Natale a tutti i costi (2022) - full transcript

Here we are.

All set.

My room is cleared out.

What will you do with it?

I'd like to put in a treadmill.

Great idea.

Your mom wants to keep it as is,

while she waits
for your life to fall apart

so you'll come back
and she'll look after you forever.

- That's not true.
- That's creepy.

Tell me about it.



All right. I'll put this in the van.

Look, I'm smiling.

Anna.

Loredana, hi.

In two weeks, you'll enjoy
having them out of your hair.

I know how you feel.

When Maya and Pietro left,
it was such an emotional moment.

Intimate.

Intimate, indeed.

A family-only moment.

- Okay, we're done.
- Yeah.

Please come back home,

at least to watch soccer games with Dad.

I mean, don't make me watch them.



Sure, Mom.

Not to meddle,

but why move to the city
when it's so lovely here?

She has a point.

BASED ON "MES TRÈS CHERS ENFANTS"

- Bye.
- Bye.

Bye.

Bye, Mom.

Go on.

I'm making lasagna tomorrow.
Come for lunch.

Just kidding.

- I was kidding.
- Come on.

CAR AND VAN RENTALS THROUGHOUT ITALY

15 MONTHS LATER

Emilio and Alessandra
only call when they need something.

They don't even show up for a funeral.

She's just an old lady
they saw no more than three times.

She was still a relative, Mom.

- Be strong.
- Carlo.

- Bye.
- I am so sorry.

And it was totally unexpected.

She drank like a fish for 90 years.
It's no wonder she croaked.

How's Alessandra?
Haven't seen her in ages.

She's fine.

Sadly, she couldn't come.
She had... a job interview.

- A job interview? Great. What for?
- Yeah.

Well...

- She didn't say. She's superstitious.
- Heroin dealer.

What about Emilio?

He had to attend a more important funeral.

He couldn't make it. Shall we go?

I'm coming, Mom.

They keep changing her drug dosages.

She's on an emotional roller coaster.

- All right. Bye, Anna.
- Bye.

- Bye, dear.
- How pretty you are.

- You're right.
- Hold on to her.

Bye.

Hold on a second, please.

- Are you there?
- Yes, Mom.

Great.

Listen, Dad and I can't wait to see you

and be together.

Me too.

Guess what I'm going to make?

Stuffed guinea fowl.

I'm vegan. Don't you remember?

Come on, sweetie, it's your birthday.

All right. See you tomorrow, then.

Ale, one more thing.

I saw your WhatsApp profile picture.

It looks like an ad
for a Colombian brothel.

What?

I mean, it's beautiful, as you are.

But what's the point?

The point of what?

Posing half-naked in the mirror
with your mouth...

Your lips look like
they're being sucked by a vacuum.

See you tomorrow.

What time are you coming?

1:30?

Why not noon?

We'll spend some time together.
You'll give me a hand.

- Fine. See you tomorrow.
- Bye, honey.

- Bye, Mom.
- Hey, honey, wait...

Emi, honey, there's been a change of plan.

Your sister wants to come at noon.

So I think you should do the same.

We'll spend time together.
It's gonna be a fun birthday.

I can't wait, sweetie.
I'm counting on you.

Bye, honey.

THE RESISTANCE

It's gonna be great...

Happy birthday!

- Happy birthday, honey.
- Happy birthday.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY

THE TRUE ITALIAN ESPRESSO

All right. I'll clear the table.

I'm not gonna skip the meal
because you're pissed off.

I'm calm.

Come on. Maybe they forgot.

- Or they're just late.
- Stop talking bullshit.

They're kids. They're supposed
to break away from their parents.

And in this specific case,

they probably can't stand you guys.

Thanks, Mom.

Stop calling her, please.
It's humiliating.

Don't be a child!

I made the cake.
I'll do what I want with it.

- What if they come?
- They won't.

They can eat it
from the dumpster like wild boars.

- Hi.
- Hi.

- I'm waiting for Maya.
- That's nice.

- Your kids aren't coming for lunch?
- Huh?

I thought today was Alessandra's birthday.

Right. Good memory.

She's not coming to celebrate?

No. She doesn't want me
to work too hard in the kitchen.

She'll take us out somewhere
as a surprise.

Nice.

Coming home to eat all the time
is such a drag. I mean, what a pain.

We like it, though.

Did your people learn to honk
before they could walk?

Hi, honey.

Maya is pregnant again.

No.

She isn't?

She looks like it.

Bye.

Where are we meeting Emilio?

At a bar near his office.

We'll have a quick aperitif
because he has dinner afterwards.

Since we're near Alessandra's,

we should ask her to join us.

- Fat chance.
- We can still try.

All right.

Look, there she is.

So she does smoke. What a liar.
She told me she quit.

- Did you see the face she made?
- What face?

A what-does-this-pain-in-the-ass-want
face.

- What are you talking about?
- No?

Come on.

Look.

See that face?

Hello, Mom. Tell me quick. I'm working.

Are you smoking?

No.

No, I'm not smoking.

What's wrong, Mom?

Well, we came to have
an aperitif with your brother.

Yeah, but I'm work... Listen, Mom, I...

I can't come for Christmas lunch.

I completely forgot to tell you.

- What?
- What do you mean?

I'm going to Paris with Rocco.
Sorry, I forgot to tell you.

Hello? Mom?

Mom?

Shall we go?

- But we're here. Let's say hi.
- Let's go.

Let's go.

You know what makes me happy
this Christmas?

- No.
- Hope.

I hope Rocco will dump our daughter,

and she'll come crawling back
to be consoled.

"Crawling"? That's very Christmassy.

And when she tries to come in,

with a smile on your face,
you'll tell her, "I'm so sorry, sweetie."

"Mom and I are not a towel
that you wipe your ass with."

Or maybe you can tell her that.

Hey, there.

- Hi, honey.
- Hi.

Here I am.

- Here are the ironed ones.
- Thank you.

Careful. Don't wrinkle them.

Take my dirty shirts. It'd be perfect
if you could wash them by Wednesday.

Sure.

Dry cleaners do exist, you know.

I can't with my salary.

Whining to Mommy and Daddy?

No. He's Azeglio, my boss.

- My parents.
- Hello.

- Hello, I'm Anna.
- Right.

Nice to meet you. Kudos on your son.

Thank you.

Kudos, as you must be such good people

not to give him up for adoption.

Am I right?

Just kidding.

Don't drink.
We have a conference call in an hour.

Tonight?

No. By "in an hour,"

I mean in an hour tomorrow.

Okay, then.

Okay, what? Of course it's tonight.
Wake the fuck up. Come on.

- Let's go. Have a nice evening.
- Bye.

- Tomorrow...
- Bye.

Don't worry, Mom. I'm used to it.

Him? No.

- I'm not worried about him.
- Who then?

Your sister.

What happened?

She's going to Paris for Christmas.

What a bitch.

I wouldn't use that word.
But you're right.

And now what?

What do you mean?

She won't be there for Christmas.

And I was also invited somewhere, so...

- What? Who...
- I'll go. See you later.

But I'll be there with Mom and Grandma.
You know...

Right!

Why don't we have a nice Christmas dinner
on January 3rd or 4th?

Where are you going now?

Didn't you hear? I have the call.
I'll take my shirts.

Okay.

Bye, Mom.

- Bye, Dad.
- Bye.

Hold on...

Christmas is called off?

We'll have a nice dinner on January 3rd.

- So what?
- Christmas dinner on January 3rd?

After Christmas, lamb goes on sale.

They practically give it away.

Oh, come on.

- Damn, you suck.
- Please.

Look who's talking, walking around
like a clown in that sweater.

I gave it to him.

My dad got it in Lapland.

Well, okay.
It would fit perfectly in Lapland.

It's actually festive.

How's your dad?

Fine. He and his new girlfriend
travel a lot.

What about Carlo and Anna?

Dunno. They're upset
I'm not going home for Christmas.

Haven't heard from them in a week.
Never happened.

How are they?

I haven't heard from them either.

Really?

Come on, guys. It's not a big deal.

It is when it comes to them.

This has never happened before. It's odd.

Right?

Yeah.
I won't be there for Christmas either.

How come?

I have plans too...

No dice.

- Neither of them is answering.
- Call Grandma.

- Yes?
- Hello?

Grandma, it's Ale.
Were you sleeping? Did I bother you?

No, I wasn't.

And you are bothering me. What?

Well...

- I'm here with Emilio and...
- Who gives a shit.

Grandma, hi. We were wondering,
what's up with Mom and Dad?

They're not answering our calls.
Do you know if they're okay?

More than okay.
How would you feel in their place?

Old and bored?

Don't be an idiot.

I'm sure they're not bored
after what happened.

Why? What happened?

That's weird.

They didn't tell you?

Aunt Tea's inheritance.

Your mom was so kind to her.
She really deserved it.

- Who the fuck is Aunt Tea?
- What did they get?

I don't know how much, but a lot.

Bye, sweetie.

Bye.

The old fart from Ceccano.

Huh?

PROMETHEUS

Nope, they're not answering.

Neither phone calls nor messages. Nothing.

- Who?
- My parents.

They're usually like leeches, but now...

Are your folks also clinging
as if you were ten?

My parents died when I was 12.

I miss them terribly.

I'm sorry.

Keep calling them...

while they're still alive.

You really worked on it all night?

Till 6:00 a.m.

You must have fallen asleep
around 2:30 a.m.

and had a nightmare
where you were an asshole.

Then you suddenly woke up
and your nightmare is here, down on paper.

Am I right?

Do it again by tomorrow.
Will you wake the fuck up?

- I can't take much more of this.
- Yeah.

If I were ever put in the Emilio zone,
I'd cut and run too.

- There are limits.
- What's the Emilio zone?

It's just... something Marzio came up with.

It's...

Yeah, I get it.

You bastard!

What?

What you said?

"Let's go tomorrow. I'm working tonight."

I got off earlier. What about you?

Because my brother is an asshole.

Cut it out.

Move.

Please let's not mention
the inheritance thing.

- Let them tell us.
- Why?

'Cause they'll think we're here for that.

- Hi.
- Hi.

What a surprise.

You haven't been picking up.

We came to see you.

- You vanished.
- Nonsense.

- Hi.
- Mom.

- What were you guys doing?
- I was preparing dinner.

Do you want to stay?

- Sure, if you don't mind.
- Of course not.

I happen to have some wine with me.

Was it easy to get here?

- What do you mean?
- You remembered the address?

- Very funny.
- She said... okay.

I'm sorry, though.

I wasn't prepared, and I only have this.

Are you kidding? That's plenty.

- Don't worry.
- Not really.

It looks so good. What is it?

It's an offal pie.

It's filled with chunks of heart,
liver, tripe,

along with the comb and wattle.
Would you like some?

Yes, sure.

You're no longer vegan?

Yes, but on special occasions...

- For your brother.
- Sure.

Taste this wine. The guy at the wine shop

said it won Bottle of the Year in Abruzzo.

- Seriously?
- Try it.

How is it?

It's shit.

Kidding. It's good, full-bodied.

Full-bodied...

- Thanks.
- How are things with Rocco?

Fine, as usual.

Are you gonna add anything to your life
to make things less usual?

You know Alessandra
hates talking about such things.

No, Dad.

I don't mind.
I want to discuss these things with you.

Although...
having kids is expensive nowadays.

Very expensive.

- Emilio, what are you up to?
- Me?

I work all the time.

Not that I enjoy it.

But someone has to pay the rent.

Money doesn't grow on trees.

It doesn't.

How about you?

Fine. We're fine.

All good.

I'm not going to Paris.

My Christmas trip was canceled.

I'll be with you.

- Great!
- Really?

- Me too.
- Really?

You too?

Not because of a cancellation.

I decided to spend Christmas with you.

I may be immature,

but I can't cut
the umbilical cord with Mom.

The umbilical cord...

That's so... creepy, you know? It's...

Shut up and eat your comb.

- The offal is indigestible.
- Thanks.

- It made me sleepy.
- It was delicious.

- It was a great evening. Thank you.
- Bye.

- Good night. Bye.
- Thank you again.

- Talk to you tomorrow.
- Yes.

- All right.
- Okay.

- Bye. Come on, it's cold.
- Bye.

- Bye.
- Oh, I was wondering.

How was Aunt Tea's funeral?
So sorry I couldn't go.

It was so moving. All her relatives
were there except you guys.

When I found out,
I got this pain in my chest,

and I just couldn't make it.

Me too. Even if we didn't see her much,

I really loved her.

Yes, I was also very close to Aunt Tea.

We forgot to tell you.

She left us a little inheritance.

Little? Huge.

- Is that so?
- How much?

- Six million.
- Six million. Six...

Well, not bad.

There's worse.

Six million is a lot of money to spend.
It takes effort...

It is indeed. We might donate it.

Aunt Tea was so generous.

She'd be happy if we gave it to the needy.

I'm needy.

- There's no rush.
- Just kidding.

- It's safe in the bank for now.
- All right. Bye, kids.

Bye. I'm getting cold.

- Maybe see you tomorrow...
- Bye.

See?

- Enough!
- Shut up!

To six million.

Not bad, huh?

Do you realize I can say goodbye
to this shitty life?

Your life with me?

No, baby, it's not about you.
I mean my job.

You work with me.

Yes, but now I can figure out

what I really want to do with my life.

Not worrying about money.

You're right.

Maybe you should do it
regardless of the money.

The money belongs to your parents.

What a drag!

Why are you such a pain in the ass?

You could have just said,

"Six million! Wow, let's fuck!"

No.

- Will it still count now?
- No.

Another round!

Emilio!

Marzio, no!

Marzio pays for himself!

Pay up. You see this, Marzio?

This is the new Emilio zone,
and you are banned!

A toast to Aunt Tea!

To Aunt Tea!

Aunt Tea!

They don't want to be around us.

Since when?

I didn't notice while it was happening.

We used to do so many things together.

Do you remember Greece?
The four of us in a tent...

You and I can also do things together.

Like what?

Undressed, lying down...

A CAT scan?

So demeaning.

Look, Carlo, I'm not in the mood
to celebrate anything.

Last time we did it was a year ago,

on All Souls' Day.

Just a year?

My performance was remarkable.
Turgid and never-ending.

Anyway, you were right.

About what?

That they'd show up because of the money.

Imagine when we tell them we made it up.

They'll be gone for good.

- So be it. They're assholes.
- I know. You're right.

But we'll spend Christmas together.

Yes. One last Christmas,
the four of us together.

A message from Emilio.

"Mom, Dad, I love you."

- Honey, you know...
- They're assholes.

But... it still feels nice, you know?

How can we make them think
we're millionaires?

- Don't worry. I have a plan.
- What plan?

You'll see.

- This one?
- Maybe this one.

- This is flashy.
- What about this one?

- Well?
- Beautiful.

How much is it?

Goodness.

Not bad!

- Can I get in?
- Sure.

How does it feel?

You'll need a water pump
to get me out of here. But it's divine.

How long do you want to rent it?

Until Christmas.

Okay.

What about insurance?

If you mess it up,
I'll feed your balls to the dog.

Said the marquis to the count.

That's a high deductible.

You're supposed to be in Amsterdam
from Thursday to Monday.

Fine. No problem.

Yes? Good. Come in.

- No problem at all.
- Here?

Thank you.

- How are things?
- What things?

How are you?

I'm fine, thanks.

I noticed you've been changing
for the better lately.

It was hard to do worse...

I take partial credit for this.

If it hadn't been
for my daily injections of frustration,

you wouldn't have improved, right?

I don't know.

I do know. That's not the point.

Now that you've finally blossomed,

I can offer you a position as...

partner.

What do you think?

- Are you serious?
- I am.

No more dicking you around.

From now on,

we dick around with the others,
if you want.

Am I right?

Why not?

Obviously, you'll have to invest
a small sum

to enter as a partner
as I did when I joined.

Right.

Because I know...

I mean, I heard...

Rumor has it you have the means now.

- So...
- I get it.

But it's not my money. It's my father's.

He's a very restrained person,
to say the least.

The kind of person
who puts money under his mattress.

Guess he pulled something out
from under his mattress.

Jeez.

Holy shit.

Come on down!

I can't believe it!

Believe it.

Is it yours?

- Let me try.
- Hell, no.

- One joyride!
- Okay, get in. I'll drive.

Look at that.

Don't hump my Ferrari!

Stop being an oaf.

Everybody's watching.
We're making assholes of ourselves.

- Don't touch. You'll ruin it. It's new.
- Ruin it?

Yeah.

Would you call back at 3:00?

Okay? Good.

Thank you so much.

I told you already.
You can only have one lollipop.

That's your third.

Oh my God, Mom.

- What are you wearing?
- It's snakeskin.

It's super soft. Touch it.

No. I can imagine.

€4,000.

I saw an ad for an apartment for sale.

It's mind-blowing.

Have you decided to invest?

No.

It'd be more like a gift.

You'd love it.

You want to come with me?

Yes, sure. Gladly.

I mean... you guys can handle things.

You guys?

I mean you.

Do you expect me to do fillings
from the front desk?

Yes, great idea. Bye.

Bye.

My boss invited me
to play golf next Saturday.

He'd like you to come as well.

He barely knows me.

It's a chance to get to know you.

- I don't know how to play though.
- No worries.

We'll just walk around the grass
and hang out.

Like so.

Listen.

Take this check.

Put it in the glove compartment.
I don't want to carry it.

It's for the World Wildlife Fund.

Mom and I are trying to save an island
where six kanaroos live.

What are kanaroos?

"What are kanaroos?"

An endangered species of seal
living in the Galápagos.

- €70,000 for kanaroos?
- Yes, 70,000.

That's so heartbreaking.

Mom's gone on a charity kick.

She's an angel.

- What's wrong?
- The car is rebelling.

And this is the terrace,
spacious and quiet.

Our gardeners
took care of the grounds before.

Just give us a call
and they'll be happy to come.

- It's gorgeous.
- It is.

How many people would live here?

Well, two...

maybe three.

Four, five?

Excuse me.

Hello?

- Do you like it?
- It's beautiful.

It's really lovely. And huge.

Can you imagine living here?

Listen, I wanted to tell you
that I quit smoking.

I'm so glad to hear that. Good.

But most of all,

I stopped taking the pill.

- You did?
- Yes.

Honey.

- Since when?
- Today.

I decided that I'll focus
on doing things right.

Yeah.

Look.

Wow.

This will be useful for physiotherapy.

We'll put handrails in,
otherwise the elderly will get hurt.

- What elderly?
- The ones that will come to live here.

Yes. I'm taking over
the initiative Aunt Tea had

with this organization.

They give free housing
to needy old people.

Lonely people neglected by their family.

Really, Mom?

You can't imagine how many asshole kids
abandon their parents.

That's so sad.

PIERO'S TRATTORIA

You should've seen her face

when I said the pool was for the elderly.

You guys are monsters.

Us? They're the monsters, Mom.

They've been treating her
like shit for years.

Both of us.

But you're the one who's upset.

It's Alessandra.

Honey? Hi.

I'm in the oratory with Father Ciro.

I'm giving him a check
for his mission in Nigeria.

Sure, where? Shedo?

Of course, yes.

If it has no Michelin star,
I won't even sit, you know?

See you tomorrow.

Bye.

"With no Michelin star I don't sit."
So tacky.

You've gone too far.

Revenge is like getting drunk.

Once you decide to stop, you can't.

That's because getting drunk
feels so good, Mom.

Cheers.

Hi, Lori.

- Hi.
- Hi.

I'm going downtown to eat with Ale.

It sounds good.

And Carlo is playing golf with Emilio.

I'm going to swing some sticks around,
as they say in golf lingo.

They've come around more often lately.

They're like leeches.

But we're having fun.

We're going to the city.
Having the usual lunch at home

was becoming a little boring.

But then, of course,

some people like it. Of course...

Yeah...

You're doing the limbo?

I told him to get an SUV!

If I have to lay down,
I'd rather stay home on the couch.

But men turn into children
when it comes to cars.

Vincenzo's not fond of cars.
He couldn't care less.

Good thing. With your Polish minivan,

he'd have killed himself.

Honey, you're becoming a boor.

Bye.

- Here is your table.
- Thank you.

Would you care for a drink?

Yes.

Dom Pérignon for two, s'il vous plaît.

Why not.

Let's celebrate.

What's wrong?

It's been a long time
since we did something together.

The two of us.

Nonsense.

It's true.

I promise we'll do it more often.

I hope so.

What's wrong?

Huh?

Sometimes you look like a pigeon.
A dumb pigeon

who wants to say something but can't.

- A pigeon?
- He's here.

Dad! We're here.

Let me handle it. I'll fool him.

- That's my dad we're talking about.
- I know.

I mean in a good way.
He'll make good money.

Anyway, I said I'll fool him,
not screw him.

I hope not.

- Hello. Sorry I'm late.
- Hello.

- No worries.
- You remember my boss?

No bosses. Azeglio de Frescobaldi.

- A pleasure.
- Call me de Frescobaldi.

Carlo Delle Fave. Call me Delle Fave.

You laugh? You're a Delle Fave too.
It's nice here.

- You like it?
- Yes.

Millet tacos with celeriac purée.

Asparagus from Cantello.

Cantello.

Marinated pumpkin tartar
with garlic cuts and pink grapefruit.

Beetroot crackers with cucumber mousse.

Glasswort salad with raspberry cream.

Smoked potato spaghetti.

Cherry tomato pesto.

Marjoram pesto, tarte tatin. Dessert Pop.

New York-style. An homage to Andy Warhol.

Here you go.

- Did you enjoy it?
- We did, thank you.

Yes, thank you.

What can I say?

Thanks.

- Thank you.
- No.

I'm the one thanking you.

We can do it again, if you want.

Any time.

Plus, we don't go out to eat that often,

so we may as well live it up
and spare no expense.

I'm going to the restroom.

I don't want to see how much you'll pay.

I might faint.

Thank you, honey.

- What a great shot. Fantastic.
- Bravo!

- Are you surprised?
- Bravo!

Emilio told me you received a nice...

and unexpected gift from life.

From death, rather.

Right. Same thing, though.

Life or death,
someone has to cough up the dough.

Anyway, we can discuss it later.

Because I think
if that gift is left there unopened,

it's as useless as a limp dick.

Am I right?

You're a poet.

Take your shot.

Thanks. I'm not good at it.

You are. It's easy. I'll show you.

He's a real dickhead.

Excuse me.

- Excuse me.
- Yes?

Listen.

By any chance,
may I pay with meal vouchers?

No.

Of course not.

I would've needed 300 of them, so...

All right. I'll pay by check.

- Relax.
- I'm relaxed.

Relax your legs.

- Move your pelvis a bit more.
- I heard you! Why won't he let go of me?

Like I said, about that gift,

if it's a pre-death donation,

tax conditions are much better.

Parent-children relationships
are also better pre-death.

God, did I hurt you?

Huh?

Look.

You clobbered me.

Come on. I'm almost done.

Next week,
I'll put in the temporary implants.

And then the permanent ones.

We need to talk to Mom and Dad.

What?

We need to talk to Mom and Dad.

They're squandering everything.

The Ferrari, the fucking charity.
We'll have nothing left.

It's still their money, isn't it?

Yes, but it's six million.

Not even one euro for their needy kids?

Do you know what I can do
with two million?

Why two million?

Two for me, two for Emilio,
and two for them.

A couple counts as one.

Wait.

- It's Mom.
- Pick up.

I am already.

- Hello?
- Hi. How's Emilio?

- Like shit.
- He's in pain.

He's very shaken too.

Dad feels so guilty.

Rightfully. He already struggled
to socialize before, poor thing.

- Let alone now, without teeth.
- What the fuck?

Listen, Dad and I want to see you both.

How about lunch at Piero's on Sunday?

We need to talk
about the inheritance and everything.

Okay.

See you on Sunday then.

- Love you.
- Me too.

- I love you more.
- Bye.

Bye.

- Finally.
- Yeah.

I'm returning the car after lunch.

Maybe I'll let Emilio drive.

It'll sugarcoat it.

We should've waited till Christmas.

Emilio's boss was on my back
for money the other day.

I didn't know what do to.
I can't handle it anymore.

How do we tell them?

Plain and simple.

"Nothing is true. It was a prank."
We didn't kill anyone.

We need to have a serious talk,
as a family.

They can't still treat us as a doormat.

"Pay for this! Wash this! You're old!"

Yeah.

They're here.

You smashed his face.

Oh, please. It's barely noticeable.

- Hi.
- Honey.

Your teeth?

Rocco'll put in temporary implants
in two days.

- I'm so sorry.
- It's fine.

What the...

This game of golf is a fools' game.

With those iron sticks,
if you smack someone in the face, then...

someone gets hurt.

Giulia, we're ready.

Four portions of linguine Piero-style
to start, okay?

- Yes.
- Perfect.

Thank you.

You talk.

Me? Not you?

You're better at this maternal stuff.

Hell, no.

Wow.

There's already an air of celebration.

Yes, just a little gift.
It's a foretaste of Christmas.

- Smells good.
- Suspense.

The same amount for you both
so no one gets jealous.

The ATM gave us different bills,
but the sum is the same.

€150?

Well, kids...

We played a prank on you.

That's why.

These days we were saying,
"Damn, they're stingy."

"All for themselves."

Okay.

All joking aside for a moment,

I want to open an account with my share.
Sound good?

Maybe we weren't clear.

We can only give you...

this.

What?

Let's go.

Why?

If I stay longer, I'll get pissed off.

Hey! Watch it!

- For real? €150? Keep it.
- How pathetic.

You are pathetic.

You're being stinking skinflints
with your own kids.

The kids who only show up for money?

Enough with moral blackmail!
You could've helped us out.

We've always done everything for you.

Let's go.

They can live like billionaires alone.

Better alone
than with two dickheads like you.

I'll break his molars too.

We gave them everything.

Diapers, vacations, university.

After all our sacrifices,
they dare to call me stingy.

We can't blame them.
They think we inherited six million.

Is the money theirs?

No, but we could've given them
more than €150 for Christmas.

- You think?
- Yes, you are a bit stingy.

Stingy? I'm just frugal. I'm not stingy.

Emilio gets €2,000 per month,

more than my pension.
She makes €1,000 by doing nothing.

Christmas without those two
will be a relief.

Listen.

Carlo, don't say it, even in jest.

What a great idea you had.
You made a mess.

Me? I did it for you.
You kept obsessing over them.

Couldn't you let it be
instead of playing the victim?

All this for this cursed Christmas
that haunts me!

Here's what we'll do.

I'll talk to Emilio,
and you'll talk to Alessandra.

We'll explain things calmly.
They'll understand.

I don't want a Christmas without them.

Man, what a pain in the ass.

- I made him pay. Was I wrong?
- No.

It was his fault. He pays up. Am I right?

Thanks.

Ezio, since all your colleagues hate you,
you wanna pay?

Maybe they'll like you more.

Okay.

Am I right?

- Say thanks to Ezio.
- Thanks, Ezio.

Thanks, Ezio.

Why are you here?
I was going back to work.

Rocco fixed your teeth?

Too bad. You were cute
talking like a hamster.

What do you want?

Nothing. I wanted to say hi
and make peace with you.

Want to drive?

- Don't throw me a bone.
- Come on, let's have a chat.

I have something to confess.

Delle Fave. Hi.

- All good?
- Yes. You vanished.

It's a hard time,
I have many things to solve.

Right. You could've told me.

I made you and Emilio a nice offer.

I expected at least a yes or a no.
Just this...

You're right.

But expecting anything
from Emilio is fucking stupid.

Am I right?

Honey?

Will you open up?

I don't want to see anyone.

I have something to tell you.

I brought you a gift.

I don't want any gifts.

Are you going away?

No, I'm moving out.

What's happening?

What's happening is that I'm a loser.

No, you're not.

Yes, I am, Mom.

Cut it out, honey.

Will you help me?

Try to sit on it.

Ale.

Rocco no longer loves me.

In fact, now he despises me
because I argued with you.

It looks like you all ganged up

to make me feel that
I don't deserve anything.

What's so important?

Huh?

You came
because you had something to tell me.

- Goodness.
- Honey.

- Hi.
- How did it go?

All set.

How did he take it?

Well, we talked,
and we found common ground.

We're all to blame in this mess, you know?

- Right.
- He's the first to admit it.

I didn't tell him the inheritance
is a crock of shit though.

What?

We discussed our relationship,
which matters most.

Sure, right.

I'll give him €200,000 to be a partner.

- Are you nuts?
- What?

How will you get €200,000?

Fuck if I know!

Did you manage to tell Alessandra?

- Yes...
- Hi, Dad.

- Hi.
- Is dinner ready?

Almost.

We decided I'll stay here
with you for a while.

- Happy?
- Yes.

So I can help you understand
what to do with all this money.

This whole being a millionaire thing
is stressful for Mom.

She needs us.

Support her. It's too much money.
She's so stressed out.

Make sure
you don't trumpet the inheritance thing.

Why?

Because when it comes to money,
people become sticky.

Especially relatives.

- Hello. Here we are.
- Hello.

Hello.

- You look so pretty.
- No.

Excuse me.

Excuse me.

I'll make a toast.

- What a drag!
- Exactly.

I had prepared a very touching speech.

But given your notorious sentimentalism,

I thought you'd get too emotional.

So I put it aside.

All I'll say is,

Mom, I love you.

- Happy birthday, Giuliana.
- Thank you!

- Thank you, honey.
- Happy birthday.

- Anna?
- Matteo, tell me.

I guess you saved
your touching, heartfelt words

for my mother only.

What? We all loved her.

What...?

She only left me peanuts.

You're driving a Ferrari.

Drop it, honey.

Where did she get all that money,
by the way?

At least tell me this, Anna.

It must have been Bisacci.

You were against their relationship.

Nonsense! Mom had no relationship.

You didn't even appear in the will.

How did you do it?

Tell me, how?

Did you make her write
a private agreement on her deathbed?

Carlo.

I can't find my napkin.

It's not what you think, Matteo.

It's not? Then what is it?

Anna sent her husband to her.
She put her husband on her.

First, Bisacci.

And then Carlo.

Carlo was fucking her too.

Are you out of your mind?
Bisacci? Who the fuck is Bisacci?

- Where is the money?
- Matteo.

Matteo!

- No!
- Are you the Gestapo?

Slowly.

- Over there, okay?
- Yes.

Okay.

Okay.

- Easy.
- Easy.

If I ever have a family,

I doubt I'll be able to do
all you've done for us.

When you become a father,
it will come naturally.

I'm not so sure.

I probably wouldn't have slept
with Aunt Tea for six million.

Don't you start too! Jeez.

Honey, how do you feel?

- Like a human wreck.
- Don't play the victim. Come on.

Trimming the tree?

It's snowing.

Wow! It hasn't snowed in ages.

- Snow? Shit, I came by moped.
- Yes.

So what? You can stay over.

We'll trim the tree together.

I'll make hot chocolate.
The one with flour.

Why not?

- What?
- I'm happy.

Look at this.

She'd look great in this jacket.

How much is it?

Please stop talking about money.

We can't keep this act up.

We can no longer afford it.

You know already. It's until Christmas.

At this rate, we'll have to sell
our organs to get to Christmas.

Stop being a buzzkill.

I asked until Christmas.
Is it too much? Tell me!

You scare me.

Look at that.

Let's give them two IOUs
for a Caribbean trip this summer.

It's easy to make IOUs.

It's a Versace. Shall I get this too?

So she will have two.

Does Versace take IOUs?

Take this one.
It's not ironed. Maybe it costs less.

- What comes after five stars?
- Bankruptcy.

Paradise.

- Hi.
- How nice.

- How are you guys? Fine?
- Fine.

I made up with Rocco.

- I'm happy for you.
- He's a good guy.

We're not together, though.

We just made up.

Because I realized I want to find my path,

figure out my dreams and ambitions.

What ambitions?

Mine.

Oh, I didn't know...

You think I'm an idiot

and only Emilio will succeed.

- Emilio won't succeed either.
- Come on.

Whatever.

I want to open a tearoom.

Tearoom and bookstore. I found a spot.

- It's great to see you so enthusiastic.
- It is.

And I'll move out of your house.

I don't want to risk
resting on my laurels.

- This I understand.
- But why?

Where are you going?

Here. I got a suite.

The three of us home are so good together.

I'll stay here for a few days.
I'm already looking for a place.

That is, of course,
if you guys could help me out.

Give me the checkbook.

I may not have it with me.

- You do. Give it to me.
- Not in this jacket.

Give it to me.

- Lucky devil, here it is.
- See?

I have a pen too.

How much do you need?

Well... I have to leave a deposit, so...

To buy the suite?

No, for the tearoom.

I don't know. Ten? Twenty?

I know you gave Emilio 200,000, so...

- We just talked about it, but then...
- No.

What about 40?

So I won't bother you every month
with bank transfers.

It's no bother. In fact, if we defer,
we'll see each other more often.

Forty?

- Yes. Forty.
- Yes.

All right.

- One zero is missing.
- Butt out.

Done.

Thanks.

Careful, it's slippery.

You're wearing flip-flops.

What a pleasure!

I'm so glad you called. How are you?

- So-so. How are you?
- I'm fine.

Please follow me.
We'll take a seat in the parlor.

We'll talk calmly.

This way, please.

There's a parlor?

For special clients. It's a secret.

- Like the Batcave?
- Exactly.

And you are like the Bruce Wayne
of Speroncello, right?

Please.

Hold my calls for half an hour.

- What parlor? It's just a room.
- All right.

So what can I do for you?

We'd like to cash in
our life insurance policy

and move it to our account.

Okay.

And then?

And that's it.

Then we need to empty our account.

Why is that?

Personal matters.

I guess
you're switching to a big city bank.

No.

Where you feel more comfortable
with your Ferrari.

They don't know you're small-town people,

who come from where
the air smells like manure.

- Isn't that so?
- Are you out of your mind?

You are spitting on
a ten-year relationship of trust.

Relationship?

In Sharm el-Sheikh,
we exceeded our credit ceiling.

You fucking refused to raise it.

Relationship?

No, that is a falsehood!

I couldn't even buy henna.

We spent the rest of our vacation

in our room eating bread and falafel.

Bread and falafel... yummy.

Ma'am, there are rules,
and the rules must be followed, okay?

No. You give us our money now
because, as a billionaire,

I don't want any rules.

And most of all, now I can tell
you bank people to fuck off.

Actually, look.

Take this and go buy yourself some class.

Boor.

That's too much.

Excuse her. She's so dramatic.

€200. Is she tipping you?

Take care.

We made asses of ourselves.

WE LOVE YOU... MOM AND DAD

Done.

Now they'll have to forgive us
when we tell them the truth.

- You think?
- Hell, yes. Jeez.

If I were given €50,000
every time I was pranked,

I'd gladly be a laughingstock forever.

They're here.

I bought the tearoom spot!

- Huh?
- I bought the tearoom spot.

I'm going to the notary tomorrow.

Hi.

I got a great deal.
200 square meters near the station.

The guy from the agency
had never seen such a deal.

- Wow. See?
- €400,000!

Good.

I promise this is the last thing
I'll ask of you. I promise.

You can give
the rest of my share to charity.

Maybe I'll take it.

- Dad, look.
- Yes.

I brought all the papers

so we can proceed
with signing the financing.

What great news!

What's wrong?

What, Mom?

Enough. We have to tell you the truth.

Carlo, we have to tell them.

- Yes.
- What truth?

We can't give you that money.

Right.

Because...

your father...

Me? You too.

...is very sick.

- Right.
- He came down with a bad disease. Awful.

Cancer?

Even worse.

- Holy shit.
- It's a rare disease.

They're working on a cure in America.

But it's so expensive.

Very expensive.

So, from now on, we must use our finances...

to save Dad.

Save me.

Hold on. What disease is it?
What is it called?

It doesn't have a name.
It's just been discovered.

- Just now.
- How did you find out?

- I felt...
- Yes.

I was feeling strange.

- Dizzy.
- Yes, but...

counterclockwise and hiccuping.
Palpitations.

Enough. It makes me sick.

Anyway, apart from the trip to America,

we also scheduled medical consultations
in Paris and Tokyo.

Hong Kong too. They're experts.

They are.

But don't worry.
We'll be back for Christmas.

Two days in Paris
and we'll be back to celebrate.

- She'd never miss Christmas.
- Yes.

Right, so...

This is all we can do.

For real?

Are you kidding?

We want nothing.

Thanks.

Thank you.

Come here.

- Let's all pray together for Dad.
- Let's pray.

Drop dead.

Now what? What's your plan?

If you had a better idea,
you could've expressed it.

Better than pretending I'm dead?

I didn't know what to do.

Keep your voice down. They'll hear.

They'll realize I'm not dying.

Not necessarily.

Are you going to kill me
over a damn Christmas dinner?

Listen, we can tell them you were cured.

Or the disease remained dormant.

Who's that?

Darlings.

Still awake?

We want to sleep in bed with you.

Like we used to on Christmas Eve.

- Yes, sure. Yes.
- We can't fit.

Let's try to be happy, okay?

Even though it may be
the last Christmas we spend together.

Here we go again!

Don't say that.

- Ouch! Don't hit me. I have cancer!
- What?

- Come on.
- Sorry.

Good night.

Son, you need to shower. I'm serious.

- It's really unbearable.
- Okay.

Don't pull. Wait.

- Smells like a Calcutta sewer.
- Did you settle?

- Not my hand.
- All right.

- I feel oppressed. Don't take my hand.
- Don't fret. It's bad for you.

I can't sleep like this.

- Give me your hand.
- Goodness.

- Unbelievable.
- Come on.

You're anxious.

All right. Perfect, thank you.

- Thanks.
- Hi.

Hi!

- How are you?
- Fine.

How was your day?

- I walked around.
- I see. Okay.

- The doctor is free.
- Thanks.

- See you later.
- Bye.

- Still living with your parents?
- No, I'm living at Mara's now.

I thought it was right
to leave them alone for a while.

How is Carlo?

He's fine for now, thank God.

But I think
he's trying to look strong for us.

He's in Paris for a consultation now.

I'd like to see him.

You know what we can do?
We can video call him.

- No, let's not disturb him.
- He'd like it.

Plus, I video call him ten times a day.

You're a good excuse. Come close.

- Here they are. Hi.
- Hi.

- Hi.
- How are you, Rocco?

- Great. Isn't Paris wonderful?
- Yes, a little cold.

There's no one around?

Yeah, hardly anyone.
How are you and Emilio?

You don't know?

- What?
- He got fired.

How come?

Maybe he didn't mention it
to not worry you.

He's already looking for another job.

He'll stay with me for a while.

I can't live without a Delle Fave around.

Let's call him!

Mom, don't worry. We're fine.

Enjoy Paris.

It's so good to see you there so happy.

Come on, honey. Don't cry.

Call him, please.
Let's have a family call.

Okay. I'll add him.

- Done. Hi.
- Hi.

- Hi.
- You're all there.

- How's it going?
- Fine. I was thinking about you.

Where are you?

Going home to pick up some shirts.

Oh...

Great. Well, listen, we need to go.

No, Dad, wait.

- How did it go with Dr. Roland?
- Great!

He said I'm healthy.

What do you mean? But...

Bye.

Emilio? What are you doing in Paris?

You had disappeared.

We never saw you.

Your mom was desperate.

You were playing dumb.

Then you bailed out on Christmas.

She was destroyed. I mean, you know her.

- It was his idea, by the way.
- You never objected.

Anyway, it started out as a game.

- A game?
- Yes.

"I bet they'll come around for money."

Well, you did.

We'd have told you after Christmas.

It was so nice having you around.

Dad being sick was a game too?

Thank God, yes.

That was Mom who fucked up.

I didn't know what else to do.

But our life was going to shit meanwhile.

Shame on you both.

- We just wanted to...
- What?

Feel you were still there.

Have a nice Christmas.

Please don't. They'll come back.
Where else will they go?

At least you have a Versace bag now.

Yeah.

I couldn't drive the Ferrari even once.

Grandma, why didn't you tell us anything?

God, no!

Never butt into family matters.

- You are family.
- All the more reason.

- I even lost my job.
- You couldn't stand it there anymore.

In the end, you're all to blame.
But them most of all.

- Exactly. Thank you.
- What do you mean?

Meaning I never would've wanted to admit

that they had to pay
to get your affection.

They needed you so badly
that they were willing to overlook

your indifference and your cold shoulders.

Thanks.

No, please.

I'll pay.

- No, Grandma, let her...
- Let me.

With all the money Aunt Tea left me,

I could buy this restaurant.

Merry Christmas.

Hi.

Hi.

Already taking them down?

Huh?

Yes, because...
since we're no longer millionaires,

we need to save on electricity.

Yes, I heard about the prank.

Not really a prank. It was more...

a desperate attempt
to get my kids' attention, but...

I'm sorry.

How are your kids?

I came outside to smoke,
but I just wanted some quiet.

Do you hear how noisy they are?

And I can't stand my daughter-in-law.
She cooks like shit.

Merry Christmas, then.

Merry Christmas.

Can't you wait until tomorrow?

Why? What do you care?

It's Christmas Eve.

Why don't we go
to the beach for a few days?

No, it's too damp.

How about Paris?

We have that pending consultation
with the oncologist, Dr. Roland.

- He came down with a bad disease.
- Him too?

- An outbreak.
- You're obsessed?

What was that?

What? What's wrong?

- Must be Santa Claus. Put out the fire.
- Hold on.

- Do you hear that? Who's there?
- Who's there?

Who's there?

There's someone.

What are you doing? Come here.

No, don't.

Come here.

- Merry...
- Dad, are you nuts? What are you doing?

Honey, he knocked out the same teeth.

- Jeez.
- A little ice will fix everything.

First with a golf club,
now with the poker.

Just shoot me in the face next time.

You snuck into my house like a thief.

A thief with Christmas sparklers?

I don't know. First, I saw a glare,
then a stranger's face

with a fucking evil sneer, so I struck.

It's survival instinct.

Let's say this Christmas
brought out the worst in us.

But now we're here,
the four of us together.

Honey, smile.

Okay, never mind.

Even though I can't stand you, I love you.

It's nice to hear that once in a while.

Remember?

When you were kids,
I used to put on this song,

and we'd go around the house
on treasure hunts for Christmas presents.

We can hunt for my teeth.
I wonder where they ended up.

Did you lose a molar?

Fuck if I know!

No need to curse.

It's Christmas.

This rug needs to be cleaned.
How gross! Look at these stains.

- What do they look like?
- Well, they're teeth.

Are they white?

- Did you lose a molar?
- Fuck if I know!

Look for it.

How did you find out?

- I felt strange...
- Dizzy.

He's fucking laughing.

- My name's Emilio, not Carlo.
- Your name's Carlo.

Your sister wants to come at... at noon.
I'll do it again.

- It's been years. Years...
- Us...

Were you supposed to talk?

- It's super soft. Touch it.
- Anna.

- Yeah.
- You look great.

We haven't said shit yet.

Oh no. My mistake, sorry.

I could see that coming.

Rocco fixed your...

You didn't finish?

We're in a cul-de-sac.

Subtitle translation by: Anastasia Grandis