Operation Petticoat (1959) - full transcript

- Good morning.
- Good morning, Sir.

Good morning, Sir.

Good morning Chief.
I just came to look around.

- Yes, Sir.
- All right if I go below?

Certainly, Sir.
Can I get you some coffee?

No, I'll just go below and wait
for the captain. Thank you, maybe later.

- Yes, Sir.
- Chief.

Who's he?

- That's Sherman.
- Yeah?

Hey, but what's he doing here
at six in the morning?

Heard you were aboard, and came down
personally to make sure that you were comfortable.



Don't you know anything about submarines?

Yeah, sure. I know about Sherman.
He's the boss of Submarines Pacific.

- And he was the first skipper of this boat.
- Yeah, I know that.

Then you should be able to figure
out what he is doing down here.

If you was the first
skipper of the "Sea Tiger"…

And you was the one that had to give the order
to send her to the junkyard at nine this AM…

What would you be doing at six?

USS SEA TIGER
CAPTAIN'S JOURNAL

10 December, 1941.

Moored starboard side to Machina Wharf.
Cavite Navy Yard…

Philippine Islands, for
provisions and fuel.

Directive received from
Commander Asiatic Fleet…

"You will sink or destroy all enemy
ships wherever encountered."

Have advised Commander Submarine
Force, Asiatic Fleet...



That "Sea Tiger"…

Will be ready for sea at
19:00, 10 December 1941.

Captain! Captain!

Captain!

Enemy planes over.

- Ready on engines?
- The best we can, Sir.

Cut those lines!

Take cover!

Well, I'm not denying we suffered
some minor damage, Sir, but…

Minor damage?

What does it take to convince you?
You've been sunk!

Maybe you ought to read
your own report.

“Bulkheads, main ballast
tanks and pressure hull...

Ripped by bomb fragments...

Engine room flooded, main induction
and ventilation wrecked…

Torpedo tubes inoperable, all motor
controls and reduction gear inoperable…

Electrical equipment,
wiring, gauges, gyro, radio."

All you've got out there…

Is a periscope sitting on top of a couple
of thousand tons of scrap metal.

What do you suggest, Sir?

Should we underwater weld to jury patch
the hull before pumping her out…

Or should we raise her first
and then work on the hull?

Matt, with major repairs
and a complete overhaul...

Then maybe Sea Tiger could be
put back into commission.

A functioning Navy yard
might do it.

Sir.

My chiefs are pretty good hands.
Now, they know they're on their own...

And what we're up against. But we all think
we can get "Sea Tiger" back in the war.

Now, on who's side?

The word is we're due to evacuate back
to Bataan, the 26 is the outside date...

That gives you less than two weeks
to do a job a yard couldn't do in two months.

Well, naturally Sir, we don't figure to get
her into fighting trim right away...

Just sufficient makeshift repair to take her
out of here and get her to the nearest sub tender.

That would be the "Bushnell", at Darwin.

That's almost two thousand miles of ocean...

With the Japanese Navy roaming all over it.

And you're going to make it in a sub
held together with spit and bailing wire?

Sir...

"Sea Tiger" is built to fight, she deserves
a better epitaph than...

"Commissioned 1940, sunk, 1941.

Engagements: none.
Shots fired: none."

You can't let her go that way, that's like...

A beautiful woman dying an old
maid, if know what I mean by...

Old maid.

- Did you ever sell used cars?
- No, Sir.

I got a hunch you missed your calling.

All right, Matt. You've got two weeks
to get her out or we blow her up.

Fair enough.

Oh, by the way, uh...

Three of my officers and eighteen of my men
have already been transferred to other ships...

How soon can I
can get them back?

You don't.

You'll have to get by with
a skeleton crew.

But I'll get you what
replacements I can.

Yes, Sir.

Thank you, Sir.

All done.

Come on, turn ashore all hands,
we'll clean up later.

That's all we can do now.

Pretty odd job but I think
it might hold all right.

Yes, Sir.

Do you think the
No. 2 tank will hold?

All we can do is give it a try, Sir.

- Which one are you holding?
- The left one.

Well hang on.

Okay, give her some air.

I found it, I found it!

- I found it, look.
- I give up. What is it?

It's a cake my mother sent me.

Isn't that nice. Take it to the cook,
maybe he'll warm it up for you.

Mothers.

Why couldn't she send him
something we need?

Like a universal coupling joint.

What is it, Molumphry?

I don't know, Sir.

Have a look.

Looks like the Good Humor man.

- I wonder where he left his...
- Hey, what's going on?

Take a look at this, Sir.

Holy mountain.

What is it?

I hope I'm wrong, Sir, but with that suitcase
I'd say he's one of the replacements.

Oh no, don't tell me that!

Oh, for heaven's sake!
Do you know anything about him?

Well, only from the society pages
of the Honolulu newspapers;...

- His name is Lieutenant Nick Holden.
- Holden, uh.

He's the darling of the
high-brass social set.

- I'll bet he is.
- He and the Admiral's wife...

Won the rumba championship
two years in a row!

Okay, fellows. Come on, knock it off.
Let's get back to work.

Lieutenant Nick Holden,
reporting for duty, Sir.

You must excuse the men for
staring, Mr. Holden...

But it's unusual to see an Admiral's
aide out without the Admiral.

He was scheduled to be transferred.
I was sent to make arrangements but...

- Then the war broke out and...
- You're sort of stranded, uh?

Yes, Sir. Captain Henderson
assigned me to you...

He said to hurry on down here
before you left.

Bearings are okay, Sir...

But if we don't come up with an oil pump shaft
the only way we're going to get out of here is...

- By rowing.
- Didn't Hunkle put that fellow up on the requisition?

Requisition? That's all we ever do.
But we never get anything.

We might as well write
a letter to Santa Claus.

Yeah. Well, thanks, Tostin.

- Have you ever been in a submarine before Mr. Holden?
- No, Sir.

We could use a good torpedo and gunnery officer.
Any experience along this lines?

- Guns? I'm afraid not, Sir, no.
- How about navigation?

- Terribly sorry.
- Communications?

Wish I could help you out, Sir.

Tell me.

Before you became an Admiral's aide,
what did you do in the Navy, Mr. Holden?

Well, Sir, I was primarily an
idea man.

I see, well...

Tell me, what does
an idea man do?

Well, Sir, I coordinated the Navy Day
parade in Milwaukee...

And then I was the special liaison officer
for the Eleventh Naval District.

- Liaison with what?
- Hollywood.

I coordinated the design
of admission posters.

Then from there I was transferred to
Fleet Headquarters Honolulu.

Is that where they gave you sea duty?

No, Sir, I was the Recreation Officer
at the Royal Arms Hotel.

Just for my information, Mr. Holden...

What does an idea man
do in a hotel?

Well you see, Sir the Navy took over
the hotel for officer's training...

And I saw to it that
entertainment was provided.

- Have you ever been to sea?
- Yes, Sir, destroyer duty.

- How did you find time for it?
- It was a mistake, Sir.

By the week after I left Honolulu
they got it straightened out.

Who, the Admiral or
the Admiral's wife?

She must be awfully upset
with you stranded out here...

That will probably cost her the rumba
championship this year.

Holy mountain!

Here you are, my man. Will you take this bag
and this clubs and you put them on the sub?

Thank you, son.

Hunkle.

What has happened about
that oil pump for Tostin?

Sir, I put in four requisitions.

- Did you stamp them urgent?
- I put a requisition in for one, Sir.

- For what?
- An urgent stamp, we haven't got one.

Haven't we received anything
from supplies?

The only requisition
that's been filled...

Is the requisition
for more requisition paper.

Captain, I got the trim pump broken
down. Want to look at it?

Yes.
All right, Hunkle.

May I help you, Sir?

No, not really. My name
is Lt. Nick Holden.

- I'm Ernest Hunkle, Sir.
- Pleasure to meet you.

Would care for some coffee?

- Yes, thank you.
- Follow me.

- Who is that, Hunkle?
- That's the "Prophet", Sir.

Is he always that cheerful?

That's just the way he is, Sir.
Don't mind him.

- Cream and sugar?
- Yes, please.

"Why even try?...

If you're lucky enough...

To live through today...

Tomorrow...

You will die."

I don't know...

From the looks of things around here
I got a feeling he knows what he's singing about.

- Here's your coffee, Sir.
- Thank you.

- Excuse me, I got to get back to my work.
- Certainly.

Thank you.

Sir.

- Sir. Sir, look at this.
- What?

Sir, last June, when we were
here, I requisitioned toilet paper.

Every time we've been back since
I sent through a follow up...

All according to the book, through channels.
I even submitted a sample of the material required.

So what happens?

The all works just came back stamped:
"Cannot identify, requisition cancelled".

Not that I'm complaining, Sir, but this is
the sort of things I've been going through.

All right, Hunkle.
Relax...

Take a letter.

Amazing.

- Are you ready?
- Yes, Sir.

From Commanding Officer
"USS Sea Tiger"...

To Supply Officer, Navy Yard,
Cavite, Philippines...

Dear Commander Submarine
Forces, etc...

Subject: Toilet paper.

One...

On 6 June, 1941...

This vessel submitted a requisition
for 150 rolls of toilet paper...

On 16 December, 1941...

The requisition was returned
with stamped notation...

"Can not identify material required".

Two...

The Commanding Officer of the
"USS Sea Tiger"...

Can not help but wonder
what is being used...

At the Cavite Supply Depot as a substitute
for this unidentifiable material...

Once so well known
to this command.

- Three...
- Excuse me, Sir.

- What?
- Excuse me for interrupting.

- Have you ever been to Las Vegas?
- Why?

The boys up there would say you're
trying to make your point the hard way.

I mean, putting in requisitions,
going through channels...

You've got to sneak up
a few back alleys.

What you need, Sir, is a Supply Officer
who can help you find those back alleys.

- You, Mr. Holden?
- Yes, Sir.

You'd ruin your manicure.
Here.

Don't let my manicure
fool you, Sir.

I was born and raised in a neighborhood
called "Noah's Ark".

If you didn't travel in pairs,
you just didn't travel.

Why don't you make out a shopping list
and I'll see what's left at the market?

You're not the volunteering
type. What's your angle?

The same as yours.
'We both want to get the...

The submarine out of here.
You, so you can fight your war...

Me...

Well, let's just say I'm an optimist.

Wherever we're headed, I am sure
I can work a little better deal than the one I got.

Mr. Holden, I may regret this...

But you've just been
made my Supply Officer.

- Get your list from Hunkle.
- Thank you.

I am going to need a couple of men.
With you permission, may I pick my own?

- Right.
- Thank you, Sir.

Hunkle...

I've got a list for you.
We're going shopping tonight.

Put on the lights.

Look at it!

Gentlemen, I think we hit pay dirt.

- You got the list?
- Yes, Sir.

Now you just find the stuff we
need and start taking it to the door.

Now, let's go, we haven't got much
time. Come on, boys.

Prophet, you get the wiring.

I knew I'd forgot something, Sir.
What did you forget?

I never wrapped up my belongings
so they can be sent to kinfolk...

- If we don't get back.
- Will you stop talking like that?

They're going to spot us and
shoot us down like a dog.

- Will you please shut up?
- It's alright, Hunkle.

He's got the right attitude,
it shows he's very careful.

Come on, get it to the door.

Don't you forget what you
promised to fellows...

When the shooting starts, you turn your back
so Gertie won't get splattered.

Who is Gertie?

- You mean you don't know about Gertie?
- Shut up!

And get moving with that thing.

Hunkle, who is Gertie?

Molumphry will sure be
happy with this wiring.

Hunkle, I asked you a question.

Who is Gertie?

- She's really nobody.
- Hunkle...

Well, you see, Sir...

When my enlistment
was up last year, the boys...

Gave me a farewell party.

I usually don't drink, Sir,
but that night I must...

The last thing I remember...

Was standing in front of
this tattoo parlor...

May I?

They ought to hang
you in the Louvre.

I was going home to get married...

But when I saw myself
in the mirror, I reenlisted.

I never could explain
Gertie to my fiancée.

No. I can see you've
got a problem.

But you got to look at the bright side...

You've probably got the
sexiest chest in the Navy.

- Thank you, Sir.
- Sir?

I ain't one to worry when
there's no need but...

After we get all this stuff to the door,
how're we gonna get it back the boat?

Don't you worry about that,
just keep the stuff...

MPs!

Check the warehouses!

Halt!

What's your business here?

I'm working here.
Just stepped out for a breath of air.

Let's see your identification.

Certainly. Here you are.

Oh, Lieutenant!

Why the black face, Sir?

Why, Sergeant, don't you know the penalty for
breaking blackout regulations?

Blackout regulations?

Don't be coy, you read the
new order from Admiral Nimitz?

- No. What order?
- Regulation 41-9-8-2...

"No Navy personnel shall appear
at night without face camouflage."

A plane comes over, you look up, the moonlight bounces
off your face, gives away our position...

Sergeant, a face like that could
cause an awful lot of damage...

I'm afraid I'm just gonna have
to put you on report.

Honestly, Sir, nobody
told me about it.

Alright, you've been told.

Black out that face, Sergeant.

Yes, Sir. Thank you, Sir.

Admiral Nimitz?
Yes, Sir.

- Hey, that was close.
- It's a trap...

We used to catch possums
like that back home...

You fool them into feel
real safe and then... Haw!

- We are just three possums waiting to get...
- Come on, Prophet. Just...

We've only got a couple of
minutes. Get the stuff.

- Hey Chief!
- Yes, Dooley?

Your shaft's here.

Thanks, Dooley.

Hey, look, Molumphry, brand
new oil pump shaft.

Congratulations, look's
just like you, Tostin.

- What's that?
- Your refrigerating unit.

- That?
- We were lucky to get it.

Man, it was cold in
that ice house.

- Look, Sir, brand new oil pump shaft.
- Fine, fine.

- Where is Mr. Holden?
- He's keeping an eye on the truck, Sir.

Mr. Holden!

It turned out to be a good night
for shopping, Sir.

- Yeah.
- Serviced up and saved...

I got a pretty good idea where you got the Navy
supplies, but where did you pick up an Army truck?

I'm afraid I can't take credit for the
truck, Sir, no. Ramon got it.

- Ramon?
- Ramon!

Smile, Sir.
He's very sensitive.

- What?
- Commander Sherman, Sergeant Gillardo.

I'm very happy to be a member
of your crew, Sir.

What do you mean,
a member of my crew?

Well, Sir...

I promised the sergeant that if he
helped us out, you’d take him on.

But he's a marine!

Well, he's open to a better offer.
You'd better go back to work right now.

I'll handle everything.

That man is a prisoner!

Well, he was. You see, the prison
stockade was bombed down...

You have no idea the trouble
I had in finding him.

You mean you actually
went looking for him?

Of course. He's the greatest
operator around here...

Why, six months after he became
General Warren's personal chef...

- He was in business for himself.
- I'll bet.

Sole owner of the
best restaurant in Manila.

And what about that
"P" on his back?

- The "P"?
- Yeah!

- Oh, that...
- Yeah, let's talk of that!

Well, you see, somebody started prying around
and found that the Marine Corp...

Was supplying all the meat and silverware...
But he's a man who can get a job done for you, Sir.

Why, there isn't a burglar, swindler,
pickpocket or fence on the island...

That doesn't love, know, and respect him.

Oh, that's probably a glowing recommendation
by your standards, Mr. Holden...

But I have no intention of taking
your thief on as part of my crew...

He's not only a thief, he's an
escaped prisoner, a deserter.

That's true, Sir, but we got to
remember he's one other thing.

- What?
- He's also an informer...

And... if we don't take him with us,
why, he'll just tell everybody everything.

Yeah.

And you're in too deep
for that now, Sir.

You see, we don't have a sales slip
for all this merchandise.

Well, It seems I'm boxed in,
Mr. Holden.

You've made a wise decision, Sir. I'll
go tell him, he'll be so happy.

Ramon!

You got to give him credit, Sir...

- That's what I call a Supply Officer.
- What?

I wonder where he got everything.

Mr. Stovall, there's only one way to live with this
situation. It's like watching a strip-teaser...

Don't ask how it's done,
just enjoy what's coming off.

Here, oh.

19 December, 1941.
Repairs progressing.

Crew morale high, except
for their concern that...

Our supply officer might
be caught and shot.

My emotions about this are mixed...

Lt. Holden and Sgt. Gillardo
are undoubtedly...

The world's greatest thieves.

Scavengers.

To paraphrase Mr. Churchill...

"Never have so few
stolen so much from so many."

And what they can’t find
in the warehouses...

They improvise.

Mr. Sherman, I'm aware that there's been
wholesale scavenging going on...

Now, I've tried to overlook it,
knowing the position you're in.

- Yes, Sir.
- But this time you've gone too far.

Mr. Sherman...

I want my wall back.

- Well, I'm not sure we have it, Sir.
- You must have it. You've got everything else.

Now, I don't mind a little bit of
initiative, but you...

Oh Sir, I have to get back to my boat.

Wait a minute, I'll go with you!

- Any damage, Stovall?
- No direct hit, Sir.

Concussion may have sprung some plates
in the tanks, Mr. Watson's checking.

Or camouflage caught fire,
we had to cut it down.

- Were we spotted?
- Yeah.

A couple of them came close
enough to spit at...

And with the 50. out of commission
that's all we could do.

Well, I guess that just about does it.

They'll know exactly where to find us
anytime they're in the mood

I'm sorry, Matt.

Sir, request permission
to get underway, immediately.

- Get underway?
- Yes.

In that?

Well, I can get as far as Cebu and
complete repairs there.

- Cebu?
- Oh, it's only about 400 miles, Sir.

You'd be in trouble if it was only 400 feet.
You're in no condition to go out.

- Sir, we've made amazing progress.
- Why, you can't even submerge...

Then if you try running on top in
the daylight you're a dead duck.

Molumphry!

Can this boat go down?
Like a rock, Sir.

Mr. Watson, how're the plates?
Tight as a drum, Sir.

And the engines, Tostin?
Factory fresh, Sir.

What do you say, Sir?

I say take your scavengers and
these liars here and get out.

- Yes, Sir.
- Under one stipulation, now.

You will engage no enemy shipping,
and that includes lifeboats.

Even if you see someone swimming
in the water, avoid him.

He might kick a hole in your side.

- Yes, Sir.
- Good luck.

Thank you, Sir.

Oh, Matt.

This would be what's left
of my wall, wouldn't it?

I wouldn't know, Sir.

Well if it is, I'd appreciate you at least
sending my window back.

Yes, Sir.

So what d'you think?
Can we make it?

Well, we got No. 1
engine in shape.

No. 2 I'll tell you about as soon as
we've put it back together again.

How about 3 and 4?

Well, I've been using them for
parts for 1 and 2.

I am a religious man, Captain, and I believe
we'll get through if the Good Lord puts His mind to it.

Of course, He'll have to give
us His undivided attention.

Mr. Watson!

Be ready to get underway the moment
Mr. Holden and his gang get back.

- Aye, Sir.
- Any idea where they went?

No, Sir. When the air raid
started they took off.

All Mr. Holden said was:
"in confusion there is profit."

It's obviously the same guys who...

Sir, we just got a call from the
Security Officer, and he's raisin hell.

Why? What's wrong?

Well, it seems like somebody
stole his safe.

What happened, Sir?

Douglas, I think we've been victims
of Sherman's march to the sea.

Make for getting underway.

Aye aye, Sir.

All hands, stand to your lines.

Lookouts out for sea.

Ready to get underway?
Ready, Sir.

Get ready on No. 1 engine.

Maneuvering, Bridge.
Get ready on No. 1 engine.

Ready on No. 1 engine.

Maneuvering, Bridge.
Get ready on No. 1 engine.

Any time they're ready.

Maneuvering, Bridge.
Any time you're ready.

Mr. Holden! What
the devil is that?

That's a witch doctor, Sir. Ramon found
him in the hills. We hired him.

You hired him?

To ward off evil spirits
and wish us a safe journey.

I figured we could use all
the help we can get, Sir.

Hey, hey, hey, hey.
Cut that out!

Mr. Holden, would you...
What's that?

Tell this fella...

Hey, hey, I can't hear
myself think!

Can he go away please!

Get away from my boat!
Get away from my...!

Single up all lines.

Single one.

Single four.

Right full rudder.

All ahead one third,
starboard back one third.

All ahead one third,
starboard back one third.

Oh, what a character!

All stop. Shift your rudder.

All stop. Shift your rudder.

All ahead two thirds.
Ease your rudder.

All ahead two thirds.
Ease your rudder.

They'll never make it.

Tostin is still fighting now
with No. 2 engine, Sir.

Sounds like he's losing.

How's the battery charge?

We got just enough for a trim dive.

You care to try it?

Not now, we'll wait until dawn,
we'll have to take her down then.

We go to try it sometime.

I'm not complaining, Sir.
I had my choice.

Of what?

I could've gone to West Point.

Careful, Sir.

Well, now is the time.

Let's weigh her down.

Aye, Sir.

- Clear the bridge.
- Clear the bridge.

- Number one!
- Dive!

- Number Two!
- Dive!

Number Three.
Number Four.

- Make your depth five-eight feet.
- Aye, Sir. Five-eight feet.

Five-eight feet.

Cross the bubble...

Close all vents.

All ahead one third.

All ahead one third.

Peri-depth, Sir.

Ok, let's check her for leaks.
Take her down to 100 feet.

All ahead two-thirds.

All ahead two-thirds.

6 degrees down bubble.

All compartments check
for leaks. Report to control.

All compartments check
for leaks. Report to control.

Close watertight doors.
Close bulkhead flappers.

Close watertight doors.
Close bulkhead flappers.

Steadying.

She's sure moaning
and groaning, Sir.

Cycle all vents.

I doubt if Sam Sneed would approve
of using irons that way.

We're just lucky Mr. Holden
had a set of golf clubs with him.

Aren't we?

Guess we didn't bleed all the air
out of the hydraulic system.

100 feet.

You can't win, my friend.

You can't win.

You can't win, so why even try?

If you're lucky enough...

To live through today...

Tomorrow you... will die.

All compartments report
tight, Sir.

Thank you.

Open the watertight doors.

- Good morning, Sir.
- Good morning.

If you're ready for breakfast, Sir,
I'll be in the wardroom in a few minutes.

- What's that?
- Orange juice, Sir.

Where're you taking it?

To Mr. Holden. He's
having breakfast in bed, sir.

Wait a minute, Sgt.

- I'll take it down.
- Yes, Sir.

May I come in?

Please do.

- Good morning.
- Good morning, Mr. Holden.

I've got a bad neck
from too much tennis.

Really?

Well. Did you get a good night's sleep?

Not too good; it was a little damp
and noisy. Strange surroundings.

Oh, I'm sorry to hear that.

Thank you.

Well, how's the food?
Satisfactory?

Excellent, thank you.

- Would you like a cigar?
- No, no thanks.

Well, I suppose after you
digested breakfast...

You'll want to get up on deck and play
a little shuffleboard, uh?

This war must be a minor inconvenient
to you, eh, Mr. Holden?

I try to make the best of it, Sir.

Oh yes, and you do, indeed you do.

Now, I know you aren’t familiar with
the way the Navy functions at sea.

- Cigarette?
- No, thanks.

But here... We all...

We all eat together,
we all work together...

And just so you won't upset that system,
I'm afraid you will have to do it our way.

Now you've got exactly three minutes
to get off your fat mattress...

- Get dressed, and report to Mr. Watson!
- Yes, Sir.

You're going to learn something about this submarine
if I have to poor it into you intravenously!

Oh and another thing:
around here we all dress alike.

Have you got any
regulation trousers?

No, I don't Sir. I had all my clothes made
at "Saks" Fifth Avenue.

I'm sorry I can't to do anything about the
uniform, but don't want you to think...

I'm going to expect breakfast
in bed every morning.

The scuttlebutt is that we'll
try to submerge at daybreak...

And I figured if you gotta go,
you might as well go big.

Mr. Holden, it's past daybreak
and we are submerged.

We are?

We are.

- You mean we're under?
- Yes...

I hope... Well, it isn't
a permanent situation, er...

What I'm trying to say is, I mean,
we can come up if we'd like to?

Well, I'd like to think we can,
but then I'm an incurable optimist.

What happens, sir, if we, er...?

What happens if we can't...?

Oh, well, if we can't, er...

Then, we, er...

- What kind of answer is that?
- Why, you nervous, Mr. Holden?

Yes!

Tell me something:
Why did you join the Navy?

Because I needed
an officer's uniform.

As a kid I was victim of the
most vicious propaganda ever...

People kept telling me that money
wasn't everything, and I believed it.

Until I found out that the people
who were saying that...

Money wasn’t everything,
were the people that had all the money.

So I figured they were trying
to hide a good thing.

Sir, please sit down.

Yeah!

Now, there are two simple
ways that you can get money...

You can steal it,
or you can marry it.

Now, if you're going to marry it,
you got to travel in the right circles...

On the right side of the tracks.

Two things I learned, Sir...

One: A uniform can get you
into the best places, and two...

No one ever checks the Dun and
Bradstreet's grading in a bedroom.

That sounds like a
winning combination.

Would you like to see the jackpot?

That's the girl from
the right side of the tracks?

She owns the tracks...

Or, I should say 5. 2 % of all the
railroad stock in America.

Isn't she lovely?

We had a dinner date one night, and
I was a few minutes late, I forget why and...

She didn't want it to happen again, so...

Did you ever see a
two thousand dollar watch?

My, my, my.

Well, when the minister says "will you take
this woman?" he won't be kidding, will he?

- When is the happy occasion?
- The day I get back.

You see to it that I get back, Sir, and I'll see to it
that you have your own private submarine.

Oh, for heaven's sake.

Excuse me, uh.

Is this normal or should
I be nervous again?

- Captain!
- What?

One of our sea connections
carried away, Sir...

We're rigging a jury patch,
but I don't think it will hold.

Prepare to surface.

Stand by to surface.
Lookouts to conning tower.

Stand by to surface.
Lookouts to conning tower.

How much time do
we need for repairs?

About six hours if we can
work over the side.

Six hours...

Well, I guess the nearest place with any kind
of sheltered anchorage...

Would be Marinduque island,
so we'd better head for there.

- Okay.
- Keep your eye on it.

- All clear, Sir.
- Fine

Sound surface alarm.

22 December, 1941.

Arrived Marinduque quay about
two hours after enemy air raid.

Repairs have to be completed
before their next visit.

To get Lt. Holden out
from underfoot...

I've sent him and his men out
to scout the situation on the island.

- Oh, Captain.
- What?

Mr. Holden is coming back, Sir.

Yes. War is hell, Mr. Watson.

Well, it's not only that, Sir.

Wait till you see
what he's got with him.

Women!

Wow! That's what
I call scavenging!

I... What I meant Sir is that I...

That I'm sure there must be something
they can be used for.

I can think of any number of uses,
but not here and now.

Mr. Stovall, Lt. Holden's influence
upon you is beginning to worry me.

I suggest you "Wow!" less and
"Tsk, Tsk, Tsk" a little more...

- Mayor Heywood.
- Major Heywood.

- Lieutenant Duran.
- Lieutenant Duran.

- Lieutenant Reid.
- Hello!

Lieutenant.

Lieutenant Colfax.

Lieutenant.

Lieutenant Crandall.

If anybody ever asks you what
you're fighting for...

There's your answer.

Lt. Holden was kind enough
to invite us to go with you.

What?

The Major and her unit
were stranded, Sir.

We were en route to Manila when
we got word it was being bombed...

So our plane made an
emergency landing here.

Then when the Japanese strafed
the airstrip I...

Our plane took off to keep from
being destroyed on the ground.

It was was supposed to
come back for us.

- Oh, I see.
- It didn't make it.

They were the only American
personnel on the island, Sir...

You could not possibly
leave them there.

Thank you.

- It's an emergency, Sir.
- Yes, thank you, Mr. Holden.

Now Major, it's... Obviously we'll have to
get out of here as fast as we can, so...

If you we'll take your party below,
I'll get you as far as Cebu...

Where you can rejoin an Army unit.

- Mr. Stovall, escort the ladies to the wardroom.
- Yes, Sir.

Thank you, Lieutenant.

- A pleasure, ma'am.
- Right this way, ladies.

- I guess I'm stuck.
- Yeah.

Just a minute. Come on.
That's right.

- Thank you very much.
- I suggest you take the other one off.

Sir.

Mr. Holden, just a minute.

- Mr. Watson!
- Yes, Sir!

Please assemble the crew.

You will instruct them that they are to completely
ignore the fact that our passengers are women.

I know that will require some...

Readjustment in thinking, but I want every man
on this submarine to understand that...

Our objective is Cebu
and then Darwin.

If any man has any
other objective in mind...

He'd better forget it.

You will put on report...

Collision!

Collision!

- Collision, Sir!
- Whoa, whoa, relax...

We're not even moving.

- Who hit the collision button?
- I don't know, Sir.

Yes, yes.

See, everything has got a reason
for being here...

- Now, what happened?
- I'm very sorry.

When I was coming down the ladder,
I accidentally touched that button.

- She grabbed the collision alarm.
- Just a minute. Now, now...

Please, ladies, there is one primary rule
you must observe...

Just keep your hands
and your, your, uh...

Well. uh...
Just don't touch anything.

Now, Mr. Stovall, the ladies will occupy
the Chief's quarters and my cabin.

The Chief will bunk with the men. Move my gear with
Watson and you stay with, what's his name... Holden.

Now, uh...

For the next few days we'll all be living
in fairly close contact with each other...

Now, you being women, and the...

The men, that is the crew, being men,
well, being confined like this could...

Could create situations not usually...

Consistent with normal
submarine operations.

- Well, what I mean to say...
- We know what you mean to say, Captain.

We're well acquainted
with the facts of life.

So are the men, Major. I'm simply trying to
avoid any exchange of information.

Certainly, you must...

You must realize that...

Well, it's just that submarines are not
designed to be coeducational.

That is to say...

Well, Mr. Stovall, you'll be good enough
to take the ladies to the wardroom.

- I'll try to work out some kind of a schedule.
- Yes, Sir.

You'll eat in the officers' mess.

Your scheduled times are
07:00, 12:00 and 18:00.

Now... This is the shower.

Excuse me.

Instructions for operating
are on the bulkhead.

Your shower period
will be between 06:30 and 06:50.

You each will be allowed
one and a half minutes.

A minute and a half?

Well, Captain's orders.
Problems with fresh water supply.

How can you shower in
a minute and a half?

Why, what you miss one day you
can get the next time around.

In here is what we
in the Navy call the...

It's operated by the manipulation
of the air compressor levers...

What do they call it?

The...

The head.

I've drawn a complete diagram here.
I'm sure you will have no trouble following it.

Why do they call it the head?

Doesn't say.

What, having a woman on board
is bad luck, Sir...

And if one is bad luck, where
do you think five will get us.

All right Tostin, what do you want me to do about it?
Throw them overboard?

It's something to think about.

Do what you can, about it.

Wait a minute!
Hunkle, what's going on in there?

A raffle, Sir, they're
drawing for the women.

They're drawing for the women?

Mr. Holden organized it. They're
picking the five lucky men now.

Kraus.

- Congratulations.
- What did you give away?

- What's going on?
- A raffle, Sir.

What kind of raffle?

For clothes.

Clothes?

Yes. The men are donating
their clothes to the women, Sir.

- Have you men finished chow?
- Yes, Sir.

You better get back on the job. We
have to get out of here before sundown.

- Mr. Holden.
- Yes, Sir.

How did all that get started?

I thought I was boosting
the men's morale, Sir...

After all there's a practical
side to be considered...

These women have been
on an island for quite a while...

Their clothes are all messed up.

Now, sooner or later they are going
to have to wash them... Right?

Now, with everything hanging on the line
and nothing hanging on the...

You see, Sir, it could
be rather awkward.

Yeah.

- Carry on, Lieutenant.
- Yes, Sir. Thank you.

I wish they had a decent mirror
in this place.

Why the Navy still use
that silly clasp?

We just found out
it's tradition...

Each button represents one of
the original thirteen states.

Better button up New Jersey.

- How's the shirt?
- A little tight.

You'd better reinforce those buttons
before you take a deep breath.

The Navy's got to have
this thread, come on.

- Hi.
- Hi!

What's wrong?

It's seeming Kraus does
absolutely nothing for you.

You don't put the crown jewels
in a paper bag, do you?

Where're we going?

But I'm happy in these pants.

Barbara, they just won't do.

Now, let me see.

- They're really not uncomfortable.
- Barbara, will you stop being so nervous?

- Oh, I'm not nervous.
- But of course you're nervous.

This is part of my job:
I'm your Supply Officer.

- But I don't need any...
- 35-22-34.

I see you've issued supplies before...

Let's see...

"Shorts". Do you play tennis?

Wonderful, so do I...

Here's a tennis sweater...

A shirt...

A nice robe, clean...

And... A pair of pajamas.

- Oh well,...
- Oh, excuse me.

Hello.

Stovall, aren't you due on watch?

I... I was just
on my way up.

Excuse me.

Good night.

Now where were we? Oh yes.

I think you ought to
try these on for size.

Lieutenant, I appreciate the offer
but I can't take your pajamas.

Why not?

Well to be frank, it's
a little embarrassing.

A girl just doesn't get
into any man's pajamas.

If the man's not in them,
what's the harm?

What are you going to sleep in?

All right, we'll compromise,
I'll tell you what..

I'll take the bottoms...

And you can have the tops...

- Unless of course you prefer...
- The top will be fine.

Now...

What else can I give you?

Champagne!

Comes it under the heading
of supplies, too?

No.

You see, I am also
the Morale Officer.

You know, it's against regulations
to have this aboard

If we do not drink it, why,
I'll just have to pour it out.

Oh, well...

All we need is a couple
of glasses and some ice.

- Now look, Lieutenant...
- Ramon!

Yes, Sir?

- Thank you.
- Hello.

Good night.

I'm ready to relieve you, Sir.

You're an hour early, Mr. Stovall.

I couldn't sleep, I thought
I might as well come up.

Where are your binoculars?

In my room.

- Okay, carry on. I'll send them up.
- No, I'll go get them, Sir.

- You just relieved Mr. Watson.
- But you can't do that.

Now, why can't I do that?

- Well, because...
- Just what can't I do?

- Go to the room, I mean.
- Why I can't I go to the room?

Because Mr. Holden
is sleeping.

- I'll do my best not to wake him.
- No! What I mean, is, that... He...

- He has company.
- He's sleeping and he has company?

Well!

- Hello!
- Hello.

And what are we celebrating?

Oh, Lieutenant Holden was just
giving me... His clothes.

That's certainly worth drinking to,
but unfortunately... Regulations...

Oh, well. I think I'd better be going.

- Thank you, Lieutenant.
- Certainly.

- Good night, Sir.
- Good night.

- Where did you pick up the champagne?
- Captain Henderson's office.

With all his problems, I thought it best
he keep a clear head.

That's very thoughtful of you.

You know I have this rather unreasonable
desire to get back into the war.

Yes, I know, Sir.

I'd prefer to do it as captain of a
fighting ship not a cocktail lounge.

As of this moment the
cocktail lounge is closed, Sir....

Good.

- And there'll be no customers after hours.
- Absolutely Sir.

Fine.

That's the idea.

Kraus.

Yeah?

Which one got your clothes?

I don't know but...

I sure hope it's
the one with the big...

- Oh, knock it off, will you guys?
- What's the matter with you?

Quit talking about her that way.

- She's a woman.
- So?

- Well, my mother is a woman.
- So?

I do not know, it...
just all seems to tie in somehow.

- Oh! Good morning.
- Good morning.

I'm having a little trouble.
I can't get it to work...

I think there is something wrong
with that shower head.

- Was it...
- Captain...

I'd like to apologize again for
having set off that collision alarm.

That's all right. Tell me,
did you follow the instructions?

Yes, I turned this one...

And this one...

And this one.

- At least I think that's what I did.
- Yeah, that's what you did all right.

- Oh dear.
- That's okay.

- Let me dry you off.
- No, please.

Good morning!

Good morning.

That's a clever shower schedule
you've got worked out, Sir.

Conserves water, too.

- Lt. Crandall was having a little difficulty.
- Sir, it's your boat.

Excuse me.

It's just as well that it didn't work
anyway, because...

- I left my dusting powder in my room.
- Your dusting powder.

Would you hold that for me please?
I'll be right back.

Ugh, terrible.

Good morning, Sir.

- Good morning.
- Can I get you anything?

- Yeah, anything.
- Yes, Sir.

- My dusting powder.
- Oh, I see it.

- Excuse me.
- I... Yes...

- Wait...
- Captain!

Sir!

There's a woman in
my engine room.

You got to get that woman
out of my engine room.

Who Tostin?

The Major. She washed her clothes and
hung them up there to dry.

Stockings and everything!

It's bad luck to have
a woman in the engine room.

Tostin, what harm can their clothes do?

That's when they're the most
dangerous, they're like snakes...

When they shed their skin...
Look out!

Can I have my
back scrubber please?

Yeah, there you are.

- Thank you.
- Yes.

Tostin, I guess they have to dry
their clothes somewhere...

And yours must be the most logical place.
So deal with the best way you can, will you?

- Yes, Captain.
- That's right, carry on.

- Sailor.
- Yes, ma'am.

Call me when these are dry.

Hey, look, I'm a machinist mate,
I ain't a...

A laundry sailor.

- Sailor.
- Yes, ma'am.

Please try not to knock
anything down...

I wouldn't want it to land
on this dirty floor.

What's dirty?

The whole engine room.

Look at that grease.

If you was bombed and sunk
and pulled up by your stern...

You'd be a little greasy too.

Sailor!

- See!
- You'll never get it to work that way.

Why don't you go and...
Roll some bandages?

- What do you know about machinery?
- I was raised with it.

My father was Chief Engineer at
the Seattle power plant.

That would work if you'd
install a new valve spring.

My father was a Chief Engineer...

Hey look Lady,
in the first place...

I'm trying to make do with something
that don't even belong in a submarine...

In the second place, you can't install
a new valve spring...

If you ain't got it.

Now, will you get out of here?

You're talking to an officer.

Maybe Congress made you an officer,
but God made you a woman and...

A woman just shouldn't mess around
with a man's machinery.

Now, for the last time,
get out, will you?

Good morning, Sir.

May I pour you
a cup of coffee, Sir?

- Never mind, I'll attend to it, you go ahead.
- Alright, Sir.

- Have the women finished breakfast?
- Yes, Sir.

Oh, pardon me.

- I... I think I left my cigarette here.
Did you see it?

Perhaps?

Oh, I'm terribly sorry.

Oh, that's alright, Lieutenant,
I enjoy a cigarette with my coffee.

Oh, thanks.

Is that all you're having
for breakfast?

Well, I'm a little nervous.
I don't feel much like eating.

Captain, I hope you won't mind a
little professional advice but...

When a person
is nervous and irritable...

You can be assured there's something
he's not getting enough of.

- Vitamins and minerals.
- Oh, vitamins and minerals.

With an proper nutritional balance,
you wouldn't have any gray hair at all.

Oh, I like having gray hair, that way
I can worry without it showing.

- I used to be just like you.
- What, gray hair?

No, I mean run down and...
And I had such a poor appetite.

You did?

But then I started to take these
pills that I have here...

- And they really got me up.
- Oh, no question about it.

Only you have to take
one every three hours.

Oh, one... Well, you are very kind,
and I appreciate the offer...

But I'm busy man,
I'd probably forget it.

I'll remind you.

After all you're the Captain and
it wouldn't do that you got sick too.

No, I won't...

Sick too? Who's sick?

Most of the men. Lieutenants Colfax
and Reid are taking care of them.

Lt. Crandall, excuse me.

- Oh, you look pretty good to me.
- I don't feel so good.

- It's the stomach, and I feel a little woozy.
- Well, let's see.

You lie down over there
for a minute.

Just keep that under your tongue.

- All right.
- Just... Over there.

Now, what's the matter with you?

- I've got a headache and my back hurts...
- Williams?

What's wrong?

I don't know, Sir.
I feel terrible.

You smell good.

What about you, Harmon?

I have these shooting pains
in my head, Sir.

- Probably the fumes from that hair tonic.
- Yes, Sir.

And you, Fox...
What have you got on?

It's called "Surrender", Sir.

My mother sent it to me.

My Mam... Break it up. Let's neutralize
that cologne with a some perspiration.

And even our pharmacist's mate.

What's the matter, Dooley?

- Well, he seems to have a...
- Just a minute.

I don't know, Sir.

I only hope I can
last the day out.

Up, Dooley!

Thank you, ladies. They won't be needing
you any more. The epidemic's over.

- I'm taking my coffee.
- You forgot your vitamin pill.

Thank you very much.

I'll remind you when
it's time for the next one.

Yes, yes.

Sir.

Lieutenant Crandall, I...

Mr. Watson.
Yes, Sir?

Pass the word to the crew. When
Lt. Crandall... You know Lt. Crandall?

When Lt. Crandall walks through any part of the boat,
I want her to be given clear passage.

- Right, Sir.
- Thank you

How's Mr. Holden coming
with the torpedoes?

I decided he'd make better headway if
he read the basic submarine manual first.

- He's in his cabin reading it.
- Good.

- Am I uh, going down right?
- That's right.

- Is she going down right?
- She sure is!

- Good morning!
- Good morning.

Mr. Holden has been showing me around,
explaining how everything works.

- He's been explaining?
- We're just on our way to the maneuvering room.

I'm afraid Mr. Holden won't be
able to maneuver this morning.

- Don't you have a book to read?
- Yes Sir, I'm on chapter five, actually...

- "Care and Operation of the Bilge Pump"
- All right.

I can't wait to see how it turns out.

You'll like it. It turns out happily,
they get each other in the end.

Engine Room to Captain.

Yeah, what is it, Tostin?

It's either her or me in this engine room!

I'll be right there.

It works. You're just to
stubborn to admit it.

Get that thing out
of my engine room!

- Look, Major... Enough is enough...
- What's going on?

Look at what she did, Sir.

It's only temporary until
we make a valve spring.

We? What do you mean we?

I will draft the design it,
you can turn it up.

- Excuse me.
- Alright.

What are you going
to do about it, Sir?

I don't know.
It works, doesn't it?

Yeah, but I'm here all day...
That thing going up and down...

- That's indecent.
- Well.

- Engine room. Is the Captain there?
- What is it, Molumphry?

- Better come up to the yeoman's office, Sir.
- What's wrong?

Lieutenant Reid.
She just hit Hunkle.

Hit Hunkle? I'll be right there.
Hit Hunkle!

- What are you to do about her, Sir?
- Just keep an eye on it, Tostin.

Well, I'm sure it wasn't
intentional, ma'am.

I know, it's just that I've never
seen anything like that before on a man.

Mr. Hunkle?

I'm sorry.

That's all right, Lieutenant.

- Yes, sir.
- What happened?

- It was nothing at all, really, Sir.
- Then why did you hit him?

Well it's my fault, Sir.
I was changing my shirt...

- And then I went in to borrow the typewriter.
- I had my shirt off and she hit me.

It was just a reflex action.

I was embarrassed and...

If you'll excuse me.

Hunkle, keep that pinup chest of yours
covered, I've got enough troubles.

- Yes, Sir.
- Captain, torpedo room calling the Captain.

- What is it, Harmon?
- What do I do with Lt. Colfax?

What's wrong?

She's dizzy, Sir. I think she's getting seasick.
She insists she's got the bends.

I'll be right there.

- Excuse me.
- Yeah.

It's amazing how compact
everything is.

Yeah.

On a sub you got to learn how
to operate in close quarters.

- I think we better be going.
- Going where?

Well, Nick, haven't you
got some reading to do?

How old are you, Barbara?

Twenty-four.

You are certainly a nervous twenty-four.
Look at yourself. You're all tense.

Your pulse is beating fast,
your hands are cold.

We've got to do something
about all this symptoms.

I'm afraid that the cure might
be worse than the disease.

Barbara, you're a nurse,
you know how it is with people.

It's like that teapot...

Build a fire under it,
pressure builds up inside...

And it's got to be released.

- Mr. Holden, return to your quarters.
- Yes, Sir.

Captain, it wasn't his fault...

I encouraged him.

Lieutenant...

The last thing the men on this
boat need is encouragement.

Major, if you can't control your
women, lock them up.

What happened?

He caught us.

Doing what?

Nick kissed me.

Oh?

And I kissed him back.

Don't you think you're rushing
things a little bit?

I mean, love underwater is
fine if you are a fish, but...

Shouldn't you wait
till you come up for air?

Major, my mother had a very
simple outlook on life.

She always said: "Never
worry about getting married...

Someday you'll turn the right corner
and meet the right man."

Hasn't been that easy.

I've been turning corners
for twenty-four years.

D'you know, I think I
finally turned the right one?

So, why go back out in that crowd
and get lost again?

Barbara, if you're right, I'm
in more trouble than I figured.

You're 24 and I'm 38.

You know, I may not be
able to make it to the next corner?

Mister...

You've used that uniform for every purpose
except what the government intended it for.

Now, why you got the uniform
is your business...

But what it does on this boat
is my business.

From here on, mister, if that uniform leaves
this cabin, don't be in it.

You're confined to quarters.

- Battle stations!
- Goodbye!

Boy, oh boy!

A sitting duck, Sir.

Wow, a tanker!

Oh, she's a beauty!

Eight thousand tons at least.

She's riding low, Sir.
It means she's still loaded.

Number three tube
is operable, Sir.

All we need is one shot.

This boat wasn't meant
to be a virgin...

Sir.

Eight thousand tons.

Alright, let's go duck hunting.
Down scope.

- Load torpedo tube 3.
- Load torpedo tube 3.

- Bearing, mark.
- Zero two-six.

- Range, mark.
- Two three-double-oh.

Down scope.

Fire at 1700 yards.

Tube number three ready, Sir.
Outer door closed.

Generated range: two-one-double-oh.

- Open outer door, tube 3.
- Open outer door tube 3.

Open outer door tube 3.

- Tube number 3 ready, Sir.
- One nine-double-oh.

Final range.

- Mark.
- One eight-double-oh.

- Stand by tube 3.
- Stand by tube 3.

Oh, Captain, it's time
for your vitamin pill.

Lieutenant, get below.

Damn it, get below!

Have I done anything wrong?

What happened, Sir?

We sunk a truck!

Let's get the hell out of here!

Right full rudder.

- All ahead two thirds.
- Take her down to 100 feet.

23 December, 1941.

Sighted tanker, sank truck.

Today, for the first time in my life,
I came close to hitting a woman.

Perhaps I'm giving
way to hysteria...

but can Lt. Crandall possibly
be a Japanese agent?

Thank heaven, tomorrow we'll be in Cebu
and they'll be the Army's problem.

- I'm sorry, Commander.
- They are your problem.

I can't possibly take
responsibility for those women...

Not without the proper orders.

Couldn't we forget regulations
just this once, Colonel?

Commander...

Any time the Japanese are ready,
they can overrun this island.

We've been ordered to coordinate
guerrilla action in the hills.

We may be up there for years.

Now, do you really want
us to take those women?

We'll keep them.

Sir, we will have to go up to your
Quartermaster in order to get these...

Supplies to make our repairs.

Supplies? Let me give you
a picture of the situation...

This cigar belonged to my
aide, Captain Hopkins.

I stole it, while he was sleeping.

No, everything worth saving around here
has been taken up into the hills.

Can I can send some men
into the hills then?

You couldn't get a paper clip with
a requisition from the President.

Sir if we don't get these supplies
we'll never get out of here.

I'm sorry, I wish I could help.

Alright.

Good luck, gentlemen!

- But Sir, we got to get these supplies!
- I know, I know.

Oh, sorry!

Oh boy!

Give him a hand.

Major, you and your... Friends
will remain aboard.

Oh, Sir!

Sir?

There's only one man to do
the job, and you know who that is.

Yeh, yeh. I know.

Mr. Holden?

Yes, Sir?

I'm restoring you to duty.

Yes, we got into some difficulties,
but I have to have those supplies.

It's quite a list, Sir.

I don't want to bore you with the problems of command.
Mr. Holden, because I doubt you'll ever have one.

It's inconsistent with the philosophy
of yours, "every man for himself".

- "Dog-eat-dog."
- Exactly.

The unfortunate thing
about command, Mr. Holden...

Is that the responsibilities
outweigh the privileges.

If it was just myself that was concerned,
I would tell what to do with that list.

But my responsibility
is this boat.

And to get her out of here
I'd even make a pact with the devil.

- That's where I come in.
- That's right.

Unless you get these supplies, you may never
get back to that girl with the railway stock.

- That's a pretty good argument.
- I thought it would convince you.

Okay.

Auxiliary induction gear,
generator coils, red lead... Ramon!

Hunkle!

Do you need this?

- A priming pump?
- Is that what it is?

Yes, Sir, worth a
hundred fifty dollars.

For this?

Here's two hundred dollars.

Oh, Sir, thanks.

What do you want
for that thing?

- Twenty.
- Take twenty five.

Hunkle!

You'll have to get in line
like the rest of the guys.

Yeh, but I have the gray paint
in the truck outside.

Twenty-four five-gallon cans.

What about the red lead?

Well, I got eight cans.
That's all there is on the island.

Enough for the under, but
we need at least twenty.

I can get twenty of white lead.

We'll take it. How much
for the all bundle?

I won't take a nickel less
than three hundred.

Three hundred? He certainly drives
a hard bargain, doesn't he Hunkle?

Here's three hundred, and fifty
dollars on the house.

Kraus!

Unload the paint and
steal the truck.

Excuse me for a minute.

Sir, we don't have any money, how are
we going to pay up if someone wins?

With those tables
and those dealers?

Mastered inverted reducing valve.

Two hundred and fifty dollars.

Next!

What have you got, son?

Carry on.

31 December, 1941.

Lt. Holden has reached new heights
in the art of scavenging.

Like a spider in a web,
he sits there...

And his victims come to him
like flies bearing gifts.

He is the only man I know...

Who will probably be presented
the Navy Cross at his court martial.

Chief, this is a terrible color.
It makes me kind of sick.

More canned fish.

Yeah. What a way to celebrate
New Year's Eve.

Sir...

We're mixing that red lead and that white lead,
like you said, but I don't think you're going to like it.

We don't have much choice, Mol.

We haven't enough of either one to do
the whole job, so we got to mix'em.

That's a pretty strange color
to be painting government property.

Don't let it throw you, Mo.

- We're going to color it gray anyway.
- Yes, Sir.

Mr. Holden wasn't
at the casino.

Mr. Stovall...

Hereafter you will please refer to
the casino as the... Supply Depot.

Where did he go?

He and Hunkle took off in the truck,
They're not expected back until late.

Boy, that casino is really...

Yes...

I mean, uh...

There seems to be a lot of activity
at the... Supply... Depot...

Sir.

Hunkle.

Did you see what I saw?

I don't know, Sir. What?

Come on.

That's New Year's dinner.

That?

But we're going to shop
around a little bit.

Come on.

What do we do?

No, that's not quite right.

The white one!

Now, that's what I call a pig.

Alright. I'm gonna go
around the back.

Go in the front and distract him.

How, how?

- Talk pig talk.
- How do you talk pig talk?

Didn't you talk pig
when you were a kid?

That's too high.
Low, deep, through the throat.

No... Too deep.

That's too deep,
right in the middle.

Now with affection.

Okay, call the pig.

There he is.

Behind him!

Hurry!

Open the gate!

Open!

Open the gate, come on!

- Come on!
- Looks like a wheelbarrow.

Come on, Hunkle, grab him!

Lift it up!

Grab it!

Get in! Get in!

- Grab it!
- Alright.

Get it!

What are they stopping for?

It's a roadblock.
What are we going to do?

I don't know.

Let's take a look.
Cover us, Bayle.

- They're shooting looters, you know?
- I know. Let's not panic.

But what about this pig?

- What pig?
- What pig? This pig!

- I don't see any pig.
- You don't see any pig?

Take off your coat.

- Take off my coat?
- Take off your coat!

Are you out of...

Put it on the pig.

- Put it on the pig?
- Put it on the pig!

- You got a cap? You got a cap?
- Yes, Sir.

Take it off!

Give me the cap!
Give it to me!

Hold him!

Stay here, Bill, and
keep me covered.

- Good evening, Corporal.
- What are you doing out here?

I'm Lieutenant Holden, off the submarine
"Sea Tiger". We're tied up for repairs.

We were out trying to locate
some spare diesel parts.

What's that?

Oh, that was seaman Hornsby. How
are you feeling, seaman Hornsby?

- He's not too well.
- What's the matter with him?

Well... He drinks...

"Gilly juice" you know?
The alcohol from the torpedoes.

Easy, sailor. I think we're going
to have to get him back to the boat.

If anything happens to him
we're in an awful lot of trouble.

You see, he's the only
radio operator we have.

- Easy, Hornsby.
- He don't look too good at that.

No.

You'd better let us
take him to the hospital.

No, no. It's not necessary.
You see, we have a doctor on board.

Well, you'd better get
this man to your doctor.

All right. Thank you.

- Happy New Year, Corporal.
- Let them pass.

- Who were they?
- Three sailors off of a sub.

Guy named Hornsby was sick.
You should have seen him.

Now I know why they call
them submarines "pig boats".

Man, he was the ugliest.

Oh, Captain...

There's a couple of Army MPs out here
who want to see you.

- MPs?
- MPs.

Okay, okay.

Sir, this man claims your men
stole a pig from his farm.

The biggest one he had,
they drove off in a truck...

The only truck that passed us tonight
was headed for this boat.

Oh, that's ridiculous, Corporal.
None of my men would...

- Is Lieutenant Holden back?
- I do not know, Sir.

Corporal.

- Good evening, Sir.
- Yes. Watson...

Lt. Holden was one
of the men on the truck.

He had two other men with him...

A Hunkle and a seaman Hornsby.

Seaman Hornsby?

Yes, Sir, he was drunk.
They were bringing him back to the boat.

Where is seaman Hornsby?

- He's not feeling too well, Sir.
- I didn't ask you that. Where is he?

- He's been drinking.
- Where is he?

In the officer's head.

Just a minute.

Well, the man is right.
Undoubtedly his pig was stolen.

You might as well admit it,
Mr. Holden...

When Hornsby runs wild
there's no telling what he might do.

He behaves like a perfect swine.

Look, Corporal, he's in no condition
to be reprimanded tonight...

But I can assure you that tomorrow
he's in for a good roasting!

Well, I'm sorry, Sir, I'm afraid
we'll have to take him in.

Now wait a minute, Corporal.

Sometimes there is a
reason for drinking...

You see, Hornsby's been picked
for a dangerous assignment...

And there is not much chance
that he will come through it alive.

- Well, gee, I...
- I knew you would understand.

Well, if this man wants to
drop the charges...

Oh, I'm sure something can be arranged.
How much is the pig worth?

He won't take American money
with the Japanese coming.

One moment. Your pig's
not down there...

If you won't take American money
I don't see how we are going to come to...

You like that?

You would like to have that?

Okay.

I think he's trying to say that he likes
the bag. You like the bag, uh?

It's good leather, but he don't know
what to do about those things.

- Well, we can make a deal.
- But Sir, that was a gift...

- From the admiral's wife.
- Public Relations. Fair enough?

He says that his pig
is worth more, you see, and...

Well, but... No, no...

- You couldn't possibly...
- Let's see if you like this.

- But Sir, no...
- Nice?

Sir, I need that for
my tennis shoulder.

- You need it for your tennis shoulder?
- Yes!

Well, we can take care of that.

Now you don't need it for your tennis
shoulder. Now, what about this?

- Oh, yes.
- What did he say?

He said his pig... His pig
weighed two hundred pounds.

- Oh I see, and it's not enough.
- Naturally. That's the idea.

Isn't that a shame.
Just a minute, now. Get back.

Let's see now...

Oh, yes, alright.

Oh Sir, oh, that's solid silver.

Still not enough?
No, no wait, let's look here...

Oh, these!

Non-regulation!

Saks Fifth Avenue.

Good?

Yes, that's fine,
put it on your face.

Zapatos!

- O, zapatos!
- Not my zapatos, please.

- These are your dancing shoes, aren't they?
- Yes.

You... You like to dance?

Dance?

He likes to dance, that's fine.
Have you had enough?

- Go, goodbye.
- Here, just a moment.

Here's gift for you. That's to go with
the shoes, a little bonus.

Well!

Very thoughtful of you to throw a dinner for the men,
Lt. Holden, I'm sure they'll appreciate it.

I suggest you get seaman Hornsby out
of uniform and help him to the galley.

So am I.

Yeah, they're drafting
everybody these days.

Pink!

Twenty-five years I've
been in the Navy...

I ain't never seen nothing like this.

A pink submarine.

All right you guys, you got three
hours to have yourself a Happy New Year.

But at 17:00 every man on this crew
starts painting her gray!

Hey! This pork is great.
Aren't you going to have any, Sir?

No, no. Hornsby and I went
through too much together.

- Can I talk to you for a minute Captain?
- Yes, Major.

It's about Dolores. I can't
get her to come up here.

She feels you'd
rather she didn't.

Now, she tried to apologize, but
you won't even talk to her.

- She feels you've been avoiding her.
- Only in self-defense.

She's scared to death of you.

It's New Year's, Captain.

The poor girl is down
there all by herself.

It would be nice if you would
go down and invite her up here.

All right, Major, I'll extend
a personal invitation.

Oh, isn't this a lovely shade of pink.

Please ma'am, I'm trying to eat.

Hey, throw me a pickle.
The first time I met her...

- Mr. Tostin, you know, I was...
- Chief.

I was thinking that if you cross
connect the engine cooling system...

And the mufflers you could
drown out those sparks.

The engine cooling system
and the mufflers?

Are you crazy?

Hey, you know that might work.

Do you want a piece of pig, Major?

Thank you.

- Oh, Captain!
- What?

I've looked up and down this boat
and I can't find Mr. Holden.

- Or Barbara, er... Lieutenant Duran.
- No kidding!

- And the number three life raft is missing.
- Fancy that!

Well, if they're gone and
the number three raft is gone...

Watson, listen to me...

You ever been to Las Vegas?

Because up there the boys would say
you're trying to make your point the hard way.

See, when a girl is under twenty one
she is protected by law.

When she is over sixty five,
she is protected by nature.

Any where in between...

She's fair game.

Look out...

- May I come in?
- Yes, of course.

Why aren't you up at the party?

I really didn't think you wanted
me to be over there.

I mean, I'd probably do
something else wrong...

And you'd be just
more angry with me.

Captain, you may
not believe this, but...

All of the things that
happened were accidents.

Oh, I'm sure they were.

Lieutenant...

If I've been short-tempered
with you I want to apologize...

My only excuse is that things haven't
been going too well and I'm a bit edgy.

Now...

Why don't you finish your hair
and I'll sit here and wait for you?

We'll both go up together
and celebrate.

- Is that all right?
- It's wonderful.

Good. Let's forget everything
that happened and...

Start the New Year off right.

You could...

You'll make a wonderful father.

Father?

- When you get married.
- Ohoh, of course!

Genetically you have very
dominant characteristics...

Really?

Dark hair, blue eyes.

Is it so?

Three out of every four children
will look like you.

- I know it won't be easy.
- What won't be easy?

- Well at first, till we get settled.
- But...

- But I'll help.
- Help?

With the expenses.
I'll get a job.

- Expenses?
- Yeah...

Barbara, I'm engaged
to be married.

Now, Barbara, don't be hasty.
Let me explain.

It's a very simple thing to explain...

You see, I've known this girl
for quite a while and I...

Get away!

But I just thought
I had to tell you, now...

- Get away from me!
- You're not listening.

- I'm going back to the boat!
- Don't go!

- Back to the boat!
- I can explain everything!

- I'm going back to the boat!
- Please listen, apart from...

Barbara, wait a minute!

Barbara, there are
women-eating sharks!

Barbara!

Barbara, wait a minute!

I don't think it's too serious, Sir, but...

Shouldn't one of the nurses
take a look at it?

- Just bandage it, Dooley.
- Yes, Sir.

Happy New Year!

Barbara!

Barbara will you...?

Barbara, will you get back in the
raft? Will you get in the raft?

Stop following me!

Barbara!

I wish...

I wish you'd try to understand.

What if I did say I loved you?

What if we got married?

I'm poor. You're poor...

All we'd get is poor children.

Honestly I really don't think
I should go to the party.

Oh yes, yes you should.
I demand that you do.

Well, you don't have to go
just for me.

Well, I can't think of
anyone else I'd do it for...

It's become sort of a need,
it's compulsive.

- That's very kind of you.
- Yes, isn't it?

What I mean is that
you're such a gentleman.

Oh, yes, that sort of comes
as a surprise to me, too.

Barbara!

Barbara, will you...

Will you listen to me?

Barbara!

Barbara, it's tiring
rowing this way, will you wait?

Barbara!

Barbara, you are a beautiful and intelligent girl,
you should really marry a wealthy man.

I'm no good for you,
you don't want to marry me.

Actually, I'm doing you a big favor.

Don't do me any more
favors mister, ever.

Barbara, dear, would you just...

- Oh shut up!
- Barbara!

Barbara!

Air raid! Man your stations!

Air raid!

Clear the deck!

Clear the deck!

Get those women below
on the double!

Let's get underway!

Ready in all respects
to get underway, Sir.

Okay, I'll take the con.

- Strike four.
- Strike four.

Strike three.

Drop two.

Hey, hey, wait a minute,
what's going on here?

Mr. Holden promised
the dealers, Sir.

Promised them what?

Well, you see, Sir, if they helped us out,
we'd take the women and children off the island.

Most of the women are pregnant.

Yes, Sir. Any minute now, Sir.

Isn't it lucky for us that we have
the nurses aboard?

I'm running a submarine,
not a maternity ward!

What's that thing doing
here, that goat?

It's for the children, Sir.
They'll need fresh milk.

I don't care,
get them off the boat!

Aircraft, port quarter!
Closing!

- One moment.
- Lieutenant promised...

Go on, get them off!

Here they come.
Get down!

Ramon, take some
of these women forward.

Get these kids down.

Come here.

Give me the goat!

Come on, goat.

Give me a hand!

Somebody take the kid!

- Starboard back two thirds.
- Starboard back two thirds.

I knew it, I'm dead.

Cherry.

- Clear the bridge!
- Clear the bridge!

Number One.

Number Two.

- Number Three.
- Number Four.

Number Five.

Isn't there some way we can sneak back
to Cebu and pick up that gray paint?

No, there isn't.

But a pink submarine.
What if somebody sees us?

It's embarrassing.

Mr. Stovall, does she
have to be up here?

Ramon said she would give more
milk if she got some fresh air, Sir.

It's a boy!

Congratulations, Sir!

3 January, 1942.

21:30.

Born to Mrs. Manuel Garcia...

A boy.

22:55.

Mrs. Ceferino Vincenzo
has gone into labor.

The whole crew are acting like
expectant fathers...

Seaman Fox is even having
sympathetic labor pains.

- Cheer up, Fox, it will all be over soon.
- Yes, Sir.

Diapers.

- For the baby, Sir.
- Really?

Got you.

Yeh, you got me, Harmon,
now what?

Excuse me, Sir, I was just playing
blind man's buff with the kids.

- Fine, carry on.
- Yes, Sir.

- Hi!
- Hi.

- How are you?
- Okay.

- What do you know?
- Okay.

Okay.

- Can I go through there?
- There's a woman in labor.

Yes, I know that, but I got
to go to the engine room.

- If you do not mind.
- I don't mind, come on.

- Everything all right?
- Okay, okay, everything okay.

Tostin!

Tostin!

Me and the Major were just taking
some measurements, Sir.

Would you care to explain that?

Fuel oil transfer pump.

Engine room.
Is the Captain there?

What is it, Stovall?
Kraus has the radio receiving, Sir.

I'll be right up.

It looks like you was right, Edna.

We'll need some
high pressure piping.

We can get it in the
forward torpedo room.

Yes, that's right.
I'll get it, Sam.

You're quite a girl, Edna.

We picked up "Tokyo Rose", Sir.

Before our next number, I have a message for
the crew of that pink submarine

Cruising somewhere
in the Celebes Sea.

Fellows, start the
New Year off right.

Surrender.

We don't know what you're
up to, but it won't work.

All you've done painting your sub pink
is make it easier to us to find you.

So, why die, boys?

And now an appropriate number.

What do you think, Sir?

Well, we've got nothing
to worry about.

Their side knows and
our side knows.

There's probably some of our ships
out looking for us now.

We've just checked with British,
Australian, and Dutch naval units, Sir.

- They have no pink submarines.
- And it's certainly not one of ours.

Intelligence feels the
"Tokyo Rose" broadcast...

Is a decoy so they can slip
one of their own subs through.

Well, this is one trick
they won't get away with.

Notify all Allied naval units:

Any unidentified submarine, pink or
otherwise, is to be sunk on sight.

- Sir.
- What?

Destroyer on the starboard bow.

It's one of ours.

How do you want to contact them, Sir?
Our radio still isn't transmitting.

Visual signals. Get Harmon to
the conning tower. Stand by the surface.

Submarine surfacing port bow!

It's that pink sub!

- Surface action port!
- Surface action port!

- Fire when ready!
- Fire when ready!

Holy mackerel! Take her down!
Express!

Take her down express!

Under feed, establish sonar contact.

All engines ahead full. Stand by
to fire depth charges.

Stand by to fire depth charges.

They're coming in
for the kill, Sir.

Rig for depth charges.
Silent running.

Excuse me, Mr. Holden.

Flooding flaw on number two
periscope.

Flooding flaw on number two
periscope, Sir.

Clear the conning tower.

- Clear the conning tower.
- Clear the conning tower.

Clearing below.

Get on up the sound gear
and report developments.

Yes, Sir.

They don't have to hit us, Sir.
They're going to shake us apart.

All stop.

All stop.

It's twins!

One of each!

Captain, Sonar says they're picking up
something like babies crying.

That's what they say, Sir.

- Stay on that sound.
- Stay on that sound.

They may have a weapon
we know nothing about.

Keep the babies quiet.
Captain's order.

What do you suggest we do?

You are nurses. Make them stop.

- We're trying.
- What is so difficult about keeping babies quiet?

Suppose you try.

I can't. I got to go back
to the... control...

- Why don't you try this one?
- Certainly.

Thank you.

You'll make a wonderful father.

Don't bother volunteering,
he's already engaged.

To the super chief.

Hunkle, get all these
pillows and blankets.

What's up, Chief?

Skipper is trying to convince
them we're sinking.

We're sending up an oil slick and
everything that isn't tied down.

- Give us a hand, Dooley.
- Alright.

Excuse me, ladies.

- All these life jackets, Sir?
- Yeh, you might as well. Throw them in.

Tube 3 ready to fire, Sir.

Captain, look!

We've sunk them.

Maybe.

Or they could be
pulling a fast one.

- Continue depth charges.
- Continue depth charges.

I guess they're not buying it.

They got your girdle, Edna.

That's all right, Sam.

You know?

I spent a lot of years
disliking women.

But I don't dislike you.

Don't you?

You're different.

You're not a woman.

You're more than that.

You're a mechanic.

Oh, thank you, Sam.

This has to happen just when somebody
comes up with an idea how I can go home.

- What idea, Hunkle?
- Lieutenant Reid, Sir.

- She figured out what I can do about Gertie.
- Yeah?

- Just tattoo panties and a bra on her.
- Oh, that's nice.

Panties and a bra.

Panties and a...

Sir, we've been sending up
the wrong stuff!

This is the Captain.

All the nurses will return to
their quarters and take off their...

Undergarments.

Mr. Holden will be
right there to collect them.

Here.

Okay, lock it up.

Captain, off the port bow.
More debris.

That's debris?

Stand by with a grappling hook!

Come on, get that
thing up here!

Come on, come on!

The Japanese have
nothing like this.

Cease fire!

Captain!

This is going to be terrible.

We should have
come in at night.

I'm afraid it's too late, Chief.
We're already committed.

- All man, fall in.
- Yes, Sir.

All right.

Fall in!

Sir, we're never going
to live this down.

We may be pink and coming in by the grace of
a woman's brassiere, but we're coming in.

- Show the colors!
- Show the colors!

Admiral.

The Captain's arriving, Sir,
and we're ready get underway.

Thank you, Chief.

Chief, will you drive Mrs. Holden
and the boys back? Thank you.

Bye.

Bye, darling.
Bye, boys.

Attention on deck!

Carry on.

- Good morning, Admiral.
- Good morning, Captain.

- Any last-minute reprieve?
- No go.

I sure hate to be the one who have
to take her out to the junkyard.

Yeah, I know, I know.

Well, there's a new atomic sub coming
off the ways in about a month...

With the same name, "Sea Tiger".

She's your next command.

That's great. Thank you, Sir.

Oh, here's something else for you.

Did...

- You put everything here?
- Yes, everything.

But I feel it will be
in safer hands now.

You know it will.

I suggest you don't show it to your children
until they're old enough to understand.

- All right, Nick, take her away.
- Yes, Sir.

Hey, by the way,
where is my wife?

I don't know.
She never showed.

Attention on deck!

- Alright, Jack, let's shove off.
- Aye, Sir.

- Take in the brow!
- Take in all lines!

- Hi uncle Matt.
- Hello! Hello Tommy, hello Tony, how are you?

Well, what happened to her?

We waited as long as we could
and finally had to take a cab.

Oh, that must be her.

Yes, that's her.

Hey!

Hey driver!
The bumpers are hooked!

Hey!

Hey, stop!

Hey!

Hey driver!

Hey, stop!

Oh, darling, I'm terribly sorry.

- I don't know how it happened...
- Never mind, dear.

- Yes, but your car...
- Yes, I know, dear. Don't worry...

They'll stop it at the gate.

Strange, still that
No. 1 engine…

I guess they were
never able to fix that.