Nearly Departed (2017) - full transcript
Hold on, Wilmont.
- Doctor!
- What do we got?
- Car versus plumbing
truck, plumbing truck won.
- BP, 60 over 40, heart rate is falling.
Respiration in the 40s,
V-fib during transport.
Tyson
returning a page on line two,
Tyson is on line two.
- All right, this guy's a mess.
- Julia, Ju...
- The female passenger was DOA.
- Oh, I'm surprised he wasn't too.
- Doc, we got a broken wrist over here.
Easy, easy.
- Okay, we've got at
least a concussion here.
- His scans are ready, doctor.
- Yup, cerebral hematoma.
Hold on, buddy.
Patient does
appear to have a bleed here
on the left side.
- Come, come with me, Lionel.
Don't be afraid.
I will take you to your
friends and family.
- I'm not Lionel, I'm Wilmont Hastings.
- Wait, what?
Hold that thought.
- Okay.
Let's see what we can do.
Doc, we're losing him!
- It's not your time.
He's back.
- All right, he's stable.
We're gonna have to get him to the OR.
- I'll call upstairs, let
'em know we're coming.
- Dobbs Funeral Home,
we're sorry for your loss.
How may I direct your call?
- Despite all the damn vegans,
the gluten-free this, salt-free that.
But we're not the only
game in town anymore.
The competition is getting pretty fierce.
The fact of the matter
is all those baby boomers
are gonna start dropping
like flies pretty soon,
and when they do, I just
wanna get my fair share
of the business.
- Understandable.
- Good.
Computer analyst.
- Yeah.
Blah, blah,
blah, blah, blah, blah.
That musta paid big bucks.
- It did.
Well, you know
I can't touch that, right?
- No, I understand.
- Why don't you just go on back
to that highfalutin profession?
- I think it's time for a change.
I kinda wanna put that life behind me.
- You want to put a
six-figure life behind you?
- Yeah.
- Ngh-ngh, something isn't
adding up and I don't like it.
Are you wanted by the FBI?
- No.
- Listen to me, this is a
family business and I don't
need anyone bringing any
extra baggage around here.
So either you start
telling me what's going on
or this interview is over.
- A year ago I lost my wife in an automo.
I lost my uh, she was gonna be my wife,
in an automobile accident.
Nearly lost my life myself.
It's just taking me a
long time to recover.
I'm still not there.
- Well, okay then.
- You know, I gave up
my big apartment, car,
job started getting to me,
people talking, laughing,
mingling between departments,
you know, I just.
I needed a quieter place.
- Well, can't get much quieter than here.
You'll be working with dead people.
- I wanna help people at a time
in their life when it counts.
When I saw your ad, it all
just
kinda clicked.
Maybe it's a calling.
- Well, we call here at minimum wage.
- Minimum wage is fine.
- You're hired!
- Oh, okay.
Thank you, thank you.
- My man.
- Thank you.
Are you kidding me?
- Seriously?
- What?
A little water never hurt anybody.
- No, that takes a plumber's truck.
Daddy home!
No, he's wet.
- Meggie, I missed your hugs, oh!
- Sorry.
- Ooh, you're wet.
I'll get you a towel.
- Okay, thanks.
- You know, you riding a
bike instead of driving a car
isn't going to bring Julia back.
- Can we not do this now?
I have an announcement to make.
- Good news?
- I think so.
- What is it?
- I got a job.
- Does that mean I get to
move back in with you know?
- Where, doing what?
- Please, Daddy, please, please.
- Meggie.
- Dobbs.
- The funeral home?
- Isn't that where dead people are?
- You're a computer
analyst not a gravedigger.
- I'm not digging graves.
- Will you be making
people look alive again?
You used to
make over 100,000 a year.
- Too bad Mommy's already buried.
You could make her look alive again.
- All right, that's enough, sweetheart.
It's time for bed.
- Look, don't talk to
her like that, would ya?
- Don't you dare tell me
how to speak to my niece.
She's my flesh and blood, not yours.
- Please don't fight again.
- She lived with me for four years.
Her mother and I were gonna be married.
- Until you killed her!
Just, just go.
Oh, Ms. Gloria.
- Yes, boss.
Send Jim in, will ya?
And tell him to bring the new hire forms.
- Sure, boss.
- Thank you, Ms. Gloria.
- And you better get that coffee maker on!
I'm filing a grievance
with the labor board.
She's such a kidder.
And I'm not kidding!
- You flirtin' with Gloria again, boss?
Hashtag MeToo.
Stay strong, sister, right?
- Jim, I'd like you to meet
our new hire, Will Hastings.
Will, this is Jim West, he's a jackass.
- Cool, nice to meet you.
- Same here.
- I'm gonna ask you the
most important question
that you're ever gonna be
asked in your life.
- Jim.
Jim.
- Do you believe in the paranormal?
- Um, no.
Oh, that is garbage.
I can't believe you'd say that in a place
where the living come to rest.
- Jim.
- Man.
- Don't you have work that
I am paying you to do.
- All right, well, if I'd
known we had a new hire
I would have had him help me
load the stiff into the hearse.
- And what have I told you about
referring to our clients as stiffs?
- You know, the body is just a house
for the soul to live in
during its Earth time so.
Anyway, I got a delivery to make
so he can come along with me.
- What about the paperwork?
- It'll be here when you get back.
Not unlike the lost souls!
New placards.
Hey, make sure you put 'em
where people can see 'em.
- Yes, sir.
Let's go.
- Okay.
Hm.
What's with the placards?
- It's advertising.
Mr. Dobbs will do anything for a buck.
Unless I want to have an organized seance
at his funeral home, no!
- Oh, he's a businessman, makes sense.
- Yeah.
- First order of business?
- We got two cemeteries in this town.
There's Old Memorial and Shady Trees.
- Which one we headed to first?
- Coffee shop.
Uh.
Whoa, whoa, whoa, seriously,
with someone in the back?
- Wait, you're telling me you wouldn't
run a quick errand just 'cause you
had a pork loin in the
back seat from the store?
- No, no, it's just a
little weird, that's all.
- You wanna know what's weird?
- When I was living in
California and driving a hearse,
if I had one in the back,
drive in the carpool lane.
- That's weird.
- Yeah, they don't care if
one of us is dead, right?
- Right, is that legal?
- Maybe.
- Maybe?
Maybe, that's great.
Do we have time?
- Yeah, no problem.
Mr. Templeton is not gonna mind
if we're a few minutes late.
- Mr. Templeton.
- The stiff in the back.
- Right, okay.
You know what, I'll get
it, what do you want?
- Oh, all right.
I will take a half caf with decaf
and half and half, and three sugars.
- A half caf.
- Half caf with decaf.
- And three sugars.
- And half and half,
and then three sugars.
- Anything else?
- The raw kind, brown, brown sugars.
- Okay.
- That's it, easy peasy.
- Right.
- Thank you, sir.
Sorry to bother you, sir,
but you wouldn't happen
to be headed to Old Memorial
Cemetery, would you?
- Yeah, man!
- Can I bum a ride?
I got a buddy who's
gonna be interned there
in about two hours.
- No problem, as long as you don't mind
sharing the back with a corpse.
- Thank you.
- Hey, hey, no, thank
you for your service.
Hey, hey, my partner's just
inside gettin' some coffee.
- No problem.
- Hey, oh, guy in the back.
Name's Mr. Templeton.
- Got it.
- All right.
- Half caf decaf with half and half,
three sugars, the raw kind.
- Well done, grasshopper.
- Anytime.
- Well done.
Ah, that's perfect.
See, here with plenty of time.
- Thanks for the ride.
Oh, god!
- Sorry, I forgot to tell you we were
giving a little soldier dude a lift.
- Sorry, I did not mean to scare you.
- I'm all right.
- Oh, man.
- Well, thanks again,
fellas, appreciate it.
- Oh, man, I keep some extra napkins
in the glove compartment just in case.
- Just in case what, you spill something?
- No, just in case there's
a hot corpse in the back.
- Oh, okay, yeah.
Sorry, that's a stupid question.
- You know what, why
don't you just dry off.
I'll go into the office, tell
them we got Mr. Templeton,
and I'll holler when we need you.
- Okay.
You know what, I'm actually
gonna go for a walk myself
and stretch out my legs a little bit.
- Okay.
- Yeah.
- Whatevs.
- Should have asked you
when I had the chance.
- I couldn't be around
dead people all day.
That would really freak me out.
- Are you sure it's that or
just fear of having a job?
That really hurt!
- So what's the pay like?
- Oh, it's not much, just,
it's entry level, you know,
but I need a new start and, of course,
Jackie's out raising her.
I'm not making what I used to.
- Well, of course.
She was probably planning
on taking her sister's spot.
I mean, handsome guy, big
bucks, actually likes kids.
Now she's stuck with Denise
and it's comin' out of her own pocket.
- Mm-hm.
Yeah, no, I don't think
so, she has a girlfriend.
I knew that.
Even better, I'll set
her straight.
- Again, lack of job does you in.
- Oh, I'm sure we can work something out.
How's Meggie doing?
- Oh, Meggie, I mean, Meggie
wants us to be together.
But of course till I make more money
Jackie's not gonna give up custody.
I mean, I can't really blame her.
- Well geez, Will, you
had to physically recover
and that took months.
- Almost a year!
- What does she expect?
- And that doesn't even cover
the emotional side of things.
For god's sakes, you
lost your home, your job,
the woman that you love,
and essentially your child.
- Yeah.
No, I just feel like I
need more time, you know?
But I miss Meggie.
- Dessert anybody?
- Yes, please.
No, thank you.
- I'll take your brother's.
- Ethan, you're gonna
wind up as big as me!
- I'm getting quite fond of big things.
- Will, are you gonna let him
talk to your sister like that?
It's banana pudding, your favorite.
- Hey, she made your favorite!
Fine, fine, yeah.
Ooh.
- Yeah!
- I got you something.
- Hm?
- Close your eyes.
- Okay.
Ah, jewelry, no, men don't wear jewelry.
- Well, good thing you're not a man.
Excuse me?
Beg to differ, nightly.
- You're much more than
a man, at least to me.
- Oh, she pulls her butt out of the fire
in the nick of time.
Let's go away this weekend.
- What about Meggie?
- We can leave her with Aunt Jackie, yes.
I have something special in mind.
- Okay, well, I'll give her a call.
- Okay, all right.
Bye, sweetheart.
- Dobbs Funeral Home,
we're sorry for your loss.
How may I direct your call?
- Morning, Gloria.
- Morning, thank you!
You're such a sweetheart.
- Are you all right?
- Never felt better.
- My mother loved you guys.
- We loved her too, Janice.
She might not have been
blood, but she was family.
That's why we're gonna
take care of everything.
- So she can be laid out here?
- Of course, of course.
Jim's taking care of her right now.
I can't believe she's gone!
- Gone to a better place.
Your mother was irreplaceable.
- I know.
- She was irreplaceable.
- I'm here for the receptionist job!
- Shh, shh!
Okay, coast is clear.
All right, can you type?
- No.
- File?
- No.
- Shorthand?
- No.
- Help me out here.
- I know how to answer a phone.
- "I know how to answer a phone," cute.
This is a serious business.
We don't just hire anyone off the streets.
My last receptionist was irreplaceable.
She was like family.
- I'll work long hours at minimum wage.
- You're hired!
Hey, good morning, Daddy.
- What's good about it?
- Did you have breakfast yet?
- Well, if you like lumpy oatmeal I did.
What's this?
- I brought you a muffin.
- A muffin?
As much money as we pay this place,
you don't think they
got their own muffins?
- I was just trying to
bring you something special,
that's all.
- Talk about somethin' special.
Well, hello there, Ms. Gladys.
You're looking mighty fine today.
- You're not, you're not
hittin' that, are you?
- Oh, you figured that
out on your own, did ya?
Maybe you're not running my funeral home
into the ground just yet.
- Daddy, you're a married man.
- Your mother's been dead
for 20 years, junior.
When you gonna let go?
Well, hello these, Ms. Eugenia.
Did you just get your hair done?
You're looking mighty
fine today, mighty fine.
- Her too?
Come on, dad, you're 80.
- Could you find me a pen and
paper so I can change my will?
'Cause you can't be no son
of mine talking like that.
- Lookin' good today, Mr. Dobbs.
- Oh, don't worry, I ain't hittin' that.
- I cannot believe they let old people
get away with stuff like that here.
This is supposed to be
a classy establishment.
- Are you kidding?
Women outlive men.
There are 10 women here for every man.
Look, I'm even more popular
than I was in high school.
Even the nurses are
hittin' on me.
Now, to look at her you wouldn't think it.
That's a pretty hot number there.
- Hey, you told them about my,
our, funeral parlor, right?
- Oh, sure, I did.
'Cause that's the kind of
sweet talk you wanna be
whispering in their ear while
you're rocking their world.
- No wonder you ain't married.
- I'm married to my job, okay?
It's a full-time profession for me.
Look, you passed that on to me
and I take it very seriously.
- Well, look, why don't you get me a bunch
of them business cards and
I'll just hand them out.
- That's a good idea.
Come to think of it,
it'll serve as our new
advertising campaign.
You know what, I have some in the car.
I'll be right back.
- Take your time.
- Hi!
I'm the new hire, Melanie.
- Oh, I guess that moves
me up one, I'm Will.
Hi.
- I know.
Where are you off to?
- I'm just running a few errands with Jim.
I just came back for the new placards.
- Oh.
- Yeah.
- Lakeside Adult Living,
there is a place like home.
- Don't ask, Leroy's dad stays there,
and he sold them all the advertising, so.
- Hm.
You would think advertising
a funeral parlor
at a nursing home would be more lucrative.
- That's the trade off.
The other one reads,
Dobbs Funeral Home, we put the
fun back in fun-erals, hey!
- Catchy.
So since we're both new,
you wanna have lunch when you get back?
- I'm not sure how much
longer I have with Jim,
but sure, yeah, that sounds good.
- You want anything?
- No, I'm good.
Uh, yeah, actually, I'd
like to have a venti.
- God, I thought he'd never leave!
Oh god.
Nice try.
- What?
- No, you look just like her.
- Like who?
- Gloria.
- That's because I am Gloria!
- Mm-hm, yeah, how much is he paying you?
- Who?
- Jim.
- He's not, I'm dead, dumb ass!
Oh, whoa!
My hand just passed through your face!
Oh, wow!
Ooh, no, no, what the eff, what the eff?
- Are you done?
- Whoa!
Okay, yes.
Yeah, no, there's a, there is a...
- Spirit.
- Spirit here, okay,
and she is here because--
- You need help.
- Oh, you got that right.
- Oh, golly.
- Yes, Jim, Jim is coming, okay.
- Jim can't see or hear me.
- Okay.
- What's with the face?
Wait, you weren't perving on old Gloria
back there, were ya?
- God, no!
- Listen to me.
Julia wasn't the only one
who died in that accident.
You lost your own desire to live.
- Jim.
- Yeah?
- Do you see what I see?
- Oh, man, that's pretty deep.
I mean, are we talking like color,
do I say the same color of blue
as you see or are we talking
politics like alt-left
and far right and Tea
Party and stuff like that?
- No, no, that's not what I mean!
There is a ghost in the
car with us right now.
It is Gloria from the
office, she is talking to me.
- Are you serious?
- Serious.
- Will, listen to me.
We don't have much time.
You gotta go back to being
the person you used to be
or you're gonna really mess things up!
Especially with Meggie!
- How do you know about Meggie?
- I don't know anything about Meggie.
I mean, I've never met Meggie.
What's a wait, what's a Meggie?
- I'm dead, remember?
I know everything about you!
- You know everything?
- No, I don't know anything.
- Everything!
- Sorry, I'm talkin' to Gloria.
- Wait, your talking to Gloria
right now, like she's been
talking this whole time?
- Mm-hm.
- Gloria, Gloria, it's Jim!
Remember me, from the office?
Come on, I just need a little proof!
- He needs to shut up, it
doesn't work like that!
The dead have no business
with him right now!
- She said you need to shut up.
- Shut up?
That is no way to speak to the living!
- Oh my god, please shut up!
- Oh my god, please shut up.
- What is wrong with you?
- What, me?
No, no, I'm just repeating what she said.
Nothing's wrong with me, I'm fine.
- Oh no your not, you're losing your hair.
You know what that's from?
Stress!
- Fine.
So you're gonna be.
You're gonna be haunting me.
- Okay, I'm gonna assume you're
talking to Gloria right now.
- Mm-hm.
- Wow, I never looked at it like that.
I was just gonna give
you some advice, but yes.
Until I straighten you out,
you can call this a haunting.
- And what should I do?
- I don't know, man, just
be yourself, talk to her.
Find out what she wants.
- You're gonna be visited
by some helpful spirits.
- Like Ebenezer Scrooge?
- No, not like Ebenezer
Scrooge, just be yourself.
- Sorta.
Dead people are gonna be talking to ya
on account of the accident.
You hit your head, hard!
Kinda messed up a couple wires
that need to be repaired.
- Oh, I think I'm going crazy.
- Okay, so you're not talking to Gloria?
- Oh no, that's still
happening, yeah, yeah, yeah.
- So lucky.
- Don't worry, it can only get better.
- Oh god!
Ho!
No, still there, okay.
Let's go, let's just go.
- Okay, okay.
- Yeah.
- Dobbs Funeral Home, this is
Melody, how may I help you?
- This is a funeral
parlor, not a pizzeria.
The people calling here are heartbroken.
So you need to act like you are too.
- You just hung up on
a potential customer.
They lost a loved
one, they'll call back.
And when they do, you need
to sound more like this.
Dobbs Funeral Home, I'm
sorry for your loss.
Got it?
Remember, sad not happy.
- Dobbs Funeral Home,
I'm sorry for your loss.
How may I direct your call?
- I'll take it in my office.
- I gotta go talk to
the boss man, you good?
- Sure.
- Everything go all right?
- Yeah, fine.
Any thoughts on lunch?
- Is that marijuana?
- No, silly, it's catnip.
Is that what
they're calling it now?
- Seriously, it's catnip.
- So you don't smoke?
- No, I do, but only at night,
just before I go to bed.
Helps me sleep.
- So during lunchtime you should go home,
take your stash, put it next
to your bed, that's all.
- It's catnip.
I brought it here 'cause
Chad's gets into it
and he takes too much.
- We're new here.
First impressions, very important.
Families depend on us to be sober.
Not party girls waiting
to light up, you know.
- For your info, Mr. Judgmental,
my marijuana is for medical purposes.
It eases pain, increases
appetite, promotes hair growth,
but more importantly, it helps me sleep.
- I did not know it was for
medical purposes, I apologize.
- No, you didn't.
Well, I'd like to say it
was a pleasure meeting you,
but it wasn't and you
can forget about lunch.
- You think you'll be able
to keep the conversation
down long enough to get setup?
- Yeah, I'm fine.
- Okay, 'cause I gotta go drop a deuce.
- I thought we had more time to talk!
- Could you whistle or something?
- You and Jim are like legs
from the same pair of pants!
- So when are these other
ghosts comin' to visit me?
- Soon enough, but remember,
we like to be called spirits.
- What's the difference?
- Spirits guide.
- Like a guardian angel, they guide.
- Sure, whatever floats your boat.
- Why are you doing this for me?
- Julia.
- Julia, my Julia?
- She sent me, she sent me to all of us.
See ya after the wake!
- Julia sent you for, ho,
hey, whoa, whoa, whoa!
Where'd you go?
Where did you go?
Why isn't Julia here, hello?
- Been doin' some thinking, Will.
What you need is a woman.
- Do you have a woman?
- That's not really the point.
What's the point?
- The point is, Gloria's
trying to help, right?
- So?
- Well, maybe what
she's trying to tell you
is that you need to get
out and meet someone new.
- He makes a good point.
- God.
Oh, oh, I wish you would stop doing that.
- Sorry, I had a hard-boiled eggs earlier.
- No, no, it's not you, Gloria's here.
Ah, Jesus.
- Gloria, hi, Gloria!
- You know, a life without
love isn't living at all.
- I had love once, it
didn't turn out so well.
- Yeah, I respect your feelings too.
But you need to get out and
live a little, trust me, buddy.
I've seen corpses with
more color than you.
Sorry, Gloria!
- He's not a complete idiot!
You could use a little color.
Hey, what about that new
receptionist out front?
- Melanie?
- Yeah, what's wrong with Melanie?
- Nothing's wrong with Melanie.
- Then you should go
ahead and ask her out.
- I'm not asking Melanie out.
- Do you mind if I do?
- That chubby perv doesn't
stand a chance in hell.
- That wasn't very nice.
- What did she say?
- You need to get back on the horse.
- You need to mind your own business.
- Right now, you are my business.
- I'm assuming your talking to Gloria.
Yes.
- You know, you can't stop
living because Julia did.
- It wasn't her choice, I killed her!
I gotta go pick up Meggie.
Wow, he seemed pissed.
- Yeah, I know, I know,
I'm sorry, I'm sorry.
- Daddy Will!
- Hi, Meggie pie.
I'm sorry I'm late.
- You're worth waiting for.
- Okay, come on up.
Kick this out.
You're on?
All right, let's go.
- Bye.
- All right, bye bye.
- Aunt Jackie!
- Why don't you go play,
sweetie, while I talk with Will?
- Just be nice to Daddy Will, please?
- I'm always nice, baby.
- You're late.
- I'm sorry.
- You're always late
and you're always sorry.
Why can't you just be on time?
- Everyone at work was busy.
- Blaming it on someone else again?
- I had to use my bike so.
- Get a car, you can afford one
if you broke into that
piggy bank my sister
told me you were using
to save for a house.
- You know I don't drive.
- Don't or won't?
Maybe you should've let
my sister drive that day.
- Why, so the truck would
hit my side of the car
instead of hers?
Believe me, given the choice
I'd choose to die not her.
You think I wanted Meggie to lose her mom?
- You're just lucky I still
let you see Meggie at all!
- Yeah, well, she's the only
thing I have left to live for.
Without her I would've
joined Julia a long time ago.
- Why don't you do something
fun with her this weekend?
I hear the weather's gonna be super-nice.
However, I'd prefer if you had
someone else drive you guys.
If you don't have the
stomach to do it yourself.
- You're gonna be missed.
- I'm so sorry this happened to you.
I miss you so much!
- You're gonna be missed.
- You were one hell of a worker.
19 years and not one single sick day.
They don't make 'em with that
type of work ethic anymore.
I'm gonna miss you.
- God bless.
- You get it, let her R.I.P?
Let her rip?
- Yeah, I get it.
- It's funny.
- It's disrespectful.
- Man, that's what Leroy said.
He won't let me put it
with the other flo--
- I told you to get rid of that.
- Sorry.
- You and Will need to finish up here.
There's a fresh client in the
back that needs some love.
A paying customer.
- Okay, we're on it.
You're looking very nice.
- Thanks.
- That did not go well.
- No, it did not.
- Lot of negative vibes there.
Oh, damn it.
- What?
- I don't have my keys.
I'll be right back.
- Whoa, ooh, ooh, ooh.
- You gotta stop being so jumpy.
- Ah, I'm gettin' better.
- Pretty nice wake, don't you think?
- Yeah, I thought so.
- I coulda done without
all the jokes on my behalf,
but I thought we had
a pretty good turnout.
- Yeah, everybody loves you.
- Oh, is that why Leroy
replaced me so fast?
Nice.
Work with a family for 19 years,
you kick the bucket and they
can't wait to get rid of ya.
Oh, got one last thing.
- Promise?
- That receptionist out
front does like you, a lot!
- Melanie, after I insulted her?
No, I think that ship has sailed.
Besides, she has a boyfriend Chad.
- Oh, trust me, Chad ain't much of a man.
- Yeah, well I don't
think I'm ready for that.
So how about not riding me on it, hm?
- Doesn't matter.
- What doesn't matter?
- Tomorrow after I'm
buried, I won't be able
to haunt you anymore.
- Why?
- Oh, that's the rules!
After I'm in the ground,
I've gotta head up or down
or whatever they have in store for me.
Oh anyway, that's the way it goes.
You of all people should
know what I'm talkin' about!
- No, I don't think I made it that far.
I think I got stuck in the waiting room.
- Well, anyway.
After I'm in the ground,
you won't have to put up with me anymore.
- Seriously?
- Goodbye Wilmont.
Don't forget to live again.
- Huh.
Goodbye, Gloria.
- How they hangin', buddy?
- Jesus Christ!
- Hey!
Do I look like I've got holes in my hands?
The savior I am not.
The name's Marv and maybe you
could find it in your heart
to pick me up and put me back on my body?
- Oh, wow.
I am so sorry.
You startled me, didn't mean to hit ya.
- No sweat, man, I was decapitated anyway.
So you know, no harm, no foul.
- I'm still sorry.
- Yeah well, a couple of
stitches, I'll be good as new.
- Okay.
- No really.
- Is this as weird for
you as it is for me?
Mm-hm.
Ah, oh god.
- Perfect!
- Gah, would you stop doing that?
- I never get tired of that.
- Oh, fuh!
So.
- So you're the guy that I'm supposed
to breathe some life into.
That sounds ironic.
What are you, number two?
- What are you, calling
me a piece of crap?
- No, no, no, no, no, no, I'm sorry.
I was just.
Gloria told me that
there'd be three spirits.
I was just equating that
to the Scrooge story
where three spirits come
to visit in one night.
- Oh, that's quaint.
But the truth of the matter is is that,
you're gonna take a lot
more than one night.
- Why is that?
- Because you're stubborn
and you think you
know everything, okay?
It's never gonna work.
- How would you know
that, you're newly dead?
- Well, see, when you
die, your soul combines
with the spirit soup that's
made up of the universe.
And when you're out there you
have the answers to everything
just like a teenage girl.
- So you can tell me if
there's a heaven, hell, god,
and why Julia isn't visiting me?
- I could, but I'm not really allowed to.
Plus having that kind of
information would mess you up.
It's too much, you couldn't handle it.
Look, look, all I wanna know
is why Julia hasn't visited, okay?
I'm being visited by
all these other spirits
except the one I wanna see, no offense.
- Will, let's put it this way.
Julia is a memory, okay,
and it's a good memory.
You should keep that
memory and hold it strong.
But the truth of the
matter is, if she showed up
you'd just be a blubbering,
crying idiot standing there.
What you really need to learn
how to do is to live life.
That's how you bring her back.
- So what am I supposed to do, huh?
What am I supposed to forget
all my memories of her?
I'm supposed to stop loving
her for her to appear?
- Keep the memories,
the memories are good,
but what you really need
to focus on is what's alive
in your life, like Meggie, okay?
She needs a father.
You're a great father to her.
I mean Jackie, yeah
sure, she's Aunt Jackie,
but you're her Daddy, even
if it's not biological.
You need to be there for her.
You need to take her out so
she can experience stuff.
You'll feel like you're alive,
and if you feel like you're alive
then you're gonna feel fulfilled.
- Yeah, yeah, I could take her out.
I could take her out.
I'm gonna do that,
I'm gonna take her out.
Her and I, just her and I, okay.
- Oh, you know what, that dope Jim.
- No.
- No, seriously, you're a decent guy.
Maybe some of it will rub off on to him.
- Sure, but okay, but,
ugh, all right, Jim.
I'm debating with a dead guy, wow!
I'm going crazy, that's great, all right.
- Details.
- Father, do you have a minute?
Sure.
- Thank you.
- What is on your mind?
- I'm, uh, I'm troubled, you know.
- I don't recognize you,
are you from this parish?
- No, no, I'm not even Catholic.
- Huh, well you must be
troubled if you're seeking help
from a religion that's
not even your faith.
- Yes, father, yes.
- So, tell me what
is your religious affiliation.
- I'm Lutheran, father.
You gotta be
kidding me, Lutheran?
- Yeah.
- As if I don't have enough to
deal with with my own people
now I got Lutherans walking
in off the street, geez.
- The thing is that I have--
- You know, do you have
any idea how much it costs
to conduct services on a daily basis?
The why, the holy sacrament.
Do you have any idea how much
those little wafers cost,
especially the gluten-free ones?
- Father, I'm seeing dead people.
I'm seeing them.
- Oh.
Oh, that's terrific.
I have waited my entire life to be spoken
to by the Holy Father, Jesus,
or any number of saints,
and they pick you for a calling.
And you're not even Catholic,
that just burns my ass.
- What should I do?
- Uh, I don't know.
How about seeing a shrink?
Or how about opening up
one of those store fronts
where you can charge people money
to tell them about their loved
ones who've crossed over?
That's what I'd do if
I were in your shoes.
- Okay, I didn't mean to
upset you, I was just--
- The archdiocese assigns me to a church
in a predominantly Portuguese community.
I don't even speak Portuguese!
- No, I'm sorry to have bothered you.
- Oh, I'm so sorry, you
don't like my answers?
I don't see you running off to your church
to talk to Father Tom, Dick, or Harry.
- No, no, you're having a bad day.
I should leave, I should just--
- Ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, you
ain't gettin' off that easy.
Say five Hail Mary's.
- No, no, I'm not Catholic.
- Do it anyway!
And, uh.
- Okay.
- Give me 50 bucks for the poor box.
- Okay.
Uh, sure, yeah.
Oh, you know what, no, I
only have 20 or 100 so I.
- Mm.
God don't like a cheapskate, my son.
- It's real, but I don't.
- Dead people my ass!
- Hey, you can come on in.
Meggie, come here, meet Jim.
Jim, this is Meggie.
- Hey.
- Thanks for giving us a ride.
Daddy Will's bicycle only
holds one and a half.
- No problemo, where we headin'?
- Gatorland!
- Whoa, Gatorland, that sounds dangerous.
Are you sure Aunt Jackie won't get mad?
- Not if we don't tell her.
- That's a girl after my own heart.
Let's go.
- Okay.
- Gatorland, all right!
Mine too.
- Ooh.
She wears that shirt she'll definitely
tip off Jackie where you took her.
- I know, and you wanna know something?
I don't care.
Meggie's having a good time, so am I.
- All right.
- Yup.
Now you're talkin'.
- What do you wanna do next?
- I hear they let you feed
the gators, real food.
- Seriously?
- Is that what you really wanna do?
- Is a hand considered real food?
- This is gonna be fun!
- See, fun, I'll meet you over there.
- This is awesome!
- Yeah, the awesomeness
is leakin' down my leg.
Boy I tell you what.
These gator bits are so
fresh and good, I love 'em!
Oh, ho!
Look, Daddy
Will, is this fun or what?
Or what!
- Well, I tell you what, if
this was a diabetics convention
you guys would be living on the edge.
- What do you want from me?
- Are you talking to
me, Gloria, the gators?
- No, none of the above.
- Who's Gloria?
- That's a friend.
- Can I meet her?
- No, she passed away a few days ago.
- Then she's with Mommy.
- Yeah, that's right, she's with Mommy.
- Man, what a buzzkill.
- What do you wanna do next?
- How about we ride that giant swamp ride?
- All right.
Anything you could do about the weather?
- Oh sure.
- All right, nice, you're handy.
- Boy, check out that awesome ride.
- Yeah, I don't like monster trucks.
- I hate broccoli, what's your point?
- All right, y'all come
on this here buggy!
Sit anywhere you want.
We can all ride
together, right there.
Okay.
- All right, y'all, find a
seat and buckle your seatbelts.
Yeah, that's right.
- Hold on, dude, I got a feeling
we're in for a bumpy ride!
- Ah, don't be a sissy, I'm right with ya.
- This is the ride Aunt
Jackie said we can't go on.
She said it's too scary.
- Oh, I'm gonna regret this.
- Try to stay positive, dude.
- Yeah, dude, stay positive.
We're gonna need a bigger truck.
- Ah, this is what it's
all about, Wilmont.
You know, trying new
things, not being a pussy.
Listen, you know what?
I think what you ought
to do is allow yourself
to keep trying new things.
I will.
You will what?
I will kiss a
gator the second I get
off this thing.
- You're late, again!
- Ah.
Don't apologize.
- I know.
- I suppose you're sorry too.
- You have a backbone, use it.
- Not this time.
- Really?
- Stand your ground.
- Yup.
- Well, would you care explaining to me
how it took four hours to eat ice cream?
- Be firm, be honest.
It doesn't.
We also went to Gatorland and
she rode on the swamp ride!
- Wait, you took Meggie to Gatorland?
Are you certifiably insane?
- Oh, I could go either way on that one.
Jim and I were with her the whole time so.
- Man up, man up.
- What if something had happened?
- But it didn't.
The gators were behind
the wall the entire time,
except for when the handler
let her feed one.
- Wait, you mean she was standing
next to a live alligator?
- Did I mention she had a great time?
- She's my DNA, Wilmont.
I'm so pissed at you right
now I could rip your face off.
- I believe she'd do it.
- You think it's funny?
- A little humorous maybe.
I mean, the gator was as
close to me as you are now,
and it didn't rip my face off.
- She doesn't have a handler.
- Aunt Jackie, are these alligator shoes?
- Silly, alligators don't wear shoes.
I see somebody went shopping.
- Yes, I got this shirt
and a beautiful alligator.
Stuffed, of course.
- Of course.
Sounds like you had a
really good time with Will.
- The best.
I'm gonna tell everyone at
school I went to Gatorland,
and I even have Gary
Gator for show and tell.
Thanks, Daddy Will!
- You're welcome.
- So you were with her the entire time?
- You know I don't like reptiles.
Even salamanders give
me the creeps, blech.
- Wait for it.
- Okay, but next time, ask first.
I know you think of yourself as her dad.
I just wanna be kept in the loop.
- No problem.
- See, it pays to ditch the guilt.
Never be afraid to stand up for yourself.
- Picking her up tomorrow?
- Of course.
- Try not to be late, and
if you're going to be,
call, text ahead, let me
know, that's all I ask.
- I will.
- Boy, I was gettin' really
claustrophobic, thanks.
- Oh, I'm glad I could help.
- You know, I think that we're startin'
to make some progress here.
- Progress?
- Yeah.
- You call me goin' crazy, progress?
I mean, you're not real,
you live in my head.
How do I get you out?
- You start grabbin' life and live it.
That's how you get rid of me.
- Pardon?
- Look, this whole scene
here, okay, the death thing,
that's all from guilt.
I mean, the only reason
that you got this job
was to try to get closer to Julia, right?
How are those suicidal thoughts comin'?
- Well, they're coming
but I'd never do that
because of Meggie.
Ah.
- But I'm not afraid of death
if that's what you mean.
- I think you need to live a little,
that's what I mean, okay?
You need to live outside
of your comfort zone.
I mean, why don't you just get
a pair and face your fears?
You've gotta just stop being
a pussy and live a little.
- Ethan!
You'll do fine.
- I'll hurry back.
- Don't hurry, take your time.
Relax, get the job.
You could be charming when you wanna be?
- Think so?
- You got me pregnant, didn't you?
Yeah, I did!
- Okay to put him in here?
- It is now.
- Hey, who's the hot receptionist?
I've never seen her here before.
- Yeah, she's new.
- What happened to the old lady?
- Gloria, she passed.
- Oh, damn, sorry to hear that.
You want me to help unzip?
- Sure, yeah.
- Word is they found this
guy in a very compromising
position in the old folk's home.
Died banging some old
broad in the hot tub.
- Well, at least he lived
life to the end, huh?
- I'm outta here.
Hey put in a good word with
that new receptionist for me.
- Okay.
Hey, Marv, you know this guy?
Oh, oh, Jim, what happened to Marv?
- Marv?
- Yeah, the guy I was
working with the other day.
- Mr. Thomas.
Yeah, went in the ground like an hour ago.
- You took him by yourself?
- No, Melanie helped me take him over.
Why, what's wrong?
He's not alive.
- No, I was just hoping
I could say goodbye.
- Oh yeah, he told me to
tell you he'd see you around.
- He did?
- I have no idea, I
don't talk to the dead!
- Right, right, right.
- Yet.
Oh my.
Okay.
- What?
- That's, that is John Dobbs.
- As in Leroy Dobbs?
- As in Leroy's father, oh, okay.
I gotta, I need to go find him.
He's gonna be devastated.
Oh my god.
- Huh?
- It's nice to hear somebody
say my son's gonna miss me.
- Oh, I wish you guys
would stop doing that.
- Doin' what?
- Just jump up and start
talking all of the sudden.
- Marv was right about
you, you are a pussy.
- That sounds like
something Marv would say.
- But he also said that you're a good guy.
I guess my son's not
completely stupid after all.
He did hire you.
- Well, I'm sorry for your loss.
I'm sure your son's devastated.
- Oh, bull.
He's tickled pink that he's
goin' to inherit everything.
And now he can stop paying
for the old folk's home.
By the way, what's he paying you?
- Marv said you guys knew everything.
- Well, not when we're close to things.
- Well, he's paying me minimum wage.
- You tell that son of mine that I always
went for quality around here, not cheap.
- Yes, but with the
competition going on now,
you know, he had to cut some corners.
He even started selling advertising.
- Oh, that was my idea, and
that was a moneymaker too.
- Yeah, but what about the
integrity of the funeral home?
- Integrity?
You can't eat that.
- Yeah, well, you know, quality is what
makes this place special.
- Because happy people
do better at their jobs.
I don't see him skimping
on the price of his suits.
He needs to pay you more.
- So, uh.
Were you really?
You better believe it!
It was the best gig I ever had in my life.
I tell ya, and it ended
too damn soon!
I mean, I went out with a
bang instead of a whimper!
- Go ahead, go ahead, you can
laugh out loud, it's okay!
- Thank you, thank you, I
needed that, I needed that.
- Look, look, have you seen my son today?
- No, not yet.
He's probably settin' up the arrangements.
- Arrangements?
He's gonna cremate me, it's cheaper.
Then he could buy another
suit in my memory.
- The rest home just
called, Leroy's father died.
- Ooh-ee!
Damn, my friend.
When you gonna start wooing that?
- How'd he take it?
- Oh, he's probably at the bank.
Making sure everything goes into his name.
- Okay, I guess.
- Call me a horny old goat,
but you better move on this
before somebody else does.
- I often hear you talking
to yourself in here.
Do you believe in the hereafter?
- Yup.
- And you know what she's here after.
- It's not like that.
- What's not like what?
- Not yet anyway.
- Would you like to go check in on Leroy?
- Take her for a walk.
Sunshine, soft green
grass, lots of cushioning.
- Just.
- What's?
What is that smell?
- Oh, it ain't roses, honey.
Come back after they clean me up.
- You know what, come back
later when he's not as ripe.
- I'll pass, thanks.
I'll go find Jim to give you a hand.
- Well, look who's poop don't stink!
- Guess who got a job?
- That's great, baby!
Yeah, I need you to get
home, I think it's time.
- Yeah, it's about time my luck changed!
- No, baby time.
Get your ass in the car and get over here!
- What?
All right, I'm on my way!
Are you kidding me?
Hey!
Hey, hey, hey, hey, wait!
Man!
- You okay?
- Yeah, doin' all right, thanks.
You know, I wanted to apologize to you
for what I said the other day.
I just, I don't know.
- It's all right, I know
you've got a lot on your plate.
- Yeah.
Says who?
- Everybody.
- Huh.
Hope they had something nice
to say in that earful you got.
- Yeah, they said you're a good guy.
A little weird, but a good guy.
And you have a daughter?
- Meggie, yeah, she's my.
Oh, was, my fiancee's kid.
I fell in love with both of them,
had them move into my apartment
because it was bigger than Julia's.
- Your fiance Julia?
- Yeah.
Yeah, we were together for four years.
I had this whole weekend planned out.
We were gonna go away
and I was gonna propose,
and you know what they
say about best-laid plans.
- I'm sorry for your loss.
- Thank you.
You know, I don't think
anyone's said that to me yet.
Everyone wants to talk about their loss.
I have to remind people,
like I lost too, you know.
- Let's start again, shall we?
Hi, I'm Melanie.
Hi, I'm Wilmont, nice
to meet you.
You know, we should
probably go check on Leroy.
- Yeah.
- That would be a good idea, right?
- Yeah.
- Okay, that's good.
- Probably.
- That's good.
- Hey, hey, hey, stop, stop, stop, stop!
- Get outta the road!
- Come on, man!
Where are the cops when you need one?
- Dobbs Funeral Home,
I'm sorry for your loss.
How may I direct your call?
Hey, I need Wilmont.
- What's wrong?
- My car broke down.
Emmy's having a baby, now.
- He's on his way.
Wilmont!
Wilmont!
- What, what, what?
- Your sister's having
the baby, they need you.
- Oh but, uh.
- No buts!
- No, no, I don't drive.
- You mean, you won't drive.
Your sister needs you, Wilmont.
This is your chance to prove yourself.
What should I do?
- I'll try and find Jim,
but you're the uncle!
- Ah, I don't--
- Wilmont, you can't put this off.
Your sister needs you.
- I don't even have a car!
- You can't drive my car, it's a stick.
Besides, there's no one
here to watch the phones!
- The hearse.
- You can't.
- Yes, the hearse.
Watch me.
Whoa!
I'm gonna be an uncle!
- What's goin' on?
Who spooked him now?
- Will's sister's having a baby.
He's taking the hearse to
get her to the hospital.
- But I just loaded Leroy's
father into the hearse.
- Oops.
- Whatevs.
Now that's what I'm
talkin' about!
- You're driving?
- Would you rather drive?
- Ah, no I'm good!
Let's go before I deliver your nephew
in the back of this thing!
- Come on.
Breaths, breaths, all right, okay.
Oh!
- A coffin, you brought a coffin?
Isn't that bad luck?
- No, it's good luck.
Out with the old, in with the new.
- Is anybody in there?
- Mr. Dobbs, that's all right.
Foot, foot, thank you!
God.
All right.
Seat belts, seat belts.
That's it, good, good,
deep breaths, here we go.
It's okay, it's all right.
All right.
Now, she's a cute one!
- That's my sister.
- Oh, Wilmont, you're
driving like Grandma!
Step on it!
- Yeah!
- Do you not remember what
happened the last time I drove?
- Do it or I'm hopping in the back!
- Hell no, you ain't having no baby
in, on, or near my beautiful coffin!
Given to me by my lovely son
who didn't cremate me.
- All right, you two, all right!
- Oh, Will, you included
the baby, that's so sweet!
- It's not sweet, it's
your hormones, what?
- No, no, truly, you are really sweet.
Okay, thank you!
I'm driving!
- Oh, it's coming, hurry!
Oh, it's coming!
- You're Wonder Woman, you're amazing!
Confidence!
- Hey.
Hey!
Hey, wait for me!
Hey!
Hey, hey, hey!
It's me, hey, hey, hey!
Hey, hey!
- Now that's something
you don't see everyday.
- What's that?
- Looked like a corpse
running after his hearse.
- What you got in your coffee?
- Hey!
Hey!
- Will!
- Okay.
It's coming.
- I know, I know, I
know, we're almost there.
Oh, it's coming!
Oh!
Oh, Will, it's coming!
Thank you, will.
You're so helpful.
- Will, my man, you did it!
You're a true hero!
That never fails.
- Oh, man, I drove, who's the best driver!
- Hey.
- Hey, you made it.
- Yeah.
I told Leroy what was going on,
and he put the phone on
after hours so here we are.
- Wow.
Oh.
- Congratulations, buddy.
- Thank you, man.
- You know, when I lost my
Pops, I decided I needed
to be around the living for a while.
So is it boy or a girl?
- I'm not sure yet.
- Okay, hang on, I'm getting.
I'm getting a lot of positive
vibes from this room.
You.
- Oh yeah, yeah.
- Okay.
- And where have you been?
- What did I miss?
Didn't you see me running after you?
- Huh?
Oh, that was you?
Oh.
- How's Emmy?
- Got here just in time.
I thought she was gonna pop in the hearse.
- Who's the father?
- Right here.
- Baby boy, seven pounds, four ounces.
Mother and son doing nicely.
- Great, can I see them?
- Sure, come with me.
- I'll come back to see
you all as soon as I can.
- All right, yes.
That's awesome, that's awesome.
- These are some pictures of
my trip to Italy with Chad.
- Who's Chad?
- Her boyfriend.
- My cat.
- Your cat is your boyfriend?
- Wait.
You went to Italy with your cat?
- I had no one to watch him.
Besides, he likes pasta.
Did you think that Chad was my boyfriend?
- Yeah.
- And you thought I'd flirt with you
while I was with Chad?
- Wait, you were flirting with me?
- Yeah.
- Whoa.
This is starting to look
like a happy ending.
- Can I tell you
something, from the heart?
Will you fire me?
- Why would I fire you?
- You might think I'm a bit
strange, unhinged perhaps.
- I already think you're strange, Wilmont,
and a little unhinged.
- Fair enough.
- So what's this about?
- Your father, no, he
loved you, still does.
- He was a little hard on me at times,
but I always trusted that he loved me.
- And he thinks you're doing
a great job with the mortuary.
- I never said that.
- He just wants you to
lighten up with the money
so you'll always have
good employees around you.
- You saying you're psychic
or you want a pay raise?
- It does sound like you
want a raise if you ask me.
- I didn't ask you.
- I understand.
- You do know I was a
computer analyst, right?
- And?
- Let me take a look at your system.
- We run on people power.
- But that's just it, I
can evaluate your system,
make sure it's up to date,
and input my own program,
which would streamline all your records
from the time your dad
started the business.
- I don't know, Will.
- It'll even keep track
of your advertising.
- Tell him that he can sell ads
on the website to offset costs.
- And you can sell ads on
the website to offset costs.
- Now you're talking my language.
- I thought that might register.
- I can do it for a reasonable charge.
What's reasonable?
- Well, I'll work in it
through my regular tasks.
It's just gonna be a little
overtime, that's all.
- I can live with that.
- And once I get setup, I
can bulldoze through it.
I'm anal that way.
- Will puts the anal in analyst.
- Thanks.
I look forward to hearing
your recommendations.
And now, if you don't mind,
I'm gonna get my father
back to the funeral home.
I think he's had enough
excitement for one day.
- You got that right.
- Be sure to take lots of baby pictures.
- You got it.
- Now's the chance,
Will, the coast is clear.
You drove today, buddy!
You the man!
So what you gonna do now?
And if you tell me you're
goin' to Disney World
I'm gonna slap you senseless.
- Watch and learn, John, watch and learn.
I'd like to see your
cat try that.
- Nice.
- Yeah, I'm outta practice, I just--
- Shh, you know it's just
like riding a bicycle.
- I'm not gonna be riding
that bicycle anymore.
The third spirit was the charm.
Julia, your boy is back!
- This must be Meggie.
- Mm-hm.
- It's nice to meet you,
I've heard so much about you.
- Meggie, this is Melanie.
I'm hoping we can be
friends, what do you think?
- Yeah.
- Is it my turn for a piggyback ride?
- Nope.
- Okay.
Start it, you don't need help.
That's it.
- What if I need a little push?
- Mm, just like mine, delicious.
- Yeah.
- Can I taste yours?
- No.
- Okay.
- She's smart.
- Clean face, clean face, blech!
Will, it looks like
you're gonna be all right.
Take care of Meggie for me
and take care of yourself.
And remember that I will
always, always be in your heart.
- Miracle of childbirth.
It's a glorious thing.
Hello?
Hello?
Hi, Jim, this is Katherine.
- Great Aunt Katherine, is that you?
There's
something I need you to sign.
We just wanted to save with
you in the interest rates.
- Great Aunt Katherine?
I, I think I'm hearing
you, right, it's you?
If
you'd like to be taken
off our mailing list--
- It's muffly, it's muffly.
Speak clearer.
I don't mean to yell at you,
you were always my favorite!
We're
going to call again tomorrow.
- I can't believe this is happening.
Goodbye, Jim!
- Great Aunt Katherine!
Just tell me it's you!
Can you tell me, is Buster up there?
Is he all right?
Does he have a bone in heaven?
I just wanna know.
What does heaven look like?
Is there a heaven?
- Doctor!
- What do we got?
- Car versus plumbing
truck, plumbing truck won.
- BP, 60 over 40, heart rate is falling.
Respiration in the 40s,
V-fib during transport.
Tyson
returning a page on line two,
Tyson is on line two.
- All right, this guy's a mess.
- Julia, Ju...
- The female passenger was DOA.
- Oh, I'm surprised he wasn't too.
- Doc, we got a broken wrist over here.
Easy, easy.
- Okay, we've got at
least a concussion here.
- His scans are ready, doctor.
- Yup, cerebral hematoma.
Hold on, buddy.
Patient does
appear to have a bleed here
on the left side.
- Come, come with me, Lionel.
Don't be afraid.
I will take you to your
friends and family.
- I'm not Lionel, I'm Wilmont Hastings.
- Wait, what?
Hold that thought.
- Okay.
Let's see what we can do.
Doc, we're losing him!
- It's not your time.
He's back.
- All right, he's stable.
We're gonna have to get him to the OR.
- I'll call upstairs, let
'em know we're coming.
- Dobbs Funeral Home,
we're sorry for your loss.
How may I direct your call?
- Despite all the damn vegans,
the gluten-free this, salt-free that.
But we're not the only
game in town anymore.
The competition is getting pretty fierce.
The fact of the matter
is all those baby boomers
are gonna start dropping
like flies pretty soon,
and when they do, I just
wanna get my fair share
of the business.
- Understandable.
- Good.
Computer analyst.
- Yeah.
Blah, blah,
blah, blah, blah, blah.
That musta paid big bucks.
- It did.
Well, you know
I can't touch that, right?
- No, I understand.
- Why don't you just go on back
to that highfalutin profession?
- I think it's time for a change.
I kinda wanna put that life behind me.
- You want to put a
six-figure life behind you?
- Yeah.
- Ngh-ngh, something isn't
adding up and I don't like it.
Are you wanted by the FBI?
- No.
- Listen to me, this is a
family business and I don't
need anyone bringing any
extra baggage around here.
So either you start
telling me what's going on
or this interview is over.
- A year ago I lost my wife in an automo.
I lost my uh, she was gonna be my wife,
in an automobile accident.
Nearly lost my life myself.
It's just taking me a
long time to recover.
I'm still not there.
- Well, okay then.
- You know, I gave up
my big apartment, car,
job started getting to me,
people talking, laughing,
mingling between departments,
you know, I just.
I needed a quieter place.
- Well, can't get much quieter than here.
You'll be working with dead people.
- I wanna help people at a time
in their life when it counts.
When I saw your ad, it all
just
kinda clicked.
Maybe it's a calling.
- Well, we call here at minimum wage.
- Minimum wage is fine.
- You're hired!
- Oh, okay.
Thank you, thank you.
- My man.
- Thank you.
Are you kidding me?
- Seriously?
- What?
A little water never hurt anybody.
- No, that takes a plumber's truck.
Daddy home!
No, he's wet.
- Meggie, I missed your hugs, oh!
- Sorry.
- Ooh, you're wet.
I'll get you a towel.
- Okay, thanks.
- You know, you riding a
bike instead of driving a car
isn't going to bring Julia back.
- Can we not do this now?
I have an announcement to make.
- Good news?
- I think so.
- What is it?
- I got a job.
- Does that mean I get to
move back in with you know?
- Where, doing what?
- Please, Daddy, please, please.
- Meggie.
- Dobbs.
- The funeral home?
- Isn't that where dead people are?
- You're a computer
analyst not a gravedigger.
- I'm not digging graves.
- Will you be making
people look alive again?
You used to
make over 100,000 a year.
- Too bad Mommy's already buried.
You could make her look alive again.
- All right, that's enough, sweetheart.
It's time for bed.
- Look, don't talk to
her like that, would ya?
- Don't you dare tell me
how to speak to my niece.
She's my flesh and blood, not yours.
- Please don't fight again.
- She lived with me for four years.
Her mother and I were gonna be married.
- Until you killed her!
Just, just go.
Oh, Ms. Gloria.
- Yes, boss.
Send Jim in, will ya?
And tell him to bring the new hire forms.
- Sure, boss.
- Thank you, Ms. Gloria.
- And you better get that coffee maker on!
I'm filing a grievance
with the labor board.
She's such a kidder.
And I'm not kidding!
- You flirtin' with Gloria again, boss?
Hashtag MeToo.
Stay strong, sister, right?
- Jim, I'd like you to meet
our new hire, Will Hastings.
Will, this is Jim West, he's a jackass.
- Cool, nice to meet you.
- Same here.
- I'm gonna ask you the
most important question
that you're ever gonna be
asked in your life.
- Jim.
Jim.
- Do you believe in the paranormal?
- Um, no.
Oh, that is garbage.
I can't believe you'd say that in a place
where the living come to rest.
- Jim.
- Man.
- Don't you have work that
I am paying you to do.
- All right, well, if I'd
known we had a new hire
I would have had him help me
load the stiff into the hearse.
- And what have I told you about
referring to our clients as stiffs?
- You know, the body is just a house
for the soul to live in
during its Earth time so.
Anyway, I got a delivery to make
so he can come along with me.
- What about the paperwork?
- It'll be here when you get back.
Not unlike the lost souls!
New placards.
Hey, make sure you put 'em
where people can see 'em.
- Yes, sir.
Let's go.
- Okay.
Hm.
What's with the placards?
- It's advertising.
Mr. Dobbs will do anything for a buck.
Unless I want to have an organized seance
at his funeral home, no!
- Oh, he's a businessman, makes sense.
- Yeah.
- First order of business?
- We got two cemeteries in this town.
There's Old Memorial and Shady Trees.
- Which one we headed to first?
- Coffee shop.
Uh.
Whoa, whoa, whoa, seriously,
with someone in the back?
- Wait, you're telling me you wouldn't
run a quick errand just 'cause you
had a pork loin in the
back seat from the store?
- No, no, it's just a
little weird, that's all.
- You wanna know what's weird?
- When I was living in
California and driving a hearse,
if I had one in the back,
drive in the carpool lane.
- That's weird.
- Yeah, they don't care if
one of us is dead, right?
- Right, is that legal?
- Maybe.
- Maybe?
Maybe, that's great.
Do we have time?
- Yeah, no problem.
Mr. Templeton is not gonna mind
if we're a few minutes late.
- Mr. Templeton.
- The stiff in the back.
- Right, okay.
You know what, I'll get
it, what do you want?
- Oh, all right.
I will take a half caf with decaf
and half and half, and three sugars.
- A half caf.
- Half caf with decaf.
- And three sugars.
- And half and half,
and then three sugars.
- Anything else?
- The raw kind, brown, brown sugars.
- Okay.
- That's it, easy peasy.
- Right.
- Thank you, sir.
Sorry to bother you, sir,
but you wouldn't happen
to be headed to Old Memorial
Cemetery, would you?
- Yeah, man!
- Can I bum a ride?
I got a buddy who's
gonna be interned there
in about two hours.
- No problem, as long as you don't mind
sharing the back with a corpse.
- Thank you.
- Hey, hey, no, thank
you for your service.
Hey, hey, my partner's just
inside gettin' some coffee.
- No problem.
- Hey, oh, guy in the back.
Name's Mr. Templeton.
- Got it.
- All right.
- Half caf decaf with half and half,
three sugars, the raw kind.
- Well done, grasshopper.
- Anytime.
- Well done.
Ah, that's perfect.
See, here with plenty of time.
- Thanks for the ride.
Oh, god!
- Sorry, I forgot to tell you we were
giving a little soldier dude a lift.
- Sorry, I did not mean to scare you.
- I'm all right.
- Oh, man.
- Well, thanks again,
fellas, appreciate it.
- Oh, man, I keep some extra napkins
in the glove compartment just in case.
- Just in case what, you spill something?
- No, just in case there's
a hot corpse in the back.
- Oh, okay, yeah.
Sorry, that's a stupid question.
- You know what, why
don't you just dry off.
I'll go into the office, tell
them we got Mr. Templeton,
and I'll holler when we need you.
- Okay.
You know what, I'm actually
gonna go for a walk myself
and stretch out my legs a little bit.
- Okay.
- Yeah.
- Whatevs.
- Should have asked you
when I had the chance.
- I couldn't be around
dead people all day.
That would really freak me out.
- Are you sure it's that or
just fear of having a job?
That really hurt!
- So what's the pay like?
- Oh, it's not much, just,
it's entry level, you know,
but I need a new start and, of course,
Jackie's out raising her.
I'm not making what I used to.
- Well, of course.
She was probably planning
on taking her sister's spot.
I mean, handsome guy, big
bucks, actually likes kids.
Now she's stuck with Denise
and it's comin' out of her own pocket.
- Mm-hm.
Yeah, no, I don't think
so, she has a girlfriend.
I knew that.
Even better, I'll set
her straight.
- Again, lack of job does you in.
- Oh, I'm sure we can work something out.
How's Meggie doing?
- Oh, Meggie, I mean, Meggie
wants us to be together.
But of course till I make more money
Jackie's not gonna give up custody.
I mean, I can't really blame her.
- Well geez, Will, you
had to physically recover
and that took months.
- Almost a year!
- What does she expect?
- And that doesn't even cover
the emotional side of things.
For god's sakes, you
lost your home, your job,
the woman that you love,
and essentially your child.
- Yeah.
No, I just feel like I
need more time, you know?
But I miss Meggie.
- Dessert anybody?
- Yes, please.
No, thank you.
- I'll take your brother's.
- Ethan, you're gonna
wind up as big as me!
- I'm getting quite fond of big things.
- Will, are you gonna let him
talk to your sister like that?
It's banana pudding, your favorite.
- Hey, she made your favorite!
Fine, fine, yeah.
Ooh.
- Yeah!
- I got you something.
- Hm?
- Close your eyes.
- Okay.
Ah, jewelry, no, men don't wear jewelry.
- Well, good thing you're not a man.
Excuse me?
Beg to differ, nightly.
- You're much more than
a man, at least to me.
- Oh, she pulls her butt out of the fire
in the nick of time.
Let's go away this weekend.
- What about Meggie?
- We can leave her with Aunt Jackie, yes.
I have something special in mind.
- Okay, well, I'll give her a call.
- Okay, all right.
Bye, sweetheart.
- Dobbs Funeral Home,
we're sorry for your loss.
How may I direct your call?
- Morning, Gloria.
- Morning, thank you!
You're such a sweetheart.
- Are you all right?
- Never felt better.
- My mother loved you guys.
- We loved her too, Janice.
She might not have been
blood, but she was family.
That's why we're gonna
take care of everything.
- So she can be laid out here?
- Of course, of course.
Jim's taking care of her right now.
I can't believe she's gone!
- Gone to a better place.
Your mother was irreplaceable.
- I know.
- She was irreplaceable.
- I'm here for the receptionist job!
- Shh, shh!
Okay, coast is clear.
All right, can you type?
- No.
- File?
- No.
- Shorthand?
- No.
- Help me out here.
- I know how to answer a phone.
- "I know how to answer a phone," cute.
This is a serious business.
We don't just hire anyone off the streets.
My last receptionist was irreplaceable.
She was like family.
- I'll work long hours at minimum wage.
- You're hired!
Hey, good morning, Daddy.
- What's good about it?
- Did you have breakfast yet?
- Well, if you like lumpy oatmeal I did.
What's this?
- I brought you a muffin.
- A muffin?
As much money as we pay this place,
you don't think they
got their own muffins?
- I was just trying to
bring you something special,
that's all.
- Talk about somethin' special.
Well, hello there, Ms. Gladys.
You're looking mighty fine today.
- You're not, you're not
hittin' that, are you?
- Oh, you figured that
out on your own, did ya?
Maybe you're not running my funeral home
into the ground just yet.
- Daddy, you're a married man.
- Your mother's been dead
for 20 years, junior.
When you gonna let go?
Well, hello these, Ms. Eugenia.
Did you just get your hair done?
You're looking mighty
fine today, mighty fine.
- Her too?
Come on, dad, you're 80.
- Could you find me a pen and
paper so I can change my will?
'Cause you can't be no son
of mine talking like that.
- Lookin' good today, Mr. Dobbs.
- Oh, don't worry, I ain't hittin' that.
- I cannot believe they let old people
get away with stuff like that here.
This is supposed to be
a classy establishment.
- Are you kidding?
Women outlive men.
There are 10 women here for every man.
Look, I'm even more popular
than I was in high school.
Even the nurses are
hittin' on me.
Now, to look at her you wouldn't think it.
That's a pretty hot number there.
- Hey, you told them about my,
our, funeral parlor, right?
- Oh, sure, I did.
'Cause that's the kind of
sweet talk you wanna be
whispering in their ear while
you're rocking their world.
- No wonder you ain't married.
- I'm married to my job, okay?
It's a full-time profession for me.
Look, you passed that on to me
and I take it very seriously.
- Well, look, why don't you get me a bunch
of them business cards and
I'll just hand them out.
- That's a good idea.
Come to think of it,
it'll serve as our new
advertising campaign.
You know what, I have some in the car.
I'll be right back.
- Take your time.
- Hi!
I'm the new hire, Melanie.
- Oh, I guess that moves
me up one, I'm Will.
Hi.
- I know.
Where are you off to?
- I'm just running a few errands with Jim.
I just came back for the new placards.
- Oh.
- Yeah.
- Lakeside Adult Living,
there is a place like home.
- Don't ask, Leroy's dad stays there,
and he sold them all the advertising, so.
- Hm.
You would think advertising
a funeral parlor
at a nursing home would be more lucrative.
- That's the trade off.
The other one reads,
Dobbs Funeral Home, we put the
fun back in fun-erals, hey!
- Catchy.
So since we're both new,
you wanna have lunch when you get back?
- I'm not sure how much
longer I have with Jim,
but sure, yeah, that sounds good.
- You want anything?
- No, I'm good.
Uh, yeah, actually, I'd
like to have a venti.
- God, I thought he'd never leave!
Oh god.
Nice try.
- What?
- No, you look just like her.
- Like who?
- Gloria.
- That's because I am Gloria!
- Mm-hm, yeah, how much is he paying you?
- Who?
- Jim.
- He's not, I'm dead, dumb ass!
Oh, whoa!
My hand just passed through your face!
Oh, wow!
Ooh, no, no, what the eff, what the eff?
- Are you done?
- Whoa!
Okay, yes.
Yeah, no, there's a, there is a...
- Spirit.
- Spirit here, okay,
and she is here because--
- You need help.
- Oh, you got that right.
- Oh, golly.
- Yes, Jim, Jim is coming, okay.
- Jim can't see or hear me.
- Okay.
- What's with the face?
Wait, you weren't perving on old Gloria
back there, were ya?
- God, no!
- Listen to me.
Julia wasn't the only one
who died in that accident.
You lost your own desire to live.
- Jim.
- Yeah?
- Do you see what I see?
- Oh, man, that's pretty deep.
I mean, are we talking like color,
do I say the same color of blue
as you see or are we talking
politics like alt-left
and far right and Tea
Party and stuff like that?
- No, no, that's not what I mean!
There is a ghost in the
car with us right now.
It is Gloria from the
office, she is talking to me.
- Are you serious?
- Serious.
- Will, listen to me.
We don't have much time.
You gotta go back to being
the person you used to be
or you're gonna really mess things up!
Especially with Meggie!
- How do you know about Meggie?
- I don't know anything about Meggie.
I mean, I've never met Meggie.
What's a wait, what's a Meggie?
- I'm dead, remember?
I know everything about you!
- You know everything?
- No, I don't know anything.
- Everything!
- Sorry, I'm talkin' to Gloria.
- Wait, your talking to Gloria
right now, like she's been
talking this whole time?
- Mm-hm.
- Gloria, Gloria, it's Jim!
Remember me, from the office?
Come on, I just need a little proof!
- He needs to shut up, it
doesn't work like that!
The dead have no business
with him right now!
- She said you need to shut up.
- Shut up?
That is no way to speak to the living!
- Oh my god, please shut up!
- Oh my god, please shut up.
- What is wrong with you?
- What, me?
No, no, I'm just repeating what she said.
Nothing's wrong with me, I'm fine.
- Oh no your not, you're losing your hair.
You know what that's from?
Stress!
- Fine.
So you're gonna be.
You're gonna be haunting me.
- Okay, I'm gonna assume you're
talking to Gloria right now.
- Mm-hm.
- Wow, I never looked at it like that.
I was just gonna give
you some advice, but yes.
Until I straighten you out,
you can call this a haunting.
- And what should I do?
- I don't know, man, just
be yourself, talk to her.
Find out what she wants.
- You're gonna be visited
by some helpful spirits.
- Like Ebenezer Scrooge?
- No, not like Ebenezer
Scrooge, just be yourself.
- Sorta.
Dead people are gonna be talking to ya
on account of the accident.
You hit your head, hard!
Kinda messed up a couple wires
that need to be repaired.
- Oh, I think I'm going crazy.
- Okay, so you're not talking to Gloria?
- Oh no, that's still
happening, yeah, yeah, yeah.
- So lucky.
- Don't worry, it can only get better.
- Oh god!
Ho!
No, still there, okay.
Let's go, let's just go.
- Okay, okay.
- Yeah.
- Dobbs Funeral Home, this is
Melody, how may I help you?
- This is a funeral
parlor, not a pizzeria.
The people calling here are heartbroken.
So you need to act like you are too.
- You just hung up on
a potential customer.
They lost a loved
one, they'll call back.
And when they do, you need
to sound more like this.
Dobbs Funeral Home, I'm
sorry for your loss.
Got it?
Remember, sad not happy.
- Dobbs Funeral Home,
I'm sorry for your loss.
How may I direct your call?
- I'll take it in my office.
- I gotta go talk to
the boss man, you good?
- Sure.
- Everything go all right?
- Yeah, fine.
Any thoughts on lunch?
- Is that marijuana?
- No, silly, it's catnip.
Is that what
they're calling it now?
- Seriously, it's catnip.
- So you don't smoke?
- No, I do, but only at night,
just before I go to bed.
Helps me sleep.
- So during lunchtime you should go home,
take your stash, put it next
to your bed, that's all.
- It's catnip.
I brought it here 'cause
Chad's gets into it
and he takes too much.
- We're new here.
First impressions, very important.
Families depend on us to be sober.
Not party girls waiting
to light up, you know.
- For your info, Mr. Judgmental,
my marijuana is for medical purposes.
It eases pain, increases
appetite, promotes hair growth,
but more importantly, it helps me sleep.
- I did not know it was for
medical purposes, I apologize.
- No, you didn't.
Well, I'd like to say it
was a pleasure meeting you,
but it wasn't and you
can forget about lunch.
- You think you'll be able
to keep the conversation
down long enough to get setup?
- Yeah, I'm fine.
- Okay, 'cause I gotta go drop a deuce.
- I thought we had more time to talk!
- Could you whistle or something?
- You and Jim are like legs
from the same pair of pants!
- So when are these other
ghosts comin' to visit me?
- Soon enough, but remember,
we like to be called spirits.
- What's the difference?
- Spirits guide.
- Like a guardian angel, they guide.
- Sure, whatever floats your boat.
- Why are you doing this for me?
- Julia.
- Julia, my Julia?
- She sent me, she sent me to all of us.
See ya after the wake!
- Julia sent you for, ho,
hey, whoa, whoa, whoa!
Where'd you go?
Where did you go?
Why isn't Julia here, hello?
- Been doin' some thinking, Will.
What you need is a woman.
- Do you have a woman?
- That's not really the point.
What's the point?
- The point is, Gloria's
trying to help, right?
- So?
- Well, maybe what
she's trying to tell you
is that you need to get
out and meet someone new.
- He makes a good point.
- God.
Oh, oh, I wish you would stop doing that.
- Sorry, I had a hard-boiled eggs earlier.
- No, no, it's not you, Gloria's here.
Ah, Jesus.
- Gloria, hi, Gloria!
- You know, a life without
love isn't living at all.
- I had love once, it
didn't turn out so well.
- Yeah, I respect your feelings too.
But you need to get out and
live a little, trust me, buddy.
I've seen corpses with
more color than you.
Sorry, Gloria!
- He's not a complete idiot!
You could use a little color.
Hey, what about that new
receptionist out front?
- Melanie?
- Yeah, what's wrong with Melanie?
- Nothing's wrong with Melanie.
- Then you should go
ahead and ask her out.
- I'm not asking Melanie out.
- Do you mind if I do?
- That chubby perv doesn't
stand a chance in hell.
- That wasn't very nice.
- What did she say?
- You need to get back on the horse.
- You need to mind your own business.
- Right now, you are my business.
- I'm assuming your talking to Gloria.
Yes.
- You know, you can't stop
living because Julia did.
- It wasn't her choice, I killed her!
I gotta go pick up Meggie.
Wow, he seemed pissed.
- Yeah, I know, I know,
I'm sorry, I'm sorry.
- Daddy Will!
- Hi, Meggie pie.
I'm sorry I'm late.
- You're worth waiting for.
- Okay, come on up.
Kick this out.
You're on?
All right, let's go.
- Bye.
- All right, bye bye.
- Aunt Jackie!
- Why don't you go play,
sweetie, while I talk with Will?
- Just be nice to Daddy Will, please?
- I'm always nice, baby.
- You're late.
- I'm sorry.
- You're always late
and you're always sorry.
Why can't you just be on time?
- Everyone at work was busy.
- Blaming it on someone else again?
- I had to use my bike so.
- Get a car, you can afford one
if you broke into that
piggy bank my sister
told me you were using
to save for a house.
- You know I don't drive.
- Don't or won't?
Maybe you should've let
my sister drive that day.
- Why, so the truck would
hit my side of the car
instead of hers?
Believe me, given the choice
I'd choose to die not her.
You think I wanted Meggie to lose her mom?
- You're just lucky I still
let you see Meggie at all!
- Yeah, well, she's the only
thing I have left to live for.
Without her I would've
joined Julia a long time ago.
- Why don't you do something
fun with her this weekend?
I hear the weather's gonna be super-nice.
However, I'd prefer if you had
someone else drive you guys.
If you don't have the
stomach to do it yourself.
- You're gonna be missed.
- I'm so sorry this happened to you.
I miss you so much!
- You're gonna be missed.
- You were one hell of a worker.
19 years and not one single sick day.
They don't make 'em with that
type of work ethic anymore.
I'm gonna miss you.
- God bless.
- You get it, let her R.I.P?
Let her rip?
- Yeah, I get it.
- It's funny.
- It's disrespectful.
- Man, that's what Leroy said.
He won't let me put it
with the other flo--
- I told you to get rid of that.
- Sorry.
- You and Will need to finish up here.
There's a fresh client in the
back that needs some love.
A paying customer.
- Okay, we're on it.
You're looking very nice.
- Thanks.
- That did not go well.
- No, it did not.
- Lot of negative vibes there.
Oh, damn it.
- What?
- I don't have my keys.
I'll be right back.
- Whoa, ooh, ooh, ooh.
- You gotta stop being so jumpy.
- Ah, I'm gettin' better.
- Pretty nice wake, don't you think?
- Yeah, I thought so.
- I coulda done without
all the jokes on my behalf,
but I thought we had
a pretty good turnout.
- Yeah, everybody loves you.
- Oh, is that why Leroy
replaced me so fast?
Nice.
Work with a family for 19 years,
you kick the bucket and they
can't wait to get rid of ya.
Oh, got one last thing.
- Promise?
- That receptionist out
front does like you, a lot!
- Melanie, after I insulted her?
No, I think that ship has sailed.
Besides, she has a boyfriend Chad.
- Oh, trust me, Chad ain't much of a man.
- Yeah, well I don't
think I'm ready for that.
So how about not riding me on it, hm?
- Doesn't matter.
- What doesn't matter?
- Tomorrow after I'm
buried, I won't be able
to haunt you anymore.
- Why?
- Oh, that's the rules!
After I'm in the ground,
I've gotta head up or down
or whatever they have in store for me.
Oh anyway, that's the way it goes.
You of all people should
know what I'm talkin' about!
- No, I don't think I made it that far.
I think I got stuck in the waiting room.
- Well, anyway.
After I'm in the ground,
you won't have to put up with me anymore.
- Seriously?
- Goodbye Wilmont.
Don't forget to live again.
- Huh.
Goodbye, Gloria.
- How they hangin', buddy?
- Jesus Christ!
- Hey!
Do I look like I've got holes in my hands?
The savior I am not.
The name's Marv and maybe you
could find it in your heart
to pick me up and put me back on my body?
- Oh, wow.
I am so sorry.
You startled me, didn't mean to hit ya.
- No sweat, man, I was decapitated anyway.
So you know, no harm, no foul.
- I'm still sorry.
- Yeah well, a couple of
stitches, I'll be good as new.
- Okay.
- No really.
- Is this as weird for
you as it is for me?
Mm-hm.
Ah, oh god.
- Perfect!
- Gah, would you stop doing that?
- I never get tired of that.
- Oh, fuh!
So.
- So you're the guy that I'm supposed
to breathe some life into.
That sounds ironic.
What are you, number two?
- What are you, calling
me a piece of crap?
- No, no, no, no, no, no, I'm sorry.
I was just.
Gloria told me that
there'd be three spirits.
I was just equating that
to the Scrooge story
where three spirits come
to visit in one night.
- Oh, that's quaint.
But the truth of the matter is is that,
you're gonna take a lot
more than one night.
- Why is that?
- Because you're stubborn
and you think you
know everything, okay?
It's never gonna work.
- How would you know
that, you're newly dead?
- Well, see, when you
die, your soul combines
with the spirit soup that's
made up of the universe.
And when you're out there you
have the answers to everything
just like a teenage girl.
- So you can tell me if
there's a heaven, hell, god,
and why Julia isn't visiting me?
- I could, but I'm not really allowed to.
Plus having that kind of
information would mess you up.
It's too much, you couldn't handle it.
Look, look, all I wanna know
is why Julia hasn't visited, okay?
I'm being visited by
all these other spirits
except the one I wanna see, no offense.
- Will, let's put it this way.
Julia is a memory, okay,
and it's a good memory.
You should keep that
memory and hold it strong.
But the truth of the
matter is, if she showed up
you'd just be a blubbering,
crying idiot standing there.
What you really need to learn
how to do is to live life.
That's how you bring her back.
- So what am I supposed to do, huh?
What am I supposed to forget
all my memories of her?
I'm supposed to stop loving
her for her to appear?
- Keep the memories,
the memories are good,
but what you really need
to focus on is what's alive
in your life, like Meggie, okay?
She needs a father.
You're a great father to her.
I mean Jackie, yeah
sure, she's Aunt Jackie,
but you're her Daddy, even
if it's not biological.
You need to be there for her.
You need to take her out so
she can experience stuff.
You'll feel like you're alive,
and if you feel like you're alive
then you're gonna feel fulfilled.
- Yeah, yeah, I could take her out.
I could take her out.
I'm gonna do that,
I'm gonna take her out.
Her and I, just her and I, okay.
- Oh, you know what, that dope Jim.
- No.
- No, seriously, you're a decent guy.
Maybe some of it will rub off on to him.
- Sure, but okay, but,
ugh, all right, Jim.
I'm debating with a dead guy, wow!
I'm going crazy, that's great, all right.
- Details.
- Father, do you have a minute?
Sure.
- Thank you.
- What is on your mind?
- I'm, uh, I'm troubled, you know.
- I don't recognize you,
are you from this parish?
- No, no, I'm not even Catholic.
- Huh, well you must be
troubled if you're seeking help
from a religion that's
not even your faith.
- Yes, father, yes.
- So, tell me what
is your religious affiliation.
- I'm Lutheran, father.
You gotta be
kidding me, Lutheran?
- Yeah.
- As if I don't have enough to
deal with with my own people
now I got Lutherans walking
in off the street, geez.
- The thing is that I have--
- You know, do you have
any idea how much it costs
to conduct services on a daily basis?
The why, the holy sacrament.
Do you have any idea how much
those little wafers cost,
especially the gluten-free ones?
- Father, I'm seeing dead people.
I'm seeing them.
- Oh.
Oh, that's terrific.
I have waited my entire life to be spoken
to by the Holy Father, Jesus,
or any number of saints,
and they pick you for a calling.
And you're not even Catholic,
that just burns my ass.
- What should I do?
- Uh, I don't know.
How about seeing a shrink?
Or how about opening up
one of those store fronts
where you can charge people money
to tell them about their loved
ones who've crossed over?
That's what I'd do if
I were in your shoes.
- Okay, I didn't mean to
upset you, I was just--
- The archdiocese assigns me to a church
in a predominantly Portuguese community.
I don't even speak Portuguese!
- No, I'm sorry to have bothered you.
- Oh, I'm so sorry, you
don't like my answers?
I don't see you running off to your church
to talk to Father Tom, Dick, or Harry.
- No, no, you're having a bad day.
I should leave, I should just--
- Ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, you
ain't gettin' off that easy.
Say five Hail Mary's.
- No, no, I'm not Catholic.
- Do it anyway!
And, uh.
- Okay.
- Give me 50 bucks for the poor box.
- Okay.
Uh, sure, yeah.
Oh, you know what, no, I
only have 20 or 100 so I.
- Mm.
God don't like a cheapskate, my son.
- It's real, but I don't.
- Dead people my ass!
- Hey, you can come on in.
Meggie, come here, meet Jim.
Jim, this is Meggie.
- Hey.
- Thanks for giving us a ride.
Daddy Will's bicycle only
holds one and a half.
- No problemo, where we headin'?
- Gatorland!
- Whoa, Gatorland, that sounds dangerous.
Are you sure Aunt Jackie won't get mad?
- Not if we don't tell her.
- That's a girl after my own heart.
Let's go.
- Okay.
- Gatorland, all right!
Mine too.
- Ooh.
She wears that shirt she'll definitely
tip off Jackie where you took her.
- I know, and you wanna know something?
I don't care.
Meggie's having a good time, so am I.
- All right.
- Yup.
Now you're talkin'.
- What do you wanna do next?
- I hear they let you feed
the gators, real food.
- Seriously?
- Is that what you really wanna do?
- Is a hand considered real food?
- This is gonna be fun!
- See, fun, I'll meet you over there.
- This is awesome!
- Yeah, the awesomeness
is leakin' down my leg.
Boy I tell you what.
These gator bits are so
fresh and good, I love 'em!
Oh, ho!
Look, Daddy
Will, is this fun or what?
Or what!
- Well, I tell you what, if
this was a diabetics convention
you guys would be living on the edge.
- What do you want from me?
- Are you talking to
me, Gloria, the gators?
- No, none of the above.
- Who's Gloria?
- That's a friend.
- Can I meet her?
- No, she passed away a few days ago.
- Then she's with Mommy.
- Yeah, that's right, she's with Mommy.
- Man, what a buzzkill.
- What do you wanna do next?
- How about we ride that giant swamp ride?
- All right.
Anything you could do about the weather?
- Oh sure.
- All right, nice, you're handy.
- Boy, check out that awesome ride.
- Yeah, I don't like monster trucks.
- I hate broccoli, what's your point?
- All right, y'all come
on this here buggy!
Sit anywhere you want.
We can all ride
together, right there.
Okay.
- All right, y'all, find a
seat and buckle your seatbelts.
Yeah, that's right.
- Hold on, dude, I got a feeling
we're in for a bumpy ride!
- Ah, don't be a sissy, I'm right with ya.
- This is the ride Aunt
Jackie said we can't go on.
She said it's too scary.
- Oh, I'm gonna regret this.
- Try to stay positive, dude.
- Yeah, dude, stay positive.
We're gonna need a bigger truck.
- Ah, this is what it's
all about, Wilmont.
You know, trying new
things, not being a pussy.
Listen, you know what?
I think what you ought
to do is allow yourself
to keep trying new things.
I will.
You will what?
I will kiss a
gator the second I get
off this thing.
- You're late, again!
- Ah.
Don't apologize.
- I know.
- I suppose you're sorry too.
- You have a backbone, use it.
- Not this time.
- Really?
- Stand your ground.
- Yup.
- Well, would you care explaining to me
how it took four hours to eat ice cream?
- Be firm, be honest.
It doesn't.
We also went to Gatorland and
she rode on the swamp ride!
- Wait, you took Meggie to Gatorland?
Are you certifiably insane?
- Oh, I could go either way on that one.
Jim and I were with her the whole time so.
- Man up, man up.
- What if something had happened?
- But it didn't.
The gators were behind
the wall the entire time,
except for when the handler
let her feed one.
- Wait, you mean she was standing
next to a live alligator?
- Did I mention she had a great time?
- She's my DNA, Wilmont.
I'm so pissed at you right
now I could rip your face off.
- I believe she'd do it.
- You think it's funny?
- A little humorous maybe.
I mean, the gator was as
close to me as you are now,
and it didn't rip my face off.
- She doesn't have a handler.
- Aunt Jackie, are these alligator shoes?
- Silly, alligators don't wear shoes.
I see somebody went shopping.
- Yes, I got this shirt
and a beautiful alligator.
Stuffed, of course.
- Of course.
Sounds like you had a
really good time with Will.
- The best.
I'm gonna tell everyone at
school I went to Gatorland,
and I even have Gary
Gator for show and tell.
Thanks, Daddy Will!
- You're welcome.
- So you were with her the entire time?
- You know I don't like reptiles.
Even salamanders give
me the creeps, blech.
- Wait for it.
- Okay, but next time, ask first.
I know you think of yourself as her dad.
I just wanna be kept in the loop.
- No problem.
- See, it pays to ditch the guilt.
Never be afraid to stand up for yourself.
- Picking her up tomorrow?
- Of course.
- Try not to be late, and
if you're going to be,
call, text ahead, let me
know, that's all I ask.
- I will.
- Boy, I was gettin' really
claustrophobic, thanks.
- Oh, I'm glad I could help.
- You know, I think that we're startin'
to make some progress here.
- Progress?
- Yeah.
- You call me goin' crazy, progress?
I mean, you're not real,
you live in my head.
How do I get you out?
- You start grabbin' life and live it.
That's how you get rid of me.
- Pardon?
- Look, this whole scene
here, okay, the death thing,
that's all from guilt.
I mean, the only reason
that you got this job
was to try to get closer to Julia, right?
How are those suicidal thoughts comin'?
- Well, they're coming
but I'd never do that
because of Meggie.
Ah.
- But I'm not afraid of death
if that's what you mean.
- I think you need to live a little,
that's what I mean, okay?
You need to live outside
of your comfort zone.
I mean, why don't you just get
a pair and face your fears?
You've gotta just stop being
a pussy and live a little.
- Ethan!
You'll do fine.
- I'll hurry back.
- Don't hurry, take your time.
Relax, get the job.
You could be charming when you wanna be?
- Think so?
- You got me pregnant, didn't you?
Yeah, I did!
- Okay to put him in here?
- It is now.
- Hey, who's the hot receptionist?
I've never seen her here before.
- Yeah, she's new.
- What happened to the old lady?
- Gloria, she passed.
- Oh, damn, sorry to hear that.
You want me to help unzip?
- Sure, yeah.
- Word is they found this
guy in a very compromising
position in the old folk's home.
Died banging some old
broad in the hot tub.
- Well, at least he lived
life to the end, huh?
- I'm outta here.
Hey put in a good word with
that new receptionist for me.
- Okay.
Hey, Marv, you know this guy?
Oh, oh, Jim, what happened to Marv?
- Marv?
- Yeah, the guy I was
working with the other day.
- Mr. Thomas.
Yeah, went in the ground like an hour ago.
- You took him by yourself?
- No, Melanie helped me take him over.
Why, what's wrong?
He's not alive.
- No, I was just hoping
I could say goodbye.
- Oh yeah, he told me to
tell you he'd see you around.
- He did?
- I have no idea, I
don't talk to the dead!
- Right, right, right.
- Yet.
Oh my.
Okay.
- What?
- That's, that is John Dobbs.
- As in Leroy Dobbs?
- As in Leroy's father, oh, okay.
I gotta, I need to go find him.
He's gonna be devastated.
Oh my god.
- Huh?
- It's nice to hear somebody
say my son's gonna miss me.
- Oh, I wish you guys
would stop doing that.
- Doin' what?
- Just jump up and start
talking all of the sudden.
- Marv was right about
you, you are a pussy.
- That sounds like
something Marv would say.
- But he also said that you're a good guy.
I guess my son's not
completely stupid after all.
He did hire you.
- Well, I'm sorry for your loss.
I'm sure your son's devastated.
- Oh, bull.
He's tickled pink that he's
goin' to inherit everything.
And now he can stop paying
for the old folk's home.
By the way, what's he paying you?
- Marv said you guys knew everything.
- Well, not when we're close to things.
- Well, he's paying me minimum wage.
- You tell that son of mine that I always
went for quality around here, not cheap.
- Yes, but with the
competition going on now,
you know, he had to cut some corners.
He even started selling advertising.
- Oh, that was my idea, and
that was a moneymaker too.
- Yeah, but what about the
integrity of the funeral home?
- Integrity?
You can't eat that.
- Yeah, well, you know, quality is what
makes this place special.
- Because happy people
do better at their jobs.
I don't see him skimping
on the price of his suits.
He needs to pay you more.
- So, uh.
Were you really?
You better believe it!
It was the best gig I ever had in my life.
I tell ya, and it ended
too damn soon!
I mean, I went out with a
bang instead of a whimper!
- Go ahead, go ahead, you can
laugh out loud, it's okay!
- Thank you, thank you, I
needed that, I needed that.
- Look, look, have you seen my son today?
- No, not yet.
He's probably settin' up the arrangements.
- Arrangements?
He's gonna cremate me, it's cheaper.
Then he could buy another
suit in my memory.
- The rest home just
called, Leroy's father died.
- Ooh-ee!
Damn, my friend.
When you gonna start wooing that?
- How'd he take it?
- Oh, he's probably at the bank.
Making sure everything goes into his name.
- Okay, I guess.
- Call me a horny old goat,
but you better move on this
before somebody else does.
- I often hear you talking
to yourself in here.
Do you believe in the hereafter?
- Yup.
- And you know what she's here after.
- It's not like that.
- What's not like what?
- Not yet anyway.
- Would you like to go check in on Leroy?
- Take her for a walk.
Sunshine, soft green
grass, lots of cushioning.
- Just.
- What's?
What is that smell?
- Oh, it ain't roses, honey.
Come back after they clean me up.
- You know what, come back
later when he's not as ripe.
- I'll pass, thanks.
I'll go find Jim to give you a hand.
- Well, look who's poop don't stink!
- Guess who got a job?
- That's great, baby!
Yeah, I need you to get
home, I think it's time.
- Yeah, it's about time my luck changed!
- No, baby time.
Get your ass in the car and get over here!
- What?
All right, I'm on my way!
Are you kidding me?
Hey!
Hey, hey, hey, hey, wait!
Man!
- You okay?
- Yeah, doin' all right, thanks.
You know, I wanted to apologize to you
for what I said the other day.
I just, I don't know.
- It's all right, I know
you've got a lot on your plate.
- Yeah.
Says who?
- Everybody.
- Huh.
Hope they had something nice
to say in that earful you got.
- Yeah, they said you're a good guy.
A little weird, but a good guy.
And you have a daughter?
- Meggie, yeah, she's my.
Oh, was, my fiancee's kid.
I fell in love with both of them,
had them move into my apartment
because it was bigger than Julia's.
- Your fiance Julia?
- Yeah.
Yeah, we were together for four years.
I had this whole weekend planned out.
We were gonna go away
and I was gonna propose,
and you know what they
say about best-laid plans.
- I'm sorry for your loss.
- Thank you.
You know, I don't think
anyone's said that to me yet.
Everyone wants to talk about their loss.
I have to remind people,
like I lost too, you know.
- Let's start again, shall we?
Hi, I'm Melanie.
Hi, I'm Wilmont, nice
to meet you.
You know, we should
probably go check on Leroy.
- Yeah.
- That would be a good idea, right?
- Yeah.
- Okay, that's good.
- Probably.
- That's good.
- Hey, hey, hey, stop, stop, stop, stop!
- Get outta the road!
- Come on, man!
Where are the cops when you need one?
- Dobbs Funeral Home,
I'm sorry for your loss.
How may I direct your call?
Hey, I need Wilmont.
- What's wrong?
- My car broke down.
Emmy's having a baby, now.
- He's on his way.
Wilmont!
Wilmont!
- What, what, what?
- Your sister's having
the baby, they need you.
- Oh but, uh.
- No buts!
- No, no, I don't drive.
- You mean, you won't drive.
Your sister needs you, Wilmont.
This is your chance to prove yourself.
What should I do?
- I'll try and find Jim,
but you're the uncle!
- Ah, I don't--
- Wilmont, you can't put this off.
Your sister needs you.
- I don't even have a car!
- You can't drive my car, it's a stick.
Besides, there's no one
here to watch the phones!
- The hearse.
- You can't.
- Yes, the hearse.
Watch me.
Whoa!
I'm gonna be an uncle!
- What's goin' on?
Who spooked him now?
- Will's sister's having a baby.
He's taking the hearse to
get her to the hospital.
- But I just loaded Leroy's
father into the hearse.
- Oops.
- Whatevs.
Now that's what I'm
talkin' about!
- You're driving?
- Would you rather drive?
- Ah, no I'm good!
Let's go before I deliver your nephew
in the back of this thing!
- Come on.
Breaths, breaths, all right, okay.
Oh!
- A coffin, you brought a coffin?
Isn't that bad luck?
- No, it's good luck.
Out with the old, in with the new.
- Is anybody in there?
- Mr. Dobbs, that's all right.
Foot, foot, thank you!
God.
All right.
Seat belts, seat belts.
That's it, good, good,
deep breaths, here we go.
It's okay, it's all right.
All right.
Now, she's a cute one!
- That's my sister.
- Oh, Wilmont, you're
driving like Grandma!
Step on it!
- Yeah!
- Do you not remember what
happened the last time I drove?
- Do it or I'm hopping in the back!
- Hell no, you ain't having no baby
in, on, or near my beautiful coffin!
Given to me by my lovely son
who didn't cremate me.
- All right, you two, all right!
- Oh, Will, you included
the baby, that's so sweet!
- It's not sweet, it's
your hormones, what?
- No, no, truly, you are really sweet.
Okay, thank you!
I'm driving!
- Oh, it's coming, hurry!
Oh, it's coming!
- You're Wonder Woman, you're amazing!
Confidence!
- Hey.
Hey!
Hey, wait for me!
Hey!
Hey, hey, hey!
It's me, hey, hey, hey!
Hey, hey!
- Now that's something
you don't see everyday.
- What's that?
- Looked like a corpse
running after his hearse.
- What you got in your coffee?
- Hey!
Hey!
- Will!
- Okay.
It's coming.
- I know, I know, I
know, we're almost there.
Oh, it's coming!
Oh!
Oh, Will, it's coming!
Thank you, will.
You're so helpful.
- Will, my man, you did it!
You're a true hero!
That never fails.
- Oh, man, I drove, who's the best driver!
- Hey.
- Hey, you made it.
- Yeah.
I told Leroy what was going on,
and he put the phone on
after hours so here we are.
- Wow.
Oh.
- Congratulations, buddy.
- Thank you, man.
- You know, when I lost my
Pops, I decided I needed
to be around the living for a while.
So is it boy or a girl?
- I'm not sure yet.
- Okay, hang on, I'm getting.
I'm getting a lot of positive
vibes from this room.
You.
- Oh yeah, yeah.
- Okay.
- And where have you been?
- What did I miss?
Didn't you see me running after you?
- Huh?
Oh, that was you?
Oh.
- How's Emmy?
- Got here just in time.
I thought she was gonna pop in the hearse.
- Who's the father?
- Right here.
- Baby boy, seven pounds, four ounces.
Mother and son doing nicely.
- Great, can I see them?
- Sure, come with me.
- I'll come back to see
you all as soon as I can.
- All right, yes.
That's awesome, that's awesome.
- These are some pictures of
my trip to Italy with Chad.
- Who's Chad?
- Her boyfriend.
- My cat.
- Your cat is your boyfriend?
- Wait.
You went to Italy with your cat?
- I had no one to watch him.
Besides, he likes pasta.
Did you think that Chad was my boyfriend?
- Yeah.
- And you thought I'd flirt with you
while I was with Chad?
- Wait, you were flirting with me?
- Yeah.
- Whoa.
This is starting to look
like a happy ending.
- Can I tell you
something, from the heart?
Will you fire me?
- Why would I fire you?
- You might think I'm a bit
strange, unhinged perhaps.
- I already think you're strange, Wilmont,
and a little unhinged.
- Fair enough.
- So what's this about?
- Your father, no, he
loved you, still does.
- He was a little hard on me at times,
but I always trusted that he loved me.
- And he thinks you're doing
a great job with the mortuary.
- I never said that.
- He just wants you to
lighten up with the money
so you'll always have
good employees around you.
- You saying you're psychic
or you want a pay raise?
- It does sound like you
want a raise if you ask me.
- I didn't ask you.
- I understand.
- You do know I was a
computer analyst, right?
- And?
- Let me take a look at your system.
- We run on people power.
- But that's just it, I
can evaluate your system,
make sure it's up to date,
and input my own program,
which would streamline all your records
from the time your dad
started the business.
- I don't know, Will.
- It'll even keep track
of your advertising.
- Tell him that he can sell ads
on the website to offset costs.
- And you can sell ads on
the website to offset costs.
- Now you're talking my language.
- I thought that might register.
- I can do it for a reasonable charge.
What's reasonable?
- Well, I'll work in it
through my regular tasks.
It's just gonna be a little
overtime, that's all.
- I can live with that.
- And once I get setup, I
can bulldoze through it.
I'm anal that way.
- Will puts the anal in analyst.
- Thanks.
I look forward to hearing
your recommendations.
And now, if you don't mind,
I'm gonna get my father
back to the funeral home.
I think he's had enough
excitement for one day.
- You got that right.
- Be sure to take lots of baby pictures.
- You got it.
- Now's the chance,
Will, the coast is clear.
You drove today, buddy!
You the man!
So what you gonna do now?
And if you tell me you're
goin' to Disney World
I'm gonna slap you senseless.
- Watch and learn, John, watch and learn.
I'd like to see your
cat try that.
- Nice.
- Yeah, I'm outta practice, I just--
- Shh, you know it's just
like riding a bicycle.
- I'm not gonna be riding
that bicycle anymore.
The third spirit was the charm.
Julia, your boy is back!
- This must be Meggie.
- Mm-hm.
- It's nice to meet you,
I've heard so much about you.
- Meggie, this is Melanie.
I'm hoping we can be
friends, what do you think?
- Yeah.
- Is it my turn for a piggyback ride?
- Nope.
- Okay.
Start it, you don't need help.
That's it.
- What if I need a little push?
- Mm, just like mine, delicious.
- Yeah.
- Can I taste yours?
- No.
- Okay.
- She's smart.
- Clean face, clean face, blech!
Will, it looks like
you're gonna be all right.
Take care of Meggie for me
and take care of yourself.
And remember that I will
always, always be in your heart.
- Miracle of childbirth.
It's a glorious thing.
Hello?
Hello?
Hi, Jim, this is Katherine.
- Great Aunt Katherine, is that you?
There's
something I need you to sign.
We just wanted to save with
you in the interest rates.
- Great Aunt Katherine?
I, I think I'm hearing
you, right, it's you?
If
you'd like to be taken
off our mailing list--
- It's muffly, it's muffly.
Speak clearer.
I don't mean to yell at you,
you were always my favorite!
We're
going to call again tomorrow.
- I can't believe this is happening.
Goodbye, Jim!
- Great Aunt Katherine!
Just tell me it's you!
Can you tell me, is Buster up there?
Is he all right?
Does he have a bone in heaven?
I just wanna know.
What does heaven look like?
Is there a heaven?