Old Dracula (1974) - full transcript

(bright orchestral music)

(mellow music)

(upbeat music)

(mellow music)

- [Man] Cool it, man.

Here comes a vampire.

(stately music)

(ominous music)

(knocking)

- [Dracula] Come in, Maltravers.

- I'm pleased to
inform you, Count,



I have managed to
repair the fuse.

May I have your permission to
switch on the electric lights?

- Of course, these candles
are impossible to read by.

(gentle music)

Ah, that's better.

(door clicks)

- I think you will
find this bien chambre.

It's a '63 vintage,

taken from the daughter
of the French businessman

who came to use our telephone
when his car broke down.

- Oh, yes, the virgin.

Well, there's not
much of that left.

- No, indeed, sir.

But I'm sure you
will find the '71,



you remember the
climbing accident,

it will still have
a lot of body.

- Which is more than
we can say for him.

- I think you'll find a
very interesting centerfold

this month, sir.

- Yes?

Oh, you're right.

Oh, they are magnificent.

Did you ever see prettier veins?

- Yes, indeed, sir.

And on page 53, there's
an outstanding jugular.

- Oh, goody.

Ooh, look at this, another
story about Count Dracula.

- Well, you are a legend, sir,
although not a living one.

- As far as people know.

- Since you opened the
castle to the public,

the response has
been spectacular.

- Yes, there's been a
steady stream of donors.

It's been a big help towards
the upkeep of the place, too.

Now, what's this,
they're coming up here

to photograph the most
bitable playmate of the month.

Well, that should keep
the blood bank in the red.

- Perhaps one of them will
have the special blood group

we are looking for, sir.

- And then we'll be able

to bring my beloved
Vampira back to life.

Do you realize, Maltravers,
it's been 50 years?

Can you imagine what
it's like, every dawn,

going down to
one's coffin alone?

- I'll cross my fingers, sir.

- I'd rather you didn't.

- I'm sorry, sir.

(bracing music)

(groovy music)

(engine revving)

- It's not my fault,
Mr. Pottinger,

that you missed your
Transylvanian flight last night.

- Angela, this is
all your fault!

Those girls should
have been here on time!

Look, we are an efficient
organization at "Playboy."

Where are the tickets?

If I'd known this
was gonna happen,

I'd have phoned Hef and had
the big bunny flown over.

- Transylvanian airlines
are at your service, sir.

Please calm down, or you will
miss this morning's flight.

- Excuse me, love, could I
have one of you with the girls?

- Go ahead, stand over there.
- Milton, we haven't got time!

- Thank you very much.
- Another time, you can have

as many as you want
at the other end.

- Shh, shh, shh, me, me, me!

Hello, loves.
- Come on!

- Thank you very much.

Closer in, come on, guys.

- That's it, very nice.
- Come on.

This is the last
one, the last one.

- Nice one, thank you.

All right!
(group chattering)

- Come on, girls, we've
got to go, don't panic.

- Don't panic.

- Now, don't panic, everybody.

Come on, get on board.
- Wait a minute, where's Rose?

- Rose?

Rose!

- Yeah.

- Come on, come quick.

Get up on that coach.

For god's sake, get up there!

Come on, on you go.

If everybody listens
to me, listen.

(speaking drowned out my music)

Wait, I'm coming with you!

(woman laughing)

(women whistling)

- [Marc Voiceover]
I'm Marc Williams,

and here I am with a
mad publicity director,

an ice-cold chaperone, and
four bitable playmates.

And we're off to Transylvania
to spend the night

in Castle Dracula.

If I'd known then
what I know now,

I would have never
written this story.

At the time, it seemed, as
they say, like a good idea.

(camera clicks)

- Nice one.

(foreboding music)

(door creaks)

(doorknob rattles)

(Maltravers groans)

(woman gasps)

- Where are you going?

- Oh, it's only you.

You gave me a fright.

- I was only practicing my
gliding walk for the tourists.

- Hmph.

- Why aren't you wearing
your vampire costume, Helga?

- Because I'm leaving.

I don't like it here.

- Students.

- Get someone else.

- You can't leave.

We have a tour party for dinner,

served at Station
Abrosia by Count Dracula

and a beautiful vampire.

- I'm handing in my teeth.

I don't like lying in
an open coffin all day

without blinking my eyes,

with tourists poking
you with their fingers.

- They poke me, too, you know.

You signed on for a month
as one of the undead.

- (scoffs) All day undead
and at night a waitress.

I can be a waitress
in Saint-Tropez and
lie on the beach.

When they poke you there,
it's to buy you lunch.

- This is a most
important evening.

- I have my little scooter,
and I'm leaving now.

Auf wiedersehen.

- Oh, very well,
auf wiedersehen.

Oh, but before you go,

allow me to offer you a
bottle of our excellent wine

from the cellar.

It's a cold evening.

- You know, you're not such
a bad old man after all.

(Maltravers chuckles)

(ominous music)

- In here.

- This isn't a wine cellar!

Let me out of here!

(Maltravers laughs)

Let me out!

Let me out of here!

(suspenseful music)

(Maltravers clears throat)

- Your early evening call, sir.

- [Dracula] It's
only a quarter to.

- Sorry, sir, an emergency.

(Dracula yawns)

- I said not till 8:00.

- We have a domestic
crisis on our hands.

Helga has handed in her notice.

She intends to continue
her working holiday

in the south of France.

She misses the sun.

- This staff problem is
completely out of hand,

but I can't talk to her.

She doesn't even know I exist.

- You could give
her a little bite,

just enough to
make her compliant.

She's in the cell.

- Very well.

It's very tricky though.

(tense music)

Good evening, Helga.

I don't think we've met.

- Who are you?

- I am Count Dracula.

- What do you mean?

Please, don't play
jokes with me.

I don't want my money.

I just, just want to...

(Helga screams)

(Helga pants)

- Not too much, sir,
you're over the limit.

Do be careful, sir.

(Helga moans)

- Oh, dear.

- [Maltravers] I
warned you, sir.

- Well, at least
there's one consolation.

Her teeth will look very
realistic for our guests.

- We can't let a vampire
loose at dinner, sir.

- [Dracula] Well, you're quite
right, I must control her.

Tonight I'll serve
dinner myself.

- But how will you
disguise yourself, sir?

- In the most
obvious way possible.

I'll take over from you
and become Count Dracula.

But if you were
to play yourself,

what role should I play?

- Well, stoop a
little and become Erg,

my evil assistant.

(Maltravers grunting)

Maltravers, Maltravers, Erg
is not the missing link.

He's just a little
sinister, that's all.

- I'm sorry, sir.

(dark organ music)

(crowd chattering)

(women laughing)

(camera clicking)

(thunder rumbling)

(wolf howling)

- How old is this castle?

- Over 500 years, miss.

- Must be the only thing
that's older than this beef.

- Marc, you say your story
of Dracula was based on fact?

- Yes, his name comes
from Vlad The Impaler,

a ruthless tyrant who impaled
thousands of his enemies

on wooden stakes.

One story tells how
a group of villagers

refused to remove their
hats as he rode past.

- What did he do?

- He had them nailed
to their heads.

- You must admit, he
had a sense of humor.

Some more blood, sir?

- Hey, we must have drunk
three village girls already.

- Right, let's get one

with the vampire biting
the neck, shall we?

- Oh, yes!

- Oh, no.

- Go on, Angela, you've
got a beautiful neck.

- It'll save opening
another bottle.

- I really don't think
that I'm the girl

that should be photographed.

- Stop that, Helga, my dear.

Allow me.

It looks better if I do it.

I've had more practice.

- Splendid self-control.

- Nice one, Count.

- There's something
weird about him.

- Yes, I should be very glad
to get out of this place, hmm.

- How about dinner in London?

We can discuss how I slept
at the foot of your bed

so you wouldn't be nervous.

- Hmm, how kind,
but all of us girls

are sleeping in the same room.

- Would you believe that organ?

- It's giving me goose bumps.

- And big ones, too.

Hey, Gershwin, knock it off.

- Tourists.

- I think perhaps that's
enough on the organ.

Time for the coffins, Erg.

- Yes, master.

(crowd chattering)
(crowd laughing)

- Please accept a
memento of your visit

to Castle Dracula.

- Oh!
- Wow!

- [Milton] Thank you so much.

(Maltravers chuckles)

- You should have given us
these before serving the beef.

- Ugh!

- Hey, girls, how do I look?

- Oh, you're wearing them?

I didn't realize.

(Pottinger growls)

- Hold it.

(camera clicks)
Another nice one, Count.

(Maltravers grumbles)

- Have you prepared
the sleeping drafts?

- In the soup, sir,
also in the wine,

and a little on the
strudel, just to be sure.

- Excellent.

It's not like the old days,

when one could just go
out for a bite locally.

(bat screeching)

(women screaming)

(crowd applauding)

- [Milton] Spectacular,
bloody good.

- Sir, your wig is slipping.

(group chattering)

- [Marc] Look, Angela,
they're very pretty girls.

- Coffee, Miss?

- Decaffeinated?
- No, coffee.

- Sanka?
- It's a pleasure.

(thunder rumbling)

- (yawns) I feel like bed.

- I think I can take a hint.

(Milton chuckles)

- Milton!

(crowd murmuring)

- For goodness sake.
- It must be the journey.

Come on, Milton, it's
time for bye-byes.

- Well, okay.

Come along then, girls.

- Your rooms are all prepared
if you'd like to retire.

- That's a good idea.

We have some more shots
to get in the morning.

- And so to bed.

(dark organ music)

- For you, my dear.

No good, Maltravers.

It'll have to be your
finger on the trigger.

Up a degree.

Right a degree.

One degree more.

Down a bit.

A bit more.

Fire.

(crossbow snaps)
(Helga screams)

(wolf howling)

- Oh, I hope I don't wake
up dead in the morning.

It's so cold.

- Now, where on earth
did you get those?

- I scored with a couple
of football players.

- Well, I knew you
were an oddball,

but odd socks as well?

(wolf howling)

Hey, Angela, do you think
that's Marc serenading you?

- Well, all wolves
sound the same to me.

- Come on, let's loosen up.

- Ouch!

(tense music)

- Ritva!

- You look like
you've seen a ghost.

Are you all right?
- What on earth are you doing?

Are you all right?

- Don't make me laugh.

You'll crack my beauty mask.

- That's a beauty mask?

- Get into bed, all of you.

(ominous music)

(Rose groans)

(Angela hums)

- You know, I was quite
tempted during dinner.

- I know, sir.

Poor girl, she doesn't
know what she missed.

I still remember the
surprise of your first bite,

that beautiful feeling of
being one of the family.

- We have work to do,
starting at that end.

- Who are you?

- This is a dream.

You're asleep, you understand?

Look into my eyes.

You are falling, falling
into a deep sleep.

Put your fingers in
your ears, Maltravers.

I don't want you going off.

Concentrate on my eyes.

When I flick my fingers,

the memory of this
scene will disappear.

And you will fall into
a deep, dreamless sleep.

(fingers snapping)

(electronic beeping)

Which girl did this come from?

- I think Nancy,
the American person.

Is that it, sir?

- Yes.

This is it.

But how did the
triple-O negative group

that hasn't been seen in
Transylvania for 50 years

find its way to America?

- A very mixed race, sir.

- Who was this, then?

- Oh, dear, I think
I've made a mistake.

- Well, pull yourself
together, man.

Which girl did this come from?

- I'm a little confused, sir.

- So am I.

Let's start again.

Now, we know it didn't
come from Angela or Rose.

- No, I think it came
from this end, sir.

- Forget about the others,
this is the one that matters.

This is the one
we're looking for.

This is the catalyst.

And when we mix
it with the blood

so generously donated
by our guests,

this will bring my beloved
Vampira back to life.

Stay, Maltravers.

- A very great honor, sir.

(gentle music)

- [Dracula] 50 years.

It's been a long time.

- More beautiful than
her portrait, sir.

Sir, I was always
under the impression

that the vampire was immortal

and that only a wooden
stake or daylight could--

- Yes, that is true, of course.

But alas, there is
one other thing.

- Sir?

- Deep anemia from
a poisoned peasant.

- What bad luck.

Dawn, sir.

We've worked through the night.

- In 12 hours, her
body temperature
will be up to normal.

Then we can start
the transfusions.

- Yes, sir, and may I
say how nice it will be

to have a lady around the house?

- [Pottinger] Hey, Milton.

(Milton yawns)

- [Pottinger] Milton, wake up.

- [Milton] What do you want?

- [Pottinger] These girls
look absolutely awful.

- [Milton] Mm, I hope I don't.

Don't nag.

- [Pottinger] As soon as
we get back to London,

I want you to set
up a photo sesh.

- [Milton] Oh, don't wake
me up to tell me that.

(dark music)

- Soon, my darling, soon.

You've been very patient.

She's breathing.

She lives.

See how the color returns?

How much longer, Maltravers?

- Another two pints, sir.

- Yes, the color deepens.

- She's looking very well, sir.

Quite a deep color,
unusual for a vampire.

- Unusual?

It's impossible.

- Certainly an odd shade, sir.

- What's happening?

- You don't think, sir,

the deep freeze wasn't
working properly,

and she's, well, gone off?

- Gone off?

What do you mean, gone off?

Well, it's impossible!

(curious music)

- Vladimir.

- You see?

I awakened you from your
sleep as I promised I would.

- How long has it been?

- 50 years.

- 50 years?

Tell me the truth.

Am I still beautiful?

- Yes, you're still beautiful.

- Ah, then I'm happy.

Aren't you?

- Oh, yes, I'm happy.

But there's there's
one little thing.

I made a slight miscalculation.

- Miscalculation?

- Yes, I'm sure
it's only temporary.

- Well, tell me what...

(gentle music)

I'm black.

- Very.

- Oh, but you're so clever.

It is beautiful.

- Yes, black is beautiful.

- Help me, my darling.

(wondrous music)

Oh, if only I wasn't a vampire,

then I could look at
myself in a mirror.

- Well, we'll have to
change you back, of course.

- But why can't I stay this way?

- Well, it's a small
town, people might talk.

(Maltravers clears throat)

Oh, forgive me, my
darling, I'm very remiss.

This is my manservant,
Maltravers.

He's been with me
these past 20 years.

- Is he one of us?

- I was given one
small bite, milady,

and as a result I'm only an
honorary member of the family.

But it will be my
pleasure to serve you.

- Where are my
clothes and jewelry?

- Oh, darling, come along.

Everything is exactly
the way you left it.

- Ah.

Have you missed me, my darling?

- Every minute of every day.

Here, you'll see.

What went wrong?

I wait 50 years and she
comes back a different color.

- It's not unbecoming, sir.

- But what happened?

- Well, sir, when we found
the special blood group

that acted as the catalyst

and added the blood from the
other girls, one of them--

- Was black, yes.

Well, it's possible that her
blood did affect the pigment

and somehow there was a
chemical reaction, but...

- I don't understand
the technical term, sir,

but I rather suspect it's
like washing blue socks

with white shirts,
the color runs,

and the only way to
get the whiteness back

is to wash the shirts
again on their own.

- Maltravers, I do not
like the implication

that bringing my
wife back to life

is like doing the laundry.

But in principle,
you could be right.

- Well, sir, we know
the special blood came

from one of the three girls.

- Then we must start again.

- But sir, they've
gone back to London.

- We must follow them.

- A night flight will
get us there before dawn.

- That's a long
journey for a bat.

- I mean by airplane.

(lively music)

♪ At last I've got
a date with Susie

♪ Now I've got an automobile

♪ We'll take a spin
to somewhere choosy

♪ Then I'll know how she feels

♪ Her parents asked
me 'round for tea

♪ I think they both approve

♪ If I could only
win her heart

♪ But where can I start

♪ Where can I start

♪ I'm crazy

♪ I'm hazy

♪ I'm starry-eyed and gazy

♪ Have to mention it

♪ I'm in love with
a girl called Sue

♪ She's sweeter than honey

♪ I'm spending all
my money, true

♪ On the girl they call Sue

♪ If I were Al Capone,
I'd declare my taxes

(singing drowned out by
plane engine roaring)

- Is this the first
time you've flown, sir?

- No, I've flown many times.

Never by plane.

- Excuse me, would
you like a drink, sir?

- No alcohol, thank you.

- Cigarettes?

- No, we don't smoke.

- No alcohol.

No cigarettes.

Don't tell me you can't go
out in the sunlight either.

- I avoid it.

- You are one of us.

Do you go to the EYC, too?

- EYC?

- Eternal Youth
Clinic in Switzerland.

Oh, I thought...

Oh.

Well, they pump the cells
of sheep into your body

and rejuvenate the tissues
and keep you young.

- Interesting theory.

- But for the
first three months,

you're not allowed
to smoke or drink

or go out in the sun,

in case it should
kill the new cells.

That's why when you said
you didn't smoke or drink,

I thought you'd been, too.

- No, but it sounds fascinating.

- It works.

It works all right.

And it's all because
of this rich new blood

they keep pumping into me.

- New blood?

- Uh-huh.

- I had just come from there.

I'm full of it.

That's what keeps me so young.

- You interest me, strangely.

(thunder rumbling)

- [Captain] Ladies
and gentleman,

this is your captain speaking.

Please fasten your seat belts.

(thunder rumbling)

- Yeah, fasten.

I hate this journey.

But I have to do it
to go to the clinic.

You see, if I stop having
this special blood--

(storm cracking)

- [Captain] Ladies
and gentleman,

I regret the
unexpected turbulence.

We will shortly be
landing at London Airport.

We hope you enjoyed
your flight and that

you will be traveling
Transylvanian
airlines again soon.

- Please don't unfasten
your seat belt, sir,

until the plane stops.
(man squeaks)

Are you all right, sir?

- Not good.

- Oh. (speaks faintly)

(door clicks)

(passengers chattering faintly)

- Goodbye, madam, I do hope
you've enjoyed the trip.

- I did enjoy it, thank you.

- Good.

Goodbye, sir.

- [Dracula] Goodbye, thank you.

- Goodbye, sir.

- You boys--
- Goodbye, sir.

- Bye, thank you.

- Goodbye.

(stewardess gasps)

(stewardess screams)

(lighthearted music)

- Maltravers, get
on the telephone

and ask the hall porter
to deliver this book

and this note to Mr.
Marc Williams, please.

- Right away, sir.

- Thank you.

- Oh, darling, you
look so handsome.

- And you look
beautiful, darling.

- Darling, let's go out.

It's such a long time
since you took me dancing.

(Vampira hums)

(gasps) Do you
remember The Big Apple?

- I'll never forget
your Big Apple.

- And the Charleston?

- And the Charleston.

- And how about my black bottom?

- We will not be going out.

- Oh, darling, please.

- Please, don't
let's argue, dear.

- Oh, but just for
a little while.

- It's time you went to bed.

- I don't wanna go to bed.

- Maltravers, her
ladyship is retiring.

- Yes, sir.

- Oh, Maltravers,
exciting city, this.

It has many memories for me.

I think I'll go out for a while.

- Shall I wait up, sir?

- No, just leave
the window open.

(gentle music)

♪ When you look for a dream

♪ Do you feel in the dark

♪ Or do fingers reach
out from your heart

♪ Can you tell any bliss

♪ When that vision is near

♪ Do you know what to
say when it's real

♪ When you look for a dream

♪ Do you worry a while

♪ Should a moment
ago pass you by

♪ You remember a place

♪ You remember a face

♪ But that's all when
you look for a dream

♪ When you look for a dream

♪ Does your heart miss a beat

♪ When a tender hello
meets your heart

♪ Once again you remember

♪ The place and the face

♪ Love is yours when
you look for a dream

- What the hell do you, oh!

Oh!

Don't! (gasps)

Oh!

Oh!

(body thuds)
(woman grunts)

- Three lousy pounds?

- That's all you're
worth, you little freak!

Oh!

(woman pants)

- Let's see what you're worth.

- Oh!

Oh!

(fabric ripping)
(woman cries out)

Oh, you bastard!

Oh, oh.

(thief groans)

- I don't think he'll
bother you anymore, my dear.

- (sighs) Oh, thank you.

Who are you?

- Count Vladimir.

- Thank you, Count.

(engine revving)

(tires screeching)

Would you like a lift, Count?

- Thank you, how kind.

What a charming
young lady you are.

And such a beautiful neck, too.

- Well, thank you.

That's an unusual compliment.

(easygoing music)

Look, Count, it's nearly dawn.

How about scrambled
eggs at my place?

- I'm afraid it's
time I went to bed.

Thank you.

The sooner I get
home, the better.

- But this is Buckingham Palace.

Are you sure you
want to get out here?

- I'm afraid I
can go no further.

- Some other time, perhaps.

- Perhaps.

(suspenseful music)
(bat screeching)

- Conway, you look so sexy!

(Conway moans)

Hurry up, darling, I want
you next to me in bed.

- I am just looking
for my toothpaste.

- If anyone suspected us--

- They won't.

My wife thinks I'm at
a Shriner's convention.

Hmm, oh, boy, what
a night. (giggles)

- You pistol, you!

(Conway growls)

- Now show me, tiger!

(Dracula growls)

(woman screams)

- [Conway] Millicent,
what's the matter?

I haven't even started yet.

What?

- We can't stay here any longer.

It's far too public.

You must find a house that's
quiet and near the center.

The curtains!

- I'm sorry about
the window, sir.

You were only just in time.

- It's all right,
call a house agent.

- I'll get on to them
in the morning, sir.

(gentle music)

- Are you asleep, my darling?

(doorbell buzzing)

- Well, don't get up.

I could see you found an
exciting book on gardening

and you forgot our date.

- Oh, Angela, I'm sorry.

It's all about Vlad The Impaler,

the guy whose castle we went to.

It arrived this
morning with a note.

Just said the sender
will contact me shortly,

and there's no signature.

I couldn't put it down.

- Mm.

- Ooh, my leg's gone asleep.

Well, help me.

You see, Dracula discovered
the secret of eternal youth.

- Pity you couldn't have read
it when you were younger.

- I think you caught me
just in time. (groans)

- Oh, I'm really looking forward

to walking into a
restaurant with you.

- It's agony when it comes back.

- Yeah, what, are you
going to crawl to dinner,

or shall I just phone
for an ambulance?

- Well, you could
try the kiss of life.

- Hmm?

- Or alternatively, there's a
great little hamburger joint

just around the corner.

- Oh, who could resist that?

- Well, you've resisted
everything else so far.

Shall we?

(upbeat music)

(curious music)

- It's unusual to want to see
the cellars first. (chuckles)

- Oh, I like the
atmosphere here, Mr. King.

- I think it'd suit your
requirements admirably.

And I'm just sorry
that you weren't able

to see it in daytime.

- I'm afraid that night
is my time of day.

- (chuckles) It's fully
furnished and very secluded,

and of course convenient
to the center of town.

And if I may say so,

compared with today's
prices, most reasonable.

- Presumably, because
of its history.

- History?

- Yes, unless I'm mistaken,
this house is mentioned

in a book of the unusual
houses of London.

That ceiling, for example.

- Charming, isn't it?

- Yes, and the last thing
the original owner saw.

A dabbler in the occult,
he was hacked to death

right where you're standing.
(distant laughter echoing)

- Oh, really?

- And the next tenant,
he committed suicide

in the ornamental lake.

- In the lake? (laughs)

- But the most unusual of
all the deaths in this house

was the headless body
of a serving maid

found ripped up in the chimney.

(distant laughter echoing)

- That is more unusual, yes.

- The head was never found.

- Never found?

- I thought I saw something
moving in the cellar.

(distant laughter echoing)

- I'm sorry, sir, a
most unfortunate choice.

- On the contrary, it is
exactly what I'm looking for.

- It is?

Oh, it is!

Oh, well, here are the keys.

Don't worry about the deposit.

(distant laughter echoing)

Never found?

(distant laughter echoing)

Oh!

♪ At last I've got
a date with Susie

♪ Now I've got an automobile

♪ We'll take a spin
to somewhere choosy

♪ Then I'll know how she feels

- [Dracula] They seemed to
improve the talkies, Maltravers.

- Oh, may we go?

♪ I think they both approve

♪ If I could only
win her heart

♪ But where can I start

♪ Where can I start

♪ I'm crazy

♪ I'm hazy

♪ I'm starry-eyed and gazy

♪ Have to mention it

♪ I'm in love with
a girl called Sue

- Oh, you should have come!

- No, I can't stand violence.

Did you enjoy it?

- Oh, right on.

It was so outta sight.

I've just seen some
beautiful people.

- I beg your pardon?

- Oh, Jim Brown
really broke face.

He was so good, ooh.

- The sooner we get
home, the better.

- Home?

Wait a minute, we
only just hit town.

Don't be such a drag.

You know, if you tried,

you could really be
a groovy old dude.

- Groovy old dude?

- Mm-hmm.

- If this is progress,
I don't think I like it.

Let's concentrate on
getting the blood.

- Right on, sir.

(Vampira laughs)

- And they say that
men don't make passes

at girls who wear glasses.

- Only girls who wear
glasses with great-looking--

(telephone ringing)

Legs.

Hello?

- [Vampira] Hello,
Marc Williams?

- Mmm-hmm.

- [Vampira] Did
you dig the book?

- Who is this, please?

- If you'd like to
dig a little deeper,

I'll call for you
tomorrow night at eight.

- Could we make that
lunch, old chap?

- (laughs) I'm
afraid not, darling.

Tomorrow night, eight o'clock.

- What was the name
again, old chap?

- Just call me Countess.

(phone clicks)

(lighthearted music)

You know, that's weird.

- What is?

- He kept calling me old chap.

- Well, you must remember,

the English have a
strange sense of humor.

- Well, I must say, I liked
his voice anyway. (chuckles)

Now, what am I going
to wear tomorrow night?

- To wear?

- Well, you want me to
look chic, don't you?

(gasps) Oh, look at
these fantastic outfits.

I suppose Maltravers could
do a little shopping.

- A pleasure, sir.

- Ooh.

- Look at those poor
darlings, they're all so thin.

- Oh, I agree, sir.

- (gasps) Ooh, look
at this trouser suit.

It's so beautiful.

May I have it, please?

- Maltravers, do we
like ladies in trousers?

- I prefer a dress with a
slash to the thigh, sir.

I always find the
sight of a suspender

particularly titillating.

- So that's your hang-up?

- Mm.

(Vampira gasps)

(Marc growls)

(camera clicks)
(Marc grunts)

- That was absolutely average.

Look, Count.
(women chattering)

How have you been, darling?

Sit down, sit down.

Look, love, you wouldn't
frighten me for a minute.

You're supposed to have
just crept out of the crypt.

Could you try that?

- I was just getting my
teeth into the part, Milton.

- Oh, okay, yes.

Darling, look, you're
enjoying it too much.

A bit more horror, all right?

I've never had so much
fun in all my life.

Could you keep
quiet for a minute,

and we'll try and get one?

All right, right, now then.

(hands clapping)

All right, okay.
- Now, Ritva,

a little bit to the right.

- Absolutely perfect.
- Darling, you've got

a beautiful bottom.
- Lovely, right.

- But would you move it?

Thank you very much, indeed.

Right, here we are.
- No, please, to the right.

Yeah, over there, lovely.

- Let's do it,
here, to me, to me.

Come along, eyes and
teeth, eyes and teeth.

Hello, sailor, yes.

(camera clicks)

That was very nice.

Okay, let's take
a break, shall we?

Thank you.
(women chattering)

- [Eve] Hey, who's for
a glass of orange juice?

- [Nancy] Okay, who's
for a cup of coffee?

- [Ritva] Me!

- [Eve] Come on, let's
go and squeeze some.

- All right.
- Well, how's it going, Drac?

- No pay, but
plenty of publicity.

I'll tell you what,
Pottinger's taking his girls

out to a cocktail party tonight.

So if you'd like to
come around to my place,

I boil a great egg.

- Oh, I'm sorry, I've
got a previous engagement

to do with that book.

- Oh.

- I'm sure it won't take long.

I'll call you later, okay?

- [Angela] Don't bother,
thank you very much.

- I'm finished with
Potts at about nine.

How about later here?

- You're on, kid.

(doorbell buzzing)

(curious music)

(lighthearted music)

- Marc Williams?

- Countess.

- I knew I was
going to like you.

- What took you so long
to make up your mind?

I like the stake.

- Cute, isn't it?

(Marc chuckles)

Drink?

Scotch, Gin, Vodka?

What'll it be?

- Marc, I really think we
should be going, darling.

- What's the hurry?

Why don't we have a
little drink first,

then we can go out for a bite?

- Well, I don't drink,

but I'm just wild about
the rest of the idea.

- Listen, give me one good
reason why we should leave now.

That's a very good reason.

- Ah, where's the book?

- The book.

Here's the book.

- Very good, hold this.

- Hold this.

- And put these on.

- Put these on.

Hey, I can't see a thing.

- You're not supposed
to, trust me.

- My life is in your hands.

- You got that right.

(door clicks)

- So glad you arrived safely.

I'm Count Vladimir.

- Good evening, sir.

- I'm sorry about all
that ridiculous secrecy.

I hope it wasn't
too inconvenient.

- On the contrary.

- It's so nice to
meet a young fellow

who's seriously
interested in vampires,

because most people think
it's all nonsense, you know.

- It's a fascinating subject.

- Yes, I'd like you
to see this book.

It's very interesting.

It tells all about how
the cult first started.

And look at that date.

- "To Count Vladimir
on his 21st birthday.

"March the 3rd, 1625."

(laughs) This is
over 300 years old.

- Extraordinary, I have others.

- What, all handed down
and preserved like this?

- Not exactly handed down.

- I don't understand.

- Sit there.

Open it to the beginning.

(unsettling music)

Look at that picture.

That is Count Dracula
as he really was.

- (chuckles) Yes, but...

- And of course, still is.

(ominous music)

(Marc groans)

- It's just the shock
of them going in, sir.

It'll be over in a moment.

(unsettling music)

Sir.

Neat, sir, very neat.

- Thank you, Maltravers.

You know, that look of horror

when they realize it's
really me, (chuckles)

it's so exciting.

- Is he one of us now?

- No, just enough to put
him under my control.

I thought he took it rather
well, didn't you, Maltravers?

- Mm, very, sir.

- Marc, you and I are now
in telepathic sympathy

with each other.

Do you understand?

Good.

I'm sorry to use such
an old trick on you

to bring you here,

but I need your help
to get some blood

from three young ladies.

Are you following me?

Good.

So you will take samples
from each of them

until we get the one
we're looking for.

Of course, we might get
lucky the first time.

This is for your bookcase
at home. (chuckles)

They look like joke
ones, don't they?

But in the points
there are needles.

The teeth are hollow,

so the blood pumps
itself into the teeth,

and we get our sample.

Oh, I know, it's like some
dreadful dream, isn't it?

But it'll soon be finished.

Now, these pills, one
of these in their drinks

and they won't remember
anything that's happened.

Oh, by the way, it's
also an aphrodisiac,

so I wouldn't overdo it.

When you get a sample,

Maltravers will come
and collect it from you.

Any questions?

Splendid.

Now, before you go to
sleep and forget all this,

I'm going to give
you the control word.

It is Vampira.

Got it?

(curious music)

- Excellent.

Vampira.

Now, when you hear that,

you will do
everything I tell you.

Bye, bye, my dear friend.

It's been so nice meeting you.

I'll call you in about an hour

just to make sure that
everything's working.

(unsettling music)

(doorbell buzzing)

(door clicks)

- Action time, I'm here.

That Potts is so boring.

Oh, I'd like to say
you're looking good,

but the words
stick in my throat.

What happened?

- Jeez, I feel like
I got stomped on.

- Some guys like it.

How was your date?

- I don't think she ever showed.

What'll it be?

Scotch, Gin, Vodka?

- Sounds like a
good combination.

How about some sounds?

- Help yourself.

(telephone ringing)

Hello?

- [Nancy] How do you
work these things?

- You've pressed the
recording button.

Try the one in the middle.

Hello, yes?

- [Dracula] Mr. Williams?

Vampira.

- I understand.

Yes, one of them is here now.

- Oh, I get it.

(lively music)

Well, if this doesn't
straighten you out,

you're a lost case.

- Nancy.

- Thank you.

Chimo.

- Certainly.

- Aren't you drinking?

- I don't seem to
be, which is strange.

'Cause I do, frequently.

Stay there.

- I'm not going anywhere.

(curious music)

(tense music)

- It's no good, Maltravers.

He's resisting me.

I shall have to take
him over completely.

- Do be careful, sir.

Remember your blood pressure.

(ominous music)

- Marc!

Who the hell are you?

Keep away from me!

(Nancy grunting)

- (groans) That's not
the Queensbury rules.

(Nancy screams)

- Ow!

Oh, stop, I've cut my foot.

Oh, leave me alone.

Marc?

Oh, Marc.

- Here, don't let it drip
on the floor, darling.

- [Nancy] Ow!

- This is most irregular.

The dry-ice box is not
designed for tumblers.

(Maltravers coughs)

(suspenseful music)

It must be one of
the other two, sir.

(recorder clicks)

- [Nancy] How do you
work these things?

- You've pressed the
recording button.

Try the one in the middle.

Hello, yes?

I understand.

Yes, one of them is here now.

(lively music)

(doorbell buzzing)

Angela, you're up
early this morning.

- Morning?

It's six o'clock at night.

And I have been trying to
phone you all day long.

What happened to Nancy?

- Nancy?

It sounds ridiculous,
but I can't remember.

- Try.

- Well, I had a phone call.

I've got it on tape.

And after that, nothing
until this morning.

These marks on my neck, look.

- Remind me to send
Nancy to a dentist.

- Now wait a minute.
- Now listen,

you don't see those girls again
until after the competition.

(telephone ringing)

Probably Pottinger.

He's been trying to ring
you all day as well.

- Answer it.

- You answer it yourself.

I'm leaving.

- Somehow that phone
call on the tape

is connected with last night.

Please.

(Angela clicks tongue)

- Hello?

Vamp-who?

All right, hold on, I'll see.

Vampira.

(tense music)

And if you do try to
contact those girls,

you know won't find them,

because we've moved
to another hotel.

And finally, don't
bother to see me out.

- [Marc] Darling.

(ominous music)

- Yes?

(Angela gasps)

(body thuds)

(telephone dial rattling)

- 1078, please.

Hello, Eve?

It's Marc.

Are you free for a drink?

Good.

Come on over now then.

No, that's all right.

Angela's here.

Sure, she's fine.

See you in a bit then.

(suspenseful music)

- No!

Please, don't!

(dice rattling)

- Vladimir.

- [Dracula] Shh, I'm
calling Maltravers.

- I'm bored.

- Can't you do
anything except play

with those ridiculous toys?

- Well, I could
fly down Piccadilly

and do a little window shopping.

- You rang a bell
in my head, sir?

- At Mr. Williams'
apartment, there is a woman.

(drink bubbling)

To be more accurate, she is
in his garbage disposal lift.

- Some beauty treatment.

- Bring her here, please.

- (gasps) Oh, may I go, too?

Oh, please, I'll
be good, I promise.

- No, darling,
you must stay here

until we get the right blood
to change you back again.

- Oh.

- Then we'll take a trip.

We'll go to Rome,
we'll go to Paris.

Imagine a beautiful
spring evening

where the moon's cutting
through the clouds,

the friendly hoot of an owl.

- Oh.

- The scream of somebody
being possessed.

- Oh.

- What more could one want?

- (clicks tongue) Oh!

I want to go out!

- Go down to your
room and don't argue.

- You jive turkey!

- Jive turkey?

(door slams)

Let me go anywhere!

Damn you and this place.

(bracing music)

(bat squeaking)

(doorbell buzzing)

(gentle music)

- Hello, Eve.

- Hi, Marc.

Glad you called.

- I'm afraid Angela
had to leave.

- Ah, now, that's too bad.

- Drink?

- Yeah, I'd like a
fresh orange juice.

It's good for the complexion.

Don't worry, I'll do it.

Hey, Marc, this isn't working.

(Angela grunting)

- Wrong switch.

(machine whirring)

- Is Angela coming back?

- No.

She's not coming back.

- I used to be an
au pair, you know.

Hard to believe it, eh?

- Mm, very.

- I used to do this
every single morning.

- Good.

Well, that'll keep
you young and lovely.

(Eve moans)

(unsettling music)

(Eve gasps)

(Eve screams)

(Eve cries out)

(bat squeaking)

(Vampira clears throat)

(gentle music)

- I just thought I'd drop in.

I didn't know you
were one of us.

- I'm not.

- (chuckles) You soon will be.

(body thuds)

(Vampira moaning)

(floor creaks)

(tense music)

(door creaking)

(Angela screams)

- What was that?

- Oh, we got trouble.

Right here in River City.

- Get up and get dressed.

- Party pooper.

- Where's the blood?

- The blood?

In the teeth.

- Where are the teeth?

- I must have put
them down somewhere.

- Sometimes I wonder if
I picked the wrong man

for the job.

Please, think.

Ow!

- Ah, now I remember.

I left them on the bed.

- You called, sir?

- I positively screamed.

Put these in the box.

She will remember nothing.

Neither will you.

I, in fact, will be the only one

who will be painfully reminded
of this unfortunate evening.

Mr. Williams, you will remember
only that Angela was here

and that she left.

Now you will sleep.

(suspenseful music)

- [Maltravers] Is it the
right one this time, sir?

- [Dracula] No, it is not.

- Let's hope we're more
successful next time.

- Let's hope.

- [Pottinger] What is
he doing to these girls?

- I've got Mr.
Williams on the line.

- Which line?
- Three.

- All right then.

Marc, Angela's disappeared.

She's gone!

- What do you mean,
Angela's disappeared?

- You were last with her.

What happened to her?

- I don't remember.

And Eve, too.

No, I have not seen her.

(clears throat)
Pottinger, I don't think

you're gonna believe this.

- I believe it.

Just get her back
here, that's all.

- Listen, I don't know
what's happening to me.

Every time I answer the phone
at night, my mind goes blank.

It's like hypnosis.

There's some sort of
keyword that puts me out.

- [Secretary] Mr. Pottinger?

- Yes?

- Your wife.

- Who?

Oh, hold on.

Honey, I'm busy.

Where are your what?

Your teeth?

Well, you were wearing
them when I left.

Oh, your fancy dress
teeth for the party.

Come with your own, nobody
will know the difference.

Look, do me a favor.

I've got 200 Draculas
and vampires to handle.

Just get off my back,
and find Angela.

(tense music)

(door creaking)

(curious music)

- Hello there.

- Who are you?

(bright music)

- I'm Countess Vampira.

- Ah, you look beautiful.

- That's what your
boyfriend Marc said.

I wonder what he sees in you.

- Well, why don't you find out?

- But my darling, I'm going to.

- Well, if you untie me,

I could find out what
he sees in you, too.

(both laughing)

- Ah, to think, there was
a sister in the cellar

and I never knew it.

Marvelous.

Yes.

Mm.

(suspenseful music)

(distant laughter echoing)

(telephone dial rattling)

(Angela mutters)

(telephone ringing)

- Marc Williams.

- Oh, darling.

Listen, I know what it
is they've done to you.

Marc, can you hear me?

Marc!

- Yes, go on.

- Oh, for God's sake, Marc.

- Angela, I've been
looking for you all day.

Where are you?

- I'm in a big old
house somewhere.

I don't know where.

But the number, the
number is (screams).

- Angela?

Angela!

- [Angela] Marc, listen,
I know what it is

they've done to you.

And they're after Ritva
tonight at the party!

Marc, can you hear me?

- Give her to me.

- You've caused enough trouble.

Now go and get
ready for the party.

You look a mess.

- If I can't have you,
I'll have your friend Marc.

(Angela grunting)

(Maltravers laughs)

(telephone ringing)

- Marc Williams.

Yes, go on.

- You will take the teeth from
the book and go to the party.

You will give the beautiful
Ritva a friendly bite.

You will hand the teeth
to Maltravers or myself,

then your part in this
affair will be finished.

You will remember nothing.

(telephone clicks)

(energetic music)
(crowd chattering)

- Come on in, Harry,
nice to see you.

- Just stay there, lovely.

(speaking drowned out by noise)

- You look great,
you look marvelous.

I hope you enjoy the party.

Welcome.

Hello, welcome to the party.

Haven't we met before?

- If we had, I'm sure
you would remember.

- Hello, welcome to the party.

(upbeat music)

- (giggles) This is
what I call a party!

- Yes.

- Where's Ritva?

- [Pottinger] Where
have you been?

- Has she arrived yet
- You're late!

- Forget it.

- There's the young person, sir.

- Listen, I can't
explain the details,

but somebody's after
your blood, literally.

Whatever you do,
don't leave my side.

- What are you talking about?

- Would you believe
Count Dracula?

- You're Count Dracula.

Everybody's Count Dracula.

- Yes, but I mean Count
Dracula, Count Dracula.

- If this is a roundabout
way of inviting me

back to your place,
then the answer is yes.

- The whole idea is to keep
you away from my place,

or from being anywhere alone.

I don't want you
out of my sight.

Oh, Ritva!

(Ritva laughs)

- Why doesn't he bite her?

With all these people,
I can't control him.

You are wearing your
special teeth, aren't you?

- Yes, sir.

I put them in just in
case of an emergency.

- Use them.

- Would it be all right

if I visit the gentleman's
room first, sir?

- Yes.

- Painful, isn't it?

- What?

- Wearing those teeth.

(lively music)

- Ritva!

(Vampira laughs)

- Charming headdress.

May I dance?

- Yes.

- Ritva!

- What happened?

(Maltravers mutters)

- Ritva!

(Ritva gasps)

(Ritva screams)

- Bye.

(bat squeaking)

(man clapping)

(unsettling music)

- This is it, Maltravers.

Prepare for the transfusion.

- Vladimir?

- Mm-hmm?

- What about that girl?

- Of course, you're right.

We must deal with her first.

Come.

It's the old well,
it's as dry as a bone.

- No! (cries out)

No, oh, please, no, no!

Help me, somebody, help!

No! (cries out)

Oh, please, no!

- You know too much, and
we must leave tonight.

- Oh, help me, someone, no!

Please, ah, no!

Help!

No! (cries out)

(Maltravers sniggers)

- Bye, bye, my dear.

(doors thudding)

- Thanks!

(floor creaking)

(rat squeaking)

(Angela shouting)

(water splashing)

(unsettling music)

- It doesn't seem to be working.

The new blood's
going in, all right,

but nothing's happening.

- Dear me, sir.

- [Dracula] Where could
I have gone wrong?

(curious music)

(tense music)

(Dracula grunting)

- Vladimir, I love it!

- [Dracula] What could I do?

Where can we go?

- Well, sir, it's
Carnival time in Rio.

(Vampira laughs)

(suspenseful music)

- Orleans Road, Hampstead.

- Sir, they've three seats

on the last fight
to Transylvania.

- [Dracula] Well,
take them, Maltravers.

- Hello?

Three reservations in the name
of Count Vladimir, please.

What?

Yes, we're on our way now.

Thank you.

(metallic rattling)

(door clanging)

(tires screeching)

(distant laughter echoing)

- Angela!

(metal rattling)

(Angela groaning)

Where is he?

I'm gonna kill him.

- No, they've all gone.

Look, just phone the police.

Phone the police!

(telephone dial rattling)

Hey.

London airport?

- Should we give it a try?

(suspenseful music)

(tires screeching)

- Vladimir!

- Good heavens.

- Now then, what's all this?

- Officer, thank
goodness you've arrived.

- Thank you, officer.

- Sorry about that, sir.

- Case of mistaken
identity, I'm sure.

- [Marc] That man
is Count Dracula!

- [Officer] Could
you spell that, sir?

- D-R-A, don't be so stupid!

The man's--
- Now, now, now,

let's all keep calm.

♪ Back in Transylvania, they
found a drink that's new

♪ If someone wants to
drink your health

♪ They drink it outta you

♪ They don't have the movies
or corny stuff like that

♪ When you wanna have a ball

♪ You change into a bat

♪ Hey big stuff, gimme
some more (slurps)

♪ Fly away, Vampira, dance
with all your might

♪ Do it like this, Vampira

♪ And dance away the night

♪ And you're in my blood

♪ You're here in
the heart of me

♪ Callin' Vampira
♪ Every breath I take

♪ Your voice I recall

♪ Voice of Vampira

♪ Like some long lost call

♪ That's happening through me

♪ Like a memory
that talks to me

♪ It calls through
space and time

♪ In a voice that
keeps repeating

♪ That this song
isn't really mine

♪ And you're in my blood

♪ You're here in
the heart of me

♪ Voice of Vampira
♪ Every breath I take

♪ The voice of you calls

♪ And I ache to hold
you in my arms

♪ And drink in all your love

♪ Until you and
music fill my soul

♪ And I shine with the
joy of you in my song

♪ Fly away, Vampira

♪ Dance with all your might

♪ Do it like this, Vampira

♪ And dance away the night

- Bye.