My Friend Dahmer (2017) - full transcript

- Is it a person?
- Yes.

- Is this person living?
- Yes.

Is this person famous?

Sort of.

Would I know this person?

No.

- Is this person a boy?
- Yes.

Does this person live anywhere near here?

No.

Hey, who was that?

Why are you standing?



Hey, kid, get in your seat.

Get in your seat.

We could frame this whole wall...

...of windows with drapes.

Oh... oh, that's... that's an idea.

Jeff!

What are you doing home?
I thought you were at tennis.

Mom, I told you, tennis season is over.

Oh.

Oh, sorry, Jeff. This is Mr. Burlman.
He's my new interior designer.

Jeff, this is... this is Mr.... Mr. Burlman.

- Nice to meet you, Jeff.
- Don't... don't be alarmed by that.

- It's just a little. Yeah.
- Palsy. Palsy.

Just a little palsy.



Don't you do that.
He's a very talented designer.

Oh. I heard that, Mrs. Dahmer.
Thank you very much.

- These windows... spectacular.
- Super talented.

Have I told you I found
these very sort of lacy drapes?

Oh, I don't know...

"Dwapes."

Come on, I don't want to miss Monty Python.

- You know what I mean?
- Say no more, say no more.

Hey, Dahmer...

...what's in the bag?

- Dead cat?
- Well, I'm gonna dissolve it.

- Huh?
- In some acid.

- What? So full of crap.
- Where did you get acid?

My dad's a chemist. Got my hands on it easy.

Yeah, right.

Well, come see if you don't believe me.

The acid's kind of weak, so takes about
a month for the flesh to dissolve.

Why are you doing this?

I like bones.

It interests me what's inside.

This is a bunch of bull crap.
Dead animals, acid.

Bet these jars are full of nothing
but muddy water.

Found this about a month ago on Hampton Road.

The flesh is almost completely dissolved now.

Yeah, right.

God, Dahmer, you are such a freak.

- How was your day, Dad?
- Oh, uneventful.

- Mr. Demison read more from Charlotte's...
- Is there a stronger chemical I can use?

- Something that works faster?
- About the hut, Jeff...

- Let your brother talk! Go ahead.
- It's about a spider...

...that talks to a pig named Wilbur,
who's gonna be slaughtered by a butcher.

Oh, my, well, let me think on that, Jeff.

Uh-uh, let your brother have the leg.

But he... I like the dark meat.

There's plenty of white meat.
Give the leg to your brother.

Jeff.

Ah, it looks delicious.

- How about...
- So, uh... how was...

- ...what, tennis, Jeff?
- Tennis ended a week ago.

But I have a chance to be
second in singles. Next year.

Well, I don't know, next year maybe,
you should, you know, take up a team sport...

- The potatoes. I'm bringing the potatoes!
- ...or join a club.

Well, I'm in marching band at school.

I know, but I just... new things
offer new opportunities for friends.

And friends, yeah,
are our connection with this world.

Um, mom? Chicken's red inside.

- Oh, no, it's not.
- Yes, Joyce, it is.

Yeah.

- Well, you don't like my cooking?
- No, that's...

That's what's going on here,
you don't like my cooking?

Well, that's okay, new house rule.
We eat our mistakes.

- Do you want a potato?
- Sure.

That's what I thought.
Some people appreciate my cooking.

- Out of the way, Dahmer.
- Dumb ass.

Mr. John Beckter.

- You matched chloropods?
- Yeah, we were just...

Gather yourself.

- Ms. Bowles, come on.
- Now.

Freaking bully.

Over there with Jeff.

Now.

Jeff, stay on the same slide,
give Mr. Bekderf a look.

Hey.

I'm going away this summer
to a wilderness camp, but...

...in exchange my dad said I can get
tickets to the Neil Sedaka concert.

- He's my favorite.
- I know.

Wanna go?

Um, sure.

Hey, kid, you're in my spot.

Move!

Over here. Everyone! Quiet.

Now I'm only talking to the seniors,
so the rest of you just keep your traps shut.

As you know, I'm on the prom
planning committee...

...and we've put our hearts into the
event which is right around the corner.

- Hey, faggot.
- It's gonna be... stop that!

- Figg, let me go.
- Voting for prom King...

Voting for... uh...

...ends this Friday!

It's gonna be the best prom ever,
and just a reminder...

Frankie Jr., stop that!

...- paying for some crony...
- Joyce!

- Shut up.
- Next week you're gonna be into pottery.

Next week? You don't know what's happening
next week. You know what next week is?

When I go back to work.

- Oh, yeah.
- How are you going back to work?

I'm going back to work. Our boy
is gonna let himself into the house.

- David's eleven.
- He is eleven and that's just about time.

I'm telling you. What, you know,
the girls are doing it.

They're all going back to work. They're
not even coming home on the weekends.

- All the girls are doing that because...
- What?

...they're not less than a year
out of the mental hospital.

- That's mean. That's totally mean.
- Joyce.

Are they gonna to hit each other?

- You're really gonna say that to me?
- No. They just argue.

Don't make me say it, Joyce.
Just leave it alone.

- Make you say what?
- Joyce, it's because...

...a month ago you saw a UFO
flying down the street...

...and you chased after it...

That sounds excellent.
The horns were pitch perfect.

You play like that at our year-end recital,
and we're gonna blow scalps off the audience.

Once again from the top.

Three, four.

Hey, faggot!

- There you are.
- You've been avoiding us all day.

Hey, Jeff.

Come to save the day, Dumber?

Uh, no.

What, are you gonna defend
this homo with your trumpet case?

I've got a trumpet you can blow.

No, I was just gonna tell him something.

- Well, then, go ahead.
- It's nothing.

Jeff, I got the Neil Sadaka
tickets for this Saturday.

My dad said he'd pick you up
around 5:00 this Saturday.

Hey, Dave.

Where's your brother?

I think he's in his lab.
Been there for hours.

And your mother?

Hey, Joyce?

Yeah, we need to talk about Jeff.

Goddammit.

Dad? You're never home this early.

That's enough, Jeff.

Hey, Dad?

No. You are spending too much time in here.

- Don't.
- No, you know, I let you have...

...a pet cemetery when you
were a kid and now this.

- Dad! Don't!
- No.

You need to get out.
Get out of your shell. Yeah?

- Something more normal.
- I'm in the school band.

You are not hearing me!

I don't...

...I don't know what happened.

I do know, this...

...I'm closing this down.

No more. I'm taking it down.
Do you understand? Enough. Jeff.

Enough.

...trapped in this wasteland
for another year.

I know. Senior year is usually gonna suck.

- Oh, wait, wait, time out.
- You okay?

- Skye!
- Are you kidding me?

- No, that doesn't count.
- That's really fun.

- Hey.
- Hey.

Are you in an after school program?

- No, not right now.
- Tennis just ended.

- Yeah, and marching band is only in the fall.
- Well, then get off school grounds.

- Okay.
- Day's over.

Can't be hanging around with nothing to do.

- Sorry.
- Hey.

Trying to catch a buzz?

Seven bucks. It's good.
Really good stuff, skunky.

I've got more if you want it, too.

What's with the bag?

I have to pick up road kill,
but I'm trying to quit.

I can get you road kill, man. Stick with me.

Hey, you guys!
You guys trying to catch a buzz?

What are you doing?

Studying for finals.

Uh, can I... can I have a minute?

Okay, look, Jeff.

The hut. Yeah?

What you have to understand is sometimes...

...I get mad at you because I see things
in you that I don't like about myself.

Like I spend too much time
in the chemistry lab...

...and I know that.
And I want you to be more active.

To be...

...to have friends in ways
that I never could. So I...

...I got you something.

Huh?

Picked these up at the summit mall.

I think they are gonna work.

I think you are gonna look more impressive...

...and, who knows,
you might find it fulfilling.

I don't know. Hey, who knows.

Maybe... maybe some girl
will take an interest in you. Huh?

Yeah? Right?

Okay.

Okay.

Quiet everyone, just be quiet. That's it.

Thank you.

Your senior year American history
class will be focusing on...

...the federal government and our presidents.

So who here can tell me
why history is so important?

Anyone.

No one?

You.

You, over there, why is history so important?

- I don't know.
- What?

- I don't...
- People, please speak up.

I can't hear... again.

It's important. I don't know.

I don't know.

Okay. Everyone quiet. Thank you.

I'll take this one.

People, the reason history is so important,
is you truly will never know yourselves...

...until you come to better
understand your past.

All right, turn to page ten
in your textbooks.

For spacious skies, for amber waves of grain

For purple mountains majesties
above the fruited plain

America...

Thank you. Very nice melody.

Beautiful, as always.

Next up, Jeff Dahmer.

Jeff Dahmer?

Blegh!

Bleaagh!

Bleh!

He's a real dumber.

Oh, shoot. We have to go to class!

I say things like that.
Do I say whatever is on my mind?

- What's the deal with Dahmer?
- I know, is he insane or what?

- I think he's kind of hilarious.
- Yeah, that's new.

Hey, I heard he spazzed in math too.

Yeah. All week he's been
"doing a Dahmer," I call it.

- Never really spoken to him.
- We rally in tennis but like, that's it.

He's out there. Oh, shit.

I hope he didn't hear you.

Dahmer. Hey, man.

Do you want to come sit at our table?

No reason that a champion spazzer
had got to sit here in hell.

Come on over, we've got...
we've got courtyard views.

Come on.

Yeah.

- Hey.
- Hey.

Kuddos for your freaking spazzes,
dude. Totally classic.

Yeah. We dig it. Where'd you get the idea?

Like, you know what it reminds me of?
This decorator in town my parents hired.

Used to have these little fits in our living
room until, you know, they just fired him.

Oh, yeah, Mr. Burlman.
My parents hired him too.

Yeah, see, I knew it.

Yeah, but after five months,
all he added was a pink footstool.

And lacy drapes.

Dahmer, where have you been?

I think we should form a Dahmer fan club.

- What?
- Yeah, like, I mean, there's just...

...there's only so much time left. I think
with you as our fearless leader, we can...

...we can really disrupt the school.
Go out in style.

Yeah, in infamy.

Yeah, if we don't,
I might have to do something crazy...

Like kill the Pope.

Dahmer, look. I already drew you, actually.

This one's called
"Dahmer and a Bag of Groceries."

What do you think?

And as part of The Dahmer fan club,
I appoint myself the minister of propaganda.

Who did that?

Was it you?

Behave yourself.

- Or get out of my library.
- But I...

Don't even think about it.

- So disrespectful.
- Not cool.

Despicable.

Who keeps making that sound?

Guys, guys, guys.

Those girls are aggressively
out of our league.

They're a primo target.

Let's do a Dahmer.

Hurricane drought!

God, where is it?

- Mom? I have good news.
- Yeah. Good. What is it?

I have friends coming over.

- It's in here, I know it.
- What are you doing?

- Oh, nothing.
- I... I thought you stopped.

Oh, these? I've been taking these
since I was pregnant with you.

In a way they're good enough
for you to take. Is it down under...

Go back. Go... go back to the doctor.

- Go back to the doctor.
- I don't... oh, God, no.

I hate the doctor. Doctor always tells me
what to do. Just like you, just like you.

- I thought... I thought you stopped.
- Look down there.

How could you listen
to that punk crap? Seriously.

- Rocket From The Tombs?
- Yeah.

They're from right down the street. Better
than that kid shit that Mike listens to.

- And the folk-y polk-y stuff you listen to.
- Fuck off.

- Hello.
- Hi.

Why don't we hang out outside?

But I thought we were gonna listen
to these bootlegs in your den.

- But my mom is sleeping.
- So?

And I'm kind of embarrassed by the pink
footstool and the lacy "dwapes."

Are you in the new club?

- What?
- That's my brother. Get lost, Dave.

Um, so does Lisa Watkins
still live down the street?

'Cause I heard she didn't
move out after graduation.

- Are you two friends?
- She doesn't know I exist.

Great. I've got a great idea.

- Hi, I'm here for the interview.
- Excuse me?

They said that you would do an interview.

I'm with the William Dawes
high school newspaper.

- The lantern?
- Yeah.

We're doing a story
on past homecoming queens.

- Love to talk to you.
- Guess I could spare ten minutes.

Cool. Um, so first I just want to ask...

...how does it feel now that you know that
the best years of your life are behind you?

- You were prom queen, now you're...
- Wait a sec. Is this some kind of joke?

No, it's not a joke.
I want to know how that feels.

...you live, like, a miserable existence
now that high school is over.

I'm sorry. Wait, please come back.
I need answers.

- That was awesome!
- That was so good.

Is Dahmer your muse?

- What?
- Is Dahmer your muse?

Oh.

- No.
- Sure looks like it.

No, he's not.

Wanna see?

This is Dahmer as a coat hanger.

You're talented.

Thanks.

Why don't you sketch me?

I can draw you.

- Okay. Prove it.
- Yeah.

All right. Stand up and lay on the floor.

Lay on the floor.

And act dead.

Keep reading.

There.

Tada.

There's sunfish. Whatever we
catch, we've got to throw back.

You guys hear Victor Cramer's mom
caught him masturbating with a vacuum.

- What?
- Yeah.

- Is he all right?
- I don't know.

With a vacuum, how?

I don't know. Supposedly he just
stuck his wanker in the front half.

How else would you masturbate with a vacuum?

Fuck. Ouch.

What's the difference
between parsley and pussy?

What?

No one eats parsley.

Hey.

You got one? Here.

Okay. Use this to cut him loose,
and then throw him right back, all right?

Just cut him right off the line.

Just cut the line, Jeff.

Hey.

Jeff, what the hell? I said throw him back.

Sorry.

Why'd you do that?

I just wanted to see
what its insides looked like.

Just get rid of it, okay?

- I feel utterly left out right now.
- Why?

Not playing tic-tac-toe.

Do you want to play tic-tac-toe with three
people? That doesn't even make sense.

Okay. Thank you. Neil. Neil's here.

Yeah, Ashley just aggressively rejected me.

- That was fun.
- What?

I went up to her after...
I went up to her after class.

I was like, so you're in the lit club,
and she's like, yeah.

I'm like, who's your favorite author?
So goes, James Joyce.

I'm like, yeah, I've read
quite a bit. I said that.

Worst part is, I have to... I have to
shoot her for the yearbook tomorrow.

- She's in the lit club.
- You have to shoot her?

I totally forgot you had to do that.

I've got an idea.

What if we put me in all the photos?

Like, if we sneak you into the club pictures?

Uh-huh.

Like you're just in every club.

Yes.

- That's the funniest thing I've ever heard.
- I think you might be a genius, Jeff.

- Wait, do it...
- Everyone's smiling, everyone's smiling.

- You're gonna be a real...
- It's my picture time.

- Wait.
- I love it.

Okay, this is everyone from
the rock climbing club, correct?

- Good job, bro.
- Okay, looking good.

All right, let me focus.

Okay, come on.

Wait, back up, back up, back up.

Hey, Jeff.

- Hey.
- Ready, smile!

- He's not in National Honor Society.
- Shut your pie hole.

Everybody ready, one, two, three.

Hey, Dad, um, I joined a lot of
new clubs. I think you'd be proud.

- That is great news.
- This doesn't belong there.

- This. This doesn't belong here. Hi, kids.
- Jesus Christ.

- Why do I always have to do this?
- I'm working on that. Yeah.

Joyce, give that back. Give it back.

Yo. Can I put my feet?

Yeah, yeah.

- That's the pink footstool.
- My formulas are in there.

- I got a job. Did you know that?
- My formulas. No, look...

- A group therapy group.
- I am finishing something, please.

- I'm not finished. I'm not finished!
- Hand it over! Hand it over!

It's nothing, they do that a lot.

What did he tell your parents there, Brian.
Huh? What did he tell them?

- What did Lionel tell your parents?
- What?

- You! What did he tell your parents?
- Oh.

The Stevens, he told the Steven's something.
What did he tell them?

Oh, the St... I'm not as Steven's...
the Steven's are not my parents.

Uh-huh. Sure. What did he tell your parents?

- Mom. Mom.
- What?

- Nothing.
- This is Derf.

Joyce, will you just leave
the kids out of it, please?

Get off.

I have a job. I don't need you.

- I'm sorry.
- That's okay. Um...

I realize I have... I have to run
to dinner with my parents.

Um, but I'll see you in school, Dahmer.

- Yeah.
- Don't let fame go to your head.

I am in charge of the front desk for them.

- Oh, yes, someone hired you...
- Bye, sweetheart.

- You tell your parents I said hello.
- Did they?

Yes.

Hope you have a great day.

Thanks.

You guys are here just in time.
Just ended my shift.

- Holy hell. Look at those.
- My boss is...

- Look at those, look at those.
- You talk about them like they're little babies.

They are little babies.

Could you do something about it?
It's disgusting.

- Please.
- What's going on?

Do you have any respect for property?
You need a sense of decency, young man.

What's your name?
You're gonna have to pay for that.

Mr.... Mr. Bakderf.

Is this your doing?

Oh, God.

- Oh, there he is.
- Hey.

Oh, shit. Oh.

- You get fired?
- Almost.

I had to beg him not to fire me.

I told him that I wasn't part of it...

...school and oh, my gosh.
We can't do that anymore. Seriously.

In school we can do it.
It's teachers are zombies.

- But these adults are gonna squash us.
- Yeah. All right.

- That was pretty good though.
- It was great.

Wait, wait. I know that guy.
Doc... Dr. Matthews, Dr. Matthews.

- Hey.
- Hey, Michael.

How are your parents?

- Deathly ill.
- Wait, what? What's happened?

Nothing, I'm just jiving with you.
They're fine. They're solid as a rock.

- They're doing good.
- Okay, good. How's your cough?

Uh, my cough went away,
pretty quickly, actually.

It did. Well, that's good to hear.
All right, Michael.

Gentlemen. You boys be good, okay?

Okay.

He runs by my house every Monday,
Wednesday, and Friday.

Okay. Well, he grabs my balls
when I cough. Beat that, faggot.

Shotgun!

Who's over, Jeff? One of your friends?

No.

I bought it!

- What?
- It was only 2000 miles.

- With what?
- I financed it, of course.

- How?
- What do you mean...

...I have my name on the... on the checkbook.

Yeah, right. I can't...
just give me the checkbook.

You know that was for groceries
and things around the house.

Right, right. Which is why you would've
said no if I wanted to buy the car.

- You are taking that back tomorrow.
- Forget it. Over my dead body.

- I bought it.
- I need a drink.

It's mine.

Hi, honey. How was school?

School.

- Huh.
- I like your car.

Well, I'll be.

Thank you.

I like it too.

You hear that?

That's a red-eyed Vireo.

Or a black-billed cuckoo. Either way...

...they, um...

...they only nest
in the same spot for one year.

Not entirety.

That in and of itself isolates us
from the rest of the world.

It's like a microcosm of our foreign policy.
You know what I mean?

- You're a pseudo-intellectual.
- What's up, Dahmer.

Hey. Where's your trumpet?

I quit.

- What? When?
- Yesterday.

- Are you sure?
- Yeah.

Hey, posers.

Hey, Figg. How's business?

Want me to kick your fucking teeth in?

Hey, check it out.

- My dad brought it back from Germany.
- Your dad fought the Nazis?

No, he was one.

Cut a Jew's throat with it.

Hey, check it out.

- Okay. Bye, Figg.
- All right, Figg. See ya.

Dahmer. Come on.

Come on.

Stay away from that dude.
He's a total psycho.

Hey, so where's that spot?

Up here further.

All right, well, we're gonna have
to find an animal then, huh?

Here. Hold this.

Here, try it.

We're hunting "wabbits."

It's duck season.

Wabbit season.

I swiped it from my dad. He doesn't need it.

He just used it to fucking threaten
my mom for no fucking reason.

So it's mine now, you know? Fuck him.

You know, they shut
the water off at my house.

Last week.

- I'm sorry.
- Yeah.

Here. Your turn.

No.

Come on.

No guns.

Come on.

Come on.

Truman shared the same view
of politics as James Madison...

...150 years earlier. How so?

Mr. Dahmer. So glad you could join us.

- What the hell is he doing?
- Go ahead, Scott.

- Do you smell that?
- Yeah. He reeks.

Okay, people. Permission slips
for next week's Washington DC trip...

...are due on my desk tomorrow.

Every parent must sign one.

It sucks being a virgin.
Guys, I want to get in a puss.

Dahmer.

You wanna see my drawing?

Sure.

It's you as King Kong on the Washington
Monument. That's not just a large wang.

The most phallic symbol
in our nation's capitol.

The Washington Monument.

Our fan club has to make our mark on DC.

- Let's spazz on the White House lawn.
- No.

We can't get on the White House lawn.
Dahmer, they have like, fences.

Wait, I have an idea. Charlie.

Charlie, hey. So, we were thinking...

...since you're the token black in our class,
why don't you try and use...

...Neil's Super-8 camera and we can
film you doing the Martin Luther King...

..."I Have A Dream" speech,
right at the Lincoln Memorial.

I play football, Bakderf, not charades.

John Bakderf and a Neil Davis.

Jeffrey Dahmer and Charlie Smith.

Dahmer. We're right here.

Uh, if he tries to rape you in the middle
of the night, just knock. Okay.

So we're roommates, huh?

Yep.

"Three's Company" is so obvious.

Huh?

Mr. Roper.

He's an idiot.

Taxi's on in a few.

Is it hard being
the only black guy in our class?

Nah.

Your palms are less black.

I wonder, are your insides
the same as my insides?

Like, your stomach
is the same color as my stomach?

It's totally bogus we didn't get
to meet the President.

Why didn't we just stay in Ohio
and meet our state senators?

- I dare you.
- To what?

- Call Carter. See if he's free.
- Jeff, please.

What's the worst thing that can happen?

- Okay, what about Vice President Mondale?
- That's impossible.

If you want to.

This is pointless. It's our last day
here, we should get lunch.

Hi, can you connect me to the vice
president of the United States?

Yeah, his office please.

Thank you.

- It's ringing.
- What?

It's ringing.

Hello?

Yes, we're from William Dawes High in Ohio.

Just in the middle of nowhere.

Yes, we're honor students,
and part of the school newspaper...

...and we're very interested in politics.

And we were wondering if we
could interview you as an aide...

...to the vice president
of the United States?

Yes.

Uh-huh. We are...

...one minute...

...on Constitutional Avenue.

Uh-huh.

Okay. Great.

Great.

We're in.

- We're in.
- What? Come on.

- Dahmer's got balls, man, he's slick.
- We have an appointment in an hour.

So you get to sit in meetings
with the vice president?

Sometimes.

Really?

- Where is his office?
- Oh, wait! Mr. Vice President.

Sorry. Excuse me.

Just a second. These kids
are with the newspaper...

- ...their school newspaper from...
- Ohio.

Ohio. That's a great state. Our fellow
Midwesterners, I'm from Minnesota.

So you want to pursue journalism
when you grow up, or what?

Well, I want to draw cartoons,
but not for TV.

I want to draw comics.

Well, that's great, as long as you
don't draw any political ones about me.

- I won't do that.
- Young lady?

- I want to be a teacher.
- That's nice.

I really don't know.

Don't worry, you got plenty
of time to figure it out.

Professor? You know, or my dad
wants me to go into real estate.

What about you?

- Biology.
- Great. You ought to pursue that.

I'm sure you'll be happy no matter what you
choose. You might want to consider politics.

An admirable profession, young lady.

- Enjoy D.C-, kids.
- Thank you, sir.

Nice to meet you.

- Thank you.
- You're welcome.

Thank you. Thank you.

Thank you so much.

Yes.

Hey. Dahmer.

I'm Professor Mondale and you're gonna
have a very bright future ahead of you.

Thank you, Son.

How'd it go?

You all right?

It was great.

You know...

...that it has been difficult
with your mother.

I don't want to say anything bad about her.

Just...

Is she going back to the hospital?

Not exactly.

When you were younger...

...but then life gets in the...

I work and...

...so while you were away,
I moved into a motel.

It's just down the block.

I just thought it would be easier...

...while you were away.

You okay?

It'll be amicable.

Hey, kid.

I know you spoke to your dad. You okay?

Aw.

Do you want to talk to somebody about it now?

- Hmm.
- Okay.

Get some sleep, honey.

Hello.

- You're running a cold, huh?
- I think so.

I've been getting chills.

Well...

...it's always good to see your patients.

So, a physical maybe?

Stick out your tongue, say "ah."

Ah.

Okay. Tonsils look good.

All right.

Turn your head. Let's look in those ears.

Do you do surgery?

No.

Why not?

Turn your head.

Well, I like caring for people, but...

...I'm not the type of person who
wants to cut someone open, so this.

Well, I almost became a podiatrist.

- Less blood.
- Yeah.

Exactly.

- What about what's on a patient's mind?
- You mean a psychiatrist?

Okay. Just relax, okay?

Take a deep breath.

Good. And another deep breath.

Well, you seem healthy to me.

Now before I weigh you...

...does it hurt when you urinate?

Uh, no.

Okay.

And are you sexually active?

What kind?

Sort of.

Well, you're at that age.
Okay. Drop your underpants.

Okay.

Cough.

Okay, good. Cough again.

And cough one more time.

I'm finished. You can pull up your pants.

Jeff, dinner.

Just... a minute. Go away.

- Jeff?
- Go away!

Jeffrey was really hot.

Shut up, gross. No, she's not.

Yeah.

Yes.

Neil, your mom's smoking too.

Yeah. So is that car she drives.

The Jaguar? The piece of shit?

Your mom... your mom's extraordinarily hot.

- Yeah, so...
- I've jerked off to your mom before.

Jesus Christ.

Well, I've jerked off in my room,
I've jerked off to your mom before.

Not gonna lie, I have too.

- I banged her.
- That is true.

No. No, you didn't.

Come on, Derf. What, you haven't
banged your best friend's mom?

You guys haven't actually banged
your best friend's mom, right?

You're just messing with me.

- Of course not.
- Can you believe it?

- I wish I had a best friend.
- Jesus, Dahmer.

Forgot you were over there. Freaked me out.

You guys want to head inside and raid
the fridge before my folks get home?

- Put that out?
- Just give me one sec.

Come on.

Hold up.

What's Dahmer up to?

I don't know. Something about last weekend
in your clubhouse kinda creeped me out.

Jeff's a little off, you know?

Well, yeah, but that's what
we like about him, right?

Do you guys think that
the way we treat him is mean?

What? No. No. Why?

- Are you sure?
- No. I...

...I think... I think he seems to enjoy it.

I think if he didn't want to,
he wouldn't do it. Right?

- What do you think?
- I don't know.

I'm cool with it.

Okay. Who wants the back seat of pain?

Shotgun.

I got shotgun.

They here?

- Yes!
- Oh, thank God.

- Finally, finally.
- Have you looked at them?

- Yeah, I snuck a peak.
- What?

- No!
- Sorry. Check them out.

Wait, wait, no, Derf, before we
open them we got to get Jeff.

Come on, Neil's seen them already.
Jeff's in the photos...

You lost. Outvoted. Oh, my God.

Oh, my God.

Oh!

- Look. You see it?
- Yeah, I'm seeing it.

Holy shit.

Oh, good, it's here. Here, let's see.

So that's... that's honor society.

No, that's debate club, that's honor society.

What is Jeff Dahm...

He is not in any of these clubs.

- Who did this?
- I took the photos, but I believe...

- I believe he is in...
- He's not in debate.

He's not here, and he's not in that...

Excuse me, what are you... oh, no.

Wait, what are you...

Its that really necessary?

I just... I'm not... I'm not being
irrational. It's just that he cannot...

Mom?

He can't take my son.

Why does he even want Dave?
He can't take care of Dave.

What's he gonna do?
What's he gonna do with him?

I don't know. I just think that you've
somehow gotten into a scenario...

...where you're somehow
representing him and not me.

Whose lawyer are you?

I'm not getting... I'm not getting heated.
I'm just saying, whose lawyer are you?

Aren't you supposed to be representing me?

No. Okay. So if he has
the house then I get Dave.

Go on, go. Get! Go! Get!

Just talk to your dad before you spend
the day with him, okay? So just...

This is what you want to surprise me with?

You know what's not a surprise?
The fact that you're 45 minutes late.

I'm not late. The kids... you know the kids.

That's right, you don't know about the kids
because you're not at home anymore.

What is this, some big surprise?

What do you think you want me to do with
these, huh? What do you want me to do?

What do you want me to do? You want custody
of David, is that right? Stay in the car.

- Give it to me. I don't give a shit.
- Hey, hey, hey.

- Private issue.
- Excuse me, sir.

Boys, just come out of the car, please.
Jeffrey, come on.

Too late.

Okay.

All right.

Okay, all right. All right.

Okay.

Now I remember.

- Hey, man
- How are you doing?

Well, would you lookie here,
the rah rah bender extreme.

- What else do you think we'd be doing?
- Lightweights?

Be home playing snare drum or something.

It's no more active
than standing on the sidelines.

Good one. Good one.
You're all right for a turd.

- Where's your mascot, dumb Dahmer?
- He's not here.

- What are you gonna be, a prom date?
- No, but your mom might.

- She can fit in a prom dress.
- Dahmer's like your little court jester.

Except he's not hanging out with
you guys much anymore, now, is he.

- The fan club still lives on.
- Really?

'Cause it looks like he ditched you.

- We'll get him to show up.
- For what?

He's doing a rocking command performance.
Yeah, he'll ante up for sure.

- I doubt it.
- But really we should...

...we should get him to spazz to the max.

Yeah, but, Derf, he hasn't
spazzed in, like, weeks.

- I don't think he's into...
- I have 5 bucks, I can pay him.

- I mean, it gets him out on a Saturday.
- Okay, I'm in. That will be so killer.

- 5 bucks. 5 bucks.
- That'll be killer.

Hey, Jeff. Hey.

So, Dahmer fanclub has a new idea.

Basically, we're gonna go to the mall...

...and you're gonna spazz like crazy.
Just the craziest spazz you've ever done.

Why don't you just leave him alone?

He's not a sideshow attraction.

Leave him alone? It's gonna be fun.

I have about $32 for you, but by Saturday
I will probably have a ton more.

So take it, and this can be like
your final command performance.

It's gonna be totally awesome.

We're gonna go out in style.

You in?

Awesome. You excited?

- Mm-hmm, yeah.
- Awesome. Yes!

So, is... coming?

Uh, yeah. He said he was.

How about Burowski and Gunsler?

Oh, Burowski's...

...Burowski didn't pay. Um...

...but Gunsler said he was coming.

Jeez, Dahmer.

Never seen you drink like that before.

Here I am.

Where are we meeting these idiots?

Um, we're gonna meet them
by the lockers at fatties.

- Okay, about time.
- Sorry, guys. Money?

You've got money, money, money?

- Thank you for coming.
- Here we go. Cash, cash, cash, cash.

All right, that's about $15. Not bad.

- Let's get this show on the road.
- All right. I now present to you, Jeff.

Jeffrey.

For this, I'm Jeffrey.

Okay. Then I present to you,
Jeffrey Dahmer...

...in his command performance.

Gladly.

- Hey, man.
- Get off me, man.

It's just my medicine.

It's just medicine.

I'm so hungry!

Hey! Hey, kid. Get out.

Out. Leave.

Here I am!

Hey.

That was awesome.

Oh, hi, honey.

Hey, guess what? The divorce is final.

Your dad got the house.

I gotta go to grandma's with your brother...

...but I need you not to tell your dad that
we're going. Okay, can I count on you to...

...to not tell your dad
that I'm going? For me.

I won't.

Dead animals probably turn up all the time.

No, this was... this was
a specific incident. It was creepy.

- And you know what...
- It's not creepy.

- I bet it was a coh-ven of witches.
- You mean a coven?

- It's coven?
- Yeah.

Whatever. There's been a reported
rise in satanic witch cults.

- According to what? According to who?
- What? Where?

- Everyone.
- You know what you should do?

You should get one of the witch cults to wish
in their cauldron to get you a prom date.

- Piss off.
- Mike's looking for a prom date.

Oh, yeah, and Derf's planning
to put you up for prom King.

- No, I'm not.
- It doesn't matter.

There isn't a girl within 50 miles of the
place who would go to prom with Dahmer.

No?

- Bridget. Hello.
- Hi.

I know we don't know each other too well...

- Not really.
- Um...

...I heard your friend, um,
Margaret was going to the prom?

Yeah, with Bryan Gunsler.
They're friends from debate.

What are you doing Saturday?

Some final papers are due.

Well, do you want to go to prom?

Oh, with who?

Me.

Oh, um...

- ...I don't know.
- You can go with me...

...but spend the time with her.

I don't think that's a very good idea.

Why?

Look, I'm going to be late for class, so...

It will be fun.

You're not gonna be weird or... drink?

No, I won't.

Look...

...a lot of upperclassmen...

...don't know who you are.

But if you to go to the prom...

...you will be way ahead
of most of your class.

You want to seem normal, right?

I guess.

A lot of freshmen just want to be asked.

So it's totally normal that I thought of you.

I don't know. Just let me think about it?

I'll talk to my parents.

Okay.

Oh, okay. Just stand in front
of the backdrop for me.

You guys are my last ones tonight.

Get closer.

Don't be scared, she's not gonna bite.

And smile.

Oh, look who showed.

- Unbelievable.
- What is?

Just look.

Thank you.

That was sweet.

I tried.

Can you get us a drink?

Dahmer. Hey. It's good to see you here.

Hey, Neil.

Hey, I just wanted to...

...apologize for what happened at the mall.

You weren't there.

I know. I couldn't...

You know, you didn't have to do that.

It wasn't bad.

Yeah?

I don't know. I just...

Neil.

I'm sorry.

You're supposed to put
your hands around my waist.

Hi, Derf.

- Hey.
- Hi, I'm Penny.

Um, Bridget.

Congrats.

On what?

We made it.

Oh, yeah, right.

- I have to pee.
- Oh, okay.

- Where are you going?
- We're going to grandma's.

Today?

You're going to miss my graduation.

Can I go?

Sweetie, we're not going to the graduation,
we're going to grandma's.

Honey, your dad's gonna be there, we
can't be in the same room. You know that.

Hugsies? Come on.

Oh, wow, not even when I'm going, huh?

Come on, good day. Keep the smiles on.

Hey, baby, put this out for mama.

Take care of your dad, okay?

Smiles up!

- Did you hide the keys?
- No.

Got them! Bye, honey!

Bye, Jeff.

- Bye, Dave.
- Love you, baby!

- Thank you very much.
- You're welcome. Congratulations.

Oh, and, Jeff...

...she's all yours now.

I'm proud of you, kid.

Hey. Mom, I got to go to the grocery
store and pick some stuff up.

Well, honey, I'm about to put your
favorite Hawaiian chicken in the oven.

Oh. Well, I've gotta pick up
my last paycheck.

All right, the whole family
is eating dinner together.

- Okay. I gotta go. I gotta go.
- We're all together.

Jeff?

Hey, man.

Greetings. Baa.

What are you doing? Are you walking home?

Yeah.

Okay. You want a ride?

Sure.

What are you up to?

I was just taking the long way home,
because I leave for college tomorrow.

- No kidding.
- Yeah.

Yeah, I'm taking some
art classes over the summer.

Do you want to come in?

Your house is pretty dark.

Yeah, I've got it all to myself.

- My dad's living with his girlfriend...
- Are you bleeding?

No. That's just, um...

...paint.

- It's paint?
- Yeah.

So you're going to Ohio State?

Yeah. No.

No, I'm going to...
I'm going to Pittsburgh, actually.

I'm taking art classes there, so I'm very...

...very excited about that.

What about you?

Oh, Ohio State, I think.

- Yeah?
- Yeah.

That's great. That's where Mike's going.

You guys will have fun.

What are you majoring in?

Decorating.

I'm decorating.

I thought you wanted to major in biology.

Yeah.

Are you okay?

Yep.

We could pop open a beer.

I have a spliff left.

No, I gotta get home soon
for dinner with my folks.

Hey, you know what I have?

Check it out.

- Is that me?
- Yep. This is you as a superhero.

It was supposed to be the cover
of the yearbook, but it got rejected.

And then this is you as...

I don't know what I was doing...
oh, you're a... you're a bird feeder.

And this is you as a flag pole,
and then just a bunch of old ones.

You can have them.

No, I don't want this.

- We were just having fun, you know?
- Yeah?

- I'm just like anybody else.
- Yeah, I know you are.

It's great, it's all great. We're...

...we're all doing really
exciting, fun things.

It is great.

How about one beer?

Just one?

And all is forgiven.

Okay.

Okay.

Whoa. Hey.

Um, I think I'm gonna...
I think I should get a move on.

- What?
- Yeah, I just think that I should...

...get going.

Sorry, man.

My mom will just kill me if I don't
get home for dinner on time, so...

I just... yeah. I'll see you
on the flip side, Dahmer.

Okay. Okay. All right.

Okay.

- Hey.
- Hello.

- You just get out of the concert?
- Yeah. Great show.

- Where are you headed?
- I made it this far.

I'm headed back to Akron.

You want to party some more?

- Sure.
- All right, get in.

- My name is Jeffrey.
- Steven Hicks. Nice to meet you.