Murder for Sale (1930) - full transcript
The young wife of a rich old husband is prevented of a fling by a gentleman-burglar, who falls in love to her.
Burglars
A musical comedy of marriage
Let me, let me
be your Carmen just once...
for just one day,
for just one hour.
Let me, let me
be in your arms just once...
with my mouth on your mouth.
if you don't love me
you can act out of pity...
just fool me and
act mechanically...
but let me, let me
be your Carmen just once...
and kiss me, kiss me,
like a Spaniard.
Let me, let me
be your Carmen just once.
for just one day,
for just one hour.
Let me...
Eugene Dumontier here.
Laboratory for mechanical dolls
and similar articles.
What?
Who do you want to talk with?
Mr. Amade?
I know no Mr. Amade.
Sorry, wrong number.
Please don't hang up.
Your new servant is called Amade.
For ten years all my servants
have been called Jean.
So I'll get you Jean.
Miss Hortense, the servant
is wanted at the telephone.
Jean.
- One moment, Ms. Hortense.
A little faster,
if you don't mind.
Ms. Hortense, I expressly
asked for a quiet post.
Don't rush me,
I have a weak heart.
If you don't like it here,
you're free to leave. There.
Amade speaking.
- But Jean.
Pardon, I have to call myself
Amade on the phone.
Have you gone completely mad?
We're up to a big job, and
you leave no message for me?
I beg your pardon, Sir, but...
there was no possibility.
Now just tell me what's up.
Did the old frump really not notice...
that all your
references are forged?
No, Sir, the lady
is very satisfied...
with my references.
Listen Amade,
I need to know the following:
Does Ms. Dumontier have
a lot of jewellery?
So, she has.
Very good.
Let's move on. Have you already
set up the microphones?
Great.
Why are you coughing?
Do you have a cold?
No, Monsieur, it's just that
your stupid questions...
bunged me up a little.
Stop fooling around.
We're risking our necks, and you...
How can you upset me like this?
I refuse to tolerate this.
My heart.
What's wrong with you?
What are you doing there?
Water.
- At once, Jean, at once.
You idiot. Do you want to put
the police on our trail?
The old hag almost
overheard everything.
But yes, the microphones
are already set up.
I can eavesdrop on
everyone in the villa.
It's all right. I'll call...
Hortense.
Miss Hortense,
a little faster, please.
What can I do for you, madame?
Mr. Serigny is staying for lunch.
So? But I'm not sure if that's
all right with Mr. Dumontier.
But it's all right with me, and
you can go if you don't like it.
Mr. Dumontier hired me for life.
Me too.
It's horrible with that person.
She gets nasty every time
I speak my mind.
Give me a light, please.
- Sorry, of course
I have a light.
Besides...
- Here you are.
Besides, formerly she thought
my husband would marry her.
That's ridiculous, isn't it?
Just sack her.
That's what you think.
My husband has
strictly forbidden me.
For ten years,
she's been darning his socks,
she's always punctual...
and does everything
the way he wants.
Well, I married her, too.
Well, madame...
and you don't long for a man
for whom you mean everything,
who only thinks of you,
and who only dreams of you?
Now I understand.
So get started,
so I can get over with it.
Well, I really don't
know, madame...
- But I know.
In a few minutes you will rise,
with a face like a tomcat
when it thunders
First you will take
a deep breath awkwardly,
then you will tell me
with folded hands...
that you can't live
without me anymore.
Then you will press the hand
on your heart.... - But, madame...
Isn't it true?
See, now you even want to throw...
yourself on your
knees in front of me.
No, I had no intention...
That spot is already threadbare,
so many crawled there before.
But all to no avail.
Sadly.
See, my good Serigny,
there are three kinds of men.
The first kind you marry.
From them you get money,
a bank account,
they give you jewellery,
pearls, big diamonds,
and they pay for
the dressmaker's bill, too.
In this respect,
my husband is almost exemplary.
With the second kind
of men you can...
play bridge, play golf,...
go to the theatre,
dance the tango....
And I belong to that second kind?
- Partially.
With you, one can only...
- Do the tango?
Play bridge.
Well, and the third kind?
The third kind doesn't exist.
These are the men you long for.
See that picture over there,
it's by Vallier.
You know who that is,
the famous sports painter.
My husband bought if for me,
for 600.000 francs.
'The Torero of Granada'.
See, that's one of the third kind.
He?
A bit of a common type,
but he's got something.
Sadly, you don't have it,
Mr. Serigny.
I'm waiting for the only one...
who really behaves like a man
Until now, there was
no-one I really liked...
but I'm sure that he will come.
You can't be much indeed,
because you listen to me
far too dutifully.
If I am to love, it must be a man...
because only a man can excite me.
Let me, let me
be your Carmen just once...
for just one day,
for just one hour.
Let me, let me
be in your arms just once
With my mouth on your mouth.
If you don't love me,
you can act out of pity,
just fool me and act mechanically.
Just let me, let me
be your Carmen just once...
and kiss me, kiss me
like a Spaniard.
I don't really like fighting bulls,
but for you I'll start today.
You have to note down
things like this for later use.
Now I can give evidence in court:
Dumontier has his
reason for divorce.
Madame, you must
answer my prayers,
otherwise I'll cry my eyes out.
Let me, let me...
- be your torero just once.
for just one day,
for just one hour.
Let me, let me...
- Be in your arms just once.
With my mouth on your mouth
I'd gladly be wild
like Emperor Nero,
for one glance,
for one sign of pity.
Just let me, let me
be your torero just once...
and kiss me, kiss me
as my Carmen.
Dear.
Do you, do you,
want to be my Carmen finally?
Not for one day,
not for one hour.
Tomorrow, she will be
in his arms nevertheless.
With her mouth on his mouth.
He gets her heart,
without being like Nero.
If he hears about this,
he'll rage like Satan.
Let me, let me
be your Carmen just once.
and kiss me, kiss me
like a Spaniard.
Mr. Dumontier. It's time.
You're mistaken, Hortense.
It's isn't time yet.
It's still a quarter of an hour
until lunch.
As usual at 1pm.
But Mr. Dumontier, I'm talking...
about something
completely different.
Your wife is cheating on you.
With whom?
- With Mr. Serigny.
You're mistaken again, Hortense.
But I heard it with my own ears.
Mr. Serigny is completely
out of the question.
He is neither a boxer
nor a bullfighter
He isn't a dictator, either.
And he has even less talent
to be a murderer.
He isn't a romantic hero.
So, he hasn't got a chance
with my wife.
But Madame Renee,
please give me just one chance.
I'll have lunch at your place,
and you'll have tea at mine.
My husband won't like that.
But Madame, there
are places where...
your husband can't see us.
I don't mean out
here in the suburbs.
In Paris, Madame Renee.
In a quiet, lonely street,
in an old, secluded house...
You have a small,
dreamy apartment,
furnished only for me.
How do you know?
With swelling pillows,
with dark curtains,
with a gramophone,
with sweet liqueurs?
No, with port wine.
All right then, with port wine.
But... without me.
My kind number two.
Madame Renee.
Think it over, please.
Don't say no so hastily.
I even have a big surprise
in store for you.
A Vallier hangs on the wall there,...
a genuine Vallier
for 400.000 francs.
'The Ocean pilot'.
If you pour your
money down the drain,
at least save your breath.
So I have no other way except...
We'll have lunch in three minutes.
- Very good, Miss Hortense.
We'll have lunch
in three minutes, madame.
All right.
- Very good, madame.
Now do me a favour and
act like a normal person again.
Most of all,
brush off your knees.
My husband always
gets annoyed about this.
Please excuse me for a moment.
Lunch is served.
My dear Mr. Serigny.
I'm very pleased
to meet you again.
Please feel at home.
- Very kind of you.
You stained your knee
there a little.
Jean, tell Madame
that lunch is ready.
Very good, Mr. Dumontier.
It's a fight that costs
a lot of energy.
The world of tennis has rarely
seen something like that.
The powerful muscles of
the master's arm are tightening.
Balls at lightning speed
earn him point over point.
His opponent is lanky,
but fast and flexible.
He plays great smashes.
Onto the sinuous bodies
of the fighters...
the eyes of 5000
attractive women are fixed.
But now the master
gets down to business.
The force of his shots
is increasing.
Forehand, backhand,
forehand, backhand...
And a smash.
Madame.
- Don't disturb me.
Now the score is 4-5.
And a changeover again.
The master refreshes himself
with a glass of citrus lemonade.
Won't you like a glass of
port wine beforehand, Mr Serigny?
No, thanks. I don't want to
start without Madame.
This is all because of my wife.
She is very tactful,
and my wife is very unpunctual.
I'll wait with
the greatest pleasure.
I'm sorry, Madame is doing
callisthenics.
1 pm and three minutes.
May I offer you some sardines?
No, thanks.
I'll show courtesy to your wife.
Don't show courtesy,
take some caviare.
No, thanks.
I ask you to take my advice,
because Madame Renee....
Some champignon salad?
... radiantly bright, always laughing
and young, doesn't fit to your...
Cold salted tongue?
... doesn't fit to
your puppet masteries,
Mr. Dumontier.
A mayonnaise egg?
She is an angel who from heaven...
strayed to the earthly
milling mass.
She is the sweet, soft,
female good
In one word, she is a....
Piece of cold turkey hen?
She's a scorching breath of air
coming to us from hot Spain
A few chestnuts?
In her divine claim to fame
she is Carmen.
Although she's a blonde.
So she sang something for you?
What's that?
- My latest invention.
A musical bottom plate.
If the conversation
comes to a halt,
you simply press the button.
Have a look.
Very charming.
It's bought very often,
especially by people who are
married for more than six weeks.
Well, you have a nice
view of marriage.
Why did you marry at all?
Because of love.
My wife, too, by the way.
She wanted an intellectually
eminent man,
and I wanted a true little madam.
But marriage has changed us.
Renee now considers
me a little dumbed down,
and I consider her.....
Well...
I know that for a year
she's been looking for a lover.
So you would let her go?
But only if I can get her
to marry again.
Beg your pardon?
To be quite outspoken about it,
my dear Serigny:
I am looking for a husband
for my wife.
In order to make myself clear,
my dear Serigny:
If I found out that
my wife had a lover.
I'd shoot him without further ado.
Of course.
Why didn't you wait for us
with the lunch?
Enjoy your meal.
- Enjoy your meal.
My dear child, I once and for all
told you not to be tardy.
And I told you once and for all
that no-one tells me anything.
What's that?
Just have a look.
Allow me to help you, madame.
That is pretty.
Looks very nice.
Press the button.
Let me, let me
be your Carmen just once...
for just one day...
for just one hour.
You even taunt me
with my favourite song.
But I only wanted to please you.
You don't want to please me,
you always want to educate me.
May I offer you some sardines?
No, thanks.
I already lost all appetite.
Nothing but education all day.
I'm fed up with it.
But child, show a little respect
for our dear guest.
And you, don't disgrace me
on our new servant's first day.
I'm not listening, madame.
Very kind of you, Jean.
But you will listen,
and you too, Miss Hortense.
Now I lost my appetite, too.
Just remain seated, Mr. Serigny.
You might learn something.
Please, madame, don't upset
Mr. Dumontier again.
You're not my governess, you...
you life-long house-dragon.
I forbid you to insult Hortense.
And I forbid you
to forbid me anything.
I don't want to be
educated all the time.
I'm not a child anymore.
Even if I have to live with a fool.
- But Renee.
Yes. Just once again
I want to do what I want.
I want to laugh,
I need life.
I need cheerfulness...
Nothing else?
Yes, something else, too.
Happiness.
And I swear I will find it.
And if I knew I had
to continue to live here.
I'd rather throw myself
down the window.
And I would do it
one minute before 1 o'clock...
so you can't sit down
for lunch in time, yes.
The house only has one floor,
so you wouldn't get hurt too much.
I can't stand it any longer.
Can't you see how much
Mr. Dumontier is upset?
He always keeps calm.
That is what makes me furious.
Do you expect from me
to shout like you?
And from Hortense, too?
- I can do you that favour.
But you won't see that from me.
I don't shout.
I'm quiet and considerate.
You won't disturb my calm.
And I can't get any lunch.
Now I have enough.
I won't accept this any longer.
I was expressly
promised a quiet house.
Beg your pardon, Mr. Jean.
You're welcome, Mr. Dumontier.
I have to go to the factory.
If you want to spend another
nice and quiet hour in my house,
my dear Serigny:
my wife very much
likes to play bridge.
I know.
Goodbye, my dear child.
What does a good child say
when papa leaves?
Learn a lesson from this.
Serigny.
- Yes, madame?
Where is the said apartment?
In the Rue de la Tour des Dames,
no. 37.
I'll come to you at 4 o'clock.
No, our relationship only starts
at four o'clock.
But I admire you, madame,
I admire you, you know that.
It's impossible.
It's really not possible.
- But what's the matter?
Just because you're angry
with your husband,
you throw yourself
into the arms of the first best.
But the most important
thing for you is...
that I chose your arms
to throw myself in,
my dear Victor.
I feel embarrassed.
But it all happens so suddenly,
I can't believe it yet.
I still feel dizzy, I..
Do you feel well?
I'm in seventh heaven, but...
Does this belong to your husband?
Now I understand.
Are you afraid?
- No, I'm not afraid, but...
Your husband has such
old-fashioned views...
about infidelity and
shooting lovers....
Rest assured, that's what
he tells everyone.
Then it's all right, madame,
and besides it doesn't matter...
One hour with you
in my secluded apartment...
is not atoned for
too expensively by death.
At four o'clock, Renee.
And will you be punctual,
or are you doing
callisthenics again?
Well, you'd better go now.
- Yes, of course.
I'm so happy,
I'm so terribly happy.
I almost forgot to ask:
do you prefer liqueur or port wine?
As you are used to do.
It's the first time I cheat
on my husband.
I don't know what one drinks
on such an occasion.
It's port wine, then.
And don't forget:
Rue de la Tour des Dames, No. 37,
intermediate storey,
right-hand side.
Goodbye, I'm so happy.
I'm so happy.
Segur 3989.
Hello, is that you?
Amade speaking.
A lot of jewellery.
The largest stone only 10 carat.
4 o'clock,
Rue de la Tour des Dames, 37.
intermediate Storey,
right-hand side.
A Vallier worth 400.000 francs.
But be very cautious.
Don't worry.
Nobody will catch me.
Mimi, what's this disturbance?
It's from the dentist's next door.
You won't hear that all the time.
He chloroforms most of them.
Nice neighbourhood
for an hour of love.
Will you have a visitor?
- Yes, a lady is coming.
Put it in the next room,
the Turkish room.
Put it on the little table
in front of the large divan.
But keep your mouth shut,
unlike last time.
The lady thinks
that I own the apartment.
But the baron only lent it to you
as long as he is out of town.
Why do you tell fibs to your lady?
She's a married woman and won't
visit a stranger's apartment.
But she comes to acquaintances?
If she comes.
She'll come.
She's coming....
You'll see she is coming.
So she's coming?
And how she's coming.
I see she isn't coming.
I can even hear she's coming.
She's coming, she's coming.
Dear.
- What's wrong now?
I used naphthalene.
She's coming...
Now you smell a little better.
She's coming, she's coming...
Open the door, Mimi.
Beloved.
Don't crush my hat.
What's this masquerade for?
Masquerade?
Well, if you don't like it...
Now we can start.
You've got it nice here.
I wouldn't have thought you
capable of so much taste.
Who is that?
- Who?
That. That's an old friend
of mine, Baron Rochasse.
Tell me...
Must he sit in on us?
How charming.
Of course he needn't,
but, you know,
I sometimes lend my flat to him.
His girlfriends are to believe
it is his own.
But if it bothers
you, Madame Renee:
I'll cover him up.
Of course.
One moment, please.
Lt will be fixed soon.
Well, now let's...
Madame Renee,
these are all minor matters.
The important thing is the thrill.
Our thrill.
You're right.
Let's start.
Yes. All right.
No no, in order.
First the port wine.
Of course, madame.
First the port wine, then the thrill.
Bless you, madame.
It's naphthaline.
What is this?
- Lt comes from the window.
Indeed. Someone tries
to open the shutter.
Perhaps it's just the wind?
- Nonsense.
Someone wants to get in.
Through the window?
Your husband.
For heaven's sake, Serigny,
save me.
- My husband will shoot us.
- We have to flee.
Are you mad?
We can't get out of here together.
We must hide.
- But I don't know
the whereabouts.
Hurry, over there.
- Perhaps there in the wardrobe.
Impossible. Perhaps there.
Switch off the light, you idiot.
There he is.
Bless you.
Get up, Mister.
Make it quick.
Hands up.
Don't make a noise.
Switch on the light.
I'm sorry to disturb you, but I...
believed to find an
empty apartment.
Baron Rochasse only wanted
to return in three weeks' time.
Baron Rochasse?
- Of course, the man
who owns this flat.
This apartment belongs
to Baron Rochasse?
You didn't know that?
Or do I perhaps have the honour
to meet some colleagues?
What do you think, we are here
for quite different reasons.
I understand.
Port wine,
biscuits, sweets,
a beautiful lady,
a very beautiful lady even.
And you are a friend of the house,
and he put the apartment
at your disposal.
Please, just take down your arms.
You don't have to be afraid of me.
Afraid, afraid.
Who's afraid here after all.
But, to be honest,
as you can imagine:
With every noise
you think it's the husband.
You idiot.
Interesting.
Madame is married.
No unnecessary excitement,
I'm no blackmailer.
I have a different area of expertise.
I came for a Vallier.
In the next room.
Then I don't want to
hold you up any longer,
you surely want to be alone.
Madame, it was a very special
pleasure to meet you.
A very nice diamond.
- It is an imitation.
Pardon me, it's genuine.
But it would be impolite to
take it off of this beautiful hand.
He is incredible.
Please, don't bother
with the police.
No no, I didn't have any intention.
It would be even more unpleasant
for you than for me.
Why?
The police would ask
for your names.
So you don't care at all
for madame's reputation?
Indeed. How could you get me
into a situation like this?
I had the best intentions,
it's not my fault if burglars come.
What do you mean by 'burglars',
good colleague?
Everybody here
steals what he wants.
I take the Vallier,
and you madame's virtue.
And I have made the worse choice.
Well, don't make comparisons.
I repeat you're a burglar...
I break into other people's flats,
you into other people's marriages.
No, I only take
what is given voluntarily.
Isn't that right, madame?
I only steal from
people I don't know,
you steal from your best friend.
Isn't that right, madame?
Let's start with our work.
Please feel quite at home.
Actually, a fabulous fellow.
Have you gone totally mad?
If we report him, he will report us.
But we must get rid
of that fellow somehow.
Through the window.
Two policemen.
Your husband has sent them.
Save me, Ms. Renee, I beg you.
I'm still so young.
Pull yourself together,
you weakling.
Mr. Serigny.
The police is here.
Open the door, quick.
Mr. Serigny, open the door.
Mr. Serigny, the police inspector
is waiting outside.
I told him we have a lady visitor,
but he wants to come
in nevertheless.
Now they have us.
No megalomania,
the police is looking for me.
You were three?
Listen child, you'll
answer 'yes' to all
I ask you now, do you understand?
Here are 1000 francs.
Do you understand me now?
Yes. Now I'll say 'yes' every time.
Let the police come in.
Take off that jacket.
Take off that jacket.
Dance. Come on, dance.
Dance on your own, madame.
Get lively. Action. Let's go.
Enter.
Just one moment, inspector,
let us just finish practising.
So hurry up, then.
How wonderful it is in Paris.
The women are so sweet,
but still I don't feel well.
Every evening in tuxedo or in tails
It's the same every day,
and that is not my taste.
I say.
One moment, Inspector.
I'll have my body painted black...
and go to the Fiji Islands
Everything there is
paradisically new
How glad I am.
I'll wear a fig-leaf with shells...
and cuddle up with a Fiji girl
I'll furnish myself
a little bamboo hut
I'm a Fijian,
and want to be a Fijian.
I'll have my body painted black...
and go to the Fiji Islands
Everything there is
paradisically new.
How glad I am.
I'll wear a fig-leaf with shells...
and cuddle up with a Fiji girl
I'll furnish myself
a little bamboo hut
I'm a Fijian,
and want to be a Fijian.
How wonderful it is in Paris...
Silence.
I've had enough of this.
I don't like the way you talk,
young man.
What do you want here anyway,
and who are you?
Inspector Thierry.
This doesn't allow you
to forbid me to play the piano.
Or do you want to arrest me for
playing out of tune?
Stop joking.
You see I'm having a
little port wine party.
May I introduce my friends,
Mr. and Mrs...
Demoreux.
Are they relatives of the
police superintendent?
A cousin.
Yes, the family likeness
is unmistakable.
Yes, but - where is that man?
What man?
The man who climbed in
through the window.
A man, through the window?
Indeed.
The policeman
Trochut informed me.
Dear Madame Demoreux,
did you see a man
climbing in through the window?
I? No.
Neither did I.
Nor I.
Then please excuse the mistake.
- You're welcome.
To err is policeman's lot.
Would Madam and Sir
be so kind as to...
give my most obedient respects...
to the police superintendent?
I'll show you out.
You know, in this street
we pay particular attention.
In No. 21 an entire
ground floor flat is empty.
The owner is somewhere in Brazil.
I can tell you there are paintings
hanging there, unbelievable.
What foolishness.
No. 21 , you say?
Actually, the house has exactly
the same front garden as this one.
With a lawn and...
Baron, may I ask you
for something?
Please arrange for
a commendation...
to the superintendent.
Well, of course, Inspector.
Now I have to say thanks to..
- No, I have to thank you.
I'll take any chance
to make up for it.
Baron, goodbye.
Goodbye, inspector.
Wow, you're quite a perky fellow.
ls all this money really mine?
Really?
Of course.
My first instalment for a car.
I'll buy a car.
I'll buy a Ford.
Madame, you can't leave yet.
Lt could be a pleasant evening.
Sorry to interrupt you again,
but I still have about two or
three hours of work here.
Now leave me alone, will you?
The Vallier is next door.
Please stay, Renee.
Don't address me
by my first name.
So, Madame Dumon...
- Why don't you give
him my full address?
See, because of you she's leaving.
Madame, it's better
for you to leave.
Beg your pardon?
You'll have time
to think things over,
and then you will probably avoid
an escapade that's not worth it.
Monsieur, that goes too far.
Indeed. You interfere with...
- None of my business.
That's why I can say everything.
I don't know you, madame.
Probably I'll never meet you again.
I only know one thing:
your husband isn't
compatible with you.
How do you know?
- Else you wouldn't be here.
But that's no reason
to have a lover...
that is even less compatible.
I have to ask you to stop.
You're not the man to
make a woman happy.
You don't borrow a woman from
half past 4 to 7...
Ridiculous.
and then send her back home.
This is not what is called 'love'.
There's no way that you love
a woman if you send her back...
That's what you say.
A kiss with a view to the clock
is a kiss that brings no luck.
A love affair, quite casually,
is not your style, madame.
Together in the afternoon
but alone at night,
that's not your style, madame.
Love, madame,
doesn't eschew danger.
Love, madame,
is all or nothing at all.
A love affair, quite casually,
is not your style, madame,
is really not your style, madame.
You don't say 'I love you',
but only for today.
You're right, of course, but...
Not even a thief is as foolish,
because he keeps his booty.
Well, you surely know.
A woman that is only half mine:
I abstain from that kind of love.
Are you that discerning?
A lover who is content with that
cannot be right.
Perhaps.
A love affair...
-...quite casually...
is not your style, madame.
Together in the afternoon...
- But alone at night...
that's not your style, madame.
Love...
-... madame, doesn't
eschew danger.
Love...
-... madame, is all or nothing at all.
A love affair...
-... quite casually....
is not your style, madame.
It's really not?
- It's really not
your style, madame.
A love affair, quite casually,
is not your style, madame.
is really not your style, madame.
And now you will help
me to take down...
the Vallier in the next room.
Why should I, are you stupid?
First you ridicule me
in front of my girlfriend...
She's not your girlfriend
and will never be.
When you came in
through that window...
she almost was.
I always arrive at the right time.
See that you get out, you weakling.
I won't.
- Shall I kick you out?
Get out.
Please give back my jacket,
I still need it badly.
There. And I tell you,
I wasn't afraid of you.
Did everything go well?
- Yes, apart from an inspector.
And?
You know how I
handle such things.
I'll tell you how
this affair will go on.
It's really not your style, madame.
I can't deny I'm nervous, Hortense.
Because an American doll
manufacturer is coming?
What do you know about it?
That Hatkins is the most important
toy manufacturer in the world.
129.000 dolls every day
on the assembly line.
He only arrived in
Paris this evening,
and yet he already
wants to see me.
There are millions in it.
But America needs
your ingenious ideas.
Your musical plate.
You're right, he can buy the
most beautiful things from me.
The dog looks as if it was alive.
The cat is always grooming.
The baby only speaks three words.
And how does the
courageous tin soldier exclaim?
Everything's turning,
everything's stirring,
everything's budging and moving.
Everything's turning,
everything's stirring,
like a human being.
She has a clockwork,
she has no heart.
A doll, a doll feels no pain.
That will be Mr. Hatkins.
Go to meet him, Hortense, go.
Ask him to come in immediately.
And Hortense,
be very friendly to Mr. Hatkins.
Mr. Serigny.
Oh Dear.
I've been waiting only for you.
I'm coming because of
the quiet, nice hour.
That's extraordinarily kind of you.
My wife will come soon, too.
Your wife...
Nice things you have here.
Haven't I? But the nicest one
is my latest invention.
Take this for a moment.
Get over there with it.
Get over there.
And hold up the plate.
Higher.
Still higher.
Thank you.
And when I now aim
very carefully...
and exactly hit the centre,
then the pig will drop down dead.
Will you hold up that plate.
Don't tremble for fear.
You weakling.
Hold up that thing.
Attention.
Don't shake,
or it may be a close shave.
Attention.
I'm shooting.
Pardon me, dear friend.
Next time I'll aim better.
That's ridiculous.
Topsy turvy world.
My husband gave you horns.
Because of you it's
the second time...
today that my life is in danger.
Your life's in danger?
Well, this could easily
have been a close shave.
Outside, your husband shot at me.
That's really stupid, it is.
Your husband isn't
compatible with you,
I repeat it.
The man you love
must be a real man.
Renee, I am such a man.
Just after the moment you left,
I managed to capture the burglar.
You don't say.
Yes, I captured him, threw him
to the ground and tied him up.
He's still lying there.
But Serigny,
do you want me to believe all that?
What, yes. I'll let the police
pick him up sometime.
But Renee, don't you
want to be my Carmen now?
Mr. Hatkins is coming.
- Hatkins? Who is Hatkins?
Mr. William R. Hatkins
from New York.
He must have escaped.
Mr. Dumontier, you don't have
to speak in English with me.
All the better.
My dear child, my
I introduce to you
Mr. William R.
Hatkins from New York?
My wife.
Mr. Serigny,
a bridge partner of my wife.
Bridge?
No hands needed.
Shouldn't we settle
our business affairs first?
As you wish,
and if madame permits it.
Sure,
with the greatest pleasure.
Come then.
You'll excuse us, my dear child.
You'll be astonished.
I'll show you my latest inventions;
some lovely things among them.
Tell me, did you come to me
with your own car this afternoon?
So he noted down your...
registration number,
the rest was easy.
This is what you get from driving
in your own car to a rendezvous.
I'll tell my husband everything.
Are you insane? The second time
he'll aim better, he said.
500.000 of them, please.
Well, I... I have to leave now.
Goodbye.
Please stay. I'm so afraid.
A little refreshment perhaps?
A glass of lemonade?
Tell me, Jean,
did the Monsieur come alone?
500.000 of them, please.
That Monsieur left a
strange impression on me.
Why?
- For heaven's sake, what was it?
He gave me 1 .000 francs.
1000 francs. His tactics.
And then he asked me...
where the Vallier
painting was hanging.
His speciality.
He only steals Valliers.
What? A thief?
A burglar?
I have to phone the police.
You can't do that.
Perhaps he isn't a thief after all.
Now pay attention.
500.000 of these, too, please.
In any case
we must save the Vallier.
But where to put
such a huge picture?
Perhaps in a drawer.
- Nonsense.
You have to carry it
away, Mr. Serigny.
What? Yes, wonderful idea.
Just take it with you to your flat.
- Sure, but it must be done quickly.
Come, quick, help me.
That's truly delightful,
Mr. Dumontier.
But you had a very
charming model.
My wife.
I'll buy her for myself.
You can have her.
But now look what she can do.
Does the little child want a rattle?
I want a new dress.
Does the little child like
to come to daddy?
I didn't have any time.
Tell us whom you like.
I like the young messieurs.
And any other nice things
you have to say to me.
I like, I like you a lot.
Fabulous.
Everything's turning,
everything's stirring.
Everything's budging and moving.
Everything's turning,
everything's stirring,
like a human being.
She has a clockwork,
she has no heart.
A doll, a doll feels no pain.
Very charming.
Please, 500.000 of them, too.
Mr. Serigny sends his excuses.
He's still utterly afraid
of your shooting practice.
Such a weakling.
Mr. Dumontier, a disaster.
Mr. Dumontier,
please don't get excited.
What has happened?
Eugene Dumontier,
mechanical dolls,
speaking.
What?
Who is there?
The fire-brigade of Vincennes?
- Our factory is burning.
When did the fire start?
Thanks officer, of course
I'll come immediately.
Hortense, the chauffeur
shall drive up at once.
Such a disaster.
Bad luck. Now we have to
postpone our talk until tomorrow.
I'm sorry, my plane goes at 8 a.m.
But if madame doesn't mind,
I will wait for you here.
I don't mind at all,
I will accompany my husband.
Do you think I'll let you walk alone
through burning timbers?
But Renee, as lady of the house
you can't leave our guest alone.
I'll go with you.
I expressly forbid you
to come along.
Hortense will accompany me.
Alright, I'll stay.
But if something happens,
it will all be your fault.
What should happen?
Are you afraid, madame?
You don't have to worry about me.
I will take good care of me.
Now that was a great job you did.
The fire, the false
fire-brigade officer on the phone.
Hats off, Mr. Burglar.
But you didn't think of everything.
Jean is still here.
Protect me Jean,
here is a burglar.
I know, madame.
We work together.
What?
- Well.
Two man against
one helpless woman.
Aren't you ashamed?
Yes. I'm ashamed, madame.
But that is impossible.
After all you saved the picture
a short while ago.
On my order.
On your order?
So that Mr. Serigny
leaves the villa.
Jean, save me, Jean.
Amade, go into the park and
whistle if someone comes.
Very well, Jacques.
Now I know what you want.
This is where you
have your eyes on.
There you are.
There, help yourself.
I'm not interested in that.
Well, I can't give you any money.
The only thing I want to fetch....
is you.
Don't bother.
Cut off.
Don't touch me.
- Quiet, madame.
Just be quiet.
You are insane.
No, madame.
I'm in love.
I'd very much like
to be tender to you,
and you are always
angry and silent.
And nevertheless you speak
tenderly to me.
And I want to tell you why.
Your mouth is music,
is music one can never forget.
Your mouth is music,
when it smiles and
silently kisses me.
Don't let us lose time
We want to make
a lot of music together.
Your mouth is music,
is music one can never forget.
I don't want to.
- What is it?
I am...
- Well, perhaps you are...
In love.
I'm not saying anything anymore.
- You don't have to.
Because there are
answers without words.
Your mouth is music,
is music one can never forget.
It's terrible to be
loved by a burglar.
What is this?
- A souvenir for you.
Keep your presents.
Madame Renee, from the
best jeweller in Paris...
You stole it.
I bought it.
Paid for with honestly
earned money.
Madame Renee,
only listen to me for one moment.
But spare me your bracelet.
If you don't want to accept it,
at least have a look at it.
Jacques Durand, Rue Blonde 11 ...
What does this mean?
A burglar revealing his address?
Only at the moment
I'm Jacques Durand.
And you will only find me in Rue
Blonde 1 1 this night
between twelve and two.
Perhaps tomorrow
I will dwell in Madrid,
and will be called Lima.
And you believe I accept
your friendly invitation?
You have no time to reconsider.
Between 12 and 2,
Rue Blonde, 11.
This night - or never.
Never. Never will I be
the mistress of a burglar.
And if I ask you to be my wife?
Your proposal honours
me exceedingly,
but it's a bit too
romantic for my taste.
Mr. Dumontier is coming.
For heaven's sake,
you must go away.
I'm staying.
Do leave, please leave.
Will you come tonight?
Mr. Hatkins left
immediately after you.
He sends his excuses,
he will write to you.
I'm coming.
But please leave now, finally.
Quick, through the park, quick.
Well, everything goes wrong today.
Good evening, Renee.
Believe it or not,
there was no fire.
Well, I never.
Someone made me an April's fool
on the 30th of September.
Renee, where is the picture?
- I don't know.
But who stole the picture?
I have no idea,
I was here all the time.
Now I see clearly.
To impress you he wants to
play the gentleman burglar.
You think that's funny?
You won't be laughing long
about your lover.
Lover? I won't tolerate that.
- Me neither.
I'll call the police now.
Like in Chicago.
Open the door.
Open in the name of the law.
ls the burglar still here?
I really don't know.
Well... then..
You stay here and have
an eye on the servant.
And you follow me.
My heart.
Are you not feeling well?
Water.
Cognac.
Please open the door.
We have to search the room.
Madame Renee.
Just open the door.
It's me.
Your saviour.
Renee, I forbid you
to lock yourself up.
Well, we have to break in the door.
I've found something.
A bracelet?
But I don't know it.
Something's written in there.
May I?
Jacques Durand,
Rue Blonde, 11.
What does that mean?
Rue Blonde, 11?
Strange.
How wonderful is Fiji-Land.
They live there
without taxes and police.
And there's no trace of a tuxedo...
only one thing is loved there,
and that is nudism.
I'll have my body painted black...
and go to the Fiji Islands.
There everything is
paradisically new.
How glad I am.
I'll wear a fig-leaf with shells,
and cuddle- up with a Fiji girl.
I'll furnish myself
a little bamboo hut
I am a Fijian,
and want to be a Fijian.
When the lady arrives, strikingly
good appearance, blonde....
Slim, elegant, blue eyes...
How do you know?
- You already told me three times.
Any news, Amade?
The police is on our trail.
We must leave with the plane
for London or America.
I'm staying.
I want to know if Renee comes.
Good, than I'll go alone.
I won't have myself jailed
because of you.
Jailed... For heaven's sake,
where's my passport?
Have I left it at
Dumontier's in the end?
And actually,
I already caught the fellow once.
You caught him?
- Yes, in the apartment of a friend.
In the apartment of a friend.
Do you have any witnesses?
Well, a little darling.
A little darling.
I searched the whole apartment;
madame is nowhere to be found.
Well then, kidnapping.
Mr. Dumontier,
I've found something else.
Jean's wallet.
That's stenography.
I can't read it.
But I can.
Mr. Serigny,
did you tell my wife
that you'd like to be....
Her bullfighter?
Did you spend with her...
an hour in a
secluded apartment in the
Rue de la Tour des Dames, No. 36?
No. 37.
Are you looking for
Mr. Jacques Durand?
Yes, if that's still his name.
This way, please
I'm glad you came,
Madame Renee. I'm happy.
ls the police coming perhaps?
- Get out.
But I only want to...
- Please get out.
You must leave, Mr. Hatkins...
All right, Durand, but you have
to leave or you'll be arrested.
I'm not afraid.
I'll stay with you.
Forever.
That takes two.
I won't share the life of a burglar.
And you only came to tell me this?
I came to warn you.
And that is all?
No. I want something else, too.
I want to make you into
an honourable person.
Make me into
an honourable person?
Dumontier is coming.
This way please,
the last door on
the right-hand side.
Please leave us
alone for a moment,
I wanted to say, Dr. Latour.
His friend was as careless as
to forget his notebook at my place.
So you know...
- Everything, Mr. Durand.
My dear child,
I have to greatly disappoint you.
This Monsieur is really
called Jacques Durand.
He is a playwright.
In spite of that he has
never stolen anything in his life.
You are no burglar?
Why then did you put on this act?
You forced me to do it.
I?
Madame, I first saw you
three months ago.
I sat beside you
at the bullfight in Sevilla.
But you only had eyes
for the torero.
Well, that was a hero.
And you always looked
for a hero, didn't you?
He played it for you.
A burglar who steals pictures,
who kidnaps women,
a rendezvous at a Negro ball,
do you want even more romance?
So you only made fun of me?
No madame. I was serious.
So you won't stay
with Mr. Durand?
No, never.
And do you know what will
happen to this Monsieur?
So you do love him?
Answer.
Actually, I...
quite like him.
Your mouth is music,
is music one can never forget.
Your mouth is music,
when it smiles and
silently kisses me.
Don't let us lose time,
we want to make
a lot of music together.
Your mouth is music,
is music one can never forget.
Mr. Dumontier,
man against man.
I owe you satisfaction.
I ask you for the hand of your wife.
I'm truly sorry, my dearest,
but you are a little too late.
But why, if you allow?
Here...
That's ridiculous.
Mr. Dumontier,
may I ask you for a favour?
Do you want a reference
as a valet?
Please give me back my notebook.
I actually wanted to keep it.
As a souvenir.
See, I wrote down everything
that was said in your house,
and now I'll write a play from it.
'Burglars -
A musical comedy of marriage'.
I hope my part is not too comical.
Rest assured,
I played the comical part.
A musical comedy of marriage
Let me, let me
be your Carmen just once...
for just one day,
for just one hour.
Let me, let me
be in your arms just once...
with my mouth on your mouth.
if you don't love me
you can act out of pity...
just fool me and
act mechanically...
but let me, let me
be your Carmen just once...
and kiss me, kiss me,
like a Spaniard.
Let me, let me
be your Carmen just once.
for just one day,
for just one hour.
Let me...
Eugene Dumontier here.
Laboratory for mechanical dolls
and similar articles.
What?
Who do you want to talk with?
Mr. Amade?
I know no Mr. Amade.
Sorry, wrong number.
Please don't hang up.
Your new servant is called Amade.
For ten years all my servants
have been called Jean.
So I'll get you Jean.
Miss Hortense, the servant
is wanted at the telephone.
Jean.
- One moment, Ms. Hortense.
A little faster,
if you don't mind.
Ms. Hortense, I expressly
asked for a quiet post.
Don't rush me,
I have a weak heart.
If you don't like it here,
you're free to leave. There.
Amade speaking.
- But Jean.
Pardon, I have to call myself
Amade on the phone.
Have you gone completely mad?
We're up to a big job, and
you leave no message for me?
I beg your pardon, Sir, but...
there was no possibility.
Now just tell me what's up.
Did the old frump really not notice...
that all your
references are forged?
No, Sir, the lady
is very satisfied...
with my references.
Listen Amade,
I need to know the following:
Does Ms. Dumontier have
a lot of jewellery?
So, she has.
Very good.
Let's move on. Have you already
set up the microphones?
Great.
Why are you coughing?
Do you have a cold?
No, Monsieur, it's just that
your stupid questions...
bunged me up a little.
Stop fooling around.
We're risking our necks, and you...
How can you upset me like this?
I refuse to tolerate this.
My heart.
What's wrong with you?
What are you doing there?
Water.
- At once, Jean, at once.
You idiot. Do you want to put
the police on our trail?
The old hag almost
overheard everything.
But yes, the microphones
are already set up.
I can eavesdrop on
everyone in the villa.
It's all right. I'll call...
Hortense.
Miss Hortense,
a little faster, please.
What can I do for you, madame?
Mr. Serigny is staying for lunch.
So? But I'm not sure if that's
all right with Mr. Dumontier.
But it's all right with me, and
you can go if you don't like it.
Mr. Dumontier hired me for life.
Me too.
It's horrible with that person.
She gets nasty every time
I speak my mind.
Give me a light, please.
- Sorry, of course
I have a light.
Besides...
- Here you are.
Besides, formerly she thought
my husband would marry her.
That's ridiculous, isn't it?
Just sack her.
That's what you think.
My husband has
strictly forbidden me.
For ten years,
she's been darning his socks,
she's always punctual...
and does everything
the way he wants.
Well, I married her, too.
Well, madame...
and you don't long for a man
for whom you mean everything,
who only thinks of you,
and who only dreams of you?
Now I understand.
So get started,
so I can get over with it.
Well, I really don't
know, madame...
- But I know.
In a few minutes you will rise,
with a face like a tomcat
when it thunders
First you will take
a deep breath awkwardly,
then you will tell me
with folded hands...
that you can't live
without me anymore.
Then you will press the hand
on your heart.... - But, madame...
Isn't it true?
See, now you even want to throw...
yourself on your
knees in front of me.
No, I had no intention...
That spot is already threadbare,
so many crawled there before.
But all to no avail.
Sadly.
See, my good Serigny,
there are three kinds of men.
The first kind you marry.
From them you get money,
a bank account,
they give you jewellery,
pearls, big diamonds,
and they pay for
the dressmaker's bill, too.
In this respect,
my husband is almost exemplary.
With the second kind
of men you can...
play bridge, play golf,...
go to the theatre,
dance the tango....
And I belong to that second kind?
- Partially.
With you, one can only...
- Do the tango?
Play bridge.
Well, and the third kind?
The third kind doesn't exist.
These are the men you long for.
See that picture over there,
it's by Vallier.
You know who that is,
the famous sports painter.
My husband bought if for me,
for 600.000 francs.
'The Torero of Granada'.
See, that's one of the third kind.
He?
A bit of a common type,
but he's got something.
Sadly, you don't have it,
Mr. Serigny.
I'm waiting for the only one...
who really behaves like a man
Until now, there was
no-one I really liked...
but I'm sure that he will come.
You can't be much indeed,
because you listen to me
far too dutifully.
If I am to love, it must be a man...
because only a man can excite me.
Let me, let me
be your Carmen just once...
for just one day,
for just one hour.
Let me, let me
be in your arms just once
With my mouth on your mouth.
If you don't love me,
you can act out of pity,
just fool me and act mechanically.
Just let me, let me
be your Carmen just once...
and kiss me, kiss me
like a Spaniard.
I don't really like fighting bulls,
but for you I'll start today.
You have to note down
things like this for later use.
Now I can give evidence in court:
Dumontier has his
reason for divorce.
Madame, you must
answer my prayers,
otherwise I'll cry my eyes out.
Let me, let me...
- be your torero just once.
for just one day,
for just one hour.
Let me, let me...
- Be in your arms just once.
With my mouth on your mouth
I'd gladly be wild
like Emperor Nero,
for one glance,
for one sign of pity.
Just let me, let me
be your torero just once...
and kiss me, kiss me
as my Carmen.
Dear.
Do you, do you,
want to be my Carmen finally?
Not for one day,
not for one hour.
Tomorrow, she will be
in his arms nevertheless.
With her mouth on his mouth.
He gets her heart,
without being like Nero.
If he hears about this,
he'll rage like Satan.
Let me, let me
be your Carmen just once.
and kiss me, kiss me
like a Spaniard.
Mr. Dumontier. It's time.
You're mistaken, Hortense.
It's isn't time yet.
It's still a quarter of an hour
until lunch.
As usual at 1pm.
But Mr. Dumontier, I'm talking...
about something
completely different.
Your wife is cheating on you.
With whom?
- With Mr. Serigny.
You're mistaken again, Hortense.
But I heard it with my own ears.
Mr. Serigny is completely
out of the question.
He is neither a boxer
nor a bullfighter
He isn't a dictator, either.
And he has even less talent
to be a murderer.
He isn't a romantic hero.
So, he hasn't got a chance
with my wife.
But Madame Renee,
please give me just one chance.
I'll have lunch at your place,
and you'll have tea at mine.
My husband won't like that.
But Madame, there
are places where...
your husband can't see us.
I don't mean out
here in the suburbs.
In Paris, Madame Renee.
In a quiet, lonely street,
in an old, secluded house...
You have a small,
dreamy apartment,
furnished only for me.
How do you know?
With swelling pillows,
with dark curtains,
with a gramophone,
with sweet liqueurs?
No, with port wine.
All right then, with port wine.
But... without me.
My kind number two.
Madame Renee.
Think it over, please.
Don't say no so hastily.
I even have a big surprise
in store for you.
A Vallier hangs on the wall there,...
a genuine Vallier
for 400.000 francs.
'The Ocean pilot'.
If you pour your
money down the drain,
at least save your breath.
So I have no other way except...
We'll have lunch in three minutes.
- Very good, Miss Hortense.
We'll have lunch
in three minutes, madame.
All right.
- Very good, madame.
Now do me a favour and
act like a normal person again.
Most of all,
brush off your knees.
My husband always
gets annoyed about this.
Please excuse me for a moment.
Lunch is served.
My dear Mr. Serigny.
I'm very pleased
to meet you again.
Please feel at home.
- Very kind of you.
You stained your knee
there a little.
Jean, tell Madame
that lunch is ready.
Very good, Mr. Dumontier.
It's a fight that costs
a lot of energy.
The world of tennis has rarely
seen something like that.
The powerful muscles of
the master's arm are tightening.
Balls at lightning speed
earn him point over point.
His opponent is lanky,
but fast and flexible.
He plays great smashes.
Onto the sinuous bodies
of the fighters...
the eyes of 5000
attractive women are fixed.
But now the master
gets down to business.
The force of his shots
is increasing.
Forehand, backhand,
forehand, backhand...
And a smash.
Madame.
- Don't disturb me.
Now the score is 4-5.
And a changeover again.
The master refreshes himself
with a glass of citrus lemonade.
Won't you like a glass of
port wine beforehand, Mr Serigny?
No, thanks. I don't want to
start without Madame.
This is all because of my wife.
She is very tactful,
and my wife is very unpunctual.
I'll wait with
the greatest pleasure.
I'm sorry, Madame is doing
callisthenics.
1 pm and three minutes.
May I offer you some sardines?
No, thanks.
I'll show courtesy to your wife.
Don't show courtesy,
take some caviare.
No, thanks.
I ask you to take my advice,
because Madame Renee....
Some champignon salad?
... radiantly bright, always laughing
and young, doesn't fit to your...
Cold salted tongue?
... doesn't fit to
your puppet masteries,
Mr. Dumontier.
A mayonnaise egg?
She is an angel who from heaven...
strayed to the earthly
milling mass.
She is the sweet, soft,
female good
In one word, she is a....
Piece of cold turkey hen?
She's a scorching breath of air
coming to us from hot Spain
A few chestnuts?
In her divine claim to fame
she is Carmen.
Although she's a blonde.
So she sang something for you?
What's that?
- My latest invention.
A musical bottom plate.
If the conversation
comes to a halt,
you simply press the button.
Have a look.
Very charming.
It's bought very often,
especially by people who are
married for more than six weeks.
Well, you have a nice
view of marriage.
Why did you marry at all?
Because of love.
My wife, too, by the way.
She wanted an intellectually
eminent man,
and I wanted a true little madam.
But marriage has changed us.
Renee now considers
me a little dumbed down,
and I consider her.....
Well...
I know that for a year
she's been looking for a lover.
So you would let her go?
But only if I can get her
to marry again.
Beg your pardon?
To be quite outspoken about it,
my dear Serigny:
I am looking for a husband
for my wife.
In order to make myself clear,
my dear Serigny:
If I found out that
my wife had a lover.
I'd shoot him without further ado.
Of course.
Why didn't you wait for us
with the lunch?
Enjoy your meal.
- Enjoy your meal.
My dear child, I once and for all
told you not to be tardy.
And I told you once and for all
that no-one tells me anything.
What's that?
Just have a look.
Allow me to help you, madame.
That is pretty.
Looks very nice.
Press the button.
Let me, let me
be your Carmen just once...
for just one day...
for just one hour.
You even taunt me
with my favourite song.
But I only wanted to please you.
You don't want to please me,
you always want to educate me.
May I offer you some sardines?
No, thanks.
I already lost all appetite.
Nothing but education all day.
I'm fed up with it.
But child, show a little respect
for our dear guest.
And you, don't disgrace me
on our new servant's first day.
I'm not listening, madame.
Very kind of you, Jean.
But you will listen,
and you too, Miss Hortense.
Now I lost my appetite, too.
Just remain seated, Mr. Serigny.
You might learn something.
Please, madame, don't upset
Mr. Dumontier again.
You're not my governess, you...
you life-long house-dragon.
I forbid you to insult Hortense.
And I forbid you
to forbid me anything.
I don't want to be
educated all the time.
I'm not a child anymore.
Even if I have to live with a fool.
- But Renee.
Yes. Just once again
I want to do what I want.
I want to laugh,
I need life.
I need cheerfulness...
Nothing else?
Yes, something else, too.
Happiness.
And I swear I will find it.
And if I knew I had
to continue to live here.
I'd rather throw myself
down the window.
And I would do it
one minute before 1 o'clock...
so you can't sit down
for lunch in time, yes.
The house only has one floor,
so you wouldn't get hurt too much.
I can't stand it any longer.
Can't you see how much
Mr. Dumontier is upset?
He always keeps calm.
That is what makes me furious.
Do you expect from me
to shout like you?
And from Hortense, too?
- I can do you that favour.
But you won't see that from me.
I don't shout.
I'm quiet and considerate.
You won't disturb my calm.
And I can't get any lunch.
Now I have enough.
I won't accept this any longer.
I was expressly
promised a quiet house.
Beg your pardon, Mr. Jean.
You're welcome, Mr. Dumontier.
I have to go to the factory.
If you want to spend another
nice and quiet hour in my house,
my dear Serigny:
my wife very much
likes to play bridge.
I know.
Goodbye, my dear child.
What does a good child say
when papa leaves?
Learn a lesson from this.
Serigny.
- Yes, madame?
Where is the said apartment?
In the Rue de la Tour des Dames,
no. 37.
I'll come to you at 4 o'clock.
No, our relationship only starts
at four o'clock.
But I admire you, madame,
I admire you, you know that.
It's impossible.
It's really not possible.
- But what's the matter?
Just because you're angry
with your husband,
you throw yourself
into the arms of the first best.
But the most important
thing for you is...
that I chose your arms
to throw myself in,
my dear Victor.
I feel embarrassed.
But it all happens so suddenly,
I can't believe it yet.
I still feel dizzy, I..
Do you feel well?
I'm in seventh heaven, but...
Does this belong to your husband?
Now I understand.
Are you afraid?
- No, I'm not afraid, but...
Your husband has such
old-fashioned views...
about infidelity and
shooting lovers....
Rest assured, that's what
he tells everyone.
Then it's all right, madame,
and besides it doesn't matter...
One hour with you
in my secluded apartment...
is not atoned for
too expensively by death.
At four o'clock, Renee.
And will you be punctual,
or are you doing
callisthenics again?
Well, you'd better go now.
- Yes, of course.
I'm so happy,
I'm so terribly happy.
I almost forgot to ask:
do you prefer liqueur or port wine?
As you are used to do.
It's the first time I cheat
on my husband.
I don't know what one drinks
on such an occasion.
It's port wine, then.
And don't forget:
Rue de la Tour des Dames, No. 37,
intermediate storey,
right-hand side.
Goodbye, I'm so happy.
I'm so happy.
Segur 3989.
Hello, is that you?
Amade speaking.
A lot of jewellery.
The largest stone only 10 carat.
4 o'clock,
Rue de la Tour des Dames, 37.
intermediate Storey,
right-hand side.
A Vallier worth 400.000 francs.
But be very cautious.
Don't worry.
Nobody will catch me.
Mimi, what's this disturbance?
It's from the dentist's next door.
You won't hear that all the time.
He chloroforms most of them.
Nice neighbourhood
for an hour of love.
Will you have a visitor?
- Yes, a lady is coming.
Put it in the next room,
the Turkish room.
Put it on the little table
in front of the large divan.
But keep your mouth shut,
unlike last time.
The lady thinks
that I own the apartment.
But the baron only lent it to you
as long as he is out of town.
Why do you tell fibs to your lady?
She's a married woman and won't
visit a stranger's apartment.
But she comes to acquaintances?
If she comes.
She'll come.
She's coming....
You'll see she is coming.
So she's coming?
And how she's coming.
I see she isn't coming.
I can even hear she's coming.
She's coming, she's coming.
Dear.
- What's wrong now?
I used naphthalene.
She's coming...
Now you smell a little better.
She's coming, she's coming...
Open the door, Mimi.
Beloved.
Don't crush my hat.
What's this masquerade for?
Masquerade?
Well, if you don't like it...
Now we can start.
You've got it nice here.
I wouldn't have thought you
capable of so much taste.
Who is that?
- Who?
That. That's an old friend
of mine, Baron Rochasse.
Tell me...
Must he sit in on us?
How charming.
Of course he needn't,
but, you know,
I sometimes lend my flat to him.
His girlfriends are to believe
it is his own.
But if it bothers
you, Madame Renee:
I'll cover him up.
Of course.
One moment, please.
Lt will be fixed soon.
Well, now let's...
Madame Renee,
these are all minor matters.
The important thing is the thrill.
Our thrill.
You're right.
Let's start.
Yes. All right.
No no, in order.
First the port wine.
Of course, madame.
First the port wine, then the thrill.
Bless you, madame.
It's naphthaline.
What is this?
- Lt comes from the window.
Indeed. Someone tries
to open the shutter.
Perhaps it's just the wind?
- Nonsense.
Someone wants to get in.
Through the window?
Your husband.
For heaven's sake, Serigny,
save me.
- My husband will shoot us.
- We have to flee.
Are you mad?
We can't get out of here together.
We must hide.
- But I don't know
the whereabouts.
Hurry, over there.
- Perhaps there in the wardrobe.
Impossible. Perhaps there.
Switch off the light, you idiot.
There he is.
Bless you.
Get up, Mister.
Make it quick.
Hands up.
Don't make a noise.
Switch on the light.
I'm sorry to disturb you, but I...
believed to find an
empty apartment.
Baron Rochasse only wanted
to return in three weeks' time.
Baron Rochasse?
- Of course, the man
who owns this flat.
This apartment belongs
to Baron Rochasse?
You didn't know that?
Or do I perhaps have the honour
to meet some colleagues?
What do you think, we are here
for quite different reasons.
I understand.
Port wine,
biscuits, sweets,
a beautiful lady,
a very beautiful lady even.
And you are a friend of the house,
and he put the apartment
at your disposal.
Please, just take down your arms.
You don't have to be afraid of me.
Afraid, afraid.
Who's afraid here after all.
But, to be honest,
as you can imagine:
With every noise
you think it's the husband.
You idiot.
Interesting.
Madame is married.
No unnecessary excitement,
I'm no blackmailer.
I have a different area of expertise.
I came for a Vallier.
In the next room.
Then I don't want to
hold you up any longer,
you surely want to be alone.
Madame, it was a very special
pleasure to meet you.
A very nice diamond.
- It is an imitation.
Pardon me, it's genuine.
But it would be impolite to
take it off of this beautiful hand.
He is incredible.
Please, don't bother
with the police.
No no, I didn't have any intention.
It would be even more unpleasant
for you than for me.
Why?
The police would ask
for your names.
So you don't care at all
for madame's reputation?
Indeed. How could you get me
into a situation like this?
I had the best intentions,
it's not my fault if burglars come.
What do you mean by 'burglars',
good colleague?
Everybody here
steals what he wants.
I take the Vallier,
and you madame's virtue.
And I have made the worse choice.
Well, don't make comparisons.
I repeat you're a burglar...
I break into other people's flats,
you into other people's marriages.
No, I only take
what is given voluntarily.
Isn't that right, madame?
I only steal from
people I don't know,
you steal from your best friend.
Isn't that right, madame?
Let's start with our work.
Please feel quite at home.
Actually, a fabulous fellow.
Have you gone totally mad?
If we report him, he will report us.
But we must get rid
of that fellow somehow.
Through the window.
Two policemen.
Your husband has sent them.
Save me, Ms. Renee, I beg you.
I'm still so young.
Pull yourself together,
you weakling.
Mr. Serigny.
The police is here.
Open the door, quick.
Mr. Serigny, open the door.
Mr. Serigny, the police inspector
is waiting outside.
I told him we have a lady visitor,
but he wants to come
in nevertheless.
Now they have us.
No megalomania,
the police is looking for me.
You were three?
Listen child, you'll
answer 'yes' to all
I ask you now, do you understand?
Here are 1000 francs.
Do you understand me now?
Yes. Now I'll say 'yes' every time.
Let the police come in.
Take off that jacket.
Take off that jacket.
Dance. Come on, dance.
Dance on your own, madame.
Get lively. Action. Let's go.
Enter.
Just one moment, inspector,
let us just finish practising.
So hurry up, then.
How wonderful it is in Paris.
The women are so sweet,
but still I don't feel well.
Every evening in tuxedo or in tails
It's the same every day,
and that is not my taste.
I say.
One moment, Inspector.
I'll have my body painted black...
and go to the Fiji Islands
Everything there is
paradisically new
How glad I am.
I'll wear a fig-leaf with shells...
and cuddle up with a Fiji girl
I'll furnish myself
a little bamboo hut
I'm a Fijian,
and want to be a Fijian.
I'll have my body painted black...
and go to the Fiji Islands
Everything there is
paradisically new.
How glad I am.
I'll wear a fig-leaf with shells...
and cuddle up with a Fiji girl
I'll furnish myself
a little bamboo hut
I'm a Fijian,
and want to be a Fijian.
How wonderful it is in Paris...
Silence.
I've had enough of this.
I don't like the way you talk,
young man.
What do you want here anyway,
and who are you?
Inspector Thierry.
This doesn't allow you
to forbid me to play the piano.
Or do you want to arrest me for
playing out of tune?
Stop joking.
You see I'm having a
little port wine party.
May I introduce my friends,
Mr. and Mrs...
Demoreux.
Are they relatives of the
police superintendent?
A cousin.
Yes, the family likeness
is unmistakable.
Yes, but - where is that man?
What man?
The man who climbed in
through the window.
A man, through the window?
Indeed.
The policeman
Trochut informed me.
Dear Madame Demoreux,
did you see a man
climbing in through the window?
I? No.
Neither did I.
Nor I.
Then please excuse the mistake.
- You're welcome.
To err is policeman's lot.
Would Madam and Sir
be so kind as to...
give my most obedient respects...
to the police superintendent?
I'll show you out.
You know, in this street
we pay particular attention.
In No. 21 an entire
ground floor flat is empty.
The owner is somewhere in Brazil.
I can tell you there are paintings
hanging there, unbelievable.
What foolishness.
No. 21 , you say?
Actually, the house has exactly
the same front garden as this one.
With a lawn and...
Baron, may I ask you
for something?
Please arrange for
a commendation...
to the superintendent.
Well, of course, Inspector.
Now I have to say thanks to..
- No, I have to thank you.
I'll take any chance
to make up for it.
Baron, goodbye.
Goodbye, inspector.
Wow, you're quite a perky fellow.
ls all this money really mine?
Really?
Of course.
My first instalment for a car.
I'll buy a car.
I'll buy a Ford.
Madame, you can't leave yet.
Lt could be a pleasant evening.
Sorry to interrupt you again,
but I still have about two or
three hours of work here.
Now leave me alone, will you?
The Vallier is next door.
Please stay, Renee.
Don't address me
by my first name.
So, Madame Dumon...
- Why don't you give
him my full address?
See, because of you she's leaving.
Madame, it's better
for you to leave.
Beg your pardon?
You'll have time
to think things over,
and then you will probably avoid
an escapade that's not worth it.
Monsieur, that goes too far.
Indeed. You interfere with...
- None of my business.
That's why I can say everything.
I don't know you, madame.
Probably I'll never meet you again.
I only know one thing:
your husband isn't
compatible with you.
How do you know?
- Else you wouldn't be here.
But that's no reason
to have a lover...
that is even less compatible.
I have to ask you to stop.
You're not the man to
make a woman happy.
You don't borrow a woman from
half past 4 to 7...
Ridiculous.
and then send her back home.
This is not what is called 'love'.
There's no way that you love
a woman if you send her back...
That's what you say.
A kiss with a view to the clock
is a kiss that brings no luck.
A love affair, quite casually,
is not your style, madame.
Together in the afternoon
but alone at night,
that's not your style, madame.
Love, madame,
doesn't eschew danger.
Love, madame,
is all or nothing at all.
A love affair, quite casually,
is not your style, madame,
is really not your style, madame.
You don't say 'I love you',
but only for today.
You're right, of course, but...
Not even a thief is as foolish,
because he keeps his booty.
Well, you surely know.
A woman that is only half mine:
I abstain from that kind of love.
Are you that discerning?
A lover who is content with that
cannot be right.
Perhaps.
A love affair...
-...quite casually...
is not your style, madame.
Together in the afternoon...
- But alone at night...
that's not your style, madame.
Love...
-... madame, doesn't
eschew danger.
Love...
-... madame, is all or nothing at all.
A love affair...
-... quite casually....
is not your style, madame.
It's really not?
- It's really not
your style, madame.
A love affair, quite casually,
is not your style, madame.
is really not your style, madame.
And now you will help
me to take down...
the Vallier in the next room.
Why should I, are you stupid?
First you ridicule me
in front of my girlfriend...
She's not your girlfriend
and will never be.
When you came in
through that window...
she almost was.
I always arrive at the right time.
See that you get out, you weakling.
I won't.
- Shall I kick you out?
Get out.
Please give back my jacket,
I still need it badly.
There. And I tell you,
I wasn't afraid of you.
Did everything go well?
- Yes, apart from an inspector.
And?
You know how I
handle such things.
I'll tell you how
this affair will go on.
It's really not your style, madame.
I can't deny I'm nervous, Hortense.
Because an American doll
manufacturer is coming?
What do you know about it?
That Hatkins is the most important
toy manufacturer in the world.
129.000 dolls every day
on the assembly line.
He only arrived in
Paris this evening,
and yet he already
wants to see me.
There are millions in it.
But America needs
your ingenious ideas.
Your musical plate.
You're right, he can buy the
most beautiful things from me.
The dog looks as if it was alive.
The cat is always grooming.
The baby only speaks three words.
And how does the
courageous tin soldier exclaim?
Everything's turning,
everything's stirring,
everything's budging and moving.
Everything's turning,
everything's stirring,
like a human being.
She has a clockwork,
she has no heart.
A doll, a doll feels no pain.
That will be Mr. Hatkins.
Go to meet him, Hortense, go.
Ask him to come in immediately.
And Hortense,
be very friendly to Mr. Hatkins.
Mr. Serigny.
Oh Dear.
I've been waiting only for you.
I'm coming because of
the quiet, nice hour.
That's extraordinarily kind of you.
My wife will come soon, too.
Your wife...
Nice things you have here.
Haven't I? But the nicest one
is my latest invention.
Take this for a moment.
Get over there with it.
Get over there.
And hold up the plate.
Higher.
Still higher.
Thank you.
And when I now aim
very carefully...
and exactly hit the centre,
then the pig will drop down dead.
Will you hold up that plate.
Don't tremble for fear.
You weakling.
Hold up that thing.
Attention.
Don't shake,
or it may be a close shave.
Attention.
I'm shooting.
Pardon me, dear friend.
Next time I'll aim better.
That's ridiculous.
Topsy turvy world.
My husband gave you horns.
Because of you it's
the second time...
today that my life is in danger.
Your life's in danger?
Well, this could easily
have been a close shave.
Outside, your husband shot at me.
That's really stupid, it is.
Your husband isn't
compatible with you,
I repeat it.
The man you love
must be a real man.
Renee, I am such a man.
Just after the moment you left,
I managed to capture the burglar.
You don't say.
Yes, I captured him, threw him
to the ground and tied him up.
He's still lying there.
But Serigny,
do you want me to believe all that?
What, yes. I'll let the police
pick him up sometime.
But Renee, don't you
want to be my Carmen now?
Mr. Hatkins is coming.
- Hatkins? Who is Hatkins?
Mr. William R. Hatkins
from New York.
He must have escaped.
Mr. Dumontier, you don't have
to speak in English with me.
All the better.
My dear child, my
I introduce to you
Mr. William R.
Hatkins from New York?
My wife.
Mr. Serigny,
a bridge partner of my wife.
Bridge?
No hands needed.
Shouldn't we settle
our business affairs first?
As you wish,
and if madame permits it.
Sure,
with the greatest pleasure.
Come then.
You'll excuse us, my dear child.
You'll be astonished.
I'll show you my latest inventions;
some lovely things among them.
Tell me, did you come to me
with your own car this afternoon?
So he noted down your...
registration number,
the rest was easy.
This is what you get from driving
in your own car to a rendezvous.
I'll tell my husband everything.
Are you insane? The second time
he'll aim better, he said.
500.000 of them, please.
Well, I... I have to leave now.
Goodbye.
Please stay. I'm so afraid.
A little refreshment perhaps?
A glass of lemonade?
Tell me, Jean,
did the Monsieur come alone?
500.000 of them, please.
That Monsieur left a
strange impression on me.
Why?
- For heaven's sake, what was it?
He gave me 1 .000 francs.
1000 francs. His tactics.
And then he asked me...
where the Vallier
painting was hanging.
His speciality.
He only steals Valliers.
What? A thief?
A burglar?
I have to phone the police.
You can't do that.
Perhaps he isn't a thief after all.
Now pay attention.
500.000 of these, too, please.
In any case
we must save the Vallier.
But where to put
such a huge picture?
Perhaps in a drawer.
- Nonsense.
You have to carry it
away, Mr. Serigny.
What? Yes, wonderful idea.
Just take it with you to your flat.
- Sure, but it must be done quickly.
Come, quick, help me.
That's truly delightful,
Mr. Dumontier.
But you had a very
charming model.
My wife.
I'll buy her for myself.
You can have her.
But now look what she can do.
Does the little child want a rattle?
I want a new dress.
Does the little child like
to come to daddy?
I didn't have any time.
Tell us whom you like.
I like the young messieurs.
And any other nice things
you have to say to me.
I like, I like you a lot.
Fabulous.
Everything's turning,
everything's stirring.
Everything's budging and moving.
Everything's turning,
everything's stirring,
like a human being.
She has a clockwork,
she has no heart.
A doll, a doll feels no pain.
Very charming.
Please, 500.000 of them, too.
Mr. Serigny sends his excuses.
He's still utterly afraid
of your shooting practice.
Such a weakling.
Mr. Dumontier, a disaster.
Mr. Dumontier,
please don't get excited.
What has happened?
Eugene Dumontier,
mechanical dolls,
speaking.
What?
Who is there?
The fire-brigade of Vincennes?
- Our factory is burning.
When did the fire start?
Thanks officer, of course
I'll come immediately.
Hortense, the chauffeur
shall drive up at once.
Such a disaster.
Bad luck. Now we have to
postpone our talk until tomorrow.
I'm sorry, my plane goes at 8 a.m.
But if madame doesn't mind,
I will wait for you here.
I don't mind at all,
I will accompany my husband.
Do you think I'll let you walk alone
through burning timbers?
But Renee, as lady of the house
you can't leave our guest alone.
I'll go with you.
I expressly forbid you
to come along.
Hortense will accompany me.
Alright, I'll stay.
But if something happens,
it will all be your fault.
What should happen?
Are you afraid, madame?
You don't have to worry about me.
I will take good care of me.
Now that was a great job you did.
The fire, the false
fire-brigade officer on the phone.
Hats off, Mr. Burglar.
But you didn't think of everything.
Jean is still here.
Protect me Jean,
here is a burglar.
I know, madame.
We work together.
What?
- Well.
Two man against
one helpless woman.
Aren't you ashamed?
Yes. I'm ashamed, madame.
But that is impossible.
After all you saved the picture
a short while ago.
On my order.
On your order?
So that Mr. Serigny
leaves the villa.
Jean, save me, Jean.
Amade, go into the park and
whistle if someone comes.
Very well, Jacques.
Now I know what you want.
This is where you
have your eyes on.
There you are.
There, help yourself.
I'm not interested in that.
Well, I can't give you any money.
The only thing I want to fetch....
is you.
Don't bother.
Cut off.
Don't touch me.
- Quiet, madame.
Just be quiet.
You are insane.
No, madame.
I'm in love.
I'd very much like
to be tender to you,
and you are always
angry and silent.
And nevertheless you speak
tenderly to me.
And I want to tell you why.
Your mouth is music,
is music one can never forget.
Your mouth is music,
when it smiles and
silently kisses me.
Don't let us lose time
We want to make
a lot of music together.
Your mouth is music,
is music one can never forget.
I don't want to.
- What is it?
I am...
- Well, perhaps you are...
In love.
I'm not saying anything anymore.
- You don't have to.
Because there are
answers without words.
Your mouth is music,
is music one can never forget.
It's terrible to be
loved by a burglar.
What is this?
- A souvenir for you.
Keep your presents.
Madame Renee, from the
best jeweller in Paris...
You stole it.
I bought it.
Paid for with honestly
earned money.
Madame Renee,
only listen to me for one moment.
But spare me your bracelet.
If you don't want to accept it,
at least have a look at it.
Jacques Durand, Rue Blonde 11 ...
What does this mean?
A burglar revealing his address?
Only at the moment
I'm Jacques Durand.
And you will only find me in Rue
Blonde 1 1 this night
between twelve and two.
Perhaps tomorrow
I will dwell in Madrid,
and will be called Lima.
And you believe I accept
your friendly invitation?
You have no time to reconsider.
Between 12 and 2,
Rue Blonde, 11.
This night - or never.
Never. Never will I be
the mistress of a burglar.
And if I ask you to be my wife?
Your proposal honours
me exceedingly,
but it's a bit too
romantic for my taste.
Mr. Dumontier is coming.
For heaven's sake,
you must go away.
I'm staying.
Do leave, please leave.
Will you come tonight?
Mr. Hatkins left
immediately after you.
He sends his excuses,
he will write to you.
I'm coming.
But please leave now, finally.
Quick, through the park, quick.
Well, everything goes wrong today.
Good evening, Renee.
Believe it or not,
there was no fire.
Well, I never.
Someone made me an April's fool
on the 30th of September.
Renee, where is the picture?
- I don't know.
But who stole the picture?
I have no idea,
I was here all the time.
Now I see clearly.
To impress you he wants to
play the gentleman burglar.
You think that's funny?
You won't be laughing long
about your lover.
Lover? I won't tolerate that.
- Me neither.
I'll call the police now.
Like in Chicago.
Open the door.
Open in the name of the law.
ls the burglar still here?
I really don't know.
Well... then..
You stay here and have
an eye on the servant.
And you follow me.
My heart.
Are you not feeling well?
Water.
Cognac.
Please open the door.
We have to search the room.
Madame Renee.
Just open the door.
It's me.
Your saviour.
Renee, I forbid you
to lock yourself up.
Well, we have to break in the door.
I've found something.
A bracelet?
But I don't know it.
Something's written in there.
May I?
Jacques Durand,
Rue Blonde, 11.
What does that mean?
Rue Blonde, 11?
Strange.
How wonderful is Fiji-Land.
They live there
without taxes and police.
And there's no trace of a tuxedo...
only one thing is loved there,
and that is nudism.
I'll have my body painted black...
and go to the Fiji Islands.
There everything is
paradisically new.
How glad I am.
I'll wear a fig-leaf with shells,
and cuddle- up with a Fiji girl.
I'll furnish myself
a little bamboo hut
I am a Fijian,
and want to be a Fijian.
When the lady arrives, strikingly
good appearance, blonde....
Slim, elegant, blue eyes...
How do you know?
- You already told me three times.
Any news, Amade?
The police is on our trail.
We must leave with the plane
for London or America.
I'm staying.
I want to know if Renee comes.
Good, than I'll go alone.
I won't have myself jailed
because of you.
Jailed... For heaven's sake,
where's my passport?
Have I left it at
Dumontier's in the end?
And actually,
I already caught the fellow once.
You caught him?
- Yes, in the apartment of a friend.
In the apartment of a friend.
Do you have any witnesses?
Well, a little darling.
A little darling.
I searched the whole apartment;
madame is nowhere to be found.
Well then, kidnapping.
Mr. Dumontier,
I've found something else.
Jean's wallet.
That's stenography.
I can't read it.
But I can.
Mr. Serigny,
did you tell my wife
that you'd like to be....
Her bullfighter?
Did you spend with her...
an hour in a
secluded apartment in the
Rue de la Tour des Dames, No. 36?
No. 37.
Are you looking for
Mr. Jacques Durand?
Yes, if that's still his name.
This way, please
I'm glad you came,
Madame Renee. I'm happy.
ls the police coming perhaps?
- Get out.
But I only want to...
- Please get out.
You must leave, Mr. Hatkins...
All right, Durand, but you have
to leave or you'll be arrested.
I'm not afraid.
I'll stay with you.
Forever.
That takes two.
I won't share the life of a burglar.
And you only came to tell me this?
I came to warn you.
And that is all?
No. I want something else, too.
I want to make you into
an honourable person.
Make me into
an honourable person?
Dumontier is coming.
This way please,
the last door on
the right-hand side.
Please leave us
alone for a moment,
I wanted to say, Dr. Latour.
His friend was as careless as
to forget his notebook at my place.
So you know...
- Everything, Mr. Durand.
My dear child,
I have to greatly disappoint you.
This Monsieur is really
called Jacques Durand.
He is a playwright.
In spite of that he has
never stolen anything in his life.
You are no burglar?
Why then did you put on this act?
You forced me to do it.
I?
Madame, I first saw you
three months ago.
I sat beside you
at the bullfight in Sevilla.
But you only had eyes
for the torero.
Well, that was a hero.
And you always looked
for a hero, didn't you?
He played it for you.
A burglar who steals pictures,
who kidnaps women,
a rendezvous at a Negro ball,
do you want even more romance?
So you only made fun of me?
No madame. I was serious.
So you won't stay
with Mr. Durand?
No, never.
And do you know what will
happen to this Monsieur?
So you do love him?
Answer.
Actually, I...
quite like him.
Your mouth is music,
is music one can never forget.
Your mouth is music,
when it smiles and
silently kisses me.
Don't let us lose time,
we want to make
a lot of music together.
Your mouth is music,
is music one can never forget.
Mr. Dumontier,
man against man.
I owe you satisfaction.
I ask you for the hand of your wife.
I'm truly sorry, my dearest,
but you are a little too late.
But why, if you allow?
Here...
That's ridiculous.
Mr. Dumontier,
may I ask you for a favour?
Do you want a reference
as a valet?
Please give me back my notebook.
I actually wanted to keep it.
As a souvenir.
See, I wrote down everything
that was said in your house,
and now I'll write a play from it.
'Burglars -
A musical comedy of marriage'.
I hope my part is not too comical.
Rest assured,
I played the comical part.