No Sleep 'Til Christmas (2018) - full transcript

[jazzy piano music playing]

[clears throat]

Are you okay?

Yeah. Yeah. Just...
just a little hungry.

Well, I'm glad we could
get together tonight.

New Year's Eve is getting
closer and closer.

When we're getting married.

Come here.

Mwah.

And I have terrific news.

I've managed to clear my
schedule between now and then,



so I'm available to help
you two lovebirds

with every aspect
of your wedding planning.

Oh, thank you, Mama.

Oh, sweetheart.

- Mwah!
- Mwah!

Lizzie, why don't you pass
by the house on Saturday

so I can hear all
your wonderful ideas.

All my wonderful ideas.

Yay..

♪ You better watch out ♪

♪ You better not cry ♪

- ♪ You better not pout ♪
- [sighs]

♪ I'm telling you why ♪

♪ Santa Claus
Is coming to town ♪



♪ He's making a list ♪

♪ And checking it twice ♪

♪ Going to find out
Who's naughty and nice ♪

♪ Santa Claus
Is coming to town ♪

♪ He sees you when
You're sleeping ♪

♪ He knows when you're awake ♪

[grunts]

♪ He knows if you've been
Bad or good ♪

♪ So be good
For goodness' sake ♪

142 sheep, 143 sheep, 144 sheep.

♪ You better not cry ♪

♪ Better not pout
I'm telling you why ♪

Maybe we should try
switching sides.

♪ Santa Claus
Is coming to town ♪

♪ He sees you when
You're sleeping ♪

♪ He knows when you're awake ♪

♪ He knows if you've been
Bad or good ♪

♪ So be good, be good
For goodness' sake ♪

♪ Oh, you better watch out ♪

♪ You better not cry ♪

Ah!

♪ You better not pout ♪

I'm telling you why ♪

♪ Santa Claus
Is coming to town ♪

[sobbing]

♪ Yes, he's on his way ♪

♪ He's got toys
All over the sleigh ♪

You never know.

♪ Santa ♪

♪ Santa's coming to town ♪

- [knock on door]
- [Kristina] Lizzie?

Lizzie?

A cute delivery girl
just dropped these off for you.

Shall I read the note?

- Hmm.
- "To my darling fiancée."

Oh, I still love that word.

"Happy Thanksgiving.

"I know you're tired,

"and I can't believe
you have to work today,

but that's also
why I love you so much." Aww.

"Only six weeks
before we get married,

"and I can't wait.

Love you, Josh.
Kiss, kiss, kiss."

- Mm.
- Seriously?

"Ugh"?

I would die for this.

Sorry, I'm just...

oh, wow,
they're so beautiful.

[sighs]

God, they're so beautiful.
I'm so horrible.

Lizzie, babe, are you okay?

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Fine. I'm just tired.

I'm so tired. But I'm fine.

I'm fine!

Wow, we have a lot
of work to do.

Let's do this. Let's do this.
Oh, my God, I need coffee.

Yeah, I'm going to bring
some crystals,

just to kind of change
this vibe too.

[sighs]

Wow, they're so beautiful.

[announcer] Welcome to Chicago's
Thanksgiving Day parade

On the day when America
just loves to gobble up

-44 million juicy turkeys.
- [smoke alarm beeping]

- Oh...
- Hey!

Oh, I thought I set
the timer lower,

but it should be all right.

Come on. Come on.

God, it's so loud.

- [beeping stops]
- [sighs]

Oh!

Come on.

I love sweet potatoes.

Hi. Happy Thanksgiving.

How are you?

You know...

I don't think
this is working.

Yeah, you're right.
We'll just get some Chinese.

No, it's not the food.
It's this. It's us.

What are you talking about?
We're great together.

No. We want to be
great together.

But if we were
great together,

first of all you'd be able
to sleep with me.

We do it all the time.

Not sex, Billy. Sleep.

Oh, Nic, I...

I haven't been able
to sleep properly in years.

You know that. If I didn't
want to be with you,

- then...
- You what, Billy?

You're way too much of a mess
to have any idea what you want.

Look at this place.
Where do we even...

The T-shirts, okay?
You wanted to sell them,

and you've never
even printed them.

And you wanted to do something
cool with the crates,

but they're just
sitting there.

And you want to be with me.

Guess what?

It doesn't mean anything.

I'm sorry, Billy.

[laughs]

Happy Thanksgiving.

[door opens]

I am going to do something great
with those crates.

[door closes]

[groans]

- Lizzie?
- Sorry. Sorry, babe.

I didn't mean
to wake you up. I just...

I think I'm going to go
for a drive.

- Why? Was I snoring?
- No.

No, it's just...
my mind is spinning.

I can't think of a wonderful
idea I had for the wedding.

And, I mean,
you know how your mom is.

Yeah, she's great, right?

Yeah.

Yeah, she's...

Hey, listen,

if you're stressing out
about the wedding, please don't.

It's going to be great.

You're going to be great.

Thank you.

I know. I'm fine.
I just...

I need to get some sleep.

You want me to come with you?

No, no, no.
You sleep, okay?

My sexy surgeon.

I'll crack this, I promise.

- I love you.
- I love you too.

I'm working nights
this week,

but I will call you tomorrow
at work,

and we can brainstorm.

Table plan.

We need to make
a table plan.

[Andy]
It's a shame, man.

She was the best thing
you got going for you.

I know. I'm surprised
she stayed with me that long.

Yeah, man, you just need
to learn how to sleep.

Billy, get your ass into gear.
Drink on your own time.

Look at poor Vivian.

She's sweating her cute
tush off.

- Screw you, Mark.
- Hey, listen,

when she passes the bar,
I hope she sues your sexist ass.

I think you mean
sexy ass.

Thank you,
but he's right, though.

I was sweating
my tush off.

Now she's got to sue herself.

[laughs]

I can't wait to get
my own place.

How long you been saying that?

Oh, I'm sorry,
do you have money I can borrow?

Because the bank doesn't want to
give me any.

Really? Man, you such a good,
reliable bet too.

[mock laughter]

[glass shatters]

This is wild, man.
All right, I'm going to bounce.

All right.
Catch the game later?

I really can't.
Got to plan for Rosie's party.

You haven't forgotten,
have you?

Of course I haven't forgotten.
She's my goddaughter.

When is it again?

You were driving at night
in sunglasses?

- Did that work?
- No!

But it might if I keep trying.

I don't know, Krissie. This is
getting serious.

I've always slept well.

Like, lots of lovely
deep sleep.

Now I get an hour at best.

And I have tried everything.

Okay, how about
acupuncture?

Acupuncture, acupressure,
hypnosis.

- Drugs.
- Doxepin.

Doxylamine. Diphenhydramine.

Quazepam. Zolpidem.

That's a lot of drugs.

Krissie, what am I
going to do?

I don't know, and to be honest,
your timing really sucks.

We're entering Christmas party
season, and we're supposed to be

one of Chicago's leading
event planning companies.

I know. I'm sorry.
I just...

You know what?
This is Josh's mother's fault.

I swear to God, this only
started when she decided

to turn our wedding
into the New Year's Eve

social event of the year.

But you always wanted
a big wedding.

And if anyone
can pull it off...

It should be me, I know.

But right now,
if I don't get any sleep,

it's going to ruin everything.

[screams]

I am so excited
about planning

all of these amazing events!

Okay.

Well, Lindstech's marketing team
is downstairs.

Let's go say hi, huh?

Okay.

It'll be fine.

Just don't call their boss
Mr. Ballsack again.

God. Though to be fair,

his head does look
like a testicle.

Hold up. No--

[all laugh]

I win.

You did.

Speaking of winning,

Andy says that the Winning Post
finally closed.

Great place for Billy's bar.
Just saying.

Okay, Mom and Dad,
I see what you're doing.

Guys, my life's great.
I got no stress, no overhead.

I make a mean cocktail.

- Yeah, actually, it's good.
- It is pretty mean.

You're welcome.

And you have an awesome
goddaughter.

I do have an awesome
goddaughter

who's about to get a face
full of cream.

Uh-oh! Uh-oh! Uh-oh!

[both laugh]

997 sheep.

998 sheep. 999 sheep.

1,000 sheep.

1,000 sheep?

[sighs]

[announcer]
You're out!

[snaps fingers]

[exhales]

[radio announcer] You're
listening to Late Night on WZU.

Music next. But first,
as Christmas is coming up,

I wanted to read you a poem.
It's called "Snowball."

- [yawns]
- I made myself a snowball.

As perfect as could be.

I thought I'd keep it as a pet
and let it sleep with me.

[gasps]

Oh.

Oh, my God.

Oh, what the hell?

- I'm so sorry.
- Ow!

Are you okay?

Oh, I'm fine.

You need to get checked out.
I'll take you to the hospital.

I'm fine, really.

Actually...

no wonder
you didn't see me.

Well, no wonder
you didn't hear me.

- Come on, let's go.
- Ow!

- [groans]
- I'm really sorry about that.

Yeah, that looked like
it really hurt.

Oh, yeah, well, you had a great
vantage point.

Contact me if you need to file a
claim with my insurance.

- I'll say it was my fault.
- Well, it was your fault.

I'm kidding. It was my fault.
It was my fault for jogging.

Lizzie Hinnell, event planner,

- "Rendez-vous"?
- It's "Rendezvous."

Never heard of it.

Okay, well,
what do you do, then?

Billy Wilson,
barman, McVeigh's.

We pronounce it "McVoix."

- Mm, never heard of it.
- You probably wouldn't have.

It doesn't seem
like your kind of place.

Oh, yeah?
Well, what's my kind of place?

Let me take a stab
in the dark here.

Someplace that serve
chilled rosé on a terrace

with little fairy lights
overlooking the city.

That sounds amazing,
actually, yeah.

Someplace that plays music
like this.

- You like this song?
- I do.

Is there something wrong
with that?

- Yeah, the music and the lyrics.
- That's not funny. That's rude.

Can you just stop touching
my stuff, please?

- It's hot in here.
- Thank you.

Take your hoodie off, then.

Hoodie? What are you, 12?

[engine shuts off, car beeps]

[romantic pop music playing
on radio]

[sighs and groans]

Are we going to get out?

Well, I mean, you know, aren't
you going to finish this song?

You like it so much.

That's a great idea.

Really? I was kidding.
But...

No, I'm happy to stay here.

Well, I'm happy
to stay here too.

♪ Turn the lights
Turn the lights down low ♪

Hmm, tone-deaf, huh?

Well, I wasn't trying
to sing it

like I'd normally sing, but--

No, I'm sure.

Why don't you sing it?

Oh, I'm good.

[ambulance siren blaring]

[police radio squawking]

[indistinct chattering]

It's fine. There's nothing wrong
with me.

All right, try to calm down. You
were unconscious.

Had a report of two unconscious
patients in a vehicle.

[laughs]
I wasn't unconscious.

- We were sleeping.
- What's going on?

Easy, ma'am.
You seem confused.

Yeah. I am confused.

Did I just sleep?

Oh, my God. Yes.

Yes. I slept.

Yeah?

Thank you, Dwayne,
for making sure we weren't dead.

What time is it?

1:30.

In the afternoon?

I got to go. Are you okay?

Yeah, I'm okay. I mean,
you ran me over last night.

Get checked out.

Oh, and let's not tell anyone
about this, okay?

Sure.

[car engine starts]

Oh, you're just going
to leave me here?

Dwayne, what happened here?

I'll just call a lift.

Well, I don't have my phone,
which is awesome.

Okay, let's talk place names.

I'm thinking aqua motif,

scented with rose water,
made with hemp-and-seed paper,

so guests can plant them later

and remind themselves
of our big day.

We can hire a calligraphist to
write the names.

Well, we could do that,

but it's not just about the
looks, honey.

It's about personalizing the
message.

We'll be writing the names
ourselves.

- Boom.
- Boom.

Bam.

This is all so lovely,
Lizzie.

To be honest, I was getting
a little worried about you.

Thought you were too busy,
had too much on your plate.

You know, the cobbler's children
not getting any shoes.

But this is all exciting.
And it's all coming together.

Okay, Fiona, I have no idea

what that whole cobbler's
children thing means.

Although thinking about it,
it probably has something to do

with me being very good
at planning events at work

but not very good at planning
my own personal events,

in which case that is a very
good expression.

But, yes, it is exciting.
And, yes, it is coming together.

And we have so much work to do.

What about Thursday morning
for wedding dress shopping?

- [gasps]
- Can you do that?

Because I can.
I'm excited. I'm so excited.

[sighs]

This place is a mess.

You okay? You seem kind of
on edge.

Yeah. Yeah, I'm good.

I just...

I got a good night's sleep, so--

- You did?
- Yeah.

Everything just feels
like it's--

- [crash, bottle clatters]
- What the...?

[laughs]

Oh, that's funny.

Yeah.

Seriously,
being this alert sucks.

Oh, you were amazing.
What got into you?

I don't know,
but I'm back and I love it.

Although not as much
as I love you.

[sighs]

Damn it.

[ambulance siren wailing
distantly]

[video game beeps]

[Ed]
Merry Christmas, everybody.

Good to see you.
We think we've got

the perfect venue for your
Christmas party, Mr. Balzac.

Great.

Lizzie's going to show you
some pictures.

Thank you, Ed.

Okay.

Yeah, forgot my laptop.
Be right back.

You think it might
snow later?

Where is McVeigh's bar?

[door opens]

[computerized voice]
There are two entries for--

- Hey. Any sleep?
- Hey.

Um, yeah. Yeah, actually,
a little.

All right, good.

I knew you'd crack it. Come
here.

Mwah. I'm working nights
this next stretch.

The new schedule's
in our calendar. Sorry.

Mm.

You know, I really don't
want you to stress out

about organizing
a big wedding,

but sometimes you seem
so excited.

I am, Josh.

I'm... yay!

[both laugh]

All right, well, good.

Have fun wedding dress shopping,
and say hi to Mom.

I will.

- Bye, babe.
- Bye.

[door closes]

[inhales and exhales deeply]

Hello. I'm Mrs. Wright.

Welcome to Blushing Bride,
Mrs. Wright.

How may we help you?

I know I'm a little bit early,
but I wanted to discuss veils.

I know a lot of brides nowadays,
they don't want to wear them.

But I like them.

[yawns]

No!

Ugh!

- No!
- [door lock beeps]

Oh! Come on! Hello?

Wait! Wait!

Stop!

Stop! No!

Oh, thank you!

You okay, love?

I locked my car keys
and my phone in my house,

and I urgently need
to get to town,

so can you please
take me?

- Yes, of course.
- Oh, my God, thank you.

- For $2.50.
- No, I don't have any money.

Okay, look, I'm meeting
my future mother-in-law.

And I'm going wedding dress
shopping.

It's kind of a big deal,
so...

Can't you call and tell her
you're gonna be late?

No, I don't have a phone.

- Well, then she'll have to wait.
- Oh, my God, please.

You don't understand.
She's crazy, so I can't do that.

- Come on.
- If you think about it,

you'll see that statement
is not logically true.

You can keep her waiting,

but you're afraid
of her disapproval,

because you've allowed the
balance of power

to be skewed
in her favor.

I'm just guessing,
but it looks to me

like you've allowed yourself
to be drawn into what Sartre

would describe as an inauthentic
relationship with this person.

Cool. That was awesome.

Can I-- Can I just please...?

No.

Whoa!

I hate you.

No, you hate yourself.

No, I hate you,
you British twit.

You are acting
from a place of fear,

and this is clearly
not the bus for you.

[sighs]

Ha! Got it.

- What's she got in her hand?
- No, no...

- [all scream]
- It's just a shoe.

[classical music playing]

[phone rings]

Hi, this is Blushing Bride.
How may we help you?

Yes, madam. She is here.

Yes, madam,
a little mad, perhaps.

Okay.

But will you be here soon?

You're where? Oh, God.

Fiona, I'm so sorry.

Thank you so much
for bailing me out.

Did you see
any nice dresses?

Good talk.

All right, that's it.

[Christmas rock music playing]

[indistinct chatter]

[sniffs]

Hi, one second.

So if you get him to move
by Friday, paint them,

have them to me
by Saturday afternoon.

Think about it.
Boom, what do you want?

Oh, yeah.

My head still hurts.
Lucy? Lily?

It's Lizzie. Vodka, please.

Your name's Lizzie Vodka Please?

Tough crowd. Okay.

Ouch.

So, Lizzie Not Vodka Please,

is this a coincidence
you're in my bar?

Here? Now that is funny.

No, you told me
where you worked in the car

the night we...

- Slept together?
- Right.

So apart from that night,
I haven't slept

for more than two hours
in the last month,

and I have tried everything
but nothing has worked.

So the only possible conclusion
that I can come up with

is that maybe...

I only slept like that
because you were there.

[laughs]

You serious? That's ridiculous.
Why would I make you sleep?

I don't know.
But you slept too.

Do you normally
sleep like that?

You don't, do you?
I knew it.

Why else would you be jogging
at 3:00 in the morning?

Why would you look like that
or work in a place like this?

- Whoa, that's offensive.
- That was mean. I'm sorry.

Maybe I was sleeping
because you ran me over

- and knocked me unconscious--
- [Lizzie] Okay!

You literally ran into my car.
That has nothing to do with it.

It's beside the point.
We slept. We slept.

And afterward,
didn't it feel amazing?

Like you were alive?

No, actually, it felt real weird
and I didn't feel like myself.

Okay, well, not for me,
because when I haven't slept,

I'm a nightmare.

But when I have, I'm nice.

I'm organized.
I am good at my job,

which is what I want to be
all the time,

but especially right now.

- Because it's Christmas?
- Yes.

But, no, not like that,

because Christmas is my busiest
time of the year.

And on top of that,

I'm getting married
on New Year's Eve,

which means I have
all of that to plan,

which is impossible
when I'm like this.

So, Billy, I guess
what I'm trying to ask is...

oh, God.

Will you please try
to sleep with me again?

Are you a cop?

What? No, why would I
be a cop?

Okay, I'm sorry.
You're...

I'm catching up.

You're asking me
to sleep with you

because you're getting married?

- Yes.
- But with no sex.

- No. No, ugh! Please.
- Bye-bye.

[Lizzie]
Dude, just hear me out, okay?

If it works, and if I actually
get some sleep,

maybe that'll be a habit
and maybe I'll be cured.

Lizzie, I'm sorry, I don't know
what type of meds you're on.

- I'm not gonna sleep with you.
- Please! What if I paid you?

What if we came up with some
kind of financial agreement--

I'm not that type of girl.
I'm very sorry.

I'm not going
to sleep with you.

That is bananas.
What can I get you?

Another beer? You look good.
You do something with your hair?

- All right, I'll get you a beer.
- Call if you change your mind.

- Anytime.
- Okay.

You don't have to worry
about waking me up.

Sounds good. Oh, I'll take care
of this one.

Don't you worry.

And her fiancé
is okay with that?

I have no idea,
but this girl's a nutjob.

[laughs]

You and your schemes.

No, no, not a scheme.
Not a scheme.

Well, maybe it should be.

No, Andy, she's crazy.

You were the one who told me,
enough with the crazy chicks.

Okay, well, yeah, I agree,
it's a little weird that,

you know, she thinks
you made her sleep.

But she seems
a little desperate.

So? I know a lot
of desperate girls.

Not desperate girls
offering money,

which you can use
to open up Billy's Bar,

which is your lifelong dream.

Are you not getting
any of this?

What are you-- ?

Really, Billy?

[honks horn]

[scooter ignition turns off]

- Ah!
- No! Asshole!

Oh, my God!

You should have seen
your face.

You got to relax.
Well, I guess you don't know me.

I could be a horrible person.

I mean, you're not, right?

Although you do drive that.

I guess you're not
the brightest spark.

Um, cars crash too.

But, no, I'm not
a horrible person.

- I got a few speeding tickets--
- Yeah, I know.

I had a friend run
a background check on you.

Oh, so you're
the horrible person.

All right, let's just...

let's just go over
what we agreed to on the phone.

- Sure.
- If this works,

which we both know
it almost certainly won't,

then I'm going to sleep with you
until your wedding day.

- December 31st.
- And in return,

you're going to loan me
the money to start my bar.

In exchange for 10%
of your new business venture,

subject to a fully signed and
ratified contract.

In anticipation, I had my lawyer
draw something up.

Here you go.

- Wow.
- What?

Nothing. You're just a very
determined person.

All this planning
is kind of scaring me.

Okay, solving problems
and making plans isn't scary.

It's grown-up.

If you find growing up
threatening,

then I feel sorry for you.

Well, I feel sorry
for your fiancé.

- Speaking of--
- Josh?

Yeah. He's a lovely
and very trusting man

who would agree with me.

Although he is a surgeon
who works strange hours,

so he will never need to know.

Wow, that's beautiful.
Are those your wedding vows?

Oh, yeah.
They are, actually.

Okay, well, let's just see
if this crazy idea works.

Seriously?

Yeah.

[sighs]

How close do you think-- ?

Yeah, I don't think we need
to be close at all.

Just how we were last time.

Well, do you want a drink?

I made my own
sloe gin.

No, thank you.
I'm good.

Don't mind if I do.

[Billy sighs]

[sighs]

- It's not working, is it?
- Nope.

Oh, well.

"Oh, well"?

Well, if you relax,
maybe it would work.

Oh, right, because nothing
is ever your fault.

You know what?
You're right. It is my fault.

Normally I can
satisfy a woman,

but I'm getting
a little bit older.

It's a little bit embarrassing,
to be honest.

Well, Billy, if you can't
satisfy me, then it is all over.

Well, I will do my best,
Your Highness.

Good night.

Good night.

[cell phone vibrating]

Oh, my God. It worked.

It worked.

Billy.

- Billy.
- Aah!

It's okay.

I slept. We slept.
It worked.

It did.

It did. Why?

I have no idea,
but it worked.

Can you just never wake me up
like that again, please?

Okay, can you just move
your little scooter thingy.

[sighs]

Let's go.

[Revered Peter laughing]

So will you be using traditional
vows or writing your own?

- Writing our own. Right, honey?
- Yes.

Actually, I've been researching
a few options.

Hold on.
Hold your horses.

Some people find it more
pleasant

to hear each other's vows
as surprise.

Oh, no, we don't like
surprises.

- Oh, yeah.
- We like plans.

We like plans, yeah.
I mean, it wasn't raining

when Noah built the arc,
am I right?

Delightful.

[laughs]

So let me get this straight.
You're like a gigolo,

but without the sex.
I get it.

Yeah, well, I don't get it.

I mean, I haven't been able
to sleep properly in years.

Decades, actually.
Now, all of a sudden, I can.

And on top of that,

Andy's bullying me
into borrowing money,

rushing me to open
my own bar...

Dude, she offered you money,

and you've talked about opening
your own place for 10 years.

It's hardly rushing.
And this spot is perfect.

So, look, calm down.
You've slipped. You're paranoid.

You're right.
You're right, 100%.

It's so much easier
to think clearly when I'm tired.

That's not good, is it?

No, it's not good.

This is a really bad idea,
Lizzie.

Like, literally the worst idea
I have ever heard.

It's really, really bad.
I just need you to know that.

- Yeah, thanks.
- And even if it works now,

what happens
after you're married?

Are you just going to keep
sleeping with this other guy?

Like, are you and Josh
just going to end up

in some weird kind of threesome
with this other guy, like,

curled up in a cot
beside your bed?

What are you even
talking about?

No, no, this is just
the wedding pressure

causing me not to sleep, okay?

Come on.

And if you're wrong?

If this barman
turns out to be

the only person
you can sleep with?

Then I...

This girl is nuts.

[grunts]

[phone line rings]

- [yells]
- Aah!

- [laughs]
- Asshole.

Come on, let's go.

Give me a sec.

All right, had my lawyers look
it over. Seems good to me.

- You have lawyers?
- Yes, I have lawyers.

I have good lawyers.

Actually, I have
great lawyers.

Billy, I'm only
in my second semester.

Whatever, that's fine.
What do you think?

Yeah, this is a really
good deal for you.

I mean, she's crazy.

Yeah.

So anyway,
I was thinking of names.

And what do you think
about, like, Bartini's?

- [laughs]
- Barcelona?

Billy's Bar?

Sure. Whatever you want.

Let's sleep.

Bar and Away.

Bar-B-Cue's good too.

Billy's Bar.

Nice ring.

Listen, do you think we have
to be in here for this to work?

Are you serious?
Where are we?

Really?

I'm not going anywhere
I might know anyone.

Fine. They're going to think
we're having an affair.

Only if we behave
like we are.

How do you behave
like you're having an affair?

- I don't know. I never had one.
- Me neither.

Please. Let's just pretend
like we're an ordinary couple.

Well, you did book it
for today, right?

Yeah, could have sworn
I did, honey.

Well, that wouldn't be the first
time you screwed that up.

I'm sorry, dear.

Let me get your name.

Sure, it's Mr. and Mrs.
Wilp... son.

Wilpson?

Yes. Wilpson.
You got it.

W-I-L-P-S-O-N.

- [typing]
- Wilpson.

[computer beeps]

I'm afraid I can't find it.

- I...
- Well, what a surprise.

That is so strange.

Do you have any rooms available
for tonight?

Yes. King?

Actually, do you have
two twins?

Sorry, he snores.

- I don't snore.
- Hmm, and lies.

I...

Sorry, only kings left.

Okay.

Room 532.

Thank you very much.

Oh, Billy.

Sorry, dear.

Treat them mean, keep them keen.
Know what I mean?

Exactly.

Well, that came
quite naturally to you.

Made it much easier being
with you, Mr. "Wilpson"?

Is that it?

[door closes]

Okay.

I mean, who needs
that many cushions?

They're not cushions.
They're called throw pillows.

And, honestly, you can never
have too many.

Oh! Do you want a beer?

Do you know how expensive
mini bars are?

Yeah. But I'm not paying.

[bottle hisses open]

[sighs]

So, what are we thinking?
We thinking lights on? Off?

- On.
- On.

- [snaps fingers]
- That was a test. You passed.

That's perfect.

[sighs]

Jeez.

Sorry, sorry.

So aggressive.

[both sigh]

[snores]

No. Mm-mm.

I thought I was
a snorer.

- Yes!
- Aah!

- Sorry.
- Jeez!

- Psycho. What is that about?
- I'm sorry.

I told you not to wake me up
like that again.

We slept.

[sighs]

Yes.

All right, I got to go.
I got to go.

You go to--

Are we going to order
some breakfast?

Don't even think about it.

[playing jazzy music]

What do you think?

- I like it.
- Me too.

Okay, let's try another one.

Sign that lease, baby.

[laughs]
Here's the keys!

Yes. Let's do this.

- One more!
- What?

[laughs]

Thank you.

- [yelps]
- [laughs]

And has your father decided
whether he's coming or not?

His last e-mail said he would,
but you know him.

Well, I guess you don't,
but I do.

♪ Little bit of naughty
Little bit of nice ♪

♪ Got a lot of sugar
Got a lot of spice ♪

♪ Check that list twice ♪

♪ Show up in a hoodie
Good enough for me ♪

♪ Thinking up some goodies
Underneath the tree ♪

♪ Stay up all night ♪

Just to make you feel
comfortable.

Wow. That actually
felt really good.

Mark, I'm starting my own bar,
and Vivian's coming with me.

[laughs]

Hey, Billy, so I'm in charge
of this huge Christmas...

party tonight,
and I was wondering

if we could get together in the
afternoon for, like, a quickie?

At yours.

Um...

uh, yeah.

Yeah, I can do that.

Where did you
get this thing?

- I saw someone throwing it away.
- Oh, I wonder why.

And you thought this would make
a good Christmas tree?

I'm sorry it's not all
perfectly measured

and covered
in Christmas balls,

but if I spray-paint it,
it could be cool.

Yeah. Could be cool.

Really cool.

Listen, could you just stop
laughing and give me a hand?

Oh, my God!

[cell phone vibrates]

Hey, Billy.

Wow, you didn't punch me
this time.

Oh, yeah. I forgot.

- Oh!
- Come here.

I'm going to catch you.

- You think she likes you?
- Who, Viv?

- No, she likes girls.
- Not Vivian. Lizzie.

Oh. No. She likes sleep.

Do you like her?

No.

Is she attractive?

I mean, yeah.

- Then why don't you like her?
- Because she's engaged, Andy.

That doesn't answer
the question.

What about when you get a boner?

Oh, no. That hasn't
happened in years.

[both scream]

- Aah!
- Aah!

- Put it down!
- I can't!

Okay, so maybe
it happened again.

- Well, there you go.
- I looked it up on the Internet.

That only happens
from rapid eye movement sleep.

I'm only getting REM sleep
when I'm next to her.

So you get a boner
because she gives you REM sleep?

Yes. Exactly.

Makes sense, right?

Are you kidding me?

Are you sure this isn't
getting out of hand?

What are you talking about?
We're just sleeping together.

Oh, my God. Oh, my God.
Oh, my God. Oh, my God.

Okay, deep breaths.

[exhales]
It's okay.

It's just Josh is so gorgeous,
and lovely,

and he's a surgeon
who saves lives,

and he likes making plans
even more than you do.

It's like you're two peas
in a pod.

Exactly. And Billy is none
of those things.

Okay.

Well, I'm glad
you feel that way,

because I've been there,
remember?

Emily dumped my sorry ass
when we were engaged,

and it was not pretty,
and I would just, like,

hate for that
to happen to you.

Krissie, I hear you.

And I know this is
an odd situation.

But not sleeping
is really bad.

You know that, right?

Yeah, I actually do know.
I looked it up.

It, like, demolishes
your immune system

and it makes it more likely
you'll have Alzheimer's.

It, like, doubles your risk
of cancer, which is insane.

Exactly. See?
So there you go.

I mean, all of that should
be way more concerning to you

than what I'm doing
about it,

which, by the way,
is working wonders.

I mean, not only do I feel and
look a thousand times better,

but you and I are crushing
these Christmas parties.

Yeah, we are.
It's, like, really impressive.

- Yeah!
- And your wedding planning

- is back on track.
- Yes!

And I haven't killed my future
mother-in-law yet.

So you should be looking
for someone to sleep with too.

Okay, okay, so when
is your next sleep sesh?

Tomorrow morning.

I need a quick one before
I choose wedding place settings.

But he's being Santa at his
goddaughter's school play,

so I'm just going to go there
and drag him out.

So that means you're going
to be meeting his friends.

I mean, I don't know.
It's...

It's not a big deal, okay?

It's not like I'm going to go
and hang out with them.

[camera shutters click]

I cannot believe
she made me dress like this.

- You look awesome.
- Sorry.

She can be very persuasive.
But you do look dope.

Elf! Little Charlie here wants
us to take a picture together.

Ho, ho, ho, ho.

Sure.

Sorry. I just didn't think
that we'd be here this long.

- [camera shutter clicks]
- Thank you.

Ooh, can I have
some pictures too?

- Yeah.
- Yeah.

Can you sit
on Uncle Billy's lap?

Oh, I don't...

- Please?
- How do you say no to that?

She's going to go
very far.

Anything you want, kid.

Ho, ho, ho.

So, Lizzie, Billy says
you're getting married.

Yes, I am.
In two weeks, actually.

Super stressful.

I have so much to do,
as I'm sure you know.

Oh, no, no. We don't know.
We're not married.

Oh. That's cool.

So weddings just
aren't your thing?

No, we'd love a nice wedding,

it's just Rosie surprised us
by coming along,

then... well,
you know what they say.

Man plans and God laughs.

Never heard that before.

And, luckily, you don't
need a certificate

to have the S-E-X anymore,
right?

- Right.
- Oh, no.

What's the S-E-X?

[laughs]
Baby...

Nothing. I'm so sorry.

Why do you need
a certificate for it, then?

No, sweetheart, you don't.
That's the point.

[Rosie] Billy, have you had
the S-E-X too?

Lizzie? Lizzie.

[Rosie]
Why not?

Yeah, it is you.
Simon. Simon Mousley.

I play golf with Josh.
I beat him. I'm that guy.

He owes me money.

Yeah. Oh, my God.
Simon, how could I...?

- Hi.
- I love this outfit.

Everything, top to bottom.

Yeah, it's crazy.
It's so good, right?

I know. What are you doing here?

Oh, ugh,
my nephew goes here,

and I just couldn't think
of an excuse to get out of it.

So are these guys
your friends?

Um...

No, actually.
I'm just organizing the event.

Yeah, I'm an event planner.

So just doing
this charity thing.

You know, like giving back
to the community.

Actually, when I got here
it was a really big mess.

I mean, they're very
disorganized.

I mean, I know they're not
professionals, but really.

It's no excuse.

- Just here, just helping out.
- Good for you.

And I just can't wait to tell
Josh I ran into you--

No! No, no, no.
Don't tell Josh, please,

because it's actually a secret.

He thinks I'm doing
way too much for free,

and I promised him
that I would cut back.

So let's just keep it between
you and me.

- Locked. Thrown. Got it.
- Awesome. Great.

Good to see you.
Merry Christmas.

Merry Christmas.

- See you at the wedding.
- You will see me at the wedding.

- See you.
- Oh, my God. Bye.

I'm sorry.

No, it's all good.

You know, we'll just go do
that sleeping thing.

Us disorganized amateurs.

They're real tired.

Bye, friends.

[Rosie]
Bye.

You're not still mad at me,
are you?

No, no.
Look, it's all good.

But just so you know,

not everyone loves planning
as much as you do.

Some people like things
a little bit freer,

where they can have this thing
called fun.

I know, I know. I'm sorry.
I just--

What I meant was,

a little organization
can be a good thing.

God!

I just want this sleeping
problem to be over.

Listen, you can't blame that
on being tired.

Yes, I can, because it affects
everything.

I guess it just doesn't
bother you as much.

Just because I handle things
differently

doesn't mean I'm not
bothered by it.

Okay, well, go on, then.

Why aren't you
trying everything

to figure out
why you can't sleep?

- I know why I can't sleep
- Okay.

Do you want to tell me?

- No, it's stupid.
- Come on, Billy.

Okay, sure, yeah.

I'm 13 years old.
I go to bed one night.

Just a normal night.

And I wake up in the morning,

and I see my mom crying

because my dad
had disappeared.

Like, totally gone.

Turns out he had another girl
that he decided to live with.

He did call me months later,
months later,

to try and apologize,

but I'm not going
to talk to him again.

So...

that's why I can't sleep.

Because who knows what might
happen when I do.

Boy, that...

I'm so sorry.

Yeah, well,
I told you it was stupid, so...

good night.

[Billy sighs]

I don't think
it's stupid at all.

For what it's worth,
I get it.

My dad was never
really there for me either.

Yeah, he's a pilot.

Great at being up in the air,

but not so good
at being on the ground.

I thought that I would
see a lot more of him

after my mom died,

but, no.

I mean, he always makes these
big promises to come visit me,

but...

anyway...

I guess that's why
I like making plans

and sticking to them.

Yeah, it's odd.

Good night.

Good night.

Lizzie, I think this
is my favorite.

Sure.

What?

You don't like it?

Hmm?

Oh, yeah.

No, they're...
they're lovely.

Are you feeling
a bit tired again?

No, no, no. I'm fine.

Just looking at all of this,
and...

And?

Thinking how wonderful
it all is.

It is wonderful,
isn't it?

[laughs]

You know, when Mr. Wright and I
got married,

we couldn't afford
all of this.

We had paper plates.

[laughs]

And plastic cups.

Ha!

♪ Caught up in Christmas... ♪

Okay, building inspector's
coming at 2:00 p.m. tomorrow.

Health board, 3:00.
Beer delivery, 3:30.

Wow. Listen to you.

I'm impressed.

- Hey. What's up, Nic?
- Hey.

So, you're finally
doing it, huh?

Uh, yeah.

I'm trying.
I have help, so...

I'm getting super high
right now.

[both laugh]

And look at you.
I mean, you look amazing.

Oh, thank you.
So do you.

Yeah, the gym gave me
six new classes to teach,

so I'm head Zumba
instructor now.

There you go.
Congratulations.

[laughs]

So, who's responsible
for this new Billy, then?

Did you meet someone, or...?

No, not quite. It's--

He's sleeping with someone,
but he's not seeing her.

[drill whirs]

Thank you, Andy.

It's complicated.

It's a whole-- Do you mind
if I show you around my bar?

- Come on, let's go. Here you go.
- Sure.

How about this
for after the band?

[soulful music plays
over laptop]

Mm... maybe wait
to plan it.

What if we kept things
just a little more free?

What do you mean?

You don't want to make
a playlist?

Well, what if people
plugged in their phones,

played whatever they wanted?

That'd be cool.

[phone rings]

Hello?

- Party time!
- [all shouting]

We got your stuff.

- Come on, we're out front.
- Okay, I'll be right there.

I'm going to go do this.

All right.

[door opens]

[all laughing]

Okay, okay, where to next?

We're guest-listed
at Smartbar.

- Polly's.
- Drop Lounge.

- No, no, no. Cuckoo.
- [all] Oh!

Actually, guys,

there's this cool bar opening
tonight that I heard about.

- Should we do that?
- Really, Lizzie?

Yeah. Why not?

- Sure. Sure.
- You know what? It's your night.

It's my night.
Here we go. Thank you.

♪ This is the season
For loving ♪

♪ This is the season
For caring ♪

One, two. One, two.

Right.

Let's get shots.

[all]
Yes

Lizzie?

Oh, my God! Hi!

Hi.

This place is awesome.

All right, hey.

Won a pageant
or something?

- [laughs]
- We didn't know you were coming.

Well, we weren't going to,
but you know what they say.

Man plans and God laughs.

- That's right.
- Yup.

I really wanted to apologize
to you guys about the other day.

I didn't get to, and it hasn't
been sitting right.

I... I honestly didn't mean
to say it.

She surprised me,
and I just panicked.

It's okay. We get it.

It's cool. It's super stressful
being an elf.

It is. It actually is.

[laughs]
Yeah.

Thank you.
I appreciate that.

I mean, I don't know
if Billy gets it.

I tried to explain it to him,

but then he started talking
about his dad leaving.

Billy hardly ever talks
about that.

He must really trust you.

- Really?
- Yeah.

He gets it, trust me.

Speaking of...
hey, Billy.

Look who's here.

[Billy]
Oh.

Well, hello.

Well, hello.

I-- I didn't think
you'd want to see me.

Are you kidding? I'm delighted.
Didn't think you'd slum it here.

What? I always love
to party on--

Wait, where the hell
are we again?

[laughs]

No, I'm joking, I'm joking.

Seriously, this place is--
I mean, it's legit.

Well, you might make some money
on your investment after all.

No, I still have faith in you
to screw it up.

Fair. That's fair.

I just--
I got to give it to you, okay?

I really need your addresses,

because I want to invite you all
to the wedding.

- And Rosie too.
- Wow, thank you. We'd love to.

- Yeah?
- All right. Yeah, yeah.

- Nice.
- So, bachelorette,

you going to sing us
a song?

Song? No, no, no.

Yes!

That's a great idea.
Are you kidding me?

- No.
- [Billy] Oh, I'm sorry,

did you not plan to sing,
so I guess you can't?

Suzanne, we ready to rock?

- Yes! You're doing it.
- No! Billy!

Think of it as
my wedding gift to you.

- Don't leave me up here alone.
- I'm not. I'll stay here.

Oh, it's perfect.
You know this one?

I actually do this song.
You know this song?

Yeah, but I'm not a singer.

Okay, let's see.

♪ The boys in the NYPD choir ♪

♪ Still singing "Galway Bay" ♪

Oh, wow. He's bad.

♪ And the bells were ringing out
For Christmas-- ♪

I'm terrible.
Come on. I need help.

- All right.
- [Billy] Okay.

[all cheer]

Give her a round
of applause.

You don't think
I know this one?

♪ You're a bum
You're a punk ♪

♪ You're an old slut on junk ♪

♪ Lying there almost dead
With a drip in that bed ♪

♪ You scumbag, you maggot ♪

♪ You're cheap
And you're haggard ♪

♪ Happy Christmas your ass
I pray God it's our last ♪

♪ The boys of the NYPD choir ♪

♪ Still singing "Galway Bay" ♪

♪ And the bells were ringing out
For Christmas Day ♪

[cheers and applause]

I'm terrible.
I'm more of a dancer.

- Are you?
- I actually just figured that.

♪ I could have
Been someone ♪

♪ Well, so could anyone ♪

♪ You took my dreams
From me ♪

♪ When I first found you ♪

♪ I kept them with me, babe ♪

♪ I put them with my own ♪

♪ Can't make it all alone ♪

♪ I've built my dreams
Around you ♪

♪ The boys of the NYPD choir ♪

♪ Still singing "Galway Bay" ♪

♪ And the bells
Were ringing out ♪

♪ For Christmas Day ♪

Hey, guys. Guys, you're doing
an amazing job.

But Vivian needs you
by the bar.

- Oh, uh...
- Yeah, of course. Go, go, go.

Yeah, I'll just-- Sorry.

Oh, Lizzie, this is Nic.

Nicola, this is Lizzie.

- Hey. It's nice to meet you.
- Hi. You too.

I've heard all about you.

Great.

Um...

I'm sorry about...

I'll see if I can find you
some penis-shaped ice cubes

or something.

Your bachelorette.

Oh, yeah.
That's right.

Please, that'd be great.

- [laughs]
- A shot for the rock star.

Okay.

Let's do this.

[all]
Cheers.

[Kristina]
Oh, wow, girl.

[laughter]

So good.

I'm getting married,
so let's have another.

[groaning]

[toilet flushes]

[sighs]

I'm sorry.
It was my bachelorette party.

But people get drunk
on their bachelorette parties.

You got drunk
on your bachelor night.

Not that drunk.

Not my problem you don't like
to lose control.

What is that
supposed to mean?

I'm sorry.

I'm just... I'm just tired.

Okay?

[sighs]

Sorry I'm late.
We're off to a great start.

Drinks are pouring out,
money's pouring in.

Congratulations.
That sounds awesome.

Yeah.

So it was really nice
meeting your... new girlfriend?

Ex, actually.
She dumped me.

But we're giving it
another shot.

Right.

Well, I'm happy
for you.

And me.

I feel much better
about sleeping with you

now that you're seeing
somebody else.

Awesome.

Thank you.

Talk to me.
What'd you think of the bar?

- Any feedback?
- Really. I thought it was good.

I mean, once you iron out
the kinks,

it's going to be great.

Oh, yeah? What kinks?

Well, I mean, the service
was a little bumpy.

Music was all over the place.

Champagne was kind of warm.

No, no, that didn't seem
to stop you

when you tried to get the entire
bar to do the Macarena.

[laughs]
Relax.

I mean, you asked.
I was just pointing things out.

Yeah, well,
maybe I shouldn't have.

- [cell phone vibrates]
- Glad you're a silent partner.

Silent doesn't mean dumb.

Hello?

Hey, babe.

At home? Yeah, of course.

Why aren't you at work?

[whispering]
Wait, he's at your house?

Cycling.

- Yeah, I...
- Who cycles?

No, I can't hear you
ringing the doorbell.

That's weird. Why don't you try
ringing that again.

- [stammering]
- Still can't hear it ringing.

[mouthing]

I can't come down
right now, because I'm...

- [whispering] Help me.
- [whispering] Just hang up.

[both mouthing]

Because I'm in the bath.

- What?
- Yeah. Just soaking it up.

Um...

Yeah, no, you're
absolutely right.

I'm in the Hotel Racine,
Room 532.

No, no.

Okay, bye.

He's coming over.

- He's...
- Stop. What are you doing?

- What do you think I'm doing?
- You can't go, okay?

He's not going to believe it
if it just comes from me.

Oh, right, because he's going
to believe me.

I don't know, maybe.
I mean, look, if you stay,

it proves you've got
nothing to hide, okay?

It's so ridiculous,
he's got to believe us.

- Does he got a gun?
- No!

- [sighs]
- Yes.

But he only uses it
for skeet shooting.

Oh, skeet shooting.
I'm fine, then.

- I'm out of here.
- Oh, my God, stop. Don't go.

Oh, my God,
what if he shoots me?

Frankly, you deserve it,
if only for answering the phone.

- Josh!
- Aah! How the hell?

I don't know, dude.
Maybe I got suspicious

and used Find my Phone.

No, Josh, just stop.
Let me explain, okay?

- It's not what you think.
- Of course it's not.

Men and women meet secretly
in hotel rooms

for all sorts of things.

I just can't think
of any offhand.

Oh, yeah, here's one:
banging each other senseless.

That is quite popular.

No, no. Okay, look.

Billy makes me sleep.

- What?
- It's true. It's true.

I can't sleep either, and then
one night I went for a run

- and she ran me over--
- No, he ran in front of me

and I hit him,
so I drove us to the hospital.

- That's what happened.
- She ran me over, and then--

Anyway, that's when we found out
when we're next to each other,

- we can sleep.
- Yes, exactly.

Which is all we do, okay?

We get together
and we sleep.

Are you being serious
right now?

- You expect me to believe this?
- [both] Yes!

Oh, if you shout it together
like that in unison, of course.

No, it's true, Josh.

Okay, look, I know I should
have told you, I know that.

But I didn't want you
to worry.

I didn't want you to think that
anything was wrong. It's not.

Okay? I was just so desperate
to get some sleep

so that I could wake up each day
and stay focused

on organizing us
an amazing wedding.

Oh, I see, so you were
doing it for us.

Yes, exactly.

I mean, I know
that sounds crazy,

but you can't really believe
that I would want to be here.

Right? With that guy.
Come on.

[Billy]
Yeah, and I can assure you

that I'm not at all
interested in her.

That's not to say
that I can't see

why she would
be attractive to you.

She just doesn't do it for me,
you know.

She's not my type.

Because I'm not some ditzy
aerobics instructor.

It's Zumba, and I'm not into
control freaks

who lose their mind
when a plan changes.

Yeah, I'm not into lazy slobs
who still think farting's funny.

Farting is funny. Who doesn't
think farting is funny?

Okay, okay, that's enough.

I'm not saying
I believe you.

But go on, then.
Prove it.

Prove what?

Prove that even though you say
you don't like each other,

that you make each other sleep.

- Okay, fine. We will.
- Great. Go on. then.

You good?

Sure.

Okay, I have a question, though.

How are you going to know we're
not pretending to be asleep?

- Lizzie--
- I just want to know the plan.

That's a good point.

Because...

I am going to take you both
back to my friend

at the sleep clinic
and have you monitored.

That's a great idea.

Wait, what the hell's
a sleep clinic?

What the hell's
a sleep clinic?

It's actually very legit,
and you're coming with us.

- No, I'm not going.
- Yeah, you are.

- No, I'm not.
- Actually, you're coming.

Okay, listen, you guys expect me
to take the night off

from my new bar
at Christmastime

so we can go to a clinic

to prove that we make each other
sleep?

- Yes!
- Yes!

When you shout it
together like that, then...

I'll make some calls.

[whispering]
"Control freak"?

Oh, "Lazy slob"?

I know. I know.
I'm sorry for all of this.

It's fine.

Jeez, you never told me
he looked like that. Wow.

What is he,
a Chippendale?

If I were any dumber,
I'd think you're jealous

that I'm getting back together
with Nicola.

Trust me, you couldn't be
any dumber.

(Scoffing)

Okay, all done.

I've never tested two people
at the same time before.

Lizzie, you know the drill.

[door closes]

[sighs]

[doctor, over intercom]
Okay, good night, you two.

Sleep well.

What if we can't sleep?

Then Josh will conclude that
we've been screwing each other.

My life is over.

Oh. Good.

No pressure.

We got this.

Yeah. Yeah. Do we?

♪ Turn the lights
Turn the lights down low ♪

♪ Yeah ♪

♪ Girl, I can feel you
Breathing slow ♪

I mean, thank you
for trying,

but I think that's actually
going to keep me awake.

[whispers]
Just shut it down.

[inhales and exhales]

Well, they're asleep.

Don't worry.
She'll be awake in half an hour.

Wait.

Josh.

- Josh.
- Hmm?

It's Christmas Eve,

and I still have to drive
to Cedar Rapids

so I can spend the next
24 hours arguing with my dad

about whatever it was
he saw on Fox News this morning.

So...

All right.

All right.

[door opens]

There's nothing here that shows
abnormal activity.

Okay, then why can't they sleep
without each other?

It's hard to say.
Could be an outside disturbance.

Another person moving
or snoring, for example.

Could be an inner disturbance.
Anxiety.

So you're saying
that they're anxious

when they're not
near each other.

- Possibly.
- But they're not when they are.

Possibly.

Can we go do my paperwork
so I can go?

[zipper rasps]

Merry Christmas.

And this stops right now.

Ed, thank you for being
so understanding.

I feel a huge weight
has been lifted.

Good.

And I think the doctor
might be right.

Now that I know
there's nothing scientific,

I feel like I might be able
to get some sleep.

Well, let's just hope
Santa doesn't wake you

when he comes down
the chimney tonight.

Thank you.

♪ Have yourself ♪

♪ A merry little Christmas ♪

♪ Let your heart be light ♪

♪ From now on ♪

♪ Our troubles
Will be out of sight ♪

♪ Have yourself ♪

♪ A merry little Christmas ♪

♪ Make the yuletide gay ♪

♪ From now on ♪

♪ Our troubles
Will be miles... ♪

Open this one
from Uncle Billy.

Do it. Do it. Just rip it.

Rip it.

A baseball game.

I love it.

Uncle Billy,
can we play it now.

Uh, maybe later, kiddo.

I'm a little tired.

[Lizzie]
No, Kris, you don't understand.

He thought I was sleeping,
but I was totally faking it.

And when he asked me
how it was this morning,

I told him it was velvety.

Well, maybe it's time
to think about calling it off.

- You still have a week to go.
- Are you insane?

I'm calling you to talk me
off the ledge,

not push me off of it.

I'm just saying that I saw
you and Billy

- singing up there at the bar...
- Krissy!

Josh and I are two peas
in a pod. You said that.

Yeah, but maybe those two peas
should just be friends.

Maybe those two peas shouldn't
be living in the same pea pod

for the rest
of their pea lives.

Besides, Josh will be fine.

He's like a super-hot surgeon
with amazing taste in flowers,

and I know that I'm gay,
but I would totally... you know.

Well, I wouldn't totally,
because he's your fiancé.

Okay, yeah, I get it.

These are just normal
wedding jitters.

Okay, I'm just going
to trust my thought process

when I was sleeping properly and
excited about getting married.

Not now, when I'm so tired
I can barely stand.

So, please.

Just help me get through
these next six days.

Of course. I got you.

You're my ride or die.

Thank you. I love you,
because I am a wreck right now.

Well, we all know
the cure for that.

- We do?
- Sure.

It's concealer.

[sighs]

Okay, bye.

[sighs]

[laughs]

Sorry.

- Hi.
- Hi.

Yo. How's it going?

Well, I'm trying to be happy
that he's here,

but even though he's here,
he's not really here.

Ah.

Yo, Billy!

What's going on, man?

Oh, nothing. Just...

just trying to make a decision
about something.

Mm. That's fine.

You know what?

Toss a coin.

If you think it's going
the wrong way,

then you know
what you really want.

That makes no sense.

It makes sense in my head.

- I'll toss it.
- Okay.

- You want to call it?
- [snaps fingers]

Heads.

- Tails.
- No.

Hey, at least you know.

So, what was the question?

[sighs]

Whether or not to break it off
with Nicola

and tell Lizzie
I'm madly in love with her.

You want a drink?
Let me make you a drink quick.

- Thanks for coming.
- Yeah, no problem.

Sorry it had to wait
so long.

So we've almost made it.

Wedding is tomorrow.

- Yeah.
- Oh, wow.

Bottle top openers.

Classy touch.

Listen, jerk, you know how many
beers I had to drink for that?

[laughs]

Okay, so I wanted you
to have something.

I bought it for you earlier.

But... close your eyes.

- Really?
- Yeah.

Wrapped it myself
in a bag, so...

- Really? Thank you.
- Okay.

- Should I open it?
- Yeah, if you want to see it.

Huh?
[laughs]

It's a throw pillow.
You can never have too many.

- Yeah, exactly.
- Right? Yeah.

Rosie took it.
It's stupid.

[laughs]

That's awesome.
Thank you.

- So--
- So, listen...

- Oh, sorry. You go.
- No, please.

- No, no, no. You go first.
- Okay.

[sighs]

I've been thinking about us.

And Josh still wants everybody
to come to the wedding.

But we'd rather you pay off
the loan as soon as possible.

Oh.

And he would prefer it

if you and I were not
business partners.

Yeah, that makes sense.

- I'll see what I can do with--
- Thank you.

Yeah, that--
I'd really appreciate it.

[sighs]

- So, your turn.
- Huh?

You wanted to say
something?

Doesn't matter.
It's... it was stupid.

- You sure?
- Yeah, no, I'm totally sure.

- It feels like--
- Yeah, sure.

- Thank you.
- I'll take this, yeah.

Okay.

Hey, just one more thing.

I was thinking about your dad
leaving,

and that wasn't your fault.

You know that, right?

Yeah.

No. Really.
It wasn't, Billy.

He may have screwed up,
but you're not like him.

You're an amazing guy.

And, unlike him...

I bet you'd be
an incredible dad.

Uh, yeah, I'm going to get
back to work.

Yeah.

All right.
Take care of that pillow.

Don't drool on that.

You dick.

[laughs]

Bye.

[door opens and closes]

[sighs]

Billy.

Oh! Whoopsie.

- Who's next?
- Billy!

Come on, who wants some shots?
It's New Year's Eve tomorrow.

You want one? Yeah, I do!

- Whoo!
- [glass shatters]

Okay, I can do that better.

Watch this.

Whoo!

Andy?

We need help.

Oh.

Those go on the upstairs
balcony.

Lizzie.

Here.

Okay, let's go over
the plan, shall we?

Shower now.
Hair starts at 10:00.

Makeup at 11:00.
Dress on at 12:00.

And pictures at 12:30.

[sighs]

Sounds good.

We're doing it.

Let's do it.

[groans]

Whoa. What are you doing?

Hey, where'd you come from?

I slept on the floor after
we carried you home last night.

Thought I'd keep Andy company

in case you try to fight
anyone again.

Oh.

What are you doing?

I'm cleaning up my act.

- [laughs]
- Right.

Very literal.

Are you sure you need
to pour it all away?

No. Good point.

Here, take it.

Thank you.

I'm sorry.

You trusted me, you left
your job, and I let you down.

- I won't do it again.
- It's okay.

That's what friends are for.

Look, there's something
I need to do,

so just take everything I got,

especially the tequila
and the vodka.

I heard that!

[phone line ringing]

Dad.

Hey, it's Billy.

I know, I know. It's...

Yeah.

It's nice to hear
your voice.

Where's my princess?

Dad?

Lizzie?

Oh!

I'm sorry, I'm sorry I'm late.

Look at you.

Oh! Short story long:
a guy got sick in Dubai,

I had to take his route
to Paris,

I missed my connection
in Amsterdam.

It's okay.
It's so good to see you.

[sighs]

Hey, babe,
are you showered yet?

Yeah, I hit the hot spots.

Knock, knock.

- Uncle Billy!
- [Billy] Yay!

Hey, are we going
to this wedding, or what?

- Sure.
- Great. But first,

Gemma, I'm sorry for being
grumpy on Christmas Day.

- It's okay.
- Thank you.

Rosie, I'm sorry for being
grumpy on Christmas Day.

- It's okay.
- Thank you.

You can bring
your baseball game.

We'll play it in the car.
All right?

Andy...

thanks for being
such a good friend.

It's all good.

Great. Now, do you have
a suit I can borrow?

I knew it.
I knew that's what--

You need something,
didn't you?

[indistinct chatter]

Wow.

Oh, man. That's nice.

- You okay?
- Yeah, yeah.

I just think my hangover
is finally kicking in.

Hey.

Are you the guys from the...

Lizzie's friends.

It's you guys.

- Is that Santa?
- No. Wrong guy.

You're Santa, aren't you?

- No.
- Santa would do that.

It is you.

Santa!

I am so sorry.

I completely forgot.

Do not tell Josh.

My man.

I can't do this.
I'm sorry, I can't do this.

- You stay. I got to go.
- Where are you going?

- Got to go home.
- [Andy grunts]

Are you crazy?
That's so far.

[Lizzie's dad]
So the turbulence gets worse,

and the passengers
are freaking out.

I mean, screaming, crying,
throwing up. I think,

"I got to calm them down.
I know, I'll tell them a joke."

So I get on the intercom
and I go,

"Ladies and gentlemen,
this is your captain speaking.

"A man goes to a zoo.

The zoo is so bad that it only
has one dog."

Know what kind it was?

Lizzie?

What kind do you
think it was?

What what was?

The dog.

What dog?

Oh, we're here.

Let's get you hitched.

Okay.

[exhales]

[bells tolling]

[car door closes]

Lizzie, you look wonderful.

You ready for this?

Excellent.
Okay, let's go.

["Bridal Chorus" playing]

Now before we begin,
it is my obligation

to ask if there's anyone present
who knows of any legal reason

why these two should not be wed
in holy matrimony?

Okay, let's begin.

Joshua George Wright,

do you give yourself to
Elizabeth Jasmine Skye Hinnell

to be her husband,

to love her, care for her,

honor and protect her
as long as you both shall live?

I do.

Elizabeth Jasmine
Skye Hinnell,

do you give yourself
to Joshua George Wright,

- to be his wife...
- [camera clicks]

...to love him, care for him,

honor and protect him

as long as you both
shall live?

Uh, Lizzie?

Lizzie?

[whispering]
Lizzie?

Lizzie?

Lizzie? Lizzie?

[gasps]

Oh, wow, did I just...?

[clears throat]

Yeah, I did.

Uh...

sorry, I just haven't
been sleeping well.

Overexcited, I guess.
Please, continue.

[laughs]

Elizabeth Jasmine
Skye Hinnell,

- do you give yourself to-- ?
- Hold on.

What do you mean
you haven't been sleeping well?

I thought you've been
sleeping fine.

You said it was velvety.

Josh, please, not now.

Not now?

You just nodded off
in the middle of our vows.

Lizzie, have you been
faking it?

No! No.

Well, maybe.

[sighs]

Yes.

- Mm.
- I'm so sorry, Josh.

I really...

[sighs]

...I wanted to tell you.

Oh, God, I should
have told you.

Okay, and what else
haven't you been telling me?

I mean, this may not be
the right time to ask this,

or maybe this is exactly
the right time to ask this.

Do you love me?

Do you really love me
and want to marry me?

Josh, honey,
that's enough.

No, Mom.

This isn't just about today.

This is about the rest
of our lives.

Lizzie, I love you more than
anything in the world,

and I want to be with you
forever.

But if you're not sure
about wanting to be with me,

then I think I deserve
to know the truth.

It's okay.

I...

I don't know, Josh.

I really thought I did.

But then this whole sleeping
thing happened, and...

I guess the honest answer is,
no.

[Lizzie]
I'm so sorry.

This is not your fault.

You did nothing wrong.
You're amazing.

You're so amazing.

[laughs]
Okay.

This wasn't really
the plan, huh?

No. It really wasn't.

I'm sorry.

Oh, hey, no, no, no.

No, I-- Let me just--

- It's okay.
- It's stuck.

Yeah, I can't get it off.

You'll give it to me later.

I'm sorry.

Krissy, you were right.

However much it hurt,

it's so much better that Emily
called off the wedding

before you found out

she wanted to do something else
with her life.

Yeah.

Like have sex with men.

What?

Yeah, she's...

dating some farmer
named Brian.

Really? Wow, I did not
see that coming.

I mean, are you sure?
Because I feel--

I just feel like you're getting
a little distracted.

You're right.

Yeah.

I'm so sorry
for the wasted trip, Dad.

Oh, honey.

And the dog,
it was a shih tzu.

Yes, it was.

Fiona, I'm sorry.

I really wish
I'd left you in jail.

Yeah...

I'm sorry.

It's okay.

[indistinct chatter]

Where'd he go?

Home, I think.

Wish me luck.

♪ Give me some time
Let me learn how to speak ♪

It must really hurt
to run in those shoes.

♪ I never mind
About bothering you ♪

♪ I'm trying to decide
If I'll bother with you ♪

♪ So feed me your wisdom ♪

♪ And breathe me
Your truth ♪

♪ I'm amazing ♪

Stupid British cars.

♪ Wish me a wonder
And wish me to sleep ♪

[engine starts]

♪ You don't have to wander ♪

♪ To hear when I speak ♪

♪ There is nothing I've got ♪

♪ When I die that I keep ♪

♪ It's amazing ♪

♪ Somebody said
It's unspeakable love ♪

♪ Somebody said
It's unspeakable love ♪

♪ You don't believe
I can speak well at all ♪

♪ You're a maze to me ♪

[tires screech]

- Oh!
- [Billy grunts]

Seriously?

Oh, my God.

Ow!

Oh, my God.
Are you okay?

Can you stop running me over?

I'm sorry.
I'm so sorry.

♪ You lift that burden
Off of me ♪

♪ You lift that burden
Off of me ♪

♪ You lift that burden
Off of me ♪

- Hi, babe.
- Hey.

That was a good day.

That was a long day,
but it was a good day.

Yeah. Now for
a good night's sleep.

Mm-hmm.

Good night, Mr. Wilpson.

Good night,
Mrs. Wilpson.

I love you.

I love you too.

[both sigh]

[baby shrieks and cries]

- Not it.
- Not it.

♪ Little bit of naughty
Little bit of nice ♪

♪ Got a lot of sugar
Got a lot of spice ♪

♪ Check that list twice ♪

♪ Show up in a hoodie
Good enough for me ♪

♪ Thinking up some goodies
Underneath the tree ♪

♪ Stay up all night ♪

♪ Fa-la-la-la
La-la-la-la ♪

♪ Uh-huh, you know ♪

♪ Fa-la-la-la
La-la-la-la ♪

♪ Oh, yeah, let's go ♪