One More Saturday Night (1986) - full transcript
The problems faced by both teenagers and adults in a small Minnesota town who are trying to get dates for a Saturday night.
[MUSIC PLAYING]
♪ Tonight's the night that
you've been waiting for
♪ Ain't gonna feel like
any night before
♪ You know anything can happen
♪ When you're caught up
in the heat of passion
♪ You can't hold back
♪ Gotta find what
you're looking for
♪ The night is young
and there's so much to do
♪ Unchain the spirit
that's inside of you
♪ Been living from day to day
♪ But tonight you can
break away
♪ So take a chance,
come with me
♪ I promise you that
it ain't gonna be just
♪ One more Saturday night
♪ It might even turn your
whole world upside down
♪ Change your
whole point of view
♪ Oh, baby
♪ Oh, baby
♪ One more Saturday night
♪ Is all that it takes
♪ You'll never be
the same because
♪ Love is Saturday night
♪ Love's gonna change you,
love's gonna change your life
♪ No time to hide behind
a fantasy
♪ Now take control
of your own destiny
♪ You know that
the time is right
♪ To find yourself
in the night
♪ So let it out,
we'll break free
♪ I promise you that
it ain't gonna be just
♪ One more Saturday night
♪ It might even turn your
whole world upside down
♪ Change your
whole point of view
♪ Oh, baby
♪ Oh, baby
♪ One more Saturday night
♪ Is all that it takes
♪ You'll never be
the same because
♪ Love is Saturday night
♪ Love's gonna change you,
love's gonna change your life
♪ One more Saturday night
♪ It's gonna be just
♪ One more Saturday night
♪ It might even turn your
whole world upside down
♪ Change your
whole point of view
♪ Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh
♪ One more Saturday night ♪
[INDISTINCT CHATTERING]
DESK CLERK: Here you go.
That's, uh, two people,
one bed, $40.
Thank you.
BOTH: Thank you.
[CLEARS THROAT]
Um, I'd like a room, please.
All right, young fella.
How long will you
be staying?
Uh, just tonight. If I'm
gonna stay any longer,
I'll let you know.
Say, aren't you
Bill Cadwell's son?
[CLEARS THROAT] Yeah.
Hi, Mr. Strobel.
I... I didn't know
you worked here.
I saw you throw those
three touchdowns at
homecoming, Russ.
Oh, I get lucky,
I guess.
Uh, so, what you got
going tonight, Russ?
Gonna get lucky again?
Uh, no... See, uh, we have
relatives staying with us
and, um...
They're painting my room.
Right. Sure...
Painting.
Here you go.
Here?
Mmm-hmm.
SALLY: We're here, campers.
Welcome to St. Cloud.
That guy in Minneapolis
did not fix
the exhaust leak,
it's as bad as it was before,
if not worse.
Yeah, but it's just what
I needed to fall asleep.
Well, next time
we go on tour,
I'm driving.
Hey, next time
you buy the van.
[HOOTING] Horn scan,
horn scan.
Where? Where, where, where?
Left.
Oh, man, I'll tell ya,
I've seen so many
beautiful women since
I got to Minnesota.
That is because the state of
Minnesota has got
more blonde, luscious,
genetically pure Swedish women
than anyplace in the world.
Except for Sweden.
LARRY: You know why
Scandinavian women
are so beautiful?
Because the Vikings
were medieval bikers
who rode around in
these boats invading villages.
They'd kill the man
and take only the most
beautiful women with them
because there wasn't
much room on those boats.
I see, now we're getting
Larry's historical
pussy perspective.
That's right.
[HOOTING]
No, no, no,
they're kids.
It's okay,
they can watch.
Right.
Tonight, I'm gonna find me
a blond Viking goddess
to ravish.
Hey, I can't help it.
I'm a lesbian trapped
inside a man's body.
Hi, how you doing?
Good, so far.
Uh, Badmouth.
I think they made
reservations for us at the...
Where's the...
What's the bar? Cabooze
BOTH: Cabooze.
Gunther. Come here.
Got some food.
Come here, boy.
Gunther. Here, boy.
[DOG BARKING]
[SHOUTS] God damn it!
[DOG BARKING]
[SHOUTS]
Don't you know
any better?
You could give Gunther
a heart attack.
He's a full pedigree,
you know!
MAN: Animal abuse.
That's what it is,
animal abuse.
[MAN CONTINUES SHOUTING]
You feeble-minded dog abuser!
[DOG BARKING]
Karen, can I borrow
your blue sweater?
Sure, go ahead, it's yours.
That's right,
it is mine.
What're you doing?
Setting a trap.
Kevin goes through
our stuff when we're out.
No!
Yeah.
You think he could've
gone through my diary?
Possible.
Little creep.
You watch when we
come home tonight,
that hair will be
in a different spot.
Kevin, would you
knock, please?
So, what are you and Russ
doing tonight?
Uh, we're going to
a hockey game.
And then what?
Might get
something to eat.
And then what?
Kevin, have you
ever looked through
any of my stuff?
No, I just thought maybe
you and Russ might be
doing something special.
It's Saturday night.
I don't know.
You little...
[CHUCKLES]
Oww!
[SCREAMING]
Hold still, it didn't
go through yet.
Ahhh, geez!
Come on, hold still.
Okay.
Ow!
[WINCES]
That did the trick.
Where's the earring?
[PANTING]
[WINCING]
Okay, I'm splittin'.
Thanks.
What're you doing?
Taking these albums,
the shirt and shit.
That's cool.
[WINCES]
So long.
All right, son.
Safe home.
What?
Oh, just one of Dougie's
friends saying good-bye.
Oh, that's nice.
[DOUG CRYING OUT]
[KNOCK ON DOOR]
MR. LUNDAHL:
Diane, can I come in?
I gotta brush my teeth.
Sure, Dad.
You know, you already
brushed your teeth?
I'm gonna floss.
Do we have any floss?
[CHUCKLES]
[CHUCKLES]
Dad, I've never
seen you like this.
[LAUGHS]
Honey, I haven't been
on a date in 23 years.
And that was
with your mother.
Feel like I'm back
at high school again.
Come on, Dad.
You're a great guy.
And whoever this
woman is, I know she's nice
if you've asked her out.
All you gotta do is just give
her half a chance to get to
know you.
You're right.
Just be yourself, okay?
Okay.
Okay.
I'm gonna try
real hard to do that.
Dad?
Did you ever have
sex with any ladies
besides Mom?
No.
BILL: Yeah, yeah...
LYNN: Yeah. Yes,
Mommy and Daddy are going out.
But we'll be back.
Yeah.
And you're gonna have
a baby sitter
for the first time.
Won't that be fun? Yes.
Say, "Yes, it will!"
BILL: And Daddy's gonna go out
to get something to eat
and so is Mommy!
[BABY COOING]
And then we're gonna
go out dancing.
♪ Staying alive, staying ♪
[LAUGHING]
BILL: And when we
come home, you're gonna
be a little sleepy baby.
[LAUGHING]
And then we're gonna
tiptoe into your room
and we're gonna look at you.
Yes, we will...
Gonna look at you, poo-poo.
Yes!
[DOORBELL RINGING]
Oh, but Daddy better get ready
because the babysitter's here
and we're gonna be late
LYNN: Oh, but Daddy's always
late, isn't he? Yeah.
[LAUGHS]
Don't talk to me
through the child.
Don't raise your voice
around the baby.
Otay, otay.
But it really pisses
Daddy off when you
talk through the baby.
[LAUGHS]
Yeah.
If you're talking to
fucking Daddy, then
talk to Daddy.
Oh, let's wait till we
get outside, shall we?
Otay.
Now Daddy's gonna go outside
and start up the car.
Which Mommy could
have done herself,
if she was so tremendously
worried about the time. Yes!
[BABY COOING]
Daddy can be a
bit of an asshole,
can't he?
Yeah.
[BABY LAUGHING]
[DOORBELL RINGING]
Ah, Karen. Come on in.
Hi.
Thank you so much
for sitting for us.
Oh, no problem, Mr. Neal.
Jason's a great baby.
I like him a lot.
Oh boy, I tell you,
it's really a good thing that
Lynn and I are getting
a chance to go out
by ourselves tonight.
'Cause I'm telling you
we're starting to get on
each other's nerves
a little bit.
Karen, this is
the restaurant.
Okay.
This is the
pediatrician.
This is the hospital.
This is the fire department.
This is Bill's
mother's number.
Well, she lives in St. Paul,
that probably won't do you
much good.
And this is my mother
and she lives in Detroit.
Well, you have them
just in case.
Just in case,
it's a good policy.
Okay, she's got it under
control, honey. Let's go.
Oh, I know. It's just that...
Oh! If he start's to cry when
you're changing his diaper,
just put Teddy Bear Picnic
on his record player.
Okay, Teddy Bear Picnic.
Okay, let's go!
Oh, wait! I wanna say good bye
just one more time.
[SIGHS]
[KNOCKING ON DOOR]
Dougie, the front porch
light is out, and your mom
can't see the front steps.
[ROCK MUSIC PLAYING]
I want you to go out now
and change the bulb.
Come on, Dad.
Do I have to?
Yes, you do.
Mrs. Hultquist broke her hip
last week and your mom is
afraid of losing her footing.
Dougie, we don't ask you to do
that much around the house.
Now, there's a new bulb
with the groceries in the
back seat of the car.
I'd have brought them in but
my back's been bothering me.
Yeah, yeah, your back, I know.
Just give me the keys.
[SIGHS LOUDLY]
[SIGHS]
[CHANGING RADIO STATIONS]
[HARD ROCK MUSIC PLAYING]
[ENGINE REVVING]
[TIRES SCREECH]
[WOMAN TALKING ON TV]
[EXCLAIMS] Pearl,
Pearl, wake up.
Wake up!
What?
Shh!
Hello, police? Yes,
someone stole my car
and kidnapped my son.
[DOORBELL RINGING]
Hi, if it isn't God's
gift to babysitters!
Wait, my mouth is caught
in a magnetic force field.
Oh, no.
Hey, cool it, Eddie!
Okay. All right, where's
the kitchen, I have to stash
these brews.
That way, I'm gonna go
check on the baby.
All right, Smokey Robinson!
Hey, are these people black?
Would you be quiet?
We got a baby in here.
Yeah, all right.
[BABY COOING]
Here's your little pal.
Yeah. Like him a lot, huh?
[RHYTHM & BLUES MUSIC PLAYING]
[MUSIC CONTINUES]
[BABY CRYING]
[MUSIC STOPS]
Whoops!
Kevin, please don't
throw the football in
the living room.
What're you talking about?
We always throw the football.
You know when Mom was alive
the football wasn't even
allowed in the house.
Well, she's dead.
Kevin!
I'm sorry, but she is.
Dad, will you tell the
worm here not to throw the
football in the living room.
Okay.
One toss.
Hey, a compromise.
[DOORBELL RINGING]
Hey, kiddo. Hi.
MR. LUNDAHL:
Hey, Russ.
How's the arm?
Ah, couldn't be better,
Mr. Lundahl.
So what you kids
up to tonight?
Oh, well, we're just gonna go
to the hockey game
then hang out with some
friends, I guess.
And then what?
And then, uh... Hey, I just
might pass the ball to my top
wide receiver.
Lundahl making a defense.
It was quite horrible.
MR. LUNDAHL:
Hut 23, 24. Hut, hut, hike!
Better stand back,
can't find the receiver.
Ledge to Cadwell.
Look at the ball there,
touchdown! What a catch,
Bob!
The crowd can't believe it,
neither can I, Bob. It's been
the greatest play of all time.
Hey, I got us the room.
Okay.
Well, I thought I'd spare
you the embarrassment.
That's very romantic. [LAUGHS]
Hey, come on.
It was your idea.
Wait, it was my idea not to do
it in the backseat of the car.
Okay, okay, now. Come on, now.
This is a big night for us,
okay?
Now, it's a nice room and
the mayor's gonna be there
and he's gonna cut the ribbon.
I don't think
that's very funny.
I'm not kidding.
He's gonna be there
with a band,
a photographer,
the giant pair of scissors...
Ha-ha!
Gee, Dad, you must be pretty
hard-up if you're asking me.
I uh... I am.
I'm 11 years old.
All I know is what I've
seen on TV and movies.
Yeah.
Well...
You should be wearing
tighter pants, I think.
[HARD ROCK MUSIC PLAYING
ON RADIO]
[MUSIC CONTINUES]
TRACI'S DAD: Who's that?
TRACI: Doug!
TRACI'S MOM: You didn't tell
us you were going out.
TRACI'S DAD:
You are not going out.
Yes, I am.
Just a minute.
How could a boy in Traci's
class have a driver's license?
TRACI'S DAD: Maybe he was
left back a year.
He's not the brightest boy
in the world.
Doesn't even have enough
sense to come in
and say hello.
How difficult can that be?
[MUSIC CONTINUES]
Don't like that boy.
I don't like him.
I don't like his attitude.
Honey, I'm telling you,
we're doing the
smartest thing.
She's going through a phase.
Let's just ride it out.
TRACI: Bye,
I'll see you later.
Hey.
Hey, Doug.
Where did you get the car?
Stole it.
This is your dad's car,
isn't it?
So? I stole it from my dad.
[CHUCKLES] But Doug,
that's not stealing a car.
Listen, Traci, this is hardly
the first thing I've stolen.
Oh, come on!
You've never stolen anything
in your life and you know it.
You don't know everything
there is to know about me,
okay?
Really? Like what?
Like, I've been involved
in some larceny.
[TURNS RADIO OFF]
Like what?
Like, stripping buildings,
stealing equipment
from construction sites.
You know,
breaking and entering.
Into what?
Office spaces, domiciles...
Okay, Doug, why don't you
break into that house
over there?
[SIGHS] Traci,
you know, you have
a lot to learn.
Rule number one,
never hit a house in
your own neighborhood,
TRACI: Doug, did you
break into your mother's
jewelry box?
Cabooze.
C-A-B-O-O-Z-E, Cabooze, okay.
[MUMBLING INDISTINCTLY]
Okay, thank you. Thank you.
3970. 3970.
What's the rest of the number?
Well, I'm not making the call.
I just asked you to
remember the number.
No, you didn't.
Yes, I did.
It's 3970.
Yeah, I did ask you though.
No, you said the number.
You didn't ask.
Well, the way I said
the number implied...
Didn't I ask him?
Does it matter?
Cabooze? Hi, Paul Flum
from Badmouth.
Ah, I know,
I'm sorry, we got lost.
Where are we?
[HOOTING] Horn scan.
Euclid between
Third and Fourth.
Uh, where?
Euclid between
Third and Fourth.
One o' clock. Midnight.
Really?
Oh, okay. I'm sorry.
Okay, bye.
It's around the corner,
we could walk.
LARRY: Well, let's not walk.
Let's take the van.
We got all our stuff.
PAUL: I didn't mean, we should
walk. I know we got...
It was a figure of speech.
Be yourself. Be yourself.
Who am I?
[CHILDREN TALKING INSIDE]
Come on in.
GIRL: Quit it, I don't like...
This is Matthew.
Hi, Matthew, you remind me of
my son when he was little.
Fuck you.
I call him Danny.
And this is Lea.
Hi, Lea.
Hey, surprise, Lea. How would
you like chocolate pudding?
I don't like it.
There's two chocolate
puddings, one for you,
one for your sister.
Now, Mrs. Henzel, I'll call
you from the restaurant.
Now, let's split while the
gettin's good.
Okay.
Hey, how we doing?
Not too good.
Boy, this is awful,
we're getting slaughtered.
[CHEERING]
Come on, you guys.
Get on it!
Hey Tobi, your brother's not
doing so good tonight.
He's adopted.
Great family.
Her brother can't stop the
puck and she's a little slut.
You know, that's a
pretty vicious remark.
If the truth is vicious,
then I'm sorry for telling
the truth.
Well, the truth is you're
jealous because you're fat
and you can't get a boyfriend.
[HORN BLOWING]
[CHEERING]
Let's go get a Coke.
Here, hold this for me,
would you?
[MAN SPEAKING ON PA]
Hey, what did you say
that for?
Because Tobi's a friend of
mine and she's not a slut.
Come on, hey, I like Tobi.
But she does sleep around.
Is Bill Iverson a slut?
You know, he sleeps around.
That's different.
You know, I think it's kind of
weird that you defend Tobi
when you have your
own attitude about sex.
What's my attitude
about sex?
Obviously, you think there's
something wrong with it.
Where did you get
that impression?
Where do you think?
I mean, Diane, we've been
going together for two years.
Now, I have been very patient.
Oh, spare me!
Now, look...
Now, if the guys knew we've
been going out this long and
we haven't slept together,
they'd think
that's weird, too.
Oh, I see, you want to sleep
with me so you can
tell the guys.
I wanna sleep with you
'cause I love you.
You wanna go to that hotel
tonight, so you can announce
to all guys on Monday that
you finally got in my pants.
Don't say that.
It's not the guys.
Forget the guys.
Now, I told them months ago
that we slept together.
What?
Well, what was I supposed
to tell them?
The truth?
I mean,
it's been two years.
Look, don't...
Don't touch me!
Don't... Now, don't make
a big thing out of this.
I don't think I did
one thing wrong.
Damn!
Hey, Russ.
Hi.
You see, Traci,
there's a science to this.
I'm looking for the right
kind of place to hit.
You don't believe me,
do you?
Yeah, I believe you.
Doug, what're we doing here?
Shh!
I'm listening for the right
combination of silences.
Let's go.
Rule number one,
make sure nobody's home.
[DOORBELL RINGING]
Yeah?
[VOICE CRACKING] Um...
TOBI: Look, just forget him.
I have an idea.
Lets the two of go out
and have a good time.
We'll go to the Cabooze
and get a real good buzz on.
We won't get carded,
I know the guy at the door.
God, I can't believe
that prick!
I think you should go
to school on Monday
and just tell everyone
Russ is a lousy lay.
[LAUGHS]
I have to apologize
for Matthew.
He's really got the mouth
of a gutter snipe.
Every time he goes down
to Fort Worth
to visit his father,
he comes back, "Fuck this,
fuck that." I don't care.
Except for Monday I'm putting
Matthew into new school.
And I'm terrified that the
other kids are gonna go
home and say it.
And their parents are gonna
complain to the school that
their kids never
said "fuck" before.
And the school will figure out
it came from Matthew
and kick him out.
[LAUGHS]
[LAUGHS]
Look, I got an idea.
Why don't you just march down
to that school on Tuesday,
real angry and say,
"My Matthew came home from
your school last night and
said the 'F' word." [LAUGHS]
That'll throw them
off the track.
[LAUGHS]
You folks okay?
Another round for us, please.
[LAUGHS] I hope you're not
trying to get me drunk.
'Cause it just might work.
[GIGGLES]
[MELODRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYING
ON TV]
[GUNSHOTS]
[GUNSHOTS]
[EXPLOSION]
Come on.
[WHISPERING]
Here, come here.
This is perfect.
Um...
Go ahead.
It's locked.
Break it.
[MUSIC PLAYING ON TV]
[GLASS SHATTERS]
[BARKING]
DOUG: It's a dog.
TRACI: Keep going.
Keep going.
[GRUNTS SOFTLY]
Go!
[GROANS]
[BARKING]
Okay, what do we steal?
I don't know.
Just take anything.
Let's get the hell outta here.
TRACI: Look at the ashtray,
it's incredible.
Traci, you don't need
an ashtray, you don't smoke.
[BARKING CONTINUES]
A lamp!
I really like it.
Traci, come on, we got to go.
Tracy, come on!
[BARKING]
[BAND PLAYING]
♪ My, my, my
♪ Look at all the faces
♪ There ain't nobody
♪ Feelin' outta place here
♪ 'Cause they're movin'
and they're groovin'
♪ And it sure looks good to me
♪ Excusez moi, mon cherie
♪ Make way for my baby and me
Rock 'n rollin'!
♪ Well everybody
is havin' such a good time
Excuse me.
♪ My, my, my baby
I just spent my last dime ♪
[MUSIC CONTINUES]
Stan, two tequilas.
Right.
Uh, I don't know
if I like tequila.
Doesn't matter.
All you gotta do
is lick, chug, suck.
STAN: There you go.
Ready?
Okay?
[COUGHS]
Suck, suck.
[YELPS]
[LAUGHING]
Like it?
No! [LAUGHS]
Hey, check out the band.
What did you say?
♪ Everybody is out a reelin'
♪ Steamin' and hollerin'
for more
♪ Well, you don't have to
worry about the
latest dance craze
Two pretty
good looking prospects.
♪ Just get up on the floor
shake your hips... ♪
[DOORBELL RINGS]
Oh, my God,
they got home early.
You better get out.
Don't worry, I just told
a couple of guys to drop by.
You what?
Yes, Mouse and Freddie,
it's not just anybody.
Where I go, they go.
Where you go, they go?
Dudes!
Hey, Karen.
Hey, how you doing?
Okay, you got the brew?
I thought you bought it.
I brought a six pack.
That's not gonna do it.
I'm calling the hotline.
Dogman. Yeah!
[SPEAKING FRACTURED SPANISH]
What's the address here?
7061, Oak Grove.
Hey, you guys,
they're coming home at 11:00.
Don't worry, we'll be
out of here by 10:45.
7061, Oak Grove.
Yeah, and Dogman,
Karen's babysitting here,
so, uh...
Be cool.
Dogman says, "No problem."
BOY:
Gonna starve to death here.
[ROCK MUSIC PLAYING ON RADIO]
♪ I want you to light my fuse
♪ 'Cause that's what
rock 'n roll is all about
That little schnauzer was
so funny, yapping behind
that gate,
don't you think so?
He was really tripping out.
Yeah.
Was so funny.
So, so, what do you do
with the stuff?
Fence it or what?
Depends.
♪ Can't get... ♪
It's the cops!
Get down, get down.
No, it's a Volkswagen, Doug.
Get back up.
Come on, it's no problem.
Get up, it's just
somebody's car.
[WHIMPERS]
Get back up,
it's just a little bug.
Look, everything's cool,
it's cool, it's cool.
It's okay.
[SIGHS]
It's pretty cool.
Listen, Traci. Everything
that we stole tonight,
we're taking it back,
right now!
Dougie, that's stupid.
We already got away with it.
Listen, you don't have
to come with me,
but we're taking
that stuff back.
TRACI: [SCOFFS]
What a mistake.
This was ridiculous.
[ENGINE STARTS]
We shouldn't go.
We should not go.
[EXCLAIMS]
Now what?
It's my dad's car!
[SCOFFS]
Come on, just do
something, let's just go.
Don't worry, just leave.
[ENGINE STARTS]
[ENGINE STOPS]
[ENGINE STARTS]
[DOG BARKING]
[TELEPHONE RINGING]
Hello. Oh, hi, Russ.
[SLOW MUSIC PLAYING ON TV]
Uh, is Diane home?
Diane? She's not here,
I thought she was with you.
No, not right now.
Where are you?
Um, I'm at a friend's house.
Okay, I'll have her
give you a call
when she gets in.
No, no, I'll keep trying her
at your house.
Okay, sure,
I'll be up a while. So long.
Okay, take it easy, Kev.
[REPLACES PHONE]
Damn.
[WOMAN MOANING ON TV]
[MOANING CONTINUES]
♪ I work all week long but
tonight I just got to play
♪ Well, I feel so good 'cause
tonight I'm gonna see my babe
Aren't you glad you came?
Yeah, yes.
Yeah, yeah.
♪ Now I'm giving you a warning
♪ No, no, don't stay at home
♪ Come to the
Upper Mississippi Shakedown ♪
[INDISTINCT CHATTER]
BOY 1: Move, move!
BOY 2: Take no prisoners!
All right. Go, come on!
Take it out back and stick it
in the patio!
Hurry up!
[SCOFFS] Shoot, Eddie,
if I get into any
trouble for this,
I'm never going
to forgive you.
Don't worry, I'm not
gonna take that chance.
[INDISTINCT CHATTER]
Hey, come on,
wipe your feet, guys,
wipe your feet.
Take off those shoes.
Don't make Dogman
take off his shoes,
he'll smell up the
whole house.
DOGMAN: Shut up, man.
GIRL: I'm wearing boots!
[CLANKING]
Yo!
[SHUSHING]
Okay, I have an announcement
from party central.
Point number one.
Karen is my girlfriend.
[CROWD MUMBLING]
Point number two.
She's babysitting
at these people's house.
Point number three.
These people are coming
home at, at 11:00
[ALL CLAMORING]
Yo, yo! [SHUSHING]
Yo, we move in,
we party hard...
BOY: It's cool.
We party fast,
and then we move out.
All right!
[ALL CHEERING]
Okay, okay. Yo!
One more thing.
Uh, there's a baby in here,
so, uh, no noise.
[ALL PROTESTING]
All right, all right,
all right, all right.
Don't worry about it.
I'll take care of it.
[ALL CHEERING]
[MR. LUNDAHL AND PEGGY
LAUGHING]
PEGGY: Jesus!
MR. LUNDAHL: Ah!
Watch out.
[PEGGY MOANS]
Ah, Jesus, Mr. Lundahl.
Oh!
MR. LUNDAHL: Be right out.
Uh, take, take your time, sir.
Mr. Lundahl.
Ah, gee, Mr. Lundahl,
I'm really sorry about this,
but, you know,
we got to put the kids
from parking along here.
Of course you do, Brad,
and you're doing
a fine job, too.
[PEGGY LAUGHING]
Look, uh, don't bother
saying hi to your,
to your dad for me.
I'll probably see him
on Monday.
Sure, sure.
Sure thing, Mr. Lundahl.
Uh... Say, you know,
if you want find
a place to park,
you might try the lot behind
the Thrifty Mart.
It's real nice.
Oh...
Thank you, Brad.
[MUSIC PLAYING FROM HOUSE]
[THUD]
[ENGINE STOPS]
TRACI: Where'd all these
cars come from?
All right, Traci!
Let's party!
Hi, Maureen.
Hey, pal, you got some brews
in there?
Uh, no, I just got
this gold cup here.
It's okay,
I pretty much got it.
Come on, let's go
to the party
down the street.
Come on,
there's a party. Come on!
Let's go!
Yeah, ready, guys?
Come on!
All right, yeah.
[DISCO FUNK MUSIC PLAYING]
BOY: Party!
Somebody dance with me.
[INDISTINCT CHATTERING]
♪ The lady's stacked
and that's a fact,
ain't holding nothing back
♪ She's a brick house
♪ She's the one, the only one
who's built like an amazon
♪ The clothes she wears,
her sexy ways
[BAND PLAYING ROCK MUSIC]
[CROWD CHEERING]
Thank you. Thank you.
We're gonna take
a short break.
We'll be right back.
As soon as we get our cocks
back in our pants.
There it is,
in that direction.
Yeah.
Badmouth's van.
That's right.
Not very far away.
[INDISTINCT CHATTERING]
Step right in. Party's on
in the back here.
Whoa, it's cold.
It is kind of nippy tonight.
I'll warm you up.
Here...
I'm okay. I'm okay now.
Thanks.
Let's warm you up.
Where's that joint?
Hmm?
Mmm, right here.
Uh, ladies,
this is some of the world's
finest marijuana.
You know, throughout history,
drugs have played
a vital role
in the development
of medicine, science
and the arts,
but I doubt if any culture
is as privileged
as ours is tonight,
because this particular strain
represents centuries
of genetic manipulation
of Cannabis indica.
Ah, blow it out your ass
and give me that thing,
would you?
Ah, I can't find a match.
Don't worry.
Let's not let
this one run, okay?
LARRY: Ah...
A characteristic aroma,
reminiscent of
a skunk, actually...
It's why some people
call it "stink weed."
TOBI: Boy,
it really does reek.
Mmm... I do love that smell.
LARRY: Sometimes when we pass
a dead skunk on the road,
we just go,
"Mmm, let's light one up."
Yeah, that's the stuff.
[INHALING]
[EXHALING]
[CLEARS THROAT]
Nice hit.
It's more efficient that way.
[LOUD MUSIC PLAYING]
[ALL CHEERING]
Tracy, look at this.
"Best of Breed,
Minnesota State Fair, 1983."
This is probably of great
sentimental value here.
Okay.
We'll take it back
in a few minutes...
All right,
in a few minutes.
Why not right now?
[SHRIEKS] Ow, my ear! Ow!
Oh.
KAREN: Oh, you're all nice
and dry, right? Yeah!
Comfortable, huh?
Yeah... You like it
or what?
[BABY COOING]
[LAUGHS SOFTLY] Yeah.
[TELEPHONE RINGING]
Oh, my God!
[TELEPHONE CONTINUES TO RING]
Hello, party central.
Is this the Neal residence?
No. No. I think you have
the wrong number.
Is this 550-5878?
No, this is 5879.
Oh, I'm sorry.
I must have the wrong number.
[CROWD CHEERING]
Yeah, that's okay.
Bye.
Karen! Karen!
Huh. Huh. Hmm, hmm...
[TELEPHONE RINGING]
Here, hold the baby.
[LOUD MUSIC PLAYING]
[LOUD CHATTERING]
[WHOOPING]
[TELEPHONE CONTINUES TO RING]
Neal residence.
BILL: Hello, Karen?
Oh, hi, Mr Neal.
Oh, everything's fine.
Jason just woke up.
We're in the kitchen.
He's in his high chair
and I'm warming up his bottle.
Okay, let me speak to him.
You wanna talk to him? Oh.
Yeah!
Sure, hold on just a second.
Let me go get him
from his high chair.
[FUNK MUSIC PLAYING]
Karen, what's that music
that I hear?
KAREN: I'm playing him Motown.
No Karen, not Motown.
It's Teddy Bear Picnic.
He likes Teddy Bear Picnic.
He's not into Motown yet.
Put him on, Karen.
Hello, Poo-poo?
Poo-poo, what's the matter?
Is little poo-poo mad
because Mommy and Big poo-poo
left you with the baby sitter?
With the baby sitter...
Oh, yeah. There's a good baby.
Nani-poo-poo.
[BABY TALK] Yeah,
Daddy poo-poo.
[BABY TALK]
Right on, little brother.
Put that baby-sitting bitch
back on the phone.
Oh, hi.
Uh, Karen...
I wonder if it'd be all right
if Lynn and I stayed out
a little later?
Say, till 1:30?
Oh, sure. No problem.
You guys have a good time.
You too.
Okay, see you later. Bye.
Bye.
Here.
[BOTH SNORING]
[ALARM RINGS]
All right,
I'm trying the police.
OFFICER: Precinct.
Hello, police?
This is Mr. McGrath
calling again.
Do you have any news
on my son, Douglas?
OFFICER: No, sir. I'm sorry.
But we're working on it.
[GRUNTS]
Well, I'll call
in half an hour. Thank you.
You bet.
[PLAYING PUNK ROCK MUSIC]
♪ Baby, baby
Please let me explain
♪ I was out driving all night
in the pouring rain
♪ There was an accident
I had to save a life
♪ And that's why I didn't
get back till late last night
♪ Don't lie to me
♪ I ain't lying to you
♪ Don't lie to me
♪ I ain't lying to you
♪ I'll bust your balls
♪ I know you will
♪ I don't blame you
for being mad
♪ For not believing
what I tell you
♪ It's all fantastic
but this is true
♪ Oh baby, I love you,
yes, I do
♪ Don't lie to me
♪ I ain't lying to you
♪ Don't lie to me
♪ I ain't lying to you
♪ Bust your balls
♪ I know you will
♪ Well, I know it's hard for
you to understand
♪ How a man can be
so busy
♪ Give me a break
and I'll make it up to you
Fuckin' bitch.
♪ Your old man ain't so bad
now, is he?
♪ I'll bust your balls
♪ I know you will
♪ I'll bust your balls ♪
Give me Russ Cadwell's room.
[TELEPHONE RINGING]
Yeah?
Russ!
I'm at the Cabooze.
You better get down here, man.
[BAVARIAN MUSIC PLAYING]
Name?
Name...
Sorenson.
Dale Sorenson.
Are you a mourner?
Yes.
Company?
Wang.
Computers!
No.
Yes.
Do you have any
major credit cards?
Yes, I have that.
How about if I just
pay for this in cash,
since I have the money
right in my hand.
I don't want to walk around
with all this.
Well, all right, Mr. Sorenson.
That'll be $42.
Do have a good stay.
All right.
I hope so.
Sorry sir.
Can I see some ID?
Look, I just wanna see if my
girlfriend's in there, okay?
[PEOPLE EXCLAIMING]
Someday, somebody's gonna
clean your clock!
Come back and see us
when you're 21.
I'll buy you a drink.
MAN: Cabooze.
Yeah, there's a bomb in there
and it's gonna go off.
[PLAYING PUNK ROCK MUSIC]
ALL: Fresh fruit!
GIRL: You're the greatest!
[CROWD CHEERING]
Thank you.
Thank you. I just got the word
from the owner proprietor
here at the Cabooze...
Thanks very much.
We got some good news
and some bad news.
The good news is
there's plenty of time
to leave a tip
for the waiters.
The bad news...
MAN: One more song!
...is that we're all gonna
have to leave immediately
in an orderly fashion.
We've received a bomb threat.
[CROWD JEERING]
Well, it wasn't my idea
but, just on behalf of John,
Sally and Paul,
the Badmouthettes,
thank you St. Cloud.
It's always a lot of fun.
We'll see you later. Go home.
Okay, Shanto will leave,
Route 31, right?
Yes, yes, I know.
In case you guys get
to the hotel before we do,
here's the key to my room,
just let yourselves in,
and we'll get there
as fast as we can.
Now, you're sure
you're coming?
Yeah, we're coming.
Well, I don't know.
Aw, come on, Diane.
Just for little while?
Yeah, come on, Diane.
All they're asking
is that you go
to a strange man's hotel room.
What should be
more innocent than that?
Thanks a lot, Sally.
You're a real icebreaker
as usual.
Come on, Diane.
It's still early.
Well, okay.
Great.
Great. Okay.
We'll see you there.
Here we go.
Yeah.
All right. Let's pack up
and get out of here
before that bomb goes off.
RUSS: You, come with me.
SALLY: Russ, get lost.
I'm not talking to you.
I'm talking to her
and she's coming with me.
Russ, I'm not going.
You're what?
I'm not going!
Bullshit!
She's coming with me, Russ.
I'm not talking to you.
Fuck you!
Fuck you!
Russ, fuck you!
Yeah, well, fuck you.
SALLY: Fuck you, you fucker!
Well, fuck the both of you!
[LAUGHING] Uh-oh.
You know, I don't do this
all the time.
[STAMMERS] No, of course not.
I didn't think you did.
I like you, Dwayne.
You're a good egg.
I like you, Peggy.
A lot.
You know, you meet a lot
of bastards out there.
I bet.
I'll tell you, Dwayne.
It's not easy
finding Mr. Right.
Especially with two little
rug rats.
Hey, I love kids.
And when you do
meet Mr. Right,
heaven forbid,
whatever you do,
don't go to bed with him.
'Cause if you let him
sleep with you,
they never call you back.
Really, they don't?
Nope.
So...
You've, um...
Worked out a system, huh?
Yep.
Never sleep with any man
who may be Mr. Right?
Uh-huh.
[MOANING]
How's the system working out?
I don't know.
I haven't tried it yet.
[MOANING]
This is it. 214.
Come on.
Oh, look at the atrium,
and there's the pool,
and here's the radio...
And here's the bed.
Oh, it's hard as a rock.
Diane?
Diane, are you okay?
[SIGHS] Well,
I'm gonna get comfortable.
God, it's hot in here.
You know, I don't know.
Maybe I shouldn't be
doing this.
Come on, Diane.
Do you think Paul
wants to sleep with me?
Duh. [CHUCKLES SOFTLY]
[LAUGHS]
You know,
I can't believe this.
You know, here I am
in a hotel room,
waiting for a guy I've known
two hours, and for two years
I've been...
...beating off Russ
with a stick.
Let's face it, Diane.
Russ is a jerk,
and he's a little boy.
Now, come on.
I mean, would you rather
lose it to a boy, or uh,
to a man?
[IN A SING-SONG VOICE]
I'm gonna get laid.
I'm gonna get laid.
Me too. Me too.
It's gonna happen to me,
it's gonna happen to you.
We'll be two happy chappies,
before the night is through...
We're gonna get laid.
We're gonna get laid.
[IN A SING-SONG VOICE] Laid...
Yeah.
[KNOCKS ON DOOR]
Oh, girls, it's us.
Swordfish.
Hi, who wants a brew?
I do.
[GIGGLES]
Okay, how about a toast?
Let's see.
We're in St. Cloud,
we got off early,
we got paid
for the whole night,
and we're here with two
lovely, young ladies.
[LAUGHS]
Here's to the guy,
who phoned in the bomb threat.
[BOTTLE CLANKING]
[ALL SINGING]
♪ If you go down in the
woods today
♪ You're sure to have
a big surprise
♪ If you go down
in the woods today
♪ You'd better go in disguise
♪ For every bear
if ever there was
♪ Will gather there
for certain because
♪ Today's the day
the teddy bears have
♪ A picnic ♪
[BABY CRYING]
Still no lights on,
and no car in the driveway,
but I'm not sure...
Shh!
[CROWD CONTINUE SINGING]
I know that song.
That's it, that's it.
You got it.
[HUMMING]
[LAUGHS]
Wild thing,
I think I love you
[PLAYS GUITAR]
♪ But I wanna know for sure
[PLAYS GUITAR]
[VOCALIZING]
[LAUGHS]
♪ Wild thing
♪ Hold me tight
[PLAYS GUITAR]
♪ I love you ♪
[LAUGHS]
Okay! You got it,
you got it. You got it.
Um... Come on.
What?
[SALLY MOANING]
[WHISPERING INDISTINCTLY]
I think they wanted
to be alone.
Oh.
Um...
Can I kiss you?
I don't know. I mean...
We don't really
know each other.
Which is why should kiss.
It's a great way
to get to know each other.
I bet you bring girls
back to your room
in every town.
Well, actually...
It very rarely happens, but...
When it does, it's...
It's very special.
Come on, Diane.
Just give me one kiss.
And then if you don't want
to kiss me again, fine. But...
You know,
probably won't happen.
You probably won't be able
to control yourself.
[LAUGHS]
Come on. Just one kiss.
Okay. One kiss.
Or the first kiss. Whichever.
Well, uh...
I suppose a second kiss
wouldn't make any difference,
would it?
That's nice.
[LAUGHS] I feel like
one of your groupies
or something.
Well, actually,
this hardly ever happens.
But when it does,
it's very special.
[GIGGLES]
You are a nasty man.
Yes, I am.
[CHUCKLES]
He's about 6'1",
190 pounds,
he's got lightish hair,
he's captain
of the football team,
you know...
Well, are you
attracted to him?
Yeah, I guess so.
Gee, if I were you,
I'd sleep with him.
Of course, if I were you,
I'd sleep with me...
But I guess we've covered
that subject already.
[MOANING]
Okay, hang on.
[CHANGING MUSIC]
[MUSIC PLAYING]
[MOANING]
[LAUGHING]
And Dad's speech
at the funeral meant so much
to everyone who loved her.
His voice cracked
a couple of times but...
He got through it.
Well, that must have been
really hard for him.
But you know, I think
it's a good thing that
your dad's dating again.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Dwayne, I have to leave now.
Oh... Golly, I'm sorry,
I fell asleep.
No, that's all right.
I just wanted to tell you
what a wonderful time
I had tonight.
Me too. Me too.
Look, I'll drive you home.
No, I called a cab.
I'll see you in the office
on Monday.
And you forgot your compact.
Oh. [LAUGHS]
Mmm...
Good night.
And we finally
had to take Mom...
My mom to the hospital.
We visited her every day,
and, um...
Doctor gave us daily reports
on it, and...
And she...
She'd have to go in for tests
all the time...
[CRYING]
Sometimes we weren't even
allowed to see her.
And I'll never forget
the sight of my mother.
In that hospital bed,
with all those tubes...
[SOBS]
It's not fair!
Shit! [PANTING]
Piss! Fuck!
Excuse me, could you tell
what room is Badmouth is in?
Well, they are
in three rooms, sir.
Mr. and Mrs. Kinshlow
are in one room.
Then there's a Mr. Hays,
and Mr. Flum.
Plum?
Flum.
Flum? All right,
whoever he is,
I'll go for him.
What room is he in?
Well, of course,
I can't give you
his room number.
Damn it!
But I can announce you...
All right, let's do that.
Let's announce me.
What's your name, please?
Russ Cadwell.
Tell him Russ Cadwell's
in the lobby right now.
Yes, yes.
There's a Mr. Cadwell
here to see you.
Yes, of course.
I'm sorry, Mr. Flum is not in.
Thank you, that's all I want.
Thank you, thank you.
[THUDS]
[ELEVATOR BELL RINGS]
Open the door, Larry.
Open the door!
Larry, open the door now!
Hurry!
LARRY: It better
be important, man.
Close the door, Larry.
[SCREAMING] Diane!
Diane! Diane!
[THUDDING ON DOOR]
RUSS: I want to see Diane,
I know you're in there.
[THUDDING ON DOOR]
RUSS: Diane!
Diane! Diane!
[IN A DEEP VOICE] Jesus!
What the hell... Time is it?
I know you're in there, Diane!
Open up!
[YAWNING LOUDLY]
I'm trying to get
some sleep in here.
[YAWNS]
Okay, hold on.
All right, I just got to put
some clothes on, okay?
RUSS: Open the door!
Hang on. Okay,
I'm putting them on.
Okay, here I come.
They're almost on.
Open this up, I mean it!
[THUDDING]
Hang on.
Hold on to your horses.
I want to see Diane!
Okay, hang on.
Wait a minute.
Now, there's no one
named Diane in here.
Let me in! Diane!
Come here!
Now, calm down. Calm down.
I'm not gonna let you in,
unless you calm down, okay?
Hey! Calm down!
[THUDDING ON DOOR]
Now, there's no one
named Diane here.
I'm not gonna... How do I know
you're not gonna hurt me?
I won't hurt you.
Okay.
I'm calm now.
I don't quite believe you.
You really got to be calm
before I let you in. You calm?
I am calm.
Really. No, really.
I'm calm now.
I won't hurt you.
Okay.
I'm gonna let you in,
but just remember this,
no one here,
there's no girl here,
and I'm letting you in, okay?
Okay.
Okay, I'm letting you
in right...
[DOOR CRASHES OPEN]
Hey, hey, hey! Come on! Wait!
Where is she?
She's not here!
She's not here!
Where?
Shit. No one's here.
No one's here! She's not here!
Just look around.
Look in the bathroom.
Check the shower!
Who is this? Your fiancee?
No, it's just my girlfriend.
What's she look like?
Blonde, 5'6",
real pretty.
Well, it sounds like
you have every right
to be upset.
Well, good luck to you.
Thanks.
Sorry.
Well, it's okay.
Now, if you'll excuse me,
I gotta get some sleep
before I hit the road.
Okay? Good night.
[DOOR CLOSES]
[KNOCKING ON DOOR]
I'm... I'm asleep, alone...
Larry, it's me.
I could've been killed.
[LOUD MUSIC PLAYING]
[CROWD CHEERING]
[BABY CRYING]
Okay, everyone's gonna
have to leave.
He's been doing this
for over 20 minutes.
I'm telling you,
he's just over-tired.
I have a step-sister
exactly his age.
[BABY CRYING]
And this works every time.
Would you like to go for
a little car ride, Jason?
Would you like that?
Of course you would.
Okay. Into the back seat.
Try and buckle you in
here now.
[GRUNTS] There. Well...
Daddy's pulling out of
the driveway now.
[MIMICS A CAR ENGINE]
And then on
to fluff dry boulevard.
[DRYER CLANKING]
Next stop, dreamland,
where all your friends
are already asleep.
Mr. Fuzzy Bear,
Mr. Owl,
Mr. Chicken,
Mr...
[WHOOPING] Ha-ha!
I'm a party animal,
babe. [LAUGHS]
Are you? [LAUGHS]
You know, it's only 12:30.
Yes.
Now, we've got an hour
before the baby sitter's
expecting us back.
So, is there anything
you'd like to do, sugar?
[SIGHS] No. I'm exhausted.
Let's go home.
Okay, we'll go right home.
'Cause when we get home,
I've got a little something
for you.
Well, actually it's not
that little, sweetheart,
but I got something
for you, okay?
All right!
♪ I'm a party animal! ♪
[SOFT MUSIC PLAYING]
Here. You're a good guy.
No, no. Don't be silly, sir.
That's a $10 bill.
The best 10 bucks
I ever spent in my life.
You know, this is
a great hotel.
No, it is, honestly.
Now, I've...
There are more
expensive hotels,
but they're not better.
You know why?
People.
Right.
[TOBI CHUCKLES]
When I heard that,
"Boom, boom, boom.
Diane, Diane..."
Oh, come on, Paul.
You did a great job.
Yeah, I was rooting for you.
Yeah, well, me too, obviously.
Right, right.
[CHUCKLES]
[BAVARIAN MUSIC PLAYING]
[DINGS]
[ELEVATOR DOOR OPENS]
[INDISTINCT LAUGHTER]
Come on!
[ALL LAUGHING]
Well, next time you should
tell him to wear a helmet.
Oh!
PAUL: Ah!
Ah, is this... Is this her?
Because I, uh, saw her
by the Coke machine.
And, uh...
Uh, I thought
you might be down here.
Well, it was fun, coming down
the elevator with you girls.
Let's get that drink, Paul.
Good idea, Larry.
Well, uh, goodnight everybody.
Russ, you have
no right being here.
I have no right being here?
No, you...
[LOUDLY] I have no right
being here?
Hey, I'm a registered
guest here!
Now, did you sleep
with one of those jerks?
None of your business!
Tobi, no. I...
And if she did,
she wouldn't tell you.
Okay. That's all
I wanted to hear.
Russ, don't!
[MAN CHUCKLING]
Is he following us?
No.
'Cause we're trapped in here.
Isn't this illegal?
There should be
an exit here.
Well, if he comes in,
it's all over.
Well, he's not coming in.
He's coming in.
[DOOR SLAMS OPEN]
Bartender? Excuse me?
Here's a $10 tip.
Uh, please call the police?
What's the problem?
Russ?
Mr. Lundahl?
Dad, what are you doing here?
Me? What are you doing here?
You're 17 years old!
Seventeen.
You see this guy?
He was molesting you daughter.
I was not!
No. No!
PAUL: I...I tried.
You little scumbag!
Russ, once again, calm down.
[BOTH GRUNT]
PAUL: Get your hand off me!
Stu!
Doris? Call the cops.
And...an ambulance.
Okay. Thanks.
PAUL: Get your foot
off of my face!
[CLANKING]
[DOG BARKING]
[INDISTINCT CHATTERING]
[CONTINUES BARKING]
TRACI: Don't drop
anything. Be really
careful about stuff.
TRACI: Hurry.
Okay, let's go!
No, no, no. Wait, wait.
I wanna leave a note.
A note?
Well, yeah! I gotta apologize.
Doug, that's crazy!
Well, you got a pen?
Maybe there's a pen in here.
Doug, I got a pen.
Come on, hurry!
I just feel so weird
about breaking
these people's window.
[DOG BARKING]
DOUG: Um, to whom
it may concern...
Um...
[DOOR OPENS]
[DOUG GROANS]
Oh, my God!
Be careful!
Don't kick that dog!
Careful!
[WHIMPERS]
He's dead. You killed him!
All I did was push him back.
It was an accident!
Now what are we gonna do?
Doug, get over here!
Come on, let's get
out of here.
[DOUG PANTING]
[PANTING] Hurry.
[SOBBING] Here.
TRACI: [SOFTLY]
Hurry. Come on!
[SOBBING]
Go!
Freeze!
[BOTH GASP]
[DOG WHIMPERS]
[GUNSHOT]
[BOTH GASPING]
[ENGINE STARTS]
[ENGINE STARTS]
TRACI: Come on, let's go.
DOUG: I'm going!
TRACI: Let's go!
TRACI: Get out of here!
DOUG: I'm trying, okay!
TRACI: Come on!
DOUG: My dad's car!
TRACI: Oh, where did
you learn to drive!
DOUG: Just trying to get out
of the space, okay?
TRACI: Get this.
Doug, it's the cops!
Be cool, be cool!
Relax! Be cool!
Oh, my God! Take it easy.
Just relax.
Whoa!
[INDISTINCT CONVERSATION]
[SIREN WAILS]
GIRL: Let's get out of here!
It's the cops!
[ENGINE STARTS]
TRACI:
I don't know, I can't tell.
Just be careful!
DOUG: Uh, what...
What do we do?
Oh, no!
[GASPS]
[TIRES SCREECHING]
TRACI: Get us out of here.
Turn us around!
DOUG: Jesus!
TRACI: Come on, go!
[DOUG SIGHS]
[TRACI YELLS]
[DOUG SCREAMS]
TRACI: Oh, my God!
Who is that guy?
He's a madman!
DOUG: He's right behind us.
TRACI: Hurry, hurry.
We can do it!
Make a right here! Quick!
[TIRES SCREECHING]
I think we lost him!
I think we lost him!
Whoo-hoo!
Come on baby!
Excellent driving.
That was great!
[GRUNTS]
[BARKING]
[GASPS]
Oh, the dog! The dog!
What are you doing?
Watch out!
[DOUG SCREAMS]
[CONTINUES BARKING]
[SCREAMS]
Ahhh!
Look out!
[BOTH SCREAMING]
[CAR HORN HONKS]
[DOUG SCREAMING]
[ENGINE REVVING]
[TIRES SCREECHING]
[SCREAMS]
We killed him!
TRACI: Oh, shit! Oh, no!
Where could he be?
[GROANING]
DOUG: I don't know
where he can be!
We're looking for him!
DOUG: We killed him!
TRACI: I don't see him!
He can't be alive!
Not under all that!
TRACI: I think he's squashed
under the tires or something.
DOUG: What is that, blood?
TRACI: I hope it's not blood.
What is it?
Wait, wait. I'll get
the jack!
KEVIN: All right!
Hold it right there!
Put those hands in the air!
[SIRENS WAILING AT A DISTANCE]
You too, sister.
[LYNN LAUGHS]
BILL: Oh, baby.
LYNN: You were absolutely
right about this.
This was the best I had.
It was just fantastic,
I'm telling you.
I am absolutely floating.
Oh, fuck I'm floating!
I'm float... [LAUGHS]
Oh, enough now.
I was with the most
beautiful woman
in the place tonight.
Oh, no. I was with
the most handsome man
in the whole place.
Oh, sweetheart,
sweetheart...
[BOTH LAUGH]
You're right, of course!
Oh, boy.
Yeah!
Oh, my God!
Somebody blind me.
This cannot be my house.
Whose house is...
Look at this place.
Aw!
Look at my fucking tulips
over there.
Would you look at that?
Look at all this...
Get down, quick.
Come on now, go ahead.
♪ A big surprise
♪ If you go to...
[RECORD STICKS]
Big surprise
♪ If you go to...
Jason? Jason!
Huh?
Karen?
Karen?
♪ A big surprise
♪ If you go to... ♪
Jason?
Oh, Jesus. [GASPS]
Oh, my baby. My baby!
He's not in his room.
[CRYING]
They've taken my baby!
Okay, don't panic now.
Let's stay calm.
[EXHALES] Shh!
Bill?
[DRYER CLANGS]
I hear something.
Oh, thank God!
[GASPS] Oh, poo-poo,
everything's all right.
Mommy and Daddy are here.
Karen, exactly what is
the meaning of this?
Um, Mr. Neal,
my name is Eddie Van Arks.
And, I like...
This is like, all my fault.
[JASON COOING]
But, before I explain,
I'd just like to say,
Jason's an incredible baby!
Really?
You really think so?
Oh, yeah. I mean
I couldn't believe it
when Karen told me
he was only six months.
I mean, I thought he was
at least a year old from
how intelligent he was.
Oh! You see?
Just what I've been
telling you.
Everybody thinks
he's just a genius. Yes.
Right, but let's get
one thing straight.
Uh, I don't know exactly
what happened here tonight,
but it's very serious.
And Karen, I'm afraid
I'm gonna have to
tell your father
how you've been behaving.
[JASON COOING]
That's right. [BABY TALK]
Yes.
[SNORING]
[PHONE RINGING]
[GASPS]
Hello?
[INDISTINCT CHATTER
ON POLICE RADIO]
Hurry! Holy Christ!
KEVIN: It all started when
I was in the kitchen.
I heard a noise,
I looked up,
I thought it was probably
a cat in the garbage can.
So I ignored it, pretty much.
And then I was upstairs,
and I heard the noise again.
So I looked outside,
and I saw those criminals
trying to steal something...
OFFICER: Driving without
a license.
Reckless driving.
Theft of a motor vehicle.
Driving under the influence.
Eluding a police officer.
Resisting arrest.
Criminal trespassing...
WOMAN OFFICER:
Property damage.
Criminal trespass of
property.
Possession of stolen goods.
Eluding a police officer.
Resisting arrest.
Attempted canine...
Trying to kill a dog.
It's a hairline fracture.
They gave me some Demerol
and a few Percodan.
Any idiot could have
gotten 20 of those
if you'd asked for 'em.
Hi.
Hi.
This was some night, huh?
Yeah.
I think we can work this out.
That's funny,
I thought so, too.
Well...
We have some problems.
I know that.
Russ, I like you.
And I love you!
But...not really.
I kinda had that feeling.
I'm really sorry.
[SIGHS]
Are we still friends?
[EXHALES]
Yeah.
I hope so.
Hungry?
So what do you think?
You gonna marry him?
That's hard to say.
I'll tell you one thing.
Whoever marries Tobi
is gonna be
a very lucky man.
[CAR ENGINE STARTS]
Dougie, move over.
♪ Tonight's the night that
you've been waiting for
♪ It's gonna feel like
any night before
♪ You know anything can happen
♪ When you're caught up
in the heat of passion
♪ You can't hold back
♪ Gotta find what
you're looking for
♪ The night is young
and there's so much to do
♪ Unchain the spirit
that's inside of you
♪ Been living from day to day
♪ But tonight you can
break away
♪ So take a chance,
come with me
♪ I promise you that
it ain't gonna be just
♪ One more Saturday night
♪ It might even turn your
whole world upside down
♪ Change your
whole point of view
♪ Oh, baby
♪ Oh, baby
♪ One more Saturday night
♪ Is all that it takes
♪ You'll never be
the same because
♪ Love is Saturday night
♪ Love's gonna change you,
love's gonna change your life
♪ No time to hide behind
a fantasy
♪ Now take control
of your own destiny
♪ You know that
the time is right
♪ To find yourself
in the night
♪ So let it out,
we'll break free
♪ I promise you that
it ain't gonna be just
♪ One more Saturday night
♪ It might even turn your
whole world upside down
♪ Change your
whole point of view
♪ Oh, baby
♪ Oh, baby
♪ One more Saturday night
♪ Is all that it takes
♪ You'll never be
the same because
♪ Love is Saturday night
♪ Love's gonna change you,
love's gonna change your life
♪ One more Saturday night
♪ It ain't gonna be just
♪ One more Saturday night
♪ It might even turn your
whole world upside down
♪ Change your
whole point of view
♪ Oh, baby
♪ Oh, baby
♪ One more Saturday night
♪ Is all that it takes
♪ You'll never be
the same because
♪ Love is Saturday night
♪ Love's gonna change you,
love's gonna change your life
♪ No time to hide behind
a fantasy
♪ Now take control
of your own destiny
♪ You know that
the time is right
♪ To find yourself
in the night
♪ So let it out,
we'll break free
♪ I promise you that
it ain't gonna be just
♪ One more Saturday night
♪ It might even turn your
whole world upside down
♪ Change your
whole point of view
♪ Oh, baby
♪ Oh, baby
♪ One more Saturday night
♪ Is all that it takes
♪ You'll never be
the same because
♪ Love is Saturday night
♪ Love's gonna change you,
love's gonna change your life
♪ One more Saturday night
♪ One more Saturday night
♪ It ain't gonna be just
one more Saturday night
♪ It might even turn your
whole world upside down
♪ Change your
whole point of view
♪ Ooh, ooh, ooh
♪ One more Saturday night
♪ Is all that it takes
♪ You'll never be
the same because
♪ Love is Saturday night
♪ Love's gonna change you,
love's gonna change you
♪ One more Saturday night
♪ It might even turn your
whole world upside down
♪ Change your
whole point of view
♪ Ooh, oh, baby
♪ One more Saturday night
♪ Is all that it takes
♪ You'll never be
the same because
♪ Love is Saturday night
♪ Love's gonna change you,
love's gonna change you
♪ One more Saturday night ♪
♪ Tonight's the night that
you've been waiting for
♪ Ain't gonna feel like
any night before
♪ You know anything can happen
♪ When you're caught up
in the heat of passion
♪ You can't hold back
♪ Gotta find what
you're looking for
♪ The night is young
and there's so much to do
♪ Unchain the spirit
that's inside of you
♪ Been living from day to day
♪ But tonight you can
break away
♪ So take a chance,
come with me
♪ I promise you that
it ain't gonna be just
♪ One more Saturday night
♪ It might even turn your
whole world upside down
♪ Change your
whole point of view
♪ Oh, baby
♪ Oh, baby
♪ One more Saturday night
♪ Is all that it takes
♪ You'll never be
the same because
♪ Love is Saturday night
♪ Love's gonna change you,
love's gonna change your life
♪ No time to hide behind
a fantasy
♪ Now take control
of your own destiny
♪ You know that
the time is right
♪ To find yourself
in the night
♪ So let it out,
we'll break free
♪ I promise you that
it ain't gonna be just
♪ One more Saturday night
♪ It might even turn your
whole world upside down
♪ Change your
whole point of view
♪ Oh, baby
♪ Oh, baby
♪ One more Saturday night
♪ Is all that it takes
♪ You'll never be
the same because
♪ Love is Saturday night
♪ Love's gonna change you,
love's gonna change your life
♪ One more Saturday night
♪ It's gonna be just
♪ One more Saturday night
♪ It might even turn your
whole world upside down
♪ Change your
whole point of view
♪ Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh
♪ One more Saturday night ♪
[INDISTINCT CHATTERING]
DESK CLERK: Here you go.
That's, uh, two people,
one bed, $40.
Thank you.
BOTH: Thank you.
[CLEARS THROAT]
Um, I'd like a room, please.
All right, young fella.
How long will you
be staying?
Uh, just tonight. If I'm
gonna stay any longer,
I'll let you know.
Say, aren't you
Bill Cadwell's son?
[CLEARS THROAT] Yeah.
Hi, Mr. Strobel.
I... I didn't know
you worked here.
I saw you throw those
three touchdowns at
homecoming, Russ.
Oh, I get lucky,
I guess.
Uh, so, what you got
going tonight, Russ?
Gonna get lucky again?
Uh, no... See, uh, we have
relatives staying with us
and, um...
They're painting my room.
Right. Sure...
Painting.
Here you go.
Here?
Mmm-hmm.
SALLY: We're here, campers.
Welcome to St. Cloud.
That guy in Minneapolis
did not fix
the exhaust leak,
it's as bad as it was before,
if not worse.
Yeah, but it's just what
I needed to fall asleep.
Well, next time
we go on tour,
I'm driving.
Hey, next time
you buy the van.
[HOOTING] Horn scan,
horn scan.
Where? Where, where, where?
Left.
Oh, man, I'll tell ya,
I've seen so many
beautiful women since
I got to Minnesota.
That is because the state of
Minnesota has got
more blonde, luscious,
genetically pure Swedish women
than anyplace in the world.
Except for Sweden.
LARRY: You know why
Scandinavian women
are so beautiful?
Because the Vikings
were medieval bikers
who rode around in
these boats invading villages.
They'd kill the man
and take only the most
beautiful women with them
because there wasn't
much room on those boats.
I see, now we're getting
Larry's historical
pussy perspective.
That's right.
[HOOTING]
No, no, no,
they're kids.
It's okay,
they can watch.
Right.
Tonight, I'm gonna find me
a blond Viking goddess
to ravish.
Hey, I can't help it.
I'm a lesbian trapped
inside a man's body.
Hi, how you doing?
Good, so far.
Uh, Badmouth.
I think they made
reservations for us at the...
Where's the...
What's the bar? Cabooze
BOTH: Cabooze.
Gunther. Come here.
Got some food.
Come here, boy.
Gunther. Here, boy.
[DOG BARKING]
[SHOUTS] God damn it!
[DOG BARKING]
[SHOUTS]
Don't you know
any better?
You could give Gunther
a heart attack.
He's a full pedigree,
you know!
MAN: Animal abuse.
That's what it is,
animal abuse.
[MAN CONTINUES SHOUTING]
You feeble-minded dog abuser!
[DOG BARKING]
Karen, can I borrow
your blue sweater?
Sure, go ahead, it's yours.
That's right,
it is mine.
What're you doing?
Setting a trap.
Kevin goes through
our stuff when we're out.
No!
Yeah.
You think he could've
gone through my diary?
Possible.
Little creep.
You watch when we
come home tonight,
that hair will be
in a different spot.
Kevin, would you
knock, please?
So, what are you and Russ
doing tonight?
Uh, we're going to
a hockey game.
And then what?
Might get
something to eat.
And then what?
Kevin, have you
ever looked through
any of my stuff?
No, I just thought maybe
you and Russ might be
doing something special.
It's Saturday night.
I don't know.
You little...
[CHUCKLES]
Oww!
[SCREAMING]
Hold still, it didn't
go through yet.
Ahhh, geez!
Come on, hold still.
Okay.
Ow!
[WINCES]
That did the trick.
Where's the earring?
[PANTING]
[WINCING]
Okay, I'm splittin'.
Thanks.
What're you doing?
Taking these albums,
the shirt and shit.
That's cool.
[WINCES]
So long.
All right, son.
Safe home.
What?
Oh, just one of Dougie's
friends saying good-bye.
Oh, that's nice.
[DOUG CRYING OUT]
[KNOCK ON DOOR]
MR. LUNDAHL:
Diane, can I come in?
I gotta brush my teeth.
Sure, Dad.
You know, you already
brushed your teeth?
I'm gonna floss.
Do we have any floss?
[CHUCKLES]
[CHUCKLES]
Dad, I've never
seen you like this.
[LAUGHS]
Honey, I haven't been
on a date in 23 years.
And that was
with your mother.
Feel like I'm back
at high school again.
Come on, Dad.
You're a great guy.
And whoever this
woman is, I know she's nice
if you've asked her out.
All you gotta do is just give
her half a chance to get to
know you.
You're right.
Just be yourself, okay?
Okay.
Okay.
I'm gonna try
real hard to do that.
Dad?
Did you ever have
sex with any ladies
besides Mom?
No.
BILL: Yeah, yeah...
LYNN: Yeah. Yes,
Mommy and Daddy are going out.
But we'll be back.
Yeah.
And you're gonna have
a baby sitter
for the first time.
Won't that be fun? Yes.
Say, "Yes, it will!"
BILL: And Daddy's gonna go out
to get something to eat
and so is Mommy!
[BABY COOING]
And then we're gonna
go out dancing.
♪ Staying alive, staying ♪
[LAUGHING]
BILL: And when we
come home, you're gonna
be a little sleepy baby.
[LAUGHING]
And then we're gonna
tiptoe into your room
and we're gonna look at you.
Yes, we will...
Gonna look at you, poo-poo.
Yes!
[DOORBELL RINGING]
Oh, but Daddy better get ready
because the babysitter's here
and we're gonna be late
LYNN: Oh, but Daddy's always
late, isn't he? Yeah.
[LAUGHS]
Don't talk to me
through the child.
Don't raise your voice
around the baby.
Otay, otay.
But it really pisses
Daddy off when you
talk through the baby.
[LAUGHS]
Yeah.
If you're talking to
fucking Daddy, then
talk to Daddy.
Oh, let's wait till we
get outside, shall we?
Otay.
Now Daddy's gonna go outside
and start up the car.
Which Mommy could
have done herself,
if she was so tremendously
worried about the time. Yes!
[BABY COOING]
Daddy can be a
bit of an asshole,
can't he?
Yeah.
[BABY LAUGHING]
[DOORBELL RINGING]
Ah, Karen. Come on in.
Hi.
Thank you so much
for sitting for us.
Oh, no problem, Mr. Neal.
Jason's a great baby.
I like him a lot.
Oh boy, I tell you,
it's really a good thing that
Lynn and I are getting
a chance to go out
by ourselves tonight.
'Cause I'm telling you
we're starting to get on
each other's nerves
a little bit.
Karen, this is
the restaurant.
Okay.
This is the
pediatrician.
This is the hospital.
This is the fire department.
This is Bill's
mother's number.
Well, she lives in St. Paul,
that probably won't do you
much good.
And this is my mother
and she lives in Detroit.
Well, you have them
just in case.
Just in case,
it's a good policy.
Okay, she's got it under
control, honey. Let's go.
Oh, I know. It's just that...
Oh! If he start's to cry when
you're changing his diaper,
just put Teddy Bear Picnic
on his record player.
Okay, Teddy Bear Picnic.
Okay, let's go!
Oh, wait! I wanna say good bye
just one more time.
[SIGHS]
[KNOCKING ON DOOR]
Dougie, the front porch
light is out, and your mom
can't see the front steps.
[ROCK MUSIC PLAYING]
I want you to go out now
and change the bulb.
Come on, Dad.
Do I have to?
Yes, you do.
Mrs. Hultquist broke her hip
last week and your mom is
afraid of losing her footing.
Dougie, we don't ask you to do
that much around the house.
Now, there's a new bulb
with the groceries in the
back seat of the car.
I'd have brought them in but
my back's been bothering me.
Yeah, yeah, your back, I know.
Just give me the keys.
[SIGHS LOUDLY]
[SIGHS]
[CHANGING RADIO STATIONS]
[HARD ROCK MUSIC PLAYING]
[ENGINE REVVING]
[TIRES SCREECH]
[WOMAN TALKING ON TV]
[EXCLAIMS] Pearl,
Pearl, wake up.
Wake up!
What?
Shh!
Hello, police? Yes,
someone stole my car
and kidnapped my son.
[DOORBELL RINGING]
Hi, if it isn't God's
gift to babysitters!
Wait, my mouth is caught
in a magnetic force field.
Oh, no.
Hey, cool it, Eddie!
Okay. All right, where's
the kitchen, I have to stash
these brews.
That way, I'm gonna go
check on the baby.
All right, Smokey Robinson!
Hey, are these people black?
Would you be quiet?
We got a baby in here.
Yeah, all right.
[BABY COOING]
Here's your little pal.
Yeah. Like him a lot, huh?
[RHYTHM & BLUES MUSIC PLAYING]
[MUSIC CONTINUES]
[BABY CRYING]
[MUSIC STOPS]
Whoops!
Kevin, please don't
throw the football in
the living room.
What're you talking about?
We always throw the football.
You know when Mom was alive
the football wasn't even
allowed in the house.
Well, she's dead.
Kevin!
I'm sorry, but she is.
Dad, will you tell the
worm here not to throw the
football in the living room.
Okay.
One toss.
Hey, a compromise.
[DOORBELL RINGING]
Hey, kiddo. Hi.
MR. LUNDAHL:
Hey, Russ.
How's the arm?
Ah, couldn't be better,
Mr. Lundahl.
So what you kids
up to tonight?
Oh, well, we're just gonna go
to the hockey game
then hang out with some
friends, I guess.
And then what?
And then, uh... Hey, I just
might pass the ball to my top
wide receiver.
Lundahl making a defense.
It was quite horrible.
MR. LUNDAHL:
Hut 23, 24. Hut, hut, hike!
Better stand back,
can't find the receiver.
Ledge to Cadwell.
Look at the ball there,
touchdown! What a catch,
Bob!
The crowd can't believe it,
neither can I, Bob. It's been
the greatest play of all time.
Hey, I got us the room.
Okay.
Well, I thought I'd spare
you the embarrassment.
That's very romantic. [LAUGHS]
Hey, come on.
It was your idea.
Wait, it was my idea not to do
it in the backseat of the car.
Okay, okay, now. Come on, now.
This is a big night for us,
okay?
Now, it's a nice room and
the mayor's gonna be there
and he's gonna cut the ribbon.
I don't think
that's very funny.
I'm not kidding.
He's gonna be there
with a band,
a photographer,
the giant pair of scissors...
Ha-ha!
Gee, Dad, you must be pretty
hard-up if you're asking me.
I uh... I am.
I'm 11 years old.
All I know is what I've
seen on TV and movies.
Yeah.
Well...
You should be wearing
tighter pants, I think.
[HARD ROCK MUSIC PLAYING
ON RADIO]
[MUSIC CONTINUES]
TRACI'S DAD: Who's that?
TRACI: Doug!
TRACI'S MOM: You didn't tell
us you were going out.
TRACI'S DAD:
You are not going out.
Yes, I am.
Just a minute.
How could a boy in Traci's
class have a driver's license?
TRACI'S DAD: Maybe he was
left back a year.
He's not the brightest boy
in the world.
Doesn't even have enough
sense to come in
and say hello.
How difficult can that be?
[MUSIC CONTINUES]
Don't like that boy.
I don't like him.
I don't like his attitude.
Honey, I'm telling you,
we're doing the
smartest thing.
She's going through a phase.
Let's just ride it out.
TRACI: Bye,
I'll see you later.
Hey.
Hey, Doug.
Where did you get the car?
Stole it.
This is your dad's car,
isn't it?
So? I stole it from my dad.
[CHUCKLES] But Doug,
that's not stealing a car.
Listen, Traci, this is hardly
the first thing I've stolen.
Oh, come on!
You've never stolen anything
in your life and you know it.
You don't know everything
there is to know about me,
okay?
Really? Like what?
Like, I've been involved
in some larceny.
[TURNS RADIO OFF]
Like what?
Like, stripping buildings,
stealing equipment
from construction sites.
You know,
breaking and entering.
Into what?
Office spaces, domiciles...
Okay, Doug, why don't you
break into that house
over there?
[SIGHS] Traci,
you know, you have
a lot to learn.
Rule number one,
never hit a house in
your own neighborhood,
TRACI: Doug, did you
break into your mother's
jewelry box?
Cabooze.
C-A-B-O-O-Z-E, Cabooze, okay.
[MUMBLING INDISTINCTLY]
Okay, thank you. Thank you.
3970. 3970.
What's the rest of the number?
Well, I'm not making the call.
I just asked you to
remember the number.
No, you didn't.
Yes, I did.
It's 3970.
Yeah, I did ask you though.
No, you said the number.
You didn't ask.
Well, the way I said
the number implied...
Didn't I ask him?
Does it matter?
Cabooze? Hi, Paul Flum
from Badmouth.
Ah, I know,
I'm sorry, we got lost.
Where are we?
[HOOTING] Horn scan.
Euclid between
Third and Fourth.
Uh, where?
Euclid between
Third and Fourth.
One o' clock. Midnight.
Really?
Oh, okay. I'm sorry.
Okay, bye.
It's around the corner,
we could walk.
LARRY: Well, let's not walk.
Let's take the van.
We got all our stuff.
PAUL: I didn't mean, we should
walk. I know we got...
It was a figure of speech.
Be yourself. Be yourself.
Who am I?
[CHILDREN TALKING INSIDE]
Come on in.
GIRL: Quit it, I don't like...
This is Matthew.
Hi, Matthew, you remind me of
my son when he was little.
Fuck you.
I call him Danny.
And this is Lea.
Hi, Lea.
Hey, surprise, Lea. How would
you like chocolate pudding?
I don't like it.
There's two chocolate
puddings, one for you,
one for your sister.
Now, Mrs. Henzel, I'll call
you from the restaurant.
Now, let's split while the
gettin's good.
Okay.
Hey, how we doing?
Not too good.
Boy, this is awful,
we're getting slaughtered.
[CHEERING]
Come on, you guys.
Get on it!
Hey Tobi, your brother's not
doing so good tonight.
He's adopted.
Great family.
Her brother can't stop the
puck and she's a little slut.
You know, that's a
pretty vicious remark.
If the truth is vicious,
then I'm sorry for telling
the truth.
Well, the truth is you're
jealous because you're fat
and you can't get a boyfriend.
[HORN BLOWING]
[CHEERING]
Let's go get a Coke.
Here, hold this for me,
would you?
[MAN SPEAKING ON PA]
Hey, what did you say
that for?
Because Tobi's a friend of
mine and she's not a slut.
Come on, hey, I like Tobi.
But she does sleep around.
Is Bill Iverson a slut?
You know, he sleeps around.
That's different.
You know, I think it's kind of
weird that you defend Tobi
when you have your
own attitude about sex.
What's my attitude
about sex?
Obviously, you think there's
something wrong with it.
Where did you get
that impression?
Where do you think?
I mean, Diane, we've been
going together for two years.
Now, I have been very patient.
Oh, spare me!
Now, look...
Now, if the guys knew we've
been going out this long and
we haven't slept together,
they'd think
that's weird, too.
Oh, I see, you want to sleep
with me so you can
tell the guys.
I wanna sleep with you
'cause I love you.
You wanna go to that hotel
tonight, so you can announce
to all guys on Monday that
you finally got in my pants.
Don't say that.
It's not the guys.
Forget the guys.
Now, I told them months ago
that we slept together.
What?
Well, what was I supposed
to tell them?
The truth?
I mean,
it's been two years.
Look, don't...
Don't touch me!
Don't... Now, don't make
a big thing out of this.
I don't think I did
one thing wrong.
Damn!
Hey, Russ.
Hi.
You see, Traci,
there's a science to this.
I'm looking for the right
kind of place to hit.
You don't believe me,
do you?
Yeah, I believe you.
Doug, what're we doing here?
Shh!
I'm listening for the right
combination of silences.
Let's go.
Rule number one,
make sure nobody's home.
[DOORBELL RINGING]
Yeah?
[VOICE CRACKING] Um...
TOBI: Look, just forget him.
I have an idea.
Lets the two of go out
and have a good time.
We'll go to the Cabooze
and get a real good buzz on.
We won't get carded,
I know the guy at the door.
God, I can't believe
that prick!
I think you should go
to school on Monday
and just tell everyone
Russ is a lousy lay.
[LAUGHS]
I have to apologize
for Matthew.
He's really got the mouth
of a gutter snipe.
Every time he goes down
to Fort Worth
to visit his father,
he comes back, "Fuck this,
fuck that." I don't care.
Except for Monday I'm putting
Matthew into new school.
And I'm terrified that the
other kids are gonna go
home and say it.
And their parents are gonna
complain to the school that
their kids never
said "fuck" before.
And the school will figure out
it came from Matthew
and kick him out.
[LAUGHS]
[LAUGHS]
Look, I got an idea.
Why don't you just march down
to that school on Tuesday,
real angry and say,
"My Matthew came home from
your school last night and
said the 'F' word." [LAUGHS]
That'll throw them
off the track.
[LAUGHS]
You folks okay?
Another round for us, please.
[LAUGHS] I hope you're not
trying to get me drunk.
'Cause it just might work.
[GIGGLES]
[MELODRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYING
ON TV]
[GUNSHOTS]
[GUNSHOTS]
[EXPLOSION]
Come on.
[WHISPERING]
Here, come here.
This is perfect.
Um...
Go ahead.
It's locked.
Break it.
[MUSIC PLAYING ON TV]
[GLASS SHATTERS]
[BARKING]
DOUG: It's a dog.
TRACI: Keep going.
Keep going.
[GRUNTS SOFTLY]
Go!
[GROANS]
[BARKING]
Okay, what do we steal?
I don't know.
Just take anything.
Let's get the hell outta here.
TRACI: Look at the ashtray,
it's incredible.
Traci, you don't need
an ashtray, you don't smoke.
[BARKING CONTINUES]
A lamp!
I really like it.
Traci, come on, we got to go.
Tracy, come on!
[BARKING]
[BAND PLAYING]
♪ My, my, my
♪ Look at all the faces
♪ There ain't nobody
♪ Feelin' outta place here
♪ 'Cause they're movin'
and they're groovin'
♪ And it sure looks good to me
♪ Excusez moi, mon cherie
♪ Make way for my baby and me
Rock 'n rollin'!
♪ Well everybody
is havin' such a good time
Excuse me.
♪ My, my, my baby
I just spent my last dime ♪
[MUSIC CONTINUES]
Stan, two tequilas.
Right.
Uh, I don't know
if I like tequila.
Doesn't matter.
All you gotta do
is lick, chug, suck.
STAN: There you go.
Ready?
Okay?
[COUGHS]
Suck, suck.
[YELPS]
[LAUGHING]
Like it?
No! [LAUGHS]
Hey, check out the band.
What did you say?
♪ Everybody is out a reelin'
♪ Steamin' and hollerin'
for more
♪ Well, you don't have to
worry about the
latest dance craze
Two pretty
good looking prospects.
♪ Just get up on the floor
shake your hips... ♪
[DOORBELL RINGS]
Oh, my God,
they got home early.
You better get out.
Don't worry, I just told
a couple of guys to drop by.
You what?
Yes, Mouse and Freddie,
it's not just anybody.
Where I go, they go.
Where you go, they go?
Dudes!
Hey, Karen.
Hey, how you doing?
Okay, you got the brew?
I thought you bought it.
I brought a six pack.
That's not gonna do it.
I'm calling the hotline.
Dogman. Yeah!
[SPEAKING FRACTURED SPANISH]
What's the address here?
7061, Oak Grove.
Hey, you guys,
they're coming home at 11:00.
Don't worry, we'll be
out of here by 10:45.
7061, Oak Grove.
Yeah, and Dogman,
Karen's babysitting here,
so, uh...
Be cool.
Dogman says, "No problem."
BOY:
Gonna starve to death here.
[ROCK MUSIC PLAYING ON RADIO]
♪ I want you to light my fuse
♪ 'Cause that's what
rock 'n roll is all about
That little schnauzer was
so funny, yapping behind
that gate,
don't you think so?
He was really tripping out.
Yeah.
Was so funny.
So, so, what do you do
with the stuff?
Fence it or what?
Depends.
♪ Can't get... ♪
It's the cops!
Get down, get down.
No, it's a Volkswagen, Doug.
Get back up.
Come on, it's no problem.
Get up, it's just
somebody's car.
[WHIMPERS]
Get back up,
it's just a little bug.
Look, everything's cool,
it's cool, it's cool.
It's okay.
[SIGHS]
It's pretty cool.
Listen, Traci. Everything
that we stole tonight,
we're taking it back,
right now!
Dougie, that's stupid.
We already got away with it.
Listen, you don't have
to come with me,
but we're taking
that stuff back.
TRACI: [SCOFFS]
What a mistake.
This was ridiculous.
[ENGINE STARTS]
We shouldn't go.
We should not go.
[EXCLAIMS]
Now what?
It's my dad's car!
[SCOFFS]
Come on, just do
something, let's just go.
Don't worry, just leave.
[ENGINE STARTS]
[ENGINE STOPS]
[ENGINE STARTS]
[DOG BARKING]
[TELEPHONE RINGING]
Hello. Oh, hi, Russ.
[SLOW MUSIC PLAYING ON TV]
Uh, is Diane home?
Diane? She's not here,
I thought she was with you.
No, not right now.
Where are you?
Um, I'm at a friend's house.
Okay, I'll have her
give you a call
when she gets in.
No, no, I'll keep trying her
at your house.
Okay, sure,
I'll be up a while. So long.
Okay, take it easy, Kev.
[REPLACES PHONE]
Damn.
[WOMAN MOANING ON TV]
[MOANING CONTINUES]
♪ I work all week long but
tonight I just got to play
♪ Well, I feel so good 'cause
tonight I'm gonna see my babe
Aren't you glad you came?
Yeah, yes.
Yeah, yeah.
♪ Now I'm giving you a warning
♪ No, no, don't stay at home
♪ Come to the
Upper Mississippi Shakedown ♪
[INDISTINCT CHATTER]
BOY 1: Move, move!
BOY 2: Take no prisoners!
All right. Go, come on!
Take it out back and stick it
in the patio!
Hurry up!
[SCOFFS] Shoot, Eddie,
if I get into any
trouble for this,
I'm never going
to forgive you.
Don't worry, I'm not
gonna take that chance.
[INDISTINCT CHATTER]
Hey, come on,
wipe your feet, guys,
wipe your feet.
Take off those shoes.
Don't make Dogman
take off his shoes,
he'll smell up the
whole house.
DOGMAN: Shut up, man.
GIRL: I'm wearing boots!
[CLANKING]
Yo!
[SHUSHING]
Okay, I have an announcement
from party central.
Point number one.
Karen is my girlfriend.
[CROWD MUMBLING]
Point number two.
She's babysitting
at these people's house.
Point number three.
These people are coming
home at, at 11:00
[ALL CLAMORING]
Yo, yo! [SHUSHING]
Yo, we move in,
we party hard...
BOY: It's cool.
We party fast,
and then we move out.
All right!
[ALL CHEERING]
Okay, okay. Yo!
One more thing.
Uh, there's a baby in here,
so, uh, no noise.
[ALL PROTESTING]
All right, all right,
all right, all right.
Don't worry about it.
I'll take care of it.
[ALL CHEERING]
[MR. LUNDAHL AND PEGGY
LAUGHING]
PEGGY: Jesus!
MR. LUNDAHL: Ah!
Watch out.
[PEGGY MOANS]
Ah, Jesus, Mr. Lundahl.
Oh!
MR. LUNDAHL: Be right out.
Uh, take, take your time, sir.
Mr. Lundahl.
Ah, gee, Mr. Lundahl,
I'm really sorry about this,
but, you know,
we got to put the kids
from parking along here.
Of course you do, Brad,
and you're doing
a fine job, too.
[PEGGY LAUGHING]
Look, uh, don't bother
saying hi to your,
to your dad for me.
I'll probably see him
on Monday.
Sure, sure.
Sure thing, Mr. Lundahl.
Uh... Say, you know,
if you want find
a place to park,
you might try the lot behind
the Thrifty Mart.
It's real nice.
Oh...
Thank you, Brad.
[MUSIC PLAYING FROM HOUSE]
[THUD]
[ENGINE STOPS]
TRACI: Where'd all these
cars come from?
All right, Traci!
Let's party!
Hi, Maureen.
Hey, pal, you got some brews
in there?
Uh, no, I just got
this gold cup here.
It's okay,
I pretty much got it.
Come on, let's go
to the party
down the street.
Come on,
there's a party. Come on!
Let's go!
Yeah, ready, guys?
Come on!
All right, yeah.
[DISCO FUNK MUSIC PLAYING]
BOY: Party!
Somebody dance with me.
[INDISTINCT CHATTERING]
♪ The lady's stacked
and that's a fact,
ain't holding nothing back
♪ She's a brick house
♪ She's the one, the only one
who's built like an amazon
♪ The clothes she wears,
her sexy ways
[BAND PLAYING ROCK MUSIC]
[CROWD CHEERING]
Thank you. Thank you.
We're gonna take
a short break.
We'll be right back.
As soon as we get our cocks
back in our pants.
There it is,
in that direction.
Yeah.
Badmouth's van.
That's right.
Not very far away.
[INDISTINCT CHATTERING]
Step right in. Party's on
in the back here.
Whoa, it's cold.
It is kind of nippy tonight.
I'll warm you up.
Here...
I'm okay. I'm okay now.
Thanks.
Let's warm you up.
Where's that joint?
Hmm?
Mmm, right here.
Uh, ladies,
this is some of the world's
finest marijuana.
You know, throughout history,
drugs have played
a vital role
in the development
of medicine, science
and the arts,
but I doubt if any culture
is as privileged
as ours is tonight,
because this particular strain
represents centuries
of genetic manipulation
of Cannabis indica.
Ah, blow it out your ass
and give me that thing,
would you?
Ah, I can't find a match.
Don't worry.
Let's not let
this one run, okay?
LARRY: Ah...
A characteristic aroma,
reminiscent of
a skunk, actually...
It's why some people
call it "stink weed."
TOBI: Boy,
it really does reek.
Mmm... I do love that smell.
LARRY: Sometimes when we pass
a dead skunk on the road,
we just go,
"Mmm, let's light one up."
Yeah, that's the stuff.
[INHALING]
[EXHALING]
[CLEARS THROAT]
Nice hit.
It's more efficient that way.
[LOUD MUSIC PLAYING]
[ALL CHEERING]
Tracy, look at this.
"Best of Breed,
Minnesota State Fair, 1983."
This is probably of great
sentimental value here.
Okay.
We'll take it back
in a few minutes...
All right,
in a few minutes.
Why not right now?
[SHRIEKS] Ow, my ear! Ow!
Oh.
KAREN: Oh, you're all nice
and dry, right? Yeah!
Comfortable, huh?
Yeah... You like it
or what?
[BABY COOING]
[LAUGHS SOFTLY] Yeah.
[TELEPHONE RINGING]
Oh, my God!
[TELEPHONE CONTINUES TO RING]
Hello, party central.
Is this the Neal residence?
No. No. I think you have
the wrong number.
Is this 550-5878?
No, this is 5879.
Oh, I'm sorry.
I must have the wrong number.
[CROWD CHEERING]
Yeah, that's okay.
Bye.
Karen! Karen!
Huh. Huh. Hmm, hmm...
[TELEPHONE RINGING]
Here, hold the baby.
[LOUD MUSIC PLAYING]
[LOUD CHATTERING]
[WHOOPING]
[TELEPHONE CONTINUES TO RING]
Neal residence.
BILL: Hello, Karen?
Oh, hi, Mr Neal.
Oh, everything's fine.
Jason just woke up.
We're in the kitchen.
He's in his high chair
and I'm warming up his bottle.
Okay, let me speak to him.
You wanna talk to him? Oh.
Yeah!
Sure, hold on just a second.
Let me go get him
from his high chair.
[FUNK MUSIC PLAYING]
Karen, what's that music
that I hear?
KAREN: I'm playing him Motown.
No Karen, not Motown.
It's Teddy Bear Picnic.
He likes Teddy Bear Picnic.
He's not into Motown yet.
Put him on, Karen.
Hello, Poo-poo?
Poo-poo, what's the matter?
Is little poo-poo mad
because Mommy and Big poo-poo
left you with the baby sitter?
With the baby sitter...
Oh, yeah. There's a good baby.
Nani-poo-poo.
[BABY TALK] Yeah,
Daddy poo-poo.
[BABY TALK]
Right on, little brother.
Put that baby-sitting bitch
back on the phone.
Oh, hi.
Uh, Karen...
I wonder if it'd be all right
if Lynn and I stayed out
a little later?
Say, till 1:30?
Oh, sure. No problem.
You guys have a good time.
You too.
Okay, see you later. Bye.
Bye.
Here.
[BOTH SNORING]
[ALARM RINGS]
All right,
I'm trying the police.
OFFICER: Precinct.
Hello, police?
This is Mr. McGrath
calling again.
Do you have any news
on my son, Douglas?
OFFICER: No, sir. I'm sorry.
But we're working on it.
[GRUNTS]
Well, I'll call
in half an hour. Thank you.
You bet.
[PLAYING PUNK ROCK MUSIC]
♪ Baby, baby
Please let me explain
♪ I was out driving all night
in the pouring rain
♪ There was an accident
I had to save a life
♪ And that's why I didn't
get back till late last night
♪ Don't lie to me
♪ I ain't lying to you
♪ Don't lie to me
♪ I ain't lying to you
♪ I'll bust your balls
♪ I know you will
♪ I don't blame you
for being mad
♪ For not believing
what I tell you
♪ It's all fantastic
but this is true
♪ Oh baby, I love you,
yes, I do
♪ Don't lie to me
♪ I ain't lying to you
♪ Don't lie to me
♪ I ain't lying to you
♪ Bust your balls
♪ I know you will
♪ Well, I know it's hard for
you to understand
♪ How a man can be
so busy
♪ Give me a break
and I'll make it up to you
Fuckin' bitch.
♪ Your old man ain't so bad
now, is he?
♪ I'll bust your balls
♪ I know you will
♪ I'll bust your balls ♪
Give me Russ Cadwell's room.
[TELEPHONE RINGING]
Yeah?
Russ!
I'm at the Cabooze.
You better get down here, man.
[BAVARIAN MUSIC PLAYING]
Name?
Name...
Sorenson.
Dale Sorenson.
Are you a mourner?
Yes.
Company?
Wang.
Computers!
No.
Yes.
Do you have any
major credit cards?
Yes, I have that.
How about if I just
pay for this in cash,
since I have the money
right in my hand.
I don't want to walk around
with all this.
Well, all right, Mr. Sorenson.
That'll be $42.
Do have a good stay.
All right.
I hope so.
Sorry sir.
Can I see some ID?
Look, I just wanna see if my
girlfriend's in there, okay?
[PEOPLE EXCLAIMING]
Someday, somebody's gonna
clean your clock!
Come back and see us
when you're 21.
I'll buy you a drink.
MAN: Cabooze.
Yeah, there's a bomb in there
and it's gonna go off.
[PLAYING PUNK ROCK MUSIC]
ALL: Fresh fruit!
GIRL: You're the greatest!
[CROWD CHEERING]
Thank you.
Thank you. I just got the word
from the owner proprietor
here at the Cabooze...
Thanks very much.
We got some good news
and some bad news.
The good news is
there's plenty of time
to leave a tip
for the waiters.
The bad news...
MAN: One more song!
...is that we're all gonna
have to leave immediately
in an orderly fashion.
We've received a bomb threat.
[CROWD JEERING]
Well, it wasn't my idea
but, just on behalf of John,
Sally and Paul,
the Badmouthettes,
thank you St. Cloud.
It's always a lot of fun.
We'll see you later. Go home.
Okay, Shanto will leave,
Route 31, right?
Yes, yes, I know.
In case you guys get
to the hotel before we do,
here's the key to my room,
just let yourselves in,
and we'll get there
as fast as we can.
Now, you're sure
you're coming?
Yeah, we're coming.
Well, I don't know.
Aw, come on, Diane.
Just for little while?
Yeah, come on, Diane.
All they're asking
is that you go
to a strange man's hotel room.
What should be
more innocent than that?
Thanks a lot, Sally.
You're a real icebreaker
as usual.
Come on, Diane.
It's still early.
Well, okay.
Great.
Great. Okay.
We'll see you there.
Here we go.
Yeah.
All right. Let's pack up
and get out of here
before that bomb goes off.
RUSS: You, come with me.
SALLY: Russ, get lost.
I'm not talking to you.
I'm talking to her
and she's coming with me.
Russ, I'm not going.
You're what?
I'm not going!
Bullshit!
She's coming with me, Russ.
I'm not talking to you.
Fuck you!
Fuck you!
Russ, fuck you!
Yeah, well, fuck you.
SALLY: Fuck you, you fucker!
Well, fuck the both of you!
[LAUGHING] Uh-oh.
You know, I don't do this
all the time.
[STAMMERS] No, of course not.
I didn't think you did.
I like you, Dwayne.
You're a good egg.
I like you, Peggy.
A lot.
You know, you meet a lot
of bastards out there.
I bet.
I'll tell you, Dwayne.
It's not easy
finding Mr. Right.
Especially with two little
rug rats.
Hey, I love kids.
And when you do
meet Mr. Right,
heaven forbid,
whatever you do,
don't go to bed with him.
'Cause if you let him
sleep with you,
they never call you back.
Really, they don't?
Nope.
So...
You've, um...
Worked out a system, huh?
Yep.
Never sleep with any man
who may be Mr. Right?
Uh-huh.
[MOANING]
How's the system working out?
I don't know.
I haven't tried it yet.
[MOANING]
This is it. 214.
Come on.
Oh, look at the atrium,
and there's the pool,
and here's the radio...
And here's the bed.
Oh, it's hard as a rock.
Diane?
Diane, are you okay?
[SIGHS] Well,
I'm gonna get comfortable.
God, it's hot in here.
You know, I don't know.
Maybe I shouldn't be
doing this.
Come on, Diane.
Do you think Paul
wants to sleep with me?
Duh. [CHUCKLES SOFTLY]
[LAUGHS]
You know,
I can't believe this.
You know, here I am
in a hotel room,
waiting for a guy I've known
two hours, and for two years
I've been...
...beating off Russ
with a stick.
Let's face it, Diane.
Russ is a jerk,
and he's a little boy.
Now, come on.
I mean, would you rather
lose it to a boy, or uh,
to a man?
[IN A SING-SONG VOICE]
I'm gonna get laid.
I'm gonna get laid.
Me too. Me too.
It's gonna happen to me,
it's gonna happen to you.
We'll be two happy chappies,
before the night is through...
We're gonna get laid.
We're gonna get laid.
[IN A SING-SONG VOICE] Laid...
Yeah.
[KNOCKS ON DOOR]
Oh, girls, it's us.
Swordfish.
Hi, who wants a brew?
I do.
[GIGGLES]
Okay, how about a toast?
Let's see.
We're in St. Cloud,
we got off early,
we got paid
for the whole night,
and we're here with two
lovely, young ladies.
[LAUGHS]
Here's to the guy,
who phoned in the bomb threat.
[BOTTLE CLANKING]
[ALL SINGING]
♪ If you go down in the
woods today
♪ You're sure to have
a big surprise
♪ If you go down
in the woods today
♪ You'd better go in disguise
♪ For every bear
if ever there was
♪ Will gather there
for certain because
♪ Today's the day
the teddy bears have
♪ A picnic ♪
[BABY CRYING]
Still no lights on,
and no car in the driveway,
but I'm not sure...
Shh!
[CROWD CONTINUE SINGING]
I know that song.
That's it, that's it.
You got it.
[HUMMING]
[LAUGHS]
Wild thing,
I think I love you
[PLAYS GUITAR]
♪ But I wanna know for sure
[PLAYS GUITAR]
[VOCALIZING]
[LAUGHS]
♪ Wild thing
♪ Hold me tight
[PLAYS GUITAR]
♪ I love you ♪
[LAUGHS]
Okay! You got it,
you got it. You got it.
Um... Come on.
What?
[SALLY MOANING]
[WHISPERING INDISTINCTLY]
I think they wanted
to be alone.
Oh.
Um...
Can I kiss you?
I don't know. I mean...
We don't really
know each other.
Which is why should kiss.
It's a great way
to get to know each other.
I bet you bring girls
back to your room
in every town.
Well, actually...
It very rarely happens, but...
When it does, it's...
It's very special.
Come on, Diane.
Just give me one kiss.
And then if you don't want
to kiss me again, fine. But...
You know,
probably won't happen.
You probably won't be able
to control yourself.
[LAUGHS]
Come on. Just one kiss.
Okay. One kiss.
Or the first kiss. Whichever.
Well, uh...
I suppose a second kiss
wouldn't make any difference,
would it?
That's nice.
[LAUGHS] I feel like
one of your groupies
or something.
Well, actually,
this hardly ever happens.
But when it does,
it's very special.
[GIGGLES]
You are a nasty man.
Yes, I am.
[CHUCKLES]
He's about 6'1",
190 pounds,
he's got lightish hair,
he's captain
of the football team,
you know...
Well, are you
attracted to him?
Yeah, I guess so.
Gee, if I were you,
I'd sleep with him.
Of course, if I were you,
I'd sleep with me...
But I guess we've covered
that subject already.
[MOANING]
Okay, hang on.
[CHANGING MUSIC]
[MUSIC PLAYING]
[MOANING]
[LAUGHING]
And Dad's speech
at the funeral meant so much
to everyone who loved her.
His voice cracked
a couple of times but...
He got through it.
Well, that must have been
really hard for him.
But you know, I think
it's a good thing that
your dad's dating again.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Dwayne, I have to leave now.
Oh... Golly, I'm sorry,
I fell asleep.
No, that's all right.
I just wanted to tell you
what a wonderful time
I had tonight.
Me too. Me too.
Look, I'll drive you home.
No, I called a cab.
I'll see you in the office
on Monday.
And you forgot your compact.
Oh. [LAUGHS]
Mmm...
Good night.
And we finally
had to take Mom...
My mom to the hospital.
We visited her every day,
and, um...
Doctor gave us daily reports
on it, and...
And she...
She'd have to go in for tests
all the time...
[CRYING]
Sometimes we weren't even
allowed to see her.
And I'll never forget
the sight of my mother.
In that hospital bed,
with all those tubes...
[SOBS]
It's not fair!
Shit! [PANTING]
Piss! Fuck!
Excuse me, could you tell
what room is Badmouth is in?
Well, they are
in three rooms, sir.
Mr. and Mrs. Kinshlow
are in one room.
Then there's a Mr. Hays,
and Mr. Flum.
Plum?
Flum.
Flum? All right,
whoever he is,
I'll go for him.
What room is he in?
Well, of course,
I can't give you
his room number.
Damn it!
But I can announce you...
All right, let's do that.
Let's announce me.
What's your name, please?
Russ Cadwell.
Tell him Russ Cadwell's
in the lobby right now.
Yes, yes.
There's a Mr. Cadwell
here to see you.
Yes, of course.
I'm sorry, Mr. Flum is not in.
Thank you, that's all I want.
Thank you, thank you.
[THUDS]
[ELEVATOR BELL RINGS]
Open the door, Larry.
Open the door!
Larry, open the door now!
Hurry!
LARRY: It better
be important, man.
Close the door, Larry.
[SCREAMING] Diane!
Diane! Diane!
[THUDDING ON DOOR]
RUSS: I want to see Diane,
I know you're in there.
[THUDDING ON DOOR]
RUSS: Diane!
Diane! Diane!
[IN A DEEP VOICE] Jesus!
What the hell... Time is it?
I know you're in there, Diane!
Open up!
[YAWNING LOUDLY]
I'm trying to get
some sleep in here.
[YAWNS]
Okay, hold on.
All right, I just got to put
some clothes on, okay?
RUSS: Open the door!
Hang on. Okay,
I'm putting them on.
Okay, here I come.
They're almost on.
Open this up, I mean it!
[THUDDING]
Hang on.
Hold on to your horses.
I want to see Diane!
Okay, hang on.
Wait a minute.
Now, there's no one
named Diane in here.
Let me in! Diane!
Come here!
Now, calm down. Calm down.
I'm not gonna let you in,
unless you calm down, okay?
Hey! Calm down!
[THUDDING ON DOOR]
Now, there's no one
named Diane here.
I'm not gonna... How do I know
you're not gonna hurt me?
I won't hurt you.
Okay.
I'm calm now.
I don't quite believe you.
You really got to be calm
before I let you in. You calm?
I am calm.
Really. No, really.
I'm calm now.
I won't hurt you.
Okay.
I'm gonna let you in,
but just remember this,
no one here,
there's no girl here,
and I'm letting you in, okay?
Okay.
Okay, I'm letting you
in right...
[DOOR CRASHES OPEN]
Hey, hey, hey! Come on! Wait!
Where is she?
She's not here!
She's not here!
Where?
Shit. No one's here.
No one's here! She's not here!
Just look around.
Look in the bathroom.
Check the shower!
Who is this? Your fiancee?
No, it's just my girlfriend.
What's she look like?
Blonde, 5'6",
real pretty.
Well, it sounds like
you have every right
to be upset.
Well, good luck to you.
Thanks.
Sorry.
Well, it's okay.
Now, if you'll excuse me,
I gotta get some sleep
before I hit the road.
Okay? Good night.
[DOOR CLOSES]
[KNOCKING ON DOOR]
I'm... I'm asleep, alone...
Larry, it's me.
I could've been killed.
[LOUD MUSIC PLAYING]
[CROWD CHEERING]
[BABY CRYING]
Okay, everyone's gonna
have to leave.
He's been doing this
for over 20 minutes.
I'm telling you,
he's just over-tired.
I have a step-sister
exactly his age.
[BABY CRYING]
And this works every time.
Would you like to go for
a little car ride, Jason?
Would you like that?
Of course you would.
Okay. Into the back seat.
Try and buckle you in
here now.
[GRUNTS] There. Well...
Daddy's pulling out of
the driveway now.
[MIMICS A CAR ENGINE]
And then on
to fluff dry boulevard.
[DRYER CLANKING]
Next stop, dreamland,
where all your friends
are already asleep.
Mr. Fuzzy Bear,
Mr. Owl,
Mr. Chicken,
Mr...
[WHOOPING] Ha-ha!
I'm a party animal,
babe. [LAUGHS]
Are you? [LAUGHS]
You know, it's only 12:30.
Yes.
Now, we've got an hour
before the baby sitter's
expecting us back.
So, is there anything
you'd like to do, sugar?
[SIGHS] No. I'm exhausted.
Let's go home.
Okay, we'll go right home.
'Cause when we get home,
I've got a little something
for you.
Well, actually it's not
that little, sweetheart,
but I got something
for you, okay?
All right!
♪ I'm a party animal! ♪
[SOFT MUSIC PLAYING]
Here. You're a good guy.
No, no. Don't be silly, sir.
That's a $10 bill.
The best 10 bucks
I ever spent in my life.
You know, this is
a great hotel.
No, it is, honestly.
Now, I've...
There are more
expensive hotels,
but they're not better.
You know why?
People.
Right.
[TOBI CHUCKLES]
When I heard that,
"Boom, boom, boom.
Diane, Diane..."
Oh, come on, Paul.
You did a great job.
Yeah, I was rooting for you.
Yeah, well, me too, obviously.
Right, right.
[CHUCKLES]
[BAVARIAN MUSIC PLAYING]
[DINGS]
[ELEVATOR DOOR OPENS]
[INDISTINCT LAUGHTER]
Come on!
[ALL LAUGHING]
Well, next time you should
tell him to wear a helmet.
Oh!
PAUL: Ah!
Ah, is this... Is this her?
Because I, uh, saw her
by the Coke machine.
And, uh...
Uh, I thought
you might be down here.
Well, it was fun, coming down
the elevator with you girls.
Let's get that drink, Paul.
Good idea, Larry.
Well, uh, goodnight everybody.
Russ, you have
no right being here.
I have no right being here?
No, you...
[LOUDLY] I have no right
being here?
Hey, I'm a registered
guest here!
Now, did you sleep
with one of those jerks?
None of your business!
Tobi, no. I...
And if she did,
she wouldn't tell you.
Okay. That's all
I wanted to hear.
Russ, don't!
[MAN CHUCKLING]
Is he following us?
No.
'Cause we're trapped in here.
Isn't this illegal?
There should be
an exit here.
Well, if he comes in,
it's all over.
Well, he's not coming in.
He's coming in.
[DOOR SLAMS OPEN]
Bartender? Excuse me?
Here's a $10 tip.
Uh, please call the police?
What's the problem?
Russ?
Mr. Lundahl?
Dad, what are you doing here?
Me? What are you doing here?
You're 17 years old!
Seventeen.
You see this guy?
He was molesting you daughter.
I was not!
No. No!
PAUL: I...I tried.
You little scumbag!
Russ, once again, calm down.
[BOTH GRUNT]
PAUL: Get your hand off me!
Stu!
Doris? Call the cops.
And...an ambulance.
Okay. Thanks.
PAUL: Get your foot
off of my face!
[CLANKING]
[DOG BARKING]
[INDISTINCT CHATTERING]
[CONTINUES BARKING]
TRACI: Don't drop
anything. Be really
careful about stuff.
TRACI: Hurry.
Okay, let's go!
No, no, no. Wait, wait.
I wanna leave a note.
A note?
Well, yeah! I gotta apologize.
Doug, that's crazy!
Well, you got a pen?
Maybe there's a pen in here.
Doug, I got a pen.
Come on, hurry!
I just feel so weird
about breaking
these people's window.
[DOG BARKING]
DOUG: Um, to whom
it may concern...
Um...
[DOOR OPENS]
[DOUG GROANS]
Oh, my God!
Be careful!
Don't kick that dog!
Careful!
[WHIMPERS]
He's dead. You killed him!
All I did was push him back.
It was an accident!
Now what are we gonna do?
Doug, get over here!
Come on, let's get
out of here.
[DOUG PANTING]
[PANTING] Hurry.
[SOBBING] Here.
TRACI: [SOFTLY]
Hurry. Come on!
[SOBBING]
Go!
Freeze!
[BOTH GASP]
[DOG WHIMPERS]
[GUNSHOT]
[BOTH GASPING]
[ENGINE STARTS]
[ENGINE STARTS]
TRACI: Come on, let's go.
DOUG: I'm going!
TRACI: Let's go!
TRACI: Get out of here!
DOUG: I'm trying, okay!
TRACI: Come on!
DOUG: My dad's car!
TRACI: Oh, where did
you learn to drive!
DOUG: Just trying to get out
of the space, okay?
TRACI: Get this.
Doug, it's the cops!
Be cool, be cool!
Relax! Be cool!
Oh, my God! Take it easy.
Just relax.
Whoa!
[INDISTINCT CONVERSATION]
[SIREN WAILS]
GIRL: Let's get out of here!
It's the cops!
[ENGINE STARTS]
TRACI:
I don't know, I can't tell.
Just be careful!
DOUG: Uh, what...
What do we do?
Oh, no!
[GASPS]
[TIRES SCREECHING]
TRACI: Get us out of here.
Turn us around!
DOUG: Jesus!
TRACI: Come on, go!
[DOUG SIGHS]
[TRACI YELLS]
[DOUG SCREAMS]
TRACI: Oh, my God!
Who is that guy?
He's a madman!
DOUG: He's right behind us.
TRACI: Hurry, hurry.
We can do it!
Make a right here! Quick!
[TIRES SCREECHING]
I think we lost him!
I think we lost him!
Whoo-hoo!
Come on baby!
Excellent driving.
That was great!
[GRUNTS]
[BARKING]
[GASPS]
Oh, the dog! The dog!
What are you doing?
Watch out!
[DOUG SCREAMS]
[CONTINUES BARKING]
[SCREAMS]
Ahhh!
Look out!
[BOTH SCREAMING]
[CAR HORN HONKS]
[DOUG SCREAMING]
[ENGINE REVVING]
[TIRES SCREECHING]
[SCREAMS]
We killed him!
TRACI: Oh, shit! Oh, no!
Where could he be?
[GROANING]
DOUG: I don't know
where he can be!
We're looking for him!
DOUG: We killed him!
TRACI: I don't see him!
He can't be alive!
Not under all that!
TRACI: I think he's squashed
under the tires or something.
DOUG: What is that, blood?
TRACI: I hope it's not blood.
What is it?
Wait, wait. I'll get
the jack!
KEVIN: All right!
Hold it right there!
Put those hands in the air!
[SIRENS WAILING AT A DISTANCE]
You too, sister.
[LYNN LAUGHS]
BILL: Oh, baby.
LYNN: You were absolutely
right about this.
This was the best I had.
It was just fantastic,
I'm telling you.
I am absolutely floating.
Oh, fuck I'm floating!
I'm float... [LAUGHS]
Oh, enough now.
I was with the most
beautiful woman
in the place tonight.
Oh, no. I was with
the most handsome man
in the whole place.
Oh, sweetheart,
sweetheart...
[BOTH LAUGH]
You're right, of course!
Oh, boy.
Yeah!
Oh, my God!
Somebody blind me.
This cannot be my house.
Whose house is...
Look at this place.
Aw!
Look at my fucking tulips
over there.
Would you look at that?
Look at all this...
Get down, quick.
Come on now, go ahead.
♪ A big surprise
♪ If you go to...
[RECORD STICKS]
Big surprise
♪ If you go to...
Jason? Jason!
Huh?
Karen?
Karen?
♪ A big surprise
♪ If you go to... ♪
Jason?
Oh, Jesus. [GASPS]
Oh, my baby. My baby!
He's not in his room.
[CRYING]
They've taken my baby!
Okay, don't panic now.
Let's stay calm.
[EXHALES] Shh!
Bill?
[DRYER CLANGS]
I hear something.
Oh, thank God!
[GASPS] Oh, poo-poo,
everything's all right.
Mommy and Daddy are here.
Karen, exactly what is
the meaning of this?
Um, Mr. Neal,
my name is Eddie Van Arks.
And, I like...
This is like, all my fault.
[JASON COOING]
But, before I explain,
I'd just like to say,
Jason's an incredible baby!
Really?
You really think so?
Oh, yeah. I mean
I couldn't believe it
when Karen told me
he was only six months.
I mean, I thought he was
at least a year old from
how intelligent he was.
Oh! You see?
Just what I've been
telling you.
Everybody thinks
he's just a genius. Yes.
Right, but let's get
one thing straight.
Uh, I don't know exactly
what happened here tonight,
but it's very serious.
And Karen, I'm afraid
I'm gonna have to
tell your father
how you've been behaving.
[JASON COOING]
That's right. [BABY TALK]
Yes.
[SNORING]
[PHONE RINGING]
[GASPS]
Hello?
[INDISTINCT CHATTER
ON POLICE RADIO]
Hurry! Holy Christ!
KEVIN: It all started when
I was in the kitchen.
I heard a noise,
I looked up,
I thought it was probably
a cat in the garbage can.
So I ignored it, pretty much.
And then I was upstairs,
and I heard the noise again.
So I looked outside,
and I saw those criminals
trying to steal something...
OFFICER: Driving without
a license.
Reckless driving.
Theft of a motor vehicle.
Driving under the influence.
Eluding a police officer.
Resisting arrest.
Criminal trespassing...
WOMAN OFFICER:
Property damage.
Criminal trespass of
property.
Possession of stolen goods.
Eluding a police officer.
Resisting arrest.
Attempted canine...
Trying to kill a dog.
It's a hairline fracture.
They gave me some Demerol
and a few Percodan.
Any idiot could have
gotten 20 of those
if you'd asked for 'em.
Hi.
Hi.
This was some night, huh?
Yeah.
I think we can work this out.
That's funny,
I thought so, too.
Well...
We have some problems.
I know that.
Russ, I like you.
And I love you!
But...not really.
I kinda had that feeling.
I'm really sorry.
[SIGHS]
Are we still friends?
[EXHALES]
Yeah.
I hope so.
Hungry?
So what do you think?
You gonna marry him?
That's hard to say.
I'll tell you one thing.
Whoever marries Tobi
is gonna be
a very lucky man.
[CAR ENGINE STARTS]
Dougie, move over.
♪ Tonight's the night that
you've been waiting for
♪ It's gonna feel like
any night before
♪ You know anything can happen
♪ When you're caught up
in the heat of passion
♪ You can't hold back
♪ Gotta find what
you're looking for
♪ The night is young
and there's so much to do
♪ Unchain the spirit
that's inside of you
♪ Been living from day to day
♪ But tonight you can
break away
♪ So take a chance,
come with me
♪ I promise you that
it ain't gonna be just
♪ One more Saturday night
♪ It might even turn your
whole world upside down
♪ Change your
whole point of view
♪ Oh, baby
♪ Oh, baby
♪ One more Saturday night
♪ Is all that it takes
♪ You'll never be
the same because
♪ Love is Saturday night
♪ Love's gonna change you,
love's gonna change your life
♪ No time to hide behind
a fantasy
♪ Now take control
of your own destiny
♪ You know that
the time is right
♪ To find yourself
in the night
♪ So let it out,
we'll break free
♪ I promise you that
it ain't gonna be just
♪ One more Saturday night
♪ It might even turn your
whole world upside down
♪ Change your
whole point of view
♪ Oh, baby
♪ Oh, baby
♪ One more Saturday night
♪ Is all that it takes
♪ You'll never be
the same because
♪ Love is Saturday night
♪ Love's gonna change you,
love's gonna change your life
♪ One more Saturday night
♪ It ain't gonna be just
♪ One more Saturday night
♪ It might even turn your
whole world upside down
♪ Change your
whole point of view
♪ Oh, baby
♪ Oh, baby
♪ One more Saturday night
♪ Is all that it takes
♪ You'll never be
the same because
♪ Love is Saturday night
♪ Love's gonna change you,
love's gonna change your life
♪ No time to hide behind
a fantasy
♪ Now take control
of your own destiny
♪ You know that
the time is right
♪ To find yourself
in the night
♪ So let it out,
we'll break free
♪ I promise you that
it ain't gonna be just
♪ One more Saturday night
♪ It might even turn your
whole world upside down
♪ Change your
whole point of view
♪ Oh, baby
♪ Oh, baby
♪ One more Saturday night
♪ Is all that it takes
♪ You'll never be
the same because
♪ Love is Saturday night
♪ Love's gonna change you,
love's gonna change your life
♪ One more Saturday night
♪ One more Saturday night
♪ It ain't gonna be just
one more Saturday night
♪ It might even turn your
whole world upside down
♪ Change your
whole point of view
♪ Ooh, ooh, ooh
♪ One more Saturday night
♪ Is all that it takes
♪ You'll never be
the same because
♪ Love is Saturday night
♪ Love's gonna change you,
love's gonna change you
♪ One more Saturday night
♪ It might even turn your
whole world upside down
♪ Change your
whole point of view
♪ Ooh, oh, baby
♪ One more Saturday night
♪ Is all that it takes
♪ You'll never be
the same because
♪ Love is Saturday night
♪ Love's gonna change you,
love's gonna change you
♪ One more Saturday night ♪