Notre-Dame des Hormones (2015) - full transcript
Two actresses are rehearsing a play over a weekend in a country house. While walking in the woods, one unearths a strange thing, a creature without cavity, nor members, the size of a seal. The creatures becomes an object of desire for both women, desperate to own the thing. But what they don't know is that they just found 'Our lady of hormones'.
Where we begin a film
with a sacrifice.
Old Oedipus drops his axe.
He falls to his knees as if in extasy.
He firmly grips his long nipples
and begins to rub them nervously.
Mother...
Look what they've done to me.
You are my spitting image my son.
You are hard on me, mother.
I didn't deserve this.
You should be happy.
You are tragically comical.
If you knew what I did...
If you knew what I saw...
I know.
You were there, above,
in a silent helicopter
observing the sick nature.
Our Lady of Hormones,
grant that I am never...
forgotten.
Forgotten...
Where our two rehearsing actresses
make fortunate discoveries
in the woods.
- What should I do?
- She doesn't answer him.
Old Oedipus clenches
his nipples even harder.
But what will happen to me then,
mother?
What's that?
I don't know.
What will you do with it?
How should I know?
- Give it to me then.
- No.
I'm going to keep it.
It's not your type.
I don't care.
I found it, I'm keeping it.
It'll get you dirty,
and you hate being dirty.
He's not dirty. He's dark.
It's a sombre shit.
Chuck it!
Let's go.
I know you'll just take it
behind my back.
Not at all.
I like it.
I don't know why,
but I like it.
Kiss it, if you like it so much.
Kiss it.
What are you waiting for?
You're not even capable
of such a thing.
- Yes I can.
- Go on, then.
I don't want to, not in front of you.
I have my modesty.
Show it to me, then.
You see it just fine.
What illimitable selfishness.
And you're always envious.
Slut!
I love you, darling.
We're not going to argue over
this piece of old flesh.
You want a little lick?
No.
You're dying of envy.
Lick it and I'll watch you.
You're really twisted.
No more than you.
Lick it just a little, for me.
Give it to me then,
so I can lick it.
No, I hold it and you lick it.
- Hands behind your back.
- What for?
Where our two actresses
reconcile in tongues.
Do you want to lick it?
This thing is hideous.
Yes, magnificently hideous.
There's saliva in its hair.
I know,
I spat on it a little.
You respect nothing.
It was stronger than me.
And if this thing were to die
because of your rotten saliva?
I have faith.
You have faith in your saliva?
I have faith in this thing.
Do you want me to carry it?
- For your back.
- No.
It's okay.
Tonight if you want,
I'll take care of you.
We'll see.
Normally you like that,
when I take care of you.
I told you we'll see.
Let's go.
- It's going to rain again.
- There's no cloud.
Let's go.
Where it is understood
that to feed the thing,
you have to prick it tenderly.
We'll call it Zhivago.
Why not 'My love I like to lick you' ?
Zhivago, for it's Slavic air.
He's no more Slavic than you.
I dream Slavic.
He'll starve if we don't feed it.
He hasn't a mouth, just an antenna.
Better to inject.
- Inject with what ?
- Gravy.
- But that'll kill it !
- Not at all !
You can see he's dying.
He doesn't even have a bottom,
poor thing.
You still have your syringes ?
- I stopped.
- But you always have your syringes.
No.
Don't lie I saw you
in the bathroom last night,
I saw you inject yourself.
It's because of my hormones.
- Nothing to do with anything else.
- So you have syringes ?
- Yes I have syringes.
- Go and find one.
We'll feed it.
- You think ?
- Yes. Hurry up.
I knew it.
I didn't do anything wrong.
- We were supposed to feed him.
- I too can lick it
from time to time.
And now ?
You killed it...
You are completely crazy !
You killed it !
- You killed it...
- She reacts. It's normal.
It's a good sign.
You're not touching it again.
Where our two actresses
rehearse the end.
Don't leave me like this.
We can share it
one day each if you want.
I won't harm you any more.
Come back...
Where One uncovers
the surprising effect of hormones
and Other kills the director
as soon as possible.
Damn hormones.
This jerk was the last person
I wanted to see.
I completely forgot he was coming.
The sickle suits him.
He's never looked so...left-wing.
He seems less arrogant.
- He didn't harm it, did he?
- No. I arrived just in time.
What will we do with the body ?
We'll re-arrange it a bit
and then bury it.
He's a lot funnier like this,
the old faggot.
He's almost touching.
- What are you doing ?
- I'm getting it to drink a little.
He came by motorbike ?
Surely the machine is
mourning its master.
Where outside, peace, calm
and decline reign.
Where we discover that an orifice can
on occasion be very useful.
What did you say ?
I said I made him an orifice
as proof of love .
You did ?
But he's bleeding.
My poor darling.
He asked me.
- But he can't talk, poor fool.
- He does to me.
Liar.
He's never said anything.
You're twisted, I always knew it.
He even told me he finds you
utterly repulsive.
How can you say that ?
Look at you. Look in the mirror.
He has a way of telling me things.
I know how to listen.
- I'm going to bed.
- With him ?
Of course.
Well then me too.
Have I no privacy ?
It's how it is. We are bound for life.
We should be happy.
Yes, we should.
The thing brings us such happiness.
Yes, much happiness.
Where we learn that the thing can also
console
tormented souls.
And what if we sang
'Bueno, Bueno dear Johnny'?
No, what about this.
Where is the thing ?
What did you do with it ?
She's in my heart.
She loves smocking with me.
After, we roar with laughter
and then we sweetly hug
and kiss each other.
What do you want me to say ?
Nothing, listen.
Last night,
the thing opened up like
an overripe fruit.
It was magnificent.
I saw inside his flesh,
an hormonal
intoxicating landscape.
Where our two actresses dance
to resurrect themselves.
Lick it for me.
He might be poisonous.
You lick first.
You're right we'll take it home
to examine.
You won't take it ?
Chill it a while, to see.
Do you realise what you're doing ?
This thing will consume us.
Anyway, now that I've found it,
I can't help it.
Let's go.
Where the thing decides
it's time for her.
Help me. The thing is locked
in the bedroom.
Did you say something
that offended it ?
Not at all, I just wanted to clean it.
I always told you that
you were too hygienic.
Tell him to let us in,
in his language.
I'll try.
Perfect!
With your foreign accent
you've angered him.
He wants us to put him back
where we found him.
Out for the question.
He insists.
- When ?
- Tonight. Discreetly.
But I can't live without him...
You'll get over it.
He says...
He says, 'here, slut'
You're lying.
Where appears a deer
with breasts.
I told you so, she attracts whores.
It's stupid but I feel betrayed.
It's an object of desire, that's all.
No, he's a saint.
He can grant our wishes.
Our Lady of Hormones
grant that I am never...
forgotten...
Listen,
it's the cemetery
of forgotten actresses.
Gloomy...
That's where we'll end up.
As late as possible.
Perhaps you're already at
the cemetery of forgotten actresses
but you don't realise it.
To be forgotten, one must be known.
Not necessarily.
Where Our Lady of Hormones
takes leave to help
new lost souls.
Mother...
See what they did to me ?
You're tragically comical, my son.
You're too hard, mother.
I didn't deserve this.
If you knew what I've seen.
If you knew what I did.
I know. I was there.
You should have...
come to see me
sooner.
Will you do as I say ?
What must I do ?
You will take two actresses.
I don't want to be in a film.
I don't like that.
I just want to take your word.
Well listen and repeat after me.
What must I say ?
Come into my heart, lost actresses.
Come into my heart...
And what will they do to me now ?
Open up.
Where our two actresses are
born again.
with a sacrifice.
Old Oedipus drops his axe.
He falls to his knees as if in extasy.
He firmly grips his long nipples
and begins to rub them nervously.
Mother...
Look what they've done to me.
You are my spitting image my son.
You are hard on me, mother.
I didn't deserve this.
You should be happy.
You are tragically comical.
If you knew what I did...
If you knew what I saw...
I know.
You were there, above,
in a silent helicopter
observing the sick nature.
Our Lady of Hormones,
grant that I am never...
forgotten.
Forgotten...
Where our two rehearsing actresses
make fortunate discoveries
in the woods.
- What should I do?
- She doesn't answer him.
Old Oedipus clenches
his nipples even harder.
But what will happen to me then,
mother?
What's that?
I don't know.
What will you do with it?
How should I know?
- Give it to me then.
- No.
I'm going to keep it.
It's not your type.
I don't care.
I found it, I'm keeping it.
It'll get you dirty,
and you hate being dirty.
He's not dirty. He's dark.
It's a sombre shit.
Chuck it!
Let's go.
I know you'll just take it
behind my back.
Not at all.
I like it.
I don't know why,
but I like it.
Kiss it, if you like it so much.
Kiss it.
What are you waiting for?
You're not even capable
of such a thing.
- Yes I can.
- Go on, then.
I don't want to, not in front of you.
I have my modesty.
Show it to me, then.
You see it just fine.
What illimitable selfishness.
And you're always envious.
Slut!
I love you, darling.
We're not going to argue over
this piece of old flesh.
You want a little lick?
No.
You're dying of envy.
Lick it and I'll watch you.
You're really twisted.
No more than you.
Lick it just a little, for me.
Give it to me then,
so I can lick it.
No, I hold it and you lick it.
- Hands behind your back.
- What for?
Where our two actresses
reconcile in tongues.
Do you want to lick it?
This thing is hideous.
Yes, magnificently hideous.
There's saliva in its hair.
I know,
I spat on it a little.
You respect nothing.
It was stronger than me.
And if this thing were to die
because of your rotten saliva?
I have faith.
You have faith in your saliva?
I have faith in this thing.
Do you want me to carry it?
- For your back.
- No.
It's okay.
Tonight if you want,
I'll take care of you.
We'll see.
Normally you like that,
when I take care of you.
I told you we'll see.
Let's go.
- It's going to rain again.
- There's no cloud.
Let's go.
Where it is understood
that to feed the thing,
you have to prick it tenderly.
We'll call it Zhivago.
Why not 'My love I like to lick you' ?
Zhivago, for it's Slavic air.
He's no more Slavic than you.
I dream Slavic.
He'll starve if we don't feed it.
He hasn't a mouth, just an antenna.
Better to inject.
- Inject with what ?
- Gravy.
- But that'll kill it !
- Not at all !
You can see he's dying.
He doesn't even have a bottom,
poor thing.
You still have your syringes ?
- I stopped.
- But you always have your syringes.
No.
Don't lie I saw you
in the bathroom last night,
I saw you inject yourself.
It's because of my hormones.
- Nothing to do with anything else.
- So you have syringes ?
- Yes I have syringes.
- Go and find one.
We'll feed it.
- You think ?
- Yes. Hurry up.
I knew it.
I didn't do anything wrong.
- We were supposed to feed him.
- I too can lick it
from time to time.
And now ?
You killed it...
You are completely crazy !
You killed it !
- You killed it...
- She reacts. It's normal.
It's a good sign.
You're not touching it again.
Where our two actresses
rehearse the end.
Don't leave me like this.
We can share it
one day each if you want.
I won't harm you any more.
Come back...
Where One uncovers
the surprising effect of hormones
and Other kills the director
as soon as possible.
Damn hormones.
This jerk was the last person
I wanted to see.
I completely forgot he was coming.
The sickle suits him.
He's never looked so...left-wing.
He seems less arrogant.
- He didn't harm it, did he?
- No. I arrived just in time.
What will we do with the body ?
We'll re-arrange it a bit
and then bury it.
He's a lot funnier like this,
the old faggot.
He's almost touching.
- What are you doing ?
- I'm getting it to drink a little.
He came by motorbike ?
Surely the machine is
mourning its master.
Where outside, peace, calm
and decline reign.
Where we discover that an orifice can
on occasion be very useful.
What did you say ?
I said I made him an orifice
as proof of love .
You did ?
But he's bleeding.
My poor darling.
He asked me.
- But he can't talk, poor fool.
- He does to me.
Liar.
He's never said anything.
You're twisted, I always knew it.
He even told me he finds you
utterly repulsive.
How can you say that ?
Look at you. Look in the mirror.
He has a way of telling me things.
I know how to listen.
- I'm going to bed.
- With him ?
Of course.
Well then me too.
Have I no privacy ?
It's how it is. We are bound for life.
We should be happy.
Yes, we should.
The thing brings us such happiness.
Yes, much happiness.
Where we learn that the thing can also
console
tormented souls.
And what if we sang
'Bueno, Bueno dear Johnny'?
No, what about this.
Where is the thing ?
What did you do with it ?
She's in my heart.
She loves smocking with me.
After, we roar with laughter
and then we sweetly hug
and kiss each other.
What do you want me to say ?
Nothing, listen.
Last night,
the thing opened up like
an overripe fruit.
It was magnificent.
I saw inside his flesh,
an hormonal
intoxicating landscape.
Where our two actresses dance
to resurrect themselves.
Lick it for me.
He might be poisonous.
You lick first.
You're right we'll take it home
to examine.
You won't take it ?
Chill it a while, to see.
Do you realise what you're doing ?
This thing will consume us.
Anyway, now that I've found it,
I can't help it.
Let's go.
Where the thing decides
it's time for her.
Help me. The thing is locked
in the bedroom.
Did you say something
that offended it ?
Not at all, I just wanted to clean it.
I always told you that
you were too hygienic.
Tell him to let us in,
in his language.
I'll try.
Perfect!
With your foreign accent
you've angered him.
He wants us to put him back
where we found him.
Out for the question.
He insists.
- When ?
- Tonight. Discreetly.
But I can't live without him...
You'll get over it.
He says...
He says, 'here, slut'
You're lying.
Where appears a deer
with breasts.
I told you so, she attracts whores.
It's stupid but I feel betrayed.
It's an object of desire, that's all.
No, he's a saint.
He can grant our wishes.
Our Lady of Hormones
grant that I am never...
forgotten...
Listen,
it's the cemetery
of forgotten actresses.
Gloomy...
That's where we'll end up.
As late as possible.
Perhaps you're already at
the cemetery of forgotten actresses
but you don't realise it.
To be forgotten, one must be known.
Not necessarily.
Where Our Lady of Hormones
takes leave to help
new lost souls.
Mother...
See what they did to me ?
You're tragically comical, my son.
You're too hard, mother.
I didn't deserve this.
If you knew what I've seen.
If you knew what I did.
I know. I was there.
You should have...
come to see me
sooner.
Will you do as I say ?
What must I do ?
You will take two actresses.
I don't want to be in a film.
I don't like that.
I just want to take your word.
Well listen and repeat after me.
What must I say ?
Come into my heart, lost actresses.
Come into my heart...
And what will they do to me now ?
Open up.
Where our two actresses are
born again.