No One Will Notice You're Naked (1971) - full transcript

The main thing to understand is that
you're not really a free man yet.

You're free within certain limits.

I've been released on parole.
-Exactly.

We've found you an apartment and
we're giving you pocket money.

You?ll repay us after you?ve found work.
That's all we can do for you.

I have to fend for myself.
-That's right.

Focus on the things you're
allowed to do.

Live in an apartment, find work,
meet a nice girl...

Get in. The meter's running.

Sorry about...

No problem. You like the girl.
We're all human.



But keep it in proportion.

I'll do my best.

You've been away for a while and
some things have changed.

Not that all changes are bad.

You'll have to proceed step
by step, Michael.

Yes.
-Do you understand?

Yes.

No, it's the 7th.

It was very dark when I picked it.

It's too far from the city.
But you know these new buildings.

No.
-They have their disadvantages.

They're too far from the city
and they're very noisy.

The rent's a bit too high.

They should be happy with
a new tenant.



Even when he comes out of jail?

We've discussed that before.
You're not a criminal.

You broke a law.

A law people think very differently
about now.

I like it here.
-Very good.

I didn't mean to say that all
the tenants are bad.

Do you know who lives there,
for instance?

No.
-Professor Kohn, the zoologist.

He's just back from South Africa.

That beats coming out of jail.

Maybe he can help you
when I'm not here.

He's married to a nice little
lady, or so I've heard.

They're drifters, but of the good kind.
Six months here, six months there.

Maybe I should find you a more stable
situation.

I can hardly go back to my family.
-No, that's true.

There are rules for you and me.
And we both know them.

I have to report any violations
to the police.

I know.
-No problem?

Ok, I'll drop by to see how
you're doing.

Bye.
-Bye.

Are you alright?
-No.

Are you our new neighbour?
-Are you German?

Yes, but I understand Dutch well.
-Want me to help?

If you want.

Professor Kohn, my husband.

A great zoologist, but not good
at carrying boxes.

Is that all?

If you don't mind...
There are two more.

I'll do it.
-Thanks.

Forget about her.

There are plenty of them here.
Don't try her.

Do you live here?
-No, I come here sometimes.

Living here has some advantages,
though.

It's something to hold on to.
-Hold on to?

All these apartment buildings
are like ships in the ocean.

Have you ever been on a boat trip?
-No.

It's just like living in these apartment
buildings.

I've only lived here since today.

Take it easy or you won't last.

Thank you.

Hello, I've seen you before.
In the elevator.

My name's Michael.

I just moved here and my neighbours
aren't home.

So I thought I could ask you
for some sugar.

Sorry to disturb you,
but I ran out of sugar.

My neighbours aren't home...
I know you from the elevator.

That's nice of you,
but I can't stay long.

Sugar, I bet.
Just a second.

Hello?
-I asked our neighbour in for a drink.

Good idea.
-Thanks.

You've earned a drink.

You look kind of nervous.

So give him that drink you
promised.

So you've been to Africa.
-That's how we met.

I worked for him.

And how do you feel here?

But Bernard misses Africa.
He loves apes.

What's man but an ape with
a prominent chin?

See?

That's why we recognize each other by
our faces and not by our buttocks.

That's Bernard for you.

They won't recognize each other
by their chins.

Bernard thinks we can learn a lot from
apes when it comes to sex.

Self-control. Many apes never mate.
They're not interested.

But put them in a cage in a zoo and
they become sex maniacs.

Just like people in these
tower blocks.

Now you know everything
about Bernard.

I'm going to bed.

You look a bit more at ease.

Yes.
-Goodnight.

I'm not allowed to do that.
Don't tell the janitor.

No.
-Are you busy?

No.
-Come in for a coffee.

So we can get to know each other.

So you've never lived alone in an
apartment before?

No.
-Did you live with your parents...

or did you rent a room?

I had a room, and so did a lot
of guys.

Do you want more coffee?
-Yes.

I have to get changed.
-I'd better go then.

Finish your coffee first.
You don't have to go.

Where do you work?

I'm looking for work.

That shouldn't be a problem.

Where did you used to work?

What's wrong?

Can you help me?

So where did you used to work?

I have to tell you something.

I saw you and your man,
from the balcony.

When?
-Yesterday.

From here?

How long did you watch?
-As long as it took.

You seem to be ashamed about it.

Did you think I'd be angry?
-Are you?

Of course I'm angry.
A single guy peeking through the window.

How could you keep watching?

What did it look like?
Two old married people running around.

I thought it looked good.

So you'd like to see it again.

I don't know anything about women.
-Hey, take it easy.

My husband's already on the way home.
-I'm sorry.

I bet you haven't had a woman
for a long time.

In that case... a quickie.

Your husband.
-He has a key, silly.

I have a message for your neighbour
and he isn't home, so I thought...

There you are.
Can I talk to you?

Listen, Michael.
I have to be totally honest with you.

You went to jail for a sex crime.

I know it was something people wouldn't
worry about anymore.

But five years ago, being with a 15 year
old girl was a serious matter.

So I've found out.

All this time in jail hasn't helped you
adapt to society.

You're out on parole and right away
I find you with this lady next door.

Are you putting me back in jail
for that?

Don't exaggerate.
It's a slip-up.

Just don't forget it takes a while
before you're really a free man.

I don't want you to see this woman
anymore, ok?

Get your coat. We'll go see
a few people about work.

What are you waiting for?

My jacket.

It's still next door.

Is he gone?
-No, I came to get my jacket.

What does that man have to do
with you?

He's a parole officer.
I've been in jail for a while.

And how long since you've had
a woman?

At least four years.

Four years!

Not now.
Tonight after ten.

In the meantime: hand on your dick
and think of God.

Thanks.

Don't you have them with a bit
more pain in the face?

Sure, Japanese.
I can recommend them.

Just the thing for you.

Yes, lots of blood.
Beautiful.

Thank you.

And some condoms.
-3, 6 or a dozen, sir?

A dozen.

Would you have some sugar for me?

Yes, come in.
I've got some.

I'll be right there.

Who would have their picture taken
like this?

I don't get that either.

It's not good.
It takes away all the feeling.

Read this.

Easy-going couple.
She's bisexual, he's 51.

Want to meet other couple
for sex.

One evening per week or
Wednesday all day.

Also for partner-swapping.
She's taking the pill.

Rotterdam area.
Mention code D69 in your letter.

Hello, help me with this.
I got it for you cheap.

Let's put it in the bedroom.
It's a nightstand.

Not the bedroom.
I never read in bed.

The living room's better.
-You're so worked up, Michael!

I insist on putting it in your
bedroom.

I don't think it was wise to put you
in this apartment.

I'll introduce you to Professor
Kohn.

They're respectable people.
They could help you.

Why are you so worked up?
I hope you haven't been...

I have to tell you something.

I met a girl.
Of my own age.

A good girl from a good
family.

I can't tell you how happy I am
for you.

That's what I've always wanted
for you.

So you don't mind?
-Of course not.

A regular life with a nice girl...
getting married...

When can I meet her?

Wait until I've got it all
arranged.

Then I'll introduce you to her.
-Does she live in this building?

You have to know everything.
Yes, she lives in this building.

And I have a date with her. Now.

We can't keep her waiting.

You're going upstairs?
-Yes.

I'll walk down. Ok.

How old I am. That I'm a good woman.
Am I right?

Isn't that what you told him?
-I had to tell him something.

Come.
-Where to?

To our place.

Don't worry about Bernard.
Leave him up to me.

Sorry I kept you waiting but Michael
has unbelievable magazines.

We didn't have that in Africa.

With ads from people who want sex.

And nude pictures.
You get to see everything.

Terrible.

Why would it be beautiful?
I've never seen a beautiful ape.

Be serious for once.
-I am serious.

Beauty doesn't exist.
It's an ideal.

From a time when people still
believed in saints and kings.

We're no different.
-Yes, we are.

We're all equal, but who has the right
to be beautiful in a democracy?

That's nonsense.
-It's not.

Beauty is no longer allowed.
-You used to think I was beautiful.

Can't we talk about something
other than sex?

Isn't sex important then?

Power and aggression go much
deeper.

I always say:
Make love, not war.

The previous generation may have
been prudish.

But this one's hypocritical
about war.

Hit somebody in the face if that
relieves you. That's very human.

Every ape will fight for its
territory.

That's pure fascism.

I only mean to say we have to
accept ourselves the way we are.

Instead of always looking for paradise
between our legs.

I think I'll be off.
-Already, why?

I think it's better.

I'll see you to the door.

I was beginning to think you were
going to stay chaste.

Chaste, me?
-How do you feel?

Good.
-Pour us a drink.

This is for some atmosphere.

What have you got there?
What is that?

So there's no risk.

You must have been away for a while.
Never heard of the pill?

Is the pill safe?

If it's not, we have a big problem.

Has it really been that long since
you've had a woman?

There were only men in jail.
-How did you end up there?

I went to bed with a girl.
-Do they jail you for that?

She was only 15.

I lived in a small town and
she was the daughter of a notary.

They had never seen a miniskirt
there yet.

That's 5 years ago.
-5 years...

They didn't sentence me to 5 years
right away.

I got another sentence in jail.

A guy wanted to go to bed
with me.

I didn't want that.

We fought.

You can hardly tell a judge that.

They don't like snitches in jail.

So you were first convicted for
sleeping with a girl...

and then for not sleeping with a man.

I still have to be careful because
I'm on parole.

One slip-up and they lock me
up again.

They even told me I couldn't
see you.

As if you can't get enough other
women.

If you don't want to meet Arthur,
you have to leave now.

Hello.
-You look great!

No, no, I'm tired, darling.
-I've been so busy.

It's a gymnasium in there.

Hello.
-Can't I invite you for an evening?

Michael, this is Anna.
She has the apartment downstairs.

We'll put you in bed.

Say bye bye.

Hi, Michael.
-Hi.

Have a seat.

I don't mean to be pushy, but Julia
never told me about her boyfriends.

It's not like that.
We're acquaintances.

Neighbours.

Doesn't Michael get a drink,
Julia?

Then we're neighbours too.
-Yes.

I'll see if I can help Julia.

Nice boy.
You like him, don't you?

You know I'll never compete with you.
-Are you serious?

I won't take him away from you.

Did you want to help?

You can do that much better
than me.

I hope you don't think I'm
pretending.

Not nice of me to leave you all alone.
-No.

Mummy!
-You don't have to get up.

Julia can handle it on her own.

I have to go.
-Why?

You've got enough problems
with your child.

Also without visitors.
-I don't have any problems.

It's Julia's.

You're right.

What can I say?
-You have to say something.

I found you a great job and
you don't even show up.

I was upset.
-You were upset, I am upset.

It's not good for a man who's
on parole.

What's wrong with you?

It was all starting to look
so good.

Doesn't your girl want you to have
a good job?

She broke up with me.
-That's a shame.

Maybe that's the reason.

It's my fault. I told her too soon that
I'd been in jail.

It's not the end of the world.

I made a list of available girls
in this apartment building.

How many are on the list?

I've had to apply rather
strict standards.

How many?
-3 girls.

Only 3?
-2 actually.

And one of them must be the one
you were dating.

It's a start.

What about all the other women in
the building?

I can't be involved in a divorce!

A bit of scandal and that's it!

I was hoping you could help me.

I have to leave for an hour.
Can you look after her?

Hello, my name's Eddie.

What's her name, Michael?

Julia.
-She's on the list.

Yes.
-I mean on the right list.

She's not the girl you broke up
with, is she?

Hello Julia. Michael told me
a lot about you.

Did he?
-He and I are old friends.

I hope you care about him.
He can be a bit too forward.

Don't you think so too?
-No, but I think you are.

Excuse me, I didn't want to cause
problems.

Thank you. I'll leave you to your
old friend.

I made a mistake.
I got it wrong.

Hello.
-Hi.

How are you?
-Ok.

Company.

Next time you want to see something,
knock on the door.

I brought this.

How's Bernard?

He's lecturing tonight.
I told you he wouldn't be home.

I know.

What's wrong?

Bernard...

I always think of him when
I see you.

I... find it difficult.
I like him.

So do I.

I don't like to kiss his wife.

Don't think about that.

I'm not really his wife.

So between you and Bernard...

Not often.

He feels good in Africa.

Between his apes.

I don't want to talk about
Bernard.

I don't know if I can do it.

I'll do it then.

I didn't tell you, but...

you really remind me of my brother.

Your brother?
-Does that surprise you?

Yes.

He's a funny guy.

You?ve grown up.

Do you mean that you and
your brother...

That we together...

Didn't you know children do those
things too?

I did hear you can go to jail
for it.

It's been a while.

I liked it.

I was 7 or 8 when I did these things
with friends from school.

And when I was 4, I did this.

I liked it a lot.

Bernard.

You're joking.
-Why not?

Bernard knows me.
He'll suspect something.

It's normal for you to talk to him.

Yes, but why now?

You're way too modest.

I know.

My father never used to notice
anything either.

Hello?

Hello.

Did it go well?
-Yes, fine.

Did you enjoy yourself?
-Yes.

What about a hot chocolate?
I won't work much anyway.

Hot chocolate would be fine.

Shall we flip a coin?
-What do you mean?

Whether you make the hot chocolate
or I.

You.

You?

I?m talking a bit much tonight but you
can always tell me to shut up.

No, I like to listen.
-Good.

I had an interesting lecture
tonight.

Someone even got angry.
-Why?

I was talking about a custom
with apes.

Females get with males with a high
position, with territory.

Once they lose the territory,
they also lose the female.

The females go to the new boss.
-Yes.

So I compared that to our society,
where the same happens.

Nurses get with doctors,
actresses with big stars...

Secretaries with bosses.
-Yes.

Women like status.

What an opinion about the love
of a woman...

Men are no better.

We don't care that much about
women.

We care more about the status
a woman can give us.

So if I bring a girlfriend, I do that to
impress my friends.

You can't be serious, Michael.

I don't know.
-Of course he means it.

He has no territory to conquer, so he
needs a woman for status.

You're full of apes again.

Since we don't travel by swinging from
tree to tree, you don't understand us.

I understand you very well and
you're not an ape.

Sometimes I think you wish
I were one.

You'd like to be an ape,
wouldn't you?

I just want to be a woman.
-A woman.

That's a second rate existence.

That's the price you have to pay
for our intelligence.

Nonsense.

I mean that women spend the best years
of their lives raising children.

It's a second rate position and
you know it.

That was true once
but those were different times.

A woman will always be a woman.

Even flipping a coin to decide who makes
the hot chocolate doesn?t mean equality.

Nice hot chocolate.

Yes, it is.

That's fast!
The bed needs to be moved.

I'm home alone.

You have no work.
Maybe you want to make some money.

Ok.

Are you tired, darling?
-No.

Can you come here, darling?
Ok.

Hey, Michael.

What are you doing now,
darling?

I'm watching the clock.
I think your husband will be home soon.

No, you're wrong.

Sorry I'm late.

Looks good!

My friends have helped out.

We still have to find you work.

This week they'll decide about your
official release.

So we'll have to show them something.
-Don't worry.

I'm paid to worry.

Have you met the three girls
I suggested?

Yes, it wasn't a success.

You said they were honest.

Yeah, right.

The first one was a lesbian.

That saved me a lot of time and
effort.

The second one was a member
of a Maoist group.

And I think I'd better stay away from
politics.

And you know the third one.

Yes, I remember that well.

It taught me a lesson.

You must have noticed I stayed out
of your private life after that.

How are you getting along with
Professor Kohn?

I'm having dinner with him tonight.

That's excellent news!

I wish we had more good news.

It's all a bit difficult for me.

You need an environment with families,
children and old people.

Here, they're all young.

That leads to a one-sided outlook
on life.

I feel responsible for that.
Also for what happened with that girl.

That's why I can't write a negative
report about you.

How do you feel as a free man?

Thanks, Eddie.

Also to the fourth floor?

I bet you can't do it.

You still haven't done what
you promised.

We'll need a mechanic.

I didn't think you'd do it.

I'm not saying I don?t like it.
Do me a favour.

I saw it in Munich last week.
And in Paris before that.

Soon it'll be in cinemas.

We have to give our customers
something new.

I don't care how much it costs!

As long as it's the same as there.

Ok, fine with me.

What's all this?

I've started a business.
-What kind of business?

Do I have to explain the problems
of doing business to you?

It's hard enough to fight the big
monopolies.

You have to be flexible and come up
with something new.

We didn't put you here to make you
flexible.

We've spent time and money...
-I won't be ungrateful.

Elly, bring the cheque book.
And the parole papers.

Yes.

I don't think I understand you.

You understand me very well.

And nobody needs to know, but you
deserve something extra.

And you're about to get it.

That looks good.

Except for this.
-That...

Are you sure it's ok?

Thank God for penicillin.

Hello.

Weren't you the parole officer?
-I have to go.

Sign it first.

Come with me.
I have to show you something.

It's better if you come.

This is happening right now
in the Netherlands.

You told me morals had changed.

But you didn't know this was
going on.

You come in, buy a ticket and
sit down in the dark.

And if you feel like it,
you step into the light.

They'd be surprised if you wrote this
in your report.

Isn't it about time you people
understood modern morals?

What does it matter?
Of course I know these things happen.

Maybe you should have spent more
time with Kohn.

He could have told you a lot
about society.

Bernard won't come in tonight,
will he?

I told you he's at a conference.
-I was only joking.

Hello.
-Hello.

One moment, sir, your pulse.

What is this?
What are you doing?

You can't come in.
-And they call that democracy!

Get lost!

What's happening?
-He's refusing a medical check-up.

Is that true?
-Yes, there's no need for it.

So you refuse a medical check-up.
-Yes.

I'm sorry, you have to leave.
-Why on earth?

No bullshit, you're going.

Why are you laughing?

I would have loved to give him
a check-up.

When I just moved in here, I heard all
his stories about his sexual escapades.

But four women have told me he's
impotent.

Impotent?
-Yes.

I wouldn't ask if it wasn't
necessary.

He has a problem about money.

I'm out for a moment.
Look after things.

Yes.

Where's the doctor?
-There.

So you thought he was impotent.
-I'm sure of it.

I think you might be right.

He's committed suicide.
He jumped.

You should be careful telling others
your diagnosis.

Where's Marianne?
-Sleeping in the room next door.

I hope I didn't wait too long
before talking to you.

I've always known everything.
I saw it coming.

When you've watched apes all your life,
you know a bit about people.

It bothers me.

No need.

Maybe I married too young a woman
and this is the price to pay.

I don't know.

Anyway, what could I do?

Accept invitations,
make up lectures.

Otherwise my life with Marianne would
have become unbearable.

But now it's gone too far.

When people commit suicide,
almost from my balcony.

Is that what bothers you the most?

It's not about what bothers me the most,
but about what I can do about it.

Maybe go back to Africa.

That's not a bad idea.

That parole officer asked me to
talk to you.

It's nonsense.
-What's nonsense?

What advice can I give you?

Me?
-Yes, that's what he asked.

Should I tell you to find yourself
a woman?

And don't be too critical, because
no one can survive too much scrutiny.

Or maybe you're good at being
a bachelor.

Then my advice would be nonsense.

Feeling any better?
-Yes.

Shall we go then?