My Uncle Benjamin (1969) Movie Script

At the time I'm taking you back to...

...morals were full of charming

self-indulgence and lovely simplicity.

The characteristic of that

happy age was carelessness.

Everybody was yielding with their

eyes closed to the currents of life...

...without thinking twice

about where they would land.

Benjamin Rathery was a fine example.

Benjamin! Benjamin!

Madam... There's nothing wrong with you.

Treat me anyway.

Very well. Shall I bleed you?

No? I'll cup you then.

You're right: no circles

on such a pretty body.

But, what to do?

What to do...?

Nothing.

Nothing, of course.

A doctor has done more than enough

when he didn't kill his patient.

That is not my husband's opinion.

Dear Dr. Fata.

He kills lots of them, that's a fact.

But I like him. Next to him,

I can almost feel handsome.

But you're more than handsome,

Dr. Rathery.

Now that's true enough.

I'm cheerful, poor, witty...

...not too dumb...

...affectionate, strong, eager...

...and in a hurry.

MY UNCLE BENJAMIN.

The Man in the Red Coat.

I drink to the divine medicine

of urine. I drink...

He drinks!

Let's drink our glass,

goddam it, goddam you...

Let's drink our glass,

let's drink generously...

Let's drink our glass,

goddam It, goddam you...

Let's drink our glass,

we'll piss heavily!

Benjamin!

- Manette, it's awful!

- What is it?

- Well, you're a virgin.

- Please don't always balk about that.

The trouble is you value,

the silly little thing, too much.

- Not that much.

- Well?

- Well, marry me!

- You maidens think only of marriage.

It gets old after a while.

- My father...

- A damn thief!

No one else sells Chablis

for two louis a bottle!

He's right anyway.

You only want my ﬂower.

Your small capital, as he says.

Your small treasure.

Your only dowry.

Tell you what: I'm going to

abduct you right now.

- And marry me?

- Again!

Well I won't be abducted.

Good! Abductions are tiring affairs

and I'm exhausted.

I spent the whole afternoon

cupping sick people.

So you say.

- The whole company has arrived?

- Yes.

- A nice bunch of drunks your friend

- A noble bunch of epicureans...

...carrying philosophy

as far as drunkenness.

That's my point: drunks!

Let's drink our glass,

goddam it, goddam you...

Let's drink our glass,

let's drink generously...

Let's drink our glass,

goddam it, goddam you...

Let's drink our glass,

we'll piss heavily!

Do you know, gentlemen, that some

people call us common drunks?

You, Dr Minxit, my esteemed

colleague from Corvol. A drunk?

You, Parenta, the only poet bailiff

in the country! A drunk?

Let's sing, let's laugh and be noisy...

...let's drink all night and make merry,

so much that dawn...

...in the morning, will find us all here still feasting.

- Bravo!

And you, Machecourt, my most

excellent brother-in-law...

...joy of my sister... a drunk?

- Never!

And you, dear Mr. Fata,

the husband of such a beautiful wife...

...would you just be a drunk?

- Slander!

On your knees, Christians!

on your knees, Christians!

My friends! Oh, you, men of fork,

drainers of barrels, I tell you this...

...drunkenness is one of Heaven's

greatest gifts.

Drunkenness and celibacy!

And I'm now drunk and a bachelor.

Benjamin. You're joking about

this celibacy of yours.

I assure you I'm not.

There are marriages and marriages.

My daughter just came back

from the convent...

...and you didn't come and see us yet.

I keep running from one patient

to the next one.

- But you'll come, won't you?

- As soon as I've time, that's a promise.

Amin... I've been studying wines for forty years...

...and I can barely distinguish the

clear ones from the murky ones.

But I'm rich anyway So mark my words...

...you will marry Arab and succeed me!

- Thus I'll die in peace.

- We're not there yet, Mr. Minxit.

What about Arabelle? Does she

still make you good creamcheese?

Creamcheese... fish stew...

...fattened chicken...

And the rest...

A woman who's good in the kitchen

always makes a happy marriage.

My poor Machecourt,

how badly you hold your drink.

Whether the woman ls good or not,

the cooking ls more varied at the inn and...

...you can eat on credit.

Speaking of that, here's my little reminder,

Mr. Rathery.

You big oaf, I'm defending your practice.

If I understand correctly,

you're insulting your sister...

...who gave me five little Machecourt girls?

- Me, insulting your wife?

- Her cooking. That's the same thing.

- Her cooking ls excellent!

- Yes, but you'd rather eat at the inn.

- Did I say that? - You did!

And you're going to answer for it.

- But she's my sister.

- And she's my wife.

True. I'm your man.

Since we just have one sword here,

mine, I give It to you.

And I'll use Mr. Minxit's walking stick.

- Let's share, my dear colleague.

- Don't we always?

Oh, no! No! My ham!

My... My ham!

Oh, no...

I killed him. I'm a scoundrel.

Little Machecourt host their uncle..

Let's go.

Brothers, humans who'll live after us,

Please do not harden

your heart against us,

For if He has mercy on our damned soul,

God will have more on yours

that are less foul...

Drunken dogs!

Home!

- But, my very good friend...

- Home! Go!

Let's drink our glass,

goddam it, goddam you,

Let's drink our glass,

we'll piss heavily!

Wine and wenches. Do you know

where those lead, Benjamin?

- To the paupers' grave!

- Yes. But I'll save you against your will.

Since Mr. Minxit wants you

as his son-in-law, you'll marry Arabelle.

You'll ask her tomorrow!

Here you are at last, Mr. Rathery.

You must come to Sanbére.

My son is very ill.

Sanbére?

That is halfway to Heaven.

All right, I'll come and see you tomorrow.

If you don't come tonight, the priest

with his black cross will come tomorrow.

My son has anthrax.

Of course you can't afford

to pay a doctor?

In that case, it's a job for me.

Did you hear?

Miss Arabelle will wait.

Let's drink our glass,

goddam it, goddam you...

You drunk! Go home!

What will happen to the lad?

Yeah...

- What's your name?

- Gaspard.

- Do you know how to find birds in the nest?

- Yes, sir.

- To make a catapult?

- Yes, sir.

- To fish crawfish?

- Yes, sir.

Just like me when I was your age.

- Tell me... can you read?

- The big letters.

- Write? Count?

- Is it hard?

Don't worry, I never could either.

Just like me when I was your age,

I tell you.

Are you going, sir?

Hector of Pontcassé,

of the King's chamber.

Guillaume of Vallombreuse

of His Majesty's guards.

Benjamin Rathery, a doctor In Clamecy.

Gaspard, a bird finder.

My sword misled you, gentlemen.

I'm no nobleman...

and wouldn't want to be.

Between you and me, gentlemen...

...why do you value so much the two

letters you put before your name?

Does the particle preserve you from

diarrhea when you've eaten too much?

It doesn't, does it?

Gentlemen! Your servant!

- What if we chastised him.

- No. Leave him be.

- Such an insolent.

- Yes. But it's so uncommon.

- What is this?

- Gaspard.

Come. Go in my bedroom.

Lie down and sleep. You needit.

Who is he?

The son of the poor devil

who died in my arms last night.

- And the old woman? - She went

back to her village, where she starves.

- What does that mean?

- Just that Gaspard will now live with us.

Look, Benjamin, this is not possible.

Or you've become mad.

Yes, I know: it's hard to have

another mouth to feed.

But don't worry:i'll take care of that.

- But money is not all. - He can do

a lot of things. He'll be useful to you.

If he's a good learner, we'll make

a doctor out of him...

...when I'm old, he'll have my practice.

- What practice?

And you've only got five daughters anyway.

They need a brother.

I need a nephew and you need a son.

- I give him to you.

- How good of you!

- Little sister...

- Leave me alone.

You know, I couldn't leave him up there.

You can act generous all you want...

...you're forgetting about your creditors.

When you've got credit,

you as good as rich.

And what do I need to get bad

on my feet anyway?

A good little epidemic God is good.

He won't let me down.

You can marry all the same!

And why would I many, tweedledum,

tweedledum, tweeddledee.

Mr. Minxit wants to give you his daughter.

- And miss Arabelle is very pretty.

- I saw her from afar the other day.

She looks nice, albeit

somewhat flat-chested.

Flat-chested? You saw her

from afar indeed.

Believe me: it's good to have a fresh

and plump woman in your bed...

...and one who knows your ways.

- Why don't you marry Arabelle.

You're old enough to settle down,

after all.

And Mr. Minxit will leave you

his practice.

I don't want to die a country doctor.

It's a great big world.

And I don't know It.

- You know where you'll end up!

- Ya. In the paupers' grave.

Oh no, no, no tears!

All right, I'll go and see

Mr. Minxit tomorrow.

But I'll do it just to please you.

I'll go with you, in order to

make you brave.

Good old Parenta. Do you,

by any chance, come to sing:

"On your knees, Christians!

On your knees!"

Of games and songs, Alas!

The time has gone.

To wait for their money,

creditors are not prone.

Good heavens! It's verse!

It is! I must indeed soften with poetry...

...of my harsh office the

oh so painful duty.

You'll tell us all about it but, first,

have a taste of this little Volnay.

Oh! If it is Volnay...

It's neat.

If you're thirsty, help yourself,

I still have two barrels of it.

Which, of course, haven't been paid for.

And here is exactly the news

that I must give.

Be the judge of my pain,

and my sadness forgive.

But I have to warn you that

with the morning new,

I'll come back here and with my

lawful hands seize you.

- What does he say? - He's right.

What does this gibberish mean?

Benjamin, your creditors

are getting restless.

For three years, you've been delaying

the payment of your debts,

waiting for I don't know

which epidemic.

Am I to blame If the kingdom

ls so healthy?

I'm warning you. I'll come back

tomorrow. Officially, this time.

And I'll be moaned by

two constables.

I'm not twenty years old anymore,

you know. How about stopping the game?

As you wish, father. Don't you

want to sit down?

No, let's walk a little.

Little Arabelle, now that you're

hack from the convent,

life opens before you. Life is a long road.

So you must choose your

traveling companion carefully.

And that's not an easy thing.

Can you remember my

young colleague

but nevertheless old friend,

Benjamin Rathery?

Sir! Here are two noblemen

who want to pay you their respects.

The Viscount of Pontcassé and

the Knight of Vallombreuse.

Pontcassé?

I studied his father's urines once but

we never consorted with the family.

- Tell him... - The Viscount ls brother

to Sabine, my best friend at the convent.

She often told me about him,

and we even glimpsed each other a few times.

In that case, let him come.

Oh, the fat bourgeois! One should

think he wetted his pants.

Mr. Minxit walls for

Mr. Viscount and Mr. Knight.

I'm glad, sir, to salute

the doctor who,

In the old times, attended so well

to my revered father's Illness,

as well as the happy sire

of miss Arabelle

whom my sister Sabine's praise

gave me an Insane urge to meet.

- Miss...

- Sir.

I could escape from Versailles

for a few days.

His Majesty went to Chambord for a rest.

I took the opportunity to accept

a hunting Invitation

from the Marquis of Cambise,

Lord of Clamecy.

My friend, the Knight of Vallombreuse,

was good enough to escort me.

It's very nice of you to

visit us, gentlemen.

You'll honour me by accepting

a glass of my Champagne.

Please excuse me a moment.

- Vallombreuse, you still like roses, don't you?

- Roses? Who, me?

Ya, you. There are beautiful ones

there, at the end of the garden.

Oh! Oh, the roses there! Oh, yes,

Indeed... Indeed, they're superb.

Will it be enough?

Slap my back.

Harder, stupid!

Oh, Mr. Parental.

She's got a superb cleavage,

I tell you! A delight!

- Her husband won't be bored, believe me.

- Good for him.

Hey, no joke! Don't forget that I promised

Bettine to walk you to Arabelle's.

Oh! Shots on Cambise's estate.

Usually, the dirty rats hunt

with falcons or dogs.

- Help! - I think I know the voice.

Walt for me here.

Benjamin!

Get the hell away from here!

I'm the Lord of Cambisés steward...

...and I caught this maiden

and her sheep on our state.

My friend, you're mistaken:

she's certainly not a maiden.

But that ls no reason to rape her.

Benjamin!

I'll have you caned, peasant!

We'll meet again.

How strong you are!

A regular titan!

Aren't you ashamed of stealing

a few blades of grass...

...from one of the richest men in France?

- I didn't know I was on his estate.

- But what are you doing?

- You're right, it's silly.

Fontenoy! Be nice, Fontenoy,

he's a fellow countryman!

- What is this? - The dreadful hound

wants to eat my calves!

Come on, Fontenoy,

come on, come on...

What do you say, gentlemen?

I'm coming back to Corvol after

35 years in the service of the king...

...and I'm forced to pouch In order

to feed us, Fontenoy and I.

- Fontenoy?

- That's his name.

Because during the battle of Fontenoy...

...he bit on an English captain's

coat-tails and made him a prisoner.

His Majesty was good

enough to tell me:

"That's an excellent animal

you've got here, sergeant?'

But I didn't get the epaulette!

To make an officer out of the son

of a saddler ls unheard of.

Ah, should I have been noble...

Nobility Is the most useless

of all things...

How dumb must the people be to bow to it.

Hat's telling them!

To think that I followed Marshal de Saxe

during all his campaigns.

And women! I had more than

the Marshal himself.

And he was a randy devil!

- Oh, gentlemen! Polish women!

- Are you a bachelor?

Oh, certainly! There are too many

pretty asses on Earth!

Is saying the exact same thing

not ten minutes ago!

Can you imagine they want

to marry me?

Benjamin... We're expected.

What If we bought a lunch at Nanette'...

...for this good man and his

glorious quadruped?

You can't be serious:

we promised Bettine.

Oh, damn! You don't meet every day a dog

who made an English captain prisoner.

- You accept, of course?

- A real meal? At the Inn? Oh, by Jove, yes!

What about you, Fontenoy?

He who doesn't talk agrees.

Machecourt, there are three

of us against you.

Nothing ls stronger than majority,

you see, my friend.

Put ten philosophers on one side

and eleven morons on the other...

...the morons will win.

So you were saying that Polish women...

Oh, wait, wait, Polish women

are not the only ones...

- There are also Flemish women...

- You don't say?

Oh, the Flemish women!

Let drink our glass, we'll piss heavily!

Gentlemen and dear quadruped, please

allow me to kiss our pretty innkeeper.

A modest deposit for the good meal

she's going to serve us.

Mr. Benjamin, with your beautiful suit,

you're not made for peasant girls.

Go and kiss miss Arabelle!

Come In, gentlemen!

Leave the menu to me!

To kiss Arabelle... You're crazy.

Why do you think

I come here so often?

Because you want me.

I want you too, Benjamin.

You'll see when we're married.

Let go of me, you're burning me.

I like you.

I feel like a may pole which

you're trying to climb.

If God allowed me to always

stay like this...

...I wouldn't ask any other

eternity of Him.

Benjamin! Will you order the meal?

Mr. Minxit is walling for us.

That's right! Soup's on!

Mariette! Nanette...

Your poor Benjamin is drunk as a skunk!

How could I go to Corvol

in such a condition?

I put at your service two good arms,

spared by the cannonball.

The arms are all right... but the legs...

Come... come... don't fear for your virtue.

Right now, I can't do more than this.

Tally ho, lad! Pull up her skirt,

so we can see her legs!

You're having fun while

my back Is turned.

- But when you're here, we yawn.

- Go to your room.

And should I see you again

with this scoundrel...

Who just wants your flower!

A girl's virginity is nothing to joke about.

Yes, it is, sir!

The Marshal of Saxe used to say...

...a virgin is like a bottle, you must not

let go of her before you see her bottom.

Isn't that a joke?

Drunken dogs!

I'm just back from Corvol!

Mr. Minxit waited for you all day!

Congratulations, Machecourt.

To think that I let this wineskin

make five daughters to me!

Five virgins? Damn!

Machecourt is not to blame,

my dearest sister.

The truth Is that we met this

Illustrious soldier

and his no less Illustrious companion.

These militaries gave their blood

to our country. It was worth a lunch.

But meanwhile, Mr. Minxit

is pacing In his living room.

We will not make him wait any

further. Let's go, Machecourt!

In such a condition?

Are you crazy, Benjamin?

You will visit Mr. Minxit

on another day...

...and I'll go with you this time.

- No! I promised to go and see him today,

- I'll go and see him today.

- No, no. And by the way,

- Mr. Chapel wants you.

- The husband of pretty Mrs. Chapel?

The cuckold!

I'll bleed him like a swine!

Goon!

Where's my patient?

Give him to me so I can bleed him!

I love bleeding cuckcolds!

Shut up, Benjamin!

- So your husband ls not home?

- No, he's In Nevers.

Oh, I didn't know.

He told me the other day

that his side hurt him.

That's true. The poor man

hurts a lot.

- And I don't feel so well myself.

- Bur... this ls not Mr. Chapel.

This Is pretty Mrs. Chapel.

I don't want to bleed her,

- no, no, I don't want to bleed her.

- Benjamin will put you back on your feet.

He could cure a wooden leg. Here!

I entrust the big dummy to you!

By God!

- Where ls my patient?

- Here.

But I insist: I don't want

to bleed you.

- Your husband ls Ill, not you.

- It's the same thing.

- Husband and wife are one ﬂesh.

- Unfortunately.

Thus, examining me,

you examine him as well.

All right. Lie down.

Madam...

Doctors are made to cure.

But Mr. Chapel Is already

a profusely cheated on husband.

You wouldn't want me to Increase

his Illness, would you?

Not your servant, madam!

Mr. Marquis!

Let's go, Mouleau.

I'll definitely never like this.

What about going through

the wet branches of the woods?

Nicely put but that is out of

the question.

This dirt road leads straight

to the Inn

and I want you to be sober

In order to ask Mr. Minxit.

Yes but this road leads straight

to Cambise's castle,

and the very view of

that building makes me angry.

- Oh, the wolf is out of the woods.

- No trouble, do you hear?

- Well, don't you bow to me?

- Bow to me and I'll bow to you.

I am the Marquis of Cambise,

Lord of the area.

I am Benjamin Rathery,

a doctor In Clamecy.

You're a sawbones?

What a nice title!

It's as good as yours.

The King can make

twenty Marquis a day.

I dare him to make a single doctor.

Ah, here's a pleasant eccentric.

I'd rather have met him than a deer.

And at least, this one

won't escape us.

Insolent! I'll teach you to be

disrespectful to My lord.

And you to be disrespectful

to shepherdesses.

To me, all of you!

What a character!

Well... to the castle!

Mouleau? Come and confer

with your master.

Let's see If you've got anything

to say In your defense.

Give me back my sword

and you'll see.

Justice, after pondering the case,

sentences the defendant to kiss me

in whatever place It will

please me to offer him.

- The ass!

- I pity you!

Very well. I'm happy with you.

Now you can boast of

having kissed a Marquis.

Marquis! We're not even!

Cambise! We're not even!

Can you hear me?

Uncle Benjamin! Uncle Benjamin!

There's a revolution In Corvol.

Aunt Bettina told everything.

Mr. Minxit is rising an army to avenge you.

Let's go. But we're not even.

Attention!

Present arms!

Heads right!

Forward, march!

O", two, one, two...

About turn... left!

Left! Left!...

But... Oh, at ease...

Indulge yourselves, my friends!

This ls on Mr. Minxit!

My friends! My friends!

You took up arms not only

to give his freedom

back to my future

son-in-law Benjamin

but also to rid the country

of an oppressing tyrant

who crushes your fields and

dishonours your women.

- Death to Cambise!

Long Live Benjamin!

Bravo, Mr. Minxit!

That was a really neat speech.

It sounded like something by Livy.

Thank you, my friends, thank you,

but believe me: put down your arms.

- What are you saying, Benjamin?

- Mr. Minxit, war ls a serious business.

And a general uselessly

dragging his troops

In those slaughter-houses,

the battlefields, Is a murderer.

Benjamin Is right, good people.

Where you see only

just retaliation,

justice will see breaking and entering,

fence jumping, trespassing,

and all of It against a Marquis.

The least of those crimes

ls punishable by the galleys!

Come on, sheathe your sword.

But do not fear, my friends,

you haven't seen the end of It.

Hear me! I won't marry Arabelle

before I avenge my honour.

You can avenge It after your

wedding as well as before It.

Mr. Minxit, poor Arabelle could be

a widow on the day after her wedding.

You have too high an Idea of honour,

but I didn't expect anything less of you.

Soldiers! War has just

been postponed.

But you won't have come here

for nothing:

please go on enjoying

my wine cellar!

- Fall out!

- You're slaying for dinner?

I respect your vow but be warned:

there're going to be orange

blossoms In the air anyway.

Manette!

- Two ill men are waiting for you, Sir.

- Did you make them talk?

Yes the first one is a farmer.

He brings his wife's urine.

She fell on her front steps

and rolled down five of them.

Perfect. And the other one?

The young girl from Sambére

who already came to see you.

You're going to see what's

an urine-studying doctor. Come.

- What a horrid trip! I'm broken!

- Mr. Minxit...

- No, thank you! My bed!

- Mr. Minxit, please! My poor wife...

Oh, your wife, your wife,

when I can barely stand up.

Peasants...

Oh, from what I can see,

she fell down.

What do you know?

You guessed right!

- Down front steps.

- Are you a wizard, Mr. Minxit?

- And she rolled down four steps.

- Not right this time, Mr. Minxit.

- She rolled down five of them.

- Oh, come on, that's Impossible.

Go and count your front steps:

you'll see there are only four.

I can assure you there are five, Sir.

You amaze me. I can see

only four steps In this.

But... did you bring all

of your wife's urine?

I left some: the vial was full.

You threw away the fifth step,

you bungling Idiot.

That's why It doesn't show.

We'll therefore treat your wife

as having rolled down five steps:

with this, she'll feel better

In two days.

Oh, thank you, Mr. Minxit.

I told my wife that, with you, she

would be out of the woods In no time.

Don't thank me: you'll pay the

consultation to my servant.

- Yes, Sir.

- Next!

Come in.

How is your mother?

She can't get her strength

back, Mr. Minxit.

And I bet you don't have any

money to buy remedies?

My father has been out of a job

for eight days.

Why the hell is It, that your mother

chooses to be III then?

As soon as my father gets another job,

you'll be paid for your ministrations.

Who does he think I am?

Go to the kitchen.

You'll be given a basket of wine

bottles and a quarter of mutton.

That's what your mother

needs right now.

If her strength is not back

in two or three days,

- you'll let me know. Go now, child.

- Mr. Minxit...

Don't thank me...

What do you think of the

medicine of urines?

You're a good man, Mr. Minxit.

But you'll never have me cure

a fall on front steps that way.

You're just a foot soldier

of medicine then.

- Come In.

- Excuse me, Sir,

- but the Viscount of Pontcassé

just arrived. - Why Is that?

- Miss Arabelle Invited him for supper.

- Did she?

- Who's the nobleman?

- A courtier.

Even If I hadn't chosen you

to be my son-In-law,

I wouldn't give my daughter

to such a down.

What If Arabelle loves the clown?

Arabelle Is too sensible to

fall In love with a Viscount.

Let's see what he looks like.

I know him. I met him already.

He's a friend of Cambise's.

So this feather-batted lobster

ls the Viscount of Pontcassé?

- In the ﬂesh. - Arabelle has

good taste. He's handsome.

It's an opinion. Come, I'll Introduce

you officially to Arabelle.

Let's postpone that sweet moment.

I still have a patient to bleed

before supper.

Sir, I know you want to marry

Arabelle. I strictly forbid It.

- You again, Mr. Rathery!

- Yes, me again.

You come to see Nanette?

Well you won't see her.

Won't I?

I locked her in her bedroom.

And that's where she's going to stay

until you jump In Miss Arabelle's bed.

If you must deﬂower a girl

for her dowry,

I'd rather you take Mr. Minxit's

money than mine.

Her dowry? I didn't know

Mariette had one?

So they're right when

they say you're rich?

Rich. What with all the taxes

piled upon us!

- No: Mariette just owns one possession.

- Yes, I know: her virginity.

A girl's virginity is not

to be joked about!

- So you're not with Arabelle?

- I wanted to see you.

You went away mad, earlier,

and I don't like that.

- But later you're going to see her?

- True: I'm due for supper.

Yes. A beautifully laid table,

glittering silverware,

eager servants, all of than

wall: for you.

A friend of freedom is not so easily chained.

Miss Arabelle is a cute thing.

I must say I wouldn't mind

looking for a flea in her shirt.

Come here.

Have you ever put your hands

on my waist like this?

Have you caressed me here?

You look like a stopped clock.

Have you kissed my lips?

Well If you haven't, do it, because

from now on, I'm through with you.

Mariette.

Miss! Your dinner!

- To Fontenoy!

The other morning, just when he got up,

the King was good enough to tell me...

- Good evening everybody!

- Benjamin!

I'm late, I beg your pardon.

A patient who wouldn't

let me bleed him.

I was forced to knock him out.

Then, I had to revive him

with smelling salts...

Your seat ls ready, Benjamin,

next to my daughter.

- May I introduce Dr Rathery.

- You were right, Machecourt.

A storm is brewing.

Well, as I was saying, the other

morning, just when he got up...

...the King told me he was thinking

about me for a high position.

La Rochelle will soon need another

governor and It's very possible that...

It seems, Sir, that His Majesty's

words do not happen to interest you.

Well, Sir, I'm hungry so I do

the most urgent thing first.

- Your name Is Rathery, I think?

- Yes.

I knew... well, I saw, because

you don't know such people,

a Rathery among the King's

stable lads.

Could he be, by chance, of your kin?

Hector... since it appears you were

burdened with such a name... Hector...

...no Rathery ever was a servant,

under whichever livery...

Including the livery of a courtier.

This is a great paté! I bet the hare

that it's made of wasn't noble.

What do you mean with your hare?

That a nobleman wouldn't

make good paté.

Gentlemen, gentlemen, your talk

mustn't go beyond joking.

My sentiment, exactly.

Do you know there are more

parallels in our two ends...

...than you could suspect, Mr. Rathery?

Let me now wager that you killed

more people this year...

...than I did during my last campaign.

You'd win, Sir. I was unfortunate

enough to lose one patient this year.

He died of anthrax the day

before yesterday.

- Now this is too much.

- You're right, Vallombreuse.

Mr. Minxit, since this strange

customer is your guest,

I agree to cross swords with him.

If that Is not generosity,

I don't know what is.

I hope you'll be worthy of

the honour I bestow upon you.

Certainly. Would you like tomorrow, at dawn,

- In the place called "the Iron Cross"?

- Done.

There's at least one topic on which

Mr. Rathery and I are In perfect agreement...

...this is a great paté.

Listen to me, Benjamin, you're not

going to let this Pontcassé cripple you...

...just because he picked a quarrel

with you, are you?

I certainly don't want

to let him cripple me.

I'm very fond of the regularity of my being.

But he's supposed to be

a dreaded swordsman.

Have no fear: my obituary is

already written:

Here lies Benjamin Rathery, who resisted

for 99 years to all the wines in Burgundy!

And I'm only 35.

For you, If you're killed, everything

will be over, but for us...

For us, It will be far from over.

Don't listen to them. I'm going to

teach you a thrust...

...with which you could disarm

a whole regiment.

Dear Arabelle, I'll rid you of a dowry hunter

whose not even born.

Only after his death will people

realize that he once lived.

Don't do It. I can't allow you

to kill my father's best friend.

Charming scruples, Arabelle

Well, in order to avoid upsetting you,

I'll just wound him.

But you, Hector, if you should go down...

You're joking! I trust my sword

like you trust your needle.

Let's Choose yourself the spot

where you want him to be pierced...

I'll be happy to oblige as a courtesy to you.

- Oh!

- But they say that, after that,

a gentleman never thinks about

marriage anymore.

I'd like to talk to you

privately, Miss.

I'll be brief. I'd just like you to tell me...

...in the very Innocence of your soul...

...if you really love the Viscount of Pontcassé.

What can I say?

If a woman is not always happy

with a man she loves...

...she's always unhappy with one

she doesn't love.

I now know what I must do.

- Just one word.

- If it's just one word,

I'm willing to waste one second

listening to it.

Well-meaning people want

to prevent our duel...

...so I suggest that we meet,

not at the “Iron Cross“...

...but at the 'Pierced Stone"

on the road to Nevers.

- We won't be disturbed.

- Fine. I know the place.

Indeed, It's a very good place

to send you to the afterworld.

So It's true, Uncle Benjamin,

you're going to fight?

So they say. The sergeant is waiting for me

outside to teach me a thrust he Invented.

I want to go with you.

Please, Uncle Benjamin.

Well... come. You might find it useful

when you've grown-up!

Your eyes! Don't take your eyes off me.

Come on: on guard! Your turn!

Push your attacks!

Lunge further! Come on, come on,

don't give me time to breathe.

Head, legs, head! Always twice!

up, down, right, left!

Again! All right!

Now I'll be aggressive.

In order to disorient your adversary,

don't ward off all attacks...

...jump back and dodge. For a stint, just

ward off the cuts and dodge the thrust.

Now, If you only ward off thrusts,

you must unbalance the enemy.

Dodge!

- Was it good?

- Very good.

All right. My thrust now.

As you walk, cross swords twice...

...wait for a while, keeping them touching...

...then cross again In order to

puzzle your adversary...

...then a big invitation, jumping on both feet.

One thing out of two can happen:

either the other bloke wards off...

...and you start all over again,

or he attacks and then you act!

Come In. Make yourself at home.

- A drop?

- Gladly. It's chilly.

Can you give me salami?

If I go down, I don't want to go

with an empty stomach.

With my thrust, It's the other one

who'll go, up there.

Well, you see, this is the bloody hole where

I'll spend the rest of my life.

All I've got left.

A dog and memories...

And a nice collection of

memories I have.

Drums beating the charge...

...walks so long that you

get bloody feet...

...friends dying in your arms...

Well: war...

But I'm not complaining:

Corvol is not big.

I wanted to see the world

and I saw it.

Wherever I went,

houses were burning...

...harvests were destroyed,

women and children crying.

On the subject of women...

I was like you, Benjamin.

I didn't want to get married.

One woman, just one, always the same...

...every evening in bed with her

curlpaper in her hair? Certainly not!

There were too many girls to screw.

So I screwed a lot:

small ones, fat ones, tall ones...

...beautiful ones, plain ones,

really ugly ones... Ah, pity!

What is it to me now?

Nobody warms me between the sheets

and I have to cook my own soup.

Think about it, Benjamin.

At some point, a man must stop.

Think about it too, kid.

- Unbelievable!

- Unbelievable.

At last!

Swords in the cemeteries...

As true as St Peter

gets bored in Paradise.

On my funeral stone,

I would like them to write:

without anger he died, Benjamin Rathery.

- Gentlemen.

We've been waiting for twenty minutes, Sir.

What are twenty minutes, next to

the eternity waiting for one of us.

Sir, I'm at your command.

Oh damn, oh damn, oh damn!

Ah, ah! Holy shit, that was well done!

I could very well kill you, Sir.

Kill, Sir.

You're only here for that.

I'd rather die than see Arabelle

in your hands.

Is it possible?

Can you really love her?

I know she loves you.

Be happy.

There is no dishonour in losing to you.

You're not noble but you deserve

a hundred times to be.

If my friendship means anything...

...I offer it to you and ask for yours

in exchange.

Now that we're friends,

I can confess it.

I like Arabelle a lot but I have

no taste for marriage.

I thought I had none either.

I spent years running as fast

as I could from the Institution.

But love caught up with me

and I am a prisoner.

Bloody hell!

That was well put.

- Are you the Viscount of Pontcassé?

- Yes, I am.

- Where is Benjamin?

- He's having his breakfast, Miss.

- Weren't you supposed to kill him?

- I was. But I didn't succeed.

And Mr. Rathery and I have

become fast friends.

The comings and goings of my friend

Benjamin seem really Important to you.

I love him but my father

doesn't want me to see him.

He even locked me up in the inn.

Fortunately, I could escape.

If I understand correctly, Miss,

your father is working as an innkeeper?

- Yes, he is.

- And he dares denying you, Benjamin?

Benjamin is poor. And he thinks he's

rather happy-go-lucky.

Well, I hope your father

will eventually relent.

Benjamin is a match like

you seldom meet one.

- He is, isn't he? - Go, Miss,

you'll find him in perfect health.

Farewell, Gentlemen.

- Arming cleavage.

- Charming.

But don't you think it's preposterous

that a common innkeeper...

...opposes the loves of someone with

whom I consented to cross swords?

Simply intolerable.

Why shouldn't we go and quench our thirst

at this innkeeper's?

There are several ways

to drink Benjamin's health!

- Benjamin!

- Benjamin, brother!

- I was so frightened, Benjamin!

Innkeeper! We're thirsty!

Forgive me, gentlemen! I was emptying

a barrel and failed to hear you.

What may I have the honour

to bring you?

A stupid question! Your best wine!

- Of course, of course. Red or white?

- White, dummy.

Do we look like we could drink

red wine so early in the morning?

Certainly not, my lord!

Certainly not.

I'd almost regret having sent

poor Benjamin to the after-world.

- They say he drank as much as I do.

- What? You killed Benjamin?

- Less than one hour ago.

- Then this is on the house.

You did a great job: Benjamin was a

dowry hunter, a virgin predator.

- I can do without your opinion.

- Certainly, my lord, I was only saying...

- Is this abomination your but wine?

- I can assure you, my lord.

I'm sure you keep your

best wine for yourself.

- Come on, lead us to your cellar.

- Very well, my lord...

What are you doing, my lord?

I have here a little Montrachet...

They say you keep your

daughter locked-up?

Yes, my lord, It's true, but I'm going

to free her, now that Benjamin is dead.

He would have taken her maidenhood

as fast as I can uncork a bottle.

- He's absolutely ignoble.

- Object.

But the Montrachet ls excellent.

Get inside!

That is not possible, my lord.

A joke, no doubt?

Oh, not at all. I'm as serious

as the holy father. Now get inside.

- Oh, no.

- Come on, get inside.

- Oh, no

- Will you get inside!

- Inside!

- My lord, I beg you.

Inside!

The cover.

My only child's maidenhood, my lord.

- As I uncork a bottle, I tell you.

- Come on, inside!

And now, Diogenes, you just have

to pray for poor Benjamin's soul.

- You'll be freed when it's in Paradise.

- It won't be any time soon.

Shut up and pray!

Go see Mr. Minxit and bring back

a cart with two solid servants.

I am at my lord's command.

Meanwhile...

I'll have a taste of this cellar.

Your document.

That's 40 louis, 10 sous and 6 deniers

you've owed me for three years!

You'll hear from me this afternoon.

Should you bell me that you're ill,

at last, I'll be delighted.

I've got a legal order of seizure

against you.

You'll go to jail, Mr. Rathery!

Oh, Mr. Minxit!

- So you're not dead.

- Well observed, Mr. Minxit.

- What about Pontcassé?

- As healthy as the Pont Neuf.

I'm not bloodthirsty, but you could

have scratched the damn nobleman a bit.

I would have regretted it till

the end of my days.

- Mr. Minxit, you do trust me, don't you?

- More than I trust myself, you know it.

In that case, know that the Viscount

of Pontcassé became my friend...

...and that he's worthy of becoming

your son-in-law.

- You're joking?

- I've never been more serious.

The Viscount is a very good lad.

He's got good humor, imagination, wit.

In a word, he's like us.

If that is true, I'm a very had father.

Come on, come on...

The Viscount is impatient to talk to you.

It would be cruel to make him wait.

Come on, Pontcassé, come on...

come on now.

Oh, Sir... dear Sir...

Please allow me...

- I can't. - I know what you're

going to say, my friend.

Don't bother. You want my daughter's hand?

Well, I give it to you.

Mr. Minxit, If there's a moment in life

when a man can feel perfectly happy...

...it's when a father agrees

to make him his son-In-law.

I can see that you didn't doubt my answer

and celebrated it without delay.

Indeed, but I have other

reasons to rejoice. Come.

- Can you guess what this is?

- A barrel. A good big barrel.

- And inside, there is...?

- There is?

Enough to make Benjamin a happy man.

Benjamin! Mr. Bontin went to see the bailiff...

And you have the sad duty to arrest me?

Alas! I can't always let you

slip through my hands.

Don't worry: I'll go with you.

I had a lot of exercise recently:

the quiet of the prison will do me good.

And I'll have quality company

there: Ronsard is with me.

Ah, Ronsard! "Of an infant

you still had the countenance...

... the speech and walk,

beautiful was your mouth... "

Our prison is welcoming but I never

saw anybody in such a hurry to get there...

Well, you can't marry in prison.

If I have to die, let it be of rapture...

On my faithful friends my heart will be leaning

If I have to die, let It be tenderness...

...cause dying of love Is only half dying...

...I want my life to die before

it becomes old...

Between the bottoms of wenches and bottles.

- Benjamin! You're free! - So soon?

But I've not been here one hour!

I saw the bailiff and paid all of your debts.

And had it been necessary, I would

have asked His Majesty for your pardon.

You can't possibly have paid...

all my debts!

Don't thank me. It was selfish.

Now that my daughter is

engaged to the Viscount...

...what would I become

without my best friend?

Let's go, I don't like this place, come.

As you can see, I don't have a choice.

Do not be sad, my friends...

...we'll certainly meet again since, for you

and for me, money... doesn't exist.

- Holy mackerel! What is that?

- The Marchioness of Cambise.

Such a marvel in that asshole's bed?

- Can you picture the scene?

- I'd rather not think about it.

The Marchioness was virtually sold

to Cambise by her father.

She's got an amazing bosom!

There's a party at the castle tonight,

I can't wall: for the show.

- Son-in-law!

- True. I'm engaged.

So there's a party at the castle tonight?

The Viscount of Pontcassé!

The Knight of Vallombreuse!

Reverend father Vlaeminck!

Where have you been, my good friends?

We were caught under a storm

and found shelter in a shed.

I hope, madam, that you'll be good

enough to forgive us for being late.

You're always forgiven, Viscount.

And I dare say I'm happy to be late...

...since It allowed me to meet

this holy man...

...who took shelter in the same shed.

The reverend is none other than

the confesor and private doctor...

...of the Marshal of Saxe who met him

in Flanders while he was campaigning.

Oh, yes, a great man of war is

the Marshal, but also a great sinner.

Father Vlaeminck is on his

way to Chambord...

...where the Marshal of Saxe is quartered.

I took the liberty of offering

him hospitality for tonight.

You were right.

A chair for the Reverend! Quick!

All the pleasure of the world.

Exquisite... but ephemeral.

I hope you don't forget about Heaven.

Certainly not. I'm very preoccupied

with the salvation of my soul.

Every year, at Christmas,

at Easter and on Ascension Day...

...I give a substantial sum to our Church.

What about Trinity Day, my son? No gift?

No... But I'll make sure

to change that from now on.

So you're the Marshal's confessor?

May I?

Frankly, Marquis, can you hear

grave words?

Yes.

I've been studying zoology for a long time...

... which allows me to tell you that

I'm very concerned about your health.

Your rosacean complexion...

...your bloodshot eye...

...your vermillion nose...

...your stale and unhealthy perspiration...

Your halitosis...

- Tell me, my child...

- Yes...

Are you very diligent in

the Marchioness' bedroom?

I couldn't be more.

Well you must curb your

legitimate ardor.

From now on, you'll only honour

your wife on every other day...

...and then only if you dine on

a soup and some vegetables.

Your pulse tells me that

your heart is affected.

The pleasure of such a beautiful

woman's bed could be your doom.

And on the nights when

I renounce conjugal duty...

...may I at least feast as I like?

- That goes without saying.

Tonight, for instance, better go on

quietly stuffing yourself.

- Oh, it's you, father!

- You, my son!

- Aren't you asleep? - Not before

I avenge myself. What about you?

I conquered the favour of

a girlfriend of the Marchioness'...

...and am going to pay her

my respects.

I congratulate you, although

my frock incites me to blame you.

Today is my last night as a bachelor.

Will you forgive me, father?

Yes, and even bless you, my son.

Who is it?

The very holy man whom you

were good enough to welcome.

- What ls It?

- Alas, madam, the Marquis is quite ill.

- And his condition is about to worsen.

- How do you mean?

You'll understand directly.

Don't be afraid: you, I won't hurt.

I am Benjamin Rathery.

The man on whom Cambise inflicted

an unseemly humiliation.

Yes, Sir, I recognize you now.

I thought for a long time about

the best way to avenge my honour.

When I saw you, I knew.

You're beautiful. So your husband

is going to be a cuckold.

- Sir!

- I absolutely want it.

He won't know about it.

But it will be such a sweet consolation...

...to know that I planted horns

on Cambise's stupid head.

Should you hesitate, madam...

...then I would be forced this very minute

to go and challenge the Marquis to a duel.

Think that he's fat and heavy:

he couldn't possibly resist my assault.

Sir... I know where my duty lies.

Shhh, Benjamin.

Madam! Madam!

The Marquis is terribly hurt.

Quick, madam! Madam, quick!

Benjamin!

- Father! Thank God!

- What's happening, my son?

The Marquis is choking.

He so voraciously attacked a salmon

that a fishbone stuck in his throat.

The poor man followed

my advice too literally...

But if my humble science

can be of any help to him.

No doubt, Father

Oh, my sweet!

Sir, this is a huge and probably

infectious fishbone.

Your larynx is visibly inflating.

I don't despair of performing

the operation but...

...what would my science be without

the benevolence of the Almighty?

That's why I'll thank you to

assemble your guests...

...and your staff and instruct them to pray.

Mouleau! Mouleau!

The bell!

Go to the Marquis!

Everybody go to the Marquis!

Now, I can operate.

Nevertheless there's a last

small formality.

Yes? Which one?

Do you remember, Sir, the man whom

you submitted to a bloody insult...

...because he refused to salute you?

Oh, yes, the one I made

kiss my... Well?

Well that man, Benjamin Rathery, is here.

I kissed you, Marquis.

You must kiss me in return.

I thought forgiveness was sweeter

than vengeance, Mr. Rathery.

Oh, madam, should I have kissed you

in the same spot...

...I would have felt a plump satisfaction.

Accept, my friend, I beseech you.

You wouldn't want me, so young,

to become a widow.

- Everybody out, then!

- Don't.

The insult was public,

the compensation must be too.

And that's not all.

There is someone here who's

deeply opposed to me.

- His presence could upset me.

- Go, Mouleau!

Indeed. But I want him to go

through the window.

I said through the window.

Let someone rid me of this man!

Obey the doctor.

No! No, no, no, not the window,

no, no, not the window. No!

Viscount, would you be so good

as to assist me?

Willingly, Father... Dr Rathery...

Your servant...

Madam...

My friends, here is the sword

that avenged Benjamin.

Bravo!

You've been rotting inside this barrel

for 24 hours, Innkeeper.

Since you had nothing special to do,

I hope you prayed a lot

for the soul of poor Benjamin.

- Well? Are you mute?

- Is this my lord talking to me?

In the ﬂesh. So, will you answer?

Did you pray?

I did nothing but pray.

But let me out, I beseech you!

You'll get out.

But, first, tell me If you'll let your

daughter marry whomever she chooses.

- Yes, whomever, whomever!

As long as you free me. - Not yet!

You must also swear to give her a

beautiful dowry on the day she marries.

Come on, we know you're rich.

You'll give her ten thousand crowns!

Yes, ten thousand crowns, that's fine.

Ten thousand crowns.

Aren't you ashamed?

You'll give her twenty thousand crowns.

Fine, fine, twenty thousand crowns.

But not one penny more.

- Cross your heart and hope to die?

- Cross my heart and hope to die!

Gentlemen!

Here we are, Benjamin. We wanted to

make you a happy man in spite of yourself.

Benjamin, you know I love you

as if you were my own son...

...but listen to me:

you must marry Manette.

If you go on fluttering, you'll be

an old man before you know it.

Mr. Minxit is damn right, Benjamin.

Can't you see where ﬂuttering got me?

My sight is ailing. Soon I won't

be able to study urines...

...even should they be as clear

as spring water.

You'll succeed me, as I've always

wanted you to.

Your place is here, Benjamin.

- Jean-Pierre, I have the honour of asking you...

- Sir!

Three men at arms are here,

asking for Mr. Rathery.

- Benjamin Rathery.

- That's me.

What can I do for you, gentlemen?

In the name of the King, following

a complaint by the Marquis of Cambise...

...Lord of Corvol and Clamecy,

accusing you of trespassing...

...fence breaking as well as assault

and battery of his steward.

His Manny's prosecutor decided your arrest.

- Take him away.

- Good bye, Manette.

- Benjamin!

- Don't do that, wench!

- Pay some respect, sergeant!

- How is this your business?

I'm the Viscount of Pontcassé

of the King's dumber and I order you...

Sorry, Viscount, but I take orders

only from the prosecutor.

Take him away.

This is serious business.

Cambise is powerful at court.

Benjamin could be sentenced

to the galleys.

Isn't there anything to do?

His Majesty sometimes does me

the honour of listening to me.

of a rich yellow becoming...

...in a gold rain pour down

drop by drop, forever...

...in the glorious breast

of lovely Cassander.

When, in her eyes,

the shadow of sleep goes slipping.

I want to change into

a white bull for my lass...

...in order to, oh most

elegantly, take her!

When, in April, among

the tenderest of grass

She goes...

why I loved him...

...I can say no more than...

...because it was he, because it was I. "

Father!

Little Arabelle, go and bring me Benjamin,

hurry!

But he's in prison.

The prosecutor is an old friend of mine.

He'll allow him to go out.

Hurry. Go and fetch him.

Viscount of Pontcassé,

His Majesty is waiting for you.

Benjamin, how long shall I live?

You're somewhat tired, Mr. Minxit.

A few days in bed, sipping Pommard...

...and you'll be back

on your feet In no time.

No, the evening cold is seeping through me.

It's time to say goodbye

to this house, to this garden...

...to these old trees.

I kept It from you but my heart

has been exhausted for several months.

Do you understand now why I was

in such a hurry to make you happy?

All right, Benjamin,

how long shall I live?

Speak frankly...

...a traveler must know the time of

his departure so he can pack his luggage.

Mr. Minxit, today is Thursday.

On Saturday there will be

a mourning house In Corvol.

That is what I diagnosed, too.

- But, is Friday mine?

- Fully.

In that case, invite all of

my friends to a last dinner.

I don't want to part with life

on bad terms.

I intend to bid farewell to it

with a glass in my hand.

Sit down, my friends. Please.

I want my last glance to be of

laughing faces and full glasses.

If you want to please me, just give

free rein to your usual merriment.

Your health, my friends!

Your health, Benjamin.

Damn! This is bloody good stuff!

It's good sniff.

I don't want my death

to be mourned.

Instead of a black suit, you'll wear

a rose on your lapel.

After dipping it into a glass

of champagne...

...you'll pull its petals all

over my grave...

...which will be dug In my field,

on the bank of the stream.

You'll plant on it a cradle

of vine and honeysuckle.

You'll say my funeral oration.

I wouldn't mind hearing,

now that I still live...

...what posterity will think of me.

The man we bury under this canopy

leaves unanimous regrets.

No man leaves unanimous regrets.

Would you rather have: friends

who'll long mourn his death?

No, That's not true either.

Well... He lived as a philosopher...

...enjoying life and making it enjoyable

for all of those who loved him.

And he died the same way,

following a great feast...

...with his friends around him.

Passers-by! Throw a ﬂower

on his grave.

- Benjamin, I saw the King.

- Hector.

His Majesty agreed to listen to me...

...and accepts your release from prison.

- Long live the King!

But His Majesty thinks

that a public insult...

...to the Marquis of Cambise

can't go unpunished.

The sentence to the galleys

that should have been yours...

...will be changed to banishment.

You must leave the country.

Let's go.

You're free.

I already brought you with me once, so...

- How to tell you...?

- Don't thank me, Benjamin.

You could have killed me and you didn't.

Mr. Minxit wanted to give you Arabelle...

I'm twice your debtor.

- Where will you go?

- Straight ahead.

- You may go far that way.

- I certainly hope so.

- Goodbye, my friend.

- Goodbye.

- Can you see the stream, Gaspard?

- Yes.

I bet it's full of crayfish.

Go and fetch us some.

Meanwhile, Mariette will rest.

Right now, Uncle Benjamin.

Tell me, Manette, what your father

called your small capital...

What about it?

What about eating it now,

before we eat the crayfish?

My Uncle Benjamin (1969) - full transcript