One of My Wives Is Missing (1976) - full transcript

(Quiet Outdoors)

(Telephone Dialing)

yes hello uh sky hill police because i'd 
like to speak to inspector levine please

Corbin, Daniel Corbin. the man whose wife is missing

look i spoke to inspector levine 
over an hour ago and he said

he said... just let me finish will you 
please. he said he'd be right over

yes yes i know it's labor day weekend but 
my wife is missing that's that's gotta be

a lot more important than a few lousy traffic 
violations. if you see the inspector will you

tell him i've got to see him right away 
afraid something terrible has happened

thanks for coming over inspector. the woman 
swore that someone had stolen her wallet but

how on earth did you know that she'd left it 
in the telephone booth? well once she came to



the theater alone two she lived seven miles 
away three she had to call a taxi to get home

that's pretty good pretty good that's terrific 
how about a couple of passes for the show oh

thanks i saw it opening night hey you think 
i'm terrific what about the inspector in

the play what's his name hubbard hubbard now 
there's a police accent and everything happened

i think i'm gonna go home and practice talking 
like him cheerio bip tip all that sort of rap you know. see you later.

(Dramatic Music)

inspector levine calling headquarters

bert? you read me bert? bert come on in will you all 
right bird push the talk button will you bird bird

oh don't worry i'll get the hang of it what 
you want? anything happening? there's been an

accident out on 9d but now he's on his 
way anything else yeah another call from

that uh corbin fella who's honeymooning out on 
Greenfield road. yeah? yeah his wife still hasn't

come back he's getting worried well if he calls 
again tell him i'm on my way will you and bert

practice with the button. roger inspector

(Dramatic Music)



you're late i read the paper three times i know 
everything that's going on both at home and abroad

so what's new? who am i harry reisner sit down and 
play i can't i don't have time to play him on a

case. a case? yeah scotland yacht they got cases 
i could use a couple of sandwiches to go lunch

i missed all together all right will it be unusual 
for me pastrami lean all my pastrami's lean yeah

what's the other one better make it a boiled 
ham on white bread with uh lettuce and meal

nobody's that gory she even around here who's it 
for cardinal cool daniel corman ah with a wife

missing touch the one look i'm calling from 
the corbin house he's not here what's more i

don't believe he's ever coming here i think he's 
sitting right there in the police station making

hand signals at you so why don't you just put 
him on the phone so i can talk to him how long

mr corbin yes i knew it where the hell are you 
inspector in your living room mr corbin what

oh i'm sorry the door was open inspector have 
you got any news oh yeah the traffic is terrible

of all the holidays labor day is the worst please 
have you found out anything about elizabeth

oh yeah she's missing well that's brilliant 
i'm the one who told you that oh no no not

exactly mr corbin you told me she was gone 
well there are a lot of people who are gone

they get up they go they're gone my own wife is 
gone what that's right if you lived in one of the

garden spots of the east where the air was good 
where everywhere you look was a picture postcard

where would your wife go on labor day weekend to 
brooklyn the visit of the sister inspector since

you seem to know where your wife is could we stay 
on the subject of mine for a couple of minutes

like i said she's missing i checked all the hotels 
the motels morgues jails city hospitals within a

radius of 250 miles no elizabeth corbin no one 
even fitting her description definitely missing

i was hoping you'd bring me something more than 
that i did a sandwich when my wife is at home

i don't need regular i think it'd be the same 
over here oh really not very hungry good because

i only bought you one sandwich hey there must be 
something more you can do i'll bet it's in there

i'll bet inspector oh now this is what i call a 
kitchen oh my wife would fell if she saw this kids

cause she'd clean it up a little bit i said 
there must be something more you can do for

instance oh you're the policeman not me now that 
we've straightened that out where's the mustang

nothing has been straightened out inspector three 
days ago my wife left this house she hasn't been

seen or heard from since i've only been married 
two weeks this was supposed to be our honeymoon

i'm sure you're considered something of a joke 
around these parts and i'm being a very bad sport

but it just so happens i love my wife very much 
and i'm worried sick about her so suppose you

cut out all this the schtick i believe you call it 
and start giving me some help mr corbin according

to your own report your wife left after the two 
of you had an argument she left of her own free

will which she has every right to do she is now 
staying away which again she has every right to do

therefore the police are under no obligation 
whatsoever to get involved in your domestic

problems except as a matter of courtesy now 
where's the mustard in the refrigerator thank you

for your information i've alerted every troop in 
these to watch for a car the yellow starfish gt

with michigan plates suspect i've got a photograph 
of her in the bedroom any way we can circulate it

yeah she robs a bank we can put it in all the post 
offices oh come on will you mr corbin i've seen

it happen a thousand times a person is missing 
everybody gets hysterical the last minute the

missing person walks in cool calm and collected 
here you'll eat something you feel better

i guess i am hungry what do you got 
there oh it's boiled ham on white

with mayonnaise and lettuce you'll love it 
what's that that's pastrami but you wouldn't

like that i like italian food that's just 
right come on we'll leave it on the terrace

tyler

y'all better mr corbin not really you 
will you were a horrific spot you got here

it is isn't it it's a wedding 
present the whole house

no just a loan of it for my company i work 
for unified motors on the assembly line right

matter of fact i'm vice president 
in charge of production and design

for the starfish division oh 
that explains a lot of things

what why you drive a starfish that lousy 
cars you know i own one once was a real limit

inspector you find my wife i'll 
make sure you get a new one

what about your wife's family she 
doesn't have any both her parents

were killed in an air crash two years 
ago she has no brothers no sisters

inspector i'll tell you the truth i'm 
scared to death it's not like elizabeth

what'd you find tomorrow

elizabeth has a rather dangerous hobby inspector 
she drives racing cars matter of fact that's how

we met starfish built a couple of test models last 
year and she tried out for the team she uh she

didn't get the job but she did get the boss on the 
one condition that she stopped risking her neck

so she agreed and i thought that was 
the end of it and then and then suddenly

last wednesday she announced she was going into 
the six-hour watkins glen next year anyhow one

thing led to another and the next thing i knew she 
she left the house i heard her start the car and

i heard her drive off i haven't seen her since 
you always leave your keys in the car no no she

she has a set of her own yeah when she when 
she didn't show up the next morning i thought

maybe she'd had an accident 90 miles 
an hour is a normal cruising speed but

that's when i called you and you 
you said there was nothing reported

my next thought was that maybe she'd been 
kidnapped but there's been no calls no notes

i don't know what else it could be inspector 
i i don't know how else to explain it

i don't either yeah i'll make sure the state 
troopers keep a sharp lookout i think it would

be wise to alert the city cops in manhattan too 
why there oh the stores mr club in the stores

missing wives head for department stores like 
pigeons the capistrano swallows whatever hey maybe

you ought to put a notice in the paper that you 
won't be responsible for our debts no no inspector

i don't think that'll be necessary elizabeth's 
pretty rich girl is that right how rich oh 10 12

million dollars now there's rich mr corbin suppose 
something would have happened to hey god forbid

who would get all that money well i don't know we 
never discussed that uh i would i guess you guess

inspector if you read executive magazine you 
know my present salary at um is 450 000 a year

plus stock options plus bonuses plus expense 
account last year that came to just a little

under 1 million bucks i don't think anybody could 
accuse me of marrying elizabeth for her money

the fire in lone pine last night claimed 
the lives of donna pilfery iii and her 86

year old grandfather edmund it's believed that 
the elder peal tree dozed off with a cigarette

will mean

good evening my son oh god you 
guys scared the hell out of me

i'm sorry but you really uh scared the hell out 
of me yes i suppose i must have please forgive

me mr corbin you are daniel corbin yes well i'm 
father keller heard the pastor at st barnabas hi

i'm sorry if i started i could use another drink 
how about yourself well have you got any sherry

uh no i don't think so scotch scotch 
should be fine on the rocks neat please

well it's a lovely house you have here 
mr gordon as i passed it many many times

but i've never seen the inside rather like 
you and saint barnabas if you know what i mean

now i'm just a visitor here in sky girl 
father i've only been here two weeks

there was a sunday and each of them i believe 
thank you mr corbin i uh i'm afraid i'm not

much of a church goer anymore father but 
uh my wife makes up for me yes i know

you do well i saw her last sunday 
i hope to see you again this sunday

i hope you do too father but uh right now that 
seems like pretty much a long shot you see uh

my wife's disappeared disappeared yes we had a 
bit of a squabble i guess you'd call it and uh

she became rather hot under the 
collar she's irish who isn't

mr corbin suppose she wanted to come back

would you greet her without reproach would 
you would you welcome her with open arms

of course father i love my wife i'd be the 
happiest man on earth i believe you my son

hello danny i'm sorry if i worried you but i 
had to be alone for a while to think things out

i'm back to stay i love you too much to 
risk losing you daddy please say something

father this isn't your idea of some kind 
of a joke oh what do you mean mr corbin

i've never seen this woman before in my life

i'm not calling you a liar margaret

no just how come you're the only person in town 
that has four prowlers a week all right i'll send

somebody they'll be right over okay bye-bye this 
is headquarters colin mcnally come on in mcnally

mcnally this is headquarters calling come in 
mcnally i'm calling you huh push the button

oh yeah i'll get it inspector mcnally 
this is headquarters yeah burt

guess what ah not again you got it 
okay bird i'm on my way over and out

so stand pretty late aren't you inspector 
yeah when my wife away i'm not so anxious

to go home bird to bursitis it's acting 
up again you'll give a little rub sure

no uh maybe the other one should have gone over to 
margaret chadway's just reported another prowler

that's mcnally's territory i don't want 
to cut him huh he wouldn't mind believe me

it wouldn't mind believe me what do you mean 
haven't you noticed she only has prowlers on

the night mcnally works late you mean 
uh him and her a match made in heaven

below we did hurts right there well you know hey 
if you know about it how come you let him get away

with it get away with what he's supposed to be 
on duty isn't he he's gonna go anyway better we

know when this way we know how to reach him and 
win that's pretty smart thanks i meant mcnally

skuggle police mm-hmm this is 
that it's daniel corbin for you

mr corbin have you heard from your wife she is

but she isn't uh would you mind backing up a 
little bit i think i must have missed something

now she says she's my wife but she's not and who 
is she i don't know how did you get there now that

that's one of the odd things what well her car you 
know a starfish same urine model is elizabeth's

license number i don't know i haven't been 
outside to check yet but are you sure she's

not your wife what do you mean of course i'm 
sure but where's she now she's in the living

room with uh father kelleher with who the priest 
who brought her back the priest who bought her

have you been drinking mr corbin no inspector i 
have not been drinking they're here both of them

come over and see for yourself are you kidding i 
wouldn't miss it for the world i'll see you later

huh

didn't help me bert well i just spoke to 
police i'll be right over where'd she go

your wife that's not my wife here 
i am darling you're feeling better

why are you wearing that that belongs to my wife 
your wife is wearing it see how nicely it fits

mr corbin perhaps the straight of these past 
three days plus the shock of seeing your wife

you must be the one who's in shock now that can't 
be the same woman you saw in church last sunday

my wife has red hair but she is we spoke 
for several moments this is insane don't you

understand that's an imposter daddy please don't 
do that you know what dr ackerman said who the

hell is dr ackerman said that too much drinking 
could bring on another one of your attacks

a tax oh yes i see what are you talking about i've 
never had any attacks none of this is true danny

you're giving father a terrible impression usually 
i'm able to calm him down without any help at all

lately it's been getting worse what 
are you talking about dr ackerman said

that our rest home might be necessary now 
father i pray that that won't be necessary

danny if you keep on like this 
i don't see what else we can do

hey look i told you i was sorry ain't not enough

danny what i have to do

do i have to get down on my knees in bed 
cause i'll do that if that's what you want

i love you

do you elizabeth huh do you really love me 
listening no no nothing to be afraid huh

i just want to give you the chance to prove 
how much you love me elizabeth darling

well i'm glad you worked things out mr corbin

i expect to thank god you're here i want you to 
arrest that woman before kissing for impersonating

my wife why couldn't she impersonate mine please 
inspector no jokes not now come on mr corp answer

me when i came in just now were you or were you 
not kissing this girl you claim it's not your

wife it wasn't what you thought it was what was 
it then mouth-to-mouth resuscitation how do you do

i'm inspector murray levine of the skycoa police 
how are you doing inspector i'm elizabeth corbin

no she is not i'm afraid my husband's alive that's 
a lie you're not a fan it's not elizabeth damn it

come on mister don't holler will you i got 
20 20 hearing inspector that is not my wife

that is your tough love my remarkable 
powers of deduction tell me your father

keller yes that's right how'd he do father 
good evening myself wait a minute you mean

you don't know him how many priests can there 
be in a town this size well since he's never

been arrested and i haven't been to mass with 
just a couple of ships that pass in the night

tell me father is that elizabeth corbin or not 
no holy hol what are you asking him for i'm

the one who's married to her then you weren't 
married to her no no not this one the real one

what do you think father well it appears as if 
the poor man no longer recognizes his wife hmm

all right inspector you want 
to see my wife come on come on

what's he got a wife on every floor

it's gone i photographed my wife i told you about 
it she took it she took her when she came up here

to change slow down will you mr corbin you 
took her didn't you i took what darling the

photograph of elizabeth what have you done with 
it i honestly don't know what you're talking about

all right inspector searcher what 
i said i'd like you to search her

well i'd like to too mr 
corbin but you see i can't i

i don't have a warrant it's all right inspector i 
don't mind being searched you don't i'm a husband

what are you waiting for mr corbin

i'm not her husband mrs corbin would you and 
father keller excuse us for a minute please

oh certainly inspector uh would you like 
a cup of coffee oh i'd love one thank you

how about you darling now stop calling 
me that you have no right calling me that

mr corbin can i talk to you in the 
library for a minute please please

all right mr corbin what's going on 
here i already told you inspector that

that woman is pretending to be my wife i know what 
you told me but it doesn't make much sense does it

your wife goes hey when she comes back she's 
not your wife anymore what does it mean

i don't know a motive mr corbin there has to 
be a motive even a country cop knows that well

maybe what we need here inspector is a city 
cop meaning what like no offense is back there

but living in a small town like this maybe 
you just don't come into contact with what

tell me mr corbin what is so terrific about this 
case it would take dick tracy to figure it out

and where do i sound like i come from sleepy 
hollow 28 years i worked for the city of new york

eight years pounding a beat six years 
on a patrol car 14 years in homicide

i took my wife and my pension and i came up 
here because it was some place the only thing

a policeman could die from was boredom and so 
far mr corbin your little problem has done very

little to relieve the monotony i'm i'm sorry 
i'm sorry inspector i guess i am pretty upset

sorry too i'm a cop shouldn't lose my temper 
should listen to all sides all right you say

this woman is the phony okay if that's true 
what's the reason what's a motor i don't know

this afternoon you told me your wife was rich is 
it possible she's after her money what do you mean

by that well i'm just asking because if she is wow 
she has picked a pretty good way of going after it

which is what suppose a new elizabeth appeared on 
the scene and she could convince everyone that she

is the real one are you forgetting one thing 
inspector she'd never be able to convince me

you're forgetting one thing mr 
corbin she might not have to

what do you mean well if you're right then 
i were you and watch what i ate my god

what can i do try to think think of someone 
else who saw your wife up here two others

three others their safety and numbers although 
i don't know their mother must be some when you

first came up here ah no no it was late 
at night the next morning when you went

out no we didn't go out why not you're on a 
honeymoon oh that's right that's right did

anybody drop by a delivery man no i don't 
think a mailman no the box is down the road

elizabeth hello

oh did you want something well is it mrs carbonine 
uh mrs score i'm mr corbin oh well how do you do

i'm rebecca foster vice chairperson of the ladies 
village preservation society the lsvp foster come

on in please oh well inspector levine what 
brings you here is something the man said

oh good evening father good evening mrs foster 
why did you want to see mrs corner well as you

know inspector uh labor day is the target date for 
our fundraising drive and i'm sure that mrs carbon

wants to give us a very generous contribution 
why are you sure mrs foster because she told me

so she did when early last week where did you 
see her in town no no i came here to the house

something is wrong isn't it no no mrs foster 
did you get a good look at mrs corbin i mean

are you positive you would know her if you 
saw her again now inspector my joints may be

stiffening a bit but there's nothing wrong with 
my eyesight of course i know her why we talked

for almost an hour she seemed very interested in 
our work but she couldn't find her checkbook and

she promised me that if i'd come back later 
she'd make us a very generous contribution

mrs foster i am delighted you did come back 
you have no idea how delighted i am and

after you've seen my wife i can personally 
promise you a very large donation

well now that's very generous of you mr 
corbin thank you very much where is your wife

uh i don't know you don't suppose you 
skipped out do you sorry it takes so long

you moved everything around while i was gone

sugar bowl in the refrigerator 
elizabeth darling uh look who's here oh

mrs foster you did come back i'm so glad

would you like a cup of coffee well yes 
thank you miss coleman i think i would

i'll get another cup thank you excuse me

you mean you do know her of course i do 
ginger wife isn't she my wife has red hair

no i would have remembered that

what's the matter have i said something wrong

thank you for your help mrs foster i'll see 
you to your car well thank you very much

inspector good night good 
night good night mrs foster

is there any more coffee mrs corbin i'm afraid i'm 
nodding off sure father in the kitchen thank you

things aren't going very well for you 
are they darling what are you up to

you wouldn't want me to 
spoil the surprise would you

inspector

don't do that i have to talk to you why 
don't you quit while you're behind every

time i give you a chance it gets even worse 
do you want to hear the latest disaster

what now this car this starfish 
the one your wife drove back in

it has the same license numbers the ones she 
drove away in now look your wife seems like a

very attractive reasonable intelligent woman why 
don't you go inside and try to patch things up

you don't believe a single word i've been saying 
mr corbin you don't need a policeman what you

need is maybe a marriage counselor maybe even 
all right go ahead say it a doctor all right

inspector i'll make an agreement with you you go 
in there right now and you and terry mr corbin

check her out ask her questions 
make her give you names dates places

and after that if you're still satisfied that's 
elizabeth corbin i'll go and have my head examined

how do we have a deal i 
would have my head examined

but you let me do the talking

that tongue of your starts wagging i'm gonna 
let my friend sydney make sandwiches out of it

mrs corbin poor man's exhausted can i ask 
you a couple of questions please certainly

inspector but let's talk in the library 
that way father keller can get some sleep

this is corbin earlier today dear uh mr corbin 
told me all about the argument you two had on

thursday night it's wednesday wednesday wednesday 
night you're right you're right would you mind

telling me your version my inspector there isn't 
really very much to tell danny issued one of those

ultimatums that men are so fond of and i replied 
by telling him that gloria steinem had freed the

slaves and from then on it just went from bad to 
worse and i guess we were both pretty unreasonable

and it ended when i left if i'd known the effect 
it was gonna have on danny i never would have

you took the car yeah you knew he always left 
the keys in it huh well i have my own set

do you have any identification mrs cortman sure

here thank you

it's quite a collection you ever have cash

is your driver's license elizabeth douglas yes 
my maiden name must wear corrective lenses wear

your glasses mrs clubman you're on contact 
lenses i'm very nearsighted inspector you're

not asking her any hard questions you think you 
could do any better go ahead and ask all right

what train did we take here from 
detroit you know i can't answer that

why not because we drove danny 
don't you remember it was your car

what's my private unlisted phone 
number at the office 555-4326

the scorers love 30 mr corbin still your serve

what's your mother's maiden name now 
quick without thinking emily carter

well is that right i don't know i i 
never knew it terrific and still ripping

that's terrific mr corbin keep asking her 
more questions you don't know the answer to

you'll break it down any minute now all right 
here's one i know she doesn't know the answer to

we spent the night before we got married at a 
small hotel in detroit what's the name of it well

come on don't tell me you've forgotten danny how 
could i ever forget anything about that night it

was the hotel brittany room 655 wrong she's wrong 
inspector absolutely wrong the wrong room anybody

can be no no it's not the room it's the hotel 
wasn't the hotel brittany i've never even heard

of the hotel brittany well there's your proof 
take it easy were you simple enough to check out

do you really think you could get 
away with a crazy stunt like this

danny now you're really frightening me don't you 
see that you need help you're the everyone's gonna

need help now but let me listen i want you to 
check out a hotel brittany in detroit if there

is one and ask him if they had a mr and mrs daniel 
corbin about what two weeks ago about two weeks

ago yeah it could be room six five five call 
me back yeah i'm at the corbin house all right

won't be too long inspector has 
it ever occurred to you that uh

if she's a phony then that priest 
in there might be a phony too

are you serious well you don't think she's 
in this alone no you took too much planning

you're right mr corbin and i'll tell you who mr 
big is the one behind the whole caper is holiness

the pope never mind the jokes inspector you 
can check him out can't you what harm can it do

it was easier in new york all 
they had there was organized crime

when you go back to detroit 
this time do me a favor will you

stay there hello margaret inspector larry i'm fine 
dog thank you listen there's officer mcnally there

mcnally the policeman the one who 
went out to investigate the prowler

you'll look outside for me so look out for that 
hello mcnally you got back inside very fast

listen i'm not disturbing the investigation am i

good are you a catholic aren't you mcnally 
what's the name of the priest in town here

i see what's he look like uh-huh thanks yeah 
you can go back outside now bye-bye mr corbin

you'll be interested to hear that father 
keller is completely kosher hello deborah

is that right okay

just like she said brittany hotel room 655. 
i don't believe it you must have forgot

i didn't forget i was never there we just 
checked with the desk clerk well then they

they they got to him they bought him off well 
they have a string of agents across the country

inspector there has to be some explanation believe 
me there is inspector i'm not crazy but they're

trying to drive me crazy she wants to put me 
away in some mental hospital she said so what

i said was that you could very well wind up that 
way if you can't keep your nerves under control

there is nothing the matter with my 
nerves my nerves are perfectly all right

lana what there's something about it no no 
everything is peachy creamy it's time to go

home let these people get some sleep ah yes 
of course we all need a good night's sleep

inspector i'll give danny something to help 
him relax i don't want you giving me anything

just your sleeping pills the ones 
that dr ackerman said you could take

i don't know any dr ackerman it's uh my husband's 
doctor has been treating him for ten oh he has not

please let's not start all over again i had 
enough of one day let's go father good night

the poor man yeah inspector one uh

inspector those uh those sleeping 
pills would you do me a favor what

take them back to the lab have them test it lab 
one lab we don't even have a fingerprint kit

besides the way your luck is running i wouldn't be 
surprised if they turned out to be oscar inspector

look are you really worried about the pills 
yes then don't take them be well mr corbin

well looks like we're alone 
at last done it darling yes

why are you going off to bed then

i think i will you sure i can't 
give you something to help you sleep

quite sure well just finish your drink then

i thought you didn't want me drinking anymore 
a sip every now and then isn't gonna hurt

you is that what dr ackerman said 
yeah as a matter of fact it is

where are you going get some ice you should 
remember darling i like my scotch on the rocks

how could i ever forget i'll get it for you huh 
no don't buy i want to now i'll bring you the ice

so

my goodness you startled me did i ring no 
i don't think i did father i thought you'd

gone yes i thought so too but you see i forgot 
that i drove here with mrs corbin i don't have

any transportation oh i see it right back with 
inspector levine he's busy he's he's examining

your car i can't imagine what the man is looking 
for can you put if i could just ring for a taxi

yeah come in thank you

you still seem terribly upset mr corbin 
is there anything i can do to help help

yes you know a matter of fact there is have a 
drink what oh no i've already had one and one

is pretty much my gift please i insist uh 
put hair on your shirt all right thank you

cheers what oh yes cheers

oh i didn't hear you come in yes i know mr corbin 
is psychic i think he doesn't wait for doorbells

i see he got you a drink he could have waited 
for the ice i take mine without ice thank you

where's your drink darling it's 
uh just gone into father keller

it's what doesn't matter

you just try oh no

oh my god

you killed him i killed him i i didn't kill 
anybody i just i just gave him a drink that same

drink you gave me i've got to call the police i 
don't bother i'm calling myself queen's still here

she put something in my drink she didn't 
know i saw her but father keller had drank

drinking and now he's dead wow he's dead 
inspector he's lying right there on the

floor she's gonna say i did it but i 
didn't she did it she meant it for me

wait a minute

he's gone what mrs corbin what's happening now 
while you were straightening out the room you

didn't happen to notice a body lying around any 
place did you i don't think so inspector was there

some particular body that you were looking 
for you know spotty that that priest keller

he was lying right there inspector father 
keller her left here with you all right

she's hitting it that's what she's done 
just look around he's here somewhere

my god

excuse me but i forgot that i drove 
here with mrs corbin i don't have any

transportation so if i could just ring for a 
taxi what's wrong have i interrupted something

elizabeth

daddy

danny please

what's the matter darling you 
look like you've seen a ghost

was that your calling oh the water's great as long 
as you're in it you really ought to take a swim

you'll sleep like a baby some other time danny

danny come on in come on in okay the 
water's great you see how cold it is oh

katie what's wrong did i keep thinking 
about when you kissed me today

was strong he was angry and possessive

you're used to getting exactly what you want 
aren't you you just reach out and take it

why don't you just reach out and take me

doesn't take much does it what

to make a complete fool out of you oh 
it's all gonna be easier than i thought

daddy if you can't defend yourself 
now at this point in the game

what are you gonna do when 
the going gets really rough

now you're being a bad sport

where you going i don't know anywhere 
away from here somewhere i can think

there are the keys in my car danny don't be 
stupid there's nowhere you can go i'll find you

damn

he just left yeah i couldn't stop him he's 
going to be coming down to the bottom of the

hill in just a minute get the yellow starfish 
all right whatever you do don't lose him

game's up i thought you'd gone 
nobody's going anywhere oh not now

you slipped up i've got the proof i've 
been looking for really dying what's that

my keys they don't fit your car

it's all a bad dream

thanks for coming special mr corbin it's 
two o'clock in the morning what are you

running over here telethon for mental health 
he said to let you know if anything happened

and then write a letter inspector i finally 
got the proof that she's an imposter

all right mr corbin what is it 
hello inspector you baxter sue

so i didn't realize that you were joining 
us on our honeymoon well your husband was

just about to prove that you're an imposter 
inspector i can assure you i'm perfectly real

you wanna hear what i've got yes of 
course that car outside it's not mine

say that again the starfish she came back in 
it's not the same car my wife went away in my

key doesn't fit really what meaning that my real 
wife still has the real car that's a good point

what do you say he's mistaken 
may i see your keys please sure

oh there it is

well they look the same to me well go out 
and try them for heaven's sake what kind of

policemen test them by looking at them mr corbin 
i am very tired i have had a day thanks to you of

monumental aggravation i don't need any policeman 
lessons i will test these keys in the car when i'm

good and ready is that clear that's clear i'm 
ready don't anybody leave town till i get back

that would be your key now mine

you see nothing

i can't be here

ah but it is i tried that myself darling you 
were tired and upset no no i was positive

there's a snappy little car mr coleman maybe 
i'll try another one i swear to you my key

didn't fit does it never occur to you it might 
have been the trunk key that is not my car

specter if you excuse me i think i better change 
i'm beginning to get just a little bit chilly

doesn't surprise me i didn't know why it's gonna 
look like that at two o'clock in the morning

all right inspector i quit i give up

you were right mr corbin

what your key doesn't fit that car

but i i don't understand i heard you start 
the engine twice yeah i used a key twice

then you you believe me you really believe i 
didn't say that why should i believe it like

you've always been telling me the truth like 
you told me you didn't know that dr ackerman

in detroit but that's the truth inspector like 
you don't have to take my word for it call him

on the phone if you don't believe me if he 
exists at all oh he exists all right he's a

psychiatrist in gross point he's quite a 
well-known one and he says you've been a

patient of this for almost five years he's crazy 
isn't that funny that's what he says about you

inspector i'm not but i will be if this this keeps 
up oh mr corbin as a policeman i should say you're

a crazy person and the case is closed but as a 
native of new york i'm an expert on craziness and

i have the craziest feeling you're not as crazy as 
you sound go go on please well when things don't

fit together i get this tickling in the brain and 
right now my brain is tickling to beat the band

do you want to hear what i think might 
be happening now i said mike because it's

just a tickle now go on i'm listening okay 
now get ready for a few what-ifs all right

what what if what if what if number one what if 
someone else knew about your wife's situation 12

million dollars and no family a couple of someone 
else's and they had a plan worked out to take her

place without anybody knowing about it maybe even 
going to europe so no one would ever find out

now we come to what if number 
two see if you agree with this

what if you come along unexpectedly and you marry 
her before they get a chance to make their move

you're a big complication to them successful 
wealthy in your own right beyond suspicion as

we say in the business not even a chance of 
them cutting you in so what is the only way

they can salvage their operation get 
rid of me exactly exactly but how

not by murder not unless they have to i mean too 
many things could go wrong especially with two

people disappearing so now we come to what if 
number three what if they could drive you crazy

or get enough people to believe you're crazy they 
put you away anyway then with you in the laughing

academy they can go on with their plan as though 
you never existed that's it well what do you think

i i think you're a genius that makes two of us 
but we need a documents something from the city of

detroit or the state of michigan about your wife 
uh photographs fingerprints something like that

and our friends were very smart on that score too 
every office in the country is shut tighter than

the drum because of the labor day weekend i'm 
afraid we're completely stymied until tuesday

tuesday yeah what am i supposed to do in the 
meantime help me i'll try but you gotta help too

well tell me anything stop running around 
yelling at everybody play along with them

conserve your energy and keep looking 
for what for the floor on their plan

mr corbin there is no such thing as 
the perfect crime except in the movies

every crime like every gem has a floor i know that 
because my father used to be a jeweler and what we

have to do is search for the floor on their plan 
and then we've got them but you got to hold on to

your nerves because they're going to make it very 
rough on you now the first thing you have to do

well have you two discovered whose key does 
what and to who absolutely your key fits his

car and his key fits your car and they both lived 
happily ever after mrs corbin i was just telling

your husband you ought to get a full night's 
sleep otherwise he's liable to see more dead

bodies disappear do uh you have a guest room 
or some other place where he won't be disturbed

sure the room next two hours is 
there a connecting door no why

well with you in the next room it would 
be very easy for amanda walking asleep

mr corbin why don't you go up try to 
relax everything's gonna be just fine huh

yes sir all right

good night danny pleasant dreams

why are you saying inspector you think danny's 
crazy please go listen that's what doctors

say all i know is i don't think 
you should stay here tonight he's

really very upset in my opinion he 
could explode get really violent

surely you're exaggerating you didn't see 
him before i had to humor him i had to tell

him i was on his side i even made up a [ __ 
] and bull story to calm him down inspector

i really appreciate your concern but i can't 
leave danny tonight i can't leave him any night

if i hadn't done it before none of this would 
be happening okay you want to use one of these

not really no there's nothing to it that's why 
they're so dangerous you just aim and pull the

trigger i don't want it please take it it'll make 
me feel better about leaving here alone tonight

and maybe tomorrow we'll get a doctor to take a 
look at him okay good night good night inspector

thanks for everything really

gotta get out

no

bang bang darling you're dead

she's gone

i wouldn't do that if i were you 
suppose i did anyway what would you do

blow your brains off my son you slept 
late it's almost noon elizabeth left

some breakfast for you in the kitchen you're 
very fortunate to have such a thoughtful wife

all right well who shall find out the wife 
find it the good thing sounds chapter 18.

proverbs father yes well you can't win them

all uh mr corbin

i wouldn't try leaving by the back door either 
you'll find somebody quite unpleasant out there

hey who are you uh uh give me a minute 
i'll remember in a minute uh and you'll

miss the call but i ask who you are uh i 
remembered you first uh wait it's coming to me

uh i'm sydney of cindy's uh sandwich shop i'm 
delivering delivering what uh what does it look

like to get his burger dress i'll bring you your 
lunch mister personally i got three delivery boys

and sydney himself the boss is bringing in person 
and you know who you can thank for it you're white

you've got some terrific wife there mister oh 
if you're through delivering i wish you just uh

go on clear on out cindy not only delivers 
he unpacks yes sir some terrific wife uh you

better be careful i might even run off with her if 
there's anything in the world that drives me crazy

it's a natural redhead you want to run 
off whether i'll make you sandwiches

natural redhead who's a redhead your wife 
you said she's a redhead look if it's

not natural i'm sorry i saw my wife only once 
gwen tell me when they're doing business hours

i swear i mean that what day uh early last 
week when she came in to order all this stuff

sydney may not realize it but you just 
saved my life not don't move stay right here

i have to call inspector levy give him my regards 
he's a sweet fella but a rotten chess player

uh

i fixed it i told y'all fix it 
look the phone is ringing oh

look at that inspector right there geigel 
police uh-huh just a second it's corbin

yeah mr corbin inspector you gotta come over here 
right away what do you think i am a commuter look

inspector i know you're convinced i'm crazy 
and all those what ifs last night were just

to put on but inspector i found that flaw you 
were talking about there's a man here right now

who says he can positively identify my wife my 
real wife mr coleman are you sure he's reliable

well you tell me it's your friend sydney 
the sandwich maker i'll be right over

how's ravine you should have asked him to 
lunch too his wife's away he's a little lonely

uh he's uh he's on his way over listen sydney 
a woman's gonna walk in here in a minute

right here right no no this one's a brunette 
and uh she's a little disturbed as a matter

of fact she ran away from mental hospital so we 
have to humor until levine can get here to take

her back humor her how well she thinks she's 
my wife oh boy now you mustn't disagree with

her sydney because whenever that happens she 
becomes violent daddy i'm back whatever you do

don't mention my real wife telephone gets here if 
you got that danny where are you i'll be a clam

i don't even want to discuss the traffic

but uh what happened you're here 
surprise hi you friend of my husband

this is sydney of a sydney sandwich shop 
he brought buy some lunch oh how sweet

yes i asked him to stay it turns out he's 
quite a chess player i knew you played chess

a lot of things you don't know about me darling 
best part about marriage constant surprises right

sydney sure why not okay uh we'll be three father 
kelleher makes four and levine levine in speculate

no i said lavi that's french for the wine 
wine's the best thing to go with my pastrami

i bet we've got some darling why don't 
you go look for it while i set the table

good lady she really believes it i thought you 
said she was a brunette uh she was she had a diet

that must have been why she went out this 
morning who used to be a brunette sydney

who who uh oh my wife my wife was a 
brunette yeah what is she now uh 52.

sydney i think my husband's been telling 
you stories stories did he tell you that i

wasn't his wife no he never said anything like 
that he told you i was his wife sure what else

see cindy he doesn't think that i'm 
his wife he thinks i'm an impostor oh

what do you think i think you know something and 
i just wonder what it could be listen uh maybe i

better go i just remembered an appointment i 
know you can't go now what do we do with all

this food it'll keep believe me sydney have we 
met somewhere before no uh i i'd have remembered

who ordered all this food that you brought 
mrs coleman uh i mean you when did i do that

you don't remember oh it had to have been earlier 
in the week uh sometime before thursday huh

i stopped by your shop right yes uh no i 
don't know listen i really gotta go see me

it's just that you said that we never met i did 
well i meant we never met formally cindy bernstein

happy to meet you ah here's where everybody 
is my goodness something certainly smells good

father kelleher sydney sydney sandwich shop 
i'm happy to meet you my son you know i was

in sydney shop just a few days ago and now 
he doesn't recognize me yes i know you know

oh you called inspector levine and told 
him there's an extension in the library

all right it's true i did call him 
you see sydney saw the real elizabeth

in a couple of minutes when inspector levine 
gets here he's going to tell him the whole story

i don't think so what's going on around 
here sorry it's all right sydney just

stand behind me that won't do anything 
to you now they wouldn't dare adam buzzy

get out of the way mr corbett what's going on 
here sloveni inspector under god's sake hurry

i'm not dead slovene's gone he loaded 
it with blanks no what are you doing

no

gently

away by the car turn the radio up i don't 
want to miss any call yes sir inspector

i can't believe it sydney

when my wife and i first came to this 
town four years ago we didn't know a soul

all we knew was that it wasn't brooklyn

so we walked around for a year like strangers 
and one day a new store opened in town

sandwich shop

sydney put a knee at the end of the word 
shop give it a little class you know

he brought a part of brooklyn with him

the nicest part the nicest part

now he's gone

of all the fancy summer resorts in america 
a psychopath has to come to this one

and then my friend is gone inspector i swear to 
you be quiet what you've got to swear to i don't

want to hear this time all i wonder some answers 
and for a change they better be the right one

mrs corbin what was sydney doing here

danny ordered some lunch my wife ordered 
the lunch before she disappeared her face

come on mrs coleman well i heard voices in the 
kitchen and when i went in cindy saw me and he

said uh hello mrs corbin it's absurd cindy was 
getting more and more confused because he knew

me from the other day and uh danny was getting 
more and more upset and no but that's not true

i'm not gonna tell you again mrs corbin when 
did you dye your hair and why this morning

early i thought it would help calm danny down 
inspector all he said since i came back was that

his real wife had red hair and that's true i mean 
i did have red hair when danny and i first met

anyway i thought it would help him if he could 
just see me the way i used to be you know the way

he wanted me to be i understand i came in here 
i sat down with father kelleher the next thing

we knew sydney was calling for help from the 
kitchen danny was there screaming hysterically

and threatening sydney with a die specter i am 
not going to stay here and listen to any more

of these lies i am not you want to go downtown 
i can arrange it and a straight jacket i tried

to use the gun that you gave me i know don't tell 
me i loaded it with blank so nobody would get hurt

at the first sound of a shot my man was 
supposed to run in here like a rabbit

yeah that was a mistake that was the worst mistake 
i ever made in my life it was god's will inspector

we've all made our share of mistakes

i should have realized how sick this 
poor man was i should have insisted he

be given proper medical attention 
yesterday before it was too late

all right now you've listened to them were 
you listening to me now i'm listening to you

look at the results inspector sydney knew she 
wasn't my real wife that's why they killed him

don't you see they had to before he could talk 
to you because you would have believed him you

would have believed your friend that's right i 
would have believed suddenly she stabbed him i

took the knife away from her that's why i was 
holding her when you came in i mean why would

i kill my only witness my one remaining hope 
who knows what is a crazy person i'm not crazy

they murdered my only witness what do i have to 
do before you believe me bring sydney back can

you do that mr corbin get your jacket i'm taking 
you and i should have taken you in yesterday

hello yeah

i don't believe it did he say anything

i figured i'll be right over it's unbelievable 
what is it the best news you'll ever hear sydney's

not dead he's not no the ambulance boys they 
found a heartbeat nothing fancy but enough to

keep him going until they get him into surgery he 
said he wanted to know who was minding the store

i don't have the time to take you in 
right now suddenly comes first time hey

no dean you can't i'll be back as 
soon as i can don't leave me like this

god knows what they'll do lavine 
come back let me know i'm a dead man

uh

what is it about men when they're completely 
helpless they're like little boys oh

danny you're acting like you're afraid of me 
i mean what's there to be afraid of look at me

how can you possibly hope to get elizabeth's 
money there are lawyers executors ah yes

little men who worship written instructions 
and they'll get their instructions from a

very exclusive bank in london where an account 
was opened some months ago in your wife's name

i myself personally flew over and deposited 
ten thousand pounds along with some not bad

looking signatures you know the terrific thing 
about banks as long as you give them the money

they'll let you be anybody that you say you 
are see danny i think we've got it covered

except for one thing huh sydney's still 
alive and he'll tell what really happened hmm

just might do that mighty then again he might not

what do you mean well you know how accommodating 
hospitals can be especially to a solicitous priest

priest you mean your friend buzzy forget it's too 
late you'd never get by levine where is he anyway

keller keller gone some time ago before levine

before

how danny you really got 
to do something about that

extension almost anybody could be listening in

yes

no i'm sorry inspector living 
left here a few minutes ago

uh can i give him a message in 
case he calls here first yes i see

oh yes i'll tell him

bye

it was the hospital sydney talked to 
me told the whole story you're finished

poor sydney

i'm afraid he's dead again it's time for good

didn't take long dude

well i didn't see any point in hanging around i 
only had the one patient to visit anyone see it

a few people i suppose buzzy i'm sure i told you 
well what do you expect i'm not invisible you know

so they saw a priest at a 
hospital so what calm down buzzy

i'm getting good and sick you're 
giving the orders around here now

where is it written that you're the haunt 
show huh [ __ ] you want to be the honcho

you're the honcho now why don't you 
just calm down get yourself a drink

excuse me

can't wait to get out of these clothes don't 
worry everything goes according to plan levine

turns up here carts our friend and they're off to 
the booby hatch and by tonight you'll be defrocked

oh buzzy we're getting so close to that 
money i can smell the serial numbers

shame on you danny whatever happened to the honor 
system you know something he's getting to be one

big pain in the neck let's kill him right now 
and get it over with that's not the plan and

you know it is look the plan isn't chiseled 
in marvel it can be changed i'm changing it

no no i'm giving the orders now you agreed levine 
is going to be here any minute and she's right

i mean you can't if you kill 
me now they'll know you did it

nonsense you're about to have a heart attack 
that's all just like your friend sydney

what's that i'm an awful in reasonable 
doses it's given to heart patients in more

exotic amounts it causes as they say 
in the trade severe vascular collapse

in layman's terms mr corbin your dick is 
gonna blow out on the inside of your skin

here we are i'm not a real clergyman as you 
might have suspected but if there's any comfort

in it i'd be glad to say a few words for god's 
sakes just get it over with oh yes quite right

right armor left mr corbin any preferences i 
think the side of the neck might be best oh

there are only blanks in 
that gun you know there no

now levine reloaded it before he left with real 
bullets fuzzy he's lying i was here the whole

time they're still blanks now they're not so i'm 
warning you stay away get him buzzy stay away

you shot him

that's the way it goes hancho you knew they 
weren't blanks that's right but you told him

thanks danny you saved me the 
trouble of having to split the money

oh my god he's dead each 
picture thank god you got here

all right coleman let's have it

he's going to the library i want a statement 
come on you two mrs call me let's go holy

call the wagon and stay with the body 
until the wagon gets you yes sir come on

inspector it was self-defense they were they were 
trying to kill me and sydney was he trying to kill

you too looked like he was going to make it 
and 10 minutes later when they came to take

him to surgery he was dead just like that it 
was hard just to that that that was keller

you see he left here before you did gave sydney 
an injection of some drug keller killed sidney

yes inspector father kelleher was here with me 
the entire time they killed sydney and he tried to

kill me with the same nail look at his pockets if 
you don't believe me oh mr corbin mr corbin what

am i gonna do with you it's all too wild it's 
too fanciful it's too impossible every shred

of evidence points to you every shred and what 
do you want me to do you want me to arrest her

yeah inspector what is it he's dead who's that 
the priest yes fully we know no sir he wasn't

he started talking all of a sudden but i got 
it all down the best i could what'd he say

he said that he and this woman were involved 
in a plot to steal the real mrs corbin's money

that he killed sydney and that they intended to 
kill mr corbin too then he died did you hear that

did you hear that that's a deathbed 
statement to a police officer

my god it's over it's finally 
over we've got her i've won

what are you waiting for arrester

what did you do so much for deathbed statements 
get his notebook we'll burn them when we get a

chance what is it mr corbin where you come from 
all cops are honest i used to be honest 28 years

on the force what have i got to show for it huh 
a pension that's worth less and less every day

9 000 bucks in a bank a dilapidated bungalow in 
one of the richest communities in america is that

what you give your wife after nearly 30 years of 
getting shot at you knew all along not all along

i knew something was fishy yesterday i found out 
father keller wasn't a priest here or anyplace

else and that he and your new wifey had planned 
this for a long time long before you came along

all those what-ifs last night they were true of 
course and when i threatened to tell a couple of

other people about it they very generously 
cut me in not much million dollars in cash

see i'm not a greedy man but now that 
buzzy's dead maybe our cut gets bigger huh

probably even know where my 
wife is your wife she right here

oh she's dead it must be you must be that's why 
that's why none of you is afraid she'd suddenly

show up here has to be dead why's your whole 
plan it fall apart too bad you can't prove that

mr corbin i don't need any proof that's where 
you're wrong you're a dead duck without proof

no clues no witnesses you don't even know 
if there's a body let alone where it is

no give it up mr corbin say goodbye to the 
nice people you got in the way that's all

it wasn't your fault you just got in the 
way let's go it's inspector wait please i

you want the money right you want elizabeth's 
money it doesn't mean anything to me anyway

i'll i'll help you get it your chances 
will be a lot better with me helping you

what do you got in mind just a minute wait a 
minute everybody's trying to change the plan

and there's nothing wrong with it the way 
it was there's nothing wrong with a little

i'll give you just 10 seconds 
to unlock these cuffs 10 seconds

one false move i'll blow a 
hole right in your stomach

you just stay put

all right now i'll shoot 
anybody trying to follow me

oh boy all right all right there's another door

come on

bert levine listen the looney got away

in a speedboat yeah put on the points will you 
i don't want them to get out of the county

(Dramatic Music)

i'm sorry elizabeth

once wasn't enough i i'm gonna 
have to do it all over again

i kept counting on someone finding you by now but

it's just as well they didn't

see laureen's gun it's already killed two 
people so my accusations hold a lot more

water it looks like it kills you too don't 
you see don't worry darling this time you

want your thing

forgive me elizabeth i won't bother you ever again

oh you can't be alive you're dead i

i kill you

thanks mr corbin that's all we had to know oh 
let me go she's after me she's a lion he's dead

dead is the day you killed him 
no i saw her move it wasn't her

it wasn't her no

that's

not elizabeth

you arranged the whole thing that's right

mr corbin why did you do it didn't need our 
money i i did i i made some investment south

american coffee futures it was supposed 
to rain all summer in brazil but it did

it didn't rain it lost everything i had over 2 
million elizabeth was my only hope she wouldn't

give him the money huh she said she'd have no 
respect for him said i lose respect for myself

said i'd even find a way to thank 
her something found a way all right

i i kept kept waiting for someone 
to find her but normal i found

three days ago looked like an accident too except 
for a couple of things why blood for instance

what about it well she bled all over herself but 
not in the car meaning what meaning that either

she was a very neat bleeder or maybe she was 
through bleeding before she was put in the cup

maybe because of a single maybe you cooked 
up this whole thing oh no no no no i never

go to this much trouble without at least two 
babies or was the other one contact lenses

her driver's license said she had to wear them 
but she wasn't they were in her bag now why

would a near-sighted person drive on a winding 
mountain road at night without a contact with us

i never could tell even up close we 
still couldn't build a case against you

we needed more we needed you to go back on 
your own all those people who were killed

nobody else was killed mr corbin only a wife 
as you can see there's sydney minding the store

who are all those others? 
fake elizabeth father keller

that policeman you shot a few 
friends mr corbin just a few friends

(Dramatic Music)