WALK AROUND
WITH MY LACES UNTIED.
[DOOR OPENS]
WHAT KINDA SHIT IS THAT?
HE SAID HE'D
BUY ME A NEW PAIR.
HE SAID THAT?
MM-HMM.
WHERE'S THIS GUY
GET THE NERVE?
DON'T HURT HIM, TREAT.
HOW COME HE DIDN'T
RUN AWAY OR CALL THE COPS?
HE WANTED TO SEE YOU,
TREAT.
HE TOOK A LIKING TO YOU.
WHAT WAS YOU DOIN'
THE WHOLE TIME HIS HANDS
WAS APPEARIN'?
I WAS WATCHIN' HIM,
JUST LIKE YOU SAID.
I DIDN'T TOUCH HIM.
DID I DO GOOD?
NEVER MIND.
[WHISTLING
THE PRISONER'S SONG]
HOW ARE YOU, SON?
[TURNS FAUCET ON]
I AIN'T YOUR SON.
YOU'RE A DEAD-END KID,
THOUGH, AREN'T YOU?
NO.
OH, I DON'T MEAN
A LITERAL DEAD-END KID.
HOW IN THE HELL COULD
YOU BE A DEAD-END KID?
YOU'D HAVE TO BE
60, 70 YEARS OF AGE,
FOR CHRIST'S SAKE.
I MEAN,
THOSE DEAD-END KIDS
ARE OLD NOW.
THEY'VE AGED.
SOME OF THEM ARE DEAD,
OTHERS SUFFERING
FROM DEBILITATING
ILLNESSES.
UNRECOGNIZABLE.
[GARGLING]
MM...MMMMM...
AH.
WE'RE TALKING ABOUT
LIFE AND DEATH,
TREAT.
MORTALITY,
THE HUMAN CONDITION.
SO YOU REMIND ME
OF A DEAD-END KID.
THAT'S WHY I CAME
HOME WITH YOU,
AND THAT'S WHY
I'M GONNA GIVE YOU
EVERYTHING I HAVE.
I MEAN THAT, SON.
YOU NAME IT, IT'S YOURS.
Phillip: YOU HEAR THAT,
TREAT?
SHUT UP.
LUCKY THING,
ME MEETING UP WITH YOU
IN THAT BAR.
THIS IS
THE FIRST GOOD THING
THAT'S EVER HAPPENED
TO ME IN NEW JERSEY.
WHAT KIND OF FRIENDS
HAVE YOU GOT?
WHAT DO YOU MEAN?
I CALLED UP SOME PEOPLE,
TOLD THEM I HAD YOU.
I TOLD THEM
TO GET IT TOGETHER--
A MILLION BUCKS.
MM-HMM.
WHAT DID THEY DO?
THEY LAUGHED IN MY FACE.
I SAID, "WOULD YOU LIKE
TO RECEIVE HIS RING FINGER
WITH THE RING STILL ON IT?"
THEY SAID THEY WOULD
LOVE TO RECEIVE IT.
THEY SAID IF IT WAS
A NICE RING,
THEY WOULD MELT IT DOWN
AND GET A FEW BUCKS FOR IT
ON THE OPEN MARKET.
HA HA! THAT SOUNDS
LIKE THEM.
I, UH...I HOPE
YOU DIDN'T GIVE THEM
YOUR NAME AND ADDRESS.
I DIDN'T GIVE THEM
NO FUCKIN'
NAME AND ADDRESS.
GOOD.
WHAT DO YOU
THINK I AM, STUPID?
ABSOLUTELY NOT.
I'M CALLIN' UP PEOPLE,
ASKIN' 'EM FOR RANSOM,
I'M GONNA GIVE 'EM
MY FUCKIN' NAME
AND ADDRESS?
YOU'RE INTERESTED
IN MONEY, HUH?
WHAT DO YOU THINK?
I THINK SO.
HOW'D YOU LIKE
TO WORK FOR ME?
FOR YOU?
YEAH. GOOD PAY,
PLEASANT WORKING CONDITIONS.
YOU MUST BE KIDDIN'.
YOU COULD BE
MY PERSONAL BODYGUARD.
YOU HAVE A STREAK
OF VIOLENCE IN YOU, TREAT.
I LIKE THAT.
I'M OFFERING YOU 500 A WEEK
AND ALL EXPENSES PAID.
SHOVE IT.
HA HA...
I'M OFFERING YOU 750.
I DON'T WORK
FOR NO ONE, MISTER.
I'M OFFERING YOU
A THOUSAND A WEEK.
THAT COMES TO 52,000 A YEAR.
THAT'S NOT PEANUTS.
AND I'M, UH, TALKING
ABOUT A POSITION
WHERE THERE'S ROOM
FOR ADVANCEMENT.
I THINK YOU'RE
FULL OF SHIT.
HERE'S YOUR FIRST MONTH'S
SALARY IN ADVANCE.
$4,000.
COUNT IT.
BRING THAT HERE,
PHILLIP.
BRING IT THE FUCK HERE!
WHERE'D YOU GET THIS?
MY ARMPIT.
I GOT YOUR WALLET.
I NEVER CARRY
ALL MY MONEY
IN MY WALLET, TREAT,
JUST IN CASE
I GET ROBBED.
I CARRY MY MONEY
IN MY ARMPIT,
MY MONEY BELT, MY HAT,
ANYWHERE
BUT IN MY WALLET.
HOW MUCH
YOU GOT ON YOU?
QUITE A BIT, TREAT,
AND ACCESS TO MUCH MORE.
WHAT DO YOU SAY?
IS IT A DEAL?
NO DEAL.
A THOUSAND DOLLARS--
THAT'S MY FINAL OFFER.
I DON'T TAKE ORDERS.
I'M EASY TO GET ALONG WITH.
I KIDNAPPED YOU.
WHO'S
IN CONTROL HERE?
THAT DEPENDS.
I'M IN CONTROL.
THIS IS MY HOUSE.
YOU'RE
MY KIDNAP VICTIM.
I UNDERSTAND THAT.
YEAH. SO DON'T GO
OFFERIN' ME NOTHIN'.
EMPTY OUT YOUR
FUCKIN' POCKETS, MISTER.
I CAN'T DO THAT.
YOU CAN'T DO THAT?
IT'S, UH...
AGAINST MY PRINCIPLES.
I'LL CUT YOUR FUCKIN'
HEART OUT, MISTER.
DO WHAT HE SAYS,
HAROLD.
WHAT ARE YOU,
ON A FIRST-NAME BASIS?
PHILLIP AND I
HAVE AN UNDERSTANDING.
HE CALLS ME HAROLD,
I CALL HIM PHILLIP.
I DON'T WORK FOR NOBODY.
YOU UNDERSTAND ME?
THEY TRIED TO GET ME
TO WORK IN A DEPARTMENT
STORE ONCE.
THE ONLY TROUBLE IS
I BURNED IT DOWN.
HA HA HA...YOU'RE VIOLENT.
FUCKING-A, MISTER.
I LIKE IT.
[WHISTLING]
YOU DON'T GIVE ME
ALL YOUR MONEY
RIGHT NOW,
I'M GONNA CUT YOUR
FUCKIN' HEART OUT,
I SWEAR TO GOD.
HE'S NOT KIDDING.
I'LL GIVE YOU MONEY,
TREAT, I TOLD YOU THAT.
I'LL GIVE YOU WAY MORE
THAN WHAT I HAVE ON ME.
YOU WORK FOR ME.
THIS GUY'S CRAZY.
HE'S WELL-INTENTIONED,
TREAT.
HE DON'T HEAR
WHAT I'M SAYIN'.
I'M GONNA TAKE ON
THE TWO OF YOU,
AS A MATTER OF FACT.
I DON'T INTEND
TO LEAVE PHILLIP
OUT OF THE PICTURE.
I'M GONNA WORK OUT
A PACKAGE DEAL.
I'M TALKING ABOUT
NEW CLOTHES, FINE FOOD,
FANCY WOMEN.
YOU LIKE CASHMERE?
I LIKE CASHMERE.
I'M TALKING ABOUT
ALL OF THE BEST.
MAYBE WE SHOULD DO IT,
TREAT.
THIS GUY'S DANGEROUS.
HE'S PUTTIN' IDEAS
IN YOUR HEAD,
MAKIN' YOU THINK
YOU CAN GO OUT THERE
LIKE THE REST OF US.
I DON'T WANT YOU
DROPPIN' DEAD.
I AIN'T GONNA DROP DEAD.
I GOT THE RESPONSIBILITY
TO TAKE CARE OF YOU.
I DON'T WANT YOUR THROAT
AND TONGUE SWELLIN' UP.
I DON'T WANT YOU
GASPIN' FOR BREATH.
I AIN'T GONNA GASP
FOR BREAT'.
ALL RIGHT.
1,750 A WEEK
FOR THE TWO OF YOU
FOR THE FIRST SIX MONTHS
AND A NICE, HEALTHY BONUS
LATER ON.
I'M TALKING ABOUT
RED-HEADED WOMEN, TREAT.
RED-HEADED, FRECKLED WOMEN,
PHILLIP.
DO YOU LIKE BREASTS?
I LIKE BREASTS.
MMM. I HAVE GOT
JUST THE GIRL FOR YOU.
LET'S DO IT, TREAT.
I'LL CUT HIS
FUCKIN' HEART OUT!
DROP THE KNIFE, TREAT.
LITTLE DEAD-END KID,
MY OWN LITTLE DEAD-END KID,
OR YOU'RE GONNA BE
A DEAD DEAD-END KID.
FIRST THING YOU DO
YOU KIDNAP A MAN
IS FRISK HIM.
YOU'RE AN AMATEUR...
A RANK AMATEUR.
I'M NOT GONNA HURT YOU.
YOU UNDERSTAND?
I'M JUST GONNA HIRE YOU.
YOU'RE VIOLENT.
I REALIZED THAT
AT THE BAR DOWNTOWN.
THAT'S WHY
I CAME WITH YOU.
I ADMIRE VIOLENT MEN,
MEN WHO'LL STOP AT NOTHING.
YOU'RE GONNA WORK FOR ME,
MR. TREAT.
YOU'RE GONNA BE
MY PERSONAL BODYGUARD
AND ALL-AROUND MAN.
I'M GONNA TRAIN YOU.
IN A FEW WEEKS,
I'M GONNA BE ABLE
TO PUT MY LIFE
IN YOUR HANDS.
CAN YOU BELIEVE THAT?
RIGHT NOW YOU'RE
FILLED WITH RAGE.
YOU CAN HARDLY
CONTAIN YOURSELF.
YOU DON'T CARE
WHETHER YOU LIVE OR DIE.
YOU JUST WANT TO GET AT ME.
AM I RIGHT?
BULLETS DON'T MEAN
A THING TO YOU.
YOUR LIFE DON'T MEAN
A THING TO YOU.
YOU'RE A WILD ANIMAL.
BUT I'M GOING
TO TAME YOU, TREAT.
I'M GOING TO MAKE YOU
MY VERY OWN.
UH!
THAT'S, UH...
LESSON NUMBER ONE,
PHILLIP.
IT DOES NOT PAY
TO LOSE CONTROL.
YOU EVER LOSE
CONTROL?
NO.
COME HERE, SON.
YOU'RE A GOOD BOY.
WELL, LET ME
ENCOURAGE YOU.
YEAH.
YOU WANT A LITTLE
ENCOURAGEMENT, DON'T YOU?
I HAD A FABULOUS DAY
TODAY, HAROLD.
HOW ABOUT YOU?
CAN'T COMPLAIN.
HUH?
HEY, HOW ABOUT THAT?
HUH? LOOK AT THAT.
HEY.
WHAT DO YOU THINK
OF THIS FIT?
IT'S PERFECT.
YEAH? IT'S NOT TOO TIGHT
IN THE CROTCH THERE?
THE CROTCH IS FINE.
SAY, YOU LIKE THIS SUIT
AS MUCH AS YOU LIKE
THE BEIGE ONE?
I LIKE IT EVEN MORE.
NO KIDDIN'.
EVEN MORE THAN THE BEIGE?
YEAH.
BOY, I TELL YA,
I CAN REALLY GET
INTO THIS SHIT, HAROLD.
YOU DON'T MIND IF I HANG
ONTO THIS HERE PLASTIC
FOR A FEW MORE DAYS, DO YA?
BE MY GUEST.
I TELL YA, THIS LITTLE BASTARD
IS CHANGING MY LIFE.
YOU'RE DEVELOPING
A SENSE OF STYLE,
TREAT.
YEAH.
THAT'S FINE,
BUT REMEMBER...
EVERYTHING
IN MODERATION.
WELL, I DON'T KNOW MUCH
ABOUT MODERATION, HAROLD.
YEAH, I CAN SEE THAT,
TREAT.
IS THAT A NEW RING?
YEAH, IT'S A NEW RING,
HAROLD.
SAY, I GOT YOUR,
UH, CHICAGO PAPER HERE.
FINE.
SAY, WHAT ARE YOU DRINKIN'?
I APPRECIATE THAT.
I'M HAVING
BOURBON AND WATER.
BOURBON AND WATER
COMIN' UP.
THE ONLY CONSTANT THING
IN MY LIFE, TREAT.
EVERYTHING ELSE
IS IN FLUX.
THE WHOLE GODDAMN
UNIVERSE IS IN FLUX,
EXCEPT
THIS ONE CONSTANT.
WHENEVER LIQUOR
MAKES AN APPEARANCE,
YOU CAN BET
YOUR BOTTOM DOLLAR
OLD HAROLD
IS SURE TO ORDER
BOURBON AND WATER.
THAT'S GOOD TO KNOW.
THESE ARE THE FACTS
OF LIFE, TREAT.
MEMORIZE THEM.
THEY'RE MEMORIZED.
DID YOU STOP OFF
AT THE POST OFFICE?
I SURE DID, HAROLD.
I STOP OFF THERE
EVERY DAY.
AND I DON'T KNOW
WHAT'S HOLDING UP
YOUR MERCHANDISE.
HAVE PATIENCE.
IT'LL COME.
YOU KNOW, HAROLD,
IT'S A REAL PLEASURE
MIXING YOU
THESE BOURBON AND WATERS,
PICKING UP
THAT CHICAGO PAPER,
AND TAKING THEM VARIOUS
TAXICAB RIDES.
WHEN ARE YA GONNA SEND ME
ON A REAL ASSIGNMENT?
WHENEVER YOU'RE
READY, TREAT.
WELL, I'M READY NOW,
HAROLD.
WHAT DO YOU SAY
WE FLY UP TO CHICAGO
AND PICK UP
THAT MERCHANDISE?
HAH. CAN'T DO THAT.
THERE ARE
A NUMBER OF MEN
WHO ARE LOOKING FOR ME.
WHY DON'T I
FLY DOWN MYSELF?
YOU THINK YOU COULD
HANDLE IT?
OH, I CAN HANDLE IT,
HAROLD.
I'VE TAKEN GOOD CARE
OF YOU, HAVEN'T I?
HAVE NO COMPLAINTS.
NOBODY'S LAID
A HAND ON YOU, HAVE THEY?
NOBODY.
NOT EVEN A FINGER.
NOT A FINGER.
WHY, IF ONE OF THEM
FELLAS WAS FROM CHICAGO
WAS TO POINT
A GUN AT YOU,
I WOULD PUT MYSELF
BETWEEN YOUR BODY
AND THAT BULLET.
YOU'D HAVE TO MOVE
AWFULLY FAST.
OH, I CAN MOVE FAST,
HAROLD.
YOU'D SACRIFICE
YOURSELF?
WHATEVER IT TAKES.
THIS IS AMAZING.
SO HOW ABOUT IT,
HAROLD?
HOW ABOUT SENDING ME
TO CHICAGO--PICK UP
THAT MERCHANDISE?
WHAT ABOUT THE RING?
WHAT DOES THE RING HAVE TO DO
WITH MY GOIN' TO CHICAGO?
WHERE'D YOU GET IT?
SOME FELLA
GAVE IT TO ME.
WHAT DOES IT MATTER?
IT MATTERS.
WHAT WAS HIS NAME?
WELL, I DON'T
REMEMBER HIS NAME,
FOR CHRIST'S SAKE.
HERBIE, I THINK.
YEAH. HERBIE.
WELL, UH...NO.
IT WAS, UH...
JAKE, MAYBE.
YEAH. JAKE.
HAROLD...
I WAS STANDIN' ON A CORNER
WAITIN' FOR THE RED LIGHT
TO TURN GREEN,
WHEN THIS BIG, FAT,
SON OF A BITCH
CAME BY AND SCUFFED MY SHOE.
IT WAS AN ACCIDENT, HUH?
IT WAS MY BRAND-NEW
ALLIGATOR SHOE HERE.
THERE'S NO JUSTICE.
WHAT'S THAT
SUPPOSED TO MEAN?
WELL, IF YOU'RE
LOOKING FOR JUSTICE,
YOU'RE LIVING IN
THE WRONG CENTURY.
THIS IS
THE 20th CENTURY.
WELL, I DON'T KNOW
IF I AGREE WITH YOU
THERE, HAROLD.
DO YOU MIND IF WE HAVE
A SLIGHT DIFFERENCE
OF OPINION?
I DON'T MIND.
GOOD. BECAUSE WHEN
WE TURNED THE CORNER,
I GRABBED THE BIG
SON OF A BITCH
AND SLAMMED HIM
AGAINST THE WALL,
AND I TOOK HIS RING.
SO YOU SEE, HAROLD,
SOMETIMES, EVERY SO OFTEN,
THERE IS JUSTICE.
SO HOW ABOUT IT,
HAROLD?
HOW ABOUT SENDING ME
TO CHICAGO?
I GOT MY WHOLE
NEW WARDROBE.
NO, I'M AFRAID NOT.
NO?
WHAT DO YOU MEAN NO?
THERE'S MORE TO IT
THAN THAT.
WHAT ELSE IS THERE?
THERE'S YOUR FEELINGS.
WHAT'S THE MATTER
WITH MY FEELINGS?!
THEY'RE STILL
UNCONTROLLABLE.
WHAT AM I SUPPOSED
TO DO WITH 'EM, HUH?
DID YOU EVER TRY
COUNTING TO 10?
COUNTING TO 10?
YEAH. YOU KNOW,
1...2...3...4...
ET CETERA.
YOU MUST BE
KIDDIN', RIGHT?
I'M SERIOUS.
IT'S A FIRST STEP.
IT GIVES YOUR EMOTIONS
TIME TO SETTLE DOWN.
[PHILLIP WHISTLING
CHICAGO]
[STAMPING FEET]
1, 2, 3, 4,
5, 6, 7, 8,
9, 10!
Barney: I MUST BE DYIN'.
THIS MUST BE
FUCKIN' HEAVEN.
WHAT DID YOU DO, TREAT,
KNOCK OFF SOME PARAPLEGIC?
I WORK FOR
THIS FELLA NOW.
HE SENDS ME
ON ASSIGNMENTS.
I'M HIS BODYGUARD
AND RIGHT-HAND MAN.
I JUST BEEN
TO THE MAIN
POST OFFICE.
I STOP THERE
EVERY DAY FOR HIM.
HA HA HA!
WHO'S GONNA SEND YOU
ON AN ASSIGNMENT, TREAT,
SOME IGNORAMUS
WITH HIS HEAD UP HIS ASS?
WELL, BARNEY,
LOOK AT THIS.
MY FIRST
TWO MONTHS' SALARY.
AND THERE'S MORE
WHERE THIS COME FROM.
PLENTY MORE.
1, 2.
THE REASON I STOPPED BY,
BARNEY,
IS BECAUSE I BORROWED
ONE OF YOUR WRECKS
A FEW WEEKS AGO,
WANTED TO PAY MY DEBTS.
I AIN'T INTO
THIS NICKEL-AND-DIME
HUSTLE NO MORE.
I'M IN THE BIG TIME.
LISTEN, BARNEY,
HERE'S A LITTLE BONUS.
SPEND A NIGHT
IN THE WALDORF.
SPEND A COUPLE NIGHTS,
AS A MATTER OF FACT.
GIVE YOURSELF
A NEW LEASE ON LIFE.
THIS PLACE
IS A FUCKIN' NIGHTMARE.
LISTEN, WISE GUY,
I AIN'T HARD UP!
I DON'T NEED YOUR--
YOUR FUCKIN' CHARITY!
♪ OLD MacDONALD
HAD A FARM ♪
♪ E-I-E-I-O ♪
♪ AND ON THIS FARM
HE HAD SOME PIGS ♪
♪ E-I-E-I-O ♪
♪ WITH AN OINK OINK HERE
AND AN OINK OINK THERE... ♪♪
HA HA HA!
Harold: OK. WE'D BETTER
BREAK FOR LUNCH.
Phillip: ALL RIGHT,
LUNCH BREAK!
LUNCH!
ALL RIGHT, BOYS--
[HAROLD WHISTLING
OLD MacDONALD]
ALL RIGHT, BOYS! LUNCH!
LUNCH! LUNCH, BOYS!
Harold: HEY!
Treat: HEY, I GOT
SOMETHIN' SPECIAL HERE,
HAROLD.
WHAT'S THAT?
SPECIAL DELIVERY LETTER.
TOOK REAL GOOD CARE
OF THIS HERE BABY,
HAROLD.
I APPRECIATE THAT.
SAY, YOU WANT ME
TO OPEN IT FOR YOU?
NO, I CAN MANAGE THAT.
WOULD YOU PUT IT
IN MY POCKET, PLEASE?
YEAH, SURE THING,
HAROLD.
THANK YOU.
[WHISTLING]
YEAH...
[FOOTSTEPS ON STAIRS]
[WHISTLING OLD MacDONALD]
[WHISTLING OLD MacDONALD]
[HAROLD WHISTLING BACK]
YOU AND HAROLD
GETTIN' THICK AS THIEVES.
HAROLD'S NO THIEF.
OH, NO?
THEN HOW COME
HE SAID HE COULDN'T
GO BACK TO CHICAGO?
HOW COME HE SAID
HE WAS ON THE LAM?
HE DIDN'T SAY
HE WAS ON A LAMB.
NOT ON A LAMB,
ON THE LAM.
HE NEVER SAID HE WAS
ON ANY KIND OF LAMB.
DIDN'T YOU EVER HEAR
THAT EXPRESSION BEFORE?
I HEARD IT ON
THE LATE-NIGHT MOVIE,
THE BLACK HAND,
STARRING CORNEL WILDE.
AND WHAT DID YOU THINK?
YOU THINK CORNEL WILDE
WAS ON A LAMB?
YES.
WHAT WAS HE DOIN'
ON A LAMB?
HMM...MAYBE HE WAS
SITTING ON IT?
YOU GOT SOME
IMAGINATION, PHILLIP.
GOT SOMETHIN' FOR YOU.
WHAT'S THE MATTER?
WHAT'S THE MATTER?
YOU THINK I'M GONNA
DO SOMETHIN'.
IS THAT IT?
YES.
I'VE ALWAYS TAKEN
GOOD CARE OF YOU,
HAVEN'T I, PHILLIP?
HUH?
AN EXTRA-LARGE BOTTLE
OF HELLMANN'S MAYONNAISE.
WELL, UM...
I'M ACTUALLY SICK AND TIRED
OF MAYONNAISE, TREAT.
WHAT ARE YOU SAYIN'?
I GOT A TASTE
FOR CORNED BEEF
AND CABBAGE.
THE WAY HAROLD
PREPARES IT,
IT'S NICE AND THICK,
AND IT'S JUICY,
AND YOU DIP IT
IN THIS DARK BROWN
MUSTARD. SEE?
YOU JUST DIP IT
IN THERE.
WANT ME
TO CUT YOU OFF
A SLICE?
SUIT YOURSELF.
COME ON. LET'S EAT.
NICE SOUND, HUH?
RAIN ON THE ROOF.
HMM.
COME ON.
LET'S SEE.
OH.
YEAH,
THAT'S A GOOD BOOK.
IT'S A LITTLE STUFFY
IN HERE, ISN'T IT?
MAYBE I SHOULD
OPEN A WINDOW.
NO.
WHY NOT?
WELL, I AIN'T ALLOWED
TO BREATHE IN THE NIGHT AIR.
WHO SAID?
TREAT. HE SAYS IT'S EVEN
WORSE THAN THE DAY.
WELL, YOU CAN'T
KEEP OUT THE NIGHT.
IT SLIPS IN
THROUGH THE DOOR,
COMES IN THROUGH
THE CRACKS.
THE WHOLE
OF NEW JERSEY'S
COVERED BY THE NIGHT,
PHILLIP.
THE WHOLE OF
THE WESTERN HEMISPHERE,
AS A MATTER OF FACT.
[UNLOCKS WINDOW]
DON'T DO THAT,
HAROLD!
COME ON
OVER HERE, PHILLIP.
LET ME GIVE YOU
SOME ENCOURAGEMENT.
HA HA HA!
YOU DID REAL WELL, TREAT.
TOLD YOU I WAS
READY, HAROLD.
[CLINKING]
TOLD YOU
I COULD HANDLE
AN ASSIGNMENT.
WHAT TOOK YOU SO LONG?
I WAS GETTING WORRIED.
WELL, YOU KNOW
THE TRAFFIC, HAROLD.
DID YOU TAKE A CAB?
NAH, I TOOK THE BUS.
WELL, I GAVE YOU
SPECIFIC INSTRUCTIONS
BECAUSE I DIDN'T WANT
ANYONE FOLLOWING YOU HOME.
NO ONE FOLLOWED ME HOME,
HONEST TO GOD.
NEXT TIME, I'M GONNA
TAKE THE CAB, THOUGH,
BECAUSE THE BUS
WAS A REAL BITCH.
OH? WHY IS THAT?
THERE WAS
THIS BIG BLACK GUY
SITTIN' THERE--
MUST HAVE BEEN
A BASKETBALL PLAYER
OR SOMETHING.
HE WAS SITTIN' THERE
WITH HIS LONG LEGS
SPREAD OUT WIDE,
SQUEEZIN' THE LIFE OUT
OF ALL THE PASSENGERS
ON EITHER SIDE OF HIM.
TO HIS LEFT
WAS A GUY IN A SUIT.
NOW, I DIDN'T GIVE
A SHIT ABOUT HIM.
BUT TO HIS RIGHT
WAS THIS SWEET
LITTLE OLD LADY
ALL SCRUNCHED UP.
IT WAS--
WHAT HAPPENED?
YOU WANT TO HEAR
THE STORY?
YEAH, I'M VERY INTERESTED
IN THE STORY.
ALL RIGHT.
THE LITTLE OLD LADY
FINALLY GETS UP
AND LEAVES THE BUS,
SO I SIT DOWN.
THAT'S A MISTAKE.
IT'S A LONG RIDE
ON THE BUS, HAROLD.
YEAH. GO ON.
SO I'M SITTIN'
THERE, RIGHT?
UH-HUH.
UH-HUH.
THERE'S NO ROOM.
SO I FIGURE,
MAYBE IF I APPLY
A LITTLE LEG PRESSURE,
THIS GUY WILL EASE UP.
AND DID HE?
THE GUY DOESN'T BUDGE,
HAROLD.
SO I APPLY
MORE PRESSURE.
I MEAN,
I'M STRAININ'.
MY LEG IS STRAININ'
AGAINST THIS GUY'S
HUGE BLACK LEG.
AND THEN WHAT?
THE GUY LETS ON LIKE
NOTHIN'S HAPPENIN'.
I MEAN,
THIS FUCKIN' GUY IS
THE ROCK OF GIBRALTAR.
YOU WERE IN
A SITUATION, TREAT.
I WARNED YOU
ABOUT THIS.
WELL, I HAD NO CHOICE.
YOU DIDN'T HAVE TO
SIT DOWN.
I FIGURED THE GUY
WOULD SHIFT OVER.
THE MAN ISN'T
GONNA SHIFT OVER.
YOU KNEW THAT, TREAT--
LET'S LAY OUR CARDS
ON THE TABLE.
IN YOUR HEART OF HEARTS,
YOU KNEW THERE WAS NO WAY
THAT MAN
WAS GONNA SHIFT OVER.
HA HA HA!
YEAH, YOU'RE RIGHT.
IN MY HEART OF HEARTS,
I KNEW THIS GUY
WOULD NEVER SHIFT OVER.
AND YOU
SIT DOWN ANYWAY.
I SAT DOWN BECAUSE
THE SON OF A BITCH
WAS SQUEEZIN'
THE LIFE OUT OF
ALL THE PASSENGERS.
NOW, SOMEBODY HAD TO DO
SOMETHIN', RIGHT?
OH, YOU'RE TALKING
ABOUT JUSTICE AGAIN, HUH?
YEAH...JUSTICE.
I TURNED TO THE GUY,
AND I SAYS...
"GUESS WHAT'S IN
MY RIGHT HAND."
OH? WHAT ARE YOU DOING
WITH MY GUN?
IT WAS JUST LYIN'
AROUND, HAROLD.
I FIGURED I COULD
USE SOME PROTECTION.
UH-HUH.
GO ON WITH YOUR STORY.
I SAYS TO THE GUY,
"MY HAND IS PRESSED
AGAINST A PISTOL,
WHICH IS AIMED DIRECTLY
AT YOUR BLACK HEART."
YOU SAID THAT?
YEAH.
I TOLD HIM I WAS GONNA
COUNT TO 10, HAROLD,
JUST LIKE
YOU TAUGHT ME.
I SAYS, "IF YOU DON'T
CLOSE YOUR LEGS
"AND GIVE ME
BREATHING SPACE,
"BY THE TIME
I COUNT TO 10,
"MY INDEX FINGER'S
GONNA PRESS
AGAINST THE TRIGGER
"OF THIS HERE
SEMI-AUTOMATIC PISTOL,
"AND A BULLET
IS GOING TO EXPLODE
RIGHT THROUGH MY JACKET
INTO YOUR BIG
BLACK HEART."
HA HA HA!
HE SAT THERE QUIETLY
FOR A MOMENT,
AND THEN
I BEGAN COUNTIN',
JUST LIKE YOU SAID.
"1...2...3...4..."
AND BY THE TIME
I GOT TO 5,
HE WAS OFF OF THE BUS.
HA HA HA HA!
WHAT WOULD HAVE
HAPPENED, TREAT,
IF, UM, WELL...SAY--
LET'S SAY YOU GOT TO 10,
AND HE STILL
DIDN'T MOVE?
THAT WASN'T THE CASE.
NO, NO. I'M DISCUSSING
A HYPOTHETICAL SITUATION.
I DON'T KNOW NOTHIN'
ABOUT THEM
HYPOTHETICAL SITUATIONS.
NO, BUT YOU KNEW
WHEN YOU SAT DOWN,
IT WAS GOING TO BE
A CASE OF WILLS.
WELL, I KNEW THAT.
I ADMITTED THAT.
LET'S, UH, LET'S TAKE IT
ONE STEP FURTHER.
YOU GET TO 10,
HE DOESN'T BUDGE.
WHAT DO YOU DO?
HE DOESN'T BUDGE?
NOT AN INCH.
YOU WANT THE TRUTH,
HAROLD,
OR YOU WANT ME
TO BULLSHIT YOU?
I WANT THE TRUTH.
I BLOW THE BASTARD'S
BRAINS ALL OVER THE BUS!
BOOM! BOOM! BOOM! BOOM!
HA HA HA!
AND THEN WHAT?
WHAT DO YOU MEAN,
THEN WHAT?
WELL, HE'S DEAD.
BLOOD IS EVERYWHERE.
BLOOD'S ALL OVER
YOUR NEW SUIT.
BLOOD'S ALL OVER
THE PEOPLE AROUND YOU,
WHO ARE SCREAMING.
WHAT DO YOU DO?
WELL, I DIDN'T THINK
ABOUT THAT.
WELL, YOU'RE
CARRYING A PACKAGE
THAT COULD BE WORTH
HUNDREDS OF THOUSANDS
OF DOLLARS.
HUNDREDS OF THOUSANDS
OF DOLL--WHAT DO YOU DO?
WELL, JESUS, HAROLD,
I DON'T KNOW. I, UH...
I RUN, I SUPPOSE.
I, UH...
I, UH, JUMP OFF THE BUS,
AND I RUN
DOWN THE STREET.
YEAH, YOU'RE RUNNING
DOWN THE STREET,
COVERED FROM HEAD TO FOOT
WITH BLOOD.
I TRUSTED YOU, TREAT.
I RELIED ON YOU.
JESUS, HAROLD,
THIS IS, UH, TERRIBLE.
YOU'RE NOT READY TO GO
ON AN ASSIGNMENT.
YOU CAN'T CONTROL
YOUR FEELINGS.
LET ME HAVE THE GUN.
LET ME HAVE THE GUN.
HEY, UH...
GIVE ME ANOTHER CHANCE.
OK, I'M GONNA GIVE YOU
ONE MORE CHANCE.
PHILLIP!
YES?
DID YOU HEAR THE STORY?
MM-HMM.
YOU'RE ON THE BUS.
YOU PLAY THE BLACK MAN.
I'M THE BLACK MAN.
I'M THE BLACK MAN.
YOU'RE THE BLACK MAN.
YOU DON'T BUDGE FOR ANYTHING.
OK...
SIT NEXT TO HIM,
TREAT.
Phillip: I WON'T
FUCKIN' BUDGE, HAROLD.
♪ IF I HAD
THE WINGS ♪
♪ OF AN ANGEL... ♪
HE'S SINGIN', HAROLD.
THAT'S ALL RIGHT.
WHAT THE FUCK
IS HE SINGIN' ABOUT?
THE BLACK GUY DIDN'T SING.
IT'S ALL RIGHT.
YOU JUST CONCENTRATE
ON YOUR PART.
♪ BACK TO THE ARMS
OF MY POOR LOVER ♪
I'M CONCENTRATIN'.
RIGHT. YOU SIT DOWN.
THE BUS IS CROWDED.
YOU HAVE NO ROOM.
WHAT DO YOU DO?
WELL, I DON'T DO NOTHIN'
BECAUSE I DON'T WANT
TO CREATE A SITUATION.
[SINGING LOUDER]
YOUR BALLS
ARE TURNIN' BLUE.
MY BALLS ARE BLUE?
MM-HMM. WHAT DO YOU DO?
♪ I WOULD FLY... ♪
WELL, MAYBE I JUST GIVE HIM
A LITTLE NUDGE, YOU KNOW,
HAROLD?
JUST TO TEST THE WATERS.
MM-HMM. YOU'RE DOING THAT?
YEAH.
I'M GIVING HIM A NUDGE.
MM-HMM. GO ON.
♪ OH, BAH, OH, BAH ♪
THE BASTARD WON'T--
THEN WHAT DO YOU DO? HUH?
I DON'T DO NOTHIN'
BECAUSE I DON'T WANT
TO CREATE A SITUATION.
I JUST EASE UP...
AND I JUST SIT HERE
WITH MY BLUE BALLS.
OK. OK.
THE BUS IS JAM-PACKED,
AND A CRIPPLE COMES ON.
A CRIPPLE?
YEAH. A HORRIBLY
DEFORMED CRIPPLE,
A--A SOLDIER,
A VIETNAM VETERAN,
HIS TESTICLES BLOWN OFF
IN THE WAR.
AW, JESUS! HIS TESTICLES?
YEAH! THE MAN IS
A WALKING NIGHTMARE.
EACH STEP IS TERRIBLE AGONY.
I'LL PLAY THAT MAN.
OOOOH! OOOOH AAA-AAA-AAH!
HELP ME, SOMEBODY!
I'M IN PAIN!
WON'T SOMEBODY PLEASE
GIVE ME A SEAT?!
HERE, MISTER.
TAKE MY SEAT, PLEASE.
I CAN'T SIT THERE.
THERE'S NO ROOM THERE.
THIS GUY! LOOK HERE!
HEY, BUDDY! WHY DON'T YOU
MOVE OVER A LITTLE BIT,
GIVE THIS GUY A SEAT?
HE'S A VET.
AH! AH! AH!
WHY DON'T YOU GO
TAKE A FLYIN' SHIT?
[SINGING]
[MOANING]
WHAT DID YOU SAY TO ME?
I'M NOT GONNA MOVE
A FUCKIN' INCH.
YOU UNDERSTAND ME?
THE GUY NEVER SAID THAT,
HAROLD.
PLEASE! THE MEDICINE
IS WEARING OFF!
JESUS! THE MEDICINE'S
WEARING OFF?!
[SINGING LOUDER]
♪ IF I HAD THE WINGS... ♪
PLEASE! I'M IN PAIN!
WHY DON'T YOU
KISS MY ASS?
AAH! AAH! AAH!
[PHILLIP SINGING]
I GAVE MY BALLS
FOR YOU GUYS!
AAH! AAH!
♪ IF I HAD THE WINGS
OF AN ANGEL ♪
HOW DARE YOU
TREAT ME LIKE THIS?!
I'VE GOT A PURPLE HEART!
I WAS DECORATED!
I GOT NO BALLS!
I GOT
A PURPLE HEART!
♪ I'M GONNA KISS HER,
I'M GONNA HUG HER... ♪
AAH! AAH! AAH!
AAH! AAH! AAH!
THE PAIN!
OH, HAROLD!
I HAVEN'T BEEN LAID
SINCE 1969,
AND NONE OF YOU CARE!
♪ PRISON WALLS
I WOULD FLY-- ♪♪
ACKKK...
GAA...GOD!
Phillip: WHAT HAPPENED?
HIS FEELINGS
WERE TOO MUCH FOR HIM.
YOU TRIED, THOUGH,
DIDN'T YA, HUH?
LITTLE DEAD-END KID...
I APPRECIATE THAT.
HEY, HEY, HEY, HEY.
DON'T BE AFRAID, SON.
I'M NOT YOUR SON.
I DON'T NEED YOU!
TREAT?
TREAT?
TREAT?
[TELEVISION PLAYS]
AAH!
[GUNSHOT]
[TELEVISION PLAYS LOUDLY]
PHILLIP, I THINK
YOU'RE READY FOR A WALK.
A WALK?
MM-HMM.
I--I--I DON'T THINK
I CAN DO THAT, HAROLD.
OH, WHY NOT?
BECAUSE ONCE I GO OUT,
ONCE I TURN THE CORNER
AND LOSE SIGHT
OF THE HOUSE,
TREAT SAYS I MIGHT
NEVER FIND MY WAY
BACK HOME AGAIN.
YOU KNOW YOUR ADDRESS,
DON'T YOU?
I KNOW MY ADDRESS,
ALL RIGHT--6040
NORTH KOMACK STREET--
BUT, HAROLD,
THE ONLY THING IS
TREAT SAYS YOU GO UP
TO THE WRONG PERSON
AND ASK DIRECTIONS,
WHY...THEY MIGHT EVEN
SLIT YOUR THROAT.
I HAVE SOMETHING
FOR YOU, PHILLIP.
YOU NEED NEVER WORRY
ABOUT GETTING LOST AGAIN.
WHAT IS IT?
IT'S A MAP OF NEWARK.
I'VE NEVER
SEEN ONE BEFORE.
YOU NEVER SAW A MAP?
I'VE SEEN A MAP OF
THE UNITED STATES
OF AMERICA,
BUT...I DIDN'T KNOW
THERE WERE MAPS
OF CITIES AND STREETS.
THERE ARE MAPS
OF EVERYTHING, PHILLIP.
THERE'S A MAP
OF THE WHOLE PLANET EARTH.
THERE'S A MAP
OF THE MILKY WAY GALAXY
THAT WE'RE A PART OF.
WE ARE?
MM-HMM.
WE'RE TUCKED AWAY
SAFE AND SOUND
AT THE VERY EDGE
OF THE MILKY WAY,
WHICH IS SWIMMING
IN THE GREAT OCEAN OF SPACE.
WE'RE CIRCLING
THE SUN, PHILLIP.
WE'RE IN THE WESTERN HEMISPHERE,
NORTH AMERICAN CONTINENT...
STATE OF NEW JERSEY...
ESSEX COUNTY.
YOU SEE THIS?
UH-HUH.
YOU KNOW WHAT THAT IS?
WHAT IS IT?
NEWARK.
HA HA HA!
AND THIS...
IS KOMACK STREET.
THAT'S KOMACK STREET?
THE 6040 BLOCK.
I'M GOING TO
CIRCLE IT, PHILLIP,
SO THAT YOU'LL
NEVER GET LOST AGAIN.
YOU'RE GOING TO KNOW
EXACTLY WHERE YOU ARE
IN TIME AND SPACE.
HAROLD?
MM-HMM?
CAN I KEEP IT?
IT'S YOURS.
I KNOW WHERE
I AM NOW, HAROLD.
I KNOW EXACTLY
WHERE I AM.
HEY, UH...
SLIP YOUR ARM IN.
AND THE OTHER.
THERE.
[CHILDREN SHOUTING]
[DOG BARKING]
HA HA!
HA HA HA!
AH HA HA HA!
HA HA HA!
LOOK AT HIM!
HA HA HA!
HA HA HA HA!
HA HA HA HA!
WHEEEE!
WHEEEE!
HA HA HA!
OH, HA HA!
Radio: AND A SPOKESMAN
FOR THE COMPANY SAYS
FULL SERVICE WILL BE
RESUMED BY TUESDAY.
AND NOW THE WEATHER--
THE NEXT THREE DAYS
WILL BE MOSTLY...
[RUMBLING]
Treat: PHILLIP!
Phillip: TREAT?
YOU ALL RIGHT?
WHAT ARE YOU DOIN'
WITH THAT COAT?
THAT'S--THAT'S
MOM'S COAT.
HOW COME YOU'RE
HOLDIN' MOM'S COAT?
YOU SEEN HAROLD?
I SEEN A FRIEND OF YOURS.
HA...
WHO'D YOU SEE?
I SEEN
YOUR OLD BUDDY--
ERROL FLYNN.
HE'S NOT MY BUDDY.
I HARDLY KNOW HIM.
I'M WONDERIN'...
WHAT A FAMOUS MOVIE STAR
LIKE ERROL FLYNN
IS DOIN' HANGIN'
AROUND NEWARK...
SNEAKIN'
INTO PEOPLE'S HOUSES,
UNDERLININ' WORDS,
UNDERLININ' SENTENCES,
EVEN PHRASES.
I WOULDN'T KNOW.
HE MUST HAVE BEEN
HANGIN' AROUND HERE
FOR YEARS, PHILLIP.
LOOK AT THIS.
LIFE ON THE MISSISSIPPI...
BY MARK TWAIN.
THE ARABIAN NIGHTS.
THE COUNTY OF FUCKING
MONTE CRISTO!
AND IN EACH
OF THESE BOOKS, PHILLIP...
UNDERLINED WORDS,
THOUSANDS
OF UNDERLINED WORDS!
LOOK WHAT ELSE
I FOUND HERE, PHILLIP.
HEH HEH HEH...
ALL THIS TIME,
WE WAS THINKIN'...
SHE WAS SOME KIND OF...
ONE-LEGGED TRAMP.
AND ALL ALONG,
SHE HAD TWO LEGS.
HA HA HA!
IMAGINE THAT.
SHE DOES HAVE
AN UNUSUAL PROBLEM,
THOUGH, PHILLIP.
THIS IS A SHOE
FOR A RIGHT FOOT,
AND THE SHOE
WE THREW OUT THE WINDOW
WAS FOR ANOTHER
RIGHT FOOT,
WHICH LEADS ME
TO BELIEVE
THAT THIS WOMAN
HAS TWO RIGHT FEET.
HA...
WHAT THE FUCK DOES SHE
LOOK LIKE, HUH, PHILLIP?
SOME KIND OF AWFUL MONSTER
WALKIN' AROUND
THE STREETS OF NEW JERSEY,
LEANIN' TO THE LEFT.
HUH?
I TOOK A WALK
TONIGHT, TREAT.
I WA--I WALKED
ALL THE WAY OVER
TO THE SUBWAY STATION.
I AIN'T INTERESTED.
I WAS BREATHIN' OK.
I DIDN'T--I DIDN'T HAVE
NO ALLERGY REACTION
LIKE YOU SAID I WOULD.
I DON'T WANT
TO HEAR NO MORE.
HAROLD TOLD ME A SECRET.
YOU KNOW, YOU CAN--
YOU CAN STAND ALL DAY
AT THOSE TURNSTILES
PUTTIN' IN NICKELS
AND DIMES
YOU CAN SAY OPEN SESAME,
YOU CAN SAY ALL KINDS
OF WORDS,
BUT IT WON'T DO ANY GOOD
UNLESS YA GOT ONE OF
THESE MAGICAL COINS,
SEE?
THIS IS A TOKEN.
BUT IF HAROLD HADN'T
GIVEN ME ONE OF THOSE,
I NEVER WOULD HAVE BEEN
ABLE TO TAKE THAT RIDE.
ANYBODY CAN BUY
ONE OF THEM LOUSY TOKENS!
ALL YA GOTTA DO IS
GO INTO ANY TOKEN BOOTH
IN THE COUNTRY!
BUT YOU NEVER TOLD ME
ABOUT TOKENS BOOTHS!
YOU NEVER TOLD ME
ABOUT NOTHIN'!
I WAS OUT
MAKIN' US A LIVIN'.
I HAD THE RESPONSIBILITY!
YOU TOLD ME I WOULD DIE
IF I WENT OUTSIDE!
YOU DON'T REMEMBER WHAT
HAPPENED LAST TIME?!
YOUR FACE SWOLL UP!
YOUR TONGUE WAS HANGIN'
OUTTA YOUR MOUTH!
YOU COULDN'T BREATHE!
I TOOK A WALK
TONIGHT, TREAT.
I WALKED OVER
TO BROAD AND OLNEY.
AND I WAS--I WASN'T
EVEN SCARED.
'CAUSE HAROLD--
HE GAVE ME SOMETHIN'.
LOOK, TREAT.
SEE?
IT'S A FUCKING MAP.
BUT YOU...YOU NEVER
GAVE ME NO MAP.
YOU NEVER TOLD ME
I COULD FIND MY WAY.
I DIDN'T WANT US
SEPARATED.
I DIDN'T WANT NOTHIN'
TO HAPPEN TO YOU!
NOTHIN'S GONNA
HAPPEN TO ME,
'CAUSE I KNOW
WHERE I AM NOW--
AND YOU AIN'T NEVER
GONNA TAKE THAT
AWAY FROM ME!
WHERE ARE YOU?
I'M AT 6040
NORTH KOMACK STREET
IN NEWARK.
I'M ON THE EASTERN EDGE
OF THE STATE
OF NEW JERSEY
IN THE UNITED
STATES OF AMERICA
ON THE NORTH
AMERICAN CONTINENT
ON THE PLANET EARTH
IN THE MILKY WAY GALAXY
SWIMMIN' IN THE GREAT
OCEAN OF SPACE.
I'M SAFE AND SOUND
ON THE VERY EDGE
OF THE MILKY WAY.
THAT'S WHERE I AM,
TREAT.
YOU'RE IT, TREAT.
YOU'RE IT.
THE GAME'S OVER.
HOW COME HAROLD
NEVER MENTIONED TO YOU
THAT THERE WAS
PEOPLE OUT THERE
WHO MIGHT JUST WALK UP
AND STEAL YOUR MAP,
PHILLIP? HUH?
TERRIBLE PEOPLE...
GIVE ME MY MAP.
MALICIOUS PEOPLE...
TREAT, GIVE ME MY MAP.
PEOPLE WHO GOT
NO SCRUPLES AT ALL.
STOP TEARING IT,
YOU--FUCK! FUCK!
UH! OOH!
I FUCKIN' HATE YOU!
I FUCKIN'--
I HATE YOU!
I HATE YOU!
I HATE YOU!
DO YOU HATE ME?
I HATE YOU!
DO YOU HATE ME?
I HA--
DAA!
UH!
UH!
AAH!
DAA!
[COUGHING AND GASPING]
GUESS YOU DON'T
NEED ME ANYMORE,
HUH, PHILLIP?
I GUESS YOU
CAN GET ALONG
WITHOUT ME.
I'M GOING TO GO
VISIT PLACES.
I GUESS YOU DON'T NEED
YOUR BIG BROTHER TREAT
NO MORE.
YOUR BIG BROTHER TREAT,
WHO STOLE
SO WE COULD HAVE FOOD
ON THE TABLE,
SO YOU COULD HAVE THEM
STARKIST TUNA SANDWICHES
SPREAD THICK WITH
HELLMANN'S MAYONNAISE.
THEN,
WHEN THEY COME FOR YOU,
YOUR BIG BROTHER TREAT,
WHO STOOD IN THE DOOR,
BLOCKIN' THE WAY.
YOU REMEMBER?
I REMEMBER.
YOU WERE CRYIN'.
YOU HID IN THE CLOSET.
THEN WHEN THEY TRIED
TO COME IN...
I STOPPED 'EM.
I BIT THE MAN'S HAND.
I WAS ONLY A LITTLE BOY,
BUT I BIT THE MAN'S HAND,
YOU REMEMBER?
I REMEMBER.
I TOOK CARE OF YOU...
ALL THESE YEARS.
YOU DON'T NEED ME ANYMORE,
IS THAT RIGHT, PHILLIP?
I'M LEAVIN'!
WHERE WAS HE ALL THESE YEARS
I WAS RAISIN' YOU, PHILLIP?!
WHERE THE HELL WAS HE?!
HUH?!
WHERE THE HELL WAS HE,
PHILLIP?!
[DOOR OPENS]
HAROLD.
HA HA!
I KNEW YOU'D BE BACK.
I KNEW IT.
I'D NEVER LEAVE YOU,
PHILLIP.
YOU WOULDN'T?
I'LL ALWAYS BE WITH YOU...
FOREVER AND EVER.
YOU CAN COUNT ON ME.
I FOUND MY WAY HOME.
I FOUND MY OWN HOME,
ONLY I AIN'T GOT
NO MORE MAP.
OH...DON'T MATTER.
YOU CAN GET A MAP
AT ANY GAS STATION.
I CAN?
MM-HMM.
HMM.
YEAH, ALL...
ALL OVER AMERICA.
YOU'LL NEVER BE
LOST AGAIN.
M-MAYBE ONE DAY
I WON'T EVEN NEED A MAP.
MAYBE.
[BREATHING HEAVILY]
I STOLE THE, UH...
THE GERMAN'S KEY
ONE NIGHT, BOYS.
A BIG GERMAN
SON OF A BITCH. HUH.
I REACHED
RIGHT INTO HIS POCKET
AND...STOLE HIS KEY.
YOU NEVER SEEN
NOTHIN' LIKE IT.
ORPHANS EVERYWHERE...
RUNNIN'
THROUGH THE STREETS...
PRESSIN' THEIR FACES
AGAINST THE WINDOW.
GERMAN BEAT
THE LIVIN' HELL OUT OF US
WHEN WE GOT BACK.
HA...
WE DIDN'T MIND, THOUGH,
BECAUSE...WE'D SEEN
WHAT WE HAD TO SEE.
IT'S ALL RIGHT, PHILLIP.
YOU JUST NEEDED
SOME ENCOURAGEMENT.
HOW ABOUT YOU, SON?
COME ON OVER HERE...
AND LET ME GIVE YOU
SOME ENCOURAGEMENT.
YOU'RE A DEAD-END KID,
THOUGH, AIN'T YA?
I KNOW...
I KNOW...
A FUCKIN'
DEAD-END KID...
WHEN I SEE ONE.
HAROLD?
HAROLD.
HAROLD?
I NEED SOME...
I NEED SO--
[CRYING]
HE CAN'T HEAR YOU,
PHILLIP.
[SOBBING]
HE'S DEAD.
I NEVER TOUCHED
HIS HAND BEFORE.
IT'S OK NOW, THOUGH...
BECAUSE HE'S DEAD.
OH...
SOMETHIN'S WRONG.
SOMETHIN' HURTS.
AAAHOH!
OHHH!
NO!
NO!
NO!
NO!
NO!
DON'T...LEAVE ME,
HAROLD!
DON'T...LEAVE ME.
I AM A DEAD-END KID,
HAROLD.
I AM A FUCKIN'
DEAD-END KID.
HAROLD!
NOOOHHH!
NOOOOHHH!
NO!
NO! NO!
NO!
NO!
NO!
NO!
NO!
NO!
COME ON. OK.
OHH...
NO.
[WHISTLING
THE PRISONER'S SONG]
CAPTIONING MADE POSSIBLE BY
WARNER BROS.
CAPTIONING PERFORMED BY
THE NATIONAL CAPTIONING
INSTITUTE, INC.
CAPTIONS COPYRIGHT 1988
LORIMAR PRODUCTIONS, INC.