My Cousin Vinny (1992) - full transcript

Here's some for 37 cents.
Here's some for 32.

Thirty-one.

Think that's it.
Don't they have any generics here?

I think this is their generic.
I never heard of that brand.

Maybe we should get this one.
Maybe it's worth a penny.

You're paying for advertising.

Tuna. We should get tuna.
Please, no more tuna, okay?

It's got protein. We need protein.

Beans are protein.
Beans make you fart.

We got a convertible.

I'm gettin' it for myself.



One burrito
and one large Slush.

$21.67.
Can you fill this up?

21.67.

This next one's
a WSTT special request.

It goes out to Ernestine from Charles
Weaver with a big old hug and kiss.

- Jesus. Look. I forgot to pay for this.

You could have gotten caught. What if
somebody saw? The laws are medieval down here.

You know what the minimum age
for execution is in Alabama?

What, 16?
Ten!

Ten?

- There's a cop behind us.
- A cop?

There's nothin' to worry
about. There might be.

There's nothin' to worry about
until there's somethin' to worry about.

Just relax. Please.



Is he still there?
Yeah.

Goddamn it.
Just calm down.

There's a cop behind us. That's all.
There's nothing wrong. There's no problem.

Uh-oh.

What?
His light's on.

Fuck. Fuck! Goddamn it!

Fuck! What are we gonna do now?
It's probably nothin'.

It might be a taillight.
Just relax.

We don't have any money for bail.

Bail? We don't need money for bail.
Nothing's happened. Relax.

Nothing? We're getting pulled over, aren't
we? You stole something. You're finished.

Shut up. All right?

All right. Here he comes.

Show me your hands!

- Jesus.
- Show me your hands! Get 'em up!

Get 'em up! Up!

Now put your hands on top of
your head and get out of the car!

Out of the car!
Go.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, I'm sure.
It's number three and five.

Ridiculous.
All this over a can of tuna.

Keep quiet!

Yeah. Uh-huh. You sure about that?

Yeah, he's standing right here.

All right. Bye.

I think
we may get a confession.

I just heard that
someone shot Jimmy Willis.

He's dead.
Oh, my God!

Who would do such a thing?

Hello, Bill. I'm Sheriff Farley.
Hi.

Do you know why you're here?
Yeah.

I do. I'm sorry.
It was a stupid thing to do.

Have you been made aware of your rights?

Yes.

You willing to waive that right?

Yes. I'm willing to cooperate fully.

I'll sign a statement or whatever
makes this whole thing easier.

Good. Good.
That's-That's good.

But I want you to know, Stan,
he had nothing to do with it.

Did he help you plan it?

No. I mean
- I mean, it wasn't planned out. You know, it just happened.

Did Stan try to stop you at any time?

No. I mean, he was-

- Why? Is that a big deal?
- Aidin' and abettin'.

Aiding and abetting?
What is that, a major thing?

Oh, yeah. Yeah.

An accessory?

Are you guys kidding? An accessory?
I didn't help. I didn't plan it.

You didn't try to stop it.

I didn't know it was happening.
I found out later in the car.

Why didn't you get out?
Call the police then?

He's my friend.

Well,

your friend has put you
in a lot of trouble.

What's gonna happen to Bill?

Nothin', unless he's convicted.

Of course if he is,

we're gonna run enough electricity
through him to light up Birmingham.

We were friends at NYU.

We both applied,
and we got scholarships to UCLA.

We figured the weather and the scenery
would be nicer going through the South.

- What about the tuna fish?
- Then I forgot about the can of tuna fish.

And then we-we left.

Did he catch you with the tuna fish?
Is that how it started?

- No. He didn't say anything.
- But he knew about it?

I don't know.

Let's talk about that
for a moment.

You paid for the groceries.

- And then what?
- We went out to the car, and that's it.

When'd you shoot him?

- What?
- At what point did you shoot the clerk?

- I shot the clerk?
- Yes. When did you shoot him?

I shot the clerk?

Hey, Dean.
We need you out here.

I'm in the middle
of a damn confession here!

Whoa! Wait a minute!

What's the matter?

Do you know what this is all about?
Yeah, they're fucking with us.

You don't believe them? No. They
don't execute for shoplifting.

You think we're being booked
for shoplifting, huh? No.

You're being booked for shoplifting. I'm
being booked for accessory to shoplifting.

No. Stan, I'm being booked for murder, and
you're being booked for accessory to murder.

It's time to make
your phone calls.

Goddamn it! Is there any way
you could contact your parents?

How? Call the Chilean consulate?

What are they going to do, send a guide
into the mountains, looking for them? No.

We need to call an attorney,
a great attorney.

Do you know any great attorneys?

No. I'm calling my mother.

Hello, Ma. We're in Wahzoo.

It's in Beechum County,
Alabama, Ma.

Not too good, Ma.
We, uh...

We-We've been arrested.

Ma? Ma, please.

Ma, please, first of all,
we didn't do it, all right?

Murder. Ma. Ma, please-

Ma, it's a mistake. We must
look like the guys who did it.

Tell her what we think is happening.
What we think's happening is-

Shut up. We think they're trying
to set us up as patsies, Ma.

You know how corrupt
it is down here.

They all know each other. The Klan's here.
They're inbred. They sleep with their sisters.

Some of them do.
All right, Ma, listen.

We gotta get an attorney,
and it's gonna cost a lot of money.

How much would an attorney cost?
A decent one? $50,000. $100,000.

50,000. 100,000-
I know, Ma. I know.

Can we use any attorney?
I think so.

He says he thinks so.

- Oh, he is? Well, that's a great idea. You'll think he'll do it?
- What?

- We got an attorney in the family.
- Great! Who?

My cousin Vinny!

- What is that?

- What?
- Nothin'. You stick out like a sore thumb around here.

Me? What about you?

I fit in better than you.
At least I'm wearing cowboy boots.

Oh, yeah, you blend.

I bet the Chinese food here
is terrible.

I don't see anything
out of whack under there.

It feels like the wheels went out of
balance after we hit that mud. That's not it.

I think you should put it on a rack
and take a look.

What's wrong?

What?
What's the problem?

Nothing. The car was shimmying
on the highway a little bit.

You got mud in your tires.

I got mud in my tires?
Mm-hmm.

How do you get mud into the tires?
That's just a figure of speech.

The mud gets around the inside of
the wheel, throws the balance off.

You ever hear of that?
Mud in the tires?

- No.
- She never heard of it. She knows everything about cars.

Hmm.

Now see, down here, everybody gets
stuck in the mud every now and then.

Yep, we're famous
for our mud.

Famous for your mud?
How's your Chinese food?

- You just keep on asking
about Chinese food.

Can't you tell they don't have
Chinese restaurants around here?

Gotta let everybody know
you're a tourist. Come on.

Oh. What are you,
a fuckin' world traveler?

Stop the death penalty!

Our jail was condemned this morning.

That's why we're bringing you all out
to the state corrections facility.

Stop the death penalty!

Unlock the gate!

Go on through.

Whoo!

You know what happens in these places?
Yeah, I know what happens in these places.

And sometimes there's a big guy named
Bubba no one wants to tangle with.

He'll protect you, but you have to become
his sex slave and do whatever he wants.

There's only the two of us here.

What about those cots? I mean, what
if they put somebody else in here?

Stan.

Shut up.
Okay.

Hey! I can't believe my luck!

Here.

We got somebody for you.

You must be Stan.
How ya doin'?

Why'd they bring you in
here? Well, I just got in.

I asked where the new guys were,
and they brought me right here.

He's sleeping, huh?
Cute little guy.

Maybe I'll just start with you.
We'll let him sleep a little bit.

I don't wanna do this.
Hey, I don't blame you.

If I was in your situation, I'd want to
get through this whole thing as quickly...

and with as little pain as possible.

So, you know, let's try our best to
make it a simple in-and-out procedure.

What's the matter?

Relax. Relax. Relax.

You know, maybe we should spend
a couple of minutes together,

you know, to get acquainted before
we, uh, you know, before we get to it.

What's wrong with you?
I don't want to do this.

Well, I understand,
but, you know, what are your alternatives?

My alternatives?
Yeah.

To what? To you?
I don't know. Suicide. Death.

Look, it's either me or them. You're
gettin' fucked one way or the other.

Hey, hey, hey.

Lighten up, okay?
Don't worry. I'm gonna help ya.

Oh. Gee, thanks.

Excuse me, but I think a modicum of
gratitude would not be out of line here.

You think I should be grateful?

Yeah. I mean,
it's your ass, not mine.

I think you should be grateful.

I think you should be down
on your fuckin' knees.

I'm sorry. I didn't know it was such
an honor to get a visit from you.

I'm doing a favor here, you know? You're
gettin' me for nothing, ya little fuck.

Boy, that's one hell
of an ego you've got.

What the fuck is your problem?

I did not come down here
just to get jerked off.

No, no. No, no.

I'm not jerking you off.
I'm not doing anything.

That's it. You're on your own.
I'm just taking care of Sleeping Beauty.

Hey, Billy!
Hey, back off!

Vin! Hey, Vinny!
Vinny?

Vinny Bag-o'- doughnuts,
how are ya? This is Vinny?

I don't know where to start.

Have you had
any murder cases before?

None. This would be my first.

Your first?
Yeah.

What kind of cases have you had? Assault
and battery, armed robbery. You know.

No.

Well, I expect he's done burglary,
grand theft auto, drugs. Right, Vin?

No. Nothing like that either.

What kind...
What kind of law do you practice?

Well, up till now, uh, personal injury.

Well, you're a trial attorney, right?
I mean, personal injury trials.

Well, actually, this would be
my first foray into the trial process.

I haven't had
to go to court yet.

Knock on wood.

You haven't had to go to court yet.
How long have you been practicing?

Almost six weeks.

But
- Vin, you graduated from law school six years ago. What have you been doing since?

Studying for the bar.

- Six years?
- Mm-hmm.

That's a lot of studying.

Well, to be honest with you,

I, um- I didn't pass my first time out.

That's okay. You probably
passed the second time, right?

I'm afraid not.

- Three times a charm?
- Not for me it isn't.

No. For me, six times was a charm.

Six times.

A little informal, aren't we?

I was just resting...
Not wearing a coat or tie.

Oh! Sorry.

Well, approving an attorney from out
of state is a pretty informal matter.

- I just have a few questions.
- Okay. Fire away, Judge.

Where did you go to law
school? Brooklyn Academy of Law.

Is that an accredited law school?

Uh-

Oh. Yes.

How long you been practicing?

Oh, about, uh, six, uh-

Almost 16 years.

- Any murder cases?
Lots of them. Quite a few. Yes.

What was the outcome?

Uh, you know, win some, lose some.

Hmm.

This is not the forum to be cavalier.

Oh, of course.
Now let me see.

Most recently,
I had an ax murder,

which I won on the grounds
of temporary insanity.

- Want to hear the facts of the case?
- No.

What else?
Let me see. What else?

You ever heard of the Son of Sam?

Fellow who received orders
to kill from a dog?

That one.

You defended him?
Well, no. Not exactly.

I, uh-
I defended the first guy they arrested.

And, uh,
he was found innocent and set free,

and, uh, they caught the real guy.

Well, we don't have
any serial killers in Beechum County.

But what we do have is every bit as
sophisticated a system of justice...

as they do
in the rest of the country.

- Oh, I'm sure.
- You being from New York and all might have the impression that law is...

practiced with a certain degree
of informality down here.

It isn't.
Right.

I tell you this because I want you to
know that when it comes to procedure,

I'm not a patient man.

I advise you, sir, when you come into my
courtroom, you are to know the letter of the law.

- I react harshly when you don't.
- You should.

- Don't think being from New York you're gonna get special treatment.
- I shouldn't.

You won't.

You'll be given
no leeway whatsoever.

I expect you to know this information
when you come into my courtroom.

Uh-huh. Right.

You willing to accept those
terms? Right. No problem.

Just this?

This is gonna be great.
Vinny's first case.

- So? What can I do to help?

Nothing?

No.

What the fuck is that?

Want to sit at the counter?

Hey. How ya doin'?

Listen. Uh, what's the story
with this incredibly, remarkably,

loud whistle
at 5:30 in the morning?

It's the steam whistle.
Oh.

Over at the sawmill.
Tell folks it's time to get up.

You can hear it for miles.

Y'all want something?
Yeah.

Hmm.

Breakfast?
Ya think?

Uh... Good choice.

Two.

Excuse me.

You guys down here...

hear about the ongoing
cholesterol problem in the country?

- What's-What's this over here?
- You never heard of grits?

Sure. Sure. I heard of grits.

I just actually never seen a grit before.

- Go ahead, honey. You gonna try it?
- You first.

- What is a grit anyways?
- It's made out of corn. Them hominy grits.

Hominy.

Hmm.

- How you cook it?
- Well, you simmer it in water for 15 or 20 minutes.

Put it on the plate and add butter.

So? You gonna eat it or not?

Here?

Is your attorney here?
I am the attorney.

Oh. Jim Trotter III, District
Attorney, Beechum County.

Vincent La Guardia Gambini I.
Brooklyn.

Nice to see you.

Yeah.

Vin.
Hey.

All rise for His Honor,
Judge Chamberlain Haller.

The court of Beechum County
is now in session.

Be seated.

First case.. The People
of the State of Alabama...

versus William Robert Gambini
and Stanley Marcus Rothenstein.

Stein. She called me "Stine."
Just-

Counselor, your clients are charged with
first-degree murder. How do they plead?

- Your Honor, my clients...
- Don't talk to me sittin' in that chair.

Well, he told me to sit here.

When you're addressing this court,
you will rise...

and speak to me
in a clear, intelligible voice.

Sorry.

- My clients are...
- What are you wearin'?

Huh?

What are you wearin'?
I'm, uh, wearin', uh, clothes.

I- I-I don't get the question.

When you come into my court
looking like you do,

you not only insult me,

but you insult
the integrity of this court.

I apologize, sir,
but, uh, this is how I dress.

Next time you come into my
courtroom, you will look lawyerly.

And I mean you comb your hair
and wear a suit and tie.

And that suit better
be made out of some kind of cloth.

You understand me?

Uh, yes. Uh, fine, Judge. Fine.
Good.

You may continue.
How do your clients plead?

Uh, my clients, caught
completely by surprise,

they thought they were getting arrested
for, uh, shoplifting a can of tuna.

What are you telling me,
that they plead not guilty?

No. I'm-I'm just trying to explain.

I don't want to hear explanations.
The State of Alabama has its procedure.

And that procedure, at this point in time,
is to have an arraignment.

- Are we clear on this?
- Uh, yes.

But, uh, there seems to be
a great deal of confusion here.

- Mr. Gambini.
- See, my clients, uh-

Uh, Mr. Gambini.

You want me
to come all the way?

Okay.

All I ask from you is a very simple
answer to a very simple question.

There are only two ways to answer it.
Guilty or not guilty.

Your Honor,
my clients didn't do anything.

Once again the communication process
is broken down.

It appears to me that you want
to skip the arraignment process,

go directly to trial,
skip that and get a dismissal.

Well, I'm not about to revamp
the entire judicial process...

just because you find yourself
in the unique position...

of defending clients
who say they didn't do it.

Now, next words out of your mouth are
either gonna be "guilty" or "not guilty."

I don't want to hear commentary,
argument or opinion.

If I hear anything other than "guilty"
or "not guilty," you'll be in contempt.

I don't even want to hear you
clear your throat.

I hope I've been clear.

Now, how do your clients plead?

I think I get the point.

No, I don't think you do.

You're now in contempt of court.

Would you like to go
for two counts of contempt?

- Not guilty.
- Thank you.

Bail will be set at $200,000.

Preliminary hearing will be set
for 9:30 a. m. tomorrow morning.

Bailiff, please take Mr. Gambini into
custody. His bail will be set at $200.

Come with me, please.

All rise as the judge leaves.

You have to bail me out.
You know that, right?

Hey, Tom!

Let's go.
Yeah, what you want, Junior?

They're gonna nuke
this guy Norton this weekend.

Looks like it.

You got one huge responsibility,
taking on this murder case.

You screw up,
and those boys get fried.

I know.

So you think you know
what you're doin'?

Yeah, I think I know what I'm doin'.

'Cause you didn't look like you knew what
you were doin' today in that courtroom.

Why is that? Well, it's a
lot of procedure. That's all.

I mean, I'll learn it as I go.
Learn as you go?

Yeah. Yeah. Didn't they
teach that in law school?

No. That's not what they teach you. They teach
you contracts, precedents, interpretations.

Then the firm that hires you,
they teach you procedures.

Or you could go to court
and watch.

So why didn't you
go to court and watch?

Because between your father's garage and
working nights, when was I supposed to go?

I thought maybe this summer
I would take off a couple of months.

But it ain't no big deal.

Are you sure?
Yes, I'm sure.

I don't know how you can be so sure when you
don't know what it is you're supposed to know.

It's a procedure. Like rebuilding
a carburetor has a procedure.

You know when you rebuild a carburetor, the first thing
you do is you take the carburetor off the manifold?

Supposing you skipped
the first step?

And, while you're replacing one of
the jets, you accidentally drop the jet.

It goes down the carburetor, rolls along the
manifold and goes into the head. You're fucked.

You just learned the hard way that you
gotta remove the carburetor first. Right?

So that's all that happened to
me today. I learned the hard way.

Actually, it was
a good learning experience for me.

All right. Is there any way I could
help out in this procedure situation?

Yeah. Keep bailing me out.

There is one problem. We can't
afford to keep bailing you out.

I already cashed in
half the traveler's checks.

I didn't want to cash them in, but
I didn't want to bounce a check,

so I tried hustling the money, but I got stiffed,
so I had to cash in the traveler's checks.

What do you mean you got stiffed?
Did you say you got stiffed?

Hey. Vincent La Guardia Gambini.

- His name's J.T.
- J.T.

I believe you and Lisa played a game of pool
for $200 which she won. I'm here to collect.

- How about if I just kick your ass?
- Oh, a counteroffer.

That's what we lawyers... I'm a lawyer
- We lawyers call that a counteroffer.

Let me see. This is a tough
decision you give me here.

Get my ass kicked
or collect $200. Hmm.

What do you think? I could use a good
ass kicking. I'll be very honest with you.

Hmm.

Nah, I think
I'll just go with the 200.

Over my dead body.

You like to renegotiate
as you go along, huh?

Okay, then here's my counteroffer.

Do I have to kill you? What if I was just
to kick the ever-lovin' shit out of ya?

- In your dreams.
- Oh, no, no, no. In reality.

If I was to kick the shit out of you,
do I get the money?

If you kick the shit
out of me?

- Yeah.
- Yeah. Then you get the money.

- What happened? Rear-ended?
- No. I fell.

Oh. Okay.

Let's see if we agree
on the terms.

The choice now is
I get my ass kicked,

or option B, I kick your
ass and collect the 200.

I'm going with option B: kicking
your ass and collecting $200.

We gonna fight now?

Yeah. First, let me see the money.

- I have the money.
- All right. Let me see it. Show it to me.

- I can get it.
- You can get it?

All right. Get it,
and then we'll fight.

Did you fall in your place
or somebody else's?

My place.
Shit.

He blew the arraignment.

It's a simple procedure.
You heard what the judge said.

All he had to do was say "guilty" or
"not guilty." We could have done that.

- So? What are you saying?
- What am I saying?

You saw what happened in there.
You want to stay with him after that?

Shit, Stan. I don't want to fire
him. I mean, he's family, you know.

My mother-
the way her health is right now-

I appreciate that,
but should you die for that?

Wouldn't your mother
be more upset if you die?

The thing is, given the chance,
I think he could do a good job.

- No. You're wrong.
- Come on, fellas. Knock it off. Let's go.

All right, Stan. Listen to me. You
have to see the Gambinis in action.

These people... they love to argue.
I mean, they live to argue.

My parents argue too.
That doesn't make them good lawyers.

Stan, I've seen your parents argue.
Trust me. They're amateurs.

Is that a drip I hear?

Yeah.

Weren't you the last one
to use the bathroom?

So?

Well, did you use the faucet?
Yeah.

- Then why didn't you turn it off?
- I did turn it off.

Well, if you turned it off,
why am I listening to it?

Did it ever occur to you it could be
turned off and drip at the same time?

No, because if you turned it off,
it wouldn't drip.

Maybe it's broken. Is that
what you're saying? It's broken?

Yeah, that's it. It's broken.

You sure?

I'm positive.

Maybe you didn't
twist it hard enough.

- I twisted it just right.
- How could you be so sure?

If you will look in the manual, you will
see that this particular model faucet...

requires a range of 10 to
16 foot-pounds of torque.

I routinely twist to
maximum allowable torquage.

How could you be sure you used
16 foot-pounds of torque?

Because I used
a Craftsman model 10-19,

laboratory edition,
signature series torque wrench.

The kind used by Caltech high-energy
physicists and NASA engineers.

Well, in that case,
how could you be sure that's accurate?

Because a split second before the torque
wrench was applied to the faucet handle,

it had been calibrated
by top members...

of the state and federal Department
of Weights and Measures...

to be dead-on balls accurate.

Here's a certificate of validation.

Dead-on balls accurate?

It's an industry term.

I guess the fuckin' thing is broken.

We gotta move.

Then I heard two loud bangs
like firecrackers.

I looked up and saw two young men
run out from the Sac-O-Suds...

and jump into a green car
with a white convertible top...

and drive off like the dickens.

Mrs. Riley, are those two young men present
in the courtroom today? Yes, sir, they are.

- Could you point 'em out for me, please, ma'am?
- They's sittin' right there.

Uh-huh. Now, uh,
Mrs. Riley, is this the car?

Yes, sir, it is.
Thank you, ma'am.

Let the record show Mrs. Constance
Riley identified the defendant's car.

I was makin' my breakfast.

I saw them two boys
go into the store.

Then later, I heard a gunshot.

Looked out the window.

- They was runnin' out,
got into the car and drove off.

Is this the car?

Yes, it is.

Thank you, sir.

You saw those two boys run out of the
Sac-O-Suds, jump in this car and take off?

Yeah. They peeled away. Car was
all over the road. Thank you, sir.

I asked him if he did it,
and he said, "I shot the clerk."

I asked him again,
and again he said, "I shot the clerk."

Your Honor, no further questions.

- Mr. Gambini?
- Yes?

- You have anything to add?
- Thing? What thing?

Not for me to say.

Uh, no, sir.

You can stand down.

- Do you have any other witnesses?
- No, Your Honor.

The court finds sufficient evidence
exists for this matter to go to trial.

I'm setting this matter for trial
this Monday, February 2, 10:00 a. m.

Mr. Gambini.

Stand up.

Now didn't I tell you next time you appear
in my courtroom that you dress appropriately?

You were serious about that?

Why didn't you ask them
any questions? Questions?

Ask who questions?

You knew you could ask questions,
didn't you, Vin?

Maybe if you put up some kind of a fight,
you could've gotten the case thrown out.

Hey, Stan, you're in Ala-fuckin'- bama.

You come from New York.
You killed a good ol' boy.

There is no way
this is not goin' to trial.

What the fuck
is goin' on here, Vinny?

You fuckin' up
this case or what?

I explained it to you already. It's just
procedure. I'm bound to fuck up a little.

A little?
You got thrown in jail. Twice.

Hey. I know I was in jail. I don't
need you to point it out to me, okay?

I mean, you-you're my fiancée.

You're supposed to stand by your man,
you know, encourage me a little bit.

A little encouragement.

Is that what you want?
Yeah.

Oh, I'm sorry.
You were wonderful in there.

The way you handled that judge.
Oh, you are a smooth talker!

You are. You are. All right.
Knock it off. Knock it off.

You think I like fuckin' up?
Is that it?

You know, you raggin' on me is not gonna
give me any great spontaneous knowledge.

- Yeah?
- So shut it!

Fuck.

- You done readin'?
- Yeah.

You wanna go to bed?

I don't know.
I don't feel good.

You shouldn't feel good.
You haven't slept much in three days.

That's part of it.

You know what it is?

I'm, uh... I'm really scared.

You should be.

How the fuck
did I get into this shit?

"Oh, sure, no problem.
I could win the case."

I already got myself
sent to jail twice.

I could win this thing,
you know. I know I could.

If I could keep my ass awake and out of
jail long enough, bet you I could, huh?

You know what I think? What?

Honestly? I think that once you're out
there, and you're doing your thing out there,

I think you're
gonna be really great.

Really great.

If... you don't fuck up.

If this was a conspiracy,
they'd have to get all those people to lie.

You think that's
what's happening?

Look, I think we should meet with the
public defender, see what he's like.

If he's honest,
then we should go with him.

All right.

That's Death Row in there.

It is?

The chair ain't
workin' like it used to.

The guy we fried last week-

took us three attempts,
and his head caught fire.

See, there's no money in the
budget to get it looked at.

I say it'd be cheaper
to get it fixed...

than keep runnin' up them
extra electric bills.

Hi, Stanley.

My name is John Gibbons,

and I'm, um, an attorney
in the public defender's office.

Hi, John.
Hey.

Now, the evidence against you
is pretty strong.

So, um, why don't you just tell me
your side of the story?

Hey, Vin.

Hey. Billy.
How are you?

How you feel? Okay?
All right. Hanging in.

Where's Stan? Uh, Stan.
He's not comin'... Stan.

He's, um-

Well, he wants to go
with the public defender.

Listen, Vin. I-

I'm goin' with
the public defender too.

I'm sorry. I-I'm sorry. I just didn't know
what little experience you have with this.

What, are you scared?

Yeah, I'm scared.

Look, maybe I could have handled the
preliminary a little better, okay? I admit it.

But what's most important
is winnin' the case. I could do it.

I really could.

Let me tell you how, okay?
The D.A. has got to build a case.

Building a case
is like building a house.

Each piece of evidence
is just another building block.

He wants to make
a brick bunker of a building.

He wants to use serious,
solid-looking bricks like these, right?

Right.

Let me show you something.

He's gonna show you the bricks.

He'll show you
they got straight sides.

He'll show you how
they got the right shape.

He'll show them to you
in a very special way...

so that they appear to have
everything a brick should have.

But there's one thing
he's not gonna show you.

When you look at the bricks
at the right angle,

they're as thin
as this playing card.

His whole case is an illusion,
a magic trick.

It has to be an illusion,
'cause you're innocent.

Nobody- I mean nobody-

pulls the wool over the eyes
of a Gambini, especially this one.

Give me the chance.

One chance.

Let me question the first witness.

If after that point you don't think that I'm
the best man for the job, fire me then and there.

I'll leave quietly, no grudges.

All I ask is for that one chance.

I think you should give it to me.

He thinks you should give it to him?

What was he before he was a lawyer,
a fuckin' comedian?

How can it hurt? If he doesn't ask the
right questions, your lawyer will, right?

He could still fuck things up.

There's more to cross-examination
than knowing what to say.

It's knowing what not to say.

Look, let's say he asks
all the possible questions, right?

And the witness has all the answers.
He ends up proving the prosecution's case.

How did he ever talk you into it?

At my cousin Ruthie's wedding, the
groom's brother was that guy Alakazam.

You know
who I'm talking about?

The magician with the ponytail?
Right.

Well, he did his act. Every time he made
something disappear, Vinny jumped on him.

I mean, he nailed him.
It was, "It's in his pocket."

Or, "He's palming it." Or,
"There's a mirror under the table."

He was like, "Wait a second. Wait a
second. It's joined in the middle.

There's a spring around it. It pops
it open when it's inside the tube."

I mean, it was... it was
Alakazam's worst nightmare.

But he was just being Vinny.

He was just being
the quintessential Gambini.

There goes
the quintessential Norton.

Lookee here, J.T.

Hey, hey, little Yankee boy.
Look here what I got.

What is it?

Two hundred dollars.

Bring it here. Let me see it.

Hmm.

How do I know that's not a bunch of ones
with a 20 wrapped around it?

- It's 200 bucks.
- Fan it out. Show it to me.

Yeah, right.

Mmm.

Does that freight train come
through at 5:00 a. m. every morning?

No, sir. It's very unusual.

Okay.

I was making a lot of money,
winning most of my cases.

Excuse me, Mr. Trotter.
Thank you, Shirley.

But my clients were guilty as hell.

And finally, after getting this one fellow off
some very serious charges for about the fourth time,

I tell you the truth...
my conscience got to me.

Wouldn't I be better off serving justice
by puttin' the guilty in jail?

Well, that's what I've been doing,
and, uh, I'm a happier man for it.

Hmm.
How about you?

Well, I got a bullshit traffic ticket.

I went to court.

I got the cop on the stand, and I argued
with him until he admitted he was wrong.

And, uh, the judge-
this Judge Malloy-

all the while,
he's laughin' and smilin'.

And then afterwards, he asked
me to go to lunch with him.

Then he says to me, "You know
what? You'd be a good litigator."

I don't know what the hell he was talking
about. I don't know what a litigator is.

I never thought of becoming a lawyer.

But this Judge Malloy
was from Brooklyn too.

I mean, he did it,
so all of a sudden it seemed possible.

So I went to law school.

Then, from time to time,
he would come by,

see how I was doin',
if I needed anything.

He was a nice man.

I mean, to go out of his way
like that for me, you know?

He wanted his son to follow in his footsteps,
but he became a musician or something.

I remember when I graduated,
he was so proud of me.

That's quite a story.
Yeah.

So, we got some case ahead
of us here, huh? Oh, yeah.

How do you feel about it?
Oh.

Well, I'd... I'd like to have
the murder weapon.

But other than that,
I feel pretty good.

- You do?
- Oh, yeah.

- Hmm.
- Hey, what are you doing this afternoon?

- You're going hunting?
- That's right.

Why are you goin' huntin'?
Shouldn't you be out preparin' for court?

I was thinkin' last night.

If only I knew
what he knows, you know?

If he let me look at his files-
Oh, boy.

Well, I don't get it. What has gettin' to
Trotter's files have anything to do with hunting?

Well, you know, two guys out
in the woods, guns, on the hunt.

It's a bonding thing, you know?
Show him I'm one of the boys.

He's not gonna let me look at his
files, but maybe he'll relax enough...

to drop his guard so that I can finesse
a little information out of him.

What am I gonna wear?
What are you gonna hunt?

I don't know. He's got, uh... He's got
a lot of stuffed heads in his office.

Heads?

What kind of heads?
I don't know.

- He's got a boar, a bear, a couple of deer.
- Whoa. You're gonna shoot a deer?

I don't know. I suppose. I mean, I'm
a man's man. I could go deer huntin'.

A sweet, innocent, harmless,
leaf-eatin', doe-eyed, little deer.

Hey, Lisa, I'm not gonna go out
there just to wimp out, you know?

I mean, the guy will lose respect for me.
Would you rather have that?

What about these pants I got on?
You think they're okay?

Oh!

Imagine you're a deer.

You're prancin' along.
You get thirsty.

You spot a little brook.

You put your little deer lips
down to the cool, clear water.

Bam! A fuckin' bullet rips off
part of your head!

Your brains are laying on the
ground in little bloody pieces.

Now I ask you, would you give
a fuck what kind of pants...

the son of a bitch
who shot you was wearing?

I'd sure like to get
a look at your files.

You would?
Sure.

You got a Xerox machine
over there? Uh, no.

Oh, that's okay.
I'll have my secretary do it.

Shirley, can you xerox
all the files...

on the Gambini/Rothenstein case
for Mr. Gambini?

Yeah.
Thank you, sweetheart.

What's all that?
Trotter's files, all of 'em.

You stole his files?
I didn't steal his files.

Listen to this.

I'm just waiting to finesse him. I'm
startin' to finesse him. I got him goin'.

He offers to have his secretary
copy everything for me.

That's very impressive finessing.

That's not all.

He's lettin' us use his hunting
cabin as soon as he gets back.

It's in the woods. It's quiet. He
sleeps like a baby when he's there.

Terrific.
You're a hell of a bonder.

What's this?
You, uh, readin' this book?

Yeah. Do me a favor,
okay? Don't read this book.

Okay?
Thank you very much.

All right.

Don't you wanna know why
Trotter gave you his files?

I told you why already.

He has to, by law. You're entitled.
It's called "disclosure," you dickhead.

He has to show you everything.

Otherwise, it could be a mistrial.

He has to give you a list of all his
witnesses. You can talk to all his witnesses.

He's not allowed any surprises.

They didn't teach you that
in law school either?

Now let me ask you this.

How many different levels of
thickness have you gone through?

What'd you have for breakfast?
Well-

What's that brown stuff?

Huh?

Yesterday, you told me that freight
train hardly ever comes through here...

at 5:00 a. m. in the morning.
I know.

She's supposed to come through
at 10 after 4:00.

Can you participate in an endeavor in which the
ultimate decision might be death by electrocution?

Ma'am?

I think it should be left up to the
victims' families rather than the courts.

Uh-huh.
Uh, the defendants in this case...

are charged with robbing
a convenience store,

and then, in a most cowardly fashion,
shootin' the clerk in the back.

Now, if sufficient evidence is offered to
prove these facts, you think you could...

Fry 'em.

She'll do.

Hmm.

Mr. Gambini.

Come in, come in.

I just got a fax from the New York
State Office of Judicial Records...

that they have no records...

of any Vincent Gambini ever trying any
case in the entire state of New York.

Uh, you're not gonna find
any, uh- any records...

of Vincent La Guardia Gambini
practicing in any courts.

I just told you that.
You don't understand.

See, 20 years ago,
I became a actor.

And there was this very prominent stage actor
in New York. His name was Vincent Gambini.

Maybe you heard of him.
No.

Never heard of him?
Doesn't matter. Anyway,

I had to change my name,
which I did, legally.

- So now I practice law under my legally changed stage name.
- What name is that?

Jerry Gal-

Jerry Gallo.

You can still call me Gambini.

Sorry.

And what name did you
tell him? Jerry Gallo.

Jerry Gallo?
The big attorney?

Yeah. Think that was a smart move?

Yeah, well, the man is
a seriously accomplished lawyer.

He checks up on this guy, his name
will show up all over the place.

His name was in the papers all
last week. Yeah, I saw that.

But you didn't actually
read the articles.

No.
That's too bad.

Why is that?
'Cause he's dead.

What's the matter with you?

I don't know.

- You're acting like you're nervous or somethin'.
- Well, yeah, I am.

What are you nervous about?
I'm the one under the gun here.

Trial starts tomorrow. You wanna
know what I'm nervous about?

I'll tell you what I'm nervous about. I am
in the dark here with all this legal crap.

I have no idea what's going on. All's I
know is you're screwin' up, and I can't help.

You lent me your little camera,
didn't you?

Oh, Vinny, I'm watchin' you
go down in flames,

and you're bringing me with you,
and I can't do anything about it.

And?
Well, I hate to bring it up,

because you got enough pressure
on you already, but...

we agreed to get married
as soon as you won your first case.

Meanwhile, 10 years later,
my niece,

the daughter of my sister,
is gettin' married.

My biological clock is tickin' like this,

and the way this case is goin',
I ain't never gettin' married!

Lisa, I don't need this.

I swear to God,
I do not need this right now, okay?

I got a judge that's just achin'
to throw me in jail,

an idiot who wants to fight me
for $200, slaughtered pigs,

giant, loud whistles.

I ain't slept in five days.

I got no money,
a dress-code problem,

and a little murder case which,
in the balance,

holds the lives of two innocent kids,

not to mention your...
biological clock, my career'

your life, our marriage,
and let me see...

What else could we pile on?

Is there any more shit we could pile on
to the top of the outcome of this case?

Is it possible?

Maybe it was a bad time
to bring it up.

What the fuck is that?

This is very romantic...

out here in this field,
under the stars,

quiet,

no one around for miles.

It's very romantic.

I don't see no stars.

Oh, honey, move.

My back. Wait.

I gotta get up.

Just let me-

This fucking jacket!

Hey!
Ohh.

Oh.

Fuck!

Okay.

- Whoa!
- You okay?

What was in that pink plastic
thing in the trunk? It's your suit.

What is my suit
doin' in the trunk?

I had it cleaned. I thought it would be a nice surprise
- go in there with a nice clean suit.

Got 30 fucking minutes
to take a shower,

get a new suit, get dressed
and get to the fuckin' courthouse.

You fuckin' shower.
I'll get your fuckin' suit.

Hey, hey!
Little Yankee wuss!

Lookee here.
I got your $200.

You gonna kick the shit
outta me now?

Well, here he comes.

Mr. Gambini,

are you mocking me
with that outfit?

Mocking you?
No, I'm not mocking you, Judge.

Then explain that... outfit.

I bought a suit. You've seen it.
Now it's covered in mud.

This town doesn't have
a one-hour cleaners,

so I had to buy a new suit.

Except that the only store you could
buy a new suit in has got the flu.

You get that?
The whole store got the flu.

So I had to get this
in a secondhand store.

So...

it's either wear the leatherjacket,

which I know you hate, or this.

So I wore this
ridiculous thing for you.

Are you on drugs?

Drugs? No, I don't take drugs.

- I don't like your attitude.
- What else is new?

- I'm holdin' you in contempt of court.
- There's a fuckin' surprise.

- What'd you say?
- What?

What'd you just say?

What'd I say? What?

Uh, Your Honor, counsel,
members of the jury,

the evidence in this case
is gonna show...

that at 9:30 in the morning
of January 4,

both defendants, Stanley
Rothenstein and William Gambini,

were seen gettin' out
of their metallic green...

1964 Buick Skylark convertible
with a white top.

The evidence is gonna show
that they were seen entering...

the Sac-O-Suds convenience store
in Wahzoo City.

The evidence is gonna show that minutes
after they entered the Sac-O-Suds,

a gunshot was heard
by three eyewitnesses.

You're gonna then hear the testimony
of the three eyewitnesses...

who saw the defendants
running out of the Sac-O-Suds...

a moment after
the shots were heard,

gettin' into their faded,
metallic green 1964 Buick Skylark...

and driving off in great haste.

Finally, the state is gonna prove...

that the defendants,
Gambini and Rothenstein,

admitted, then recanted, their testimony
to the sheriff of Beechum County.

Now let's get down
to the link lock.

Your verdict is gonna depend...

on what you think
of the sworn testimony.

Not what I think.
What I think don't count.

You're the jury. It's your job
to decide who's telling the truth.

Truth.
That's what "verdict" means.

It's a word comes down
from old England...

and all our little old ancestors.

Now, we're gonna be asking you
to return a verdict...

of murder in the first degree
for William Gambini...

and a verdict of accessory
to murder in the first degree...

for Stanley Rothenstein...

for helping Gambini...

commit this heinous crime.

Counselor, do you wish
to make an opening statement?

Counselor?

Vinny. Vinny.
What?

Come on. It's time to make your
opening statement. Come on, Vin.

Uh, everything that guy just said
is bullshit. Thank you.

Objection, Your Honor. Counsel's
entire opening statement is argument.

Objection sustained.
The entire opening statement,

with the exception of "Thank you,"
will be stricken from the record.

The jury will please disregard
counsel's entire opening statement.

And you, Mr. Gambini-

You will not use that kind of language
in my court. You understand me?

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Putz.

Counselor?
Your statement, sir.

Well, now, uh,

ladies and gentlemen of the j-j-j-

of-of-of-of the j-j-j...

jury!

Um, on-on...
on-on?...

on January f-f-f-f-

f- f-f-f-f-f-f-fourth of this year,

my client did indeed visit...

the Sac-O-Suds con-con-

um, um,

um, convenience store.

But... But...

he didn't, um-
kill anyone.

He-He, uh, um, uh-

We-We intend to prove...

that the p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-

prosecution's case is circumstantial...

and-and-and-and-and-

Oh! Uh, coincidental.

Thank you.

That's it? What about
everything we talked about?

I get a little nervous sometimes.
I'm gettin' better. A little nervous?

I heard a gunshot,
so I looked out the window,

and I seen them two boys run out,

get into their car
and drive off like maniacs,

tires screeching, smoking,
going up on the curb.

Is this the car?
Yes, sir.

Thank you, sir. No further
questions, Your Honor.

Your witness.

All right. Mr., uh, T-T-T-T-T-T-

uh... um-

uh, T-T-T... uh, Tipton!

Now, when you
viewed my clients,

how-how-how far away were you?

About 50 feet. Oh, now, do you
think that's close enough...

to make an accurate, uh, i-

i-i-i-i-i-i-i...

identification?

Yes.

Mr. Tipton, I see
you wear eyeglasses.

Sometimes. Would you care to show those
eyeglasses to the jury, please? Thank you.

Thank you. Now, Mr. Tipton,
were you wearing them that day?

No.
You see,

you were 50 feet away, you made a
positive eyewitness identification,

and-and-and-and-and-and-and-and yet,

you were not wearing your
necessary prescription eyeglasses?

They're readin' glasses.

Um-

Well, um, uh,
Mr., uh, uh, uh, uh-

Could you tell the court...

what color eyes
the-the-the defendants have?

Brown. Hazel green.

No more questions.

Mr. Gambini, your witness.

He's a tough one.
Yes.

Mr. Tipton,

when you viewed the defendants
walking from their car...

into the Sac-O-Suds, what
angle was your point of view?

They was kinda walkin' toward me
when they entered the store.

And when they left,
what angle was your point of view?

They was kinda
walkin' away from me.

So would you say you got a better shot of
them going in and not so much comin' out?

- You could say that.
- I did say that. Would you say that?

- Yeah.
- Is it possible the two "youts"-

The two what?

Wh-Wh-What was that word?
Uh, what word?

Two what?
What?

- Did you say "youts"?
- Yeah, two "youts."

- What is a "yout"?
- Oh. Excuse me, Your Honor.

Two youths.

Is it possible the two defendants
entered the store,

picked 22 specific items
off of the shelves,

had the clerk take money,
make change,

then leave... then two different
men drive up in a similar-

Don't shake your head.
I'm not done yet.

Wait till you hear the whole thing
so you can understand this now.

Two different men drive up
in a similar-looking car,

go in, shoot the clerk,
rob him and then leave?

No. They didn't have enough time.

Well, how much time
was they in the store?

Five minutes.
Five minutes? Are you sure?

Did you look at your watch?
No.

Oh, I'm sorry. You testified earlier
that the boys went into the store...

and you had just begun
to make breakfast.

You were just ready to eat, and you
heard a gunshot. That's right. I'm sorry.

So obviously, it takes you
five minutes to make breakfast.

That's right.
So you knew that.

Uh, do you remember what
you had? Eggs and grits.

Eggs and grits.
I like grits too.

How do you cook your grits?

You like 'em regular,
creamy or al dente?

Just regular, I guess.

Regular. Instant grits?

No self-respecting Southerner
uses instant grits.

I take pride in my grits.

So, Mr. Tipton,

how could it take you five minutes
to cook your grits...

when it takes the entire
grit-eating world 20 minutes?

I don't know.
I'm a fast cook, I guess.

I'm sorry. I was all the way over here.
I couldn't hear you.

Did you say you're a fast cook?
That's it?

Are we to believe that
boiling water soaks into a grit...

faster in your kitchen than on
any place on the face of the Earth?

I don't know.

Well, perhaps the laws of physics
cease to exist on your stove.

Were these magic grits?

I mean, did you buy them from the same
guy who sold Jack his beanstalk beans?

- Objection, Your Honor.
- Objection sustained.

- You sure about five minutes? -
Ignore the question. - I don't know.

- Are you sure about that five minutes?
- I don't know.

- I think you made your point.
- Are you sure about that five minutes?

I may have been mistaken.

I got no more use for this guy.

You're fired.

I want him!

Come on, now. Move it.

Don't worry.

I'll find a way to
bail you out. No, don't.

I'm gonna stay in prison tonight. Maybe I'll
finally get some sleep. I'm doin' good, huh?

Hey, how ya doin'?

Hey, Mr. Crane.

What are these pictures of?

My house and stuff.
House and stuff.

And what is this brown stuff
on the windows?

Dirt.
Dirt?

What is this rusty, dusty,
dirty-looking thing over your window?

It's a screen.
A screen!

It's a screen.

And what are these really big things
right in the middle of your view...

from the window of your kitchen
to the Sac-O-Suds?

What do we call these big things?

Trees? Trees. That's right. Don't be afraid.
Just shout 'em right out when you know.

Now, what are these thousands
of little things that are on trees?

Leaves.
Leaves!

- And these bushy things
between the trees?

Bushes. Bushes, right. So, Mr. Crane,

you could positively identify
the defendants,

for a moment of two seconds,

lookin' through
this dirty window,

this crud-covered screen,

these trees with
all these leaves on them,

and, I don't know,
how many bushes?

Looks like five. Uh-uh. Don't
forget this one and this one.

Seven bushes. Seven bushes.
So, what do you think?

Is it possible you just saw
two guys in a green convertible...

and not necessarily
these two particular guys?

- Well, I suppose.
- I'm finished with this guy.

- Mrs. Riley, when you saw the defendants, were you wearing your glasses?
- Yes, I was.

Over here, dear.

Would you mind puttin'
your glasses on for us, please?

Whoa! How long
have you been wearin' glasses?

Since I was six.

Have they always been that thick?

Oh, no.
They got thicker over the years.

So as your eyes have gotten
more and more out of whack...

as you've gotten older, how many different
levels of thickness have you gone through?

Oh, I don't know.

Over 60 years,
maybe 10 times.

Maybe you're ready for a thicker set.

Oh, no, no.
I- I think they're okay.

Maybe we should make sure.
Let's check it out.

Now, how far were
the defendants from you...

when you saw them
entering the Sac-O-Suds?

About a hundred feet.

A hundred feet.
Would you hold this please?

Thank you.

Sorry. Excuse me.
Excuse me.

Sorry. Sorry.

Okay, this is 50 feet.

That's half the distance.

How many fingers am I holding up?

Let the record show that counsel
is holding up two fingers.

Your Honor, please, huh?

Oh. Sorry.

Now, Mrs. Riley...
and only Mrs. Riley...

how many fingers
am I holding up now?

Four.

What do you think now, dear?

I'm thinking of gettin'
thicker glasses.

Thank you.

- Hello?
- You did good out there today, Yankee. I like the competition.

You like competition too?
Makes things kind of fun, doesn't it?

- I'm enjoying myself so far.
- I got a little surprise for you tomorrow.

What's that? You know you have to
disclose all your evidence to me.

Well, I just got it myself tonight.

I'll disclose it first thing in the morning.
Judge is gonna have to admit it.

- Should I be worried?
- I sure would be if I were you.

Honey, where did you read
about all that disclosure shit?

Let me show you. Why?

I'm a special automotive instructor
of forensic studies...

for the Federal Bureau of Investigation.

Uh-huh. How long you been
in that position?

Eighteen years.
Your Honor?

May we approach the bench, please?
If you wish.

I object to this witness
being called at this time.

We've been given no prior notice he'd testify,
no discovery of any tests he's conducted...

or reports he's prepared,
and, as the court is aware,

the defense is entitled to advance
notice of any witness who will testify,

particularly those who will give
scientific evidence...

so that we could properly prepare
for cross-examination...

and well as to give the defense an opportunity
to have the witness' reports reviewed...

by a defense expert
who might then be in a position...

to contradict the veracity
of his conclusions.

Mr. Gambini?
Yes, sir?

That is a lucid, intelligent,
well-thought-out objection.

Thank you, Your Honor. Overruled.

Now, Mr. Wilbur,

these are photos of tires...

belonging to the defendants' car.

And these are photos of the tire marks...

left by the assailants' car
as it fled the convenience store.

Now, are you familiar with these?
Yes, I am.

Uh-huh. Could you, uh,
elaborate please, sir?

We compared the tire marks
outside the convenience store...

with the rear tires
of the defendants' car.

They're the same model and size tire.

Michelin model XGV,
size 75-R, 14-inch wheel.

They're the same size and
model tire. Anything else, sir?

Yes, indeed. The car leaving
the convenience store...

spun its rear tires dramatically...

and left a residue of rubber
on the asphalt.

Now I took a sample of that rubber
and analyzed it.

I also took a sample of the rubber
from the rear tires...

of the defendants' Buick
and analyzed that too.

What kind of equipment
did you use to find this out?

I used a Hewlett-Packard 5710-A
dual-column gas chromatograph...

with flame analyzation detectors.

Uh-huh.
Is that thing turbocharged?

Only on the floor models.

Now, Mr. Wilbur, what was
the result of your analysis?

The chemical composition between the
two samples was found to be identical.

Identical!

No further questions, Your Honor.

Your Honor?
Thank you, Mr. Wilbur.

The court'll take
a 60-minute recess for lunch.

Your Honor, I respectfully request a full day's
continuance to go over all this sh... stuff.

- Request denied.
- Thanks a lot.

And Mr. Gambini?
Yes, sir?

I'd like to speak to you
in my chambers.

- You're a dead man.
- I'm a dead man?

That's right. I just faxed the clerk of New York
and asked him what he knew about Jerry Gallo.

You wanna know
what he replied?

Did you say Jerry "Gallo"?
Yes, I did.

"Gallo" with a "G"?
That's right.

Jerry Gallo's dead.

I'm aware of that.

Well, I'm not Jerry Gallo.
I'm Jerry "Callo."

C- A-L-L-O.

All right.

All right.

Let's get this cleared up
right now.

Hello. This is Judge Chamberlain Haller.
Can I speak to the clerk?

Okay, I'll be here.

He's gonna call back after 3:00.

That gives you
a stay of execution,

unless by some miracle, you happen to
win this case in the next 90 minutes.

Why don't you go to lunch?

Thanks.

I got my pictures back.
Oh, good.

What'd the judge say?

He said he found out
that Gallo's dead.

He found out?
Yeah.

What'd he say?

Lisa, I'm trying to... I'm trying to
think about the case now, okay? I'm sorry.

Can I help?
"Can I help?"

No, you can't help.
I wish you could, but you can't.

Look how you're lookin' at me. Look how
you're... What is that look supposed to mean?

I'm a piece of shit 'cause I can't
figure out a way for you to help?

Okay, you're helping.
We'll use your pictures.

Ah! These are gonna be... You know,
I'm sorry. These are gonna be a help.

I should have looked
at these pictures before.

I like this. This is, uh-
This is our first hotel room, right?

That'll intimidate Trotter.
Here's one of me from behind.

And I didn't think I could feel worse than
I did a couple of seconds ago. Thank you.

Ah, here's a good one
of the tire marks.

Could we get any farther away?

Where'd you shoot this from?
Up in a tree? What's this over here?

What-

It's dog shit.

Dog shit! That's great!
Dog shit! What a clue!

Why didn't I think of that?
Here's one of me reading. Terrific.

I should have asked you
a long time ago for these pictures.

Holy shit. You got it, honey!
You did it!

The case-cracker:
me in the shower!

I love this! That's it!

That is it!
I'm out of here.

Lisa!

Lisa!

I'm sorry.

Fuck!

I know I'm missing somethin'.
I'm missing somethin'.

Did you find anything?

Very, very little.

Something? Enough to-

Is it possible
that two separate cars...

could be driving
on Michelin model XGV 75-R14s?

Of course.

Let me ask you this: What's the
best-selling single model tire...

being sold
in the United States today?

The Michelin XGV.

- And what's the most popular size?
- 75-R14.

The same size
as on the defendants' car.

But two faded green
1964 Buick Skylark convertibles?

Excuse me.
What I'm asking you...

is if the most popular size
of the most popular tire...

is on the defendants' car.

Well,

yeah.

Yes.
Um, thank you.

No further questions.

The witness can stand down.

Counsel?

Uh, Your Honor,
the prosecution rests.

Mr. Gambini, your first witness.

Mr. Gambini.

I will ask you one more time
and one more time only.

- If I ask you again...
- Your Honor.

Uh, please, uh, can I have
a five-minute recess?

My next witness is not
in the courtroom right now.

Three minutes, no more.

Sheriff, do me a favor.
Please trace this.

It's not my job.
You do your own investigating.

Please. I only have three minutes.

Lisa. Lisa, please, I'm sorry.
I'm sorry, okay?

I need you to come back into the
courtroom, and I need the phone.

Honey, come on now.
Stop it. I need the phone.

We have to make up.
Listen, let's make up, all right?

We gotta go back inside.
Everybody's waiting for us.

Come on. We don't have a
lot of time. Just shut up.

Gimme this!
Fuck you!

What is it with you with that mouth?
Shut up!

Mr. Gambini.

Hey, Sheriff, how are ya?
Tell me why.

Lisa, I need your help. I don't
give a shit! Leave me alone!

Come on. You'll see.
Stop!

Come on. I found it.
I found it. Come on. You'll see.

Your Honor, the defense calls as
its first witness Ms. Mona Lisa Vito.

I
- I object, Your Honor. This person is not on the witness list.

This witness is a expert
in the field of automobiles...

and is being called to rebut
the testimony of George Wilbur.

- Your Honor, would you please
instruct the bailiff- - Officer!

to escort Ms. Vito
to the witness stand please?

Hold up your right hand.
Do you swear to tell the truth,

the whole truth, and nothing but
the truth, so help you God? Yeah.

Ms. Vito,

you're supposed to be some kinda expert in automobiles
- Is that correct?

Is that correct?

Will you please answer
the counselor's question?

No. I hate him.

Your Honor, may I have permission
to treat Ms. Vito as a hostile witness?

You think I'm hostile now,
wait till you see me tonight.

Uh... Do you two know each other?

Yeah. She's my fiancée.

Well, that would certainly
explain the hostility.

Your Honor, I object to this witness.
Improper foundation.

I'm not aware of
this person's qualifications.

I'd like to, uh, voir dire...

this witness as to the extent
of her expertise.

Granted.
Mr. Trotter, you may proceed.

Mm-hmm. Uh, Miss Vito,

what's your current profession?

I'm an out-of-work hairdresser.

Out-of-work hairdresser.
Now, in what way does that qualify you...

as an expert in automobiles?
It doesn't.

Well, in what way are you qualified?

Well, my father was a mechanic.
His father was a mechanic.

My mother's father was a mechanic.

My three brothers are mechanics.

Four uncles on my father's side
are mechanics.

Miss Vito,
your family's obviously qualified,

but, uh, have you ever
worked as a mechanic?

Yeah, in my father's garage, yeah.
As a mechanic?

What'd you do in your father's garage?

Tune-ups, oil changes,
brake relining, engine rebuilds,

rebuilt some trannies, rear ends... Okay.

Okay. But does being
an ex-mechanic necessarily...

qualify you as being
expert on tire marks?

No. Thank you.

- Good-bye. - Sit down and stay
there until you're told to leave.

Your Honor, Ms. Vito's expertise
is in general automotive knowledge.

It is in this area
that her testimony will be applicable.

Now if Mr. Trotter wishes
to voir dire the witness...

as to the extent of her expertise
in this area,

I'm sure he's gonna be
more than satisfied.

Okay.

All right. All right.

Now, uh, Miss Vito,

being an expert on general
automotive knowledge,

can you tell me...

what would the correct ignition timing be
on a 1955 Bel Air Chevrolet...

with a 327 cubic inch engine
and a four-barrel carburetor?

That's a bullshit question. Does
that mean that you can't answer it?

It's a bullshit question.
It's impossible to answer.

Impossible because you don't know the
answer! Nobody could answer that question.

Your Honor, I move to disqualify
Miss Vito as a expert witness.

Can you answer the question?

No. It is a trick question.

Why is it a trick question?

Watch this.

'Cause Chevy didn't make
a 327 in '55.

The 327 didn't come out till '62.

And it wasn't offered in the Bel Air
with the four-barrel carb till '64.

However, in 1964,

the correct ignition timing would be
four degrees before top dead center.

Well,

um, she's acceptable, Your Honor.

Your Honor,
this is a picture...

taken by my fiancée
outside the Sac-O-Suds.

We agree on this?

Yeah.
Thank you.

I'd like to submit this picture
of the tire tracks as evidence.

Mr. Trotter?

No objection, Your Honor.

Ms. Vito,
did you take this picture?

You know I did.
And what is this picture of?

You know what it's of.
Ms. Vito,

it has been argued by me,

the defense,
that two sets of guys met up...

at the Sac-O-Suds
at the same time...

driving identical
metallic mint-green...

1964 Buick Skylark convertibles.

Now, can you tell us,
by what you see in this picture,

if the defense's case
holds water?

Ms. Vito, please answer the question.

Does the defense's case
hold water?

No.

The defense is wrong.

Are you sure?

I'm positive.

How could you be so sure?

Because there is no way
that these tire marks were made...

by a '64 Buick Skylark.

These marks were made
by a 1963 Pontiac Tempest.

Objection, Your Honor.
Can we clarify to the court...

whether the witness is stating
opinion or fact?

- This is your opinion?
- It's a fact.

I find it hard to believe
that this kind of information...

could be ascertained
simply by looking at a picture.

Would you like me to explain?

- I would love to hear this!
- So would I.

The car that made these two
equal-length tire marks had positraction.

You can't make those marks
without positraction,

which was not available
on the '64 Buick Skylark.

And why not?
What is positraction?

It's a limited slip differential
which distributes power equally...

to both the right and left tires.

The '64 Skylark
had a regular differential,

which anyone who's been stuck
in the mud in Alabama knows,

you step on the gas, one tire
spins, the other tire does nothin'.

That's right.

Is that it?
No, there's more.

You see when the left tire mark
goes up on the curb...

and the right tire mark
stays flat and even?

Well, the '64 Skylark
had a solid rear axle.

So when the left tire
would go up on the curb,

the right tire would tilt out
and ride along its edge.

But that didn't happen here.
The tire mark stayed flat and even.

This car had
an independent rear suspension.

Now, in the '60s, there were only
two other cars made in America...

that had positraction
and independent rear suspension...

and enough power
to make these marks.

One was the Corvette, which could never
be confused with the Buick Skylark.

The other had the same body
length, height, width, weight,

wheelbase and wheel track
as the '64 Skylark, and that was...

the 1963 Pontiac Tempest.

And because both cars
were made by G.M.,

were both cars available...

in metallic mint-green paint?

- They were.
- Thank you, Ms. Vito.

No more questions.
Thank you very, very much.

You've been a lovely,
lovely witness.

Mr. Trotter, would you like
to question Ms. Vito?

Mr. Trotter?

Mr. Trotter!

Uh... Uh, no. No, Your Honor.
No further questions.

In that case, Your Honor, uh,
I'd like to recall George Wilbur.

Ms. Vito, you can stand down.

You realize
you're still under oath?

Yes, sir.

Uh, Mr. Wilbur,
how'd you like Ms. Vito's testimony?

Very impressive.
She's cute too, huh?

Yes, very.

- Mr. Gambini.
- Sorry. Sorry, Your Honor.

Uh, Mr. Wilbur,
in your expert opinion,

would you say that everything
Ms. Vito said on the stand...

was a hundred percent accurate?

I'd have to say that.

And is there
any way in the world...

the Buick that the defendants
were driving made those tire tracks?

Come on. You could say.
It's okay. They know.

Actually... no.

No. Thank you.

No more questions.

Your Honor, I call Sheriff Farley.

You may stand down now, Mr. Wilbur.

Sheriff, you realize you're
still under oath? Yes, sir.

Uh, Sheriff Farley, um,
what'd you find out?

On a hunch,

I took it upon myself to check out
if there was any information...

on a '63 Pontiac Tempest...

stolen or abandoned recently.

This computer readout confirms...

that two boys who fit
the defendants' description...

were arrested two days ago by Sheriff
Tilman in Jasper County, Georgia...

for driving a stolen metallic mint-green
1963 Pontiac Tempest...

with a white convertible top,
Michelin model XGV tires,

size 75-R14.

Is that it?

No.

A.357 magnum revolver
was found in their possession.

Sheriff Farley,

just to refresh the court's memory,

what caliber bullet was used
to murder Jimmy Willis?

A.357 magnum.

The defense rests.

Mr. Trotter?

Your Honor,

in light of Miss Vito's
and Mr. Wilbur's testimony,

the state would like to dismiss
all charges.

Yes!

All right!

Order in the court.

Yeah!

Order here!

I have to get outta here by 3:00. Make
sure all the bags are in the car. Okay.

Bring it around.
Vinny.

I'm sorry to have
ever doubted you at any time.

And for this, I apologize.
Under the circumstances-

You were great, and, um,
I just want to say thank you.

You're welcome. I hope we
can do it again sometime.

- Fine job, Mr. Gambini.
- Thanks.

Y'all come back and see us anytime now.
I'll see ya. I'll see ya.

Vin.
Bill.

You're welcome. You're welcome.
Vin, I-

Bill, listen. Take your time. Pick the right
words. Get back to New York, give me a call.

Okay.

Vinny. You did a terrific job.
Thanks. Thanks.

I want you to know, you got an open
invitation anytime you want to come down here.

Hell, we'll get us a deer next time.
Okay. Thanks a lot.

I feel like if I don't get out of here
now, I might never be able to leave.

Mr. Gambini.

I have a fax here
from the clerk of New York.

I owe you an apology, sir.

I'm honored to shake your hand.

"Win some, lose some."

Your courtroom manner
may be rather unconventional,

but I gotta tell ya-
you're one hell of a trial lawyer.

Thank you.
And you're one hell of a judge.

Ooh, sorry.

Bye now.
Bye!

What the hell
was that all about back there?

I had a friend
send a fax to the judge...

confirming the very impressive
legal stature...

of Jerry Callo.

What friends you got
in the clerk's office?

Your friend.
My friend?

Judge Malloy?

So, what's your problem?
My problem is...

I wanted to win my first case
without any help from anybody.

Well, I guess that plan's moot. Yeah.

You know, this could be
a sign of things to come.

You win all your cases,
but with somebody else's help, right?

You win case after case, and then
afterwards you have to go up to somebody...

and you have to say "Thank you."

Oh, my God,
what a fuckin' nightmare!

I won my first case.
You know what this means.

Yeah, you think
I'm gonna marry you.

What, you're not gonna
marry me now? No way.

Can't win a case by yourself.
You're fuckin' useless.

I thought we'd get married
this weekend.

You don't get it, do you?
That is not romantic.

I want a wedding in church
with bridesmaids and flowers.

Whoa, whoa, whoa. How many times did
you say that spontaneous is romantic?

Hey, a burp is spontaneous.
A burp is not romantic.

Know what, Lisa? Who
wants to marry you anyway?

You do.

Amen, brother.