Nuns on the Run (1990) - full transcript

You having lunch?

Yes, but late.
I said I'd be back at two.

Brian, you don't like this
job any more than I do, do you?

Of course not.

The same all grind week after week.

And so much stress.

Yes, stress!

- D'you want a valium?
- No way!

Steak and chips.

I thought you were supposed
to eat fish on a Friday.

How you are out of date!



Vatican II said we don't
have to do that any more.

Who's Vatican II? The deputy Pope?

Ignoramus. You
can't have a deputy Pope.

The Pope is infallible.
You can't be deputy-infallible!

- We have to go.
- Let them wait.

Oi! A cup of tea over here, please!

No pension plan, no insurance.

No job security.

Why don't we just pack it in?

- I really hate this bank job.
- Me too.

I don't know how to do anything else.

Time for work, boys.
Back at two, remember?

Stop!

Hit the deck or you're dead!



You shot Louis, you arsehole!

Oh shit!

Give me the money or you're a dead man!

Here, take it, you have it.
I don't care, it's not mine.

- Shut your mouth!
- Kill the hysteric!

I know how you feel.
Have a valium.

Kill her!

What with?

With a gun!

I haven't got a gun, you homicidal pillock!

We've got it!

It's just not like it used to be, Charlie.

We work for a completely new breed.

All those guns and violence...

Even our poor Louie.

That was an accident.

Don't you eat your French fries?

It's got like America now.

Ever since Case took over the firm.

And none of us used to carry guns.

In the old days
when we nicked someone

no one got hurt, and no one
lost anything very much.

Insurance companies did.

Yeah, well, they're bigger
thieves than we are.

I thought I was too clever
to get involved with this heavy stuff.

What do you think?

We have no choice.

Do you want to tell Case we no longer
want to be a part of his firm?

- No.
- No, me neither.

Look, all I know is they
wanted a fast driver.

And that's all I ever wanted to be.

How about a Mercedes?

Ha, a bit bourgeois, don't you think?

I fancy something a bit sporty.

- That one.

- No. I don't like
Italian cars. They rust.

BMW.

Trifle yuppy.

Nice color that red.
Goes with your eyes.

Very funny.

Oi, oh, officer. I'm sorry.

What are you doing?

We couldn't get in.

It's an all-ticket match.

- Is it? Ah, we didn't know that, did we mate?
- No.

This will come in handy. Got his wallet.

Charlie, you do not pick
the pocket of the police force!

Come on. Let's get our car. Quick!

Hey, what are you doing?

Stop! What the hell...

Charlie, slow down! Think!

- What's the big hurry?
- Police. Move it!

Case wants to know
when he can have the Toyota.

- A couple of days.
- I'll tell him.

Oh, wait.

What's the matter, Norm?

I want to leave Mr Case's employment.

We didn't hear that.

I talked to Mr Case about that.

He said no problem. No,
he was as sweet as pie.

You're in deep shit, Norm.

He won't let you go. You
know too much.

Why? Don't you think
I can trust him?

There's only one thing.

I told him you
guys wanted out as well.

You did what?

Ah, Mr Case wants to have
a word with you two, boys.

Hello, Case.

Hi, boys.

Morley said you wanted to see us.

And Morley's right.

Got something for ya.
It's in a car outside.

Oh my God.

Norm...

He died suddenly.

He never even got the last rites
for his last wrongs, Charlie.

What did he die of?

He wanted to work for somebody else.

Aa, natural causes.

I want you to take him for some
special weight training.

First Louie, now Norm.

I mean we were only
talking to him a few hours ago.

I'm very upset, Charlie.

I don't mind admitting it.

We didn't do it. It's not our fault.

If we hadn't done this,
he would have killed us too.

Do you think he won't?
I'm very depressed.

I think I'll go lose some money.

Place your bets.

Number ten - black.

Have you seen my glasses anywhere?

You've got a customer.

Where?

Over there.

Oh, thanks.

Can I get you a drink, sir?

Coffee, please.

Ah, I'm sorry!

Sorry, I'm not wearing my glasses.

I lost them last night.

You can't find them?

Can't find them without them.

What's your name?

Faith.

You are not really good
at this job, are you?

I'm so sorry, Mr Hope.
It won't happen again.

You - that's it!

No, wait. It was my fault.

Thanks.

I need this job.

Do you want me
to get you another coffee?

No, let's not risk it.

OK.

I'm going off duty now.
I've been on the night.

Can you come and have
some breakfast with me?

No, it's nearly time for my day job.

You see, I can't get a grant.

I'm trying to save up
enough to go to college.

Can I have your phone number?

No. Don't know who you are.

OK. Here's mine.

If you ever want anything,
anything at all, just ask for Brian.

It's yours.

Oh, thanks.

That's what you look like!

You see that drinking club?

They found it for
laundering money from crack.

No, we didn't touch drugs.

We don't. It belongs to Triads.
They're moving in from Hong Kong.

We gonna take the real pot again
away from them.

From the Triads?

It's all used notes. There's no risk.

No risk? The Triads?

You want to work for somebody else?

- No.
- No.

- No.
- No.

Find out where they take the cash.
Watch out for a red Mercedes.

Look.

Watch out.

Vay you folla us?

Hm?

Why you folla us?

I don't know what you're talking about.

You policemen?

Do we look like policemen?

No.

Good.

So, if you folla us again,
I chop your arms off, OK?

Great.

Now, if Case doesn't kill us, the Triads will.

You know what we ought to do?
Steal the money for ourselves.

Oh, brilliant!

Then we'll have Case trying to gun us down
and the Triads trying to chop us up!

No. We grab the money for ourselves,
we drive to the airport, and olé - we're in Rio.

So, what do you want to study?

Psychology.

- Psychology?
- Yeah.

I've got a job at King's
College now. Dreaming.

Dreaming?

It's a job?

Yeah, they pay me. Ten quid an hour.

Practical experience on a real
psychology department.

I've got to go
straight there after breakfast.

And what do you do?
Just go to sleep?

It's not just sleeping.

When I wake up I tell
them what I dreamt.

They are very interested.

I'm supposed to have
some interesting dreams.

I suppose you must have.

This job's great!

Thanks.

That casino was run by
gangsters, you know.

No!

Yes!

What kind of business
are you in, Brian?

Oh, I'm an entrepreneur,

you know, fingers in pies,
banks, shopping centers, cars...

That's brilliant.

Charlie.

-You know Faith?
- Yeah, we've met.

- Oh, hello.
- Hello.

Are we keeping you up?

Faith's very tired.

She's got an interesting sideline.

She sleeps for ten quid an hour.

Ten quid an hour?!
A good-looking girl like you?

I can give you fifty.

Sows!

So, she must be pretty...

A bit of...

...rather...

What?

She must be a terrific lay.

It's not like that.

We talk, we hold hands,
we kiss - it's nothing.

You're in love with her.

Love! I like it, that's all.
What's wrong with that?

Don't be daft!

You'll see the women in Rio.
They're the most beautiful in the world.

So, we are definitely on then?

Yeah. Aren't we?

Oh yeah.

I'll be sorry to leave Faith.

You can't tell everybody where
we're going.

Now's the time when we
can make a nice clean break of it.

Come on.

They'll be armed,
so we should to kill, right?

Yes, should to kill.

Shut that door!

What about Brian and Charlie?

I don't trust them any more.

I think I'm going to make tomorrow
their last day on this planet.

OK. Here's the shooties.

One for you.

One for you.

One each for Brian and Charlie.

Guns for them?

First, we use them,
then we get rid of them.

Like Kleenex.

Anything else?

- No. The Willis Street, 10:00 am.
- Leave it to us, Case.

Brian, they're going to kill you!

Go away!

I won't let it happen. Come with me.

- Go home!
- Come with me!

Let go of me!

I'm trying to commit a major crime.

She's part of the plan?

Let me go!

Faith, please!

Let go of me, Faith!

They're gonna kill you!

Get into the car!

Get off me!

Come on...

You stupid cow!

Look at that guy. Henpecked!

Don't move or you're dead!

Let's see 'em!

- Hang on, don't set it.
- Too late. I have set it.

We've got 50 seconds.

Hold it. Don't shoot!

Why not?

Because it's wrong.

It's very funny, Brian.

Don't move!

You shoot them, I'll shoot you.

What did you put in my car?

A bomb!

Are you off your trolley?

Right! Over there with them!

Put your guns down.

You too!

Why?

Throw the bags over here.

Wait a minute, what...

You'll regret this!

Right. We've got... six seconds!

Brilliant!

Hey!

- What's the matter?
- It won't start.

- Why not?
- I don't know.

I don't know what's happened.

Look! We're out of petrol,
you stupid dick!

Quick! We'd better run for it!

Where's Faith?

She's gone. She went by taxi.

That door.

- What about it?
- It's open!

Do you speak English?

What is this place?

Was that a nun?

What we gonna do?

We'll never get to the airport.
The place will be crawling with cops.

[Speaking Asian Language]

Do we have the airline tickets?

- No. Oh, shit. I left them in the car.

Christ! We've got no alternative.

No!

What do the nuns do anyway?

Nothing. They sit about,
they read, they pray...

It's a godsend. No one would even
think of looking for us in a nunnery.

We need makeup.

Eh... Miss, how do you put this on?

With the red sponge, sister.

How do I look?

OK.

OK.

OK.

Excuse me.

Do nuns usually wear makeup?

It's our day off.

If we're good nuns,
God will see us through.

We're not nuns, Charlie!

From now on we are. Say nothing.

Yes?

Hello. We're from Chipping Sodbury.
We believe you are expecting us.

No.

No?

No!

Can we come in?

Well..., I suppose so.

See? It's a pushover.

Come in.

I'm a superior.

Sister Liz is my name.

Good morning Reverend Mother.

We don't use titles like
Reverend Mother any more.

Just call me 'sister'.
What is your name?

Sister Inviolata of the Immaculate Conception.

And yours?

Sister Euphemia of the Five Wounds.

Five Wounds?!

Five Wounds, for short.

Do sit down.

I gather...

you thought we were expecting you?

Yes! Yes. Eh... Did the
documentation not arrive?

What documentation?

From my Mother Superior. The letters
she sent to introduce us.

I don't recall such a letter.

Still you are very welcome.

As you know, we run
a teacher training college

in this convent for 18-22 year-old girls...

You do?

You have experience?

Of 18-year-old girls? Yes, plenty.

Well, welcome to our convent.

I'll just find someone
to show you round.

Thank you.

Where did you get those names?

From auntie Mary, because she's a nun.

You'll never get away with this.

Brian! This is our only chance to go straight.

You call all this...going straight?

Mr Norris, could you spare
sister Mary for a few moments?

But we order the accounts
for the drug rehabilitation clinic.

You go ahead.

- Listen, you can't leave.
- Why not?

- For lots of reasons.
- Name three.

Case, the Triads, the Police.

This is sister Mary of the Annunciation.
She will take you to your cells.

Cells?

This is the residential area,

and the college is through here.

[giggling]

This is your room.

Yours, sister Inviolata, is next door.

The bathroom is at the end of the corridor.

We all share bathrooms and showers, of course.

Not literally?

What's the matter with that?

Ehm... our orders are very modest.

We don't tolerate nudity
in any shape or form.

Especially our shape.

Yes. We believe it's a sin to show
our private parts of the body in public.

Not to ours surely.

We are all just the same underneath
when you get right down to it.

Well..., Well, yes...

We couldn't possibly break
our rules, could we? No.

And I'm sure you understand
that, sister Mary of the Annunciation.

And we'd like you to explain it
to the sister superior.

Why me?

Why did you ask her to explain it?

It's her job, isn't it? Annunciation.

Isn't it a classy work for announcement?

Yes...if you are the Angel of the Lord

and you are declaring to the Virgin Mary

she's about to conceive by the Holy Ghost
and have an immaculate conception.

But not, Brian, not because
you want a private shower,

because you are pretending to be a nun

and you're frightened the other
nuns might see your dick!

Now, keep your mouth shut until you
can say something suitable.

How do I know what's suitable?

I've never been a fucking nun before!

I just hate to hear you blaspheme.

Wait a minute, Charlie.

Just because you're dressed like a nun...

it doesn't mean you are one.

- And you can't describe any of them?
- No.

- I broke my glasses. See?
- I see. Thank you, miss.

What happened to your arm?

- I think I was shot.
- Oh yes, should get that attended to.

I can't hear you, you are breaking up!

Well, shall I help you unpack?

I'll manage, thank you.

Why do you still wear
those old fashion habits?

Most of us have given them up.

Well, erm... We'd rather not, actually.

They're for a... for travelling.

You couldn't lend us something
more like you are wearing, could you?

It's so much more faminine.

We've got loads of stuff
for you in the basement.

I'll lend you one of mine.

Why?

Because we need to look just like them
if we want to pass unnoticed.

Then what happened?

We don't know.

Where did they go?

We don't know.

Where did the girl go?

We don't know.

Why did they abandon the car?

We don't know.

Listen carefully.

I want that money.
I want that girl alive.

To find out what she knows.

And I want Brian and Charlie...

dead!

Is that quite clear?

Oi!

Oi!...

You!

Are you a nun?

Oh, very funny. What do you want?

And this is our chapel.

Hello, sisters.

I'm father Seamus.

Well, Mary. Aren't
you going to introduce us?

This is sister Euphemia
and this is sister Inviolata.

They're staying here.

Very nice.

How long are you staying?

I'm very pleased to meet you,
sister Euphemia.

If there's anything
at all I can do for you,

don't hesitate to
call on me, day or night.

What did he mean?

Father Seamus can't
keep his hands to himself.

Now there, father, be off with you.

That's disgusting!

You should be flattered.

He didn't give me a second glance.

So, I hear you are from Chipping Sodbury.

Yes.

I've been meaning to phone old Pearson.

Who?

Father Pearson. Your priest.
We were students together.

What's the matter?

Don't mention Pearson
in front of Euphemia.

They had a little... romance.

A naughty one.

With Pearson?

Mmm hm.

Don't try to ring him.

He took a vow of silence and left
Chipping Sodbury for unknown destination.

Sister Euphemia, I understand.

But if you need any consolation...

We don't need your
sort of consolation, Father Seamus.

We've heard all about you
from father Pearson.

I don't know what you mean.

I don't like the way you
are looking at me.

I'm not looking at you anywhere.

I admit I enjoy women's company.

There's nothing wrong
with that I hope, sister?

We're not women.

We're nuns!

We don't even think of
ourselves as women at all.

Oh, that's a pity...

if I may say so.

Apparently there's been a bomb...

and some shooting in the street.

I don't suppose you've seen
anything unusual?

Strange men, you mean?

Have you?

Well, um...

All men are a little strange to us, officer.

Excuse me.

What exactly are you looking for?

We don't know.

Was there...

Was there anything stolen?

We don't know.

Well, we're all rather busy today.

Why don't I just talk
to all the other sisters?

And if you can tell us
who or what you are looking for,

we'll tell you if we've seen it.

Thank you.

Oh, and Mary, I'm afraid you and I

must have a little talk, right away.

Excuse us.

So far, so good.

Why did you choose Chipping Sodbury?

There is a convent there!

I didn't know that.

Sister Liz, I've got to give the girls their

Religious Studies class in fifteen minutes.

Sister, Sit down, please...

I'm supposed to be teaching as well,

but I'm sorry to say

this is a little more important.

I'll find someone else
to take the classes.

Oh, Euphemia. I have to talk
to sister Mary here.

Would you take her Religious Studies
class for 3rd-year girls?

- Me?
- Yes, in quarter of an hour?

I don't think I know how.

Now, now, no false modesty please.

The sin of pride, remember?

It's not false modesty.

You don't have
to stick to the curriculum,

it's more like a religious discussion group.

I'm sure they'd be interested
to hear your point of view.

I'm sure they would.

Well...

What about her?

She's just hanging about.

I'm retired. I'm not going back
to work now, thank you very much.

Euphemia, just talk to the girls

and answer their questions about the Trinity.

The Trinity?

I think sister Inviolata would be
much better at it than me.

No, er... No. We're just going out.

Where to?

Oh, we just love exercise.

They're a strange pair!

Yes. And now we've got
another blooming visitor.

They won't search a couple of nuns?

What? With suitcases? After a bomb?

So, are you going to tell the police?

I don't know. I must think about it.

But you must meditate upon
your weakness and pray for strength.

And you'd better take a week off.

We came back.

We thought God wanted us to help.

Yes. Who knows?

Since you are so fond of
exercise, sister Inviolata,

you could take my freshman girls
Physical Education class.

You look as if you could do
with the workout.

This young lady says
she wants to be a teacher.

I can't think why.

Let's go.

And do put your suitcases
in your cells for goodness sake!

What's she doing here?

Looking for you?

I wanna talk to her.

You've gone out your mind!

We're not interviewing
applicants at the moment.

No, can I just talk to you?

I am a mature student, and a Catholic.

OK.

- Let me out!
- No!

- I want to talk to Faith.
- You can't.

She can't know we're here.
She can't know we're nuns!

Why not?

What if Abbot and Morley find her?

What if Case tortures her?
She'll tell!

I'll take that chance.

No!

And think of her - if she knows
nothing, she's safe.

You got class in fifteen minutes.

OK.

Explain the Trinity.

Hm... That's a bit of a bugger.

It can't be that difficult.

You've been a Catholic all your life.

Yeah.

Well, here's the pitch.

You've got the Father,
the Son and the Holy Ghost.

The three are one...

like a shamrock...

my old priest used to say.

"Three leaves but one leaf."

Now, the father sent down the son,

who was love,

and then when he went away,
he sent down the holy spirit,

who came down in the form of a...

You told me already...a ghost.

No, a dove.

- The dove was a ghost?
- No, the ghost was a dove.

Let me try and summarize this:
God is his son. And his son is God.

But his son moonlights as a holy
ghost, a holy spirit, and a dove.

And they all send each other,

even though they're all
one and the same thing.

You've got it!

What?

You really could be a nun.

Thanks.

Wait a minute.

What I said, does make
any sense to you?

Well, no.

No. That makes no sense to anybody.

That's why you have to believe it.

That's why you have the faith.

If it made sense, it wouldn't have
to be a religion, would it?

I'd be happy to consider you
if you pass your exams.

Thank you.

Can I just have a quick look
round before I go?

Not at the moment I'm afraid.

Well, I wish you luck, Faith.

Work hard.

Ahhhh...

No, no, look.

I've told you.

With...Spectacles, testicles, wallet and watch.

Spectacles, testicles, wallet and watch.

That's it.

I'm enjoying this.

Nice.

Nice?!

Look, Charlie. Some con men
sell life insurance.

The church sells afterlife insurance

It's brilliant!

Everyone thinks you might need it...

and no one can prove you don't.

The church isn't selling anything, Brian.

Oh! Well, if the church
isn't selling anything,

how did it get to be so rich?

Just remember, wherever
there's a deep human need,

there's money to be made.

You think so?

Of course, look at Kentucky
Fried Chicken.

Is that what you are saying God
wanted the Church to be? Rich?

No. God is very busy. He can't
control all the details.

He's running a franchise operation.

Those nuns aren't rich.

Come on. Let's go.

Good people, Brian. Anyone can see that.

Just like you and me, they're the monks.

How come they're happier than us?

They're only happier than us
because when they joined up

they checked their brains in at the door!

What happened to your arm?

I'm not sure. I fell.

It looks like a bullet wound to me.

How would you know?

I've seen bullet wounds.
I've been a missionary.

Where?

East L. A.

Come on, girls.

Let's play ball.

I don't think we need
to discuss the Trinity any more.

But what I don't understand

is how can he be both a spirit, and a man?

But He's also a dove,
don't forget that.

- Isn't that a metaphor?
- No, it's a bird.

What's the big deal
about Him suffering on earth

if He knew He was going
to rejoin His Father in Heaven?

Look, Tracey. Do you think
it is easy to be God's son?

Let me tell you, young lady,

it is never easy to be the son
of a successful father.

- But...

- Look! All you need to
know about the Trinity is this.

God is like a shamrock!

Small, green and split three ways.

Class dismissed.

Dribble, girls, dribble...
Pass the ball.

Thank you.

That's what you do.

Hi, Faith.

Who's that?

It's me, Brian.

Oh, Brian...

Oh, Brian.

- What are you doing here?
- Looking for you.

Did you see us come in?
Did anyone else?

I don't think so.

I wish you hadn't followed us.

Thanks a lot!

No, it's for your own safety.

Look. You haven't seen me,

you didn't see me come in here,

you don't know I'm here, all right?

Okay.

What's the matter with your arm?

Oh, it's nothing. I'm just a bit dizzy.

Can you stay with me for a bit?

No, no. I mean if the nuns find me,
they'll tell the police.

Oh...I see.

Besides..., I don't want us to get too involved.

Let's face it, we're not
serious about each other, are we?

Well, no, but...

Look, Faith. We're gangsters.

We're in an ugly business.
We mean ugly people, all right?

You shouldn't hate yourself like this.

You saved those men's lives.

You could change, do something decent,

Go straight.

It's not that easy.

Anyway, what's it matter to you?

It's not like we were married or anything.

Oh, wait a minute. I've never
suggested we get married.

Why, it's just as well,

because... I'm not available.

That's why I had
to find you to tell you.

You're telling me you are married?

Yeah! That's it. I'm married.

Sorry, I should have mentioned it.

Too bloody right, why didn't you?

I only just thought of it.

I only just thought of telling you it.

An ugly married gangster!
I really do pick'em.

What do you mean "ugly"?

You said you were ugly.

Yeah, but I didn't expect
such a wholehearted agreement.

I meant not like ugly with
your nose all over your face.

Oh, God. It's...Mrs. Wimple.

Oh, what are you doing here?

Uh...just visiting.

- I'll take this.
- Thanks.

She's gone.

Didn't they see you?

- They?
- Those two nuns.

Err..., no. No, I was..., I was hiding.

Right. I'll be off, then.

Fine.

I'm going now to the church
for confession.

Ah. That makes everything OK, does it?

In a way.

Well...

Lucky you.

I never wanna see you again.

Sister Inviolata...

you played a great
game of ball this morning. How come?

I wasn't always a nun, my dear.

Are there any other games you are good at?

Yes.

But I can't play them with you.

Aren't you going to take a shower?

No, no. I'm very shy.

Sister Inviolata.

Are you in here?

Yes!

Oh, listen. I...

Oh...

What's wrong, sister?

Nothing. I just... came over a bit... funny.

It's so...

steamy in here.

Yes, it's certainly is, uh...

steamy.

What are you doing in here?

I can't help myself.

Stop it! Look at me!

You shouldn't be in here.

It's not right.

I know.

I don't understand.
Why shouldn't you be here?

Um... we don't belong.

You certainly do.

Listen, today is my birthday
and the girls give me a party.

Would you both like to come?

We'd love to. Where is it?

In our bedroom.

Yes. We will be there.

Why do you carry those bags
with you all the time?

Because they're very precious to us.

In this order we're not
allowed personal possessions.

Nor are we. But what's in here

does not belong to us. Truthfully.

No, but we're obliged to take care of it.

Whatever it is, it'll be quite
safe over there, with sister Mary.

She's quite right.
I'll look after them for you.

Now, put them down.

Now, go have lunch.

Oh, I...

spoke to Faith.
She's in the sickroom.

So now she knows you are here.

No, no. She thinks I've gone now.

I told her I was married.

You were married.

She thinks I still am.

She never wants to see me again.

Huh, just as well really.

Oh, you're kidding.
You are in love with her.

I am, aren't I?

But she doesn't love me.

Charlie,

she said she was gonna confess.

Who?

Faith.

To the cops?

To the priest.

She'll talk about the Triad robbery,

...then us.

Don't panic.

Priests never tell anyone what they
hear in the confessional.

What if he tells her to go to the police?

As soon as he leaves, you go in.

- Me?
- Someone's got to do it.

Don't worry. She's do all the talking.

- Hello, sister.
- Hello, ...Seamus.

Is there somewhere nice and quiet
where we can have a little talk?

Oh, certainly, sister.

Bless me, Father, for I have sinned...

It's three years since my last confession.

O dear, o dear, o dear!

I um...

I haven't been living a very good life.

And I think God is punishing me for it.

I've become involved with
a gangster called Brian.

Could you tell me about it?

I... I have lustful feelings about him.

You do?

Yes.

I think I love him.

You love him?

He's so brave.

He prevented a gang murder today.

Oh love, he sounds great.

He says he doesn't love me.

Perhaps he's just saying that
for some reason.

He's a married man.

But when we kissed I felt...

I felt all warmed and funny inside.

I can't describe it.

But my problem is,

there's a terrible crime committed today

and I haven't told the police.

If you love him, keep your trap shut.

I wondered if you'd like
to talk about your...

desires.

Funny...very funny.

Father Pearson told me that you
had to keep your hands to yourself.

I'm a man. That's why I flirt a little.

Hm, well, I'm not that sort of nun.

Tell me...

is celibacy just as difficult
for a woman as it is for a man?

I wouldn't know.

I must come clean, though. I...

...I had a man in my bed last night.

All night.

You see, the way I see it...

Sex is allowed.

[laughs]

No, no. It's the doctrine of original sin.

You see, we're all born
sinful, except for Jesus,

who was perfect, of course.

And He was sent to save us.

But how could He save us

unless we were sinning?

So we have to go on sinning

in order to be saved and go to heaven.

That's how Christianity works.

That's why it suits so many people.

And I lied to the police about him.

Purely from the best motives.

So is it true that if you commit a sin

out of fear, it is not necessarily a sin

after all?

Sounds right to me.

OK. Thanks for dropping by.

Aren't you gonna give
me absolution for my sins?

Oh, absolutely!

You're absolutely absoluted.

That's it. You're done now. You can go.

Aren't you gonna tell me my sins are forgiven?

Uh... I was just coming to that.

I resolve you...
Absolve you!

In the name of the Holy Father,
and of the Son,

and of the holy shamrock.
...Spirit!

Sorry.

Go in peace. Your sins are forgiven you.

Thank you, Father.

You're welcome.

She loves me.

Look, I've got to go to Brazil, forever!

Never mind that.

What do you mean 'never mind that'?

It's a catastrophe!

Maybe I can stay here somehow.

Listen! We have to leave!

Either on a plane to Brazil,
or feet first!

She went over to the church.

She didn't come back?

She said she would.

Can we have our bags, please?

I've put them away in a
nice safe place.

Good.

Where?

Oh, I forget.

Oh, over there, in that cupboard.

It um... it won't open.

Of course not. It's locked!

Give us the f...

Could we have the key, please?

Certainly.

But where have I put it?

Can you believe that?

Luckily, I kept some aside.

We'll have to do some shopping.

Maybe Faith went home?

Charlie, we'll go and warn her
before she gets into trouble.

Who are you?

Who are you?

Who's hot our monaye?

I don't know, do I?

You see this knife?

Not very clean, no.

Oh, yes.

We saw you with the man
who took our money.

Yes, but he went off
without me, didn't he?

Anyway, he hasn't got it.

He works for Mr Casey.

Mr who?

No, Mr Casey.

Casey's health club.
It's in the phone book.

You'll have it.

You should get yourself a white cane.

I can see very well, thank you.

Look, I'm trying to find a number

of Faith Thomas,

in King's Cross. It's urgent.

The X-rays show there's nothing wrong.

Your arm has a flesh wound.

You're very lucky.

I suppose so.

Because you've banged your head

I have to keep you here
overnight for observation.

Sorry, it's the rules.

Hello, dad?

Your spare glasses,

your night dress.

Hello again.

We'd like something shave with, please.

What's this?

It's Epilady. It's very,
very good, actually.

No, we want men's razors.

Oh.

Just between you and me, we're very hairy.

Got any dental floss?

One pound nineteen, please.

Thank you.

Only one ticket left
for Rio for tomorrow?

What about the day after?

Can she 'waitlist' us?

No, no. I'll pay for both of us now.

Yes, American Express.

My name is Charles MacManus,
MacManus.

Um... the expiry date is...uh...

Do come in. What exactly
are you looking for?

A missing person.

A dear friend of mine

completely disappeared today.

Name of Charlie.

He was last seen in this street.

An adult?

Not mentally.

I'm here to take care of him.

And his friend was with him,

name of Brian Hope.

They didn't come here.
I'm so sorry to hurry you.

Here's me card.
If they do come here,

you will let me know?

Certainly.

I'll leave you these photos of them.

Good bye.

Sister Euphemia. Sister Inviolata.
Are you joining us?

Can I see those?

Joining you?

Yes. We're going to the church
to celebrate Mass.

Tomorrow's our saint's day.
We will be on retreat.

Oh, that's funny, so will we.

Church time.

- Have you found that key yet?
- What key?

Charlie!

Sorry. Force of habit.

- Let's kill him now.
- No, not yet.

Let's use him.

He's looking for the money too.

Sister Euphemia, there's
some woman on the phone.

Says she can't get you
the other seat to Brazil today.

But she's reserved two for tomorrow.

I'll take it.

Tickets to Brazil?

Yes. You know,
where the nuts come from.

I do know where Brazil is.

Yes. We're going to be missionaries.

You?

- We got the call.
- What call?

This call.

Sister Liz, can I talk to you?

Mr Norris?

(sister Mary: Oh, my God)

- I tried to telephone you.
- Well, we were in church.

(NORRIS: It's about a theft of
a large sum of money.)

Possibly stolen by a person
or persons within this convent.

You'd better come to my office.

Who's that guy with her?

He looks like a law.

I've ordered the accounts

and a great deal of money is missing from

the Catholic Drug Rehabilitation Clinic.

50,000 quid, right?

You know?

That man is the auditor.

Oh, is that all?

I've done a terrible thing.

I've lost 50,000 pounds on the horses.

Still, some you win and some you lose.

Who knows, next week you

might win it all back again.

Sister Mary?

She's the Clinic's administrator.

She drinks rather heavily, I'm afraid.

And apparently she's gambled it

all away on the horses.

That's criminal.

What's more to the point...

that money was next year's budget

for the Drug Rehabilitation Clinic.

So you're going to report

sister Mary to the police?

I can't. She's repented.

And anyway I'm partly responsible.

I gave her more freedom
than she can handle. I'm troubled.

I really need your help, Mr Norris.

What you need is a miracle.

Operator, are you sure
it's the right number?

It's a matter of life and death!

Come!

What are you doing?

Put those trousers away.

I'm worried.

I'm gonna find Faith.

- King's Cross, please.
- My pleasure, sisters.

Wait here.

Hello. Faith?

"Don't come back here.

Case may send up Morris
and Abbot to get you.

Love, Brian."

"Don't come back here"

that's a bit like saying:
"Do not read this note".

Well, you write it then.

Well, there's no need.

She's got he sense not to come back here

and risk meeting Abbot and Morley.

Oh shit! It's Abbot and Morley!

Oh shit!

Where can we hide?

Charlie!

Ahhhhh...

Ahhhhh...

Charlie, Help me!

Jump!

Ahhhhh...

Ahhhhh...

Quick! Get down there!

Back to the convent!

We've got nothing to wear.

What about our habits?

What about the money?

What about staying alive!

Charlie...

-Ahhhh...
-Shit!

-Ahhhh...
-Ahhhh...

Hey!

Come on, Charlie.

Here...

Come on. Up.

Are you OK?

Yes...

Brian...

Rape! Rape!

Burglars! Help!

That way, that way.

Rape! Burgler!

Men!

No one there...

Are you sure you saw two men?

Do you think I imagined it?

Scotch?

Yes. But...

Good night everyone.

Sister Mary, we have to try
and get this problem under control.

Now, go to bed.

You know? I've been thinking.

We escaped from Abbot and Morley,

and the Triads, and Case.

And where we find sanctuary?

Here, in the house of God.

- Sanctuary? Are you kidding me?
- No.

Maybe God is telling us something.

We also escaped with the million
pounds of somebody else's money.

What else is He telling us?

I think God can get us out of this alive.

I hope you won't be relying on Him totally,

because we've still got to break
into that bleedin' cupboard!

God helps those
who help themselves, Brian.

Let's hope you are right.

I think...

that what God wants us to do now,

is wait until everyone's asleep,

break into that cupboard,

take the money and go.

It's only me.

Why are you up at this time of night?

I've come to get you. It's my party.

Party, of course.

It's Euphemia.

Let's party!

Got any booze?

Sure!

You know what? We're real anti-nun,
but you two, quite different.

No, no. We're just the same.

Come and sit down.

Hey, wasn't it gruesome, that girl who
was shot in the street today?

Shot? Who?

Her name's Faith. They brought her in here.

She wasn't shot. She was just dizzy.

She says she was shot.
Then kidnapped by Chinese gangsters,

then she escaped.

Now she's in hospital.

- Course, no one believes it.
- Why not?

She rang the superior and asked
to speak to a man called Brian!

In a convent? She's obviously mad!

It's long after the visiting hours.

But I'm her spiritual adviser.

And she still has a family with her.

Her father and her brother.
They won't go.

I just want to know she's all right.

All right. As it's you, sister.

Hello.

You must be Faith's father.

That's right, sister.

Could I... have a word with you?

How is she?

- Oh, she's got a bullet wound.
- A bullet wound?

Apparently she's been
involved with some gangster

called Brian.

Oh, dear... Oh dear me.

Um... Did she tell the police
what happened?

No, she's too scared.

And if I get my hands on this Brian...

Well, violence never solves anything.

You must learn to forgive,
as Christ forgave.

- May I have a word with Faith alone?
- Sure.

Do you mind if I tell her who I am?

If you do, I'll kill you.

Fair enough.

- Hi, sister.
- How are you, my child?

I'm not too bad. Are my glasses there?

Eh... no.

So, you are not seriously hurt?

Who cares?

Well... I care.

But the man I'm in love with doesn't.

I wish I was dead.

We've got to take her with us.

In one word...no way!

Why not?

The Triads have followed her up here.

They're watching out for us.

Oh my God.

Look, we've only got
two airplane tickets for tomorrow.

I'm not gonna risk
another day in London.

What must we do?

Tomorrow we get up early,
we get the money and we go!

Up early?

We always are.

You know I saw two men last night?

Oh, I'm sure it was just a nightmare.

Yes, but was it real?

Your face!

It's all stubby!
You've got a beard!

You're a man!

They're two men!

Shut up or you're dead!

Get that axe!

Don't you think you'd better explain?

Ah... Eh... Um, it's money, obviously.

And, uh... we took it from the Triad gang.

They're drug traffickers.

- You're men!
- Oh, yeah.

And we desperately want
to get out of organized crime.

You stole money because
you wanted to get out of crime?

Oh, it was stolen already
before we stole it.

A likely story!

But, don't you see? It's just that
the good guys that have the money

-instead of the bad guys.
-Hmm.

It's like Robin Hood, you see? We stole
from the rich to give to the poor.

Who are you going to give this money to?

Us, we are poor.

Hands up!

Mary? Put that gun down.

It's okay. It's mine.
It's not loaded.

It's yours? Phone the police.
The police!

You bet!

Wait!

I'm a Catholic. I want absolution.

Absolution is only possible
through repentance.

- I repent.
- So do I.

- Fat Chance!
- Shut up!

Yes! Shut up, Mary.

If you repent, hand that
stolen money over to me.

- Why should you get it?
- Shut up, Brian.

You see, sister, if you
hand us over to the police,

it means certain death for us.

We worked for a gang boss who's got

associates in every jail in the country.

We wouldn't last more than 24 hours
before we had a fatal accident!

Also, I'm in love.
I... I'd like to get married.

And... they're gonna send us to jail forever

and I want to live with my girl.

Besides, I really do repent. Really.

Well, I don't know whether I can believe all this.

Well, that's your problem, sister.

From now on - it's every nun for himself!

Go! Phone!

I found them!

Yes?

Where?

We're trying to follow them.
Charlie is quite a driver.

- You're going a wrong way.
- To the airport.

- To the hospital.
- We are going to the airport!

Get out of our bloody way!

Hurry up! I'm not sure
if I've given them the slip.

-Keep a look at that, OK?
-Right.

Faith...

Hello, sister.

Here are your glasses.

Ah, thank you.

Brian. Why are you dressed like that?

I'll explain everything.

Excuse me, sir. Have you ever
seen a sluice room?

- This is what we call a bedpan.
- Pepan?

We use it for getting rid of shit!

- Ow!
- Ow!

-Why did you do that?
-You bloody liar!

- I'm not lying. I love you.
- I don't care, you're married.

- I'm not married.
- You're not married?

No.

Ow!

Why did you do that?

I thought you were.

You told me you didn't love me but you do!

Do you know what I've been through?

I risk my life coming here today.
I could be at the airport now.

Risk your life?!
I was shot because of you!

Shit!

I even went to confess to a priest.

I told him my problem,
I told him I loved you

and he told me to keep my trap shut.

I know. That was me.

- In the confessional?
- Yes.

You know the nun
you spoke to last night?

That was me too.

- I told you my innermost secret feelings.
- I know.

Which ward is Faith Thomas in?

Reasonably, she's being visited
by a couple of so called "nuns".

Ow! Stop slapping me!

Come on! Case is here!

I've got to sort this out.

Not now, Brian. We've got to leave.
Check-in is in thirty minutes!

Charlie!

- Come on!
- No!

Faith, I can't leave you.

I'm gonna stay here and
take what's coming to me.

- You mean jail?
- I suppose so.

Will you wait for me?

No.

I'm coming with you!

Get that stretcher!

Hide the bags!

Tell them we went that way.

Case...

Case!

Ahhh!

Gotcha, fuckers!

Stop... or I'll shoot!

I thought so.

Goodbye, boys.

This your gun, sir?

Doesn't that bag look
familiar to you, sister Mary?

- There's only one bag!
- We've lost one!

- Forget. We've got plenty.
- We only did it for the money.

No, we didn't.

Oh, Sisters...

there are some policemen out
there looking for you.

Oh... good.

Tell them we'll be right back.

Any suggestions?

Wait! Are my seams straight?

Faith!

Where are they taking you?

Here's Faith!

- God, look, it's him!
- Who?

That's Brian.

- It's Brian, isn't it?
- Yes. Brian.

That's Brian?

Freeze!

Sergeant, we were...

Shut up! And take those
dresses off!

Again?

You're kidding!

Undress! Of course they're
armed and dangerous.

You're sure of that, sergeant?

We're not allowed to strip search women.

They're not women.

I said...take 'em off!

Oh, shit...

I will kill you! I want my money!

I want my money!

Oh no! We're blocked in!

They've seen the bag!

They've seen the bag!

Look, the best getaway car in town.
No one will stop us in that.

- Thank God.
- Yeah.

Yes.

But, why do You have to make
everything so bloody difficult?

It's enough money for ten
drug rehabilitation clinics.

But where...?

It's a miracle, Mr Norris.

Our prayers were answered.

But it's not yours!

It is now.

What has happened is

that the good guys have got it
instead of the bad guys.

It's like Robin Hood.

We will put the money to God's use.

They took it from kids on drugs...

we will use it to get them off drugs.

But don't you feel guilty?

Let us pray.

Oh, God,

thou hast always moved in mysterious
ways thy wonders to perform,

but this latest wonder takes
some beating even from You.

So what we want to say
is thanks a million

for sending us Euphemia and Inviolata.

And keep an eye on them, won't you?
They need you. Amen.

Amen.

Next, please.

We booked two seats, but we need three.

What flight and what name?

The name is...

Security alert. If anyone asks for tickets
in the name of McManus or Hope,

we wanna talk to them.

Would you care for a drink, Madam?

Some champagne, perhaps?

Or some caviar?