Next Door (1994) Movie Script

Man, you're cheating.

- You're out of bounds.

No, I'm not.

Cheater.

Hey, you get back.

- Get back!

- No way!

Yes, you are.

I shot you right

in the head again.

I got you, I got you,

I got you.

You missed me

by a mile.

Then how come

you're wet?

Because we're standing

in the sprinklers, dork.

- You're cheating.

- Sparky!

You're cheating.

Sparky, get in

here for dinner.

I'm coming.

You get in here now!

I'm coming!

Right, and so is time travel.

Hey!

I'll be back.

Come on, Toby,

let's go home.

I'm home.

Matt, they're

sprinkling again.

Really?

Really? He...

He watered all afternoon.

What are you doing?

Nothing. I was...

Were you watching them?

What? No, I was just walking

by the window and...

Amazing.

- Oh.

- They're at it again.

Ah.

Again?

So... You've watched

them before.

No.

Yes, you have.

Come on.

Okay, once or twice.

Hmm.

But this doesn't feel right.

I feel like a peeping Tom.

Oh, and that

bothers you?

See, this is okay

because we...

We are teachers.

And we are supposed

to fulfill this thirst

for knowledge that we have.

And it's like a social

science experiment.

Observing real people.

Studying, uh...

Our fellow man...

...and woman.

Ah.

Maybe there are things

we're better off not knowing.

Bucky, time for

bed, sweetie.

Okay.

Are you okay?

Yeah.

Yeah?

Yeah.

Toby was just

stuffy, so...

I opened

the window for him.

Oh, good, good.

Who's your pal?

You are.

Who else?

And Dad.

Who else?

And Toby.

Good night, Toby.

Go to sleep.

Good night, Mom. Okay.

Show's over?

Got a notice from

the college today.

Faculty housing

is available again.

No, thank you.

Really?

Well, do you want

to know what Bucky

was doing upstairs?

He was looking

out the window.

Watching Lenny and Marci

go at it.

You're kidding.

You mean, he was, like,

peeping on the neighbs?

Yeah.

Well, he's a kid,

it's age appropriate.

Starts when you're 10,

it lasts till you die.

Oh, a guy thing.

Exactly.

You know, these people

are not like us, Matt.

That's right, honey,

they're not like us because

they are real people, okay.

Oh, what is that

supposed to mean?

They are working people,

salt of the Earth.

An honest day's pay for

an honest day's work.

Nothing wrong with living

among people like that.

That's kind of neat.

Neat?

Yeah.

Okay.

We've been here

a year now, right?

Right.

So do you know what

Lenny does for a living?

Yeah, I know,

he's a butcher.

And you're

a college professor?

And you're a big snob.

And you're an idiot.

You're... You're looking

for trouble.

Yeah.

Sparky, come on.

Hey, Spark. Come here.

Come on.

Oh, no, no.

Mom, come on.

All right, go.

Get in the car.

You look good,

baby girl.

You look good too,

lamb chop.

That's because I am

looking at you, baby girl.

I'm looking at you

too, lamb chop.

So...

Did Mom talk to you

about watching

the Benedetti's last night?

A little. You're going to

talk to me about it too?

Hiya, Matt.

A little. Hey, Lenny.

You see, I think

it's perfectly normal

for, you know...

You got to be curious about

that kind of thing.

You know what I'm saying?

Yeah.

Don't feel bad about it.

We all do it.

It's a guy thing.

Did you do it when

you were a kid?

What, are you joking?

Of course I did.

Do you do it now?

Get in the car, Bucky.

This is going to be

a little longer talk

than I thought.

Dr. Coler?

Did somebody

ask about finals?

I did.

Why?

Because our grades

depend on it.

Your grades depend on

your ability to think.

Your grades

do not depend on

your answers to 1,238,892

multiple choice questions

drawn from a book by one of

the department's secretaries,

thank you very much.

Well, does that mean, like,

we're not giving

a humongous exam?

Do I look like the kind

of guy who believes in,

"Like, humongous exams"?

I do not believe

in cramming.

I do not believe

in cribbing.

I do not believe

in all-nighters,

except of course

with a pretty girl.

No sexual harassment

lawsuits, please.

Humor is still,

believe it or not, protected

by the First Amendment.

Until, of course,

the next election.

Now if I were to

give a final exam,

it would be with no

preparation at all.

And it would be one big,

if I may

paraphrase you, sir,

"humongous" question.

Something like...

"Tell me everything

you know about William

Shakespeare's Macbeth."

No, was that too big?

Okay, then how about this?

Lady Macbeth...

You got a minute?

"Lady Macbeth,

pre-modern feminist

"or classic

"power-hungry bitch?"

That would be

a good one, yeah.

Yeah, and I do it

like a pop quiz,

just out of the blue.

In fact, that's it,

that's right,

that's the one.

Lady Macbeth,

blah-blah-blah,

blah-blah-blah...

And why?

Ladies and gentleman,

take out your pencils.

This is your

final examination.

And begin.

Hey is this line

speeding, huh?

Who the hell is

speeding the line?

Lenny, call for you.

Is this line

speeding, huh?

We're working a side

every 12 minutes.

Twelve minutes.

You looking at this watch?

You want a better view?

We're way behind

from the lay-off.

Right, well,

that's not my problem.

That's the management's

problem, all right.

Okay, I'm coming.

I told you this

line was speeding.

Hey, Buckeroo.

I got a little something.

Hey, neighbor.

Hey, Tob. Hey, Lenny.

How you doing?

Where is it?

I got a little something.

Yeah.

Whoa.

Cool.

Is that a basketball?

- Yeah.

- Come on, right here.

All right. B-ball.

Hey.

Hey, why don't you and

Sparky take it out back

and give it a test drive?

Nah, I'm not too

good at basketball.

What are you

talking about?

Of course, you're

good at B-ball.

He's terrific.

Come on, pass him the ball.

Come on, Bucky.

Pass it off.

Give him.

Oh, I got it,

I got it.

You want to play?

Lenny, could you turn

your sprinkler down

just a little?

My lawn

needs a lot of water.

Rice paddies need

a lot of water, okay.

Lawns actually

don't need that much water.

And, you see, I got

these azaleas here,

and they just...

They hate water, okay?

So, if you don't mind,

I'm just going

to pull your sprinkler

back just a tad.

Is that okay?

Yeah, fine.

Good.

Okay, here we go, Spark.

Let's play some ball.

Okay.

Come on.

We got

the ball first.

Come on, Sparky.

Shoot it up, come on.

Now look.

Look at the rim, okay?

Focus on the rim.

Give it a real good look.

Look at the rim. All right,

now shoot it, come on.

Rocky, get home.

Get out of here, go!

You know what, Lenny?

Why don't we just

let the kids play ball

and you know...

No, no, no.

Look, we can all play.

We can play

fathers and sons, huh?

Hey, Bucky.

You want to play

fathers and sons, huh?

Sure.

Yeah.

I don't know.

You know,

I just got home from work,

I got my jacket on...

You're fine.

You got shoes with rubber

soles on them, come on.

We'll all play.

It'll be fun.

Come on, try to shoot

it over me, come on.

All right.

Yes.

Let's try that again.

Oh, yeah.

Come on, try it again from

the foul line right there.

Yeah, the foul line

right there.

Where?

Right here.

Right here?

Yeah.

- Come on, Dad.

- Yeah, try it again.

Rejected!

Rejection!

Why don't

you guys play?Yeah, okay, let's play.

Damn it.

Yeah!

Get him,

get him, Dad.

D up.

D up, let me bring

it in. D up.

Bring it in.

Here, how about that?

Yeah. For two.

Dad is the

greatest, for two.

Come on, Dad. Yeah.

Yeah.

Oh, yeah.

That's a foul.

Yeah.

Dad.

Damn it.

You want it, huh?

- You okay?

- Want to call a foul?

Oh, Dad,

you're bleeding.

- You want to call a foul?

- No!

Call it a foul, come on.

Come on, get up.

No, I'm okay.

Don't play, don't play.

No, I'm okay, give

me the ball. Come on.

Just give me, give me.

I'll give you

another chance.

D up, Dad.

One more basket to win it.

D up. Come on.

He steals the ball.

Dad, come on,

come on, get him.

Yeah! Game point!

Game point! Yeah!

Good game, Lenny.

Good game, my foot.

It was a great game.

It was a monster game.

You two guys

just got beat

by the magnificent Benedetti!

Lenny, Sparky.

Two minutes to dinner.

Okay, baby girl.

We showed

them, didn't we?SPARKY: Yeah.

My hero.

We lost.

Ah.

He cheated.

Yeah.

Yeah?

That's the way

he plays the game.

We'll get him

next time.

Man, you should

have elbowed him

right in the face.

Hit the showers.

Son...

Good game.

I didn't even play.

How was the game?

The man is a total jerk.

Ow.

Yeah.

Yeah, well,

the man's wife invited

us over for barbecue.

We're busy, okay.

Ow, ow, ow!

I'm too busy, we

can't do this... Ow!

Yeah, well, I told them

Sunday would be good.Are you joking?

Ow, ow, ow, ow.

Sunday is my golf game.

I want to play with the

guys. I don't want to

go over next door...

I know, I know, I know.

...to some Neanderthal...

Yeah, I know, I know, I know.

But we're just going

to stroll over there.

We're going to

seize an opportunity

and we're going to

discuss that damn sprinkler

of theirs.

Okay, you know

what, I'll do this

but I don't want to seem

offended or annoyed,

so just try to...

No, no, no, no.

...ease into the

sprinkler thing.

Okay, just...

Just going to

discuss things.

Real people

discuss things.Yes.

They do.

Yes, they do, okay.

And we're just going

to ease into it though

while we're discussing,

you know...

Meat.

Hi.

Hey, neighbor.

Hey, guys.

Just in time.

Karen, you're all wet.

Yeah, well...

Because...

That's because we had

to use the driveway

and kind of duck under

the sprinklers there.

And you know, Lenny, I was

kind of wondering,

do you think maybe there's

just a skosh too much water

on that lawn there?

No!

Well, it's killing

our azaleas.

Could you just not

mention that, the azaleas,

this one time?

Okay, that's all I've ever

asked in this whole marriage.Boys!

Here we go.

Thanks, Mom.

Okay, you can watch TV,

down in the basement.

Go, scoot, scoot.

Oh, this is great.

He's cooking an entire

herd of cattle.

This is great.

Ah. Perfecto.

Well, come on, guys,

sit down, little closer

to the food here.

Karen, you like

a big piece of meat, huh?

There's plenty more

where this came from.

Thank you.

Little bit of ketchup.

That's good, thank you.

Good.

Real meat.

That's one of the perks of

being married to a butcher,

isn't it, lamb chop?

It sure is, baby girl.

Of course, Karen here gets

to be teacher's pet,

don't you, Karen?

Well...

Well, the perks

are more like,

you know, being able to

make love in the afternoon.

Wow, really?

All I get is this.

Oh, you two are

just so real.

What? I don't mean

that in a bad way.

When I say real, it's not

a negative value judgment,

or anything...

It's just a...

Oh, boy. I'm not

doing a very good

job of explaining myself.

Um, just forget it.

I'm sorry.

No, hold on.

I know what you mean.

I work with my hands,

you two work

with your mind.

So it isn't just hours

and paychecks

you have to compare,

but certain fundamental

assumptions, right?

Lenny had a 160 IQ

in high school.

A 160 IQ?

Uh-huh.

That's high.

Wow, the family secret.

Hey, cat's out of

the bag, big guy.

Hey, it's okay, really.

I like being a butcher.

Just fine, just fine.

Well, it's not such

a dumb thing to be, really.

It's just

fundamentally different.

You know, like,

you two here write in

chalk on a blackboard.

And sometimes

the chalk squeaks

in your fingers.

I know. Don't you hate

the way that feels?

Back in Chicago,

where I started out,

it gets really cold

in the winters

and we worked

outside, Karen,

and sometimes

your fingers, they

would just turn to ice.

And just when you thought

you couldn't move

them anymore,

another truck

would come in.

And all the young

guys, they'd groan.

But all the old guys,

they'd run right

for that truck.

Because they knew

that it was filled with

fresh kill straight from

the slaughter house.

And we'd pull

out a calf

and the carcass was

still warm to the touch.

We'd crack its back right

there on the loading dock

and the steam would come

rising up out of the calf.

Real steam.

Warm your fingers

right over it.

And it is goddamn hard

to explain how that feels

to people who work in chalk

and a blackboard.

Green, Lenny.

They're green boards now.

It's easier on the eyes.

Yeah, well...

Everything changes.

We hardly get

fresh kills anymore.

Oh, my God! Would somebody

change the subject please?

Yeah.

Yeah, I got a little, uh...

A little brain teaser here

for you, Mr. 160 IQ.

Uh-oh.

Is this going to be one of

those trick questions?

No.

All you got

to do is think.

Just requires a little

logic that's all.

Matt collects

these conundrums.

They're mental puzzles. If...

If you can't get them

don't feel bad.

They're really hard.

I don't get most of them.

Well, fire away, Matt.

A guy's on the run

in the jungle.

Okay?

He knows that two tribes

live in the area.

One tribe always

tells the truth.

And the other

tribe always lies.

And the liars

are cannibals.

Now, he comes to

a fork in the road.

Okay?

And there's this,

like, native warrior standing

there at the fork of the road.

Okay, now this guy

knows if he goes

to the truth teller village,

he's safe. And if he goes

to the liars' village,

he's dinner. And he has

no way of knowing

whether this

warrior, standing on the fork

of the road is a truth teller

or a liar, and

he's only got time

to ask one question.

What is the

question he asks?

Could you

get me some?

Which way to

the liars' village?

Oh, no.

Why the liars'?

I don't know, I mean,

I guessed, I thought.

Come on, Matt. Tell them the

question that the guy asks.

The guy says...

No, no, wait. Don't tell,

I am working on it.

Thanks.

I got it.

He asks the guy,

which way to

your village?

Oh, Matt. Give

him the right answer.

Put him out of his misery.

What is it?

That... That actually

is the right answer.

Yeah. Yeah. You see,

if you ask the truth teller

which way to his village

he is going to point you

to the truth teller's village.

But if you ask the liar

which way to his village,

he's going to lie about it

and point you to

the truth teller's.

So it doesn't

matter which

tribe the warrior is from,

if you ask him which

way to your village,

he's always going to point

you to the right way to go.

Lenny, that is such

good thinking.

Well done.

Such good thinking.

That's not a lie.

That's great.

Never thought that out.

It's very good.

It's excellent, uh, logic.

Okay.

So the first game

goes to me.

How about best two

out of three?

Okay, okay.

Um...

Hats five.

A guy... A guy

wears five hats.

Yes, two red hats

and three blue hats.

No, no, no, I get

to pick this one.

Okay. Fire away.

How about arm wrestling?

No.

Arm wrestle.

Let's go.

No, I don't think...

No, not arm wrestling.

Oh, come on,

it'll be fun.

Arm wrestling.

What's the big deal?

Yeah, you two guys

can arm-wrestle too.

No, no, no.

No, this is okay

because I got to tell

you, I used to be

the arm wrestling

champion of Francis Lewis.

Junior High School?

Why were you...

Sparky! Don't you get

those cushions wet.

Sparky, do you

want a smack?

Lenny, it's just

outdoor furniture.

It's meant to get wet.

Excuse me, but I don't need

mildew on my cushions.

Sparky! Damn it!

I'll take care of this.

Excuse me,

hey, Sparky.

Sparky, can I just

see this for a second?

How does this work?

Kind of like that?

Take that, Bucky boy.

Go around, Bucky.

Come here. Aha! Die!

Your husband's a child.

Yeah, he's very

charming that way.

Die, legion scum!

I didn't say

he was child-like,

I said

the man's a child.

Excuse me.

Probably why

he teaches school.

What are you

talking about?

Lenny has a theory

about everything.

Don't you, lamb chop?

I sure do, baby girl.

You see, Karen,

we're powerless as kids

but, God Almighty,

when we are teachers,

aren't we so... I mean,

it's got to be kind of rushed,

to move over to the

other side of the desk,

don't you think?

It sort of keeps

a guy from growing up

and living a real life.

Don't you think?

He doesn't

mean it like it sounds.

Well, actually I do.

Wounded.

Behind the back.

There we go.

I think I can teach Matt

a thing or two

about real life.

Really?

You don't know the first

thing about my husband.

Lenny.

Marci, thanks for

the barbecue.I'm sorry.

I didn't mean

anything by it.

It was just an observation.

Let's go, Matt.

What an uptight bitch, huh?

So how does it feel

communicating with

real people, honey?

Hey, I didn't

have a bad time.

I mean, I had a good

time, didn't you?

You had a good time

with him,

because you feel

superior to them.

The reason

I had a good time...

I'll tell you why

I had a good time.

I had a good time because...

Just because...

Just because he gave

us a great barbecue.

Yeah.

Mmm-hmm.

Stupid, selfish

son of a bitch!Is that them?

Maybe we left the party

too soon. No, no, no.

No, no, this side of the bed

does not want you to go.

No, no, no, come back.

Matt.

Get your hands

off of me!

Come here!

What's he doing?

He just came

out on the front lawn.

The man is a beast.

I am a beast.

No, no, no, I...

You know,

I got to hand it to him.

He seems comfortable

in his own skin.

What does that mean?

I just

get the feeling

that he knows

what he is doing.

Oh, really?

You think this

humanoid knows what he

is doing? That's great.

Okay. I have to

tell you something.

I don't think he's that

happy with what he's doing.

You mean, like, when he was

talking about the fresh kill.

Well, for example.

Yeah, he did

sound depressed.

Sad. Not depressed, okay.

People like Lenny don't get

depressed, they get sad.

And what do you think

is the difference?

People like us

get depressed, okay.

And it takes like

years of therapy.

Then we get better.

And people

like Lenny get sad

and that's a whole

lot easier to fix.

Yeah. Maybe not.

Yeah.

No, no, because, see,

you get a guy like Lenny

a six pack of beer

and you get him laid

and ba-boom,

he's a happy man again.

Would getting laid make

you a happy man again?

What? Would it help?

It couldn't hurt.

Hi, Marci.

Hey, Marci, um,

could you come over and

take a look and see

what your sprinkler's

doing over here?

Going shopping, Karen.

Want to come?

No, no, I can't. I'm

trying to save my azaleas.

You go and have fun.

How are your azaleas doing?

Yeah, well...

My azaleas, well,

they're all dead.

Water burnt, Matt,

all of them, they're gone.

Could you do something,

please, about this?

I've talked to him

half a dozen times.

He just doesn't get it.

Plant something else.

Yeah.

Like what?

Water lilies?

Well, what do you want

me to do about it, Karen?

Well, why don't you

go figure it out.

I don't know. You're the

full tenured professor.

Fine.

This is a bit childish,

isn't it?

Hey, he wants some water,

fine, here, here.

There, he can

have some water.

He's afraid of mildew, great.

He can grow penicillin

on his butt.

He's gonna feel like

he's married to

Esther Williams.

Here, okay,

you like water?

I got you water

right there, okay?

Here, fine.

That adult enough for you?

Marci!

Fucking shit.

Marci!

Fucking goddamn shit.

Lenny, yo.

Is there a problem?

You fucking goddamn shit.

Oh, good idea,

more water. Come on.

Come on.

How do you like it?

Not fun, is it?

Hey, Lenny.

Right here, okay.

You are as bad

as he is, you know.

In fact, you are worse

than he is because

you ought to know better.

Oh, I do know better.

I do, and that's why

he is out there slouching

on three feet of water

and I'm safe and sound

in my own house, okay.

Oh, shut the

window, shut it.

Oh, God.

Okay, okay. Hey. Okay.

Truce, truce.

Stop.

Okay, truce.

Now we're even, okay?

Look.

Gee.

It's okay, we're even now.

Yeah.

Look at this.

Lenny, what you doing?

Just watering this thirsty

little grass patch of ours.

You're not watering their

azaleas, are you, Lenny?

You look good, baby girl.

You look good too,

lamb chop.

That's because I am

looking at you, baby girl.

That's because I am looking

at you too, lamb chop.

♪ We don't need

no drive-in movies

♪ Don't need no one

to show us how

♪ Come on, girl,

let's get together

♪ While the moon

is shining bright

♪ I got a Chevy van

It looks like heaven

♪ And it'll be our

home sweet home tonight ♪

Matt!

Come here, quick.

What... What happened

to our garden?

We have to do

something now.

What happened to our garden?

What do you think

happened to our garden?

I don't... Oh, we

got to build a fence.

This is...

No, no, I'm not living

behind some wall.

This is ridiculous.

Got to do

something about him.

We got to do something

about him. This is...

What are you

planning to do?

I'm going to

slay the dragon.

Hey, neighbor.

Neighbor.

Nice hose.

Yeah.

You're right, Matt.

That's okay.

I've been meaning to

get a new one anyway.

Next time maybe get

a little shorter one.

Save the old azaleas.

Come on, everybody.

Let's go. We're going out

to dinner and I'm buying,

and why the sky's

the limit because...

Oh, we won.

Yes.

We won.

We got their hose.

We got their hose, yes.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

You two are so

clevered out...

Hey, you know what, he's

messing with the wrong guy.

God!

Damn it.

Damn it!

Damn it.

Hi, Matt.

He's been waiting

for you.

Hey, Matt.

It's getting

kind of expensive, Lenny.

You want to call it off?

Call what off?

It.

The water thing, this feud.

You want to

just settle it up?

Yes, I do.

Let's just end it.

Marci, do have that

envelope for Matt?

Here you go, neighbor.

Sorry.

You'll find in there

a bill for a new set

of furniture cushions.

A bill.

We would appreciate

reimbursements

at your early as

possible convenience.

What about my car, Lenny?

You know what

it's going to cost to

refurbish that interior?

I don't now

anything about it.

Let's just

call it even, Lenny.

I'll forget it if you do.

I never forget

anything, Matt.

Never.

Really?

So what are you

going to do if I don't

pay the bill, Lenny?

You're going to just take me

down to Small Claims Court?

Hell, no, neighbor.

I'm going to take you out

in the backyard

and beat the piss out of you.

How much is it for?

Five hundred dollars.

What?

See, he didn't have the

receipts, said I would

have to trust him.

Said, however, he wasn't

going to bill me

for the hose.

Real sport.

Don't you

pay the bill.

Hey, you know what, Karen?

It's not like

we can't afford it

and if it buys a little

peace in the valley

then it's not such a...

Not such a bad idea.

It's 500 bucks, you know.

Don't you dare

pay the bill.

Okay.

You know what, Lenny?

Tell you what,

let's just...

Let's just do this,

like reasonable men.

Okay?

Just, you know, you and me,

man to man,

I'll tell you my problems,

you'll tell me your problems.

We'll come to

an understanding.

We'll communicate, it's like

couple of guys sitting

around and talking.

Lenny? You home?

Lenny.

Hello.

Hi, it's Matt,

from next door.

Rocky. Oh.

Oh. Oh.

Rocky, good dog.

Hi.

Good dog,

quite a watchdog.

Is Lenny home?

Oh, no, he took

Bucky and Spark

to the mall.

He took Bucky?

Sit.

Sit down.

Uh, Marci.

You know that, uh...

You know that

thing about, uh...

Sit. Good dog.

...lawn furniture?

There's got to be

a better way to work this

out, don't you think?

Oh, that's a good doggie,

that's a good doggie.

What a good doggie

you are.

Anyway, could you

tell Lenny that I...

That I stopped by?

I'd like to just sit down

with him at a table

and kind of work

this thing out.

Just, kind of,

man to man, okay?

You want a cup of coffee?

No, no, I got to...

I got to get out of here.

Whoa, whoa.

On top of everything that

is going on around here,

you are not going to hurt

my feelings, are you?

Now where did

that... Oh, there it is.

I'm so happy that we

are finally friends.

For the longest time,

Lenny and I

thought that you two

were too stuck up

to even talk to us.

Oh, no, not at all.

It's just...

You know, work and

other things.

Mmm-hmm.

Lenny really likes Karen.

- Mmm.

- Ugh.

It's good, 'cause she

likes you guys too.

He thinks your wife

is very classy.

Really?

Mmm-hmm.

Yeah, he finds her

very appealing.

Well, I do too.

Thank you.

I don't know why Lenny

keeps watering you people.

He's mad as hell

about you not paying

that bill on his furniture.

But between you and me,

I don't think

that's his problem.

Well, what is his problem?

Don't know.

No, I don't want any...

Oh.

Lenny tell you that

he went to college?

No, did he?

Mmm-hmm.

Yeah, on a scholarship.

Didn't work out.

He got thrown

out of school.

He had what you

might call, um,

a little "exchange"

with a professor.

What kind of exchange?

Well, the guy gave

Lenny a "C," so Lenny

gave the guy a black eye.

Lenny is a very

stubborn guy, Matt.

You know, he probably keeps

watering your garden

because you keep

telling him not to.

Do you know

what I mean?

No, I don't know

what you mean.

Lenny is a creature

of the heart.

He feels things

very deeply.

He takes thing very,

very seriously.

Matt, can I show

you something?

Sure.

Oh, another one.

Lenny did it himself.

How sweet.

Yeah.

It hurt like hell.

I don't want Bucky

playing next door anymore.

That's crazy.

Sparky is his best friend,

they're at the mall now.

Yeah, well, I know they're

at the mall but when

they get back from the mall

I don't want him playing

over there anymore.

Those Benedetti's

are a bunch of lunatics.

No, they're not lunatics,

they're real people remember?

Yeah, a little

too real, okay.

You know that Marci Benedetti

has these little red hearts

tattooed right on her,

you know, bosoms.

Oh, do tell, and how

do we know this?

Well, you... You kind of

had to be there.

She showed you

her breasts?

Well, she didn't just like,

you know, whip them out.

I went over to talk

to Lenny about all this

watering business

and the next

thing I know,

I'm being stared down

by this pair of,

you know, valentines.

Okay, I am not

going to sit here

and defend Marci because

this whole ridiculous

feud is your fault,

you started it.

Are you on acid?

You...

No, are you insane?

He started it.

You watered

his furniture.

No, he watered

your azaleas.

No, no, no.

The azaleas.

You soaked his furniture

because you got caught

up in this stupid,

macho competition.

Oh!

That is not...

Kids are out back.

Yo, Matt.

How about some B-ball?

Not now, Lenny,

because we're...

You know...

Oh, come on.

Come on, let's start over.

Let's start fresh.

Come on.

Two neighbors, okay.

Come on.

Okay. See you out back.

All right.

Great.

Okay, Lenny.

D-up.

I don't want your

fucking ball.

And I don't want you

paying visits to my wife

when I'm not at home.

I was looking for you.

I don't fucking appreciate

guys visiting my wife

when I'm not at home.

So I guess this means

we're not playing basketball.

Don't you ever talk

down to me, man.

Don't you ever

fucking patronize me.

Come on, Lenny,

get a grip.

You can't win, Teach.

And you know

why you can't win?

Because Lenny Benedetti

is not one of your pathetic

little college students

that you can

put in a corner

or send off

to the dean.

You want to stop me, man...

Hey, Lenny.

...you got to do

it man to man.

And I'm a better fucking

man than you, understand?

I'm a better man than you.

Okay.

God, what is

your problem?

Hey.

Lenny, look.

You're in this

fight all by yourself.

You hear me?

It takes two to tango, Lenny,

and I'm not dancing.

I'm not going

to fight with you.

How come you can't come

over to my house anymore?

My Dad won't let me.

Why not?

Because he's fighting

with your dad.

We can go to the park.

I don't know. I don't

think my dad will let me.

Man, your dad's an asshole.

No, he's not, yours is.

Well, so what if he is.

'Cause my dad can beat up

your dad anytime he wants.

Oh, so you're saying

that your dad

doesn't suck or anything?

Hey, you shut up

about my dad.

No, you shut up!

No, you shut

the fuck up.

Man,

what's your problem?

Yeah, so?

What did you say then?

I just walked off.

Sparky is an asshole.

Well, that's nice.

Hey, you know,

the language thing,

you're kind of

like a little kid.

Don't you think

you should avoid

that lousy talk?

No, I got the keys.

Huh?

Oh, hi, Bucky.

Hi, Matt.

Hi.

Yeah, okay, Lenny.

Go ahead. Yeah, turn it on.

No, that's fine.

Hey, 'cause you know why?

'Cause I am not

playing anymore.

No, that's okay,

water the whole thing.

'Cause I am not

playing, okay?

Go, go,

get out of here.

Oh, get his

paws off there.

Hey! Oh, look at this.

Don't let him

run across there.

Rocky, Rocky.

Rocky! Where's he?

Around the house?

Where is he?I don't know where he went.

How did he get out?

He jumped

out of their window.

Oh, there he is.

Get him off the paint.

Oh, wait, get out

of the paint.

Oh, oh.

- Get him, get him.

- Rocky, Rocky.

- Get him, no. Oh, oh...

- Here, boy.

Rocky, Rocky,

come on.

Oh, not in the house.

Not in the house.

- Rocky, here, boy.

- Oh, no.

Where is he?

He's right there.

Come on, Rocky.

Rocky.

Oh, no. Rocky.

- Come on, come on.

- Come on.

Come on, boy.

Come on,

you little Rocky.

Come on, Rock.

Rocky.

- Rocky, come here.

- Come on.

Rocky, come on,

you little...

Come on, Rocky,

you fucking...

Get over here.

Come on, Rocky.

Pack your stuff,

we're moving to Alaska.

Got it all over the carpet

and everything. Oh, God,

I am so sorry, Marci.

No, I... Uh-huh.

Yeah, so is Lenny there?

Oh, no, I don't want to rub

it in, I want to apologize.

Really.

Uh-huh.

Yeah. Well, could he just

come to the phone for a...

Mmm-hmm. Okay.

Well...

Listen, would you

just tell him, I'm...

I'm just so sorry for the

mess and everything and...

Uh-huh. Yeah, sure.

Yeah, he could

call me back.

Okay. Yeah.

Says he's watching

the ball game.

It was an accident.

Toby!

Bucky.

Toby!

Bucky...

He's dead.

Buck...

I can't believe

he's dead.

Why did he

do this to me?

No, no.

So you say

it was strychnine?

Well, that's what

the vet says.

Well, we don't get

a lot of murdered dogs

around here, you know.

You know...

Well, you got one now.

I think you're

going to find

your motive and

your guilty party

right in the other room

because see we've

been having this

neighborhood feud.

It's gotten a little

out of hand.

And it's gotten a little

out of hand.

Ah, Mrs. Benedetti.

One sugar.

I remember.

Thank you.

Mrs. Benedetti, why don't

you tell me about this

feud you're having

with the Colers?

Oh, well, who can tell.

When these things get

started, it's just crazy.

We're all very

good friends.

Yeah, it happened a couple

of months ago.

We passed it up

and now it's over.

That's not true

and you know it.

Okay, okay, so you say

that the dog tracked

orange paint in here.

Yeah, this afternoon.

Not a few months

ago, this afternoon.

Well, there's no orange

paw prints on the glass,

and there's no orange

paw prints on the carpet.

I saw the dog

in this house.

He came in

through that window,

and he was...

He was like hopping,

hopping around all over

the couch here,

this love seat

and the carpet and he had

this paint, orange.

Well, it's like a rust...

See, rust-colored paint,

on his paws. He got

it over everything.

There's nothing

here now.

Well...

Maybe he cleaned

it all up.

A-ha.

It's beginning to sound

like the perfect crime.

Smell the carpet.

Smell it for

cleaning solvents.

Here, come on.

Let's smell the carpet,

right here.

Matt.

Here.

Come on, come on.

No, let's smell the carpet

because you can really get...

No, it was just...

It was here somewhere.

Maybe it was on the...

It was...

Matt, Matt...

No...

It was...

Are we, uh...

Are we finished, Mr. Coler?

No, no, see,

it was an accident.

I was painting the porch,

and the dog,

he just kind of like

ran through

with his little paws

and he got them,

you know, all over.

And it was

cold-blooded murder

of the dog.

A dog murder.

Mr. Benedetti,

I've spoken to Mr. Coler

and now I'm speaking to you.

I want to

assure you both

that the killing of

a domestic animal

is a very serious business

and we take it

very seriously.

So I'm not going to close

up this case right away.

Do we understand

my meaning here,

Mr. Benedetti?

Mrs. Coler, Mrs. Benedetti,

you both have

nice houses here,

nice families,

nice lawns.

So why don't you tell

your husbands to set

these problems aside,

so you can all get back

together and be friends, huh?

Bygones be bygones?

The man killed our dog.

Honey.

Mrs. Coler, whether he did

or whether he did not,

tomorrow is the first day of

the rest of your lives.

So you might as well

start fresh.

Bygones be bygones.

I'm going up to the college,

first thing in the

morning, I'm going to

check the listings.

That's it, I've had it.

No. Don't do that.

I thought you were the

one who wanted to live

in faculty housing.

Bastards.

I can't be run out

of my own house.

Don't let him run us

out of our own house.

Okay.

Oh, man.

Okay.

It's over anyway.

It's over.

That wimp.

Pussy.

Oh.

What do you care,

lamb chop?LENNY: Called the cops on me.

You didn't kill

that damn dog.

And they didn't

arrest you, so...Called the cops on me.

All's well

that ends well.

You didn't kill

the dog, did you?

Baby girl, he called

the cops on me.

That son of a bitch.

Hey, neighbor.

Ever think about putting

that cute, little garden of

yours somewhere else?

That's okay, Lenny.

I got it all worked out.

I'm going over to

the nursery and I am

putting up some hedges.

Nice tall, green...

...hedges.

You know what's great

about hedges, Lenny?

They fucking love water.

That's what's so great

about them.

And I'm going to go

get me some right now.

Shit!

Oh, nice!

What is your

fucking problem?

You broke my headlight.

I never touched you.

Lenny.

We shook hands, remember?

Didn't we?

That means something

to you, doesn't it?

Will you admit

that you lost?

Lost what?

This isn't a game...

This isn't a game, Lenny.

This is real life.

In real life,

there are no winners,

there are no losers.

That's what the losers

always say, chump.

Damn it.

It's okay.

Bucky.

Want to have a catch?

Get lost, Sparky.

Come on, Bucky.

Let's have a catch

over the fence.

Here, catch the ball.

Get off my property, Sparky.

Go play with your

stupid dog.

We didn't kill your dog.

Liar.

You're a liar.

You're a fucking liar.

Ow! Stop!

Get off of me.

You stupid idiot,

I hate you.Ow!

- You killed my dog.

- Bucky.

You killed my dog.

Guys, stop that.

I didn't

kill your dog.

Now! Break it up

right now,

get up, Bucky.

You killed my dog!

What are you doing?

What's this about?

They killed my dog.

Are you all right?

Fine.

Feeling better now?

You know what? Me too.

And the important thing,

nobody got hurt.

I gave him

a bloody nose.

Hey.

Yeah, we know that.

We're not very proud of

it either. You hurt him.

They killed my dog.

You guys know that

they killed my dog.

We think so too.

But we can't always

go around settling

all our differences

with our fists.

What if everybody did that?

The world would be

a living hell.

I want you

out here, now.

Is Sparky all right?

Lenny. Now, Lenny,

you have no right to

walk in our house...

Ah.

Outside, pal.

Wait, wait, wait. Ah!

Lenny, you are

out of your mind.

Lenny, I am calling

the police.

Get out!

Lenny, don't do this.

Dad!

Ah!

Lenny, please.

Lenny, don't.

Please! Don't.

Lenny, stop it!

We were

in the kitchen.

We were

having milk and cookies

and the next thing I know

he's tapping

at our window

and then he's pulling

my husband

out onto the back porch.

And you said your husband

made no move towards him.

No, he didn't.

No, I did not.

Okay, then that's it.

Unless you want to

add anything or

embellish it in anyway.

Do I look like

I have to embellish?

We want him picked

up right away.

Whoa, it's not that easy.

Why isn't it?

Well, for one thing

he's in a cubicle

over there right now

and he's filing

a complaint about you.

What?

About me?

Yeah.

Are you joking?

What are...

Takes two to tango,

come on.

Look at his face please.

Yeah. Yeah.

Look at my

husband's face.

Yeah. This is a tango.

Oh, yeah.

That's a piece

of work, yeah.Nice, isn't it? Thank you.

Mrs. Coler, these things

aren't always decided

by who takes the

biggest licking. Helen.

Okay, we found

the broken glass

but on the inside,

not on the outside.

That seems to indicate

that Benedetti

had broken the...

That's a clear indication.

We are going

to press charges.

Well, you can go ahead

and press charges

if you'd like,

but the man has no

priors. They are not going

to send him to jail.

So if you're done

filing your charges

and taking him to

court, guess what?

He's still going to

be your neighbor.

Okay, you know what?

I did it.

I started

the whole thing.

I am guilty,

I admit it to you...Sit down.

I admit it to you too.

Mea culpa,

I'm the bad guy.

Now what do I do to get

myself the hell out of this?

Just tell me.

That's all I want to know.

For one thing,

you can make up with him.

Oh, my God.

That's the best

the police can do?

Mrs. Coler. We're not judges,

we're not juries and there

ain't enough of us around

to be bodyguards.

You see where I am

coming from here?

The very best shot

we have in these situations

is to have

the neighbors live together.

That's it, I'm sorry.

Tomorrow morning,

I am calling the college

about faculty housing.

I thought you didn't

want to be driven

out of your own home.

I don't, but I don't

want to stay there either.

I don't know

what I want to do.

What do you

want to do?

Well, let me know

what you decide.

I'll help you out

anyway I can, okay?

Yeah, what are you

going to do for me?

Look, Mr. Coler,

Mr. Benedetti...

How can I say this?

My patience is wearing

real thin on this case.

So you know

what I suggest?

I suggest the both of you

learn how to live together.

Well, here's

the news flash.

I tried that already so...

Fine with me.

Yeah, fine with me too.

Whoa, now that

sounded sincere.

Lenny brought home

some of those fabulous

steaks from work.

Didn't you, lamb chop?

Would you guys like

to come to a barbecue

tomorrow night?

I don't think so.

Excuse me, can I...

Now I want you

to listen to me.

'Cause I am trying to

do something here

and I think you know

what it is.

If you do not come

to my barbecue

tomorrow night,

you will be

just as uncivilized

as these two galoots.

Come on.

Tomorrow night.

And then

the lady says,

"Judge, I wouldn't mind

if it was just one time,

"but every time we went out

it was rape, rape, rape."

You see,

it's all about

your fundamental

assumptions, you know.

Like, you take now.

We have a fist fight

and he puts up

a hell of a struggle.

I mean, I got to

hand it to you, Matt.

You put up

a hell of a struggle.

But you know why

his face looks like it came

out of a meat grinder?

Because he can't

let out the tiger.

He's built his whole life

around the assumption

of intellect.

Me?

You're going to have

to excuse Lenny.

He's a little bit tense.

'Cause they are laying off

the packers at the meat plant.

I told you.

I'm okay.

I got seniority

and I am not tense, Marci.

All right?

I am a happy man.

Yeah, you're happy.

Barbecue always

makes me happy.

I'm a simple man

with simple taste.

And no matter what's

going on in this nasty

old world of ours,

there are three things

that always calm me down.

One, is a belly full of meat.

Two, is a game of

night baseball on TV

and three,

is watering my lawn.

Now that really

calms me down.

Watering my lawn.

You know what Lenny

did the whole day today?

He rewired the damn house.

He put in

dimmer switches

and, uh,

disco thing

and everything.

Yeah, well, I could

use some of that

in my kitchen.

You want a disco thing

in your kitchen?

No, it's just that...

You want a...

...disco thing in

your kitchen?

All my wiring's screwed up.

Hey.

I got a screwdriver.

Lenny is real good

with his hands.

A lady will not

be disappointed.

You know,

there are drugs for

people like Lenny.

Yeah,

how about cyanide?

Not him, Karen,

it's me.

I have a big mouth,

I'm a tease.

I think I'm smarter

than everybody else.

You have a big

mouth, you are a big tease

and you're smarter

than everybody else.

You know the thing with

thinking you're smarter than

everybody else?

You know

what the problem is?

Everybody else is thinking

the same thing

about themselves.

Good point.

Does it make any difference

that I love you anyway?

All the difference

in the world.

Huh? Eggs a la Dad?

What do you say, huh?

Anybody? Hello?

Hello.

Yeah, sounds good to me.

Fine.

Where's the canola oil?

Wow. 800 free

travel miles.

You know, Buck.

You might try reading

a book once in a while.

That ever... Oh!

Stop.

What is this stuff?

That's like some weird

space-age cooking stuff.

You know, the first time

I played that game.

I got 62 lines

and I think about 7,400

points or something.

What a genius.

Cool, Professor.

My God, I just

opened Lenny's mail.

He's been laid off.

Go put it back

in his mailbox.

Actually, you know what?

I'll do it later.

No, no, I, uh...

I'll drop it off

after the game.

So are these eggs, like,

ever going to be done?

Because I could have...

I could have had these

cooked, eaten and

been on the way by now.

Sometimes I just wish

you'd just

punch Lenny right

in the nose.

Yeah, and what

would that solve?I don't know.

Did it solve anything

when you punched out

your friend Sparky?

No, but I felt better.

Really? You felt better?

Fine, cool.

I don't think

we're gonna hold on.

What are you doing, Dad?

Yeah.

I'm going to go back and

punch Lenny on the nose.

You can't do that.

Why not?

Because we're going

to the ball game, Dad.

Hey, make up your mind,

buckaroo breath.

You want me to take

you to the ball game

or you want to go back

and punch Lenny on the nose?

Which is it?

Go to the ball game.

Really?

Yeah.

What was that for?

Because I love you.

Yeah, I love you too.

Yeah.

Hi.

Came to look

at your wiring.

It's in the kitchen.

Downstairs.

Oh...

Marcie would sure look

great in something like that.

Matt's a lucky man.

I bet the sex life has been

picking up around here, huh?

Lenny, I think it's time

for you to go home now.

You are just fascinated

by me, aren't you?

No, I'm not.

I bet you'd like to know

what these feel like

when they move,

wouldn't you?

Huh?

No, Lenny, I wouldn't.

Wouldn't you like to know

what they feel like

when they move, huh?

Touch one, Karen.

Come on, Karen.

Touch one. Hmm?

Oh, Karen.

Aren't you just

the teensiest,

weensiest, eensiest

bit curious, huh?

Huh?

Lenny, stop it.

You don't want to

do this, Lenny. Stop it!

You like

the rough stuff, huh?

You get the fuck

out of here, Lenny.

Get out of here now!

Come on, Karen, I thought

we had an understanding,

I thought you wanted me

to come over.

Get out.

Get out, you pig.

Right now!

What's all this talk

about your wiring

and my screwdriver?

What?

Get out.

Get out, Lenny.

Now!

Okay.

Okay, all right, I'm sorry.

Pardon me for living.

Oh, hey, Mom.

- Dad caught a ball.

- Well...

It was a...

It was nothing, really.

I mean, the ball was

coming right at me.

But I have to admit it,

it was fairly spectacular.

- I want to move.

- What?

What happened?

I want to move.

It's time for you

to go to bed. Let's go.

Come on. You make sure

you floss tonight, all right?

I think maybe

Lenny tried to rape me.

Who are you calling?

Calling Sergeant Torres.

Don't.

Uh...

What do you mean don't?

Um...

Because I don't

want to do this.

Lenny is going to say

that he didn't do anything

and then Torres is

probably going to say

that I started it.

Matt, Lenny thinks that

I invited him here.

Okay, okay, okay, call.

Don't call.

Will you make up

your goddamn mind?

You want to move

or you don't want to move?

You want me

to do something about

the sprinklers

or you don't want me

to do something about

the sprinklers?

You want me

to press charges

or you don't want me

to press charges?

Make up your mind!

Okay, Karen, which is it?

I don't know.

You want to stay

or do you want to go?

Mom, well, just talk this

over with Dad.

We're going to Grandma's.

We're going to stay

a couple of weeks

and think this over.

Karen, Karen, please.

Let's talk it out first.

Just...

Please, please talk it out.

I'll call you when

I get there safely.

Don't do this.

Karen.

Lenny!

Oh, hiya, Matt.

Is he home?

Where's Lenny?

No, it's the night shift.

He's working

the night shift.

That's because

of all the cutbacks.

Hey, Lenny.

Someone wants

to see you.

Tell him to take

a number.Lenny!

I've had enough.

You touch my wife,

you so much as even

talk to her again

and I can't be responsible

for what will happen.

I'm serious, Lenny.

You understand me, right?

Do you?

Then fucking say something!

Why are you talking so

disrespectfully to me, huh?

I'm holding a knife.

It's got to stop, Lenny.

You crossed the line.

You have gone way over

the fucking edge!

I don't know what

you are talking about.

Now why don't

you just get the hell

out of here, huh?

I've got work to do, okay?

No, it's not okay,

and you don't have

any work to do either.

What are you talking?

You're fired.

Fired.

What are you

talking about?

Shut up, Marci!

Did you kill

their dog?LENNY: Just shut up!

You killed their dog,

did you?

- You are a beast.

- Shut up!

You are a beast.

You're a beast.Ah!

I'm out of here!

Oh, yeah?

You're out of here?

You're goddamn right.

All right,

you walk out that door,

you're never going to walk

in this house again,

you understand me?

You're never going to

walk in this house again.

Fuck you, baby girl.

Fuck you,

lamb chop.

Oh, yeah! Well...

If I wanted back in, Marci,

I can just kick this

goddamn door in!

I could just

punch my hand

right through

this window, Marci.

But I ain't gonna.

And you know

why I ain't gonna?

Because I ain't never

coming back, baby girl.

Fuck you, lamb chop.

You're nothing

but bad luck.

So just keep out

of my face.

You hear me, baby girl?

I'm free as a bird!

You hear me, everybody?

I'm talking to the

whole neighborhood.

Unbelievable.

I'm free as a bird!

Free as a bird!

What is your problem?

Oh.

My God, what are you doing?

Oh, I'm so sorry.

It's okay, it's okay.

I'm so sorry.

Karen, we've got to

get out of here right now.

We've just got to

get out of here.Why?

Right now.

Where are we going?

Come back, come back,

come back.What?

You got a problem

with my sprinkler, pal?

Run, Karen, run.

One move

and I'll break his neck.Karen.

Everybody in

the living room.

Now!

Torres.

Hey.

You got another call

from that woman,

Marci Benedetti.

You know, the one

whose husband keeps

fighting with the neighbor.

Yeah, what did she want?

Well, she said

Mr. Benedetti

beat her up.

Said that she's okay.

She said she locked him

out and she wants us

to go out and find him

before he causes

anymore trouble.

Did he take the car?

Negative.

Send a cruiser out there.

Tell them to make a pass

every half hour or so.

You got it.

Tell them to keep

their eyes open.

Right.

We're going to

settle up right now.

Lenny, you have

no quarrel with us,

you know that.

No, that's fine.

I think we should settle.

You know, Lenny, just tell us

what the lawn furniture

is worth,

and you know what,

we'll pay double.

Karen will write it up.

Go get the checkbook, Karen.Okay.

Sit down, Karen.

All you have to

do is just tell us

what you want us

to write in there

and we'll put it in.

I don't want

your lousy money.

Well, fine then.

Then how would you

like to settle up...

Lenny?

Lenny, how would you...

How would you like

to settle up?

Arm wrestling.

That's ridiculous.

Arm wrestling?

That's a...

No, that's fine.

Let's just

get it over with.

That's a great idea.

Yeah.

Give me your hand, Matt.

Come on.

Karen, you start

the count.

Isn't this a bit foolish?

I mean, it is, isn't it?

Three, two, one.

Okay. Three, two, one. Go.

Matt, you're bleeding.

Lenny, are you satisfied now?

Is that enough?

I'm okay, Karen.

I'm fine, I'm fine.

Okay, Lenny. You win.

You win.

Jeez.

- That's pathetic.

- You win now, okay?

Are you finished?

That's pathetic, Matt.

That's... We're going to

have to build you up

for this. Come on.

- Lenny, Lenny, just...

- Come on.

Ah!

Build me up for what, Lenny?

What do you want

to build me up for?

I just want to...

I don't want to be built up.

I want to be your friend,

I want to be your...

Your neighbor, like before.

I'm calling the police.

For God's sake, Lenny.

Please, just let us...

Sit down and shut up.

You. Give me 20 push-ups.

What?

Do it!

You count.

Go ahead. One, two...

One.

Two.

Three.

Oh, that's it.

Four.

Get this phone.

Five.

Six.

What is this,

this is...

"Master of

English Literature."

Seven.

"Doctor of..."

Eight.

What is this, Karen?

"Doctor..."

Philology.

Matt's a reading teacher.

Philology.

What's that like,

remedial reading?

Sort of.

All these words...

Words are turds.

Words are fucking turds.

These diplomas, Karen.

They... They may

cover your walls

but they don't

cover your ass.

Only this

can cover your ass.

That's 20. Okay, Lenny.

So we're done, okay.

Let's check you out, Matt.

Come on,

come on up here.

Let's feel these

muscles here, huh?

Big enough

to cover your ass?Yeah.

Yeah.

I think they are

big enough now.

Okay, let's get it

on, huh?Lenny, wait.

What you're doing

is illegal and it's...

It's the kind of thing

people go to jail for.

Please don't do this.

Do you want to

talk or fight?

I hope you want to fight,

Matt, because that's

what I really want to do.

Lenny, don't do it.

Don't do it.

You got a problem with

my sprinkler, pal, huh?

Your kid got a problem

with my kid, huh?

Lenny, no, I...

You ready

to get it on?

You'll fight me

like a man, huh?

Lenny.

Oh! Oh!

He's fighting me, Karen.

Doctor, he's a real little

fighting man now.

God damn it, Matt.

Is that the best you can do?

Run, run, run.

God.

The keys, the keys,

the keys.

They're right there.

I'll get them.

No, no, Bucky.

Don't do it, Bucky...

You mean these keys?

Lenny.

Take your hands

off my son.

And you give me

those keys right now.

Now, let's all

sit back down

like the civilized

human beings we are

and not like

the blood-sucking vampires

we sometimes reveal

ourselves to be.

Bucky.

You come with me.

Sit down.

Bucky, why don't

you sit right over here

next to me.

Yeah.

Yeah, that's...

Fine. That's fine.

911.

Squad.

Yes, Mrs. Benedetti.

Yes, we did, Mrs. Benedetti.

Well, I'm sorry,

but Detective Torres

is unavoidably

undisposed at the moment.

It means he's unavailable.

He's in the can,

Mrs. Benedetti.

Don't let him

do this, Dad.

I won't, son.

I won't.

You know what, Lenny,

you've had your fun.

You made your point,

all right.

Why don't you let me take

you to the doctor

and we'll take a look

at that hand of yours?

No hard feelings, okay?

- Sit down you.

- For God's sake...

Where are you

going, Bucky?

This is a hot poker.

We don't want

you getting hurt.

Who are you

supposed to be?

The Statue of Liberty?

You were going to smack me

with that, weren't you?

Go to hell, Lenny.

You know, Matt,

I believe you're starting

to get the idea.

I'm not fighting

with you, Lenny.

I'm just not going to

fight with you anymore.

I'm not going to do it.

Oh, yeah?

Yeah.

Well, you're the one

who turned this into

a blood sport, pal.

I mean...

Look at my hand.

All fucked up.

But I'm about to

make a comeback.

There's nothing

to fight for.

Oh, yeah?

I think I finally got

it all figured out.

Lenny.

Stay there, Matt.

Stay there.

Ooh.

Tell me, Matt...

Will you fight me

for this woman?

Hmm?

Will you fight me

for this?

Yeah.

Am I getting

through to you, Matt?

Yup, you are.

Good.

You go into the kitchen

and you get yourself

a serious weapon.

Maybe that will even up

the odds a little.

And don't you even

think about running away,

you understand?

Never crossed my mind.

You don't want

to be doing this, Lenny.

I hope you found

something nice and

sharp in there, Matt.

You know, I'm not going

to do it, Lenny.

I don't want to

have to hurt you.

Ready or not.

Here comes Lenny!

It just isn't fair, you know.

What's not fair, Matt?

I never did anything

to you, Lenny,

and you know it.

It isn't fair.

What's fair in life, Matt?

Tell me, Matt.

What's fair in life?

What's fair, Matt?

Don't answer.

He's following your voice.

Is it fair that I had

to spend my whole life

as a working stiff?

Because I punched out

some asshole professor

in calculus class.

Is that fair, Matt?

Huh?

But he's got to

pay for that, Matt.

Somebody...

...has got to pay for that.

Somebody's got to

pay for that.

Tag.

You're it.

Come on, Matt.

Hit me with

your best shot.

Get out of the house.

I'm gonna call the police.

Go, just go.

Run as far as you can.

Lenny...

Lenny, move. Stop it!

Let go, Lenny. Lenny!

Lenny, get off me.

Lenny!

My name is Matt Coler.

C-O-L-E-R.

No.

Sergeant Torres

knows who I am.

Lenny, stop it.

Matt!

Oh, my God.

No!

Get off of me.

These under panties

look familiar?

Think I'll go back and get me

a piece of the real thing.

Hmm?

Come on, come on.

Come on...

What are you going to

do now, teacher man?

I'm going to kick

your fucking ass.

Son of a bitch. You ever

touch my wife again...

You touch

my wife again and I will

fucking kill you.

You hear me?

I'll fucking kill you.

I'll fucking kill...

Bring it, man, come on!

I'll rip

your fucking heart out!

You hear me?

You hear me? Here.

Kill you.

I got to hand

it to you, Matt.

You're a better man

than I thought you were.

I really mean it.

I really do.

You're okay in my book.

Bygones be bygones?

Bygones be bygones.

Let's gather around

the campfire.

Teacher, die.

No! No!

Die.

Die, teach.

Die!

Shit!

Get back.

They're in there.

Mrs... We'll take care of it.

We'll just take care of it.

Just calm down.

Just wait...

Lenny, Lenny, Lenny!

Oh, my God.

Lenny, Lenny!

Lenny!

Let him through,

let him through.

Excuse me.

Coming through, please.

What happened?

He went too far.

You're having

trouble breathing?

Want to play?

Sure.

How you doing?

Good.

How are you?

Pretty good.

I'll beat you.

Next Door (1994) - full transcript