Mr. Vampire Saga (1988) - full transcript

A Taoist Priest isn't too happy when his Buddhist Priest colleague moves in next door. They are subject to constant feuds and duels, but soon must overcome their odds towards each other when a vampire breaks loose from his coffin in a nearby procession and threatens to wreak havoc to the countryside.

Ching-ching, this is my home and your home

don't you like it?

Yes, I don't have to wander any more

master, is there

anyone living with you?

No, I'm the only one here

those plants...

That neighborhood kid waters them everyday

don't pluck them; They are for seeding

clean up for me

I'll get river water

I'm lucky



oh, no, master!

Well, I'm here to get water

on your knees

yes, master

I didn't tell you to get fish here

you like fish, master

not now. Let it go

set it free?

Set it free

he used to kill anything in sight

your worship, it's you


your master wouldn't be so kind-hearted

I think so too

you're much taller after these years

only a little taller

carry the water - yes

Let's compete in getting back

come on

Why are you so slow?

Hurry up, out of breath?

Never, maybe you are

I've failed again

steadfastness is better than speed

go back and change

I'll introduce a friend


a new friend?

Master, you're back? Need any help?

No, go on with your work

Your worship

is this your best clothing?

Yes, master gave it

to my reluctantly

your master must really adore you!

Didn't you promise

to introduce a friend?

Yes, in the room

let me introduce myself

Buddy, let me help you

put me down!

You're small but shapely

capture him. He molested me

I'll chop his arm off

I didn't know she was a girl


only a misunderstanding!

Offending a shrew, you're in trouble

you'd be better off if I beat you

play-acting. Use two books as cushion

that's the only way to clam her down


bastard, you assaulted my pupil.
I'll kill you

hell with you

Master, he's got some padding

does he?

You really are crafty

now you must bear with it

He normally didn't do that

you promised to hit lightly

this will make you

cries sound real



still want to chop off his arm?

Your worship, don't' do that

you think it's for fun only?

I'll give up

don't worry, she's not serious

ching-ching, chop off his arm


I won't

you won't?


- yes?
- Chop it for me


Come on

chop a little

you take me for some meat?
You told me to act

to get punched to please her

master, you teamed up

with an outsider against me


sorry, she has to go to the toilet

excuse me

Again? I'm leaving

leaving? Wipe the floor first

bad luck to the opponent who has to bow

I didn't touch her I
didn't know she's a girl

I had to pose as the broom, or the cow

no way of telling what's up, what's down

your worship

so I've got

a tougher man

it was your fault. Where's your master?

He's gone to get something,
he'll return later

the yin on the journey, the Yang keep away

I must relax while at work

we dance, we keep dancing

let's kick-dance,

dance forward, backward

let's dance forward, let's kick-dance


What a mess you've brought, young man

freshen up

freshen up

I should've brought

chia-le to help me

How come?

Get up

do me a favor

kick, bend waist

It hurts

me only. You too?

Get up, turn

let's keep hopping

it's a hard job

Do me a favor

Hop, hop


you should've done that

don't waste it!

What a relief

You really are nice. Go on

Don't do it horizontally, don't!

Don't jump down!

Don't come down!

So many of them. Stop!

I've got it not this one

Don't touch my corpse,
or I'll make you a moron

Trying to lure me with beauty? Don't look!

Why is there such a scent?

She's kissing me

why is my heart beating so hard?

It's beating tic-tack!

No, don't!

I can't control myself



It's warm

It's great

it hurts but I feel great

I played along because you're shapely

you can't seduce me

So it's a fox I'd better give up

They're breaking of. Don't Jay-jump!

Come on

mind your head

Ching-ching, only a misunderstanding

Attention! Pack up!

Chia-le, open up



Bastard, why are you taking a nap?


Why is master giving
these poles to the vampires?


The walking corpses are inspired

forget the ringing

"aye ya" commands you to

listen to my command!


Aye yal!

It's serious!

Bad! Coming!

It's serious!

I hit you so hard

and you won't yell out "aye ya"!

Aye ya...

Master, don't scream any more!

They may kill you


Aye... is taboo


Aye ya...

Aye ya...

You're smart

aye ya...

Aye ya...

Aye ya...

Listen to my command

forget "aye ya"


my master specializes in this

do it aboveboard

why do it sneakily?

Luckily I saw it,

or I'll get killed

so heavy?

Would master be so heavy after death?

No, he'd leave behind

only the skeleton


be nice. I adore you

my greeting, grandmaster

Chia-le, what are you doing in the kitchen?

I'm making breakfast for you


Master, the priest next door

has returned

anything important? Shall I visit him?


The priest is coming

tell him I'm unwell

there's no love lost between them

your worship, ching-ching, please go in

I heard your master's moans

is he all right now?

He said he's unwell

resting inside

let's go in to see him

no need

we'd better return then

I've already made breakfast for you

sorry for the trouble

never mind. Come on


I thought you were unwell

can't I take my breakfast then?

Why not?

Greeting to you taoist


isn't he the four-eye taoist
you often mentioned, master?


what did he say about me?

He said you're honest and straight forward

you're dedicated to fighting evil

and you're nice

to your pupil

at worst you'd say "il adore you"

master, she speaks like an angel

he also said you treat
each other like brothers


You face

each other speechless

master, it that right?

Right, I'm speechless in his presence

you're mute

you're quite cute

master, have a cup of tea with him

shall I bring the breakfast?

Say "yes"

ching-ching, go in and help him

sit down

Have some tea


come on


The tea's nice

been a long time

I thought you were dead

I went but they asked me to take you along

can you go now?


It's serious!

What are they doing?

Finished come with me at once


master, have breakfast

Come on, ching-ching

Come and have congee

Ching-ching, let's eat separately

why? That's impolite

take care then

your worship, please humor him

I told you to eat separately

look, the preserved beancurd


take the pickles take the radish

take preserved beancurd take peanut

take pickles take radish

take peanut

take them all

Have congee


I give up, you're crafty

your worship, may I help you?

Let's play little longer

your worship, don't be angry

he's gone

chia-le, be nice I adore you

clean the shoes for me

I've won

the old boys are in for a lot of things

Your worship, ching-ching,
where are you going?

We're going up to pluck medicinal herbs

ching-ching, you too?

Is that any concern of yours?

Going up?

Your worship

aren't you afraid of wild animals?

What then?

I don't mind keeping you company

don't you have to go to carry water?

I do it everyday. Let me lead you

very well

look left and right, and go

ching-ching, are you still mad at me?

Take this

Forget it, I'm not so narrow-minded

that is good

What a nuisance, same thing day and night


master, what are you doing?


pay homage to the patron

How are you? What are you doing? Over

find. I'm making dolls what about you?

Say "over". Over


I'm all right. Over

what is your master doing? Over

he's holding a coconut. No idea what

I see. It's for my head


your master's a beast. Over

your master's a beast. Over

Go to bed early. Or you can't sleep

Sleep must start rituals at daybreak

Why's the cock crowing so early?

What a nuisance

I can't hold on

the coconut won't work,
nor do the bowl & cotton

even lamp wicks can do you nothing

Master, where are you going before dawn?

To buy a house

buy a house?

Monk, come here

morning, taoist

paying regards to me so early?

Guilty, guilty

shut up. Name a price for your house

let you not be noisy

Well, how much?

So much gold?

Taoist, we're good neighbors

finally, there is a fate

how can money buy a neighbor?

What can make you go away then?

Amida Buddha. I'm ready to read sutras

here till I die

well, let me wait till you pass away

Monk, forget what I've said just now

why does this doll look like you?

Ching-ching made it according to my looks

give it to me, will you?

Yes, if you please

can I have your signature?


a signature is not intimate enough
better put a chop

take it

thank you - don't mention it

I must leave now

why does master want this doll?


set the altar

now? It's not yet dawn

any day's good for this

you're finished for sure

master, are you trying to jinx that priest?

Why not? Stand aside

See how long you can go on


Master, what are you doing?

I don't know what I'm doing

of course you don't I
hit you "laugh' sinus"

What are you doing, master?

I've been hit on this. Break if for me

Why am I opening this cabinet?

It hurts

why am I holding these pincers?

I removed a tooth, luckily a decayed one,

but it hurts

master, how do u feel?

My tooth, again

My hand

not the right side, the left side

it's serious

master, bear with it

come and stab me

not here, not here

right, but not deep enough


I've been under control

Anyway to break it, master

use garlic

I don't know how




Who's jinxing you?

Could it be that lousy taoist?

So it really is him

go back

Where is it?

It's cute I'll go back and change

let's play slowly.

What are you up to?

Trying to jinx my master?

No, no such thing

you removed my master's tooth, didn't you?


Do you confess or not?

I did it

why did you do that to my master?

Only for fun

fun? Well, let me play along with you

what are you up to?

Don't, it could be fatal

chia-le, help!

Hurry up



ching-ching, forgive my master

he's evil let me launch him to the sky

Four-eye, let begones by begones

stop dreaming

launch him to the sky

we're breaking even now

well, all right, let's go

monk, are you going to help me?

Make him drink a tank of oil

& he'll recover

drink the whole tank

let's go

you're fantastic

chia-le, hurry

master, hold it

master, drink it quickly

Master, go on, still some more

hurry up, finish it

Come on, there's still a little left

almost finished now

finished, master


Master, how do you feel now?

I feel greasy

watch out, master

well, let's forget it!

Master, are you all right?

I feel fine

let me help you go in

now I feel flatulent, and you did it

go to bed early

I can't

where's the toilet? I need it

the toilet? Let me take you there

Hurry up

Watch out




taoist crane

priest yi-yu

why are you stopping over here?

Let me borrow some glutinous
rice from brother

glutinous rice?

Wu-yuan, let's stop here for a rest

let's take a rest here. Put it down

chia-le, go and get some glutinous rice

A gold-rimmed coffin
marked with carpenter black!

Right, it's a vampire

why don't you burn it?

He comes from the frontier,
we can't burn it

we must get it to the capital
for royal decision

taoist crane,
why don't you pull down this tent?

Let it absorb more sunshine

you're right. Thank you

pull it down

I was going to say it

why didn't you say so then?

Why are we pulling down the tent?

The reason is...

Shut up. I'm talking to him, not you

the reason is...

It's unlucky to talk too slowly

but talking fast gets cursed

more sunshine can lower its copse aura

is that so? Pull it down then. Be careful

pull it down

here you are, uncle

thank you, brother

don't mention it. Hope
you don't have to use it

no more nonsense. Let's go on

go on


it's all right, depart now

I won't be in your way. See you again

goodbye, brother

goodbye, uncle

see you again

amida Buddha

thank you, your worship. Please take care

Such a nice coffin

must be costly

sure, it's made of gold

I must work hard to earn money

some day I may buy you one, master

you're quite loyal

Wish they were all right

It hasn't rained for a long time

why does it rain?

Heaven must have drunk too much

why doesn't it snow?

Snowing means intestinal disorder

thundering is gas?

Typhoon is bad odor?

What's earthquake?

Earthquake is seeking a hideout
good night, master

wonder how brother is doing now

hurry up

get more hands to help. Hurry

hurry up. Disgusting

That camp's fixed

can we put the coffin in first?


Because the black is fading


A little later...

A little later is okay, not now

brother, we can enter the camp now

sit still


hurry up

hurry up

draw down the curtain

Push it into the camp, quick

hurry up



There's no more rain

What happened?

It's frightening

bring a rope, quick

A rope to tie that vampire

Why is there such a noise?

Bad, they're coming

sorry, your highness


Run quickly




What happened?

A vampire!

Help him in

get the thing

Ching-ching, bring the snake wine

not glutinous rice?

Glutinous rice won't work now

its poison has spread all over

so we must use the snake wine to absorb it

show me now

what did it happen?

While we were on the journey

a thunder stormed

and we entered the camp

but once inside, he ran out

it was really frightening

please make the story short

they all got killed

what about my brother?

I saw him kissed by that vampire


In the woods

let's go

dress his wound,

make him drink Lily seed water

I'll go out with the taoist to have a look

chia-le, you stay here

why, master?

He was poisoned by the
corpse, he may get worse

then you kill him

go now

Amida Buddha

Brother, what happened?

He's no longer human now

he may wreak, havoc unless I kill him

brother, how do you feel?

The poison has reached my heart,
it's beyond control

kill me!



I'm sorry for failing to have...

Why don't you stop him

from killing himself?

Shut up

he killed himself with a sword to avoid

affecting the others

how can I stop such a noble deed?


killing evils, then killing himself

why such an ordeal

it's not a ordeal

he died heroically

a true credit to taoism

my salutes

let me worship you

on my knees

you really know what to do

How come?

The back not touching the ground

means insincerity

to show my sincerity, do it again

So you got away with it so easily

I'm trying to get a talisman

Only this left

please open it for me

no problem

Are you all right?

Yes, I want to go out for some air


I'd rather be sick if you were so nice

What's the trouble?

I seem to have a fever

I feel a bit dizzy


a fever?


My hand's hot

it's not - ltis

my heart hurts

- where?
- Over here


I feel better when you press it

press it yourself then.
I'll go get the herbs

how do you feel?

I can hardly breathe


I need oxygen

That fabric is a nuisance

I mustn't open my eyes. She must be shy

oh, I can't se anything

gosh! I can't see, can't breathe

what happened?

I'm out of oxygen

let me

faster, faster

How do you feel? Better?

Better I can's see, can't breathe

What are you doing?

Artificial resuscistation

just now those two mouths...


are you all right?


where are you going?

To rinse my mouth

what a prank

That cissy man's made my mouth stink


Which one?


what are you up to now?

What would happen

if we were hurt by a vampire?

Small thing. According to my master

you'd feel cold all over

then itchy all over


Because fingernails will grow out of you

what then?

Then your mouth itches
and you yearn to bite

why don't you ask me the reason?


Because two teeth will protrude out of you

at this stage, you'll go berserk

you're fascinated by blood and it's smell

you're no longer human then

what then?


Half-man, half-ghost

What sound is that?

Didn't they die? Why?

Ching-ching, get the thing

What are you doing?

I screamed out of fear


What do you want?

Squat down

Don't be afraid, it's all right

Here are 3 of them pick one

no problem



I can't hold on. Let's go

that child

Too late now

Fight any one as he comes

why is it quiet now?

Cover him with a blanket quiet!

Tear it into two

Don't worry

don't worry. You go first



My bottom!



Chia-le, duck

Don't kill!

Why did you try to kill him?

Not my fault. He came crashing over

you're a beast!

He's unhuman I kill him for his own relief

ask him if you doubt my words

how do you feel?


brother, I won't forget you

what mischief are you up to?

Nothing at all

why did you paint your face like that?

I sought only to save my life

brother, see you in the next life

may you rest in peace

Amlda Buddha

Do you fell itchy and shivering?

Don't make fun of us

I just want to give him relief

get out of my sight!

Master, don't we have to burn these?

Go away. Didn't you hear?

Master, I'll help you in a minute


Are you all right?

Yes, but they hurt my bottom

get the snake wine to dress the wound then


Around for help all day

now you're wounded all over

you're dying. Immerse in it

I feel great, master

get some friends to enjoy it with you

master, why are you putting the snakes in?

They give you a speedier recovery

don't you want to get well?

Of course

take your bath then

Why did that half-man-half-corpse get here?

We're the only families in this vicinity

they have no other place to go to


Ching-ching, go in quickly

Let me

Am I glad to have the spell!

This has turned into a spirit

oh, there's no more left

don't worry

Oh, we're helpless

attack his eyes

It hurt

Go on!


You can't match him empty-handed

go and get weapons

what now, master?

Go to the morgue with them

it's safer there

take it

what about you?

I don't need it


Lend a hand

one is missing

What are you doing with the malted sugar?

Stick him

if he comes in through the door

then try to escape

ching-ching, please help me

That way

Chia-le, is it all right inside?

We're all right. Your worship

be alert

Your worship


Hold him

Let's go

You worship, the vampire is inside

don't go in there

Take off the shoes; Fast

Chia-le, sprinkle him with rice water

Go away

I don't believe you can't be killed

master, come and help

Keep on hacking

Bestow strength on me, grandmaster

The master is being possessed

don't disturb him. A puncture, then nothing

Even my steely frame can't work wonders

my innards have all been disturbed by him


Right, his interior get all the poison

Ching-ching, come and help

all right

stuff all the poison into his mouth

The snake is full of rice water.
Stuff it in

help do the stuffing

Heaven be praised

Really terrible

not as terrible

as my last dream

who's that?

My master

don't tell him