Neighbors (1971) - full transcript
- Why should I be?
We're just selling our house.
It's a simple business transaction.
- That's all I'm going to make it.
- Uh-huh.
You know what our name is gonna be
here in this lovely neighborhood?
Mister and Missus Mud.
- I don't give a damn.
Mary, this is the best
thing we've ever done,
you and me.
You know before, all it's
been is talk, talk, talk.
But we've never backed up our talk.
Our so called principles.
We've gained a clean
conscience here and there,
giving a few bucks and all of that,
and we've been big
deals at the front lines
of the cocktail parties,
but we've never really
laid it on the line.
On the line, Mary.
And this is it. This is no kidding.
This is faith plus action.
- Which equals?
- I don't know. Whatever.
Whatever.
- Whatever.
- Mary, thank you for
being with me on this.
- Are you kidding?
- No, I mean it.
I feel like a decent human being
for the first time in my life.
- Oh, is that why you're doing it?
Guilt?
- Not guilt, and don't give me any
of that amateur analysis.
I'm just going to say,
I think it's gonna be tougher on you.
I have a hunch some of
our dear neighbors...
- Oh, bigoted bastards.
- At a girl.
Where the hell are they?
- Listen, don't forget,
they're driving out.
Now give them time.
- I wonder if...
- If what?
- Oh, nevermind.
- No, what? Wonder if what?
- I was just going to say,
I know it sounds peculiar,
I was just going to say sort of,
well, so it would be easier on them,
I was wondering if they were going
to drive up in a Cadillac.
- Well, probably.
- You know, just so it-
- So they drive up in a Cadillac.
Probably a big, white
convertible Cadillac.
They're not entitled?
- That's not what I mean.
You know what I mean, Mary.
- Well let's hope that'll
be their only problem.
I didn't make anything fancy.
Just cheese and crackers.
I thought if I made
something fancy, you know.
Well, I could have made
a clam dip or something,
when I come to think of it.
After all, a clam dip's not so...
It's not like having
black caviar or something.
Anyway, I did get a
nice cake for later on.
- Mary.
- I said I got a nice cake for later on.
- Good.
- With the coffee.
- Good. You know what I feel good about?
I mean, really good about?
We're not moving away.
Lots of people sell their houses to blacks
and then they get the hell out of there.
(speaking foreign language)
But we're moving right down the road,
not a half a mile away,
and you know what that does?
That makes it damn tough for some neighbor
to come up to me and say,
"You're ruining property values.
You're ruining the neighborhood.
How would you like to live near Blacks
and have your kid
playing with their kids?"
"Well, damn right," I'll say,
because I will be living near them
and my kid will be playing with their kids
and my property values are on the line
just like yours, buddy.
(laughs)
Boy, I'd like to have a look at their face
when they hear that.
"They're gonna be my neighbors!"
That's what I'll say. My neighbors.
- Well, it certainly
brings out the good old
aggressive instinct, doesn't it?
- You're damn right.
We're not playing potsy, dear.
We're in for a real battle, you and me.
A real battle.
A little aggressive instinct
might come in mighty handy.
(doorbell chimes)
- You answer the door!
- The trees, Mary. Light the trees.
It's too bright.
Mary,
whatever?
- Whatever.
- It's a Cadillac.
Hi!
- [Man] Hi.
- [Chuck] Come right in and welcome.
Watch your step there.
Those stairs are a little bit irregular.
This is the living room,
and this is my wife, Mary.
Mary, these are the Gunthers.
Mister and Missus Gunther.
- How do you do?
- Hi. I'm Bill and she is Vicky.
- Hi.
- Hello, Vicky.
- Here, let me take that.
- Oh, don't bother.
- Oh, it's very beautiful.
- Don't bother!
- Of course.
- Well, I'm glad you came.
We were getting to be
a little bit nervous.
You know when you're selling a house,
you keep wondering if the customers
are going to show up.
(Bill laughs)
Well, let's all sit down, shall we?
How long did it take you to drive up?
- Oh, about an hour.
- Yeah, that's it, all right.
River Glen Highway and then Cross Country.
That Cross Country is a bitch,
but otherwise, it's a
pretty good drive up.
- [Mary] Of course, I
always take the throughway.
The throughway's really better, you know?
- Well only if you live
on the North side, Mary.
Otherwise, you've got all
that crosstown traffic
and that's murder.
But anyway, you got here.
- We got here.
- Any trouble finding the house?
- Oh no. No, no, no.
That red door did it.
- That red door, that's Mary's idea.
Always wanted a house with a red door.
Why did you always want a
house with a red door, Mary?
I never found out.
- Well, I don't know.
I just wanted a house with a red door.
Does there have to be a reason?
- Must be something in your mind.
You know, some symbol,
some childhood trauma.
- Now who's playing amateur analyst?
A red door has to stand for something, hm?
You know, that's one of the
favorite pastimes around here.
Everybody's been to an analyst
and that gives them the right
to rip anybody's character
wide open in public.
Oh my goodness, and you know,
I could throw the names around,
like trauma, or psychotic, neurotic.
- Not to mention castration complex.
(Bill laughs)
- Not to mention!
Well, anyway, in this house,
I'm the only one who has the right
to play parlor analyst because I've been.
This character really needs it.
He won't go near it.
But let anybody say
anything or do something
and out comes Chuck with his two cents
worth of Freud.
(Mary chuckles)
(Chuck laughs)
Well, I think the time has come
when in the interest of family harmony,
I'm compelled to suggest that
we all have a drink, right?
What'll it be?
- Don't mind if I do.
- What'll it be, a Scotch?
- How about a little bourbon?
- Bourbon. Yes, sure.
Soda, water?
- [Bill] Straight up.
- Bourbon straight up. Vicky?
- Same here.
- Bourbon it is, all around.
- Well, this is quite a room.
- [Bill] Well, that's Mary.
She's the decorator.
I don't like to say it,
but I think she did a
pretty professional job.
You know, she's never
been to decorator's school
or anything.
- [Mary] Oh, thank goodness Chuck and I
have the same tastes.
Otherwise, I'd just hear him saying,
"You stink as a decorator."
(Vicky chuckles)
- I like this couch.
Golly, it must be about 100 feet long.
Thank you.
- Vicky, we once had 10
people sitting on that couch.
I counted them.
Of course they had to play
kneesies, like it or not.
(chuckles)
It's only a fair set,
but I'm not a hi-fi bug, you know?
I don't know from weeders and tweeders
(Bill laughs)
and woofers and all that.
It plays good. I'm satisfied.
- It's very nice.
- Well, here's cheers.
- Cheers.
- Cheers and hallelujah.
- Cheers and hallelujah. I like that.
I like that. Cheers and hallelujah.
(Chuck laughs)
I shouldn't say this.
I know I shouldn't say this.
It's bad salesmanship.
But only two people answered our ad
and you're one of them.
- Oh, really? What
happened to the other guy?
- Price was too steep.
- [Bill] Ah.
- Anyway, I'm glad you're here.
When you're selling a house, boy,
it's good to have a
real, live, hot prospect.
Believe you, me.
- Chuck, they haven't even
been through the house yet.
I mean, we don't know if Vicky or Bill
really like the house.
I'd love to show them around.
- [Chuck] What do you
mean, they won't like it?
Isn't she awful? She's worse than I am.
Aren't we a couple of salesmen?
(chuckles)
They're gonna love it.
I mean, what's not to love?
- Why, I love it already.
- You see?
- She's thinking about the
parties she can throw here
in this ballroom.
- You like big parties?
- Mary, you're talking to the
Martha Mitchell of Harlem.
She thinks that 25 cats is
an intimate little group.
- Well now, I don't ever see you
acting like a hermit.
I mean, that's Mister
Life of the Party himself.
- Well now, honey, when
you get them together,
you may as well keep them away.
- And the neighbors?
- Tell them to come on over, too.
A party is a party, right?
- [Chuck] Right.
- Well, I'm sure you're
dying to see the house.
- Oh, I'd love to.
- [Chuck] Oh, wait a minute, now.
Wait just a minute!
What's the hurry?
The house, oh, the house will keep.
Mary, Mary, the house will be after all.
Let's have another drink, relax a little.
These are prospects. Customers, Mary.
We gotta soften 'em up a little.
You know, feed them a couple of drinks,
and then we slip them the contract.
- You two men can do as you wish.
I'm gonna show Vicky the house.
Come on, Vicky.
I know who's going to make the decisions.
- You got it, Mary.
If she says buy, we buy.
Me, I just pay the bills.
- Same here.
What happened to men, anyway?
Thank heavens.
- [Mary] Through here.
I think we'll start with the kitchen.
I think it has everything.
- She's not kidding.
That kitchen has got more
gadgets than a space capsule.
It's got buttons and
switches and signal lights.
You gotta be an engineer
to cook a soft boiled egg.
One time, I pulled the wrong switch
and I made a solid piece of charcoal
out of a sirloin steak in two minutes,
and that's hard to do.
Well, we've got our toys. You know.
Automobiles, hi-fis, sports cars.
They're entitled to their
little fun, I guess.
Well, cheers and hallelujah.
- Cheers.
- Bill, are you a do-it-yourself type?
You know, work around the house?
- No, no.
- [Chuck] Me neither.
Not that I can't, you know.
I'm handy, but home is no place for work.
Mary's always trying to get me
to build this and fix that.
I've got a workshop down in the basement
with a couple of power tools.
I'll show that to you later.
But I mean, who wants to?
So I worked out a perfect answer.
It's called Robinson's Law of Tranquility.
Say a job comes up, see?
Well, you apply Robinson's
Law of Tranquility.
Now this job can either be
work or pleasure, right?
So you analyze it.
Now, if it's going to be pleasure,
you say to yourself, well,
there's a million things
I could do right now
that would give me more
pleasure than this.
So you reject it on the
grounds of pleasure.
And if it's going to be work,
you say to yourself, well,
there's a lot of work I could do right now
that would be more profitable than this.
So you reject it on the grounds of work,
and you rest in perfect tranquility.
Robinson's Law of Tranquility.
I give it to you. It's free.
It comes with the house.
- Chuck, I kind of think you like to play
games with yourself.
- What do you mean?
- Well now, I've got a
better law than that.
- What's that?
- My word is law, and when
I'm not going to do something,
I just don't do it, and that's it.
- Well, I guess it is
sort of games at that.
By the way, Bill, what do you do?
I mean what line of work?
- I'm a salesman.
- A salesman? What, I mean what do you-
- A salesman.
- I'm in the display game myself.
You know what that is?
For advertising, we make displays.
You know that stuff you see in bar windows
and liquor store windows,
department stores?
Hey, would you like to
see my latest masterpiece?
I'll show it to you.
This is gonna knock your eye out.
Ta-dah!
(both laugh)
Pretty nifty, huh?
- Woo!
- [Chuck] Wait a minute,
wait till you see how it works.
(Bill coughs)
White Elephant Gin. It stands alone, huh?
Perfect, huh? Isn't that clever?
What do you think, Bill?
- Chuck, Chuck, that thing is wonderful.
You mean to tell me that
you really make a living
out of those things?
- Do I?
Bet there's gonna be 5,000 of those
in liquor stores from coast to coast.
I mean to tell you I make
a living off those things.
(women chatting indistinctly)
(Bill chuckling)
- What's that?
- Vicky, this is what Chuck makes.
I mean, for a living.
- Elephants?
- Not elephants.
No, it's a display for advertising.
How was the tour?
- Wait till you see that kitchen.
By now, I don't ever have
to learn how to cook.
All I have to do is push a button.
- Vicky, when did you ever
plan on learning how to cook?
- Oh, stop.
- Oh, they have a woman
who's coming up with them.
She's gonna do the cooking and things.
- Oh, a maid? No kidding.
Well that's going to be very interesting.
- Why is that?
- It's just that you'll be the only woman
in the whole neighborhood
with a live in maid.
I hope you don't mind that the other women
are jealous of you, Vicky.
- Oh for goodness sakes, what do I care?
I'm no cook, I ain't
ever gonna be no cook,
and God and Bill's stomach both know it.
- Amen.
- Well let me show you
the rest of the house.
- Yeah, you girls finish the tour.
Bill and I will have another snort,
and then we'll look the place over.
Right, Bill?
- You're the salesman.
- Come on, Vicky.
I have a feeling these men are gonna float
through the house.
- [Chuck] Why is it that women
think it's so evil to drink?
Why do they make such a stink if a guy
wants to relax a little?
- Well, mine sure don't.
- Vicky doesn't hit the ceiling
whenever you tie one on?
- No, I often have to sit down on her.
She can drink me under the table,
and frequently does.
- You've got quite a wife there, Bill.
- I got me a hunk of woman.
- I mean, she's really beautiful, too.
- The most. I mean, the most.
Have you ever seen her?
I mean, have you ever seen her perform?
- You mean she's some
kind of professional?
- Well, yes, she used to be.
Used to sing in nightclubs
and stuff like that.
Vicky Ives.
She was great.
Hey, why don't you try and get her
to do a couple of numbers for you?
She's really out of sight.
You'd dig her.
- Well, what do you know?
Well, maybe I will. You think she would?
- Think she would? Listen, Chuck.
Anybody that asks Vicky to sing,
why she's eternally grateful.
(both chuckle)
- Well, how about that? All right, I will.
And she quit it, huh?
- Oh yeah, we got a couple of kids now
and, well, they have to be brought up
and somebody's gotta bring them up.
- How old are they?
- Six and eight.
She says she's gonna bring
'em up right if it kills her.
And you know something?
I think it is killing her.
I mean, with me gone all
the time, traveling around.
She'd give her right arm to be with me.
- You're around a lot
then as a salesman, huh?
- Yep, moving around all the time.
- What territory?
I mean, what, out of town, or?
- Out of town, out of
state, out of country.
- Europe?
- Oh, Europe, Africa,
Asia, Australia, even.
I just got back from Rome.
(speaking Italian)
You ever been to Rome?
- No, we've never been abroad.
We might make it this summer.
- Let me tell you something about Rome.
Now, Rome is one city where anything,
and I mean anything goes.
Man, I had me one hell of a time there.
- So you wouldn't be around a lot?
I mean, if you moved into the house?
- Oh, yeah. But when
I'm around, I'm around.
You know, several weeks at a time.
When I'm home, you know, I'm home.
And well, Vicky and I,
we like to have a ball.
You know, we kind of like
to make up for lost time.
You understand what I mean?
You know, we like to have
a blast almost every night.
Sometimes I think that I'm running
the most elegant flophouse in Harlem.
And you know something?
Those cats, you can
never get them to go home
because they say, "Hey
man, if we stay here
long enough, maybe this
party's gonna start
all over again, you dig?"
And you know something?
They're right.
(both chuckle)
Just tell me something, Chuck?
- Sure.
- What do you folks do up
here to get your jollies?
I'm sorry, I mean your kicks.
- Your kicks? Well, nothing
like that, I assure you.
(laughs)
See, the fellows around
here are mostly commuters
and it's pretty quiet
during the week, you know?
Early to bed, early to rise.
Keeps those bags from under your eyes.
- Wow.
- So it's kind of quiet, generally.
Except for Fridays and Saturdays, now.
That's different. That's when we open up.
- Well, like how?
- Oh, relatively speaking, of course.
You know, a party here or there.
Get together at somebody's
house or another.
- But like who?
- Well, neighbors. That sort of thing.
- Oh man, sounds like a drag to me.
- It can get pretty gay sometimes.
- I mean, seeing the same
old people week after week.
Oh man, it would really
put me a one bummer.
- Well you see, it's sort
of like, well, a community.
You know, everybody knows everybody else.
It's really not too bad, Bill.
It is not too bad.
- Chuck, I think you're kidding yourself.
- You think so?
- You know what you
really make me think of?
An animal locked in a cage,
and the animal says to himself,
"Everything's cool. I mean,
I'm comfortable and I'm cozy.
So why do I wanna be free?"
Yeah, that's exactly what
you make me think of.
Mm-hmm.
I'm afraid, Chuck, old buddy,
I think you're playing games
with yourself all the time.
- That's the second time you've said that.
- No kidding.
Must be the second time I thought it.
- Well, I guess
everybody's got his own way
of getting satisfaction.
- Ain't that the truth?
- What I think you don't understand yet
is that it can be a
damn good life up here.
A pretty damn good life.
- Well, I try and understand.
- I don't follow you.
- I'm just not interested
in the pretty damn
good life up here.
- No?
- No.
Just like you said,
everybody's got his own way
of getting his kicks, and I've got mine
and no early to bed, early
to rise commuter eyes for me.
Mm-mm. Flagstone?
- No, it's fieldstone.
- Hm.
- Well you just wait till you get up here.
We never know, we never know.
Certainly never know.
- Well, I know.
Say, how about another bourbon?
- Bourbon. Hey, now you're talking.
Bourbon is something I have got plenty of.
And you know something?
I was sure you'd be drinking Scotch.
- You were?
- Yeah, I sort of thought
you'd like Scotch.
- Oh, you did?
- Yeah, I figured that-
- Just figured I'd like Scotch?
- That's right.
- You didn't know me.
- No, but I-
- But you figured I would like Scotch.
- Bill, aren't we getting
a little involved?
- I just think it's funny.
- But why is it funny?
You're getting me a little
bit confused now, Bill.
- Am I?
I don't know, I just think it's funny,
you're thinking that I like Scotch.
- Well, it's not terribly
important, is it?
- No, it's not important at all.
Do I get the bourbon?
- There it is, right there.
- Oh, this one. Okay.
- Bill, in a million years,
I could never mean anything.
- Chuck, it's not important. It's nothing.
Cheers and hallelujah.
(women chatting indistinctly)
Hi.
- I think this is where
we came in, isn't it?
Chuck, what are you trying to do?
Get Bill cockeyed so he won't
see the floors in the house?
- [Chuck] That's the general idea.
When I'm finished with him,
he's gonna think this
place is Buckingham Palace.
- It's like Grand Central already.
(Chuck and Bill laugh)
- [Chuck] Let's take the tour, Bill.
Take that along with you, now.
- Lead the way.
- [Chuck] We got a lot
of country to cover.
- Well, a fool and whiskey
are not easily parted.
- Say, I think I'd like a drink myself.
- Oh?
- Do you mind?
- Oh no, no, of course not.
Now, it's bourbon, isn't it?
- Yep.
- Water, soda, on the rocks?
- Oh no, on glass.
I drink my bourbon on glass.
After all, they spend a fortune
putting that taste into whiskey.
Why spoil it?
How about you? Have one, join me.
- Oh, I very seldom drink after dinner.
- Why now? Why, that's the best time.
- Well-
- I mean,
when the night begins.
- Well usually, there are so
many things to be done, and...
- Like what?
- Oh, I mean, you know,
things to be attended to.
- Yeah?
- You sound as if you just
sort of relax all the time.
- I do.
- Well, of course you've got a maid.
That makes a difference.
- Mm-hmm.
Lola does everything.
I don't interfere with her job.
I stay out of her way.
What about you? What do you do?
- You mean evenings?
- No, I mean any time. All the time.
- You mean how do I spend my time?
- Yeah, how do you spend your time?
- Oh, well there isn't enough time.
I'm up to my neck in a million things.
- Like what?
- [Mary] I don't know, a
dozen organizations here
that just tear at you.
They say, "Help us do
this, help us do that."
Why, the week's too short to be a week.
- Well, do you enjoy that sort of thing?
- Well, not all of it.
I mean, not all of it.
You have no idea.
Now, the Library Association is all right.
The League of Woman
Voters, that's all right.
The Musical Society,
well, that's kind of fun,
and the PTA, well, you've got to.
And besides, you know, you
wanna be a part of that.
But then there's the Y and the Girl Scouts
and the Church bazaars, and well,
it's like there's no end.
I mean, well, don't you?
With your kids and all, don't you-
- Mm-mm!
Nothing.
I don't belong to nothing.
- At all?
- At all.
Why do you?
- Why? I don't know what you mean by why.
Well, it's sort of a responsibility.
A woman's got to.
I mean, after all, you're
part of a community.
What else can a woman do?
- I'm a woman, and I don't do nothing.
- With all that time on your hands?
- I spend it being a woman.
I mean, that really gases
me, just being a woman.
- I don't think I understand.
(Vicky chuckles)
- I know you don't.
Being a woman.
Well, you know, making myself look better.
Going to the beauty parlor.
Getting my natural
together, having a facial,
pedicure, manicure,
making myself feel better.
Having massages, exercises.
Making myself look smart.
I go shopping. Dresses, shoes, jewelry.
Get myself relaxed.
Sleeping, going to a movie, stepping out.
Having a ball. You know,
that turns Bill on.
A woman.
And that's what I give him.
A w-o-m-a-n that is beautiful
and as he says, delicious.
(Vicky chuckles)
I think I'm about ready for
another one of these, okay?
- Oh, of course.
- Why don't you have one too?
Come on, relax a little.
- No, I really don't think I'd better.
- Better? Better for what?
- All right, I will.
- At a girl. Live a little.
- You know, what you were
saying before, that sort of-
- Cheers and hallelujah.
- What you were saying
before, that sort of,
well, I mean, you can get
away with it in New York,
but I mean, up here...
- [Vicky] Up here what?
- Well, a woman really just can't do that.
- Watch me.
Oh my, why not?
- Well, a woman's expected to.
After all, you're part of a community.
- Well, I'll tell you,
the first community that I'm a part of
is the Gunther Family Community.
That's number one.
- [Mary] I don't think you understand
what I'm trying to say.
You know, when you live in
a neighborhood like this,
after all, there are not very many people,
everybody knows each other
and there are certain community affairs.
- Oh, come on. To hell with that.
- Well, that's not considered
very social up here.
- So, let them sue me.
- It's not that, it's
just that if you expect
to be a part-
- [Vicky] I don't expect to be
a part of anything, nor do I
want to be a part of anything,
nor am I gonna be a part of anything.
You know, I'm me.
Bill's Bill and the kids are the kids,
and that's the way it's gonna be.
Anybody who doesn't like it
can sure as hell lump it.
I got to you, didn't I?
- [Mary] No.
No, of course not.
I mean, everybody has a
right to live as they like.
- That's right.
- But I was only trying to suggest
that if you move up here.
- [Vicky] Don't.
Don't suggest anything.
- But you don't understand, I was trying-
- Don't!
- I mean because-
- Because?
- I mean that if you come up here-
- Because.
Or do you always go around
suggesting to customers
for this house how they're
to behave themselves?
- I'm sorry,
I don't think you really
understand what I'm trying to do.
- I don't think you really understand
what you're trying to do.
(men speaking indistinctly)
- Oh, here are the men.
Bill, how did you like the house?
- Like the man said, Buckingham Palace.
- [Chuck] What did I tell you?
- Well, I finally got the
Missus to take a drink with me.
- You did?
- Mm-hmm.
- Well, that didn't hurt, did it, Mary?
I've been trying to get her to relax
with a drink after
dinner for years, Vicky,
and I can't make it.
What did you do?
- I just twisted her arm.
- That must have been the other arm.
I've been twisting one for years.
Bill, we can't let the
girls get ahead of us.
You know, the time has
come to pop the question,
so you'll forgive me for
being crass and commercial,
but I gotta ask this.
Bill, do you like the house?
Are you interested in buying?
- Yes.
- [Chuck] You are?
- Yes.
- Well then you got yourself a sale.
- And Mary, we're interested in selling it
to them, aren't we?
- That's right.
- Well cheers and hallelujah.
- [Bill] Hallelujah.
- Mr. Gunther, you have
bought yourself a house.
Put her there, you have
bought yourself a house.
(Chuck laughs)
And may you live a long
and happy life in it.
Vicky and Bill, Vicky.
Bill, I'm going to give your wife a kiss.
- Go ahead.
- Vicky, happiness, welcome,
good fortune, everything.
- Thank you.
- Mary?
- Oh, good luck, Vicky and Bill.
- [Bill] Mary, thank you.
- Well, if there was
ever a time for a drink,
I think this is it.
- Chuck, first, let's make it official.
- Official?
- Yeah, let's get something down on paper.
- Down on paper. Oh, sure, sure.
That's not a bad idea.
I don't blame you. What?
- Well, a check for a deposit.
- Oh sure, well, there's no rush.
- Oh, I'd like to do it now.
$10,000?
- $10,000 is fine.
- Charles Robinson.
- That's right, Charles Robinson.
- $10,000.
Now, my lawyer will be
up at the end of the week
to handle the rest of it.
- Sure, Bill. Now listen.
Now can we have that drink to celebrate?
You know, this is
becoming a little solemn.
- Well, just one more thing.
Could we have a little
receipt for the money?
- For the money. Of course, just a minute.
Mary, excuse me.
Here we go.
This is a receipt.
An acknowledgement
of payment of $10,000
towards purchase of our home
on 34 Brookdale Road.
Total price of house to be $98,200.
No, wait a minute. No.
This represents,
from Bill Gunther.
(Chuck mutters indistinctly)
Et cetera, et cetera,
et cetera.
There.
- Right.
- That's the document.
- Looks good to me.
- Well good that we got that over with.
Now we can celebrate
this wonderful occasion
and it is a wonderful occasion for us,
and we hope for you,
Vicky, and for you, Bill.
May you be happy, truly
happy, in your new home.
Bill,
one thing that strikes
me as kind of funny,
you never asked why we
are selling the house.
Aren't you curious?
- I guess you've got your reasons.
- Yes, we got a reason. A reason.
This gorgeous mansion
is just too big for us,
and that's the only reason.
See, we got one little girl, Suzie.
She's away at her friend's or
you'd have met her tonight.
She's about to go off to college,
and that leaves just Mary and me,
and this big house is just too damn big
for only us chickens.
Well?
- Well what?
- Aren't you going to
ask where we're moving?
- Well, I guess you're going somewhere.
- Yes, we're going somewhere,
but where do you think we'd go, Bill?
- [Bill] I don't know.
- Now, take a guess. How far?
- [Bill] I don't know.
- Pretty far away, you'd think, huh?
- I hadn't really given
it a thought at all.
(Chuck laughs)
- Well, let me tell you.
Let me tell you where the
Chuck Robinsons are moving.
Right down the road,
not a half a mile away.
You know what that means?
We're going to be neighbors.
The Gunthers and the Robinsons
are going to be neighbors.
(Chuck laughs)
Well, listen.
You don't have to act like
you're sorry about it.
- How do you expect us to act?
- Bill, you know what this means.
This means that we'll be
able to see each other.
We'll be able to-
- What?
- Bill, lets all sit
down just a second, huh?
(Bill groans)
Talk about some serious matters,
and I think we should, don't you, Mary?
Now see, we sort of avoided
talking about the situation,
and now that you're really,
honestly buying the house,
there are certain factors,
certain considerations.
We can't just kid ourselves.
- Why don't we just skip that, Chuck?
- I'm afraid this is pretty important.
- Well, I'm not interested. Skip it.
- You see, what I'm trying to say-
- I know what you're trying to say.
Don't. Just skip it, man.
- But you can't just-
- Who can't? Can't what?
- [Chuck] Let me put it this way.
Bill, why do you wanna live up here?
- I'll tell you why.
It's the schools.
That's all it is, period. The schools.
I mean, I got two kids.
The schools they go to in
Harlem just ain't making it.
Their schools are turning
out maids and porters.
You've got good schools up here,
and that is all we want.
- I can't believe it. All you want?
- Like the mama of my children just said.
That's it.
- Bill, could I ask you a question?
Have you ever bought another house?
- Nope.
- Have you ever lived in
a small community before?
- Nope.
- Well, let me explain something to you.
See, you're not just moving into a house.
You're moving into a community.
And schools, Vicky, schools
are just a part of it.
I mean, it's a whole way of life.
- [Bill] Like what?
- Well, everything.
I mean, well, clubs
and churches and groups
and social events, and
well, a whole damn life.
- Like I said before, screw it.
- Bill, don't you realize what'll happen
with the people around here
when they realize and react
to the fact that you've
moved in to the neighborhood?
- What people? Who cares?
- Well Vicky, don't you?
Don't you and Bill want
yourselves and your children
to be part of the community?
- Hell no!
- What do you mean, no?
- [Bill] I mean just what I said. No.
Look, we don't care. We're not interested.
It doesn't matter.
You don't like to hear that, do you?
That really bugs you.
You see, you're trying to tell me
that if we move up here,
we gotta act a certain way.
Now I'm telling you that we
ain't gonna act a certain way
whether you like it, the
neighbors like it, or anybody.
Because we're not interested in the crap
that's going down up here.
Right? Have we got that right?
Now, your neighbor, Mr.
Jones down the road,
he's got the right to live
anywhere he wants to, right?
Well, we got that right.
- Of course you do, Bill.
I was just trying to-
- You're just trying to have us be
the way that you want us to be
so that you can go out
and tell the neighbors,
"Oh yes, we sold the house to niggers,
but they're good niggers.
Clean, nice niggers.
As a matter of fact, they
behave just like you and me.
Well, you can't even tell
that they're niggers."
Well I got some news for
you, old Chuck, old buddy.
You and this whole community,
you better damn well know that
we're gonna act like niggers,
feel like niggers, and do like niggers,
and we're gonna be one
hell of a lot different
from the rest of the folks around here.
Now, have you got any objections?
Do you feel like you still wanna celebrate
selling this house?
- Of course I do. You
don't think I'd ever-
- I think right now
you're pretty damn sorry
you sold us this house.
- That's not true.
- [Bill] It ain't?
Well all right, then.
So then let's celebrate!
We got ourself a house, Vicky.
And I wanna thank you, Mr. Robinson.
Now, like the man said, it's
a wonderful occasion, right?
- Right, yes.
- [Bill] Okay then, Vicky,
how about doing a number for the folks?
Come on, child.
- [Vicky] Now?
- Yes.
- [Vicky] Oh no, Bill.
- Oh Vicky, come on, we gonna celebrate.
Ladies and gentlemen,
this is Miss Vicky Ives.
A real down soul sister
and she is my woman
and she can sing.
And just a few minutes ago,
you said you wanted to
hear her sing anyway.
- [Chuck] Yes, of
course. Vicky, won't you?
- Well all right then, Vicky, come on!
Let's do a number!
- But I don't feel like singing.
- [Bill] All right then,
well let's have some music
because we are going to have
a party in my new house.
What do we got?
Lawrence Well?
Well, that certainly won't do.
Ah-ha, look out!
Brother James Brown and it's brand new.
All right, now we really
gonna turn it out here
this evening and celebrate
the right kind of way.
All right, who's ready?
Come on, Vicky.
(upbeat song begins)
Let's dance, baby.
Oh, come on, baby.
- I don't feel like dancing!
- No, we gonna dance!
Celebrate for these folks.
What?
- I don't wanna dance.
- Come on now.
- Oh no, I don't know how to.
I really don't.
- We are gonna dance the
first dance in my house,
and we are going to celebrate.
Get it. Come on, Mary, come on!
Whoo! Go ahead, Chuck.
Get in there.
Come on, Mary!
Ow!
Sock it.
Come on, show 'em how to do it, baby.
You know they ain't got no rhythm.
Come on, Mary. Get it.
(song stops abruptly)
What happened?
Wait one minute.
One minute and we will flip it over.
Whoo!
I mean, I am getting warm, you feel me?
(upbeat music resumes)
Everything's cool.
We gonna celebrate now.
- Don't you think we oughta...
- What, stop?
Hell no, man.
You got some objections?
Listen, this is me and this
is the way that I celebrate.
You understand?
It's the way that I celebrate
because my skin is black
and this is me.
Can you dig that? Huh?
Okay now Vicky, come on, honey!
Come on, Vicky. Sock it!
Let's do it. Come on.
You can do better than that, baby!
Give it to me!
Come on out here. Ooh!
- Don't, don't. Please.
Let's go.
- You wanna dance with me?
Wait a minute, now.
Can't have no party poopers.
Come on, Mary.
♪ Come on and give it to me, baby ♪
♪ Come on ♪
You afraid of my black skin, is that it?
Huh?
Well now, what do you think of that?
Now everybody's gonna start to
call these two nigger lovers,
and you know something?
They ain't!
That's right, go ahead. Turn it off!
Turn it off, because everybody-
- Stop it!
Stop it!
- What's the matter?
You don't like the way your
neighbors are behaving?
- This is unfair. It's not fair.
- It ain't, huh?
- [Mary] We don't deserve this.
Maybe you don't realize it,
but Chuck and I were ready
to make great sacrifices.
- How noble!
- Let me finish!
We were prepared to make
every necessary sacrifice,
but I'm afraid you wouldn't understand
what a thing like that was.
Because of what we
think is right and just!
- Well now, here's a just medal for you.
- Oh, not a medal, but
the least you could do
is try and show some gratitude.
- Gratitude, Vicky!
Lord have mercy, child. That's it.
Now, we got to show some gratitude
to these noble white folks
who are selling us their lovely house
in their lily-white community
at a big sacrifice, at 98.2.
Chuck, you want some gratitude?
- I don't want anything.
- [Bill] Feeling kind
of miserable now, huh?
I mean, all your grand and noble dreams
about how you're gonna help us to fit in.
How you're gonna help
this poor old negro family
fit into your community, huh?
And maybe, maybe get accepted.
In a manner of speaking, of course.
In a manner of speaking.
And look what you got.
Me who don't wanna fit in,
who's telling you that
you can take all this crap
in this lily-white community and shove it!
- Except the schools.
- Yeah, except the
schools. Thank you, Vicky.
Except the schools.
And my kids are gonna get an education.
Now, I don't know what
you sold me, Mister,
but I sure as hell know what I bought,
and I bought my kids an education.
You dig that?
Now, you got a daughter.
She going to college?
Huh, is she?
Where's she going?
- She's going to Sarah Lawrence.
- Sarah Lawrence, huh?
Vicky, is that a good school?
- Yes, it's a good college.
- Going to college.
And tell me, what's she studying there?
- She's interested in psychology.
- Psychology.
She's interested in psychology
and going to college and
learning all about it.
Now, ain't that nice?
College! Mm, mm, mm.
You know how many millions of miles
I live away from college, huh?
Do you know how many
years of education I had?
Three. Three years.
And that was the education
of William J. Gunther.
And I graduated right behind the jackass
at my old man's farm.
One jackass behind another.
Plowed in them fields sun up to sun down.
And you know who taught
me how to read and write?
I mean, really read and write?
She did. Yeah.
Vicky. She taught me how to read.
Me, a grown man, how to read and write.
College?
That's for my kids now, and
that's why we came up here.
To see to it that they
go to the right schools
that get them in the right college.
That's why we're coming up here.
Now, what the hell did you
think we came up here for, huh?
To join your country clubs?
To go to your tea parties?
Well, let me tell you
something, Mr. Chuck Robinson
and Ms. Mary Robinson.
We don't want no part of it
because we don't like it.
We don't even want that
much part of your life
because it's no damn good.
Can you dig that, Mr. and Mrs. Robinson?
Huh?
The only thing that we want from you,
your teachers, your
knowledge, and your schools,
and then maybe someday, our kids,
our kids will be able to take
it and kick you right in the-
And now, yeah.
Now we got it right here.
See that? We got it.
And we wanna thank you, Mr. Robinson,
and we wanna thank you, Mrs. Robinson.
Now, come on, Vicky.
- [Mary] Wait just one minute
because I wanna tell you something.
You think you're pretty smart, don't you?
Well, I don't think you're smart.
I'll tell you what I think you are.
You're stupid. Stupid.
- Oh!
- Now, what do you think of that?
- Come on, more! Tell me more!
- You think I don't dare to?
You're stupid because you're
the one that's prejudiced.
You!
You hate the white people
as much as you think
any one of them hate you.
(Bill laughs)
More.
Because you don't even
wanna give them a chance.
- [Bill] Come on, more. Give it to me.
- You hate the whole white
race, and that's stupid!
- Come on, give it to me!
- I'll give it to you, all right.
You have no appreciation
of the good things
that are in white people,
of the good that's in
millions of white people.
You just hate them all
because they're white.
You just don't wanna even
try to understand them.
- Come on, you're doing fine, Mary.
- You wanna tear all
the white people down.
Well, if you came up here,
you had no right, no
business to come up here
just to tear everything down,
just to destroy everything.
You think I'm afraid to say it to you?
Well, I'm not.
You're an ignorant, ignorant, stupid,
prejudiced negro.
- A man, damn it. A man.
- [Mary] Negro.
Because you hate the
white people as a negro.
- As a man, and for what
they're doing to me as a man,
and for what they're
going to do to my kids,
and for what they're going to
do to them as human beings.
- Then why don't you come
up here and live as a man?
Why don't you let your kids live as kids?
Why don't you try to live
among people as people?
- Because I choose not
to live like the whites.
You get it? I choose not to.
Have I got that right?
I've got that right!
- Mary, let's not go on with this.
- What, live in a cage like him, huh?
Go the rest of my life
playing games with myself?
Kidding myself that I'm free?
Do you know what this Chuck of yours is?
He's a clown! He's nothing!
He's a little baby boy
playing games with himself.
I gotta be like him to
live in a house like this
and give my kids an education?
- What you call games are just
getting along with people,
being a good neighbor with your neighbors,
and there is nothing wrong with it.
- That's a white man's
crap, and I say stop it.
- You're a despicable,
destructive creature.
- Creature? I'm a creature?
Lady, what the hell do
you think you are, huh?
Yeah, big grand and
now normal white folks.
Gonna make a big sacrifice
and sell us their homes, huh?
Big, liberal heroes.
- Stop it. Let's just stop.
- Oh yeah, you wanna stop.
Sure you wanna stop it
because you don't like to see yourself.
Yeah.
- I know what I am and I
don't need you to tell me.
- [Bill] Yeah, tell me, what are you?
I mean, what are you really?
I'll tell you what. I know.
I am going to show you what you are.
Yeah, you watch me. That's right.
I'm gonna show you what you are.
Now, here's the receipt that
says you sold me your house
and without it, I have no house, right?
Now you watch me, Mr.
Big Liberal White Man,
because I wanna show you what you are.
Now, I'm gonna take this
receipt on the count of three
and I am going to tear it up.
- No, don't.
- Now, if you are a big man-
- Don't do that.
- If you are a big man,
you'll stop me, huh?
Are you ready?
Are you ready? You stop me too.
Now get ready because here we go.
On the count of three. Now, ready?
One. What happened?
What happened, Mary?
Nobody tried to stop me.
Maybe they didn't hear me or something.
Let's try again, louder.
Now this is two. Two, got it?
(speaking foreign language)
You ready?
Two!
Mary, what happened?
This is your big chance, come on!
Be the liberal. This is your chance.
Ready?
Okay, it's the last time round.
You're last time round.
No turning back. Are you ready?
You're gonna stop me, right?
You're gonna stop me.
Stop me!
Three!
(paper tearing)
(Bill laughs)
Hm. Mm.
Okay Vicky, let's get
the hell out of here.
- Bill, I don't think-
- [Bill] Let's get the hell out of here.
All right?
All right, so we didn't get the schools.
Our kids didn't get the school.
But it was worth it.
It was worth it to show
them exactly what they are.
- That is a horrible, nasty man
and we don't have to think he's good
just because he's a negro.
That's wrong. That's just
as wrong as the other way.
We've got to think of the
person, the individual,
and we don't want that kind
of a person as a neighbor
whether he's black, white, or anything.
That's all it is.
That's all. That's it.
Chuck, what else could we do?
What else could we do?
What else could we do?
(easy listening music plays)
We're just selling our house.
It's a simple business transaction.
- That's all I'm going to make it.
- Uh-huh.
You know what our name is gonna be
here in this lovely neighborhood?
Mister and Missus Mud.
- I don't give a damn.
Mary, this is the best
thing we've ever done,
you and me.
You know before, all it's
been is talk, talk, talk.
But we've never backed up our talk.
Our so called principles.
We've gained a clean
conscience here and there,
giving a few bucks and all of that,
and we've been big
deals at the front lines
of the cocktail parties,
but we've never really
laid it on the line.
On the line, Mary.
And this is it. This is no kidding.
This is faith plus action.
- Which equals?
- I don't know. Whatever.
Whatever.
- Whatever.
- Mary, thank you for
being with me on this.
- Are you kidding?
- No, I mean it.
I feel like a decent human being
for the first time in my life.
- Oh, is that why you're doing it?
Guilt?
- Not guilt, and don't give me any
of that amateur analysis.
I'm just going to say,
I think it's gonna be tougher on you.
I have a hunch some of
our dear neighbors...
- Oh, bigoted bastards.
- At a girl.
Where the hell are they?
- Listen, don't forget,
they're driving out.
Now give them time.
- I wonder if...
- If what?
- Oh, nevermind.
- No, what? Wonder if what?
- I was just going to say,
I know it sounds peculiar,
I was just going to say sort of,
well, so it would be easier on them,
I was wondering if they were going
to drive up in a Cadillac.
- Well, probably.
- You know, just so it-
- So they drive up in a Cadillac.
Probably a big, white
convertible Cadillac.
They're not entitled?
- That's not what I mean.
You know what I mean, Mary.
- Well let's hope that'll
be their only problem.
I didn't make anything fancy.
Just cheese and crackers.
I thought if I made
something fancy, you know.
Well, I could have made
a clam dip or something,
when I come to think of it.
After all, a clam dip's not so...
It's not like having
black caviar or something.
Anyway, I did get a
nice cake for later on.
- Mary.
- I said I got a nice cake for later on.
- Good.
- With the coffee.
- Good. You know what I feel good about?
I mean, really good about?
We're not moving away.
Lots of people sell their houses to blacks
and then they get the hell out of there.
(speaking foreign language)
But we're moving right down the road,
not a half a mile away,
and you know what that does?
That makes it damn tough for some neighbor
to come up to me and say,
"You're ruining property values.
You're ruining the neighborhood.
How would you like to live near Blacks
and have your kid
playing with their kids?"
"Well, damn right," I'll say,
because I will be living near them
and my kid will be playing with their kids
and my property values are on the line
just like yours, buddy.
(laughs)
Boy, I'd like to have a look at their face
when they hear that.
"They're gonna be my neighbors!"
That's what I'll say. My neighbors.
- Well, it certainly
brings out the good old
aggressive instinct, doesn't it?
- You're damn right.
We're not playing potsy, dear.
We're in for a real battle, you and me.
A real battle.
A little aggressive instinct
might come in mighty handy.
(doorbell chimes)
- You answer the door!
- The trees, Mary. Light the trees.
It's too bright.
Mary,
whatever?
- Whatever.
- It's a Cadillac.
Hi!
- [Man] Hi.
- [Chuck] Come right in and welcome.
Watch your step there.
Those stairs are a little bit irregular.
This is the living room,
and this is my wife, Mary.
Mary, these are the Gunthers.
Mister and Missus Gunther.
- How do you do?
- Hi. I'm Bill and she is Vicky.
- Hi.
- Hello, Vicky.
- Here, let me take that.
- Oh, don't bother.
- Oh, it's very beautiful.
- Don't bother!
- Of course.
- Well, I'm glad you came.
We were getting to be
a little bit nervous.
You know when you're selling a house,
you keep wondering if the customers
are going to show up.
(Bill laughs)
Well, let's all sit down, shall we?
How long did it take you to drive up?
- Oh, about an hour.
- Yeah, that's it, all right.
River Glen Highway and then Cross Country.
That Cross Country is a bitch,
but otherwise, it's a
pretty good drive up.
- [Mary] Of course, I
always take the throughway.
The throughway's really better, you know?
- Well only if you live
on the North side, Mary.
Otherwise, you've got all
that crosstown traffic
and that's murder.
But anyway, you got here.
- We got here.
- Any trouble finding the house?
- Oh no. No, no, no.
That red door did it.
- That red door, that's Mary's idea.
Always wanted a house with a red door.
Why did you always want a
house with a red door, Mary?
I never found out.
- Well, I don't know.
I just wanted a house with a red door.
Does there have to be a reason?
- Must be something in your mind.
You know, some symbol,
some childhood trauma.
- Now who's playing amateur analyst?
A red door has to stand for something, hm?
You know, that's one of the
favorite pastimes around here.
Everybody's been to an analyst
and that gives them the right
to rip anybody's character
wide open in public.
Oh my goodness, and you know,
I could throw the names around,
like trauma, or psychotic, neurotic.
- Not to mention castration complex.
(Bill laughs)
- Not to mention!
Well, anyway, in this house,
I'm the only one who has the right
to play parlor analyst because I've been.
This character really needs it.
He won't go near it.
But let anybody say
anything or do something
and out comes Chuck with his two cents
worth of Freud.
(Mary chuckles)
(Chuck laughs)
Well, I think the time has come
when in the interest of family harmony,
I'm compelled to suggest that
we all have a drink, right?
What'll it be?
- Don't mind if I do.
- What'll it be, a Scotch?
- How about a little bourbon?
- Bourbon. Yes, sure.
Soda, water?
- [Bill] Straight up.
- Bourbon straight up. Vicky?
- Same here.
- Bourbon it is, all around.
- Well, this is quite a room.
- [Bill] Well, that's Mary.
She's the decorator.
I don't like to say it,
but I think she did a
pretty professional job.
You know, she's never
been to decorator's school
or anything.
- [Mary] Oh, thank goodness Chuck and I
have the same tastes.
Otherwise, I'd just hear him saying,
"You stink as a decorator."
(Vicky chuckles)
- I like this couch.
Golly, it must be about 100 feet long.
Thank you.
- Vicky, we once had 10
people sitting on that couch.
I counted them.
Of course they had to play
kneesies, like it or not.
(chuckles)
It's only a fair set,
but I'm not a hi-fi bug, you know?
I don't know from weeders and tweeders
(Bill laughs)
and woofers and all that.
It plays good. I'm satisfied.
- It's very nice.
- Well, here's cheers.
- Cheers.
- Cheers and hallelujah.
- Cheers and hallelujah. I like that.
I like that. Cheers and hallelujah.
(Chuck laughs)
I shouldn't say this.
I know I shouldn't say this.
It's bad salesmanship.
But only two people answered our ad
and you're one of them.
- Oh, really? What
happened to the other guy?
- Price was too steep.
- [Bill] Ah.
- Anyway, I'm glad you're here.
When you're selling a house, boy,
it's good to have a
real, live, hot prospect.
Believe you, me.
- Chuck, they haven't even
been through the house yet.
I mean, we don't know if Vicky or Bill
really like the house.
I'd love to show them around.
- [Chuck] What do you
mean, they won't like it?
Isn't she awful? She's worse than I am.
Aren't we a couple of salesmen?
(chuckles)
They're gonna love it.
I mean, what's not to love?
- Why, I love it already.
- You see?
- She's thinking about the
parties she can throw here
in this ballroom.
- You like big parties?
- Mary, you're talking to the
Martha Mitchell of Harlem.
She thinks that 25 cats is
an intimate little group.
- Well now, I don't ever see you
acting like a hermit.
I mean, that's Mister
Life of the Party himself.
- Well now, honey, when
you get them together,
you may as well keep them away.
- And the neighbors?
- Tell them to come on over, too.
A party is a party, right?
- [Chuck] Right.
- Well, I'm sure you're
dying to see the house.
- Oh, I'd love to.
- [Chuck] Oh, wait a minute, now.
Wait just a minute!
What's the hurry?
The house, oh, the house will keep.
Mary, Mary, the house will be after all.
Let's have another drink, relax a little.
These are prospects. Customers, Mary.
We gotta soften 'em up a little.
You know, feed them a couple of drinks,
and then we slip them the contract.
- You two men can do as you wish.
I'm gonna show Vicky the house.
Come on, Vicky.
I know who's going to make the decisions.
- You got it, Mary.
If she says buy, we buy.
Me, I just pay the bills.
- Same here.
What happened to men, anyway?
Thank heavens.
- [Mary] Through here.
I think we'll start with the kitchen.
I think it has everything.
- She's not kidding.
That kitchen has got more
gadgets than a space capsule.
It's got buttons and
switches and signal lights.
You gotta be an engineer
to cook a soft boiled egg.
One time, I pulled the wrong switch
and I made a solid piece of charcoal
out of a sirloin steak in two minutes,
and that's hard to do.
Well, we've got our toys. You know.
Automobiles, hi-fis, sports cars.
They're entitled to their
little fun, I guess.
Well, cheers and hallelujah.
- Cheers.
- Bill, are you a do-it-yourself type?
You know, work around the house?
- No, no.
- [Chuck] Me neither.
Not that I can't, you know.
I'm handy, but home is no place for work.
Mary's always trying to get me
to build this and fix that.
I've got a workshop down in the basement
with a couple of power tools.
I'll show that to you later.
But I mean, who wants to?
So I worked out a perfect answer.
It's called Robinson's Law of Tranquility.
Say a job comes up, see?
Well, you apply Robinson's
Law of Tranquility.
Now this job can either be
work or pleasure, right?
So you analyze it.
Now, if it's going to be pleasure,
you say to yourself, well,
there's a million things
I could do right now
that would give me more
pleasure than this.
So you reject it on the
grounds of pleasure.
And if it's going to be work,
you say to yourself, well,
there's a lot of work I could do right now
that would be more profitable than this.
So you reject it on the grounds of work,
and you rest in perfect tranquility.
Robinson's Law of Tranquility.
I give it to you. It's free.
It comes with the house.
- Chuck, I kind of think you like to play
games with yourself.
- What do you mean?
- Well now, I've got a
better law than that.
- What's that?
- My word is law, and when
I'm not going to do something,
I just don't do it, and that's it.
- Well, I guess it is
sort of games at that.
By the way, Bill, what do you do?
I mean what line of work?
- I'm a salesman.
- A salesman? What, I mean what do you-
- A salesman.
- I'm in the display game myself.
You know what that is?
For advertising, we make displays.
You know that stuff you see in bar windows
and liquor store windows,
department stores?
Hey, would you like to
see my latest masterpiece?
I'll show it to you.
This is gonna knock your eye out.
Ta-dah!
(both laugh)
Pretty nifty, huh?
- Woo!
- [Chuck] Wait a minute,
wait till you see how it works.
(Bill coughs)
White Elephant Gin. It stands alone, huh?
Perfect, huh? Isn't that clever?
What do you think, Bill?
- Chuck, Chuck, that thing is wonderful.
You mean to tell me that
you really make a living
out of those things?
- Do I?
Bet there's gonna be 5,000 of those
in liquor stores from coast to coast.
I mean to tell you I make
a living off those things.
(women chatting indistinctly)
(Bill chuckling)
- What's that?
- Vicky, this is what Chuck makes.
I mean, for a living.
- Elephants?
- Not elephants.
No, it's a display for advertising.
How was the tour?
- Wait till you see that kitchen.
By now, I don't ever have
to learn how to cook.
All I have to do is push a button.
- Vicky, when did you ever
plan on learning how to cook?
- Oh, stop.
- Oh, they have a woman
who's coming up with them.
She's gonna do the cooking and things.
- Oh, a maid? No kidding.
Well that's going to be very interesting.
- Why is that?
- It's just that you'll be the only woman
in the whole neighborhood
with a live in maid.
I hope you don't mind that the other women
are jealous of you, Vicky.
- Oh for goodness sakes, what do I care?
I'm no cook, I ain't
ever gonna be no cook,
and God and Bill's stomach both know it.
- Amen.
- Well let me show you
the rest of the house.
- Yeah, you girls finish the tour.
Bill and I will have another snort,
and then we'll look the place over.
Right, Bill?
- You're the salesman.
- Come on, Vicky.
I have a feeling these men are gonna float
through the house.
- [Chuck] Why is it that women
think it's so evil to drink?
Why do they make such a stink if a guy
wants to relax a little?
- Well, mine sure don't.
- Vicky doesn't hit the ceiling
whenever you tie one on?
- No, I often have to sit down on her.
She can drink me under the table,
and frequently does.
- You've got quite a wife there, Bill.
- I got me a hunk of woman.
- I mean, she's really beautiful, too.
- The most. I mean, the most.
Have you ever seen her?
I mean, have you ever seen her perform?
- You mean she's some
kind of professional?
- Well, yes, she used to be.
Used to sing in nightclubs
and stuff like that.
Vicky Ives.
She was great.
Hey, why don't you try and get her
to do a couple of numbers for you?
She's really out of sight.
You'd dig her.
- Well, what do you know?
Well, maybe I will. You think she would?
- Think she would? Listen, Chuck.
Anybody that asks Vicky to sing,
why she's eternally grateful.
(both chuckle)
- Well, how about that? All right, I will.
And she quit it, huh?
- Oh yeah, we got a couple of kids now
and, well, they have to be brought up
and somebody's gotta bring them up.
- How old are they?
- Six and eight.
She says she's gonna bring
'em up right if it kills her.
And you know something?
I think it is killing her.
I mean, with me gone all
the time, traveling around.
She'd give her right arm to be with me.
- You're around a lot
then as a salesman, huh?
- Yep, moving around all the time.
- What territory?
I mean, what, out of town, or?
- Out of town, out of
state, out of country.
- Europe?
- Oh, Europe, Africa,
Asia, Australia, even.
I just got back from Rome.
(speaking Italian)
You ever been to Rome?
- No, we've never been abroad.
We might make it this summer.
- Let me tell you something about Rome.
Now, Rome is one city where anything,
and I mean anything goes.
Man, I had me one hell of a time there.
- So you wouldn't be around a lot?
I mean, if you moved into the house?
- Oh, yeah. But when
I'm around, I'm around.
You know, several weeks at a time.
When I'm home, you know, I'm home.
And well, Vicky and I,
we like to have a ball.
You know, we kind of like
to make up for lost time.
You understand what I mean?
You know, we like to have
a blast almost every night.
Sometimes I think that I'm running
the most elegant flophouse in Harlem.
And you know something?
Those cats, you can
never get them to go home
because they say, "Hey
man, if we stay here
long enough, maybe this
party's gonna start
all over again, you dig?"
And you know something?
They're right.
(both chuckle)
Just tell me something, Chuck?
- Sure.
- What do you folks do up
here to get your jollies?
I'm sorry, I mean your kicks.
- Your kicks? Well, nothing
like that, I assure you.
(laughs)
See, the fellows around
here are mostly commuters
and it's pretty quiet
during the week, you know?
Early to bed, early to rise.
Keeps those bags from under your eyes.
- Wow.
- So it's kind of quiet, generally.
Except for Fridays and Saturdays, now.
That's different. That's when we open up.
- Well, like how?
- Oh, relatively speaking, of course.
You know, a party here or there.
Get together at somebody's
house or another.
- But like who?
- Well, neighbors. That sort of thing.
- Oh man, sounds like a drag to me.
- It can get pretty gay sometimes.
- I mean, seeing the same
old people week after week.
Oh man, it would really
put me a one bummer.
- Well you see, it's sort
of like, well, a community.
You know, everybody knows everybody else.
It's really not too bad, Bill.
It is not too bad.
- Chuck, I think you're kidding yourself.
- You think so?
- You know what you
really make me think of?
An animal locked in a cage,
and the animal says to himself,
"Everything's cool. I mean,
I'm comfortable and I'm cozy.
So why do I wanna be free?"
Yeah, that's exactly what
you make me think of.
Mm-hmm.
I'm afraid, Chuck, old buddy,
I think you're playing games
with yourself all the time.
- That's the second time you've said that.
- No kidding.
Must be the second time I thought it.
- Well, I guess
everybody's got his own way
of getting satisfaction.
- Ain't that the truth?
- What I think you don't understand yet
is that it can be a
damn good life up here.
A pretty damn good life.
- Well, I try and understand.
- I don't follow you.
- I'm just not interested
in the pretty damn
good life up here.
- No?
- No.
Just like you said,
everybody's got his own way
of getting his kicks, and I've got mine
and no early to bed, early
to rise commuter eyes for me.
Mm-mm. Flagstone?
- No, it's fieldstone.
- Hm.
- Well you just wait till you get up here.
We never know, we never know.
Certainly never know.
- Well, I know.
Say, how about another bourbon?
- Bourbon. Hey, now you're talking.
Bourbon is something I have got plenty of.
And you know something?
I was sure you'd be drinking Scotch.
- You were?
- Yeah, I sort of thought
you'd like Scotch.
- Oh, you did?
- Yeah, I figured that-
- Just figured I'd like Scotch?
- That's right.
- You didn't know me.
- No, but I-
- But you figured I would like Scotch.
- Bill, aren't we getting
a little involved?
- I just think it's funny.
- But why is it funny?
You're getting me a little
bit confused now, Bill.
- Am I?
I don't know, I just think it's funny,
you're thinking that I like Scotch.
- Well, it's not terribly
important, is it?
- No, it's not important at all.
Do I get the bourbon?
- There it is, right there.
- Oh, this one. Okay.
- Bill, in a million years,
I could never mean anything.
- Chuck, it's not important. It's nothing.
Cheers and hallelujah.
(women chatting indistinctly)
Hi.
- I think this is where
we came in, isn't it?
Chuck, what are you trying to do?
Get Bill cockeyed so he won't
see the floors in the house?
- [Chuck] That's the general idea.
When I'm finished with him,
he's gonna think this
place is Buckingham Palace.
- It's like Grand Central already.
(Chuck and Bill laugh)
- [Chuck] Let's take the tour, Bill.
Take that along with you, now.
- Lead the way.
- [Chuck] We got a lot
of country to cover.
- Well, a fool and whiskey
are not easily parted.
- Say, I think I'd like a drink myself.
- Oh?
- Do you mind?
- Oh no, no, of course not.
Now, it's bourbon, isn't it?
- Yep.
- Water, soda, on the rocks?
- Oh no, on glass.
I drink my bourbon on glass.
After all, they spend a fortune
putting that taste into whiskey.
Why spoil it?
How about you? Have one, join me.
- Oh, I very seldom drink after dinner.
- Why now? Why, that's the best time.
- Well-
- I mean,
when the night begins.
- Well usually, there are so
many things to be done, and...
- Like what?
- Oh, I mean, you know,
things to be attended to.
- Yeah?
- You sound as if you just
sort of relax all the time.
- I do.
- Well, of course you've got a maid.
That makes a difference.
- Mm-hmm.
Lola does everything.
I don't interfere with her job.
I stay out of her way.
What about you? What do you do?
- You mean evenings?
- No, I mean any time. All the time.
- You mean how do I spend my time?
- Yeah, how do you spend your time?
- Oh, well there isn't enough time.
I'm up to my neck in a million things.
- Like what?
- [Mary] I don't know, a
dozen organizations here
that just tear at you.
They say, "Help us do
this, help us do that."
Why, the week's too short to be a week.
- Well, do you enjoy that sort of thing?
- Well, not all of it.
I mean, not all of it.
You have no idea.
Now, the Library Association is all right.
The League of Woman
Voters, that's all right.
The Musical Society,
well, that's kind of fun,
and the PTA, well, you've got to.
And besides, you know, you
wanna be a part of that.
But then there's the Y and the Girl Scouts
and the Church bazaars, and well,
it's like there's no end.
I mean, well, don't you?
With your kids and all, don't you-
- Mm-mm!
Nothing.
I don't belong to nothing.
- At all?
- At all.
Why do you?
- Why? I don't know what you mean by why.
Well, it's sort of a responsibility.
A woman's got to.
I mean, after all, you're
part of a community.
What else can a woman do?
- I'm a woman, and I don't do nothing.
- With all that time on your hands?
- I spend it being a woman.
I mean, that really gases
me, just being a woman.
- I don't think I understand.
(Vicky chuckles)
- I know you don't.
Being a woman.
Well, you know, making myself look better.
Going to the beauty parlor.
Getting my natural
together, having a facial,
pedicure, manicure,
making myself feel better.
Having massages, exercises.
Making myself look smart.
I go shopping. Dresses, shoes, jewelry.
Get myself relaxed.
Sleeping, going to a movie, stepping out.
Having a ball. You know,
that turns Bill on.
A woman.
And that's what I give him.
A w-o-m-a-n that is beautiful
and as he says, delicious.
(Vicky chuckles)
I think I'm about ready for
another one of these, okay?
- Oh, of course.
- Why don't you have one too?
Come on, relax a little.
- No, I really don't think I'd better.
- Better? Better for what?
- All right, I will.
- At a girl. Live a little.
- You know, what you were
saying before, that sort of-
- Cheers and hallelujah.
- What you were saying
before, that sort of,
well, I mean, you can get
away with it in New York,
but I mean, up here...
- [Vicky] Up here what?
- Well, a woman really just can't do that.
- Watch me.
Oh my, why not?
- Well, a woman's expected to.
After all, you're part of a community.
- Well, I'll tell you,
the first community that I'm a part of
is the Gunther Family Community.
That's number one.
- [Mary] I don't think you understand
what I'm trying to say.
You know, when you live in
a neighborhood like this,
after all, there are not very many people,
everybody knows each other
and there are certain community affairs.
- Oh, come on. To hell with that.
- Well, that's not considered
very social up here.
- So, let them sue me.
- It's not that, it's
just that if you expect
to be a part-
- [Vicky] I don't expect to be
a part of anything, nor do I
want to be a part of anything,
nor am I gonna be a part of anything.
You know, I'm me.
Bill's Bill and the kids are the kids,
and that's the way it's gonna be.
Anybody who doesn't like it
can sure as hell lump it.
I got to you, didn't I?
- [Mary] No.
No, of course not.
I mean, everybody has a
right to live as they like.
- That's right.
- But I was only trying to suggest
that if you move up here.
- [Vicky] Don't.
Don't suggest anything.
- But you don't understand, I was trying-
- Don't!
- I mean because-
- Because?
- I mean that if you come up here-
- Because.
Or do you always go around
suggesting to customers
for this house how they're
to behave themselves?
- I'm sorry,
I don't think you really
understand what I'm trying to do.
- I don't think you really understand
what you're trying to do.
(men speaking indistinctly)
- Oh, here are the men.
Bill, how did you like the house?
- Like the man said, Buckingham Palace.
- [Chuck] What did I tell you?
- Well, I finally got the
Missus to take a drink with me.
- You did?
- Mm-hmm.
- Well, that didn't hurt, did it, Mary?
I've been trying to get her to relax
with a drink after
dinner for years, Vicky,
and I can't make it.
What did you do?
- I just twisted her arm.
- That must have been the other arm.
I've been twisting one for years.
Bill, we can't let the
girls get ahead of us.
You know, the time has
come to pop the question,
so you'll forgive me for
being crass and commercial,
but I gotta ask this.
Bill, do you like the house?
Are you interested in buying?
- Yes.
- [Chuck] You are?
- Yes.
- Well then you got yourself a sale.
- And Mary, we're interested in selling it
to them, aren't we?
- That's right.
- Well cheers and hallelujah.
- [Bill] Hallelujah.
- Mr. Gunther, you have
bought yourself a house.
Put her there, you have
bought yourself a house.
(Chuck laughs)
And may you live a long
and happy life in it.
Vicky and Bill, Vicky.
Bill, I'm going to give your wife a kiss.
- Go ahead.
- Vicky, happiness, welcome,
good fortune, everything.
- Thank you.
- Mary?
- Oh, good luck, Vicky and Bill.
- [Bill] Mary, thank you.
- Well, if there was
ever a time for a drink,
I think this is it.
- Chuck, first, let's make it official.
- Official?
- Yeah, let's get something down on paper.
- Down on paper. Oh, sure, sure.
That's not a bad idea.
I don't blame you. What?
- Well, a check for a deposit.
- Oh sure, well, there's no rush.
- Oh, I'd like to do it now.
$10,000?
- $10,000 is fine.
- Charles Robinson.
- That's right, Charles Robinson.
- $10,000.
Now, my lawyer will be
up at the end of the week
to handle the rest of it.
- Sure, Bill. Now listen.
Now can we have that drink to celebrate?
You know, this is
becoming a little solemn.
- Well, just one more thing.
Could we have a little
receipt for the money?
- For the money. Of course, just a minute.
Mary, excuse me.
Here we go.
This is a receipt.
An acknowledgement
of payment of $10,000
towards purchase of our home
on 34 Brookdale Road.
Total price of house to be $98,200.
No, wait a minute. No.
This represents,
from Bill Gunther.
(Chuck mutters indistinctly)
Et cetera, et cetera,
et cetera.
There.
- Right.
- That's the document.
- Looks good to me.
- Well good that we got that over with.
Now we can celebrate
this wonderful occasion
and it is a wonderful occasion for us,
and we hope for you,
Vicky, and for you, Bill.
May you be happy, truly
happy, in your new home.
Bill,
one thing that strikes
me as kind of funny,
you never asked why we
are selling the house.
Aren't you curious?
- I guess you've got your reasons.
- Yes, we got a reason. A reason.
This gorgeous mansion
is just too big for us,
and that's the only reason.
See, we got one little girl, Suzie.
She's away at her friend's or
you'd have met her tonight.
She's about to go off to college,
and that leaves just Mary and me,
and this big house is just too damn big
for only us chickens.
Well?
- Well what?
- Aren't you going to
ask where we're moving?
- Well, I guess you're going somewhere.
- Yes, we're going somewhere,
but where do you think we'd go, Bill?
- [Bill] I don't know.
- Now, take a guess. How far?
- [Bill] I don't know.
- Pretty far away, you'd think, huh?
- I hadn't really given
it a thought at all.
(Chuck laughs)
- Well, let me tell you.
Let me tell you where the
Chuck Robinsons are moving.
Right down the road,
not a half a mile away.
You know what that means?
We're going to be neighbors.
The Gunthers and the Robinsons
are going to be neighbors.
(Chuck laughs)
Well, listen.
You don't have to act like
you're sorry about it.
- How do you expect us to act?
- Bill, you know what this means.
This means that we'll be
able to see each other.
We'll be able to-
- What?
- Bill, lets all sit
down just a second, huh?
(Bill groans)
Talk about some serious matters,
and I think we should, don't you, Mary?
Now see, we sort of avoided
talking about the situation,
and now that you're really,
honestly buying the house,
there are certain factors,
certain considerations.
We can't just kid ourselves.
- Why don't we just skip that, Chuck?
- I'm afraid this is pretty important.
- Well, I'm not interested. Skip it.
- You see, what I'm trying to say-
- I know what you're trying to say.
Don't. Just skip it, man.
- But you can't just-
- Who can't? Can't what?
- [Chuck] Let me put it this way.
Bill, why do you wanna live up here?
- I'll tell you why.
It's the schools.
That's all it is, period. The schools.
I mean, I got two kids.
The schools they go to in
Harlem just ain't making it.
Their schools are turning
out maids and porters.
You've got good schools up here,
and that is all we want.
- I can't believe it. All you want?
- Like the mama of my children just said.
That's it.
- Bill, could I ask you a question?
Have you ever bought another house?
- Nope.
- Have you ever lived in
a small community before?
- Nope.
- Well, let me explain something to you.
See, you're not just moving into a house.
You're moving into a community.
And schools, Vicky, schools
are just a part of it.
I mean, it's a whole way of life.
- [Bill] Like what?
- Well, everything.
I mean, well, clubs
and churches and groups
and social events, and
well, a whole damn life.
- Like I said before, screw it.
- Bill, don't you realize what'll happen
with the people around here
when they realize and react
to the fact that you've
moved in to the neighborhood?
- What people? Who cares?
- Well Vicky, don't you?
Don't you and Bill want
yourselves and your children
to be part of the community?
- Hell no!
- What do you mean, no?
- [Bill] I mean just what I said. No.
Look, we don't care. We're not interested.
It doesn't matter.
You don't like to hear that, do you?
That really bugs you.
You see, you're trying to tell me
that if we move up here,
we gotta act a certain way.
Now I'm telling you that we
ain't gonna act a certain way
whether you like it, the
neighbors like it, or anybody.
Because we're not interested in the crap
that's going down up here.
Right? Have we got that right?
Now, your neighbor, Mr.
Jones down the road,
he's got the right to live
anywhere he wants to, right?
Well, we got that right.
- Of course you do, Bill.
I was just trying to-
- You're just trying to have us be
the way that you want us to be
so that you can go out
and tell the neighbors,
"Oh yes, we sold the house to niggers,
but they're good niggers.
Clean, nice niggers.
As a matter of fact, they
behave just like you and me.
Well, you can't even tell
that they're niggers."
Well I got some news for
you, old Chuck, old buddy.
You and this whole community,
you better damn well know that
we're gonna act like niggers,
feel like niggers, and do like niggers,
and we're gonna be one
hell of a lot different
from the rest of the folks around here.
Now, have you got any objections?
Do you feel like you still wanna celebrate
selling this house?
- Of course I do. You
don't think I'd ever-
- I think right now
you're pretty damn sorry
you sold us this house.
- That's not true.
- [Bill] It ain't?
Well all right, then.
So then let's celebrate!
We got ourself a house, Vicky.
And I wanna thank you, Mr. Robinson.
Now, like the man said, it's
a wonderful occasion, right?
- Right, yes.
- [Bill] Okay then, Vicky,
how about doing a number for the folks?
Come on, child.
- [Vicky] Now?
- Yes.
- [Vicky] Oh no, Bill.
- Oh Vicky, come on, we gonna celebrate.
Ladies and gentlemen,
this is Miss Vicky Ives.
A real down soul sister
and she is my woman
and she can sing.
And just a few minutes ago,
you said you wanted to
hear her sing anyway.
- [Chuck] Yes, of
course. Vicky, won't you?
- Well all right then, Vicky, come on!
Let's do a number!
- But I don't feel like singing.
- [Bill] All right then,
well let's have some music
because we are going to have
a party in my new house.
What do we got?
Lawrence Well?
Well, that certainly won't do.
Ah-ha, look out!
Brother James Brown and it's brand new.
All right, now we really
gonna turn it out here
this evening and celebrate
the right kind of way.
All right, who's ready?
Come on, Vicky.
(upbeat song begins)
Let's dance, baby.
Oh, come on, baby.
- I don't feel like dancing!
- No, we gonna dance!
Celebrate for these folks.
What?
- I don't wanna dance.
- Come on now.
- Oh no, I don't know how to.
I really don't.
- We are gonna dance the
first dance in my house,
and we are going to celebrate.
Get it. Come on, Mary, come on!
Whoo! Go ahead, Chuck.
Get in there.
Come on, Mary!
Ow!
Sock it.
Come on, show 'em how to do it, baby.
You know they ain't got no rhythm.
Come on, Mary. Get it.
(song stops abruptly)
What happened?
Wait one minute.
One minute and we will flip it over.
Whoo!
I mean, I am getting warm, you feel me?
(upbeat music resumes)
Everything's cool.
We gonna celebrate now.
- Don't you think we oughta...
- What, stop?
Hell no, man.
You got some objections?
Listen, this is me and this
is the way that I celebrate.
You understand?
It's the way that I celebrate
because my skin is black
and this is me.
Can you dig that? Huh?
Okay now Vicky, come on, honey!
Come on, Vicky. Sock it!
Let's do it. Come on.
You can do better than that, baby!
Give it to me!
Come on out here. Ooh!
- Don't, don't. Please.
Let's go.
- You wanna dance with me?
Wait a minute, now.
Can't have no party poopers.
Come on, Mary.
♪ Come on and give it to me, baby ♪
♪ Come on ♪
You afraid of my black skin, is that it?
Huh?
Well now, what do you think of that?
Now everybody's gonna start to
call these two nigger lovers,
and you know something?
They ain't!
That's right, go ahead. Turn it off!
Turn it off, because everybody-
- Stop it!
Stop it!
- What's the matter?
You don't like the way your
neighbors are behaving?
- This is unfair. It's not fair.
- It ain't, huh?
- [Mary] We don't deserve this.
Maybe you don't realize it,
but Chuck and I were ready
to make great sacrifices.
- How noble!
- Let me finish!
We were prepared to make
every necessary sacrifice,
but I'm afraid you wouldn't understand
what a thing like that was.
Because of what we
think is right and just!
- Well now, here's a just medal for you.
- Oh, not a medal, but
the least you could do
is try and show some gratitude.
- Gratitude, Vicky!
Lord have mercy, child. That's it.
Now, we got to show some gratitude
to these noble white folks
who are selling us their lovely house
in their lily-white community
at a big sacrifice, at 98.2.
Chuck, you want some gratitude?
- I don't want anything.
- [Bill] Feeling kind
of miserable now, huh?
I mean, all your grand and noble dreams
about how you're gonna help us to fit in.
How you're gonna help
this poor old negro family
fit into your community, huh?
And maybe, maybe get accepted.
In a manner of speaking, of course.
In a manner of speaking.
And look what you got.
Me who don't wanna fit in,
who's telling you that
you can take all this crap
in this lily-white community and shove it!
- Except the schools.
- Yeah, except the
schools. Thank you, Vicky.
Except the schools.
And my kids are gonna get an education.
Now, I don't know what
you sold me, Mister,
but I sure as hell know what I bought,
and I bought my kids an education.
You dig that?
Now, you got a daughter.
She going to college?
Huh, is she?
Where's she going?
- She's going to Sarah Lawrence.
- Sarah Lawrence, huh?
Vicky, is that a good school?
- Yes, it's a good college.
- Going to college.
And tell me, what's she studying there?
- She's interested in psychology.
- Psychology.
She's interested in psychology
and going to college and
learning all about it.
Now, ain't that nice?
College! Mm, mm, mm.
You know how many millions of miles
I live away from college, huh?
Do you know how many
years of education I had?
Three. Three years.
And that was the education
of William J. Gunther.
And I graduated right behind the jackass
at my old man's farm.
One jackass behind another.
Plowed in them fields sun up to sun down.
And you know who taught
me how to read and write?
I mean, really read and write?
She did. Yeah.
Vicky. She taught me how to read.
Me, a grown man, how to read and write.
College?
That's for my kids now, and
that's why we came up here.
To see to it that they
go to the right schools
that get them in the right college.
That's why we're coming up here.
Now, what the hell did you
think we came up here for, huh?
To join your country clubs?
To go to your tea parties?
Well, let me tell you
something, Mr. Chuck Robinson
and Ms. Mary Robinson.
We don't want no part of it
because we don't like it.
We don't even want that
much part of your life
because it's no damn good.
Can you dig that, Mr. and Mrs. Robinson?
Huh?
The only thing that we want from you,
your teachers, your
knowledge, and your schools,
and then maybe someday, our kids,
our kids will be able to take
it and kick you right in the-
And now, yeah.
Now we got it right here.
See that? We got it.
And we wanna thank you, Mr. Robinson,
and we wanna thank you, Mrs. Robinson.
Now, come on, Vicky.
- [Mary] Wait just one minute
because I wanna tell you something.
You think you're pretty smart, don't you?
Well, I don't think you're smart.
I'll tell you what I think you are.
You're stupid. Stupid.
- Oh!
- Now, what do you think of that?
- Come on, more! Tell me more!
- You think I don't dare to?
You're stupid because you're
the one that's prejudiced.
You!
You hate the white people
as much as you think
any one of them hate you.
(Bill laughs)
More.
Because you don't even
wanna give them a chance.
- [Bill] Come on, more. Give it to me.
- You hate the whole white
race, and that's stupid!
- Come on, give it to me!
- I'll give it to you, all right.
You have no appreciation
of the good things
that are in white people,
of the good that's in
millions of white people.
You just hate them all
because they're white.
You just don't wanna even
try to understand them.
- Come on, you're doing fine, Mary.
- You wanna tear all
the white people down.
Well, if you came up here,
you had no right, no
business to come up here
just to tear everything down,
just to destroy everything.
You think I'm afraid to say it to you?
Well, I'm not.
You're an ignorant, ignorant, stupid,
prejudiced negro.
- A man, damn it. A man.
- [Mary] Negro.
Because you hate the
white people as a negro.
- As a man, and for what
they're doing to me as a man,
and for what they're
going to do to my kids,
and for what they're going to
do to them as human beings.
- Then why don't you come
up here and live as a man?
Why don't you let your kids live as kids?
Why don't you try to live
among people as people?
- Because I choose not
to live like the whites.
You get it? I choose not to.
Have I got that right?
I've got that right!
- Mary, let's not go on with this.
- What, live in a cage like him, huh?
Go the rest of my life
playing games with myself?
Kidding myself that I'm free?
Do you know what this Chuck of yours is?
He's a clown! He's nothing!
He's a little baby boy
playing games with himself.
I gotta be like him to
live in a house like this
and give my kids an education?
- What you call games are just
getting along with people,
being a good neighbor with your neighbors,
and there is nothing wrong with it.
- That's a white man's
crap, and I say stop it.
- You're a despicable,
destructive creature.
- Creature? I'm a creature?
Lady, what the hell do
you think you are, huh?
Yeah, big grand and
now normal white folks.
Gonna make a big sacrifice
and sell us their homes, huh?
Big, liberal heroes.
- Stop it. Let's just stop.
- Oh yeah, you wanna stop.
Sure you wanna stop it
because you don't like to see yourself.
Yeah.
- I know what I am and I
don't need you to tell me.
- [Bill] Yeah, tell me, what are you?
I mean, what are you really?
I'll tell you what. I know.
I am going to show you what you are.
Yeah, you watch me. That's right.
I'm gonna show you what you are.
Now, here's the receipt that
says you sold me your house
and without it, I have no house, right?
Now you watch me, Mr.
Big Liberal White Man,
because I wanna show you what you are.
Now, I'm gonna take this
receipt on the count of three
and I am going to tear it up.
- No, don't.
- Now, if you are a big man-
- Don't do that.
- If you are a big man,
you'll stop me, huh?
Are you ready?
Are you ready? You stop me too.
Now get ready because here we go.
On the count of three. Now, ready?
One. What happened?
What happened, Mary?
Nobody tried to stop me.
Maybe they didn't hear me or something.
Let's try again, louder.
Now this is two. Two, got it?
(speaking foreign language)
You ready?
Two!
Mary, what happened?
This is your big chance, come on!
Be the liberal. This is your chance.
Ready?
Okay, it's the last time round.
You're last time round.
No turning back. Are you ready?
You're gonna stop me, right?
You're gonna stop me.
Stop me!
Three!
(paper tearing)
(Bill laughs)
Hm. Mm.
Okay Vicky, let's get
the hell out of here.
- Bill, I don't think-
- [Bill] Let's get the hell out of here.
All right?
All right, so we didn't get the schools.
Our kids didn't get the school.
But it was worth it.
It was worth it to show
them exactly what they are.
- That is a horrible, nasty man
and we don't have to think he's good
just because he's a negro.
That's wrong. That's just
as wrong as the other way.
We've got to think of the
person, the individual,
and we don't want that kind
of a person as a neighbor
whether he's black, white, or anything.
That's all it is.
That's all. That's it.
Chuck, what else could we do?
What else could we do?
What else could we do?
(easy listening music plays)