New Interpretation Records of the Three Kingdoms (2020) - full transcript

[ The Untold Tale of the Three Kingdoms ]

I've been studying China since the late Han Dynasty,

1,800 years ago.

I'm a historian who mainly studies the history leading up to the Three Kingdoms.

I am Munemitsu Soga.

You see, today's lecture is

based on my recent... well, research.

I'd like to discuss

the Records of the Three Kingdoms.

The Three Kingdoms.

Cao Cao, who founded the state of Wei.



Liu Bei, who founded of the state of Shu.

And Sun Quan, who founded the state of Wu.

The three of them, well,

they got various military commanders involved.

It's quite a confusing story.

Liu Bei Xuande, who later became the first emperor of Shu,

called himself a descendant of the imperial family

and sought to restore the Han
Dynasty and save its people.

One of the great heroes of the 3 Kingdoms.

But the Professor's research

revealed a completely different picture of him.

So what the hell...

Hey, hey... calm down.

Okay, let's go.



Not "Let's go".

Just make up your mind.

What, what, what? Hang on, hang on.

[ Lui Bei ]

[ Lui Bei ]
Who said anything about volunteering for the army?

Who said anything about volunteering for the army?

We made an oath last night, Eldest Brother.

[ Zhang Fei ]
We made an oath last night, Eldest Brother.

[ Zhang Fei ]
To bring peace to this troubled world,

[ Zhang Fei ]
so that the people can live in peace.

I never said that.

But you did, Eldest Brother.

[ Guan Yu ]
But you did, Eldest Brother.

[ Guan Yu ]
I didn't say that. I never did.

Don't be ridiculous. I was touched by your words.

And you were ready to make an oath
with your brothers-in-law.

What are you talking about?

We can't be brothers-in-law unless you marry my

younger sister or my eldest sister.

In our hearts.

In our hearts, we're brothers-in-law.

That's right.

I've never heard of brothers like that.

Nope, sorry. I'm really sorry.

If I did say it, I must have been drunk.

I'm the type who says romantic
things when drunk, so I...

Even with alcohol, that won't stop your aspirations.

We've made up our minds.

Are you serious? Are you serious. Guan Yu-chan?

This way. Come, come.

Please walk here.

Now let's make our brotherhood oath right here.

No, please don't. Besides, I hate war.

Shut up! If you say you'll do it, then do it!

Hey! Is that how you treat your eldest brother?

You've just accepted him as your brother.

No, that was just an impulse.
I tend to say things on impulse.

Now, let's speak our oath... together.

Together!

That was so loud...

Besides, even if you asked me to join you,
I don't know what to say.

On the day the three of us were born,
though at different times,

we are bound by our oath as
brothers to help each other in spirit,

and to help those in need,

to serve the nation above all
and to protect its people below.

We may not be born on the same day,
the same month, the same year,

but on the same day, the same month,
the same year, we will all die!

That's too long!

- You said that yesterday like an idiot,
but it's still too long.
- You do remember it, don't you?

And one more thing.

Isn't this kind of thing done under a peach tree?

It's called the Oath of the Peach Garden, right?

- So why is it a cherry blossom tree?
- Shut up!

I've got... a lot on my plate.

You couldn't find a peach tree?

Peach trees are hard to find.

Let's say it.

- Yes!
- You're so serious.

All together!

On the day the three of us were born,
though at different times,

we are bound by our oath as
brothers to help each other in spirit,

and to help those in need,

to serve the nation above all
and to protect its people below.

We may not be born on the same day,
the same month, the same year,

but on the same day, the same month,
the same year, we will all die!

Just now, you didn't say that last part.

I mean, it's impossible to die on the same day.

No, it's possible if we fight the war together.

What? What? What?

Then what if you get sick, Guan Yu?

If they say you have 3 months to live,

will Zhang Fei and I die together with you?
- I'm not saying together.

Don't argue, just redo the last part!

All together!

We may not be born on the same day,
the same month, the same year,

but on the same day, the same month...

- Why are you not saying it?
- I did! I did!

- No, no... you never said it.
- I said it!

No, you didn't.

Because it's crazy, you know,
dying on the same day, at all costs.

I didn't mean it like that.

But it was Liu Bei, who was the
one who refused when to give up.

Why, this Liu Bei, of all the people?

Well, there are a lot of people who adore him.

Gathered under Liu Bei's cause, the volunteer army

fought their first battle against the Yellow Turban rebels,

who had engulfed the entire
continent in war and tormented the people.

Hey? Why are they all following us?

They're all supporters of your cause.

Eldest brother, when you're drunk,
you really say the coolest things.

And you tricked them all.

Zhang Fei, don't tell them they were tricked.

That drunken state is our brother's true self.

No, it's not.

I just get so worked up when I'm drunk.

When people get drunk, their true feelings come out.

If you say that, then I'll have to drink all the time.

It's gonna destroy my liver.

We're here.

The Yellow Turban Party's hideout.

Why are you here?

Eldest Brother.

What? Me? You tell him, Guan Yu!

No, you have to tell him.

Set an example for the soldiers.

Why are we here...

you can see that, right?

Did you come here to attack?

Heck, yeah!

Don't do it.

Do I stop?

No, no, no...

Give him a good one. Give him a good one.

- I won't!
- And why not?

He snapped so quickly.

[ A guy from the Yellow Turban ]

[ A guy from the Yellow Turban ]
You guys look like a bunch of half-asses.

[ A guy from the Yellow Turban ]
Volunteer armies cannot damage us.

Volunteer armies cannot damage us.

We're not half-ass!

More like small scale!

You... you, you what... what...

You look like you were beaten and stretched,

and your face gives off a half-assed vibe.

Face has nothing to do with it!

Yes, there is.

There's such a thing as the face of a ruler.
It's the golden ratio.

What's a "Golden Ratio"?

You don't even know that?

This... This...

It's hard to tell because I'm wearing this.

From this hairline here to this eyebrow here,

that distance, that distance.

And from the eyebrows to the tip of the nose,

and from the tip of the nose to the jaw.

They're all equal...

That's not what I came here to hear!

Listen carefully. I'm in the middle of
telling you about it.

If we go here, the width from this
right temple to the right eye,

this distance from the right
temple to the outer corner

and the distance from the outer corner
to the inner corner of the eye.

Now we move to the left...

The way he talks, it's infuriating.

Distance! Distance!

The word "distance" irritates me.

I want it to be a length or something.

There's a golden ratio in the eyeballs.

It's from the outer corner of the eye
to the outer corner of the pupil...

Enough about the golden ratio!

I can see you from here.

I hate it more than anything when
people talk about my face.

Pay attention, this one. From the tip of the nose.

I said stop!

There's an E line. An E line.

I've heard of the E line.

I've already told you enough already!

Is there anyone else I can speak to?

You can't see them, right? It's just me.

There's... there's a lot of people in here...

Then bring someone in who can talk to me.

Leave!

I will never do that.

Get out!

We're going to wipe you all out now.

Do it.

With my own hands, I, Liu Bei Xuande,

will show you the power of a great cause.

That's the spirit, Eldest Brother.

I'm sure your great cause is also half-assed.

You've made a mockery of my cause,
and I will not tolerate it any longer!

I'm gonna give you the divine punishment now!

Go on, brother!

Remember this is the power of Liu Bei Xuande!

Alright, go Zhang Fei!

Me!?

That's right.

No, no. Are you serious?

You just said something like you were taking the lead.

No, I'm the one who talks.

You guys are the fighters.

No one said you were in charge.

Anyways, I'm just gonna stand back

and wait for you guys here.

Just go.

Because I'm in charge of the
Wind, Forest, Fire, and Mountains.
[NOTE: Fūrinkazan - Battle standard Sengoku]

What's that?

It can be done in the forest.

It can be done in the forest?

It's either stay quiet or stay put.

I got it! Let's go, Zhang Fei.

You're spoiling Eldest Brother too much.

We have no choice. He doesn't want to go.

I don't really get it. Hi-yah!

Well, Liu Bei didn't do anything,

because it was Guan Yu and
Zhang Fei that were super strong.

They were victorious every single time.

Hey, guys, don't go.

It's not just Liu Bei.

At that time... let's see...

from various places in the region.

So many military commanders
have risen up as a volunteer army.

Cao Cao, who would later found the state of Wei.

Sun Jian, father of Sun Quan,
who would later found the state of Wu,

and who had the same name as his son, also rose to power.

Taking advantage of the confusion,

he made that prince,

who was still a child, the emperor all by himself,

and the one who rose to power was a man named Dong Zhuo.

He's really a bad guy.

Using the emperor as a shield,
he can do whatever he wants.

He has already executed a young emperor
who was difficult for him to handle.

If he sees farmers enjoying the festival

and calls them lazy, he'll execute them.

He dug up the tomb of a historical emperor

and stole all the treasures.

Everyone

was trying to defeat this Dong Zhuo,

but this Dong Zhuo

had a giant

named Lu Bu as his bodyguard.

The Anti-Dong Zhuo Allied Forces
have gathered at Hulao Pass,

where 200,000 Dong Zhuo troops are camped.

[Hulao Pass]
where 200,000 Dong Zhuo troops are camped.

[Cao Cao] [Xiahou Dun]

General Liu Bei,
thank you for joining with our army.

First, Liu Bei...

Huh? Where's General Liu Bei?

Wait...what? Where's Liu Bei?

Well, isn't this great?
Don't worry about it.

What's wrong?

I hope he did not jump in
Hulao Pass all by himself.

No, he didn't.

Then where is he?

Like I told you,

don't worry about it.

Is he...

skipping out?

He's obviously freaking out.

Hey! Skipping out?

What kind of military general skips out?

He didn't skip out!

What then?

Day off.

It's the same thing.

Did he catch a cold?

No!

I want a day off.

Why not?

Cao Cao, Yuan Shao, and
Gongsun Zan are all allied forces, right?

They won't know I'm gone.

They'll know. You're the general.

Even if they find out, one person missing

won't affect that many people.

The general inspires the fighting spirit of our army.

There's no one else who can do that job.

Why?

You guys can do it without me, right?

Yes. Someone who can do it.

Every war needs a general.

My stomach hurts...?

My stomach hurts.

Okay, you're lying.

Really, really, really.

I've had a stomachache since this
morning. Ow, ow, ow.

Eldest Brother, you must not lie.

It hurts, it hurts, it hurts, I can't... I can't do it.

I need to rest.

I'm going to lie down. I'm sorry.

Eldest brother...

Ow, ow, ow...

- Eldest brother...
- No, no, no...

This is one situation where I need to lie down.

Excuse me. I'm sorry.

- Eldest brother, it's so obvious.
- Ow, owie, owie...

This is definitely something
I need to take a break from.

Ow, that stings, it hurts.

I'm sorry. I'm really sorry.

I'll be there when I can. I'm sorry.

It's like that.

That must be hard for every...

No, no, no, I don't get it. I don't get it at all.

No, I don't mind if it's one of the soldiers,

but he's the general of his army.

There are plenty of generals from other armies.

That's who he is. You get it.

You people are so forgiving.

Because everyone knows.

Everyone, in the end, said,

"Why not?"

It was like that.

I get it.

So Liu Bei's army will fight without a general?

That's right.
How many times do we have to say it?

But it's okay.

Because he's not always there when we fight.

That's not a general now, is it?

Here it comes!

[Lu Bu]

Lu Bu...

That horse is big. So is the person.

The red horse runs 3,927 kilometer a day.

Red hare...

I, Lu Bu, will not allow anyone
to defeat General Dong Zhuo.

Interesting.

I, Zhang Fei will be your opponent.

All right. I, Guan Yu, will join in.

Brother!

That guy's strong.

If we don't deal with him,
we won't be able to defeat Dong Zhuo.

After that, Dong Zhuo's army continued to siege at Hulao Pass,

but was overwhelmed by the
anti-Dong Zhuo allied forces,

and retreated to Luoyang,
the capital of the Later Han Dynasty.

Outnumbered, Dong Zhuo's army

took the gold and silver in Luoyang,
burned it down, and fled to Chang'an.

However, the generals of the allied armies

were so discordant that they could not unite,

and the anti-Dong Zhuo forces were disbanded.

I've been thinking.

I mean, this is the only thing
I can come up with that's really interesting.

Why don't we seduce this Lu Bu guy

and Dong Zhuo with women?

That's ridiculous.

No, I heard that Dong Zhuo likes women a lot,

and that guy Lu Bu is strong, but...

he's pretty stupid.

Like crazy stupid.

So we send in the most beautiful woman we can find

to seduce them both.

I don't think that's enough
to bring down Dong Zhuo.

No, it might be worth a try.

We have a million people.

I'm sure there's a
beautiful woman or two out there.

Right?

That task,

please leave it to me.

General Zhao Yun.

[Zhao Yun]

The most handsome man
in Liu Bei's army, Zhao Yun,

here to assess...

the beautiful lady.

That was cool what he said,
but it's a bit annoying, isn't it

Forgive me.

I'm very popular.

No, you're not listening.
No one's listening.

I'm popular and...

strong.

It's so annoying.

Something about the odd
pauses between lines bugs me.

And it's also annoying that
he's carrying that weird light on his back.

With that much snark,

I'm sure he will bring a beautiful woman with him.

All right, go ahead.

I'm off.

So annoying...

Lord Liu Bei

Out of all the woman swarming
around me out there,

I've brought you

the most beautiful one.

That was fast. Thanks.

Then shall we send that woman

to Dong Zhuo's army immediately?

Diao Chan, Diao Chan, come here.

Diao Chan.

It's a very pretty name.

Handmaiden, step aside.

I'd like to see that Diao Chan.

I am Diao Chan.

Isn't she amazing?

Her dancing is top-notch.
Let's infiltrate her as a dancer.

Now, Diao Chan, let them see you dance.

Yes.

Watch my back.

Right... right, left, right, left.

What a wonderful dance!

All right. Let's get you ready.

Yes.

Wait, wait, wait, wait...

Wait.

What's the matter, Lord Liu Bei?

No...

Did you just say, "What's the matter"?

Well... Isn't this the matter?

Isn't that it?

What is?

Did you say "What is?"

Well... you got it all wrong.

You were wrong from the start.

No, I'm sorry-- no.

You said she was a beautiful woman.

Isn't she the most beautiful woman?

Hey, hey, hey, handsome guy,

what are you saying?

Brother... brother... brother...

In this era, a beautiful woman would

look like this.

Oh, really?

Well, from a historical perspective,

she's an absolute beauty.

Historically accurate beauty...

I see. So it's like that?

Yes.

That is correct, Lord Liu Bei

Me, too... this very attractive me

and her...

is like me.

Really...

Brother, let's pretend to apologize for the
rude attack on his castle the other day

and offer him Diao Chan.

Are you sure it's okay?
That she's historically accurate beauty.

It's okay.

[Dong Zhuo]

Did you come to apologize?

Yep.

That's fine,

but from now on,
please don't ever attack me again.

Yep.

You know, hey, you.

Yep.

Your response

is so lukewarm, so lukewarm, so loose.

Normally, when you're talking to a military commander,

you'd say "Ha!" or "Ha-ha!"

Yep.

Hey, you.

Hey, do you understand me?
I'm really gonna strike you.

Sorry.

Don't sorry me, buddy.

Do you understand me?

Do you understand? I'm angry, but...

Rawr!

Ra...

Forget it. So?
What are you doing here today?

Yep.

I've heard that General
Dong Zhuo is a nasty womanizer...

The way you speak.

Yep.

The way you said it, honestly...

you have to be a little more
careful with your words...

In order to make General Dong Zhuo's drinking party more fun,

along with the pride of Liu Bei's army, we are
here to present you with an exquisite beauty.

Is that right? By the way...

I prefer beautiful women who can sing and dance.

We are sure you will be satisfied.

Is it really okay?

I'm losing confidence in this
historically accurate beauty.

It's okay, Eldest Brother.

Well, your army is in the countryside, so my expectations aren't that high,

but if she's not beautiful as you say,
then I won't let you off easy...

I'm sorry. As I thought...
I know you wouldn't like her.

We'll come back.

Exquisite, isn't it!?

A beauty like no other,
the kind that lives up to her name, right?

A courtesan, a lady of the country,
a beautiful woman,

who can make the whole country fall.

Really? This era is amazing.

But we have to make sure Lu Bu
falls in love with her too.

Seriously?

A great success.

This is exactly...

the triangular barrier plan
(love triangle).

What a simple plan, right from the name.

Diao Chan.

Please stop.

Wait.

Will you wait, Diao Chan?

No, please.

So cute.

It's kind of funny. I'm surprised that it works.

Let's leave the rest to Diao Chan
and head home.

Lovely.

My feet hurt, but I'll do my best.

I'll try moving slower. Look.

I'll try moving really slowly.

Diao Chan, Diao Chan.

I think I've had my fill of dancing.

I think this old man's had his fill of your dancing.

Uh, more importantly, Diao Chan,
under the covers...

hurry up and come here... Okay?

As much as I would love to...

What? What's the problem?

Actually, General Lu Bu...

Lu Bu? What about Lu Bu?

Lu Bu is...

He seems to really like me...

He is so serious that it's overwhelming.

But, well, it can't be helped. It can't be helped.

You know, because you're so beautiful.

So everyone, everyone likes you.

But you see, Lu Bu is under me.

As expected. He wouldn't put his
hands on his superior's woman.

But...

He wants me to break up with you.

What? Did Lu Bu...
Did Lu Bu say that?

He said Dong Zhuo only has a
big face, hands and feet,

but his balls and privates are small.

Oh.

He always says that.

Dong Zhuo gets flustered easily and talks nonsense,

and when he drinks, he gets drunk
and makes a lot of puns.

You'd be surprised how many puns he makes.

And he sings karaoke, even though he sucks at it.

And he sings, embarrassingly,
while imitating them.

He's my superior, but he's a real buzzkill.

A real buzzkill...

Stop it!

It's true!

It's true, but stop!

Lu Bu, you went too far with the private parts.

You've insulted me so much...

"So be my girl," he said.

Nuh-uh!

I!

I love General Dong Zhuo.

Lu Bu's... Lu Bu,

he's not only handsome,
he's also very forceful.

Diao Chan.

Are you ready to be mine?

No, Dong Zhuo would never allow it...

What...

He always says this.

Lu Bu is handsome and big, and people say

he's the strongest and the most powerful,

but I have bigger hands, feet, and face than
him, and my feet are 31 centimeters long,

and if I really put my mind to it,
I'm stronger than him.

And then Lu Bu would cry like a little bitch

and apologize endlessly to me.

Damn it! Dong Zhuo.

I...

I love General Lu Bu.

That half-mixed foreigner face...
(Lu Bu's actor Yu Shirota is of Japanese-Spanish descent)

Español...

All right, I got it.

Diao Chan, I'll make you mine and mine alone.

Dong Zhuo, don't you dare touch my girl.

Not fair surprise attacking me, you idiot.

Lu Bu, you're the one who's been serving me,

so what have you done to me?

Shut up!

No one can stop my
runaway locomotive of love.

I'll stop it. I'll stop it.

If I call more people, no matter how strong you are...

Ugh!

Ugh...

I got stabbed!

Diao Chan, I've defeated Dong Zhuo.
We should celebrate...

You've been deceived, Lu Bu.

You're as stupid as they say.

What... Diao Chan, you...

I'm surprised you can't see
through this simple disguise.

How unfortunate, isn't it?

This is who I truly am.

Diao Chan, you bastard... are you really that hideous?

I'm sorry I'm so ugly.

Stop. Don't show me any more of that ugliness.

I will never be the property of the enemy I hate.

Die!

My next life...

I want...

to be reborn...

in a time...

where... I... am...
considered... beautiful.

It's Lu Bu! Arrest Lu Bu!

Don't let him get away! Make sure you get him!

Well, that's how it always has been.

It's the simple things that make a difference in the world.

Especially when it comes to women's issues,

the government often takes action.

And so, well,

Dong Zhuo was defeated by the hands of Lu Bu.

Right then, the world has
become a world of warring factions,

and even so, Cao Cao is still the strongest.

So, let's look at the north.

One after another, he got them,

but this area south of the Yangtze River...

The Sun family is very strong in this area.

This area has been blessed with good weather,

and the land is fertile.

That means there's plenty of food here.

And Liu Bei, well,

he was somehow just wandering aimlessly around here,

but he didn't seem to be interested at all.

So basically, since he lacks motivation,

why doesn't Liu Bei's army
hire a better military strategist?

He said something like this to them.

If we hire a better military strategist,

won't that make things easier for us?

What a thought, huh?

No, it wouldn't be much easier if
we had a strategist, would it?

From then on, if we do what he says,
we'll rule the country, right?

I'm sure it's not that easy.

I hear that Zhuge Liang Kongming
is quite a difficult man

I'm not sure he'll take us up on our offer.

I guess so. He's basically a scholar.

I don't think he'll join the fight that easily.

It's okay.

Zhang Fei,

I will beg no matter how many times
I scrape my head on the ground,

and to win him over,

I'll even strip naked.

No. Why naked?

Eldest brother, you should have some pride.

The best man in the whole
country who can kneel down easily is me.

No, it's not cool at all.

Brother.

First, he'll deliberately say no, just to see how sincere we are.

And then we come back and beg him again and again,

That's what he'll test us.

So, to start with getting down on your knees...

Please don't do that.

To do something like that, Kongming's just a jerk.

That's how a military strategist reads people's minds.

So that's what it's gonna take.

So please don't get upset
if he refuses, Eldest Brother.

- I don't need you to tell me that.
- I'm not upset.

You get angry easily...

That's it.

Young man, is Zhuge Liang Kongming at home?

I'm sorry for the trouble,
he's inside taking a nap right now.

Wake him up.

Wake him...

No, not like that.

This is how he tests us.

We must turn around like gentlemen.
That's how a general should act.

Are you crazy?

You know how far we've walked?

So far.

If he was somewhere else and didn't
know when he'd be back, it's better

he's just napping.

That's right. We should just wake
him up if he's just napping.

You know... you're wrong!

Don't wake him up.
Let's leave without interrupting his nap.

Let's show him we're worthy.

Then let's wait. He's taking a nap. It'll only take an hour.

How many hours does he sleep?

Well, I don't know.

No, no, no...

Maybe... he's not sleeping.

Calling it a nap when he's not
sleeping, to see if we'll leave.

That son of a bitch, he's messing...

No, no, no...

Don't be mad.

Don't be mad. Why are you mad?

Okay, hold it, Eldest Brother.

It's you.

I'm not mad right now.

Sorry.

Let's shut up and turn back,
and show him we're the bigger man.

We're coming back?

It's too far. My legs are sticks.

[In English]
Leg is stick.

Stop saying the same thing over and over again.
And don't use weird words.

Maybe...

if we come back here three times,
he'll join our army.

- Three times! Again here, three times!
- Yes.

[In English]
Three times!?

You've said it again.

Now, let's be firm and say with respect
that we're leaving for the day.

Okay? Now...

Go ahead.

If he's taking a nap, we don't want to disturb him.

We'll head back for today...

I'm sorry...

I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

I was sleeping for a bit.

Who are you?

I'm Zhuge Liang Kongming.

What?

You were napping for real?

Yeah, for real. Well, I was drinking at home yesterday,

and a friend came over late at night.

And I said no, no, but I ended up
drinking and had fun.

And it's morning, so...

Do I nap or do I actually sleep?

I was genuinely asleep.

Hey, why... why didn't you wake up
when we had visitors?

No.

I'm sorry, this guy is a part-timer, so...

A part-timer.

I'm sorry. Please forgive him.

Is he all right?

I heard that you, Zhuge Liang Kongming,

are a wise man called Fukuryu around here...

That's right, a fukuryu,
a dragon that's still hiding.

Once I'm out in the world,

will I rise to the heavens at once?
Something like that? That's who I am.

Is he okay? This guy's kind of flippant.

Lord Liu Bei Xuande, I know who you are, sir.

That's me.

What can I do for you?

Right!

The truth is, with Cao Cao to the north and Sun Quan to the south,

we are in a situation where we could be attacked from either side,

and so we need a strategist...
- I'll do it!

No... I'm still explaining.

You're offering me a job, right?
An offer to be a strategist, right?

I'll do it. Roger that.

Zhuge Liang Roger that, Kongming.
This man will do it. I will do it

Hey, hey, hey... Are you really Zhuge Liang Kongming?

I am. Zhuge Liang. Kongming. Why do you ask?

No, no, um...

I've heard he's quite a difficult man.

Difficult. Usually difficult.

I usually look like this.

Usually I look like this...

I usually look like this,
plowing the fields on sunny days, plowing the fields

and sleeping when it rains, just sleeping.

I do exactly what I want to do.
[Seikoudoku - Japanese proverb]
"Plough when sunny, read when rainy"

No, you're not "reading"?

Because you don't do the "read" on that proverb.

You're not reading a book on a rainy day. Read a
book on plough when sunny, read when rainy.

If you're just sleeping, then it's
plough when sunny, sleep when it rains

There it is, there it is... all of it.

He said it all.
Plough when sunny, sleep when rainy? Sleep?

That's a nice phrase.

How... how did he come up
with that nice phrase? It's nice.

He's really irritating.

If you're a scholar, you should read a book.

Is this guy stupid?

Excuse me.

What do you mean, "stupid"? Listen here.

Together.

Let's fight together and restore peace to the world.

Yup, and so on.

♪ Let's hire him. Let's hire him. Yes.

♪ Let's hire him. Let's hire him. Kongming.

♪ Let's hire...

I can't. I wanna punch him.

Most of the time, I come here to beg ,
but he's not selling me anything.

♪ Let's hire him. Let's hire him.

Hey!

You said you'd clean up after
yourself after drinking these crap.

Get in here and clean this shit up.

Who's that?

My wife.

She's always nagging me

to work, work, work,
and stop dawdling at home.

She's a little on edge right now.

If you don't do it now,
you won't have any food for a month.

A month!?

Lord Liu Bei, how may I serve you?
Will you hire me as your military strategist?

Let's hire him already.
Let's make an agreement. A quick decision.

I'll hire you. That's great. I'm a go-getter.

I'm a very capable man.

I've already come up with tactics that no one...
no one else can come up with.

I--I can come up with a

brand-new formation that no one knows about yet.

The soldiers will say, "it's new, it's new."

Then there's the celebration party at the best restaurant.

I'll choose a nice restaurant,
and I'll propose a toast, a toast.

Usually it's number 2 who does it, and in my toast,
it's number 1 who does it.

But in order for number 1 to have a good toast,

some say it's better if number 2 does it.

I was in that school of theory,

so I asked the number 2 to do it,
and when things got exciting,

at the peak of the moment,

I dared to say let's have another toast.

I took care of... I took care of that,

so number 1...

No, I'm good with toast.

I don't need a toast.

I know you want a toast.

If it's the birthday of any of you three,

I have a surprise and it's a secret.

- I won't tell any of you three.
- A surprise.

Yes, a surprise.

And the way that I bring the gifts,

they just suddenly appear
in front of you and say, "What?"

What's this? What? Is this...

- It's okay. It's...
- HEY!

Is this... Is this...

If you don't clean this shit up,
you can't do your side job.

Bring him in here quickly, part-timer!

Including that, I'm a very capable man,

so hire me, Liu Bei, Liu Bei! Come on, hire me.

Together... together... we'll do surprises together.

Hey, don't pull me down,
why do you always pull me down?

Do we hire him?

I don't know...

He seems like an interesting guy.

Well... he is interesting.

Well, at this time, Cao Cao ruled the North, right?

He became the most powerful man,
and won over the Emperor.

What a position he had
as the prime minister of the Han Dynasty.

The prime minister, you see,

is number 2 after the Emperor.

Since the Emperor was still a child at that
time, in both politics and military affairs,

Cao Cao actually held the most power.

Wait, wait, wait, wait!

Oh, are you over here?

Where are you? Where are you?

Cao Cao!

General Cao Cao!

Move!

Where are you? Are you here or here?

Stop this, Cao Cao!

Where, are you here?

You're here. I got you.

Stop this, Cao Cao!

Cao Cao, stop this!

[Xun Yu]
General!

[Xun Yu]
This is not the time to do this, my Lord.

Cao Cao! Enough! Take a break!

You're not in your early 20s, you know.

They say they prefer this side of a hero.

You like it too much.
In fact, it's the only thing you like.

General, you are now the prime minister of Han.

You need to set a good
example for the people below you.

STOP THIS!

Hey, quit pretending.

He's really loud...

Don't have any real fun.

What is it, Xiahou Dun?

To stop me in the middle of all this,

it must be very important.

You're not really busy, you're just playing around.

Every day...

Every day...

War...

War...

Something that gives us a moment's peace

in the midst of such brutal warfare...

and then what?

Because I...

don't like killing people either.

There is sadness and emptiness.

It's hard to live in a turbulent world.

Please understand me, Xiahou Dun.

Xun Yu...

The only thing that will soothe it

is...

to have sex.

- So I'm going.
- You can't go.

We really don't have time for that.

I almost said, "Go ahead."

I also heard a music playing.

What the hell!?

The rule was that if I caught a girl
blindfolded, she had to have sex with me.

You caught her after I took the blindfold off.

So what the hell is it? Just tell me.

Liu Bei...

has invited Zhuge Liang
Kongming as his strategist.

What?

So far, we've disregarded him as a lazy idiot,

but now that Zhuge Liang
has joined, it's a different story.

I see...

If Liu Bei's army were to form
an alliance with Sun Quan of Wu,

we would be in trouble

He wouldn't think of that, would he?

Kongming might do it.

But he won't pull any tricks on me,

because I'm the most powerful person in this country.

So, let's ask the Emperor

to give us the order to strike
down Liu Bei and Sun Quan as traitors

If we do this,

we can fight honorably under the orders of the state

and eliminate anyone who gets in our way.

Oh...

Our strategist is brilliant.

Then, Cao Cao, we must make haste, the Emperor...

For now,

I'm gonna have sex.

You can't.

Prime Minister, please go to the
Emperor and ask for an edict...

Tsk, okay.

Now that Cao Cao has received
the order to exterminate the rebels,

he will pursue Liu Bei's army in the Battle of Changban.

And as for Liu Bei's army, well, with his subjects,

they just kept on running away, didn't they?

In the midst of all this, Liu Bei's first wife,

Lady Mi, missed her chance to escape.

That's when Zhao Yun, who is known as the most handsome man in the Three Kingdoms,

[Lady Mi]
comes to show off.

[Lady Mi]
You see, Zhao Yun,

he somehow managed to
come back to this battlefield by himself.

And then he saves Liu Bei's child,

which is exactly what the most popular
man in the Three Kingdoms would do.

Die!

Lady Mi! Lady Mi!

General Zhao Yun!

I, Zhao Yun, will make it all
right now that I'm here.

In a desperate pinch like this

I gallantly appear and help the weak.

Please entrust your son to I, Zhao Yun.

Please, General Zhao Yun.

I'm at your service.

Now,

General Liu Bei's son, Lord Liu Shan, is in my care.

Wait, wait... Do you have to say that?
Normally, you won't, so they won't know.

What the hell! If so, then the
one beside you is Liu Bei's wife.

That's right!

The two of them are under my protection and will
be brought back to General Liu Bei's army.

What's that?

No, no, no, no... Look, just look.
There's a lot of enemies.

Look, if we get stuck with these people,
they'll use us as hostages.

If we're going to run, then we should run.

Okay, let's get out of here.

Okay... that's not good.

Don't give up, my Lady.

I, Zhao Yun, can take a hundred men...

Huh?

Lady Mi! Lady Mi!

Lady Mi!

Defeated in the Battle of Changban,
Liu Bei's army retreated to the south.

They decided to explore an alliance with Sun Quan's army to confront Cao Cao's army.

Cao Cao is getting super strong.

Wasn't it pretty bad the other day?

If we're not careful, we'll go crazy all at once,

one by one, in the blink of an eye.

We won't go down.

He wouldn't come all this way for that.

No, no, no. The other day,
he received an imperial decree

to strike down us and Sun Quan of Wu as traitors.

Even so, the weather is nice around here.

There's plenty of grain,

and they're up north in the cold, right?

And they want it. They need it.

Around here, it's soft and fluffy, around here.

All right, I got it.

Let's give it to them. This area.

Let's become Cao Cao's underlings,
I'm totally fine with that

Eldest Brother, you said you wouldn't
abandon those who follow you,

and said something cool, so you must be desperate.

Because people think I'm an amazing person.

You see, I love being complimented.

I'm the type who thrives on compliments.

Cao Cao would never praise you at all.

I think he's probably the type
who would hate someone like you.

Yes.

He would never compliment you.

Because he loves himself.

When we talk like this, he would interrupt,

and say, "But... but... but..."

He's the type of guy who
makes everything about himself.

I'm the same way, so maybe we'll hit it off.

Quite the opposite.

You two talking would eat each other's words,

"But... but... but... but..." ,

then you'd fight and...

- No, but...
- Not "but."

- No, no, but...
- Not "but."

- He loves to fight.

- No, but these guys will do the fighting, so why not?
- He loves to fight.

- No, but these guys will do the fighting, so why not?

But, but... we do things when we have to.

But you should go into battle once in a while.

No way. But maybe you guys should go.

But... but... but... you guys are always saying,

"Go fight, go fight...

But... it's such a pain in the ass.

Brother.

Let us do what Lord Kongming says
and form an alliance with Sun Quan of Wu.

Is Sun Quan a good guy?

Sun Quan is...

an idiot.

He listens to everyone, an idiot.

[Sun]
Recently, when I went to the south
to execute a criminal by imperial order,

Liu Cong surrendered in Jingzhou
without putting up any resistance.

[Sun Quan]
We will now lead 800,000 naval troops

to the land of Wu to hunt
alongside you, General Sun...

Let's hunt together means

let's decide who will fight and who will not.

We must fight!

Cao Cao, who underestimated the Sun family,
should be shown a thing or two.

I like that.

However, with an overwhelming
strength gap of 800,000 naval troops,

and in addition to that,

defying Cao Cao means becoming the enemy of the Emperor,

so for the sake of the people of Jiangnan,
I think we should surrender...

We certainly would like that.

It is Cao Cao who is the traitor!

We must not surrender without a fight. We must
gather our troops and set up camp immediately.

Yeah, that too.

What the people want is for this
turbulent world to end as soon as possible.

We should step down here to Cao Cao...

You have a point.

That's nice, an idiot.

There's just...

one guy who's a pain in the ass.

And who's that?

Zhou Yu.

That's so annoying.

You know, you have too many pauses.

It's a huge waste of space.

And every time you come in,
you have a strange light on your back.

You're a much more troublesome man than him.

It can't be helped. Because Zhao Yun is the most
handsome man in the Three Kingdoms.

You're so loud.

Because of your unnecessary
pauses, I've lost my wife.

At that time, there was plenty of time...

Enough. Enough. Enough.

Brother, I believe that Lord Kongming is right,

we should ally with Sun Quan of Wu

Seriously, Guan-chan, you are too serious.

Just go along with it.

What do you want to do?

The war-loving Cao Cao,
who would never praise you,

or the stupid and quick to praise Sun Quan,

which would you...
- Sun Quan!

Interrupted...

You really are the type who
thrives on compliments.

- Cao Cao or Sun Quan
- Sun Quan!

Interrupted...

To form an alliance,
Kongming heads to Sun Quan.

My Lord!

Zhuge Liang Kongming of
the Liu Bei army has arrived!

A man with a reputation for being very clever.

YES!

The very clever and popular, Zhuge Liang...

Kongming.

You sound like a smart guy.

So, what should we do?

I suggest you surrender.

What is this stranger saying?

Oh... and why is that?

There are far fewer soldiers here,

and no matter what you think,
this is not a battle you can win.

Is our army weak?

It's weak.

...so let's surrender. Let's surrender.

However...!

Liu Bei's army will not surrender, because

they want to preserve their righteousness
and not be humiliated, that is all.

Huh?

So you're saying that I should be
humiliated for my transgressions...

I understand.

What did you understand? Huh... what?

What's the humiliation?

Let see...

Well, we should be okay on that end.

Well, what Lord Kongming is trying to say is that,

um... We're already pretty weak,

but shouldn't we still fight? Something like that.

Then let's fight!

Wait! Wait!

[Zhou Yu]

[Zhou Yu]
Don't believe everything

you hear from this nobody

who just waltzed in here.

What nobody?

General Zhou Yu, this is the military strategist
of Liu Bei's army, Zhuge Liang Kongming.

Lord Kongming, for you to make such a suggestion,

you must have a plan to defeat Cao Cao's army
in a situation where we are outnumbered.

I have!

I'd like to hear it.

It's...

It's what I'm thinking right now.

Just now?

That's like saying you don't have a plan!

I have! I have

lots and lots and lots of them,

so it's just a matter of which one to choose...

You know,

the way it feels over here,
or even further over there,

or the weather, or the sky,

and, you know, each of these...

Strengths and weaknesses? You know...

It's too aimless! Too aimless!

My Lord, you must not trust this buffoon.

Just! We'll win. We'll win for sure.

You think Cao Cao has led tens of thousands of troops.

What tens of thousands?

What?

Tens of thousands?

I'm not exactly sure yet, but...

they've got a lot of it.

He's uncertain.

We've only got 30,000 men.

I know that!

And so,

there is only one way to reconcile with Cao Cao

WHAT!?

To hand over the exquisite beauty,
Lady Xiao Qiao to Wu Castle.

It seems that Cao Cao has long
been obsessed with Lady Xiao Qiao.

You bastard, Xiao Qiao is my wife!

Really? I didn't know that.

I'm terribly sorry.

Alright, let's give Xiao Qiao to him.

I said she's my wife!

NOW! JUST NOW!

Cao Cao, you are after my wife!

I hear he's quite the ladies' man.

Well, well, the woman he's after,
he will use any means necessary,

any means at all, to...

gently hold hands under the desk.

Gently... everyone...

sees that they're holding hands over there.

And we notice it, but he won't stop...

If that happens, then I have no choice.

Let's go. Let's go.

Let's fight Cao Cao's army with all our forces

Cao Cao must be defeated!

We'll show them what we can do.

Wait a minute... Wait a minute.

In order for Cao Cao

to defeat the allied forces of Liu Bei and Sun Quan,

he sent many of these huge ships down

the Yangtze River to set up his camp.

That's the so-called... famous Battle of Red Cliff.

Right now, it's, it's like...

[Red Cliff]
It was painted on, wasn't it? It seems like...

[Red Cliff]
It's rather crude,

[Red Cliff]
but "Red Cliff" was written on it.

So to speak,

it became a disappointing
tourist destination, right?

It's a shame really.

This is where the first part of the
Three Kingdoms comes to a climax,

the Battle of Red Cliff is going to take place,

and there are many interesting anecdotes about this battle.

There's a lot of it.

But you know, my new interpretation

is that it was really like this...

I have a suggestion.

Please consider it.

Sun Quan... is an idiot.

Quite an idiot.

Zhou Yu is a bit of a scoundrel,
but he is surprisingly easy to deal with.

Can I tell you one thing?

Go ahead.

We can't win, can we?

What do you mean?

Don't "What do you mean" me.

Look over there.

How many of those big ships are there?

And how many soldiers are going to be on it?

We're going to lose no matter what.

It's an extraordinary way to lose.

It's a crushing defeat.

An utter defeat.

An utter and thorough of the
utter and thorough defeat.

An utter and thorough defeat... of the year.

Lord Liu Bei.

I will now

tell you the most important thing in warfare.

What is it?

[In English]
Never give up.

Shut up.

Shut up.

So, uh...

do you have any basis for
believing that we might be able to win?

I have! I have, Leave it to me.

Then, then, then, then... Right now,

what if they attack us right now,
what are we going to do??

We would panic.

First of all, we would panic.

What "first of all"?

Then, then, first, we should freak out, right?

- Roger.
- Shall we freak out?

Copy that.

- Let's go?
- Yes.

Cao Cao's army is attacking us!

We panic! We panic!

We panic! We panic...

I don't like it. I don't like it.

Panic! We panic!

We panic! We panic...

Boom!

That's a boom.

While we're panicking,
the ship's already coming this way.

They won't come.
You kidding me, it's the Yangtze?

They'll never get here unless they row really hard.

They're rowing and rowing
and rowing, but we're already...

Smack them!

Um... well, what was that just now?

It's a smack...

It's a smack. Of course it's a smack.

You really need to stop talking in nuances.

I don't want to die on a riverbank like that!

Move! Move!

Zhou Yu! Zhou Yu!

WHAT!?

[Huang Gai]
Is it true that Cao Cao is after Xiao Qiao?

Isn't that what Kongming said?

Why would you believe it so easily?

It's possible that he's just lying

to get you to fight Cao Cao.

I'll never forgive you, Kongming!

Kongming, you bastard!

You lied to me, Cao Cao is not after Xiao Qiao.

I'm sorry, but he is.

- He's not.
- He is.

Yes, you're lying. You have a lying face.

It's my real fa...

- You definitely have a lying face.
- It's my real face.

Yes, not at all.

Here's proof. Here's proof...

Then show me the proof.

Show me the proof. Show me the proof...

Would you like to see it? Would you? Would you...

Please let me see it!

Here you go.

Cao Cao's favorite member... Xiao Qiao.

It really was true...

Damn you, Cao Cao!

I'm surprised you even believe me.

Xiao Qiao! Leave this state now...

I heard.

[Xiao Qiao]
Cao Cao promised me peace
if I would hand myself over to him.

What are you doing?

I, alone, will go to Cao Cao.

No, you don't have to do that.

But the State of Wu doesn't stand a chance

No, I'm gonna try to win this battle.

No, if I can sacrifice
myself to save the state of Wu...

- Don't do this.
- No, I'm going.

No, don't...

- No, don't...
- I'm going...

Why are you doing this?

Do you... not love me?

No... I love you.

What was that weird pause?

No, I love you. For reals. Yes, I love you.

What's with the way you said that?

That's it, isn't it? You really want to go.

Right? To Cao Cao.

You have all these kimonos,

all these accessories,

so you can go to Cao Cao, right?

"Now that I have come,
you will help the state of Wu, right?"

This is what Cao Cao said,

"I don't care about the war.
As long as you're beautiful, it's all good."

You'd suddenly say something like...

"What...", I'll do you, Xiao Qiao.

"I'll stop the war. Just come to my castle."

You say something like this to Cao Cao...

"But I have a husband that I love."

"It's okay. A guy like that,

a general of a weak state... just leave him."

"No, I won't."

"Just so you know, I'm strong."

"I don't care."

"I know you want a good, strong man."

"No, my husband is strong too."

"No, I'm stronger."

- "No, my husband is stronger than you."
- "No, I'm stronger."

"No, you're stronger than hi...m."

"I love you."

"What I mean to say is... I love you."

or something like that!

Knock it off, Zhou Yu!

And your wife doesn't have to go.

We don't even know if it's true

that Cao Cao wants you.

Oh, really?

Why do you look so disappointed?

A woman's heart!
A woman's heart is too complex to understand.

No, seriously, we'll definitely win.

Then, Lord Liu will have a new state,

and the Three Kingdoms will be complete

But Zhou Yu doesn't seem to want to do it, right?

Oh, he will.

He's completely bought into the lie
that Cao Cao is after his wife.

Kongming!

I won't be fooled, Cao Cao is not after Xiao Qiao,

and Xiao Qiao loves me,

so she will never go to Cao Cao!

He wasn't deceived at all.

So, there will be no war with Cao Cao, Lord Kongming.

That is all...

It seems that Cao Cao.

He keeps mispronouncing
your name, Lord Zhou Yu.

He seems to call you, "Shoyu (Soy sauce)."

Oh?

What did you say!?

He said that you're the guy

whose name is the thing you put on sashimi.

Unforgivable!

Hey, don't fall for it again. It's a lie. Hey.

If it's soy sauce...

I heard he calls you soup too.

The soup is just a nuance.

Zhou Yu? Soup? General Soup?
No, General Soup.

Sun Quan's army is a navy, and they love the water,

so if they were to be defeated,

they want to have a swimming pool built.

Maybe you could make a swimming pool for him?

Why not build a slide or something?
That's a good idea.

Ooh wee! Ooh wee! Ooh wee!

He said, "Why don't we make it a
big bath and have mixed baths?"

No, Cao Cao!

It's not only me, he's insulting our army!

Let's fight Cao Cao's army and I, I will fight!

Hey, wait, Zhou Yu.

But how could you take such a losing battle?

People often learn from their mistakes.

No, because if you fail,
you'll die as soon as you learn.

I think you may be right.

What's so funny? Why is he laughing?

He lied to me again...

Don't worry about it. Relax, okay?

Liu Bei... and Kongming...

Sadly, our Lord has complete faith in Kongming.

After all, we have no choice
but to get rid of Kongming

in a way that satisfies you.

All right.

Zhou Yu, this is a happy party. Come drink with us.

Lord Kongming.

In the coming battle with Cao Cao, our forces
are at an overwhelming disadvantage.

We must quickly strengthen our equipment.

You're finally motivated to do it. That's good.

I'm sure that man will agree
to the terms without consideration.

So, please prepare 100,000 arrows for us.

If you can't provide it, you'll be beheaded.

No, that's a ridiculous...

I'll provide them.

That was quick.

Why are you always so
quick to make rash promises?

Of course you can't get 100,000 arrow.

Time is of the essence. How long will it take?

Three days should be enough.

What are you saying?

In three days.

Right.

Cao Cao's army has also finished
scouting here, and will attack soon.

That's why in three days.

Excuse me...

Where are the parts to make the arrows?

There is no such thing.

Cut down the trees and make
them into sticks, one by one.

They don't have sharp edges, so please
make them and add some feathers.

What?

Don't you have a kit? An arrow kit.

There is no such thing.

You're regretting it, aren't you?

You're crying, right?

I've never even heard of an arrow kit.

It's funny that you think there is.

An arrow kit.

Hey! You've only done a hundred in one day?

One in a thousand of what you promised.

So what now?

From here, we'll push on for 90,000, 9,000, 900.

- Impossible.
- We can do it.

- Can you do it?
- No... we can do it.

I wish you could share a
grain of your positivity with us.

I'm sorry, but 100,000 is impossible.

[Lady Huang]
Of course it is.

[Lady Huang]
You'll be killed by Zhou Yu
the day after tomorrow.

Don't say that.

Okay, please give me your usual great ideas.

What the hell? You said you only
needed to motivate Zhou Yu to fight.

Your plan that Cao Cao is after
Xiao Qiao was right on the money, right?

Yes, thank you for that.

So, I'm in a bit of a jam right now,
and I need some ideas.

Seriously,

you're making promises you
can't keep just because I'm smart.

You haven't thought this through, not one bit.

I'm the face of it, remember?

Don't talk big with me.

I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry.

But right now...
I'm in a really, really, really bad spot.

Please think about it. Please.
100,000 arrows in two days' time.

I'm not a wizard, you know.

Please.

You really are useless.

You're useless, but you're lucky.

How many do you have now?

I made a little over a hundred
of them and gave up at the end.

Why did you choose to make it?

I just don't understand how
you could so easily

accept a request to prepare
100,000 arrow in the first place.

I completely have the same thought now.

Therefore, you must behead...

Why are you so quick to behead? Don't pull it out.

I'm begging you, don't behead me quickly.

You love beheading.
And if you do this, you'll be beheading me alone.

It wouldn't go down in history...

if you behead me in a deserted place like this.

So, you know, Lord Zhou Yu,

a large ship covered with a thick layer of straw,

I would like to build about 20 of them.

So, the entire Liu Bei army will flee in that ship?

No, I just had a brilliant idea.

He's completely given up.

All right, let's get ready to run away.

No.

He said he had a brilliant idea.

No, I don't think so this time.

Let's get out of here. Brother, Eldest Brother.

Right?

Yes.

Let's go.

Our allies have abandoned us...

We finally got rid of the crook.

Yes, everyone. Let's get out of here.

Once you're close enough
to Cao Cao's army,

please bang the drums as
loudly as you can, thank you.

In the thick fog,

the Cao Cao army shot arrows
at the straw-covered ships,

mistaking them for enemy attackers.

In fact, they couldn't see
very well because of the fog,

and they were afraid of the sound of the drums.

Well, that's just ridiculous, isn't it?

So they fired arrows at it.

Well, and so,

Kongming managed to get a
lot of arrows from the Cao Cao's army.

It's a well-known story.

I have presented

a theory that this idea came from Kongming's wife.

That's Lady Huang, Kongming's wife.

She was really smart.

Realistically speaking, according to one theory,

didn't Kongming learn all about meteorology and the art of war

from his wife? That's what they say.

Which mean that this idea,

was definitely done
according to his wife's instructions

and made it look as if it was his own idea.

I believe so.

And that's how they got the arrows.

This Zhuge Liang Kongming is super smart.

This is no time for compliments.

Okay, to get those arrow back...

we'll send a bunch of thieves over there.

That's not happening,
and please stop troubling us like that.

Well, it doesn't matter.
We've got plenty of arrows.

See, arrows are useless

if there's no one who can shoot them.

There doesn't seem to be anyone over there.

A spy who secretly crossed to the other side
of the river just came back and said this.

And so,

three days from now,

we'll attack the other side of the river.

Yes, my Lord!

So tonight

we'll have a victory party,

drink like idiots, and make a lot of noise.

As expected.

Well, he's a genius at getting his soldiers riled up.

[Xu Chu]

Wait, wait, wait, Xu Chu.

That's so funny. Do it for everyone. Everyone.

Yes!

- To everyone.
- Yes!

Everyone, take it off. Let's dance.

Attaboy, Xu Chu! Good job!

[Three Days Later]

Let's go to war!

General!

General!

Not good! Not good!

What is it!?

Hangover? It's past noon already.

It's a plague.

A plague? That's not good.

They caught a cold from the belly dance the
other day, and it spread into a plague.

What!? Belly dancing causes the plague...

Belly dancing...

Plague...

We mustn't tell anyone about this.

I don't think we can go to war with this.

Who did the belly dancing?

I did...

I did the belly dance...

Because it was fun.

Don't regret it, Xu Chu!

It was definitely...

fun.

What? There's an epidemic?

Yes. Hundreds of people are infected now.

Which means...

Which means...

Let's go home.

Hey, wait, wait, wait... wait, wait.

Wait, wait, wait a minute.

A plague going around means we have a chance.

If we attack now, we'll win.

Are you nuts? If we attack,

we'll just come back with the plague.

If we wear masks, we'll be fine.

Oh, no, no, no... Let's go home. The fungus are flying.

Because the wind is blowing this way.

It will be flying at us from over there.

The mask's mesh is not even close to...

The mask's mesh is like this...

and the fungus is like this,

so the fungus will slip through the mask's mesh

and enters our mucous membranes,

which I definitely saw on Gatten.

- No Gatten.
- No, seriously.

No Gatten. No Gatten. No Gatten.

It's far away so the fungus is gone.

- It's okay.
- No, no, no.

They're totally flying and the fungus are coming.

Wait...seriously, let's go home.

Lord Zhou Yu.

Forgive me. I don't want the plague.
I'm going home.

Lord Kongming, my brother has such strong beliefs

that he won't listen once he's told.

A professional person...

It's not a belief, though.

You're very selfish, aren't you, you general?

He's not selfish!

I understand.

How can you understand that? Hey.

If anything, my general always tries to leave.
How can you understand that?

And so our alliance is no more.

Right. It's just...

In the unlikely event that
you win against Cao Cao's army,

I want you to say that we fought together.

That is indeed selfish, isn't it?

Lord Liu Bei is indeed a...

All right.

What a sucker.

Thank you.

Why are you two thanking each other?

- Stop it.
- Okay, let's go home.

I'm staying.

I will fight to the end.

What...

Suit yourself.

Let's go home. Let's hurry.

I have a secret plan to win.

I can't do it. I'm really scared of the plague.

He's not selfish!

He's selfish.

They really went home.

Now, Lord Kongming, what is your secret plan to win?

It's a fire attack.

That's ridiculous. It's the headwind season.

As Lord Liu Bei said earlier,

if we attack by fire in this headwind,
the wind will blow it back

and we will be burned by the fire.

Then I will blow in the tailwind.

What!?

That's ridiculous.

If you can't blow it...

Beheading!

Zhan shou (to behead)!

Zhou Yu, you really love beheading, don't you?

Why do you want to behead me so badly?

Lord Kongming, no offense,

but at this time, the only wind
that blows in this land is the headwind.

I'll make the tailwind blow.

I said a hell of a lot of things
in front of everybody.

There you go again, Mr. Promises.

It's not like I can change the wind direction.

No, the tailwind will blow.

Around here, there's a rare cloud formation
on the other side of the mountains,

and it brings in a low pressure system from the south, which blows the other way.

When that cloud appears,

do some kind of
sorcerer-like ritual to bring in the wind,

seriously, it'll be like you called in the wind.

Thank you. You're leaving
a lot of anecdotes for me.

I mean, the people in this state are so stupid,
they don't even know that...

They never really pay
attention to the wind direction, huh?

Right...

Talking about the plague is
somehow making me feel sick too.

Imagination is the disease of the mind.

You're coughing.

What?

You don't usually cough, or you're too fat to cough.

Even fat people cough.

Well, unfortunately, our stay in this state was too long.

I'm sure you must be tired.

Not good. We need to build up
some stamina around here...

General, there it is. The best source of stamina...

Nice!

All right, let's eat and eat and eat

and go back to Jingzhou healthy.

Is the wind going to blow?

That's right. It's not until tomorrow.

No, the headwind's coming in strong.

Tomorrow, it'll be the other way around.

If the wind doesn't blow, you'll be responsible...

and beheaded!

Fine. Totally fine.

I don't want to behead you
for something you believed in.

Lord Sun Quan.

Good luck.

No. If you don't want to do it, you can say "no."

Then there won't be any more beheadings, right?

Because you're the ruler.

Not "good luck." It's like...

Can you really make it blow?

Maybe it's a little too hard to go against it...

It makes me nervous. Honestly...

It's in!

- It's coming.
- Hey, hey, hey...

What the hell?

The wind isn't coming.
You said it would blow today.

The headwind is still coming in strong.

I don't know.

Yes, it's here! It's a ron.

Seriously!?

Hey, this is no time for that,

we need a tailwind.

Got it!

Your head is on it!

Mangan!
[Mahjong point value]

You got a mangan, amazing!

Cao Cao's army is weak from the plague,
and has no means to attack us

Sure, the time to attack is now.
But what do you think?

The southeast tailwind you said would
blow doesn't even show signs of blowing.

What are you laughing at?

Who said it would blow naturally?

The wind won't blow,

but I will call it.

- Aren't we retreating?
- Nonsense!

If we attack Sun Quan, we can defeat him in an instant.

Well, I guess you're right.

Shall we march, General?

Yeah, yeah. You guys have caught the plague, too.

The plague is stupid!

You have it. You have a complete plague face.

Let me be honest with you.

We have...

the plague.

I know that.

If the leader get the plague,
they go home quickly for treatment.

This is not the time for war.

But Cao Cao... you are so strong.

They say idiots don't catch...

DAMN IT!

You thought I'd say that...

Lord Kongming.

You've had us fooled so many times,

but I knew you were a crook.

From here, it will be me who
will lead the battle against Cao Cao.

Oh, the wind will blow any minute now.

Stop being so stubborn!

Lord Zhou Yu, our Lord Sun Quan is fond of him,

and if you kill Lord Kongming,
Liu Bei's army will attack you.

My Lord.

My Lord, do you really want
to keep this man alive?

Please kill him.

He interrupted...
Why did you interrupted him?

After all, you're lying... and lying is bad.

No. You liked me, didn't you?

Like or not, you can't be a politician.

Why is your character suddenly serious,

and one who says normal things?

Lord Kongming, the southeast wind

does not blow here in this season.

If I have to die believing in my wife, so be it.

What?

No, it's nothing.

Well then... do it.

What the hell?

W--What?

It's the southeast wind!

Oh, yeah...

What the hell is going on?
Are you really a wizard?

This monster must not be allowed to live.

I'm afraid to go against him. Behead him.

Why? Why?

Leave it! Prepare for the fire attack.

It's too late now.

Since we didn't believe Lord Kongming,
we never prepared for the fire attack.

Why didn't you believe him?

Look who's talking...

How unfortunate.
You missed a great opportunity to attack with fire.

However!

I, Zhuge Liang Kongming,

also possess the magic to
unleash fire on Cao Cao's army.

No way. What?

That's ridiculous.

If that happens, I'll make you
the Grand Chief Controller of this state.

What!?

Cao Cao! Somehow, our ships caught on fire

We've hooked up the ships
so you won't get seasick.

They're catching fire one after the other.

I... told... you...

I said we should get the hell out of here.

Hurry up and let's get out of here.

General!

What?

They've blocked our way out.

Why? Who did?

It's Liu Bei.

Why?

Where is Cao Cao! Where is Cao Cao!

Drunk Eldest Brother is stronger than anyone!

I didn't drink. I'm not drunk.

Yeah, he's totally drunk.

Is he gonna be okay?

Where is Cao Cao?

Why is Liu Bei...

He said he was leaving to avoid the plague,

it was a strategy to catch Cao Cao's army off guard.

To deceive your enemy, start with your... allies.

You fooled me with that too.

You keep deceiving me.

But that fire...

Well, that doesn't matter.

It's spreading in an unusual way, though.

We don't have time to worry about that.

Shouldn't we go and attack with fire now?

If we throw a few flaming arrows,

it will be as if the State of Wu
has defeated Cao Cao

You're right.

I knew you were great.
I'll give you a commendation.

You're a big shot. In a way,
you are a big shot, Sun Quan-kun.

How strange...

When rumors of plague spread,
Liu Bei will want to go home.

Then on the way back,

I told General Zhao Yun to
pass through Huarong wetlands,

where there are many wild cattle.

Well, this and that too,
is of course my wife's...

Your wife...

No, no. It's nothing.

Hey, guys!

Fearing of the plague

will never bring peace to this country.

Eat as much meat as you can!
Get your strength up!

After this, we will

cross the Yangtze River to attack Cao Cao!

Bring me ships from the village down the road.

As usual, when you get drunk,
you talk big, Eldest Brother.

I am serious. I'm serious.

All right, let's do it!

Listen!

Any excess fat is to be thrown into the river.

Yes!

How is that even possible?

With that many soldiers,

the other shore is now covered in cattle fat.

The fatty meat thrown from the
other side of the river washed ashore

along the current, one by one,
to the fleet of Cao Cao's army.

Cattle fat burns well.

Even if the wind direction did not change,

when the time came, we could
set fire to Cao Cao's ships...

This was my insurance.

Now that we have defeated that Cao Cao,

maybe your ruler will feel
a little more like a ruler.

I don't know... that guy...

However,

since he hates war so much,

I'm sure he loves peace more than anyone.

Cao Cao.

I don't want to leave this world
to a war-loving bastard.

You see, I'm going to

make this country a peaceful place
where no one will shed blood.

I only want to see the smiles
of the people who live in such a country.

Let's go, guys!

Well, it was winter, wasn't it?

Even in Japan, the south wind
rarely blows in winter.

But it did blew, you see.

Well, they were preparing to attack by fire.

That's not such a good story, is it?

But still,

there are historical facts that
Cao Cao's army was defeated by fire.

History, you see, is filled
with all sorts of mysteries.

There are all sorts of arguments.

And what you saw today is one of them.

Well, Cao Cao, after this, narrowly escaped with his life.

This three party battle

would drag on for a long time...

Well, so should you.

I hope this has sparked your interest
in the Romance of the Three Kingdoms.

Please turn over the literature, and more.

That's where your own version

of the Three Kingdoms should be born.

That's all for today's lecture.

Thank you very much.

I only want to see the smiles of the people.

Let's go, guys!