Now We've Seen It All! (1976) - full transcript

Hello, Ferroni Pasta?
Mr Henri Mercier, please.

You're wanted on the phone, Mr Mercier.
- I'm coming. See you later.

Did you switch it to the phonebox?
- Yes. - Thanks.

Henri? This is François.
I'm calling about our script.

We must accept Morlock's proposition,
I thought a lot about it.

We must accept!
- No.

Look, Henri, please listen to me!

No, you listen to me.
Our story is a beautiful story

And I didn't write it so it could
be exploited by a smut peddler!

Well, that's it.
- I'm sorry but...

I never force anyone, old boy.
50 others are waiting at the door.



I know.
- Your story may be beautiful,

but it's been turned down
by every producer in Paris.

Also tell your pal that, today,
in order to get people away from TV,

a beautiful story is not enough anymore.
You must also show them scenes

what would make all the apes in
the zoo toss their cookies.

What with your scruples, I'd be
surprised if you ever made a movie.

Ask Ploumenech in.
One of the most gifted writers in Paris!

He was supposed to rewrite your script.
He would have done that just fine!

Well, too bad...

You'll go on working in advertising.

What? Advertising is fun!

Isn't it?

This is Mr Ploumenech, Mr Perrin...
He's taking his script back from us.

No, it's an error...
- Yes, his co-writer plays coy.



Oh, well, this is not so serious!
Good luck, old boy!

I can't do anything else.
We wrote the script together...

Do you know what the co-writer does?

He works in a noodles factory.

In a small town.

But the poor guy is completely
out of it!

OK, now, do you know what Ploumenech
would do if he were you?

No, well, I'm going to tell you.
He would call your pal, there...

He would tell him that his script
is being shot as it is.

without any doctoring.
The guy signs a letter of agreement,

and then we do whatever we want.
- But this is not really honest.

No, but... I'm telling you

What Ploumenech would do.
And he's a true professional.

I'll think about it.
- To, the time to hesitate is over!

We've been tickling for a month.
I can't take it anymore.

No! Either you call you pal now
or we forget the whole thing!

What will he say when he sees the movie?
- Well, he'll just withdraw his name.

He doesn't like it, he doesn't sign it.
But he keeps his cheque.

Right, Ploumenech?

It's too bad. I was interested
in your plot.

I liked you. I was ready to give you
your first chance.

You'll just have to thank your pal.

Get me the Ferroni factory in Toulon!

You know what your doing, right?
I'm not making you do it, am I?

No, no.

Get me the Ferroni factory in Toulon!
We won't change one comma,

but I need a letter of agreement.

I'll put the factory on the line now...

I, Mercier,

Henri Robert,

allow Bob Morlock Productions

to produce the movie

that I co-wrote
with François Perrin.

What is it, Father?
- You signed your crime, Maurice.

Ah, this ring!
- Your silence is a confession.

You'll be executed!

All right, your text now.
- come on, come on!

Oh, OK, it can't be he,
he's got the same ring.

Sorry, Maurice, oh!

François!

Is it crap or what?
- Hem? What?

You have such a long face!
- No, it's good, very funny.

Very funny.
- It doesn't look like it is.

Goodbye, Christine!

Something wrong?
- No, I'm fine.

There's no food at home.
Shall we eat out?

We're having a party.
What about Chinese food?

I'm hungry. Aren't you hungry?

I signed with Morlock.

I know exactly what you're thinking.
So don't say anything, it's no use!

This is my only chance to shoot my first
movie. Can't start any other way.

Look around you,
Everyone is doing it!

Then I'll do a second one and
that one will be neat.

Oh, yes, when I thing about the second
one: no compromise.

For this, I must work with Morlock.
That's the movie business for you.

As long as you've not shot your first
movie, you just don't exist.

And this is the only successful genre.
The viewers want it, really.

They do, can't argue with that!
And they do what they want to.

It amuses them, excites them, releases
their tension. I don't know, I...

But Christine!

What are you doing?
- Releasing my tension, darling.

Getting amused, excited.

"Sex Trouble".

Come, let's have dinner!
- Aren't you interested in this movie?

Oh, don't start, please.
- Oh, come on, you're weird.

Look, you're really weird.
- Aren't you going to make a porn movie?

Aren't you interested in "Sex Trouble"?
- That's enough, shut up!

Well: "unsimulated penetrations" then,
"genuine ejaculations."

Aren't you interested in those?
- Hush... Come!

Oh, no! I want to see the penetrations!
- If you go on, I'm splitting!

Come on, let's go now.
- Will there be any in your movie?

Genuine ejaculations?
- Oh, shit!

Come back, François, I don't have money!

We'll miss the first penetration!

Oh, damn! We missed it.

François! François!

Why are you hiding? Are you ashamed?

Come on!
- Hey, she's my wife... hey...

Well, kudos!
- François, shit!

Hello, officer.
- He likes cops better...

than sex stories now!

What is the world coming to?
This is unbelievable...

Is there something wrong?

My boyfriend is making a porn movie.
I'd like him to do some research.

But it's true, François,
You'll make a porn movie. P-o-r-n!

François, wait for me!

I cooked eggs, there's nothing else.

You're not going to stay like this,
are you? Say something.

Aren't you hungry?
Wouldn't you like an egg?

But you didn't have dinner!

OK, I could have choosen another way,
but, look, it wasn't mean-spirited.

You're not a porn kind of guy.
What I told you in at that fucking...

theatre, what with the fucking movie and
the fucking blokes, that's not you.

Oh, sorry!

Oh, shit!

It's hot.
- Yes, don't move.

Don't you make a move.
- It's very hot!

Don't move, I tell you. Wait...

Does it burn?
- No, it pricks!

Well, there it is!
A second-degree burnt belly.

Oh, second-degree! Let me see.

Oh, no, that's enough! Don't touch me!

I'll make the movie. You may say all
you want, it won't change anything!

What's the matter? Are you crying?

Christine...

Hey.

I'd like to but I can't.

All right, you're doing porn,
but not with me.

Say.
Mercier is going to make movies.

Are you leaving us, Mercier?
- No, I wrote a movie,

but I'm not leaving the factory.
- He'd like to take some days off now.

Yes, just one week, so I can give a
hand to my director.

Fine, you'll take one week less in the
summer. - Thanks, Mrs Ferroni.

A movie?

Now this is really fascinating!
- We worked very hard,

François and I, we chose a difficult
subject and did an honest job,

Uncompromising. It could be a great
movie. Called "The mirror of the soul".

So I changed the title because "The
mirror of the soul" was impossible!

Wow, "The vaginal woman"...

It's easier to remember, isn't it?
- Yes, yes, it's not bad...

Not bad at all, even.
Bob Morlock présents...

"The vaginal woman",
a movie by François Perrin.

Yes, it sure makes you want to see it.
- And it's not vulgar.

No, it's very good. Bravo, Ploumenech!
- This has nothing to do with the story!

It's not the exact same story anymore.
- And what is it now?

Well, it's...

What? Come...

Have this xeroxed now.
- What about "Blow jobs", Sir?

Forget it, this is more urgent.

We'll have lunch. You'll tell us about
the new version while we eat.

Can you tell us about the film, Mercier?
- Well, in two words:

It's the story of a bunch of terrorists
who are chased by the Police,

and take refuge in the home of an
upper class family.

The chief of the commando falls madly in
love with the local daughter.

Oh, it's a love story then?
- Yes, but totally out of fashion.

Very pure, very platonic.
Some kind of political Romeo & Juliet,

if you want.
- Quite an original idea.

I love the daughter's character.
- Do you? How is she?

She's a nymphomaniac.
- What?

That's the new element in the script.
The terrorists are still in it.

But the young girl is a nymphomaniac.
- And you can't imagine how it makes

the whole story moves!
Une nympho and a commando, sheer genius!

But this is wasting our story.
- No! The political subtext is there!

It just moves a little more!
- Oh, they did go on forever...

All those talks.
- But what are they doing instead?

Enjoying group sex!

All night long, passionately.
And, at the end, the girl...

is won over by the terrorist ideology
and joins the cause.

Very, very nice.
Don't you think it's very nice, Claude?

I do.
- Be nice, honey, go and fetch...

Daddy's cigars in the living room.
- Oh, but I... I...

Did you talk to Mercier?
- What?

Well, right, here's the thing.
I must confess, Mercier,

that this lunch in not just
disinterested.

Oh! Twin almonds! A twin?
- Thank you.

You probably notices how shy
our little Claude is.

unhealthily shy, even.
Yes, er... yes, yes!

I'm really proccupied, I went to
doctors, psychologists...

There are no cigars in the living room.
- What?

There are no cigars in the living room.
- Yes there are, on the coffee table.

Yes, I did see doctors...
And do you know what they advised

in order to cure her shyness?
- No.

Make her act.
- Did they?

That's probably the best therapy.

No cigars on the coffee table.
- It's all right, little one.

Go and sit down. We were just talking
about you. She takes lessons.

Her professor thinks she's gifted. He
wants her at the drama school in Toulon.

Very well!
- Can you see what I'm hinting at?

Yes.
- Oh, a very small part of course,

not anything important.
- I think that should not be a problem.

I'll talk to François.
There's probably something available.

Oh, did you hear that? Are you happy?
Come on: say thank you!

Thank you.
- Maybe the part of young Claire.

She's about the right age.

And what is she doing in the movie?

She's getting sodomized!

Are you OK?
- Yes.

Did you want something?
- No.

Well, what are you waiting for?
- Nothing. Isn't this my bedroom?

It is, but since you read there,
I thought I would work here.

Oh, am I disturbing you?
- No, not at all.

Well, yes, you do. I'd rather work
quietly. I...

I'll go there, if you want.
- Is it the new version?

What?
- this!

Er... yes.
- So, are you happy?

Well, I haven't read it.
- But you talked about it, didn't you?

Well, yes...

Yes, we talked about it.
- And?

And, what do you want me to tell you?
This is a more effective version,

with which I may be able to make
a successful movie. That's it!

An erotic one, of course.
- Of course.

Erotic. I'll just have to make sure
it's a delicate eroticism.

Delicate!
- You know...

Here is... I'm going to...

You know, there was something I valued
a lot about our relationship...

Hein?
- Complicity.

Did Morlock ruin that too?
- What are you talking about?

You understood me!

I'll put him on the line. It's for you!

Oh!

I'm coming!

Yes?
- Hello? This is Ploumenech.

Yes?
- I noticed a small mistake on page 48.

You shouldn't read "Vallauris",
but "clitoris".

Clito... Right.

Thanks for calling.
- I'd rather warn you.

This Vallauris shocked me.
- OK, bye.

Delicate eroticism?
- Who allowed you to read the script?

Is it forbidden? I'm over 18!
- Give it to me!

I read the first lines,
I can't believe it!

"The house, day, Claire, alone in the
big house, enters the living room..."

I'm not asking you for a reading!
- Give me that or I'm going away!

If you refuse, we won't have much
more to tell each other!

"The house, day, Claire, alone in the
big house, enters the living room...

and tidies the room".
- Well, yes, she does some cleaning.

Nothing shocking about that.

"She feels hot so she takes off her
blouse, which was her only garment."

"Naked, she goes on sweeping the floor".
We're 15 seconds into the movie...

and she's already in the buff!
- But all the actresses...

take off their clothes now!
- "She lies down on the floor and...

touches herself before falling asleep".
Are all actresses touching themselves...

gently before falling asleep?
- It just depends on how you film it!

The scene can be charming if...
- "On a sudden impulse, she takes...

the broom and rams it up her..."
- enough now!

But you couldn't do that,
don't you understand?

I love you because you waited for
15 days before kissing me!

A girl has to take off her clothes
and touch herself in the spotlight?

You cried on the first time that
we made love.

I love you because you don't talk of
girls as if they were meat!

You'll never be able to do that!
- Yes I will!

I'm fed up with hard times,
I want to succeed!

And I'll do anything for that!

What are you doing?

Christine!
- Wait for me, I'm coming!

Sorry about earlier, I was
nervous.

Don't hold it against me.
Where are your things?

Why?
- Well, so we can go home.

Did you put it in the trash bin?
- What?

Oh, no, you won't blackmail me!
I'll not be forced to...

He's bugging me!

I'll not be forced to do anything!
Are you finsihed now?

What? Aren't you making a porn movie?
I'm drawing your credits sequence.

Great! Everybody knows about it!
- You won't be bored while shooting,

what with all the broads who're going
to show you their buttocks.

Hey, if you ever need a cock,
I volunteer.

Christine!
- I'll live at Marianne's.

If you change your mind, just
call me. Bye.

Don't be a fool. Please listen.
I need you. Come back.

Have fun on the shooting!

Oh, all right, I'll have fun!
You'd better believe it!

I'm not going to cry!

I'm going to have a good laugh!

Shit! Shit.

Henri...

Are you OK? You look happy to see me,
hey, that's nice.

No, excuse-me, I had a row with
Christine a while ago.

Oh? Nothing serious I hope.
- No. I don't know. She's gone.

But why?
- It would be too long to explain.

Oh! Poor old chap. OK, tell me,
how's the movie going?

Yes, I've got to tell you about that...
- Wait! First, the good news!

Mrs Ferroni lends us her villa in
Saint Tropez. Isn't it great?

What do you mean?
- For the shooting.

I told her about the plot.
They've got a beautiful estate...

and they're willing to lend it
to Morlock.

Let's not mix Morlock and Ferroni.
- It's done, old chap. She wrote...

a letter to Morlock. The villa is all
ours while we're shooting the movie.

Ain't I efficient when
I put myself to it?

there's just a small detail.
I promised Ferroni's daughter a part.

Oh no.
- Yes I did. She's lovely!

A little shy, maybe, but lovely.
So you'll have to make her act.

Thanks to the movie, you know...

I'm really getting into a position
at the factory!

Here, I brought you pasta.
Mrs Ferroni really likes me...

right now, and she's the one who
runs the company.

Yeepee! I might become the
new CEO.

Thanks to Little Claire?
- Yes, this is the character...

that I thought of. You know,
the kid who's sweeping the floor.

Oh, I see, yes.
- OK, tell me. How is it going?

Fine. Well, fine, I mean...
- I'll run myself a bath,

then you'll tell me everything, right?

And when are you shooting?

Say, Henri...
- Yeah?

I wonder if we were right not to add
some eroticism to the movie?

Ah, ah, why?
- Because it's going to be grim...

and we run the risk of failure.
- Of course not!

With your morals I'll only have
3 viewers in the theatre.

This will be my first and only movie!
- It's an aesthetic matter!

Hard core porn is ugly!
Close up of organs are not beautiful.

It depends on how you do it.
- A good movie doesn't need that.

And I know you think so too.
- What if it's light...

Ah, ah, ah, the dummy's pulling my leg!

And I'm falling for it!
- Well, fall then, fall

How are you?
- Fine, how are you?

Fine, have you been there long?
- No, 2 minutes. Coffee?

Oh, very good, yes.
- May we have another coffee?

I'd rather talk to you before
we go up to see Morlock.

I'm listening.

I've read the script very closely,
and I'm not fully convinced.

Well, some of the erotic scenes
are...a little outrageous.

And some of them I simply
failed to understand.

What do you mean?
- It gets so complicated sometimes.

What scenes?
- I've jotted them down.

That's... Oh, here, on page 8.

What are they doing in the gladiolus?

Let me see.
- What perfume do you want, honey?

A chocolate ice cream.
- And a Cinzano.

Yes, well, this is crystal clear!

What? Well...

You have the patch of gladiolus.
The girl is... herself

And the gardener comes and... her.

Does he?

So, she doesn't?
- Non. she... et he...

Well, you see what I mean.
- But who's on top?

He is, of course.
- And she's under him?

No, she's before him.

But who's underneath, then?

Oh, there's nothing on top of it!
There's no cherry on top of it!

Not on the chocolate ice cream.
- Wait, let me see,

I'm getting lost.

I've got it. She's on top, he's
in front, and the gardener kneels.

Isn't the gardener a little...?
- He is, that's the point.

Oh.

And you think this is clear?
- Yes, I was unsure at the beginning

because I'm now writing another one.

But there's no problem.
Anything else?

Yes, wait, I wrote down the page number.
Page 12, there's a word

that I don't understand.

Oh, that's the...

Is it?
- Yes, but in slang.

How does he manage it?
- He takes a good run-up. Voila!

Is that all?
- May I be honest...

with you, Ploumenech?
- Please.

Well... I have a problem with
each and every scene.

Say, that's regrettable.
- Do you like porn?

No, not at all.
I'm earning my money, that's all.

Wouldn't you like signing a proper
script some day

Of couse I would, but there's Morlock.
- I'm in an awful mess!

My co-writed arrived and...
- The pasta guy?

Yes, the pasta guy.
Would you agree to ask Morlock

if we can do the movie is a more
subtle, less lewd manner?

If, er...
- If we double-team him,

maybe we can convince him.
Aren't you willing to try?

Oh! All right.

Yes?
- Ask Ploumenech and Perrin to come in.

Go in, he's waiting for you!

I read the script tonight, Bob...
- Not enough sex, right?

Beg your pardon?
- OK, what is this, Ploumenech?

Is this No no Nanette? Is this
the Countess of Ségur? You're slipping!

But Perrin said just the...
- 46 minutes of sex! I checked.

In a 90 minutes movie!
- It's seems quite a lot to me.

Oh yeah? In the last American
production, there are 88 minutes of sex!

In a 90 minutes movie.
- What are the two remaining minutes?

Psychology.
- We wanted to tell you...

Ploumenech and I wanted to tell you...

Well, what?

No, nothing. That is, we
wanted to suggest...

A little cut here and there,
but since you don't like the idea...

Well, ah ah.
- Just one then, a small one...

Where?
- The scene in which the gardener...

takes little Claire on the table...
- Yes?

And pours pasta on his belly.
Does it have to be pasta?

Oh, no, not at all!
- Spinash or green beans, yes,

but pasta bother me a little.

Of course, that's a detail. Well, since
we agree about the script, let's work.

This is one of my first productions,
not a very good movie,

but the girl is interesting.
And she's free now. Here, look.

What is this?
- Well, this is she.

Mona Duroc,
one of the French porn stars!

But why is she so far away?
- This is a small production trick.

You put a girl in the buff on a
beach, as far away as possible.

And you have her walk toward the camera.
These are cheap shots.

You must be cheap when you do
porn, old chap.

There's quite a long way to go.
- Oh, but just wait and see.

She's got a pair of boobs: quite
something! And her thighs, oh Lord.

About when will she be here?
- We're going to speed it up.

Can you speed it up, baby, please?
- I'm in no hurry...

Here she is!
- Oh! She's gone by. Stop!

Well, where is she?
- The dummy let her go by!

Not so fast, damn you, this is not a
car race! Rewind!

Stop! Ah, this time we've got her!

Well?

Isn't it a little fuzzy?

What do you mean fuzzy?

Do you think it's fuzzy?
- Not at all.

You can judge anyway, can't you?

- Take this away and give me the third

reel of "Blow-jobs", baby.
OK, I'll show you others.

But you're wrong to act choosy.
A girl like Mona Duroc...

has a tremendous quality:
she willing to do anything. Doesn't she?

And even outside the set.

Oh, here, this is
an interesting scene.

What is it?
- Well, an orgy.

Is it?
- What could it be? A safari?

Well, excuse me, but I can't see
much again.

Isn't the lighting bad?
- Those things are shot so fast that,

nobody cares about lighting! Stop!
A porn shooting lasts at most 3 weeks,

or you're losing money. Si, if some
scenes are somewhat dark,

we don't make a fuss about it.
right! She's the little brunette.

Where?
- Under the fat bald guy,

on the right of the screen!

Can you see a bald guy?
- Oh, no, sorry.

Start with the foot, there,
on the far right.

The foot, yes.
- Follow this leg.

Are you following it?
- Yes, yes.

Jump over the two lesbians,
You now reach a buttock.

There, just under the nigger.

Oh, yes, yes, yes...
- So, are you there now?

Non.
- Oh, OK, that's enough. Lights on!

You'll give him a hand,
Ploumenech.

Ploumenech will assist you.
That's how he started in the field.

Hire the usual crew and take
care of the small parts.

For the main parts, I'll have the
girls come to the office.

I hope you'll see better then.
But we have to hurry!

I'd like you to be in Saint-Tropez
with the crew as soon as possible.

Exactly! Yes, OK!
No, but that's for sure, yes.

Oh, that's very nice of you
Yes, thanks a lot.

Goodbye, Madam.

Mrs Ferroni. She had her house
in Saint-Tropez aired for us.

She even asked that they heat the
swimming pool. Isn't she nice?

The more I read "The mirror of the soul"
The better I think it is.

Say, didn't Christine call?
- No, I stayed here all the time.

Hey!

François! Why don't you call her?

We're shooting!

Casting for the small parts
in "The Vaginal woman"...

What are you doing here?
- Hello.

What are you doing here?
- I'm waiting to audition.

Come!

What is the meaning of this?
- I want a part in "The Vaginal Woman".

All right, the joke has now lasted
long enough, don't you think?

Just drop this whole lousy circus
and let's go.

Certainly not.

I'll join my little playmates.

But what exactly are you hoping for?
- I'm fed-up with hard times too!

I want to succeed,
I'd do anything!

You're getting out of here, fast!
- I saw your producer yesterday.

Bob. I didn't tell him that I knew
you and he was charming.

He bought me a dinner and promised to
audition me first. I have to go.

I'll tell him that you're doing it
just to spite me.

And he'll show you the door.
- Do you think so?

Come on, go home and wait for me.
You've got nothing to do here.

What about "The masturbators"?
That's another of Bob's productions.

And he promised me a part in it
if I can't act in "The Vaginal woman".

You'll do nothing nowhere!

Because Bob is my producer.
And he is too smart

to risk an embarrassment.
And I'll tell him so now!

François!

If you tell Morlock about
our private life,

I'll go to any other production
company and act in any porn movie.

The filthiest kind, of course!

You don't mean that!
- "The Vaginal woman" would be better.

Christine!

Tell Mr Morlock I'm here, please...
- One moment, he's on the phone.

Are you all right?
- I'm fine, yes.

I reread your thing last night.
- What?

The Vaginal woman!
- Can you tell him I'm here now?

Oh! You asshole.

OK, I'll leave you, old chap.
Perrin is in my office.

Good morning, Bob.
- Good morning. This is Ploumenech.

He casted all the small parts,
He can leave for St Tropez tomorrow.

I've got a nice surprise for you.
Send me Miss Lefevre, please...

She's a small theatres actress.
But cute. Young and fresh.

And imagine that yesterday, she
comes to me and tells me

that she wants to do porn.

come in, come in, kid!

Christine Lefevre, François Perrin,
the director of "The Vaginal woman".

It's wondeful.

Don't disturb us for 30 minutes!
Everything should go well. Ready?

Yes.
- Bob!

Maybe you should tell her that,
given the kind of movie we're making...

the audition is going to be
rather unusual.

The movie is called "The Vaginal
woman." Obviously, she suspects

that we're not going to ask for a
tap-dancing number, right?

Don't worry, kid.
- No, no, I'm not worried.

All right, let's go!
- You're going to regret this!

What?
- No, no, nothing.

Let's go.
- That's right. Let's go.

What w're going to do now is
very simple. Here is a book.

This is Molière's "L'Ecole des Femmes".
So, I'm going to ask you

to read a scene.
- A scene from"L'Ecole de Femme"?

That's it, yes, please..
Here: this one.

Is that all?

It's just like a normal audition then.
- No. She reads it once...

then she reads it again a second time,
but in the nude. A girl can be...

a very good actress with her clothes on
and lose everything when in the buff.

So, what with this method,
there's no surprise.

She's going to read in the nude?
- Why not?

I mean: Molière!
- He's seen worse things.

Are you ready?
- Yes.

Do you agree to the audition's rules?

Yes.
- "But it seems to me Agnès,

if memory serves.
that I forbade you

to see anyone."
- "Yes, but when I saw him,

you don't know why. Probably you'd
have done just like I did."

"Maybe but then again, tell me your
story."

"It's very unusual and hard to
believe. I was on the balcony, working

in the shade, when I saw passing under
yonder trees a handsome young man,

who, meeting my eyes, immediately
salutes me: and I,

so I wouldn't be impolite,

I also bowed on my side."
- All right, perfect.

Let's see the rest now.

But she barely began!
Won't you let her read a little?

I'm telling you it's OK. Her tone is,
just, her elocution fine. That's enough.

You may keep your shoes.
- Would you read some more for me?

No, of course not!
- But I can't judge three lines.

And I'm worried about her elocution.
- Who cares about elocution?

Why are you bugging us with her
elocution, old chap!

Mr Morlock probably means that
for the work that you're

going to sign, the most important
thing is the arse.

Get out! Come on!
- What's the matter with you?

We don't need to be 50 to see this!
I'm the one who's working!

But this is also my work!
- And a minimal crew on the set!

We must shoot your dirty porn movies,
but modesty must be respected too!

I always witnessed auditions and
nobody ever talked to me like that!

Well I'm talking to you like that!

He swore he loved me as he loved
no one else,

And he told me the prettiest
words in the world,

things that nothing can ever equal,

and the doftness of which, every
time that I hear him speak,

tickles me and moves inside me.

Some "je ne sais quoi",
leaving me deeply moved

He took my...

my hands...

and my harms, that he never...

tired of kissing."

Maybe that'is enough?

What? Yes, yes, that's perfect.

May I put my clothes on?
- Yes, yes, please do.

That was very good.
- Would you mind

leaving me alone in the office?
- No, not at all.

Put your clothes back on quietly,
kid. Come, François.

See you soon.

You insult me, you throw me out of
my office, what does that mean?

a bit of nervosity, excuse me.
I must be overworked.

You've got to watch yourself, old
chap. What's the matter with you?

Mr Morlock! Can you come just a second?

Ah, Mona!
I hope we'll get together again.

So do I, Bob. How are you?
- And there are 2 other girls,

but I'd like to have your agreement...
- All is fine for me. What about you?

I'm fine, yes, yes.
- Good. Children, let me introduce...

to François Perrin, your director.
- Hello, may I see you?

We must find a partner to the girl.
Thank you, Ploumenech.

Where are the pictures of the men?

Did you take them again?

Oh, Marie-France! They're the best
specialists in Paris.

What is this?
- Some actors just sent the bottom half

of the picture. But you recognize them
very well when you're used to it.

This is Slimane. He works a lot.
What do you think of him?

I'd like to see the top half.
- I don't know if we have his face

in the series...
Hey, this one wouldn't be bad...

as the chief of terrorists. The girl
and he would make a fine couple.

He's disgusting, ugly, he's covered
with hair! And with pimples!

Oh, yes, but wait, I've got him
in action somewhere.

That's something.
Here, look at this.

And he's got a squint to boot!
- What do you mean a squint?

Oh, yes, that's true. Nobody had
noticed that detail yet.

May I?
- Yes. We're choosing a partner for you.

Would you like to have a glance?
- No, thank you, I've got a date.

Come and see me tomorrow, kid.
I'll write your contract.

Goodbye.
- Goodbye.

And: bravo!

Well: not even one nice word?
- Bah!

All right, I'll tell her a nice word!

Are you going down?
- Yes, I'm going down.

Christine! So are you happy?
- Are you?

Oh, Mr Perrin, I'd like to talk to you!

I wanted to tell you...

She's cute, isn't she?
- No need to look further: number 2.

Which one? Lopez?
- The one with a squint.

The one with all the hair and pimples.
- Oh! Yes, this is Lopez, he's ugly.

Yes, he might be a little monstrous...
- Fine! He's the one I want!

OK, you'll be able to go.
See about her plane ticket.

Couldn't you summon the two of them
in my studio tomorrow morning?

Why?
- Photos try-outs.

Take a series of shots for my buyers.
But very erotic ones, OK?

It's open!

Hello. Here's your plane ticket.
- Thanks. Put it on cupboard.

Excuse me, I'm not dressed...

François!

François!

They're going to arrive.
- Who?

Didn't they tell you at the office?
- Well, no, they just told me

to come here.

Come and see, come!

I must take some pictures.

Morlock's idea. he needs erotic
pictures for his buyers.

What?

I was against it, of course!

Lopez... The guy is called Lopez.

I saw his pictures yesterday. As a
result, I couldn't sleep tonight.

He's a monster, he's ugly.
No, but I'm not joking.

OK, do you know what we'll do?
- No.

I'll tell Morlock you didn't come.
- OK.

Come on, hide yourself, here they are.
- OK. Shall we hide together?

Shall we let them ring the bell?
- No, I have to reveive them!

Why?
- Well, to explain.

Also I have to arrange
another trick. But?

What are you doing?
- Waiting for Morlock.

But, Christine?
- To pose for those erotics shots.

But I tell you he's a monster!

He's a tattoed ape!

He squints! Stop being a fool,
Christine! Now go in the bedro...!

Oh, come on. Hey!

I asked for those shots yesterday!

This is an absurd game,
we'll never get anywhere like that.

You did?
- Well, yes, I was angry...

after your show at Morlock's. I confess
everything. Now go in the bedroom.

And tomorrow? Will you do the shots
with another girl?

Oh, what a pain she is!

It's he!
- Do you wanted me to stop?

Like you yesterdayn at Morlock's?
- Come in, it's open!

Oh no, no, no!

He's awful, filthy, vulgar!
You're crazy!

Hello, hello.
- Hello.

Ah! Children, Lopez couldn't come.
He caught a cold while he was acting

So I brought Aldo to replace him.
- Good morning...

Good morning.
- How are you?

Fine, very fine.
- Wait, wait for me!

I did chose Lopez!
- Aldo will replace him adequately.

I used him in 2 or 3 movies.
He's a great professional.

Oh, I'm sure he is.
- All right, I had a busy day.

So what about doing it right now?
- Doing what?

The pictures, not pancakes.
- Coming?

Yes!

So, don't they look good together?
Aren't hey a nice couple?

Well, I think he has a...
- Say, I never saw you before.

Have you been doing this for long?
- No, today is my first time.

You don't say? Well, you'll see,
it's not very difficult.

Sometimes, it can even be quite nice.

Can it?
- Well...

I want you to strike a dozen of
funny postures.

I'll send them to my buyers as a
leaflet with an outline of the plot.

Are you cold? Your hands are frozen.
- No.

OK, look, for this to go well...
- Yes.

Well do something. You'll tell yourself
that we already made love together...

and that it went all right,
that you liked it...

and you very much want to do
it again. OK?

OK, yes.
- BGoo. Say it now: I liked it,

and I really want to do it again.
- I liked it,

and I really want to do it again.
- I think everything is going fine!

OK, take off your clothes, children!
Well, get to work, old boy!

Oh!
- I'm sorry!

Careful!
- Oh, my foot! Oh, you, dumbass!

So sorry! Now, really, excuse me!
- Oh, my hand!

Here, it's over, the hand.
Here, it's over.

And I crush his hand to boot!

Ouch, ouch, my hand!

Now, extend your little fingers.

Just like this...

Oh, godammit, how it hurts!

And Io!

What's going on now?
- The sod blew the fuses.

Don't move, I'll be back.

The circuit breaker is in the kitchen.

François!

How you trashed the poor guy.

You didn't have to, you know.
I wouldn't have gone further.

No, not to the end, no.

You're right, it's a stupid game.

I won't bother you anymore, I
promise. Make your movie.

And, you know, the worst is that
we'll end up hating each other.

Oh that... No, no, no...

No, I don't want that.

Neither do I.
- Will you put the lights on?

I'll deal with Morlock.

François! What the hell are you doing?
- Coming!

François! the circuit breaker!
- Oh yes.

Well?
- Er, what?

The circuit breaker.
- There's no circuit breaker anymore.

Well, I mean, of course there is one,
but the problem is elsewhere.

It's the fuses on the landing.
So when I...

here, this, it, it din't...

What are you talking about?
- I mean the fuses on the landing...

Christine! Let me explain,
it was the secretary on the landing,

of, er, Morlock's. She came here to
bring me a plane ticket and...

And she's in the closet?
- Yes, she's in the closet.

What is she doing in the closet?
- I don't know what she's doing here.

Hello, Madam.

Christine! Come on, this is absurd!
There's nothing between her and me!

Chris!

Can you give me a lift?
- Yes.

The session is postponed. The fuses
on the landing blew.

Did they. And François? François!

Christine! Listen to me!
- I thought you'd make a porn movie...

not a light comedy!

What is going on then?
- I'll explain everything.

Mr Perrin!
Oh, Mr Perrin...

What is this, dammit?
- The crazy broad blew it all!

But it's your fault: I've
been typing your filth for 2 years!

2 years ago, I wasn't like that!
Then I typed "blow job",

"The wankers" and all that!
I started to dream at night!

2 years ago, I dreamed of numbers!
Do you know what I dream of now?

come on, calm down!
- I beg your pardon, Sir!

But Marie-France...
But where are you going?

Hello...

We'll meet tomorrow morning in Orly.

Come now!

Where are we going?
- Come on!

Will you explain? Where are we going?
- To Morlock's!

In order to do what?
- Stop the movie!

Now this, really...

to strike a man who holds a wheel.
- I don't get it at all.

You will. But never forget that
I'm driving.

The briefcase, at the back.

Open it.

What is this?
- It's your script.

I'm doing 40 km/h.
- My script?

Yes. Your contract is a sham.
We made porn out of your movie.

Look at the meter,
so no hurried moves!

Are you pulling my leg?
- No, I'm a bastard.

The daughter of your boss acts
in a porn movie. Don't be silly!

What?
- 55! Beware!

What are you, crazy?

You bastard! You scum!

I'll rearrange your face!
- Look, Mercier!

No, nothing at all!
- No, Henri!

You're scum. You bastard!

Son of a bitch!

Ploumenech has already left!
- What?

Ploumenech has already left!
- What?

For the Ferroni villa.
They're all there!

It can't be true?
- Since he says so!

Of course, we're wasting time, dammit!
- To Morlock's! Hurry up!

It's one of those days.

There will be a bailiff in St Tropez.
- But...

No buts. You signed an agreement
letter, so I hired a writer

to doctor the script, I started my
movie and you come telling me

that you want out?
I can force you to pay damages!

2 millions, the cost of the mive.
200 old millions, 100 millions each

I already sold the movie!
To Holland, Switzerland, Belgium...

And I'd lose that because my director
has sentimental problems...

with his leading lady!

God, I must be dreaming!

But, if I were you, I'd hire
Mona Duroc instead of Christine!

then I'd quietly make my movie.
- But not at the Ferroni's!

All right.

All right, but you'll find me another
villa within 24 hours.

And in the same league!

But beware...

But what am I going to tell Ferroni?
Can you imagine?

Yes, yes, let's settle our
problems in sequence, please...

Well, François, will you
or won't you make the movie?

I want to talk to Christine first.

She's gone.
- What?

"Miss Christine called to say not to
bother with her plane ticket.

She left for St Tropez with Aldo."

Well?

I shoot with Mona Duroc, without Aldo.
You'll have to replace him.

What about my problem!
My problem hasn't been solved!

And the little Ferroni who will...
A young girl so... Poor thing!

I read your scene.
What you have the little one do...

Stop! You talk about the little Ferroni
when they're cooking dinner!

And I can see the other two,
the inn, the fireplace!

Dinner at candlelight,
and a bedroom upstairs.

And he talks and she stares at him,
and he's happy, and he smiles...

with his false teeth!
- Oh, he has false teeth?

Certainly, and after dinner they go
up to the room on the first floor and...

So give me a break with your
little Ferroni, will you?

Obviously you're not in my shoes!

Shall we have a bottle of Champagne
sent up to our room?

Oh, no, I've drunk enough.
- Good night, Madam. Good night, Sir...

This stop was a good idea, wasn't it?

Isn't this a gorgeous inn?
- It is.

How good it is not to fuck!

I'm happy

that you're in love with your guy.
You can't understand,

but some nights when I did the
same scene 10 times in a row...

that I stayed for 9 hours
under the spotlights,

I go home, put a compress on my
head, go to bed, and I dream.

I dream of a night like this one.

With a girl lying next to me
like a log,

cold, indifferent... well, wonderful.

And I with a small cock
like everyone has.

The girl bends over me,
she kisses my forehead.

She turns the light off and says...

in a dry little voice, "good night".

Good night.

Oh! How good this is!

Stop, for God's sake!

The ferronis will sack me!
Sacked, they'll sack me, sack!

Go on!

Hey, this is beautiful!
Can you imagine the orgies in this park?

Don't get excited.
I'll tell the Ferronis I'm to blame.

The smut peddler here is to blame!
- Tell your pal to stop insulting

me. It becomes tiresome.
- Yes.

Did you enjoy your trip?
- It was OK. How's it going here?

Mrs Ferroni will arrive in the late
afternoon, her daughter tomorrow.

What shall we do with the mirrors?
- In the lodge!

What is this?

For the ceilings in the little lodge.
- That's where the Ferronis will sleep!

Oh, that, it's not me.
- Do not tamper with this house,

before we talk to the Ferronis!
- All right, all right!

Hey, there, wait!

What do I owe you, Sir?
- Well, 50.

Has Christine arrived? - No,
they're all here, except her and Aldo.

Well, François!
- Give me an invoice please.

You promised me: no trouble!
- I won't even talk to her.

I don't need her anymore.
She may go back to Paris with him.

I'm going to make this movie seriously.
I don't have anything else left.

Yes.

Ploumenech probably explained the drill.
- No!

The technical crew will arrive
in 3 days.

We'll rehearse meanwhile so you know
your parts when shooting starts.

What pârts?
- There's a change. Slimane!

Here!
- You'll be the commando chief.

Thank you, Mr Perrin, thank you!
Yeah, well, OK, man. Mona!

You'll be the daughter of the family.
- What about me?

You, we'll see.
When will you rehearse, old boy?

Right now. Just after I take
a shower. Come, Ploumenech.

It's awfully nice here.

Prepare the first scene please.
- Claire sweeping the living room?

Yes. Find another girl for me.

Oh, come on, put this away!
- What is Claire doing in the movie?

I asked for a broom!
Is that so difficult!

And stop that noise, you!
- A broom...

All right, Pierrette! We'll rehearse
the first scene with Slimane.

Enough!

Shut up! Slimane!
- Yes!

You go out on the terrace and
when called, you come in.

through here!
- OK.

You know the scene. You are Claire.
You're sweeping and Slimane...

comes behind you, right? OK.

All clear for the sodomy scene.
- Good. It's not going too bad.

Hello.
- Hello.

Well, Slimane?

Good!
- Come on, children, get to work!

Have you started rehearsing?
- No, we're just about to start.

Oh, I was frightened... What scene?

With the broom. The first one.

But it's my scene!
Mr Mercier, the writer, told me

that I would do it all.
- Just do it then. The less I work...

Everybody's ready?
- Almost. Slimane? Ready?

One moment!

Are you Mr Perrin?
- What?

Are you Mr Perrin?
- Hello?

Who wants him?

No, he's busy.

Tell him this is Christine!
But it's urgent,

I absolutely must talk to him!
I'm late, the car broke down.

It's all right. We decided to replace
you. You may go back to Paris,

I'll pay for the expense.
Mr Perrin can't talk to you!

Well! You two and your bullshit
finally deprived me of a movie.

Take ùme there.
- You've been told to go to Paris.

I don't care. I want to talk to him!
"Mr Perrin is busy."

Oh, the bastard!
I've got to see him. Take me there.

Oh, all right.

Are you Mr Perrin?
- Yes, I am Mr Perrin!

This won't do at all!
I want silence!

That means you too, Morlock!
Because this won't do!

We're working now! Silence, dammit!

Do you know the scene?
- I'm sweeping the floor,

then the commander comes to see me.
- Perfect.

So, is he ready? Slimane!
- Just a second!

I'm the daughter of...
- What a dummy! And you? Sweep!

We won't use one hour
on that scene!

Come on! Well?
- Just one second...

One has to get ready first.
- If I didn't tell them

I would break their mirror,
the sods would be installing it now.

It's all over.
She'll go back to Paris.

I couldn't even talk to her.

Life is a bitch.

I want to keep my socks, Mr Perrin?
- Yes, yes...

I wanted to marry the Ferroni girl.
Oh, not out of ambition,

because she's a real young girl.
So removed from all of this.

chilly, isn't it?
- Things will get better for you.

Do you really think so?
- Perrin! Isn't it time to...

to get some work done, don't you think?

What the hell is Slimane doing?
- Well, he'll be here in no time!

Things will get better for you.
For me, it's all over!

Cl... Cl... Cl... Claude!

Good morning, Mr Mercier.
Thank God, I came here...

this morning. They rehearsed without me.

This is Miss Ferroni.

Slimane, no!

On your knees, you slut!

I'm here, bitch!

But... What is this?

I don't know.
What is this?

Hey! I don't know.
What is this?

No idea. What do you want?
- What?

Mind your manners! You can't jump in
someone's living room like this,

all naked and saying awful things?
- But it's written in then...

Will you go and get dressed already!

Oh, come on, do what you're told!

Go and get dressed!
This bloke is indecent!

That's enough, OK?
And let go of this, this is disgusting!

Excuse him. He sometimes has a fit
but it's usually over soon.

He's not mean.
- The problem is that one day...

he fell down...
- Yes, he fell down a horse.

We give him work out of compassion,
so he won't starve. Are you OK?

Here. She has to rest for a while...
- Come, Claude.

I really didn't know who he was.

It can't go on like this! Henri!
- Yes?

Tell her the truth!

But what truth?
- Come in. I'll explain everything.

Before I say anything, Claude,
I want you to know that...

I love you.

They turned my script into a
pornographic movie!

Oh, you don't say?
- I do.

An ignoble, bestial movie!
- Oh, no!

You can't imagine what it's become.

Such a beautiful, a pure story!

But why did you accept?
- I didn't accept.

I hate pornography!
I only like pureness.

Come on, help me, dammit!
- that man was a monster!

Slimane? Oh, oh, disgusting.
- Oh, yes!

But I'll keep you far from all that,
my lover. You're so beautiful, so sweet!

So wonderful!

Take off your pants.

A sad time for the movies.

I tell you we're going to be evicted.
- Of course not!

Is everything going well?

What is this?
- Well, Mrs Ferroni.

Good morning, Madam.
- Good morning. Excuse me...

What will you tell her?
- I don't know, I really don't.

I'll go with you. I don't want to look
for another house. Come on!

But where is Mr Mercier?

I am François Perrin, the director.
- And I Bob Morlock, the producer.

Charmed.
- My highest respects, Madam.

You have a beautiful estate.
- You do a fascinating job.

Oh, not always easy.
- But damn profitable these days.

Is it?
- Mrs Ferroni, there's one thing...

What about you? Does pasta pay?
- Oh, well, quietly.

We have lots of expenses.
- Well, I'm earning 1000%.

Do you?
- Profits?

My last movie earned me 1000%.
- Really? What movie was that?

"Blow job".
- Beg your pardon?

What, yes yes, "Blow job".
- Mrs Ferroni...

Mercier has no responsability
whatsoever in this.

Morlock dragged our movie toward
éroticism. Mercier didn't know.

You must not hold it against him.

1000%?
- Yes, 1000%.

Mrs Ferroni want to see you.

I'll be right back.

Are you All right?
- Oh yes! Quite all right!

Am I sacked?
- I don't understand anymore.

Here you are.

I'll give it back to you
with a few zeroes more.

Come in!

Children, in order to thank Mrs Ferroni
of the loan of her beautiful house,

I took her as a partner.
She'll co-produce your movie,

François, my lad.
- I was somewhat wary at first.

Bu when they told me that you
rewrote the story, I was convinced!

"The Vaginal woman", you can go for it
with your eyes closed.

Of course, the little operation
is not to be publicized.

Investments are meant to be
confidential. Please, make us...

a very stiff movie, Mr Perrin.
- Mrs Ferroni...

Hardcore, that's the word, isn't it?
- Yes, that's it.

Mrs Ferroni! Your daughter acts!
- What?

Your daughter acts in it!
- That point slipped my mind.

Mercier, You'll gently tell her

that she can't be in the movie, ok?
- I already did, Madam.

Good, Mercier. Efficient as always.

Moreau, our CEO, is getting old.

One day, we'll have to replace him.

I won't say anything more.

Say "on your knees, you slut!"
- On your knees, you slut!

No, not "slut"! Slut!

On your knees, you slut!

No, not "slut"!
What are you saying? Slit?

On your knees, you slit!
- No!

they're working hard.
- Oh, say "bitch" then.

I say bitch!
- Yes, say bitch!

No, you say:
"bitch, on your knees", but standing up.

Standing up, on your knees!
- Not "standing up" on your knees...

On your knees, bitch!

Madam...
- No, I'll leave you to your work.

Thanks. Come on, on your knees...
- On your knees, bitch!

As if "bitch" was spelled with two "t"s.
- Bit... tch!

A very good idea, the plate of pasta
he's pouring in her lap.

Yes, we'll put it back in, Mrs Ferroni,
and the brand will be very apparent.

thank you.

Why are you here, you?
- I want to talk to François!

He's got nothing to tell you.
Didn't you give him enough trouble?

Don't come and bother us again.

Where is he? I want to talk to him!
- Oh, all right, come with me.

Look at him.

Isn't he comfortable?
Doesn't he look happy?

He found his way, that's obvious.

He'll become a real director.
And you want to spoil that?

OK, come. If he sees you, he'll plunge
in drama again. Is this necessary?

And he really doesn't want to see you.
So go and wait for him in Paris.

Take her to the station!
- Aldo, can you do me a favour?

Oh, no, look...
- Yes! When François comes out,

give him your car keys. Tell him
I'm waiting for him at the station.

What?
- I'm waiting at the station!

OK?

But what is she doing?

But what is going on?
- Listen to me, François!

No, but listen!
- Where is she?

She's at the station. Waiting for you.
- She's trying to trick you!

What about my movie?
- I don't give a shit, Morlock!

You owe me 100 millions!
- It doesn't matter.

1000 francs would be a nuisance,
but 100 millions...

I order you to stay here!
- No! She was right, I'm not cut for

Your brand of cinema. You can keep your
penetration close-ups, Morlock!

I'll take her hand on the platform
of the station, and I'll look...

in her eyes.
And that's all. That's my cinema!

My love!

Well, where are they?
- Here!

And?
- They're kissing!

They're kissing.

They're dressed and they kiss!
That's all! Come and see!