Night of the Comet (1984) - full transcript

It's the first comet to buzz our planet Earth in 65 million years, and everyone seems to be celebrating its imminent arrival. Everyone except Regina Belmont, and her younger sister Samantha, two Valley Girls who care more about fashion trends than celestial phenomena. But upon daybreak, when the girls discover that they are the only residents of Los Angeles whom the comet hasn't vaporized or turned into a zombie, they would do what all Valley Girls do - they go shopping. However, with the help of a friendly truck driver, the girls save Earth and escape from flesh-eating zombies and blood-seeking scientists in hot pursuit.

[MALE NARRATOR]
Since before recorded time

it had swung through the universe
in an elliptical orbit so large

that its very existence remained
a secret of time and space.

But now, in the last few years
of the 20th century,

the visitor was returning.

The citizens of Earth would get
an extra Christmas present this year,

as their planet orbited
through the tail of the comet.

Scientists predicted a light show
of stellar proportions,

something not seen on Earth
for 65 million years.

Indeed, not since the time
that the dinosaurs disappeared,

virtually overnight.



There were a few who saw this
as more than just a coincidence.

But most didn't.

I'm showing you
the top of the line here.

{\an8}This is the best we have.
This is $9.50.

{\an8}- $9.50?
- But wait a minute.

{\an8}This is $8.00, okay?
This is $7.50.

This lady over here,
she's wearing the $7.50.

- Yeah, I like it.
- Let me tell you about this thing.

{\an8}Blow on it there.

{\an8}See?
See how nice that is?

{\an8}Isn't that great?

{\an8}I know you got $9.50.

{\an8}- Will it work?
- Oh, yeah.

{\an8}I know it will.



{\an8}This spring, look at it.

{\an8}Isn't that nice.

{\an8}And the other side.
Look at it.

Isn't that great?
$9.50.

[SALESMAN]
Enjoy the movie.

Excuse me,
where's the men's room?

- One minute.
- Do you work here or not?

Hey, Regina.

Regina, give that thing
a rest, will ya?

In a minute, Mel.

Look, I don't pay you to do
that kind of stuff around here.

Regina, I want you
to clean everything up

so we can get out of here
in time to watch the comet.

Everything's cleaned up.

Damn!

I want you to take this flashlight
and walk the house.

Aw, Mel,
they throw things at me.

Who cares?

Walk the house.

Have you ever been hit
with Dots, Mel?

Milk Duds?
Those things hurt.

I... I don...

Oh, how are you, sir?

The refreshments
are right over there.

Thank you.
Thank you.

I don't want those weirdos cutting up
the seats, you understand?

Okay, okay, okay.

Replacing Reg in third place

is Reg, third place.

[BEEPING]

Wait a minute.

Somebody named DMK
in sixth place.

When did this happen?

[MEL]
Look, don't be an overachiever,

you'll fit in better
with your age group, okay?

This is really annoying.

Regina, Regina,
look this way.

Regina!
Look at me!

Read my lips.

Flashlight.

Walk house now, hm?

Okay, Mel.

Let me take this for you.

Uh, uh, that, that's great,
they go to profits.

And listen, stay out
of the projection booth.

And stay away from Dupree!

I'm gonna fire that guy
some day.

He's been doing to me what
he's been doing to her in the booth.

[SCREAMING IN MOVIE]
[FEMALE] David, that was a scream.

[MALE] You're right,
I'm gonna check it out.

You stay here.

[MALE #2] I'm talkin'
about a mint condition print

of It Came from Outer Space.

In 3D, man.

Yeah, right,
Tres Dimensiones.

Look, you know as well as I do,
you got film freaks

who'd go down on you
for a bootleg print of that.

Oh, a hundred bucks?

Hundred bucks, right.

[KNOCKS PHONE] Something wrong
with the phone here

or did I hear you say
a hundred dollars?

Look, a hundred dollars
isn't going to get it this time.

Because I'm gonna have
to spend the night in here

waiting for you
to bring the print back.

Think I'm gonna miss this comet thing
for a lousy hundred dollars?

[YELLING IN MOVIE SOUNDTRACK]

Okay, $110's
a little better, yeah.

Hey, Reggie, here's the deal.

You leave,
I let you in the back door.

Okay, I leave, you let me back in.
Mel thinks everybody's gone.

Larry, do you know anybody
named DMK?

No, ow!

No, you gotta have the print back
by 6:00 in the morning.

You know, if we spend the night
in here, we're gonna miss the comet.

It's not like you can't see it
on television, you know.

All right, hey,
get your guy here in an hour.

Yeah, well, maybe I want
to see it for real, okay?

Hey, television's real.
Television's very real.

So, what do you say?
I'll give you $15.

Are you kidding?

We spend the night in here
and we end up making it.

And you give me 15 bucks?

Do you know what
that makes me look like?

Reggie, I'm not giving you 15 bucks
for making it with me.

Okay, well, just so we have
that straight, okay?

Yeah, for sure.

I mean, you'd be worth
a lot more than 15 bucks.

Everybody knows that.

The first earthlings to see the effects
will be in Newfundland.

Or Newfoundland.

This is expected
to begin at... at 2:04.

- That's Pacific Standard Time.
- [MALE] Hey, Sammy, Sammy, Sammy.

Uh, interesting, uh, sidebar
to this story is the fact that

all telecommunications
seem to be out

in that part of the world.

Uh, this could have...
[PHONE RINGING]

Hello.

Samantha, you sound pissed.

I just had it out with Doris
once and for all again.

She wants me to like,
haul chips and dips around

for her little comet party.

Yeah, well, speaking of Doris,
look, I need your help.

Tell her that, uh, you know
all about this field trip

that I'm gonna take, okay,
with my science class?

We're gonna go to the observatory
to watch the comet.

She won't go for it.

She'll go for it.
Just tell her, okay?

Okay.

[SIGHS]

Doris.

Reggie's on the phone.

She's not having car trouble?

She's gonna be out all night

with her science class
at the observatory.

I know all about it.

[NO AUDIBLE DIALOG]

[MALE IN MOVIE]
We gotta get outta here.

Yeah, hi, Doris.

What's this about a science
class, Regina?

Well, you want me to do better
in science, don't you?

I want you home in five minutes
after you finish work.

If you want to watch the comet,
you can do it here.

Look, Doris, like, I'm 18, okay?

And I can watch the comet
wherever I want to watch the comet.

Here, Samantha.

You and your sister share
a lot of secrets.

I want you to share
this one with her.

If it were up to me,
I couldn't care less what she did.

But if your father
makes it back home

without some Sandinista
blowing his brains out,

he's gonna hold me responsible

for any kind of trouble
you two girls get into.

What we have here is
a chain of command.

The Major jumps on me,
I jump on you.

Did you get that?

Okay.

Now, are you going
to join the party?

Join the party for what, Doris?

So I can watch Chuck
from across the street

stick his hands
down your pants?

I think that's something
Daddy should know.

Chuck's a nice guy.

He's certainly nice to be with
while Daddy's down in Banana Land.

You were born with an asshole, Doris,
you don't need Chuck.

Looks like a... a... a real nice crowd
we have out here tonight.

Sarah, Chucky.

Hey, where have you been?
You're gonna miss everything.

- It's gonna start.
- Oh, kids.

I'll never marry
another man with kids.

In 1910,
Halley's Comet returned.

Everybody thought
they were going to die then.

[EXPLOSION]

What was that?

Look!

You want to know
what bugs me about all this?

What?

Well, I'm always afraid someone's
gonna see us, you know?

See us how?

There's no windows.
They can't see through walls.

Well, Superman
can see through walls.

Not these walls,
they're made out of steel.

Used to be a fire law.

Uh!

Superman can see through steel.

Nope, it's the one thing
he cannot see through.

That's lead, you nerd.

- Lead?
- Yeah.

I mean, Superman can see through steel
like it wasn't there even.

Huh.

Larry!

[MALE DJ] Well, I guess I'm the only
one who's not outside

watching the meteor shower.

I just might put
the radio station

on autopilot
and sneak out myself.

[EXPLOSIONS]

[MIXED VOICES]

[CHRISTMAS SONG PLAYING]

[BUZZING]

[TICKING]

[BELL RINGING]

[TICKING]

[MALE ON RADIO]
This is the big K in Los Angeles.

A great looking morning
in Southern California.

Fifty thousand watts of coiled steel
and passion FM in the AM.

It's wake up time
in the city of angels.

And I'm Steve LaBeau.

[KNOCK]
[MALE] God damn it!

What? What?

I've been waiting by that door
for the last 30 minutes

and that pinhead hasn't brought
the film back yet!

Oh, give the guy a break.

I mean, people are late
sometimes.

No, something's wrong.

If he screwed that film up,
we could all be in a lot of trouble.

[RADIO PLAYING POP]

I'm gonna go over there
on the bike.

Aw, jeez, don't I get
an Egg McMuffin or anything?

You could do me a favor.

I did you a favor last night.

That guy calls,

you tell him
I'm on my way over

and I'm very, very, very,
very pissed!

Hey what about my 15 bucks?

Tell him you're pissed too.

[MUMBLES]

[MUSIC CONTINUES]

DMK.

You trust people you get
screwed over every God damn time.

- [GROANING]
- Oh, is that you?

Yeah, it's about friggin time.

Uh!

Yeah!

[BEEPING]

End of you, DMK.

You're history.

God, bad smog.

[DOOR CLUNKS]

Shit!

Shit.

Oh, damn it!

Just great!

Uh!

Places closed everywhere.

I hate days that
start like this!

[BREATHES HEAVILY]

[PUNCHES DUMPSTER]

Okay.

Oh, damn it, damn it!

[SIGHS]

Uh, gross.

Larry?

[CRACKING]

[SNAPPING]

[GROWLS]

Whoa, what is this,
trick or treat?

Come here!

What?

Come here!

Come here, your ass.

Uh, look, I don't know
what your scene is,

but don't do
anything stupid, okay?

No, no, you don't seem
to understand.

I've been trained
to take care of myself.

You know what I'm saying?

I don't want to hurt you.

Oh, shit.

- No, let go!
- [GROANS]

Let go of me!

No!

Come on, come on, come on!

[MOTORCYCLE APPROACHING]

[CHRISTMAS SONG PLAYING]

[STATIC NOISE]

[MOTORCYCLE APPROACHING]

[TICKING]

Samantha?

Doris?

- Samantha?
- What?

[SCREAMING]

God, what are trying to do,
give me a heart attack?

I thought you were Doris.

You know she decked
me last night?

Knocked one
of my teeth loose even.

Wait till Daddy hears
about that.

You know how he's always telling me
to be careful with my mouth

on account of the dental plan
doesn't cover anything cosmetic.

Ooh, anyway, get this...

I think Chuck and Doris spent
the night together last night.

Wait till Daddy hears
about that.

I mean, even if he isn't pissed off
about my mouth,

which I can't imagine.

What's happening?

Oh yeah, I guess you are
a little confused.

[CLICK]
[MUSIC PLAYING]

God, you look terrible.

I ran away last night
after she slugged me.

Left a note and everything.

I didn't have
any place to go,

so I spent the night
in a lawn storage shed.

Pretty gross with the Synerol
and everything.

God, look at this kitchen.

I'm not cleaning this up.

So anyway, since I was still here
this morning I thought,

"Hey, I'll go to pep squad practice
and split after."

Except for I don't know
if pep squad practice is on or not.

I can't get anybody
on the phone.

Sammy, you can't get anybody
on the phone because everybody's gone.

What?
Would you grab the milk please?

I swear to God!

[COUGHS]
You made me swallow my gum.

There's nobody!
I mean, there's nobody!

Oh, right, nobody.
I'm sure.

- Come here.
- Hey!

Hey, back off!

This sweater cost 80 bucks.

Buffy?

Stupid dog.

Look.
Look at this!

At what?

Doris isn't at Chuck's.

I'll show you Doris.

Here's Doris.

This is all that's left of her.
This and dust.

Look.

Here's Chuck.

Where are the kids?

It's Saturday morning.
Where are the God damn kids?

[POP MUSIC PLAYING]

They're around.

They're not around.

Look, if you're trying to scare me,
you're doing it, okay?

I'm not trying to scare you.

Then stop it.

I'm not doing it!

You try calling someone.

Not just your pep squad...
anyone.

Nobody's home!

[MALE ANNOUNCER]
Unbelievable,

that's song number sixteen
on the survey this week.

Don't forget, we preview
the top 20 every Friday night.

A great way to start a super weekend
here in the Southland.

[JINGLE]
Get down.

[RADIO PLAYING POP MUSIC]

[POP MUSIC PLAYING]

Are you sure this is
the radio station?

- Yeah, just go on in.
- Well, don't push.

Do you think whatever happened
happened everywhere?

Like in Burbank
and places like that?

We'll ask the DJ.
He does the news, doesn't he?

Search me, I always change the channel
when the news comes on.

[REGINA]
There's something in here.

So, where is he?

I mean, somebody has
to run this stuff, don't they?

[RECORDED MALE]
We Got Trouble, Not Us...

that's the name of the song.

And I'm Steve LaBeau
trapped inside your radio.

The guy who really cares
about you.

I mean, who else would sit
in this little box every day

just to play music for you.

Well, it? time to reach
into the old mailbag here.

- I got a letter from...
- Beam me up, Scotty.

Okay, girls,
hold it right there.

You, the blonde,
get into the light.

Wait.

Why don't you just
let my sister go

and maybe you and I can
work something out.

- I'm not going anywhere.
- Shut up!

You got the wrong idea.
You, into the light.

I'll give you to five.
One, two... no?

All right, let's try it this way.
[COCKS GUN]

- Five, four, three...
- Okay, okay.

Do you get a lot
of dates this way?

Open your eyes.

Okay.

Hey, I know what
you're thinkin' but...

That you're a cretin?

Sweetheart.

You haven't seen those freaked-out
zombies runnin' around here?

Yeah, I was jumped by one.

Well, you got off lucky.

Me and this girl pulled
into town this morning.

You don't work here?

No, I drive a truck.

I was headin' to San Diego
with this girl I picked up.

We were lookin'
for a gas station.

That's when we spotted
one of those...

[SIGHS]
Whatever they are.

Looked like it was eating...

Looked like it was eating a cat.

A dead cat?

Semi dead.

[SAMANTHA]
Who'd want to eat a live cat?

[MALE]
Beats the shit out of me.

This girl freaked out.

Took off running.

I spotted her about...

twenty minutes later.

Looked like one
of those things had...

What?

Torn her apart.

[SIGHS]

Oh, God.

Larry.

Oh, shit.

What's with her?

I think she's gonna be
sick or something.

This guy she knew...

Same thing might have happened.

Is it safe around here,
do you think?

Yeah.

I checked it out.

Swell.

[KNOCKING]
Are you all right?

My name's Hector.

What's yours?

Just leave me alone, okay?

Look, I..

I know we got off
on the wrong foot.

But considering what
the alternative is,

I think we should try to get along,
what do you say?

Listen, this is no time
for an attitude problem.

Your little sister seems to be
taking this a lot better than you.

That's 'cause she doesn't know
what's goin' on.

And you do, I suppose?

Whatever's going on
isn't just here, it's everywhere.

She thinks we're
gonna be rescued.

That her dad's gonna
come back from Honduras

with the God damn
Green Berets.

She could be right.

[SCOFFS]
Give us a break, Hector.

Where'd you spend the night
last night?

I spent the night in the back
of my truck with the girl I picked up.

What else do you want to know?

Skip it.

Steel's gotta be the answer.

If Sam spent the night
in a lawn storage shed...

What?

[RECORDED DJ]
Again, I'm an employee. I can't...

Just our way of saying Merry Christmas
to you from all... [CLICK]

[CLICK]
[TAPE REWINDING]

Testing.

One, two, three, four.

[CLEARS THROAT]

This is Samantha Belmont,
one-third owner

of the Greater
Los Angeles basin speaking.

You guys?

Hey, is anybody there?

Where'd you get this,
a dime store?

Beats me.

It was given to me.

Yeah, well, it might be all right
for date night in the barrio,

but if we run into any more
of those guys outside,

we're gonna need
a little more stopping power.

Date night in the barrio?

[POP MUSIC PLAYING]

And here's some other changes.

Most of you guys
had finals this week.

Huh, later. They're history.
They're canceled.

The legal drinking age is now ten,
but you will need ID.

Let's be real.

I'll be taking requests from all you
teenage comet zombies

on the hit line.

That's 5-5-5-4-4-8-7.

[CHUCKLES] Get it?
5-5-5-hits.

Do you know where the Armed
Forces Reserve Center is

at Los Alamitos?

Yeah.

My dad used to take us there
for target practice.

They store automatic
weapons there.

You know how to use 'em?

Come on, Hector.

The MAC-10
submachine gun

was practically designed
for housewives.

I got a call.

It came in on the hit line.

Hello?

- Hello.
- It went dead.

- Did they say they were okay?
- I don't know.

[SAMANTHA] They said
they were in the desert.

[REGINA] The desert.
What desert was it?

- I don't know.
- [HECTOR] Shit! Think!

Why don't you just
pull your gun on her?

Maybe you can scare it
out of her.

They said they were like,
part of a think tank,

a research group
or something.

[HECTOR]
Where, was it in this State?

I forget.

[HECTOR]
Okay, let's take it real slow.

Did they mention a town?

Uh, someplace they were near,
like maybe Blythe, Bishop?

[REGINA] Uh, what about
Edwards Air Force Base?

If I knew, I'd tell you.
I didn't expect the call, you know.

I didn't take notes
or something.

[REGINA]
Just try and remember.

You think I'm not telling you
something on purpose?

Well, if they'll stay put,
we can get them.

From a psychological standpoint,

the radio station represents
a link to normalcy.

I don't think they'll wander far
as long as it's operating.

Dr. Carter, I'd just like to say
up front, I'm opposed to this.

There's no reason for us
to bring those people

or any other survivors
back here.

What about
the disintegration factor?

You just want
to let that happen?

We don't know that the condition
is progressive.

I think we've
established that, Audrey.

Partial protection seems to result
in a slowing of the overall effect.

But progression is steady
in any case.

- Drying of the body fluids...
- Oh, get to the point, Oscar!

We've heard this a thousand times.
What about the dust?

Ultimately, there is nothing left
but calcium dust.

Right, so there isn't even
enough hope

to warrant bringing
anybody back here.

So, what you're saying is,
we shouldn't even try.

Right.

We don't want to be caught
in the city after dark.

We'll leave tomorrow.

We've had an indication
of some survivors

in San Bernardino, as well...
four, maybe five.

[HECTOR]
Wait, girls, just shut up!

Samantha, did they say
anything else? Anything?

Yeah. They said
be careful on the street.

Because some people were exposed
to the comet a little bit.

What happened to Doris
is happening to them.

Only slower.

And like... they're dangerous.

[REGINA]
Like what happened to Larry.

[MOTOR RACING]

You're not gonna blame me
because the phone went dead.

I'm not the phone company.

Nobody's the phone company
anymore.

[POP MUSIC PLAYING]

What?

Cops?

Where were you guys earlier?

[POLICE RADIO CHATTERING]

Oh, shit.
My license.

Oh, shit!

I know you guys are probably going
to give me a ticket or something,

but I am really glad to see...
[SCREAMS]

[GASPS]

[RECORDED BROADCAST CONTINUES]
It's the weekend comet sale.

Everything must go.

Big savings on tuners,
turntables, car stereos.

Also demos
and crate damaged items.

This weekend only.
Henry's Stereo Warehouse.

Fourth and Alameda.
Free coffee for the adults.

Free balloons for the kids.

[JINGLE]
Number one.

[POP MUSIC PLAYING]

[WATER RUNNING]

[SCREAMS]

This is from your stepmom,
you punk.

[SCREAMS]

They're here, they're here!

- What's wrong?
- It's okay, I got it.

- You've got her?
- Yeah, I got her!

Sammy, Sam, it's only a dream.

I know.

I know.

Is there anything I can do?

I'm fine.

[BROADCAST] Interstate Technologies
is an equal opportunity employer.

[CLICK] Looks like the weather
is shaping up for a great weekend.

You know, it's hard to believe
that there's

only 11 more shopping days
till Christmas.

Good luck finding
a parking space

within hitchhiking distance
of a mall.

You know how jammed
it can get.

She Okay?

Yeah.
I guess so.

Come on in, have a seat.

Listen.

I have to go
to San Diego tomorrow.

Why?

My mom.

Some friends, my sister.

But you know they're gone.

I know, but...

I still have to find out.

I mean, you guys know for sure,
but I don't know.

Did you have like,
a close family?

Yeah.

Pretty close.

You?

No, not really.

My real mom hung around
till my dad came back from Viet Nam

and then she split.

So, it's been mostly
me and Sam.

And Dad
and Third Special Forces.

Smoke Bomb Hill.

Fort Bragg.

[EXPLOSION SOUND]

But, then around
about sixth or seventh grade,

it became real obvious
that we weren't boys

and we were never gonna go
to ranger school.

[CHUCKLES]

So, I guess Dad figured
there was nothing more to offer us.

So, he found us a new mom.

Went off looking for a war.

[SCOFFS]

What about the um...

the guy?

Larry?

Oh, he and I weren't going steady
or anything like that.

[SIGHS]

Look, don't go
to San Diego, okay?

I have to.

But I'll be back.

Please, okay?

[EXHALES]

What'll you give me
if I come back?

Texas.

[CHUCKLING]

[REGINA LAUGHING]
I'll give you Florida.

Florida and Texas.

[HECTOR]
Florida, Texas, and Hawaii.

[REGINA LAUGHING]
Hawaii?

I wanted Hawaii.

[HECTOR]
When I come back...

I'll take you to dinner.

Your choice.
[REGINA LAUGHING]

[HUBCAP RATTLING]

Here.

[COCKING]

Great.

[COCKS]

See, this is the problem
with these things.

Daddy would have
gotten us Uzis.

The car didn't know
the difference.

[BELLS CHIMING]

So, did you make it
with him last night?

Who?

The good humor man,
who do you think'?

Jeez, is that
what's buggin' you'?

That's no answer, man?

No, I didn't make it with him
last night.

Why are you so
weirded out?

Oh, right, Reg,
why should I be weirded out?

My sister, who swiped every guy
I ever had my eye on,

has now swiped the last guy
in the whole freaked-out world.

[LAUGHING]

[MOTOR STOPS]

[HISPANIC MUSIC PLAYING]

Mom!

Mother.

[MUSIC STOPS]

Ma?

[SNARLING]

[RUSTLING]

[GROWLING]

I don't know who you are
out there, but I have a gun.

So, if I were you,
I'd split while I had a chance.

[GROWLING CONTINUES]

Okay?

[SNARLING]

Look kid, just stay away,
we don't want any!

Shit!

[GROWLING]

Get outta here,
you little creep.

Lucky for you I like kids.

Jesus!
There goes the neighborhood.

Shit.

Audrey, what's the code?

Mm.

[CHUCKLES]

We found survivors.

How long will
the blood tests take?

Not long.

I've talked with some of the others
and we decided that it would be

more beneficial to conduct
the blood tests in the field.

So, I want you to go to L.A.
with the rest of the group.

Whatever the majority wants.

You don't seem to hold majority rule
in very high regard.

[FEMALE]
If something's wrong, it's wrong.

Majority rule doesn't have
anything to do with it.

But it goes straight
to the core purpose of our group,

which is to survive.

You'll grant me that?

The core purpose never included
bringing outsiders to the facility.

[NO AUDIBLE DIALOG]

It's about the twelfth can
you've downed this morning.

Thirsty.

Yeah, well, what are you going to do
when your complexion freaks out?

Dermatologist is dead,
you know.

I know, and I'm getting a rash
or something too.

Oh, God, you and your rashes.

Hey, I'm sorry if the end of the world
makes me a little nervous.

[SIGHS]
So, do you like him?

[SIGHS]
Come on, Sam.

I'm just interested.

Yeah, well, I guess so.

I mean, he's nice.

There was this new guy
at school, Paul Morgan.

He transferred from Taft.
Junior.

Oh, I don't hang around
with juniors much.

I liked him.

Mm.

I mean,
he was from Taft, but...

he was nice.

Kathy said he was probably
going to ask me out.

Kathy.

She was flunking algebra
and she was trying to figure out

some way to keep
her parents from finding out.

This was a really
lucky break for her.

No wonder
I'm breaking out.

Think we could
go home and change?

Look.

Why don't we get
a little creative?

What?
[GIGGLES]

Do you have your, uh...
Do you have your MasterCard on ya?

No.

Good, 'cause you don't need it.

The stores are open!
[GIGGLES]

[POP MUSIC PLAYING]

Hey, Reg, which do
you like better?

This or this.

Um, the second one.
Yeah, definitely.

- How come?
- 'Cause it'll stay in style longer.

[REGINA]
Come on.

[SAMANTHA]
I guess you're right, actually.

Yeah, we gotta think
of these things, you know?

All right, let's do it.

You know,
I've been thinking.

Don't set any dangerous
precedents.

What if Hector's got
the same problem we have?

Such as?

Such as no guys.

What?

Really.

I mean, what if Hector's gay?

[SCOFFS]
I'm sure.

Think it over. You said he didn't
come on to you last night.

So?

So, that means
that the last guy on Earth

is either a gentleman
or a fag.

I mean, what are the odds.
In L.A.?

Things could be very interesting
around here, Regina.

[CLICKS HER TONGUE]
[SIGHS]

Attention shoppers.

I trust you've got credit cards
to pay for all that stuff.

[NO AUDIBLE DIALOG]

What's the matter?
Lost something?

Check with lost and found
on the second floor.

Didn't find this one.

[MALE HUMMING]

[MACHINE GUN FIRING]

You dirty rat.

Get her, boys.

[MACHINE GUN FIRING]

[BOTH]
Whoa!

Bummer.

[DOLL]
Mommy.

[DOLL #2]
Take it easy.

Well, I think it's time
to take the high ground.

[MACHINE GUN FIRING]

Listen, you guys.

We're expecting
some friends here any minute.

Look, you just split now, okay?

And we'll tell them
not to hurt you.

Yeeah!

No imagination.

[HELICOPTER WHIRLING]

- Look, over there.
- Sitting duck.

[SAMANTHA]
Hey!

Hey!

Eat glass, creeps.
[SCREAMS]

How'd you like that?

[SCREAMS]

You guys are a bunch of wimps.

You can't hit anything.

[GASPS]
Hi.

Uh!

♪ Da-da. ♪

[SCREAMS]
Get her.

Knock that shit off.

[MUSIC STOPS]

Hello out there
in television land.

All right, here's the deal.

If bachelorette number one
isn't out here in half a tick,

I'm gonna ice
bachelorette number two.

Got it?

[ELEVATOR WHIRRING]

Come on.

Let her go!

I'm sorry, miss, I can't have you
holding one of my people hostage.

Even if you pull the trigger,
I can still take him out.

And you.

Come on, Willy, she means it.

Miss, you're not
getting the point.

I can't have you holding
one of my people hostage.

[GUNSHOT]

You're crazy!

I'm not crazy,
I just don't give a fuck!

[MALE] What do you think,
20, 30 minutes?

[MALE #2]
No more.

They could be anywhere by now.

Let's go back.

Let's apply a little
deductive reasoning.

Deductive reasoning?

Where would adolescents
with nothing to do go?

[WILLY] See, we worked really had
to get ahead in this business, girls.

And we don't get shit for it!

But we do it
because we know

we can work our way up
through the system.

And the system works.

Why, just a few days ago,
we were only stock boys.

Now we own the store.

The American way.

And then this happens.

What are you talking about?

Well, I'm talking about you.

Coming in here
and ripping us off!

What do you want?

You want us to pay for it, what?

You wouldn't believe
what we want from you.

In your worst nightmare,
you wouldn't believe.

Let's play a game!

It's called scary noises.

[BELL CHIMING]
This is the closest shopping arcade.

But the whole area is an absolute
monument to consumerism.

All we can do is hope.

Check all the floors
including the basement.

[EXHALES]

[CLICKING]
[WILLY] Isn't that a scary noise?

Wanna hear it again?

Gosh, the suspense
is killing me.

Let's do it again.

[CLICK]

An E-ticket attraction.

Let's do it again.

[CLICK]

Now, wait a minute.

I don't think there's really
a bullet in here.

No, now see there, it's loaded.

I just needed to be
a little more patient.

I think this is it, girls.
I really do.

[MACHINE GUN FIRING]

[WHIMPERING]

Uh... we're not with these guys.

[SAMANTHA] Really, like,
we just met 'em an hour ago.

[GIGGLING] I mean,
look at this stuff that we have.

Look at this skirt...

[MALE]
It's ironic.

Of all the great minds of the world,
all the great intellects,

who should survive?

Or almost survive.

I don't have to see the result
of the blood test.

I can guess what they say
about that one.

You're right.

It would be senseless
to take her back.

Look, I'll stay
and take care of it.

Then if this Hector person shows up,
I can run tests on him too.

Of course, uh, it would be
out of the question

to let you remain
by yourself.

I'll stay here with you.

[SAMANTHA] Listen, thanks
for suggesting that I wait for Hector.

I mean, I know Reggie'll
probably get him,

but I'd like to have
a shot at it.

[FEMALE] Samantha,
I need you to lie down.

Hector's not exactly
a fox, but...

considering what's left,
he's not bad.

He sounds cute.

Is he coming back?

Yeah.

But we should wait for him
at the radio station.

That's where he'll go.

What's that?

Um, I'm gonna give
you something.

For what?

Well, your skin's been
a little irritated.

Yeah, a rash.

It could be a rash, but it could also
be something else.

It's one of the main
symptoms of...

The comet, no.

See, I always get rashes like,
when I have a fight with Doris

or I break up with a boyfriend.

It's nerves, and you know,

the way things have been going
around here lately,

I'm surprised I don't look
like strawberry Jell-O.

[CHUCKLES]

But if I do have that stuff,
this'll get rid of it, right?

- Yeah.
- God, you had me worried.

Don't worry.

Just a pinch, now.

Ow!

[SIGHS] So you guys are like,
geniuses, right?

[CHUCKLES]
Yeah, I thought so.

We have a couple
of geniuses at my school.

Yeah?

Yeah, they're both wimps.

[SIGHS]

Is, uh...

Is that it?

What did you want me
to do, Oscar?

Take her out back
and shoot her in the head?

I simply meant
I was glad it was... painless.

[SIGHS] I don't think
we have to stay around.

She didn't think
that he was coming back.

I feel we can wait.

But, uh...

I... I feel the radio station is
the more logical place.

Listen, Oscar, you were right about
the condition being progressive.

But it is also accelerating,
apparently.

We don't have weeks.

We have maybe hours.

I don't know.

We have a commitment.

But I do know, I don't have
enough to debate the issue.

I am not going to be a party
to taking anybody else back.

You have to live up to it.

[CHUCKLES]
[CLUNK]

What do you expect
me to do, Oscar?

Go for my gun?

Of course not.

[POP MUSIC PLAYING]

[MALE DJ]
Hey, it's 450 FM in the PM.

I'm Steve LaBeau, and you're listening
to 50,000 watts of rock and roll

at tower of power
over the City of Angels.

[MUSIC STOPS]

[BELLS JINGLING]

[POP MUSIC PLAYING]

Reggie?

Merry Christmas.

Reggie?

Samantha?

- Hi.
- Hm.

Hi.

Did you happen to see
two girls runnin' around here?

One's a cheerleader.

I'm not thinking straight.

I wrote everything down, but...
[SCOFFS]

I think I misspelled it.

That pad on the table.

[SIGHS]

You need this?

No, thanks, I have one.

Seems to be the perfect
Christmas gift this year.

I'm gonna miss Christmas.

Permanently.

I want you to know that I thought
they were talking hypothetically.

Until they found
the first survivors.

Then they really did it.

Some of those survivors
were just kids.

Hey, wait a minute.
What's all this about blood?

They think they can
generate a serum.

A serum?

We were exposed.
Not a lot. Just enough.

They left the ventilating
ducts wide open.

The fans going.

Very scientific.

Very stupid.

In 36 hours

you will be able to vacuum up
the last of them up from the carpet.

Hey, you know what?

She was right.

You are cute.

Santa Claus.

Hey.

[MALE]
Have you ever had hepatitis?

Darn tags.

Do you have a pair of scissors?

No.

Have you ever had hepatitis?

Cute kids.

They a part of you guys?

No.

They're survivors
just like you are.

Neat girl, huh?

If you like the type.

Come on, kids,
come with me.

Have you ever had hepatitis?

No, I had mono once, though.

Caught if from this guy
named Randy Sharp.

Anemia?

No.

- Are you pregnant?
- Nope.

Thought I was once, though.

That's not important.

[GIGGLES]
That's what you think.

That was the longest
three weeks of my life.

[BEEPING]

You know I can't remember.

How much blood were we expected
to get from these people?

- Uh, 300 ccs, yes, that's it.
- That can't be right.

If we draw 300 ccs a day,
they'll expire altogether.

No, I don't think so, now that
we've terminated brain functions.

I mean, they're brain dead.

All they can do now
is manufacture blood.

Well, maybe.

Well, we aren't going to get anything
like 300 ccs out of those children.

No, but we will
out of that teenager.

I hope she's just
as healthy as she looks.

Boy, did you see her hair?

What I've give
to have hair like that.

What is this place?

Do you have diabetes?

I mean, is this
some sort of, I don't know,

underground hospital,
or what?

You're a very strong willed
young lady.

Cancer.

You have cancer?

No, I am a Cancer.

I just want to know where I am
and what I'm doing here.

[SIGHS]

[BEEPING]
Oops.

Oh, gosh, uh, could you hand me
that arterial...

Got it.

Well, it's up
to the respirators now.

Why don't we prep
the children?

When we're finished with them,
we can start on that girl.

They're so cute.

I love working with kids.

Yeah.
Oh, don't forget the lights.

[BEEPING]

Are you taking any medication?

Have you had any medication
within the last 24 hours?

Where's my sister?

[DOOR CLICKS]

Dr. Carter,
may I see you a moment?

All right.

I mean, she should be here
by now, shouldn't she?

Even if Hector didn't show up?

Your sister's dead.

[CHUCKLES]
What?

I realize this comes
as a shock,

but she had been exposed,

and in 48 hours
she would have died anyway.

It was quite painless
I can assure you.

[DOOR CLOSES]

My, you both have nice,
strong hearts.

Are we gonna get shots?

No, no shots, I promise.

- Audrey?
- Not back yet.

Listen, we may have a situation
on our hands here.

I can't locate Rogers
anyplace in the compound.

Shi...

I can't rule out the possibility

that he may already
have gone into transition.

[SIGHS]

We can't wait for Audrey.

You're gonna have to start with
the children and that one in there.

We need blood
to develop the serum.

We don't have enough
for everyone.

We're not robots, Doctor.

We're not all gonna fall over
at one time.

Some of us
will last a little longer

while others of us
have more immediate need.

You're smart.
You can figure that out.

Psychology? not an exact
science, but my God, man,

anybody can add two and two!

[MALE] I'm very sorry
about your sister.

It's a tragedy.

It, uh, it truly is.

And I can understand your hostility,
but no matter how upset you are,

breaking an expensive piece
of equipment won't solve anything.

[CHUCKLING] I mean,
striking out at inanimate objects

is really quite childish.

Even you should be able
to realize that.

Jerk.

[MUFFLED MAN'S VOICE]

[COUNTRY MUSIC PLAYING]

[SETS PARKING BRAKE]

Howdy, partner.
How you doin'?

- Who are you?
- My names Hec.

Hec Gomez.

Hey, them's real fine duds
you got there.

You a Maytag repairman?
[CHUCKLES]

How'd you find this place?

Well, uh, this lady
back in L.A. sent me.

Hey, you been to L.A. lately?

It's cleaned out, man,
I'm tellin' ya.

[LAUGHS] Hey, come here,
I wanna show you somethin'.

Come on.

Hey, you know how the Harbor Freeway's
always bumper to bumper?

Well, you can go 150 miles
an hour if you want to.

Me and this baby.

We go through them freeways
like turkey crap through a tin horn.

Hey, uh...

You like girls?

Look in here.

- She's dead.
- She ain't dead.

See, this lady shot her up
with sodium pentothal

and make this fella think
she was dead.

[GROWLS]
Uh!

[SIGHS] So you wouldn't suck
her blood out, you asshole.

Son of a bitch!

Shit!

[EXHALES]

[MALE VOICE ON PA]
Excuse me, everyone.

I'm afraid our adolescent
guest has escaped.

She's quite hostile.

She may have already
gone topside, so please,

take a moment
to look around you.

Check those rooms
and I'll check this one.

[MUFFLED MALE VOICE]

[BREATHING]

[SCREAMING]

Let's go.

Everything's under control.

Good.

[FOOTSTEPS]

[FEMALE HUMMING "RIDE OF THE VALKYRIES"]

[CLUNK]

You said no shots.

This isn't a shot, sweetheart.

It'll just...

You'll just giggle and then
you'll feel a little sleepy.

[CHUCKLES]
That's right.

And when you wake up,
do you know where you'll be?

- Where?
- With Santa Claus at the North Pole.

In fact, you'll live with Santa Claus
for the rest of your life.

Hey, there's no such thing
as Santa Claus.

[MALE]
What?

You don't believe in Santa?

[CLUNK]

[ALARM SOUNDING]

Life support systems.

Wilson, come with me.

- Keep an eye on her.
- Right.

Now, Wilson!

Forget the door!
Turn off the alarm!

Uh!

[SOLID TONE]

[CHILD]
I don't know.

My parents told me never
to breathe anything from strangers.

Hey!

Get your hands up.

What are you guys doing?

They said if we breathe this,

we could go to the North Pole
and see Santa Claus.

That's so sick.

Hey!

[SCREAMS]
Holy shit!

- Whoa.
- Sam?

I give, I give.

They said you were dead.

They were exaggerating totally.

- Hey, that's a great outfit.
- Thanks.

[SAMANTHA] Is that guy
in the hallway dead?

Don't.

[SOLID TONE]

Well?

You can give up
if you want to, Wilson.

But we still have
the two children and that girl.

[BOY]
I forgot my football.

[SAMANTHA]
We'll get you another football.

[REGINA]
We'll get you a stadium.

Now.

[LAUGHING]

Get everybody topside.
Now!

What about them?

Screw them.

[LAUGHING CONTINUES]

[SAMANTHA]
Okay, kids, going up.

Put your hands down, kids.

God, don't be so stupid.

- Come on, kids!
- Who are the kids?

- I'm Brian.
- I'm Sarah.

Yeah, and I'm Aunt Reg
and that's Aunt Sam

and that's Uncle Hector.

Can I have my bunny?

In a minute.
Beat feet, Uncle Hector.

Uncle Hector?

Hey, it's my bunny, you know?

[COUNTRY MUSIC PLAYING]

Where have you been?

[SAMANTHA]
Can we change this?

Arranging a hotfoot
for your friends.

I really hate this music.

Give me a break!

What are you doing?

I'm not kidding,
I get car sick without my bunny.

Come on, Reg,
give the kid the bunny.

We've stopped,
why have we stopped?

- Son of a...
- Don't shoot them, you idiot.

Okay, kids, cover your eyes
for Uncle Hector.

Hey!

Think tank, huh?

Uh, look, couldn't
we just like, leave?

Think over this!

We can get them.

- Hey, we'll be taking off now.
- We have to get them.

Look us up at Chasen's.
Uh, we'll party down, huh?

- Come on.
- Come on, come on, this is fun.

The kids would like to say good-bye,
it's been fun.

Hope to see you around
real soon.

Is that gasoline I smell?

Wait, wait, don't, don't!

Wow.

All right, Hector.

[SCREAMING]

Let go of her!
Leave her alone!

Hector!

[GUNSHOTS]

- [CHILD] Reggie.
- [SAMANTHA] It's all right.

- [CRYING]
- It's all right. It's okay.

I got you.

It's all right.

It's okay.

I got you.

Shhh.

[THUNDERCLAPS]
[RAIN]

[FEMALE]
Okay, kids, smile, come on.

[SIGHS]

Oh, don't... God, you're so cute!
You're just so cute... wait.

Mr. Bunny needs to be
in this picture too.

So, okay, that's great.

Can I take this jacket off?

- It itches.
- No, you can't.

I just want to take
another picture, all right?

- Please?
- No.

Now,
you just hold on to that.

- Stay there. Okay, perfect.
- Oh, brother.

[BOY] There's still
a few zombies around.

Don't slouch.
And Sarah...

Hold that.

Smile.

[CAMERA CYCLES]
[SIGHING]

[REGINA]
Did the flash go off?

Can't tell on these things.

Hey, if you're gonna throw
those guns away,

can I have one?

Don't look at me.

I mean, I don't know
where she gets that stuff.

Smile, Hec.

Handsome.

Maybe I could be
a nun or something.

Ooh,
I just love these pictures.

[BRIAN] You've only taken
about 30 of 'em.

You know, we're going to need
some more film soon.

- Let me straighten your tie.
- Okay.

God, they look
like the Brady Bunch.

What are you waiting for?

Can I see 'em?

We're waiting
for the light to change.

We do not cross
against the light.

Are you nuts,
Auntie Regina?

[SIGHS] You may as well
face the facts, Samantha.

The whole burden of civilization
has fallen upon us.

What's that supposed to mean?

It means we do not cross
against the light.

That's totally stupid!

There's nobody here!

See, we're talking ghost town!

[TIRES SQUEALING]

[TIRES SQUEALING]

See what happens.

God, I'm sorry, but you shouldn't cross
against the light like that.

Hey, you guys are
survivors too, huh?

- What?
- Nothin'.

Great car.

Thanks, I have 23 of them.
You want to go for a ride?

More than you know.

We don't know anything
about this guy.

Where's he from?

What's his name?

- What's your name.
- Danny Mason Keener.

Danny Mason Keener, okay?

Yeah, all right, well, just be back
by midnight, okay?

Midnight?

The burden of civilization
is on us, okay?

Oh, yeah.

Bitchin', isn't it?