Natural Born Pranksters (2016) - full transcript

Dude get off me!

Yesterday during the final, a guy
ran out to the field with the phrase,

"natural born prankster"
written on his chest.

Nothing says "good clean fun" like
spending the night in a Brazilian prison.

That just... oh!

Hey, what's up buddy?

It's snowing outside
man, not a whole lot.

Ugh! I know. I got some good
news, though. Call Vitaly.

All right, hold on.

- Hello?
- Yo, v, you waking up at 2 P.M.? Come on.

Two girls in my bed,
you know the deal.



- Yeah, right. Listen, I got some good news.
- What?

We're making a movie. The guy
called, he wants to make the movie.

- A porn movie?
- Not a porn...

Like an actual movie, a prank movie.

Get rid of them chicks,
we're bringing the dicks.

Real 92.3, la's hip hop and
R&B, it's your partner big boy,

the voice of Los Angeles,
matter of fact, la.

We looking at some beautiful
weather man, it's gonna be sunny.

But let me tell you all, those boys
from Ohio and that crazy ass Russian,

they are on their
way to Los Angeles.

So, with that being
said, watch your back.

You have been warned.

All right, so here we go. So, at 8:00,
you're gonna have your first person here.

We expect all these people to be prompt.



They've been told that
the person who lives here,

John, which is each one of you.

- So we're John every time?
- You're John every time.

You don't really know me.

Your boss lined this up. Your
boss can be an agent, a manager.

You guys can be yourselves if you want.

So, hopefully these people will be
on time. Thanks a lot for coming by.

- My normal girl's out of town.
- Cool.

- What do we do for a living?
- I'm all jammed up.

- Whatever you want. That's where you can improv.
- Okay.

Oh, it looks so good.

Okay, go.

- How does that work?
- Boner prank, take one.

Can you hold it with your legs
and kind of let it go later?

Can you, like, put your
legs together and hold it?

Oh, she's here. She's here.

Hey, she's hot.

- Oh, hi. How are you?
- Hi. Good. How are you?

- I'm John.
- Nicole.

Nice to meet you. Thank
you so much for coming.

Oh! I've just been so tight.

- Do you do a lot of massages or...
- Mmm-hmm.

- That's all you do?
- Yeah.

Ah, that's perfect.

Just the right amount of friction, too.

- No way!
- She's looking at it?

Yeah, look.

- How long have you been doing this?
- About five years.

Oh my god. You smell so good.

- Thanks.
- Oh, my god!

Oh, my god!

Oh, yeah!

Still a little harder.

- What's up?
- Nothing.

Yeah, just a little
faster and harder, please.

A little excited?

Oh my god. I'm so sorry.

Oh, my god.

Is this... this is normal, right?

Um... no... uh...

Rock, paper, scissors, shoot. Motherfucker.

I'll go grab him for you.

- Hey!
- Hey. How are you?

- What up?
- John.

- You're John, I'm Bob.
- John.

- Bob? Bobby.
- Yeah.

- Yeah.
- Where you from?

Topanga canyon.

Where? From Nigeria?

- No, topanga canyon.
- Oh.

- We're good.
- What kind of work do you do?

I'm a music producer.

- Are you?
- I do beats.

- Yeah.
- Wow.

How often do you get treatments?

- Usually like, once a week.
- Uh-huh.

But usually by a female, never a male.

- Well...
- But I heard male hands are nicer and stronger

and they can really, you know,
do what needs to be done. You...

- I usually work exclusively on women, but...
- Oh!

I don't mind working on you, and...

Wow, you've got a hot body.

- You take off your shirt. That's awesome.
- I'm 62.

62? You look great.

What the fuck?

Whoo!

I love it. You energize.

Yeah.

- I'm an energy kinda worker, too.
- Oh, yeah.

- Are you uncomfortable? You look a little bit.
- Not at all.

- Let's make some eye contact.
- Okay, sure.

- I have no problem with that.
- All right.

Yeah, I'm just gonna put my
arms out like that. Keep going.

You can do whatever you want, man.

- Just keep going.
- I'll work around it.

I never had somebody touch me like that.

That's cool.

Sorry about that.

You can take your jeans off.

If you're cool with that.

We're in the house, dude. Just
jeans off if you're fine with that.

You know, I would feel more comfortable

- if you take your jeans off.
- Really?

Oh, great!

Shut up. Shut up.

What was that?

Oh, I'm just talking about my job.

I almost got fired today.

Wow. That's tough being, you know, in
a position where you might get fired.

Let me see your butt.

So, how many...

How many males did you ever have sex with?

- None.
- Really?

- Yeah.
- Oh, wow.

- I'm not...
- What if I just give you one kiss?

Whoa, my boner's going crazy.

Fuck!

What's this?

Hey, welcome to tailpipe dreams, man.

Tell the camera your name and
what kind of car do you have?

My name is Joey alcazar.

I have a 1958 Chevy del ray.

My name's angel antunez.
They call me bullet.

My car, primeros, '68
Chevy impala convertible.

And why do they call you bullet?

You don't want to know.

Robert salinas, aka Hollywood.

I have a 1964 Cadillac convertible.

And so, how long have
you had this Cadillac?

I probably had it about 15 years.

Well dude, it matches you.

- Yeah.
- It's like a good match.

That's why they call me Mr. Hollywood.

Ah, that's good, man. So, what
do you enjoy about your car?

What do you love to do with your car?

You know, I just got into the
uso car club a couple years ago.

We just love the family
that we build in, you know?

And you know, when we see each other,
it's like we've known each other for years.

Hey! Wait. Hey! Are those
guys with you right there?

- Hey!
- Hey!

Hey we need to get attention
to this... Robert's car here.

We got some people. Maybe
we gotta call the cops.

- What are you doing, bro?
- What's that?

- What are you doing to my car?
- Getting gas.

Wait, you're getting
fucking gas out of my car?

- Yeah.
- What are you doing that for?

- Because...
- 'Cause why?

- What are you doing?
- I know this looks bad, bro.

- I know it looks bad.
- Chill. Relax. Why would you do that?

- Get the fuck off my car.
- Mr. Holly...

Get the fuck away from my car!

Get the fuck off my car!

Relax... relax!

- Get the fuck off my car.
- What am I...

- Get out of my car!
- Relax! Let me get my gas.

- Get... get...
- Let me get my gas.

You motherfuckers!

- Relax.
- Okay, we...

If you would ask for fucking
money, I will give you money!

Don't touch people's fucking car!

- Give me a kiss.
- What's your name, bro?

See, why do you have to be a punk?

In Russia, we give kiss to
each other to say goodbye.

Get the fuck out of here!

- Do you want your ass kicked?
- For what?

- Yo, yo, yo, yo, yo!
- What's your problem?

Let's get the cop, we'll get
the police coming, Robert!

Why you talking shit, motherfucker?

Come on, motherfucker!

Come on, motherfucker!

Come on, motherfucker! You
want to fuck with me? Let's go!

Just one gallon, bro, one
gallon. One gallon for my moped.

One gallon for my moped.

Okay, I'm leaving. I'm leaving.

Fuck! He's crazy.

Don't hit me with a belt.

Please! Please! Please! Please! Please!

- Come on, bro.
- Please.

He doesn't want to talk.
I just wanted his name.

Please, don't do it. Don't whoop me.

- Hey, hey, hey.
- We're shooting a movie. We got cameras all over.

Robert, Robert. Hey, you're
being pranked right now.

You've been set up,
bro. You've been set up.

- My friend, it's just a joke, my friend.
- It's just a joke.

- It's just a joke.
- Everyone's in on it, brother.

Your buddy set you up, bro.

We didn't scratch your car...

We couldn't even take
your fuckin' gas cap off.

Why are you fucking doing that
to me? You guys are assholes.

- Nice job.
- Why? Why?

Why, people? Why? You made me
come all the way for this shit?

Hey guys. Today we're on
Miami beach with Vitaly.

We brought our friend here.

Watch it. Hey.

Oh, my god.

Wow.

Oh, asshole!

I'm gonna go get that taser.

The idea is we bring somebody
in, maybe a guy off the street,

and we're going to make him believe
we're shooting an independent film.

- We're gonna be playing a camera crew...
- What's my part in the bit,

I'm getting robbed and I don't know...

You're getting robbed for
real and you don't know.

Hey, you wanna learn how to act? All right.

When he pulls up, you're a sound guy. Okay?

Okay? Play the part.

- You're a camera guy.
- I'm a fucking audio guy.

Stop it, bro. Come on. Be a human.

Hey, they're pulling in right
now, so be professional, please.

Who's the girl? Oh, god.

- Hi. How are you?
- Hi. Great.

- Great? Good.
- Yes.

So, because we have a short amount of time,

let me just run you
through what we're gonna do.

And let's have fun with it. So
we got a very small crew here.

We're gonna have just a mic and a
camera, and we're gonna run you through.

We actually have our own register here.

You're gonna come through the
door just like a robber would.

You're gonna look around, sneak
around, maybe see what's up.

And stay in this area, and
you're gonna rob the cashier.

- Okay.
- All right?

We're gonna have a guy here.
He's not gonna give you the money.

You gotta get the money.

- I gotta get the money.
- Yeah.

Yeah, let's rehearse.
Go ahead and step out.

All right, let's start over here.
Right here, get on your mark.

Dennis, you're gonna be behind her.

Okay, the cashier is
here. Now, listen to me.

- Let's get the money and get out. All right?
- Okay.

You ready? Camera's rolling?

Audio? Roll sound. Action.

- Give me the fucking money right now.
- What the fuck? Ma...

- Shut the fuck up and give me the fucking money.
- Ma! What the fuck? Ma!

- Shut the fuck up!
- Oh, shit!

- Shut up! And give me the fucking money!
- Okay! Fuck, I got a daughter.

Stand up or else I'll fucking shoot you!

- Okay! Okay! I'm unarmed!
- Fucking moron!

- Get the fuck up!
- Okay, okay!

- Okay! Fuck!
- Hurry the fuck up!

- Just don't shoot!
- You know what? Give me all that shit!

Shut the fuck up! I will blow your brains.

Don't kill me. I just want
to go home to my daughter.

Fuck all that!

- Just don't kill me! Oh, shit!
- Give me the fucking money!

Don't kill me please.

Don't fucking kill me.

Shut the fuck up.

- Get on the ground!
- Get on the ground!

- Get down, get down. Drop the gun.
- Ahhh!

Drop the gun! Drop the gun now!

Now get on the ground!

- Get on the ground.
- I'm not armed.

- Is this a joke?
- Turn around!

Do I look like I'm joking?

- Put the bag down! Put the bag down!
- Put the bag down!

I'm with the film crew!

What film crew?

We got a silent alarm.

They sent me... I swear to god. I...

Put your hands over your head!

- Is this a joke?
- I'll cuff her.

- Oh, my god!
- Get your hands over your head!

- Put your hands on top of...
- Officer? Can I come out?

Yes, come on out.

They set me up.

Sure they did.

- Oh, my god!
- We'll get your purse.

- Stand up.
- You'll get your purse at the police station.

I swear to god!

- We'll clear this all up at the police station.
- Are you serious?

Wait, what...

- Is this? Wait a minute.
- Bend over the car.

Oh, my god!

Oh, my fucking god!

They set me up!

Oh, my god!

You scared the shit out of me!

Excuse me, sir.

We're doing inspection today, seeing
if you're wearing any underwear.

Would you mind pulling
those pants down for me

and see what kind of
underwear you're wearing?

What's up? What did you say?
You called me an asshole?

- No, I'm calling...
- Why would you call me an asshole?

- I... I never do that.
- Come here.

He called me an asshole.

No, sir. I put my phone...

- Why would you call him a name like that?
- I never do, sir.

- Yes, sir.
- Yes, sir.

Are you a police, or a real police?

No, ma'am. Why, do I look like it?

- Yeah, you do.
- You don't know.

- You have a gun.
- Well...

You are a cop.

- I am?
- Will you stop messing with... is he a cop?

If he looks like a cop, I'd say he's a cop.

- All right, 'cause he's playing with me.
- Smells like a cop.

Ma'am have you been drinking?

- Yeah.
- Yeah? I thought so.

You got that look.

Hey, you got a little spider
on your shoulder there.

- It's going around the back, here.
- Oh, my god!

- Now it's on your hair.
- Seriously, get it off!

Oh, my god. No, it's huge.

Whoa!

Oh, you two, stop it.

Hey la, punk!

- It's tom mabe. Louisville, Kentucky.
- What's up, brother?

- I didn't do it.
- Hey, you sexy motherfucka!

Hey, buddy.

Hey guys, how you doing?
Welcome to Hooters.

Can I get you something cold to
drink, a soft drink? We got a full bar.

Okay. We'll make that happen.

So we're in Burbank. It's
absolutely beautiful here.

We're about to pull a
prank with these guys.

Little babies. Look at the
cute little babies. Look at 'em.

This is called people who eavesdrop.

This is kind of a prank on people
who eavesdrop on conversations.

Basically, this prank is, we try
to make people shit their pants.

That's really the goal here.

Hello, it's tom.

There we go.

I'm sorry... dude, if
you're gonna scream...

I... I can't... I can't hear you talk...

Husband?

Dude, she didn't say
anything about being married.

Be mad at her, dude!

She did not say nothing
about being married.

Oh, he's listening. He's listening.

You want some of this? Dude...

Bring your buddies.

Dude, I did not have sex with
her! I don't even know her!

I'm across the street. I'm at the bus stop.

I'm wearing a flannel shirt. I think I'm
ready to get on the bus right now. Come on.

Yeah.

Fuck.

- Does he get on the bus?
- Yeah.

- Damn.
- Oh!

Hey, that's all right, tom.

You got a good practice run
there. Looked great on camera.

So, let's go ahead and
just wait for another mark.

Oh, shit, he's back off! He's back off!

Yo, tom. He came back out.

He's still there. Keep
going. Walk away, walk away.

- Send him in.
- Send 'em. Send 'em.

Hard. Send him hard.

That's that motherfucker right there.

That's that motherfucker right there.

Oh, shit!

Hey man. Come on over here i
need to talk to you real quick.

Just step over to the wall. Let
me talk to you. No, step over here.

Step. Come here. Step over
here. No, step over here.

- Step... look.
- Now! Now!

Look... look, let me just talk to you.

Come over here. Come here. No, no. No,
no, I'm gonna talk to him. Come here.

Step... just step right here.

Oh, shit.

- Oh, shit.
- Oh, look at that.

So, you sleepin' with my wife.

No, that was the other
guy. He's back up there.

Back up? What you mean "the other guy?"

What other guy?

He's in the blue shirt down
there. He was yelling on the phone.

And so you're not... you
talking shit. I'm here now, what?

- No. It's not me. It's not me.
- What do you mean, it's not you?

It's not me!

- Oh, he's scared.
- Give me your phone!

Look, it's not me. See? This is my
call log right there. It's not me.

It is you. You think I'm stupid?

- You think I'm stupid? You think I'm stupid?
- What you are trying man?

- I'm scared. I don't know...
- Stop stuttering!

You're scared? So you not fucking my wife?

- I'm gay.
- You're gay?

No way, that's bullshit.

This... I'll show you
my boyfriend right now.

- That motherfucker ain't...
- That's me and my boyfriend right here.

- That's bullshit!
- He ain't gay.

- That's bullshit.
- That's me and my boyfriend right there.

So what y'all think I should do to him?

What you all think i
should do to this dude?

I was standing right next to the
guy when he was on the phone.

- He was screaming...
- So how do you know who this dude is?

I heard, I was standing right next to him

when he was yelling at
someone on the phone.

- I think you're lying! I think you're lying!
- I'm not lying.

- I'm not lying.
- So you're lying to me. You're fucking my girl...

Oh, my god.

- No. I have a boyfriend. I'm gay.
- You're gay?

I have no interest in girls whatsoever.

You know what? Give me your phone.

Give me your phone or
I'm gonna fuck you up.

Yo, yo, yo. You're being pranked.

Oh!

I was about ready to sign
my own death certificate.

- You killed it, tom.
- He's gay.

Come here, man.

I want to apologize to this guy right here.

- Such a good sport.
- I'm sorry, man.

One take, huh? One take.

- Nice job, Tommy. You the man, bro.
- Thank you. Thank you.

That was good. Oh, that was funny

we have a nine month pregnant... Yvonne.

Probably one of the
craziest women I've ever met.

Her husband doesn't know she's
about to give birth to a black baby.

Hey we're about to finish up
in about five, ten minutes.

Can I call you back?

I think, I... I'm having some contractions.

I think you might want to
just start coming home now.

- Really?
- Yeah.

Okay... I'll... I'm...
I'm leaving right now.

Okay, good. I'll see you soon.

- Okay.
- All right. Bye.

Oh, my god.

Hold the phone.

- Holy crap. It's on
- game's up.

This guy's freaking out, right now.

Oh, this guy's about to
have his world rocked.

Dude, the poor guy!

I... oh, man.

- He's coming in.
- Here he comes. He's coming.

Guys, he's pulling up right now.

He's pulling up. Oh, man.

Yvonne, you did a wonderful job.

- The baby looks very healthy.
- Oh.

Oh, shit.

- Hello.
- Hello. Hi.

- Is this jukka?
- This is my husband, George.

Congratulations, George.

Congratulations. Yvonne had a very
healthy pregnancy, everything was great.

We're gonna prepare her for transport.

- Oh, my god! Look at his face!
- Go tight in on his face.

Oh, no!

Um... it...

Let's give him a minute to talk.

Guys, get out of there.
Let him have a minute.

Excuse me, sir. We're gonna
prepare for transport.

And we'll be we'll be right
back. One second, okay?

I was meaning to talk to you, but...

It's...

You gotta say something.

He's in shock. In shock.

Is this our baby?

I...

- Go, will, go.
- Yeah.

Okay, guys, are you
ready to go for transport?

Do you want to help carry her out?

You don't want to hug your baby?

Eve, Eve.

- Oh.
- Oh.

I just got the... I just
got the text. Is she okay?

Oh, shit!

- Yeah. She's doing great.
- Oh, my god.

- She looks amazing.
- This, this, this is will.

- George?
- Oh, shit!

Oh, my god.

I'm so glad I could
facilitate this for you guys.

I am blessed to be a part of this.

- Congratulations, guys.
- Oh, my god.

She's so beautiful. She's healthy.

Wait, what's going on?

Oh.

George, please. Congratulations, man.

We're gonna raise a family together.

- Oh, my god!
- Congratulations.

Congratulations. It's wonderful.

Thank you. Thank you, guys.

- Beautiful baby.
- You look amazing.

- Oh, you look so beautiful.
- Thank you.

- Congratulations.
- Kiss the baby.

Wow! Oh, my god.

Look at this poor guy, dude. This is...

This is like watching
someone get beat with a bat.

So we're gonna go ahead,
prepare for transport.

You wanna ride,

follow us in the ambulance?

Maybe you, you two can
catch a ride together, maybe.

Well, let him speak. He's
trying to say something.

Can we all go together?

Oh, my god, dude!

Oh, my god! Bro, he's taking a picture.

Ask the dad to take a picture.

Ask him to get in for the photo.

You wanna come in on this, sir?

Are you okay? Is there something wrong?

Can you get in with the photo or...

- What's going on?
- Hey, you guys look beautiful.

Yvonne... Yvonne did a wonderful job.

Come on, get in here. You're having a baby.

I mean this is... this is it.

Guys, can we leave him and
his wife alone, by himself?

Take the baby in the back
room and just leave them alone.

- Ah, let me see.
- Okay.

- Let me go ahead and do a couple tests real quick...
- Yeah, no problem.

Can I... can I stay with the baby?

- Oh no, one second.
- No, you got one moment.

I'm sorry.

What's wrong?

Is this how George reacts
usually to situations?

How...

I've been delivering mail
here for four years now.

When I found out that you guys may
have a problem conceiving, I was...

Ecstatic to help.

How... wait.

It's okay.

Wait, don't...

- Hold on.
- Uh-oh.

- Are you okay?
- Did you not tell him?

- No. I was going to.
- You didn't tell him?

You didn't tell him?

- But the baby came sooner...
- No.

When I came over and had tea
all those times and everything...

Every day I've come... you didn't tell him?

You thought... I thought you
said he was happy about it?

This is so good.

Wait, when? When did you have tea?

When did you have tea?

Often.

Let's reveal.

It's your baby now.

My part's done.

No, dude. You are not the father.

Poor George.

Oh, my god!

She's a beautiful baby.

Oh!

The first thing he can say!

Oh, my god, I'm so... he speaks!

Nice meeting you.

Yeah. You as well.

- Thanks. Sorry about today.
- Well played.

You're both jerks.

- We'll take that.
- Yeah. So... natural born pranksters.

Can you take our picture for me?

I just want to take a snapshot.
Just a snapshot over here.

Hey man, what's up, guys?
I just want to say nice car.

- Thanks.
- Yeah. Hey can you do me a quick favor?

Tell me if this stinks.

You're like that guy on
Mario... the Mario game.

Remember that game, like on n64?

Like when you're playing, you see that
little turtle flying around with the camera?

That's you, dude.

It's like wherever I go, this guy's...

Ooh, I feel like I'm in third person.

I'm Kevin brueck, and this
is the human organ prank.

Which way is cedars sinai? Ooh!

Ah!

You can't knock me off.

This thing's called an electric zapper.

It's meant to zap flies.

Ow! Argh!

Big motherfucker.

You think it's funny?

See, you never know what to expect.

So what are these guys called?

These are the air mortars.

- Is that one full? Can we test it?
- Yeah.

Argh!

Fuck!

Ah!

Nice.

So this barrel is gonna explode.

- It's gonna explode.
- Shh.

And then what's gonna come out of it?

Whatever you want.

It's like an ied, bro.

- What is that?
- That's a switch.

Really? You just click it and it does it?

- Oh, that's awesome. Fill it up, man.
- Can I fill it up?

Oh, that's awesome. This is gonna be great.

Oh, you can leave this on here?

Yeah, it's paper.

I went to stand on it, i
almost fell through that thing.

Oh, shit.

That one over there. I went to,
like, step on it, and I was like...

All right, all right, all right.

- Hold on.
- Hey, Tony.

My name is Tony, and this
is two of my best friends,

and today we're gonna drink and drive.

Yee-haw!

That's cool.

Today we're taking in people
that have groupon tickets

and we're gonna show 'em
a nice horseback ride.

- Yes sir.
- That's right.

So, we'll call a hot zone

and we'll make, you know, an
actual area where nobody walks in.

- All right?
- Clear?

You see anything dangerous,

anything, okay, if you think it
might be dangerous, call it out.

All right? Don't hesitate.

Say it immediately, say
it loud, make sure it's...

Cool. Okay.

Hey, guys.

Vitaly, get off!

Vitaly, did you not hear
what we just told you.

When is our mark coming? Right now?

They're about to come right now.

Oh, so is that what this is? This is real?

- This is the movie right here?
- Yeah, they're here.

It's game time.

Are you, like, saying that or you see them?

- They're here. Right here.
- Shut up.

- Are you serious?
- Yeah, bro.

Fuck, I don't have an accent.

Just put yourself in a situation

that you're a fucking ranch-handler...

- Fuck 'em right in the pussy...
- This is here,

this is your place, these
people are customers.

You're not Vitaly.

How y'all doing? My name is Rudolph.

Very nice to meet you.

- Rudolph.
- Fuck. What happened?

I lost... I lost the...
I lost the character.

- How y'all doing?
- Howdy! Hey!

- Hi. Rudolph.
- Hi. Taylor.

- How y'all doing?
- Hi, Rudolph. It's nice to...

- Nathaniel.
- Hey, Nathaniel. Charlie.

- Charlie, nice to meet you.
- Charlie, nice to meet you guys.

- And you are?
- Taylor.

Taylor, just sign in right here.

Hey, Nancy.

How're you doing, Jordan?

- Hi, nice to meet you.
- How you doing?

What's up? I'm Jordan.
Good to meet you guys.

Hey y'all. How y'all doing?

What you need to do... this
is a liability form here.

Just sign the information here.

Initial, initial, initial. You
guys are both over 18, right?

- Yes.
- Yeah.

- Okay. Cool.
- I actually have to go to the bathroom.

Oh, you can use... use the
port-a-potty right over here.

- All right.
- Right on.

The one on the right's a little cleaner.

- Okay, thank you.
- Yep.

- I love you!
- I love you, too.

- So, like... those are kinda nasty.
- Yeah, it was.

Have you been here a while?

Oh, you did?

Oh, shit! Slow down!

Whoo!

Atta boy!

Whoo!

Slow your horses down!

That's my younger brother right there.

He's been drinking way too much.

Hey!

Hey! Hey! Hey!

Holy shit!

- Oh, my god!
- I'm so sorry.

Oh, whoa! Whoa! Whoa!

What the hell, y'all?

There's somebody in there! God dang!

We better get somebody
on the... on the radio.

Call medical!

- Call medical!
- Nobody was in there.

- Is she in here?
- What the hell are you doing?

- Yo, man...
- The doggone truck hit the doggone port-o-John.

I'm so sorry, man.

- You broke the damn shitter!
- Hey, Taylor!

- Taylor?
- Oh, shit!

Your dumb ass is driving
like a maniac, man!

There's a door.

The door's on the bottom!

- Is she in there?
- The door's on the bottom.

Hey, can you hear me?

This shitter's broken.

Yo, right here, right here!

- Taylor!
- Wait...

Fuck you, man! Fuck you!

Fuck all of you!

Fuck all of you!

Whoa!

You about lost it, man.

Whoo!

- Good job!
- Nathaniel!

I thought she was gonna die...

Don't act like you never pissed in public.

Oh.

- Whoa.
- You can't do that.

What?

- You the police.
- Yeah.

Well, hell...

What?

Do what you gotta do.

Yeah, I can do whatever I want.

Oh.

Oh, god.

Oh! Oh! Oh!

Oh, you fuckin' psycho!

A prank that a delray beach
man thought would go viral

ended up getting him arrested.

Your life, your choice.

Sixty seconds.

Yes, transaction's completed.

He is being held on a $3,000 bond.

Hi, how are you? Demetri.
Very nice to meet you.

Demetri. Please, welcome.

Please, on the couch.

So tell me a little bit about yourself.

- I work at a smoke shop right now.
- A smoke shop?

So you're smoking the good, good kush.

That's what they call it in America, huh?

Don't know nothing about it.

Do you have a good lifting skills?

Heavy objects?

Yeah. I used to work at ups.

So, they always make you lift,
like, heavy packages and stuff.

Okay. What kind of packages?

Anything strange?

Nah. I mean like...

Food, sometimes meat...

One second. I'm sorry about that. So sorry.

- Would you like any water?
- No, no. I'm fine.

- Are you sure?
- Yeah, I'm good.

Awesome. Be right back.

What do you want from me?

Look, the police report right here.

His name is on it.

I don't care if the kid's
name is on it, okay?

I have an appointment here. Stop.

Make it clear. Huh?

I didn't do anything!

You stupid, huh? With police
coming and everything.

Anyways, back to you. Sorry.

All right, so you want to do the job or...

What exactly is the job?

You... the job is gonna be
cleaning bodies most likely.

- Like, human bodies?
- Bodies, yes.

You've done that before.

- No... nah, I've never...
- You want to help?

$10,000, $15,000 a month cash.

Guaranteed. Come on, my friend.

$10,000, $15,000 cash.

- Like, cash?
- Deal. Cash.

Let's go. I trust you.

You're my brother. Help
me carry a body. Come on.

Come, follow me.

What up? Is anything wrong?

Oh, nah... nah, I'm just...

You're breathing heavy.

Sit up.

No, no please. You'll
die like a fucking man.

Not a coward.

What's up, man?

Whoo!

I was about to shit on myself, man.

Whoo!

So we're staging up
our atm prank right now.

Look at all that money, baby.

- This is gonna be great.
- How... how does it come out?

- How does it come out, Vitaly?
- So, press the button right here,

turns the green light,
and then you hold it.

When you let go, it stops.
You hold it, it just goes.

Boop.

You want a thousand?

Yeah. Yeah.

No, I'm gonna go ahead and get some cash
right now and I'll be able to hook you up.

Yeah, dude, no. I'll get
you the cash, and we're good.

How much do I owe you? A hundred?

I wonder what he's talking about.

Hey, you know what? This atm's not
working. I think it's out of order.

Yeah. It's fine, I'll...

I'll just go to the gas
station on the way back

and I'll just stop and pick it up for ya.

Go.

Whoa.

Hi, hi, hi!

How you doing, man?

Oh, that's a good one.

Yo, let me show you a trick,
bro. This is a super secret.

Go to notes.

Type in how much money you want.

Hit return. Watch this.

Go for it. Go.

Oh, my god.

Go, get it, bro.

You're welcome.

That thing's throwin'
thousands of dollars, man.

You can't grab all that.

Around there?

- Give me the money. Give me the money.
- No, that's not your money.

Give me the money. Give me the money.

- It's not yours.
- Give me the money!

- It's not yours!
- Give me the money!

It's not yours!

Go, go, go. Move your head, dude

some green, maybe some rock?

All right, yeah, I'm gonna call my man.

Call my man and have him meet us up here.

- You serious?
- Yeah.

10-4.
5-0.

We got... whoa, he's running! Stop!

Hey!

Yo, what's up?

Peter. Pete.

Yo, can you come audition
as your park ranger bit?

My name is Joey Johnson. I'm a park ranger,

and this is a day in my life.

All right, should i
show up in character?

- Absolutely.
- All right. Later.

Oh, shit.

Joey to base. We got a problem here.

What's up, girls? Hey, I'm Mitch.

I'm the producer. How you
doing? I'm Mitch. How you doing?

Let's go around this way.

We got really cool guy, here.

We got here big boy here, today.

So, he's gonna watch this today.

What's up, guys? My name is Sasha.

I'm the director from Russia.

He's directing today.

Girl, what's up? What's up? They call me v.

V for vanilla. What's up?

What's up? How you doing?
All right. Okay. All right.

- Let's get down, baby boy.
- Yeah, let's do this, bro.

Everybody. Follow me.

Follow, Sasha. Right this way. Follow me.

All right, guys. Is the camera ready?

We got a
14-by-16 hb3,

so I want to move it to 65.

Mitch... the shot should have
been set up 10 minutes ago.

Get them booties shaking.

I wanna... oh, my god.

Anyway, we're gonna
run this a couple times.

If you're having a bad day, you
broke up with your boyfriend,

it's not my problem. So, please,

I want some high energy.

Are we ready to roll?

- Where we got v at?
- Yo, v, dawg.

- Yeah, I just wanna thank you...
- Not a problem.

- My pleasure, v.
- ...Again for making this shit happen.

Oh, shit, that's automatic, cuz.

It's gonna be the next thing. Let's do it.

Let's drop the beat.

All right guys, get ready! Hey!

Playback.

Action.

Smile! Energy!

Flirt, flirt, you guys
are lesbians, come on.

Yeah! Let's do this!

That's that look! That's that
look, v! That's that look, v!

Smile! High energy.

Faster. Shake that ass. Faster.

Whoo.

All right, that's a cut.

Cut, cut, cut.

You guys are like 10.

But, we need you guys up to 100.

Be quiet, Mitch. I don't want
to do this again. Camera guys?

Sound, slate, camera.

Mitch, vanilla.

- Drop the beat, dawg.
- Action!

Boom, boom. Spring break.
You love each other.

Keep going.

All right, guys. Connect
with each other. This is it.

Let's do this. Smiles.

Stop. I'm not feeling...

Keep going.

Get close! Get close! Get
close, girls, get close.

- Smile, smiles.
- Get close, get close.

- Oh, my god.
- Oh, hell no!

- She shit?
- Who...

That bitch just shit in the pool.

That was so gross. I'm done.

Hey guys, guys, let's get
back in just real quick.

- Let's finish it.
- I'm not getting in.

It's my last shot of this video.

Just put your feet in. You
won't even see it on camera.

- No, no.
- No, no, no, no.

We won't see... look, it's not...

- I'm not getting in there.
- We're gonna Photoshop it out.

Mitch, let me take over.

She took a shit in there.
You know that, right?

You're running away from a
job. You don't wanna work?

Hell yes.

- What about if we talk about a little extra cash?
- No.

For continuity, you
gotta get back in, honey.

- Yeah, continuity...
- We're good...

This is her shit, she
can get back in the water.

Yeah, she's gonna... she's
getting back in the water.

Put your feet back in.

Hey, how 'bout this? How 'bout this?

You guys just sit around the tub.

Let's just keep going.

When you see this thing, you will
not... you will not see any of this shit.

Guys, we're gonna lose
location if we don't do it.

Please, get back in there. Please.

One more take. Come on.
It's not that bad. One more.

All right. Let's just keep
going. Keep it going. Ready?

Kick that music on.

All right, cameras rolling.

- Action.
- Here we go.

It's going down, here we go!

Smile. Uh.

♪ Uh. Smile, throw
your hands up ♪

♪ smile. Uh. Background ♪

Smile.

- Yo, let's get some of this.
- Whoa.

Smile.

Smile!

Smile. Shit.

What the fuck?

This is so ratchet. I quit.

Oh, shit.

What's up, guys? Today we got
Jenna marbles in the house.

- Hi
- what's up, Jenna?

Guess what? I'm fucking too
drunk to make this be magic.

Here you go, criss angel. You're welcome.

Ready to put your mouth on some balls?

Yeah, it's gonna get weird.

It's gonna get really weird.

I guess that's how it works.

This is what I'm gonna do to your dick.

Oh, yes. That sounds hot.

One, two, three, shoot.

I'm going first.

But, if you want to go first?

We should save it for the vlog.

Yeah, I'll go first. I'll go first.

I want you guys to kill it, sell it,

bang it, smash it, blow all over her face.

Oh. Oh, my god, yes.

Faster, faster.

I want... I need it, I need it.

Oh, you got it. It's full.

Whoo!

She pumped it up, baby.

Pump it. Pump it harder. Pump it harder.

Harder. Pump it, pump it, pump
it, pump it, pump it, pump it!

Ah, yeah.

Who's gonna play?

Wanna go? Wanna play some ball, man?

You know it looks like fun.

You know it looks like fun.

Have you ever been to a Chinese restaurant

and wondered what those dog noises were?

Every time my mind tells me that...

Hello, hello. How are you?

- Fine. How are you?
- I'm very good.

How are you guys doing? Can
i get you something to drink?

To get started? Maybe a couple
waters, ice waters to start?

Could I have some water with lemon, please?

- You brought an appetite, right?
- Huh?

Did you bring an appetite? We
got our new sampler coming out.

- Yes, I did bring an appetite.
- Yeah, it should be pretty exciting.

- Okay.
- So, a water and a...

- I'll have some water.
- Two waters?

Okay, great.

Excuse me, one second.

Oh, I don't know.

- Why, thank you.
- All right. Here we go.

Sorry about that. Our
ice maker just went out.

Everything's good. Okay.

So, sorry. I'm so sorry.

Y'all not killing dogs back there, are you?

Kill... excuse me?

- The...
- No. We actually have a rescue center

that's attached to the back.

So there sometimes you
can hear right through it.

Oh, okay.

That doesn't sound like
you're rescuing dogs.

- It sounds like somebody killing the dogs.
- I don't like that.

That's not... that's not a good appetizer.

- You want water?
- Water, please.

Two waters?

Three waters. Everybody's thirsty. Okay.

All right. Be right back with the waters.

Look, y'all need to do something.

That's why I asked him are they killing
dogs back there? 'Cause, you know,

thai people, Chinese food... people they...

Is he bringing a dog in here?

Is he bringing... he's
bringing a dog in here.

You guys seen boom-boom?

- Who?
- Excuse me.

Boom-boom.

Hey, you seen boom-boom?

Boom-boom.

Boom-boom!

Boom-boom? What are you doing?

- Hey.
- I told you to use the back door.

Back door?

Oh, damn!

- Are you serious?
- I like this one.

I'm so sorry. Are you
guys okay? Are you good?

Well, you know what?

Why is there dogs in here?

There's...

Sometimes they come through the front,
but we have a rescue center in the back.

- I know, you told me that, but...
- Yeah.

That's not what I ordered.

Guys, you're supposed to come around back.

- I'll come back with a different one.
- Can we take it around back?

Look, you need to take this in the back.

They still gotta get the dog out of here.

- Good. I like this.
- Take both, boom.

No, not that.

- Half the price.
- Do the children's menu.

- Half the price.
- Children's menu.

Guys, come on. We have customers here.

This is our new sample platter.

And enjoy.

- You're breaking my balls...
- Wait a minute.

You can't give me that. I...

- What do you mean?
- It's got a...

- A dog collar...
- Oh, my god.

Boom-boom!
Boom-boom!

What is this?

Oh, my god.

Let's take this in the back.

I need my check.

I don't even know what the fuck I just ate.

I don't want that. Oh, my god.

You don't want it?

No, I'm not eating that.

Oh, my goodness.

Everybody else tried it? You guys like it?

No, we have...

Your dinner's ready.

You ready to fly, boy? You ready?

Tell me when.

Three, two, here we go.

Oh, my god.

Yo. Holy crap.

Holy crap.

Today we got a very special guest with us.

What's up, man?

What are you doing today?

I'm gonna shit all over a canvas.

Look at this. Is this
how you prepare to shit?

Yeah, this and then the two...

The two chili dogs from last
night that haven't come out yet.

- Dude, your...
- So we're gonna have two canvases out there.

If you guys have to barf, make
sure you barf on the canvas.

We gonna paint?

All right.

Hi. Hi.

My name is Joseph. I'm the lucky one

who gets to be presenting to
you some of this beautiful art,

and we are honored to
have some guests with us.

You haven't met them yet. This is Rome.

Hi. Nice to meet you.

This is art.

And this is Dan, and Dan

where are you from?

- Turkey.
- Turkey.

And they are part of a group of artists
that I have decided to represent.

The main artist who, who could not
be here, is working on his next piece.

He finds inside of himself something,
that I think, most artists just throw away.

They discard, they don't
think about it as art.

I think he finds it to be
something that you can create,

and you can find within yourself also.

Did everybody get a ticket tonight?

Everybody got a blue ticket,
correct? Did everybody get one?

- Everybody's good, right?
- Somebody's gonna be a lucky winner tonight.

You are gonna get to win
this piece of art right here.

I hope I don't see it on ebay.

Oh, no.

Now let's remember that
the last two pieces of art,

one went for $18,000 to a man from France.

And the other piece went for $27,000

to a collector up in northridge.

Okay?

This piece here is beyond
those pieces, beyond.

Okay, so...

Whoo. Let's see who's gonna be
the lucky winner tonight. Okay?

That's it. Let's hear it.

Um...

Let me get one from the bottom.

The lucky winner of tonight's painting

is number 519

096.

Right here.

Are you serious?

You're so lucky. You are so lucky.

So amazing.

This piece of art, it's different,

it's new, it's original.

You ready?

Okay.

Oh, wow.

- Thank you.
- Don't be afraid of different.

This is real art.

- What's that smell?
- I want to show you how this art is created.

We have a video of our artist,

working on this particular piece.

Okay, everybody. Watch.

My art comes from a
place deep inside me.

A blank canvas so full of potential,

there to receive my paint

and my brush strokes.

Through my art,

I express myself.

My art is all of me.

All of my soul explodes
onto that canvas.

In that sense,

I am my art.

We just love what we do.

Please take the painting.

- Take the painting.
- No, no, no.

- Please take it.
- Listen to me.

Don't let fluffy fool you up in here.

Maybe this video will change your mind.

Maybe this video will change your mind.

This is how we actually made the painting.

This is the actual painting
we're giving you. Poo-tella.

That's right, poo-tella.

All right.

Ta-da.

It's a piece of shit.

See, right there. We can
make anyone believe anything.

It's Nutella and peanut butter.

It's peanut butter and hazelnuts.

Why was I smelling shit?

It's from that. Yeah, the fan.

That cup's full of, like, liquid smell.

Oh my, god, you guys.

High five, man!

Say cheese!

Oh lord, have mercy, sister Mary Joseph.

How are you?

Listen, we're doing a photo shoot
for the movie, and they want you to...

Vitaly, can you speak slowly,
please? I don't understand you.

What do you mean you don't understand me?

She's the mother of
the baby. It's our baby.

Whose baby is it?

It's our baby.

Mom, this is April fool's but...

But two weeks earlier.

All right, listen, can you come here today

for some photo shoot,
to the office, please,

- and bring, like, maybe two, three outfits?
- Okay.

Oh. I don't know what to say, then.

Okay, see you here at 3:30, I'll
text you the address right now.

Okay, bye.

- You want more goo?
- Yeah.

Dude, we just mixed the biggest
pile of shit you've ever seen.

- In the can?
- Out here. Dude, you gotta go see this shit.

It's black goo mixed with styrofoam.

Ah, buddy, I hope it's not flammable.

All right, so, what time is
Vitaly's mom getting here?

Yo, she should be here any
minute. Why, are we closing this?

- Yeah, let's...
- Let's hang out. She should be here, five minutes.

Yo, you better get her a kick-ass
mother's day gift this year.

- When is mother's day?
- I don't know.

It's in may, but you're gonna have to
really go heavy on the gift this year.

Nah, she doesn't even care, dude.

This is it, bro. Magic. Please go off.

What's up, beautiful?
Finally. Looking good.

I love your hair.

It's the fifth time we've tried this.

No!

Oh, no!

No! Vitaly! Stop!

Oh, no!

I'm sorry.

No! This is my favorite jeans!

- I'm sorry.
- You're a fucking asshole!

I'm sorry. I love you.

I don't love you anymore.

Trade him in for a new Russian.

Argh! I feel disgusting!

Hey...

Karma's a bitch!

I don't know. I don't
know. How do you know?

Hey!

You guys can both get in the back.

Have you guys been hiking up here before?

- No.
- Whoo!

Let's go. This is gonna be so...

You ever been on an
adventure like this before?

No, I... no. I don't
go at night. It's scary.

Hey man, we're just pulling
down crystal Springs,

I think. Am I meeting you at
that same trail we were at before?

- Okay.
- Are we gonna see some deers? I love deers.

I saw two coyotes on the way down here.

What! Well, you know with my
big ass, I can't run or nothing.

Why in the hell did i
let you talk me into this?

You know black people don't be
going hiking at night in the woods.

The last time we were at this other little
trail, somewhere right around here...

So, where's...

What the fuck is going on?

What is...

- What the hell?
- What're you doing?

What is going on?

Oh, my god! What the
fuck is that? An alien?

What the fuck is going on?

We're filming a movie.

This is some bullshit.

Oh, my god. I pissed on myself!

See, see, I was trying to do the right
thing and get healthy and go hiking.

This is why big people should not hike!

Big people stay your big ass home and eat!

And don't go to no damn mountains!

Go swimming at the gym or something!

Fuck this hiking shit!

Whoo!

What's up, guys. Today
we're with furrious... okay.

You said, "furrious." It's furious.

What's up, guys. Today
we're with furious Pete.

Go!

My name's Peter czerwinski. And i
am a professional competitive eater.

We're gonna do an eating contest.

And whoever finishes first
hits the button in the middle,

and those who have not finished
get their plates cleaned for them.

And it's literally as simple as that.

- I don't want to do this shit.
- Oh, I'm sorry.

I don't either, to be honest.

To be honest, I don't want to
do it either, but, you know...

All right, let's go, let's go.

What the fuck is that?

What is that?

Well, I'm not eating that.

Two, one, eat. Chew it.

Oh, my gosh!

Oh!

Oh!

Oh, Pete! You're the man, dude!

- You still have that one. You still got one!
- Nah, I got fuck all!

Ahhh! You, fuck you!

Oh.

Damn, Pete!

Was that worth it?

- Hi!
- Are you serious?

Some tanning, my friend. Tan, tan.

Yo, whatever you do, don't
go for the full 30 minutes.

- He just looks like a Miami club owner.
- Yeah, yeah.

Dirty dude.

- What's your name?
- Gilbert.

- Gilbert?
- Yeah.

Hello everybody. My name is Gilbert.

Au revoir, I am Francis.

And today, we're promoting
a new tanning bed.

And it might be a little
burning man tanning bed.

Oh, are you okay?

- It's so... it's so... argh, it's so hot!
- He's okay. He's okay.

That's our new tanning bed.

Welcome, mademoiselle.
There's my manager over there.

Oh, good afternoon.

Where are you from?

- I am from... French. How 'bout you?
- French?

So what are you here for, ladies?

I'm here for a tan because I'm so white.

Come, let's see.

- Oh, yeah, yeah...
- She's negative 35.

This is my darkest.

You are more like negative 22.

So tan. You're gonna be so tan.

- So tan?
- So which... which tan do you want?

Do you want a... is this
the tan? The sexiest tan

or do you want this tan, the okay tan?

- I like your tan a little bit better only because...
- I'm too dark?

- Yes.
- Are you calling me black?

- It looks a little fake.
- No. I just think you're a little too dark.

Okay, so let me tell you
something very exciting today.

Today, we got our new machine from ussr.

It was discovered in
2014, which is last year,

and if you minus 2015 minus 2014,

that's one year, correct?

- Correct. So today, it's fair to say the machine is safe.
- Look how he's selling.

This is very new.

I suggest... you try it first time.

To $9.99, you like, you
buy package $150 for ten.

We got somebody in there.
You will be second and third.

Or you can do same time.

Ow! Ow!

Hello?

- Monsieur! Monsieur?
- Are you okay, sir?

Ow! Oh, it hurts!

Sorry, it's our...

Oh, my god.

Help me!

Call
9-1-1.

- Please help!
- Francis!

Would you like to do the session?

I don't. Is he okay?

You should
call 9-1-1 now!

- No, no, no...
- Please...

No, your friend is staying
here. You're coming with me.

You're coming, it's free.

What the fuck! Don't go with him!

- It's free. It's free. It's okay.
- No!

Get under.

- Just stop!
- Don't go in there!

- It's 99 cents and she can afford it.
- What the fuck? 99 cents?

It at least costs three grand.

This guy is never gonna
frickin' be the same!

What the hell are you doing?

Get it off!

No, no, no.

No, please. Please, come here.
Come here. You need a tan.

What about a happy ending?

Oh, man.

Excuse me, ma'am. Hey, you think you
can just take a video for me for my...

- In front of my girlfriend's car for me?
- Yeah.

Okay, cool. Here, just
stand right here for me.

- Okay.
- And just let me put it on video.

Then just hit record.

- Is it recording?
- Yes.

- Does it look good?
- Yes.

Go for it.

Hey Stephanie. I just want
to say I love you so much.

And I'm so happy for the
time that we had together

and I can't imagine
being with anybody else.

And I can't imagine you being
with somebody else, either.

And that's why I can't believe that
you would do this to me, because...

We've been through so much
together, and we have this kid,

and this... it's what you've done to me...

It's like it doesn't even
hurt me, it hurts our family.

And I know you're here in
north Hollywood park right now

with your boyfriend or whoever
the hell he is right now,

and...

You can't be with him.

You can't be with anybody.

So you're not gonna be with shit.

You're not gonna be with anybody.

So I'm gonna fucking take your laptop,

and fuck that.

Right? And you're gonna cheat on me.

You have your boyfriend's wallet.

You do all that.

You fuckin' betrayed me!

You betrayed me.

You betrayed our fucking family!

I can't... wait a minute.

Oh, my god. That's not her car.

Hold on. Oh, my god. That's not
her car. Wait, it's this car.

Here, I need to do that
video again. No, no, no, no.

- I need you to do my video again, please.
- I'm sorry.

- I need you to take a video. Again.
- I can't.

Excuse me, boss. Can you help me out?

My car... I locked my keys in the car.

Excuse me, man. Yo.

Can you give me a hand?

I locked my keys in my car.

Excuse me, man. I locked my
car key. Can you help me in?

No.

Yo, excuse me, my man. Can
you guys help me unlock my car?

I'll give you $100 bucks.

I'll help you out, but you ain't
gotta give me no money, man.

- Why would I not give you money?
- It's cool, man.

- I don't need money.
- Oh, man, you're a nice person.

Thanks, dude. I get it in there, but...

- What do you need me to do?
- Just unlock my car.

- You left your keys in there?
- Yeah.

Just give me a minute, mom.

You have AAA?

Yeah, I'm gonna try to make a phone call.

All right, I'm gonna take care
of it from now on. Thanks, dude.

I got the picture.

- Picture of what?
- I got, I got a picture of that.

It's not my car. Thanks, dude.

Call the police now. Excuse me.

He tried to accuse him of stealing the
car, you know, after asking for help.

Hey! No!

Hey! Hey!

Thanks, dude!

Okay, no. It's a movie. It's a movie.

Yo! Chill. Chill. No, no, no, no.

Relax. No. No, it's a... it's a movie.

Yo, she's gonna put the dog on me!

Yo, guys it's a show.

She was about to let her pitbull on me.

Whoo!

Here. You want to start the car?

- I can go now?
- Yeah.

Hmm?

Oh!

Tim,
9-1-1.

So broad strokes of this prank...

You're getting picked up and
getting taken to our location.

You're in the backseat. You
tell him he has to take a detour.

So, we're gonna give him
a bogus address at first...

- Yeah.
- Right? We'll start headed that way.

Change of plans, I need
you to come to this address.

And these guys know, or no?

- These guys are...
- Do they have any idea?

- They think they're pas for something else.
- All right.

Can you put the windows down?

Oh, yeah. Right here,
right here, right here.

Yo!

Usually we don't even come
inside. He just walks in.

Roger that.

Listen, dude. Be quick. Quick.

What's up?

Shut the car off. Give me your keys.

Damn.

- You're late.
- What's up, guys? What do you mean, late?

- It's not my first time here.
- You're late!

I don't think I met you
before. What's your name?

- Assassin.
- Nice to meet you.

He comes here all the time.

Great, how are you?

- What's up?
- What's up?

So, I'm going to Vegas this weekend, and...

- Hmm.
- I'm gonna go for my buddy's birthday, 21st birthday.

Vegas.

So, I stopped by for some goodies, if
you know what I mean. Some party favors.

I need 15 grams this time.

- 15 grams.
- 15 grams.

Half now, half later. I'll pay
you after I come back in Vegas.

- What?
- Only half with the cash.

You gotta be kidding, homes.

I can pay... dude, you know my
address, you know where I live,

- you have my phone number.
- All right.

- All right.
- We'll take care of you. Come on.

Let's ask him.

- Who's your driver?
- Uh...

He's... yeah, don't worry
about him. He's cool. He's new.

He's good.

Where the fuck is he going?

So, when are you guys going to Vegas again?

We're going this Friday.

So yeah.

That's it?

I told you. You're really
gonna take my money like that?

- Dude, we said half, yo!
- Yo, bro.

- Come on, man!
- You're my bro and shit...

Fuck you, motherfucker!

Yo, chill out!

- Shut the fuck up, man!
- Yo.

You told me you're gonna
pay me half, motherfucker.

- Bro, get in the car, dude.
- Stay right there.

- You're a fucking asshole!
- Stay right there!

- Yo, Roman!
- Let's go.

He has my money. I'm not going, bro.

- I don't care. Let's go.
- It's $250 bucks!

Give me my money, bro.

- Give me the fucking money right now!
- Shut the fuck up!

- I'm gonna fucking call the cops!
- Shut the fuck up!

What the fuck! No. What the fuck!

- Shut up!
- Shut up!

Fuck you!

- Hey!
- That's what you get!

Talking too much, motherfucker.

What's this shit, man? What is this shit?

Who the fuck are you guys? Huh?

I didn't see nothing, dude.

Who's this guy? The driver?

Take the shit out of
your pockets right now!

Tell them we didn't see nothing, man.

I'm pulling all your fucking
clothes off in case you're a cop!

- I'm not a cop!
- Shut up!

Why'd they bring you in here?
Why'd they bring you in here?

I don't... I'm just a driver, man.

- What do you mean you're a driver?
- I just drive with these guys.

That's all. They hired me to drive.

That's all I know. I
don't know nothing about...

This is the last day
you're ever gonna drive.

You know. You know!

- No, I know nothing.
- Shut the fuck up!

I didn't see nothing.

You fools think you guys are strong, huh?

I'm not strong or nothing.

Let me see your muscles.

I know nothing, man. I know nothing.

Are those man boobs?

Touch his fucking man boobs!

- Fucking touch his boobs?
- Nah, man, just...

Sit down. Both of you guys sit down.

Hurry the fuck up.

Fuck, dude, what did you get us into?

Indian-style!

Indian? Okay.

Why did you drive us here, dude?

I didn't... they told...
You told me to come.

You don't know how to sit
Indian style, motherfucker?

- Please.
- Put your fucking knees on the ground!

- You're still not fucking sitting like I asked you.
- How you want me to sit?

Like a fucking Indian!

How do you... is this it? I don't know.

Oh, god damn!

I thought my life was over!

God damn!

Oh, damn!

Oh! Damn!

What the fuck you guys got me into?

I blamed it on him.

About to die for shit I didn't even do!

Good job, man.

Ladies and gentlemen, boys and
girls, everybody, get ready

and spread your wings for

the incredible human
stunt boy cannonball man.

So, today I'll be going up into
this Cannon to set a new world record

for the longest shot a human's ever
been shot before, believe it or not.

It's my big day.

Did you show 'em the bounce house?

It's full of boxes, you know,
so when I land, extra soft.

Looks like a pretty straight shot.

It should be a piece of cake,
basic math is what it is.

This has got to work.
Please let it work, baby.

Wow.

Right this way,
guys. Right this way.

Everybody over here. You
can file in right this way

towards the man in the
purple shirt, please.

Right along here. Right along here.

Oh my god. I thought it was
gonna be a hundred people.

It's only 20 people. I thought
that shit was gonna be filled.

It'll look like a hundred on camera.

- We should go out, bro.
- No, not yet. Not yet.

- No, we're waiting for the cue.
- All right, I'm kinda scared.

We're waiting for the cue.

I'm nervous for you, bro.

All right guys, let's hear it!

Are you guys ready to
witness something incredible?

You're gonna witness this guy fly
across the air. Are you ready for this?

Here we go! Pump it up! Pump it up!

The amazing human cannonball!

Let's give it up for him!

This is incredible. So dangerous.

Very dangerous.

Cheer him on!

A big round of applause
for our human cannonball!

I got a really special
thing for one lucky person.

Who wants to be the person
that sets off the Cannon?

Who wants to fire the Cannon, huh?

Who wants to fire the Cannon?

All right, this beautiful
lady. Come on down.

Is everybody ready?

All right. All right, all right.

Countdown from 10. Are you ready?

Yes!

10! Nine!

Eight! Seven!

Six! Five!

Four! Three!

Two! One!

Oh, my god.

Fuck! No, no, no.

Get 'em out of here!
Out of here! Out of here!

Move! Move! Move!

Move, move. Get the fuck...
Vitaly, get out of here.

Oh, my god.

Get over here. Everyone, just stay
here, please, for one sec? So sorry.

Just stay here. Everyone stay here.

Everyone stay here. Just stay here.

Please stay here.

- Okay, everyone just stay here, please.
- What did you push?

Roman?

Oh, my god.

- Roman.
- Dude!

- Oh, shit.
- Okay, okay, don't...

Don't touch it. Okay.

Roman.

Oh, my god!

He wants to go. He wants
to go. He wants to go.

- No!
- He wants to go!

Guys, come on. Cheer
on. He's gonna make it.

Come on!

Come on, guys. Whoo!

End of movie vlog, take one!

What do we... what do
we doing here, though?

It should just be like...

We've done everything
we've ever wanted to do.

I don't know. Make it feel cool and big.

In here, though? Like this, right now?

Remember, this is probably
never gonna make it.

All right.

Go.

All right, guys. We had a hell of
a time making this movie, but...

Ugh!

You motherfuckers!

Ugh!

Oh, fuck.

Oh, you... I knew it.

I fucking knew it, you fucking assholes.