Only When I Laugh (1981) - full transcript

A boozy Broadway actress comes out of a 12-week cure to face the problems of her best friends as well as her needy daughter. She tries to balance the terrors of returning to work with the demands of all around her with humor and insight, while staying off the booze.



WOMAN: Funny thing is,
I don't even like drinking.

Sounds strange for something
I've been doing for 24 years

and doing very well,
thank you,

but I don't particularly like
the taste of liquor.

I like bars.

I like the people
you meet in bars.

And occasionally,
I've even liked the people

I've gone home with
from bars, but...

the drinks
were never the thrill.

I mean,
for pure drinking enjoyment,

a double chocolate milkshake
wins hands down,

but it won't get you through
30 minutes

of a cold, rainy night
in Philadelphia.

I like... holding a drink
in my hand.

I mean,

I know where it's going
and how it's gonna feel.

I'm funny when I drink.


Jeez... it makes me funny.

I don't happen to remember

anything I have ever said
while I was drunk,

but the few people
who still talk to me

tell me I'm funny as hell.

I've, uh...

I've been here before,
you know.

I don't mean this particular
dry-cleaning establishment.

They're all pretty much
the same, aren't they?

Boy, I hope we can get it right
this time

because I'm not
coming back again.

I wanna work.

I wanna know I can get through
a six-month run of a play

and not have that

feeling come over me.

I wanna spend weekends
with my daughter

and not have to hide my hands
so she won't see them shaking.

And I wanna walk past a bar
at 5:00 in the afternoon

and know that I'm strong enough
just to keep right on walking.

That's what I want. Heh.

What I'm really hoping for

is a double Bombay martini
with a twist

and a weekend in Acapulco
with Sean Connery.


Ah, just thought I'd ask.


You had to look
gorgeous today, right?

Can I help you?

Yes. I'm here
to pick up Mrs. Hines.

Your name, please?

Uh, Landau. Toby Landau.
I'm late.

I'm terrible on Long Island.

One moment, please.


Mrs. Landau is here.
You got everything?

I'm missing about 33 pounds.

You wanna look
under the bed?

You look terrific.
I wish I was thin like you.

Jesus, I could make
two more dresses

and a bedspread
out of this thing.

Oh, good. I thought
you'd never leave.

You know I love it here.

Ninety-five drunks
are my kind of people.

I'll take these
down to the car.

Don't drop it. All
my empty bottles are in there.


Oh, Georgia,
I'm gonna miss you,

and I don't tell that
to everyone.

The hell you don't.

Well, maybe not with
as much conviction.

What does today
feel like?

Glad to be leaving,

scared as hell
about going home.

You don't happen to have
a halfway house

on the Long Island Expressway,
do you?

You have
my telephone number.

Call anytime.
No obligation.

I've got a crush on you,
you know.

Oh, you don't have to
leave your wife and Volkswagen.

I just thought
you'd be thrilled to know

that a 38-year-old ex-wino
had a big thing for you.

Well, I'm flattered.

you'll be over it

by the time you hit
the Midtown Tunnel.

Come on,
we need the room.

Have you got
any immediate plans?

Just trying
to get down these stairs.

Wouldn't be a bad idea

if someone stayed with you
for a while.

Please. That's how I ended up
here in the first place.

KOMACK: You see why
I'm gonna miss you?


Don't say anything
that's going to make me cry.

Is, uh, "Hello, Georgia"
all right?


stabbing me to death.

Oh, God, I'm sorry.
These are for you.

Oh, you look so beautiful.

Do you know
how beautiful you look?

Well, I was doing fine
until you showed up.

Georgia? I want you
to call me next week.

I wanna know
how you're doing.

I love it
when you worry about me.

I know you don't handle
compliments very well,

but I'm very proud of you.
Goodbye, Georgia.

Thanks, Bob.

You ready?

Goodbye, Mrs. Hines.

So long, Sandy.

Goodbye, Georgia.

Good luck, hon.

Goodbye, girls.

Thanks for sneaking in
the rum cakes.

just lean on me, darling.

GEORGIA: I can walk.


TOBY: Jimmy's
been at the apartment

since 7:00 this morning
filling your refrigerator.

Don't tell him I told you.
It's supposed to be a surprise.

You could use
a little color.

Maybe go to the park
in the afternoons

and get a little sun, hmm?

I never thought
you'd last the 12 weeks out.

Besides me,

what did you miss
more than anything else?


And Haagen Dazs chocolate
chocolate chip ice cream.

BOY: I'll get you.


Come on, man,
cut it out!

BOY: Take that.


THIRD BOY: Hey, come on,
let's get this car. Come on!

GEORGIA: Hey.Goddamn them.

Why do you live in
this neighborhood?

Why don't you move?

Because it only costs me
300 a month.

It's on a sublet
from Mary Todd Lincoln.

♪ I'm leaving today ♪

♪ I want to be a part of it ♪

♪ New York, New York ♪

♪ If I can make it there ♪

♪ I'll make it anywhere ♪

♪ It's up to you, New-- ♪

Up, up. Everybody up.

It's a big day,
for chrissakes.

♪ New York, New York ♪

♪ Start spreading-- ♪[KNOCK ON DOOR]

Is it who I think it is?

MAN: The groceries.


Where were you? I thought
you people went out of business.

Just put 'em in the kitchen,

Missy Hine live here?Yes, Mrs. Hines lives here.

Just put the groceries
in the kitchen, please.

It's $14.28.

Fine. Terrific.
That's a charge.

She has a charge account.
Do you know what that is?

That's a charge account.

I don't live here.
I'm a friend of Mrs. Hines.

Would you just
put the groceries down

and charge them
to her account?

Mr. D'Ellessandro say to me,
"If they say to you,

'It's a charge account,'
you say to them,

"She don't have
no charge account no more."

You say,
"It's $14.28, Manuel."

That's me--Manuel.

Do you want me
to get on the phone

and talk to
Mr. Dia-Handra-Hudro?

What is the number?

I don't know. I never call
Mr. D'Alejandro.

Look, I don't have
any money on me.

I have no cash.

Do you understand?

So what you wanna do, man?

Oh, don't call me "man."

I am not your man.

Wait there.
I'll see what I have.

That's far enough.

What's the matter, man?

You afraid I come inside
and rob your house?

I don't rob no houses.

Yeah, in the daytime.
How much was that again?

Same thing--$14.28.

Fourteen dollars,
28 cents.

Okay, here you go.

Oh, I used to have this.
Unemployment book.

You unemployed, man?

Oh, who asked you?

Fourteen dollars,
28 cents.

There, all right?
Now would you please leave?

There's no tip.
I don't live here.

I don't tip
where I don't live.

I don't want no tip, man.

You ain't even got a job.
I don't need your tips.

And I don't need
your goddamn advice.

You're a fresh kid
for a delivery boy, you know?

What's the matter with you?
You don't like Spanish people?

Who said anything
about Spanish people?

You're the one I don't like.
Oh, would you please leave?

I know the kind of people
you like.

[SMOOCHING]Oh, get out of here.

I wouldn't
live in this neighborhood

if I could afford it.

Oh, when did they
put in extra steps?

Hey, what you say, ladies?

My first wink.



Oh, Christ. Who is it now?

It's Toby. We're home.

Oh, wait a second!

Smile, everybody, smile.


Where is she?Stand back.

Is anything wrong?
What happened?

In the middle of the room.
She wants a big entrance.

Are you ready?


Well, come in.

Do it like it's on
The Merv Griffin Show,dummy.

Uh, may I present,

directly from the most
ghoulish place on Long Island,

the all new, the all skinny
Miss Georgia Hines.

Okay, say it.

I'm goddamn gorgeous.

Oh, dear God,
I don't believe it.

Oh, dear. Who is this?

Who is this fabulous creature?

Jesus. Don't tell me
she picked up the wrong person.

Am I allowed to hug you?

You can do
whatever you want.



Oh, Christ.
Look at me crying.


Screw it. I'm only human.

How come you're not crying?

I already gave.

You mean it's really gone?Yeah.

Thirty-five pounds of chin,
hips, and ass, and it's gone.

Where is it?

In the suitcase.
It's a present.

I didn't know
what to get you.

Oh, Toby,
will you look at her?

This is a nice, skinny
WASP woman.

You put a regular dress on her,
you could take her anywhere.

You changed things around,
didn't you?

Oh, well, I tried rearranging
the furniture,

but it always came out like
a bus terminal in Jersey City.

It looks so different
when you're sober.

I thought I had
twice as much furniture.

All right,
where's the food?

The woman hasn't had
civilized food in three months.

What do you mean food?
I have a feast.

Bagels, cream cheese...


Nova Scotia.

I even got caviar.
The orange kind from Minnesota.

Oh, I'll unpack for you.
All right?

No, Nurse Ratched.
I will do it later.

I am so glad to be home.


What's wrong?

I hate this room.

Screwed up half my life
in there.

Maybe I could have it
sealed off with bricks.

I think it just
has to be redone.

Someone to take
the martini stains off the wall.

I found a Sara Lee crumb cake
under the bed.

God knows what went on in there.

Are you all right?

A little dizzy.
Too much freedom, I think.

Do you want your pills?
Uh, Jimmy, get a glass of water.

What's wrong?

Getting healthy
really gets you out of shape.

Is this the bottle?
Uh, the blue ones?


Maybe you ought to
see my doctor tomorrow,

have a regular
physical checkup.

Then we've gotta get her
some clothes.

Looks like she's wearing drapes
from Radio City Music Hall.

And I thought my mother
lived in Missouri.

Oh, my God.
It's 12:30.

I'm late for my nutritionist.
I've got to leave.

You're leaving?

I thought you were gonna
stay here and grow old with me.

Don't be absurd.
I'm never growing old.

Phone company called.
You owe 'em for three months.

They said if you don't pay
in two weeks,

you can only receive
obscene phone calls.

Receive them? I'm gonna
stay home and make them.

Jewish food, everyone.
All diets are off.

What you don't finish,
I take home.

I lost another job this week.


Do you know what it feels like

to be turned down
for a hemorrhoid commercial?

So don't tell me
your troubles, girls.

Look at that hand. If I could've
done that three months ago,

I could've
saved myself $6,000.

Toby, cream and sugar?

Nothing for me.

I put on four and a half ounces
since yesterday.

Do you hear this?
Four and a half ounces.

The woman weighs herself
like gold and silver.

If you don't watch yourself,
no one else will.

You watch enough
for everybody.

What is that crap
you're putting on your face?

It's from Vienna.
It is $90 a tube.

Do you notice how you never see
a single pore on my face?

I've never even seen your face.
Who are you, anyway?

Who is she?
Do you know who she is?

A woman can never be too pretty.

They take it away soon enough.
Hold onto it while you can.

Come on. If you went bald
and lost your teeth,

you'd still
be cute-looking.

God, how I missed
these conversations.

Next to sex,
dishing with the girls

is the best thing I know.

Hey. Let's all go out
to dinner tonight.

I have an overwhelming desire

to see a young,
good-looking waiter.

Who doesn't?Oh, I can't.

I have to meet Kevin
at Romeo Salta's.

It's business.
I distract the client.

Jimmy, you can take her.
I'll pay for it.

I have an audition at 7:00,
but you can leave me the cash.

Jesus. Some friends.

Well, don't say that.
I am a wonderful friend.

Even if it's just a joke,
don't say it, Georgia.

You know I'm sensitive.

All right, all right.
Don't pout.

You'll crack your make-up,
start an avalanche on your face.

You could call Polly.

She gets off early
from school today. She told me.

You told her
I was coming home today?

I asked you not to.

Well, I didn't tell her. I--

She asked me. Georgia,
why don't you just call her?

She's dying to see you.

I will call my daughter
when I am ready, thank you.

Stop eating
all those cookies.

You're fat enough.

Well, listen to her.

What'd they do in that place,
make you matron?

The dialogue is just where
I left it three months ago,

so it must be safe to leave.
You could meet us.

Kevin's friend
is very attractive.

Will you
leave the woman alone?

She hasn't even
had Jell-O yet.

I'm not rushing her.

I just want her to know that
there are people out there

waiting for her
whenever she's ready.

When I am,
I'll hang out a green flag.

Go on, go on, go on.

I'm gonna watch you
from the window.

I want to learn that
Harper's Bazaarway to walk.


I just want you to know

I'm so damn proud of you.

Thank you, Toby,
for everything.

Um, tell me once more
how pretty I am.

Bo Derek couldn't carry
your compact.

That's what I think,

but some people
find her attractive.

Say it to me one more time.

That you're pretty?

No. What you promised me
coming home in the car.

I will be a good girl

forever and ever.

Thank you.

You skinny bastard.

I am so happy with you.



Is that why you didn't
visit me once in 12 weeks?

Oh, I can't go to hospitals.
You know that.

If I ever get hit by a car,
I'll tell them,

"Take me to a drugstore,
never a hospital."

How much do I owe you
for the groceries?

Oh, we got 'em free.

I had an affair
with the delivery boy.

Really? Next time,
I'll open the door.

Have you worked at all
since I saw you last?

August, at Bloomingdale's.

I sold embroidered
toilet-seat covers.

On my mother's life.


They want me back Christmas.

Well, put in
a good word for me.

What kills me
is I'm such a good actor.

You are a great actor.

Then why am I so nervous
about this audition?

Who's producing it?

A 19-year-old putz
with $300,000

and a drama degree
from Oklahoma A&M.

First day he walked
into the theater,

he fell off the stage
and broke two ribs.

Jesus. What are we doing
in this business?

Oh, God,
I wanna be a star so bad.

I don't mean a little star.

I wanna be a big star

with three agents
and a business manager

and a press agent.

And then I would
fire all of them,

and I would hire new ones
because I am such a big star.

And I would make everybody pay
for the 22 years

I have poured into
this business.

I wouldn't do benefits.

I wouldn't give money
to charity.

I would become

one of the great shitheels
of all time.

Isn't that a wonderful dream,

Would I still be
your friend?

Oh, 11 years is enough.

I have picked you up
from floors,

I have carried you up stairs,
I have fed you,

washed you, and for what?

You're skinny and sober.

Take care of yourself now.

No other messages?


I was just asking.

He didn't call.

I haven't heard from him.
I haven't seen him.

I don't know where he is,
all right?

You're a lousy liar.

I am a wonderful liar.

I'm only lousy
when I lie to you.

I saw him last week
at Joe Allen.

He looked very pale,
drawn, tired. Needed a shave.

The hell he did.

He looked gorgeous.
Big deal.

The man can't write his name.
I've gotta go.

Was he alone?

He was sitting at a big table.
I don't know who was with who.

She was that pretty, huh?

What am I,
a police reporter?

She was a female Caucasian.
That is the best I can do.

I've gotta pick up that script.
I will call you this afternoon.

Hey. Do you know how much
I love you?

Why don't we smarten up
and marry each other?

Because you're an alcoholic,
and I'm gay.

We'd have trouble
getting our kids

into a good school.


I will call you
the minute I lose the job.

Hey, don't say that.

You are going to be
a great shitheel.

Right! You're right!
I'm gonna be a great shitheel!





Oh, my God.

I am sitting here
this very second

looking at your face.

About 10 minutes ago.

Toby and Jimmy were just here.

I do? Ha-ha.
Well, I feel wonderful.

I wanna see you, too.

No, I can't, babe.

I haven't even
unpacked my eyelashes.

Mom, you gotta come.

It's our last dress rehearsal.
The director is the pits.

The man teaches algebra.

What's he know about musicals?
I really need your help.

Please, no guilt.

The doctor said
I'm supposed to be pampered.

Ahh. What time does it start?

All right. I'll try.

I mean, I'm not promising.

I may not be able to stay
for the whole thing.


I do, too.

I've missed you like hell.


Oh, God.




♪ A great slugger
We haven't got ♪

♪ A great pitcher
We haven't got ♪

♪ A great ballclub
We haven't got ♪

♪ What do we got? ♪

We got heart.


♪ You gotta have heart ♪

♪ All you really need
Is heart ♪

♪ When the odds are sayin'
You'll never win ♪

♪ That's when
The friendships start ♪

♪ You gotta have hope ♪

♪ Mustn't sit around
And mope ♪

♪ Nothing's half as bad
As it may appear ♪

♪ Wait till next year
And hope ♪

♪ When your luck
Is battin' zero ♪

♪ Get your chin
Up off the floor ♪

♪ Mister, you could be a hero ♪

♪ You can open any door ♪

♪ There's nothing to it
But to do it ♪

♪ You gotta have heart ♪

♪ Miles and miles
And miles of heart ♪

♪ Oh, it's fine to be
A genius, of course ♪

♪ But keep that old horse
Before the cart ♪

♪ So what the heck's
The use of cryin'? ♪



I don't know.


I don't believe
what you look like.

You look gorgeous.

What are you doing
behind a tree?

Hiding. I'm dressed like
Raggedy Ann.

Did you just get here?
You saw the rehearsal?


I'm gonna kill myself.

You were wonderful.

The orchestra
was five beats behind.

They played it
like a funeral.

There's Heidi.
Heidi, come here!

No, Polly.
Please, no auditions.

No, I wanna show you off.

Hello, Mrs. Hines.
I heard you were here.

Hello, Heidi.
How are you?

My parents got divorced.

My father's living in
California with some girl.

My mother's in analysis again.
I'm fine.

You look terrific.
I'll call you tonight, Polly.

Bye, Mrs. Hines.


She talks like
the 7:00 news.

Where do you
want to go?

I just wanna sit with you
and have a drink.

A Diet Pepsi.
Don't look at me like that.

Jason, my mom.

Hi.Will you stop?

Is everything
all right at home?

Oh, yeah. Fine.
They went to Paris,

and Dad brought me back
a bottle of perfume.

I think he's got the message
that puberty is over.

And how's Lucretia?

Who?Your stepmother.


You do that on purpose,
don't you?

Does she still make that
clicking noise with her teeth

when she eats?

No. She had it fixed.

It's okay. You can make fun.
I understand.

Listen, you know me.

Take a cheap shot
when you can get it.

I'm just jealous

because she gets to see you
more than me.

She doesn't have to.

What do you mean?

I mean, I talked it over
with Dad and he says it's okay.

I wanna move in with you.

You what?

I wanna
move in with you.


Oh, God. Come on.

This is not the kind
of conversation

to have in traffic.

It's my last year
of high school,

and after that,
I'm off to college.

That's another four years
without you.

I thought it would be nice

if we could
spend some time together

before we both
became the same age.

Look, uh,
let me rest a minute.

I'm dealing with all this

on nothing but
a low-calorie drink.

Dad spoke to your doctor.When?

On the weekend. He says
you're in terrific shape

and thinks you're strong enough
to handle anything.

And no one tells me
about these things.

Was the CIA in on it, too?

I was the one
who brought it up,

and I don't even know
if you want me or not.

I have always wanted you.

I know you got a lot
to deal with, but so do I.

Six years of weekends
and holidays together

doesn't make up for
the six years

I didn't have with you,

and I think we both
got shortchanged somewhere.

Boy, you sure know how
to put a kick

into a routine afternoon,
don't you?

You mean...
he says it's all right?

Your father
is willing to give you up?

No, he's not gonna
give me up,

but he's willing to lend me
to you for one year,

like a book.


'Cause he loves me.

'Cause he thinks
you deserve it.

And because
I asked him to.

Does he say yes
to everything you ask?

Pretty much.

Some father.

He spoils you rotten.

So what do you think?
When do I move in?

I haven't moved in yet.
Polly, don't crowd me.

I'm not crowding you.
I'm pushing you.

Will you please
walk straight?

People will think I have
a backward daughter.

That's why I need a mother--
to straighten me out.



When do I have to
make up my mind?

Right this minute.

Because we're having
fish for dinner,

and I don't wanna
go home.

Polly, I have to
think about this.

So you can think.
Take all the time you want,

and then you can tell me
at the bus stop.

Oh, I should've had a son.

Boys are much nicer
to their mothers.

Can you cook?

Not good enough to eat,
but I can get things started.

What can you do?

I can ride a horse.


When we're starving to death,
you can ride for help.

Mom. You're
getting on the bus,

and you're not giving me
an answer.

I think it's wrong.

I don't think
I'm ready for you yet.

I think it's a mistake,
but if we're gonna make it,

let's start Friday night.



So what do you think?

It's gorgeous.

You'll make Architectural Digest
next month.

Do you know the last time
I did any house painting?

I was carrying Polly.
Do you think I'm pregnant again?

Don't look at me.

I wish we had two more days.

We could've painted
another coat.

Are you crazy? After this job,
I wouldn't paint my toenails.

Took me all night to get
the roller out of my hand.

Come on. We have to finish
Polly's room.

I hope you know where
the money's coming from,

because your expenses
are just starting.

Did you ever see
a teenager eat?

Like an army of red ants
in Africa.

I'll work.
I'll get a job.

I'll do radio
in the Philippines.

Don't worry about it.

You promised you would
take some time off.

No acting for six months.
That's what you told me.

What do you need
the pressure for?

I see what happens to you
when you get up for a part.

There are other things
I can do besides act.

No, there aren't. You do Chekhov
when you go to the supermarket.

Jimmy, I am getting
my daughter back.

I would do anything for her,
including walking the streets.

If I don't get a job soon,
we can work the same corner.

As long as she's moving in here,

why doesn't her father
take me into his place?

I've always wanted
to live on Park Avenue.


Buzz downstairs. Let her in.
Towels. I forgot towels.


Jimmy, would you get that?

If I worked this much
in the theater,

I'd be a big name today.


Yes. Who's this?

Hello, David.

It's Jimmy.

Uh, I'm not sure.

Could you hold it a second?

What should I tell him?


What does he want?

How should I know?

I'll tell him
to call back later.

You've got a new daughter
waiting in the hallway.

Let her in.
I'll take it in the bedroom.

Oh, Christ.

She'll be right there.

Can I help you?

Jimmy, I didn't know
you'd be here.

Well, I knew
Cinderella was coming,

and somebody had to
re-do the pumpkin.

Wipe your glass slippers
on the rug, please.

I can't believe this.
Who did it?

It was nothing. We dipped
two cats in a can of paint

and let 'em chase each other
around the walls.

Give me a hug. Oh!


No, it's okay.
Just Jimmy and Polly.

How are you?

Yes, I got back the other day.

In terrific shape,
they tell me.

If I can take this phone call,

I can't be doing
too badly, right?

To what do I owe
this unexpected honor?

Well, mostly,
I just want to say hello

and see how you were.

I don't know,
just felt like calling you.

Every eight months
like clockwork, right?

You sound good.

I heard you lost
a lot of weight.

Among other things.

I'd love to see you.


Yeah. I, uh,

had something I wanted to
talk to you about,

and I'd rather not
do it on the phone,

if that's possible.

You don't wanna borrow money,
do you?

I took my daughter
in as a boarder.

That's how broke I am.

Can you spare
just a few minutes?

I mean, uh, tonight?
Uh, tomorrow for lunch?

I mean, anytime you say.

I don't think so, David.

It's important, Georgia.
I wouldn't call if it weren't.

I'm sure.

What, 10 minutes of your time
too much to ask?

No. It's not too much to ask.
It's too much to give.

It was nice talking to you,

Thanks for thinking of me.


Okay, where is she?
Where is my roommate?


Why didn't we think of this
a long time ago?

I did.

So do you like
my apartment?

It's gorgeous, but I don't think
I brought the right clothes.

You see. She likes it.

We only painted one coat.

In three days, the old apartment
comes through again.

help her with her bags.

She's not my roommate.
You get the hernia.

Oh, I got it.

Well, I'll leave
the Bronte sisters alone.

It's getting late, and I want to
wander around Central Park.

You all right?Perfect.

Handled everything
like a grown-up.

What did he want?

Didn't ask
because I wasn't interested.

The hell you weren't.

You just watch yourself,
you hear me?

You've got Polly now.

You don't need
dead romances.

He just called to say hello,
for chrissake.

You think he's gonna ask
to come back.

You think he's gonna say that
he's sorry he walked out

and that he can't live a day
without you. I know you.

You have
a movie-magazine mentality.

Who re-did my room?

She hates it. I can tell.

It's a little Brady Bunch,
but I can work with it.

The room is wonderful.
Get rid of the kid.

God, in his infinite wisdom,

has given you the opportunity
to start life all over again.

Do me a favor--
have your phone taken out.

I'm going, Polly.

If you hear of a job, call me.

Go. Go be a mother.


I know it's only been
four minutes,

but I think we're getting along

You noticed that, too, huh?

So what did your father
say when you left?

He said, "Goodbye, Polly."

Don't kid me. I know him.

He's probably filming us
from across the street.

He didn't say a word.
We're on our own now.

Oh, he did say he might want to
have lunch in a few weeks.


'Cause he wants to see us

He's entitled to that,
isn't he?

He wants to check up on me,

see if I can
cut my meat myself.

Would you quit worrying?
You got the job, you know.

Yeah, well.
Listen, when you're through,

Put on your nightgown
and meet me in the kitchen.

I already had dinner.

This is junk-food night.

I've been waiting for this
for six years.

This wasn't a great idea,
was it?

I think the second bowl
of popcorn was a bad move.


So what else is new?

David Lowe
called me tonight.

First time
in eight months.

He said
he didn't have a dime, right?

In the year and a half
he lived here,

you never once told me
how you felt about him.

I liked him.


Because you liked him.

That's not the smartest way
to judge people.

What did you think
about me?

What do you mean?

Did you like me?

Of course I liked you.
You're my mother.

You're sure hung up
on labels, aren't you?

Did you like me
when I drank too much?


How'd you feel when I showed up
for your 14th birthday party

and practically
fell into your cake?

I wanted to kill you.

Then why didn't you
ever say it?

Because I figured
you were in enough trouble

without having your daughter
come down on you.

That is exactly what
I used to do with my father.

You mean your father
drank, too?

He was once almost
the Mayor of Joplin, Missouri,

but on election day,
he got plastered

and smashed his car
into a voting booth.

When he was that way,
which was a lot,

I wanted to scream at him,
but I was afraid to,

because I thought
he would stop loving me.

But if you saw
what happened to him,

then why did you drink?

Because I didn't want
my friends

not to like me, either.

I mean,
everyone did it at school.

I started at 14 and a half.

By the time I was 16,
my father was dead,

we'd moved to the
worst neighborhood in Joplin,

and I had developed
an unquenchable thirst.

Didn't you ever
try to stop?


I never thought
I had a problem.

The night
of my senior prom,

I ran off to New York
with a boy from my class.

You never told me that before.

You were never
17 before.

Whose decision was it
that I live with Dad?

It was something
that we, uh, both agreed on.


Well, it was just
gonna be temporary

until I could
get my life in order.

It was your decision,
wasn't it?


I was petrified
that I might treat you badly.

Scared to death
that you'd grow up and hate me.

What you didn't see,
you wouldn't know.

If I tell you the truth,

will you promise not to
hold it against me?

I would never do that.

I never forgave you

for not putting up a fight
for me.

I'm sorry, baby.

I just wasn't strong enough.

But I don't want to be
that way anymore.

I just pray to God

that taking care of you
and taking care of me

is something
that I can handle now.

You handle you,
and I'll handle me.

How did I get so lucky?

Some people
get all the breaks.


David, did I wake you?

Who's this?

Georgia. Don't tell me
my voice has changed.

No. Just surprised me. You okay?

I'm sorry if I seemed
a little hostile

when you called.

I think it was just your timing
that was off.

Yeah, well,
it always needed work.

You said
you wanted to talk to me.

I do.

But that's all
you're gonna tell me?

I wouldn't know how
to say it on the phone.

Well, if it's suspense
you're creating,

you're doing a terrific job.

I need a few days.
How about Monday?

I'm going to California Sunday morning.

I'll be gone a week.

Uh, I suppose it can keep, if it has to.

Well, not when you
say it like that.

All right.

Joe Allen's,
tomorrow around 5:00?

I look forward to seeing you.

Thought you should know

friends of the family
advised me against this.

So did my friends.

See ya, kid.



♪ Never thought
We'd have so much fun ♪

♪ Playing with a machine gun ♪

♪ Machine gun ♪


♪ Machine gun ♪

♪ Load it up for tomorrow ♪

She goes back today.

♪ Never had so much fun ♪

♪ Ah ♪

[YELLS] Any chance
of turning that down to loud?

♪ Never better-- ♪

I get nervous when I cook.

What are you making?

Blueberry pancakes.

For everyone in New York?

The first batch
was overcooked.

We can use 'em
as Frisbees.

I thought normal people

slept late on Saturdays.

I got an 8:00
tennis date with Dad.

You just got here last night.
When do I get to see you?

Take up tennis.
We'll play doubles with Felicia.

What fun. Father and daughter
against all his wives.

You wanna go to lunch
and do some shopping?

I can't. I got to be
at school at 2:00.

We're doing a preview
for the third-graders.

Really sorry.

It's okay. When you get married,
invite me to the wedding.

I've got to go.
I'm late. Bye.

This batch looks better.
Not so bouncy.

Oh, good.
I get to clean up the kitchen.

No, just leave it.
I'll do it tonight.

By tonight,
you'll need hand grenades

to clean this room.

Now you know
why Dad let me go.

Is it okay if Heidi
spends the night tonight?


Tell her to bring her laundry.





My God.
Who's the new ingénue?

Hello, Paul.

You look 14.

If you do Peter Pannext year,

I want to be in the chorus.

He's at the end of the bar.


you look great.


You look dynamite.
Good to see you again.

She looks marvelous.

Haven't heard buzzing like that
since Chorus Lineopened.

Hello, David.

You look incredible.

I forgot you had a figure
like that.

I got help.
These are Polly's clothes.

I'll have a table for you
in five minutes, David.

Hello, Kyle.

I saw you come in.
I couldn't believe it.

You're gonna have to give us
a new picture for our wall.

I'll have another scotch.

Club soda.

I wrote you while you were away.
I assume you got it.

It didn't require
an answer.

That's why
I didn't write one.

Look, do you have to rush away?
Can you stay for dinner?

No. Polly is due
back at 6:00.

I'm domesticated now.

Are you, uh, working?

Yeah. Finished a play
last week.

Well, I haven't heard you
say that in a long time.

Do you like it?

Can't be objective.

But people that I respect
like it.

Well, here's to
finishing things.

And starting new ones.


You didn't touch
your salad.

I just wanted something
to play with.

In case you haven't noticed,
I'm nervous.

I'm the one who's nervous.

We've discussed

except what
I wanted to talk about.

I'm a half-hour late now.
Another five minutes won't hurt.

Well, uh, when, uh...

when we split up...

when I left...

um, I decided to
go back into analysis.

I wanted to find out
what went wrong with us

and why, after two
halfway promising plays,

I couldn't put an
intelligible sentence on paper

for over a year.

Did you find out?

Well, you know analysis.

Your mother takes up
the first two years.

Go on.

Well, the doctor said,
"Let's try an experiment.

Put everything on paper."

Everything that happened
between us,

everything we said
to each other,

every thought
that came to my mind,

uh, every feeling I had

in the year and a half
we spent together.

The movie rights
must be worth a fortune.


But I think it makes
a damn good play.


I don't believe it.

I put it down, Georgia,
word for word.

You'd be surprised

what an interesting character
you are.

Please don't tell me you're
going to ask me to read that.

Worse. I'm gonna ask you to
consider playing it on a stage.


I'm sorry. Some things
just strike me as funny.

I have a producer wants to go
into rehearsal in a few weeks,

George de Vane
wants to direct,

and there's nobody
to play this part but you.

Look, I told them there wasn't
a chance in hell you'd say yes,

but at least I would ask you.

This is us, eh?
Xeroxed and all.

I took some liberties.
It's not exactly us.

Maybe just
what we represent.

What do we represent, David?

Look, just read it
while I'm away.

I'll call you when I get back.

What's in California

that you have to rush off
in the morning?

I have a girl out there.
Haven't seen her in a month.

She works for NBC News.
She's on special assignment.

Is the play filled with

as many complications
as this conversation?

Thank you very much, sir.

In the first place,

I'm not ready
to go back to work yet.

In the second place,

I'm not all that anxious

to go public
with our personal life,

and I sure as hell
am not anxious to recreate that

overweight, miserable excuse
for a human being

that I pray to God

I left back
in Farmingdale, Long Island.

I have Polly with me now.

We're starting a brand-new life
up there on 90th street,

and there isn't
a damn thing in the world

that I would do
to jeopardize that relationship.

How dare you get me down here

thinking it was me
you wanted to see?

Me that you were
so anxious and worried about.

I would really tell you
what I think of you now,

but I promised Polly
I wouldn't swear anymore.

Oh, the hell with it.
I think you're a son of a bitch.

You want to write a play
about your personal life,

go get your little lady from NBC
and put her up on the stage.

I'm sorry
I am making a scene.

As you can see,
I'm still rehabilitating.

All that aside,
I'd love you to read the play.


Heh heh heh.

Oh, Jesus.

You haven't lost your touch,

You're goddamned irresistible.


Heidi has nasal drip,
and I can't sleep.

Can I talk to you?

Sure, babe.

What you reading?

New play.

"Only When I Laugh."

Is it a comedy?

People with twisted minds
might think so.

What's your problem?

There's this boy
I been seeing.


John Steuben.
He goes to Collegiate.

He's very nice,

only he's started
getting serious.

I mean, really serious.

Hmm. So far,
it's interesting.

But there's another boy--
Adam Kasabian.

Extremely major.

I love complications.

But Heidi
also likes Adam.

Adam doesn't like Heidi.

Adam likes Polly.

But Polly doesn't want Heidi
not to like her.

So how does Polly
get to keep Heidi and Adam

without totally offending
John Steuben?

Sounds as complex
as this script.



"A New Play by...

David Lowe"?

I know.

What's it about?

Oh, it's about this

big, fat, sloppy,
foul-mouthed drunken woman

and an attractive
sensitive writer.

I don't believe it. He actually
had the nerve to send you that?

Worse. This idiot
went down and got it.

Is it really terrible?

I was hoping.
Unfortunately, it is very good.

What does
"only when I laugh" mean?

Old joke. A man has a spear
sticking through his chest,

and his friend asks,
"Does it hurt?"

and he says,

BOTH: "Only when I laugh."

And you're the one
with the spear, right?

You got it.

So why'd he
give it to you?

Wants me to do the lead.

It means playing myself,
actually. Huh.

But you're not gonna do it,
are you?

You think I shouldn't?

Not if he makes you out to be
a fat, sloppy drunk.

He doesn't.
She has her moments.

Does this mean
you-you'd be working with him?

Well, sure.
He'd be around rehearsals.

I know what you're thinking,
but there's no problem.

He has a new girl.
I have a new girl.

Besides, it's business.
And it's one hell of a part.

Well, if I were you,

I'd think about it
real carefully.

Hey, what are you gonna do
about Adam Kasabian?

Think about it real carefully.

Are you worried?

Only when I laugh.



Hi, Bob.
Thanks for returning my call.

No. uh, just checking in,
like you said.

I'm fine.

You do a terrific job up there
at Wuthering Heights.

I, uh--


I was wondering if you, uh,

felt it was too soon for me
to go back to work.

Yeah. A new play.

How do I feel?

If I knew,
I wouldn't be calling you.

I'm scared as hell
is how I feel,


I think I really want to
do it. A lot.

You've got 30 seconds
to try and talk me out of it.


Hey, wait for me.

Polly, he's coming.

who's gonna ask him?

What do you mean,
who's going to ask?

It's your mother you're trying
to fix up, aren't you?

I'm not trying to fix her up.
I just want to introduce them.

Sounds like a fix-up to me.
Here he is.

Mr. Tarloff.

Mr. Tarloff?Hi, Polly.

Hi. Are you in a hurry?Yeah, kind of. What is it?

Well, my mom,
she's rehearsing for a play,

and she can't make Parents' Day.Oh, okay.

She would like to talk to you
about how I'm doing.

You tell her
you're doing fine.

Well, she wouldn't believe me
if I told her.

It's better coming from you.It really is.

Tell her to call me.

Couldn't you have coffee
with her after school?

She really is concerned
about my work.

She really is.Well, all right, all right.

Uh, Tuesday, 5:00,
the coffee shop on the corner.


Thank you.

I really appreciate it.It means a lot to us.

She'll be there.
Don't worry.




Uh, Mr. Tarloff?

Yes. Hello, Mrs. Hines.
Nice to meet you.

Thank you.
Please, sit down.

I'm, uh...
I'm sorry I'm late.

I just, uh,
got off of rehearsal.

Yes, Polly told me.

I'm a great admirer
of your work.

Oh. Thank you.

I'm hoping you're an admirer
of Polly's work as well.

Well, I wouldn't put it in
quite the same category,

but she's
an excellent student.

One of the lucky ones who
doesn't have to work hard at it.

Uh, please.

Miss, another coffee here,

Well, then what seems to be
the problem?

There's no problem.

I'm extremely happy
with her work. She knows that.

Well, why did you
ask to see me?

I didn't.
She said you asked to see me.

Polly said that?

Polly and Heidi Stanton.

I thought that was
a little peculiar.

I see.

Mr. Tarloff, are you married?

I was.

Divorced about
three years ago. Why?

I think we are
the unwitting victims

of a pair of
teenage matchmakers.


Well, well. Heh heh.

it's that kind of school.

We encourage
outside activities.

Oh, God.


Polly won't be coming back
to school, of course.

I intend to kill her.


You are grounded,
you hear me,

and I don't mean
for just a week or two.

I mean, until you're 36,
37 years of age.

How could you
do that to me?

Your own mother.

I would never
do that to you.

We were humiliated,
the both of us.

The man teaches English

and suddenly forgot how
to speak the language.

That was a lousy thing
to do, Polly.

But... did you like him?

What do you mean,
did I like him?

I am working.
I am doing a play.

I haven't got time
for things like that.

No dinner for you tonight.
Do you hear me? No dinner.

I already ate.

Then no breakfast.

I tried.


How does it feel?

It's okay.
Nothing special.

Coming in?

Yeah. In about
two or three hours.



MAN: I have a play
that has not gotten past page 32

in over six months.Well, what is-- Line?

What is it
you want me to do?

What is it you want me to do?

I don't know if what I'm writing
is worth the price of the paper,

but please show me

the same compassion
and consideration

when I'm sitting at my desk
as you do when I get into bed.

Sorry. I didn't realize
I was so demanding.

Ah, Jesus, all I have to do
is look at you

with anything less
than indifference,

and you're ready to jump in
the sack with your shoes on.

Well, forgive me.

Frigidity is not
one of my major hang-ups.

Go ahead, work, Lou.

Why don't you write
Cat on a Hot Tin Roof?

I always liked that play.

Don't, Evy.
Don't go for the bar.

Don't get too drunk
to hear what I'm trying to say.

Not tonight.

I didn't get the impression you
were gonna say much of anything.

All right.
You want me to make it?

Dubonnet? Vodka?

Double Jack Daniels
on the rocks? You name it.

You're the one who's keeping me,

so you might as well get
your goddamn money's worth.

Name it.
Name it, for chrissake!

Well, well, well, well, well.
Listen to the prolific writer.

First time I heard
10 lines in a row out of you

in six months.

Why the hell don't you
write yourself an exit scene?

I mean it.

Pack up your little
overnight bag and get out!

Get out, damn you!

I don't need you!

I don't need--

What is it, Georgia?

It's hard, that's all.

I know.
That's why it's so good.

Why don't we take five?


You all right?


Sorry? I sit out there,
I'm mesmerized by you.

It's so real,
so truthful.

Doesn't feel like
it's a play I'm watching.


I don't think I can
get through this, David.

I said I would accept
any decision you make.

Thanks. As long as I know
there's a door open

I can always run through.

Let's take it
as far as we can.

Look, I want you to know...

I think you're incredible

in every way.


Sorry, darling.

It's almost 1:30.

I know.
I had a costume fitting.

Are we gonna
wait for Jimmy?

I have to be at
the dermatologist in 45 minutes.

Why is it I'm always the one
who's early?

A little testy, are we?

Woke up on the wrong side
of Kevin?

I didn't know there was
a right side to Kevin.

I'm having
the crabs marinara.

Ha ha. What's wrong?

Nothing. Heh.

Maybe it's the dozen Valium
I had last night.

I feel like a bomb
is about to explode in my life

and I don't know where to hide.

What's happening?

I found a long, gray hair
on Kevin's jacket last night.

If it's another woman's,
I'll kill him.

If it's mine,
I'll kill myself.

Toby, trust me.
You are a work of art.

If you were up for auction,
you'd go for a million six.

I heard you were
out with David last night.

It was in today's Post.

I didn't go out with him.

I had a sandwich
after rehearsal.

I'm doing the man's play.

It said,
"Chummy at Charlie's."

Just how chummy were you
at Charlie's?

Nothing is going on, Toby.

I'm in bed
two hours before Polly.

So am I.

We have a lot in common,
haven't we?

Maybe not.You know there's just--

Order the best dish
in the house, girls.

The Italian actor
is paying.

Ahh, you got a job.

Not a job, skinny.

A part! A role.

A major character
in a major production.


it's in a minor theater

in an undiscovered
part of New York,

but it's the first step
on the ladder to shitheel.


Sorry. Uh, a bottle
of your best red

and a Shirley Temple
for Little Miss Marker here.

Oh, I am so happy for you.

What's wrong
with this one?

Price of gold
just went down $2.00, right?

She's having a bad day.

I'm not having
a bad day.

I'm delighted
that everybody is so happy.

As a matter of fact,

you're all invited to a party
Friday night.

My apartment, very dressy.

What's the occasion?

What do you mean,
"what's the occasion"?

You know the occasion.
It's my birthday.

My 40th birthday.

So could we just
drop the subject

and order
our fucking lunches, please?





Those blue earrings
would be fabulous on you.

Come on, Polly.
Let's see how much they are.

Wait a minute, Mom.What's the matter?

I think those two boys
have been following us.

What do you mean, us?
They're 12 years old.

No, they're not.
They're in college.

One of 'em goes to Rutgers.
I know his cousin.

They're gorgeous,
aren't they?

Yes. Very cute. Why don't you
go over and say hello?

No. No. Just stand here.
They'll come over.

One of 'em
is looking at you.

Polly. I don't want to be
picked up on Madison Avenue

by a Rutgers's boy.
Now come on.




What'd I tell you?

They're gonna make their move
any minute.

If they come over, I'm gonna
tell them you're my sister.

You tell them that,

you'll get a face full
of alfalfa sprouts.

If I tell 'em
you're my mother,

they're gonna get shy,
and they're gonna walk away.

Just do me this one favor.

They're never gonna believe
I'm your sister.

Yes, they will.
You look great.

Just let me handle this, Mom.

I'm warning you,
I'm not going to any proms.

Oh, my feet.

You see any open tables,

Gee, no.

Uh, okay if we share
this table?

POLLY: Sure.

Excuse me,

but do you know where
MacDougal Street is?

Um, MacDougal Street?

We're not that familiar
with New York.

We're supposed to go to
this party tonight on MacDougal,

but we don't know
where it is.

It's downtown
in the West Village.

Oh, the West Village.
Right. Thanks a lot.

You into health foods?

No, I'm not into them.
I just eat them.

POLLY: You're Holly Jamison's
cousin, aren't you?

That's right.
How'd you know?

'Cause I saw you at her
birthday party last year,

but you didn't stay long.

I just dropped in
to say hello.

I'm Don Holcroft.

This is my friend--
Gary Chambliss.


I'm Polly Hines,
and this is my sister--Carol.

Hello, Carol.


DON: Uh,
you live in New York?

Well, our parents
live in Paris,

but we go to school here.

Studying journalism.

I'm a freshman.

I'm a senior.

Yeah, I thought
you were the older one.

I took off a few years
to travel.

Great. We're down
at Rutgers. Pre-law.

Oh, pre-law.

That's a good thing
to get into.


Listen, this party tonight
is kind of loose, you know?

If you guys
would like to drop by,

I'm sure my friend
would be glad to have you.

Well, I don't know.
What do you think, Carol?



Oh, uh, I can't.

I have that paper
to get out tonight.

Oh, yes.

Carol's doing her thesis

on the dehumanization
of existentialism.

She's a real brain.

Is that right?


I just fiddle around
with it.

Listen, Polly,
we have to go.


Because Dad is calling
from overseas at 6:00.

If you guys
will excuse us.

We're gonna be in town
over the weekend.

Is there any place
we can get in touch with you?

Yeah--We don't have a phone.

Uh, they're
tearing our dorm down.

We're-We're trying to find
another one.

It was awfully nice
meeting you.

Bye. Did you
say goodbye, Carol?

I said it.
I said it.

Can we please go?

Will you move?

I could go to jail
for this.

Oh, God, that is so funny.

I just wish I was sitting at
the next table.

And then this Gary guy says,
"Are you into health foods?"

and Mom says, "No, I'm not
into them. I just eat them."

You mean Carol said that.Yeah, Carol.

Oh, you want to hear
the scary part,

the really scary part?

We're driving home
in the cab together,

and I'm sitting there
saying to myself,

"Damn it, I should have gone to
the party on MacDougal Street."

I don't see
what's so wrong with that?

In Manhattan,
Woody Allen was 42,

and Mariel Hemmingway
was 17.

It doesn't work
when he's 17 and she's 42.

What about the dresses?

I am dying to see
the new dresses.

Wait till you see the dresses.
The Supremes.

Polly, go get the dresses.

Oh, let's do our number first.
He's got to see our number.

You think?
What number?

Well, we're doing a number
for Toby's party.

It needs a lot of work.

No, I need a lot of work.
She's perfect.

Imagine a darkened room,

a pin spot,
a hushed audience.

I'm hushed. I'm hushed.

And an introduction.

Ladies and gentlemen,
Hines and Hines.


BOTH: ♪ And I guess
I'll have to change my plan ♪

♪ I should have realized
There'd be another man ♪

♪ I overlooked that point
Completely ♪

♪ Until the big affair began ♪

♪ Before I knew where I was at ♪

♪ I found myself up on the shelf
And that was that ♪

♪ I tried to reach the moon
But when I got there ♪

♪ All that I could get
Was the air ♪

♪ My feet are back
Upon the ground ♪

♪ I've lost the one man
I found ♪

♪ I guess I'll have to
Change my plan ♪


Don't stop.



♪ Overlooked that point
Completely ♪

Hello, David. Could you
call back in about five minutes?

She's busy right now.

No, no, no, no, no.
I want to talk to him.

I'll take it in the other room.

Hold on, David.
She's coming.



Oh, I'm so glad you called.

We had the most incredible day.

How are you?

Did you have a nice day off?

Did you?

Did you miss me?

Listen, I was thinking about what you said yesterday.

I think it is a wonderful idea.





Hi, Ed.

Hi. What are you
doing here?

Why? Was I fired?

You're not on call
till 1:00.

I love show business.
What can I say?

Have you seen David?

Yeah, he's out front.Thanks.


MAN: I'm trying to get away
from work, that's one thing.

Typewriter's over there.



David, are you out there?

Yeah. Be right there.

You're an hour early.

Equity will have us
up on charges

for overworking you.

I had to pick up a gift
for Toby's birthday,

so while I was at it,
you got lucky, too.



I hope you're into
1942 Mickey Mouse watches.


There's, uh, an inscription
on the back.

I don't want you to read it now.
I hate waiting up for reviews.

Is this for opening night?
It's still six weeks away.

No, no, no.

Opening night, you get
the minute hands on the watch.

This is just for...
I don't know what it's for.

I'm just one of those
impulsive buyers.

Thank you.
I'm very touched, really.

You can tell me at Toby's party
if you liked the inscription.

Oh, God.
I forgot about her party.

Oh, you have to come.

She invited
the whole cast.

Polly and I are gonna sing
our golden hits.

Thing is, this friend of mine
is in from California.

She just got in last night.
She's only here for three days.

Of course. I understand.

She's in the back.
Could I bring her down?

She'd like very much
to meet you.


Denise. Again,
thank you for this.

Denise Summers,
Georgia Hines.


Very pleased to meet you.

David says it's going
enormously well.

seems so relaxed.

That's because
no one's seen it yet.

You're our first audience.

Oh? Well, I don't want to be
the cause of tension.

I have to be getting back
to the studio, anyway.

I'll see you for lunch, David.Okay.

It's on 54th and Park.
Goodbye, Miss Hines.

I know
it's gonna be wonderful.

You'll be here
for opening night?

Oh, I'll be here.

It's David I'm worried about
keeping in the theater. Goodbye.

I'll walk you out front.
I'll be right back.

Hi, Georgia.

Yeah, if you hold on,
I'll get her for you.

Here she comes.Georgia, it's for you.

Take a message.

She's busy right now.
Uh, can I take a message?

Oh, just a minute.

It's Jimmy Perino.
He says it's an emergency.


What's wrong?

Oh, I just got a call from Toby.
The party is off tonight.


Could you just hold it
a second, please?

I'm on the phone.
Party is off tonight.

Kevin didn't come home
last night.

He called her this morning.
He wants out of the marriage.

Oh, Christ.

What happened?

Oh, she won't talk about it.
You know her.

As if nothing happened.
The woman is fantastic.

She's even keeping her 5:00
appointment at Elizabeth Arden.

She shouldn't be
left alone tonight.

Uh, I'll ask to get off
an hour early.

Call her and tell her
we're both coming over.

Well, I'll do the best I can.
It is panic down here.

The putz producer
just fired the scenery.

I swear to God,

he pointed to the scenery
and said, "You're out."

How's it going with you?

One big happy family.

I'll talk to you later.

Anything wrong?

Listen, tell everybody
that the party is off.

I'm gonna be in
my dressing room.

I don't want
to be disturbed.


in her dressing room?

Yes, but she asked
not to be disturbed.


Georgia? It's David.

Can I come in a minute?

Are you all right?

George told me
he said hello to you

and you walked
right by him.


You seem upset.

Would you rather
I left you alone?


Of course.

Listen, I'm sorry.

I shouldn't have
brought Denise in.

And I didn't know
you'd be in this early.

She was only gonna stay
a few minutes.


It was stupid of me.

You have every right
to be angry.

You think that I'm upset

because you brought your cute
little girlfriend down here?

Jesus, and I thought actors
had all the ego.

Listen, no offense,
she is a lovely girl,

but right now, I have much more
important things on my mind.

My best friend
in the entire world

just had her husband
walk right out on her

after 12 years of marriage,
and it bothers me.

Really bothers me.

When somebody I love is in pain,

I haven't got time
for other people's problems.

Just leave me alone.

I don't want a Coke.
I don't want coffee.

I don't want anything.
Do you understand?


I'm sorry.









Yes, uh, can I speak to
Dr. Komack, please?

It's Georgia Hines.

No, I want Dr. Komack.

Um, tell him
it's an emergency.

Ah. Bob.

Where is he?

Don't tell me it's immaterial.
I need him.

I need him now.


Later this evening,
I may be tap dancing

on the goddamn
Brooklyn Bridge.

Don't you hear
what I'm saying?

I am about 20 feet away
from a double vodka martini,

and I don't want to hear
that I have just spent 12 weeks

and every cent I've got

to hold myself together
until later this evening.

I don't know you.

I don't want to talk to you.

Never mind.


I'm fine. I really am.

I would much rather
work this out myself

than be bored to death

with a speech
on the perils of drinking.

You have been a terrific help,

Keep up the good work.



When you're finished
with these,

there's another $800 worth
in the freezer.

Save them. I may have to
live off them this winter.

So, what's it gonna be?

Separation? Divorce? What?

Yes, there's gonna be
an actual divorce.

He is, at the very moment
we are speaking,

with his brother, the lawyer,
getting advice and sympathy

from his understanding

A woman who knows a great deal
about sympathy,

because of the two huge warts
on the side of her nose.

You mean suddenly,
without any warning,

the man tells you
he wants out?

Oh, nothing in life
happens without warning.

It falls apart day by day,
bit by bit,

like your face
in the mirror.

Has he got somebody else?

Competition I could handle.

Rejection's a ballbreaker.

You know what I say?
Screw him.

If more women said "Screw him,"

there'd be a lot more
funny women around today.

It's for you.

I don't drink.

Did you know in 1960,

I was voted the prettiest girl
at the University of Michigan?

I wasn't there,
but I believe you.

An All-American halfback

was willing to give up
a trip to the Rose Bowl

for one night of my favors.

I received, on the average,
15 sexual proposals a week,

at least three
from the faculty.

Sounds like a good school.

When I was 16,

Universal Studios offered me
a seven-year contract,

and they didn't even care
if I could act,

which I couldn't.

At Michigan,
I majored in beautiful.

Come on, drink up.

When I was 17,

a married psychiatrist
in Beverly Hills

drove his car into a tree

because I wouldn't answer
his phone calls.

You can read all of this
in my diaries.

I still have them.I know, angel. I know.

I've had some of the most
influential men in the world

in love with me, desirous of me,

desperate for me

more than any other woman
I've ever met in my entire life.

If that son of a bitch
can turn to me after 12 years

and say
he's no longer interested,

well, he can get out.

I don't care.
I don't need him. I--

It's all right, baby.
Let it out. Let it all out.

I don't need him!
I don't!




I don't want him
to see me like this.

I'm gonna fix my face.
I'll be back in a minute.



Forgot my gift.
I left it at home.

Coming up in the elevator
with two old ladies,

I suddenly yell out,
"Oh, shit."

I need a drink.
Where is she?

In the bedroom.

Well, I hope you got
a lot of songs prepared,

because I am in no shape
to entertain anybody.

I can't catch my breath.
Look at my hand shaking.

I am rushing up here
to comfort my best friend,

and I'm the one
that should be sedated.

They fired me.

The little son of a bitch

fires me three nights
before the opening.

Oh, Christ.

He didn't even have the decency
to take me aside.

He tells it to me
in front of the entire cast.

I said to him,
"Look, you're not happy,

"I'll do it any way you want.

"Faster, slower, louder.

"I'll wear a dress.

I'm an actor. Let me act."

Hello, sweetheart.

Hello, darling.

My God, you look radiant.

She dresses up for depression.

You didn't have to come.
I knew you were working.

[SCOFFS] Working?

You know
we never miss birthdays.

The Three Comrades.

Hedy Lamarr, Margaret Sullivan,
and Beulah Bondi.

He was fired
three days before opening.

Oh, God, no.

[SIGHS] My name was in
the Sunday Timesad.

I've got 18 relatives
from Paterson, New Jersey,

coming to the opening.

Six of them
already sent me telegrams.

My Aunt Rosario
sent me a candy gram.

I already ate
the lousy candy.

They gave my part
to the understudy.

He's not even a full-time actor.
He's a Puerto Rican cab driver.

He can hardly speak English.

My 12-year-old niece
has never seen me on the stage.

She's gonna walk in the theater

and think she's got
a Puerto Rican uncle.

We need more champagne.
I'll get it.


I was thinking
I wouldn't tell anyone.

Opening night,
I'll show up at the theater,

I'll walk out on the stage.

The two of us
will play the same part.

One in Spanish,
one in English.

The critics'll love it.

Listen, are there gonna be
a lot of stars there?

'Cause I don't know
what to say to stars.

They're not stars.
They're just people.

Well, how long
are we gonna stay?

Would you quit worrying?

We're gonna have
a terrific time.

No, not if there are
a lot of big stars there.

Oh, Toby, who am I kidding?

Twenty-two years an actor,

and I'm still waiting
to be discovered.

The oldest goddamn newcomer
in show business.

Hey, listen.
I don't want to hear

any more teardrops
falling around here.

You want to hear crying, I can
make you both look foolish.

Georgia, you've seen me
on the stage.

You know I can be good.
Was I good?

Tell me.
I really have to know.

The best.
There is none better.

You ring a doorbell,
the house comes down.

Remember Mr. Roberts,
at Bucks County?

Toby, remember Born Yesterday
at Westport?

I never heard laughs
like that in my life.

Did you, Georgia?
The truth. Did you?

I never heard laughs
like that in my life.

In my life, I never heard
laughs like that.

Oh, my God,

Mother Courage.


The Balcony.
Detective Story.

Oh, Jesus,
remember Detective Story?

The second hood.
I-I was incredible.

You were brilliant.

When did you see me
in Detective Story?

I did that
in Columbus, Ohio.

Well, you were so brilliant,
I didn't have to see it.

I played the Dauphin
in St. Joan

at the Cleveland Auditorium

three years before
that putz producer was born.

Bet your ass.

Oh, my God,
what am I doing?


I am sitting here
drinking with you.

Are you crazy, Georgia?
Are you out of your mind?

Give me that glass!

Oh, oh, oh, oh,
I am not drinking.

I'm not drinking,
I'm sipping.

You have already sipped
the entire glass.

Give it to me.

You think I'm gonna stand here
and watch the two of you

have a nervous breakdown
on nothing but ginger ale?

I need a little help,
too, you know.

Oh, for Chrissakes,

you see me sitting there
drinking with her,

say something!

Georgia, please,
don't do this.

All right. All right,
all right, all right.

Don't be mad at me.

Everybody is mad at me today.

Show me a little tenderness,

and I'll show you
a terrific person.

You promised me in the car.

You swore to me you would never
touch another drink.

That was in the car.
I am not drinking in the car.

Am I drinking in a car?

Goddamn you.
Stop it, Georgia.


Am I the only one
who hears doorbells?

Oh, what's the matter?

Mad at me?

How can I be mad at you?

You loved me
in Detective Story.

You didn't even see it.


It's Polly.

Oh, Jesus.

I forgot to tell her
the party was off.

Ah, what the hell.
Let her in.

It's all in the family.

POLLY: Oh, wow.
You look good. Happy birthday.

TOBY: Thank you.

This is Adam Kasabian.

TOBY: Hello.ADAM: How do you do?

Oh, look how gorgeous
my daughter looks.

I mean, if you're
gonna have a daughter,

you may as well
have them gorgeous.

Well, come here
and give me a big kiss. Mm.


Oh, who is
the cute fellow?

This is Adam Kasabian.
This is my mother.

How do you do, ma'am?I've done better...

but it's gonna pick up
around here.

You have
a very sweet face.

Hasn't he got
a sweet face?

Come here.
I want you to meet everybody.

This is Toby Landau,
celebrating the big 4-0,

our hostess
and my very best friend

in the whole wide world.

How do you do, ma'am?Hello, again.

And this is Jimmy Perino,

my other very best friend
in the whole wide world.


Jimmy, get the kids
a drink.

[GASPS] I am so glad
you're here.

I was afraid I was gonna be--Is she all right?

It's my fault.
I upset her.

What? What are you two
whispering about?

I'm not whispering.
I said you were upset about me.

Isn't she incredible?

The woman's husband
dumps on her,

and she's worried
if I'm upset.

Of course I'm upset, darling.
Screw the bastard, right?

Sorry, Adam.
That's the way we talk.

It's just family.

Ooh, can I have a teeny,

teeny, teeny, teeny...TOBY: Georgia, please.

drop of wine, somebody?

Mother, can I talk to you?

[GASPS] Oh, my daughter
is worried about me.

Do you know what it is

to have your daughter
worried about you?

Toby, you don't know.

Jimmy, you don't know.

Adam, do you know?

Look who I'm asking.

I'm asking Adam.

JIMMY: Polly, why don't
you and Adam run along?

We'll take care of her.

It is the single-greatest
pleasure in the world.

And I don't deserve it.
The truth, Polly, I don't.

You grew up,

you saw the bus driver
more than you saw me.

Polly, I have this big ice-cream
birthday cake in the freezer.

Why don't
you and Adam help me?

I feel like having
some of my birthday cake.

Wait a minute.
I haven't seen her all day.

Let Jimmy help you.
He's not working anyway, right?

Adam, would you fill this
for me, darling?

You've had enough, Georgia.

What do you mean,

What is this,
odd-and-even rationing?

I'm odd, okay?
So today is my day.

Just half a glass,
Adam, please.

Mother, please stop.

Am I embarrassing you, baby?

I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
I didn't mean to embarrass you.

Oh, Adam, forgive me.
I think I'm embarrassing Polly.

So beautiful,
my daughter.

Toby, you want to talk about
young, gorgeous skin,

you should take a look at
this kid's body sometime.

That is gorgeous.

[LAUGHS]Now I am getting embarrassed.

Come on, Polly,
let's get that cake.

I'll tell you
when to get the cake.

What is the rush
with the goddamn cake?

What did you do, rent it?

What kind of a host are you,

I can't get a lousy
sip of wine? Come on. Ahh.

Oh, my God.
I'm sorry.

Oh, Toby, I'm so sorry.

I've ruined it.
Get some Kleenex, Polly.

TOBY: It's all right.
It'll dry.

Oh, Jesus, darling,
I'm sorry.

Listen, I will pay for it,
I swear.

You can have my mink coat.
I bought it at the thrift shop.

I don't care
about the dress, Georgia.

You don't? Well, hell,
listen, I'll buy it from you.

What do you want for it?
It's not worth much.

it's got a big
goddamn wine stain on it.


I think Adam and I
are gonna be going.

No, no, no, wait a minute.
We're gonna have a cake.

Aren't we gonna have a cake?
Aw, don't go yet, pussycat.

I never get to see you.
You just got here.

Go on, Polly.
It's all right.

Don't tell my daughter
what to do.

I am her mother,
not you.

She's not going anywhere
until we've done our song.

Come on, baby face,
let's liven up this party.

Come on, everybody,
find a seat. Showtime.

please don't do this.

What do you mean,
don't do our number?

I rehearsed it more than
I rehearsed the play I'm in,

for Chrissakes.

Come on, everybody,
find a seat.

Looks like we have
standing room only.

Toby, darling, this is for you
because we love you.


♪ I guess
I'll have to change-- ♪

What do you say, Pol?
Mom doesn't do solos.

♪ I guess
I'll have to change my plans ♪

♪ La-da-da-dee ♪

What are the words?

♪ I guess
I'll have to change my plans ♪

♪ La-da-da-da ♪

♪ A big affair began ♪

♪ I should have
Thought of it-- ♪

POLLY: Mother?GEORGIA: Well, help me.

♪ It started ♪

Can you please
come into the bedroom

I want to talk to you?

Oh, excuse me.

Just a little rehearsal.




What's the matter?

Are you mad at me, babe?

I'm sorry. I didn't mean
any harm, I swear.

You see, Jimmy lost his job,
Kevin's left.

I was just trying to
cheer everybody up.

I'm not mad at you,

Well, are you ashamed

because your mother had two
little glasses of wine?

I didn't even have
the whole two glasses.

I spilled half a glass
on Toby, anyway.

I'm not ashamed, either.

Well, Polly,
then what are you?

I'm sorry for you.

I'm sorry for Jimmy,
and I'm sorry for Toby.

I'm sorry for anybody who's ever
tried to do something for you

because you don't
give a damn about them.

You don't give a damn about me,
and worst of all,

you don't give a damn
about yourself.

You watch the way you talk
to me, do you understand me?

Go on. Get drunk.
Jimmy'll take care of you.

He'll get you home all right.

always takes care of Georgia.

Stop it, Polly. Stop it.

Then make me.
Do something about it.

You're a mother.
Why don't you act like one?

All right,
we'll talk about this at home.

No. Let's talk about it now.

Let's talk about all the years
I didn't get from you.

Where were you, Mother?

And don't tell me your problems
because I don't care about them.

That's all I've heard
since I was four years old.

Every time I got sick,
I used to pray that I would die

just so you'd break down
at my funeral

and beg me
to forgive you.

Well, I don't want
your forgiveness,

and I'm not gonna die
just to get something from you

because I don't think
you're worth dying over.

You asked me the other night
how I really felt about you.

I was so angry at you

for never being around
when I really needed someone.

Well, you're around now,
aren't you?

And it sure as hell
is a disappointment

to find out I was better off
when you weren't around!

Polly, I--No, drink all you want.

I don't give a damn!




I think...

I fucked up.

Didn't I?

Give me your hand.

give me your hand.

I'm cold.

What'd you get?

like you asked me.

Do you know how to make '‘em?

Comes already mixed.

Where do you want to go?

I don't know.
Let's just walk.

There's no such thing
as annulment in Argentina.

Then I'll get it, anyway. I will! I'll get an annulment.

I will, I will, I will!

I'll get it, I'll get it, I'll get it!

I'll get it!


Oh, Johnny, please let me go.

Please let me go.

I can't stand it anymore.

I don't want anything.


Don't go.


If you could
live your life over

as anyone in the whole world,

who would you want to be?

Audrey Hepburn.



I've always wanted
to have a neck

like Audrey Hepburn.


I have a neck
like an elderly German shepherd.

My second choice--

Laurence Olivier in his prime.


Third choice--

anybody else but me.

Don't say that.
That depresses me.

Oh, look who's talking.

The queen of depression.

In high school,
I wanted to be Susan Hayward.


Second choice--Eleonora Duse.

Third choice--

anybody but my mother.


Come on.
Time to go to bed.

So soon? Can't I stay up
for The Ed Sullivan Show?

No Ed Sullivan Show.
You've got school tomorrow.

Then let me
sleep on the sofa.

I love
sleeping on sofas.

Beds are too big
when you're alone.

All right.

I'll stay
until Polly comes home.

No. She's gonna wanna
fool around with Adam.

Give the kid a break.
Go on home.

You sure?


I didn't mean
what I said tonight.

You know I love you.

I know.

Good night, angel.

Good night, Audrey.


You're gonna get sick
if you drink it that fast.

I can't feel anything yet.

You will.

How long does it take?

I can only tell with beer.


I'm sorry about my mother.

She gets that way sometimes.

It's okay.

Just keep looking at me.

Tell me if you notice
something different.

GEORGIA: Cigarettes.
Did you leave me any cigarettes?


Putz didn't leave me
any cigarettes.



I feel it.

Oh, boy, do I feel it.

I think you've had enough.

We ought to start home.

I think so, too.

Just let me sit here a minute
until everything stops turning.


Hey, come on.

Don't do this to me.

Hey. Hey.
Hey, lady. Lady...

what's the trouble?

You see cigarettes?
That's the trouble.

How much money did you put in?

Twelve dollars, like it said.

Well, hold on, hold on, hold on.
I'll take care of it.

You want a pack of cigarettes
these days,

you gotta bring a lawyer
with you.

Uh, let me have a...

vodka on the rocks.

No, thanks.

What are you smoking?




Are you okay?

Why? Don't I look okay?

Yeah, you look fine.

Then I'm okay, right?


Hit me again.

You can light it if you want.

Who's winning?


Which one is he?

In the dark trunks.

I like the other kid.

No way.

"No way," he says.

For how much money?

[CHUCKLES] For drinks.

Now you're talking.
What's my kid's name?


Come on, Walker.

It's a big night for mama.


Tell you one thing. It takes
a lot quicker with martinis

than it does with beer.


Sorry about your handkerchief.

Turn around. I don't-
I don't think I'm through yet.


Get up! Get up!

That's it. Come on, hit him.

Hit him. Wait a minute.
What is he doing?

Don't stop it.
What is he stopping it for?

ANNOUNCER: Carlos Garcia.

Oh, shit.


that's the kind of luck

I've been having
with men lately.

You live around here?

No. Nebraska.

My husband's a cop.

We're here for
the police convention.

See you around.

You bet.

You say this thing
has never been used.

Yeah.Nah, it's real good stuff.

Look at the clothes...

MAN: Hey, baby.

Hey, wait a minute.

Hey, Nebraska's that way.

Oh, it's you.
Listen, I'm in a hurry.

I brought your cigarettes.
You left them.

That's okay. You keep '‘em.

I'm trying to cut down, anyway.
Good night.

Hey, listen,
which house do you live in?

Now listen, I can get home alone
on my own.


Come on, take your hands off me.Don't be so nervous.

Hey.Five minutes ago--

You got the wrong idea.

I know. Come on, listen,
I'm not feeling well.

Hey, stop it.
You're hurting me.

I don't wanna hurt you.

No, no, no!

I just want you to be
a little friendlier, that's--

What do you mean
she's not home?

You left her alone?

Well, where was Polly?[DOORBELL RINGS]

Listen, someone's at my door.

Well, you keep ringing her,
that's what you do.

And stop crying. It's not
going to solve anything.



All right, I'm coming.


Oh, my God.



All right, sweetheart.

I didn't know
where else to go.

Of course, baby.
You did the right thing.

Oh, Polly can't
see me like this.

I don't want her to see me
like this, please.

What happened?

We have to make up a story.
I don't want to lose her, Toby.

I lost her once.
I don't wanna lose her again.

God, Georgia,
that eye looks very bad.

I'm gonna call my doctor.

No, no, no.
No doctors. No police.

I don't want it
in the newspapers. Please.

Were you raped?

No, thank God.


But you went out,
didn't you?

Jimmy told me you went out.
Why'd you go out, Georgia?

Please don't lecture me, Toby.

I have to have a drink.
I'm asking you as a friend.

If you're not gonna give it
to me, I'm gonna take it.

Christ! Georgia,
you swore to me. You promised.

All right, I'm not
strong enough. I'm sorry.


Jimmy's been ringing
every five minutes.

Hello? Polly.


Uh, where are you?


No, she's here with me.

Uh, she's, um--

Yes, she's all--
Uh, she's all right.

Uh, I-- Yes, I swear.

Hold on a minute.
She wants to talk to you.

What am I gonna say?

You'll think of something.

Hi, hon.

No, I'm fine. I swear.

Well, I couldn't sleep,

so I thought I would
take a little walk,

and I just kept on walking,

and before I knew it,
I was at Toby's place.

I know, uh,

I should've left a note.
I just wasn't thinking clearly.

Polly, I have a lot
to apologize for.

I do. I just need some time
to think about it.

Would you mind terribly

if I spent the night
at Toby's house?

She always gives me
such terrific advice, you know?

Thank you so much.

Um, the other thing is,
I was wondering...

would it be possible

to get out of the lunch
with your father tomorrow?

Yes, I know I promised,

but, well, tonight
was kind of a bummer, you know,

and I really wanna look my best.

Well, you could call
and ask him.

Why would he get suspicious?

He's only gonna get suspicious
if you tell him something,

you know what I mean?

Do the best you can.

And, Polly...

please don't
stay mad at me all night

because I love you so much.

I know you do.

Good night.


I need air.

What are you going to say
to her in the morning

when you walk in with
your face looking like that?

It isn't morning yet.

Maybe the world'll
blow up tonight

and I'll be off the hook.



Well, you got to admit...

last few weeks,
I had it going pretty good.

Sometimes I think when you've
got everything going too good,

it scares the hell out of you.

You never think
you deserve anything. Oh.

When you take your bow
in the theater,

you barely look at the audience.

You nod your head twice,

and then you run off
as fast as you can. Why?

They applaud trained seals
with beach balls on their noses.

I did my job.
I just wanna go home.

Is that what you think, Georgia?
You're a trained seal?

That's the truth of it.

Just an evening's entertainment
for the folks.

If that's what you think,
I really feel sorry for you.

Do you really?

Don't patronize me.
You're always patronizing me.

At least I try
to make things work.

I at least make the effort,

but one thing I'm not
is self-destructive.

Oh, come on, Toby.
We're the same, you and I.

We both manage
to screw everything up.

The only difference is

is that you dress better
doing it.

And the truth of it is

that I have never had
a lasting relationship

with anyone who wasn't as weak
and as helpless as I am.

Don't talk to me that way.

I deserve better
than that from you.

You wanna treat yourself
like dirt,

you do that better
than anybody I know

and don't tell me
I'm you're friend

because I'm as weak as you.

I'm your friend
'cause I love you,

and I am in awe of you.

I am so jealous of your gifts
and your commitments

'cause I never had any
of my own to give.

I don't know
what kind of sickness it is

that makes you wanna destroy

everything that's beautiful
in your life,

but I'll be damned

if I'm gonna stand around
and hold your hand

and fill your glass
while you do it.

You want a quick finish,
use the terrace.

do me a favor, Georgia--

stop being
such an astronomical

pain in the ass.

I didn't say it was
a multiple-choice question.






Morning, Miss Hines.

Hello, Charley.

What did you do
to yourself, honey?

Oh, little car accident.
My head hit the windshield.



I didn't hear you
come in.

I didn't wanna wake you.

I hope you're hungry.

I'm feeling very, uh, domestic
this morning.

I'm starved.
What are you making?

Oh, no, no. It's a surprise.
Go-Go sit down.

Are you okay?


When did you ever see me
get up at 7:30 in the morning

to fix breakfast?


Then why won't you
look at me?

[SIGHS] Well,
that's the surprise.

It's not as bad as it looks.

Oh, my God. What happened?

Well, I have about three or four
perfectly reasonable stories.

Did it happen at Toby's?
Did you fall or something?

Sit down
and eat your breakfast first.

Will you talk to me?

You're always so worried about
what I'm gonna think,

you never bother
telling me anything.

I know less about you
living with you

than I did
when I was still at home.

I was beaten up.

By a guy who thought I was
trying to pick him up in a bar.

For all I know, maybe I was.

Somebody once told me

you never get anything
in this life

unless you ask for it.

You mean this was a request?


What have you got ordered
for tomorrow?

I'm sorry, Polly.
I'm not ready for you yet.

I need time by myself.

Time to stand on my own two feet

instead of having you
worrying to death about me.

You should be out somewhere
having a swell time

with-with that
sweet boy Adam.

Yeah, maybe you're right.

When would you
like me to leave?

[SIGHS] I'm trying to be honest
with you, Pol.


Well, I knew if you
hung around long enough,

you'd pick up the lingo.

That's not all I picked up.

I got very heavy into martinis
last night.

Yeah, I almost got
totally plastered,

but I threw it up
before the big moment.

But I got the general idea
of the feeling.

And do you know
what the best part of it was?

I stopped worrying about you.

All I cared about was me.

And I thought to myself,
"Hey, this is terrific.

"“If this is what it's like,

"not feeling anything
for anybody,

no wonder Mom's
so crazy about it."

What do you want
from me, Pol?

Tell me.
I'll try-I'll try and do it.

I want you
to give me up again.

I don't make
the decisions.

Yes, you do.

You make the decisions

on how you're gonna
live your life.

Just don't make
the wrong one again.

Then call off the lunch
with your father.

Make it next month.

Just give me a little time.

You just had 12 weeks.


And you look practically
the same way you did

when you left here.

You want me to walk into
Tavern on the Green

at 1:00 today
looking like Rocky?

You father may not be quick,
but he's not blind.


I called him, and
he doesn't want to postpone it.

One week.
One week, Polly, please.

Next Saturday.

I'll walk in there
looking like Snow White.

Why don't you trust him?

He'll be fair with you, Mom,
I swear.

Fair? Oh.

Yeah. He told me once,

"I don't expect you
to be perfect.

I just expect you
to do your best."

If he thinks
this is my best, Pol,

I wouldn't trust
either one of us.

So-So you slipped.

You had one lousy night.

So did I.
So does he sometimes.

Come on, Mom.

You've had auditions before,
and you always get the part.

Polly, please.

No, come on.

Come on, just trust me.
I have an idea.

Why? What?

You don't have to look
that bad.

We could put some powder on it
or something, like Toby does.

God, she wears 23 layers.
It's not just the eye, Polly.

I've got a hangover
and the shakes.

The minute I start
spilling water on the man's lap,

he's gonna notice something.

All right, we're gonna try
some powder here.

Who sent this monster
to torment me?

Oh, this is gonna be great.Easy.

No, this is going to be good.
He's not gonna notice anything.

We couldn't get away with this
on Halloween.

It's not gonna work.

Just give me a minute.
Be patient.

Trust me, it's covering up.
Looks good.

Looks real good.

Now, I'm not done,

but tell me
what that looks like.

It looks like
I was punched in the face,

and we tried to cover it up
with powder.

But I'm not done yet.
We could put some makeup on it.

Don't, Polly. Please, don't.

Don't try to make me into
something I can't be.

God forbid someone
did something to help you.


I think I've got everything.

If not, I can get it
next time I visit you.

Dad will be driving in
from the country.

If he should call,

can you tell him to meet me
at the restaurant at 1:00?

What should I tell him
about why I'm moving out, Mom?

The truth is always nice.


Wait a minute.
I've got a pair of pants

and a blouse of yours
in the closet.

Well, why don't you
just leave it there?

Kind of gives us
something to aim for.

This is really dumb,
you know?

You're telling me.

I'm not letting up on you.

I'm gonna
keep after you forever.

I mean, I'm gonna
move back here one day,

even if I'm 83 years old.

Better call first.

You never know
what I'm doing.


See you next weekend?





When I grow up...

I wanna be just like you.



Where is she? Is she at home?
Is she all right?

Goodbye, Jimmy.

Where are you going? Polly?
Wait a minute.



Oh, well, that's just terrific.


That's beautiful.[CLEARS THROAT]

What division are you in,
middleweight or lightweight?

There's an entire Sara Lee
coffee cake in there for you.

Put it on your eye.
It's cheaper than steak.

You trying to commit suicide,
Georgia, one feature at a time?

She still loves me, Jimmy.

No matter what I seem to do,

the kid... still comes up
loving me.

Of course she does.
We all do.

Just... tell me why?

'Cause you're special.

Crazy, lunatic,

disgusting but special.


And special people
deserve to be loved.

JIMMY: Sit down.
I wanna get that swelling down.

Who decided
she wasn't gonna stay anymore?

You think I was wrong?

I always think you're wrong.

This eye is making me
very nervous.

I think you ought to see
a doctor.

I already had
medical attention.

A dog licked me
while I was on the ground.

you are terrible.

Wait till I tell Toby.


I'll call her
in a few minutes.

Oh, maybe we can all
have lunch together.

The whole world
could go to hell

as long as the three of us
can have lunch together.

I even reserved
a nice little table in heaven.

Italian, of course.

Oh, thank God the three of us
have each other to lean on.