Mr. Robinson Crusoe (1932) - full transcript
Yachtsman Steve Drexel bets his friends that he can swim ashore on a remote south-seas island with nothing but a toothbrush and be 'living the life of Riley' when they return. With handmade implements the lighthearted, athletic Steve improbably builds a comfortable home with all amenities...and local fauna trained to help him! Meanwhile, a grass-skirted young lady flees an unwelcome wedding on a nearby island. Steve calls her Saturday, but what is he to do with her?
[MUSIC]
[SINGING]
NARRATOR: For centuries,
the South Seas
have been remote-- rich
in romance and mystery.
It has always been a
magnet to lure the scholar,
the sportsman and
the adventurer.
[GUNSHOTS]
-Come on, Rooney.
[BARKS]
-Hey.
Hey.
Four.
Three.
Two.
[BARKS]
-You're offside.
Wait a minute, now,
you're offside.
Come on, come up
[BARKS]
-Eight.
Four.
Two.
Hike.
Attaboy!
(LAUGHING)
[BARKS]
-There are scores of
islands such as these.
Possibly uninhabited since
the beginning of time.
-Do you mean to say nobody
lives on a beautiful island
like that?
-Not at all.
-Pull.
[GUNSHOTS]
-You know this may sound
crazy, but I've got a notion--
-Ha!
If you've got a notion, ten
to one it's crazy, all right.
-You know, I'd like to get
off at an island like that,
with nothing but a toothbrush.
-For the love of Pete.
We're on our way to
shoot tigers in Sumatra.
Now what's the big idea?
-I don't have to
kill to get a thrill.
I'd like to get off
at an island like this
and fight the battle of nature
against man with my bare hands.
Rah.
-(LAUGHING) Well, it was
on an island just like
this that Robinson Crusoe lived.
-That's exactly what I mean.
-Ah, Robinson Crusoe was a myth.
-Well let's make him a reality.
-You?
Why you've been living behind
that board chair so many years,
you'd be crying
mama the first day.
-Don't you believe it.
-You're not in your
right mind, old boy.
-Nope.
If I were, I wouldn't be
thinking of a thing like this.
I tell you what you fellows
do, go on to Sumatra,
get your tiger.
When you get back, you'll
find me living in a penthouse
with hot and cold running
water and groceries
delivered twice a day.
-Not a chance.
There are cannibals
on these islands.
When we got back, we'd
find you tied to a stake
and be the remnants
of a short dinner.
-Bet you wouldn't.
-Bet you would.
-Bet you wouldn't!
-Bet you would.
-I'll bet you a million dollars.
-Make it a thousand in real
money, and I'll bet you.
-You're on.
-Roget, uh, pack his
toothbrush, he's leaving.
-Now wait a minute
now, this is the bet.
I'll bet you when
you get back, I'll
be living the life
of Riley, and you
bet that I'll be
tied to a stake.
That right?
-That's right.
-Good.
Haha!
Watches for flattery
and ties for fools.
I'm off!
[SPLASH]
[BARKS]
-Where shall we send your mail?
-Park Avenue and 52nd
street. (LAUGHING)
[BARK]
[SPLASH]
-Hey!
How about that dog?
-Well, Robinson
Crusoe had a dog.
Here, you can have
the toothbrush.
I'll roll my own.
Come on, Rooney!
-He'll win that bet,
or die in the attempt.
-Do you think so?
-I've got something
up my sleeve.
-Rooney, now you be a good sport
and go through with this thing,
I'll take you to a
cat farm next summer.
Attaboy!
He's [INAUDIBLE] all
right. (LAUGHING)
Well, Rooney, we're
certainly in for it now.
Cut off from the world
for many, many months.
I suppose the first thing
to do is look for water.
No, (LAUGHING) no,
drinking water.
Aqua Pura.
Come on, let's go.
Ah.
Rain water.
That's not bad.
Try it.
Here, taste it.
It's a little brackish,
but not bad at all.
Go on, try it.
Now, wait a minute, I'll
give you one more chance.
Coconuts.
Fresh water from coconuts.
[THUMPING]
-You must have an ancestor,
that's not very far removed,
that could pull his teeth
in a situation like this
and swallow with one gulp.
[TAPPING]
-Aah.
Try this.
Just live on a
high hat, you and I
are going to get
into difficulty.
You know, I'm a darn sight
more adaptable than you are.
Ha!
Pretty smart, Rooney.
Now you're taking after
your great-grandfather.
Well, Rooney?
Rooney, here's looking at you.
Aah.
Now how about something to eat?
Ho, ho. (LAUGHING) I may
finish by eating grass,
but I'm certainly not
going to start that way.
Ha.
Ha, vanCamp's back yard.
Coconuts-- Bananas--
Breadfruit-- Pineapples!
I'm all set, now what about you?
I'm afraid you've
got to go on a diet.
Now, for a place to live.
[SCREECHING]
-Eh, ha ha ha.
-Ha ha.
-Marvelous!
Here's-- here's Park Avenue,
and here's 52nd Street.
There it is, all in a nutshell.
Water, food, shelter.
That, my boy, is
called a survey.
The next thing is
an engineering job.
Now I'm going to show
you a little trick.
This happened 10, 15,
or 200,000 years ago.
The first thing that man did
when he stood on his hind legs
was to throw his brain
into a new position.
His nails got short,
and his teeth got dull,
and he made himself
his first implement.
This is burl bark, Rooney.
Natives of these
islands make rope out
of this and various
other things.
Rooney, I suppose
you're wondering
where I got all
this information.
Well, I've been a
Boy Scout, and I've
read Dan Beard's Handy Book.
This is the first labor-saving
device known to man.
Man found it useful
in a hundred ways.
A hundred ways to use it.
No nails, no screws, no spikes.
Nothing to deceive you.
Simple twist to the wrist, and
presto chango, you have it.
Eureka!
[THUMPING]
[BARKING]
(LAUGHING) This is
going to be a cinch.
Isn't nature wonderful?
Isn't nature kind!
[WHIMPERS]
-Oh, ho ho, ha ha ha.
[CHITTERING]
-I beg your pardon,
I'm wrong again.
Come on Rooney,
we'll build a house
in spite of our
unfriendly neighbors.
-Now here's an island
that is totally different,
both uh, geographically
and in vegetation,
from our Robinson Crusoe island.
-Uh, oh, look who's here.
Ooh, a little drama
going on, on this island.
Little girl evidently does
not want to take a bath.
Mama spank.
By jove, she's a
cute little princess.
-Wait a minute, do
you know what this is?
It's betrothal ceremony.
-Betrothal?
-Yes.
The girl presents
her comb to the man
she is supposed to marry.
He accepts it as a
token of the engagement.
-Look at the face of the
guy she's going to marry.
Hmm.
I wonder who the
grouchy old dame is?
-Probably the girl's mother.
-(LAUGHING) Well, she's a
good match for the son-in-law,
all right, all right, all right.
There.
What happens after
the betrothal?
-Well, after several months,
or as the natives say,
after the fourth moon,
they have the wedding.
And the girl is bathed
by her bridesmaids,
dressed, garlanded, and
taken before the groom-to-be.
Whereupon, to
complete the ceremony,
the husband knocks
out her front teeth.
-(LAUGHING) No kidding?
-Actual fact.
-Oh, well, we do the same thing.
Only we usually wait
until after the ceremony.
-(LAUGHING) Yes.
Ha.
OK.
-(PARROTING) OK.
[LAUGHTER]
[BARK]
-Gandhi!
Never pick on a
man when he's down.
[WHISTLES] Never.
Come here. [WHISTLES] Come here.
Come on, come on.
(LAUGHING) Nice
playing sportsmanship.
[CHITTERING]
[ROAR]
[ROAR]
[ROARS]
[SHOTS]
-Boy, that's what I call a tale!
Think of Crusoe, missing all
this, stopping off at an island
to play house where
nothing ever happens.
-Hah!
There, boy, that gives
us two fine traps.
Now if there are any of
these mysterious animals that
seem to be wandering around
here and want to contribute
to this little Robinson Crusoe
drama, we're ready for them.
[RATTLING]
-Ah, that ought to
work without a hitch.
[CHITTERING]
-Come on boy, time for dinner.
It won't be long, now.
We'll soon be moving
into our penthouse.
[CHITTERING]
-OK.
[SQUAWKING]
-Ah, where are your
manners, Gandhi?
Pass something to Sookie.
[SQUAWKING]
-Aw, nuts!
-Where's Rooney?
[CHITTER]
-Drunk?
[CHITTERING]
-Oh, oh.
Fishing.
[CHITTERING]
-Ah, Rooney.
Only one fish?
[BARKS]
-Hey, you got to do
better than that.
[WHINE]
[BARK]
[WHINE]
-Low tide, nothing.
Now you told me that yesterday.
Ha ha.
This looks more like the
Swiss Family Robinson.
(LAUGHING) Hey, what's the idea?
[ROAR]
[RATTLE]
-Trap number two.
Our first catch!
Ha.
Ah, welcome to our city.
I was wondering where we
were going to get our butter.
[NATIVE SINGING]
[DRUMS]
-[NON-ENGLISH SPEECH]
-[NON-ENGLISH SPEECH]
-[NON-ENGLISH SPEECH]
-[NON-ENGLISH SPEECH]
[NATIVE SINGING]
[MUSIC]
[CRASH]
[SQUEAKS]
[WATER RUNNING]
[DRIPPING]
[DING]
[BAA]
[DING]
[BARKS]
[SQUIRTS]
[PATHETIC CHITTERING]
[HORN BLOWING]
[CREAK]
[SQUEAK]
-Hey!
Hey!
Aha!
You wanna play, eh?
[RUSTLING]
[BONK]
-You don't seem to
understand, but you're
going to be my man Friday.
Ha!
Science against brute strength.
You know this is Stecher's
famous scissor hold.
Now do you give up?
Whew.
I thought you would
be a Good Friday.
This is Gotch's famous toe
hold, and my own hammer lock.
How do you like that?
There, now you be a good boy.
Hey!
I'm not going to stand for this.
Hope this hurts me
worse that it does you.
Oh, you feel that way about it?
Now if this water
cure doesn't work,
I'm going to try castor oil.
Now, behave yourself.
Oh, a headhunter.
You must be Friday the 13th.
Aha.
You killed a radio
operator, you should
have killed a radio announcer.
Hmm.
I've got a notion,
it might be crazy.
[SCREECH]
-Zinc.
Radio tubes, zinc, copper,
loudspeaker, a radio.
Friday, you're going to make
the first real contribution
to our venture.
We'll call the station F-R-D-Y.
[RADIO MUSIC]
-When you're housebroken,
Friday, I'm going to untie you.
[RADIO SQUEALING]
-(RADIO VOICE) and
the seamstress...
-Hey!
Come back here!
[RATTLING]
-Now I don't think Robinson
Crusoe had anything like this.
I've got to read
that book again.
Friday's gone.
You must be Saturday.
[SQUAWK]
[BARK]
[CHITTERING]
-Ah.
You're better, huh?
Tell me, where
did you come from?
[SPEAKING FRENCH]
[SPEAKING GERMAN]
[SPEAKING SPANISH]
[SPEAKING PIG LATIN]
-Did you swim?
Did you paddle a canoe?
Oh.
Paddle.
From that island, over there?
Oh, I see, that
island over there.
Look around, we're
not quite fixed up.
We-- we weren't
expecting anyone yet.
Heh.
Yeah, that's early Grand Rapids.
I may exchange that piece.
Ha ha.
Sears, Roebuck.
That bed is only
here on approval.
Ah, you want to see
this, this is a cute one.
Watch this.
All right.
How do you like that?
[BARKS]
-Well, I must say.
-OK.
-Is that so.
Ha, ha, ha.
-(RADIO SINGING) jewelry.
Look at me, I'm king
of all I survey!
Come on and give me the
stars, God's heaven above me,
where is that power, the
one who will love me,
and I'll travel along,
singing a vagabond song.
-Tired?
-(RADIO ANNOUNCER)
This is station KTR,
San Flashing the
news of the day.
During the month of
October, 760 people
were injured in traffic
accidents, and 43 were killed.
Wealthy clubman commits suicide.
George Graham was
killed instantly
after jumping from a
seventh-story window.
The police learned he had lost
everything in Wall Street.
-Ha ha.
-(RADIO ANNOUNCER)
John Davenport,
retired capitalist was
unable to pay his alimony,
so he is spending the
next six months in jail.
[RADIO WHISTLE]
-(FEMALE VOICE ON RADIO)
This program is sponsored
by the Dorothy Pardon
Cosmetic Company.
Now, don't forget, girls,
if you want to be beautiful,
if you want to be lovely,
use Dorothy Pardon's Famous
Lipstick, Dorothy Pardon's
Famous Eyebrow Pencil, Dorothy
Pardon's Famous Vanishing
Cream, and Dorothy
Pardon's Famous Cheek Rouge.
[LAUGHTER]
-(RADIO ANNOUNCER) When you
hear the sound of the chime,
the time will be 12:00
midnight, Pacific Standard Time.
[CHIMES]
-That's 8:00 South Seas
time, four hours difference.
It's time to go to be.
Come on, Saturday, that's all.
Go on, now this is your bed.
Here.
You sleep here.
Heh, heh.
Ha ha.
You sleep here.
Your bed, look.
See. [SNORE] Oof.
Ah ha, ha ha.
Oh, No, Saturday,
I sleep out here.
(LAUGHING) That's pretty cute.
Here you are.
There.
Goodnight.
[KISS]
-Uh, uh!
-Oh, you don't kiss
down here, huh?
What do you do?
-Ombi.
-Huh?
-Ombi.
-Why, Saturday!
-Deyeh.
-Oh, I see. (LAUGHING)
You rub noses.
(LAUGHING) Ombi.
(LAUGHING) Well good night.
Pleasant dreams.
See you in the morning.
[LAUGHTER] Ombi!
[BELL TOLLING]
[NATIVE DRUMMING]
[GONG]
-Goranda.
Professor, this is where you
fit in to this little scheme
of mine.
Just line up some
of these natives,
and I'll show you
how I'm going to win
that bet from Mr.
Robinson Crusoe.
-All right.
[NATIVE SPEECH]
-Ha ha!
That's great, Saturday.
You made a hole in one.
Now I've nothing [INAUDIBLE].
Now look, don't stand behind me.
Move over there, that's fine.
-[SPEAKING NATIVE TONGUE]
-Saturday.
Never, never as
long as you live,
ever speak when
a man is putting.
You can steal his
watch, but never talk.
-[SPEAKING NATIVE TONGUE]
-You can't do that.
Taboo.
Taboo!
-[MUFFLED SPEAKING]
-Ha ha!
I halved him, William.
(LAUGHING) Now we're even.
I'll show the reason
why people play golf.
This is the 19th hole.
This is the clubhouse.
I'm going to give you
two weeks [INAUDIBLE],
I'm going to put you up.
[CLAP]
[CLAP]
[CLAP]
-Ah, Gandhi.
[INAUDIBLE] Here we are.
Some high-proof orange
juice, aged in the wood.
And very good, too.
Like some?
-Ai.
-Huh?
-Ai.
-Ai.
Yes?
Ai, yes?
Yes!
-Yef.
-No, no, no.
Yes!
-Yes.
-Yes!
-Yes.
-Now.
-Mmm.
-Mmm.
Same in our language.
Mmm.
You, uh, have another?
-Aita.
-Huh?
-Aita.
-Aita.
No?
No?
No.
-No.
-That's all women
ever need to learn.
No.
Mind if I?
Mmm.
Saturday, this
has been glorious.
Fine dinner, 18 holes of
golf, the clubhouse, and you.
[SIGH] And what a night.
Glorious!
Marvelous!
[BELL TOLLS]
-Perfectly divine, gorgeous,
inspiring, enchanting.
Ah, "How silver sweet sound
lovers' tongue by night."
[BELL TOLLS]
-"Like softest music
to attending ears!
Oh, heavenly night, I'm
appeared being a night,
all this is but a dream.
Too flattering sweet
to be substantial."
Do you understand?
-No.
-Ha ha.
Ah ha ha.
-[SPEAKING NATIVE TONGUE]
-Absolutely, aita.
Besides, it's getting late.
The morrow will soon
supplant that I do date.
So we must to nest.
N'est-ce pas?
-That's great!
Wonderful!
Just like real cannibals.
Now impress this on them.
Here's all they have to do.
Man on island alone.
Take over.
Scare him to death.
Tie him to a stake, get ready
to roast, then we've got him.
-[SPEAKING NATIVE TONGUE]
[CLICK]
-(LAUGHING) Saturday,
you're sweet,
blonde, adorable, marvelous.
You're everything
the doctor ordered.
But this is an
impossible situation.
It's so sudden.
You don't even know my family.
Besides, you may not like
it where I come from.
It's so different.
[STATIC]
-(RADIO ANNOUNCER) Oh
boy, what a football game!
Notre Dame nothing,
Southern California nothing,
into the first half.
[BAND MUSIC]
-Gandhi, stop monkeying
with that radio,
can't you see I'm talking?
You see, Saturday?
We're savages.
You're a calm, mild,
peaceful people.
We have football, prize
fighting, gangsters, dentists.
Now, for instance.
Do you play bridge?
-Yes.
[LAUGHTER]
[LAUGHTER]
[CHATTER]
-No, Saturday!
(LAUGHING) I wouldn't
spoil your beautiful teeth
for anything in the world.
Awful.
Awful.
[CYMBAL]
[CYMBAL]
[GRUNT]
-[SPEAKING NATIVE TONGUE]
[SCREAM]
[SCREAM]
[BARKING]
[THUMP]
[WHIMPER]
-[SPEAKING NATIVE TONGUE]
[SCREAM]
-[SPEAKING NATIVE TONGUE]
-[SPEAKING NATIVE TONGUE]
[RADIO CROWD NOISE]
[THUMP]
[SILENCE]
-[SPEAKING NATIVE TONGUE]
-Hey, hey, hey!
Hey, hey, hey!
Hey, hey!
Gotcha!
Quiet!
Or you'll get this.
Saturday!
Go on.
Shake a cocktail.
I've got to figure
out something.
-Well, for the love of Pete.
All the comforts of Park Avenue.
[LAUGHTER]
-(LAUGHING) And all
the joys of Broadway.
[LAUGHTER]
-Hey, there!
-Hello!
Hello!
-Well, you little son of a gun.
-Well, well, well, well.
-Gee, it's good to see you, boy.
-Fancy meeting you
here. (LAUGHING)
-What do you think of that.
[OMINOUS MUSIC]
-This is Saturday.
Saturday, these are my friends.
My friends, this is Saturday.
Ha.
You're just in time for a
Robinson Crusoe cocktail.
-(WHISPERING) I
wonder what became
of that bunch of cannibals?
-In the bag.
[LAUGHTER]
-Here you are.
Here, try this on your piano.
-(LAUGHING) You
son of a gun, you.
Why, it looks as though you
have everything in the bag.
-Yeah, you haven't
seen anything, yet.
Come on, let me, I'll show you.
-[SPEAKING NATIVE TONGUE]
[RADIO WHISTLE]
[RADIO MUSIC]
-How do like this?
-Well, the man is Mussolini!
[LAUGHTER]
-Here's your $1000,
boy, all made out.
You win.
-[SPEAKING NATIVE TONGUE]
-Remember that
girl on the island?
That's her mother.
-Huh?
Ooh, what a complication.
-Oh, here's another
complication.
-[SPEAKING NATIVE TONGUE]
-How time flies,
here's Friday again.
We've got to get
out of here, quick.
Take the monkey and
the dog and the parrot.
Quick, grab those animals.
Bill, double or nothing on this
bet that I get out of this one.
-You're on, and I hope you win.
Ha ha.
Come on, bring them down
there and I'll set the trap.
[CHATTER]
-Hurry please.
Hurry please, hurry please.
Hurry please, hurry please.
-Go down to Park Avenue, you
get these down to the boat.
I'll join you there, I'm
going to draw their fire.
Hurry up.
-Hurry please, hurry please.
-Hey!
Hey.
Hey!
Hey, hey.
Hey, hey!
[ANGRY VOICES]
-That's $2000 you owe me.
-[INAUDIBLE] Son of a gun.
(LAUGHING) Oh, look!
Saturday!
-Oh, for the love of Pete.
-I knew it!
I knew it, I knew it.
-OK.
-This is a question before
the house, and no fooling.
Saturday, I told you that it was
imp-- you shouldn't have-- you
know I've got to go
back on that-- you
should have stayed
on that island.
-No, no, no.
-I knew I shouldn't
have taught her English.
-What are you going
to do with her?
-As a rule, they conveniently
jump into volcanoes.
-Huh?
-If she won't, why
don't you do it.
-Huh?
-Jump into a volcano.
-Oh, Bill, this is serious.
What am I going
to do, professor?
-East is East, and West is West.
-I know it, I know it.
-I shot my tiger.
-Oh.
-Triple or nothing on that bet,
you don't get out of this one.
[CLAP]
-I've got it!
I've got it.
I've got it, I've
got it, I've got it.
[APPLAUSE]
[NATIVE SINGING]
[SINGING]
NARRATOR: For centuries,
the South Seas
have been remote-- rich
in romance and mystery.
It has always been a
magnet to lure the scholar,
the sportsman and
the adventurer.
[GUNSHOTS]
-Come on, Rooney.
[BARKS]
-Hey.
Hey.
Four.
Three.
Two.
[BARKS]
-You're offside.
Wait a minute, now,
you're offside.
Come on, come up
[BARKS]
-Eight.
Four.
Two.
Hike.
Attaboy!
(LAUGHING)
[BARKS]
-There are scores of
islands such as these.
Possibly uninhabited since
the beginning of time.
-Do you mean to say nobody
lives on a beautiful island
like that?
-Not at all.
-Pull.
[GUNSHOTS]
-You know this may sound
crazy, but I've got a notion--
-Ha!
If you've got a notion, ten
to one it's crazy, all right.
-You know, I'd like to get
off at an island like that,
with nothing but a toothbrush.
-For the love of Pete.
We're on our way to
shoot tigers in Sumatra.
Now what's the big idea?
-I don't have to
kill to get a thrill.
I'd like to get off
at an island like this
and fight the battle of nature
against man with my bare hands.
Rah.
-(LAUGHING) Well, it was
on an island just like
this that Robinson Crusoe lived.
-That's exactly what I mean.
-Ah, Robinson Crusoe was a myth.
-Well let's make him a reality.
-You?
Why you've been living behind
that board chair so many years,
you'd be crying
mama the first day.
-Don't you believe it.
-You're not in your
right mind, old boy.
-Nope.
If I were, I wouldn't be
thinking of a thing like this.
I tell you what you fellows
do, go on to Sumatra,
get your tiger.
When you get back, you'll
find me living in a penthouse
with hot and cold running
water and groceries
delivered twice a day.
-Not a chance.
There are cannibals
on these islands.
When we got back, we'd
find you tied to a stake
and be the remnants
of a short dinner.
-Bet you wouldn't.
-Bet you would.
-Bet you wouldn't!
-Bet you would.
-I'll bet you a million dollars.
-Make it a thousand in real
money, and I'll bet you.
-You're on.
-Roget, uh, pack his
toothbrush, he's leaving.
-Now wait a minute
now, this is the bet.
I'll bet you when
you get back, I'll
be living the life
of Riley, and you
bet that I'll be
tied to a stake.
That right?
-That's right.
-Good.
Haha!
Watches for flattery
and ties for fools.
I'm off!
[SPLASH]
[BARKS]
-Where shall we send your mail?
-Park Avenue and 52nd
street. (LAUGHING)
[BARK]
[SPLASH]
-Hey!
How about that dog?
-Well, Robinson
Crusoe had a dog.
Here, you can have
the toothbrush.
I'll roll my own.
Come on, Rooney!
-He'll win that bet,
or die in the attempt.
-Do you think so?
-I've got something
up my sleeve.
-Rooney, now you be a good sport
and go through with this thing,
I'll take you to a
cat farm next summer.
Attaboy!
He's [INAUDIBLE] all
right. (LAUGHING)
Well, Rooney, we're
certainly in for it now.
Cut off from the world
for many, many months.
I suppose the first thing
to do is look for water.
No, (LAUGHING) no,
drinking water.
Aqua Pura.
Come on, let's go.
Ah.
Rain water.
That's not bad.
Try it.
Here, taste it.
It's a little brackish,
but not bad at all.
Go on, try it.
Now, wait a minute, I'll
give you one more chance.
Coconuts.
Fresh water from coconuts.
[THUMPING]
-You must have an ancestor,
that's not very far removed,
that could pull his teeth
in a situation like this
and swallow with one gulp.
[TAPPING]
-Aah.
Try this.
Just live on a
high hat, you and I
are going to get
into difficulty.
You know, I'm a darn sight
more adaptable than you are.
Ha!
Pretty smart, Rooney.
Now you're taking after
your great-grandfather.
Well, Rooney?
Rooney, here's looking at you.
Aah.
Now how about something to eat?
Ho, ho. (LAUGHING) I may
finish by eating grass,
but I'm certainly not
going to start that way.
Ha.
Ha, vanCamp's back yard.
Coconuts-- Bananas--
Breadfruit-- Pineapples!
I'm all set, now what about you?
I'm afraid you've
got to go on a diet.
Now, for a place to live.
[SCREECHING]
-Eh, ha ha ha.
-Ha ha.
-Marvelous!
Here's-- here's Park Avenue,
and here's 52nd Street.
There it is, all in a nutshell.
Water, food, shelter.
That, my boy, is
called a survey.
The next thing is
an engineering job.
Now I'm going to show
you a little trick.
This happened 10, 15,
or 200,000 years ago.
The first thing that man did
when he stood on his hind legs
was to throw his brain
into a new position.
His nails got short,
and his teeth got dull,
and he made himself
his first implement.
This is burl bark, Rooney.
Natives of these
islands make rope out
of this and various
other things.
Rooney, I suppose
you're wondering
where I got all
this information.
Well, I've been a
Boy Scout, and I've
read Dan Beard's Handy Book.
This is the first labor-saving
device known to man.
Man found it useful
in a hundred ways.
A hundred ways to use it.
No nails, no screws, no spikes.
Nothing to deceive you.
Simple twist to the wrist, and
presto chango, you have it.
Eureka!
[THUMPING]
[BARKING]
(LAUGHING) This is
going to be a cinch.
Isn't nature wonderful?
Isn't nature kind!
[WHIMPERS]
-Oh, ho ho, ha ha ha.
[CHITTERING]
-I beg your pardon,
I'm wrong again.
Come on Rooney,
we'll build a house
in spite of our
unfriendly neighbors.
-Now here's an island
that is totally different,
both uh, geographically
and in vegetation,
from our Robinson Crusoe island.
-Uh, oh, look who's here.
Ooh, a little drama
going on, on this island.
Little girl evidently does
not want to take a bath.
Mama spank.
By jove, she's a
cute little princess.
-Wait a minute, do
you know what this is?
It's betrothal ceremony.
-Betrothal?
-Yes.
The girl presents
her comb to the man
she is supposed to marry.
He accepts it as a
token of the engagement.
-Look at the face of the
guy she's going to marry.
Hmm.
I wonder who the
grouchy old dame is?
-Probably the girl's mother.
-(LAUGHING) Well, she's a
good match for the son-in-law,
all right, all right, all right.
There.
What happens after
the betrothal?
-Well, after several months,
or as the natives say,
after the fourth moon,
they have the wedding.
And the girl is bathed
by her bridesmaids,
dressed, garlanded, and
taken before the groom-to-be.
Whereupon, to
complete the ceremony,
the husband knocks
out her front teeth.
-(LAUGHING) No kidding?
-Actual fact.
-Oh, well, we do the same thing.
Only we usually wait
until after the ceremony.
-(LAUGHING) Yes.
Ha.
OK.
-(PARROTING) OK.
[LAUGHTER]
[BARK]
-Gandhi!
Never pick on a
man when he's down.
[WHISTLES] Never.
Come here. [WHISTLES] Come here.
Come on, come on.
(LAUGHING) Nice
playing sportsmanship.
[CHITTERING]
[ROAR]
[ROAR]
[ROARS]
[SHOTS]
-Boy, that's what I call a tale!
Think of Crusoe, missing all
this, stopping off at an island
to play house where
nothing ever happens.
-Hah!
There, boy, that gives
us two fine traps.
Now if there are any of
these mysterious animals that
seem to be wandering around
here and want to contribute
to this little Robinson Crusoe
drama, we're ready for them.
[RATTLING]
-Ah, that ought to
work without a hitch.
[CHITTERING]
-Come on boy, time for dinner.
It won't be long, now.
We'll soon be moving
into our penthouse.
[CHITTERING]
-OK.
[SQUAWKING]
-Ah, where are your
manners, Gandhi?
Pass something to Sookie.
[SQUAWKING]
-Aw, nuts!
-Where's Rooney?
[CHITTER]
-Drunk?
[CHITTERING]
-Oh, oh.
Fishing.
[CHITTERING]
-Ah, Rooney.
Only one fish?
[BARKS]
-Hey, you got to do
better than that.
[WHINE]
[BARK]
[WHINE]
-Low tide, nothing.
Now you told me that yesterday.
Ha ha.
This looks more like the
Swiss Family Robinson.
(LAUGHING) Hey, what's the idea?
[ROAR]
[RATTLE]
-Trap number two.
Our first catch!
Ha.
Ah, welcome to our city.
I was wondering where we
were going to get our butter.
[NATIVE SINGING]
[DRUMS]
-[NON-ENGLISH SPEECH]
-[NON-ENGLISH SPEECH]
-[NON-ENGLISH SPEECH]
-[NON-ENGLISH SPEECH]
[NATIVE SINGING]
[MUSIC]
[CRASH]
[SQUEAKS]
[WATER RUNNING]
[DRIPPING]
[DING]
[BAA]
[DING]
[BARKS]
[SQUIRTS]
[PATHETIC CHITTERING]
[HORN BLOWING]
[CREAK]
[SQUEAK]
-Hey!
Hey!
Aha!
You wanna play, eh?
[RUSTLING]
[BONK]
-You don't seem to
understand, but you're
going to be my man Friday.
Ha!
Science against brute strength.
You know this is Stecher's
famous scissor hold.
Now do you give up?
Whew.
I thought you would
be a Good Friday.
This is Gotch's famous toe
hold, and my own hammer lock.
How do you like that?
There, now you be a good boy.
Hey!
I'm not going to stand for this.
Hope this hurts me
worse that it does you.
Oh, you feel that way about it?
Now if this water
cure doesn't work,
I'm going to try castor oil.
Now, behave yourself.
Oh, a headhunter.
You must be Friday the 13th.
Aha.
You killed a radio
operator, you should
have killed a radio announcer.
Hmm.
I've got a notion,
it might be crazy.
[SCREECH]
-Zinc.
Radio tubes, zinc, copper,
loudspeaker, a radio.
Friday, you're going to make
the first real contribution
to our venture.
We'll call the station F-R-D-Y.
[RADIO MUSIC]
-When you're housebroken,
Friday, I'm going to untie you.
[RADIO SQUEALING]
-(RADIO VOICE) and
the seamstress...
-Hey!
Come back here!
[RATTLING]
-Now I don't think Robinson
Crusoe had anything like this.
I've got to read
that book again.
Friday's gone.
You must be Saturday.
[SQUAWK]
[BARK]
[CHITTERING]
-Ah.
You're better, huh?
Tell me, where
did you come from?
[SPEAKING FRENCH]
[SPEAKING GERMAN]
[SPEAKING SPANISH]
[SPEAKING PIG LATIN]
-Did you swim?
Did you paddle a canoe?
Oh.
Paddle.
From that island, over there?
Oh, I see, that
island over there.
Look around, we're
not quite fixed up.
We-- we weren't
expecting anyone yet.
Heh.
Yeah, that's early Grand Rapids.
I may exchange that piece.
Ha ha.
Sears, Roebuck.
That bed is only
here on approval.
Ah, you want to see
this, this is a cute one.
Watch this.
All right.
How do you like that?
[BARKS]
-Well, I must say.
-OK.
-Is that so.
Ha, ha, ha.
-(RADIO SINGING) jewelry.
Look at me, I'm king
of all I survey!
Come on and give me the
stars, God's heaven above me,
where is that power, the
one who will love me,
and I'll travel along,
singing a vagabond song.
-Tired?
-(RADIO ANNOUNCER)
This is station KTR,
San Flashing the
news of the day.
During the month of
October, 760 people
were injured in traffic
accidents, and 43 were killed.
Wealthy clubman commits suicide.
George Graham was
killed instantly
after jumping from a
seventh-story window.
The police learned he had lost
everything in Wall Street.
-Ha ha.
-(RADIO ANNOUNCER)
John Davenport,
retired capitalist was
unable to pay his alimony,
so he is spending the
next six months in jail.
[RADIO WHISTLE]
-(FEMALE VOICE ON RADIO)
This program is sponsored
by the Dorothy Pardon
Cosmetic Company.
Now, don't forget, girls,
if you want to be beautiful,
if you want to be lovely,
use Dorothy Pardon's Famous
Lipstick, Dorothy Pardon's
Famous Eyebrow Pencil, Dorothy
Pardon's Famous Vanishing
Cream, and Dorothy
Pardon's Famous Cheek Rouge.
[LAUGHTER]
-(RADIO ANNOUNCER) When you
hear the sound of the chime,
the time will be 12:00
midnight, Pacific Standard Time.
[CHIMES]
-That's 8:00 South Seas
time, four hours difference.
It's time to go to be.
Come on, Saturday, that's all.
Go on, now this is your bed.
Here.
You sleep here.
Heh, heh.
Ha ha.
You sleep here.
Your bed, look.
See. [SNORE] Oof.
Ah ha, ha ha.
Oh, No, Saturday,
I sleep out here.
(LAUGHING) That's pretty cute.
Here you are.
There.
Goodnight.
[KISS]
-Uh, uh!
-Oh, you don't kiss
down here, huh?
What do you do?
-Ombi.
-Huh?
-Ombi.
-Why, Saturday!
-Deyeh.
-Oh, I see. (LAUGHING)
You rub noses.
(LAUGHING) Ombi.
(LAUGHING) Well good night.
Pleasant dreams.
See you in the morning.
[LAUGHTER] Ombi!
[BELL TOLLING]
[NATIVE DRUMMING]
[GONG]
-Goranda.
Professor, this is where you
fit in to this little scheme
of mine.
Just line up some
of these natives,
and I'll show you
how I'm going to win
that bet from Mr.
Robinson Crusoe.
-All right.
[NATIVE SPEECH]
-Ha ha!
That's great, Saturday.
You made a hole in one.
Now I've nothing [INAUDIBLE].
Now look, don't stand behind me.
Move over there, that's fine.
-[SPEAKING NATIVE TONGUE]
-Saturday.
Never, never as
long as you live,
ever speak when
a man is putting.
You can steal his
watch, but never talk.
-[SPEAKING NATIVE TONGUE]
-You can't do that.
Taboo.
Taboo!
-[MUFFLED SPEAKING]
-Ha ha!
I halved him, William.
(LAUGHING) Now we're even.
I'll show the reason
why people play golf.
This is the 19th hole.
This is the clubhouse.
I'm going to give you
two weeks [INAUDIBLE],
I'm going to put you up.
[CLAP]
[CLAP]
[CLAP]
-Ah, Gandhi.
[INAUDIBLE] Here we are.
Some high-proof orange
juice, aged in the wood.
And very good, too.
Like some?
-Ai.
-Huh?
-Ai.
-Ai.
Yes?
Ai, yes?
Yes!
-Yef.
-No, no, no.
Yes!
-Yes.
-Yes!
-Yes.
-Now.
-Mmm.
-Mmm.
Same in our language.
Mmm.
You, uh, have another?
-Aita.
-Huh?
-Aita.
-Aita.
No?
No?
No.
-No.
-That's all women
ever need to learn.
No.
Mind if I?
Mmm.
Saturday, this
has been glorious.
Fine dinner, 18 holes of
golf, the clubhouse, and you.
[SIGH] And what a night.
Glorious!
Marvelous!
[BELL TOLLS]
-Perfectly divine, gorgeous,
inspiring, enchanting.
Ah, "How silver sweet sound
lovers' tongue by night."
[BELL TOLLS]
-"Like softest music
to attending ears!
Oh, heavenly night, I'm
appeared being a night,
all this is but a dream.
Too flattering sweet
to be substantial."
Do you understand?
-No.
-Ha ha.
Ah ha ha.
-[SPEAKING NATIVE TONGUE]
-Absolutely, aita.
Besides, it's getting late.
The morrow will soon
supplant that I do date.
So we must to nest.
N'est-ce pas?
-That's great!
Wonderful!
Just like real cannibals.
Now impress this on them.
Here's all they have to do.
Man on island alone.
Take over.
Scare him to death.
Tie him to a stake, get ready
to roast, then we've got him.
-[SPEAKING NATIVE TONGUE]
[CLICK]
-(LAUGHING) Saturday,
you're sweet,
blonde, adorable, marvelous.
You're everything
the doctor ordered.
But this is an
impossible situation.
It's so sudden.
You don't even know my family.
Besides, you may not like
it where I come from.
It's so different.
[STATIC]
-(RADIO ANNOUNCER) Oh
boy, what a football game!
Notre Dame nothing,
Southern California nothing,
into the first half.
[BAND MUSIC]
-Gandhi, stop monkeying
with that radio,
can't you see I'm talking?
You see, Saturday?
We're savages.
You're a calm, mild,
peaceful people.
We have football, prize
fighting, gangsters, dentists.
Now, for instance.
Do you play bridge?
-Yes.
[LAUGHTER]
[LAUGHTER]
[CHATTER]
-No, Saturday!
(LAUGHING) I wouldn't
spoil your beautiful teeth
for anything in the world.
Awful.
Awful.
[CYMBAL]
[CYMBAL]
[GRUNT]
-[SPEAKING NATIVE TONGUE]
[SCREAM]
[SCREAM]
[BARKING]
[THUMP]
[WHIMPER]
-[SPEAKING NATIVE TONGUE]
[SCREAM]
-[SPEAKING NATIVE TONGUE]
-[SPEAKING NATIVE TONGUE]
[RADIO CROWD NOISE]
[THUMP]
[SILENCE]
-[SPEAKING NATIVE TONGUE]
-Hey, hey, hey!
Hey, hey, hey!
Hey, hey!
Gotcha!
Quiet!
Or you'll get this.
Saturday!
Go on.
Shake a cocktail.
I've got to figure
out something.
-Well, for the love of Pete.
All the comforts of Park Avenue.
[LAUGHTER]
-(LAUGHING) And all
the joys of Broadway.
[LAUGHTER]
-Hey, there!
-Hello!
Hello!
-Well, you little son of a gun.
-Well, well, well, well.
-Gee, it's good to see you, boy.
-Fancy meeting you
here. (LAUGHING)
-What do you think of that.
[OMINOUS MUSIC]
-This is Saturday.
Saturday, these are my friends.
My friends, this is Saturday.
Ha.
You're just in time for a
Robinson Crusoe cocktail.
-(WHISPERING) I
wonder what became
of that bunch of cannibals?
-In the bag.
[LAUGHTER]
-Here you are.
Here, try this on your piano.
-(LAUGHING) You
son of a gun, you.
Why, it looks as though you
have everything in the bag.
-Yeah, you haven't
seen anything, yet.
Come on, let me, I'll show you.
-[SPEAKING NATIVE TONGUE]
[RADIO WHISTLE]
[RADIO MUSIC]
-How do like this?
-Well, the man is Mussolini!
[LAUGHTER]
-Here's your $1000,
boy, all made out.
You win.
-[SPEAKING NATIVE TONGUE]
-Remember that
girl on the island?
That's her mother.
-Huh?
Ooh, what a complication.
-Oh, here's another
complication.
-[SPEAKING NATIVE TONGUE]
-How time flies,
here's Friday again.
We've got to get
out of here, quick.
Take the monkey and
the dog and the parrot.
Quick, grab those animals.
Bill, double or nothing on this
bet that I get out of this one.
-You're on, and I hope you win.
Ha ha.
Come on, bring them down
there and I'll set the trap.
[CHATTER]
-Hurry please.
Hurry please, hurry please.
Hurry please, hurry please.
-Go down to Park Avenue, you
get these down to the boat.
I'll join you there, I'm
going to draw their fire.
Hurry up.
-Hurry please, hurry please.
-Hey!
Hey.
Hey!
Hey, hey.
Hey, hey!
[ANGRY VOICES]
-That's $2000 you owe me.
-[INAUDIBLE] Son of a gun.
(LAUGHING) Oh, look!
Saturday!
-Oh, for the love of Pete.
-I knew it!
I knew it, I knew it.
-OK.
-This is a question before
the house, and no fooling.
Saturday, I told you that it was
imp-- you shouldn't have-- you
know I've got to go
back on that-- you
should have stayed
on that island.
-No, no, no.
-I knew I shouldn't
have taught her English.
-What are you going
to do with her?
-As a rule, they conveniently
jump into volcanoes.
-Huh?
-If she won't, why
don't you do it.
-Huh?
-Jump into a volcano.
-Oh, Bill, this is serious.
What am I going
to do, professor?
-East is East, and West is West.
-I know it, I know it.
-I shot my tiger.
-Oh.
-Triple or nothing on that bet,
you don't get out of this one.
[CLAP]
-I've got it!
I've got it.
I've got it, I've
got it, I've got it.
[APPLAUSE]
[NATIVE SINGING]