Now You See It, Now You Don't (1992) - full transcript

My name is Wu, Shan-shui Wu.

But before I was 3,

I thought my name was "Don't cry".

Don't cry...

Laugh! You little devil!

See how happy the others are?

Why are you crying?
I cost me $0.30 so you have to laugh!

Don't cry!

Okay, then let's go!

You little devil!

I have given my 30 cents.



Any more money wouldn't make you laugh.

Stop crying.

Don't cry.

Don't cry.

I always remembered wasting that $0.30.

So when I grew up,

I understood about life.

You pay to ride the horsy.

So you might...

as well enjoy the ride.

That's the old saying.
Laugh while you ride.

Since then I've never cried.

Now, I am a happy man
and everything's okay.

I have my homestead, with
mountains and rivers.



I'm past 30 and I've got all...

Good! Lower class study the lesson.

Upper class do Geography.

Taiwan is in the tropics and
shaped like a piece of ham.

Class rise for the village headman!

Good morning! Mr. Wu!

Sit down...

Good Grief! Why so few boys?

Their parents have gone to England to work.

So how many boys are left?

In the lower class,
2; upper class, 1; altogether 3.

My God! Far too few boys.

No teeth got a son a month ago.

I must go celebrate it
in the ancestor temple.

Boys. Come with me to the
temple for roast pork.

Girls, Go back home to work.

No more school today. Class dismissed!

Okay. Let's go.

Girls, don't forget your school bags!

Since my dad died in Holland,

I've got 61 votes and become village head.

I didn't bribe anyone.

Now I have an ancestral
house a plot of land.

Three buffaloes, three fish pounds.

And a lot of village people help me.

Anyone like me should be satisfied.

I've forgotten to say.

I have a Benz too.

New boy, new boy.

New boy...

Music!

A little higher... okay.

No teeth, you've got a baby boy.
Little No teeth.

Aha! A little prick! He's really a boy!

- He's a boy. Yeah!
- He's a boy.

Here's a present for good luck!

Thank you, Mr. Wu!

When Firefly coming back from London?

Today. Dunno is picking
her up at the airport!

She's good, gentle girl.

Why don't you marry her and have sons?

You think it's that easy, Dummy?

My name's Firefly Kwok,
I'm from the country village.

But I hate people calling me bumpkin.

Three years ago I went
with my dad to England.

Now my boyfriend wants me to come back.

But my best friend...

Dotty said that.

Don't go back to hometown.

A woman must have her own career.

and had my hair premed.

But the hairdresser said that...

The biggest obstacle in
my career is my beauty.

Dunno,

why are all these old ladies staring at me?

I dunno!

Mind your own business!

Can't you recognize Firefly, Mr.
Kwok's daughter?

We can't,

she's who?

Hey! is my hair okay?

Hey! is my hair okay?

To be honest, one side's
high, one side's low.

And some of it,

is sticking out like grass.

That's just what I want, that's all right!

About 14 taels, less than 15 taels.

How many taels in a kilogram?

How should I know?

Well, who gives a damn anyway?

Who is this weird creature?

Hello, love!

Firefly, you're back from England?

You don't recognize me? Am
I prettier than before?

Sure? You're so pretty
even the dogs will bark.

You see.

- I've got something to tell you.
- All right!

Is it the style in England?

to wear your bra outside?

What?

Why is your bra on the outside?

It's not a bra,

it's just the design.

What the hell is this kind of design.

Don't be nasty, I just got back.

Alright... don't be mad.

Dotty bas come from town to see you.

She's waiting for you at home.

I came right to see you,
I haven't been home yet.

I know... why don't you go see your folks?

Hey! the dog's stealing the pork.

Catch her!

Damn it! What's going on here?

Grab her quick!

Jess... She won't bite.

Don't let her get away!

Mr. Wu, this is a ceremony.

You can't let a woman and her dog in!

This rukus is spiritually dangerous.

At the very least we'll all be sick.

- This's disrespectful to ancestors.
- I know...

Dunno! Catch the damned dog!

I'm cathing it.

Don't move.

This dog wear me out!

What kind is it?

She's my little sausage dog.

What about eating?

She eats a lot. Why not?

I'm really worn out. These
shoes are so tight.

Firefly, wait for me at home.

Can't you come with me?

I have to finish the ceremony.

Wow! You're such a big
shot now, aren't you?

That's right! I'm the
Headman of the village.

That means I've got to do things right.

- Dunno!
- What now?

Take Firefly back to my place.

All right! Catch you later!

Hey! Haven't you see a woman before?

Why don't you go watch your
mother peel onions?

Well, the place looks about the same to me.

Yeah!

- Hey, that's Shan-shui's land.
- Right!

Let's go take a look.

Look, Jess,

This where our house will be.
Isn't it beautiful?

You'll live here with both of us.

See? Isn't it nice?

Let's go see, okay?

You come here and see how beautiful.

We'll live upstairs and
you'll live downstairs, okay?

We can play in the garden.

This tree's strange,

it grew around the old house.

Looks to me that the house
grew around the tree.

Hey, stand still! I'm trying to focus.

Dunno!

- Dunno!
- Yeah?

Are these guys building the house for us?

Right! But not for Shan-shui.

He's planning to sell the land.

What?

What are you doing?

You'd better ask him.

Hey, what's the scare here?

This is my galf.
You are right out of order here.

So bugger off, wankers!

What kind of accent is that anyway?

I can't understand a word you're saying.

You mess with my land...

and I'll rip your nuts off.

Good Lord?

What kind of bird are you?
Take it easy.

We only need a church.

You think it's funny, wankers?

Shut up! You stupid cow.

Who are you calling a stupid cow?

- I'm calling you a stupid cow.
- I don't take no shit from you.

Mm! You have very lender feel.

And you smell delicious.

Please don't quarrel! Calm down!

Come here!

The guy is swearing at me.

No... they didn't mean it.

You two settle this between yourselves.

Anyway, it's three o'clock.

I know, Tea time.

I know... Dunno.

Take these gentlemen to tea,
or noodles. It's on me.

Here,

the roast pork is for you.

Thanks!

Dunno, take three clothes home for me.

Thanks a lot.

Come this way, please.

- Shai shui! Come here.
- What's up?

Are you really going to sell the land?

Well, it's already 1992.

1997 is just around the corner.

But you said.

We'd build our house here.

We've already planned everything.

Here is the living room,
there's the dining room.

Yes, but then this was
only $200 a square foot.

Now it's worth $4000 a square foot. Dummy.

Buy you promised!

You should have...

asked me first.

Well, you didn't asked me...

Before you bought those
ridiculous clothes...

Or before you had that ridiculous perm!

Like a crazy bitch?

You look like shit, God damn it.

I can do whatever I like with my hair.

If I asked you first, you'd say no.

I said I wanted to move
to town, you said no.

I wanted to work downtown. No!

I wanted to go out with Dotty. No!

No... everything is no!

Good grief! You have changed!

You used to be so nice.

You were so gentle and charming.

You haven't any temper.

You used to smile all the time.

Not a single woman hasn't got temper.

All women get mad sometimes.

You must be dreaming.

But Uncle Ming's daughter, no teeth's wife.

Dunno's grandmother, they
all smile all the time.

I'm not anybody's...

grandmother or daughter.

I'm Firefly Kwok. That's who I am.

Bloody hell you!

Don't swear at me, I understand English.

I should have never let you go to England.

You sound like...

Maggie Thatcher.

And in the ancestor's temple.

You showed no respect for me. I lost face.

I love you so much. These last three years.

I thought about you all the time.

Love me?

When I got back,

what did you say?

Did you say, Are you tired?

Are you hungry? Did you miss me?

Did you...

All right! Firefly, are you tired?

Firefly, are you hungry?

Firefly, did you miss me?
Honey? Sweetheart?

You bastard! You get out of here!
Bloody hell you!

Now you're swearing at me again.

Hey, come back. Stay right there!

Why do you become so materialistic?

You should check out yourself learn
form Mrs Thatcher.

Right, You come across big challenge.

You want to become adult.

The next minute you're Maggie Thatcher.

Two more beers, Uncle Ming's daughter.

One more. Open it, will you?

Open it.

Lord! Isn't that Firefly?

Firefly!

Hi!

Firefly, why are your eyes so red?

Don't cry... dear!

How long were you in England?

You look half human and half beast.

Sit down!

Is it hars? Have a drink.

Dunno, beat it! Let me play!

But I've lost a lot.

I'll win it back for you.

let him.

Nine!

Your turn!

Hey, it's time for dinner.

So soon?

We've cooker...

a special dish...

to welcome Firefly.

Hey! Dinner time!

Coming!

Shan-shui, come here and
sit beside Firefly.

I'll sit wherever I like.

No teeth! Is the dish ready?

- Coming up!
- Sit down.

This will sure...

warm you up.

What's it?

Sizzling sausage hot pot.

It's been cooking for hours.

No teeth, what is this?

You left all the hair on the tail.

Jess...

Jess... You barbarians!

You're disgusting! Horrible!

Well? Are you still eating this?

Sure! Why not?

Eat it? That's Jess.

Her name is Jess!

You can't eat something who's got a name.

Bloody Bastards!

But it's just an animal.

Why shouldn't we eat it?

Let's eat.

Dotty, what day is today?

Thursday.

Thursday?

Okay... Tranquilizer Panadol.

One of these and one of these, and...

I told you not to out...

all your love on one man.

You should be like me.

Since I broke up...

with my boyfriend.

I've learned the truth about love.

Your love is like a million dollars.

You shouldn't invest it...

all in the same place.

Put half a million...

on the one you like best.

And spread the rest out.

50,000 here, 100,000 there,

savings account...

Fixed deposit, some blue chips,
some to play margins.

That's the sensible way
to invest your emotion.

But I've lost my entire investment on Wu.

Can't you autopay some
good men to my account?

Seems there's been a run
on the banks lately.

Let's go!

Hey, hurry up.

Coming.

Coming...

Hurry up, or we have to wait.

You tricked me! There aren't any stars!

Last week there were several.

Well, why didn't you... bring me last week?

Last week I still hadn't held you hand.

What has that got to do
with watching stars?

If there are no stars, at
least we can hold hands.

You haven't seen me for a week,

you still know me?

Of course I do.

Okay. Turn you back.

- Why?
- Never mind. Just turn around.

Okay!

What do I look like?

Big eyes, flat nose,

small mouth, long legs. And little tits.

You peeked.

No, I didn't.

Firefly, come here. Let's
look at our future house.

I'm planning to apply
to build a house here.

How many floors?

Three floors, with a nine foot ceiling.

The living room will be over there.

Where this dog shit is..

will be the dining room.

You want the bedroom on
the 2nd or 3rd floor?

Second floor.

I agree. The second floor will be cooler.

The third floor will be for the kids.

Don't be shy. You get
married and you have kids.

Firefly, over there we'll
have a big garden.

How will you...

like it landscaped?

I'd like to have a swimming pool.

Good idea! I like swimming too.

What are you doing?

Whoops! Where did this puddle come from?

Maybe you're a witch and you tricked me.

And you're a demon.

Don't say that near our house.
It's bad luck.

You said you'd show me the stars tonight.

But there are no stars.

Never mind. Anybody with what we've got,

house, land, trees, water...
should be happy.

Who cares about stars?

Here's the place.

- A tree growing right into the wall?
- Yes!

Such a big one.

It's good Feng Shui good luck.

I've got all the truths about life here.

Women have the right to change their minds.

Men have the duty to remain loyal.

Hey, Firefly. You're got to change.

Punk is out of style.

Monroe and Madonna are in.

I'll get you some clothes
from the boutique.

Get them cleaned before you give them back.

Or I'll get fired.

Alright! Whatever you say, gal!

And drop that cockney accent.
It sounds awful.

Do you know Shan-shui's piece of land?

There's a tree growing all
around the old house.

Firefly Kwok,

you listen to me!

Bumpkins like him are a dime a dozen here.

I can show you as many as you want.

All men are the same,

except for their neckties.

Shan-shui, what's between
you and Firefly lately?

Don't bring that up. That's all finished.

She's just a girl. You
have to go easy on her.

Why don't you give this
to her and talk it over?

No, thanks.

I'm a man and a headman too.

I can't bow down to her. I'll lose face.

Don't you still want to marry her?

No!

Don't make me worry.

What have I done to make you worry?

Your brothers are all divorced,

and you're not even married.

What's the point? Damn!

Have you made a reservation, Sir?

Does Firefly Kwok work here?

Firefly? There's no firefly here, Sir.

This is The Singing Restaurant.

Singing Restaurant Yeah! I
think this is the place.

- Please follow me.
- Okay!

Good Grief! The ceiling is really high.

Must be higher than our ancestor's temple.

Damn!

Thanks!

Enjoy yourself!

Good evening, Sir! Would you like a drink?

No, I've got to stay sober tonight.

Give me a glass of water.

- Water?
- Water!

Holy...

Firefly!

What are you doing here?

I came to see you.

So, you are able to sing?

I can do a lot things you don't know about.

Mother said to give...

this salted fish to you.

Salted fish causes cancer.

My mother's been eating it...

for 60 years. Four Eyed Jerk!

What did you say?

You're a 4 Eyed Frog.

Well, I play with my hands.

I don't fight.

You'd better not! You bastard.

Firefly, why did you do this to yourself?

You'd rather be a singing waitress...

than my wife?

You think a village headman is a big shot?

You're just a big nobody!

You just live on your inherited property.

What did you say? Stay right there.

Behave yourself!

This is a swank place.

People are educated and refined.

Am I not educated?

Not refined?

I think I'm perfectly refined.

Look at those clothes you're all wearing.

Don't you know me?

My name is Wu Shan-shui.
I'm village headman.

Don't swear at me. I understand Italian.

Go!

You think you're a big deal. Four Eyes?

Even if you wear your fingers...

down to bone.

That's not enough for me
to have a poker game.

Fuck off! I've completely lost my face.

I'm humiliated by you.

Firefly, listen to me.

I really wanted you to come back

and marry me.

We'd have kids,

and you'd take care of my family.

And then we'd have more kids.

I don't deserve such an honour.

I'm not you car, or your
flower pot, or your cat.

Then what do you want to be?
Business woman?

You're so open in the public
and you wear like this.

Why do you choose to be a waitress?

There are lots of things
to do, to become this.

You men are all alike.

Having bought a car, equip it with spoiler.

You want a spayed cat to catch mice.

You want a woman to cock and wash clothes.

And to sleep on top of. I tell you.

I don't want any of it! You son of bitch!

I don't want it? You son of a pig...

You son of a goat! Son of a... cat!

You son of a turtle! Son of a frog!

You bastard! Leper! Go to hell!

If I went to hell you'd be happy?

You'd sleep well?

You bitch!

What's this?

It's all red!

Anybody here?

Why no exit?

Let me out! Oh, hell!

Damn it! I'm walled in!

Why can't I get the hell out of here?

Hey! Anybody out there?

Let me out of here.

Why do you lock me up in here?

Bring some prawn chips.

And a feet of Vodka.

Give ma a foot and a half.

A foot, a foot and a half.

Don't bother to measure, just line 'em up.

Take 1'2,

7 glasses is too much, 6, isn't enough.

Don't count the glasses.
It's on me tonight.

Okay, just don't take it out of my salary.

Shut up...

or I'll dock you 3 years' pay.

Shan-shui, take it easy. Here's to you.

Okay!

That damned 4 eyes Frog!

Banging the piano in his penguin suit!

That B.V.D.

Acting like a bloody lord!

Don't get mad! Big men
have women everywhere.

Anyway, I can beat the shit
out of that guy for you.

Dunno, the world has changed.

We can't just work people over anymore.

We've got to be civilized now.

Civilized? How do you mean?

I mean we can't hang around
the village forever.

It's a dead end.

I think we should move downtown.

Learn English,

wear suits.

We got to improve ourselves.

Yeah! Let's be trend setters!

Exactly!

Look at Lee Ka shing!

Who?

Lee used to make plastic flowers.

You know what Run Run Shaw used to do?

I dunno.

He used to be a foot
messenger, running errands.

Then the Queen...

knighten him.

Now everybody calls him Sir Run Run.

You know what Rocke Felle originally did?

Busted rocks!

No, that was you mother!

He was the feller who carried the rocks.

Was any one of them village headmen?

Nope!

See?

I'm already way ahead of them.

Right!

Dunno!

I'm moving to Central to open a business.

I guarantee you, in 3 years I'll be Mayor.

Mayor! Sure, why not?

I'll take over Hong Kong Bank!

Banker!

I'll take over Landmark!

Landmarker!

- I'll take over Jardine!
- Yeah!

- I'll take over KMB!
- Yeah!

- I'll take over Tai Koo!
- Yeah!

- I'll take over Harbour Tunnel!
- Yeah!

The ribbon.

The ribbon...

Now don't waste time. Hand out the flyers.

Our shop is new. 20% off on everything.

Come in and take a look.

20% off! Take a look.

Special opening offer 20% off.

Come in. Look around. Take a look...

Opening sale 20% off. Take a look here!

My mum says, when you get married...

I mean, supposing you get married.

Your house, stock, account...

Whose name will they be in?

I don't have any stock or house or savings.

My Mum says, if a man really loves you.

He'll put everything in your name.

I've just go an I.D. card.

You want your name on it?

I'm serious.

She also says if we both fell in the sea,

Who would you save first?

You and your Mum fell in the sea together?

I don't think I'd be so lucky.

Would you like to come listen to my CDs?

You have a lot of CDs?

Seven of eight!

What if I don't like any of them?

Then you can get dressed and go back.

Shai shui!

This place doesn't loot like much.

But the food is really good.

Otherwise there wouldn't
be so many customers.

Don't sit on the corner
or you'll be an old maid.

Have some vegetable flowers,
they're good for women.

But if men eat them,
they'll become impotent.

Get away.

Come over, if you can catch me,

I'll follow you wherever you go.

It's really exhausting for
chasing girls in Central.

I'd better go back and better myself.

Recently I've attended
City Warriors Class...

organized by the Japanese.

The morning's slogan is 'Be righteous'

Learn English in the evening
to enhance standard.

Work harder...

Good evening class.

The lesson this evening is about man.

Man.

Man...

I am a man...

I am a man...

I am quite a man.

I am quite a man.

Good.

Good...

You, Shan-shui Ng.

Ng Shan-shui, Sir.

Man.

You are a man.

Good.

You are a quite man!

Sit down!

Hallelujah...

It's right to earn money...

It's right to earn money...

I cry this everyday.

Aiming to call back my lover.

Hoping to be with her once again.

However, I have another business.

This is called the Jesus slogan.

The loyal Christian is
my second girlfriend.

Garfield, hey Garfield.

Are you calling me?

Am I... your first girlfriend?

The first?

1, 2, 3, Red Light!

Oh well. I'm not your first, but it's okay.

Have some peanuts. They're
good for your kidneys.

What did your former girlfriend look like?

Small eyes, big nose, short legs,

fried eggs.

What do you mean fried eggs?

What's she doing now?

She's okay, I hear.

I tried to call you from
7 to 8 this morning.

But nobody answered.

I was taking a shower.

But I called every 5 minutes.

How can you take a shower for an hour?

Afterwards I had to rush to the office.

Why didn't you call me from the office.

The receptionist said...

you got there at 8:50.

Don't drink the soup.

It's junk soup.

When I got to the office I had a meeting.

Well, you could have called
me before it started.

Or you could have called me...

during the break.

You colleagues said...

the meeting finished at 12:15.

Just what were you doing?

What were you calling me for?

I just want to know what you're doing.

Hey! Beef noodles to go!

Okay!

But you know exactly...

everything I do.

Why still keep asking me? You're nuts.

Women shouldn't speak like that.

You're a jerk, so long!

Hey... wait! Where are you going?

We haven't worked this out yet.

You can't just walk off.

No woman has ever walked out on me.

I'm the one walking out on you.

Understand?

Makes no difference,

who walks out on who.

What's the big deal?

You men! You're all the same.

Some come on one way,

and some another.

Before. I thought you...

just had different neckties.

Now I know the neckties are the same too.

Firefly, are you okay? Can I help?

- You're all the same. Go away!
- Firefly...

Hey, you mind your own business.

This is my territory, you 4 eyed frog!

The next time I see you,
I'll break your legs.

Watch my car.

Where are you going?

Hey! Beef noodles to go!

Watch my car.

Where are you going?

4302. Come over here.

I can't even eat noodles in peace.

And in the middle of the night!

What's up?

Speeding, maybe.

Your licence?

British licence?

- British? How many numbers?
- 16.

16? It won't go in the computer.

What should we do?

You ask me, I ask who?

Sir!

What?

Can I speak with you for a moment?

Why don't you just drop the case?

It's cold and nobody's around.

You can finish your noodles.

She can go home and towel dry herself.

Tomorrow it will be like it never happened.

She just broke up with her boyfriend.

Thank you!

You guys are wasting my time.

Sorry...

Sign here!

You're getting the paper all wet.

Sorry...

Sit well.

Let me help you.

You're getting it wet too.

Sorry!

- I'll see you to the door.
- That's alright!

I'm afraid that guy might
be waiting for you.

Nobody's waiting for me.

Well, then good night!

Come up if you like!

That's a very interesting tree.

So many book marks!

See if I know all the words.

True love is like a ghost:

much talked about,

Never really seen.

I think nobody has ever seen it.

I've seen it.

You mean a ghost?

I've seen your new love. She's very sweet.

Yes, she's nice. Where did you see her?

Oh! That's right.

You can see my shop from here.

Thanks!

Why the hell is it so noisy?

Must be the bastard
upstairs returning home.

I usually go to bed after he quiets down.

Hey, stop all that fucking racket?

Cut that our or I'll cut it out.

You speak Dutch well.

I don't really speak Dutch.

I just learned to swear.

Your English is quite good.

It's just cockney.

I picked it up in Chinatown.

I'm taking English classes at night now.

Work at it.

You're smart, just a little lazy.

If you try...

you'll do better than Dotty.

But before,

you said I'd always be stupid.

Before is before,

before you were my girlfriend.

I didn't want to do anything then.

Now you're on you own,

you've got to work at it.

I'd better go! I've got to work,
things are difficult lately.

Shan-shui

Shan-shui is talking.

We have so many good houses in Sai kung.

Damn cheap, damn good.

Can see the sea.

Deal or no deal.

If you deal, I give you...

Mushroom...

You wait...

If you deal, I'll give you...

Mushroom.

If you deal, I'll give you mushroom.

Why so noisy?

At last, here's our lunch.

Wait, let's sing thanks to god first.

Sing right here...

by the Queen's statue?

Yes!

Thank you, Lord.

For this food and drink.

May we remember others.

As we eat.

Amen.

Okay... let's eat.

I've been working hard, I deserve this.

How are your English lessons coming along?

Great. Ask me anything?

How to say Queen's statue?

Queen's statue?

Be serious.

Say it again?

Mail these letters, and
file these documents.

- I'll need them this afternoon.
- Okay, Bye bye!

- And take this to the laundry.
- Okay!

Bye bye!

Is she your friend?

Yeah. She's from the next village.

Firefly!

- Firefly, what a surprise!
- Yeah!

Want to share our lunch?

Yes, join us.

No, thanks.

Come on, sit down.

Sit down!

Let me introduce, this is Firefly Kwok.

And this Susan Chong.

I've seen you before.

Okay! Where?

I've seen you waiting for
him to close his shop.

Yes, he's workaholic.

If I didn't come to meet
him, he'd never go home.

You must be hungry! Take some of ours.

Here, have some salted fish.

No, thanks.

- Just try some!
- Really no, thanks!

Shan-shui, eat!

No.!

Come on!

I got one already.

Eat up!

Ooo nai.

In our dialect ooo nai...

doesn't mean that.

We say ooo nai when somebody died.

Or has bad luck, or thrown up some blood.

Nobody says ooo nai when offering food.

Oh, my God.

I'm going. I have an
appointment with a client.

Bye!

Firefly! You've been promoted?
Congratulations!

She looks unhappy.

What makes you think so?

Women understand each other!

Why isn't she happy?

I think she broke up with
her boyfriend recently.

Really? Let me introduce
her to a friend of mine.

You know some men...

to introduce to her?

Of course!

What kind of man does she like?

What kind of man do you like?

I like...

Strong men, real men, macho men.

I like to see men sweat
when they work. Wow!

Then you must not really like me.

Oh! Well, love is blind.

That's right.

Who has slapped a man? Raise your hands.

I...

Quiet please...

What do you hate most about men?

A lot.

- The most disgusting...
- snoring.

Hit him to wake.

I don't mind If you like him.

You wouldn't mind him snore.

Even if you like him,

you can't sleep.

Sure you can! Why not?

Depends on how loud he snores.

But you won't find out
till you sleep with him.

Women are very open about sex these days.

In the 90's this isn't a problem anymore.

Now be serious.

The last time you broke
up with a boyfriend.

What was the hardest part?

When I was dating my boyfriend.

Nobody said anything. But
when I broke it off.

Everybody congratulated me.

She's very sentimental.
Don't take her seriously.

What about you?
It's doesn't bother you to break up?

Not in the least!

I just taped a map to the head of my bed.

And I put a mark on ting Hong Kong.

I said to myself, The world is a big place.

I can find another boyfriend.

- Did you ever miss him?
- No!

Really! I don't believe you.

Well... once when I was cleaning my room.

I found a sweater I
started to knit for him.

I tore it up...

but it made me cry.

I was mad at him but I still missed him.

He's in Canada and I was
afraid he's catch cold.

I was mad at myself...

for missing him.

I'd wasted 3 years

and I couldn't control myself.
I hid under the table...

And stabbed myself with
the knitting needle.

Dotty... calm down. Don't cry.

It's just a man.

Dotty, wait. Don't go. Don't cry.

He said I was the only one...

he ever loved.

You stabbed yourself? Where?

How come I never noticed it?

I stabbed my hands, of course, not my face.

Or else, how would I get another date?

Dotty!

She's really quite pretty, but very silly.

But if a woman isn't pretty,
no man will like her.

But if she isn't silly, she won't like man.

Then you must be very silly.

You are not very smart.

You are not very silly.

- But you are not pretty.
- You are all very silly.

"Men's seminar"

Why do you think yourself ugly?
It's stupid.

You call these women?

They'd be better used to
reclaim land from the sea.

Go reclaiming land.

Firefly!

- Firefly!
- Yes!

Firefly, I'm going to
introduce a friend to you.

- Firefly!
- Come, sit here.

Bye!

Firefly, this is Mr. Lam.
Mr. Lam, firefly Kwok.

Have a seat.

Sit down!

Mr. Lam used to be my neighbour.

Dow did you know I would be here?

Dotty told us you were
having a mime lesson.

How is it going?

The teacher says I am quite talented.

Have any of you ever
been slapped by a woman?

Of course not!

It brings bad luck.

Miss Kwok, would you
like something to drink?

Let me order for her.

Waiter, a lemon coke
with 2 slices of ginger.

Do you mind if I smoke?

No! Everybody smokes in Hong Kong.

It's really a bad habit.

I read a book...

Comparing smokers and no smokers.

Smokers have 42% higher cancer rate.

Then why don't you give it up?

- I already have.
- You're given it up?

Yes, I've stopped reading books like that.

You're got a sense of homer.

I read a book...

which said,

when a person laughs.

He uses 17 muscles in his face.

But when he's angry,

he uses...

43 muscles.

So if you don't want...

to get old or wrinkled.

You'd better laugh more.

- Is that so?
- Yes!

Garfield, why are you so quiet?

Well, if don't have any expression,
I'll stay young.

Miss Kwok,

what are you doing for Christmas?

If we both have time.

Maybe we can do something together.

Well, Christmas Eve...

I'm invited to 3 balls.

But maybe we can...

Find some time to get together, maybe.

I'll give you a ring.

Good... I'll give you her phone no.

You know, dating is really just acting.

Before you're not married
you lie to yourself.

After you are, you lie to each other.

You look like Jess.

Firefly...

Thanks!

That's okay, he's small
but he can eat a lot.

If you dare touch this one, I'll kill you.

Is that guy upstairs still
making all that noise?

He wouldn't dare.

This is for you.

Thanks!

Are you going back to the
village for New Year?

Are you?

Hey, Firefly?

Firefly! Did Shan-shui
talk to you about it?

About what?

We're going back to his
village for New Year.

Are you coming?

Oh! I'll be quite busy with work then.

I'll invite Mr. Lam to come with us, okay?

Mr. Lam?

I won't invite him if you don't want me to.

No... it's fine with me.

Then I'll invite him.

Let me talk to him myself.

I already talked to him for you last night.

Can I have the apple?

Then it's all arranged.
Goodbye. Shan-shui, let's go.

Shui, let's go, Bye.

Congratulations! Happy New Year!

Happy New Year!

Happy New Year! Congratulations...

Kingwood Villa is opening for sale.

Kung Hei Fa Choi!

Dunno! Happy New Year!

Congratulations and Happy New Year!

- Mother, this is Susan.
- Oh Susan!

- Oh, Susan!
- Did you eat?

Want to buy a flat? Very good deal!

Look at the moo cows! And
the little lambkins!

Two of them are mine.

Happy New Year...

Shan-shui,

am I wearing too many pearls?

Shake!

and see how much noise you make.

- Oh! A bad doggie!
- Don't be afraid of it.

- Where...
- Get away! Beat it!

Don't be scared.

A book I read said...

dogs have wide angle vision.

If you're far away,

you look very small.

So he's not afraid...

and he'll bite you.

But if you go close let me demonstrate.

You get closer don't be afraid and.

You become bigger and bigger and bigger.

See! He won't bite.

Dogs rarely bite people.

- Damn... help...
- Don't run!

You keep running, it will bite you.

It's coming, I'll be dead man.

Lecturer

Go...

Don't be afraid, I'm here. Beat it!

Stay away, ignorant dog!

I'll kill you.

Go... Scram!

I thought the book said...

dogs rarely bite.

I read the book, he didn't.

Dogs should be better educated.

- Get out of here!
- What the hell's going on?

Don't be afraid.

What are you afraid of?

And don't break my bed.

Grab my hand and come down.

I can't...

Yes you can.

Dunno, take care of this.

Haul ass!

Oh, he's so brave!

That's nothing.

Let me show you around.

Watch out.

That girl has cheap tastes.

Right! She doesn't know
anything about fashion.

You have to wear jeans
like you're wearing mink.

And you should wear mink
like an old pair of jeans.

Hey! You're really learned...

a lot from dating Mr. Lam.

Of course!

He's good one!

He's both cultured and knowledgeable.

Jewels are easier to
find than a loving man.

Jewels are easier to
find than a loving man.

Okay...

He is so brave.

- Great, isn't he?
- Great!

Looking good?

Garfield, didn't you say
you had some land here?

Yes!

Villagers are so lucky.

They're both with land.

Only the men.

Come see my ancestral land.

Come over and see it.

I wanted to sell it because
the market is good.

But now I'm reconsidering.

Don't sell it Garfield.

We could have our living
room where this rock is.

And the dining room at the dog doo doo.

We can put...

the dinning table here.

Garfield, how high are
these houses, usually?

About...

Ah! The codes say 3
storeys, each one 9 feet.

Oh... which floor is the master bedroom?

The second floor, of course.
For good ventilation.

Marble tiles,

a little hill, running water.
Or a fishpond.

To be fancy, a pagoda.

How about a swimming pool instead?

Good idea! I like to swim.

Watch out!

Why are there suddenly so many stars?

Stars?

- Are you okay?
- Get up!

- Are you okay?
- Get up. Be careful.

How come I didn't see such a big hole?

- You go and have a seat.
- Be careful.

Please sit down, it's all wet.

Come, come on! Let's
celebrate the New Year.

I'll have a foot.

- Okay, I'll have a foot and a half.
- Foot and a half.

Mr. Lam, how much do you want?

I, uh... Three inches.

What 3 inches?

You can't do much with 3 inches.

Men don't just drink 3 inches.

Shakespeare's said: Wine increases desire.

In the same proportion
as it decreases potency!

Shakespeare's a foreigner.

They've got more brains than balls.

Firefly, let's have a drink, too.

Okay, I want a glass of
Sherry, Bristol Cream!

Only a glass?

- Dunno, I want 3 feet.
- All right.

Madam. 3 feet.

Three feet? You won't be able to walk.

He likes reading...

more than drinking.

Garfield reads, too.

Guess what I got him for birthday?

A book.

- A book?
- Yeah. I wrote it.

It's a tragedy.

You gave him a tragedy for birthday?

Yes. But I haven't written
the conclusion yet.

Garfield is my conclusion.

Great...

Okay, I guess we're all hungry, let's eat.

Dunno, serve dinner!

Serve dinner!

Your singing's great tonight.

I'm happy!

You give me face.

The drinks are on me.

- Thank you.
- Now you may withdraw.

Let's have a toast!

Garfield, you're too extravagant.

You should have asked me first, okay?

Why are you so mean tonight?

You have to love my faults, too.

Don't you love me?

That's not what I mean. Love is blind.

- Here, have some squid.
- No, thanks!

Why not?

Didn't you see?

The waiter's fingers were in the dish.

It spreads disease.

You're probably right,
the kitchen's probably dirty here...

but what you don't know can't hurt you.

Civilized people believe...

in science and sanitation.

Wash it 100 times and it
will speak, understand?

It will speak? What do you mean?

If you wash...

anything enough.

It will be clean.

If I washed...

a toilet 100 times.

And then make soup in it, would you eat it?

In theory, yes.

But in practice?

Anyway,

I'd never make soup for you in a toilet.

Silly boy!

Now I want to sing...

a song for Garfield.

Rice with sweet and sour pork...

Great, it's great...

He sings well.

You come and sing too.

God is great!

Praise the Lord!

God is great!

Praise the Lord!

Why don't we get up and sing too?

God is great! Praise the Lord! Yeah!

- Move over please.
- Come on.

Go away.

Go away... Why do you talk such nonsense?

The moon, it's so bright.

Moon?

Where...?

It was just here.

I don't see it. Where is it?

- I just saw it.
- Where?

Maybe over there!

Where?

Moon, where are you?

Maybe it's over there.

You must to crazy, I didn't see it!

Where?

Damn!

Help! Do something!

Calm down...

It's okay! Don't worry!

I'm here! Don't be afraid! I'm here.

Shut up I'm here!

Stop screaming! Shut up!

Don't cry!

Buddy, stop it.

Help!

Stop screaming! Stop crying!

Don't scream!

Don't cry! Even a teardrop
could unbalance us.

Let me climb out of the car.

Stop crying!

Don't shout so loud.

Your voice is too strong...

and the car is tilted.

Don't cry, don't make so much noise.
Sit straight.

Firefly, we're finished.

Nobody will discover us.

Shan-shui!

A mosquito bit me.

Where?

It itches. Here,

it bit me here!

- Sit still! Don't move!
- It itches!

I'm coming over! Don't move!

Don't move an inch!

Does it feel better?

Remember...

when we went stargazing on you hand?

I remember. But there weren't any stars.

Well, tonight there are.

We're finally seeing them.

Are we going to die like this.

It's too soon.

I haven't built my house yet.

The other day I thought
about my 3 weaknesses.

I was going to change,
but now there's no time.

What 3 weaknesses.

First, I listen to other
people's advice too much.

Second, I take too many pills.

- I do, don't I?
- Yes!

Third... I can't think of it now.

Take you time. We've still
got plenty of time.

What's the third one? Help me think.

- The third...
- The third is...

Is that you're too touchy?

No!

You're bad tempered.

You think you're cool...
You're always right...

You follow trends...

You're nosy... Bad mannered.

Always late... You never
keep you promises...

God, I have so many faults.

Don't cry...

7 or 8 faults is nothing?

Mine are uncountable.

But I still go on living. Don't cry.

What was the most memorable thing...

in your life?

The day I was elected headman by 61 votes.

At that time Dunno and
I beat up that burn next village.

What else?

My mother! And...

And what?

And you!

Me too! I think about you a lot!

Don't cry!

Don't cry!

Sit up straight.

What are you doing?

I want to take a picture of us.

- No, don't!
- Sit still!

Shan-shui, don't! Don't do it!

I'm just getting the camera.

No...

It's okay!

I've almost got it.

Be careful!

Don't move.

Hold tight!

Got it!

- Don't move!
- Have you got it?

Got it!

- Careful!
- I've got it!

We'll take a picture together.

Smile. It'll look better.

If we die smiling.

- Firefly!
- Garfield.

I've always said this
is a very unlucky spot!

Higher...

Slowly, bring it up slowly.

Shan-shui, Shan-shui! Firefly!

Aye! They always fought...

with each other.

I can't believe they're
back together again.

That's the way it goes.

If God had wanted...

the world to be perfect.

He never would have created you and me.

Stop crying! What are you crying about?

Mr. Lam, you're so intelligent.

No, mine are just very ordinary theories.

Intelligent people don't
think they're intelligent.

Just as attractive women...

don't think they're attractive.

Right!

The book says butterflies are color blind.

Really? They don't know

- they're magnificent?
- No, they don't.

Let's talk on the way back,

I'll give you a lift.

It's man's responsibility to drive.

And woman's right to ride.

Hop on!

Dumb girl, don't cry.

Stop crying! What are you crying about?

What are you looking at?

Do you know how to ride a bicycle?

If you do, I'll take you to pick guavas.

You mean chicken shit fruit?

So you know it's nickname, too.

Are you sleepy?

If not, let's go sit by he duck pond.

There are lots of ducks there.

Oh, good! Let's go see the duckies!

Duckies, get in the car.

After 6 months, Firefly and me.

Have our own babies.

We experience what one must go through.

I quit being village head.