Munchie (1992) - full transcript

(Cheerful music)

(Energetic music)
(Siren blaring)

[Munchie] Hey where
are we going, to a fire?

(Car revving)

Oh, I can hear a police escort!

How sweet, I like that.

(Vehicles whooshing)
(Siren blaring)

(Tires screeching)

I love sirens, they
really get your attention!

Are we there yet?

(Tires screeching)
(Siren blaring)



(Laughing)

Hey, give us a drink there.

(Siren blaring)

(Tires screeching)

(Driver whimpering)

(Siren blaring)

(Tires screeching)

Sheesh. = huh?

(Tires screeching) (Crashing)

[Munchie] Okay, okay, the joke is over.

Let me out of here right now or,

no more nice guy, get me, understand?

(Tires squealing)

I gotta tell you pal,



the last two weeks have been a ball.

I enjoyed myself as much as you did!

What laughs huh?

(Laughing)

Hello?

(Truck rumbling) (Steer lowing)

(Horn honking) (Steer lowing)

(Truck rumbling)

That's a Roger command,
(Forlorn music)

We're in place.

(Radio beeping) [Radio] Yokum 12

this is dispatch,

pursue blue pickup in your area,

license Adam-frank, nine-two-five-six.

Do you copy?
Roger dispatch we're

on our way.

(Engine revving)

Come on!

(Engine rumbling)
(Siren wailing)

(Tense music)

[Munchie] I got it, you're
having a surprise party

for me right?

You shouldn't have gone
through all that trouble!

But, a party's a party, know what I mean?

(Tires screeching)

(Siren wailing)

(Police radio chattering)
(Siren wailing)

(Tires screeching)

(Siren wailing)
(Engines revving)

(Siren wailing)
(Tires screeching)

(Rumbling) (Crunching)

(Energetic tentative music)

(Door slamming)

Oh that was some ride!

You know what they say,
getting there is half the fun!

Okay party time, everybody
sing, one-two-three!

(Yelling)

(Thumping) (Grunting)

Hey, keeva I, oh my god!

(Screaming)

(Crashing)

(Laughing)

(Mechanical munching)
(Perky dramatic music)

(Mechanical munching)

(Bell ringing)

Now class, I'd like
you to turn to page 44

in your math assignment books right away.

As we discussed yesterday,

equivalent fractions are determined by

multiplying or dividing the
numerator and denominator.

So let's look at these
fractions on the board.

Now who can tell us
how we add 2/3 and 3/4?

Yes, Andrea?

(Charming music)

We can change the thirds and fourths

into equal denominations.

Thank you Andrea that's very good.

As you can see, I've
multiplied 3/4 by four,

equaling 8/12, and here,

I'm multiplying 1/4 by three.

Three. (Applauding)

(Restrained festive music)

Now, it is my honor to
read the name of the student,

whom you have chosen, as your
next student body president.

Envelope please, thank you.

(Drum rolling)

And the winner is,

Gage dobson! (Cheering)

(Applauding) (Festive music)

Who can tell me the sum of 2/3 and 3/10?

The sum of 2/3 and 3/10!

(Suspenseful music) Gage?

Gage?

I accept!

I mean, could you repeat
the question please?

The problem on the board.

How can we arrive at a sum?

A sum.

(Bell ringing)

(Students chattering)

Now class, don't forget that your

fraction homework
assignments are due tomorrow!

Gage!

(Sighing)

Could you stay after class
for a moment, please?

Sure Mrs. blaylok.

= this is the third time

you haven't turned in
a homework assignment.

= t know.

I guess I'm just having
some trouble with fractions.

I know it's difficult for
you, being a transfer student.

New friends, new school, and
there's a period of adjustment.

But you've been here for two months now.

Unless your grades improve in
math I may have to fail you.

Do you understand that?

Yes Mrs. blaylok.

(Sighing)

All right that's all for now.

But remember I'm here after
school if you need any help.

= sure.

(Charming music)

Gage?

Have you made any friends here yet?

Oh, yeah.

Lots of 'em.

(Students chattering)

(Cash register bell ringing)

[Girl] See you guys later, bye, bye!

- Cool!
- Yeah that's totally cool.

- Yeah right.
- Yeah.

- What are you.
- I want to go in the ocean.

[Boy] Scott!

Who said you could sit here dobson?

I didn't know you needed a reservation.

(Giggling)

Comedian, Leon.

Yeah he's funny.

Funny looking.

No one sits at this
table, unless I want 'em to.

And I don't want you to.

Come on Ashton, what
difference does it make?

= dobson's a dweeb!

And people are known by
the company they keep.

Well in that case, maybe I should leave.

= she'll be back.

But you won't be!

Leon, show this gentleman
where he may eat his lunch.

(Chuckling)

(Splattering)
(Students laughing)

All right. (Suspenseful music)

Whose tray is this?

I said, whose tray is this?

Uh, principal Thornton?

I believe it belongs to
Gage dobson here sir.

Yeah, the new kid, dobson.

- But I...
- Dobson!

(Bell ringing)

Come here.

(Comically forlorn music)

(Rattling)

(Thornton laughing)

(Sighing)

Mr. Thornton, you gotta

believe me, I...
You didn't think

I'd know who did it.

Well young man, I've been watching you

ever since you transferred here!

And believe me, I don't like what I see!

You gotta believe me,
Leon dabbit threw it!

And you won't escape
retribution by blaming others!

I see I shall have to
make an example of you!

20 extra hours of study hall!

= oh no!

And, two demerits!

Whatever those are.

And Mark my words dobson,
I'll be watching you.

One more infraction and
(Suspenseful music)

Vou know what happens!

(Bell ringing)

Fire! (Guns firing)

Suspension!

(Poignant music)

(Door clattering)
(Students chattering)

Ketchup.

Only ketchup.

(Distant chuffing)

(Explosion booming)

(Clattering) (Poignant music)

Professor cruikshank!

Professor cruikshank where are you?

I'm here Gage!

(Coughing)

If I can only figure out where here is!

(Coughing)

What happened?

(Sighing)

This is a lesson in
spontaneous combustion.

It seems that a faulty exhaust device

recirculated gasoline fumes

back through the intake manifold.

(Chuckling)

Added to this equation all you need is a

tiny little spark and kaba-room!

Eh, it was my fault!

I was so busy thinking,

that I didn't think
about what I was doing.

You were daydreaming.

= that too.

You know that's what
makes human beings unique,

the ability to think,
to dream, to imagine.

Reality is, is,

is only good for somebody who can't cope,

with imagination.

Do you think you'll ever
get this Jeep running?

This bucket of bolts, of course I will!

(Chuckling)

Then I'll have to think of
something to do with these hands.

You think the neighborhood
would object to a,

a new nuclear reactor here?

I, don't think that
would be a good idea.

Maybe not.

Well, so tell me, have you heard
from your father this week?

He's been really busy,

and with his new family and all.

- Uh-huh.
- He'll probably

call in someday. = uh-huh.

What about your research Grant?

Has the university called yet?

Not yet, but they will.

I told them unless they give me the Grant

to study ancient civilizations,

I shall resign my position
at the university.

Would you really quit?

No, but they don't
have to know that, no.

On the other hand it
might not be a bad idea

to get away from the university,

the longer I'm there, it
seems the less I know.

(Door clicking)

(Door slamming)
Take for example this

Dr. Carlisle over there.

This Dr. Carlisle injects little
animals with cancer cells.

And then, he cuts them open
to find out what killed them.

Now there doesn't seem
to be much logic to that.

Yeah.

But my mom seems to like him.

- Uh-huh.
- Yeah, well I gotta go.

Tell me when you get it running!

= of course I will!

You'll be the first to go
for a test ride with me!

I'll see you later, okay?

You.

(Grunting) (Thumping)

- Hi mom.
- Hi honey.

- Hi Elliot.
- Hi guy!

How's it going?

Hey you make the football team yet?

I don't want to play football.

(Chuckling)

Sure you do!

Hey sports teach you teamwork,
discipline, competition!

Skills you're gonna need later in life!

I want you to go out there tomorrow

and try out for that team!

You know what honey, why don't you help

Elliot in with the groceries, okay?

Sure mom.

You know Gage,

I'm quite aware you and I
haven't really hit it off.

Now I know you feel like I'm

taking your mother away
from you, and your father...

Don't talk about my father.

Come on Gage, you gotta face the facts,

he just doesn't want you, or your mother.

And Cathy and I, well
we're gonna be married.

= she never told me!

(Laughing)

That's because I haven't asked her yet!

But I'm going to tomorrow night.

You know how she feels about me.

Hey!

Hey buddy but what's more important

is how you feel about me.

(Sighing)

You're a creep.

Did Gage seem a little upset to you?

= no more than usual.

You know Cathy you shouldn't let him spend

so much time with old cruikshank
across the street there.

That guy's the biggest
crackpot at the university!

He's a little eccentric
maybe, but he's harmless.

Remember we have a date tomorrow night.

Bring my appetite with me.

(Chuckling)

(Poignant music)

(Birds chirping)

Some day I'll be dead,
then they'll all be sorry.

(Somber organ music)

He was the cutest boy in school.

If he'd only spoken to me once even.

Now I'll never speak again.

I'm sorry I acted like
such a dreadful puke.

Actually I was merely compensating

for an over-active inferiority complex.

(Sobbing)

I threw his lunch tray against the wall

and now he's dead.

(Sobbing)

Please forgive us dear boy,

I'll, I'll take back those
20 hours of study hall.

= and the two demerits!

Yes, whatever those are.

Gage, I got arrested, for bigamy.

You mother recognized me
on America's most wanted.

And Gage, you were right.

I am a creep.

(Weeping)

(Weeping)

Gage,

if you can hear me, please forgive us son!

Oh, and by the way, here's that walkman

you wanted for your birthday.

(Sobbing) - Thanks mom!

I knew you'd get it someday!

I'm sorry sir, you'll have to be quiet!

You are dead, after all!

Sorry, I forgot.

(Hinges creaking)

(Thumping echoing)

(Birds chirping)

(Foreboding music)

(Rustling)

(Clattering)

(Clunking) (Gasping)

(Sighing)

Ti wish I was dead!

[Munchie] To be or not to be!

To live in a box, or to make merry!

Party time, ariba!

- Who said that?
- Me, I did pal!

It's Mel

you want I should draw you a map?

Inside the box!

- Inside the box.
- Yeah.

Right.

This is one of those
hidden video shows, right?

- Wrong.
- Okay you got me,

where are the cameras?
No cameras,

no special effects, just little old me,

inside this little old box, get it?

How'd you get in there?

Long story pal, but right now

the secret word is open sesame!

- Who are you?
- Ah, listen pal,

you couldn't even pronounce my name,

but I'll tell you what.

You can call me munchie.

Hey, how 'bout pulling out that pin,

so I can get out of here?

- You won't hurt me?
- Hurt you?

(Chuckling)

Pal, I'm your new friend!

I help, I dazzle, I make better,

I'm friendly to a fault.

That's it, that's it! (Creaking)

Whoa!

Ooh,

just what I always wanted,
(Hinges creaking)

A room with a view.

(Laughing)

(Regal music)

(Fireworks hissing)

J; Hello my baby [
(Ragtime music)

J hello my honey, hello my ragtime gal 7

j; Send me a kiss by wire j

j oh, baby my heart's on fire j

(fireworks whistling)
J if you refuse me j

j honey you'll lose me j

j then you'll be left alone, oh baby j

j come on, and tell me I'm your own j

j hey j

I'm losing the crowd!

What'd I do?
(Fireworks crackling)

Mom!

Mom where are you?

Gage, where have you been,

and what have I told you
about coming home after dark?

Now your dinner is cold, and
I am not going to reheat it!

I know, but listen!

I was in this old abandoned mine,

and, there was this little creature,

and it jumped out of its
box and it started singing!

It sang?

Gage, you know some day your daydreaming

may make you millions, but
right now all it's getting you

is not even a cold dinner, and bed.

- But mom...
- Listen to me young man,

upstairs, now! (Patting)

(Sighing)

[Gage] Maybe I was
daydreaming, I liked the funeral.

= the funeral?

What funeral?

= never mind mom.

You just better keep on
watching America's most wanted!

[Native American]
Whoo whoo whoo whoo whoo

whoo whoo whoo whoo whoo whoo!

(Soldiers shouting)
(Guns firing)

What are you doing here?

Waiting for you pal, and I am famished.

Oh, what I could do to a
quiche Lorraine and a yoo-hoo.

How'd you find me?

Well I'm fast on my feet.

I followed you home pal, real simple.

Then, how did you get here before I did?

Magic pal, I'm a great magician.

In fact I'm so hungry,

I can make a Turkey
disappear just like that.

- What are you watching?
- Television,

it used to be wonderful.

Now, I think there's just
too many darn reruns.

(Knocking)

(Magical popping)
(Chimes twinkling)

[Cathy] Gage?

Yeah?

(Sighing)

Honey are you talking to yourself?

Um, yeah I guess I was.

Well I'm still really upset with you

but I brought you something to eat.

(Crickets chirping)
Now as soon as you eat that

I want you to go right to bed okay?

Sure mom.

Ti feel fine.

- You sure?
- Mhm.

Okay.

Goodnight Gage. - Goodnight.

(Door thumping) - Hey pal!

Great! = hmm!

My mom thinks I'm losing my marbles,

and you won't even let her see you.

(Pensive music)
You know where I come from

I'm just ordinary, I mean
ordinary, now my father,

oh, there was a guy, what a guy!

He had a pet dinosaur
that was paper trained!

(Laughing)

Those were the days, what laughs!

But times have changed!

Hey you've been so nice
to me I owe you one!

What do you want, ask for it, anything!

Don't matter, what do you need?

= what would I like?

I'd like to be popular,

I'd like mom not to
marry that creep Elliot,

I'd like Andrea Kurtz to
know I was even alive,

I'd like principal Thornton to get his,

and, (sighing)

I'd like Aston and Leon

to look like total idiots in
front of the entire school,

and I'd like to pass math.

No problem, consider it done.

And right now, I'd rather have a

hot pepperoni pizza than those leftovers.

Hot pepperoni pizza,
you know something kid,

we could be friends.

(Laughing)

It's no use, mom would
never let me call out.

= call out?

Kid, don't make me laugh!

(Magical popping) (Whooshing)

I'm hot!

One large pepperoni pizza coming up!

In 30 seconds or you get it free!

(Chuckles)
Mozzarella, abracadabra.

(Perky music)

Oh boy!

Are you gonna love this-a pizza,

giuseppe make it special for you

and for you two young lovers!

(Speaking foreign language)

Magnifico!

What a super special for two.

(Chuckling)

(Eerie whirring)

What's goin' on?

Come on! - Yeehaw!

(Magical whooshing)
(Chimes ringing)

Woohoo!

Nobody steals one of my specials!

(Pizza giggling) (Perky music)

(Screaming) (Whooshing)

Can't get away from Mel!

Hey you can't leave-a
now, come back here!

(Chimes ringing) (Perky music)

(Chef mumbling)

Let's try Chinese instead!

(Whooshing) (Mumbling)

Mozzarella.

Whoa check it out!

(Chef grumbling)

(Groaning) (Engine revving)

(Siren wailing)
(Tires screeching)

[Officer] All right
frido, hold it right there!

(Magical whooshing) (Screaming)

Leave the driving to us.
(Chimes ringing)

(Pizza giggling)
(Tires screeching)

Arriba, arriba!
(Magical whirring)

I can smell it from
here kid, set the table!

(Perky music)

(Whooshing)

(Heavenly music)

It's possible.

(Magical whirring)
(Chimes ringing)

Yeehaw! (Dramatic music)

Whoa, an unidentified flying pizza!

And you don't have to tip the driver!

Smells good, let's dig in!

= anchovies?

T hate anchovies.

Just eat around 'em, I'm starving.

Can you make anything fly?

I have a little trouble
with alphabet soup.

(Chuckling)

Oh and I mimic voices!

You should hear my Clark gable.

(Crickets chirping)

Who?

Oh, I guess I'm gonna
have to update my material.

I don't get it.

If you have all these magical powers,

I mean, how come you
couldn't get out of that box?

Look, if I'm trapped inside something

I just can't say hocus-pocus and escape,

I just have limits that's all!

Everybody's got limits, gimme a break.

How long were you in there?

A long time, a long, long time.

Put it this way pal, if I
was making house payments,

I'd own the sucker by now!

Where's the tabasco?

(Contented music)

(Growling)

Come to poppa! I

(munching) (Chuckling)

(Burping)

Sorry, slipped out.

Can't believe we ate that entire pizza.

Hey how about some blueberry cheesecake?

It doesn't travel well,
but I do love a challenge!

(Sighing)

= t don't think so.

= come to think of it

I got enough gas to drive to Cleveland!

Hey, where you gonna sleep tonight?

Pal, any place is an
improvement over that box!

Actually, I was hoping to
sort of bunk down with you!

= sure.

You're gonna have to
make your own bed though.

Don't worry about me pal.

Hammer, nails, I come prepared.

(Laughing)

I gotta update my material.

(Snoring)

(Charming music)

(Snoring)

Goodnight munchie.

(Snoring)

(Pleasant music)

(Knocking)

Better shake a leg Gage

or you won't have time for breakfast.

(Door thumping) (Chimes ringing)

(Sighing)

Coming mom.

(Suspenseful music)

Munchie?

Munchie?

Munchie?

Not even a goodbye.

(Students chattering)

(Romantic music)

(Students chattering)

(Gulping)

Thank you Leon.

Now that I have your
undivided attention dobson,

there are a few points I'd
like to impress on you.

I'd listen to him if I were you.

First, stay away from Andrea Kurtz.

She's my girl, for as long as
I may want her, understood?

- Understood!
- Second!

Andrea and myself will be performing at

the talent contest this afternoon.

Somehow you got yourself appointed

stage manager for this event.

You foul up one time
during my performance,

and I let Leon loose on you.

I like to break things.

He usually starts with the legs.

I trust I've made myself clear?

You may nod your head in agreement.

Thank you Leon.

Let us proceed to our first class.

(Cheerful music)

So pal I'm ready!

Where's cheerleader practice?

(Bell ringing)
What are you doing here?

I missed your face pal.

(Chuckling)

No, what are you doing here at school?

I'm here at school because we got a

long list of things that's gotta be done,

and that's my problem,
I take it that those

are the guys that you're
having trouble with?

Yeah, Ashton and Leon.

I don't think I like
the way they talk to you!

You know what they say,
the bigger they are,

the harder they fall!

No, the bigger they
are the harder you fall!

Hey, let's not quibble over details,

besides, I rely totally on cunning,

ruthlessness, and sheer animal instinct!

- W-what do you mean?
- Listen pal,

anyone who's been to a lingerie sale

at jcpenny knows exactly
what I mean, but I digress.

I gotta take care of
your math grades, bye!

But... (Magical popping)

(Chimes ringing)

(Suspenseful music)

(Keyboard clacking)
(Telephone ringing)

(Playfully furtive music)
(Munchie chuckling)

(Whistling)

(Keyboard clacking)

(Chimes ringing) Oh miss Laurel,

may I see you in my
office a moment please?

I'll be right there Mr. Thornton!

(Furtive music) = look at this!

They hey hey, they've come a long way

since I invented univac.

= you called me Mr. Thornton?

No, but it's always
good to see you, Marilyn.

(Saucy music)

Okay, here we go,
(Keyboard clacking)

Let's see what kind of
grades this kid's got.

(Bell ringing) C, b, d.

(Chuckling)

Oh no, I think we can do better than that.

(Chuckling)

Here we go.

Right, abracadabra, thank you!
(Chimes ringing)

[Marilyn] I could have
sworn you buzzed me.

- Hey, what's going on here?
- Marilyn, I always get

a buzz out of you!

But Mr. Thornton, 1
distinctly heard you call me.

= Mr. Thornton.

Must we be so, formal?

I should go back to my office.

I can't tell you what it's
been like these past few weeks,

you, sitting out there every day and me,

so close, and yet so far, from paradise!

I gotta share this with somebody!

But I thought we
agreed we couldn't go on!

I know, I know, we
both have our positions

in the community but I don't care about

anyone or anything
except you, bunny-cakes!

Oh, that's not fair!

You know I can't resist you when you call

(slide whistle descending)
Me bunny-cakes, snooky-poo!

Then you do still care, lovey-lumps?

[Marilyn] Oh lamby-kins.

(Lips smacking)

[Thornton] Honey muffin!

[Marilyn] Snuggy bear!

(Lips smacking)

Angel thighs!

(Lips smacking) Class I want you

to go over these problems while I'm gone

and remember, no talking!

[Thornton] My little summer squash!

(Lips smacking) - Pumpkin nose!

(Laughing) (Squealing)

[Thornton] Strudel lips!

= gotta be munchie!

[Marilyn] Lamby-kins!

(Hinges creaking) Honey muffin!

(Ooh! Ps smacking)

[Marilyn] Poopsie-doodlle!

(Throat clearing)

(Coughing)

Mrs. blaylok!

It is customary to knock
before entering my office!

I have certain rights to privacy you know!

Well none that you've been exercising!

I was just helping miss Laurel,

put in her contact lenses.

I hope you haven't
misconstrued this little scene.

No, but I can't speak
for the entire school.

And you have been broadcasting
to every classroom!

= t did what?

(Dramatic music)

It can't be I.

Every word we've said?

That's right, snookie-poo!

(Depressing music)

(Whistling) (Chuckling)

Yeah, so long snookie-poo.

(Chuckling)

(Chimes ringing) (Whistling)

(Pleasant music)

(Chimes ringing)
Well, don't you ever

wash these out?

I wasn't expecting visitors in there.

Well, I took care of your grades,

and that stuffed shirt Thornton.

Now the fun really starts!

(Chuckling)

Look, I know you're trying to help,

but if anything goes wrong, I'm
the one who gets in trouble!

Relax pal, everything is copacetic!

Just be cool!

Uh-oh, time for me to make
like Gabriel and blow.

(Chuckling)

(Slamming)

(Tense music)

(Whip cracking)

What'd you do that for?

"Cause I wanted to,
what's it to 'va dobson?

= well.

That's right, nothing.

[Munchie] I didn't
think you did anything

without asking your boyfriend first.

Shut up!

Just shut up!

You think I'm Ashton's
flunky or something?

The idea never crossed my mind!

= well make sure it doesn't!

Now I don't want to hear
another word from you,

understand, dweeb?

[Munchie] Stooge.

What was that?

(Knocking)

Nothing, I didn't say anything!

[Munchie] Kiss ass.

(Knocking)

Why you little...

(Metallic slamming) Ar!

You hit me, you little twerp you hit me!

I never touched you, I swear!

(Suspenseful music)
(Doors clattering)

You are gonna be sorry you were ever born!

= Geronimo!

(Water splashing)

[Leon] I can't see, I'm blind!

(Chuckling)

(Brakes squealing)

(Whistling) (Grunting)

(Thumping) (Chuckling)

Okay kid, I've evened up the odds.

The ball's in your court!

(Slamming)

I am gonna kill,

you.

(Tense music)

(Fist thudding) (Screaming)

(Shower spewing)

(Clapping) (Cheering)

All right, break it up!

Guys get changed for class,

Gage we gotta talk!

Now look, we both know that
dabbit's been asking for this

for a long time but you know the rules,

no fighting in the locker room, right?

Yes sir.

All right I'm not gonna
write you up this time,

but if principal Thornton
gets ahold of this

you know it's gonna be bad news.

So what else is hew?

All right, go get changed for class,

I'll write you up a hall pass.

Hey Gage.

Why don't you try out for
the football team on Monday?

= t don't like football.

That's a shame, it
looks like our star player

(cheerful music)

(Water splashing)
(Whimsical music)

(Groaning)

(Peppy accordion music)

(Audience chuckling)

[Munchie] Greetings
and salutations my lord.

(Chuckling)

Hi pal!

What are you doing here?

Look, if you get me in another fight...

Maintain your composure dear boy,

fear not, I have no intention of

turning this cultural
event into a brouhaha!

In point of fact, I am here to witness

a performance of my play!

Your play?

Romeo and Juliet was
written by Shakespeare.

A common misconception,

according to an unimpeachable source,

namely myself, William
Shakespeare could not

compose a shopping list without my help!

Well I don't care who wrote what,

just don't get into any trouble, okay?

Fear not my lord, I hereby swear,

to conduct myself with
a maximum of decorum.

(Laughing)

(Magical popping) (Whooshing)

(Applause) (Shouting)

(Booing)

Thank you melody, for another,
memorable accordion solo.

[Boy] Hey snookie-poo,
how's bunny-cakes?

(Laughing) - All right,

a little less noise there!

And now, to conclude today's assembly,

a special treat,

the balcony scene from Romeo and Juliet,

performed by two of our
most promising students,

Ashton huwit, and Andrea Kurtz.

The curtain please! (Applauding)

("Greensleeves" by Henry viii)

= but soft!

What light through yonder window breaks?

(Glass shattering) (Laughing)

Ask and ye shall get.

It is the east, and Juliet is the sun.

Arise, fair sun, and
kill the envious moon.

(Glass shattering) (Laughing)

Good enough for you bubala?

(Screaming)

See how she leans her
cheek, upon her hand!

Oh that I was a glove upon that hand,

- whoops!
- So I might touch that cheek!

(Whistling) (Clanking)

(Laughing)

Oh Romeo, Romeo!

Wherefore art thou Romeo?

With love's light wings
did I o'er perch these walls.

For stony limits cannot hold love out.

(Audience snickering)

Ipso-facto,

(magical jingling) Pantso-off-o!

(Cloth ripping) (Laughing)

Close the curtain, close the curtain!

The scene isn't over yet!

= I'll decide when it's over!

Close the curtain!

(Laughing)

Get those kids to the dressing room.

Well yesterday was bad,

but today was a real
red-letter day for you, dobson!

I don't know how you did it,

but you managed to change your grades,

beat up Leon daggit and
arrange that little,

incident in my office.

And when I can prove your responsibility

in these matters, it'll
be my personal pleasure,

to have you expelled
from school, permanently.

(Sorrowful music)

Well pal, do I take care of ya,

or do I take care of ya?

Yeah you took care of things all right.

Thanks to you I'm gonna
get expelled from school!

(Sighing)

Look, I know you're trying to help,

but you're just making things worse!

But I haven't helped you with

your mother's creepy boyfriend!

And, what about the lovely,

(whistling)

Andrea?

(Sighing)

Look you can help me
by leaving me alone.

If I'm gonna foul up I'd
rather do it by myself.

Why don't you go back to your box

and find yourself a new friend?

Hey!

Where'd everybody go?

Hey pal, pal!

(Scraping) (Poignant music)

(Professor cruikshank singing)

(Chimes jingling)

(Knocking)

- Who is it?
- It's Gage!

Gage my friend, come on in!

(Door clattering)
(Hinges creaking)

(Clunking)

Gage, Gage, what are
you schlepping in here?

I was hoping you could tell me.

It's something I found.

Where did you find this?

This is incredible!

= you mean it's valuable?

It's not only valuable,
it is invaluable!

Was there something in here?

I know you're not
gonna believe this but,

there was this little creature in there.

(Gasping)

Don't move, you stay
right there, don't move!

Don't breath, don't
breath, and don't move!

Just stay right there,
don't do anything at all,

don't do anything, here, here, here, here!

Let me show you something!

Did it look like this?

= that's him!

[Professor] And, and this?

That, that too!

How about this?

- Is he that old?
- He's way older than that!

Do you, do you, do you
know what you've found?

I just want to get rid of him,

before my entire life goes down the drain.

You talked with him?

(Sighing) = yeah.

He keeps calling me pal.

= pal.

Could, could you introduce him to me?

I don't know, I told him to get lost.

But, I have a feeling 1
haven't seen the last of him.

Well, do the best you can.

In the meantime,

can, can I keep the box here
so I can study these symbols?

= sure.

I mean, it's his box.

And, if he wants it back,
I'll send him over to get it.

Yes, yes, that would be
fine, that would be fine!

(Door creaking)

(Gasping)

I have about two or three million
questions I could ask him.

(Perky cheerful music)

(Whirling)

Hey, sometimes you got to help people,

in spite of themselves!

(Clanking)

(Door shutting)

Hey mom!

It looks like you're making a real dinner.

Well I have actually been known

to cook on occasion you know.

Yeah, when dad was here.

(Doorbell ringing) - Oh honey,

I think that's Elliot, would you get that?

I'm gonna bast the chicken.

Hey guy!

Make that football team yet?

No, but I decked the star quarterback.

Great, hey, listen Gage,
got a little favor to ask you.

Want me to get lost, right?

(Chuckling)

Well I wouldn't put
it exactly like that.

But I would like to be
alone with your mother

for a little while, I have
something very important

t want to discuss with her.

Don't I have anything to say about it?

Look Gage, I'm gonna be your new father

whether you like it or not.

Now you can either be on my team,

or you can be my opponent.

The choice is yours.

No, the choice is mom's.

(Sighing)

Hi.

Well, dinner will be ready in 20 minutes.

I'm glad to see you two
getting along so well.

Well Gage and I are just
having a little male bonding.

Champagne?

85 bucks a bottle babe,
and worth every penny of it.

Mom?

I'm not really that hungry,
I'm going to go upstairs

and finish some homework.

Well, are you feeling okay, honey?

Yeah I'm fine, I'll eat later.

= it'll be cold.

It's okay, kinda getting
use to it that way.

(Footsteps thudding)

Sometimes I worry about him.

Oh, he'll be just fine.

What he needs is a man's influence.

= well his father wasn't much of a father

but Gage loved him.

Now, that's all in the past.

You should be more
concerned about the future.

And what I'm looking
forward to is that meal

you've been promising me
for the past two weeks.

I hope you enjoy it.

I only do this sort of thing

about once every leap year.

(Giggling)

Think I better go in the
kitchen and see how it's going.

Well in the meantime
I'll just stay out here

and set the proper ambience.

(Kissing)

(Whistling)

Standby for operation dinner storm.

(Whistling)

(Clicking)

With a tweet, with a tweety.

(Giggling) (Twinkling)

(Wobbling)

(Gentle music)

(Orchestral music)

(Static buzzing)

(Gentle romantic music)

(Match striking)

(Groaning) (Magical twinkling)

(Whooshing)

(Orchestral music)

(Romantic music)

(Match striking)

(Twinkling)

(Orchestral music)

I didn't know you liked sousa marches.

= t don't.

Where there must be something
wrong with your tuner,

I'll just turn it off.

Not the only thing that's
going to get turned off tonight.

(Whistling)

Well dinner will be ready in 10 minutes.

= excellent.

That gives us just
enough time for a toast.

I suppose it does,

is there anything special
worth celebrating?

Well, this is an anniversary of sorts.

It was exactly two
months ago that you came

to the university.

Has it been that long?

Yes it has.

I'll never forget seeing
you that first day.

You were so beautiful
you could've knocked me

off my feet. (Chair creaking)

(Thudding)

Seating for one.

(Laughing)

(Chuckling)

Elliott are you alright?

Yes, I'm just fine.

The chair must've slipped.

Well, besides champagne is always best

when opened standing I always say.

Now where was I?

Oh, yes, that.

Well although we haven't
known each other that long,

I feel a special bond has grown between us

and more importantly, we
respect each other's dignity.

(Bottle popping)

(Laughing)

Elliott, could I get you a towel?

No, I'm hardly even damp.

What a great sport this guy
is, the drinks are on him.

(Laughing)

Well it looks like we
have at least enough left

for one glass each.

= should we have some then?

Absolutely.

(Twinkling) - Oopsy.

(Whirling)

Daisy. (Playful music)

(Champagne pouring)

(Upbeat music) (Munchie singing)

(Twinkling)

J happy birthday j

(clanking)

Well before we toast,

I have something I'd like to say to you.

Actually something to ask you.

Perhaps is the most important thing

I've ever asked anyone in my life.

And that thing is.

Well that thing is.

(Screaming)

(Playful music)

= Elliott!

I heard some noises,
is everything alright?

No, everything is not
alright, you smart Alec punk!

Everything is all wrong!

= Elliott!

Don't let that innocent
little face fool you.

He's been out to sabotage
this entire evening.

That's ridiculous,
he's been up in his room

the whole evening.

I'm telling you he is responsible

but I don't know how,

but if he were my kid
I'd take him outside.

= Elliott!

Stop.

Now Gage.

Elliott's just a little
off tonight, honey.

Why don't you go up to your
room and I'll see you later.

(Sighing)

(Footsteps thudding)

(Breathing)

I'm sorry Cathy, 1

I overreacted just a bit.

I should never have yelled at the boy.

No, that's my department.

Look Cathy, things seem to
have gotten off on the wrong

foot.

So why don't we save your
meal for another time

and let me take you out for a nice dinner?

I don't know, Gage has been
acting so strangely lately.

Ti don't want to leave him alone.

Children always have these mood swings.

It's part of growing up.

Besides you deserve at least one night off

from being a parent.

Well, alright.

Gage, honey.

Yeah mom?

Elliott and I have
decided to go out to dinner,

is that okay?

= sure.

Okay, I'll lock up

and we'll only be gone a few hours.

I'll get my jacket.

What could happen in a few hours?

(Grim music)

I'm sorry Cathy.

(Chuckling)

[Cathy] Oh thank you.

[Elliott] I know this
great little Italian place.

You're gonna love it.

[Cathy] Wonderful.

(Engine revving)

(Sighing)

They're gone, you can come out now.

C'mon I know you're here.

(Whistling)

Of course I'm here,
where else should I be?

So I took care of Mr. gq for you.

Yeah, you got him good alright.

But I'm the one who got the blame.

Did you see his face?

She'll never marry that schnook now.

I guess you're right,
but you just go too far.

Gage, you should never ask for anything

unless you really want it.

= t know.

(Groaning)

I know what you need, a party.

You're down in the dumps right?

A party!

A party, here, no way.

And Andrea is the first
one to get an invite.

Forget it.

I'm going to go upstairs to study.

You can watch TV if you want.

I'm going back to the
kitchen, later alligator.

No parties, do you hear me?

(Chuckling)

(Footsteps thudding)

= t hear him

but I'm just not listening.

(Chuckling) (Grim music)

Party time.

(Dial tone ringing)

(Phone beeping)

Hello, is this Andrea Kurtz?

Hi, this is Gage dobson, you
know the new kid in school?

That's great, I didn't even
think you even noticed me.

Anyway, I want to invite you
to a party over at our house.

It's at 6934 Madison.

Sure, you can bring your father.

Okay bye bye.

Hello, Saul's catering,
this is Elliott Carlisle.

Yeah, good to talk to you again.

Listen Saul, I'm having a party tonight

over at Cathy dobson's place.

Could you fix me up with
the works on short notice?

About 5060 people.

Need my credit card number?

Good, you have it on file.

Hey listen Saul, shoot the
works, price is no object!

(Phone ringing)

Wonder if this thing is still good.

[Hugh] Hello?

Yeah, hello Hugh, this is Jack.

How's it going?

Look, I'm out promoting my latest picture

and I want to have a little party.

You think you could airlift
some girls in for me?

A band too.

Sure why not.

Thanks pal, I owe you one.

Let me give you the address.

(Rock music)

= munchie.

(People chattering)

[Man] Yeah!

(Cheering)

Yo pal!

Hey, welcome to the party!

Alright, what's your pleasure?

My mother is going to kill me!

Relax pal, she won't be home for hours.

We'll clean up.
(Doorbell ringing)

Hey, do me a favor will you?

Answer the door, I'm busy here.

You know, getting the drinks and all.

What a party, what a party.

Here you go.

Ti went to two cocktails and one.

Gage dobson, what are you doing here?

= t live here.

(Scoffing)

You folks sure know how
to throw a great party.

You can forget about those
20 extra hours of study hall.

= and the two demerits.

Whatever those are.

(Laughing)

(Cheering)

(Sighing)

(Cheering)

Hi Gage.

This is my father.

= hello Mr. Kurtz.

Well hi Gage, how you doing?

This is something.

I've never been to a party like this.

(Door slamming)

J women are like that j

j women are like that j

j women are like that j

= neither have I.

(Romantic upbeat music)

So Cathy,

what are you saying?

Elliott, you and I
are such good friends,

why don't we just keep
it like that for a while.

I don't think I'm ready

to make a serious commitment right now.

Well I don't think you
know what you want Cathy.

You think I'm in the habit of
proposing marriage everyday?

No Elliott I didn't say that.

Look, time is running out, babe.

I have power and prestige.

(Chuckling)

And 30 something divorcees with children

or a glut on today's market.

(Scoffing)

I think that you said just about enough.

I'd like you to take me home now.

(Snapping)

(Speaking foreign language)

I'll get this.

= nonsense.

When I take a lady out, I always pay.

(Throat clearing)

My wallet

I must have left it in my other jacket.

(Rustling) (Clumsy music)

(Speaking foreign language)

(Rhythmic rock music)

[Man] What a great party!

J I wish my baby wouldn't do the right j

j she keep me still
around help her around

(people chattering)

J in which your novel party is natural »

j in which your novel party is natural »

(cheering)

(Whistling)

J I know my baby ;

(burping)

J I touch my baby yeah she do it herself j

j by now my baby I think she's with him»

[man] People excuse me.

[Munchie] Hey, I'm in here.

You ever hear of knockin'?

- Sorry, sorry.
- It's okay.

It's okay.

Nervous sucker.

Ti feel a draft.

(Gurgling)

[Man] Yeah!

(Footsteps pattering)
(Door shutting)

(Clanking)

Too much noise, this is better.

Yeah, it's pretty crowded in there.

Your dad seems like a nice guy.

This is the happiest I've seen him since

since mom died.

You know I'm really glad
you asked us over tonight.

= t did?

Yeah I did!

Who else could have?

I didn't think you wanted
= you know I didn't think

you wanted to talk me.
= to talk to me.

(Laughing)

Gage, Gage.

(Thudding)
Who invented this thing?

(Creaking)

Gage, Gage!

I have something to tell you.

Gage, I wanted you to
be the first to know.

The university called, 1
have received my Grant.

That's great professor!

This is Andrea.

Oh, enchanted.

(Kissing) (Laughing)

Professor cruikshank is
going around the world.

= sounds like fun.

Fun, that is a beautiful word.

I professor imboljek cruikshanski
am going to have fun.

Ti think I remember how to do that.

= the professor is a little.

= t like him.

(Giggling)

I see you're having a hoo-high in there.

= you could call it that.

= t wonder if I could attend.

Sure, everyone else is.

Good, listen is it possible

that your little friend might be?

= you can bet he's in there somewhere.

(Giggling)

(Rumbling)

Look at all these cars,
someone must be having a party.

I think it's you.

(Dance rock music)

(People chattering)

Great party, but don't
go in the bathroom.

[Woman] When was that?

Gage!

(Drums crashing)

(Intense music)

= hi mom.

T had some friends over.

Everybody out.

(Whimsical trumpet music)

November, good month.

You know maybe you could get a loan

from the small business administration

to clean this place up.

Congratulations Gage.

Congratulations?

Mhm.

You had the singular honor of cleaning up

this entire mess all by yourself.

I think that'll take care
of your weekend, young man.

(Sighing)

Yeah, it probably will.

Well there's only one type of punishment

he'll understand, Cathy.

Gage's problem is that you've
turned him into a momma's boy.

Or something even worse.

Well, I don't think that's
any of your concern is it?

Goodnight Dr. Carlisle.

(Snoring)

(Dramatic music)

What the heck is?

(Snoring)

What in the hell is that?

No!

(Grunting)

[Munchie] This is not!

[Gage] Leave him alone, he's my friend!

= your friend?

Be most interested to know
where you find your friends.

Incredible specimen I've ever seen!

I'm going to take him to
the laboratory for research.

To cut open like all
your dogs and cats no way.

= can't we be civilized Dr. Carlisle?

This is an intelligent being,

it's not a subject for your inspection.

[Munchie] I'd listen
to him if I was you doc!

Be quiet!

You give whatever it is back to Gage.

= look the house is on firel

[munchie] Fire, get me out of here.

Would you let me out of this thing.

(Screaming) (Beer spraying)

Hey!

Get me out of here!

Ow, ow, ow right here!

(Grunting)

(Thudding)

You drop me one more time,
I'm going to toss my cookies.

We got to get him out of here.

But how?

= t have an idea.

I hope you know what
you're doing because I don't.

(Heavy breathing)

= come back here!

(Grunting)

(Grim music)

(Car revving)

(Tires screeching)

(Dramatic music)

(Car revving)

(Tires screeching)

It's okay miss dobson,
we can follow in my car.

Great.

By the way, who are you?

He's my father.

Oh good, that explains everything.

(Car revving)

(Tires screeching)

(Car screeching)

So how's our prize package doing?

He should be okay.

= thanks professor.

Any calls for me while I was out?

Does somebody know you're with us?

(Tires screeching)

(Car revving)

Where are we going?

No where in particular.

Have you ever been there?

(Chuckling)

(Car revving)

(Tires screeching)

Your flight leaves first
thing in morning doesn't it?

Reservations have already been made.

Then head for the airport,

we'll hide there with you 'til morning.

Traveling's the best, where you headed?

The lost city of armenkan,

it's a civilization that
perished about 3000 years ago.

Oh yeah, I remember, we
had some party that night.

(Car revving)

(Maniacal laughing)

There you are, you.

(Screeching)

Professor, I hope you got a ding-dong

or a twinkie in your pocket.

What's a twinkie?

Drop me off at the
next 7-Eleven will ya?

No time now, Elliott's
coming up behind us.

I can lose that guy,
gimme the wheel professor.

What are you talking about,
you have to have a license!

Who needs a license?

I invented the automobile,
give it, give it.

(Car screeching)

(Crashing)

Did we hit something?

No something hit us, it's Elliott.

That guy's a pain in the bumper!

(Car screeching)

(Revving)

(Crashing)

One more hit like that and
he'll knock us off the road!

We can't stop now.

(Screeching)

(Crashing)

(Upbeat majestic music)

Las Vegas here I come.

(Intense music)

(Tires screeching)
(Cars honking)

(Screaming)

Hold on to your hats!

I haven't had this much
fun since Disneyland!

Yahoo!

Perhaps I should take the wheel again.

No, back off, I'm hot.

Just keep your foot on the accelerator.

(Laughing)

= you're mine now.

(Laughing)

(Screeching)

Yo, professor, 1
don't suppose this thing

has got a fifth gear does it?

I don't know, why
didn't I build an airplane

that we could fly away!

Fly away, why didn't you say so?

Professor, I thought you were
the brains of the outfit.

(Chuckling) (Electrical buzzing)

(Screeching) (Magical whirling)

(Whirling)

(Magical whirling)

(Revving) (Cheering)

Wow!

(Car braking)

Whoa!

(Screaming)

(Glass shattering)

(Thudding)

You gotta stop them!

There's this flying Jeep

and this wonderfully
weird little creature.

We got a live one this time.

Would you mind stepping over here sir?

But they're up there,
you had to have seen them!

Sure we saw them!

They were chasing Santa
and they flying reindeer.

Have you been drinking sir?

Drinking, the guy smells like a brewery.

Some little girl sprayed
beer in my face you ninny!

Was she with the creature
and the flying tank?

Not a tank, you idiot,
a Jeep, a flying Jeep!

May we see some sort
of identification, sir?

= of course.

(Heavy breathing)

I lost my wallet.

I am Dr. Elliott Carlisle, department head

of research at Jefferson university.

I'm Mr. Spock, this is captain kirk.

I think it's time we beamed him up.

(Clanking)

But wait, wait I'm telling
you, they're right up there.

(Playful music)

(Alien whirling)

(Chuckling)

[Munchie] Hey.

(Revving)

(Cars honking)

Wow!

(Carnival music)

The only way to fly.

(Laughing)

How long can we stay up here?

Not too long.

It's a strain on my resources.

Just enjoy it while we can.

Excuse me, how are you at landings?

Professor, I fly as well as I drive.

Help!

Help!

(Plane revving)

(Police radio chattering)

(Car rumbling)

Wait, wait a minute, I know that woman.

Cathy?

Cathy, tell them who I am!

Cathy?

Tell them who I am!

Officers, I've never seen
this man before in my life.

(Whimsical music)

Cathy!

Cathy don't let them take me!

(Giggling)

(Car revving)

Cathy?

Was it something I said?

[Officer] Get in the car sir.

(Door slamming)

(Car honking)

Everything alright officer?

Nah, no professor cruikshank,

we got a drunken loony here.

Couple months at a state prison farm ought

to straighten him out.

Well don't get any jelly from the donuts

on the front from your uniform.

(Chuckling)

(Laughing)

See you!

(Car revving)

Nice guy the professor,
but a little strange.

[Radio] One out of 10, one out of 10,

reporting sighting of ufo landing corner

of Burbank and kester, see the man.

(Door shutting)

=- yoohoo!

Remember me? (Playful music)

What's up doc?

= look!

Look there he is!

That's him, that's him I told you!

Look at that lunatic in the dark!

Hasta la vista baby!

(Laughing)

[Elliott] There he
is, there he is come on!

(Plane whirling)

(Gentle music)

This is so exciting.

An opportunity to explore
ancient civilizations

with someone who might have created them.

(Chuckling)

Yeah, I guess it's all for the best.

When Elliott gets out of jail

he's going to come looking for munchie.

He'll be safer with you.

You know munchie, I'm
really gonna miss you.

And I'm gonna miss
vou too pal, big time.

But the professor needs me, don't worry.

You haven't seen the last of me.

(Chuckling)

Professor, tempus fugit, we
don't wanna miss our flight.

Alright, put your head
down so I don't knock you.

Alright, we're off,
we're going, we're going.

We've got tickets and we're going.

[Cathy] Bye professor.

[Andrea and Gage] Bye.

Munchie are you comfortable down there?

Bye everybody!
Yeah, leave a wake up

call for six.

Munchie, do me a favor, don't talk,

there are people around.

[Announcer] Your attention please,

final boarding call for flight 17

leaving for the lost city of armenkan,

now boarding at gate 12.

[Professor] And please more
aztec fishing songs, be nice.

[Man] We've got to get on board.

[Woman] I'm sorry sir, but the aircraft

has already begun its
taxi down the runway.

That's impossible, I'm the
captain, this is my crew,

we were held up in a stalled elevator!

(Scoffing)

= t don't understand.

If you're the crew,

then who's at the controls of that plane?

(Majestic music)

(Plane revving)

[Munchie] Ladies and gentlemen,

welcome to trans munchie airlines,

unbuckle your seat belts and get ready

for the ride of your life!

Party time!

(Laughing)

(Playful music)

(Accordion music)