My Cousin from Warsaw (1931) - full transcript
MY COUSIN FROM WARSAW
Just as I suspected.
Doctor?
Just as I suspected.
There's nothing I can do.
Tell the truth, Doctor. Am I really sick?
Sick?
Am I a goner?
There's nothing wrong with you.
What?
Is that why you look so glum?
Indeed. It's a matter of viewpoint.
Put yourself in my shoes.
What a cynic!
What is your profession?
- Banker.
- A fine profession.
It depends.
You probably you know my bank,
Archibald Burel and Co.
Of course!
- Are you Mr. Archibald or Mr. Burel?
- Both.
Archibald is my first name.
I'm Archibald Burel.
Mr. Burel, you're tired, that's all.
You need rest.
Leave Paris
and take a five-month country break.
I'll be bored to death.
Not if you follow my treatment.
I'll write you a prescription.
Can you handle mineral water?
I think so.
Each morning,
one glass on an empty stomach.
Fine.
Each afternoon, a long walk,
with an empty mind.
I'll underline that. It's essential.
“With an empty mind.”
That's easy for me.
To prevent boredom,
every evening, before dinner,
write four to five pages
of an imaginary story.
- A novel?
- Or a play.
Why not an opera?
Are you a musician?
Since I was seven,
I'd play my pen quill like a harp.
Speaking of which,
listen to this.
Octave.
Mother, the boats on the water
Do they have legs?
Of course, silly goose
If they didn't, they wouldn't move
- Hubert?
- Yes, dear Lucienne?
Can I ask you something?
Go ahead.
We're in Saumur.
Why do you only paint seascapes?
That's all art dealers will buy.
If they'd buy something
other than seascapes,
I'd paint something else.
A song is enough to inspire you?
Exactly.
At least I don't get distracted
by the landscape.
It needs another eight inches.
Perfect.
I'll have it in two months.
Idiot.
- Do the finale at a gallop!
- But, sir, we've arrived.
Once more around the lawn. Go on.
- Why, it's Archibald!
- On Thursday?
He never comes during the week.
What's going on?
- Ask him.
- And give him a warm welcome.
You're right. It's only polite.
Ramarana
Here he is!
Ramarana
- Are you crazy?
- No.
- But I'm very sick.
- No.
Yes. That's why
I need to compose an opera.
I'll explain. You can go.
I had an appointment with Dr. Varron.
- Rosalie!
- What now? What did Rosalie do?
- Mr. Burel just arrived from Paris.
- That old bore?
Watch that thing!
“Old bore”?
I forbid you to call Mr. Burel that.
- I'll say what I please.
- No.
- Yes.
- No.
Yes. I'll prove it
by telling you, “Go to —”
“Helpful advice, doctor. How much?”
“1,000 francs.” “Thanks.”
Then I went to the bank,
put Michel in charge,
and caught the first train to Saumur.
This is how, my dear friends,
I've come to spend
the whole summer with you.
If you don't mind.
Don't be silly! We're overjoyed.
I'm delighted. Literally delighted.
- Before, we never saw you. I was all alone.
- Thanks a lot.
I mean, without my friend Archibald.
Now, at least, we'll have you.
...to the core!
To the cabbage core,
which I must save for the rabbits.
I've never met a more annoying man
than Mr. Burel.
What about Mr. Hubert?
Mr. Hubert?
- I forbid you to...
- Joseph!
Coming!
Here we go!
What joy!
What joy.
We're stuck with him
for three or four months.
His conversation, his whims, his opera...
You can bet he'll sing it for us.
Darling.
Calm down.
I can't bear not having you all to myself.
Archibald is my husband.
- It's nothing to be proud of.
- Hubert!
The three of us will share our walks,
our dinner, our love.
Threesomes have always disgusted me.
You should've gotten married.
It doesn't protect you from threesomes.
Quite the contrary.
So it's true, Joseph,
everyone is glad to see me?
I'm glad to see you.
What others think is none of my business.
- Which others?
- I was just saying.
- You said it with someone in mind.
- Of course.
Now that you're here,
you'll give the orders.
You and your wife. No one else.
It's more respectable.
Who was giving the orders
while I was away?
- Mr. Hubert?
- Yes, since you already know.
For two months,
Mr. Hubert has been giving orders.
He acts like it's his house.
It's his house, I know that.
But still, to impose himself on us
for four months straight...
Am I intruding?
Of course not, buddy. Just the opposite.
- Sit down.
- Thanks.
- Port?
- No.
- Cocktail?
- No, thanks.
- Cigarette?
- No!
- Do you want —
- You're very kind,
but I feel like you're the host,
and since this is my house,
it's quite disorienting.
What are you saying?
It's very kind of Hubert
to make himself useful.
Sure.
Lovely weather.
Yes.
I hope it lasts.
Lovely weather.
Yes.
And it's lasting.
Get ready, kids,
I'll play you the opening of my opera!
Let's hear it.
Debauchery in Singapore.
Lyrics and music by Archibald Burel.
What's it about?
The curtain rises,
and the Hindu Ramarana,
arriving from Singapore,
catches his wife, the lovely Sita,
with Lord Gregory, English army captain.
Listen to this.
Halt, halt, halt!
Rama, Rana, Ramarana
Halt, halt, halt!
Ramarana is here
Ramarana
Ramarana
Here he is
Ramarana
Bravo.
What do you think?
Very original.
- Open the piano!
- No.
Open this piano!
Hubert, give me that key!
Or else, I'm warning you,
you'll never hear the rest of my opera.
Finally, some good news.
Hubert has really become impossible.
Every day, he's grumpier.
He's ruining my summer.
- Don't exaggerate.
- I'm not!
What's more,
I find his attitude suspicious.
Just listen to yourself!
You can't truly believe
I'm Hubert's mistress?
No! I know you're not his mistress.
I'm saying that Hubert acts
like he were your lover.
Archie.
He's back.
Joseph, bring my hat.
- Isn't he cute?
- What?
- Since when do you foxhunt?
- I'm not.
Then what's the horn for?
My personal satisfaction.
I enjoy the sound of the horn.
Just because I can't ride
doesn't mean I'm not allowed a fox horn.
Play, my friend, play.
You're just jealous.
No, no, no. I won't stand for this.
The horn?
No. The constant constraint.
- Good Lord, I love you!
- I love you too.
Silly goose, you know I'm faithful to you.
Yes, but I love you passionately,
jealously, exclusively.
I was used to having you
whenever I wished.
Last summer you were alone,
I was alone at my house,
and Archibald spent a total
of eight days here the whole summer.
That was bearable.
Now he's here all the time,
every single day!
It's not my fault.
How can we get rid of him?
Ivan! Boris!
Toby!
I can't believe it! It's Sonia!
- Sonia?
- My cousin from Warsaw.
Hello!
Sonia!
Yes, it's me, Sonia. How are you, dear?
I got lipstick on you!
I have so much to tell you.
- Where did you come from?
- Dinard. I'm driving to San Sebastián.
- Have you had lunch?
- Not yet.
- What?
- It's Russian. I was praising God.
I was terrified you'd already finished!
- Let me introduce you to Hubert.
- Later.
Tell me, what's the best hotel in town?
- La Cloche.
- Great. I'll send my beau there.
I'd like him to stay, but he's so sad!
Always crying.
Toby, have lunch at La Cloche
and come back for me at 3:00.
Now introduce me to this gentleman.
Hubert Carteret, painter specializing
in seascapes and dear friend.
Nice to meet you.
I knew a painter in Palermo.
He also had a specialty.
He only painted Mount Etna's eruptions
so he hardly ever worked!
He had gorgeous leopard eyes
that saw into one's soul.
You also have lovely eyes.
You have much to tell me? What?
Yes, so much, but where to start?
- First, I'm engaged.
- No!
Isn't that pretty?
- Did he give it to you?
- No, no.
- You like each other, don't you?
- Sonia!
It's none of my business.
Sonia.
What did I tell you? He's always weeping.
Off to lunch with you!
I'm getting married
and bringing honor to the family.
Driver, take me to La Cloche.
I'm marrying Marquis José Torres de Cortés
of Spain, first cousin to the king,
who always wears a big hat
at important ceremonies.
He's very handsome,
very noble, and very poor.
Right now, he's in prison.
- Is he a thief?
- No way! He's a plotter.
What?
A plotter. He plots.
He meets in cellars
with masked men who carry torches
to discuss assassinating the king.
It's very interesting.
And so?
So, I must go to San Sebastián
to intercede for my fiancé
with Alfonso XIII, whom I know very well.
I met him years ago
in Granada at a bull run.
We had tea together afterwards.
I'll ask him to release my fiancé.
I'm sure he'll accept
because the marquis is quite harmless.
- Harmless?
- Of course.
He'll be very happy
with a few weeks in prison.
He'll never plot again.
It's because he's 50 years old
and had never been imprisoned before.
Poor marquis. He's so silly, it's noble.
I adore him.
- By the way, how is your husband?
- Unwell.
He quit his bank.
Now he writes Hindu operas.
Hindu operas? Oh, my! Poor cousin!
He's been here for the last two weeks.
- Sonia?
- Yes, dear.
- Can't you stay for a few days?
- No.
- Just a few days.
- No, that's impossible due to Alfonso.
- Alfonso?
- The king of Spain.
He can wait!
Come in. Take off your hat.
I need to talk to you.
You do? I adore her.
- See you later, painter.
- Quite soon.
A short visit is a great idea!
I'm exhausted.
I've been driving since morning.
Your lover is so kind!
- Who are you talking about?
- The painter.
My lover? You're crazy!
Go on, admit it. You love him, don't you?
- Yes, I do.
- I told you.
I really love him.
I can't be coy
when I'm about to ask you for a favor.
A favor? How much? In dollars or francs?
Not money!
What's that?
It's Archibald, hunting.
Well, dear?
Listen, Sonia,
I'd like you to keep my husband busy.
What?
Good idea. Does he know how to drive?
- Why?
- I'll hire him as a driver.
He isn't looking for a job.
Just tell me what you want.
Listen, Sonia,
you're an incredible seductress.
- Stop it.
- It's true. No man can resist you.
- My husband is in the way.
- What?
Distract him so we have some freedom.
- Make him fall in love with you.
- With me?
That's the most amusing idea!
Let me kiss you, you deserve it.
- But I can't.
- Why not?
Your husband isn't very handsome.
He doesn't attract me.
If he did, I'd be doing you a favor,
not asking you to do me a favor.
I'm begging you.
- Sonia.
- Darling.
- You can't refuse me a favor.
- No, because you're so kind.
And it will be so amusing! I accept.
You're wonderful. Thank you.
Come here!
The owner of the car is in here!
Open the door!
Pay us!
Pay us! Pay us! Pay us!
Pay us, pay us, pay us, pay us
Pay us, pay us, pay us, pay us
Go on, pay us!
Quiet, everybody!
Let's go. I have money for everyone.
How about that? My cousin from Warsaw!
I should've known!
I'll be right there, Cousin.
Congratulations, Cousin,
you got more game than I.
Hello, my dear little cousin!
Put that stuff down first!
What's this I hear?
You're sick and writing Hindu operas?
How fascinating!
You must play me your opera,
unless you're still mad at me?
On the contrary, Cousin, I'd be delighted.
Delighted? Isn't he sweet?
We'll work on it together.
After lunch, if you don't mind.
I don't mind, I could eat a horse!
Good for you!
No need to be shy.
Enjoy!
Archie has found an audience.
Poor audience.
Love is a wonderful thing
Like a sweet fairy ring
Falling in love
Is sweet
It's so very sweet
Falling, falling, falling
Love is so very sweet
- You have talent, Cousin.
- I agree.
- You must stage your opera.
- I agree.
I'm in final negotiations with Roucher,
the director of the opera.
- Reserve me a box for opening night.
- Of course.
- It will be a hit, Cousin, a triumph!
- You really think so?
You're so pretty, Cousin.
You've never been so attractive.
I wish I could say the same for you!
- What?
- Nothing.
What do you think
of my cousin from Warsaw?
She's original, odd, interesting.
Now you see how she's turned
the heads of so many men
from such varied ranks and stations.
It's quite clear.
Once she's decided to charm a man...
It mustn't be hard for you
to make a man fall in love with you.
- Do you think so?
- I'm sure of it.
Even a man
with many other passions.
Be more precise.
It's like you have a proposal.
- That's true.
- True? This is moving too fast.
Since you permit it,
I'll open my heart to you.
Too easy. It's no fun at all.
Cousin, what if I asked you for a favor?
Would you accept a man
who until now
has not declared his love for you,
who hasn't given any sign
he's noticed you?
I'm not saying no, Cousin,
but it depends on the man.
- Obviously.
- Obviously.
Our friend Hubert Carteret, the painter,
lives near here.
Yes?
Recently, I've come to suspect
that Hubert is in love with Lucienne.
- You think Hubert is Lucienne's lover?
- Not at all!
- That's good.
- If he were, you'd be too late.
- However, you're just in time.
- What?
- You understand me, don't you?
- No.
You must seduce Hubert Carteret.
What?
Now you're asking me to...
How about that!
Yes! You must distract him
from his guilty desires
and make him fall in love with you.
What a funny favor for you to ask me!
Does it bother you?
No, I like it.
Do you accept?
Well, I'll answer you tonight.
Did you two have a nice chat?
We understand each other perfectly,
don't we?
Yes, Cousin.
I'm not leaving.
I have too much to do here.
Right, my friends?
Heads, Archie. Tails, Hubert.
Hubert won.
What does that mean?
It means, silly Englishman,
that Lucienne asked me to make
her husband fall in love with me
and her husband begged me
to flirt with his wife's lover!
What a family!
Be quiet. It's a Cornelian situation.
In England, we'd call it Shakespearean.
Same thing.
So I decided with a coin toss.
- And Hubert won.
- For today.
I'll toss again tomorrow.
I'm sure Hubert will win again tomorrow.
That's nice of you. I adore you.
- Hello, Cousin.
- Hello, Cousin.
- Where are you going?
- To see my beau.
- Beau?
- The painter.
Hubert?
- You're in quite a hurry.
- I'm just following orders.
Don't worry, I'll do my best.
See you later, Cousin.
- Good morning.
- Did you sleep well?
- Yes, how about you?
- Fine. What's new?
I tried to flirt with your husband,
but he's not very receptive.
- You have to warm him up.
- What?
Talk me up, get him interested in me.
The things you make me do!
Who, me? That's rich, coming from you.
You're right. Thanks again.
- Thanks, darling.
- See you later.
See you later.
You again?
Listen, Sonia, I need to talk to you.
I have an errand for you in my room.
I lost a pearl from my necklace.
It must be under the bed. Go find it.
Listen, Sonia...
- You don't look happy.
- No.
No.
Here.
Now you can go.
Idiot.
Good morning, painter.
Good morning, traveler.
- I've come to visit you.
- Come in.
It's lovely, so very lovely!
- Kind of you to visit.
- I'm very kind.
You were right to come.
We have lots of things
to say to each other.
Since you've arrived,
we've never had a minute alone.
- It can't continue.
- Why not?
- It seems to me...
- It seems to you?
Let's get it out in the open.
Let's speak our mind.
Who shall start?
You.
I'd like to know why,
rushing through Saumur
to rescue
a martyred revolutionary from prison,
you suddenly decided to stop here
for an open-ended visit?
My cousin knew exactly
how to keep me here.
Really?
Which cousin?
Might you be jealous?
I don't know.
- What if I were?
- Come on!
Goodness!
I'm unattached, young,
handsome, a painter.
I have the right to be moved
by your grace and beauty
and your strange, perverse charm.
Are you courting me?
- What if I were?
- You men!
What?
- Since you're unattached —
- Young, handsome, and a painter.
Young? Yes. Handsome? Yes.
Painter? I couldn't say.
But unattached? No.
Me?
It's come to my attention
that you're Lucienne's lover.
Infamy, lies, and abomination!
- Who told you that?
- She did.
- She told you?
- Yes.
She told me you sleep together very often.
- Is everything okay?
- Fine.
I think I've got the next act of my opera.
Yes. Arriving in Singapore,
a young Chinese princess
is followed by a young Japanese man,
Atakyoto.
That's great.
The princess comes to stay with Ramarana,
who looks at her longingly
and sings, listen to this:
Ooh-la-me-too
O my blonde Chinese girl
- Your Chinese girl is blonde?
- Yes.
- And her name is Ooh-la-me-too?
- Why not?
It sounds very Japanese.
Lucienne loves you,
yet you want to be my lover?
As you say in French,
you've got some nerve!
When I first saw you, Sonia,
I was overcome with passion.
What I feel is so serious, so haunting.
What is “haunting”?
- Deep, durable, romantic.
- You're such a painter.
- You're such a Muscovite.
- What do you mean?
Cold, Moscow. Brr!
- The steppes. You're a steppe.
- Me?
You should already be in my arms.
- You think so?
- Don't you?
I'm still hesitating,
which might be a mistake because...
- Because you find me attractive?
- No.
- Because I excite you?
- No.
No, because I've been told
to take you as a lover.
No. What clairvoyant, loyal friend
suggested that?
What is “clairvoyant”?
Charming, witty, romantic.
My cousin.
- Archie?
- Yes.
How nice of him! But why?
Not to be nice, but because
he fears you're Lucienne's lover.
Infamy, lies, and abomination!
That's what I told him: Infamy, lies, and...
- Abomination.
- Abomination.
What will happen
to your blonde Chinese princess?
I don't know.
I never know
what my characters will do next.
- You're kidding!
- They show me the way.
Writers usually think up
their stories ahead of time.
- I think them up afterwards.
- No!
Only one thing would bother me:
if the princess fell in love
with Lord Gregory.
That would bother me too.
It'd bother everyone.
It's a stupid plot twist
that would please no one.
I agree.
Your princess can only be loved
by Ramarana.
You're right!
I have to convince the princess
to concentrate on Ramarana.
- I'll take care of it.
- What?
I mean, I'll think it over,
very seriously.
What you've just told me
is very upsetting.
- He has suspicions?
- No, simply worried.
Why? Did he find a letter?
One of my shirts in with his?
My footprints in his wife's bed?
It's just a doubt,
clairvoyant and haunting.
How about that!
- You're upset?
- Certainly.
Have you forgotten your passion for me?
It's redoubled!
First because you're exquisite,
and second, it'd make Archie happy.
- Take me, Sonia.
- What?
Two of us are for it.
We'd be doing Lucienne a favor.
- Lucienne?
- Naturally!
If you're my mistress,
Archie won't suspect a thing.
You have a talent for explaining things.
Like a cat, you always land on your feet.
- Cats are sweet.
- Yes, they're sweet and soft.
They scratch. They're cruel and... haunting.
- I love them so much.
- Yes, Sonia.
I'm about to make another mistake.
I've made so many, I've lost track.
And you call me cold and Muscovite?
You're adorable. Give me your lips.
Of course, because you're sweet
and because...
There's my cousin. Won't he be pleased!
- For your throat.
- No, thanks, I don't have a cold.
Buddy, what are you doing here?
Visiting.
Congratulations, Cousin.
You don't waste time.
- You asked me to!
- Still, you don't waste time.
You're free to do as you wish.
I certainly am!
- And you're haunting!
- What?
She likes that word.
You'd better go see my wife.
She's all alone at home.
I can't. I'm showing Sonia my paintings.
You can show them another time.
I don't know if...
Go on, Lucienne is waiting.
Well, if she's waiting for me...
Wipe off your mouth.
- Excuse me, Sonia.
- Go ahead.
- So, Cousin. Pleased?
- With what?
Did you see how I kissed that painter?
I saw that.
It's important to me
to please you, Cousin.
- What?
- Nothing.
It doesn't really please me.
You told me to charm the painter!
- I made a mistake!
- You don't know what you want.
I do. You!
- What?
- Cousin, I can hide it no longer.
Sonia, delightful Sonia, I adore you!
What's wrong?
You treat me shamefully.
You shouldn't entertain Sonia
when I'm not there.
You threw me at the painter,
so too bad for you!
I started with him
and I'm very inflammatory.
- You're like that?
- I am.
Leave me alone!
Sonia, let me kiss you.
Leave me alone!
What are you doing here?
I'm still looking for the pearl
you dropped.
Liar!
Get out of here!
What is that guy doing here?
What are you doing here?
If anyone asks, say you don't know.
I can guess.
- Any objections?
- None. You're unattached.
Indeed.
Are you really unattached?
No.
No?
You have a mistress?
- Didn't you suspect as much?
- Well...
You never wondered what I was doing here
all alone for months?
Yes, I did wonder!
Yes, after all.
You have a mistress.
If it's a secret, she must be married.
Naturally.
How about that!
What about her husband?
Tell me about him.
- I'd rather not.
- Scared?
No, he's just not interesting.
He's an idiot and a bore.
- Your mistress's husband?
- Yes.
- He's a...
- Yes.
Then it's not me.
Hold on, did you think that I...
No. Just that you love, desire, long for...
- Lucienne?
- Yes.
Infamy, lies, and abomination!
So, you're the lover of another.
- Indeed.
- Then why do you stay here?
Because I like you and you're my friend.
- And the other guy is an idiot?
- Right.
They go back to Paris after summer?
- Who?
- The idiot and his wife.
Of course, that's where I go too.
Hold on.
Parisians who summer in Saumur
with a stupid husband...
- It must be Gorgerot.
- No names, buddy!
Don't be embarrassed.
You're Mrs. Gorgerot's lover.
Come now.
Hubert, my friend,
it doesn't make you less of a wolf.
And what a wolf!
You're Mrs. Gorgerot's lover
and I catch you kissing Sonia.
You're revolting!
If I ever catch you with Sonia again,
I'll tell Lucienne.
Why Lucienne?
She's a close friend of Mrs. Gorgerot.
You can bet she'll tell her.
Come on, buddy, don't tell Lucienne!
That's up to you. I'll be watching.
Excuse me for being suspicious.
Don't worry about it.
Infamy, lies, and abomination.
Gorgerot, that idiot!
Oh, no.
Hello.
Where's Sonia?
Is that all you can say?
Not even a kiss for me.
“Sonia, Sonia, where is Sonia?”
What has she done to you all?
All I ever hear around here is “Sonia.”
- She's turned all your heads.
- Don't exaggerate.
I know what I'm saying.
It's normal to find her attractive,
but don't lose your head.
Here we are, Cousin, just the two of us,
all by our lonesome.
Why don't you believe I adore you?
Your declarations are so violent, Cousin.
You've charmed me, shaken me up!
And I'm bruised!
Andrei, slow down!
The wings of my desire
fly too near the fire of your eyes.
Very pretty.
Be sure to use that in your opera.
What is it, Cousin?
Go on. You're so eloquent.
Tell me.
Suddenly, I don't feel so good.
I've had it!
Me too.
- This will end badly.
- It will end, that's all.
- Immediately.
- This instant.
- Farewell.
- Farewell.
Forever.
No.
What?
Stay.
Let me kiss you, Cousin.
Let me kiss you.
75 MPH
Please, Cousin, not so fast.
We're not in any hurry.
Andrei, not so fast!
That's better.
I swear to you,
Hubert is no good for you.
In fact, there's no need
for you to charm him.
Why not?
He told me
he's the lover of a married woman
whose husband is an idiot.
Are you sure?
I can't tell you his name
due to my natural discretion.
But I immediately guessed who it was.
Who?
Tell me.
- Hubert himself told me...
- Hubert himself.
...that he's the lover of a certain Mrs. G.
Well, well.
Just how many mistresses
does Hubert have?
- Who else do you mean?
- No one.
Head home, Andrei. I'm also discreet.
I wouldn't have left.
I wouldn't have let you.
Darling.
My love.
It's them.
- Who?
- Archibald and Sonia.
- Good Lord.
- They can't find me here.
I'll hurry home.
- Where is my wife?
- Out with Hubert.
- That's great!
- Great.
This is more suitable
for romance than the car!
Very true. Let's talk about love.
Just a few words:
Give me your lips!
Not so fast, Cousin.
Perfect.
Caught!
Aren't these roses pretty?
Very pretty.
Don't be so emotional.
It's incredible how lovely flowers
affect him!
I'm not affected.
Lucienne, let me explain.
What?
- A ladybird...
- A what?
A ladybug
flew into our cousin's hair
then fell down her shirt.
She was upset.
When you came in,
I was attempting,
on her request, to remove it.
That was kind of you. But why tell me?
I thought...
I thought you'd seen...
Plus, he's dumb!
You thought I'd seen what?
Nothing, nothing.
Thank you.
You seem merry this morning.
Yes, I'm very merry.
Can I know why?
I've just finished
the first act of my opera
and I'm delighted with it.
There's something we should do together.
- What?
- A reading of my first act.
You won't get the full effect
if I just play it on the piano.
If each of you sing a role,
I'd have a better idea
of the quality of my ideas.
- It's an idea.
- Yes, it is.
Let's work this out.
Casting.
Sita is Lucienne. Lord Gregory is Hubert.
For the role of Kali, I thought of Joseph.
And Balou, Rosalie.
Obviously, I'll play Ramarana.
Certainly.
So...
Kali: Joseph.
Balou: Rosalie.
Ramarana: Burel.
Ready, everyone?
Yes!
Here we go!
As the curtain rises,
Sita and Lord Gregory sing
to the gods of love
under the tender regard
of the nursemaid, Balou.
Let's go!
O Gregory
O my handsome Captain
This romantic rendezvous
Is perilous for you
May the gods of love watch over us
Tighten once more
These tender chains
O Great Saramatou
Watch over us
- And then —
- Hold on, Cousin.
Is she supposed to be kissing the captain?
- Obviously!
- Obviously.
Don't interrupt, Cousin, please!
Don't interrupt!
I understand. Don't get so upset.
Then, followed by the faithful Kali,
enters Ramarana,
husband of the sweet Sita.
Yes, it's me
It's me, the prince
Atakyoto
Atakyoto
What's wrong with you?
I sing there, not you!
Halt, halt, halt!
Rama, Rana, Ramarana
Halt, halt, halt!
Ramarana is here
Ramarana
Ramarana
Here he is
One, two!
Ramarana
May sir forgive me
But I'm convinced
The lady of the household
Has made you a cuck —
Bravo!
Those aren't the words!
I wrote:
“The priests have taught
that if a stranger touches the queen,
- his throat must be cut!”
- Good!
Let's keep going.
Fine. We'll keep going.
Into this dramatic situation
arrives the Chinese princess,
Ooh-la-me-too.
Go on, Cousin, it's your turn!
Go on!
While a vain hussy
Makes a fool
Of her hubby
And her cousin
Your opera
I've had it up to here
His opera
We've had it up to here
Yes, up to here
Come on, kids, that's not it at all!
Not you too? Those weren't my lyrics.
What do words matter?
It's all about music.
Let's keep going.
Okay.
The lovely Ooh-la-me-too,
seduced by Ramarana's virile charm...
offers herself to him with a long kiss.
Kiss me, Cousin.
- I have to kiss you?
- Kiss me.
Yes, dear, kiss him.
- Go on.
- I understand.
Here.
O divine joy
O divine joy
- What's that all about?
- What?
- That kiss.
- That wasn't the first!
Mrs. Burel asked Sonia
to flirt with her husband
so he'd leave you two alone.
O divine joy
O divine joy
Bravo, Sonia!
This is great for me and Hubert.
I'm glad.
I just have to fall in love
with your husband.
- Bravo, Madame.
- What's wrong?
- I know everything.
- What?
You made a fool of me.
I don't appreciate that.
You're all driving me nuts
with your dramas.
Farewell! I'm leaving.
- Please, think it over.
- I've thought it over.
I'll pack my bags immediately.
Tonight I'll sleep in Bordeaux
at Hotel Paris.
Tomorrow I'll be in San Sebastián.
The next day, I'll be married.
All your personal affairs disgust me!
I'm blowing this joint,
as you say in French.
O divine joy
- She's right.
- I did it up for us, so we could be together.
I don't like setups.
I'm honest, loyal, and pure.
- I prefer to leave.
- Hubert!
What?
Where is everybody?
Where are you?
Where did you all go?
What's the meaning of this?
It was going so well.
- Where is Sonia?
- She's leaving.
- What?
- Yes, she's packing.
Packing?
- Where's she going?
- Spain.
She'll sleep in Bordeaux tonight
at Hotel Paris.
What awful news!
What could have happened?
She refused to tell me.
Why in the world is she leaving?
I think I've guessed.
Sonia is falling in love.
That scares her, so she runs away.
- In love?
- Yes.
- With whom?
- I don't know.
Then what makes you think that?
Yesterday, when you came back
from your car ride,
she was in such a state,
as if she'd just left someone
who'd turned her world upside down.
Good Lord!
- What's wrong?
- Nothing.
I'm listening, Lucienne.
It must be true.
Sonia feels love swelling inside her,
that scares her, so she runs away.
She's mistaken. I doubt she'll escape.
What do you mean?
A man who loves her
would never let her leave.
He'll catch up with her.
Tonight, he'll be in Bordeaux
at Hotel Paris.
In Bordeaux!
Hotel Paris!
HOTEL PARIS
- Sonia Varilovna.
- Excuse me?
Has Sonia Varilovna arrived?
She's blonde, elegant, haunting,
with a sporty coat, two dogs,
Russian chauffeur, and an English beau.
I see! A blonde, elegant, haunting lady
with a sporty coat, two dogs,
Russian chauffeur,
- and an English beau.
- That's right.
- Young?
- Very young.
- Blonde?
- Very blonde.
No, we haven't seen her.
Perhaps the lady hasn't arrived yet.
In that case, I'll wait for her.
- Perhaps in the bar?
- Yes, thanks.
Bravo!
Hey, Burel!
What are you doing here in Bordeaux?
How about you, Saint-Hilaire?
I'm accompanying my brother.
Tomorrow he leaves for Guatemala.
- Do you have a brother?
- No.
Well, Archibald?
As you see, I'm traveling.
- Alone, Burel?
- Yes, Saint-Hilaire.
Excuse me, buddy.
How's your wife?
She's in Saumur.
- Is she well?
- Very well, thanks.
And Hubert Carteret? How is he?
Why do you ask that?
Is there some correlation
between my wife's well-being
and that of Hubert Carteret?
Go away.
I'm begging you, buddy, talk to me.
Between us, no secrets, no betrayal.
We've known each other since junior high.
You did my homework. I ate your dessert.
It's a lifelong bond.
What?
What is it?
You're right, dear Burel.
If a friend like me doesn't tell you,
no one ever will.
Burel, you're a cuckold.
- That's a lie!
- It's true.
Hubert Carteret has been your wife's lover
for three years.
- Now that's a laugh!
- What?
- You're mistaken.
- I am?
Hubert Carteret is the lover
of Mrs. Gorgerot.
No!
- Now it's my turn to laugh.
- Why?
Mrs. Gorgerot's lover is me.
For ten years now,
I see her 16 hours a day.
I assure you, it's physically impossible
for her to have another lover.
You swear you're Mrs. Gorgerot's lover?
I'd never claim
to be the lover of a married woman
if it weren't true. I'm a man of honor.
- In that case, Hubert Carteret...
- Yes, Burel.
Listen, how can you...
How can you affirm such a thing?
What proof do you have?
You don't want to see it.
Answer me. What proof do you have?
Take your suitcase,
get back in your car,
arrive in Saumur in the early morning,
and go straight to your wife's room.
- If you don't find Hubert there...
- Yes?
...go to Hubert's and you'll find your wife.
I'm going!
Porter.
My coat and suitcase, quickly.
- Sir! The blonde, elegant, haunting...
- I get it.
She's just arrived. There she is.
Sir, your suitcase!
- Is my wife in?
- No, sir. She went out very early.
Stay here. I'll be right back.
Sir, I assure you, he's not home.
You've come to hunt in my studio?
What's that?
My sock.
Quite a long sock.
- Leave that alone.
- There's a woman in your room.
- That's none of your business.
- It is. She's my wife.
Lies, infamy, and abomination!
Your wife? You're nuts. You're drunk.
I'm absolutely sober,
and I declare I'm a cuckold
and what's more, cuckolded by you!
- Come on, buddy.
- I've got this, I'll find the rest.
Open your bedroom door.
- I forbid you to enter.
- Out of the way!
- You're ridiculous.
- Don't say that.
If Lucienne is in your room...
I'll kill you, certainly.
I'll kill her, probably.
I'll kill myself, maybe.
Lucienne isn't the only woman
in the world.
There is a woman in my room,
but why should it be Lucienne?
No.
What about this?
What's that?
This is a bracelet
that I gave to her for her birthday
two years ago.
Don't go soft now. What does that prove?
She might've dropped it when she was here
while visiting with you.
Let me check. It's the easiest way.
No! You might lack discretion,
but I certainly don't.
You won't let me see the woman in there?
I have no right to compromise her.
- Fine. Have her talk to me.
- What?
Through the door. If it's Lucienne,
I'll recognize her voice.
Madam? Hubert's mistress?
Please say in a loud voice,
“Long live the Republic!”
I know her opinions.
She'll never say that.
Then say whatever you please.
“It's a fine morning,”
“Idleness breeds vice,”
or “A mouse may be of service to a lion.”
What stupid sayings!
Well? She's not saying anything.
No, she's not.
But if it's not Lucienne,
why does she say nothing?
How should I know? Maybe she's sleeping.
That's possible.
Lucienne!
Lucienne? Here she is.
Why are you yelling like that?
- Lucienne.
- See?
What?
She has both stockings.
You didn't just leave Hubert's room?
I was at the farm.
Ask the old Bouchard couple.
I just left them.
Is that true?
What's all this mean?
It means that last night
I met Saint-Hilaire in Bordeaux.
Bordeaux? You said you went to Paris.
I meant in Paris, at Hotel Bordeaux.
He told me you were Hubert's mistress.
What do think of that?
What will people make up next?
Well?
I rushed back to Saumur to Hubert's place,
certain I'd find you here.
And you didn't.
You're ridiculous.
Yes, I am.
Listen, buddy, I'm sorry.
Here.
Whose stocking is that?
- The woman in his room.
- There's a woman here?
- There's a woman in your room?
- No.
There is, but be discreet!
He doesn't want us to know who.
I'd really like to know.
Of course. Women are so curious!
Hubert is our closest friend.
We should know about his affairs.
- No.
- Yes!
You're such a child.
Take your bracelet and let's go home.
My bracelet?
- Where did you find it?
- Here.
That's why I thought it was you in there.
This bracelet is no longer mine.
- What?
- I gave it to Sonia.
So that means... the woman in there...
Must be Sonia.
Can I come out now that you know I'm here?
- Give me back my stocking.
- He has it.
It's sickening.
What cynicism!
Why? I'm not married yet, am I?
I have the right to a bachelorette party.
Cousin, do you have any idea...
Of what?
I liked the painter. He's a bachelor.
I didn't leave. I went to his house.
- Anything to say about that?
- Nothing.
And you, anything to say?
Perhaps, but I'll say it to you.
And I'll answer you.
I'm helping you out, you know.
Friends, given the situation,
it's time for us to leave.
Indeed.
There you have it.
Yes.
Case closed.
See you soon.
- Perhaps.
- We'll see.
Right.
- Come, Lucienne.
- Yes, my friend.
- That was a bit embarrassing.
- Certainly.
You should have let me run away to Spain
instead of lying in the road
with a lantern on your chest.
I said, “If she leaves,
it will be over my dead body.”
- So romantic!
- Isn't it?
But the lantern
was so you wouldn't kill me.
I see!
- What?
- I must return to the farm.
Old Mrs. Bouchard is waiting.
I need to check on the car in the garage.
The motor was acting up
as I left Bordeaux.
- What?
- I mean, Paris.
Then... I'll see you later.
Yes, later.
Traitor, betrayer, false friend!
Not again!
It wasn't Lucienne in my room.
No, it was Sonia. Much worse.
Already?
What did you do to get her to stay?
You wouldn't understand.
I put a lantern on my chest.
I'll admit I'd have never thought of that.
Well, buddy,
some are made to be lovers,
some are made to be husbands.
I must speak to Sonia.
- You're here again?
- And you too?
Why did you come back?
I came to get my gun. What about you?
I forgot my bracelet.
I want Sonia to give it back.
I'll give her something else.
No need.
Now you have your bracelet.
- And you have your gun.
- Yes.
That's that.
That's that.
Don't you have anything else to tell us?
No.
Well, then, see you soon.
- Perhaps.
- We'll see.
Right.
- Come, Lucienne.
- Yes, my friend.
As long as they come together,
it's not so bad.
Eventually, one will come alone.
And then we'll hear it!
Does that bother you?
No, Sonia.
You poor man,
what you need is a nice bath.
- What?
- Your hair is all dusty.
I'll run you a bath.
- I have a proposal for you.
- Another one?
I've been crazy about you for three days,
and since last night, I love you.
I love you too, my little painter.
More than I'd like.
Shall we live together,
lost in each other's arms,
far from all others?
I'll break up with Lucienne,
you'll leave the marquis in prison,
and we'll travel the wide world,
avoiding only Madrid, Paris, and Saumur.
You crazy boy!
You've been my lover a few hours, and
already you talk about the rest of our lives!
You'll go to sleep in my arms every night
and awaken there every morning.
In three months,
we'll have a mufti marry us in Madeira.
If another man looks at you,
I'll kill him!
- You Frenchmen get so carried away!
- My love.
I truly wish you were sincere,
that you said fewer words
and thought more,
and that Madrid, the mufti,
and all that were true.
I think something has happened to me,
something haunting.
I think...
I think I'm in love.
The first time I saw you,
I could tell you were very nice.
- I wish you were in prison.
- What?
- That you'd assassinate the king.
- What?
Then I'd marry you!
- That's splendid, wonderful.
- It's love.
I traveled the wide world
three times over,
but it was in Saumur that I found love.
I adore you.
My little painter.
I added some bath salts to refresh you,
but you have to soak
for at least 20 minutes.
Fine, my friend. Thanks.
- It's her.
- Lucienne?
But...
- You seem upset.
- Not at all.
- But what will I tell her?
- That you love me.
Obviously.
But how do I tell her?
Poor little painter.
Let me handle it.
- You'd really do that?
- Yes.
Go on.
- Break it to her gently.
- Yes.
On one condition.
Which is?
- That you love me.
- I adore you.
That's enough for me.
Go, little painter.
Do you have any idea
what you two have done?
Made love.
- Cynicism on top of betrayal!
- Give it a rest.
Cynicism?
Which of us is less cynical?
The one who urges the other
to seduce a man
or the one who simply obeys?
That's not the man I told you to seduce!
You told me to seduce one,
your husband told me to seduce another,
so I got confused. I made a mistake.
- My husband?
- It's your fault, all of you.
You think the cousin from Warsaw
is a worthless girl.
You ask her to do the riskiest,
most disgusting favors.
You deserve what happened.
If you play with fire, you get burned.
You certainly turned things in your favor.
You stole my lover and left me my husband.
I thought it over. It's more decent.
Are you mocking me?
- I came here to talk to Hubert.
- No.
Are you afraid?
I've never feared another woman.
Go on.
Thanks.
- Are you there, Hubert?
- No!
I must leave! Leave!
Ivan! Boris!
Toby!
Sonia.
- What? You're leaving?
- Yes, I am.
- With that lucky Hubert?
- Alone. I'm off to marry the marquis.
That's just great! Now I understand.
You stop here three days,
just the time to turn Hubert's head,
break my heart, and then you say good-bye.
That's not nice, Cousin.
I don't deserve to suffer so much.
Suffer? You don't love me.
- I adore you!
- Please, don't say that word.
- Why not?
- Because...
Am I loved?
Does she matter,
the cousin from Warsaw? No.
She's just a plaything.
She wreaks havoc
in order to put it back together.
She passes through,
and once she's gone, she's forgotten.
You say you love me. I'm no fool.
No one loves me.
No one ever loved me.
What a pity!
Come on, time to go.
Farewell, Cousin.
Fine weather.
Yes.
And this time, I think it will last.
Andrei, there's no need to drive so fast.
I'm getting married.
Just as I suspected.
Doctor?
Just as I suspected.
There's nothing I can do.
Tell the truth, Doctor. Am I really sick?
Sick?
Am I a goner?
There's nothing wrong with you.
What?
Is that why you look so glum?
Indeed. It's a matter of viewpoint.
Put yourself in my shoes.
What a cynic!
What is your profession?
- Banker.
- A fine profession.
It depends.
You probably you know my bank,
Archibald Burel and Co.
Of course!
- Are you Mr. Archibald or Mr. Burel?
- Both.
Archibald is my first name.
I'm Archibald Burel.
Mr. Burel, you're tired, that's all.
You need rest.
Leave Paris
and take a five-month country break.
I'll be bored to death.
Not if you follow my treatment.
I'll write you a prescription.
Can you handle mineral water?
I think so.
Each morning,
one glass on an empty stomach.
Fine.
Each afternoon, a long walk,
with an empty mind.
I'll underline that. It's essential.
“With an empty mind.”
That's easy for me.
To prevent boredom,
every evening, before dinner,
write four to five pages
of an imaginary story.
- A novel?
- Or a play.
Why not an opera?
Are you a musician?
Since I was seven,
I'd play my pen quill like a harp.
Speaking of which,
listen to this.
Octave.
Mother, the boats on the water
Do they have legs?
Of course, silly goose
If they didn't, they wouldn't move
- Hubert?
- Yes, dear Lucienne?
Can I ask you something?
Go ahead.
We're in Saumur.
Why do you only paint seascapes?
That's all art dealers will buy.
If they'd buy something
other than seascapes,
I'd paint something else.
A song is enough to inspire you?
Exactly.
At least I don't get distracted
by the landscape.
It needs another eight inches.
Perfect.
I'll have it in two months.
Idiot.
- Do the finale at a gallop!
- But, sir, we've arrived.
Once more around the lawn. Go on.
- Why, it's Archibald!
- On Thursday?
He never comes during the week.
What's going on?
- Ask him.
- And give him a warm welcome.
You're right. It's only polite.
Ramarana
Here he is!
Ramarana
- Are you crazy?
- No.
- But I'm very sick.
- No.
Yes. That's why
I need to compose an opera.
I'll explain. You can go.
I had an appointment with Dr. Varron.
- Rosalie!
- What now? What did Rosalie do?
- Mr. Burel just arrived from Paris.
- That old bore?
Watch that thing!
“Old bore”?
I forbid you to call Mr. Burel that.
- I'll say what I please.
- No.
- Yes.
- No.
Yes. I'll prove it
by telling you, “Go to —”
“Helpful advice, doctor. How much?”
“1,000 francs.” “Thanks.”
Then I went to the bank,
put Michel in charge,
and caught the first train to Saumur.
This is how, my dear friends,
I've come to spend
the whole summer with you.
If you don't mind.
Don't be silly! We're overjoyed.
I'm delighted. Literally delighted.
- Before, we never saw you. I was all alone.
- Thanks a lot.
I mean, without my friend Archibald.
Now, at least, we'll have you.
...to the core!
To the cabbage core,
which I must save for the rabbits.
I've never met a more annoying man
than Mr. Burel.
What about Mr. Hubert?
Mr. Hubert?
- I forbid you to...
- Joseph!
Coming!
Here we go!
What joy!
What joy.
We're stuck with him
for three or four months.
His conversation, his whims, his opera...
You can bet he'll sing it for us.
Darling.
Calm down.
I can't bear not having you all to myself.
Archibald is my husband.
- It's nothing to be proud of.
- Hubert!
The three of us will share our walks,
our dinner, our love.
Threesomes have always disgusted me.
You should've gotten married.
It doesn't protect you from threesomes.
Quite the contrary.
So it's true, Joseph,
everyone is glad to see me?
I'm glad to see you.
What others think is none of my business.
- Which others?
- I was just saying.
- You said it with someone in mind.
- Of course.
Now that you're here,
you'll give the orders.
You and your wife. No one else.
It's more respectable.
Who was giving the orders
while I was away?
- Mr. Hubert?
- Yes, since you already know.
For two months,
Mr. Hubert has been giving orders.
He acts like it's his house.
It's his house, I know that.
But still, to impose himself on us
for four months straight...
Am I intruding?
Of course not, buddy. Just the opposite.
- Sit down.
- Thanks.
- Port?
- No.
- Cocktail?
- No, thanks.
- Cigarette?
- No!
- Do you want —
- You're very kind,
but I feel like you're the host,
and since this is my house,
it's quite disorienting.
What are you saying?
It's very kind of Hubert
to make himself useful.
Sure.
Lovely weather.
Yes.
I hope it lasts.
Lovely weather.
Yes.
And it's lasting.
Get ready, kids,
I'll play you the opening of my opera!
Let's hear it.
Debauchery in Singapore.
Lyrics and music by Archibald Burel.
What's it about?
The curtain rises,
and the Hindu Ramarana,
arriving from Singapore,
catches his wife, the lovely Sita,
with Lord Gregory, English army captain.
Listen to this.
Halt, halt, halt!
Rama, Rana, Ramarana
Halt, halt, halt!
Ramarana is here
Ramarana
Ramarana
Here he is
Ramarana
Bravo.
What do you think?
Very original.
- Open the piano!
- No.
Open this piano!
Hubert, give me that key!
Or else, I'm warning you,
you'll never hear the rest of my opera.
Finally, some good news.
Hubert has really become impossible.
Every day, he's grumpier.
He's ruining my summer.
- Don't exaggerate.
- I'm not!
What's more,
I find his attitude suspicious.
Just listen to yourself!
You can't truly believe
I'm Hubert's mistress?
No! I know you're not his mistress.
I'm saying that Hubert acts
like he were your lover.
Archie.
He's back.
Joseph, bring my hat.
- Isn't he cute?
- What?
- Since when do you foxhunt?
- I'm not.
Then what's the horn for?
My personal satisfaction.
I enjoy the sound of the horn.
Just because I can't ride
doesn't mean I'm not allowed a fox horn.
Play, my friend, play.
You're just jealous.
No, no, no. I won't stand for this.
The horn?
No. The constant constraint.
- Good Lord, I love you!
- I love you too.
Silly goose, you know I'm faithful to you.
Yes, but I love you passionately,
jealously, exclusively.
I was used to having you
whenever I wished.
Last summer you were alone,
I was alone at my house,
and Archibald spent a total
of eight days here the whole summer.
That was bearable.
Now he's here all the time,
every single day!
It's not my fault.
How can we get rid of him?
Ivan! Boris!
Toby!
I can't believe it! It's Sonia!
- Sonia?
- My cousin from Warsaw.
Hello!
Sonia!
Yes, it's me, Sonia. How are you, dear?
I got lipstick on you!
I have so much to tell you.
- Where did you come from?
- Dinard. I'm driving to San Sebastián.
- Have you had lunch?
- Not yet.
- What?
- It's Russian. I was praising God.
I was terrified you'd already finished!
- Let me introduce you to Hubert.
- Later.
Tell me, what's the best hotel in town?
- La Cloche.
- Great. I'll send my beau there.
I'd like him to stay, but he's so sad!
Always crying.
Toby, have lunch at La Cloche
and come back for me at 3:00.
Now introduce me to this gentleman.
Hubert Carteret, painter specializing
in seascapes and dear friend.
Nice to meet you.
I knew a painter in Palermo.
He also had a specialty.
He only painted Mount Etna's eruptions
so he hardly ever worked!
He had gorgeous leopard eyes
that saw into one's soul.
You also have lovely eyes.
You have much to tell me? What?
Yes, so much, but where to start?
- First, I'm engaged.
- No!
Isn't that pretty?
- Did he give it to you?
- No, no.
- You like each other, don't you?
- Sonia!
It's none of my business.
Sonia.
What did I tell you? He's always weeping.
Off to lunch with you!
I'm getting married
and bringing honor to the family.
Driver, take me to La Cloche.
I'm marrying Marquis José Torres de Cortés
of Spain, first cousin to the king,
who always wears a big hat
at important ceremonies.
He's very handsome,
very noble, and very poor.
Right now, he's in prison.
- Is he a thief?
- No way! He's a plotter.
What?
A plotter. He plots.
He meets in cellars
with masked men who carry torches
to discuss assassinating the king.
It's very interesting.
And so?
So, I must go to San Sebastián
to intercede for my fiancé
with Alfonso XIII, whom I know very well.
I met him years ago
in Granada at a bull run.
We had tea together afterwards.
I'll ask him to release my fiancé.
I'm sure he'll accept
because the marquis is quite harmless.
- Harmless?
- Of course.
He'll be very happy
with a few weeks in prison.
He'll never plot again.
It's because he's 50 years old
and had never been imprisoned before.
Poor marquis. He's so silly, it's noble.
I adore him.
- By the way, how is your husband?
- Unwell.
He quit his bank.
Now he writes Hindu operas.
Hindu operas? Oh, my! Poor cousin!
He's been here for the last two weeks.
- Sonia?
- Yes, dear.
- Can't you stay for a few days?
- No.
- Just a few days.
- No, that's impossible due to Alfonso.
- Alfonso?
- The king of Spain.
He can wait!
Come in. Take off your hat.
I need to talk to you.
You do? I adore her.
- See you later, painter.
- Quite soon.
A short visit is a great idea!
I'm exhausted.
I've been driving since morning.
Your lover is so kind!
- Who are you talking about?
- The painter.
My lover? You're crazy!
Go on, admit it. You love him, don't you?
- Yes, I do.
- I told you.
I really love him.
I can't be coy
when I'm about to ask you for a favor.
A favor? How much? In dollars or francs?
Not money!
What's that?
It's Archibald, hunting.
Well, dear?
Listen, Sonia,
I'd like you to keep my husband busy.
What?
Good idea. Does he know how to drive?
- Why?
- I'll hire him as a driver.
He isn't looking for a job.
Just tell me what you want.
Listen, Sonia,
you're an incredible seductress.
- Stop it.
- It's true. No man can resist you.
- My husband is in the way.
- What?
Distract him so we have some freedom.
- Make him fall in love with you.
- With me?
That's the most amusing idea!
Let me kiss you, you deserve it.
- But I can't.
- Why not?
Your husband isn't very handsome.
He doesn't attract me.
If he did, I'd be doing you a favor,
not asking you to do me a favor.
I'm begging you.
- Sonia.
- Darling.
- You can't refuse me a favor.
- No, because you're so kind.
And it will be so amusing! I accept.
You're wonderful. Thank you.
Come here!
The owner of the car is in here!
Open the door!
Pay us!
Pay us! Pay us! Pay us!
Pay us, pay us, pay us, pay us
Pay us, pay us, pay us, pay us
Go on, pay us!
Quiet, everybody!
Let's go. I have money for everyone.
How about that? My cousin from Warsaw!
I should've known!
I'll be right there, Cousin.
Congratulations, Cousin,
you got more game than I.
Hello, my dear little cousin!
Put that stuff down first!
What's this I hear?
You're sick and writing Hindu operas?
How fascinating!
You must play me your opera,
unless you're still mad at me?
On the contrary, Cousin, I'd be delighted.
Delighted? Isn't he sweet?
We'll work on it together.
After lunch, if you don't mind.
I don't mind, I could eat a horse!
Good for you!
No need to be shy.
Enjoy!
Archie has found an audience.
Poor audience.
Love is a wonderful thing
Like a sweet fairy ring
Falling in love
Is sweet
It's so very sweet
Falling, falling, falling
Love is so very sweet
- You have talent, Cousin.
- I agree.
- You must stage your opera.
- I agree.
I'm in final negotiations with Roucher,
the director of the opera.
- Reserve me a box for opening night.
- Of course.
- It will be a hit, Cousin, a triumph!
- You really think so?
You're so pretty, Cousin.
You've never been so attractive.
I wish I could say the same for you!
- What?
- Nothing.
What do you think
of my cousin from Warsaw?
She's original, odd, interesting.
Now you see how she's turned
the heads of so many men
from such varied ranks and stations.
It's quite clear.
Once she's decided to charm a man...
It mustn't be hard for you
to make a man fall in love with you.
- Do you think so?
- I'm sure of it.
Even a man
with many other passions.
Be more precise.
It's like you have a proposal.
- That's true.
- True? This is moving too fast.
Since you permit it,
I'll open my heart to you.
Too easy. It's no fun at all.
Cousin, what if I asked you for a favor?
Would you accept a man
who until now
has not declared his love for you,
who hasn't given any sign
he's noticed you?
I'm not saying no, Cousin,
but it depends on the man.
- Obviously.
- Obviously.
Our friend Hubert Carteret, the painter,
lives near here.
Yes?
Recently, I've come to suspect
that Hubert is in love with Lucienne.
- You think Hubert is Lucienne's lover?
- Not at all!
- That's good.
- If he were, you'd be too late.
- However, you're just in time.
- What?
- You understand me, don't you?
- No.
You must seduce Hubert Carteret.
What?
Now you're asking me to...
How about that!
Yes! You must distract him
from his guilty desires
and make him fall in love with you.
What a funny favor for you to ask me!
Does it bother you?
No, I like it.
Do you accept?
Well, I'll answer you tonight.
Did you two have a nice chat?
We understand each other perfectly,
don't we?
Yes, Cousin.
I'm not leaving.
I have too much to do here.
Right, my friends?
Heads, Archie. Tails, Hubert.
Hubert won.
What does that mean?
It means, silly Englishman,
that Lucienne asked me to make
her husband fall in love with me
and her husband begged me
to flirt with his wife's lover!
What a family!
Be quiet. It's a Cornelian situation.
In England, we'd call it Shakespearean.
Same thing.
So I decided with a coin toss.
- And Hubert won.
- For today.
I'll toss again tomorrow.
I'm sure Hubert will win again tomorrow.
That's nice of you. I adore you.
- Hello, Cousin.
- Hello, Cousin.
- Where are you going?
- To see my beau.
- Beau?
- The painter.
Hubert?
- You're in quite a hurry.
- I'm just following orders.
Don't worry, I'll do my best.
See you later, Cousin.
- Good morning.
- Did you sleep well?
- Yes, how about you?
- Fine. What's new?
I tried to flirt with your husband,
but he's not very receptive.
- You have to warm him up.
- What?
Talk me up, get him interested in me.
The things you make me do!
Who, me? That's rich, coming from you.
You're right. Thanks again.
- Thanks, darling.
- See you later.
See you later.
You again?
Listen, Sonia, I need to talk to you.
I have an errand for you in my room.
I lost a pearl from my necklace.
It must be under the bed. Go find it.
Listen, Sonia...
- You don't look happy.
- No.
No.
Here.
Now you can go.
Idiot.
Good morning, painter.
Good morning, traveler.
- I've come to visit you.
- Come in.
It's lovely, so very lovely!
- Kind of you to visit.
- I'm very kind.
You were right to come.
We have lots of things
to say to each other.
Since you've arrived,
we've never had a minute alone.
- It can't continue.
- Why not?
- It seems to me...
- It seems to you?
Let's get it out in the open.
Let's speak our mind.
Who shall start?
You.
I'd like to know why,
rushing through Saumur
to rescue
a martyred revolutionary from prison,
you suddenly decided to stop here
for an open-ended visit?
My cousin knew exactly
how to keep me here.
Really?
Which cousin?
Might you be jealous?
I don't know.
- What if I were?
- Come on!
Goodness!
I'm unattached, young,
handsome, a painter.
I have the right to be moved
by your grace and beauty
and your strange, perverse charm.
Are you courting me?
- What if I were?
- You men!
What?
- Since you're unattached —
- Young, handsome, and a painter.
Young? Yes. Handsome? Yes.
Painter? I couldn't say.
But unattached? No.
Me?
It's come to my attention
that you're Lucienne's lover.
Infamy, lies, and abomination!
- Who told you that?
- She did.
- She told you?
- Yes.
She told me you sleep together very often.
- Is everything okay?
- Fine.
I think I've got the next act of my opera.
Yes. Arriving in Singapore,
a young Chinese princess
is followed by a young Japanese man,
Atakyoto.
That's great.
The princess comes to stay with Ramarana,
who looks at her longingly
and sings, listen to this:
Ooh-la-me-too
O my blonde Chinese girl
- Your Chinese girl is blonde?
- Yes.
- And her name is Ooh-la-me-too?
- Why not?
It sounds very Japanese.
Lucienne loves you,
yet you want to be my lover?
As you say in French,
you've got some nerve!
When I first saw you, Sonia,
I was overcome with passion.
What I feel is so serious, so haunting.
What is “haunting”?
- Deep, durable, romantic.
- You're such a painter.
- You're such a Muscovite.
- What do you mean?
Cold, Moscow. Brr!
- The steppes. You're a steppe.
- Me?
You should already be in my arms.
- You think so?
- Don't you?
I'm still hesitating,
which might be a mistake because...
- Because you find me attractive?
- No.
- Because I excite you?
- No.
No, because I've been told
to take you as a lover.
No. What clairvoyant, loyal friend
suggested that?
What is “clairvoyant”?
Charming, witty, romantic.
My cousin.
- Archie?
- Yes.
How nice of him! But why?
Not to be nice, but because
he fears you're Lucienne's lover.
Infamy, lies, and abomination!
That's what I told him: Infamy, lies, and...
- Abomination.
- Abomination.
What will happen
to your blonde Chinese princess?
I don't know.
I never know
what my characters will do next.
- You're kidding!
- They show me the way.
Writers usually think up
their stories ahead of time.
- I think them up afterwards.
- No!
Only one thing would bother me:
if the princess fell in love
with Lord Gregory.
That would bother me too.
It'd bother everyone.
It's a stupid plot twist
that would please no one.
I agree.
Your princess can only be loved
by Ramarana.
You're right!
I have to convince the princess
to concentrate on Ramarana.
- I'll take care of it.
- What?
I mean, I'll think it over,
very seriously.
What you've just told me
is very upsetting.
- He has suspicions?
- No, simply worried.
Why? Did he find a letter?
One of my shirts in with his?
My footprints in his wife's bed?
It's just a doubt,
clairvoyant and haunting.
How about that!
- You're upset?
- Certainly.
Have you forgotten your passion for me?
It's redoubled!
First because you're exquisite,
and second, it'd make Archie happy.
- Take me, Sonia.
- What?
Two of us are for it.
We'd be doing Lucienne a favor.
- Lucienne?
- Naturally!
If you're my mistress,
Archie won't suspect a thing.
You have a talent for explaining things.
Like a cat, you always land on your feet.
- Cats are sweet.
- Yes, they're sweet and soft.
They scratch. They're cruel and... haunting.
- I love them so much.
- Yes, Sonia.
I'm about to make another mistake.
I've made so many, I've lost track.
And you call me cold and Muscovite?
You're adorable. Give me your lips.
Of course, because you're sweet
and because...
There's my cousin. Won't he be pleased!
- For your throat.
- No, thanks, I don't have a cold.
Buddy, what are you doing here?
Visiting.
Congratulations, Cousin.
You don't waste time.
- You asked me to!
- Still, you don't waste time.
You're free to do as you wish.
I certainly am!
- And you're haunting!
- What?
She likes that word.
You'd better go see my wife.
She's all alone at home.
I can't. I'm showing Sonia my paintings.
You can show them another time.
I don't know if...
Go on, Lucienne is waiting.
Well, if she's waiting for me...
Wipe off your mouth.
- Excuse me, Sonia.
- Go ahead.
- So, Cousin. Pleased?
- With what?
Did you see how I kissed that painter?
I saw that.
It's important to me
to please you, Cousin.
- What?
- Nothing.
It doesn't really please me.
You told me to charm the painter!
- I made a mistake!
- You don't know what you want.
I do. You!
- What?
- Cousin, I can hide it no longer.
Sonia, delightful Sonia, I adore you!
What's wrong?
You treat me shamefully.
You shouldn't entertain Sonia
when I'm not there.
You threw me at the painter,
so too bad for you!
I started with him
and I'm very inflammatory.
- You're like that?
- I am.
Leave me alone!
Sonia, let me kiss you.
Leave me alone!
What are you doing here?
I'm still looking for the pearl
you dropped.
Liar!
Get out of here!
What is that guy doing here?
What are you doing here?
If anyone asks, say you don't know.
I can guess.
- Any objections?
- None. You're unattached.
Indeed.
Are you really unattached?
No.
No?
You have a mistress?
- Didn't you suspect as much?
- Well...
You never wondered what I was doing here
all alone for months?
Yes, I did wonder!
Yes, after all.
You have a mistress.
If it's a secret, she must be married.
Naturally.
How about that!
What about her husband?
Tell me about him.
- I'd rather not.
- Scared?
No, he's just not interesting.
He's an idiot and a bore.
- Your mistress's husband?
- Yes.
- He's a...
- Yes.
Then it's not me.
Hold on, did you think that I...
No. Just that you love, desire, long for...
- Lucienne?
- Yes.
Infamy, lies, and abomination!
So, you're the lover of another.
- Indeed.
- Then why do you stay here?
Because I like you and you're my friend.
- And the other guy is an idiot?
- Right.
They go back to Paris after summer?
- Who?
- The idiot and his wife.
Of course, that's where I go too.
Hold on.
Parisians who summer in Saumur
with a stupid husband...
- It must be Gorgerot.
- No names, buddy!
Don't be embarrassed.
You're Mrs. Gorgerot's lover.
Come now.
Hubert, my friend,
it doesn't make you less of a wolf.
And what a wolf!
You're Mrs. Gorgerot's lover
and I catch you kissing Sonia.
You're revolting!
If I ever catch you with Sonia again,
I'll tell Lucienne.
Why Lucienne?
She's a close friend of Mrs. Gorgerot.
You can bet she'll tell her.
Come on, buddy, don't tell Lucienne!
That's up to you. I'll be watching.
Excuse me for being suspicious.
Don't worry about it.
Infamy, lies, and abomination.
Gorgerot, that idiot!
Oh, no.
Hello.
Where's Sonia?
Is that all you can say?
Not even a kiss for me.
“Sonia, Sonia, where is Sonia?”
What has she done to you all?
All I ever hear around here is “Sonia.”
- She's turned all your heads.
- Don't exaggerate.
I know what I'm saying.
It's normal to find her attractive,
but don't lose your head.
Here we are, Cousin, just the two of us,
all by our lonesome.
Why don't you believe I adore you?
Your declarations are so violent, Cousin.
You've charmed me, shaken me up!
And I'm bruised!
Andrei, slow down!
The wings of my desire
fly too near the fire of your eyes.
Very pretty.
Be sure to use that in your opera.
What is it, Cousin?
Go on. You're so eloquent.
Tell me.
Suddenly, I don't feel so good.
I've had it!
Me too.
- This will end badly.
- It will end, that's all.
- Immediately.
- This instant.
- Farewell.
- Farewell.
Forever.
No.
What?
Stay.
Let me kiss you, Cousin.
Let me kiss you.
75 MPH
Please, Cousin, not so fast.
We're not in any hurry.
Andrei, not so fast!
That's better.
I swear to you,
Hubert is no good for you.
In fact, there's no need
for you to charm him.
Why not?
He told me
he's the lover of a married woman
whose husband is an idiot.
Are you sure?
I can't tell you his name
due to my natural discretion.
But I immediately guessed who it was.
Who?
Tell me.
- Hubert himself told me...
- Hubert himself.
...that he's the lover of a certain Mrs. G.
Well, well.
Just how many mistresses
does Hubert have?
- Who else do you mean?
- No one.
Head home, Andrei. I'm also discreet.
I wouldn't have left.
I wouldn't have let you.
Darling.
My love.
It's them.
- Who?
- Archibald and Sonia.
- Good Lord.
- They can't find me here.
I'll hurry home.
- Where is my wife?
- Out with Hubert.
- That's great!
- Great.
This is more suitable
for romance than the car!
Very true. Let's talk about love.
Just a few words:
Give me your lips!
Not so fast, Cousin.
Perfect.
Caught!
Aren't these roses pretty?
Very pretty.
Don't be so emotional.
It's incredible how lovely flowers
affect him!
I'm not affected.
Lucienne, let me explain.
What?
- A ladybird...
- A what?
A ladybug
flew into our cousin's hair
then fell down her shirt.
She was upset.
When you came in,
I was attempting,
on her request, to remove it.
That was kind of you. But why tell me?
I thought...
I thought you'd seen...
Plus, he's dumb!
You thought I'd seen what?
Nothing, nothing.
Thank you.
You seem merry this morning.
Yes, I'm very merry.
Can I know why?
I've just finished
the first act of my opera
and I'm delighted with it.
There's something we should do together.
- What?
- A reading of my first act.
You won't get the full effect
if I just play it on the piano.
If each of you sing a role,
I'd have a better idea
of the quality of my ideas.
- It's an idea.
- Yes, it is.
Let's work this out.
Casting.
Sita is Lucienne. Lord Gregory is Hubert.
For the role of Kali, I thought of Joseph.
And Balou, Rosalie.
Obviously, I'll play Ramarana.
Certainly.
So...
Kali: Joseph.
Balou: Rosalie.
Ramarana: Burel.
Ready, everyone?
Yes!
Here we go!
As the curtain rises,
Sita and Lord Gregory sing
to the gods of love
under the tender regard
of the nursemaid, Balou.
Let's go!
O Gregory
O my handsome Captain
This romantic rendezvous
Is perilous for you
May the gods of love watch over us
Tighten once more
These tender chains
O Great Saramatou
Watch over us
- And then —
- Hold on, Cousin.
Is she supposed to be kissing the captain?
- Obviously!
- Obviously.
Don't interrupt, Cousin, please!
Don't interrupt!
I understand. Don't get so upset.
Then, followed by the faithful Kali,
enters Ramarana,
husband of the sweet Sita.
Yes, it's me
It's me, the prince
Atakyoto
Atakyoto
What's wrong with you?
I sing there, not you!
Halt, halt, halt!
Rama, Rana, Ramarana
Halt, halt, halt!
Ramarana is here
Ramarana
Ramarana
Here he is
One, two!
Ramarana
May sir forgive me
But I'm convinced
The lady of the household
Has made you a cuck —
Bravo!
Those aren't the words!
I wrote:
“The priests have taught
that if a stranger touches the queen,
- his throat must be cut!”
- Good!
Let's keep going.
Fine. We'll keep going.
Into this dramatic situation
arrives the Chinese princess,
Ooh-la-me-too.
Go on, Cousin, it's your turn!
Go on!
While a vain hussy
Makes a fool
Of her hubby
And her cousin
Your opera
I've had it up to here
His opera
We've had it up to here
Yes, up to here
Come on, kids, that's not it at all!
Not you too? Those weren't my lyrics.
What do words matter?
It's all about music.
Let's keep going.
Okay.
The lovely Ooh-la-me-too,
seduced by Ramarana's virile charm...
offers herself to him with a long kiss.
Kiss me, Cousin.
- I have to kiss you?
- Kiss me.
Yes, dear, kiss him.
- Go on.
- I understand.
Here.
O divine joy
O divine joy
- What's that all about?
- What?
- That kiss.
- That wasn't the first!
Mrs. Burel asked Sonia
to flirt with her husband
so he'd leave you two alone.
O divine joy
O divine joy
Bravo, Sonia!
This is great for me and Hubert.
I'm glad.
I just have to fall in love
with your husband.
- Bravo, Madame.
- What's wrong?
- I know everything.
- What?
You made a fool of me.
I don't appreciate that.
You're all driving me nuts
with your dramas.
Farewell! I'm leaving.
- Please, think it over.
- I've thought it over.
I'll pack my bags immediately.
Tonight I'll sleep in Bordeaux
at Hotel Paris.
Tomorrow I'll be in San Sebastián.
The next day, I'll be married.
All your personal affairs disgust me!
I'm blowing this joint,
as you say in French.
O divine joy
- She's right.
- I did it up for us, so we could be together.
I don't like setups.
I'm honest, loyal, and pure.
- I prefer to leave.
- Hubert!
What?
Where is everybody?
Where are you?
Where did you all go?
What's the meaning of this?
It was going so well.
- Where is Sonia?
- She's leaving.
- What?
- Yes, she's packing.
Packing?
- Where's she going?
- Spain.
She'll sleep in Bordeaux tonight
at Hotel Paris.
What awful news!
What could have happened?
She refused to tell me.
Why in the world is she leaving?
I think I've guessed.
Sonia is falling in love.
That scares her, so she runs away.
- In love?
- Yes.
- With whom?
- I don't know.
Then what makes you think that?
Yesterday, when you came back
from your car ride,
she was in such a state,
as if she'd just left someone
who'd turned her world upside down.
Good Lord!
- What's wrong?
- Nothing.
I'm listening, Lucienne.
It must be true.
Sonia feels love swelling inside her,
that scares her, so she runs away.
She's mistaken. I doubt she'll escape.
What do you mean?
A man who loves her
would never let her leave.
He'll catch up with her.
Tonight, he'll be in Bordeaux
at Hotel Paris.
In Bordeaux!
Hotel Paris!
HOTEL PARIS
- Sonia Varilovna.
- Excuse me?
Has Sonia Varilovna arrived?
She's blonde, elegant, haunting,
with a sporty coat, two dogs,
Russian chauffeur, and an English beau.
I see! A blonde, elegant, haunting lady
with a sporty coat, two dogs,
Russian chauffeur,
- and an English beau.
- That's right.
- Young?
- Very young.
- Blonde?
- Very blonde.
No, we haven't seen her.
Perhaps the lady hasn't arrived yet.
In that case, I'll wait for her.
- Perhaps in the bar?
- Yes, thanks.
Bravo!
Hey, Burel!
What are you doing here in Bordeaux?
How about you, Saint-Hilaire?
I'm accompanying my brother.
Tomorrow he leaves for Guatemala.
- Do you have a brother?
- No.
Well, Archibald?
As you see, I'm traveling.
- Alone, Burel?
- Yes, Saint-Hilaire.
Excuse me, buddy.
How's your wife?
She's in Saumur.
- Is she well?
- Very well, thanks.
And Hubert Carteret? How is he?
Why do you ask that?
Is there some correlation
between my wife's well-being
and that of Hubert Carteret?
Go away.
I'm begging you, buddy, talk to me.
Between us, no secrets, no betrayal.
We've known each other since junior high.
You did my homework. I ate your dessert.
It's a lifelong bond.
What?
What is it?
You're right, dear Burel.
If a friend like me doesn't tell you,
no one ever will.
Burel, you're a cuckold.
- That's a lie!
- It's true.
Hubert Carteret has been your wife's lover
for three years.
- Now that's a laugh!
- What?
- You're mistaken.
- I am?
Hubert Carteret is the lover
of Mrs. Gorgerot.
No!
- Now it's my turn to laugh.
- Why?
Mrs. Gorgerot's lover is me.
For ten years now,
I see her 16 hours a day.
I assure you, it's physically impossible
for her to have another lover.
You swear you're Mrs. Gorgerot's lover?
I'd never claim
to be the lover of a married woman
if it weren't true. I'm a man of honor.
- In that case, Hubert Carteret...
- Yes, Burel.
Listen, how can you...
How can you affirm such a thing?
What proof do you have?
You don't want to see it.
Answer me. What proof do you have?
Take your suitcase,
get back in your car,
arrive in Saumur in the early morning,
and go straight to your wife's room.
- If you don't find Hubert there...
- Yes?
...go to Hubert's and you'll find your wife.
I'm going!
Porter.
My coat and suitcase, quickly.
- Sir! The blonde, elegant, haunting...
- I get it.
She's just arrived. There she is.
Sir, your suitcase!
- Is my wife in?
- No, sir. She went out very early.
Stay here. I'll be right back.
Sir, I assure you, he's not home.
You've come to hunt in my studio?
What's that?
My sock.
Quite a long sock.
- Leave that alone.
- There's a woman in your room.
- That's none of your business.
- It is. She's my wife.
Lies, infamy, and abomination!
Your wife? You're nuts. You're drunk.
I'm absolutely sober,
and I declare I'm a cuckold
and what's more, cuckolded by you!
- Come on, buddy.
- I've got this, I'll find the rest.
Open your bedroom door.
- I forbid you to enter.
- Out of the way!
- You're ridiculous.
- Don't say that.
If Lucienne is in your room...
I'll kill you, certainly.
I'll kill her, probably.
I'll kill myself, maybe.
Lucienne isn't the only woman
in the world.
There is a woman in my room,
but why should it be Lucienne?
No.
What about this?
What's that?
This is a bracelet
that I gave to her for her birthday
two years ago.
Don't go soft now. What does that prove?
She might've dropped it when she was here
while visiting with you.
Let me check. It's the easiest way.
No! You might lack discretion,
but I certainly don't.
You won't let me see the woman in there?
I have no right to compromise her.
- Fine. Have her talk to me.
- What?
Through the door. If it's Lucienne,
I'll recognize her voice.
Madam? Hubert's mistress?
Please say in a loud voice,
“Long live the Republic!”
I know her opinions.
She'll never say that.
Then say whatever you please.
“It's a fine morning,”
“Idleness breeds vice,”
or “A mouse may be of service to a lion.”
What stupid sayings!
Well? She's not saying anything.
No, she's not.
But if it's not Lucienne,
why does she say nothing?
How should I know? Maybe she's sleeping.
That's possible.
Lucienne!
Lucienne? Here she is.
Why are you yelling like that?
- Lucienne.
- See?
What?
She has both stockings.
You didn't just leave Hubert's room?
I was at the farm.
Ask the old Bouchard couple.
I just left them.
Is that true?
What's all this mean?
It means that last night
I met Saint-Hilaire in Bordeaux.
Bordeaux? You said you went to Paris.
I meant in Paris, at Hotel Bordeaux.
He told me you were Hubert's mistress.
What do think of that?
What will people make up next?
Well?
I rushed back to Saumur to Hubert's place,
certain I'd find you here.
And you didn't.
You're ridiculous.
Yes, I am.
Listen, buddy, I'm sorry.
Here.
Whose stocking is that?
- The woman in his room.
- There's a woman here?
- There's a woman in your room?
- No.
There is, but be discreet!
He doesn't want us to know who.
I'd really like to know.
Of course. Women are so curious!
Hubert is our closest friend.
We should know about his affairs.
- No.
- Yes!
You're such a child.
Take your bracelet and let's go home.
My bracelet?
- Where did you find it?
- Here.
That's why I thought it was you in there.
This bracelet is no longer mine.
- What?
- I gave it to Sonia.
So that means... the woman in there...
Must be Sonia.
Can I come out now that you know I'm here?
- Give me back my stocking.
- He has it.
It's sickening.
What cynicism!
Why? I'm not married yet, am I?
I have the right to a bachelorette party.
Cousin, do you have any idea...
Of what?
I liked the painter. He's a bachelor.
I didn't leave. I went to his house.
- Anything to say about that?
- Nothing.
And you, anything to say?
Perhaps, but I'll say it to you.
And I'll answer you.
I'm helping you out, you know.
Friends, given the situation,
it's time for us to leave.
Indeed.
There you have it.
Yes.
Case closed.
See you soon.
- Perhaps.
- We'll see.
Right.
- Come, Lucienne.
- Yes, my friend.
- That was a bit embarrassing.
- Certainly.
You should have let me run away to Spain
instead of lying in the road
with a lantern on your chest.
I said, “If she leaves,
it will be over my dead body.”
- So romantic!
- Isn't it?
But the lantern
was so you wouldn't kill me.
I see!
- What?
- I must return to the farm.
Old Mrs. Bouchard is waiting.
I need to check on the car in the garage.
The motor was acting up
as I left Bordeaux.
- What?
- I mean, Paris.
Then... I'll see you later.
Yes, later.
Traitor, betrayer, false friend!
Not again!
It wasn't Lucienne in my room.
No, it was Sonia. Much worse.
Already?
What did you do to get her to stay?
You wouldn't understand.
I put a lantern on my chest.
I'll admit I'd have never thought of that.
Well, buddy,
some are made to be lovers,
some are made to be husbands.
I must speak to Sonia.
- You're here again?
- And you too?
Why did you come back?
I came to get my gun. What about you?
I forgot my bracelet.
I want Sonia to give it back.
I'll give her something else.
No need.
Now you have your bracelet.
- And you have your gun.
- Yes.
That's that.
That's that.
Don't you have anything else to tell us?
No.
Well, then, see you soon.
- Perhaps.
- We'll see.
Right.
- Come, Lucienne.
- Yes, my friend.
As long as they come together,
it's not so bad.
Eventually, one will come alone.
And then we'll hear it!
Does that bother you?
No, Sonia.
You poor man,
what you need is a nice bath.
- What?
- Your hair is all dusty.
I'll run you a bath.
- I have a proposal for you.
- Another one?
I've been crazy about you for three days,
and since last night, I love you.
I love you too, my little painter.
More than I'd like.
Shall we live together,
lost in each other's arms,
far from all others?
I'll break up with Lucienne,
you'll leave the marquis in prison,
and we'll travel the wide world,
avoiding only Madrid, Paris, and Saumur.
You crazy boy!
You've been my lover a few hours, and
already you talk about the rest of our lives!
You'll go to sleep in my arms every night
and awaken there every morning.
In three months,
we'll have a mufti marry us in Madeira.
If another man looks at you,
I'll kill him!
- You Frenchmen get so carried away!
- My love.
I truly wish you were sincere,
that you said fewer words
and thought more,
and that Madrid, the mufti,
and all that were true.
I think something has happened to me,
something haunting.
I think...
I think I'm in love.
The first time I saw you,
I could tell you were very nice.
- I wish you were in prison.
- What?
- That you'd assassinate the king.
- What?
Then I'd marry you!
- That's splendid, wonderful.
- It's love.
I traveled the wide world
three times over,
but it was in Saumur that I found love.
I adore you.
My little painter.
I added some bath salts to refresh you,
but you have to soak
for at least 20 minutes.
Fine, my friend. Thanks.
- It's her.
- Lucienne?
But...
- You seem upset.
- Not at all.
- But what will I tell her?
- That you love me.
Obviously.
But how do I tell her?
Poor little painter.
Let me handle it.
- You'd really do that?
- Yes.
Go on.
- Break it to her gently.
- Yes.
On one condition.
Which is?
- That you love me.
- I adore you.
That's enough for me.
Go, little painter.
Do you have any idea
what you two have done?
Made love.
- Cynicism on top of betrayal!
- Give it a rest.
Cynicism?
Which of us is less cynical?
The one who urges the other
to seduce a man
or the one who simply obeys?
That's not the man I told you to seduce!
You told me to seduce one,
your husband told me to seduce another,
so I got confused. I made a mistake.
- My husband?
- It's your fault, all of you.
You think the cousin from Warsaw
is a worthless girl.
You ask her to do the riskiest,
most disgusting favors.
You deserve what happened.
If you play with fire, you get burned.
You certainly turned things in your favor.
You stole my lover and left me my husband.
I thought it over. It's more decent.
Are you mocking me?
- I came here to talk to Hubert.
- No.
Are you afraid?
I've never feared another woman.
Go on.
Thanks.
- Are you there, Hubert?
- No!
I must leave! Leave!
Ivan! Boris!
Toby!
Sonia.
- What? You're leaving?
- Yes, I am.
- With that lucky Hubert?
- Alone. I'm off to marry the marquis.
That's just great! Now I understand.
You stop here three days,
just the time to turn Hubert's head,
break my heart, and then you say good-bye.
That's not nice, Cousin.
I don't deserve to suffer so much.
Suffer? You don't love me.
- I adore you!
- Please, don't say that word.
- Why not?
- Because...
Am I loved?
Does she matter,
the cousin from Warsaw? No.
She's just a plaything.
She wreaks havoc
in order to put it back together.
She passes through,
and once she's gone, she's forgotten.
You say you love me. I'm no fool.
No one loves me.
No one ever loved me.
What a pity!
Come on, time to go.
Farewell, Cousin.
Fine weather.
Yes.
And this time, I think it will last.
Andrei, there's no need to drive so fast.
I'm getting married.