Mumford (1999) - full transcript

I got outta the truck
in this two-bit town.

I got no money and no prospects.

What I need right now
is a stiff drink,

a cold shower and a hot broad.

I'll take 'em
in any order they come.

Oh, yeah.
One other thing I need:

An angle.

I was thinkin',
if it weren't for bad luck...

I wouldn't have any luck at all.

Can I help you?

Either my luck had just changed,



or fate just bought me
another round of trouble.

Oh, and the house
needs a few repairs,

but it's, uh, small,

not very fancy, she kept
yammering the whole time,

but it's clean. But her hips
were doin' all the talkin'.

We haven't had a man
around here for so long that...

It couldn't have been
any clearer what the setup was.

- The next move was up to me.
- Stop.

Hold it. Stop. Don't tell me.

That's all the time we have.
Sorry. Next time.

Uh, I have 18 more minutes.

I don't want to hear
any more today.

- Why not?
- Mr. follett, do you trust me or don't ya?

Well, I don't know.
I've only been seeing you...



without trust there's no point to any
of this. You might as well not come.

Oh, now, hold on. I didn't
say I didn't want to come.

Good. Then go.

Hi, Charlie. Hi, doc.

How you doin'? Okay.

Doc, you're early.
What happened?

My patient had to leave early.
Who was that?

Does the word "nosy"
have any meaning to you, lily?

Uh, I think it's like
"inquisitive." Enjoy.

It was Henry follett.
Man, you see him a lot.

And it's very wrong of you to reveal it.
Next you'll be sayin' what his problem is.

What do you wanna know?
You're terrible.

I'm never tellin' you anything.
Hey, doc. How's it goin'?

Fine, Elizabeth. How's yourself?
Good.

Mumford, how long
have you been in this town?

Oh, I don't know. Four months, two
and a half weeks. That's how long.

And you've already got more patients
than those other two shrinks combined.

I don't think even you
could know that, lily.

Look at that guy.

You know who that is, don't you?

Uh-uh. You really don't?

- Uh-uh.
- That's skip skipperton, man.

He gets himself hit by a truck,
this whole town shuts down.

Oh, so that's him.
The panda man.

What makes you so popular?

What's your secret?

- You like me. How come?
- I'm not sure. Let me think about it.

So I'm watching brokaw,
and they've got some astronomer,

this little limey know-it-all, and he's
telling how with this "himball" telescope,

they've discovered that there are
maybe 400 million more galaxies...

Than they thought there were, and I guess
that's supposed to make me feel small.

I'm supposed to feel
insignificant?

Is that the point?
'Cause I'll tell ya, it didn't.

Lionel, since this is our first
session together, maybe, um...

you can sit up and look at me
if you like.

Maybe you want to tell me a little
about what brought you here.

Kind of impatient for a big-time
head shrinker, aren't you?

How 'bout you let me
explain it my way, okay?

Thanks. That'd be great.

So, in my dream,

it's always the same.

I wake up in my room
when I was a kid in Ohio,

and I realize it's the day
of the big exam at school,

which is no problem for me, because
I remembered it was coming.

And I had attended every class,
so I'm totally prepared.

Then I see myself
running down the hall at school.

And this is where
it's very interesting, I think.

It's not really my school.

- It's the school from the next district, not my school!
- Go on!

And even though I arrive a little bit
early, everybody is already there.

But the surprising part is...

I'm the only one who's prepared.

I'm afraid you'll have to get out.
Are you crazy?

You can't do this.
Sure I can, Lionel.

Look, I am a criminal lawyer.

Do you think I like my clients?
I can't stand most of them!

But I don't kick them out.
You see that sign?

"We retain the right
to refuse service to anyone."

Now, I'm not gonna charge you for this
session, but I don't wanna see you back here.

Do you at least have a back door I
could use? Come out this way, Lionel.

There's no shame in getting a
little therapy, is there, althea?

Not at all.
It takes guts, Lionel.

Maybe some of us
don't need this crap.

And it's the hubble telescope,
not the "himball" telescope.

Oop.

Geez, what an asshole.

What do they want from me?

What have I done
that's so wrong?

They act as if they don't have their own
peculiar things. Oh, believe me, they do.

Everybody's got something
they're not so proud of.

Even you probably have things.

Me more than most.

Why are they ganging up
against me?

I'm not sure, but I think
they're worried about you.

It's the kids, you know.
It isn't Jeremy.

He had nothing to do with
my coming to you.

Except pay, of course.
He's always willing to pay.

He's extremely generous.

I am so humiliated...

That my own children
would threaten me.

- How did they threaten you?
- They said that if I didn't get help,

they wouldn't deal with me
anymore.

- What do you think of that?
- Good kids.

Hmm?

I said you must come out to the
house for dinner on Thursday.

Really? You think so?

Yes. Jeremy will be home for the
weekend, and you can meet the kids.

How you doin', ainge?

Evenin', lily.

Hey, doc. Ainge!

Tonight on unsolved mysteries.

She was beautiful, charming,
and she loved horses.

But even though Shelly Malone
was an expert rider,

eyewitnesses claimed she died
in a freak riding accident.

Shelly's family thinks the truth
is very, very different.

In Indiana, a sudden
thunderstorm spells trouble...

For an unsuspecting
motorcyclist.

Tragedy seems inevitable until
a mysterious lady in black...

Appears from out of nowhere.

Join me.

Perhaps you may be able
to help solve a mystery.

So he already had the tattoo
that said "Naomi forever."

But now they're broken up, see,
so he has to have it removed.

But while the scar
is still healing...

or whatever you call it
when you have a tattoo removed...

he meets Heidi.

And it's serious.
Immediate love.

So in no time he's gone from the most
beautiful actress in north America...

To the most gorgeous model
in the world.

What do you mean, "in no time"?

Maybe three or four issues.

- Weekly or monthly?
- Monthly.

God! How shallow
do you think Brad is?

Why do I waste my time
telling you this stuff?

Why do you think
you tell me, nessa?

Don't do that thing.

Please. I beg of you.

That shrink thing. Well,
it's a big part of the show.

You really need to let people smoke
in here, you know. It's perverse.

What do they pay you to see me?

The school board doesn't pay you?
What kind of a deal is that?

- It's called pro Bono.
- Pro boner?

There's this article
that my friends and I read.

It was "twenty-five signs he's great
in bed." It was very fascinating.

- Where was this?
- The New York times.

The first one was,
"he handles produce well."

Which we already knew.

The point is,
you have a lot of the signs.

You been watchin' me
in the supermarket?

Have women found you attractive?

I knew you wouldn't answer.

I've been thinking about
what you said the last time...

About me trying
to lose weight...

And constantly not.

You said how maybe people would be happier if
they just accept that some things don't change.

There'd be some kind
of a relief or something.

Well, I guess
I'm just a dumb bitch,

but how depressing
is that moment?

The moment when you give up.

¶¶

Oh, skip's here.

Hi, skip. Hi, skip.

Hi. You're doc mumford.

Skip skipperton. Oh, how are ya?

Fine. Okay. Pretty good.

I've been hoping we'd meet.
I've heard a lot about you.

Do you think we could...

can I buy you a drink? Sure.

"Find the need and fill it,"
my dad used to say.

I guess a lot of dads say that.

But I did, and it just took off.

No kidding. Panda modem.

Where'd that come from? Panda?

I've always liked giant pandas. I've
been to China and seen them in the wild.

It's the kind of thing
I can do if I want... now.

I can do pretty much anything
I want to do these days.

So now we make 23% of the modems in
the market, which is pretty good.

Wow.

When I was growing up here, the
timber business was just playing out.

The town was about dead.
Panda modem changed all that.

Now just about everybody in town either works
for me or depends on the company somehow,

which is kind of the problem.

Would you like another...
Whatever that is?

No, I'm all right.
It's grapefruit juice.

Grapefruit juice. Far out.

I'm gonna get another beer.

All right.

You want me to be your friend.

But that's not
what's really going on.

What's really going on is you have some
problems and you want some therapy,

but you feel it could be very
bad for panda modem stock...

If word got out that you
were having head problems.

Can I ask you
a personal question?

Of course.
That's exactly what I want.

- Have you thought about getting a wife?
- Yeah.

When panda started to happen,
I was dating women...

From New York,
San Francisco, L.A.

They came out of the woodwork. Models,
actresses, venture capitalists.

These were not the kind of girls who were
interested in me before I hit it big.

And you know what I discovered?

I discovered these girls
did not love me for myself.

The majority of them
didn't even like me.

But a lot of them would've gladly
become Mrs. skipperton for a while.

Can you imagine that? Marrying somebody
just because they've got money?

I gotta pee.

Can I ask you something?

This town is called mumford.

Been that way since 18...
eighteen-oh...

eighteen-oh... thirteen, right?
Now, here's the question.

- Your name is mumford too.
- Is that the question?

You moved here from back east, and your
name is the same as this town. Right?

Far out.

I hope you don't think
I want you to do this for free.

Just because we're gonna play it like we're friends
doesn't mean I won't pay you like a doctor.

I understand.

I have a lot of money. You
know how much money I've got?

Don't tell me, 'cause I'm not
gonna tell you what I've got.

I've got three big ones.
I'm impressed.

I couldn't make $3 million
if I lived three lifetimes.

No, no. I have $3 billion.

There you go. Thank you, sir.

Dr. mumford. Mr. crisp.

I was just lookin' for a ladder.
Could you come with me, please?

I should've come to your office.
Uh, I was gonna, actually.

But you walked in here today and...
that's all right.

It's my daughter Sofie.

She's got a problem.
What's that?

We're not sure. We've been to all
kinds of doctors in the city.

They all say different things. Some
are callin' it Epstein-barr virus.

The rest are calling it
chronic fatigue symptom.

Syndrome.
Chronic fatigue syndrome.

That's it. Syndrome.
You know all about it, huh?

No. A little. There's
a lot of debate about it.

Yeah, yeah. Well, I got that. Some people
think that it's all in their heads, huh?

Yeah. Well, it's been so bad that she had
to move back to mumford and live with us.

I'm not sure that's
the best thing.

Why is that? Well, a lot of reasons.
Several different factors.

Would you see her, doc?

Sure. Uh, why don't you bring her up to
my office at 3:00 tomorrow afternoon?

I'm not sure she'll come.

She's in a mood.

You ever go to somebody's house?

Generally that doesn't
work out so well.

It sends the wrong message to
people that need to make a change.

This is great.
This is exactly what I wanted.

Skip, you must have lots of
people you can throw a ball with.

You'd be surprised. Most guys have
kids or wives or girlfriends.

They're busy. It's not as
easy as you think, doc.

Skip, you're the head of the whole
deal here. Are they busier than you?

Well, like I said, just about
everybody in town works for me.

It's just not the same asking someone
to throw a ball when they work for you.

It's like an order or something.

So would you say
we're out here, uh...

let me think how to put this. Is your
problem really that you're lonely?

Don't you like this?

Sure, I like it. What's better than this?
Most guys would kill...

To have someone to do this with
whenever they like. Okay, then.

Have you got a lot of friends?

Lily and I talk a bit.

You know lily, who runs the coffee shop?
No. I've seen her, though.

Good-lookin' woman. She's probably
ten years older than you.

Good-lookin' woman.

Lives downstairs from me. She's
got a dog named for Danny ainge.

Wait. Really? Danny ainge?

I'm the only person I know that likes
Danny ainge, outside of Celtic fans...

And Phoenix, I guess.
Well, there's lily.

Did you know that Danny ainge
was drafted by the bluejays?

Do you know what kind of an athlete you have
to be to be in the n.B.A. And in the majors?

- Amazing.
- Unbelievable.

And lily named her dog
after him, huh? Far out.

What kind of person do you
have to be to do this?

What?

This.

I would've traded any of it to have
made the mumford high varsity.

So I guess Henry follett
is a patient of yours?

Yeah. He's my pharmacist.

Guy's got
some serious sex fantasies.

Pretty good too. Lots of detail.
Nothin' hard-core.

Old-fashioned ones from back when people
cared about atmosphere and character.

Uh-huh.

The problem is his fantasy life's
a lot better than his actual one.

Nothing can live up to it, so he's
always disappointed in the real thing.

His wife got sick of it and left him.
Took his kids with her.

I wondered what happened to her.

Of course it's not that simple. There's
something powerful going on there I don't get.

We got some work to do.
It's hit to the warning track!

In these fantasies, Henry follett is
played by a handsome guy with biceps.

Can you imagine that? Where
your self-esteem has to be?

Man, I'd just like to move the guy to the point
where he gets to appear in his own fantasies.

Dr. mumford. Mr. crisp.

This is my daughter Sofie.

Have a seat.

Feel free to lie down.
Most people do.

I'd better not.
I'll fall right to sleep.

I think it's too soon
for me to be sleeping with you.

What can you tell me about this?

Oh, lord.

It's almost too exhausting
to tell you about my exhaustion.

I didn't really want to come.
I'm not hopeful right now.

But I couldn't take the look
on my dad's face.

When did you start
to feel this way?

About six months ago...
I guess it is now.

God, it seems like years.

I'm embarrassed by it.
Before this happened,

when I'd hear people talk
about this kind of thing,

I thought it was bullshit.

What?

You think that now. You think it's
a bunch of baloney, don't you?

No.

I saw it. I saw it in your eyes.

That's okay. Maybe it is.

My mother always says, "everything
that's wrong with you is in your head."

I suppose that's true.

Back when this started, was there
anything unusual happening in your life?

Uh, a change of job, of living
situation, a loss of some kind?

No.

But it started one year to the day
after my divorce became final.

That's not too suspicious,
is it?

But it wasn't like I was feeling bad
about the divorce. Just the opposite.

Hmm.

"Hmm"?

"Hmm," as in,
"that's interesting."

Sometimes with enough clues it's
possible to figure these things out.

Even if you don't think
it's real?

I don't know what's real and what isn't.
That's never been my strong suit.

But if you're tired all the time and you've
had to give up the life you were living...

And come back home and you didn't
want to, that's worth trying to fix.

- Maybe I can help you do that.
- What would you do?

We.

We would try several things,
but I need to see you a lot.

Oh, I don't know.
I barely made it today.

I'll come to you.

We'll try a little walking.

We'll take it slow. You'll never
feel you can't handle it.

I don't think I can afford it.
I don't want my dad paying.

We'll work it out.

You have the best answer
for everything.

You seem so hopeful. Are
you always this... Sunny?

No one ever thought so.
You must bring it out.

Hmm.

I'm so happy that you came.

I'm so glad you invited me.

Sorry everything's
in such an uproar.

Lots of big occasions coming up,
and you know Christmas...

Is only eight months away.

Uh, I don't know
what's keeping Jeremy.

You know, he stays in the city three
nights a week. Yes, I explained that.

I know Katie's here, but I am
not so sure about Martin.

Uh, I'm making dinner myself tonight,
so I'll have to leave you, I'm afraid.

I'm awful, I know, but could
you please help yourself?

I just got a new copper sauciere
from Williams-sonoma,

and I'm afraid it'll be the death of
us all if I don't get back in there.

I'm fine.

- You're the doctor, aren't you?
- You must be Katie.

Come here.

Quick. Come on.

"Smith & hawken,
Scully & Scully,

"cuddledown, linen and lace,

"plow & hearth,
Victoria's secret,

"wolferman's, neiman Marcus,
coldwater creek,

"norm Thompson, j. Crew,

sharper image, garnet hill,
hammacher schlemmer."

You must be Martin.

Is this him? I showed him.

Do you get it now?
This is no joke.

Hey, kids. Oh, hi.

Jeremy brockett. You must be Dr.
Mumford of mumford.

Doc. Nice to meet ya. Sorry I'm late.
Traffic was a motherfucker.

Have a drink.
I'll be back in five.

It's very exciting
when it all comes to me,

and sometimes I even order double so that I can
sort of see what I'm gonna send for gifts.

So now I have two of everything.

Think you're gonna like this.

You know much about
Cuban cigars?

Nope.

I'll be back.

Makes the whole thing
that much better.

Hold the flame a little bit
below the end.

That's it. Now turn it slowly
while you draw.

You a man who likes to
treat himself right?

I've had my moments.

Well, I am,
and I'm not ashamed of it.

Nobody ever said on their deathbed,
"I treated myself too well."

I thought it was, uh, nobody ever said, "I
should have spent more time at the office."

Fill in the blank.
I don't mind the office.

The point is,
you only go around once.

So like the zens say,
"be here now."

What do you do?

- Althea didn't tell ya?
- We've been talkin' about her mostly.

Well, in '85, four of us
left our firms...

And formed
an investment banking venture.

We have 23 people
working for us now.

You've done well.

We've done very well.

You know anything
about addiction, doc?

A little.

Well, I'm addicted to winning. I say when
you're in the red zone you gotta score.

So, what do you think?

Tastes good.

No. I mean about althea.

About her behavior.

Think you can fix her up? What
do you think's wrong with her?

She's gone weird
is what's wrong with her.

She's out of control.

Probably from living out here
in mayberry r.F.D.

But you're the doctor.

What do you think?

She seems very unhappy.

I think we all knew that,
Professor.

The question...

the real "ques-tio-nee" is why?

- You know how to drive?
- Sure.

Got a license?

But no car? Don't need it.

I just got my license
two weeks ago.

You're good. I've been
drivin' since I was 12.

That would explain it.

Can you help mom?

I'm trying.

Got to.

Nessa Watkins. She comes
to you, doesn't she?

You're treating her, right?

What's wrong with her?

Is she a friend of yours?
No. Sort of.

She's so screwed up.

Always starving herself
when she's already skinny.

Man, she could be cool, but all she does
is get wrecked and do all the guys.

Person's gotta hate themselves
to act like that.

Have you ever met a bigger
shithead than my stepfather?

Thanks, Martin. Ainge!

Ainge!

Ainge. That's okay.
Jeremy won't mind.

Do we run into the street?
See ya.

No. I didn't think so.

Nice car. How's that place?

It's a pretty piece of land.

And the brocketts? Horror show.
What'd you do tonight?

Oh, it was insane around here, man. I
had to call in the national guard.

Then I did my laundry
and watched 20/20.

And?

It was shocking.

Did you know that
the government is wasteful?

You heard it here first.

And bein' a supermodel,
mumford, is no walk in the park.

Why do you watch?

There's no gentleman caller,
doc. Not that I care.

I've had it with men.

They're so fascinated
by their own crap.

It took me four years
to get the last one out.

These days, my idea
of a hot date...

Is a long shower by myself
before bed.

Now that... that feels good.

And you don't have to do
all that listening.

Oh. Sorry.
That's very insensitive.

I guess that's
the story of your life.

I'm not making any promises.

Turn back any time you want.

Oh, boy.
This should be interesting.

Hello, mother.
I want you to meet Dr. mumford.

Mumford? Like the town? Yes.

It's a pleasure
meeting you, Mrs. crisp.

What's happening here?
We're going for a walk.

Do you think that's a good idea?

Dr. mumford does, yes. I've put
myself completely in his hands.

Uh, for today, anyway.

- What kind of doctor are you?
- Ph.D. Psychologist.

Oh. Not a real doctor.

That's right. The fake kind.
We'd better go,

or I am liable to bail
on this whole thing.

Nice meeting you.

Mom's such a cutie.

Usually people don't hate me
till they get to know me.

You caught her in a good mood.

Wow. It doesn't
bother me anymore.

It's my dad and my brother
I worry about.

Maybe, but you're the one
whose ass is dragging.

Is that the technical
description of what I've got?

Is she against you getting help?
Uh, we don't discuss it.

Something's bothering her. Oh,
we've all disappointed her.

Me especially, but my dad,
of course.

She thinks my brother's all right,
but she didn't expect much.

It's what happens
when you marry beneath yourself.

Please forgive me.

What? Negative thinking makes
everything more difficult.

If you're gonna have enough strength to do this,
we have to talk only about positive things.

All right?

All right. Okay, then.

Are you positive
your mother's a bitch?

Just kidding.

- Is this the treatment?
- Sorry.

'Cause I'll tell ya, none of the
others have tried this approach.

Hey. Just do it.

I want you
to tell me all your symptoms.

I'm embarrassed. The list is so long.
Be specific.

Well, I'm tired all the time,
obviously.

I always feel like taking a nap, but
then if I try to sleep, I have trouble.

My muscles ache, and my joints.
I feel like an old person.

Or like I did back when I used
to work out too hard. What else?

Sore throat? Uh-huh.

"Low grade fever,

painful lymph glands."

Irritability? Forgetfulness?
Depression?

Yes, yes and definitely yes.

Also, I get confused.

Yeah. Most people have that.
It's confusing here.

- Where?
- Life.

I don't know if
I mentioned the headaches.

Did you get headaches before this?
Yeah.

But you get more now,
or more severe?

No, not really. They're about the same.
My marriage was one long headache.

So the headaches
may not even be a part of this.

I can give myself a headache
instantly.

Is that like a party trick?

All I need is to have two conflicting
thoughts at the same time.

Like, I'll think, "taking these walks
is gonna help Sofie get better."

But then I'll also think, "mumford,
you just enjoy taking these walks,

and you're kidding yourself
about the benefits."

There. I've given myself
a real whopper.

You actually address yourself
by name in your thoughts?

So you really think having two opposing ideas
in your head does some kind of damage?

Sometimes, yeah. Pulling in two
different directions at once...

Makes tiny little tears
in our fabric.

Then my life has been
some kind of huge rip.

Hey, skip. Hey, doc.

I know we're not supposed to
get together until Thursday.

That's all right.
What's on your mind?

How many sessions
have we had now, doc?

Six. And it's been good,
like we're two buddies,

hangin' out,
just shootin' the shit.

Yep.

This is really hard.

Everything I want to say
is hard.

We're like friends, almost,

who trust each other.

I wanna tell you something, doc, but
before I do I need to ask you a question.

Because for me to tell you this thing...
well, I haven't told anybody about this.

It's the biggest secret
I've got.

Sometimes it's best to keep a
few things just for ourselves.

You're a shrink, doc. Aren't I supposed
to be able to tell you everything?

It's... it's just a thought.

That really relates
to the thing I wanna ask you.

I've noticed that sometimes...
not a lot, but sometimes...

when we're hangin' out,
throwin' the ball,

or that time we went bowling,

sometimes you'll, like,

tell me things
about your other patients.

Hey, maybe that's all right!

I don't know all that much
about psychology or therapy...

Or ethics.

So maybe there's something
I missed or something.

You're concerned that maybe I can't be
trusted with a secret. I trust you.

Definitely. No question.

But, yeah.
I'm a little concerned.

I mean, you're not supposed to tell anyone
about your patients' problems, are you?

That is correct, skip.

I'm gonna have to
take a long look at that.

Okay, then. What I was
gonna tell ya... skip.

Knowing what you do about me...
I mean, what you just said...

doc, I trust you. You've listened
to me better than anybody.

Maybe ever. And this secret I
got, I can't stand it anymore.

Okay.

I'm just gonna tell you
as simple and direct as I can.

And you understand that this is
a big secret, just between us?

You know I've got this gift
for certain kinds of machines.

You are panda,
monarch of modems.

That's right. And you also know that even
though I make 23% of the modems in the world,

I cannot make one simple connection
with any woman who could truly love me.

Mmm. Okay,
let's say that for now.

It's true. Believe me.

So, do you know
what I've been doing...

All alone in my workshop
for almost two years?

Mr. find-the-need-and-fill-it?

How I spend
my every solitary hour?

Guess.

Go ahead. Guess.

Jerking off?

No!

Although that's a good guess.

No. What I've been working on,

what the world really needs and
no one has been able to create:

A virtually lifelike, humanoid,

gender-specific,
anatomically functional,

sexual surrogate,
slash, companion.

- Slash what?
- Sexual surrogate, slash, companion.

- A doll?
- No, doc! Not a doll.

I am panda modem. I'm talking about
much, much more than a doll.

The world has never seen what I'm talking
about, except maybe in the movies.

How's it coming?

You don't think I'm insane?

And that's your secret?
You meant like a trade secret?

No, doc. A private secret.

It's psychotic. It's pitiful.

What am I? Dr. Frankenstein?

Aren't you repulsed? It sounds
like kind of a good idea.

Really? Definitely.

Skip, that's not much
of a secret.

It's not? Oh, it's okay. It's just
not something to be ashamed of.

Maybe you don't want people knowing,
and believe me, it's safe with me.

But on the scale of dirty little
secrets I'd give it, say, a two.

You wanna know a secret?

I'll tell you a secret since
it's just between us and all.

The secret, skip, is this.

I am not now,
nor have I ever been...

A psychologist.

We'd better get going.

Just follow my light.
Skip, watch your step.

- Who else knows?
- Just you.

It's time
you did some talkin', Dr. mum.

Wait a minute.
That is your name, isn't it?

Damn! What is your name?

It doesn't matter. You can call me doc.
It matters to me.

I've told you
a lot of private stuff.

I can tell you anything else.
What about everything else?

How did this happen?

Did you know that
every species of mammal...

Has found some way to drug,
inebriate or anesthetize itself?

Even if it's just banging
its head against a rock.

Seems to be some natural urge
to get away for a while.

I've had it for as long
as I can remember.

When I got a scholarship to
go out of state to college,

congratulations. I was the first
one in my extended family...

Who'd gone beyond high school.

At graduation, my folks looked
like a normal, happy couple,

which I guess they were about ten
percent of the time, out in public.

¶¶ My roommate was from a
planet I had never heard of...

Called scarsdale, where everything
was the opposite of West Virginia.

Come on in, bro.

All the other kids
seemed to know things I didn't.

They were friendly enough, but in four
years I never got over feeling...

That I'd sneaked in
and I was about to be exposed...

As the hillbilly
and impostor I actually was.

The thing that always made
those feelings go away was fun.

Fun was drugs. Fun was sex.

The only problem I had with degenerate,
self-destructive behavior...

Was I couldn't get enough of it.

Over the next few years I had
a series of challenging jobs.

Pump jockey, pizza delivery,
pipe fitting, pest control.

Lots of jobs that started with the
letter "p." For some reason...

I kept losing these jobs.

Eventually, doing all these different
jobs, I noticed something.

For some reason, probably because
I was too stoned to talk,

everywhere I went,
people would talk to me.

My brother started molesting me.
This whole pattern of...

Tell me everything. Behavior...

my real dad?
Well, who's this man...

I've been living with all my life, right?
Their problems,

I know we're in love with each other...
their innermost thoughts,

- I think he's smoking dope.
- Sometimes they'd pretend they needed advice,

but mostly people just wanted
someone to listen.

I'm a little nervous about
the whole thing. And I...

told you she left me, didn't I? She just
would eat away at me and away at me...

anyway, one day I was,
uh, spraying for termites...

When I had a vision.

It was time to
put my college degree to work...

And get a job with a desk.

Took the civil service exam. I found myself
working at the internal revenue service,

district 14,
central administrative office.

I started off as a general records clerk, but
pretty soon I was taking the advancement test.

There was more money to be made
as your classification went up,

which had a lot of appeal to me
because, even though I was certain...

I could stop anytime I wanted, I had
developed a real addiction to cocaine.

It was
the best hobby I ever had.

Not that one! That is allowed!

But I sure didn't want to be
a revenue officer...

Where you were face-to-face with the
public, getting abuse all day long.

And being one
of the collection cowboys...

Had no appeal at all.

But there was one job that looked
like it might be fun: Investigator.

Are you telling me your last job
before becoming a psychologist...

Was an investigator for
the internal revenue service?

Everybody has a story, skip.

Seems like you
got the variety pack.

What it felt like was...

A series of separate,
unconnected lives.

Every time I'd leave a life,
it felt good.

Whatever problems I was having
were suddenly gone.

I had no friends,
and I didn't talk to my family.

The only constant, stabilizing
force in my life was drugs.

An I.R.S. Investigator
with a drug problem.

I got teamed
with one of the top guys,

this fanatic named Gregory.

He always got his man,
whether they deserved it or not.

He was a closer,
and everybody admired that.

He'd make the case, and the collection
guys would come in and clean up.

Our specialty was,
uh, sleazy skulking.

We were a great team. I was a dope addict.
Gregory was insane.

See you, captain.

Of course him being insane didn't make it all
right that I fell in love with his wife.

- Candy.
- Holy shit.

Get to know your therapist.

You were messed up, man.

Things got a lot worse. The best way
to get money out of taxpayers...

Was to intimidate them, which meant
building up a convincing case...

Whether they'd actually
done anything wrong or not.

That's where we came in.

Our district manager was pushing us hard to
make a case against a furniture maker...

Named Edmond warris
and his family.

We were getting so much pressure, Gregory
started acting more and more irrational.

We were breaking into their
warehouse, into their files,

doing things that were over
the line, even for the I.R.S.

When I look back on it now, I'm sure Gregory
must have known about candy and me.

And it probably made him
even crazier.

What was scary was, on our team, I
had become the responsible one.

When the warris case looked like
it might not add up to anything,

Gregory and the district manager put the squeeze
on warris' accountant, a guy named gorbeck.

There aren't many accountants who don't have
something to worry about with the service.

Gorbeck decided to help. Warris
said he'd done nothing wrong...

And threatened to fight it
all the way to Washington.

I was secretly pulling for him.

He didn't expect his accountant
to turn on him.

Gregory and the district manager
stepped up the pressure.

What none of us down at the service knew
was that Edmond warris had a story too.

His was that he'd been fighting
chronic depression for 30 years.

Under the heat of the investigation,
he fell off his medication.

One Tuesday morning
he went down to the factory,

Wrote his family a letter.

Then he used the nine millimeter automatic
they kept there to kill himself.

The district manager
decided to blame us.

He dropped the case that day and started
proceedings to get rid of Gregory and me.

Gregory went home drunk
and beat up candy.

Candy told me she didn't want
to see me again.

She hated us both,
and she was leaving us both.

It made perfect sense to me.

A decent man was dead,
and some of it was my fault.

Whatever this was,
it felt like...

The bottom.

I wanted to leave too,
just like candy,

get as far away from...

Me... as possible.

And so you did.

- And the drugs?
- Harder than I thought.

On my third try I found
a place in the desert...

That was run
by an order of monks.

And it worked.

What about the name? Mumford.

I mean, why pick the name
of the town you were going to?

You got it backwards. I already had the name
when I started looking for somewhere to settle.

When I saw this town on a map,
I thought maybe it was a sign.

See, Mickey mumford was in miss
rice's kindergarten class with me.

He was killed with his parents in a car wreck
on their way back from a steelers game.

He was only six years old,
which is a real plus.

So there's a birth certificate if
anybody checks, but not much else.

And a birth certificate is enough?
Everything flows from that.

And what doesn't can be easily purchased. Of
course, my i. R.S. Training made it easier.

Once you've done that, there's not much data
you can't access and use any way you want.

In a free society,
you are who you say you are.

If you screwed up one life,

sometimes you can
get another shot.

Be back.

But you studied psychology,
right?

You did the training and just never
got the degree. No. No training.

- Psych major?
- English lit.

Geez, man!
But you're good at it.

I understand what it's like
to wanna leave a problem behind.

That's all most people
are lookin' to do.

Mainly I listen.

Somebody's taking a shower
down there.

That'd be lily.

I wish I could live
in the shower.

I'd take five a day
if I had the time.

I went to this spa in Germany, a sanitarium
practically, up on this Mountain.

The great thing...
they just kept you wet all day.

Who'd you go with?

That's not good.

So we get on this steam engine train
that runs up into the mountains.

And this trip was everything
it's supposed to be.

We're chugging along
in this open car...

great views,
Mountain air blowing through.

We'd been married
at this point four years.

He turns to me
and, for a second,

he looked the way he did
when we first met.

And he says how he likes it
better when I wear my hair back.

That wasn't so good.

Oh.

You're doin' great.

I don't know if I'm gonna
make it the whole way.

It doesn't matter. Go on.

Oh, this makes me sound irrational,
which is probably right,

but there was something
about him saying this.

It was maybe the millionth time he had
told me about some preference of his.

Well, I was so tired of it.

It seems like my whole life
someone has been telling me...

I'm just not getting it right.

Can we rest for a second?

Are you purposely making me
talk while we do this?

Because you think
this is good for me?

And... you're a sadistic bastard...
Yes.

Who thinks there's nothing
really wrong with me.

Oh, there's something wrong
with you, all right.

Especially after hearing that dream
of yours about the roto-rooter.

That was pretty bad, wasn't it?
Disgusting.

And I'll bet you can
interpret the whole thing?

Well, it's pretty obvious
to a trained professional.

I hate those dreams where
everything means something.

So is that when you split up?

No. That'd make a good story,
but that was just the beginning.

We went on
for another year or so.

So whose route is this?

Brady peck's. Fourteen years old.
Lives next door.

And he's where?

Downstate at jamboree.
Five days. Why?

I'm thinking a gal could make
a good living doing this.

How hard could it be
squeezing out some 14-year-old?

You like it? It's all right.

Then you can expect me
tomorrow morning at 5:30.

This is legitimate therapy?

Therapy? Hell, no. I just
don't want to do it alone.

And there's no way this behavior
can be interpreted as anything...

But completely inappropriate
and highly unprofessional.

Now... I don't want to presume to
tell you how to run your businesses.

- Practices.
- Whatever.

Six months ago, you two were
the only shrinks in town.

Now, you realize, Lionel, there's a
difference. While I'm a psychiatrist,

Dr. sheeler is a psychologist
like Dr. mumford.

Oh. That's fascinating.

My... point is that the value
of your, um, practices...

Could be seriously undermined
by this bozo.

A town this size has only so
many head cases to go around.

- Well, what exactly would you have us do, Lionel?
- You protect your turf.

You check this guy out. I smell a rat.
I'm telling you.

Mr. dillard, I'm sure Mr. delbanco
shares my gratitude for your concern,

but I also know that he'd agree you misunderstand
the nature of our calling to mental health.

We're not in some widget business,
trying to crush our competition.

What the hell is a widget?

Why do I waste my time?
Complete idiots.

- What an asshole.
- Ernest, what do you think?

I think he's got a point.

Found work my first day out...

Down at old man sutter's
gas station and diner.

I don't want to see that boy around
here again. Back at the boardinghouse,

I was washing up
when I heard a load of yellin',

and I got my first look
at the landlady's daughter.

You don't like any of my friends!
Don't walk away from me!

Lucky for me, she was plenty
upset, but not too careful.

Or maybe
it wasn't an accident at all.

Mr. follett? For in that instant, I
saw the beginning of a ViXen's smile.

- And I knew that it was...
- Henry!

What? Stop now.

Why? I'm payin' for this.
Not for this.

Not me, you're not. You find
it distasteful, don't you?

It doesn't matter how I feel about it.
It's how you feel about it that matters.

I enjoy it. Does that make me
some kind of deviant?

Just because a man's got a rich,
imaginative life? You didn't come to me...

- Because you have a rich imagination, Henry.
- No?

You came because it's taking over.
You're in its grip.

I never said that.

Where's your wife, Henry?

- Where's your wife, Henry?
- Go to hell.

I didn't hear you.

I thought we were
going to talk about me.

We got divorced.

I had to get rid of her.
She couldn't satisfy me.

What?

I was never satisfied.

Now we're back on track.

I suppose. What's that?

You are so mean.

That is such a wicked look.

What is it, nessa? Look at those legs.
This chick is 12 feet tall.

That's the body I'm getting.
I've ordered it.

Whoa! This dress
has to be surgically applied.

Where is this beach where
everyone has such good teeth?

What do you want me to see?

Just chill for a second.
Look at this guy.

Gorgeous, although
clearly not of this earth.

Excellent pecs.
Mutant cheekbones.

Where are you going?
I'm showing you something.

I just need
to find the... the thing.

- If you don't want to have a session today, it's okay.
- I want to have the session.

I thought it would be cool if I could show
you some of the things that interest me.

We could share, as they say. But I guess
you're not into it, which we already knew.

- What happened today?
- What are you talking about?

Was it something
that happened at school?

These appointments were not
my idea, remember? True.

Should we stop them?

I don't think you know what
you're talking about. Hmm.

This shrink school you went to. Did
you hear about it on an infomercial?

I want to live in the world
that these people are in.

No one ever says anything in there.
Have you noticed?

They're all very cool,

like they're all really deep.

It's when people start talking
that everything goes to shit.

There's this kid at school,
Martin brockett.

He has some gigantic idea of
himself that no one else shares.

You wouldn't believe
the crap he lays on me.

Who appointed him
my spiritual leader?

If he has everything so figured out, how
come his best friend's a .22 rifle?

Why does he spend all his time
chasing after me?

Probably thinks I'm gonna
give him a hummer.

Do you think
that's what he wants?

No.

I don't know what he wants, but I
know I don't like being watched.

No one's ever paid any attention to
what I did, and I liked it just fine.

Where does he get off
telling me I disrespect myself?

Fuck him.
Look in the mirror, bozo.

Hello. Konichiwa. Hello.
Good to see you. Very good.

I'm lily.

What's the deal?

Hi. They come through several times a year.
It's a tour.

Oh, Mrs. saito, good to see you again!
Where am I supposed to eat?

You're on your own today, sweetie.
Good to see you. I'm lily.

Skip!

Hey, doc. Lily, I want you to meet skip.
Skip, lily.

- It's a pleasure to meet you.
- Me, uh, too. I was at your house.

- Oh?
- Upstairs with doc. It's a very nice place.

I heard your shower.

I see you goin' by on your board
all the time. I didn't realize.

- You're so young to be so...
- What?

- So rich?
- So accomplished.

I may be young, but doc can
tell you, I'm very immature.

So is this, like,
a Japanese restaurant?

Oh, I'd better go. Sorry. That's
a lot of people all at once.

It's okay. They pre-order.
It's a choice of three entrees.

What are they?

Meat loaf, Turkey quesadillas
and salad nicoise.

Salad nicoise?
I love salad nicoise.

You do? Yeah.

Uh, come on in.

Far out.

Dr. mumford?

Dr. delbanco.
It's nice to see you again.

I don't think you know Dr. sheeler.
She's the other therapist here in town.

Of course. I've heard great
things about you. Thank you.

You never got back to me. I called to say
we'd like to take you out for a meal.

- Kind of a professional welcome.
- Forgive me, please.

- What a gracious thought. We must do that.
- When?

Why don't I call you when I have
my calendar in front of me?

- What are you doin' for lunch?
- Right now?

Mm-hmm.

...Annihilation anxieties
engendered by bad experiences...

With a depriving mother, but either way,
no one can escape the fear of death.

It is, as William James put it,
"the worm at the core."

And try as we may to forget
or ignore our own mortality,

"the skull will grin in
at the banquet."

I've run on. Forgive me. We're
here to talk about you.

Are we?

What Ernest means, I think, is we're
very interested in other methodology.

Different kinds of training. We're great
believers in learning from each other.

Well, I've learned so much from
Ernest that... Dr. delbanco...

oh, and I from Phyllis.

So, the university of Kentucky?
Who runs the program down there?

My mentor was an amazing teacher
named benton mandlebaum.

Died quite tragically
in the collapse of a gazebo.

So I suppose your extended training
was at an institution in that area?

Lots of institutions.

My graduate advisor believed we should
experience as many environments as possible:

Prisons, clinics,
halfway houses.

For a while, I was chief
therapist in a shopping mall.

- Had a little spot next to the yogurt place.
- Interesting approach.

- And what was his name?
- Dorothy Fowler. Fantastic woman.

She, uh, passed last year
in a train wreck.

Damn amtrak.

I trained in the east
myself. Cornell.

And I don't care what anyone says.
There really are regional differences.

I found the state certification exams
here quite harrowing. Did you?

Oh, yeah. Very tough. But I guess
that's good. Keep out the quacks.

Which examiner did you have?
I probably know him.

Wallace Franklin
from greensburg.

That was a terrible thing.

I don't know why hang gliding is
even considered a legitimate sport.

Uh, we're interested in any new therapies.
How would you characterize your approach?

My approach?

Yes. Your particular approach.

I don't have one, really.
Most of the time I'm faking it.

See, I think there's not much that
can be done about most problems.

They're too complicated, too deep-rooted
by the time I hear about them.

The most I can do usually
is look, listen real closely...

And try to catch some glimpse of
the secret life everybody's got.

If I can get a sense of that, then maybe,
just maybe, I can help them out a little.

I see.

- The argument had nothing to do with it.
- I understand.

- I just want to know what the argument was about.
- I had ordered some books,

the 100 greatest books
ever written.

- Mm-hmm. What are they?
- Oh. All the great writers.

Shakespeare. Charles dickens.
Moby dick. Those people.

- One hundred books, althea?
- It's irrelevant.

It had nothing to do with what happened.
What happened?

We argued on Sunday.
He went to work on Monday...

And stayed in the city during the
week like always, but on Thursday,

when he normally comes home,
he didn't.

He didn't call, either.
Not till Saturday afternoon.

You must have been concerned.
It's happened before.

I am shocked
by how little I'm feeling.

I don't understand this.

I'll probably have a complete
depressoid collapse soon, won't I?

Doubtful. What did he say? Oh,
he said he wasn't coming back.

He said it wasn't working for him anymore.
Hadn't worked for him for quite a while.

Do you know
what I regret the most?

I am sorry I let him
make the kids take his name.

He was an acquirer.
He liked to acquire things.

You think that has something
to do with my problem,

ordering all those things,

like I was on some kind of
campaign to out-acquire him.

If I was just an acquisition to him,
and he lost interest once he had me...

that can't be it. It's too simple.
Besides, I still like it.

This morning, I ordered a marble turtle
cheese board from the horchow collection.

Can I tell you something
just awful?

You know how people who are just assholes will
sometimes look at a woman with problems...

And say, "what she needs
is a good shtupping"?

There may be something to that.

Jeremy didn't keep up his end.

What difference does it make?

Why do I feel elated?

Am I in denial?

You know what this feels like?

I know my time's up, but I've got to get
this out while I've got hold of it.

- Take your time.
- When I was in high school,

the thing that I wanted most
when I was stuck in class,

the thing that I was always desperately
in pursuit of, was a hall pass.

That's all I ever wanted. I loved
moving freely around the school...

While everybody else
was trapped in there.

That's how I feel right now,

like I have some giant
all-day hall pass.

My God. Did it just
get hot in here or what?

I'll see you next time. I'll
probably be a basket case by then.

You can use the back
if you like.

"There's no shame in getting a
little therapy," right, doc?

Hello, Mr. follett.

Have a good session.

Henry.

Henry.

Hey, doc!

Hey, doc.

Thanks, Jennifer. I'll take
him from here. Come on.

I'm glad you came.

I've never brought anyone down here before.
I'm honored.

It's just me, dino.

Skip, I've got a problem,
and I need some advice.

You want my advice?

Far out.

I hope nothing you're about to
see will shake your faith in me.

Pretty creepy, huh?

Are you totally disgusted?

Skip, you're a visionary.
That can be a burden.

This doesn't seem
a little perverse?

There are a lot of lonely people in the world.
Somebody's gonna figure this out someday.

I'm really not comfortable here.

Can we
go somewhere more private?

It's not gonna be me.
I'm givin' it up.

- Really?
- Skip, you are so amazing.

It's all your fault. In the last 48
hours, I've completely lost interest.

What did I do? Lily.

Lily? Skip, that's great.
You and lily?

- Far out.
- Oh, she doesn't know about it yet.

Right now, of the two of us, I'm the
only one in love, but I'm really stoked.

Doc, how can I
be of help to you?

Sorry.

- Wow.
-

- I'm here for you, doc.
- Skip.

You know that it's improper,
completely unethical,

for a licensed psychologist to carry on a
romantic relationship with one of his patients?

I guess that makes sense.

Yes. Yes, it does.

You've fallen in love
with one of your patients?

Doc, it's not me, is it?

What?

No, skip. It's not you.
But I like you a lot.

Doc, what about this?

You're not really
a licensed psychologist.

Hmm. I guess that doesn't help.

I see where you're going here.
It's a mess.

Yep.

Don't you find it incredibly convenient
that everyone who could possibly...

Corroborate his story has
recently died some exotic death?

- Well, they're neither all recent nor exotic.
- But they certainly are dead.

And, yes. Personally,
I find it a bit odd.

But it could happen. And what about
his state certification exams?

The records seem to be in order.

What's easier than hacking into a state
computer and typing in some numbers?

For all you know, he didn't even take the
exams. You know, that's true, Ernest.

Well, I don't know that it's all
that easy to hack your way...

doctor, correct me if I'm wrong,
but it sounds to me like you...

Have bought this guy's story...
hook, line and bull twaddle.

You do seem much more disposed to him than I
understand. Ernest, did I miss something?

Oh, for God's sakes, Phyllis! We
have no reason to doubt this man!

What? Are we listening
to Lionel now?

Phyllis? Phyllis.

Phyllis. No.

I'm sorry. I didn't mean to shout.
Oh, no, no.

Phyllis. I... it is I, I who
am sorry, Dr. delbanco.

I am sorry
to have wasted your time...

Just... With such...

Phyllis.

- - Excuse me, miss.
- Can I have some sweetener?

Sure. Thanks.

Stop it.

He is a kid.
I am old enough to be his...

Will there be anything else?
His big sister.

Dr. mumford. Please, come on in.

Hello, Mr. crisp. Uh, I was
wondering if Sofie was around.

The wood is different here.
It's... it's not as, uh,

consistent as it is in some events,
and sometimes a guy gets...

were you supposed to have a session?
No, it's sort of spur of the moment.

Ah. Look who's here.

Uh, now, you've met Sofie's mother.
Mrs. crisp.

- We've met.
- Yes. And this is our son Ben.

It's a real honor, doctor.
Have a seat.

Uh, well, actually, I can't, really.
Do you think I could see Sofie?

Oh, I insist. I've been
wanting to meet you.

- Sofie's not here.
- Her friend from the city came and took her out to dinner.

- First time in a long time she's been willing.
- A friend?

We owe it to you. She has perked up a
lot since you've started treating her.

What did you want?

- There's just something I think we need to talk about.
- What?

- Elizabeth.
- I think we have a right.

- We certainly do not.
- Keep it zipped, Ben.

Is there something
that we need to know, doctor?

Well, yes, I guess
I should tell you.

I don't think I'm going to be
able to treat Sofie anymore.

Finally, some common sense.

- What do you mean?
- I think you know what I mean.

- No, I really don't.
- I think you do.

- Why don't you tell me?
- Why don't you go to hell?

- It's all a bunch of nonsense, and you know it.
- I'm telling you to stop this.

You're telling me? That's rich.

- I'd better go.
- Why can't you see Sofie?

I know the treatments
are working.

- You see, the problem is...
- The problem is, you're a big fake.

You haven't got a clue
what's wrong with that girl.

Wow. You're something.

Take a hike, Dr. quack.

Doctor, what is the problem?

Problem?

Uh, I guess there is no problem.

Uh, this friend of Sofie's...
where did he take her?

No, it's a she. Roxy. She used to work with
her. I think they went over to lantern.

Oh, roxy. Excellent.

Roxy.

Hi there. Is Mr. follett around?

- What is it?
- It's a thought I had.

Should I open it now?

Let me just say something here. I
have no idea if this is gonna help.

Well, what exactly
is it supposed to do?

There's some kind of imagery that's haunting
you and, I think, getting in your way.

- Which I don't necessarily agree.
- But you did come to me.

My guess is these images were burned
into your brain when you were young.

If we could nail down the exact
fantasies that are haunting you,

maybe you could get past them.

Anyway, I thought
we could try an experiment.

And the experiment's in here?

Yep.

You know what? I think this was a dumb idea.
I just... I just heard myself talking,

and I realized I'm completely
unqualified to be doing this.

Let's just forget the whole thing.
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

What are you doin'? I want to know what's
in here. There's absolutely no reason...

For me to think this is gonna have any impact
on you, and I'm embarrassed to have...

hey, hey, hey! Now, I agree with you that
you don't know what you're talkin' about.

That's what I've been saying all along.
And I can guarantee...

That lookin' at the lost ark or whatever you
got in here is not gonna mean diddly to me.

But if you think I'm gonna let you walk out
of here without seein' what's in this box,

then you don't know much
about Henry a. Follett.

- Mr. follett?
- What?

What... what the hell is so important
I can't have five minutes?

It's her, sir. You told me to get you when
she came to pick up her prescription.

Um...

Um, I'm sorry.
I'm gonna have to, um...

I really appreciate what...
what you're tryin' to...

I can't thank you enough for...
my pleasure.

I'll see you on, uh, um...

uh, whatever.

Hello, Henry.
Hello, Mrs. brockett.

Oh, please. Althea.

Let me explain something
about your prescription. Oh.

Uh...

When I was in high school, we used
to come up here and make out.

I liked to watch the sun go down.
That's what I like.

Which thing? Either one.

Why did you come to the
house the other night?

I thought I had something to tell
you, but it turned out I didn't.

My brother said you were about to fire me.
That's one way to put it.

I bet I know My mother.

She's so horrible, you decided
you couldn't desert me.

She made me really appreciate your father.
He's my new hero.

He was, actually...
you know, a hero.

My dad, when he was in the coast guard...
he risked himself...

To save the lives
of three people.

I know why you were
gonna quit seeing me.

You feel like a fake, an impostor, as if
maybe you don't know what you're doing.

Everybody feels that way sometimes, like
we're not who we're supposed to be.

But I have to tell you,
Dr. mumford,

you have
been a tremendous help to me.

Yeah? I can't tell you
how much I admire you.

You have a wonderful way with
people, and you're very insightful.

I feel like you've
seen me clearly.

I never used to admit what
a horrible person my mother was.

You've made that possible for me.
That's good?

Yes! And my ex-husband.

He never accepted me for who
I was, just like my mother.

And the things that you have said have
helped me understand what a dick he is.

I don't know if... you're shockingly
honest. That's what makes you great.

I've never had a man treat me this way.
With you, I feel really listened to.

Can I tell you something?
It's a little embarrassing,

but I feel very unguarded
with you.

Of course.

Thanks to this therapy, I now
know what I am looking for.

I need to find a man like you.

Not one who's treating
me, of course.

And I'm gonna do it, damn it. You
have given me the confidence.

Sofie, that...
that makes me very happy.

I mean, doc, the dude
is seriously deluded.

I said that to him. I said,

"if you think I'm gonna do all that shit
for you, man, you are seriously deluded."

- What did he say?
- He said, "which we already knew."

What did he want you to do?

Well, first off, he tells me
to stop smoking cigarettes.

I told him "abso-fuckin'-lutely
no," as you can see.

Then he says, "stop
smoking dope." No again.

Then he says he doesn't want me
getting together with any other guys.

What balls on this guy. What are we?
Going steady?

Jesus. No again?

I said I'd consider it.

And the last thing was insane. I
don't know what's wrong with him.

- He wants me to give up magazines.
- Really?

I don't know if I can quit.

We're gonna try it together, like,
you know, a.A. Or something.

And I made him give up his .22.

No more sneaking around the hills with
this fucking nut gun like some loony tune.

He agreed? He's pitiful, doc.
A goddamn puppy.

I don't know how much longer
I can put up with it.

I've already got two arms and legs.
I don't need another appendage.

Oop. Gotta go.

- Hiya, doc.
- Martin.

- Did you straighten her out?
- How are ya?

Extremely excellent. Didn't you hear?
My family just got 500 times better.

Let's go, venessa.

- Dr. mumford?
- I didn't notice you there. Can I help you?

My name's Gilroy. I'm from
the state certification board.

It's all right. It won't bite you.
Under civil code 1294.67b,

you're entitled to be notified that
your status and certification...

Are being reviewed.

- You want to come in?
- No, thanks.

Plenty of time for that when
we're a little further along.

Mr. Gilroy?
What brought this on?

I'm not at liberty to say.

Sometimes it's just routine.
Sometimes there's been a complaint.

We'll be in touch.

And then when you said at lunch
about everybody...

Having a secret life, well,
something just snapped inside me,

and I knew I could no longer continue
my relationship with Dr. sheeler.

It was tearing me up inside, and... and I know
Phyllis wasn't getting what she needed from it.

What had started
as a genuine respect, I think,

for each other's professional
abilities and became over time...

A personal attraction,
had somehow...

Migrated into a rather torrid
sexual relationship that...

I won't get into that today. Although,
if we should continue these sessions...

and I certainly hope we will... there are some
aspects of that that I would like to look at.

I mean, God knows I've listened to
enough people giving me the juicy...

at any rate, I wanted to acknowledge
the catalyzing effect...

That your comment had on me.

I just hope it doesn't
come roiling back upon you...

Like some dreadful undertow.

How do you mean?

Well, you see,

when I broke it off with Phyllis,
she was naturally upset,

and she became more determined
than ever to pursue certain...

uh, how to put it...
doubts... she's been harboring.

- What kind of doubts?
- About you.

Your background. Your qualifications.
I'm afraid that Phyllis...

Somehow got you mixed up,
in her fury, with me...

And actually took the whole
issue to the state board.

I see. There's
good news, though.

What's that? Phyllis has
decided to leave town...

And pursue her practice in the city, which
leaves you the only psychologist in town.

Dr. sheeler's leaving mumford.
I'm sorry to hear that.

Well, as you can imagine, my own
feelings about this are mixed,

unlike, I must say,
those of my wife.

¶ Take away my inhibition ¶

¶ take away my solitude ¶

¶ fire me up
with your resistance ¶

¶ mmm, put me in the mood ¶

¶ storm the walls
around this prison ¶

¶ leave the inmates
free the guards ¶

¶ deal me up another future from
some brand-new deck of cards ¶

¶ take the chip off
of my shoulder ¶

¶ smooth out all the lines ¶

¶ take me out
among the rustlin' pines ¶

¶ till it shines ¶

¶ oh, till it shines ¶

¶ like an echo down a canyon ¶

¶ never comin' back as clear ¶

¶ lately
I just judge the distance ¶

¶ Not the words I hear ¶
follett's pharmacy.

Do you have a prescription for me?
¶ I've been too long ¶

¶ on these islands ¶
you think that'll help?

¶ I've been far too
long alone ¶ uh, yeah.

I... I, um... - ¶ I've been
too long without summer ¶

¶ in this winter home ¶

¶ still, if we
can make the effort ¶

¶ if we take the chance ¶

¶ maybe we can
leave this much behind ¶

¶ till it shines ¶

¶ mmm, till it shines ¶¶

Old man sutter's young bride had
got me in hot water, all right.

And now I was being dealt
the beating of my life.

If there'd just been two of those bastards,
it would've been a little closer.

The landlady was good
at quite a few things,

but doctorin' wasn't one of 'em.

Lucky for me,
one of the other boarders...

a broad who lived downstairs
in the front room...

was a nurse.

And she had ways
to make you feel better...

They didn't teach
in nursing school.

I'm very happy for you, Henry. I feel
like we're making real progress here.

Me too, doc. And I can't tell you
what that package meant to me.

Hi. I need to talk
to you, doctor.

Can I come in? Of course.

We haven't met in this office
since that first time.

This is how a real professional and his
client are supposed to see each other.

It might have been
more appropriate...

If we had followed a traditional approach
to the doctor/patient relationship.

Is something wrong, Sofie?

Yes, something is very wrong, Dr.
Mumford. You're upset.

How intuitive. That must take
years of training right there.

Maybe you can guess
what has upset me?

Is it something
you've heard about me?

No. It is not something
I've heard about you. It's...

what... is there something I
should have heard about you?

Why don't you tell me
what's on your mind?

May I? Sure.

All right.

I'm just gonna come right out and say this,
because that's what your shrink is for, right?

So you can tell 'em what's
bothering you? Uh-huh.

First of all, I have been
feeling much better lately.

I don't know if the syndrome is over, if
it's just run its course or something,

but I feel 100% better than
when I first came to you.

I'm glad. Given that,
I am obviously...

Not going to be judging things
in the most realistic way.

- I don't follow you.
- I'm saying that since I am doing so much better...

which I attribute to you... I am liable
to misinterpret some of my feelings.

Okay. The point is this:
I am not a blank page.

I did not just fall off the turnip truck.
Do you know what I mean?

I think so. I know a
little about psychology.

I took three different courses
in college.

It's true none of them were above
the 200 level, but I took them.

And there was one concept
I remember very well.

- What was that?
- Transference.

- Transference?
- Yes. And that is what I have got right now.

I have taken my feelings of gratitude and
relief and transferred them onto you.

I have taken all those warm, grateful emotions
and confused them with feelings for you,

so that now I am
under the delusion that...

I am in love with you.

Hello?

Hello.

I think you can understand why I have some
serious questions about your methods.

I mean, obviously it becomes much more likely
that I am going to have confusion about this...

When your idea of treatment is to go walking
in the woods and up to make-out-ville...

And do all these
highly romantic activities.

We had a paper route together,
for God's sake.

Do you understand how
I might be a little resentful,

knowing that this so-called love
I am feeling...

Is totally bogus and...
Just a pathetic case of...

Transference?

Yes.

Maybe you oughta think about
how you're gonna fix this.

And when you do,
please get back to me.

Ainge.

- Doc.
- Lily.

Doc, I don't want you
to be mad at skip.

He told you?

Skip and I wouldn't have gotten together
if it weren't for you. That's a big deal.

Oh, you would've met
in some shower eventually.

I want to give you something.
Will you let me?

Okay.

Some advice.

Do the hard thing. That's it?
That's what you're giving me?

Clean up the mess,
no matter what it takes.

What it might take is doin' time.
Too bad.

That's tough. I mean it.

I'm not unsympathetic, but
skip says you're in love.

Yeah. Then it's worth it.

I'll tell her tonight.

Tonight, on unsolved mysteries.

Recently, a series of spectacular sightings
had the entire state of Arizona...

Buzzing about ufos
and visitors from beyond.

The military said the strange
lights were just flares.

But the eyewitnesses say
it just isn't so.

Sharon Kinney was a woman
who knew what she wanted,

and what she wanted most
was sex and money.

But would she kill
for the big payoff?

A drug rehabilitation center in
the lonely southwestern desert...

Run by reclusive monks becomes a point
of departure in a mysterious vanishing,

as an intrepid government
investigator disappears...

Without a trace.

Join me
for these intriguing cases.

Perhaps you can solve one of
tonight's unsolved mysteries,

implementing dangerous
undercover operations...

In the vast and secret machinery
of the internal revenue service.

Stand by.

Treasury department! Open up!

But perhaps the pressure
was too great.

Despite brilliant promise
as a fearless investigator,

he found himself on a downward
spiral of drug abuse...

And disillusion.

We didn't talk much
after our folks died,

but I know he felt
his life had taken a wrong turn.

I got the feelin'
he fell in with a bad crowd.

His former undercover partner
at the I.R.S...

Is now a trooper with
the Pennsylvania state police.

The guy was obsessed, didn't always
know where to draw the line,

but I would've trusted him
with my wife... my life.

What did I say? Both, actually.

I can't say I was surprised,
though, when he disappeared.

Who was this enigma?

A courageous public servant
or a debauched addict?

Either way, his last
known stop was here,

isolated in the Arizona desert,

taken in by an order
of devoted monks.

We don't talk about people who've been
our guests, but I can tell you this...

About our order:

We believe everybody
has the right to start over.

Everybody
deserves a second chance.

And perhaps that is exactly the
chance the now sober pilgrim took...

On a blustery November day, walking
away from the rehab center,

never to be heard from again.

I'd like to know if he's alive. If
he is, I just hope he's happy...

And his new life is...

well, I hope he's found
what he was looking for.

If you have any information
about this man...

Or know anything
about his whereabouts,

contact your local
law enforcement agency...

Or the sheriff's department
in cochise county, Arizona.

Well. Look who's here.

Good evening, Mrs. crisp. Just who is here?
Can you tell me?

Could I see Sofie, please?
No. You cannot.

- I wouldn't know who to say is calling.
- Mother.

I could see right through you
from the start, you impostor.

I know what you're after. I knew
it then, and I know it now.

Mother. What do you think
I'm after, Mrs. crisp?

Sofie. It's so obvious.

You're after my daughter.

I gotta say, Mrs. crisp, you're right
about that. It'll never happen.

You're in big trouble, mister.
Mother.

Go away.

I guess you saw the show.
Which show was that?

Sofie. Part of it.

We were watching E.R.
until someone called.

You probably got the idea.

Do you know what a
betrayal this is? Yes.

How violated I feel?

Yes. You're not the only one.

Oh, you feel violated? Not me.

All my other patients. I smelled tar
and feathers on the way over here.

You deserve it. You're right.

I should be irate.

I am irate.

But? But nothing.

I'm mad as hell. This is a
terrible thing you've done.

I know it. Please believe me.
I know that.

There's just one thing I want you to
consider before you write me off.

What? Will you think about it?

I don't know. It depends.
I'm in a bad mood.

I love you...

More than I've ever loved
anyone or anything in my life.

Oh.

I want to spend the rest of my
life with you, my real life.

But I don't know
if you feel the same way.

I sort of do.

But first you have to tell me something.
Anything. Just ask.

What is your name?

The defendant will rise.
Sit down, Lionel.

Do you understand how serious are the
crimes with which you have been charged?

- I do.
- Do you realize how insidious it is...

To invade
the most private thoughts...

And secret lives
of unsuspecting people?

People who have come to you
with the faith...

That you know what you're doing and
that you are who you say you are.

- Yes, your honor.
- Many of your "patients"...

Have come forward
with praise for you...

And your therapeutic skills.

That means absolutely nothing
to me. Do you understand that?

- Yes.
- I am frustrated...

That the criminal code
in this state...

Allows a maximum sentence
of only six months.

- Hmm.
- And a maximum fine of only $2,000.

- I'm sorry, your honor.
- What?

- I'm sorry you're frustrated.
- Are you disrespecting this court?

No, ma'am.
I was empathizing. Sorry.

Maybe you can Maximum fine.

Three months in jail.
Three months house arrest.

Sentence to begin immediately at the
orchard valley correctional facility.

Case closed.
This court is adjourned.

It's a country club.
Don't worry about it.

Thanks so much for your help, Lionel.
Don't mention it.

- Congratulations, doc.
- Mr. crisp.

I'll have him out
in half the time.

I'm very impressed by all that you've done.
To me, it was never complicated.

I remember a case... a man was feuding
with his neighbor about a barking dog.

You got off easy.

Will you wait for me? We're only
talking about a matter of weeks.

Will you be here? I'll be here.

I haven't got the energy to
get out of town that fast.

You'd better make yourself comfortable.
We got a three-hour drive here.

I'm fine.

You're the shrink, aren't you?
No. Not really.

- But you do therapy.
- Not anymore.

But you've helped some people
in this town.

I couldn't really say,
but that's all over now.

I'll tell you, doc. The wife and I...
we got a little bit of a problem.

You mind if I just
ran it by you?

Go ahead.

¶ Take out the papers
and the trash ¶

¶ or you don't
get no spending cash ¶

¶ if you don't
scrub that kitchen floor ¶

¶ you ain't
gonna rock 'n' roll no more ¶

¶ yakety yak don't talk back ¶

¶ just finish
cleanin' up your room ¶

¶ let's see that dust fly
with that broom ¶

¶ get all that garbage
out of sight ¶

¶ or you don't
go out Friday night ¶

¶ yakety yak don't talk back ¶

¶ you just
put on your coat and hat ¶

¶ and walk yourself
to the laundromat ¶

¶ and when you finish
doing that ¶

¶ bring in the dog
and put out the cat ¶

¶ yakety yak don't talk back ¶

¶ don't you
give me no dirty looks ¶

¶ your father's hip
he knows what cooks ¶

¶ just tell
your hoodlum friends outside ¶

¶ you ain't got time
to take a ride ¶

¶ yakety yak don't talk back ¶

¶ yakety yak yakety yak ¶

¶ yakety yak yakety yak ¶

¶ yakety yak yakety yak ¶

¶ yakety yak yakety yak ¶¶

¶ take away my inhibitions ¶

¶ take away my solitude ¶

¶ fire me up
with your resistance ¶

¶ oh, put me in the mood ¶

¶ storm the walls
around this prison ¶

¶ leave the inmates
free the guards ¶

¶ deal me up another future ¶

¶ from some
brand-new deck of cards ¶

¶ take the chip
off my shoulder ¶

¶ smooth out all the lines ¶

¶ take me out
among the rustlin' pines ¶

¶ till it shines ¶

¶ till it shines ¶

¶ like an echo down a canyon ¶

¶ never comin' back as clear ¶

¶ lately I just judge the
distance not the words I hear ¶

¶ I've been too long
on these islands ¶

¶ I've been far too long alone ¶

¶ I've been too long
without summer ¶

¶ in this winter home ¶

¶ still, if we
could make the effort ¶

¶ if we take the time ¶

¶ maybe we can
leave this much behind ¶

¶ till it shines ¶

¶ oh, till it shines ¶

¶ see the rich man
lost and lonely ¶

¶ watch him as he dies ¶

¶ sitting there
just testing all the wines ¶

¶ till it shines ¶

¶ mmm, till it shines ¶

¶ till it shines ¶

¶ till it shines ¶

¶ till it shines ¶

¶ oh, till it shines ¶

¶ yeah, till it shines ¶

¶ oh, till it shines ¶

¶ yeah, till it shines ¶
¶ someday, some way ¶

¶ it's gonna shine out there
yes, it is ¶

¶ till it shines ¶
¶ gonna shine ¶

¶ mmm, till it shines ¶¶