Naughty Nun (1972) - full transcript

The Beautiful Antonia

(He's singing about underwear)

Rafaello... Rafaello!

Rafaello, wake up.
-What a woman!

Want to go at it again?
-Stop messing around, we've got guests.

A forest ranger on horseback.
-A forest ranger?

Yes.
-On horseback? -Yes.

Has he just arrived?
-Yes.

Listen Caterina, a man travelling
at this hour, in this heat...

...isn't a forest ranger:
He's an idiot.

Welcome... If you need something to eat
or somewhere to sleep, I'm at your service.



Perhaps there isn't
much to eat around here?

Make yourself comfortable,
I'll bring your meal right away!

Let me take this.
-No, leave it. It's too heavy.

You seem adapted to the labours of love.

How long will you stay?
-I don't know yet.

I'll certainly stay until they've
collected all the apples.

This queer moves quickly!

I've been called from Rome to paint
the portrait of a young noble woman.

So, you're a painter! I figured
you were something special...

Who is this noble woman?
-The daughter of lord Domenico...

Do you know him?
-Certainly! He owns half the village.

The portrait must be for Antonia, the daughter.
-Such injustice. It's only because she's nobility.

You would be a sculpture.
-What shall I prepare? Some duck or...

...or a soft thigh?
-A thigh...



A soft thigh stuffed to the hilt!

What a beautiful woman!
-Yes, but what a bad husband.

Ariosto...
I've been looking for you.

Lord Domenico is expecting
you tomorrow morning...

He's got a big job for you.
-So what?

Your boss needs help and
you come running to me.

This is important, damn it!
It is to earn some money.

Well, I'm just the messenger.
To your health.

You're an important guy.
-I know what Domenico really wants...

Not with me! He likes to
screw, but not like that.

I'm sorry Antonia, It's blocking out the light.

Sir, it's the fifth time in an hour you've
used this excuse to touch my breasts!

Yes, but without malice!
It's an artist's touch.

It's the touch of a dirty pig!
-You offend me...

I'm touching you professionally.
I am just a painter...

The man in me has already left the room.
-Get the painter out as well. I've had enough.

I can't! My duty is to immortalise
your beauty on my canvas...

My brush demands it.

What's wrong?
Is your brush stuck?

If only you knew how frenzied it is right now!
-My better judgment says to end this now.

No... I'm standing firm.
-Then I feel sorry for you.

My painting?

You call this a painting!

How dare you try to
swindle my parents!

Antonia?
-No, you stay...

See if he really does stand firm.
I hope that wasn't a lie as well.

Don't let it get you down. Antonia
is going through a delicate patch.

Someone as skilled as you should learn to read her
soul, not just her soft lines and rounded curves.

By the way...
Do you think these are square?

But Antonia doesn't have any
more than us. Don't you think?

You bet!
I've got no doubts!

Come...

Look, Beatrice!

My God...
I don't know what to say!

Can I come in?
-Please... You're the owner.

I heard you were up so
I brought you breakfast.

Do you like spicy sausage?
They make it around these parts.

I like your parts!
-Please...

I left a pot boiling in the kitchen.
-It 's already kindled!

Impossible!
-What?

You're not wearing anything underneath.
-Is that 'nothing' to you? Take a better look.

Yes, I know, but I'm talking about underwear.
-What?

Underwear...
It's the latest fashion from Milan.

What is it?
-Haven't you heard?

All women wear it today: Florence, Rome,
Bologna. The cities are full of underwear.

Here they are...

Any woman who wears these
will be irresistible.

Holy ghost from purgatory! Now I know
why my husband doesn't like me anymore...

He always sees me without underwear.
Can I try them on?

They're yours, but I'll put them on.
Later...

You're not playing a joke on me, and
you won't let me put them on later?

Have you broken something?

Do I have to take this to little Giovanni?
-Yes. What's the problem?

Nothing... I'll just top myself now.
-Why? Little Giovanni is like everyone else.

No... He treats people badly.
-Relax, there's nothing to worry about.

In this instance you're just an
ambassador. He won't use his fists.

Then he'll kick me.
-Don't be difficult. Do you trust me?

Yes, and I'm happy to do so, but
you're asking me to get beaten up.

Go in peace, Ariosto. That little
men won't lay a finger on you.

They will help you be calm and confident.
Have some faith in me.

Remember, whatever happens...

I'm here!
-Here. But it's me who has to go there!

One word and I'll cut your balls off.

Spit it out! Who is the next victim
of that pig of my husband?

What bitch will accompany him tonight?
-No dogs tonight.

Then it will be a cow! Ariosto,
I know my husband's habits well...

All his depraved habits. I also know
it's you who is supplying him with women!

Mr Domenico called me here for
something else, I assure you!

Here...

I've to take this message to Little Giovanni.

A message for Little Giovanni?

Wretch! He's done what he's said...

He's going to shatter
our daughter's happiness...

My poor girl.

Poor Antonia, so young and beautiful...

She'll have to renounce her one true love!

Don't cry...

Everything will heal in time.

What are you doing in my room?
-I don't know. You invited me here!

Get out.
You miserable worm!

Antonia.

Fulco.

Sorry, but I was looking elsewhere.
Yesterday you were dressed as a fig tree.

Yes, but the oak is more comfortable.
We can't go on like this, Antonia.

You're right, my love, but as long as our
fathers keep feuding, this is the only way.

Kiss me.

Be brave, our love will triumph.
I must leave now, till tomorrow.

Think of another disguise.
I don't want to be a tree anymore.

Why not?
-Because there are too many dogs here...

Take a look.

What are you looking at? This is ladies
stuff, it's not for peasants like you.

Fuck off.
-Ariosto... Come here.

I want to buy you a drink.
-Why?

Because I like you, and also because
you didn't deserve that insult.

I get it everyday.
-Well, what's wrong?

Little Giovanni.
-Who's he?

A son of a bitch.
-What's he done to you?

Nothing yet.
-Well then?

He's a son of a bitch for
what he's going to do soon.

I don't understand.
-I've got a letter for him...

...but I know how he'll react.
He'll read it and he'll get pissed off...

He'll pick up a stick
and beat me to death.

Then he's a brute!
-I don't know about that...

All I know is he's a son of a bitch.

Rafaello... Rafaello!
Wake up.

Look at this beautiful thing.
-I know you're beautiful...

...but you can be a pain in the ass.
-I was talking about something else...

Wake up.
I want to show you my underwear.

Do you like it?
It's the latest fashion from Milan.

Tonight we'll make love in all
of them, just like ladies do!

Happy?

You dirty stinking cow!
Take that stuff off now...

...before I kill you!
-Stop! What are you doing?

You shameless witch!
I'll give you the latest fashion.

The ladies in Florence wear them.
-The prostitutes in Florence wear them!

What will they invent next?
-I thought they were a good thing!

This is an instrument from Mephistopholes.
Get up, and go and see brother Pomporio.

Hurry and confess. He's is a holy man,
but your sin is great...

Who knows how many times you'll have to
kiss the cord of Saint Soluzione?

I wonder what life would
be like without women.

Do you like women?
-Of course I do...

...but there's too many of them.
Take wives, for example...

Are you married?
-Unfortunately, I had a moment of weakness...

I understand... Your wife is
on top and you're at the bottom.

No, I always get above my station!

There she is.

Look how welcoming.
-Your wife?

I was sure to bump into you.
-Me too.

We're still waiting for a piece of bread.
-Don't shout, I'm with an important person.

Right! Another vagabond like you.
They haven't eaten since yesterday.

Damn it! Be quiet.
Here... Four bolognese for tonight.

Who did you steal it from?
-Quiet! Don't embarass me.

He has to think I'm a regular guy.
Play along with me now...

Don't worry. Just come up
to me and pretend to say sorry.

...and get back home!

I won't beat you here because
I don't want to cause a scene.

Don't let me find you on the
street when I'm with my friend...

Understood?

Next time it happens I'll hit you
so hard you'll sleep for 15 days!

I'll give you a taste now
so this doesn't happen again.

Okay?
Want another one?

To hell with you!

What are you doing?
-Delinquent.

What a guy.

I'm leaving!
Do what the hell ever you want!

Claudio Fornari is a renowned artist. You should
be honoured his brush is at your disposition.

Back to his brush again!
Is he the only person who has one?

We're not here to discuss the artist.
-No? What then?

Don't be so ignorant.
-Don't play the fool.

You know very well I love Fulco
Little and wish to be his wife.

No! You'll never be Fulco's wife,
and it's all his father's fault...

...Giovanni.
-He asked for a reasonable dowry.

Reasonable? 1000 florins! My daughter
is beautiful beyond compare...

Her legs are worth 500 florins each.
-Don't be so vulgar!

I don't intend adding another florin to
your dowries! This is your dowry.

If I can't marry Fulco I'll become a nun.
-What?

That's right. I'll enter the convent
of the Little Sisters of Pain.

With your character? With your desire
to live which squeezes out of every pore...

The Little Sisters of Pain?
You wouldn't last an hour in there...

You'll die of boredom.
-We'll see.

I'll pray for you.

Poor Antonia, she's like a
sister and a daughter to me...

Did you hear?
-A sage decision...

...by becoming a nun, I save on the
dowry and she gets to find heaven.

Little Giovanni should've received my
message about Antonia and Fulco's wedding.

It's a closed discussion.
-That's what you think...

I won't give you a moments peace
until Antonia is happy again.

Do what you please,
but learn to live with it...

Who is she? Someone new?
-You dirty animal! It's a mania.

Your infusion of blackberries.
I hope it's as sweet as you like it.

Thank you.
It's just right...

May I know your name?
-She doesn't have one.

No name?
-Yes, because she's leaving right away...

You're leaving this house today.
You can go, I've spoken.

If Antonia is going to heaven
then I'll make sure you go to hell!

Who knocks at the door of this convent?

It's me, brother Pomporio, Caterina.
I must confess immediately...

What's all the hurry?
-I've commited a great sin...

My husband told me to come straight to you.
-Good. You are faithful to your husband's wishes.

But I'm sorry, I don't have time.
I'm needed in the convent.

But they can wait. I need to
get my conscience right again...

I've been so bad brother Pomporio.
-What on earth have you done?

What did you say?
-I said: What on earth did you do?

Something so bad...
I put on some underwear.

Underwear! ...What is it?
...A hat?

It's more than a hat! Underwear is
an instrument from Phestimophole...

...Rafaello told me.
I promise I won't wear them again.

What the heck is this 'underwear'?
-You haven't heard of it?

They're like men's trousers.
I put them on underneath.

Underneath? Where?
-Here.

I pulled them up to here and they
covered the back and the front.

You covered yourself up in
front of God? Up to where?

They started near my feet
and reached up to here...

I told you, they're like men's trousers.
-They reached up to here?

Was all of this left open?
-No, it was covered there as well.

Up to halfway?
-Everything, up to here.

Everything... You sinful whore!
-Is it serious?

It's very serious! You'll need holy
water everywhere... Here... Here...

You should be slapped for covering
all of God's natural beauty!

Don't scare me, brother Pomporio. Hear my
confession now, leave the convent till later.

Of course they can wait.
This deserves a long penitence...

Come, make yourself comfortable.
Be at peace with your conscience.

I must consecrate all these profanities.
Lie back and abandon yourself faithfully...

...and above all, don't hurry.
-That's what Rafaello always says...

He makes me kiss his cord so often!
-He's a saintly man.

Shall I start kissing here?
-Kiss it! I'll tell you when to change.

Brother Pomporio, what are you doing?
I'm chasing away the evil spirits!

Your penitence starts here!
-Well, that's fine then. The rope was annoying me...

Just make yourself comfortable.

Great... Just great!

Let's start with the backside.
-No! I beg you! Please don't touch it.

He meant to say make
yourself comfortable. Right?

Right. We've got time for that later.
Please...

So, that fool Calgiari refuses
to give his daughter a dowry...

...so the wedding is off. You miserable
infidel, you brought this message!

Do you know what they call me round here?
-I know, but I'm not saying.

Tell me... Tell me.
What do they call me?

A ball breaker.
-Precisely... Precisely.

Now, I'm going to break yours!
With this mace I'll squash them like...

A man of your standing shouldn't
lower themselves by hitting a peasant...

Who is he?
What do you want?

I want to take the brunt of
your punishment for this peasant.

Whatever you say...
You asked for it!

Don't break my balls.

Fool, I keep telling him:
It's "Don't bust my balls."

I beg you...
Show some mercy.

Please don't break my balls.
I beg you!

It's been a pleasure to meet you.

Young man!
Wait a minute...

What's your name?
-Claudio Fornari, from Rome.

I need someone like you.
Would you like to work for me?

Thanks, but I can't.
I hate weapons and violence...

...I'm an artist. By the way, these
paintings are in need of restoration.

Okay... Okay. I've got a large fresco
in my bedroom. Would you like to see it?

Do you want some work?
-Me? No, not really...

...but I'll make this sacrifice.
-Agreed...

Can we see this fresco?
-Yes, of course! I'll show you the way.

We'll use this one.

Giovanni! What are you doing?
-I'm sorry, I didn't realise you were here.

I'm in my room.
-Yes, yes. I'll explain...

This gentleman is an artist,
you don't need to be worried.

And the other one?
-The other one?

He's a pervert! Get out of here!
What are you looking at?

My wife?
With those slimy eyes!

As I was saying, he's an artist from Rome
and I've hired him to do some restoration...

I hope you agree?
-Yes, but I don't like artists around the house...

We only finished with the
plasterers ten days ago!

But our friend Claudio Fornari is a
genius with the brush and colours...

Would you like to see the fresco?
-Yes. -This way.

This is the one I mentioned earlier.

Is it badly damaged?
-Seems like it...

It will be a long patient job,
I hope I won't get in the way.

Ipolita.
My wife is called Ipolita.

The name of the queen of the Amazons.
-Exactly. The one who fought Hercules for his belt.

...of chastity?
-I don't think so.

Who won?
-The queen of the Amazons.

Yes, but Hercules kept his belt.

Shouldn't we be talking
about the fresco's?

When do you intend to start?
-Tomorrow.

In the armoury?
-I prefer the bedroom.

I hope you're not an early riser,
I wouldn't want to be up at dawn.

Quite the opposite,
I usually start around midday.

Magnificent.
-They were sculpted in Verona...

They cost me 14 gold florins.
I wouldn't be able to sleep without them...

They're such an integral part
of our nights. Right? Ipolita.

This way.

Want a drink?
-Who's paying?

Me.
-Let's go.

Two.

Cheers.

No... Not today.
-What's wrong?

This is my wife's zone.
I'm not meeting her twice in one day.

You left your hat in the armoury.
-Right! I left it on the coat of arms.

Thank you, beautiful lady.
I'm sorry to have troubled you.

It was a pleasure. Excuse me, but are you
really going to work for Little Giovanni?

Yes.
-To restore the fresco in Ipolita's room?

Does this upset you?

Would you like me to work in your room?
-Yes, Sir! But I'm a poor chambermaid...

I can't offer you much.
-Who says so?

Where else will you find a real artist like me?

No!
I'm a virgin. (Italian: Virgo)

And I'm a capricorn.
We'll get on so well together.

But I'm a virgin.

I'm a virgin.

What a liar.

My one true love!
Squeeze me tight...

...and now kiss me.
Kiss me everywhere.

You make me feel so many emotions.
What can I call you? Love? Passion?

...Delirium?
-Just call me Claudio.

You villain.

I just followed your orders:
"Squeeze me tight", "Kiss me everywhere"

I thought you were someone else.
You've abused my trust.

I wouldn't create a scandal
over something so trivial.

Trivial?
-Modestly speaking I could do a lot more.

You're abominable.
-And you're a great woman.

You're a worm.
-In that case, keep me company...

Don't let me be a solitary worm
-Leave, this instant.

As you wish, but it's a shame...

It could have been an
unforgetable night of love.

That's enough!
-What is it?

It's you.
I'm sorry, but I should have known...

He was a lot better kisser.
-Who?

What's wrong, my love?
-This situation is making me nervous.

Forgive me.

I love you Antonia. Every time I
see you my desire burns up inside...

When you are in my arms there's
an explosion in my brain...

Like something hitting my head.

Fulco.

My love.

My soulmate.

I get it... We won't be making love tonight.

I get the impression that
our union has opposed from above.

...dear sisters, this is why. To escape
the mundane temptations of life...

The noble daughter of lord
Domenico has asked to join us...

Let's prepare to receive
her in our convent...

Tomorrow will be a holiday.
Goodnight sisters, peace be with you.

Peace be with you.

Brother Pomporio.

What's going on? Has it started?
-No, it's finished.

At last...
I'm leaving.

What?
You're going already?

I've had an infernal day and
I can't wait to get some sleep.

I was expecting your
company this evening...

I wanted to pray with you.

I'm sorry but I don't feel well tonight.

Only for an hour...

An hour just to pray for the dead.

I can't even pray for them,
I feel dead myself.

Very well...
Would you do me a favour?

If I can.

Philipuccio the gardener. Do you know him?
-I know him.

Ask him to come here.
Tell him to come straight up...

I'll pray for the dead with him.
-I'll send you right away.

Brother Philipuccio.

Brother Philipuccio...

Listen, brother Philipuccio.
-It's you, brother Pomporio.

What's wrong? Women gone cold?
-Are you being sarcastic?

No... Never. It's just seeing you
around these parts at this time...

What should I think?
-Keep it up! I came here looking for you.

Me?
Brother Pomporio, careful with your hands.

What are you talking about?
The Abbess wants to see you.

Abbess?
How can I?

I've got a date with sister Maforia tonight
and later on I'm seeing sister Carlotta.

Do me a favour and make up some
excuse. Just tell the Abbess I'm sick...

Goodnight brother Pomporio and good luck.

Welcome, brother Philipuccio.
-I'm sorry but it's still me.

Did you change your mind?

I came to tell you brother
Philipuccio is giving a mass.

I understand, but I still don't
want to say these prayers alone...

As you're leaving, do me another favour:
Pass by brother...

Forget about it.
All your life stuck in this convent...

...and I'm the only one left
to pray for the dead with you.

And for your grandfather.
-Why not?

Treat your master well and
you'll see, you won't lose a thing...

Just lie down quietly and
let him do what he wants...

This is the tenth time I've done it,
when am I going to get my five florins?

Immediately, but what are you scared of?
-Me? Nothing, as long as I get them first.

Start getting ready, he'll be here soon.
-I haven't understood this thing with the crown.

Why do I have to wear it?
-I don't know! He calls it an extravagance...

...but If you ask me it's a load of crap.
Come on, bend over.

Did you get lost?
-I might just do that!

It's a shame you can't see it.
-Beautiful... Beautiful...

Marvelous!
A real masterpiece.

It's my ass and he gets all the credit!
-Exceptional, you've earnt it this time.

Thank you Lord Domenico!
Francesca, say thanks to him!

Let her be.
Don't make her move.

I've seen hundreds in my time,
but never as good as this...

Leave me be.
Go and be a good guard.

Beautiful Francesca...
Wait there, I'm coming!

You're not going to
run after me are you?

Excellent! My compliments, Sir Claudio.
You have an assured hand.

He's true artist and
he knows what he wants.

Perhaps, but I what I really like is his efficiency.
-It's true.

If he keeps it up he'll be out of here in three days.
-Earlier, madam. I want it finished by tonight.

You're being presumptuous,
you've over valued me.

As your husband said;
I know what I want.

Wanting to isn't enough. You also
need favourable circumstances.

Circumstances can be created.
-Good... Good...

A person who speaks as you do
will certainly reach their peak.

Thank you.
I hope I'm not deluding you.

You're here...

I was looking everywhere for you.
-Are you leaving?

Yes, I want to stay away for some time.
-I think I know why, Fulco.

Don't be worried and I
beg you not to stop me.

I bet this is over Antonia.
It's all her stupid father's fault!

Father... Your recriminations are pointless.
Antonia has chosen to join the convent.

When?
-Today.

Her decision is irrevocable.
This is why I have chosen to leave.

Such drama!
-Mother, I want your benediction.

Be reasonable.
-Come to my office.

I beg you, let me leave.
-Yes, no one is stopping you...

I just want to know where
the hell you want to go.

Come, Fulco.
Come.

Poor kid, who knows
where he'll end up?

He's head over heels in love
with the beautiful Antonia.

I'm going to have a break.

Finish mixing the colours,
then you can go home.

Once I'm done here, I've got to go to propose
a toast his daughter who became a nun.

Right! They invited you?
-Damn it! I'm usually first on the list...

...but always the last to get served.

Are you really leaving?
-That's my business.

I'd like to help you because
you seem like a nice guy.

I don't need anyone's help.
-You're a romantic...

Yours may be the last love story of the
century and I'd like to help you save it.

Listen to me, I have a plan.
-For me? -Yes!

This is your first intimate
encounter with religion...

Meditate upon this new
life which awaits you...

...and try to liberate
yourself of any temptation.

I will come back to
collect you in five hours.

Did Fulco really love her?
-Yes, they were about to get married...

Then, suddenly, Antonia...
-What really happened?

No one knows.

She told her parents
she wanted to be a nun.

Come on, have a drink. It will lift you up.
We have noted guests tonight; Beatrice...

Right! You're not happy unless
the ladies are paying a visit.

It'll be a big party today.
-It will be my daughter's death sentence today.

Please!
The guests are arriving.

Ariosto.

Excuse me.

Do you see her?

Anything you want!
Go... Go.

I won't disturb you again, my dear.
Do as you wish...

If you won't come down to see the guests
then I won't bring you dessert! Satisfied?

Don't defend him, Ipolita.
He betrayed my orders so he must pay.

No, no. I wasn't defending him...

I was saying that your son
must really be in love with her.

That isn't a good reason to leave
home and head off God knows where.

He's behaving like a woman.
Do you know what I say?

He's the one who should've
joined the convent.

Who are you?
What are you doing in my chambers?

Antonia.

Fulco.

My love, it's now or never!
-Now... Now!

Who is it?
-It's dinner time, you must go to the refectory.

Thank you, sister, but I'd rather
spend my first day in abstinence.

Agreed?
-I'll do whatever you say.

Now leave.
Go!

Hurry up, Giussepa. Domenico will
arrive and you won't be ready.

I'm not a ghost.

I swear, I'll poke out your
eyes if you breathe a word.

Such squalour.

What a smell.
Okay, where should I be?

There.
-On the straw?

Yes. Belly down, with
the crown of flowers.

This is too big for my head.
-You don't put it on your head.

Where then?
-Why don't you let Lord Domenico tell you?

Are you serious?
How did you find out?

He confided in me before he left.
I assure you Fulco is there.

How scandalous.

Not to mention sacriligious.
Such profanity in a house of God!

If I were you I wouldn't waste any time.
-That's true. Will you come with me?

But I'm just a stranger here,
I'm not a member of the parish.

That's true.

Who is it?
-It's prayer time, you must go to the chapel.

Sister Antonia, we're
waiting for you in the chapel.

Don't worry about me, I've got a
private chapel of my own right here.

Don't lose your temper.
Remember, he's our son.

He'll remember this lesson
for the rest of his life.

Ipolita, this is men's business.

Just like always...

It had to happen to me.

Well? Everything okay?
-You see, Lord Domenico...

How would I manage without you?
-I'm happy, but this time...

We've done it this time.
-Are you sure?

I've got an eye like an eagle,
but let's not waste any more time!

No... No... No!

Pig!

You're hurting me.
-You rascal.

You're beautiful...
Haughty and aristocratic.

One thing puzzles me...

Why don't you wear any underwear?

Mother Badessa?
Mother Badessa, wake up.

Who is it? What's going on?
-Little Giovanni wants to see you.

At this hour?
-It's an urgent matter...

He seems possessed.

Hide under the bed,
I've got to go.

Shouldn't I go out the window?
-Don't be silly, I'll be back soon.

What on earth does he want?
What could've happened?

This isn't a very peaceful convent.
-I hope it's not a fire.

It sounds more like an earthquake.
-We'd better get dressed.

Do I have to put my robes back on?
-Sure, we can't ruin everything on the first day.

My treasure.

She's taking a long time.
-She was in a deep sleep...

It takes time to put
on her robes and her veil.

You asked to see me?

My visit isn't one of pleasure...

I've heard rumours that my
son is hidden in this convent.

Impossible, the gates are always locked...

Only those who are permitted to
do so may remain inside at night.

I would like your permission
to carry out an inspection.

That's against regulations.
-Excuse me, mother...

What kind of veil is this?
-My veil?

What are you saying?

It's Philipuccio's underpants.
-Whose?

He's the gardener.

I always suspected as much...
This isn't a convent, it's a mess!

I expected as much.

I expected as much.

I expected as much.

I didn't expect this! Two nuns in
the same room? This must be a mistake.

It's you, Antonia.
Where is my son?

Please...

Don't disturb the sacred silence.

Nice arrangement...
Is she here to keep you company?

If only Fulco knew.
-Enough, father. Fulco knows.

Eat... Eat, brothers!
Come on.

Drink... Drink!

Do you want some?

This is a splendid banquet.

A toast to the happy couple.

Long live the bride's mother,
and her beautiful daughter.

Why don't you sit down?

I'd like to, but I don't think I'll
be able to for at least five days.

Is it your way of showing gratitude?
-No, just a small discussion with my husband.

He's convinced that what he used to get
outside the house, he had right here!

He just needed a helping hand!
-I see.

A toast to the best man.

That's enough.
-A little bit more.

I wouldn't want to create
a scandal over so little.

You call that little?
-Modestly speaking, I can do better.

Shall we have another drink?

Me?
-Yes, don't waste any time.

Well... I'm ready.
-Ready for what?

Don't you remember? You commissioned
Mr Fornari to paint me on my wedding day.

Yes, it's true, but in the
middle of our wedding banquet?

I need to do it before it gets
dark or I'll lose all the light.

You can watch me from the window.
I'll be on my feet, it'll be a quick one.

Isn't that true, Mr Fornari?
-As you wish.

Very well, just make sure I
can see you from the window.

Don't worry.

Father, I do know why I'm her husband...

I could not put her among the mercenaries
and I would never do wrong!!

We all know you're a lucky husband.

Slowly, slowly.

Get a god damned move on!

We're only on the first brush stroke.

So?
-Relax.

...and you were there as well, father.

How long will this portrait take?
Poor Antonia, it's been over an hour now.

Art makes its own rules.

Will you guys cut it out?
I can't feel my arms and legs anymore.

A real artist would've painted
the entire Sistine Chapel by now.

Maybe he's doing some retouches.
-Right, and now...

...I'm going to rescue my wife.

Antonia!

Where are you, my calf?
Your bull is coming.

The idiot's coming!

Wait! Don't come in.
I haven't finished yet.

I can't wait...

...I want you now.

No, you're hurting me.

Let's consummate our marriage.

Yes, my love.
Yes... Yes!

My...

...but it wasn't so good for you.
-The last few minutes were gold...

It's a good thing he didn't notice.
-What could he do? He wasn't armed.

The only bit of good
luck is that he was drunk!

Come back soon Claudio,
We won't forget you.

I'm going to Milan, then
I'm coming straight back.

Do you really have to go?
-There's a lot of money there...

I want to be rich too.
-Okay, but come back soon...

I'll be waiting.
-Don't worry, I'll be back...

The living is good up there, but the
women are even better down here.

Whatever you say.
-Don't be so down...

For every bird there's a worm.
-Really? Then I'll cut mine off.