O Matylde s náhradní hlavou (1985) - full transcript


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A head.

It's a sort of box
full of shelves.

And if we're told
"a dog has 4 legs",

it jumps inside via our ears
and is stored there.

Of course, we've to keep it tidy.

Otherwise, we could hardly find anything.
On inquiry about the number of dog's legs,

we'd just stand and stare,
without having a clue if it was 2, or 9.

Thus it's crucial to store in our head
only the most important things.

Otherwise, all the space
would fill up with crap.

But there was a girl
called Matilda

whose head resembled a department
store filled with mixed goods.

Her head had a green hue because
Matilda spent all her time indoors.

But her mom didn't mind. She was
proud of her encyclopedic knowledge.

She envisioned her daughter would become
a teacher not a housewife bound to a stove.

Whereas other children
tried to learn only the basics,

Matilda strove to grasp everything.
Thus her head was full of "inasmuch",

"because", "however".

And also "Calcutta", "calculation",
"calorie", "close-fitting", "camouflage."

She tried to memorize
weather forecasts.

Once, to avoid boredom, she committed
to memory all the traffic timetables.

And mom said, "Matilda,
you're such a bright girl!"

"Traffic timetables are usually so
complicated. Now, I can just ask you!"

Then she rewarded Matilda
with sweet candy

and asked her to memorize
the best wishes to aunt Bertha.

Because tomorrow is
auntie's name's day.

The next day, Matilda had a slight headache.
You know, traffic timetables are complicated.

There are too many
arrivals and departures.

Fortunately, the homework was easy today.
Just reading an article about polar bears.

Thus Matilda started
to learn for school.

But soon she burst into tears,

"Holy moly, my dear mom!"

"What's wrong with me?
I can't recall anything I learn."

Mom took it lightly.

"C'mon, Matilda, you've such
a bright brain! It's impossible."

"Stand upright as in school
and chant from memory."

"I'm sure it'll be fine."
- So, Matilda said,

"In the vast northern plains,

hardly ever touched
by human feet,

surrounded by never melting
ice and snow,

live polar bears
who are entire..."

Ehm... the end!

Mom said,

"What's next, Matilda? Continue!"

"Of course, entire polar bears live
there and not only their halves."

But Matilda was not able to elaborate.

Now, mom finally got scared,
"Holy moly!"

"Her head is full of express trains
and there is no more space left."

"What now?"

"The best solution would be
an empty spare head."

So, mom ran to the store
and thought for herself,

"We're supposed to go to aunt Bertha
and instead I've to shop for a spare head."

"Besides, spare heads
might be sold out?!"

Fortunately, these were
redundant worries.

If the market can offer spare buttons
for coats, or spare tires for cars,

why shouldn't spare heads
be available too?

A perfectly fitting model
was available!

Matilda was so glad.

She learned all
about the polar bears.

And then, being so joyful
about the solution,

she memorized
the whole phone book.

And mom said, "You see, Matilda,
you're a bright girl again!"

"Phone books are so complicated
to search. Now, I can just ask you!"

Then she gave Matilda white stockings,
adorned her head with a red ribbon,

and said, "Let's go
to catch the train!"

"When does it depart?"

However, Matilda was clueless.

Timetables were stored
in the old head.

Mom had to replace the heads.

Once it was done,
Matilda said,

"Our train is leaving
in 5 minutes."

And mom exclaimed,
"Holy moly!"

"We must take taxi
to the train station."

"What's the taxi's phone number?
C'mon, Matilda!"

However, Matilda was clueless.

The phone book was stored
in the new head.

Poor mom cried out,
"Holy moly, we'll miss the train!"

"What's the number?
Matilda, hurry up!"

Matilda responded,
"The number is 824 225."

The taxi came to doorstep in no time
and they hurried to the train station.

But mom exclaimed,
"Stop! Back!"

"Best wishes are stored
in the old head!"

But before they were able to exchange
the heads and reach the train station

the train was, of course, gone.

"Holy moly!" said mom
while going back home by tram.

All the rush made them tired,
so they took seats.

However, a lady with a cabbage in a net bag
stepped in and wanted to sit down.

An older man said, "Hey girl,

help this lady carry
the bag, when you sit."

And mom marveled,
"What a splendid cabbage!"

"Where could you afford it?"

"I had a call from my friend that there's
a new shipment in green-grocery."

So, they had a little chat.
But at home mom lamented,

"Matilda, you scatter-brain,
why don't you pay more attention?"

"You swapped bags! Now, we've got
a cabbage instead of your spare head."

"In your spare head is stored all about
polar bears which you need for school."

Matilda responded, "We don't know the
lady's name, but we know she has a phone."

"Actually, it's true! If someone
gets a call, she must have a phone."

said mom and ordered Matilda to
identify all the likely phone numbers.

However, Matilda was clueless.

the phone book was stored in the lost
head and thus mom had to go to a call-box.

She called all the likely numbers
the whole evening and night.

The whole morning too,
but it wasn't right.

Because a call from the call-box
shouldn't exceed 5 min!

But ultimately she found the lady who
soon rang the doorbell and apologized

for mistaking a spare head for cabbage
and cooking it for two hours.

But mom responded, "Nevermind!
The main point is the head is back."

She attached it to Matilda,
so she wouldn't be late for school.

At school, teacher asked, "What do you
know about the polar bears, Matilda?"

"Your skin has a healthy hue.
How come?"

Matilda responded,
"We did some running with mom lately."

Then she stood upright and said,

"In the white plains of the far north,

hardly ever touched
by human feet,

surrounded by never melting
ice and snow,

live polar bears
who are entire...


Then the children
started to laugh

and the teacher was
completely perplexed,

"What do you mean by cooked?
They are entirely white."

But what else could poor Matilda say?
Everything within her head was cooked.

As such, all she could do was
permanently think about cooking.

Her mom was desperate,

"Oh, Matilda! This way you won't become
a teacher. You'll be bound to the stove."

"Holy moly!"

But then she thought
it could be still reverted.

She ran to the store again
and upon returning said,

"Take it, Matilda!
But this head is the last one!"

"No traffic timetables!"

"No phone books!"


Matilda remembered these words

and stored within her head
only the truly important items.


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