My Man Godfrey (1936) - full transcript

Hello, Duke.

Hello, Mike. Any luck today?

Well, I figured out a swell racket,

and everything was going great
until the cops came along.

Too bad it didn't work.

If them cops would stick to their own racket
and leave honest guys alone,

we'd get somewhere in this country
without a lot of this relief and all that stuff.

Well, Mike, I wouldn't worry.
Prosperity's just around the corner.

Yeah. It's been there a long time.
I wish I knew which corner.

Well, Duke, I'm gonna turn in.

- Bonsoir.
- Bonsoir, Mike.



This is the place, all right. That looks like
one of them sitting outside that shack.

- Looks like a pretty tough joint to me.
- Stall Irene. I'll talk to the fellow.

I don't think it's fair of you and Cornelia.
I told you about this place.

- But we got here first.
- Well, she's not gonna get ahead of me.

Good evening.

- Good evening.
- How'd you like to make five dollars?

Uh... I didn't quite catch what you said.

I said, how would you like
to make five dollars?

- Five dollars?
- Five dollars.

Well, I don't want to seem inquisitive,

but what would I have to do for it?

All you have to do is go
to the Waldorf Ritz Hotel with me,

I'll show you to a few people,
and then I'll send you right back.

May I inquire just why you would want
to show me to people at the Waldorf Ritz?



Oh, if you must know, it's a game.
You've probably heard about it - a scavenger hunt.

If I find a forgotten man first, I win.
Is that clear?

Yes, quite clear.

Shall I wear my tails,
or come just as I am?

You needn't be fresh.
Do you want the five dollars or don't you?

Madam, I can't tell you how flattered I am
by your very generous offer.

George!

However, I'm afraid I'll have to take it up
with my board of directors.

Don't you touch me!

No matter what my board of directors advise,
I think you should be spanked.

George, do something!

- Are you in the habit of hitting ladies?
- Maybe.

I'm in the habit of hitting gentlemen also,
if that'll interest you.

- Well, aren't you going to do anything?
- Yes. Let's get a policeman.

- Who are you?
- I'm Irene.

That was my sister Cornelia
you pushed in the ash pile.

How'd you like to have me
push Cornelia's sister into an ash pile?

- I don't think I'd like it.
- Then you'd better get out of here.

- Oh, you bet.
- Wait a minute. Sit down.

I'm sitting.

What's up, Duke?
Need some help?

No, thanks, boys.
Got everything under control.

You a member of this hunting party?

I was, but I'm not now.
Are they all forgotten men too?

Yes, I guess they are, maybe. Why?

It's the funniest thing.
I couldn't help but laugh.

I've wanted to do that
ever since I was six years old.

- You wanted to do what?
- Push Cornelia in a pile of ashes or something.

That was Faithful George with her.

That isn't really his name, but we call him that
because he gets in everybody's hair.

His father's a broker.

That's very enlightening.

Cornelia thought she was gonna win,
and you pushed her in a pile of ashes.

Do you think you could follow
an intelligent conversation for just a moment?

- I'll try.
- Well, that's fine.

Do you mind telling me
just what a scavenger hunt is?

Well, a scavenger hunt
is exactly like a treasure hunt,

except in a treasure hunt
you try to find something you want,

and in a scavenger hunt you try to find
something that nobody wants.

Mmm. Like a forgotten man?

That's right. And the one that wins gets a prize,
only there really isn't a prize.

It's just the honor of winning,
because all the money goes to charity.

That is, if there's any money left over.
But then there never is.

Mmm. Well, that clears
the whole matter up beautifully.

I've decided I don't want to play
any more games with human beings as objects.

It's kind of sordid when you think of it.
I mean, when you think it over.

Yeah, well, I don't know.
I haven't thought it over.

I don't like to change the subject,
but tell me why you live in a place like this

when there are so many other nice places.

- You really want to know, hmm?
- Oh, I'm very curious.

Mmm.

Well, it's because my real estate agent felt that
the altitude would be very good for my asthma.

- Oh, my uncle has asthma.
- No!

- Mmm.
- Well, now, there's a coincidence.

Well, I suppose I should
be going now, shouldn't I?

That's a good idea.

I want to see who won the game.
I suppose it was Cornelia again.

She probably got another
forgotten man by now.

You mean, if you took me along with you
that you'd win the game? Is that the idea?

Well, I might if I got there first.

But after seeing what you did to Cornelia,
I'm not saying anything.

But you'd win if you got back first with me?

It'd be awfully nice of you,
but I don't like to ask.

Let's beat Cornelia.

- It wouldn't be asking too much?
- Mm-mmm.

See, I've got a sense of curiosity,
just the same as you have.

I'd really like to see
just what a scavenger hunt looks like.

But I told you!

Yes. I'm, uh, still curious.

Well, um, come on.

Thank you.

- My name is Blake.
- My name is Bullock.

The place slightly resembles an insane asylum.

Well, all you need to start an asylum
is an empty room and the right kind of people.

That's right.

Take a walkie with your Auntie Angelica.
This is the silliest game I ever played!

Oh, good evening, Mrs. Jordan.
Look what I brought with me.

Oh, why, look!

- And the baby came along too!
- Particularly clever!

Here.

Take a look at the dizzy old gal
with the goat.

I've had to look at her for 20 years.
That's Mrs. Bullock.

Alexander!

- Alexander! Alexander!
- I'm terribly sorry.

How do you think I feel?
All right, all right, Angelica!

Alexander, Alexander, come here.
Look at the pretty goat.

Carlo and I found him in the Bronx.
Isn't he the sweetest little thing?

- He doesn't smell very sweet.
- Oh, Alexander never did like animals.

Come on, goat, goat, goat.
Come on. Come on.

- Are you talking to me or that thing?
- Oh, Alexander!

Don't be afraid of the stairs.
Angelica won't let anything happen to you.

Quick, quick, quick. Come on. Quick, quick.

Come on, goatie-goat-goat. Come on.

I have a goat! I have a goat!

I have a goat!

Will you please pay some attention to me?
I'm Mrs. Bullock, and I have a goat.

I know, I kn - Oh! Please.

I have a goat! I have a goat!

I have a goat! Look here! I have a goat!

I know you've got a goat.
Will you please get Mrs. Bullock's goat?

Get those things out of the way.

What will I do? I have a little baby goat.

What do you suppose
I'm going to do with that? Harry!

- What else do we have to find?
- What?

- What else do we have to get?
- Let's see. After that -

All you have to get now is one forgotten man
and a bowl of Japanese goldfish.

Get that thing out of the way! What?

I said, a forgotten man
and a bowl of Japanese goldfish.

One forgotten man - Let's go.

A Japanese man and a -

A man and - A bowl of Japanese men -
I can't remember what he said.

- How about going home?
- Oh, what? What are you talking about?

How about going home?

We've just spoken to Mr. Guthrie.
We have two other things to get.

A bowl of Japanese men
and a forgotten goldfish. Or was it eels?

- Goldfish!
- I don't know anything about the goldfish!

But if you want a forgotten man,
you'll find me home in bed!

I can't concentrate, Alexander.
Come along, Carlo. A bowl of goldfish -

- Are all these people hunters?
- Oh, no, we work in groups.

Some are hunters, and some are receivers.

- Sounds like a bankruptcy proceeding.
- I never thought of that.

- Who receives me?
- I have to take you to the committee.

- But you don't mind, do you?
- I can hardly wait.

Wait a minute! Wait a minute.
What have you there?

- This is Godfrey. Ls Cornelia back yet?
- I haven't seen Cornelia. Where did you find him?

Oh, isn't that marvelous!

Right over there.

Oh, Mr. Guthrie! Come on. This way.

Mr. Guthrie! Mr. Guthrie! Mr. Guthrie!

Mr. Guthrie, I have a forgotten man!

I have a forgotten man!

Mr. Guthrie! Mr. Guthrie, this is Godfrey!
He's a forgotten man!

- Mr. Guthrie!
- She has a forgotten man! A forgotten man.

- His name is Godfrey.
- A forgotten man?

Ladies and gentlemen, please, quiet, quiet.

Miss Bullock has a forgotten man.

Uh, do you mind stepping up
on the platform, please.

Yes, get right up on the platform, Godfrey.

- Sir, do you mind if I ask you a few questions?
- Fire away.

- What is your address?
- City Dump 32, East River, Sutton Place.

- It's rather fashionable over there, isn't it?
- In spots.

- Is that your permanent address?
- Well, the permanency is rather questionable.

See, the place is being rapidly filled in.

- Do you mind if I ask you a personal question?
- If it isn't too personal.

- Are those whiskers your own?
- No one else has claimed them.

I must ask because one group tried to fool
the committee the earlier part of the evening

by putting false whiskers
on one of their own group.

May I, uh -

- May I, uh -
- What?

Oh, it's a pleasure.

One more question.
Are you wanted by the police?

That's just the trouble. Nobody wants me.

- A very good answer.
- Splendid, Godfrey.

You mean, nobody wants him?
Nobody at all?

- Nobody.
- Oh, that's too bad.

On the contrary,
I sometimes find it a great advantage.

The committee is satisfied.

Miss Irene Bullock wins 20 points
for a forgotten man

and 50 points extra
for bringing in the first one.

- Oh, bravo!
- Speech! Speech!

Group ten -

'Speech!
'Speech!

Group ten wins the silver cup.

- Oh, thank you.
- Speech! Speech!

They want a speech. Come on!

My purpose in coming here tonight
was twofold.

Firstly, I wanted to aid this young lady.

Secondly, I was curious to see how a bunch
of empty-headed nitwits conducted themselves.

My curiosity is satisfied.

I assure you it'll be a pleasure for me to go
back to a society of really important people.

Well, how do you like that?

- What did he call us?
- Nitwits.

- Nitwits? What are they?
- I don't know.

The man's perfect. I've been wanting to
say that all night, but I didn't have the nerve.

Oh, Godfrey! Oh, Godfrey!

- Oh, Godfrey, I'm terribly sorry.
- That's all right.

I'd never brought you here if I thought
they were going to humiliate you.

I'm terribly grateful.

This is the first time I've ever beaten Cornelia
at anything, and you helped me do it.

Well, that makes me
a sort of Cornelia beater, doesn't it?

You've done something for me.
I wish I could do something for you.

- Why?
- Because you've done something for me.

- Don't you see?
- Well, no, I don't see.

But I could use a job,
if you've got one lying around loose.

- Can you “buttle”?
- “Buttle”?

Yes. We're fresh out of butlers.
The one we had left this morning.

Irene, they're calling for you
in the jade room.

- Don't you want your nice cup?
- Tell them to keep their cup. I don't want it.

But you can't stand here, talking to this man.
What will people think?

I don't care what they think.
Godfrey's gonna be our butler.

He's gonna be whose butler?

- He's gonna work for us.
- Oh, that's ridiculous.

You don't know anything about him.
He hasn't any recommendations -

Well, the last one had recommendations
and stole all the silver.

Well, that was merely a coincidence.

People who take in stray cats
say they make the best pets, madam.

I don't see what cats
have got to do with butlers.

You mustn't pay any attention to my daughter.
She's very impulsive.

- I'm not impulsive!
- Don't shout at your mother.

- I will shout!
- Oh, Mrs. Merriweather!

Irene has won, and she's shouting.

- You mean it's all over?
- Yes, she always shouts when she wins.

Run along, my good man. Thank you so
much for coming. Thank you so, so much.

He will not run along!

I think I'd better.

My word!
There's Cornelia, and she has another one!

You're a little late, Cornelia.
I've won the game.

- Oh, you have?
- Uh, where do I get my five bucks?

“Bucks”? “Bucks”?
What - Will you talk to your sister?

She wants to hire this man as a butler.

Why not? He might make a very good butler.

I'm sure I'd make a very good butler.

Hey, where do I get my five bucks?

“Bucks”? “Bucks”? What's he talking about?
What's he talking about?

- Five bucks!
- Oh, I promised him five dollars.

Well, give him the five dollars,
and the bucks too,

and get him out of here
before your sister hires him as a chauffeur.

Why did I have to wait till now

to find out there's insanity
on your father's side of the family?

Come along, Cornelia.

I hope, Godfrey,
that you're very good at shining shoes.

I think we'd better drop
the whole idea, don't you?

I should say not. You're gonna make
the best butler we ever had.

And here. You'll need some clothes
and things, you know.

Oh, well, I, uh -

Oh.

Flaughs]
Well, I told Jeeves to lay out my other coat.

You have a wonderful sense of humor.

Thank you.

- Well, then, good night.
- Mmm.

- Oh, uh, just one question.
- What?

- Where do you live?
- Oh, 1011 Fifth.

It's funny - I never thought of that.

No, you didn't.

1011 Fifth.

Well, good night again.

Good night, Godfrey.

- Good morning.
- Good morning.

- I'm the new, uh -
- Yes, I know. You're the new butler.

- How did you know?
- Well, there's one every day at this hour.

They're dropping in and out all the time.

Well, why is that?

Some get fired, some quit.

- Is the family that exacting?
- No, they're that nutty.

- May I be frank?
- Is that your name?

- No, my name is Godfrey.
- All right, be frank.

You're, uh, quite an enthusiast.

Don't you worry about me.
I'm a seasoned campaigner.

Uh, may we be friends?

Oh, I'm friends with all the butlers.
Sit down.

What's a three-letter seabird
with an “R” in the middle?

A th-

- Oh, I - I don't know.
- You're no help.

Hey, where'd you get the trick suit?

What's the matter with it?

Well, it might look better
if you took the rental tag off the coat.

Oh, thanks.

Does the butler have quarters
here in the house?

- Or is that necessary?
- Oh, you won't need any quarters.

Just hang your hat near the door
so you can get it quickly on the way out.

What's that?

That's the old battle-ax.
She usually rings about this time.

- The old battle-ax?
- Mrs. Bullock. She's the mother type.

- Oh, well, don't you do anything about it?
- Mrs. Bullock or the buzzer?

- The buzzer.
- Not the first time.

If she has a hangover,
and she usually has,

she'll ring again in a minute
in no uncertain terms.

Then, brother, you better
grab her tomato juice and get going.

Ah, there she blows.

Well, Cupid, this is your big opportunity.

- Shall I take it to her?
- You might as well know the worst.

- I want to warn you, she sees pixies.
- Pixies?

You know, the little men.

Oh, those. I know how to take care of those.
Have you any Worcestersh - Yes, there it is.

What are you gonna do with that?

Do unto others as you would
have others do unto you.

What do you want to do?
Scorch her windpipe?

There's nothing like a counterirritant
in the morning.

- Where do I find her?
- You better go this way. It's quicker.

The upper landing, to the left.

- Just which is her -
- That's her cage up there, the first door.

- Oh. Well, wish me luck.
- Happy landing.

What day is it, Molly?

I'm not Molly.

- Who isn't?
- I'm not.

Stop jumping up and down
so I can see who you are.

- I'm not jumping.
- That's better.

- What's your name?
- Godfrey.

Are you someone I know?

- We met last night at the Waldorf Ritz.
- Oh, yes.

You were with Mrs. Maxton's party
at the bar.

Or were you?

I'm the forgotten man.

So many people have such bad memories.

That's so true.

Why do they keep playing
that same tune over and over again?

Why do they?

Don't you hear it?

Oh, uh, yes.

Yes, I do, in a way.

Always the same tune over and over again.

- May I, uh -
- May you what?

Where are you?

- What's that?
- Pixie remover.

Oh. Then you see them too.

- They're old friends.
- Yes, but you mustn't step on them.

I don't like them,
but I don't like to see them stepped on.

I'll be very careful.
I wouldn't hurt them for the world.

- What am I supposed to do with this?
- Drink it.

And they'll go away very quickly.

Very, very quickly.

You must never be rough with them.
You must always send them away quietly.

- Is that better?
- Yes. You're a great help.

Go away, little men. Go away.
Shh-shh-shh-shh-shh.

Oh, but - Oh, you haven't
told me who you are.

I'm Godfrey, the forgotten man.

I'm the new butler.

- Are you that ugly man with the beard?
- The same.

How you've changed.
I should never have known you.

- Thank you.
- But you're very comforting.

I hope I'll see more of you.

Maybe I'd better not drink any more of this,
or you might go away too.

I put your hat and valise at the foot of the stairs.
You can go out the front way. It's closer.

- I think I won the first round.
- You mean, you're still working here?

I haven't heard anything to the contrary.

Well, you just got by the cub.
Try the lioness.

Oh, which is she?

Her name's Cornelia.
She's a sweet-tempered little number.

Oh, yes. I met her last night.

You've got a treat coming.
You never met her in the morning. Second door.

Who are you,
and what are you doing in here?

If I want you to bring my breakfast,
I'll let you know!

Get out! I don't want a hobo
serving my breakfast!

Don't ever come in here again,
if you know what's good for you.

I'm afraid I lost the second round.

Hey, Molly, I want the new butler
to bring me breakfast!

Opportunity never stops knocking in this house.
Do you want to try again?

- How is she in the morning?
- She's not as violent, but she's more insidious.

Here goes.

I'll leave your things right up here,
so you won't forget them.

Good morning. I brought your breakfast.

A-Are you the new butler?

- Don't you remember last night?
- Well, wh-what happened to Godfrey?

I'm Godfrey.

Oh, you look so different.
What happened to those nice whiskers?

Turn around. Let me look at you.

You're the cutest thing I've ever seen.

Thank you. Will there be anything else?

Yes. Sit down and talk to me. I like to talk
in the morning when your head is clear.

Especially if you've been somewhere
the night before.

Don't you think it'd be better
if I talked standing?

No, because if you're uncomfortable,
I get uncomfortable and forget what I have to say.

If you insist.

But it doesn't seem very good form
for a butler.

You're more than a butler.
You're the first protege I ever had.

- Protégé?
- You know. Like Carlo.

- Uh, who is Carlo?
- He's Mother's protégé!

Oh.

You know, it's awfully nice,
Carlo having a sponsor,

because then he doesn't have to work
and he gets more time for his practicing.

But then, he never does,
and that makes a difference.

- Uh, yes, I imagine it would.
- Do you play anything, Godfrey?

Oh, I don't mean games and things like that.
I mean the piano and things like that.

- Well, I, uh -
- It doesn't really make any difference.

I just thought I'd ask.

It's funny how some things
make you think of other things.

It's very peculiar.

It makes me feel so mature and grown up.

Uh, wh-what does?

Having a protege.
You're the first one I ever had.

- You've never had any others?
- No, you're the first one. It's terribly thrilling.

Not only does it occupy my mind,
but I think it's character-building too.

Mm-hmm.

Uh, just what does a protégé have to do?

Well, you just go on buttling,
and I sponsor you. Don't you see?

It's getting clearer.

It's really not much work. It gives you something
to think of, and it's gonna be such fun.

I'm sure it's going to be heaps of fun.

For instance, if Cornelia got mean,
you wouldn't have to do anything about it.

I'd take care of everything.
I'm your sponsor, and I'd just take a sock at her.

- I hope that'll never be necessary.
- Oh, I just wanted to give you the idea.

That's fine, but, you see,
a protégé has certain responsibilities also.

For instance, if someone should
ring for me now and I didn't answer,

that would reflect upon you
because you're my sponsor.

- Don't you see?
- I suppose it would. I never thought of that.

You don't know how nice it is having
some intelligent person to talk to.

It's been very enlightening to me too.

Oh, I just thought of something else.
Do you know what you are?

- I'm not quite sure.
- You're my responsibility.

- That's very nice.
- See you in church.

Good morning. Fine morning, sir.

Yes, it is a fine morning.

Don't be in a hurry.

You see, I'm the old-fashioned type.

And I was also middleweight champion
when I was in college.

I thought you might like to know that
before this thing starts.

Well, you see, sir, I'm the new butler.
I just served Miss Irene her breakfast.

Do you always take a change of wardrobe
when you serve breakfast?

Well, I think this young lady can explain.

He really is the new butler, Mr. Bullock.

I can't imagine how his things
got in the hallway.

Well, I still don't get it. But if you are
the new butler, why didn't you say so?

I'm very sorry, sir. May I?

There's a man at the door to see you.
I think it's another process server.

- Another one?
- Yes, sir.

Well, here I am again, Mr. Bullock,
with another little present for you.

Yes, I've heard all that before.
Which one of the family is it this time?

Miss Cornelia.
Seems she was feeling pretty gay last night.

On her way home she busted up
a few windows along Fifth Avenue.

- Sorry to give you that, but girls will be girls.
- Good-bye.

Life in this family
is one subpoena after another.

Mr. Bullock, there's a hansom cab driver
waiting to see you in the kitchen.

- What's he want?
- He wants $50 and his horse.

What horse?

The one Miss Irene
rode up the front steps last night.

Where is his horse? I haven't got it.

It's in the library, where Miss Irene left it.

Well, do you begin to get the idea?

Come here, my man.

Do you like your place here?
I mean, so far as you've gone.

I find it very entertaining.

Yes, we are a very entertaining family.

You really think
you're going to like it here?

I must admit it's more desirable
than living in a packing case on a city dump.

- Oh, that's where I met you, isn't it?
- Yes, miss.

Oh, yes. Yes, I remember now.

We were playing some sort of a game -
a scavenger hunt, I think they called it.

We needed a forgotten man. I asked you
to go to the Waldorf Ritz Hotel with me and...

I'm a little bit hazy
as to just what happened after that.

- I pushed you into an ash pile.
- Oh, yes, of course you did.

It was very amusing.
They were nice, clean ashes.

- I'm very sorry, miss.
- I didn't mind at all.

It was very amusing.

Have you a handkerchief?

There's a spot on my shoe.
Would you see what you can do about it?

I could have you fired, you know.
But I like to see things wriggle.

When I get through with you,

you'll go back to your packing case
on the city dump and relish it.

People don't make a practice
of pushing Cornelia Bullock into ash piles.

I'll make your life so mi -

- Hello, Godfrey.
- Greetings, Irene.

- Oh, I like your new monkey suit.
- Thank you for picking it up.

- It fits very well for a hand-me-down.
- Yes, I'm more or less standard, miss.

- How do you like my new pajamas?
- I think they're very nice. Thank you.

- I heard what you said to Godfrey.
- So what?

- So what? You leave him alone.
- So who's going to make me leave him alone?

- If you don't, you'll get a good sock from me.
- Oh, the physical type.

What I say goes.

Since when did you start
falling in love with butlers?

I'm not in love with him.
He's - He's my protégé.

Oh, your protégé.
That's why you're picking out his suits for him.

Suppose Father hears about this.
How long do you think Godfrey will last?

Father isn't going to hear about it.

You seem terribly sure of everything.

If Father hears about Godfrey,

he's also gonna hear about you
and that sappy college boy.

I don't know what you're talking about.

But if Father does hear about it,
I'm likely to do a little socking myself.

So, Little Red Riding Hood didn't have enough
feminine charm to trap a wolf her own age,

so she falls in love with the butler
and lives happily ever after on an ash pile.

- If you know what I mean.
- I know what you mean, if you know what / mean.

- May I come in?
- You're in, aren't you?

Very interesting book.
The Greeks of the Middle Ages.

Oh, Irene would like that.
You love the middle ages, don't you, dear?

Ah.

Oh, Carlo!
Who's giving the concert tonight?

The great Kalininski.

- Oh! He's a pianist, isn't he?
- No, cellist.

Well, what difference does it make?
It's all music, isn't it?

Oh, it's so nice to see you two girls
having a pleasant chat.

Or is it a pleasant chat?

Well, well, well! Imagine the Bullocks
gathered together all in one room.

Oh, well, don't forget Carlo.

I'm not going to forget Carlo.

Don't bother about me.
I feel like one of the family.

Don't you go away.

You don't mind if I discuss a few
family matters, do you, Carlo, old boy?

No, not at all.

Oh, Alexander, you're not going to bring up
those sordid business matters again, I hope.

I've just been going over
last month's bills,

and I find that you people have confused me
with the Treasury Department.

Oh, don't start that again, Dad.

I don't mind giving the government
60 % of what I make.

But I can't do it
when my family spends 50 %!

Well, why should the government
get more money than your own family?

That's what I want to know.

Why should the government get more
than your own flesh and blood?

Well, that's just the way they have
of doing things.

Ah! Money, money, money!

The Frankenstein monster
that destroys souls!

Please don't say anything more about it!
You're upsetting Carlo!

We've got to come
to an understanding right now.

- Either Carlo is or I am.
- Am what?

Well, one of us has got to,
and that's all there is to it.

Alexander, you're inebriated.
You don't know what you're talking about.

Who would know what they're talking about,
living with a bunch like this?

There's one thing I do know.
What this family needs is discipline.

I've been a pretty patient man.

But when people start riding horses
up their front steps

and parking them in the library,

that's going a little bit too far.

Horses?

Are you insinuating that I rode a horse
up the front steps last night?

Maybe that wasn't a horse
I saw in the library this morning.

I'm positive I didn't ride a horse into the library
because I didn't have my riding costume on.

It was Irene who rode the horse
up the front steps.

- What horse?
- Don't play innocent.

I begged you not to do it.

I didn't ride a horse!

But if I did ride a horse,

who broke those windows on Fifth Avenue?

- What windows?
- You know what windows!

And how about that college sap?
Yah, yah, yah!

Well, I don't care who broke the horse,
rode the windows up the steps, or yah-yah-yah'ed.

But this family's got to settle down!

Will you stop bellowing!
Look what you're doing to Carlo.

- Hang Carlo!
- Ohh!

- You've exhausted my patience!
- Did you make these, Godfrey?

- I helped.
- Oh, they must be wonderful.

- I'd like to help sometime, if you'll let me.
- I'd feel honored.

You might as well face the situation.

- I have lost a lot of money lately.
- You have?

- Yes, I have.
- Well, maybe you left it in your other suit.

If things keep on like they're going now,
it won't be long till I won't have another suit.

Which ones are poisoned?

Thank you.

While we're on the subject,
how about this business of certain people

picking up anybody they find on the city dump
and dragging them into the house?

For all we know, we might all be
stabbed in the back some night and robbed.

Who's going to stab who?

We don't know a thing about certain people.

Someone should speak to Irene
about her habit of picking up strays.

- What's a stray?
- You shut up!

- Me?
- No. Cornelia.

I will not shut up.
My life is precious to me.

- It won't be in a minute.
- Now, now, children.

Come, Carlo.
Come and get some nice hors d'oeuvre.

I think we should get our help
from employment agencies.

Well, I don't know
but I agree with Cornelia.

Whatever are you all talking about?

You upset Carlo,
and now you're upsetting Irene.

Don't you remember
her breakdown last summer?

I certainly do. That's why I'm not
paying any attention to this.

Well, if Mother can sponsor Carlo,
why can't I sponsor Godfrey?

Godfrey knows I'm not being personal,

but, after all, none of us would like
to wake up some morning stabbed to death.

You mustn't come between Irene and Godfrey.

He's the first thing she's shown any affection for
since her Pomeranian died last summer.

Now, now, Irene.
You mustn't have a spell.

Here. Carlo, quick, quick.
Give me a sofa cushion. Here.

Come, darling, lift up your head now,
like a good girl. Lift up your head.

There now, darling, don't cry.

Now, now, darling.

She's not having a spell.
That's old stuff.

Darling.

- What is all this nonsense?
- Will you be quiet!

You never did understand them.

Why don't you get a doctor?

I don't want a doctor!

- Do you want an ice bag?
- No, I don't want an ice bag.

- I want to die!
- No, you mustn't do that.

She makes me ill.
Let's get out of here.

Carlo, do the gorilla for Irene.
It always amuses her.

- Not in the mood.
- Well, stop eating and get in the mood.

- Here.
- All right.

I'll do it, but my heart won't be in it.

Irene, be a good girl
and sit up and look at Carlo.

You know it always amuses you.
Come on, quick.

Go ahead, go ahead!

Go on, Carlo. Quickly.

Look, Irene! Look at Carlo!
Isn't that lovely?

Oh, isn't that clever, Irene? Look!

Carlo, come down so she can see you better.
She's begun to laugh.

Isn't he clever?

Carlo, come down here
where Irene can see you.

Look at your mother laugh!

Look! Oh-ho-ho!

Look! Isn't that funny? Oh, he's
going to swing on the door. Look! Look!

He frightens me!

No, no, darling, you mustn't be frightened.
He isn't a real gorilla. He's just playing.

Darling, look at Carlo.

- Look, darling, look. Isn't he clever?
- No!

Why don't you stop imitating a gorilla
and imitate a man?

You wouldn't know an artist
if one came up and bit you!

This family doesn't need any stimulant.

I'll be in my room.
You can repeat this order in 30 minutes.

Someday I'm going gorilla hunting,
and I won't miss.

Has Cornelia gone?

Yes, darling, she's gone.

- Where's Godfrey?
- He's right here. Don't go away, Godfrey.

- We'll be late for the concert.
- Get my things. I'll be right with you.

Godfrey's right here, darling.

Godfrey, come over here
so Irene can look at you.

- Here's Godfrey, darling.
- Where?

Right here. Look.
Say hello to Irene so she'll know who you are.

Hello.

Oh, hello, Godfrey.

And he's promised to stay on.
Haven't you, Godfrey?

- If I'm wanted.
- Of course you're wanted. Isn't he, Irene?

- Yes. Go away.
- Yes, darling, I'm going. Take good care of her.

Yes, Carlo, I'm coming.
Good-bye, darling, good-bye.

I wasn't having a spell.

I beg your pardon?

I wasn't really having a spell.

I'm sorry, but I didn't quite hear -

I said, I'm not really having a spell.

Cook, you'd better put this back on the fire.
Looks like we've lost most of our customers.

Well, what's the matter, handsome?
Did something frighten you?

- What kind of family am I up against?
- There are some things even I can't answer.

- Do they go on this way all the time?
- Oh, no.

- This is just a quiet evening.
- Quiet evening.

If I were you, I'd get rid of that lip rouge.
Makes you look a little like Cupid.

- You'll find Godfrey in his room.
- How did you know I wanted to see Godfrey?

I don't know. Ltjust came over me.

- Oh, you - y-you can't come in here.
- Why not?

It's our house, isn't it?
After all, one room is just like any other room.

Oh, besides, I want to talk.

I'm terribly sorry, but we - we can't talk here.

Well, don't you think it's rather indecent of you
to order me out after you kissed me?

After / kissed you, did you say?

İsn't it funny? This morning you were
sitting on my bed. Now I'm sitting on yours.

We'll overlook that startling coincidence.

- Uh, will you settle here, please?
- The bed's very comfortable.

- If it isn't, I'll get you another.
- We'll have our talk here.

Now that I'm your sponsor,
if you want a new bed, you can have it.

Uh, the bed's very comfortable, thank you.
Much more so than I am at the moment.

Oh, any time you're uncomfortable,
you just let me know.

Uh, thank you.

H-Hasn't anyone ever told you
about certain proprieties?

You use such lovely, big words.
I like big words. What does it mean?

Well, I'll try to simplify it.

Hasn't your mother or anyone
ever explained to you

that some things are proper
and some things are not?

No, she hasn't. She rambles on quite a bit,
but then she never says anything.

Mmm. But you want me
to remain on here as butler, don't you?

Oh, of course!

And I want to justify your faith in me
by being a very good butler

and in time perhaps filling the void created by
the death of your late, lamented Pomeranian.

Oh, I've forgotten all about him.
He had fleas anyway.

Besides, you're different.
You use big words, and you're much cuter.

- Mmm.
- Mmm.

- May I tell you a story?
- I'd love it.

Once there was a very sentimental little girl
with a very kind heart,

and she helped a man
who was very grateful.

Then she became a nuisance
and undid all the fine work she had done.

- Is it someone you know?
- Her name is Irene Bullock.

And if she were a smart little girl,

she'd pick out some nice, young chap
in her own social set

and marry him and live happily ever after

and never, never, never
enter the butler's room again.

- You mean, I never can come in here again?
- Never.

Well, when can we talk?

When I'm serving breakfast in the morning,

I can say, “Good morning, Miss lrene,”
and you can say, “Good morning, Godfrey.”

- But you must never come into my room again.
- You'll be sorry!

- I'm only trying to be helpful.
- You're being mean!

I'll do something!
You wait and see! You'll be sorry!

You're gonna be sorry!

♪ Och/ Ch yarn ye ♪

♪ Och/ Ch yarn ye ♪

♪ Och/ Ch yarn ye ♪

♪ Och/ Ch yarn ye ♪

That's a very pretty tune, Carlo.
What's the name of it?

♪ Och/ Ch yarn ye ♪

Oh, that's the name too.
I thought it was just the words.

I like it because the words are all the same.
It makes it so easy to remember.

That's probably why
“The Star Spangled Banner” is so confusing.

Nobody seems to know the words.

Except, perhaps, Godfrey.
He seems to know everything.

Do you know the words, Godfrey?

- The words?
- Yes, yes. “The Star Spangled Banner.”

Nobody seems to know the words.
Do you know them, Godfrey?

I suppose I know as many
as the average person.

I feel ashamed of myself.
I should know them all.

Because after all,
my ancestors came over on a boat.

Oh, not the Mayflower,
but the boat after that.

What did your ancestors
come over on, Godfrey?

As far as I know,
they've always been here.

They weren't Indians, I hope.

One can never be sure of one's ancestors.
These -

You know, you have rather high cheekbones.

Yes, ma'am. Thank you, ma'am.

These flowers came for Miss Irene.
Where shall I put them?

Well - Well, ask her. There she is now.

Yes, ma'am.

Psst-psst-psst! Carlo.
Did you notice his cheekbones?

These flowers just came for you, miss.
Where shall I put them?

What difference does it make
where one puts flowers

when one's heart is breaking?

Yes, miss. Shall I put them on the piano?

Life is but an empty bubble.

You don't sound very cheerful
for a girl who's giving a tea party.

Why should anyone be cheerful?

Oh, is Irene giving a tea party?

- You're not invited.
- I'll invite myself.

- Let's stick around, George.
- Sure. Why not?

All I have to say is,
some people will be sorry someday.

Well, naturally.
Everybody will be sorry someday.

For what?

Some people will know for what,
and then it'll be too late.

This conversation is very confusing.

Now, now, Irene.
You mustn't confuse Carlo.

He's practicing.

Do you know any good funeral music, Carlo?

Shut up.

Are you acting for anybody in particular?

Godfrey might be interested,
if he'd only turn around and look.

Oh, I remember that pose so well.
I learned it in dramatic school.

- It's number eight, isn't it?
- Yeah, that's number eight, all right.

Am I spoiling your act, dear?

I'll spoil something of yours someday,
and it won't be your act.

Do you suppose Miss Irene
would like sandwiches served in here?

Or shall I create a sort of buffet?

Where do you want
the sandwiches served, Irene?

What is food?

Something you eat, silly.

Do you want the sandwiches
served in here, or don't you?

What difference does it make?

Some people do just as they like
with other people's lives,

and it doesn't seem to make any difference.

- What did I call?
- Five, hearts.

Oh, was it hearts? I meant spades.

I can't change, can I?
That music has me so confused.

Carlo, please!

Hi, Irene. Why the shroud?

Listen, Van Rumple, just because
some people have a million dollars

doesn't mean they can
put their arms around other people.

Brrr! Where's the bar?

Don't take her seriously, Charlie.
The servant problem's been bothering her lately.

No, thank you. I'm not hungry.

No, thank you.

- Four, clubs.
- Oh, just a minute, Godfrey.

Uh, by.

- Hello, everybody!
- Hello, Tommy.

- Oh, it's Tommy Gray!
- Hello there. How are you?

What's the matter with you, Godfrey?
Are you ill?

Come along, Tommy,
and give Angelica a hug.

How's everything in Boston?
All the beans and things!

We're rounding them up
and putting them in cans as rapidly as possible.

- Hello, toots. How are you, darling?
- What does it matter how I am?

- The whole thing is only a delusion.
- What thing?

- You wouldn't understand.
- Well, I don't so far.

I'm famished. How about something to eat?

Oh, Godfrey, Godfrey,
bring Mr. Gray a sandwich.

It's your play-

Well, come around here
Mr. Gray's not an acrobat.

Whatever's come over you?
You're beginning to act like the rest of the family.

- Hey, wait a minute!
- What's the trouble?

Godfrey Parke, you old mug!

- Oh, do you know Godfrey?
- Know him? We went to Harvard together.

I'm afraid you've confused me
with someone else, sir.

I'm Smith, remember?

Sure, you're Smith.
But we did go to college together.

- Or did we?
- Lmagine. A butler with a college education.

- He's not really the butler?
- And a very good one.

You mean, this is not a gag
just for my benefit?

Mr. Gray neglected to tell you that when
we were in Harvard together, I was his valet.

- Was he a good servant, Tommy?
- Excellent.

- What's the idea?
- I'll tell you later.

- Mr. Gray never complained.
- When?

No, I had very few complaints
about Godfrey's work.

I'll tell you tomorrow. It's my day off.

Strange, you never gave
Mr. Gray as a reference.

You see, I left Mr. Gray
under very unusual circumstances.

What circumstances?

I'd rather Mr. Gray told you about that.

Well, don't go away. Come here.
Come here and tell us all about it.

You know, Godfrey's a very mysterious person.
Nobody seems to know anything about him.

- Don't go away, Godfrey.
- No, no, don't go away, Godfrey.

You see, I didn't want to
say anything about this.

But, you see, Godfrey had been
working for us as a butler and whatnot,

and things had been going along very well
when all of a sudden it happened -

just like that.

You're sure you want me
to tell all this, Godfrey?

Uh...

Well, you see, as I said,

he'd been working for us for some time
when one day he came to me and said,

“Mr. Gray,” he said, “I trust my work
has always been satisfactory,” he said.

And I said, “Why, of course. I've never had
more satisfactory work in all my life.”

And he said, “Thank you, Mr. Gray.”

He was always
a very courteous man, Godfrey.

Godfrey is still extremely courteous,
especially in the morning.

Well, it's not much of a story, really.
Maybe we'd better skip it.

Come on, Tommy, finish it.
You can't stop in the middle.

- Well, let me see. Where was I?
- You were telling us how very polite Godfrey was.

Yes, and that's where I said
that Godfrey was still very polite.

Well, thank you, Mrs. Bullock.
It's a pleasure to have you say so publicly.

That's my nature. I never say anything
behind your back that I won't say in public.

That's what I admire about you, Angelica.

That's nice of you, Tommy.
What about the story?

Well, anyhow, Godfrey came to me and said,
“I trust my work has been satisfactory, sir.”

That was about the gist of it,
wasn't it, Godfrey?

Those may not have been my exact words, sir,
but that was about the gist of it.

All right, we'll settle for that.
You said he was very satisfactory.

And then he said thank you.
And then what?

Naturally, I had to take an attitude.

You don't make sense.
What kind of an attitude?

Well, the only kind I could take
toward a faithful servant.

But Godfrey decided in favor
of his wife and five children.

- Five children?
- Five.

My, my! Tsk-tsk-tsk.

Was his wife an Indian woman?

I believe she was rather dark. We used to
take her on hunting trips to stalk the game.

Godfrey. Why didn't you tell me
you had five children?

Well, why shouldn't Godfrey have five children?

If a woman in Canada can have five children,
why can't Godfrey?

You see?

I owe the creation of my family
to Mr. Gray's generosity.

Well, if other people can have five children,
so can other people.

Personally, I think two are plenty,
and strangely enough, Bullock agrees with me.

Listen, everybody. I want to make
an announcement about something.

- Come here. Now, come here.
- Go ahead. What are you going to announce?

I want to announce my - my engagement.
I'm going to be married.

- You're going to be married? To whom?
- Well, you'll find out soon enough.

- Not Charlie Van Rumple?
- Yes, Charlie Van Rumple. Where is he?

- He's down at the bar.
- Well, tell him to come here.

I've had my arm around her
plenty of times before,

but this is the first time I ever felt
that chill September breeze.

- Congratulations, old boy.
- Congratulations about what?

- Your engagement, you slug.
- What engagement?

- Why, you're engaged to Irene, aren't you?
- Am I?

- Aw, come on.
- Don't be gaga! Come on!

I hear we're engaged.

- You said it.
- When did it happen?

Just now.

What's all the excitement?
What did she say?

I think she's gone and got herself engaged
or something.

Oh, has she again?
It must be that nice boy in the brown suit.

Let's go and congratulate them.

This is thrilling. You're a lucky boy.

- I know I am. I'm not Van Rumple.
- Oh, you're not? Which one is he?

- There he is.
- Oh, you'll pardon me, I hope.

- You're Van Rumple, aren't you?
- Oh. Oh, yes.

- Oh, you'll take good care of her.
- I imagine so.

My mind's a little cloudy.
I-l don't even remember proposing.

You're always proposing.

- Oh, which one did you take me up on?
- All of them.

How do you think Godfrey'll feel
about your engagement?

- What has Godfrey got to do with it?
- I wonder.

- Oh, you mind your own business.
- All right, Godfrey. Let's have those.

- Come on, everybody. All aboard.
- Are you going to congratulate Irene, Godfrey?

- She just got herself engaged.
- I'd be very happy to.

Godfrey, come congratulate Irene.

May I congratulate you, Miss Irene?
I wish you all the happiness in the world.

Just leave her alone.
She'll be all right in a minute.

- Is she mad at me?
- Of course not. She's not mad at anybody.

Don't you know women always cry at their own
engagements and other people's weddings?

- Why?
- I don't know why, but they just do.

Irene is so peculiar. She shouts when
she wins and cries when she's happy.

Oh, Alexander,
you missed all the excitement.

- What's going on?
- Oh, let me see.

I knew what it was I wanted to say,
but somehow it slipped my mind.

- What's the matter with Irene?
- Oh, yes, that's it. Lrene's got herself engaged.

- To whom?
- I don't know. Van something or other.

I think he's that boy
with his arm around that girl in pink.

- He's got lots of money.
- Well, he'll need it.

Godfrey, let's you and I have a good cry.

How about lunch at my hotel tomorrow?

Yes, sir. Do you prefer soda or ginger ale?

- Both. 12:00?
- Very good, sir.

When you make up your mind just who she's
going to marry, I'd like to meet the guy.

I don't know, Alexander.
It's one of those boys in there.

Come along, now.

You're not eating well this morning, sir.

You notice everything.

Business trouble, sir?

What made you ask that?

Well, sir, butlers can't help picking up
scraps of news, shall we say?

We shan't say anything about it.

I thought I might be of some help, sir.

I dabbled in the market at one time.

One dabbler in the family is quite enough.

Very good, sir. Eggs?

No, thank you.

Godfrey, you seem to be a pretty good sort.

Have you noticed
anything queer about me lately?

Nothing particularly, sir.

I sometimes wonder whether my whole family's
gone mad, or whether it's me.

I know just how you feel, sir.

I've felt that way many times
since I've been here.

Then why do you stay here?
I have to. You don't.

It's much more comfortable than living
in a packing box on the city dump, sir.

Besides, I'm rather proud of my job here.

- You're proud of being a butler?
- I'm proud of being a good butler, sir.

And I may add, sir, a butler has
to be good to hold his job here.

Say... who are you?

I'm just a nobody, sir. Uh, coffee?

Godfrey, here I am.
So you've turned up at last, eh?

I began to think
you'd fallen down the kitchen sink.

Sorry I'm late, Tommy. It's hard to
make beds when they're full of people.

Waiter. You seem to do everything
except put out the cat.

I suppose I'd do that, too,
only we have no cat.

The same for me.
What will you have, Jarvis, my man?

Make it a rousing old lemonade.

Lemonade? You sure you can handle it?

Oh, yes, I'm the type who can take it
or leave it alone.

You see, now that I'm a working man,
I have to keep my wits about me.

I'm beginning to wonder
if you've got any left at all.

But don't avoid the issue.

I've been sitting here like a snoopy old maid
with her ears flapping in the breeze,

waiting to hear the dirt.

What dirt would you like to hear?

Well, when I wander
into a Fifth Avenue asylum

and see one of the Parkes of Boston
serving hots d' oeuvres,

I think I'm entitled
to a pardonable curiosity.

Why tell you something
that you won't understand?

Tommy, you've fallen off so many polo ponies
that your brains are scrambled.

But I still want to know why you're buttling
when your family's telling everybody

that you're in South America, doing something
about rubber or sheep or something.

A family has to say something
to save its face.

You know, the Parkes disgrace very easily.

I'd like to see their faces
when they find out that you're a butler.

- They're not going to find it out.
- All right. They're not going to find it out.

But, uh, come to the point.

Well, there isn't much of a point.

Do you remember that little incident
up in Boston?

You still have that woman on your mind?

No, not anymore.

But I was pretty bitter at the time.

So I gave her everything I had
and just disappeared.

You know, the Parkes
were never educated to face life.

- We've been puppets for ten generations.
- And?

Tommy, it's surprising
how fast you can go downhill

when you begin to feel sorry for yourself.

And, boy, did I feel sorry for myself.

I wandered down to the East River one night,
thinking I'd just slide in and get it over with.

But I met some fellows living there,
on a city dump.

Here were people who were fighting it out
and not complaining.

I never got as far as the river.

- Will you do me a big favor?
- Who do you want killed?

I'll do my own killing.

Go around the corner and telephone
this place and ask for Tommy Gray.

When you get him on the wire,
keep him there.

- What's this all about?
- Don't ask too many questions.

Okay.

And so out of the ruins of Godfrey Parke,

a new edifice has sprung up
in the form of Godfrey Smith.

And, I may add, the edifice
is going to keep on springing.

Do you intend to remain a butler?

No, I have some other ideas in mind.

But you wouldn't understand those either,
so we won't go into that.

- Will you do me a favor?
- Maybe.

I have a friend in town,
a very eminent brain specialist.

I'd like him to examine you.

I'll submit to an examination,
if you will also.

That's a bet.

- Are you Mr. Gray?
- Yes.

- You're wanted on the phone.
- On the phone? What the -

Back in a minute, Godfrey.

Well, the mystery's solved.

- The mystery?
- Yes.

Now I know what a butler does
on his day off.

When you worked for Mr. Gray,
were the two of you always this chummy?

You see, I worked for Mr. Gray
a long time, and we got to be -

Yes, that was under the name of Smith,
wasn't it?

Or did I hear him mention
the name of Parke?

He may have said that we, uh,
used to take long walks in the park.

- A sort of custom.
- Oh, yes, I see.

Well, if you can be so chummy with the Grays,
why can't you be chummy with the Bullocks?

- I try to keep my place.
- Why? You're very attractive, you know.

As a butler?

No, as a Smith. You're a rotten butler.

Sorry.

Are we going to be friends?

I rather feel that on my day off, I should have
the privilege of choosing my friends.

You can't go on like this forever.

You really like me,
and you're afraid to admit it, aren't you?

Do you want me to tell you
what I really think of you?

- Please do.
- As Smith, or as a butler?

Choose your own weapon.

- You won't hold it against me?
- It's your day off.

Very well.

You belong to that unfortunate category
that I would call the Park Avenue brat.

A spoiled child
who's grown up in ease and luxury,

who's always had her own way,

and whose misdirected energies
are so childish

that they hardly deserve the comment
even of a butler on his off Thursday.

Thank you for a very lovely portrait.

Hiya, Cornelia. What are you doing here?

Godfrey and I were discussing
tomorrow's menu.

- Well, don't run away.
- I'm in an awfully big hurry. Good-bye now.

I'll see you down by the ash pile.

- What did she mean by that?
- That's a little joke we have between us.

Oh, I see. A joking butler.
What's the matter with that stuff?

- Did it turn your stomach?
- I think I'll switch.

- I'm more at mood.
- Now we're getting someplace. Waiter?

Another one of these.

- He's not back yet, is he?
- Not yet.

Would you mind putting these flowers
in his room?

- I can't go in there anymore.
- I can't either.

- You won't tell him they're from me, will you?
- If you don't want me to.

Oh, I don't want him to know.

It's his, isn't it?

- Do you always sew his buttons on?
- Sometimes.

Oh, I'd like to sew his buttons on
sometime when they come off.

- I wouldn't mind at all.
- He doesn't lose very many.

- Oh, he's very tidy.
- Yes, he's very tidy.

- What does he do on his day off?
- He never tells me.

Oh, he's probably sitting somewhere
with some woman on his lap.

He's the meanest man I know.

I think he's very mean.

I suppose he's sitting somewhere

with somebody on his lap
who doesn't care for him at all.

As far as I know, maybe his children
are there too, calling him, calling him.

Oh, I can't bear it.

Please don't.

You too?

Oh, Molly, I know exactly how you feel.

Oh.

Evening.

How about a quartet?

Geez!

♪ >L' For tomorrow may bring sorrow I'

♪ >a' So tonight let us be gay a'

♪ >a' Tell the story of the glory 4'

“'Courage,' he said,
and pointed toward the land.

'This mounting wave
will roll us shoreward soon.'

In the afternoon they came unto a land
in which it seemed always afternoon.”

Carlo!

“All around the coast
the languid air did swoon.”

- What's the matter, darling?
- Nothing.

She's been out in the kitchen,
eating onions.

- I love onions. They make me sleepy.
- Yes, Irene loves onions.

When she was a little girl, she was always
stealing onions from the icebox.

You know, sometimes I wonder
if my children are all there.

“And like a downward smoke,
the slender stream along the cliff

to fall and pause and fall did seem.”

Evening.

I thought I told you to send
that gray satin evening dress to the cleaner.

- Gray satin?
- Why can't you do as you're told?

With pleasure.

Seems to me that every time you pick up a paper,
somebody's been murdered or something.

Imagine a man drowning his wife
in a bathtub.

Maybe it's the only way
he could get her to take a bath.

Well, if anyone ever drowned
my “beau-tafful” in bad-bad tubbies,

Mama would be very, very cross.
Yes, she would.

Will there be anything else, madam?

Well, I haven't asked for anything,
so I don't see how I could want anything else.

I beg your pardon.
I thought you were Miss Cornelia.

You thought I was Cornelia?

I hope you'll forgive me, madam,

but you seem to be looking younger
every day, if I may say so.

You certainly may.
Thank you very much, Godfrey.

Did you send Godfrey upstairs for anything?

Did I? No, I'm quite sure I didn't. Why?

I just wondered.

I was in the Kerry Bar today.
That place is getting all run-down.

They're catering to a very low class of people.

Well, you shouldn't go in there, my dear.

Darling, what's the matter?
You're not eating anything.

Nobody cares if I starve myself to death.

What's the matter with you, Irene?

I don't mind dying, if other people don't.

She's in love. Haven't you heard?

It's probably her engagement.
Several of my girlfriends acted just like that.

It has something to do with your chemistry.

- Maybe her stomach is upset.
- Nobody asked you.

There goes the profits.

I beg your pardon.

I don't know what's the matter with Godfrey.
He's been acting so peculiar lately.

But he did pay me a nice compliment.

He's always paying other people compliments.

Darling, why don't you eat something?
Look at Carlo.

He's had two helpings of everything.

Leave her alone.
Carlo's eating enough for both of them.

Alexander!

He ought to be strong enough pretty soon
to give that concert.

You can't rush genius.

He could give a bang-up concert right now
with a knife and fork.

Why do you always pick on Carlo?
Why not try someone else for a change?

Wait a minute, Mother. Come here, Dad.
Something terrible has happened.

What is it? What's happened?

You look frightened.
You're as white as a sheet.

Let's go into the living room
where we won't be overheard.

Cornelia, whatever's come over you?
What is it? Are you ill?

Come, come. Sit down here.
Let me get you an aspirin or something.

- I'm all right.
- What is it? What's troubling you?

Do you remember the pearl necklace
I got for my birthday last year?

- Why, yes.
- What about it?

- It's disappeared.
- Maybe somebody stole it.

Will you fill your gob full of chicken
and keep out of this discussion.

- I was only trying to help.
- We don't need your help.

- When did you find out about this?
- I put it on my dressing table this afternoon.

- I went upstairs just now, and it was gone.
- My, my. And it cost such a lot of money.

- I'll say it did.
- Well, what are we going to do?

I'll go call the police.

Never mind, Dad. I've already called them.

Oh!

Mm-hmm.

Well, what I want to know is,
when did you miss the pearls?

During dinner, I went to my room,
and they were gone.

She probably lost them.
She's always leaving them around.

Nobody asked you anything, lady.

If you're going to be rude to my daughter,
you might at least take your hat off.

When we're on criminal cases, lady,
we keep both hands free.

You mean to imply that I'm a criminal?

All I know is that it's an inside job.

- Who's that?
- It's Mother's protégé.

No wisecracks. Is that your son?

That? Say, listen,
I've made a lot of mistakes in my life,

but I'll be hanged
if I'll plead guilty to that.

Stop picking on Carlo!

He wouldn't have time to steal anything.
He's always too busy eating.

- Who are you?
- Guess.

- Where is Godfrey?
- He isn't feeling very well.

Who are you staring at?

Just a minute, sister.

If I thought that were true,
I'd disown my parents.

So you got a passion for jewelry, huh?

Yes, and I got a passion for socking cops.

- Where are they?
- Most of them are in cemeteries.

- Where's the necklace?
- Maybe I swallowed it.

You mustn't accuse Molly.
She's been with us for a long time.

Well, that in itself is some recommendation.

- Thank you, Molly.
- You're welcome.

If you don't mind, flatfoot,
I'll turn down the beds.

- Who is this Godfrey?
- He's the best butler we ever had.

Oh, I'm sure Godfrey didn't take them,
although we don't know much about him.

Godfrey wouldn't touch
those old pearls of yours with a fork.

Just a minute. What do you mean
you don't know much about him?

Well, you see, we didn't get him
from an employment agency.

- My sister found him on a city dump.
- Oh, I see.

- Are you accusing Godfrey?
- I'm not accusing anyone.

I only want my necklace.

It's so silly to think of Godfrey
wearing a pearl necklace.

- Where is this butler?
- He's probably in his room.

- Where's that?
- It's back this way.

Oh.

- That's his room over there.
- Godfrey, if you've got 'em, hide 'em!

- Here come the cops! Look out, Godfrey!
- Hey, what kind of a joint is this?

All right, lady.

Here they come!

Come in?

- Where are they?
- Where?

That's what I said. Where?

♪ >4' Where, oh, where
Has my little dog gone? 4'

- Come on, snap out of it!
- ♪ Oh, where - ♪

- I suppose you notice he's been drinking.
- He has not been drinking!

Well, I don't blame him if he has.
This family's probably got to him too.

Do you mind if we search your room,
Godfrey?

Somebody lost?

There seems to be
a pearl necklace missing.

- Do you know anything about it?
- Well, let's look for it.

- That's too bad.
- It's too bad for you.

I wouldn't be so cocksure of everything.
This is a serious matter.

Well, the pearls couldn't
just get up and walk away.

She probably threw them out of the taxi
like she did last summer.

Let's look under the rug.
Maybe that's where I put it.

We'll do the searching, Godfrey, old boy.

- It's a pleasure.
- Oh, this is all very silly.

I can imagine a woman stealing pearls,
but what would Godfrey do with them?

Look under the mattress.

Yes, there's a dandy place.

- Well, they're not here.
- They must be there.

Just a minute, lady.

What makes you so sure
they oughta be under the mattress?

Why, I-l read that that's where people
put things when they steal them.

Oh, yeah?

Say, what are you up to?

I'd like to talk to you boys outside
for just a minute, if you don't mind.

- I'm terribly sorry, Godfrey.
- You see? I told you so.

We're all terribly sorry, Godfrey.
Come, Cornelia.

Yah, yah, yah, yah!

I'm terribly sorry, boys.
I wanna apologize for my family.

They're all slightly hysterical.

Yeah, we sort of got an idea
what you're up against.

Now I'd like to let the whole matter drop.
She probably mislaid her necklace.

As a matter of fact,
I'm not certain that she ever had one.

There's something phony
about the whole thing.

Well, it's all a mistake,
and if you don't mind,

I'd like to send a little check around tomorrow
to the pension fund.

- Okay, Mr. Bullock. Thanks very much.
- Good night.

- Good night. The whole thing's forgotten.
- Good night, boys.

Just what have you got to say for yourself?

Aren't they going to do anything about it?

No, and it's probably a good thing for you
that they're not.

And there's something else
I want to tell you.

If you don't find your necklace,
the joke's on you because it's not insured.

Cornelia lost her pearls, and I've got mine!

Cornelia lost her pearls,
and I've got mine!

Cornelia lost her pearls,
and I've got mine!

Well, here we are, Tommy.
The village of forgotten men.

- How do you like it?
- Well, I don't know but what I prefer Newport.

It's a matter of choice.
Unfortunately, these men have no choice.

- Go on.
- I still prefer Newport.

What is that delightful aroma?

Oh, that's Old Man River.
You get used to it after a while.

Do you mean to say
that people really live in this place?

Well, they go through the motions.

Tommy, observe yon structure on your left.

That is the birthplace
of the celebrated butler Godfrey Smith.

- Where are the ashes of Godfrey Parke?
- Scattered to the winds.

- Hello, Duke. Well, well.
- Hiya, Mike.

- How's tricks?
- Meet Mr. Gray. Mr. Flaherty.

Mr. Gray, pardon my wet paw.
I've been washing out my lingerie.

That's okay.

- Hey, Bob, look who's here.
- Hi, Bob.

Well, bust my false teeth!

Say, thanks for the beans, Duke.
They got here just in time.

If it ain't old Duke himself.
The beans was marvelous. Thanks.

- We ate everything but the cans.
- Don't thank me. Thank Mr. Gray.

He's got a corner on the bean market.

Say, is that the same corner
that prosperity's just around?

Flaughs]
No, that's another one. Hello, Arthur.

- Hello, Duke.
- Meet Mr. Gray. Mr. Bellinger.

You look as though you had a job too.
What is this, an epidemic?

Hey, Mike. Let's get goin'.

Well, Duke, we gotta run along.
This is moving day.

We've gotta help some of the boys
move their shacks.

The dump trucks
are crowding in on us a little.

We oughta be in the river by early spring.

We might be able to float by that time.
See you again, Duke.

Right.

That little fellow
with the bundle of wood under his arm

is Bellinger of the Second National.

When his bank failed, he gave up everything
he had so his depositors wouldn't suffer.

- Not really.
- Really.

You see, Tommy,
there are two kinds of people -

those who fight the idea of being pushed
into the river, and the other kind.

Well, after all, things have always
been this way for some people.

These men are not your responsibility.

- There are different ways of having fun.
- You have a peculiar sense of humor.

Over here we have some
very fashionable apartment houses.

Over there is a very swanky nightclub.

While down here,
men starve for want of a job.

- How does that strike your sense of humor?
- What's all this leading to?

Tommy, there's a very peculiar
mental process called thinking.

You wouldn't know much about that.

But when I was living here, I did a lot of it.

One thing I discovered was that the only
difference between a derelict and a man is a job.

Sit down over here
and rest your weary bones.

Let me tell you
what I wanted to talk to you about.

Well, I'll listen, but I still think that
you belong in a psychopathic ward.

You may be right, but let me tell you my plan,
and listen with both ears.

I have an idea.

Dance.

Did you and Irene have a good time
while you were in Europe?

Oh, as good a time
as anyone could have with Irene.

- You should be more civil to Carlo.
- Why?

I don't mind.
As the French say, “Cherchez la femme.”

That will hold you. Carlo always has
such a clever answer for everything.

- Darling, do you want some coffee?
- No, thank you.

- She didn't eat any dinner either.
- You had plenty.

- I can't say anything!
- You never do.

Oh, darling, what's come over you?

We spend good money to send you abroad
to forget an engagement,

and you're worse off than when you left.

Her liver is probably upset.

- You'd better take a liver pill then.
- I don't want a liver pill.

You mustn't get so upset
about a broken engagement.

You've broken many before,
and you've never acted this way.

It isn't a broken engagement.

She's upset because Godfrey didn't fall down
in a faint when we got in today.

Why should Godfrey fall in a faint?

He didn't make enough fuss
over her homecoming to suit her.

Well, Godfrey's not the fussing kind. Shh.

Oh, Godfrey, I was just telling my daughters

that you missed them both very much
while they were away.

- Oh, yes, I did. Very much, indeed.
- We missed you too, Godfrey.

- Didn't we, Irene?
- Yes.

Thank you. I missed you also.

Really, it's so nice for everybody
to miss everybody else,

because then it makes it so nice
when we get together again.

There, there, darling.
It's nice to see you cheerful.

You do have a way with you, Godfrey.
You really do.

Thank you.

There's no use denying the fact
that Godfrey has a way with him.

Well, we must be running on.
Cornelia, cheer her up like a dear.

I'm a cinch.

Do you feel better now that
you know Godfrey missed us?

He missed me more than he did you.
I could tell by the light in his eyes.

Why don't you throw yourself
in the man's arms and get it over with?

You can't rush a man like Godfrey.

You're getting pretty old, you know.
It's your last chance to get a husband.

He's really in love with me.
He's just hard to break down, that's all.

I could break him down in no time at all.

- He wouldn't have anything to do with you.
- How do you know?

Because he wouldn't.
Don't you try anything.

I'm not saying I will,
and I'm not saying I won't.

Come to think of it, Godfrey and I
have a little unfinished business.

Well, you better leave it unfinished unless
you want to be wearing a lamp for a hat.

Did you mean it
when you said you missed me?

Oh! Yes, of course I did.

I mean, did you miss Cornelia and me
or just me?

- Well, I missed both of you, I guess.
- Not just me?

Oh, I may have missed you
a little more than I did Cornelia. Why?

I'm glad, because if you missed Cornelia more,
you'd probably miss me less.

- Well, that sounds very logical.
- That's all I wanted to know.

You look so cute in your apron.

I'm not trying to look cute.

Molly has a cold,
and I'm doubling for her.

What's funny about that?

- She hasn't got a cold.
- No?

No, she's got the same thing I've got, only
you won't let me talk about things like that,

so I won't because you'll lose your temper.

Well, not seriously.

Will you let me do something, if I ask you?

- What do you want to do?
- Wipe.

Oh. All right.
You can tell me all about your trip.

- Oh, you won't get mad?
- Why should I?

Because everyplace I went,
everybody was Godfrey.

Every -

I don't want to seem dull, but, uh, I do seem
to have a little trouble following you at times.

Well, for instance, when I'd go
into a restaurant in Paris or anyplace,

I'd close my eyes and I'd say,
“The waiter is Godfrey.”

I'd say, “I'm home,
and he's serving me dinner.”

- It made everything taste better.
- Why?

- Haven't you any sense?
- I'm afraid I haven't.

When I'd get in a cab,
the driver was Godfrey,

and I'd say, “This is his chariot,
and he's taking me up through the clouds,

to his castle on the mountains.”

Suppose you come down out of the mountains
and tell me about your trip.

Well, we went to Venice, and one night,

I went for a ride in one of those rowboats
that the man pushes with a stick.

Not a matador. That was in Spain.
But something like a matador.

Do you, by any chance, mean a gondolier?

That was the name of the boat.
And the man that pushed it sang.

It was a beautiful song.
I didn't understand it, but it was beautiful.

I see. So you closed your eyes,
and the man was Godfrey.

It was wonderful.
I didn't even mind the smells.

Well, it's very convenient to take a trip abroad
without leaving the kitchen.

Oh, you have a wonderful sense of humor.
I wish I had a sense of humor.

But I never can think of the right thing to say
till everybody's gone home.

Do you mind if I talk for a little bit,
while you, uh, catch your breath?

I'd love it.

While you've been away,
I've been doing some things also.

I've been trying to do things that
I thought would make you proud of me.

Oh, I was proud of you before I went away.

Yes, but I mean prouder still.

You see, you helped me to find myself,
and I'm very grateful.

You'd make a wonderful husband.

I'm afraid not.

- You see, I know how you feel about things.
- How?

Well, you're grateful to me
because I helped you to beat Cornelia,

and I'm grateful to you
because you helped me to beat life.

But that doesn't mean
that we have to fall in love.

Well, if you don't want to.
But I'd make a wonderful wife.

Well, not for me, I'm afraid.

You see, I like you very much.

But I had a very bitter experience.

But I won't bore you with that.

- Maybe she wasn't in love with you.
- Well, maybe not.

However, that's beside the point.

You and I are friends.

I feel a certain responsibility to you.

- That's why I wanted to tell you first.
- Tell me what?

Well, I thought it was about time
that I was moving on.

Godfrey.

Now, please.

- I won't cry, I promise.
- That's fine.

After all, I'm your protege.
You want me to improve myself, don't you?

Yes.

You don't want me to go on
being just a butler all my life, do you?

- I want you to be anything you want to be.
- Well, that's very sweet.

When are you leaving?

Oh, pretty soon.

But I'll call you up every now and then
and we'll have long chats.

I'll tell you how I'm getting on.
Oh, we'll have lots of fun.

Are you going back to her?

- To whom?
- That Indian woman.

Indian? Oh!

She was just a fabrication.

Oh! Then you weren't married to her?

No, she was just a product
of Tommy Gray's imagination.

Then there wasn't any?

No.

Well, then there couldn't have been
five children.

Well, naturally.

That makes a difference.

Yeah, that makes a difference.

Did you ring, miss?

You needn't be so formal when we're alone.

Shouldn't that rather increase
a butler's formality?

- But you're not a butler.
- I'm sorry if I've disappointed.

You might drop that superior attitude
for a moment.

There's a little matter I've wanted
to talk over with you for quite a while

called “The Mystery of Milady's Necklace,
or What Happened to the Pearls?”

Pearls? Necklace?

Oh, you mean the one
that disappeared last fall?

- The same.
- Didn't that ever turn up?

Oh, yes, it turned up,
but not in my possession.

I know the first part of the story,

but I wondered what you might know
about the second part.

I can't imagine.

I know another story
that might interest you too.

I met some people on the boat coming over.
A Boston family, quite distinguished.

They knew a great deal
about a family called the Parkes.

The old Mayflower crowd.
Very upper crust too, mind you.

Never been a breath of scandal
connected with the family.

It would be an awful shame to see them made
the laughingstock of Boston, wouldn't it?

I should hate to see anyone made
a laughingstock at any place.

Let's you and I take a long taxi ride
out Van Cortland Way.

Perhaps we could exchange secrets.

- Is that a command?
- As you like.

I'll be waiting around the corner.

Uh, which corner? This one or that one?

This corner.

It's impossible
to exchange intimate secrets here.

The traffic's almost as heavy
as it is at the Grand Central Station.

Don't forget, darling. Fifteen minutes.

Please, Godfrey, you can't go with Cornelia.

But I didn't say I was going anyplace
with Miss Cornelia.

I know, but you will.
She always gets her own way.

She makes everybody do just as she likes.

But why should you care
whether I meet her or not?

I do care, that's why.
It's Cornelia's the one who doesn't care.

But I think I should decide
those things for myself.

Oh, Godfrey, I don't want
to be annoying, but I - Oh!

Oh, see here, you -

Y-You can't do that.
Uh, please, snap out of it.

Oh, this is the craziest family.

Now see here.
Stop this nonsense. Do you hear?

If you're faking one of your spells
to keep me from meeting Cornelia,

you're on the wrong track, do you hear?

- Do you hear?
- Mmm.

There must be some smelling salts.

Uh-

Are you feeling better? No?

Just a minute.

Godfrey knows how to take care
of little Irene.

Yes, indeed.

Just lie there quietly,
and Godfrey will take care of everything.

Godfrey knows just how to take care
of these nasty old faints.

That's the girl. Come right up here.

There you are.

Godfrey will soon fix Irene.

Yes, indeed.

Just leave everything to Godfrey.

Godfrey will take care of everything.

Now, you just sit right down there
like a good girl,

and in just a minute,
you'll forget that you had any trouble.

{Gasping}
- I thought so. Let that be a lesson to you.

Godfrey! Oh, Godfrey, don't go away!

Oh, Godfrey, now I know you love me.

I do not love you,
and you're going to get me all wet!

You do, or you wouldn't
have lost your temper.

- What is the meaning of this, may I ask?
- Oh, Mother! Godfrey loves me!

- He put me in the shower!
- Whatever are you talking about?

- Godfrey loves me!
- Godfrey, I demand an explanation!

- I think perhaps, madam, I had better resign.
- Yes, I think you'd better.

That's a very good idea. What do you think
your father would say to all this?

I don't care what anybody says.
Godfrey loves me.

See here, young lady.

You take a bath and put on some dry clothes
and come downstairs immediately.

- ♪ Godfrey loves me, Godfrey loves me ♪
- I never heard anything like this in my life.

♪ Och/ Ch yarn ye ♪

♪ Och/ Ch yarn ye ♪

♪ Ochi Ch yarn ye ♪

♪ Och/ Ch yarn ye ♪

♪ Och/ Chyomye ♪

Shut that thing off!
I feel gloomy enough as it is.

Alexander, something terrible's happened.

- What?
- Godfrey pushed Irene into a cold shower.

- What's terrible about that?
- And besides, he's in love with her.

Or he thinks he is. I can't make
head nor tail out of the whole thing.

I can't make head nor tail
out of what you're saying.

The only thing to do is to send him back
where he came from.

He never should have come here
in the first place.

Imagine, falling in love with a butler.

If you're going to feel sorry for anyone,
feel sorry for Godfrey.

- Alexander!
- Don't “Alexander” me!

And stop fluttering and come to rest.

I've got something more important
I want to talk about.

Now, don't tell me you're going to talk
about those sordid money matters.

- Oh, money, money, money!
- Yes, I am.

But before I start,
I'm going to have a little talk with Carlo.

What are you going to do, Alexander?

This is very private.
It's just for Carlo's ears.

You don't mind if we have a little chat,
Carlo, old boy?

You know, for some time, Carlo,
I've felt that -

What's happened?
What did you say to Carlo?

- I said good-bye.
- Did he go?

Yes, he left very hurriedly
through the side window.

- Where's he going?
- I don't know, but he won't be back.

- Now, you sit down and do some listening.
- I've never seen you like this before.

- Sit down!
- What's come over you, Alexander?

You're just in time to sit down
and do some listening.

- You want Godfrey to listen?
- Yes, I want Godfrey to listen.

This concerns him too.

You might as well all know, point-blank,
we're about broke.

You mean we haven't any money left?

Well, we've got this house,
a few odds and ends, and that's about all.

Not only that, I've lost all of my stock
in the Bullock Enterprises.

And I've borrowed some of the stockholders'
money trying to recoup my losses.

I don't know where I'm going to end up.
Maybe in jail.

Alexander!

But if I do end up in jail,
it'll be the first peace I've had in 20 years.

And I don't want any of you
to chortle about Godfrey

because you may all end up on the city dump
before you're through.

- What are we going to do?
- May I intrude, sir?

I'm afraid things are not as bad
as you make out.

What do you know about it?

Well, sir, I've known for a long time

that the Bullock interests
were in rather a bad way.

I offered to help you once,
but you declined that help.

So I took the liberty of dabbling
in the market on my own account.

- Here, sir.
- What's this?

That's most of your stock.

I knew it had been dumped on the market,
so I sold short.

I don't understand. You sold short.
You mean gentlemen's underwear?

Wait a minute.

You mean that you've been making money
while I was losing it?

I did it in your interest, sir.
The stock has been endorsed over to you.

I don't understand.

You did this for me?

Well, sir, there comes a turning point
in every man's life.

A time when he needs help.
It happened to me also.

And this family helped me.
I hope I repaid my debt.

And I may add, some of the money
went into a project of my own.

I hope you won't mind, sir.

Do you mean that you did all that
on $150 a month?

Well, hardly.

You see, with the aid of Tommy Gray,

I was able to transmute
a certain trinket into gold,

and then into stock,
and then back into pearls again.

Thank you, dear lady,
for the use of this trinket.

Oh, Godfrey!
Then you did steal them after all.

Well, I, uh -

Perhaps Miss Cornelia
had better explain that.

- You win.
- What is this all about anyway?

I put the pearls under Godfrey's mattress.

Thank you, Miss Cornelia.
I wanted you to say that.

- But why?
- You wouldn't understand, Mother.

Here, Godfrey. These are rightfully yours.

Oh, no, thank you.

I repaid my debt,
and I am grateful to all of you.

If anyone's indebted, we are,
after the way some of us have treated you.

I've been repaid in many ways.

I learned patience from Mr. Bullock.

I found Mrs. Bullock, at all times,
shall we say, amusing.

That's very complimentary of you, Godfrey.

And don't forget that you said
I looked as young as Cornelia.

What good did you find in me, if any?

A great deal.
You taught me the fallacy of false pride.

You taught me humility.

I don't understand you.

Miss Cornelia, there have been
other spoiled children in the world.

I happened to be one of them myself.

You're a high-spirited girl.

I can only hope that you'll use those high spirits
in a more constructive way.

And so, good day.

You know, I hate to see Godfrey go.

He's the only butler we ever had
who understood women.

Well, Molly, you told me to leave my hat
near the door. Remember?

I hate to see you leave, Godfrey.

Oh. Molly, you've been swell.

The house will seem empty.

Flaughs]
Well, I guess the best friends have to part.

Will you say good-bye
to Miss Irene for me?

I don't think I can go through
that ordeal right now.

You're sweet, Molly.

Good-bye.

What is it?

What's the matter with Cornelia?

What's the matter with everybody?
Mother, what's the trouble?

- He's gone.
- Who's gone?

- Godfrey.
- Where?

And Carlo's gone out of the window.
Everybody's gone.

Oh, Molly, has he gone?

Poor Molly.
He's not gonna get away from me.

Order the car, Molly. I'll be right down.

- Hello, Duke.
- Hi, Mike.

Say, business looks pretty good tonight.

I'll say it is. Mayor Courtney's
here tonight with a big party.

Swell.

I'll have one of the boys
bring these down, Duke.

Hello, Duke.

Hello, Bob. We can't complain about this.

Complain? Why, we got
the Merriweathers here tonight.

- So I heard.
- Big stuff, huh?

This is all Greek to me.

Oh, here's our wandering butler now.
Explain it to him.

- Hello, Duke.
- Arthur.

I've got an estimate from the contractor
on your housing plan for the winter.

Yes?

He figures he can petition off
our present buildings into compartments,

take care of at least 50 people.

It'll cost $5,800,
but that includes steam heat.

Forgotten men with steam. Sounds like
something that ought to be on the menu.

I'll talk with you about it later, Arthur.

Say, I've still got an interest in this company.
When do you start paying dividends?

Well, we're giving food and shelter
to 50 people in the winter

and giving them employment in the summer.

What more do you want
in the way of dividends?

You're the most arbitrary butler
I've ever met.

- Ex-butler.
- Fired?

I quit. I felt that foolish feeling
coming on again.

You mean Irene?

What do you know about that?

Nobody knows anything about her love except
all of upper New York and lower Manhattan.

- Guess I got out just in time.
- Why don't you marry the girl?

No, thank you.
I've had enough of matrimony.

What's wrong with butlers?

Lots of society girls run away
with their chauffeurs.

Never mind about that. Suppose you
write me out a check for $5,000?

- For what?
- A new dock.

Perhaps we'll get some of the yachting trade.

Well, how about an airplane landing?
Have you thought of that?

We'll come to that later.

Say, mister. What happened
to the city dump that was here?

Well, this is it,
but most of it's been filled in.

- What happened to all those forgotten men?
- Forgotten men?

Oh, we got most of them out in time.

Don't be fresh. Where's Godfrey?

- You mean Mr. Godfrey Smith?
- Yes.

Well, lady, his office is right over there
where it says “office.”

Oh, just where it used to be.
Oh, thank you. Come on, Clarence.

Say, wait a minute.
What is this, a basket party?

- Good evening, Mr. Courtney.
- Good evening, Miss Irene.

- Lovely evening.
- Yes.

Good evening.

Well, there you are. Business is fine.

I'm stuck, you're nuts, and I'm going back
to Boston before I disgrace my family.

Good riddance.

Oh, Godfrey, company has come.

- Hello.
- What are you doing here?

Yes, what are you doing here?
Don't let him off the hook.

- Oh.
- You must leave at once. Do you hear me?

Well, we got rid of her in a hurry.

If I can help you in any other way,
be sure and let me know.

Oh, my, how you've fixed this place up,
Godfrey.

It's much nicer than when I was here before.

Oh, you've noticed that, huh?

- Are the forgotten men having a party?
- It's their annual reunion.

I saw the mayor out there.
Is he one of them too?

He's the guest of honor.

Oh, it's a lovely view,
the bridge and everything.

- Is it always there?
- Most always.

Oh, you have a kitchen.
I'm gonna like this place very much.

What's over here?

- Oh, is this where you sleep?
- That's the general purpose of the room.

Any observations?

Oh, I think it's very cute,
but we'll have to change the wallpaper.

- What do you mean, “We'll have to ch -”
- Oh, I don't like green wallpaper.

- It makes me bilious.
- You won't have to look at it.

- You're going home right now.
- Oh, but I can't go home.

Why not?

- I can't go home after what happened.
- What happened?

You know what happened
just as well as I do.

- Now, see here. You simply ca -
- Oh, go on and lose your temper.

I love it when you lose your temper.

Why can't you let me alone?

Because you're my responsibility,
and someone has to take care of you.

I can take care of myself.

You can't look me in the eye and say that.

You love me, and you know it.

You know, there's no sense in struggling
against a thing when it's got you.

It's got you, and that's all there is to it.
It's got you.

Oh, that's Clarence.

I'm sorry I was delayed, Miss Irene,
but I had to go all the way around the back way.

Put the wood over there, Clarence.
That's fine.

Hello, Godfrey.

You can put the groceries right there
in the kitchen. That's fine. Thanks, Clarence.

- What's the idea?
- Well, I brought some wood and food.

It should last us for a week anyway.

It's a wonder you didn't have the foresight
to bring a minister and a license.

It's funny. I never thought of that.

- May I come in?
- Oh, Mr. Courtney.

Mr. Gray said there were a couple of people
over here who wanted to get married.

- Are you it?
- Yes. Can you marry us without a license?

Without a -
It may get me into a lot of trouble.

But I guess I've known your family
long enough to take a chance.

- Who are you going to marry?
- Godfrey. Oh, this is Godfrey.

Oh. How do you do, uh, Godfrey?

How -

Does your father know about this?

Oh, everybody knows about it except Godfrey.

Well, I guess we better have a witness.

Oh, we can use Clarence.
Clarence, you can be the witness.

Come down here. Stand right down here.
That's fine. Right there. Come on, Godfrey.

Right there.

Well, now, uh, join hands, please.

- No, the right hand.
- Oh.

Stand still, Godfrey.
It'll all be over in a minute.