MySELFie (2019) - full transcript

I don't understand your reasons
why I can't have a piercing.

Piercing.

I just don't get it.

And you could not tell me yet
why you need this so badly.

Why it is so important to you.

But why can't I have one?

It's perfectly fine
to wait until you're 16.

And why not with 15 or 14?

That was our decision.
- But why?

Because we feel it's too early.

You feel like that. But you don't do it.



You shouldn't decide if I...

No.
- Yes.

Why do you have to decide for me?
I have decided for myself.

It's not a big thing.

I just want a piercing,
and you won't allow it. And that sucks.

It isn't a big thing. You want something
that we have to decide on.

We can decide to allow it or not,
and at this point we won't.

But why?
Why can't you be like other parents?

Mom. The other day
when we went shopping, I saw a girl

with a belly button piercing,
and she was younger than me,

or my age.

Sweetie... Yes, but we care for you.

Some decisions have to be considered well.

Just saying you want it now
doesn't sound like consideration to me.



If you would give me reasons

to help me understand and show me

that you thought about it,
that it's important to you.

And so on.
- What reasons, though?

That would be a different thing.
Please let me finish. Thank you.

And when you turn 16
in a year and you still want it so badly,

then you know it is something
that is really important to you.

But I want it now.

Not so fast.
- I don't want to walk slowly here.

This is embarrassing.

Do you really want to be in the shade?

Yep.
- It's going to get colder.

Why did you put that by my feet?

What did you have for lunch?

Nothing. We didn't even have breakfast.

The lake is enhancing the sounds.

Can we go in now? Yes.
- You want to swim?

Let's go in.
- Yeah?

Alopecia sounds nice, but it isn't.

You are losing your hair.

My body rejects it's own hair.

I inherited the condition from my Dad.

I never thought I would get it too.

All of a sudden, there was hair all over
the place, on my pillows, my clothes.

That was two years ago.
That's when it started.

People are wondering if I have cancer
and talking behind my back.

Sometimes I don't care
what other people think,

but sometimes I do, it depends.

That almost looks like on a fish.

Like a...
- You mean the gills?

It looks like a fish on Maya's head.

Can I see?
- Yes.

It looks as if you have a...

Cute, but that isn't me.
That looks more like Gru.

Gru?
- Yes.

Yeah, sorry.
- Now that's mean.

I have to go to bed.

Good night.

It was...

It just didn't register with me.

That thought just stopped,
so to speak.

I did not understand it,
didn't want to.

I put it off somehow.

In the beginning,
I just thought, "Oh well..."

It was an issue, but not overly dramatic.

I was kind of numbed.

I did not realize at first
that they are gone.

Later on, it hit me hard.

When they told me it was unsure
if they grew back.

When I got the diagnosis,alopecia areata.

That's when I understood it
and had a really bad time.

I cried a lot
because it was finally dawning on me.

That was not a good time.

Put your arm there.

And that thing...
- Leg up.

One, two, three.

Oh, no. I am not sitting right.

Thumbs straight.
- I see.

Hold your legs like this.
Push them together.

That's what I'm doing.
- Go, until she starts walking.

And if you do this, she goes there.
- Ok.

Press your legs together
until she starts walking.

Go on.

Where?
- Just go to the riding ground.

Which is over there.

There, come one, steer her.

Lotta, I have never been on a horse.
You can't expect me to be able to do that.

Yeah, there you go.

Great.

Together.

I like it more now.

It used to be so...

So shitty.
- Like spaghetti. No.

It was weird with a pony tail.

This looks much better.

Yeah, I like it more.

If they grow back quickly,
you can cut them like this again.

Or go to the salon.
Are you gonna leave it like this?

I think so.

I had mine that short too one time.

I wanted to do a side cut
but my mom did not allow it.

So I did a bob.

How long was it at the end?

Shoulder-length.

It was touching the shoulder.

About that, yeah.

Like this, maybe.

Give it to me.
- Just on the blanket, be careful.

Not on the hay.
- Alright.

Right here.
- I don't want to sleep in the hay.

Too late. Nice.

Let's send a snap to Marlon.

I don't like this. Use a filter.

Oh, they have filters too.
- Yes.

Marlon.

So? What have you got?

Alright. Oh, God.

He's coming back on Thursday.

Yes, but...

He likes it.
- You think?

So emoticons can express
something like that?

If he sends a smiley like that.

I am not sure anymore
if I really want to sleep here.

All the bugs...

I once slept in the other hayloft.

Or at least I tried to, in the beginning.

There were lots of mice too.

Mice are fine, but spiders?

You look fantastic.

I can't, it's too cold. Ok, hold on.

Oh, God. Quick!

Oh, God. Did it break?
- No.

I'm sorry. I slipped.

Are we going to the fair tonight?
- Yes.

I'm in.
- Me, too. I'm raising my hand.

So we're going.
- Yes.

I'm in.

Hopefully, he will be there.

Even if. It is what it is.
We will just say hi and walk away.

Or we just ignore them.

We are going to look at them,

stick our tongues out
and walk away.

I don't even want to think about that.
- Me neither.

I thought you never wore the wig.

Why...
- Oh, you wore the hat more often.

Or nothing.
Most of the times nothing.

Even downtown?
- I haven't been so often.

When I was home,
I didn't go downtown.

Can you imagine
to take it off in class?

No, I don't know.

We will see what happens.

We all know it by now.

I know.
- Everybody has seen it by now.

Yes.

In the worst case
we all shave our heads.

Yeah, right.
- Then you don't stick out.

I remember
on the day you told us

that you are losing your hair,
you were at school an hour late.

We had PE,
and everybody started inquiring.

And you started crying.

You went through your hair with your hands

and had a bunch of hair in your fingers.

Right.
- That's when you told us.

You wanted to go see a doctor
but couldn't find your card.

Right. I had forgotten about that.

You could already see
that there was a lot missing.

Yeah, at the top and in the neck.

In the beginning it was weird
because it was only gone in spots.

You turned into a different Maya
when you shaved your head.

Very intimidated.

But the way they pulled your hat off
in the beginning...

That was awful.
- They did that?

If they did that now, I'd punch them.

The teachers wanted no hats in class
but you refused.

"Look at me."

This is how you did it.

Are you ok? I hit you.
Cheek bones. That hurt.

Hang on, let me swirl it.

No, that's not pretty.
- Yeah.

It is not pretty.

It's not pretty.

Come here, girls.

She's living in our village.

So we didn't have time to meet.
- Who?

So you know what happened but can't tell?
- Yes, I won't tell.

It's so delicious.
- Yeah?

I never had a cocktail before.

I don't like coconut.
- That's the special ingredient.

Can I try it?

Let me try yours.

You and your cocktails.

Was he from here?

Let's rise and pray
for Christina and the kids.

Father, we are thankful

for so much hope.

That we know that you won't leave us alone
in such a moment.

You are with us.

We are blessing our children and those who
work with them in the name of Christ.

Amen.

Can we sit down somewhere?

I can't stand anymore.
- Yes, I just got my coffee...

You almost ran into a woman.
I told you to be careful.

I don't have eyes on my back.

Yeah, but it's...
That's why I nudged you.

Can we... He was just here.
- Where is Joshi?

Boring, small.

A small-town.

It is nice.

But you also don't want to spend
your whole life here.

At first I didn't pay attention at others
staring, watching me or whatever.

There will always be gossip.

Most people think if you are different,
you are stupid.

If you aren't the way you should be.

But it doesn't have to mean you are bad.

Yes.

Where should I put my shoes?

Look.

Cool.
- I told you I have the same ones.

Cool.

See how we look?

That is a cute one.

Look. You still had nice hair.

I was always jealous
of your brown hair.

And I loved your blonde hair.

I always wanted brown hair.
Yes, I dyed mine.

I don't look like myself.

No. I don't look like myself either.

Your nose!

Looks like the Grinch,
just not as green.

Why can't we do it now
while we are here?

I think it's better from the side.

A swan!

I'm hanging! Wait, I'll...
Hi, I made it.

Oh, my God.

Somebody there is listening to 187.

187?
- Yes.

The people who sat there
will come here.

Doesn't matter.
- He's not wearing a top. Unbelievable.

Shit. He doesn't have a six pack anyways.
- Who cares?

Here?

I'm sitting here.
I always sit on this side.

Shit. We are still not far away enough.

He looked like this.

I can't even eat.

Because you're staring at these guys.

Fuck. That's Robert.

Hello.
- We're going to... Hi.

Fuck.

We went to Prinzen Island.

Cool.
- It was really warm at the beach.

There was no wind...
- Did you swim?

Can we talk later?
- Not really.

Of course, see you later.
-Yeah, see you later.

Bye, have fun.
- Bye.

Now I know who that is. Oh, no!

Oh, no! Now I know who that is.

Fuck. That's Robert.

My Mom, thinking about
being in my situation,

said, "If I were you
I'd sit in a corner and cry."

She would have handled it differently.

I laughed because that would be
inconceivable for me.

It would be boring
to sit in a corner and cry.

Just crying the whole time...

Pitying yourself. No.

What?
- Nothing.

Alright then.
No, don't. It's blinding me.

How can it blind you?

Alma, I put it there like that.

That's how I would...
- Fantastic summer day.

Hello, this is Maya Otto.

I lost my cell phone at the theater.
Yesterday.

Yes. So it's there?

Awesome, that's all I wanted to know.

Good. Thank you.

See you later.

"See you later." Gosh.

No idea, I'll let Mom do my hair.

We wanted to meet early tomorrow.

However, now we don't know

if we are doing it at Mia's place.

Do you want me to wear shorts
or a dress?

Or a skirt? I have skirts, too.

What should I wear for the night?
My warm, cute, pink PJs

with the penguin and the hearts?

Or maybe the nightgown?

Or pants?

Yes, right.
I also have cute dresses.

But they are more cute and dreamy.

I don't like myself in stuff like that.

I don't know.

Hard to decide.

Have they found your phone?

It's been found, we can pick it up.

Could we maybe...
- "We"?

Do you want me to go?
- Did I lose my phone?

How am I supposed to get there?

I'm not gonna go by train
all by myself.

To Eutin, yes, but not to Preetz.

It's almost the same trip,
just in the other direction.

So?

So you're not going to Preetz with me?

I just don't have to go there.

I am sure you can do it.

Oh, no.

They're closed!

Bullshit.

It was a white Samsung, right?
- Yes. With a broken screen.

You are lucky, we found it.
- Good.

Very well. There is the young lady.
- Where is she?

Here is your phone.
- Thank you.

And it's ringing, too.
- Yes.

Thank you so much.
- No problem.

Have a nice day.
- What a relief. Thank you, bye.

So you are coming
to my place at 3 PM.

But you still don't know when it ends.
You know?

That doesn't matter.
But you said... Alright.

Yes, see you tomorrow.

Bye.

Look.

I think these are for the belly button.
- Look, here.

I like the one with the blue...

On the bottom in the middle.

You see it? That one.

It's pretty.

Do you have a particular piercing in mind?

I like helix
and would love to do that one day.

And Maya likes belly button piercings.

It's soft, it won't hurt.
You can pull it, twist it.

The stick is much longer
than it has to be.

Because it can swell.

If there is tension on it and it becomes
too tight, it gets inflamed.

Another reason for inflammation.

And if you are younger than 14,
both parents have to be present?

Yes, and I also want to see their ID.

If you come here on a Saturday,
we can do it.

If your parents are with you.
- Cool.

I would still do it, I am not scared.

I have to talk to my mother.

I think
you will have to wait a bit longer.

Maybe. And you?

I won't.
- Unfair.

My Dad doesn't mind
and Mom said she likes ear piercings.

Well, ear piercings.

When she picked me up from the clinic,
she wanted to get my ears pierced.

Why didn't you do it?
- That was too spontaneous for me.

I would love to trade.

One, two, three, up!

No! Again. One, two, three.

Great view!

The sand is really warm.

My hair is dark brown.

It touches my shoulders.

Today, I am wearing it in a pony tail.

There are a couple of loose strands
in the front.

The bangs end above the eyes.

I wore these the whole day.
My feet looked horrible.

Not like this but like that.

It feels funny when you walk down
the stars afterwards.

Really funny.
- Yeah?

As if you have a dent in your feet.

I didn't paid attention to that.

They zip up so easily for you.

I can't do it that fast.
- Me either.

Behind.

I can take them off too.

Turn, kick.

Lift, turn, kick.

Right on.
- I can't get that high.

First make-up, then remove the make-up
and then the masks?

Or first facial care...
- I don't want to do make-up again.

I want to try my highlighter.

Do you have a brush?

Good question. I don't think so.

Why doesn't it work?

We are stupid, we don't get it.

It doesn't work like that.

I don't know where to look.
- Me either.

There you go.

Every day he texts me "Good morning"
and "Good evening, sweets".

"Good evening"?
- Well, good night. Like that.

Good... Wait, show.

No, he looks like shit.
- I don't care.

No!
- He was also in the clinic.

He is so annoying.

Christian. He is annoying.
- Yeah?

I think I just let it all happen.

I didn't feel trapped.
That was later.

After about three months.

That's when I had enough.

That is when I released myself.

That was one and a half months ago.

I met people who felt very trapped.

They freaked out or cried.

Are you having phases like that too, Maya?

Feeling trapped
or like you have to go berserk?

Or crying at home?
- No.

Really?
- No.

Not really.

Well...

Nope.

You never just lie in bed and cry?

No. I haven't done that in a long time.

No. Nope. I don't feel like that.

I never feel like...

I never feel trapped.

Nope.

I thought everybody feels like me
and I should just get over it.

And now you say
it's completely different for you.

I'm wearing long sleeves
for PE at school.

But it's too hot.
- I don't want my classmates to see it.

I think they know
but I still don't want them to see.

And that's why...

I have to sweat.

It is somehow the same for me.

I also don't want to take the hat off

because I don't want certain people
to see.

We somehow share that.

Maybe.
- Oh, definitely.

I can report you
for sexual harassment.

You too!

Go away.

Can you please stop hugging my butt?

I didn't hug your butt.

It was cool.
- See you soon.

You are so tiny.

Goodbye, Joshi!
- Goodbye!

Do you have everything?
Goodbye, Maya! Thanks for everything!

What is going on?
- Why is it so quiet?

What is quiet? Why?
- Did you turn the Wi-Fi back on?

You were supposed to turn it off.
- I just listened to music.

Have you turned it back on?
- Yes, I needed it.

For writing.

Did you talk about it with Dad?
- No, he had already left.

I'll do it when he comes home.

With the Döner.

That was not respectful.

He said something and you agreed
that the Wi-Fi will not be turned on.

Until the two of you have talked.

You just continued.
- I can use my phone, right?

You know you can't use it for that.
- Alright, I'll turn it off.

I can block it too, no problem.
- Exactly.

I will turn it off.

Come on, give it to me.
It clearly doesn't work.

What? The phone?
- Our agreement. Yes.

No.
- Yes.

No.
- We had an agreement.

It was crystal clear.
- But not here.

You can use it after you talked.
- But not here.

When she behaves like that...

There's your explanation.
It's not really funny.

She turns the Wi-Fi on
even though we said it needs to stay off.

She should hand over both her phones.

Yes, if she doesn't follow the agreement.

It is my phone.
- Please give them to me. Stop!

It is my phone.
Hello? No, this is my phone.

Do you have to... No!

Give me my phone back.

You broke our agreement.
- What agreement? Give me my phone.

Stop it.
- No.

Give me my phone.

I'm looking forward to the lake.

Oh, my God.
- I'm still wearing my glasses!

At school she told me
that she wants to live with her mother.

I thought, "Well, that means
you're going to be by yourself.

Who will you talk to?"

It is as if...

something is crushing you.

It feels like you can't breathe.

Or think straight.

This is how I felt when I missed her.

But I also knew
that this was not forever.

It was comforting to know

that she isn't far away.

Maybe I am just

so self-confident
that I could get over it like that.

It wasn't always like that.
It made me more self-confident.

Losing my hair.

It is easier
when you're not sitting on it.

Careful. Do it softly.

Put it in gear. Good. Now hit the gas.

Well done.

Why did it stop? Because of that?

You released the clutch.

Do I have to let it go slowly
when I hit the brake?

As long as it is in gear.

You have to keep the clutch engaged,
otherwise it stops.

Then you disengage the gear...
- When I hit the brake, I... No.

Yes, there is some resistance.

Gas, gas, yes.