My Summer as a Goth (2019) - full transcript

Looks like mom
has been here...

always with the expected.

Seems like it was just

the last day of third grade

when we started
our tradition of ice cream

and a trip to the museum.

How crazy that it's
the last day of tenth

and you aren't here.

How are you?

Kind of an unusual spot.

Or do you spend
a lot of time in cemeteries?



Yeah.

Dead people don't ask you
how you're doing all the time.

Anyway,
sounds like I'm off to Mimi

and Papa's
for the summer.

I would rather be anywhere else.

I can't believe I won't be able
to visit you every day.

Yeah, it's totally
not creepy

that you're just sitting here
all by yourself

staring at everyone.

Wanna join us?

Come on!

Molly's
trying so hard

to include me... and, no,

I still have nothing in common



with Shelley and the Karens,

even though we've been
in school together forever.

Hey, kids.
What's the latest?

We were just discussing our
fabulous summer plans.

Joey,
does your family still go

to the San River every summer?

Oh, my mom's
on this book tour this year,

so we probably won't make it.

So, you're just going to hang
out with your pops then?

Shut up, Shelley!

No, I'm the girl
whose dad died, remember?

So, you're really going
to abandon me this summer?

Marissa is the one
abandoning me

for her stupid book tour.

My dad's body is practically
still warm.

- Too dark?
- A little.

Hey, congrats
on those stellar PSAT scores!

You'll be writing your own
ticket to college

- if you keep that chiz up.
- Thank you, Mr. Gately.

You guys joining the other
kids for the big tailgater?

Yeah, I'm not really

in the mood for date rape
tonight, so...

Okay, well,
have a great summer.

Thanks, Mr. Gately.
Too dark?

So, you're going to the party
with me tonight?

You are the worst
best friend ever.

You're gonna
love me for it.

Aaron's gonna be there,
and he and I are, like,

meant to be together forever.

I wouldn't want
to interfere with destiny.

- See you later.
- Right. Bye.

Like you said,
the best day of school

is the last day of school.

Not exactly thrilled

to be hanging out with the old
folks this summer,

but at least I won't be here.

Mom?

Marissa?

Is there a dinner?

Dinner? Right.
Um, Pizza?

- Again?
- No dishes.

I really want to come home
to a clean house.

Great!
I'm not hungry.

- Are you packed?
- Thinking about it.

Anything else?

I put a fresh bouquet
on Daddy's grave today.

I know.

Oh, you took
the flowers out of the vase?

Is that a problem?

Well, they won't
last as long.

If you wanted
them to last long,

you wouldn't have cut them.

Well, we're not going
to be here

to enjoy them this summer.

So, I thought Daddy
might like them.

As if Daddy
can even see them.

- What are you doing?
- Packing.

Well, what are
you looking for?

Sweatshirt.

Molly and I are going
out tonight.

When are you going
to be home?

The question isn't when,
dear Carissa, it's if.

Oh, my God.
He's coming over here.

Act like I just said something
really funny.

I know, right?

Hi Molly,
having a good night?

Hi Aaron.
You know Joey, right?

Yeah.
We had chem together, right?

I'm surprised
you remember.

You never said
a single word to me.

So, who wants a drink?

I'd love one, thanks.

Okay.

BRB.

- Better stay right there.
- I promise I won't leave.

Is this seat taken?

Yeah, Molly's
coming right back.

Are you sure about that?

To the best summer ever.

You know,
You're not the only one

who doesn't like
coming at these.

Do I fill my nose?

Yeah,
they look miserable.

Aaron,
this is a total no-fun zone,

- come back to the party!
- All right.

Sorry about your dad, Joey.

Peace out, bitches.

Joey, stop that.

What will people think?

Dad would have
thought that was funny.

You ready?

Thank you.

Mom? Dad?

You came through my vagina.
You can come through the door.

We discovered juicing.
That's good.

- There my girls!
- Hey Joseph!

- Hi Papa!
- Sweetie!

Power boost
for the road!

Beets, kale
and pinch of psyllium husk.

What? It's good for the colon.

I hope your seated
on the aisle.

So you're coming
with us, Joey?

I'm not a fan
of airport goodbyes.

I'll check in with you
when I get to JFK, all right?

I'm at a loss.

Don't worry,
we'll take good care of her.

She is our favorite
granddaughter after all.

I'm your only
granddaughter.

We'll see you in August
for our 40th?

- That's the plan.
- Okay.

So, who wants to do drugs?

Hot acid.

A little cocaine made.

Maybe I should
settle away

and before you hit
the hard stuff.

You're very reasonable
for a teenager.

- I rule!
- Ugh.

I don't think
I need to play another round

of miniature golf
for quite some time.

You're just sore
'cause I beat you.

Yeah, miniature
golf is pretty lame.

No, actually,
you're quite good.

Give your old Mimi
a run for her money.

You should know
that your grandmother

is the miniature golf
champion of the family.

You guys are cute.
Mom and Dad were just like you.

So, Joey,
you have a boyfriend?

Well, haven't
found the right guy yet?

Oh, Joseph,
maybe she's a lesbian.

That's okay!

A lot of kids are gay
these days.

Jesus, I'm not a lesbian.

Let's go!

You guys are a little too cool,
it's freaking me out.

Good afternoon, Roy.

Hello, Joseph.
Hello, Margaret.

You got your granddaughter?

This is Joey,
stuck with us all summer.

Poor sucker.

Victor is back
with us again.

Who knows how long this time?

But why so glum?

He's gone goth.

Well, I don't
know what that means,

but it doesn't sound good.

We'll see you for cards
tomorrow night?

Looking forward to it.

Joey! Joey!

Grandpa and I are heading
over to the Irelands' for cards.

Hello!

- Hello!
- What?

We play late.

So don't wait up.

Ugh, you crazy kids.

What will I ever do with you?
Whoa!

Oh, okay.
What are you doing?

Why don't you
jump on my bike

and tear through
the neighborhood, okay?

Good girl.

Shit!

Hello, young lady.

- Joey?
- What are you doing here?

Is everything OK?
Where are you going?

Victor, honey!

Someone's here to see you.

Victor, this is
our granddaughter, Joey.

She's spending
the summer with us.

Lucky Joey,

You know you have the coolest
grandparents ever, right?

And your mom's like,
that famous novelist, yeah?

I'm sorry, I thought
I saw something.

I'm leaving now.

Nice to see you,
Joey.

What is it all about?

Good question.

Hey, wait up!

- Wait.
- Okay, I know what I saw.

Your window was open

and pretty music
was blasting out of it,

so It couldn't help but notice.

Next time you attempt suicide,

you might wanna try
turning your lights off!

You liked my music?

What?

The music I was playing,
you said you liked it.

Uh, yeah, it was sad
and beautiful.

Two great tastes
that taste great together.

I'm sorry I scared you.

I was just doing one
of my performance pieces.

A performance?
For who?

For myself. Who else?

What?

Well, I can't come in.

And why not?

A vampire has to be
invited into a mortal's home.

I thought everyone knew that.

OK, whatever.
Just come on in.

Got any beer?

Uh... root beer?

Adorable.

So, if you're a vampire,
shouldn't you be drinking blood?

You know, I'm not
really a vampire.

But don't tell my grandparents,
they're the real vampires.

Wait, I'm not following.

You're not really a vampire,
but your grandparents are?

Imagine
their disappointment

when they find out
I am only a goth.

You wanna make out?

Err, I'm good. Thanks.

What does your room look like?

Wow, so tidy!

You're not a serial killer,
are you?

Because I saw this show

and serial killers tend
to be very clean.

Well, I am not
a serial killer.

Well, I guess I won't know
until it's too late.

Nice. Firm.

Not half bad taste in music.

Um, you are very smug,
you know that, mister?

If by smug
you mean awesome,

you'd be correct, young lady.

Got any pot?

Yeah, right.

Oh, I've never done drugs.

Well...

there's a first time
for everything, isn't there?

Do... do you mind
taking that outside?

I just don't want
my grandparents thinking

I'm some kind of drug addict.

Smoking a little grass
hardly makes you a drug addict.

Here.

Impressive timing.

You know, it's very impolite

to turn down
another person's weed.

Okay.

He looked
at the girl, aimed the pistol...

and fired a bullet through
his right temple.

He freaking shot himself.

Okay wait, so he just
kills himself, and then it ends?

That is so messed up.

We're dying from the moment
we're born, poodle.

It's best that you accept
that now.

Oh, my God.

Is it really that late?
Where are my grandparents?

I'm telling you,
there are vampires over there.

Should we eat some more?

I'm thinking yes.

Great.

Did I scare you?

Good!

We were wondering

when you were gonna
come back to life.

What time is it?

Almost noon.

You kids had fun last night?

I should ask you
two the same thing.

Last time I checked,

it was 2:00AM and you still
hadn't made it home.

Whoa.
Does he do that often?

Do what, dear? What?

Breakfast is served.

Of course, it's almost lunch,
but, what the hell?

Really?
Is the nakedness necessary?

He isn't naked, dear.
He's wearing an apron.

So, what are you doing today?
Any plans?

Victor and I thought that it
would be fun to hang out.

You look really beautiful.

I look really awkward.

But in a really
attractive way.

Oh!

Think of it as an advance
on your inheritance.

Have fun tonight!

Thank you, Papa.

Hi, Mr. Ireland,
uh, is Victor home?

You know, I think
he just went to the coffee shop.

Really?

We were supposed
to hang out together.

He went to get coffee.

He went for coffee.

Are you excited
about the fourth?

I hadn't really thought
about it.

You're an American,
aren't you?

Well,
yes, I'm an American,

but the fourth seems
a little bit far off.

It's around the corner.
I just got back from Tijuana

with this little baby.

Now, if the cops come knocking,
you ain't seen nothing.

Oh, okay.

Well, have a good day,
Mr. and Mrs. Ireland.

Strange girl.

There you are.

Can't talk now, Mom.
Gotta run.

Victor?

Hi, hey, there.

Hey, everyone,
have you met

my new friend, Joey?
Joey, this is Pen,

and this is her boyfriend, Cobb.

Hi. Pen and Cobb
are those nicknames

or something?

Pen is an adult female swan.

Cobb is an adult male swan.

Did you guys know
that swans mate for life?

Course we know that,
don't we, beloved?

Pen and Cobb
have made a blood vow

to be together forever.

See, they have phials
of each other's blood

around their neck.

Isn't that romantic?

Sure.

When he dies, I will take
my own life immediately

and he will do the same for me
if I pass on

to the next world before him.
We'll be together in this life

and in the hereafter.

If there is a hereafter.

Of course,
there is a hereafter.

Positively can't wait
for the hereafter.

But what if we're
already dead?

And this is the hereafter.

I love you exquisitely
twisted mind, you know that?

You ditched
the grandparents this afternoon.

A person can only
play so much canasta, really.

I love canasta.

Victor, can I talk to you
in private for a second?

Sure.

What's up?

It's just that I... I thought
we were gonna hang out,

you know, together.

Jesus, Joey,
I'm really shocked.

We didn't even have sex
last night,

- you're already so possessive.
- No, no.

I mean,
you stalked me all the way here,

and now I hear you give me
a guilt trip about meeting up

with my friends?

I wasn't stalking you,
I just thought

- that we were gonna hang on.
- Joey, relax.

I'm just kidding.

I didn't have your number
in my phone,

so I thought you'd figure out
to meet me here.

But you're really sweet,
you know that, right?

What?

It's just your outfit
is really bringing me down.

It's time to freshen things up
a little bit,

and by "freshen," I mean
change every single thing

about the way you look.

Will this help?

Pen, Cobb,
emergency makeover.

Back off, bitch,
Eliza Doolittle's mine.

You'll be a new woman
once I'm done with you.

She gets really moved
by makeovers.

Just one last thing.

Okay.

Look at this pair of WOBs.

WOBs?

Wearers Of Black,
like you now.

What's a great color
on you ladies! Very slimming.

What the hell!

How's our girl?

We went shopping.

This is no time
for small talk,

your whole life
is about to change.

Thank you.

Should we be worried?

They're teenagers. Yes.

Okay.
Oh, these are nice!

We should dye this.

What do you think?

Utterly lugubrious.

The Utterly Lugubrious.

What do you think of that
for our band name?

Check this out.

Oh, my God, my mom is gonna
kill me.

It's awesome, I love it.

Like this?

- You can do that?
- Oh... Oh, God.

You look like the bride
of Frankenstein.

Hot.

Hey. See you at 8:00?

I don't think
I'm gonna make it tonight.

Close your eye.

You know, there's no going
back now, right?

Wow!
You guys going to a funeral?

Why? Do you happen
to know of any good ones?

We're off
to a party, you guys.

We'll get her home safe.
Promise.

Did you see what
that boy did to our Joey?

Yeah. It finally looks like
she's having some fun.

Uh...

Wait.

I want you...

...to be perfect.

Hey, Joey, give me your phone.

Okay.

Now, uh, press play
when we get to the party.

Trust us.

I love this song.
Let's dance.

Doesn't it seem
sort of wrong

to be dancing
on someone's grave?

I've got
a secret for you, kiddo:

they're already dead,
they won't even know.

The stars look amazing.

You look amazing.

You are amazing.

You need to reapply, poodle.

Well, well,
if it isn't a Goth convention?

Not again.

Oh, hey, newbie!
Nice lipstick.

Very fetching.

Aww, don't you two make
a cute couple?

Don't touch me, man!

Victor, your girlfriend says
I stop touching her.

I'm not his girlfriend.

You hear that, Victor?

She says she's not
your girlfriend.

How does that make you feel?

Oh, I was just
having a little fun.

Am I making everyone
uncomfortable?

Why don't you
just leave?

You weren't even
going to be here.

Hate the cemetery, nothing
but goths and dead people.

Hey, you know
what would be really convenient?

If I just killed all of you
and buried you here.

Just get out of here.

I mean...

...you're a Goth now.

You goths can't wait to die.

Stop it,
you're hurting me.

Who's gonna make me?

Antonio, stop.

Try me.

Damned goths,
I should bury all of you.

Punk bitch.

Victor, just let him go.

What did you just say to me?

Antonio!

Enough!

Let's go!

Why are punks
such animals?

You okay?
That was such a buzzkill.

Come on. I wanna show you
something.

I like to think of this
as my summer home.

Let's stay here all night
and we can get up

and watch the sunrise.

Is everything okay?

Um, I guess I'm just
still a little freaked

with the whole scene
with Antonio maybe.

You're a virgin,
aren't you?

What?
Well, yeah, technically.

Technically?,
yeah, you're a virgin.

I guess I just need
to slow things down a little.

Okay?

Sure. I get it.

Oh, my God, what time is it?

My grandparents
are gonna kill me.

- You coming?
- Curse the light.

Are you just now getting in?

Yeah, I was hanging out
at Victor's late last night

and I guess we fell asleep.

We were over there
until late last night

and, uh,
we didn't see you there.

Are you going
to tell us what really happened?

Okay. Victor
and I went to a party

at the old cemetery
and we kind of fell

asleep together in a tomb.

But it's cool, nothing happened,
it was totally PG.

Was your phone
stolen while you were sleeping?

Whatever, okay?

I go to one lousy party
and I get interrogated.

Ouch!

What did you that for?

Because I can
legally beat the crap...

beat any sense into you.

Next time send a text,
young lady.

You know how to text?

Nah.

Say something
and I will get back to you.

Maybe.

OMG!
What did you do to your hair?

I met a boy.

Okay, obviously,
I need the Lydia Deetz.

What?

Who is he? I mean he has
to be a good kisser

to make your hair
change colour like that.

You are really
out of control, you know that?

I miss you.

I'm only 45 minutes away,
I should just come over.

I would love that,
you can meet Victor.

Ooh!
He sounds like trouble.

I think he might be.
We spent the night together

- in a tomb.
- Okay, that is totally creepy,

and I'm totally there.

Okay, sweet.
See you soon.

I'll check on my parentals

and I'll get back to you.

Later, Lydia.

Hello there, YouTube.

So today, I'm going
to be doing

my everyday makeup routine.

And I'm going
to be showing you how...

So you can take it up

as high as you want depending
on the kind of...

Whenever you tease your hair,

you're gonna take
a brush like this.

It's time to hairspray,
the ever-living shit

out of his hair.

Hi, guys,
what are you doing?

Well, the
picnic, duh.

And your little boyfriend's
grandparents

are itching to get going.

He's not my boyfriend.

Let's get to move on, people.

Well, if it isn't
the belle of the ball...

I didn't have my team
to put me together this morning.

What do you think?

It's close, but not quite.

It's like you're holding
back or something.

I guess I'm just new
to this whole goth thing.

I think you're just
scared of what people

would think if you really
went for it.

I don't care
what people think.

No?

Well, if you don't care
what people think...

why did you just ask me
what I thought?

Huh. It's a little
early for Halloween,

don't you think?

Hey, Victor, try not to get
your ass kicked today, would ya?

Would you look
at that!

A hot dog wrapped in bacon?

God bless America.

You want to get out of here?

Happy 4th of July,
Joey.

You want to go
to our summer place?

Happy birthday,
America.

I don't ever wanna
go back,

can't we just stay
in the cemetery forever?

Wow,

maybe you are real goth.

See you later?

You know where to find me.

Have a nice evening, Joey?

Yeah, Thanks, Mimi.

Want paincakes?

No, I'm just going
to sleep for a while.

Victor and I are gonna
hang out later.

Didn't we agree
you would text

the next time you were going
to stay out late?

Yeah, I lost my phone,
but no worries, I found it.

You're spending
an awful lot of time

with that boy.

Yeah, well,
I really like him, I guess.

We don't like it
that you're staying out

all night.
Are you being... safe?

Okay, It's fine.
Nothing's happened.

Your mother
called worried to death.

If my mother
is so worried

about my whereabouts,
so why she dumped me here

all summer?

Why don't you spend
some time

with your grandparents
this summer?

Okay. You guys, listen,
I'm sorry

that I didn't send a text,
but I figured you guys knew

I was with Victor.

That doesn't
make us feel any better.

We're asking you not see Victor
for two weeks.

Are you, like,
grounding me?

We're not grounding you.

We're just limiting
your bad choices.

And what does
that mean exactly?

We're grounding you.

Hi, it's Mom.

Hello, it's your mom.

It's Carissa calling.

Joey, dear.

Yes, grandfather, dear.

We thought it might be
a good idea

if you joined us.
We have big plans.

Oh, big plans huh?

I'm not sure I can resist
the sound of that, Papa.

And I'm not sure
I would have taken no

for an answer.

Now throw on something black
and meet us downstairs.

Yes!

People actually
play bingo?

This ain't your
grandma's bingo.

This is like acid trip bingo.

Now, I'm curious.

Yeah. Come on.

O row, 69.

And our next number
is in the B row, B-11.

Up next, we have...

Oh, bingo?

Helga!

My goodness, you won again.

Come on up!
Let's see,

I have to confirm that,
'cause you win an awful lot.

I'm suspicious.

And everybody's so quiet,
they're not very happy for you.

Can we get
a nice bunch of applause

We had to be supportive
of one another.

B-3, yes.

B-11, yes.

O-69, my favorite number.

Congratulations.

How do you always win so much?

I'm an expert at bingo.

You're a very expert bingo.

Thank you so much.

Your prize is...
Are you ready for this?

A year's supply of soft cheese.

Oh? I like it.

I knew you would.
You're welcome. Congratulations.

Very nice, supportive of Helga.

Okay, everybody,
welcome to our newcomers

who have just arrived
a little bit late.

Nice to see you,
little unhappy girl, welcome.

Okay, ready? The game you're
going through right now

is just plain old regular
straight bingo.

Just like me, plain, old,
regular and straight.

You can go up and down, side
to side or diagonal, got it?

You only need five to win.

How about B-4?

Not after but B-4.

- I have that one.
- Oh, good.

And our next member
is G-55.

I can't drive 55.

I got that one too.

That's great!

The last number
in the bingo board is O-75.

How about O-7-5?

I got it.

And ladies
and gentlemen

and those in between, for you,
our next number is I-27.

My age I-2-7.

Don't snicker over there.

Oh, my gosh, wait,
with the free space,

I think that I might have...

- Shout it out! Shout!
- Bingo!

Another winner in the family!

Oh, wait a minute,
did you say bingo?

Yeah!

Oh, I couldn't hear
with all this popcorn machine.

So, okay, zombie girl.
Come on, let's see what you got.

The game was rigged.

You're the new one, right?

I haven't seen you
around here before.

Yeah, it's my first time.

Oh my! You haven't
played Bingo ever?

- Hum, hum.
- Oh, my gosh.

You've ever been this close
to a man in a dress before?

Oh, I don't think so.

It's the day
of firsts for you.

- What is your name?
- Joey.

Joey, nice to meet you.
I'm Ralph.

Okay, so we have B-4.

We have I-27. Okay.

You use your free spot,
very clever.

Sometimes cheating,
but not in this case.

How about G-55? Yes.

And O-75?
That's a good bingo.

Let's get a nice round
of applause for Joey.

Congratulations! Okay, Joey.

So, there's no more
soft cheeses.

But I have for you
a two-month pass

to underwater aerobics
at the SINU center.

Oh, we can go together!

I know, they usually
like that kind of prize.

Congratulations.

Applause for Joey one more time.
Thank you so much.

And now we're going
to clear the board.

We're going to play again;
you guys ready?

Let's play again!

How's your licorice,
bingo queen?

Even her tongue
wears black.

You see, it's not
so bad hanging here with us?

Yeah, you guys
are all right, I guess.

I wonder
how your mom is doing.

I don't.

Whoops!

Listen,
you can always talk to us.

Okay.

How about we just keep not
talking about her or him?

- Okay?
- You know what?

I think today is the last day

of your grounding,
zombie girl.

What do you think, mimi?

Yeah, she satisfied
the terms of her sentencing.

Really?
Like, you mean it?

Mm-hmm.

You're all cleared
for takeoff, little bird.

Aren't you gonna
say, "Trick or treat"?

Bye, guys, yes, I promise

I'll text
if we're gonna be out late.

You're sure you want
to take them camping?

At least I know
they'll love your ghost stories.

Thank god.

I'm beginning to tan!

Well, that's a cream was
with positively blood-curdling.

That's such a turn-on.

Let's get out of here,
I'm starting to melt.

Wait, one last shot,
okay, guys?

I win!

Gonna have to use
a ton of powder tonight.

Or we wanna like
extra dud for the party.

What party?

Victor didn't tell you
about the party?

No, he didn't mention it.

I got to take it,
I'll be right back.

Joey. Lipstick.

So, you guys gonna tell
me about this party or what?

Okay, get over it.

I think I know
what you're gonna say,

but we kind of work together,
don't we?

We just don't want you
to feel unwelcome, that's all.

And why would Joey
feel unwelcome?

- Oh, right, the party.
- What?

Am I, like, not invited
or something?

Well, at first,
I didn't invite you

because you were grounded.

But I have to admit
I am a little nervous

you might feel uncomfortable.

Why would I be uncomfortable?

Because these are
real goths.

You may feel like
kind of a poser.

I never thought
of myself as a poser.

You can't just
dye your hair

and change your clothes
for the summer

and expect everyone
to accept you as one of our own.

It's not just a scene,
it's a way of life.

Hey, hey, don't pout,
pretty lady.

It'll be fun.

I promise.

Are you sure I'm dressed up
enough?

Yes. You look fine, please.

Relax,
they can smell your fear.

I can't help it.

I don't want them thinking
that I'm a poser.

Please,
you're with me,

and practically goth royalty.

Victor.

You didn't tell me you
would be bringing company.

Yes, Pandora,
this is Josephine,

the newest addition
to our little coven.

You can call me Joey.

Joey, this is Pandora.
She's our host,

and her family owns the biggest
mortuary in town.

- Oh.
- Yes.

Business has been
especially good lately.

Why?
You've been killing them?

No, I just mean that you...

it must be really convenient,
you know,

having your family
on the mortuary,

you know, being like
a goth and...

Oh, poo!

Sad thing, empty chalices.

Victor, do you fancy
accompanying me

to get some punch?

Sure!

Come, Josephine.

Let's all go get some punch!

Vampires' blood, spooky.

Well,
your little friend is charming.

Where did you find her?

It's the neighbor girl.
But a doll, isn't she?

I stopped playing

with dolls a long time ago,
Victor.

So, how about that
Marilyn Manson, right?

Excuse me
for a moment, would you?

It looks as though someone's
in desperate need of rescuing.

Come, my pet!

New project.

I'm gonna get a drink.

What's that?

Said I'm gonna kill myself.

I can't hear you.

This should do.

Ouch, peachy!

Hey Victor, you should try...

Sorry.

Hey, guys!
What are you doing?

Summoning the spirits.
How about yourself?

I lost Victor.

You smell pretty
fruity there.

What's in your cup?

It's peachy!
You wanna try?

Well, well, well.

If it isn't America's
next top Goth.

What are you doing here?

Slumming! Need a drink?

I am all set. Thanks.

What are you doing here?

Well, if you really
must know, I came with Victor.

Have you seen him, by chance?

You know, I'm really
not that bad of a guy.

I don't know what happened
the other night.

You guys! I don't
mean to be rude,

but we're trying to communicate
with the other side here.

Yeah. Why don't you
and the Jolly Rancher

take your conversation
over there?

Okay.

What should I play?
"Bela Lugosi's Dead"?

Never heard of it.

You're new to this whole Goth
thing, aren't you?

Hello, new girl.

Oh, hey, Pandora.
This is my friend, Antonio.

Who cares?
Where's Victor?

I am looking
for him too, actually.

You know,
you two are so cute together.

Me and Victor?
Thank you, Pandora.

No, you and him.

You wanna do shots?

Why are you being
so nice to me?

Where is the drink?

What are you doing
with my cup?

Okay.

I need a cane. Don't. Stop it!

I wanna sing. Okay.

From the top of the strings...

Joey!

Joey! Joey! Joey!

Victor,
this is my friend, Antonio.

Nice to meet... Oh, no.
What I'm I talking about?

You guys have already met,
remember the graveyard?

Yes.
Good to see you again, Antonio.

Yeah.

It's time to go.

What?
I'm just starting to have fun.

No, I am not going.

I think I'm gonna retch...

Okay. The fun is over.

But wait.
No, I don't want to go.

No, no, no, no, no.

See, I wanna sing
with my friends and I wanna...

Wait, where is everybody going?

Wait!

Okay.

- Hey, Victor?
- Yes?

Do you think I'm a real goth?

No, I think
that you're real mess.

Oh, sorry!

Okay.

Baby bats just can't hold
their liquor.

What's going on?

Hey!

Yeah, me too.

Listen, I can't talk right now.

Okay, good night, beautiful.

Antonio,
it's never gonna happen.

Say something and I
will get back to you. Maybe.

Hey, Victor.

I think I might owe you
an apology or something.

Call me, okay?

Thought you might need a
strong cup of Joe this morning.

Thank you, yeah.

Oh. Oh, God, curse the light.
No, no.

How about joining me
for a dance class later, huh?

Might be good to sweat it out.

Yeah, and it also might
be good to stay in bed all day.

Maybe it's not
exercise you need,

maybe it's an exorcism.

- What?
- We've tried everything else.

Maybe it is time
to call in a priest.

Okay, very funny.

No, I'm not joking.

I'm pretty sure

you're possessed
by a soul-devouring demon.

What else would make you
stay out all night

keeping us up with worry?

What else would make you
get drunk?

And do drugs in our home?

Why?

Oh, why are you still
chasing after that boy?

Victor doesn't care
a flying flip about you.

Okay,
how I feel shittier.

That's the demon.

You might wanna
to look into that.

Hello, Victor?

Oh, hey!
Finally, she answers.

Are you alive?

Are your grandparents
taking for care of you?

What is it I hear about a boy?

Are you using protection?

- Jesus, Mom.
- What?

I know what a summer
fling is like.

It's not a fling. Okay?

Oh, it's not a fling.
So, it's serious.

What, after a month and a half?

Was there a point
to this phone call, Mother?

I'm just calling to tell
my daughter that I love her.

Is that for me or for the
fans? Later, Mom.

Ah, that is such
a nice thing to say, honey.

Okay, well, talk
to you tomorrow.

And who should
I make this out to?

What is he doing?

OMG, it totally feels like we're
detectives right now.

Focus!

He's smoking.

Ew.

You fell for a smoker,
that doesn't seem like you.

I wouldn't say that I'd
fallen for him exactly.

You're stalking him
with your best friend,

you're so totally.

Here. Let me look at him.

He's so goth.

I don't trust the look of him,
Joey.

Yeah, I know what you mean.

Who's ready
for a little fun in the forest?

How are the good
horror films start.

It's him!

He knows we're watching him.

Girls,
we're loading the car.

"Have you ever
done it in the woods?"

Girls, I can hear
everything you're saying.

- Okay.
- Okay.

What about Victor?

Hey there!

I wanted you two
to finally meet.

I'm the BFF.

You were pretty trashed the
other night, weren't you?

I tried calling you.

I left my phone
at Pandora's.

I was worried

that I might have done
permanent damage.

I mean, when I woke up
the next morning,

I wasn't even sure
how I got home.

Well, that sounds
like quite a night.

It wasn't.

You look like
a couple of dead honeymooners

from one of Margaret's
ghost stories.

Thank you.

Joey, get your little
friends stop scaring

the other campers
and help us set up. Okay?

Hi, I'm Molly.

Enchantée!

You've got to be
kidding me, right?

- Ready, Margaret?
- Yeah.

Oh, we're so terrible!

That was unexpected.

I know, but kind of fun,
right?

Well, he doesn't
seem to think so.

And the beast
had recently acquired a mate.

And she gave birth

to a brood of little
beautiful beasties.

And they were ravenous.

And the beast knew

he had to find fresh blood,

guts and gore to feed
his little family.

So, he put his nose
to the air...

...and sniffed.

and ferreted out

a bitter venom.

It was a mile away,
but the beast could smell him.

So, he tracked him down,

and charged,

and gouged out an eyeball,
and he wanted to devour it.

- Woo!
- Jesus, Joey!

You scared me.

You think that was scary?

You should hear
one of Margaret's ghost stories.

I think Pen's half a shade
whiter.

You want to get out of here?

What do you mean?

There's this club
thing happening tonight.

I think it might be fun.

Oh, I don't know.

It doesn't seem right somehow.

Does it seem... wrong?

And then
the beast disemboweled her

and strung up

her freshly murdered cadaver

with her own hands.

Carving his name
into the earth below

as a warning
to all future campers

who dared to enter

his forest home again!

Wooh! Wooh!

I'm giving you
honorary goth status

for that macabre
and wonderful tale, Margaret.

You guys feel like
hitting the club Medusa tonight?

Actually,
we're kinda having fun here.

We'll catch it next month.

What's club Medusa?

Okay, kids,
we're going to turn in.

Don't stay up too late!

Can I borrow your car?

Promise we'll take real
good care of it.

So, you're really
just going to leave everyone?

Um, yeah,
there's this party thing.

Let's go.

Wait!
Molly's gonna come with us.

She's dying
to go to club Medusa.

I am?

You look amazing tonight, Joey.

I wish I could be you.

I don't feel amazing.

I feel like I just
ditched everyone.

You did just
ditch everyone.

You chose me over them.

I mean, who wouldn't?

Just look at me.

Then again...

...just look at you.

Tonight is gonna be
out of control.

What the hell?

Come on.

Everyone's waiting.

Who's everyone?

Are you sure you
don't want to change?

I bet you say that
to all the girls.

I'm going to dance.

Are you ever going to hit
the concept of reapplying?

Why are you still
going out with him?

I'm not going out with him.

But you're still
hanging out with him?

Joey, you look beautiful.
It's okay.

- Hey, what were you doing?
- Come on!

- You wanna dance?
- Okay.

I'm gonna find
the bathroom.

Okay.

Excuse me! Sorry! Sorry!
Excuse me! Excuse me!

Looking rather fetching
tonight.

- Are you with Victor?
- Sort of.

Are you okay?

I have no idea.

Oh, God! I'm...

Is everything okay?

This night has gotten
very confusing very fast, sorry.

Excuse me.

You've gotta be kidding me.

Nice, dude.

Hey, look what we've got here.

Oh, why are you
so sad little goth chick?

Did your DVD of "The Craft"
get scratched?

Douchebag.

What did you just say to me?

Say it again.

I said, I bet you love

giving your boyfriend's
mullet a little tug

every time you blow him.

You did not just say that you
feisty little freak!

- What are you doing?
- Little tailgate party.

You guys sure know
how to treat a lady.

I'm sorry, buddy.

I already got
myself a date.

With your mother
or your sister?

You wanna say that
to my fist?

Okay, once more with feeling.

Oh, shit, run!

That's what I thought.

Thank you.

Oh, come on now. Us freaks
have to stick together.

Oh, my God, are you okay?

I'll just, like,
go sit or something.

So, what's going on
with you and Victor?

So, what's going on with you
and that guy from the club?

So, what's going on
with your friend

and that guy from the future?

Come on, I'll take you two
back to the campground.

Let's go!

What is it
I hear about a boy?

I don't trust
his look, Joey!

Get drunk
and do drugs in our home!

Feisty little freak!

What are you doing?

Are you
ever going to get

the concept of reapplying?

Come on now, us
freaks got to stick together.

You two are
so cute together.

Why are you still
hanging out with him?

Just help me!

Sorry about your dad, Joey!

I bet you're excited
to finally go home.

Dad?

Go home?

Honey, school starts
in a few weeks.

Wow.

I don't know, I just...

I guess I didn't think
this summer would end so soon.

You're going to have
to say goodbye to summer

sometime, Joey.

Dad?

Bye, Molly!

It was nice
to having Molly over.

Oh, any idea what happened
to Victor?

No idea.

Oh, your mom called.

She's definitely gonna make it
back in time for the party.

Wow! Is that supposed
to make me feel better?

God!

Hey, guys!
What are you doing?

- Sacrificing Virgins?
- What?

Oh, we're just trying
to decide a band name.

What do you think
of Sacrificing Virgins?

It's a little close to home.

So, not exactly
a deal breaker.

We have
no idea where Victor is,

if that's what you're about
to ask us.

And even if we heard
a rumor that he was

at Pandora's,
we certainly wouldn't tell you.

Oh, the tragic unveiling
of misguided teenage hearts.

- That's it!
- What's it?

The Tragic Unveiling
Of Misguided Teenager Hearts.

That's the name of our band.

You're a genius.

Hello?

Victor, I know you're in here.

Hello?

Sorry! Oh, my God. Pandora,
I was just looking for Victor.

Yeah.
Well, obviously,

he is not in here.

But if you leave
my house this instant,

I promise that I won't call
the cops on you

for breaking and entering.

Okay, sorry! My mistake.

All right, she's gone.

You can come on now.

That was close.

I'm such an idiot.

Got it!

Don't tell me
you're having feelings

for your toys now, are you?

No.

Mimi?

Papa?

Is anybody home?

You've reached the
goddess Pen, whatever you say

after the beep shall
determine your fate.

Hi, Pen. Um...

I really need
a friend right now,

so call me back, okay?

You've reached
reached Carissa Javitts.

Please leave your message
after the tone.

Mom.

Listen, I know
that you're probably

at the airport right now,
but, um...

I need my mother.

What are you doing here?

You know.

Just looking for some trouble.

So, what are you doing out here
in the middle

of the night anyway?

That's a good question.

You were hoping
Victor would come

looking for you, maybe?

Another good question.

Look,
you're not the only one

who sat here waiting for him.

You weren't even gonna be here.

You punched me
last time I saw you.

No, you're not invited,
get over it!

I was pretty
lovesick, too.

I guess he didn't tell you that.

Come on,
tell Antonio everything.

Victor treated me
like I was

his little summer project.

I want you
to be perfect.

Did I even mean
anything to him?

Well, let's see!

You're in a graveyard
in the middle of the night

by yourself.

There's a positively
menacing punk

with a knife sitting
next to you.

And Victor's not exactly
looking for you right now.

Do you know what I mean?

Yeah! I suppose.

Now,
can I ask you a question?

You're the one
with the knife.

If you're not his project,
then who are you really?

Come on, you got this,
you're smart, you're hot.

Don't let some guy tell you
who you are.

You have to decide for yourself
who you are, you know?

I've learned one thing
about myself this summer,

I deserve better than Victor.

I don't think
that's the only thing

you learned about yourself
this summer, but, hey,

That's a good start!

Yeah.
I guess you're right.

How did you get to be so wise?

My mom buys
Oprah magazines,

I read 'em on the
can sometimes.

Wait, does that make me gay?

You got
to decide for yourself

who you are, you know?

Touché!

Get off my baby
girl! You thug!

You screwed with
the wrong family.

- Are you all right?
- I'm fine!

Your mom called and said you
left a strange message.

- We were really worried.
- I'm good now, promise,

no one need worry,
least of all my mother.

Can we please
get out of here?

I'm like, way claustrophobic.

Great idea!
When we get to be our age,

the last place you want
to hang out is the cemetery.

Where have you guys
been?

Rescuing teenagers.

I've been here
for over an hour,

none of you have your phones on.

Did you get anything
to eat on the plane?

No, I'm starving.

Honey,
I'm so glad you're back.

Aww, thanks Mom!

Listen,
we'll get dinner started,

so you two can catch up.

Oh, honey.
It's so good to see you.

Did you miss me?

I got your message.

What was that all about?

Jesus!
What is it with you?

You're annoyed if I don't call,
you're annoyed if I do.

Oh, Joey,
don't start with me.

You have no idea
how much pressure it is

to be on a book tour.

You have no idea
how much pressure it is

to be 16.

Like I've never been
a teenager.

So, what's with all the black?

I wear black
on the outside,

because black is how
I feel on the inside.

That's very dramatic.

What's his name?

His name is Victor,
and he broke my heart.

Thank you very much.

Oh, honey!

You look like you just came
from a funeral.

A funeral?

I kind of just did, Mom!

You were there too, remember?

You think
I don't miss him?

I miss him every single day,

and I really don't appreciate
you throwing that in my face.

And I'm sure
your throng of adoring fans

has helped you through
this grieving process.

That throng
of adoring fans pays

for your entire life.

You know,
it wouldn't kill you to show

just a little bit of gratitude.

And I'm sorry I wasn't here
to help you

- with your boy troubles.
- No, no, no, no.

Let's talk about gratitude
a little bit,

because you know
what I'm grateful for?

I'm grateful
that I didn't have to spend

my summer listening
to your saccharine bullshit.

You know, I feel sorry
for the shallow idiots

who read your shitty novels.

Want dinner?

I'm not hungry.

Yeah.

I hope she wasn't
a total handful

this summer, Mom.

I'm probably at least partly
to blame for that.

Sometimes
we push people away

and we really should be
pulling them in close.

- Boo!
- Oh!

Jesus! Dad!

What am I going to do
about this new phase, you guys?

Accept her
for who she is,

and hope for the best.

That's what we did

when you were a Madonna wannabe.

Look how cool you turned out.

Come in!

This way
for the punch and brownies.

Can you watch the door
for a minute, please?

We need to get
this party moving, huh.

Hi, Mr. and Mrs. Ireland,
come on in!

Watch out for the brownies,
there have been rumours.

Why do you think
we are here, dear?

I see they'll
let any old vampire in here.

Hold that thought.

Surprise!

What are you
guys doing here?

Oh, I heard about the party
from these freaks.

Come on, Tony-Boy,
let's get some punch

and frighten the old people.

So, where did you
disappear to the other night?

Is that a joke?

I left you like
a dozen voicemails.

I missed you too, my pet.

I did not say
that I missed you.

No, I cannot believe
that I fell for you.

I mean, what a total waste
of a summer.

I turned you into something
almost borderline interesting.

- You should be thanking me.
- Really?

- Hey! Are you Victor?
- Mom, not now!

Oh, this is your mother,
the famous novelist.

Mrs. Javitts, it's an honour,
I am a huge fan.

So, you read my book?

Absolutely! Every one.

Well,
that makes complete sense then!

How's that?

Because my daughter says
that my books are written

for shallow idiots.

I'm sorry, did you just call
me a shallow idiot?

I'm just saying
that my daughter

is right more often
than I would like to admit.

In fact, you know,

I think I can do better
than shallow idiot.

If I were to describe you
in one of my novels,

I think I'd call you
a vainglorious egomaniacal

narcissist.

You are but a phase,
my dear boy.

A mere case
of temporary proctalgia,

cleared up by a tube
of drugstore haemorrhoid cream.

Ooh!

So, I think you better go.

Oh, and Victor.
Time to reapply!

Where did that come from?

A wise woman once told me

that sometimes
we push people away

when we got
to bring them closer.

I just want you to know
that I'm always on your side.

By the way, proctalgia?

Just another medical term
for pain in the ass.

It's another thing
your grandmother taught me.

So, you guys, the big news is,

that I'm gonna cancel
the second half of my book tour.

Really, dear?
Is that wise?

You don't have
to do that for me, Mom.

Yeah, I do.

Are you guys ready
to get this party started?

This thing on? Hi!

I would just like to welcome
everyone and to congratulate

my amazing grandparents,
Joseph and Margaret,

on 40 years of marriage.

Now, without further ado,
I am proud to introduce

my new favourite band, ah...

The Tragic Unveiling
of Misguided Teenage Hearts.

Congrats, you crazy kids!
This song is for you.

One, two, three.

I remember
how excited I was

for my fifth birthday party.

Then when the kids showed up,
I hid in my room,

wouldn't come out.

You held my hands
and said, "Joey,

"you will meet many people
in this astonishing

"and wonderful life of yours,
and you'll know

when your true friends appear."

This is how I will
always remember

my summer as a goth,
dancing with my mom

and my grandparents
and a group of new friends

that actually get me.

Astonishing and wonderful,
indeed.

Who would have guessed?

Hey!

So, you're a goth now?

I didn't even know
goths still existed.

I don't know what I am.

Hey Aaron!
You've been replaced.

Your new boyfriend
looks kind of gay.

Oh, shut up, Shelley!

Hey, Dad. I have some
friends I want you to meet.

Standing
someone up for those

or similar reasons
is inexcusable.

Mind you, no one
is owed a date ever.

The only reason
you should accept a date

or whatever you want
to call romantic social activity

between two people,
is because you are interested

in spending time together.

You don't have to go out
with someone just

because he or she is nice,
pays attention to you

or seems to expect it.

Nor should you feel obliged
to go out with someone,

because you are single goths
who know each other,

you may scoff, snarklings,

but the Lady of the Manners has
seen that exact thing happened

with alarming regularity.