Neil Stryker and the Tyrant of Time (2017) - full transcript

I'm here to retrieve
the Hornet Device.

Hand it over quietly...

And you boys will live to powder
your boss' wig in the morning.

Very amusing...

But quite ill advised.

For you see this facility
is crawling with my men...

And you...

You are quite far
from the Hornet Device.

I see.

Well, my mistake.

Uh, good luck with
the whole Genesis thing...



See you later.

Neil Stryker...

Your days are numbered.

Make it quick boys!

Don't be a afraid, Gentlemen!

He's just a boy!

Yah! Yah! Ah!

Let go of him,
he's getting married next week.

Yah! Yah! Yah!

She's just a girl, Stryker...

Having problems?

Ah!

As agile as ever.

But you're as dangerous
as you are stupid!



My dear boy...

Have you forgot you
foolhardy days at school

when I'd spank your bare bottom?

Neil Stryker...

You've always been the fly
in my ointment.

I've waited a long time for this.

I'm really going to enjoy..

Stryker, come in!

What's up, Chief?

Status report.

Mission accomplished.

Hornet Device secure.

Remember, we're taking the
Commodore alive!

Now, when you save alive...

Turn the lights on, please.

Uh, sure.

Says here that when they
brought him in

he was wearing some sort
of protective eyewear.

Maybe...

Could we have his protective
eyewear, please?

Ok, yeah.

Gentlemen...

You must accept my most
sincere apology for my behavior.

It's my eyes.

They're extremely sensitive
to the light.

Allow me to express my gratitude.

Imagine yourself, oh,
years from now,

looking back at a life
of precious memories

which you'll surely cherish for
another ten or twenty more.

But then you stop and realize that
these memories don't exist yet.

Life is one thing
and one thing only.

That being the very moment
that stands before you now.

Each passing second delivering your fate
to your front door like a steam engine

traveling faster and faster
until the counting seconds

have reached their end.

Are they dead?

Once again...

Your cunning proves priceless
My Lord.

Now, just hold still
and we'll get you out of here.

Uh... Now, Darrel,

I trust you've taken care
of those things?

Oh, yes.

I've replaced the video feed
with a recording of you

at your last years' evaluation.

There's no need to fret, Your Grace.

This assessment is going
as well as the last.

How we doin'?

My Lord, we are synchronized...

Perfectly.

All we need do is wait.

And... It's... Christmas.

After you.

Danke Schoen!

Hi.

Keep it moving, Ladies.

Your Grace please...

It'll be just a moment.

Evening, Carl.

Hey, Darrel.

Listen, I'm just gonna play it straight
with you, Carl, because you know what?

You're my kind of guy.

I need to get Prisoner 113

into this Transport EVAC immediately.

Otherwise the higher ups are
really going to have my hide.

Well, you can have it but...

Nurse is back there cleaning
up a little accident.

You know how ladies can be
on a long trip.

So, uh..
What's up with the suit?

Oh, this little guy?
Well...

Afterwards I gotta...
Head to a funeral.

Funeral? Whose funeral?

Yours.

I see you've decided to join us.

Are you ready to behave?

Or do I have to bash you one again?

Well good.
I'm sorry, your name?

Sharon.

Sharon, you're in terrible danger.

We're terrible people,
we're awful people.

Fear us. You should fear us.
Fear us!

Frightened.

Be frightened of us.

To the back of the ship please.

The back.

Get out of my sight.
I don't want to see ya.

Alright, Darrel.

Conduct us to the new hidden fortress.

Coordinates have been calculated.

We are on our way.

What is our next course of action?

Kill...

Neil...

Stryker!

Hey, Stryker. How ya doin'?

How, uh, how are things goin'
on your little suspension there?

Probably getting a little restless,
I suppose.

Well, um...

Listen, that leads me to my
next uh...

Problemo.

I'm listening.

The Mad Scientist has escaped
from the Mt. Ward Asylum.

I thought you told me there was
no way that could ever happen.

Right. Right. I did.
Yeah. I did.

Listen.

There was somebody
working on the inside.

What could I do, okay?
Take a look at this guy.

Darrel Freeway.

His parents must have hated him.

Yeah, he looks like the type
of scum that would team up

with the Mad Scientist.

He just killed three men

and he took a woman nurse hostage.

Okay?

You're the only one that can save
the day on this one. What do you say?

Bullshit.

No! Stryker, don't do this to me!
I'll get back to ya.

Your son is failing the Kindergarten.

Did you look at his grades?

No, Barb.
I did not look at his grades.

No shit, ya fuckin' loser!

'Cause you were fucking off up on
the roof doing nothin' important!

I'm stapling in the holiday
lights, Barbara.

That's about as important
as it gets.

No wonder our son
is a goddamn failure.

He takes after an old bastard
who can't keep his job

and spends his time
fuckin' on the roof!

Listen, Shelly

I'm going to need you to watch
the kid for a little while.

Nah, she can't.
She's dead.

What do you mean
"My stereo is broken"?

Are you sure it's even
plugged in?

Look, I'll be by in half an
hour to drop him off, okay?

Good.

This is supposed to be...
Right there.

Hey there, Cowboy.
Uh-huh?

You ready to go to your
aunt's house?

No, no. Our house.

That's fine.
We'll go in a minute.

Take your time.

Your mother tells me your not
doing very well in school.

Shouldn't you be doing
your homework right now?

No.

How do you expect to get good
grades without doing your homework?

Homework bites, Daddy.

Well, that's true.

Homework definitely
bites the big one.

Daddy?

Yeah, Kid?

When's Mommy coming back?

Your mother's dead, Kid.

I killed her.

I'm just kidding.

But she is dead.

Sir.

Thank you.

Hey, Jack.
Yes, Sir?

What are these anomalies
I'm seeing here?

Unknown, Sir.

We've been analyzing it all morning.

It's funny.

I'm not getting any of that
on my tracker.

Your what, Sir?

Never mind.

I'm going gonna make a pit
stop before I go see Fred.

Jack,

keep your eye on the board.

Hold the lift, Buddy.

Thanks.

Any time.

Checking out the uniform, huh?

That's right.

Just got promoted to assassin.
Great.

I bet you wish you could
have one of these.

Yeah.
Yeah.

Well, all it takes is four
years of hard work and training.

You'll be on your way.

Well, all that's very impressive.

See you on the field, Champ.

Ladies' locker room.

Ouch!

There's a fire in the building,
we all have to evacuate.

What?
I didn't hear any fire alarm!

You're right. There is no fire.

Cool vagina.

Hey, I thought you were suspended.

Not any more, Babe.

So...

What's the big job then?

Must be pretty important...

If they cut your suspension short.

Must be.

Can I go?

No. The man I'm going after
is too dangerous.

But I'm trained.

You're the one who trained me.

You're not ready.

This job is not for first timers.

Don't give me that look.

This job is personal.

Do you understand that?

Look, let me make you understand.

Before I became an agent, I used
to work with a brilliant scientist.

One day...

He went completely mad.

Stryker, you gotta come see this!

I've done it, Stryker!
I've finally done it!

Your time portal.

So, how does it work?

Well, the portal itself is currently

ripping through time and
space as we speak.

And I use this to summon
or beckon it, if you will.

So the machine is in a
constant state of time travel.

Not bad.
Yes, Neil.

And it completely solves all the
stability issues I was having before.

And that's exactly why
we failed with the time pod.

That fucking thing.

See?
Let me show you how this works.

Now.
I am setting the coordinates

to send me precisely 20 seconds

into the future.

Which will expel me right
back here to this very spot.

Now, Neil, stand back...

And behold...

The absolute dazzlement...

The unadulterated majesty
of time travel.

Ha ha!

You know, twenty seconds is a
lot longer than you think...

When you're just standing there...

Doin' nothin'...

Like a jerk.

With this new technology...

He possibilities are endless.

He was never the same after that.

He would stay up for days
devising plans

of world domination and
unspeakable evil.

Operation Omega

I know exactly what I'm saying

I've got the perfect plan:

I will go back in time
to every December the 24th...

And I will steal
Santa Claus' bag of toys.

And they'll all be mine, leaving
nothing left for the children.

I will be the absolute ruler.

The most certain King of Christmas.

And to top it all off...

I will breed with Mrs. Claus.

I can't let that happen.

Mark my words, Stryker...

Revenge!

I'll never forget the look on
his face...

The sound of his voice.

He's out there, Veronica.

The only chance this world has

is is if I find him
before he finds me.

What are you girls doing?
This is classified information!

Get the hell out of here!

You're still not going with me.

With the Mad Scientist at large

the entire world as we
know it today is in peril.

I mean... We're fucked!

It's true.

But you are forgetting
one thing, Fred.

Snack machine is broken?

Me.

You broke the snack machine!

I didn't touch the fucking
snack machine!

Let me make you understand.

After the scientist built the
time portal,

I was able to get my hands on
the schematics.

I followed them carefully and
built a time portal tracker

so that I could track any time
the scientist made a time jump.

You know what I love
about the French, Stryker?

The hats.

You look like Napoleon.

I know, right?

He gave me the entire get up

for a pair of invisibility boots.

Now you listen.

You can't give ancient civilizations
advanced technology like that.

You're going to fuck up
the entire course of history.

What's the matter with you?

I think I think I know
what I'm doing here, Stryker.

If you just take a step back and
ask yourself what you're asking me

because I know what I'm doing.
I'm a genius. Okay?

Don't fuck with me.

What do you take me for, Stryker?

I invented time travel.

Of course I know the repercussions
of altering history.

I was the one who..

It was times like these I knew
having the ability

to track the scientist's time jumps

would be vital.

But chasing him through time

could be a catastrophic nightmare.

We have to stop him
before that can happen.

His thirst for revenge
is the only reason

he hasn't already made a time jump.

And it's the only leverage we have.

Where are you hiding?

It didn't take long
to find you, Stryker,

and now you're mine.

There's no escape, Stryker!

Darrel, prepare to launch missiles.

Your Grace, I must protest.

Those laser beams did over
heat our drives.

We do not want to blow a fuse by..

Get the fuck out of my way!
I'll fucking do it.

Whoa! Darrel!

Your Grace, he's still alive.

Of course he is, Darrel!

He's always still alive!

But not for long.

Let's see how he likes a little

visit from one of our blimp probes.

Stryker, what are you up to?

Darrel...

Take over.

Stryker!
What the hell are you doing?

Oh, no!

Don't you dare blow up my blimp,

Stryker, don't you dare!

Oh, god! My nose!

Don't mind if I do!

Darrel, get to the fucking
escape pod!

Is there something wrong, My Lord?

Yeah, I just got kicked
in the fucking face.

Now get the fuck in there!

Push the fucking button, Darrel!

Come on!

Come on!

I'll get you for this, Stryker!

Incoming call

Elite Forces.

Hey, Stryker.
What are you doing?

Following a hunch.

Do we know where the Mad
Scientist is hiding?

No.

But I think I might know who does.

That's fucking great.

His twin brother.

He's a Recluse.

He lives in Ireland.

I haven't seen him in years.

So I'll have to be ready for anything.

Tell you what I, uh,
I'll make you a deal.

I will share with you

the location of my brother's
hidden fortress if...

You pose for my next sculpture.

Nude.

That's it. That's all you want?

No.

Agh!

Well, I tell you this much.

Compromise.

I love you in your uniform.

I mean, I like the way
you look in your uniform.

Uh...

Fine.

And if you pull out before
I'm done,

I'm going to get into
my little cruiser ship

and fucking laser blast you.

So, how long is this going to take?

Oh, no time at all, Neil.

For this one I'm thinking action.

Hm? Your kicking a bad guy.

Okay, I like it.

Uh. Oh, shit!

There's another bad guy
comin' right at ya!

Kick 'em both.

Uh. Okay, they're startin' to
move on either side of ya.

Kick 'em wider.

Okay, I'm gonna need
you to go a little wider.

Okay, Baby, I'm going to
need you to go a little wider.

Okay.

Now.

A little wider.

Now Bob, we've talked about this.

This isn't gonna go down.
I know how you want it, Bob, and...

I just don't do that shit.

Okay, okay, fine, god!

Tell ya what...
Why don't you just, um,

whip out your pistol?

Your gun.

Hold your gun.

So what do you want me to do?

Well, I want you to be Neil Stryker.

I want you to, uh, turn me on.

Try this one.

I can't imagine seeing
a more sexy sight...

Ever.

Ever. So you just stay put.

Through the tides of time...

Only a few men have shaped history.

And tonight, two men will do it.

What was once soft...

Will soon be hard.

Wait 'til I tell...

Welcome, Neil Stryker.

Coffee.

Nuclear weapon armed.

Detonation in 30 seconds.

Detonation in 20 seconds.

Nuclear weapon armed.

Depositing weapon in carriage.

Nuclear weapon armed.

Shit.
Five, four...

Open the fucking door!
Three, two, one.

Goodbye.

I've gotta get that fixed.

Welcome, Captain Stryker.

One new message.

You fucking nuked me.

Incoming call.

Commander Fred.

Stryker, what the fuck are you doin,
okay? We gotta get goin' here.

The last thing I want is for Mad
Scientist to anticipate our next move.

Now listen, I've assembled a team for
you and they're waiting right now.

Fred, you make me sick.

Why?

Listen, if you wanna cut
payroll just lay the guys off.

We wanna give you all the
help we can.

If you need them, fine.

If you don't need them, I don't
give a fudge what you do with 'em.

As long as you don't get caught.

Good.

Because if I had to spend all my
time babysitting a bunch of assholes...

Beretta.

I might not accomplish
a damn thing.

Okay, perfect.

So, everybody's waiting for
you in Sector Seven.

And please, Stryker,

go easy on the guys, would ya?

It's the least I could do considering
these guys probably won't survive.

Cartridge empty.

I assume there's a mission
report you'll want me to read?

No mission report on this one.

Off the books, Baby.

Technically, you're on suspension.

Okay, so...

Stay out of the Admiral's way,

because if you get caught
it's your ass...

And mine.

I'll be careful.

What I need from you right now...

Is a cup of coffee.
Not that crap out of the vending machine.

The good coffee like Captain Gomez
keeps in his office under lock and key.

It's a secure office.
You're going to have to sneak in.

I can do that.
Good.

Half a teaspoon of unfiltered honey.

Stirred left. No cream.
Hop to it!

Yes, Sir!

Oh, man!

Johnson!
Yes, Sir?

Come here.
Yes, Sir!

Stand here like an idiot.
That's an order.

Yes, Sir!

Stryker!

Just what do you th..

Admiral...

Sir!

It is an honor.

Clean out your desk.
You're fired.

Hold it, Soldier.
Lose the glasses

you look like an idiot.

Man, fuck you.

Ham sandwich eatin' mother fucker.

So, your telling me some mad man

is responsible for causing
all this havoc?

I'm telling you a Mad
Scientist and his minion

just laid waste to the city.

Worse than this.

He is like love child
of Stalin and Hitler.

Yeah, and it can get messy in there.

There's wolves, mines,
booby traps, barbed wire.

You might want to cut that hair.

I can help you with that.

I could probably use a trim

good afternoon, Gentlemen.

I'm going to get straight to
the point.

This is a suicide mission.

If it were up to me, you boys
wouldn't even be here.

But it's not.

The Admiral knows nothing
about it.

We have no support from Headquarters.

Once we leave,
communication is severed

and we're on our own.

Back out now.
It's your last chance.

Lieutenant.

You heard the Captain,
rank and file.

Last one to Stryker's ship
is a Rusty Trombone.

Wait.
What's a Rusty Trombone?

You know, when you're eating
a guys' ass

and you're jerking
him off at the same time?

No. No, fucking way.
I'm outta here.

Wait!
What is Rusty Trombone?

So you managed to weasel your
way on the mission, after all.

You must have a thing for dying.

Maybe so...

But at least I'm not a Rusty Trombone!

Uh, Rook to King three.

That's Checkmate.

At last, you've arrived.
Shall we be off, then?

I don't know how, but you cheated.

Yes, he's cheating.
Rook cannot move in this way.

Yes it can.
Pretty slow, Veronica.

Forget Rusty Trombone,
you just made Rusty Orchestra.

Boys, prepare to take off.

You, I need a co-pilot.
Get up front.

Try not to crash it.

Keep an eye on her, would you?

Yes, Sir.

What is this?

The time had come for this
lion cub to shed his mane.

Plus, I think there
might be some barbed wire.

Continue.

Captain.

We are approaching destination.

Alright.
Give us some room to breathe.

Set us down right over there.

Yes, Sir.

Hey.

Forgettin' somethin'?

It's time to gather the flock.

Thank the almighty.

Remember... There ain't no
Atheists in the Foxhole.

Hold my hand.
What?

J.C., The Big Guy,
The Lamb Of God,

you know he died for our sins
on the cross.

Hold my hand.

Let go my hand!

The only sin was not using
that timber for firewood.

No fall in line, Asshole.

You two!

Cut that shit.

Go.

You stepped on my toe back
there, but it's cool.

Ring the bell.

Just as I suspect.
No one home.

It is in complete abandon.

We must not abort mission.

We have lost battle, Sir.
But not war.

Did you try the door knob?

It is not possible.

Idiot.

The only thing missing
here is Santa Claus.

Santa!

Santa!

Ho! Ho! Ho!

Merry Christmas, My Darlings!

Who's been naughty?
Who's been nice?

Me! Me Santa! Me!

Well, which is it?

Nice! Nice!

Ha ha!
Just what I thought.

Brenner stop!

It's a trap.
Trap?

Nonsense.
It's not a trap...

It's retail.

No way.

We have all sizes.

Darrel! Don't do that!

Where the hell did you come from?

Well, he's got the shirts, Guys.

Stryker, you remember
Operation Omega.

Well, it went Nova, okay?
Supernova!

I went back in time,
last year's Christmas Eve

and burgled every Christmas
present on the planet

and replaced it with...

This t-shirt.

Long story short,
I'm backed ordered for weeks.

Whoa! They're huge!

How do you think I bankrolled
this whole fortress?

Seriously, I hardly have time
for new designs.

Check out this new model.

Also very popular.

I'll take one of those.

Anyway, Stryker, the point is...

Clark, The Prisoner.

I'm on to something here.

What do you say?
Partners?

Hey.

Come on!

Come on!

Hey.

One second.

Grab hold.

Come on! Come on!

You're making a big mistake.

You built another time portal.

Looks like you made it
to the North Pole.

That's right. I did.

And to top it all off...

I murdered Mrs. Claus.

Waste him.

Ah!

Ah!

Hold it!

Wait! No!

Uh.

You got me, Stryker.

You got me.

It looks like...

Losers!

Hologram.

Obviously.

Little disappointed in you, Stryker.

Apparently taking you assholes
down is going to be...

Easier than I thought.

Let the games begin.

Oh! Yes, that's right!

I too am a hologram.

No sense wasting your bullets
on me.

I'm not even here.

Where's that blasted key!

Shit!

Hold your fire.

Captain!

Who was that handsome man?

Clark, don't get distracted.

Captain, it's completely
hollow behind this fireplace.

Huh.

I wonder.

All right. Everybody in.

Hey!

Take off those goddamn t-shirts.

So, how many missions
you been on with this guy?

Who? The Captain?
Yeah.

Plenty, why?
No reason.

Looks like I'm going to have
to smash through these boards.

Unless Captain has a
crowbar in his pants.

Do you?

Have a crowbar in your pants?

I can't feel my legs!

This must be the disintegrator

I ordered to obliterate Stryker.

Disinte what?
My god. It's enormous!

The only thing you'll be obliterating
with this thing is my wallet!

I mean look at
the size of this thing!

How much was it?

What are you trying to do?
Bury Stryker or bankrupt me?

What about my exploding
pumpkins, Darrell?

I wanted exploding pumpkins
littering the entire castle.

I look around me,

and I don't even see a squash.

Your little parlor tricks
aren't going to stop Stryker.

And I suppose you have a
better idea.

Um...

Suffocate him.
I don't know.

Suck all the oxygen
out of the room or something.

Would you leave
the thinking to us, please?

Thank you.

It's brilliant.

Mark my words...

I will destroy Neil Stryker.

I'll boil him in a
bowl of his own broth.

I like it.

You know what?
You're fine. Just a little dust.

Yeah, well see that?

Splinter.

Hold it.

Force field.

Not quite.

Sir, I'm getting strange reading.

Let me guess, Tachyon?

Yes, Sir. Off the charts.

So's my shirt.

No way!

Yeah. Shh!

We're going to have
to try and go through.

Fuckin' kidding me?

We'll get vaporized if
we step through that thing!

Vaporized?
That would be a blessing.

There's no telling what
goes on beyond the barrier.

Our skin turns inside out. Our organs
fall to the ground into a slime pool.

It's a paradox. The unknown.

Forget that! I don't want to
be no frickin' slime pool.

I'm not saying we're
going to be a slime pool.

I'm not saying we're
going to be anything.

It's the unknown. It...

Fine. I'll go myself.

Captain.

Permission to go ahead of you, Sir.

Permission granted.

Bravery.

Show it to us.

I will.

Clark!

Captain!

Is it always gonna be this way?

I'm fine. I can live this way.

But those jowls.

I have a theory.

This effect is only temporary.

When we come out the other end,
we'll be back to normal.

I really don't think there's
anything to worry about.

Why don't you stroll on back,
find out for sure?

So it's not just aging us.
It's more than that.

That's right, Kevin.

An authentic look into your
own future.

Interested?

With this youth comes strength.

But with age comes wisdom.

And with my bloodline comes both.

Step aside.

The future sucks
for that mother fucker.

Oh! Ho! Goddamn.

Look. It's like he's been
dead for twenty years.

I say we leave him.

No.
Stand back, Longbow.

Let me try something.

What the fuck!

I feel... Weird.

I'm suppose to be over there.
And that's where I'm going.

No! No! No! No!

Now, Kevin, we've seen what happens.

You can't come with us.

Why not?

The future sucks for that mother..

So, what now, Stryker?
I'm stuck?

Sir, I may be able to create mobile
ray shield that will protecting him.

Alright, fine.
Just make it quick,

tell you what.
I'll give him five minutes.

Otherwise I'm walking
out the way I came in.

Captain.

So, with this thing I can go through?

Theoretically, yes.

Are you sure?

Maybe.

Do you believe in god?

No.

All right.

In the back.

Kevin, he lives.

Whatever.

Whoa! Wolfman.

Is that mustache regulation?

Clark.

In the land of the blind,
the one eyed man is king.

And Nabroski...

Whoa.

Wow! Clearly the barrier
effect everyone the same way.

Look at Nabroski!
He's like a little old man.

What are you, like, a hundred?
Oh, my god!

Okay, here we go.

I don't think that's Nabroski.

What are you talking about?
Of course it's him.

Look same eyes. Same teeth.
Same growl.

Sorry, Comrades.
On my way.

What?

When you got to go.
You got to go.

Holy shit, Nabroski.
You look...

Amazing.

What is this little monster
cradling in your arms?

What is this thing?

Whoa!

Get it off me!
Get it off me! Get it off me!

What goes on here?

Oh! Man folk!

Oh!

You humans are forbidden in
these lands.

This will never do.

Hershel! Come here!

Right away, Sir.
Okay, um, Stryker is over there.

Stryker you say?

Oh, the White Wizard is not
going to like that!

No! No! No!
No!

Call the horde to arms.

Prepare to make them suffer.

Make them pay.

Do as your told, Hershel!

As you say. Very good.

Could they be, Wampires?

There not fucking vampires.

Goblins.

Hope to it, Lads!

One, two, three, four.
What are we fighting for?

Dinner, and supper, and lunch!

They're gonna regret coming
in here!

Just look at them!

The Muppets.

We Goblins do not tolerate
trespasses against us.

Do we, Boys?

You've committed a grave
treason, I'm afraid,

a violation of our lands, and
offended the great sovereignty

of our people.

For that...

You will die.

You may kill them now, My Darlings.

My gun won't cock.

Your weapons have aged to no effect.

You'll have to fight honorably.

Damn.

It's finally happening!

You!

Why? Why? Why?

Ah, no!

Whoa!

Wha!

Aah!

Ah! Holy shit!
Fucking goblins!

Right on top of ya!

Goblins!

Hold him down, Boys!

It's lunchtime.

Plug him up!
Mushroom nap. Forever.

It's time to sleep,

My Dear Boy.

Let's blow.

Brenner!

Alarm! Alarm!

Do I have to take care of everything?

Alarm! Alarm!

Move out!

Harold!

Huh?
Yoo hoo!

What are you doin' here?

Well, I didn't want
to miss all the fun.

Margaret, we're in
the middle of a war!

And you bring the baby.

You two have a headache?

Believe me,
the pain is only in your head.

That there baby's done us no good.

Except get fat off our slop
and your drink!

Hey, let me get out of here! Whoa!

Like the wind!

I'm pregnant again.

I'm having twins this time.

Twins.

Oh!

Hey!

This suit, it's like
a fucking bug zapper!

Toss 'em my way, idiots!

I've got these two
who's got that one?

Kevin Humphries.

With the candlestick.

In the ballroom.

Make it rain.

Whoa!

Whaa!

Whoa!

Oh!

I'm invincible.

No! Not my babies! No!

My Darlings!

Too the hills!

Inconceivable!

Carlton!

I got just the thing.
He was my favorite child.

Right.

Just going to go...
Check on the roast.

Ya!

Don't worry!
They'll take me back to the Nest!

I'll find the hive and then I'll...

Whoa!

Yeah!

A hatch!

I'm going to send you
back to your momma's wagina!

Nabroski, I found a way out.
It's a hatch.

We gotta get the hell out of here.

Stryker, I will not go with you.

Hand me that Wodka.

I had vodka?

What kind of madness
would create such monsters?

Stryker, I want you to climb
that tree and save that female.

Right.

Forget about me.

Yeah.
I may not make it.

But...

I'm going to take some of these...

Monsters...

With me!

Ah!

Ah ha! Stryker!

You're precisely where I want you.

What gives?

Where's the penguin?

There's suppose to be a ten foot,
killer penguin in there.

Darrell's been moving stuff
around again.

No matter.
I still have the prisoner woman.

Or should I say...
Prisoner women?

Stryker, I don't have all day.

I'm wasting away in here!

Stryker, those women are
scheduled for termination...

Within the hour.

This is a big place.

You've got two choices.

You could capture me
or you could save the women.

Don't have time to do both.

You know where neither of us are...

Go.

Uh, taxi!

Stryker!

Are you having fun in my funhouse?

Honestly, Stryker, putting the
door on the floor like that?

Brilliant.

It took Darrell weeks...

Of starvation to figure that
one out.

Alright, Asshole.

Where are the girls?

You could kill me right now, Neil.

You could shoot me in the face.

But then,

you would never find the women.

At this present moment,
you have no have no idea

where the devil they are.

Or when they are?

Or when they are.
What a mystery.

For all you know
I took my time machine,

strapped them in...

And blasted them back to
dinosaur times!

They're here somewhere.

And in this time.

And I'm going to find them.

Business, business, business!

Stryker, you're so wound up.
Relax!

Here, let me draw you a
bubble bath.

Come on.
Take a dip with me, Neil!

Take a dip with Ol' Poppa Bear.

It'll be like old times.

The old acid in the bathtub routine.

You're too good, Neil.

A little too good for your
own good, perhaps.

Oh, hey, Stryker you know what?
You have got to try these.

It's a Cosmo.
My brother swears by 'em.

Here.

Go ahead!
Take it!

They're delicious.
They're scrumptious.

What?
Are you kidding me?

Poison a perfectly good Cosmo?

Not in my lifetime.

Give me this. I want to at once.
Mmh. Mmh..

So good, Neil.
So good.

Mmh. Yours is better than mine!

I've let this drag on far too long.

Just tell me where the fuck
they are.

Alright, Stryker.

Alright.

I'm tired and I'm old.

If you want the women...

Simply turn around

and you shall find them.

Deactivate.

Halt.

Stop.

Is this all they do, Darrell?

Yes, but...

They do work.

Well, I'm embarrassed.

Is anyone else embarrassed?

Anyone else embarrassed
about the bumping robits?

Darrell!

How are you feeling?

You ask the impossible.

I need real men!

Men?

Yes, an army, Your Grace.

Very skilled in soldiery.

No, Darrell!

Enough of your schemes.

You see,
I am the one with the smart.

I beseech you, Your Grace.

I've created a nine year plan.
Which will enable us...

Nine years?

We don't have nine minutes!

Yes, but if we were too...

No Darrell, no more.

You see, Darrell, I've got real
plans with real results in store.

Do what you will, Darrell.

Goodbye.

Meet me in the break room
in 20 minutes for donuts!

You underestimate me, Your Grace.

But you will soon know different.

Oh, yes.

Oh, yes!

Did I catch you at a bad time?

Neil Stryker!

What are you doing here?

Darrell Freeway.

So, you're the Mad Scientist's
new stooge.

And your his old flame.

Well...

You've breathed your last
breath, Stryker.

You're in trouble now...

Double trouble.

Consider yourself warned, Mr. Stryker.

I'm a wizard of the blade.

It wasn't me.

It was the scientist.

He's mad.

I'll take you to the girls.

They're right this way.

Come!

What the f..

Blasted machine.

How many times have I had to..

Oh, no!

Not the face!

Stryker! You do care about me.

Get the fuck out of the way.

Get back to the ship. Hurry.

Now, Stryker,
I've got you in a bind!

I'd just like to see
you peel your way out!

Your room, Stryker,
is completely airtight.

At this very moment all the
oxygen is being sucked out!

In two minutes time, you'll be
completely without air.

In three minutes...

You'll be dead.

Aah!

And now, Neil Stryker,
this is where I say...

Au revoir.

Thanks, Boys!

Yeah.

Stryker!

Thank god you're alive.

Go!

Now how are we gonna get out
of here?

I've got room for two!

Strykie, you're riding bitch, Baby!

Good timing, Fred.

Too good?

Thanks for coming for me.

No trouble.

Listen, I know I should
have been more careful.

I was stupid.

Ah, come on, Kid.
You were brave.

Really?

Uh... Okay. That's it.

We're done.

Yeah. Yeah.
Okay, okay.

Let go!

Sorry.

My paperwork.

Did it work?
Are you staring at a pile of goo?

I planted a bomb in her body
while she was sleeping.

Do you want to know
where I inserted it?

Not interested.

I put it in her ear.

What do you want?

I just wanted to make your
life miserable

before I jumped through time
and space.

I still have the woman
that you failed to rescue.

I plan to breed with her and create
a race of atomic super men and women.

If she'll have me, of course.

If she won't, hey, I'll adopt.

I've always wanted a baby boy.

Oh, wait a minute...
I've got one right here!

Daddy!

See you in hell, Asshole!

This damn war!

It doesn't take just soldiers.

It takes friends.

Can I have you clean this up?

Hey, what happened?

Veronica exploded.
Listen, the Mad Scientist

is about to jump through time.

And he has my son.

Whoa, whoa, whoa!
He'll be gone in moments.

Finished!

Not quite.

Stryker, Neil.

One, one, three, five, eight.

It's the time portal.

Damn.

Just what I need.

Beverly!
Yes, Neil?

Quit the small talk.

I need you to monitor this
like your life depends on it.

Because it does.

Whoa, whoa, wait, wait!
What are you doin', Strykes?

I need to save my kid.

We'll deal with the
Mad Scientist later

be back in a minute.

Good luck, Strykes.

Now he's gone too far.

Daddy!

Come and get me, Stryker!

Schnell! Schnell!

Oh! Ho! Ho!

Du.

Nein?
Nein!

Nein?
Fuck this.

You Nazi Bitch.

Such a waste.

Alright Kid, just follow me..

Oh!

Stryker!

Whatever happened to your
little rule about not

altering the entire course of history!

I mean, you must have murdered
half the third reich down there!

Holocaust? More like holo
lost in time, thanks to you!

Give me back my kid!

Whoa, whoa, whoa!
Your son?

Why I've got bad news for ya, Stryker.

The boy loves me.

As if I were his own kin.

He and I have formed a paternal
bond that cannot be broken.

You're far too late, Stryker.

You see, the boy...

Wishes for me to raise him...

As my very own.

Save me from the crazy man, Daddy!

What?! You little traitor!

You said you loved me!

You little shit!

Are you okay?

Daddy, where's Mommy?

She's still dead, Kid.

Come on,
let's get this crap off you.

We gotta get outta here.

What did I tell you, Kid?
Safe and sound.

Yay!

Take my kid.
Keep him safe.

Continue time-tracking the Mad Scientist.
He could be anywhere.

Sir, there's something on the monitor.

Bring it up.

Yeah.
October 12th, 1999, 12:01am.

Right here.

Ah! You got the boy back.

Excellent. I gotta get rollers
on my fucking luggage.

This is for shit, Stryker!

I didn't bring a passport.

And I know you're going to
yell at me.

But who needs a passport when
the end of the world is coming?

Fred, you're not coming with me.

No. No.
Talk me down off this cliff.

Talk me off it, Stryker,
or I will fucking jump.

Talk me off this cliff, Stryker!

Stryker!

You're on suspension.
I want this man arrested.

Wait!

This guy is saving the entire world,

and you want him arrested?

Let him finish. You can have
my resignation in the morning.

Fine!
But we do it my way.

Stryker, you kill the scientist,
I'll save the girl.

No.
Fine!

I'll kill the girl,
you save the scientist.

No one is going with me.

I'm going alone.

Fine!

But when all this is over...

I'm back on suspension.

You bet your ass you are.

You, throw me my bag.

Yes, Sir!

Go get 'im, Strykes!

Oh, god.
Where are we now

we don't have time
for you foolish questions.

We gotta haul ass out of here.

Now get the fuck in the truck.

Jesus.

Alright, Darrell.

Your plan better work.

Alright, the keys are suppose
to be...

Hm.

Wait a minute.

The hell?

Looking for these?

Your Grace...

I am honored

that you would finally
warm to my little plan.

There's one thing I forgot to mention.

There's just no place in it...
For you.

I've had nine years
to plan my escape...

You have exactly nine seconds
for yours.

Perhaps now Your Grace will agree...

That in fact...

I am the one with the smart.

I'm afraid...

You're going to die...

Impossible!

You're fucked.

Get out of the truck! I've got a
few more tricks up my rabbit hole.

Shut your fat, over weight shit.

Let her go.

Not this time, Stryker.

You're too late.

You see, I set my time portal
to send us so far into time...

That you'll never find us.

And now, Stryker, a game of
chess that will span the ages.

I'll make the first move.

I'll see you in Hell, Neil Stryker!

Ha! Ha!

Ha!

Ah!

What the bloody devil
do you suppose that was?

It's a clue!

Come, Watson.
To the lighthouse!

Move! Move, you fool!

Ah!

Whoa.

Bravo, Stryker.

You win.

But you are forgetting one thing...

My ghost is gonna
haunt the shit out of you.

I'm not kidding, Stryker.
Seriously, it's gonna be weird.

For no reason at all, just a beak...

Will grow from my face.

And I'll huff...

And I'll puff...

And I'll blow...

Damn, that was disturbing.

Yeah, no shit.

What ever happened
with dying with dignity?

Yeah.

He was plum fuck crazy,
wasn't he?

Well, least it's over.

Right.

Now, wait a second.

Isn't this the part where the
hero kisses the girl?

This ain't Lover's Lane, Sweetheart.

We're up to our eyeballs
in dead guy.

You're a nurse, you've wiped asses.

Clean this shit up before some kid
comes around and plays in it.

You ready?

Warning. Rift Anomaly.

Warning. Unknown origin.

That's just a mile up the road.

Strange.

Ah!

Oh! Oh!

Oh, my god!

My hero!

Oh! Oh!

Oh, this is disgusting.
Oh, thank you!

What in god's name happened to you?
Peel this woman off me!

Yes, Sir.

Eh!

Where's Stryker?
Throw her back.

No! No! No! No!
He's coming.

He's right behind me.

It worked.

He's all yours.

Well done.

I love you!

Yes.

You do.

You son of a bitch.

Through your wildest dreams...

You could never imagine...

What lies in wait for you.

Did you really think you'd be
able to could keep it a secret?

While you were tracking him,

I was tracking you.

Chasing that buffoon, you
left more ripples through time

than a stone in a pond.

So, you can track a time portal,
can you?

Then perhaps you'll follow
this through the looking glass,

Little Alice.

Well, Pops,

you always said you'd see you
me in Hell.

I'm looking forward to it.

Come, Stryker.

Take a bite of the cheese in
a mousetrap more elaborate,

than the world has ever known.

Smells like...

Liverwurst.

Hey, Nabroski!

Toss me a bite, Man, seriously,
I'm starving over here.

That's funny.

You're quite the comedian.

We gotta comedian over here!
You dick!

Thanks for tossing my bones
on the other side, Idiot!

Least I can leave,

you're weird for stayin'.

You got no hope!

You got no water!

You got no light!

Except for this little ray
of sunshine right here!

When you've got to go...

You've got to go.