Orphans (1987) - full transcript

The two brothers Treat and Philip live alone since they were kids. Interdependent they dwell in a left house and live of little thefts, until an aging minor criminal moves in with them and takes over the role of a father.

CAPTIONING MADE POSSIBLE BY

WARNER BROS.

YOU DON'T HAPPEN TO HAVE

A CIGARETTE ON YOU, DO YOU?

SORRY. I DON'T SMOKE.

I'M DOING

KIND OF A SURVEY.

YOU'RE NOT

A FAMILY MAN,

ARE YOU?

WELL, I HAVE A FAMILY.

COULD I SEE

A PICTURE OF 'EM?

YOU HAVE A PICTURE?

YOU WANT TO SEE A PICTURE

OF MY FAMILY?

I REALLY WOULD

APPRECIATE IT.

UH-HUH.

YOU GOT

A BOY AND A GIRL.

THAT'S RIGHT.

WHERE'S THE WIFE?

SHE'S NOT THERE.

WHY IS THAT?

WE'RE DIVORCED.

WELL, THAT'S TERRIBLE.

IT'S NOT SO BAD.

WELL, MAYBE NOT FOR YOU,

BUT HOW ABOUT

THE KIDDIES?

CAN I SEE YOUR WATCH?

I AM NOT GOING

TO GIVE YOU MY WATCH!

THANK YOU

VERY MUCH, MISTER.

GIVE IT TO ME!

GOD DAMN IT!

YOU GIVE IT TO ME NOW,

GOD DAMN IT!

AAAH!

OWWW!

YOU CUT ME!

I'M BLEEDING,

YOU BASTARD!

OH, GOD,

I'M BLEEDING!

I'M GONNA DIE!

OH, NO!

I'M GONNA DIE!

OH, NO!

IT'S ALL RIGHT.

IT'S JUST

A FUCKIN' SCRATCH!

OH, GOD!

ALL RIGHT.

THERE YOU GO, MISTER.

GOOD AS NEW, ALL RIGHT?

OOH!

[HONKING]

HEY! WHAT ARE YOU DOIN'?!

WHAT THE FUCK

ARE YOU DOIN'?!

YOU DON'T SEE HER?!

FUCK YOU!

GET OUT OF THE FUCKIN' CAB!

GET OUT, FUCKER!

FUCK!

COME OVER HERE!

COME OVER HERE!

YOU, OUT HERE, RIGHT NOW!

GET THE FUCK OVER HERE!

MY CAB!

[HONKING]

MY FUCKIN' CAB!

FUCK YOU, TOO!

MY CAB!

DO YOU THINK YOU COULD

HURRY THAT UP, PLEASE?

MR. CHIPS IS GETTING COLD.

AREN'T YOU, BABY?

[WHISTLES]

NEWARK AIRPORT.

PUT THESE BAGS

IN THE TRUNK.

YEAH, SURE.

THANK YOU.

THANK YOU, MADAM.

HAVE A GOOD DAY.

HOW YOU DOIN', LADY?

IT'S A BEAUTIFUL DAY, ISN'T IT?

PICK THE BAGS UP AND

PUT THEM IN THE CAR.

THAT IS A NICE DOGGIE.

YES. PLEASE BE

CAREFUL WITH IT.

DON'T DRAG IT

ALONG LIKE THAT!

PLEASE BE CAREFUL

WITH THOSE BAGS.

THEY'RE EXTREMELY

VALUABLE.

THEY'RE--MADE BY--

TREAT THEM GENTLY,

IF YOU DON'T MIND.

I DON'T MIND.

BARBARIAN!

GET IN THE CAR!

DRIVE ME

TO THE AIRPORT!

SOMEBODY OPEN

THIS DOOR, PLEASE.

WHERE IS HE?

WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!

PHILLIP.

HEY, PHILLIP!

HEY!

YOU HOME?

OF COURSE YOU'RE HOME.

WHERE THE HELL ELSE

ARE YOU GONNA BE, HUH?

HEY!

PHILLIP!

YOU IN THERE?

YOU HIDIN' FROM

YOUR BIG BROTHER TREAT?

HUH?

DO YOU HEAR ME, PHILLIP?

I AIN'T IN THE MOOD

FOR NO HIDE-AND-GO-SEEK GAMES,

PHILLIP.

PHILLIP?

DON'T TAG ME.

I AIN'T

GONNA TAG YOU.

'CAUSE I'M SICK AND TIRED

OF BEING IT, TREAT.

I TOLD YA.

I AIN'T GONNA TAG YA.

YOU PROMISE?

YEAH.

I PROMISE.

YOU HAVE LUNCH TODAY?

MM-HMM.

WHAT DID YOU HAVE?

I HAD STARKIST TUNA.

YEAH?

MAYONNAISE?

MM-HMM.

HELLMANN'S.

HOW MUCH MAYONNAISE

YOU HAVE, PHILLIP?

HMM. JUST A COUPLE

OF TABLESPOONS.

A COUPLE OF TABLESPOONS, HUH?

MM-HMM.

IF YOU ONLY HAD

A COUPLE OF TABLESPOONS,

HOW COME WE'RE OUT OF IT?

AH!

YOU'RE IT, PHILLIP.

NO.

YOU'RE FUCKIN' IT!

HA HA!

YOU PROMISED!

I HAD MY FINGERS CROSSED.

I COME OUT 'CAUSE

YOU SAID YOU WOULDN'T!

HA HA HA!

YOU'RE IT!

TIME OUT, PHILLIP.

HA HA HA HA...

THE GAME'S OVER!

NO!

YEAH. I'M GOIN'

OUT TONIGHT, SEE BARNEY.

HEY IF YOU GO OUT,

WILL YOU BRING HOME

SOME MORE HELLMANN'S?

YOU KNOW, PHILLIP...

THIS PLACE

IS GOIN' TO SHIT.

WE'RE GONNA HAVE TO PAY

FOR SOME HOME IMPROVEMENTS.

WE NEVER HAD

HOME IMPROVEMENTS

BEFORE, TREAT.

YA KNOW, I TOOK A WALK

IN THE PARK TODAY.

BUMPED INTO THIS FELLA.

MM-HMM.

KICKED ME RIGHT

IN THE SHINS.

HE KICKED YOU?

YUP. LOOK AT THAT.

JESUS!

GONNA BE FUCKIN'

BLACK AND BLUE.

I'LL GET

THE HYDROGEN PEROXIDE.

HOW COME YOU CAN

REMEMBER ALL THEM

BRAND NAMES, PHILLIP?

I DON'T KNOW.

I MEAN...YOU DON'T HAVE

MUCH OF AN INTELLECT

FOR ANYTHING ELSE,

BUT YOU SEEM

TO BE ABLE TO REMEMBER

ALL THEM BRAND NAMES

AND THE NAMES OF

THEM VARIOUS PRIZES.

JUST COMES TO ME.

WHAT'S THIS, PHILLIP?

WHAT'S WHAT?

HOW COME THERE ARE

UNDERLINED WORDS

IN THIS MAGAZINE?

I GOT NO IDEA, TREAT.

HERE'S A WORD HERE.

"PROVER..."

"PROVERBIAL."

DID YOU UNDERLINE

THIS WORD?

YOU KNOW

I CAN'T READ, TREAT.

YOU GOT A DICTIONARY,

PHILLIP?

NO, I GOT NO DICTIONARY.

YOU SURE YOU AIN'T GOT

A...POCKET DICTIONARY?

YOU SURE...YOU AIN'T

SPENDIN' THE DAY

READIN' BOOKS

AND MAGAZINES,

LOOKIN' UP THE MEANINGS

OF PARTICULAR WORDS,

GETTIN' YOURSELF

AN EDUCATION?

I GOT NO EDUCATION.

WHO UNDERLINED

THIS FUCKIN' WORD?

IT WASN'T ME!

DID SOMEONE

COME IN THE HOUSE

WHILE I WAS AWAY?

I DON'T KNOW.

I WAS IN THE ATTIC.

SOMEONE COME IN THE HOUSE

WHILE YOU WAS IN THE ATTIC

AND UNDERLINED

THIS FUCKIN' WORD?

MAYBE.

YEAH?

YEAH, MAYBE.

MAYBE HE DID.

FIND HIM.

ALL RIGHT.

KILL HIM.

OK.

I WANT HIM DEAD,

YOU UNDERSTAND?

YEAH.

A MAN STEALING

IN MY HOUSE LIKE THAT.

KILL HIM.

YEAH.

M-MAYBE HE'S UPSTAIRS.

YEAH.

MAYBE HE'S UPSTAIRS.

MAYBE HE'S HIDING

UNDER THE BED.

YEAH. GO GET HIM.

I'M GONNA GET HIM.

ALL RIGHT, BUDDY.

ALL RIGHT,

WHERE ARE YOU?

EVERYTHING'S GOING

TO BE FINE, SON.

EVERYTHING'S

GOING TO BE FINE.

HEY, LISTEN, BUDDY,

YOU BETTER GET OUT OF HERE.

YOU BETTER GET OUT

OF HERE RIGHT NOW, BUDDY.

I'M GONNA KILL YOU.

IT'S ALL RIGHT, SON.

IT'S ALL RIGHT.

DON'T TOUCH ME!

DON'T TOUCH ME, BUDDY!

OH, NO. TREAT!

HE'S COMIN'

AT ME, TREAT!

HE'S COMIN' AT ME!

HE'S GONNA--

[CRASH]

AAH! OH, MY GOD!

SON OF A BITCH!

DID YOU GET HIM?

NO, TREAT.

HE GOT ME.

WHAT DO YOU MEAN?

I'M BLEEDIN'.

WHERE IS HE?

HE LEAPED OUT THE WINDOW.

OUT THE WINDOW?

YEAH.

HE GOT AWAY?

UH-HUH.

WHAT DID HE

LOOK LIKE, PHILLIP?

ERROL FLYNN.

ERROL FLYNN?

THE MOVIE ACTOR.

YEAH, I KNOW

ERROL FLYNN.

HE COULD'VE

BROKE A LEG LEAPIN' OUT

A WINDOW LIKE THAT.

HE MUST BE

SOME KIND OF ATHLETE.

THAT LOOKS PRETTY BAD

THERE, PHILLIP.

YEAH.

WELL, I BETTER PUT ON

SOME HYDROGEN PEROXIDE.

COME ON, TREAT,

IT BURNS.

YOU DON'T WANT IT

TO GET INFECTED.

AW, COME ON.

IT AIN'T GONNA

GET INFECTED.

YOU DON'T WANT

TO LOSE YOUR ARM.

I AIN'T GONNA

LOSE MY ARM.

PLEASE.

[TARZAN YELL]

YOU'RE BRINGING

ME DRECK, BOY.

IT'S A STRING OF

FUCKIN' PEARLS, BARNEY!

WHAT'S THIS?

A BULOVA.

A FUCKIN' BULOVA.

"I LOVE YOU, SID.

MILLIE."

JESUS. I'M GONNA PUKE.

WHO'S GONNA WEAR THIS?

A FUCKIN' CORPSE

WOULDN'T WEAR A RING

LIKE THIS.

YOU GOT ANYTHING ELSE?

WHAT THE HELL IS THAT?

IT'S A LEASH.

YOU MUGGIN'

ANIMALS NOW, TREAT?

THAT'S COLORED GLASS,

FOR CHRIST'S SAKES.

YOU AIN'T GONNA FIND

PRECIOUS JEWELS

AROUND HERE.

I'LL GIVE YOU

70 BUCKS FOR THE LOT.

TAKE IT OR LEAVE IT.

FUCK YOU, BARNEY!

NOW DEPARTING

FOR WASHINGTON, D.C.

ON TRACK 18, THE SENATOR,

MAKING STOPS AT TRENTON,

PHILADELPHIA, WILMINGTON,

BALTIMORE, BWI AIRPORT,

AND NEW CARROLLTON.

[WHISTLING]

THANK YOU.

HERE YOU GO.

THANKS A LOT.

AH, HA.

NO, I'M NOT EXACTLY

IN BARBADOS.

HEH. I'M IN NEWARK.

YEAH! HA HA!

HUH!

HUH!

TAKE THAT,

YOU SAXON PIG!

HA HA HA HA!

[PEOPLE SINGING INSIDE BAR]

♪ IN CHICAGO ♪

♪ CHICAGO, MY HOME TOWN ♪

HOW IS THAT?

♪ LA LA LA ♪

♪ LA LA LA LA ♪

YOU'RE DANCIN' NOW.

♪ DE DI

DE DI DE DI DE DI ♪

DON'T FALL.

♪ DIDDLY DIDDLY

DIDDLY DID ♪

♪ BUM BUM BUM HUP

WORKS HARD FOR THAT ♪

♪ LA LA LA ♪

♪ LA LA LA ♪♪

WHOA!

♪ IF I HAD THE WINGS

OF AN ANGEL ♪

♪ OVER THESE PRISON WALLS

I WOULD FLY ♪

♪ STRAIGHT TO THE ARMS

OF MY MUDDER ♪

♪ AND THERE

I'D BE WILLING TO DIE ♪♪

THAT'S ALL, FOLKS.

HEY! YOU KNOW

THAT SONG, SON?

YOU REMEMBER THAT SONG?

CAN'T SAY I DO.

OH, YOU'RE NOT

A DEAD-END KID, ARE YOU?

DEAD-END KID?

YES. BECAUSE IF YOU WERE

A DEAD-END KID,

I'D GIVE YOU

EVERYTHING I HAVE,

I SWEAR TO GOD.

I'D GIVE YOU THE VERY

SHIRT OFF MY BACK.

YOU DON'T HAVE TO GO

THAT FAR, MISTER.

WELL...

THERE ARE NO LIMITS

AS FAR AS

THE DEAD-END KIDS

AND ME ARE CONCERNED.

I LOVE THEM FUCKING

DEAD-END KIDS.

I'M NOT A DEAD-END KID.

WHAT A SHAME.

WHAT ARE YOU DRINKIN'?

GIVE ME A BEER.

A BEER? A BEER. HEY!

I'M FROM CHICAGO,

BORN AND BRED.

NO KIDDIN'.

GREW UP

IN AN ORPHANAGE.

DIDN'T HAVE NO

MOMMY OR DADDY.

I JUST HAD

THEM DEAD-END KIDS!

HEY, FRANK!

I WANT TO BUY A DRINK

FOR EVERYBODY, OK?

TAKE IT OUT OF THAT,

ALL RIGHT? HERE YOU GO.

FINALLY MET

A DEAD-END KID.

FINALLY MET ONE.

I AIN'T ONE, THOUGH.

YEAH!

Treat: HERE YOU ARE,

HAROLD.

HERE YOU ARE--

HOME SWEET HOME.

♪ IF I HAD THE WINGS

OF AN ANGEL ♪

♪ OVER THESE PRISON WALLS

I WOULD FLY ♪

♪ AND STRAIGHT TO THE ARMS

OF MY MUDDER ♪

♪ AND...

I'D BE WILLING TO DIE ♪♪

DOOR'S LOCKED, HAROLD.

DON'T MOVE, ALL RIGHT?

I'LL BE RIGHT BACK.

OK, OK.

♪ DA DA ♪

♪ DA DA DA DA-- ♪

♪ DI DEE DEE

DA DI DA ♪

♪ LA DEE DA DOO ♪

[URINATING]

HAROLD?

♪ YA DA DA DE

YA DA DA DA ♪

♪ LA LA LA ♪

♪ LA LA LA

LA LA LA ♪

♪ LA LA LA ♪

♪ HA HA HA...

LA LA LA LA ♪

BRRR!

♪ LA LA LA

DEE DEE DA ♪

♪ DA DA ♪

♪ BUM DEE DA DA

DAI DA DA DAI DAI... ♪♪

THEY HAD A LITTLE

IRISH MOTHER,

THEM DEAD-END KIDS.

A TOP-O'-THE-MORNING

IRISH MOTHER!

I LOVED THAT WOMAN.

[MIMICKING]

AH, YOU LITTLE DEVIL, YOU!

CORNED BEEF AND CABBAGE

COOKIN' NIGHT AND DAY.

I USED TO WORK UP

A HEARTY APPETITE

JUST SITTIN'

IN THEM DARK...

CHICAGO MOVIE...HOUSES

WATCHIN' THEM DEAD-END...

DEAD-END KIDS!

EEEIIAAA!

HA HA HA!

HAVE YOU GOT ANYTHING

COOKING IN THIS HOUSE?

WELL, THERE'S

NOTHING COOKIN'

RIGHT NOW, HAROLD.

HOW COME?

WELL, IT MUST BE

THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT.

THAT'S WHAT

I'M SAYING, SEE?

NOW IF YOU WERE TO GO

TO THAT DEAD-END KIDS'

HOUSE...

ANY TIME,

DAY OR NIGHT--

THAT DEAD-END KIDS'

HOUSE

SMELLING OF

CORNED BEEF

AND CABBAGE--

YOU'D JUST WALK

STRAIGHT INTO

THE KITCHEN

AND YOU'D CUT

YOURSELF A SLICE.

AHH.

HERE.

JESUS CHRIST, TREAT.

MY MOUTH

IS WATERING.

MY FUCKIN' MOUTH

IS WATERING!

YOU WANT SOMETHIN' TO EAT?

I'M STARVIN' TO DEATH!

WE GOT TUNA.

TUNA?

YEAH.

STARKIST TUNA.

WHERE THE FUCK AM I?

YOU'RE IN MY HOUSE.

YOU'RE OFFERING ME TUNA?

YEAH.

FUCKIN' TUNA...

UMM.

UMM.

UMM...

HOLY SHIT.

TUNA.

[COUGHS]

WHERE'S MY BRIEFCASE,

HMM?

OVER HERE.

I WAS WATCHIN' IT FOR YOU.

YEAH. WELL, I CAN DO

MY OWN WATCHING.

LET'S HAVE IT. COME ON.

YEAH, SURE.

COME ON.

LET'S HAVE IT.

WHERE ARE YOU GOIN',

HAROLD?

I'M LEAVING.

YOU CAN'T WALK!

HA HA HA HA!

I CAN'T WALK, CAN I?

YOU'RE LOADED.

HOW ABOUT THAT!

IT MUST BE BECAUSE

I MET A DEAD-END KID

AFTER ALL THESE YEARS.

I AIN'T NO DEAD-END KID.

I TOLD YOU THAT.

DON'T KID ME!

YOU DON'T SMELL

NO CORNED BEEF AND CABBAGE

COOKIN' AROUND HERE,

DO YA?

NO MATTER.

NO CORNED BEEF

AND CABBAGE COOKING

WHERE I COME FROM,

EITHER.

I COME FROM

AN ORPHANAGE.

A GODDAMN ORPHANAGE.

NO TOP-O'-THE-MORNING

IRISH MOTHER THERE, EITHER--

JUST A BIG,

SON-OF-A-BITCHING GERMAN.

HE WORE A CHEF'S HAT

AND A DIRTY, FILTHY APRON,

AND HE SLEPT

RIGHT IN THE KITCHEN.

ORPHAN'S ALWAYS HUNGRY.

YOU ALWAYS...LOVE TO

CREEP DOWN

IN THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT

AND RAID THE REFRIGERATOR.

BUT A JEW

SLEPT RIGHT THERE,

ONE EYE OPEN.

HE'D BREAK YOUR BACK

IF HE CAUGHT YOU.

HE'D BREAK EVERY BONE

IN YOUR BODY.

HE TOOK A LIKING

TO ME, THOUGH.

HE USED TO FILL MY PLATE

WITH MEAT AND POTATOES.

IT WAS LUCKY FOR ME.

OR-ORPHANS ALWAYS

COUGHING UP BLOOD...

ORPHANS DROPPING DEAD

ALL THE TIME.

THERE'S A TERRIBLE

MORTALITY RATE

IN AN ORPHANAGE.

OH, THANK GOD...

FOR THEM BIG, HEAPIN' PLATES

OF MEAT AND POTATOES.

YEAH, THANK GOD...

FOR THAT...THAT BIG,

FUCKING GERMAN

SON OF A BITCH.

OHH...

Phillip: WHO IS HE, TREAT?

NAME'S HAROLD.

HE'S AN ORPHAN?

YEAH.

HE'S FROM CHICAGO.

HE HAD A REAL BAD CHILDHOOD.

[SNORING]

HA...HA...

YOU KNOW WHAT

ORPHANS CALL OUT

IN THE MIDDLE

OF THE NIGHT, TREAT?

NO, HAROLD.

MOTHERLESS ORPHANS,

MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT,

CHICAGO ORPHANS

ON A BIG HILL

FACING LAKE MICHIGAN.

WHAT DO THEY CALL OUT?

THE WIND USED TO

COME THROUGH THERE

MAKIN'

A TERRIBLE SOUND.

WIND USED TO COME

THROUGH THERE...

[WHISTLING

LIKE THE WIND]

FRIGHTENED ORPHANS

PULLING THEIR BLANKETS

UP OVER THEIR HEADS.

FRIGHTENED ORPHANS

CRYING OUT.

YOU KNOW WHAT

THEY WERE CRYING?

NO.

"MOMMY!"

HA! HONEST TO GOD. MOMMY.

YOU KNOW, ORPHANS DON'T

KNOW THE DIFFERENCE

BETWEEN A MOMMY

AND A DADDY.

THEY DON'T KNOW

THE DIFFERENCE

BETWEEN A MOMMY

AND A FUCKIN' TANGERINE.

UH-HUH. JUST POOR

MOTHERLESS BASTARDS.

MOMMY...HA!

MAMA...

HAROLD.

[SNAP SNAP]

HAROLD.

[TRAIN PASSES]

DO YOU KNOW

WHAT THESE ARE, PHILLIP?

WHAT?

STOCKS, DEEDS,

SECURITIES.

GUY'S WALKIN' AROUND

WITH A MILLION BUCKS

WORTH OF CERTIFICATES

UNDER HIS ARM.

JESUS CHRIST!

COME ON.

WE HIT PAY DIRT,

PHILLIP.

DUMB BASTARD.

HE COULD HAVE

PASSED OUT.

SOMEBODY COULD HAVE

MUGGED HIM.

SOMEBODY COULD HAVE

KIDNAPPED HIM.

YEAH.

SOMEBODY COULD HAVE

KIDNAPPED HIM

AND HELD HIM

FOR RANSOM.

I BET YOU COULD GET

A MILLION BUCKS

FOR A GUY LIKE THIS.

OH, GOD! YOU THINK?

YEAH.

MAYBE EVEN

TWO MILLION.

GUY'S PROBABLY

AN INDUSTRIALIST.

GONNA BE

ON THE FRONT PAGE

OF EVERY NEWSPAPER

IN THE COUNTRY--

"SO-AND-SO,

INDUSTRIALIST,

KIDNAPPED."

I NEED SOME ROPE.

ROPE?

YEAH.

MRRR...

I LIKE HIS FACE,

TREAT.

DON'T GET

TOO ATTACHED TO IT.

HE'S GOT

A FRIENDLY FACE.

HA HA!

HEY, TREAT?

YOU'RE NOT GONNA

CUT HIM, ARE YOU?

IT DEPENDS.

♪ IF I HAD THE WINGS

OF AN ANGEL ♪

♪ OVER THESE PRISON WALLS

I WILL FLY ♪

WHAT'S HE SINGING?

SOME SONG.

♪ STRAIGHT TO THE ARMS

OF MY MUDDER ♪♪

HA HA HA!

AH, YOUR MUDDER.

AH, YOUR MUDDER.

YOUR MUDDER

TAKES IN LAUNDRY.

HA!

LAUNDRY?

THE MARK OF THE SQUEALER,

HUH? AHMM MM...

HMM...

HMM...

[SIREN]

HMMMMM...

AH, YOUR MUDDER.

Treat: WHAT'S THIS?

I--I FOUND IT.

WHAT DO YOU MEAN?

IT WAS UP IN THE ATTIC

UNDER THE CEDAR CHEST.

WHERE'S THE OTHER?

THERE'S

NO OTHER.

WOMAN HAVE

ONLY ONE FOOT?

I DON'T THINK SO, TREAT.

I THINK SHE MUST HAVE

HAD TWO FEET,

ONLY SHE LOST

ONE OF HER SHOES.

YOU FIGURED THAT OUT

ALL BY YOURSELF, HUH?

YES.

YOU MUST BE DOIN'

A LOT OF FIGURIN', PHILLIP.

I HAVEN'T BEEN DOIN'

ANY FIGURIN', TREAT.

MAYBE YOU'RE PULLIN'

MY CHAIN, PHILLIP.

MAYBE YOU AIN'T HANGIN' OUT

IN NO CLOSET ALL DAY.

I AIN'T PULLIN'

YOUR CHAIN, TREAT.

MAYBE YOU'RE SEEIN'

ALL KINDS OF PEOPLE

WHILE I'M OUT WORKIN',

MAKIN' US A LIVIN', HUH?

MAYBE YOU WAS LOOKIN'

OUT THE WINDOW,

AND THIS REAL NICE-LOOKIN'

LADY WALKED BY

WEARIN' THESE VERY

HIGH-HEELED SHOES, HUH?

YOU SURE YOU DIDN'T TAP

ON THE WINDOW, PHILLIP,

AND MOTION HER IN?

YOU SURE YOU DIDN'T

UNDRESS HER RIGHT HERE

ON THIS VERY SOFA, PHILLIP?

YOU SURE THE TWO OF YOUSE

DIDN'T MAKE

AN AFTERNOON OF IT

HERE ON OUR SOFA,

AND SHE HAD

TO LEAVE IN A HURRY

HOLDIN' HER ONE SHOE?

HUH?

IT NEVER HAPPENED,

TREAT!

IT NEVER...NO!

HUH?

I WANT THIS SHOE

OUT OF HERE.

MAYBE--MAYBE IT WAS

MOM'S SHOE, TREAT.

MAYBE IT'S

BEEN UNDER THERE

ALL THESE YEARS?

THIS AIN'T MA'S SHOE.

MOM WOULD HAVE NEVER

WORE A SHOE LIKE THIS.

CAN I KEEP IT?

CAN I KEEP IT?

I WANT THIS SHOE

OUT OF HERE.

I CAN'T SEE WHY I CAN'T

KEEP IT, TREAT.

I'LL PUT IT

IN MY ROOM--

I DON'T WANT IT

IN YOUR ROOM.

I DON'T WANT IT

IN THIS FUCKIN' HOUSE!

OPEN THE WINDOW.

OPEN

THE FUCKING WINDOW!

GO TO BED, PHILLIP.

GET SOME SLEEP.

YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO

TAKE CARE OF HAROLD

TOMORROW.

I'M GONNA BE OUT

MAKIN' SOME INQUIRIES.

WE HIT PAY DIRT,

PHILLIP.

WE ARE GONNA BE

FUCKIN' RICH.

[CLATTERING]

5, 4...

HE'S LOOKIN'

FOR AN OPENING!

2, 1!

[IMITATES

CROWD CHEERING]

YEAH!

YEAH!

HA HA HA!

OH, YEAH! HA HA! HA!

HERE COMES AN OLD MAN

WITH A CANE.

HE'S GOT THIS BIG HAT

AND THIS LITTLE

BROWN PAPER BAG.

HA HA HA!

[IN OLD MAN'S VOICE]

HE'S PROBABLY GOT SOME...

SOME SQUIBB'S MINERAL OIL

IN THAT BROWN BAG.

MAYBE A JAR

OF PLANTER'S PEANUT BUTTER.

HA HA HA!

OH, YEAH. HE'S JUST

GONNA GO HOME,

MAKE HIMSELF

SOME NICE, THICK

PEANUT BUTTER SANDWICHES.

HA HA HA HA HA!

HA HA HA HA!

HMM MMM.

YOU SAYIN' SOMETHIN',

MISTER?

NNMM GMM.

YOU SPEAKIN' TO ME?

MMM.

YOU--YOU HUNGRY?

HMM.

MAYBE YOU'RE HUNGRY.

MAYBE THAT'S IT.

WELL...WELL...

TREAT'S GONNA BE HOME

REAL SOON NOW.

HE'LL PROBABLY MAKE YOU

A TUNA SANDWICH.

STARKIST TUNA

AND MAYO ON TOAST.

HOW'S THAT SOUND?

MMM-MMM.

YEAH, I FIGURED

YOU'D LIKE THAT.

YEAH.

YOU KNOW I BEEN

EATIN' STARKIST TUNA

FOR LUNCH

FOR YEARS NOW? YEAH.

I USED TO MAKE MYSELF

PEANUT BUTTER SANDWICHES,

BUT I GOT SICK OF 'EM.

I LIKE VARIETY

IN MY FOOD.

[TRAIN RUMBLING

ON TRACKS]

HAH!

LOOK AT THAT, MISTER!

HA HA!

THERE'S A COUPLE

MAKIN' OUT ON THE TRAIN.

HA HA!

THE ONLY THING IS,

MISTER...

THERE'S A SHOE

OUT THERE NOW.

A SHOE STARIN' ME

STRAIGHT IN THE FACE,

DRIVIN' ME...

CRAZY.

HEY, LISTEN, MISTER.

IF...IF I CLIMB

OUT THAT WINDOW

AND I BRING BACK

THAT SHOE,

YOU'LL KEEP IT

TO YOURSELF, WON'T YOU?

MM-HMM...MM...

MMMP.

ONLY THING IS, MISTER...

I AIN'T SUPPOSED

TO GO OUT

'CAUSE I GOT

THIS TERRIB--

THIS TERRIBLE...

TERRIBLE ALLERGY.

I ALMOST DIED ONCE.

I WENT OVER

TO THE CORNER THERE,

TO THE GROCERY STORE

WITH TREAT,

AND MY--MY FACE,

IT GOT ALL RED,

AND MY TONGUE

SWELLED UP.

I WAS GASPIN'

FOR BREAT'.

I GOT IT, MISTER.

I'LL HOLD MY BREAT'...

SO'S I DON'T BREATHE IN

ANY OF THAT

DEADLY POLLEN.

HA HA!

HEY, UH...

I CAN TRUST YOU,

CAN'T I, MISTER?

[DRAWS DEEP BREATH]

[GRUNTING]

HA HA! HA!

LOOK, MISTER!

I GOT IT!

HOW'D YOU GET OVER THERE?

MM-HMM.

SHI...I DON'T THINK

TREAT IS GONNA LIKE THIS.

YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO BE

SITTIN' OVER THERE.

WELL...

I'M JUST...

ONLY THING IS I AIN'T

SUPPOSED TO TOUCH YOU.

I'M ONLY SUPPOSED TO WATCH

AND SEE THAT EVERYTHING

IS OK.

AH, FUCK. I DON'T KNOW

WHAT I'M GONNA NOW, MISTER.

TREAT'S GONNA

COME HOME SOON

AND ASK HOW COME

YOU'RE OVER THERE.

I DON'T KNOW

WHAT I'M GONNA SAY!

TAMK MMM GAMMG OMF.

WHAT ARE YOU SAYIN'?

TAMK GMM GAMMG OMF!

I DON'T KNOW

WHAT YOU'RE SAYIN'!

SSSTAKE...

MMY FUCKKING...

GAAAG OFF!

CAN'T TAKE OFF

YOUR GAG, MISTER,

'CAUSE I AIN'T

SUPPOSED TO TOUCH YOU.

SH...SHIT!

HE'S GONNA KICK MY ASS!

I DON'T KNOW WHAT

I'M GONNA DO NOW.

TREAT'S GONNA BE

SO PISSED OFF

WHEN HE GETS BACK.

HE'S GONNA

KICK MY ASS--

HE'S GONNA SAY--

HE'S GONNA SAY--

OH, SHIT!

FUCK! GOD DAMN IT!

SHIT!

[HUMMING]

HOW'D YOU DO THAT,

MISTER?

I'M AN ADMIRER

OF HOUDINI'S.

REAL NAME

WAS EHRICH WEISS.

YIDDISH FELLOW,

HOUDINI.

DON'T LET

THE ITALIAN FLAVOR

FOOL YOU.

BORN EHRICH WEISS,

EAST SIDE OF NEW YORK.

OH!

WHAT AM I GONNA

SAY TO TREAT?

LET ME TAKE CARE

OF THAT.

HE'S GONNA

SLAP ME AROUND.

HE'S NOT GOING TO TOUCH YOU.

HOW CAN YOU STOP HIM?

I HAVE MY WAYS.

TREAT'S GOT

A VIOLENT TEMPER.

I LOVE VIOLENT TEMPERS.

HE SEE YOU OVER THERE,

HE'S GONNA GO CRAZY.

I'M NOT GONNA BE

OVER HERE.

WHERE YOU GONNA BE?

OH, GONNA BE ON THE...

ON THE COUCH, PROBABLY,

SITTING ON THE COUCH,

READING A MAGAZINE.

WHAT'S YOUR NAME?

PHILLIP.

PHILLIP.

MINE'S HAROLD.

PLEASED TO MEET YOU.

I BETTER NOT.

YOU DON'T WANT

TO SHAKE?

TREAT SAID NOT

TO TOUCH YOU.

NOT EVER?

I DON'T KNOW.

OR DID HE MEAN JUST NOW,

JUST TODAY?

I DIDN'T ASK HIM.

BECAUSE THAT WOULD BE

A SHAME IF WE COULD

NEVER TOUCH.

I COULD NEVER PUT MY ARM

AROUND YOUR SHOULDERS,

GIVE THEM

AN ENCOURAGING SQUEEZE.

HOW COME YOU WALK AROUND

WITH YOUR SHOES UNTIED?

DON'T KNOW HOW

TO LACE THEM.

YOU DON'T KNOW HOW

TO TIE A KNOT?

I TRY,

BUT THEY GET ALL...

THEY GET ALL

TANGLED UP.

IT'S NO CRIME.

A MAN DOESN'T HAVE TO

KNOW HOW TO TIE A KNOT.

DIDN'T YOU EVER HEAR

OF, UH, LOAFERS?

LOAFERS?

YEAH.

YOU HAVE

NO NEED OF LACES

WITH LOAFERS, PHILLIP.

DIDN'T ANYONE

EVER TELL YOU THAT?

YOU'RE A DEPRIVED PERSON,

PHILLIP.

YOU DON'T KNOW THE PRINCIPLE

BEHIND ELECTRICITY, DO YOU?

NO.

BUT YOU CAN

TURN ON A LIGHT.

YEAH.

FUCK LACES.

YOU ARE GONNA

BE WEARING LOAFERS

FROM NOW ON IN.

WHAT COLOR YOU LIKE?

WHAT DO YOU MEAN?

WHAT COLOR LOAFER?

I...I DON'T KNOW.

WELL, HOW ABOUT, UH...

PALE YELLOW?

PALE YELLOW'S OK.

I'M GONNA BUY YOU A PAIR

OF PALE YELLOW LOAFERS.

COME ON!

THIS IS

A REAL TRAGIC SITUATION

I'VE WANDERED INTO.

ONE BOY'S A DELINQUENT,

THE OTHER BOY'S

SHOULDERS

JUST DYING FOR A GENTLE,

ENCOURAGING SQUEEZE.

THEY ARE?

DIDN'T ANYONE EVER

GIVE YOUR SHOULDERS

AN ENCOURAGING SQUEEZE?

I DON'T THINK SO.

WELL, THAT'S A TRAGEDY.

EVERY YOUNG MAN'S

SHOULDERS

NEED AN ENCOURAGING

SQUEEZE NOW AND THEN.

TREAT NEVER

DID THAT.

NO, I IMAGINE NOT,

BUT HOW ABOUT

YOUR FATHER?

HE RAN AWAY FROM HOME

WHEN I WAS SMALL.

HE DESERTED THE FAMILY.

YES.

WELL, I KNOW

SHOULDERS, PHILLIP.

AND IF I KNOW

ANYTHING,

I KNOW ALL ABOUT

SHOULDERS.

IF YOU WANT ME

TO GIVE THEM A SQUEEZE,

TRY IT OUT.

SEE HOW IT FEELS.

I DON'T KNOW...

YOU DON'T HAVE TO

TOUCH ME.

I'LL TOUCH YOU.

WELL...

M-MAYBE THAT WOULD

BE ALL RIGHT.

THAT'LL BE FINE.

COME ON OVER HERE.

COME ON.

HEY...

HOW'S THAT FEEL?

IT FEELS OK.

FEELS GOOD?

YES.

FEELS REAL GOOD?

IT...FEELS REAL GOOD.

FEELS ENCOURAGING,

DOESN'T IT?

MM-HMM.

MAKES YOU FEEL

THERE'S HOPE.

YES.

THIS IS WHAT YOU MISSED.

YES.

THAT FEELING.

I MISSED IT.

YOU HAVE IT NOW.

I DO?

FOREVER AND EVER.

SHIT! FUCKIN' DIED ALREADY.

DENNIS KINNIS.

IS THIS DENNIS?

YEAH.

LISTEN CAREFULLY, DENNIS.

I GOT NEWS FOR YOU.

YEAH?

I KIDNAPPED HAROLD.

I'M GONNA TELL YOU WHAT

I WANT YOU TO DO--

YOU GOT HAROLD THERE?

IS THAT WHAT

YOU'RE SAYING?

NOW YOU LISTEN

CAREFULLY, ASSHOLE.

WHAT DID YOU SAY TO ME?

I'M GONNA TELL

YOU AND HAROLD

WHAT TO DO.

HEY! FUCK!

THE FUCK DID YOU--

[DOG BARKING]

[POUNDING ON DOOR]

PHILLIP!

PHILLIP,

WHERE IS HE?

OPEN THE DOOR, PHILLIP.

WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU,

BLIND?

YOU DON'T SEE ME

STANDIN' HERE?

OPEN THE DOOR!

[KICKS DOOR]

YOU DON'T THINK

I FUCKIN' SEE

WHAT YOU'RE DOIN'?

[POUNDING]

WHERE IS HE?

UPSTAIRS.

YOU UNTIE HIM?

I DIDN'T TOUCH HIM.

WHO UNTIED HIM?

NOBODY.

THAT ACTOR FELLA PERSON

COME IN HERE AGAIN

AND UNTIE HIM? HUH?

HE DID IT HIMSELF,

I SWEAR TO GOD.

HOW DID HE DO IT?

I DON'T KNOW, TREAT.

HE'S GOT TO BE SOME KINDA

A MAGICIAN OR SOMETHIN'

'CAUSE ALL OF A SUDDEN,

HE WAS IN THE OTHER ROOM.

I MEAN, IT--IT HAPPENED

RIGHT BEFORE MY VERY EYES.

YEAH?

YEAH.

HIS GAG DISAPPEARED,

HIS MOUTH BEGAN MOVIN',

HIS ARM COME OUT,

AND PRETTY SOON HE WAS

COMPLETELY UNTIED.

WHAT DID HE TALK ABOUT,

PHILLIP?

NOTHIN' SPECIAL.

HE TALKED ABOUT CHICAGO,

I THINK, AND, UH...HOUDINI.

HOUDINI?

YEAH. HE SAID THIS HOUDINI'S

A JEWISH FELLOW.

HE SAID THAT?

MM-HMM.

THIS GUY'S

A BULLSHITTER, PHILLIP.

HOUDINI ISN'T JEWISH?

I'M TALKIN' ABOUT THE--

Harold:

♪ LA DA DADA DA

DA DA LADA ♪

♪ DE DE DEE DEDE

DEE DEE DEE ♪

♪ LA DAI

DADA DUM... ♪

WHAT'S HE DOIN'

UP THERE?

HE'S SHAVING.

HE'S USIN' MY RAZOR?

HE WANTED

TO BE PRESENTABLE

WHEN YOU CAME HOME.

THIS GUY'S

TAKIN' OVER.

HE'S NOT

TAKIN' OVER.

WHAT'S HE DOING, PHILLIP?

I KIDNAPPED

THE SON OF A BITCH.

HE'S SUPPOSED TO BE

A KIDNAP VICTIM!

HE'S NOT A BAD GUY.

OH, NO?

NO. HE TOLD ME

I SHOULD WEAR LOAFERS.

HE SAID THAT?

YEAH. THAT WAY, I WON'T

HAVE TO WALK AROUND

WITH MY LACES UNTIED.

[DOOR OPENS]

WHAT KINDA SHIT IS THAT?

HE SAID HE'D

BUY ME A NEW PAIR.

HE SAID THAT?

MM-HMM.

WHERE'S THIS GUY

GET THE NERVE?

DON'T HURT HIM, TREAT.

HOW COME HE DIDN'T

RUN AWAY OR CALL THE COPS?

HE WANTED TO SEE YOU,

TREAT.

HE TOOK A LIKING TO YOU.

WHAT WAS YOU DOIN'

THE WHOLE TIME HIS HANDS

WAS APPEARIN'?

I WAS WATCHIN' HIM,

JUST LIKE YOU SAID.

I DIDN'T TOUCH HIM.

DID I DO GOOD?

NEVER MIND.

[WHISTLING

THE PRISONER'S SONG]

HOW ARE YOU, SON?

[TURNS FAUCET ON]

I AIN'T YOUR SON.

YOU'RE A DEAD-END KID,

THOUGH, AREN'T YOU?

NO.

OH, I DON'T MEAN

A LITERAL DEAD-END KID.

HOW IN THE HELL COULD

YOU BE A DEAD-END KID?

YOU'D HAVE TO BE

60, 70 YEARS OF AGE,

FOR CHRIST'S SAKE.

I MEAN,

THOSE DEAD-END KIDS

ARE OLD NOW.

THEY'VE AGED.

SOME OF THEM ARE DEAD,

OTHERS SUFFERING

FROM DEBILITATING

ILLNESSES.

UNRECOGNIZABLE.

[GARGLING]

MM...MMMMM...

AH.

WE'RE TALKING ABOUT

LIFE AND DEATH,

TREAT.

MORTALITY,

THE HUMAN CONDITION.

SO YOU REMIND ME

OF A DEAD-END KID.

THAT'S WHY I CAME

HOME WITH YOU,

AND THAT'S WHY

I'M GONNA GIVE YOU

EVERYTHING I HAVE.

I MEAN THAT, SON.

YOU NAME IT, IT'S YOURS.

Phillip: YOU HEAR THAT,

TREAT?

SHUT UP.

LUCKY THING,

ME MEETING UP WITH YOU

IN THAT BAR.

THIS IS

THE FIRST GOOD THING

THAT'S EVER HAPPENED

TO ME IN NEW JERSEY.

WHAT KIND OF FRIENDS

HAVE YOU GOT?

WHAT DO YOU MEAN?

I CALLED UP SOME PEOPLE,

TOLD THEM I HAD YOU.

I TOLD THEM

TO GET IT TOGETHER--

A MILLION BUCKS.

MM-HMM.

WHAT DID THEY DO?

THEY LAUGHED IN MY FACE.

I SAID, "WOULD YOU LIKE

TO RECEIVE HIS RING FINGER

WITH THE RING STILL ON IT?"

THEY SAID THEY WOULD

LOVE TO RECEIVE IT.

THEY SAID IF IT WAS

A NICE RING,

THEY WOULD MELT IT DOWN

AND GET A FEW BUCKS FOR IT

ON THE OPEN MARKET.

HA HA! THAT SOUNDS

LIKE THEM.

I, UH...I HOPE

YOU DIDN'T GIVE THEM

YOUR NAME AND ADDRESS.

I DIDN'T GIVE THEM

NO FUCKIN'

NAME AND ADDRESS.

GOOD.

WHAT DO YOU

THINK I AM, STUPID?

ABSOLUTELY NOT.

I'M CALLIN' UP PEOPLE,

ASKIN' 'EM FOR RANSOM,

I'M GONNA GIVE 'EM

MY FUCKIN' NAME

AND ADDRESS?

YOU'RE INTERESTED

IN MONEY, HUH?

WHAT DO YOU THINK?

I THINK SO.

HOW'D YOU LIKE

TO WORK FOR ME?

FOR YOU?

YEAH. GOOD PAY,

PLEASANT WORKING CONDITIONS.

YOU MUST BE KIDDIN'.

YOU COULD BE

MY PERSONAL BODYGUARD.

YOU HAVE A STREAK

OF VIOLENCE IN YOU, TREAT.

I LIKE THAT.

I'M OFFERING YOU 500 A WEEK

AND ALL EXPENSES PAID.

SHOVE IT.

HA HA...

I'M OFFERING YOU 750.

I DON'T WORK

FOR NO ONE, MISTER.

I'M OFFERING YOU

A THOUSAND A WEEK.

THAT COMES TO 52,000 A YEAR.

THAT'S NOT PEANUTS.

AND I'M, UH, TALKING

ABOUT A POSITION

WHERE THERE'S ROOM

FOR ADVANCEMENT.

I THINK YOU'RE

FULL OF SHIT.

HERE'S YOUR FIRST MONTH'S

SALARY IN ADVANCE.

$4,000.

COUNT IT.

BRING THAT HERE,

PHILLIP.

BRING IT THE FUCK HERE!

WHERE'D YOU GET THIS?

MY ARMPIT.

I GOT YOUR WALLET.

I NEVER CARRY

ALL MY MONEY

IN MY WALLET, TREAT,

JUST IN CASE

I GET ROBBED.

I CARRY MY MONEY

IN MY ARMPIT,

MY MONEY BELT, MY HAT,

ANYWHERE

BUT IN MY WALLET.

HOW MUCH

YOU GOT ON YOU?

QUITE A BIT, TREAT,

AND ACCESS TO MUCH MORE.

WHAT DO YOU SAY?

IS IT A DEAL?

NO DEAL.

A THOUSAND DOLLARS--

THAT'S MY FINAL OFFER.

I DON'T TAKE ORDERS.

I'M EASY TO GET ALONG WITH.

I KIDNAPPED YOU.

WHO'S

IN CONTROL HERE?

THAT DEPENDS.

I'M IN CONTROL.

THIS IS MY HOUSE.

YOU'RE

MY KIDNAP VICTIM.

I UNDERSTAND THAT.

YEAH. SO DON'T GO

OFFERIN' ME NOTHIN'.

EMPTY OUT YOUR

FUCKIN' POCKETS, MISTER.

I CAN'T DO THAT.

YOU CAN'T DO THAT?

IT'S, UH...

AGAINST MY PRINCIPLES.

I'LL CUT YOUR FUCKIN'

HEART OUT, MISTER.

DO WHAT HE SAYS,

HAROLD.

WHAT ARE YOU,

ON A FIRST-NAME BASIS?

PHILLIP AND I

HAVE AN UNDERSTANDING.

HE CALLS ME HAROLD,

I CALL HIM PHILLIP.

I DON'T WORK FOR NOBODY.

YOU UNDERSTAND ME?

THEY TRIED TO GET ME

TO WORK IN A DEPARTMENT

STORE ONCE.

THE ONLY TROUBLE IS

I BURNED IT DOWN.

HA HA HA...YOU'RE VIOLENT.

FUCKING-A, MISTER.

I LIKE IT.

[WHISTLING]

YOU DON'T GIVE ME

ALL YOUR MONEY

RIGHT NOW,

I'M GONNA CUT YOUR

FUCKIN' HEART OUT,

I SWEAR TO GOD.

HE'S NOT KIDDING.

I'LL GIVE YOU MONEY,

TREAT, I TOLD YOU THAT.

I'LL GIVE YOU WAY MORE

THAN WHAT I HAVE ON ME.

YOU WORK FOR ME.

THIS GUY'S CRAZY.

HE'S WELL-INTENTIONED,

TREAT.

HE DON'T HEAR

WHAT I'M SAYIN'.

I'M GONNA TAKE ON

THE TWO OF YOU,

AS A MATTER OF FACT.

I DON'T INTEND

TO LEAVE PHILLIP

OUT OF THE PICTURE.

I'M GONNA WORK OUT

A PACKAGE DEAL.

I'M TALKING ABOUT

NEW CLOTHES, FINE FOOD,

FANCY WOMEN.

YOU LIKE CASHMERE?

I LIKE CASHMERE.

I'M TALKING ABOUT

ALL OF THE BEST.

MAYBE WE SHOULD DO IT,

TREAT.

THIS GUY'S DANGEROUS.

HE'S PUTTIN' IDEAS

IN YOUR HEAD,

MAKIN' YOU THINK

YOU CAN GO OUT THERE

LIKE THE REST OF US.

I DON'T WANT YOU

DROPPIN' DEAD.

I AIN'T GONNA DROP DEAD.

I GOT THE RESPONSIBILITY

TO TAKE CARE OF YOU.

I DON'T WANT YOUR THROAT

AND TONGUE SWELLIN' UP.

I DON'T WANT YOU

GASPIN' FOR BREATH.

I AIN'T GONNA GASP

FOR BREAT'.

ALL RIGHT.

1,750 A WEEK

FOR THE TWO OF YOU

FOR THE FIRST SIX MONTHS

AND A NICE, HEALTHY BONUS

LATER ON.

I'M TALKING ABOUT

RED-HEADED WOMEN, TREAT.

RED-HEADED, FRECKLED WOMEN,

PHILLIP.

DO YOU LIKE BREASTS?

I LIKE BREASTS.

MMM. I HAVE GOT

JUST THE GIRL FOR YOU.

LET'S DO IT, TREAT.

I'LL CUT HIS

FUCKIN' HEART OUT!

DROP THE KNIFE, TREAT.

LITTLE DEAD-END KID,

MY OWN LITTLE DEAD-END KID,

OR YOU'RE GONNA BE

A DEAD DEAD-END KID.

FIRST THING YOU DO

YOU KIDNAP A MAN

IS FRISK HIM.

YOU'RE AN AMATEUR...

A RANK AMATEUR.

I'M NOT GONNA HURT YOU.

YOU UNDERSTAND?

I'M JUST GONNA HIRE YOU.

YOU'RE VIOLENT.

I REALIZED THAT

AT THE BAR DOWNTOWN.

THAT'S WHY

I CAME WITH YOU.

I ADMIRE VIOLENT MEN,

MEN WHO'LL STOP AT NOTHING.

YOU'RE GONNA WORK FOR ME,

MR. TREAT.

YOU'RE GONNA BE

MY PERSONAL BODYGUARD

AND ALL-AROUND MAN.

I'M GONNA TRAIN YOU.

IN A FEW WEEKS,

I'M GONNA BE ABLE

TO PUT MY LIFE

IN YOUR HANDS.

CAN YOU BELIEVE THAT?

RIGHT NOW YOU'RE

FILLED WITH RAGE.

YOU CAN HARDLY

CONTAIN YOURSELF.

YOU DON'T CARE

WHETHER YOU LIVE OR DIE.

YOU JUST WANT TO GET AT ME.

AM I RIGHT?

BULLETS DON'T MEAN

A THING TO YOU.

YOUR LIFE DON'T MEAN

A THING TO YOU.

YOU'RE A WILD ANIMAL.

BUT I'M GOING

TO TAME YOU, TREAT.

I'M GOING TO MAKE YOU

MY VERY OWN.

UH!

THAT'S, UH...

LESSON NUMBER ONE,

PHILLIP.

IT DOES NOT PAY

TO LOSE CONTROL.

YOU EVER LOSE

CONTROL?

NO.

COME HERE, SON.

YOU'RE A GOOD BOY.

WELL, LET ME

ENCOURAGE YOU.

YEAH.

YOU WANT A LITTLE

ENCOURAGEMENT, DON'T YOU?

I HAD A FABULOUS DAY

TODAY, HAROLD.

HOW ABOUT YOU?

CAN'T COMPLAIN.

HUH?

HEY, HOW ABOUT THAT?

HUH? LOOK AT THAT.

HEY.

WHAT DO YOU THINK

OF THIS FIT?

IT'S PERFECT.

YEAH? IT'S NOT TOO TIGHT

IN THE CROTCH THERE?

THE CROTCH IS FINE.

SAY, YOU LIKE THIS SUIT

AS MUCH AS YOU LIKE

THE BEIGE ONE?

I LIKE IT EVEN MORE.

NO KIDDIN'.

EVEN MORE THAN THE BEIGE?

YEAH.

BOY, I TELL YA,

I CAN REALLY GET

INTO THIS SHIT, HAROLD.

YOU DON'T MIND IF I HANG

ONTO THIS HERE PLASTIC

FOR A FEW MORE DAYS, DO YA?

BE MY GUEST.

I TELL YA, THIS LITTLE BASTARD

IS CHANGING MY LIFE.

YOU'RE DEVELOPING

A SENSE OF STYLE,

TREAT.

YEAH.

THAT'S FINE,

BUT REMEMBER...

EVERYTHING

IN MODERATION.

WELL, I DON'T KNOW MUCH

ABOUT MODERATION, HAROLD.

YEAH, I CAN SEE THAT,

TREAT.

IS THAT A NEW RING?

YEAH, IT'S A NEW RING,

HAROLD.

SAY, I GOT YOUR,

UH, CHICAGO PAPER HERE.

FINE.

SAY, WHAT ARE YOU DRINKIN'?

I APPRECIATE THAT.

I'M HAVING

BOURBON AND WATER.

BOURBON AND WATER

COMIN' UP.

THE ONLY CONSTANT THING

IN MY LIFE, TREAT.

EVERYTHING ELSE

IS IN FLUX.

THE WHOLE GODDAMN

UNIVERSE IS IN FLUX,

EXCEPT

THIS ONE CONSTANT.

WHENEVER LIQUOR

MAKES AN APPEARANCE,

YOU CAN BET

YOUR BOTTOM DOLLAR

OLD HAROLD

IS SURE TO ORDER

BOURBON AND WATER.

THAT'S GOOD TO KNOW.

THESE ARE THE FACTS

OF LIFE, TREAT.

MEMORIZE THEM.

THEY'RE MEMORIZED.

DID YOU STOP OFF

AT THE POST OFFICE?

I SURE DID, HAROLD.

I STOP OFF THERE

EVERY DAY.

AND I DON'T KNOW

WHAT'S HOLDING UP

YOUR MERCHANDISE.

HAVE PATIENCE.

IT'LL COME.

YOU KNOW, HAROLD,

IT'S A REAL PLEASURE

MIXING YOU

THESE BOURBON AND WATERS,

PICKING UP

THAT CHICAGO PAPER,

AND TAKING THEM VARIOUS

TAXICAB RIDES.

WHEN ARE YA GONNA SEND ME

ON A REAL ASSIGNMENT?

WHENEVER YOU'RE

READY, TREAT.

WELL, I'M READY NOW,

HAROLD.

WHAT DO YOU SAY

WE FLY UP TO CHICAGO

AND PICK UP

THAT MERCHANDISE?

HAH. CAN'T DO THAT.

THERE ARE

A NUMBER OF MEN

WHO ARE LOOKING FOR ME.

WHY DON'T I

FLY DOWN MYSELF?

YOU THINK YOU COULD

HANDLE IT?

OH, I CAN HANDLE IT,

HAROLD.

I'VE TAKEN GOOD CARE

OF YOU, HAVEN'T I?

HAVE NO COMPLAINTS.

NOBODY'S LAID

A HAND ON YOU, HAVE THEY?

NOBODY.

NOT EVEN A FINGER.

NOT A FINGER.

WHY, IF ONE OF THEM

FELLAS WAS FROM CHICAGO

WAS TO POINT

A GUN AT YOU,

I WOULD PUT MYSELF

BETWEEN YOUR BODY

AND THAT BULLET.

YOU'D HAVE TO MOVE

AWFULLY FAST.

OH, I CAN MOVE FAST,

HAROLD.

YOU'D SACRIFICE

YOURSELF?

WHATEVER IT TAKES.

THIS IS AMAZING.

SO HOW ABOUT IT,

HAROLD?

HOW ABOUT SENDING ME

TO CHICAGO--PICK UP

THAT MERCHANDISE?

WHAT ABOUT THE RING?

WHAT DOES THE RING HAVE TO DO

WITH MY GOIN' TO CHICAGO?

WHERE'D YOU GET IT?

SOME FELLA

GAVE IT TO ME.

WHAT DOES IT MATTER?

IT MATTERS.

WHAT WAS HIS NAME?

WELL, I DON'T

REMEMBER HIS NAME,

FOR CHRIST'S SAKE.

HERBIE, I THINK.

YEAH. HERBIE.

WELL, UH...NO.

IT WAS, UH...

JAKE, MAYBE.

YEAH. JAKE.

HAROLD...

I WAS STANDIN' ON A CORNER

WAITIN' FOR THE RED LIGHT

TO TURN GREEN,

WHEN THIS BIG, FAT,

SON OF A BITCH

CAME BY AND SCUFFED MY SHOE.

IT WAS AN ACCIDENT, HUH?

IT WAS MY BRAND-NEW

ALLIGATOR SHOE HERE.

THERE'S NO JUSTICE.

WHAT'S THAT

SUPPOSED TO MEAN?

WELL, IF YOU'RE

LOOKING FOR JUSTICE,

YOU'RE LIVING IN

THE WRONG CENTURY.

THIS IS

THE 20th CENTURY.

WELL, I DON'T KNOW

IF I AGREE WITH YOU

THERE, HAROLD.

DO YOU MIND IF WE HAVE

A SLIGHT DIFFERENCE

OF OPINION?

I DON'T MIND.

GOOD. BECAUSE WHEN

WE TURNED THE CORNER,

I GRABBED THE BIG

SON OF A BITCH

AND SLAMMED HIM

AGAINST THE WALL,

AND I TOOK HIS RING.

SO YOU SEE, HAROLD,

SOMETIMES, EVERY SO OFTEN,

THERE IS JUSTICE.

SO HOW ABOUT IT,

HAROLD?

HOW ABOUT SENDING ME

TO CHICAGO?

I GOT MY WHOLE

NEW WARDROBE.

NO, I'M AFRAID NOT.

NO?

WHAT DO YOU MEAN NO?

THERE'S MORE TO IT

THAN THAT.

WHAT ELSE IS THERE?

THERE'S YOUR FEELINGS.

WHAT'S THE MATTER

WITH MY FEELINGS?!

THEY'RE STILL

UNCONTROLLABLE.

WHAT AM I SUPPOSED

TO DO WITH 'EM, HUH?

DID YOU EVER TRY

COUNTING TO 10?

COUNTING TO 10?

YEAH. YOU KNOW,

1...2...3...4...

ET CETERA.

YOU MUST BE

KIDDIN', RIGHT?

I'M SERIOUS.

IT'S A FIRST STEP.

IT GIVES YOUR EMOTIONS

TIME TO SETTLE DOWN.

[PHILLIP WHISTLING

CHICAGO]

[STAMPING FEET]

1, 2, 3, 4,

5, 6, 7, 8,

9, 10!

Barney: I MUST BE DYIN'.

THIS MUST BE

FUCKIN' HEAVEN.

WHAT DID YOU DO, TREAT,

KNOCK OFF SOME PARAPLEGIC?

I WORK FOR

THIS FELLA NOW.

HE SENDS ME

ON ASSIGNMENTS.

I'M HIS BODYGUARD

AND RIGHT-HAND MAN.

I JUST BEEN

TO THE MAIN

POST OFFICE.

I STOP THERE

EVERY DAY FOR HIM.

HA HA HA!

WHO'S GONNA SEND YOU

ON AN ASSIGNMENT, TREAT,

SOME IGNORAMUS

WITH HIS HEAD UP HIS ASS?

WELL, BARNEY,

LOOK AT THIS.

MY FIRST

TWO MONTHS' SALARY.

AND THERE'S MORE

WHERE THIS COME FROM.

PLENTY MORE.

1, 2.

THE REASON I STOPPED BY,

BARNEY,

IS BECAUSE I BORROWED

ONE OF YOUR WRECKS

A FEW WEEKS AGO,

WANTED TO PAY MY DEBTS.

I AIN'T INTO

THIS NICKEL-AND-DIME

HUSTLE NO MORE.

I'M IN THE BIG TIME.

LISTEN, BARNEY,

HERE'S A LITTLE BONUS.

SPEND A NIGHT

IN THE WALDORF.

SPEND A COUPLE NIGHTS,

AS A MATTER OF FACT.

GIVE YOURSELF

A NEW LEASE ON LIFE.

THIS PLACE

IS A FUCKIN' NIGHTMARE.

LISTEN, WISE GUY,

I AIN'T HARD UP!

I DON'T NEED YOUR--

YOUR FUCKIN' CHARITY!

♪ OLD MacDONALD

HAD A FARM ♪

♪ E-I-E-I-O ♪

♪ AND ON THIS FARM

HE HAD SOME PIGS ♪

♪ E-I-E-I-O ♪

♪ WITH AN OINK OINK HERE

AND AN OINK OINK THERE... ♪♪

HA HA HA!

Harold: OK. WE'D BETTER

BREAK FOR LUNCH.

Phillip: ALL RIGHT,

LUNCH BREAK!

LUNCH!

ALL RIGHT, BOYS--

[HAROLD WHISTLING

OLD MacDONALD]

ALL RIGHT, BOYS! LUNCH!

LUNCH! LUNCH, BOYS!

Harold: HEY!

Treat: HEY, I GOT

SOMETHIN' SPECIAL HERE,

HAROLD.

WHAT'S THAT?

SPECIAL DELIVERY LETTER.

TOOK REAL GOOD CARE

OF THIS HERE BABY,

HAROLD.

I APPRECIATE THAT.

SAY, YOU WANT ME

TO OPEN IT FOR YOU?

NO, I CAN MANAGE THAT.

WOULD YOU PUT IT

IN MY POCKET, PLEASE?

YEAH, SURE THING,

HAROLD.

THANK YOU.

[WHISTLING]

YEAH...

[FOOTSTEPS ON STAIRS]

[WHISTLING OLD MacDONALD]

[WHISTLING OLD MacDONALD]

[HAROLD WHISTLING BACK]

YOU AND HAROLD

GETTIN' THICK AS THIEVES.

HAROLD'S NO THIEF.

OH, NO?

THEN HOW COME

HE SAID HE COULDN'T

GO BACK TO CHICAGO?

HOW COME HE SAID

HE WAS ON THE LAM?

HE DIDN'T SAY

HE WAS ON A LAMB.

NOT ON A LAMB,

ON THE LAM.

HE NEVER SAID HE WAS

ON ANY KIND OF LAMB.

DIDN'T YOU EVER HEAR

THAT EXPRESSION BEFORE?

I HEARD IT ON

THE LATE-NIGHT MOVIE,

THE BLACK HAND,

STARRING CORNEL WILDE.

AND WHAT DID YOU THINK?

YOU THINK CORNEL WILDE

WAS ON A LAMB?

YES.

WHAT WAS HE DOIN'

ON A LAMB?

HMM...MAYBE HE WAS

SITTING ON IT?

YOU GOT SOME

IMAGINATION, PHILLIP.

GOT SOMETHIN' FOR YOU.

WHAT'S THE MATTER?

WHAT'S THE MATTER?

YOU THINK I'M GONNA

DO SOMETHIN'.

IS THAT IT?

YES.

I'VE ALWAYS TAKEN

GOOD CARE OF YOU,

HAVEN'T I, PHILLIP?

HUH?

AN EXTRA-LARGE BOTTLE

OF HELLMANN'S MAYONNAISE.

WELL, UM...

I'M ACTUALLY SICK AND TIRED

OF MAYONNAISE, TREAT.

WHAT ARE YOU SAYIN'?

I GOT A TASTE

FOR CORNED BEEF

AND CABBAGE.

THE WAY HAROLD

PREPARES IT,

IT'S NICE AND THICK,

AND IT'S JUICY,

AND YOU DIP IT

IN THIS DARK BROWN

MUSTARD. SEE?

YOU JUST DIP IT

IN THERE.

WANT ME

TO CUT YOU OFF

A SLICE?

SUIT YOURSELF.

COME ON. LET'S EAT.

NICE SOUND, HUH?

RAIN ON THE ROOF.

HMM.

COME ON.

LET'S SEE.

OH.

YEAH,

THAT'S A GOOD BOOK.

IT'S A LITTLE STUFFY

IN HERE, ISN'T IT?

MAYBE I SHOULD

OPEN A WINDOW.

NO.

WHY NOT?

WELL, I AIN'T ALLOWED

TO BREATHE IN THE NIGHT AIR.

WHO SAID?

TREAT. HE SAYS IT'S EVEN

WORSE THAN THE DAY.

WELL, YOU CAN'T

KEEP OUT THE NIGHT.

IT SLIPS IN

THROUGH THE DOOR,

COMES IN THROUGH

THE CRACKS.

THE WHOLE

OF NEW JERSEY'S

COVERED BY THE NIGHT,

PHILLIP.

THE WHOLE OF

THE WESTERN HEMISPHERE,

AS A MATTER OF FACT.

[UNLOCKS WINDOW]

DON'T DO THAT,

HAROLD!

COME ON

OVER HERE, PHILLIP.

LET ME GIVE YOU

SOME ENCOURAGEMENT.

HA HA HA!

YOU DID REAL WELL, TREAT.

TOLD YOU I WAS

READY, HAROLD.

[CLINKING]

TOLD YOU

I COULD HANDLE

AN ASSIGNMENT.

WHAT TOOK YOU SO LONG?

I WAS GETTING WORRIED.

WELL, YOU KNOW

THE TRAFFIC, HAROLD.

DID YOU TAKE A CAB?

NAH, I TOOK THE BUS.

WELL, I GAVE YOU

SPECIFIC INSTRUCTIONS

BECAUSE I DIDN'T WANT

ANYONE FOLLOWING YOU HOME.

NO ONE FOLLOWED ME HOME,

HONEST TO GOD.

NEXT TIME, I'M GONNA

TAKE THE CAB, THOUGH,

BECAUSE THE BUS

WAS A REAL BITCH.

OH? WHY IS THAT?

THERE WAS

THIS BIG BLACK GUY

SITTIN' THERE--

MUST HAVE BEEN

A BASKETBALL PLAYER

OR SOMETHING.

HE WAS SITTIN' THERE

WITH HIS LONG LEGS

SPREAD OUT WIDE,

SQUEEZIN' THE LIFE OUT

OF ALL THE PASSENGERS

ON EITHER SIDE OF HIM.

TO HIS LEFT

WAS A GUY IN A SUIT.

NOW, I DIDN'T GIVE

A SHIT ABOUT HIM.

BUT TO HIS RIGHT

WAS THIS SWEET

LITTLE OLD LADY

ALL SCRUNCHED UP.

IT WAS--

WHAT HAPPENED?

YOU WANT TO HEAR

THE STORY?

YEAH, I'M VERY INTERESTED

IN THE STORY.

ALL RIGHT.

THE LITTLE OLD LADY

FINALLY GETS UP

AND LEAVES THE BUS,

SO I SIT DOWN.

THAT'S A MISTAKE.

IT'S A LONG RIDE

ON THE BUS, HAROLD.

YEAH. GO ON.

SO I'M SITTIN'

THERE, RIGHT?

UH-HUH.

UH-HUH.

THERE'S NO ROOM.

SO I FIGURE,

MAYBE IF I APPLY

A LITTLE LEG PRESSURE,

THIS GUY WILL EASE UP.

AND DID HE?

THE GUY DOESN'T BUDGE,

HAROLD.

SO I APPLY

MORE PRESSURE.

I MEAN,

I'M STRAININ'.

MY LEG IS STRAININ'

AGAINST THIS GUY'S

HUGE BLACK LEG.

AND THEN WHAT?

THE GUY LETS ON LIKE

NOTHIN'S HAPPENIN'.

I MEAN,

THIS FUCKIN' GUY IS

THE ROCK OF GIBRALTAR.

YOU WERE IN

A SITUATION, TREAT.

I WARNED YOU

ABOUT THIS.

WELL, I HAD NO CHOICE.

YOU DIDN'T HAVE TO

SIT DOWN.

I FIGURED THE GUY

WOULD SHIFT OVER.

THE MAN ISN'T

GONNA SHIFT OVER.

YOU KNEW THAT, TREAT--

LET'S LAY OUR CARDS

ON THE TABLE.

IN YOUR HEART OF HEARTS,

YOU KNEW THERE WAS NO WAY

THAT MAN

WAS GONNA SHIFT OVER.

HA HA HA!

YEAH, YOU'RE RIGHT.

IN MY HEART OF HEARTS,

I KNEW THIS GUY

WOULD NEVER SHIFT OVER.

AND YOU

SIT DOWN ANYWAY.

I SAT DOWN BECAUSE

THE SON OF A BITCH

WAS SQUEEZIN'

THE LIFE OUT OF

ALL THE PASSENGERS.

NOW, SOMEBODY HAD TO DO

SOMETHIN', RIGHT?

OH, YOU'RE TALKING

ABOUT JUSTICE AGAIN, HUH?

YEAH...JUSTICE.

I TURNED TO THE GUY,

AND I SAYS...

"GUESS WHAT'S IN

MY RIGHT HAND."

OH? WHAT ARE YOU DOING

WITH MY GUN?

IT WAS JUST LYIN'

AROUND, HAROLD.

I FIGURED I COULD

USE SOME PROTECTION.

UH-HUH.

GO ON WITH YOUR STORY.

I SAYS TO THE GUY,

"MY HAND IS PRESSED

AGAINST A PISTOL,

WHICH IS AIMED DIRECTLY

AT YOUR BLACK HEART."

YOU SAID THAT?

YEAH.

I TOLD HIM I WAS GONNA

COUNT TO 10, HAROLD,

JUST LIKE

YOU TAUGHT ME.

I SAYS, "IF YOU DON'T

CLOSE YOUR LEGS

"AND GIVE ME

BREATHING SPACE,

"BY THE TIME

I COUNT TO 10,

"MY INDEX FINGER'S

GONNA PRESS

AGAINST THE TRIGGER

"OF THIS HERE

SEMI-AUTOMATIC PISTOL,

"AND A BULLET

IS GOING TO EXPLODE

RIGHT THROUGH MY JACKET

INTO YOUR BIG

BLACK HEART."

HA HA HA!

HE SAT THERE QUIETLY

FOR A MOMENT,

AND THEN

I BEGAN COUNTIN',

JUST LIKE YOU SAID.

"1...2...3...4..."

AND BY THE TIME

I GOT TO 5,

HE WAS OFF OF THE BUS.

HA HA HA HA!

WHAT WOULD HAVE

HAPPENED, TREAT,

IF, UM, WELL...SAY--

LET'S SAY YOU GOT TO 10,

AND HE STILL

DIDN'T MOVE?

THAT WASN'T THE CASE.

NO, NO. I'M DISCUSSING

A HYPOTHETICAL SITUATION.

I DON'T KNOW NOTHIN'

ABOUT THEM

HYPOTHETICAL SITUATIONS.

NO, BUT YOU KNEW

WHEN YOU SAT DOWN,

IT WAS GOING TO BE

A CASE OF WILLS.

WELL, I KNEW THAT.

I ADMITTED THAT.

LET'S, UH, LET'S TAKE IT

ONE STEP FURTHER.

YOU GET TO 10,

HE DOESN'T BUDGE.

WHAT DO YOU DO?

HE DOESN'T BUDGE?

NOT AN INCH.

YOU WANT THE TRUTH,

HAROLD,

OR YOU WANT ME

TO BULLSHIT YOU?

I WANT THE TRUTH.

I BLOW THE BASTARD'S

BRAINS ALL OVER THE BUS!

BOOM! BOOM! BOOM! BOOM!

HA HA HA!

AND THEN WHAT?

WHAT DO YOU MEAN,

THEN WHAT?

WELL, HE'S DEAD.

BLOOD IS EVERYWHERE.

BLOOD'S ALL OVER

YOUR NEW SUIT.

BLOOD'S ALL OVER

THE PEOPLE AROUND YOU,

WHO ARE SCREAMING.

WHAT DO YOU DO?

WELL, I DIDN'T THINK

ABOUT THAT.

WELL, YOU'RE

CARRYING A PACKAGE

THAT COULD BE WORTH

HUNDREDS OF THOUSANDS

OF DOLLARS.

HUNDREDS OF THOUSANDS

OF DOLL--WHAT DO YOU DO?

WELL, JESUS, HAROLD,

I DON'T KNOW. I, UH...

I RUN, I SUPPOSE.

I, UH...

I, UH, JUMP OFF THE BUS,

AND I RUN

DOWN THE STREET.

YEAH, YOU'RE RUNNING

DOWN THE STREET,

COVERED FROM HEAD TO FOOT

WITH BLOOD.

I TRUSTED YOU, TREAT.

I RELIED ON YOU.

JESUS, HAROLD,

THIS IS, UH, TERRIBLE.

YOU'RE NOT READY TO GO

ON AN ASSIGNMENT.

YOU CAN'T CONTROL

YOUR FEELINGS.

LET ME HAVE THE GUN.

LET ME HAVE THE GUN.

HEY, UH...

GIVE ME ANOTHER CHANCE.

OK, I'M GONNA GIVE YOU

ONE MORE CHANCE.

PHILLIP!

YES?

DID YOU HEAR THE STORY?

MM-HMM.

YOU'RE ON THE BUS.

YOU PLAY THE BLACK MAN.

I'M THE BLACK MAN.

I'M THE BLACK MAN.

YOU'RE THE BLACK MAN.

YOU DON'T BUDGE FOR ANYTHING.

OK...

SIT NEXT TO HIM,

TREAT.

Phillip: I WON'T

FUCKIN' BUDGE, HAROLD.

♪ IF I HAD

THE WINGS ♪

♪ OF AN ANGEL... ♪

HE'S SINGIN', HAROLD.

THAT'S ALL RIGHT.

WHAT THE FUCK

IS HE SINGIN' ABOUT?

THE BLACK GUY DIDN'T SING.

IT'S ALL RIGHT.

YOU JUST CONCENTRATE

ON YOUR PART.

♪ BACK TO THE ARMS

OF MY POOR LOVER ♪

I'M CONCENTRATIN'.

RIGHT. YOU SIT DOWN.

THE BUS IS CROWDED.

YOU HAVE NO ROOM.

WHAT DO YOU DO?

WELL, I DON'T DO NOTHIN'

BECAUSE I DON'T WANT

TO CREATE A SITUATION.

[SINGING LOUDER]

YOUR BALLS

ARE TURNIN' BLUE.

MY BALLS ARE BLUE?

MM-HMM. WHAT DO YOU DO?

♪ I WOULD FLY... ♪

WELL, MAYBE I JUST GIVE HIM

A LITTLE NUDGE, YOU KNOW,

HAROLD?

JUST TO TEST THE WATERS.

MM-HMM. YOU'RE DOING THAT?

YEAH.

I'M GIVING HIM A NUDGE.

MM-HMM. GO ON.

♪ OH, BAH, OH, BAH ♪

THE BASTARD WON'T--

THEN WHAT DO YOU DO? HUH?

I DON'T DO NOTHIN'

BECAUSE I DON'T WANT

TO CREATE A SITUATION.

I JUST EASE UP...

AND I JUST SIT HERE

WITH MY BLUE BALLS.

OK. OK.

THE BUS IS JAM-PACKED,

AND A CRIPPLE COMES ON.

A CRIPPLE?

YEAH. A HORRIBLY

DEFORMED CRIPPLE,

A--A SOLDIER,

A VIETNAM VETERAN,

HIS TESTICLES BLOWN OFF

IN THE WAR.

AW, JESUS! HIS TESTICLES?

YEAH! THE MAN IS

A WALKING NIGHTMARE.

EACH STEP IS TERRIBLE AGONY.

I'LL PLAY THAT MAN.

OOOOH! OOOOH AAA-AAA-AAH!

HELP ME, SOMEBODY!

I'M IN PAIN!

WON'T SOMEBODY PLEASE

GIVE ME A SEAT?!

HERE, MISTER.

TAKE MY SEAT, PLEASE.

I CAN'T SIT THERE.

THERE'S NO ROOM THERE.

THIS GUY! LOOK HERE!

HEY, BUDDY! WHY DON'T YOU

MOVE OVER A LITTLE BIT,

GIVE THIS GUY A SEAT?

HE'S A VET.

AH! AH! AH!

WHY DON'T YOU GO

TAKE A FLYIN' SHIT?

[SINGING]

[MOANING]

WHAT DID YOU SAY TO ME?

I'M NOT GONNA MOVE

A FUCKIN' INCH.

YOU UNDERSTAND ME?

THE GUY NEVER SAID THAT,

HAROLD.

PLEASE! THE MEDICINE

IS WEARING OFF!

JESUS! THE MEDICINE'S

WEARING OFF?!

[SINGING LOUDER]

♪ IF I HAD THE WINGS... ♪

PLEASE! I'M IN PAIN!

WHY DON'T YOU

KISS MY ASS?

AAH! AAH! AAH!

[PHILLIP SINGING]

I GAVE MY BALLS

FOR YOU GUYS!

AAH! AAH!

♪ IF I HAD THE WINGS

OF AN ANGEL ♪

HOW DARE YOU

TREAT ME LIKE THIS?!

I'VE GOT A PURPLE HEART!

I WAS DECORATED!

I GOT NO BALLS!

I GOT

A PURPLE HEART!

♪ I'M GONNA KISS HER,

I'M GONNA HUG HER... ♪

AAH! AAH! AAH!

AAH! AAH! AAH!

THE PAIN!

OH, HAROLD!

I HAVEN'T BEEN LAID

SINCE 1969,

AND NONE OF YOU CARE!

♪ PRISON WALLS

I WOULD FLY-- ♪♪

ACKKK...

GAA...GOD!

Phillip: WHAT HAPPENED?

HIS FEELINGS

WERE TOO MUCH FOR HIM.

YOU TRIED, THOUGH,

DIDN'T YA, HUH?

LITTLE DEAD-END KID...

I APPRECIATE THAT.

HEY, HEY, HEY, HEY.

DON'T BE AFRAID, SON.

I'M NOT YOUR SON.

I DON'T NEED YOU!

TREAT?

TREAT?

TREAT?

[TELEVISION PLAYS]

AAH!

[GUNSHOT]

[TELEVISION PLAYS LOUDLY]

PHILLIP, I THINK

YOU'RE READY FOR A WALK.

A WALK?

MM-HMM.

I--I--I DON'T THINK

I CAN DO THAT, HAROLD.

OH, WHY NOT?

BECAUSE ONCE I GO OUT,

ONCE I TURN THE CORNER

AND LOSE SIGHT

OF THE HOUSE,

TREAT SAYS I MIGHT

NEVER FIND MY WAY

BACK HOME AGAIN.

YOU KNOW YOUR ADDRESS,

DON'T YOU?

I KNOW MY ADDRESS,

ALL RIGHT--6040

NORTH KOMACK STREET--

BUT, HAROLD,

THE ONLY THING IS

TREAT SAYS YOU GO UP

TO THE WRONG PERSON

AND ASK DIRECTIONS,

WHY...THEY MIGHT EVEN

SLIT YOUR THROAT.

I HAVE SOMETHING

FOR YOU, PHILLIP.

YOU NEED NEVER WORRY

ABOUT GETTING LOST AGAIN.

WHAT IS IT?

IT'S A MAP OF NEWARK.

I'VE NEVER

SEEN ONE BEFORE.

YOU NEVER SAW A MAP?

I'VE SEEN A MAP OF

THE UNITED STATES

OF AMERICA,

BUT...I DIDN'T KNOW

THERE WERE MAPS

OF CITIES AND STREETS.

THERE ARE MAPS

OF EVERYTHING, PHILLIP.

THERE'S A MAP

OF THE WHOLE PLANET EARTH.

THERE'S A MAP

OF THE MILKY WAY GALAXY

THAT WE'RE A PART OF.

WE ARE?

MM-HMM.

WE'RE TUCKED AWAY

SAFE AND SOUND

AT THE VERY EDGE

OF THE MILKY WAY,

WHICH IS SWIMMING

IN THE GREAT OCEAN OF SPACE.

WE'RE CIRCLING

THE SUN, PHILLIP.

WE'RE IN THE WESTERN HEMISPHERE,

NORTH AMERICAN CONTINENT...

STATE OF NEW JERSEY...

ESSEX COUNTY.

YOU SEE THIS?

UH-HUH.

YOU KNOW WHAT THAT IS?

WHAT IS IT?

NEWARK.

HA HA HA!

AND THIS...

IS KOMACK STREET.

THAT'S KOMACK STREET?

THE 6040 BLOCK.

I'M GOING TO

CIRCLE IT, PHILLIP,

SO THAT YOU'LL

NEVER GET LOST AGAIN.

YOU'RE GOING TO KNOW

EXACTLY WHERE YOU ARE

IN TIME AND SPACE.

HAROLD?

MM-HMM?

CAN I KEEP IT?

IT'S YOURS.

I KNOW WHERE

I AM NOW, HAROLD.

I KNOW EXACTLY

WHERE I AM.

HEY, UH...

SLIP YOUR ARM IN.

AND THE OTHER.

THERE.

[CHILDREN SHOUTING]

[DOG BARKING]

HA HA!

HA HA HA!

AH HA HA HA!

HA HA HA!

LOOK AT HIM!

HA HA HA!

HA HA HA HA!

HA HA HA HA!

WHEEEE!

WHEEEE!

HA HA HA!

OH, HA HA!

Radio: AND A SPOKESMAN

FOR THE COMPANY SAYS

FULL SERVICE WILL BE

RESUMED BY TUESDAY.

AND NOW THE WEATHER--

THE NEXT THREE DAYS

WILL BE MOSTLY...

[RUMBLING]

Treat: PHILLIP!

Phillip: TREAT?

YOU ALL RIGHT?

WHAT ARE YOU DOIN'

WITH THAT COAT?

THAT'S--THAT'S

MOM'S COAT.

HOW COME YOU'RE

HOLDIN' MOM'S COAT?

YOU SEEN HAROLD?

I SEEN A FRIEND OF YOURS.

HA...

WHO'D YOU SEE?

I SEEN

YOUR OLD BUDDY--

ERROL FLYNN.

HE'S NOT MY BUDDY.

I HARDLY KNOW HIM.

I'M WONDERIN'...

WHAT A FAMOUS MOVIE STAR

LIKE ERROL FLYNN

IS DOIN' HANGIN'

AROUND NEWARK...

SNEAKIN'

INTO PEOPLE'S HOUSES,

UNDERLININ' WORDS,

UNDERLININ' SENTENCES,

EVEN PHRASES.

I WOULDN'T KNOW.

HE MUST HAVE BEEN

HANGIN' AROUND HERE

FOR YEARS, PHILLIP.

LOOK AT THIS.

LIFE ON THE MISSISSIPPI...

BY MARK TWAIN.

THE ARABIAN NIGHTS.

THE COUNTY OF FUCKING

MONTE CRISTO!

AND IN EACH

OF THESE BOOKS, PHILLIP...

UNDERLINED WORDS,

THOUSANDS

OF UNDERLINED WORDS!

LOOK WHAT ELSE

I FOUND HERE, PHILLIP.

HEH HEH HEH...

ALL THIS TIME,

WE WAS THINKIN'...

SHE WAS SOME KIND OF...

ONE-LEGGED TRAMP.

AND ALL ALONG,

SHE HAD TWO LEGS.

HA HA HA!

IMAGINE THAT.

SHE DOES HAVE

AN UNUSUAL PROBLEM,

THOUGH, PHILLIP.

THIS IS A SHOE

FOR A RIGHT FOOT,

AND THE SHOE

WE THREW OUT THE WINDOW

WAS FOR ANOTHER

RIGHT FOOT,

WHICH LEADS ME

TO BELIEVE

THAT THIS WOMAN

HAS TWO RIGHT FEET.

HA...

WHAT THE FUCK DOES SHE

LOOK LIKE, HUH, PHILLIP?

SOME KIND OF AWFUL MONSTER

WALKIN' AROUND

THE STREETS OF NEW JERSEY,

LEANIN' TO THE LEFT.

HUH?

I TOOK A WALK

TONIGHT, TREAT.

I WA--I WALKED

ALL THE WAY OVER

TO THE SUBWAY STATION.

I AIN'T INTERESTED.

I WAS BREATHIN' OK.

I DIDN'T--I DIDN'T HAVE

NO ALLERGY REACTION

LIKE YOU SAID I WOULD.

I DON'T WANT

TO HEAR NO MORE.

HAROLD TOLD ME A SECRET.

YOU KNOW, YOU CAN--

YOU CAN STAND ALL DAY

AT THOSE TURNSTILES

PUTTIN' IN NICKELS

AND DIMES

YOU CAN SAY OPEN SESAME,

YOU CAN SAY ALL KINDS

OF WORDS,

BUT IT WON'T DO ANY GOOD

UNLESS YA GOT ONE OF

THESE MAGICAL COINS,

SEE?

THIS IS A TOKEN.

BUT IF HAROLD HADN'T

GIVEN ME ONE OF THOSE,

I NEVER WOULD HAVE BEEN

ABLE TO TAKE THAT RIDE.

ANYBODY CAN BUY

ONE OF THEM LOUSY TOKENS!

ALL YA GOTTA DO IS

GO INTO ANY TOKEN BOOTH

IN THE COUNTRY!

BUT YOU NEVER TOLD ME

ABOUT TOKENS BOOTHS!

YOU NEVER TOLD ME

ABOUT NOTHIN'!

I WAS OUT

MAKIN' US A LIVIN'.

I HAD THE RESPONSIBILITY!

YOU TOLD ME I WOULD DIE

IF I WENT OUTSIDE!

YOU DON'T REMEMBER WHAT

HAPPENED LAST TIME?!

YOUR FACE SWOLL UP!

YOUR TONGUE WAS HANGIN'

OUTTA YOUR MOUTH!

YOU COULDN'T BREATHE!

I TOOK A WALK

TONIGHT, TREAT.

I WALKED OVER

TO BROAD AND OLNEY.

AND I WAS--I WASN'T

EVEN SCARED.

'CAUSE HAROLD--

HE GAVE ME SOMETHIN'.

LOOK, TREAT.

SEE?

IT'S A FUCKING MAP.

BUT YOU...YOU NEVER

GAVE ME NO MAP.

YOU NEVER TOLD ME

I COULD FIND MY WAY.

I DIDN'T WANT US

SEPARATED.

I DIDN'T WANT NOTHIN'

TO HAPPEN TO YOU!

NOTHIN'S GONNA

HAPPEN TO ME,

'CAUSE I KNOW

WHERE I AM NOW--

AND YOU AIN'T NEVER

GONNA TAKE THAT

AWAY FROM ME!

WHERE ARE YOU?

I'M AT 6040

NORTH KOMACK STREET

IN NEWARK.

I'M ON THE EASTERN EDGE

OF THE STATE

OF NEW JERSEY

IN THE UNITED

STATES OF AMERICA

ON THE NORTH

AMERICAN CONTINENT

ON THE PLANET EARTH

IN THE MILKY WAY GALAXY

SWIMMIN' IN THE GREAT

OCEAN OF SPACE.

I'M SAFE AND SOUND

ON THE VERY EDGE

OF THE MILKY WAY.

THAT'S WHERE I AM,

TREAT.

YOU'RE IT, TREAT.

YOU'RE IT.

THE GAME'S OVER.

HOW COME HAROLD

NEVER MENTIONED TO YOU

THAT THERE WAS

PEOPLE OUT THERE

WHO MIGHT JUST WALK UP

AND STEAL YOUR MAP,

PHILLIP? HUH?

TERRIBLE PEOPLE...

GIVE ME MY MAP.

MALICIOUS PEOPLE...

TREAT, GIVE ME MY MAP.

PEOPLE WHO GOT

NO SCRUPLES AT ALL.

STOP TEARING IT,

YOU--FUCK! FUCK!

UH! OOH!

I FUCKIN' HATE YOU!

I FUCKIN'--

I HATE YOU!

I HATE YOU!

I HATE YOU!

DO YOU HATE ME?

I HATE YOU!

DO YOU HATE ME?

I HA--

DAA!

UH!

UH!

AAH!

DAA!

[COUGHING AND GASPING]

GUESS YOU DON'T

NEED ME ANYMORE,

HUH, PHILLIP?

I GUESS YOU

CAN GET ALONG

WITHOUT ME.

I'M GOING TO GO

VISIT PLACES.

I GUESS YOU DON'T NEED

YOUR BIG BROTHER TREAT

NO MORE.

YOUR BIG BROTHER TREAT,

WHO STOLE

SO WE COULD HAVE FOOD

ON THE TABLE,

SO YOU COULD HAVE THEM

STARKIST TUNA SANDWICHES

SPREAD THICK WITH

HELLMANN'S MAYONNAISE.

THEN,

WHEN THEY COME FOR YOU,

YOUR BIG BROTHER TREAT,

WHO STOOD IN THE DOOR,

BLOCKIN' THE WAY.

YOU REMEMBER?

I REMEMBER.

YOU WERE CRYIN'.

YOU HID IN THE CLOSET.

THEN WHEN THEY TRIED

TO COME IN...

I STOPPED 'EM.

I BIT THE MAN'S HAND.

I WAS ONLY A LITTLE BOY,

BUT I BIT THE MAN'S HAND,

YOU REMEMBER?

I REMEMBER.

I TOOK CARE OF YOU...

ALL THESE YEARS.

YOU DON'T NEED ME ANYMORE,

IS THAT RIGHT, PHILLIP?

I'M LEAVIN'!

WHERE WAS HE ALL THESE YEARS

I WAS RAISIN' YOU, PHILLIP?!

WHERE THE HELL WAS HE?!

HUH?!

WHERE THE HELL WAS HE,

PHILLIP?!

[DOOR OPENS]

HAROLD.

HA HA!

I KNEW YOU'D BE BACK.

I KNEW IT.

I'D NEVER LEAVE YOU,

PHILLIP.

YOU WOULDN'T?

I'LL ALWAYS BE WITH YOU...

FOREVER AND EVER.

YOU CAN COUNT ON ME.

I FOUND MY WAY HOME.

I FOUND MY OWN HOME,

ONLY I AIN'T GOT

NO MORE MAP.

OH...DON'T MATTER.

YOU CAN GET A MAP

AT ANY GAS STATION.

I CAN?

MM-HMM.

HMM.

YEAH, ALL...

ALL OVER AMERICA.

YOU'LL NEVER BE

LOST AGAIN.

M-MAYBE ONE DAY

I WON'T EVEN NEED A MAP.

MAYBE.

[BREATHING HEAVILY]

I STOLE THE, UH...

THE GERMAN'S KEY

ONE NIGHT, BOYS.

A BIG GERMAN

SON OF A BITCH. HUH.

I REACHED

RIGHT INTO HIS POCKET

AND...STOLE HIS KEY.

YOU NEVER SEEN

NOTHIN' LIKE IT.

ORPHANS EVERYWHERE...

RUNNIN'

THROUGH THE STREETS...

PRESSIN' THEIR FACES

AGAINST THE WINDOW.

GERMAN BEAT

THE LIVIN' HELL OUT OF US

WHEN WE GOT BACK.

HA...

WE DIDN'T MIND, THOUGH,

BECAUSE...WE'D SEEN

WHAT WE HAD TO SEE.

IT'S ALL RIGHT, PHILLIP.

YOU JUST NEEDED

SOME ENCOURAGEMENT.

HOW ABOUT YOU, SON?

COME ON OVER HERE...

AND LET ME GIVE YOU

SOME ENCOURAGEMENT.

YOU'RE A DEAD-END KID,

THOUGH, AIN'T YA?

I KNOW...

I KNOW...

A FUCKIN'

DEAD-END KID...

WHEN I SEE ONE.

HAROLD?

HAROLD.

HAROLD?

I NEED SOME...

I NEED SO--

[CRYING]

HE CAN'T HEAR YOU,

PHILLIP.

[SOBBING]

HE'S DEAD.

I NEVER TOUCHED

HIS HAND BEFORE.

IT'S OK NOW, THOUGH...

BECAUSE HE'S DEAD.

OH...

SOMETHIN'S WRONG.

SOMETHIN' HURTS.

AAAHOH!

OHHH!

NO!

NO!

NO!

NO!

NO!

DON'T...LEAVE ME,

HAROLD!

DON'T...LEAVE ME.

I AM A DEAD-END KID,

HAROLD.

I AM A FUCKIN'

DEAD-END KID.

HAROLD!

NOOOHHH!

NOOOOHHH!

NO!

NO! NO!

NO!

NO!

NO!

NO!

NO!

NO!

COME ON. OK.

OHH...

NO.

[WHISTLING

THE PRISONER'S SONG]

CAPTIONING MADE POSSIBLE BY

WARNER BROS.

CAPTIONING PERFORMED BY

THE NATIONAL CAPTIONING

INSTITUTE, INC.

CAPTIONS COPYRIGHT 1988

LORIMAR PRODUCTIONS, INC.