Mr. Right (2015) - full transcript

My name's Kyle,
and I wanna be a policeman.

(camera shutter clicks)

I'm Gordon.
I wanna be a lawyer.

(blows raspberry)

My name is Martha,
and I'm a T. rex!

(roaring)

WOMAN:
Okay, Martha.

WOMAN: ♪ Take me on a date
I deserve it, babe ♪

♪ Don't forget the flowers every anniversary ♪
Okay. You can do this.

No, I'm gonna delete that one.
Hey, what's up?

"My girlfriend just sent me
the sexiest photo."



Ew. Oh, that looks like a butt.
My boobs look like a butt?

Just hanging' out in your
favorite shirt and lingerie.

Oh, boy.
None of these are good.

♪ Dear future husband,
here's a few things ♪

♪ You'll need to know
if you wanna be ♪

♪ My one and only all my life ♪

♪ You gotta know how
to treat me like a lady ♪

♪ Even when I'm acting crazy ♪

♪ Tell me
everything's all right ♪

♪ Ah ♪

♪ Future husband,
better love me right ♪♪

(door opening)

- (man laughing)
- (woman gasping)

Okay.



(man moaning)

(woman laughing)
(glass shatters)

MAN: I mean, was I cheating on you?
Yes, maybe.

I'm such an asshole, okay?
I know.

Do you think that I like
being like this?

I just need validation all the time.
It's pathetic.

But I think that's something
you can work on.

(clicks tongue)
Yeah, this is super-fucked.

But maybe...

it's a new beginning,
right?

Mmm.

Oh, wow.

I like your nail polish.

I'm just gonna grab
this little fella.

This is what I'm talking about, Martha.
(door opens)

You got no sense
of adventure.

(thuds)

Hey, watch it.

Hey, have a nice day.

- ♪ Oooh, ooh, ooh, ooh ♪
- (bell dings)

MAN:
♪ Take a look around the room ♪

♪ Love comes wearing disguises ♪

♪ How to go about and choose ♪

♪ Ah, break it down
by shapes and sizes ♪

♪ I'm a man who's got
very specific taste ♪

♪ Y-Y-You're
just my type ♪

♪ Oh, you got a pulse
and you are breathing ♪

♪ Y-Y-You're
just my type ♪

Hi. Hey. Sharon?

- Yeah.
- How are you?

(chuckling)
Is that Chanel?

I like it.

What, are you with the hotel?
No, no.

I'm actually supposed to be in Milwaukee,
killing your husband

before he can take
your half of the firm.

That's what it's about. They don't tell me much.
That's what I could figure out.

I was really proud of myself for that.
Gee whiz.

(laughing)
Look, I...

Don't hurt my feelings,
Sharon.

You contacted a fixer
to hire someone to kill your husband.

Huh?

Okay.

So if you're not there,
then why are you here?

Murder's wrong, Sharon.

But you're a hit man.

Nobody's perfect.

(silenced gunshot)

(whistles)

MARTHA: You're gonna come home
and look at me

like I'm uptight 'cause
I don't want a threesome?

You asshole!
'Cause I'm not so... Martha?

- It's Sophie. Are you okay?
- You don't even know me!

She's not okay.

No, because you didn't
bring the...

Why would you bring...
That doesn't even make any sense.

She's doing drunk closet.
She's regressed to college.

We've gotta open the door.
I need you to keep your eyes to the ground.

Because she takes direct eye contact
as a sign of aggression.

We're coming in.
No! No!

This is my whole zone!

(slurring)
This is for me!

You stop judging me, 'cause
these are my favorite socks!

And I have only
been drinking for two days.

- Martha, you look good.
- I feel assumptions from you.

I feel judgment from you.
You don't know the situation.

You don't know what's in my heart
'cause you're racist!

(gasps)
No. Okay, whoa.

And you smell weird!
I'm sorry. You don't.

Julia, I'm gonna need your help.
I am not touching her.

- She seems sticky.
- Get physical with me, I will get physical with you.

Take my hands.
One, two, there we go.

You unhand me, you brute!
Ha-ha.

No, I don't wanna leave.
No! Martha.

- I need your hands.
- You can't stop me! No!

One of you hussies
is getting fisted!

Okay, he's headed
towards the elevator.

ETA two minutes.

Espinoza's team
is already in position.

For the money this guy's worth,
I'm gonna do my thing big.

- Don't let this joker start doing that thing he does.
- Amen, brother.

Fucking dance party
is canceled!

(grunts)
Yeah!

- Hey, Hopper, you coming or what?
- No.

(British accent)
Nope, I made a mistake.

I thought you guys
were professional.

But that's okay.

That's okay.

Someone's gotta return the van
after he kills you all.

(chuckles)
Yeah, whatever, pussy.

Break a leg.

(bell dings)

- Here we go then.
- WOMAN (on radio): Stopping elevator now.

That's a mistake.
MAN: What the hell? He's not in here.

Yes, he is.
What the fuck? How's he moving like that?

- MAN #2: Catch up! He's right there!
- No, he isn't.

Wow. Pretty.

Balloons. Wedding?
Nice job.

Listen, there's been
a fire down the hall,

so everyone's gonna
have to evacuate.

MAN #3:
He's going in the ballroom!

Don't follow him
into an open space.

Fire! Now!

Fire!

MAN: ♪ When I die
and they lay me to rest ♪

♪ Gonna go to the place
that's the best ♪

♪ When I lay me down to die ♪
Die, motherfucker!

♪ Goin' up to the spirit
in the sky ♪

♪ Goin' up
to the spirit in the sky ♪

WOMAN:
I got him in my sight.

♪ When I die
and they lay me to rest ♪

♪ I'm gonna go to the place that's the best ♪
That's a shame. I liked her.

♪ Never been a sinner ♪

♪ I never sinned ♪

♪ I got a friend in Jesus ♪

By the cake!

♪ So you know that when I die ♪

Well, if he's by the cake,

that means he's got a knife.

♪ Oh, set me up with
the spirit in the sky ♪

Fuck me.

♪ That's where I'm gonna go when I die ♪
You son of a bitch! Aaah!

(clicking)

♪ I'm gonna go to the place
that's the best ♪

♪ Go to the place
that's the best ♪♪ (whistles)

Who shoots cake?

This would have been
such a nice wedding.

Well, that was fun... ish.

I'm not a racist.
I know you're not a racist.

I'm not.
Heads up! Whoa!

Are you feeling...
Ow! What the fuck?

What if that was a bullet?
I'm training you. You're welcome.

Guys, let's go out.
You know?

Let's get out of here.
It's New Orleans.

You know, like,
we're young and free.

We should find
a block party.

We could find one
with a contest or something.

Like a contest
for our bodies.

And we show, like,
our boobs or something.

I don't know.
But I wanna do something terrible.

I wanna do something terrible.
Ah!

Are you okay?

♪♪ (dance)

Excuse me.
Hello, ladies.

What's this?

That was a piña colada,
but I drank it,

so now it's an empty cup
for my friend Julia.

Oh, my God.
Jesus Christ.

Is he here?
I knew this was a good bar.

I'm gonna go find him.
Ooh.

WOMAN:
♪ Can't stop, can't stop ♪

♪♪ (continues)

Oh. Oh! Oh!

(whooping)

(laughing)
Wait!

What the hell?
I'm the fucking man right now!

Ow!

Oh, my gosh. She's texting.
Who is she texting?

Who are you texting?
Nobody.

Do you think if I text him I'm pregnant,
it would change anything?

Is there a pregnant emoticon?
Like... "pregnant."

What if I text him
that I'm dying?

What if I text him
that he's dying?

Because I'm going
to murder you, you...

Okay, give me that.
I'm not watching you repeat yourself.

You're the Little Engine That Could
that keeps running off the tracks.

I'm stopping this train.
No more.

I'm sorry. I am.

I'm sorry, Sophie.
You're so good to me.

I don't know how this keeps happening.
Do I just suck?

No.
Am I just like Suckball McGee over here?

No, you're not Suckball McGee.
Come here.

You know what?
You're just a work in progress, babe.

Oh, Sophie.
Okay.

Why don't you come to work
with me tomorrow? Really?

Yeah. You just chill.
We can pet the cats.

Love the cats!
They love you. Mew!

Yeah.
I love you so much.

I love you too.
(mouthing word)

WOMAN (on phone):
In reference to Target M4937,

you have been assigned
a new identity.

You are FBI Agent Leonard Knox
from the Alabama field office.

New Orleans PD
is at your disposal.

Hopper, because of your personal
relationship with the target,

we remind you that failure
will not be tolerated.

Eliminating the target
is now your top priority.

(elevator bell dings)

Knox?

Agent Leonard Knox?
Uh-huh.

(American accent) And you are?
Detective Gus Patrick.

(bell dings)
Welcome to New Orleans.

Nice to meet you.

(screeching)

Is this supposed to be relaxing?

Normally, it is. You make
everything so crazy. I don't...

Why are you wearing
cat ears?

They sell them behind the counter.
Those are for kids.

Well, I feel beautiful.

But you guys are okay, aren't you?
(growling)

You're just the cutest.
No, that is Hannibal.

He's a straight-up killer.
This one?

- Yeah, he'll fucking scratch your face off.
- Are you crazy?

Are you crazy?

This is a metaphor.
No.

- This cat is my soul.
- It's not a metaphor.

- I need to confront this.
- Martha, no.

- We're gonna be best buddies.
- I would not stand that close.

- It's gonna be okay.
- What are you doing?

(cat howling)

So in the metaphor,
do you think I won or lost?

God, it just exploded.

I mean, it pissed
right in your face. Ew.

Sorry. You really
took the brunt of it.

I thought you'd have better reflexes,
working with cats so long.

Do you think that's a defense mechanism?
That it pisses in your face?

Is that like
an evolutionary sort of...

I'm really sorry, Sophie.

It wasn't a metaphor.
Yeah, I realize that now.

Yeah.

You should go home.

Are you sure?
Yeah.

Yeah, very sure.

Okay.
I will see you at home.

♪ Is it crazy I want you to stay when I
tell you to leave, when I tell you go? ♪

♪ Is it crazy that I say your name
more times a day than I say my own? ♪

♪ Tell me, baby, is it crazy? ♪

♪ 'Cause I ain't been myself
Lately something's going on ♪

♪ Now, boy, I ain't even slept
I've been up all night long ♪

♪ In my head ♪

♪ Tryin' to figure out what I want,
what I do, what I don't ♪

♪ Is it crazy
all that I miss is you? ♪

♪ Tell me 'cause
I don't understand ♪

♪ How someone just can
walk into your life ♪

♪ And everything before them
you forget ♪

♪ Is it crazy? ♪

Phew.

How'd you do that?

This is a lot of condoms.

Enough condoms here to choke a goat.
What?

I don't know
what I just said.

Hey, you wanna get out of here?
What?

Is it creepy? Sometimes I
don't know I'm being creepy.

Do you wanna go on a date? Do you wanna
get out of here and then go on a date?

Based on what?
Based on nothing?

Just go on a date?

What else
are you doing today?

Fighting the urge to run
away from you right now.

I'm actually on the run too.
From creepy guys like you?

Oh, man. These guys wish
they were as creepy as I am.

International hit men.

Ew. Gross, right?
Oof.

Come on, it's 3:00 PM. Let's go get
some gumbo. Alligator pancakes?

What else you got to do today? Other than
get serial killed by a cartoon character?

Maybe a lot.

Was that cartoon character
bothering you?

'Cause I'll kick his ass.

What happened to your hand?
Oh, it was a cat.

I don't own cats, actually.
I'm not like a cat lady.

I mean, I love cats,
but it was a rogue cat.

I think you're beautiful.

I'm more fun than a barrel of kittens.
Mm-hmm.

In a good way.
Yeah.

Let's ditch
this Popsicle stand.

Let's go for it. Let's go on a date.
Let's go out, you and me.

Explain to me in two words
why I should hang with you.

Two words?

Um...

"Or else."

Wow, yeah. That's actually
really fucking creepy.

That's really creepy, right?
Yeah.

Come on.
You gonna pay for those?

Um, I did.
Didn't I pay for these already?

No. Oh, I didn't.
I'm so sorry.

So sorry.
Ha. You caught me.

Hey, buddy. What?
Hmm?

You can't just attack it
from the bottom willy-nilly.

You were doing fine before. Just eat it like
a... you know, like a normal human man.

Are you...
What are you, the hot dog police?

Are you new to eating?

I love that shirt.
Oh, really?

Yeah, it's confident.
You've got, like, a confidence thing.

I have a confidence thing?

Yeah. Like, "fuck everybody."
You know what I mean?

Excuse me. Ladies?
Don't you think she has a confidence thing?

Sorry. He's a crazy person.
I don't know him.

You do. It's funny, though,
'cause this was an ordeal.

Every time I get dressed, I have to confront,
like, what does this say about me?

'Cause I have stuff going on
in here and in here,

and I need my shirt
to be a reflection of that.

That's a lot of
responsibility for a shirt.

Yeah. Well, I probably don't need
to tackle the meaning of life

every time I make
a decision about clothes.

I actually relate to that.
Oh, yeah?

Yeah. It takes me half an hour every
morning just to decide what to wear.

Oh, 'cause I thought this was a
terrible, terrible accident.

No, this was
a conscious decision.

I'm completely
fucking bananas.

You're funny.
Yeah.

Eh...

You didn't finish your story
about the museum dig things.

Oh, yeah, well,
it never happened.

I met Jeff, and it was sort of about
him and his dreams and his goals.

He's a professor, so...

I guess I'm supposed to be too,
if I honor my degree.

How'd he die?
He's...

No, he's alive.
He's fine.

He's just an asshole.

Well, I mean,
he wasn't at first,

but then he sort of Scooby-Doo-style,
you know, unmasked himself.

Oh. Secret asshole.
Yes.

The worst. I think it's
my selection process.

Just every guy
I get attached to, you know,

turns out to be secretly,
like...

Yeah.
Am I in trouble?

Like, am I gonna get
Asshole Syndrome?

But it's not a secret you're an asshole.
Oh, well, then we're fine.

I think the guy thing's
just a symptom though.

I think I don't know
what I'm doing generally.

Hmm.
You know.

If you know that,
why don't you change it?

Well...
Is a question only dickheads ask?

(chuckling)
Sorry.

Yeah, dragons. You know, 'cause humans
just wanna put a name on something

to make it feel safe,
but really,

what is a dinosaur
other than a dragon?

Sorry, I feel like we've been
talking about paleontology a lot.

I don't know anything about you.
Really?

Yeah.
Well, that's too bad

because I'm a fascinating
and complex person.

Is that right?
Yeah, kind of, sort of.

What do you do?
I travel a lot.

I buy used cars,
old cars, vintage cars.

I travel, looking for cars.
And I kill people, but not so much anymore.

Oh, you split the time?

- Fuck!
- Hey, you okay?

Yeah, yeah, I'm fine.

What was that?

Goddamn it!

Just some poopyhead
trying to kill me.

You wanna shake him?
Yeah.

Maybe he's trying to kill you.
Something you're not telling me?

WOMAN: ♪ Come dance with me
Come on and dance with me ♪

♪ You hit the lottery ♪

♪ Spin me around ♪

♪ And I hope my feet
don't touch the ground ♪

♪ You've got
a brutal hold on me ♪

♪ Spread this all around
I-I-I ♪

♪ Thought I had a better hand
I've played this game before ♪

♪♪ (continues)

♪ I have a clue to get what I
want What I want, oh, baby ♪

♪ And the music's calling me ♪

♪ Footloose and fancy free ♪

♪ Come on and dance with me ♪

♪ Don't ever want to leave
Boom Boom Room ♪

♪ Let's break all the rules ♪

♪ Like there's no one here
watching us ♪

♪ Hold me close to you ♪

♪ Feel my heart speed up ♪

♪ You make me go
boom, boom, boom ♪♪

I think my problem is that I have to be
the best ever at everything that I do.

Like if I'm
picking out a suit

or I'm waterboarding a
terrorist or I'm... Sure.

Doing a soufflé or being
someone's boyfriend,

I have to be
the best ever at it.

I think I'm just trying to take
life more seriously these days.

What's so funny?

You're just the corniest
person I've ever met.

I am.
Shuck me.

But number one.
Number one.

Number one.
(laughing)

Ah. So then, like,
philosophically,

you're opposed
to casual sex 'cause...

I usually do it naked. I don't
know what's more casual than that.

I once dated a girl, and we had formal sex.
Had to wear a tuxedo.

Sure. It got really sweaty.
Bow tie got all crooked.

That's so stupid.
It's really stupid.

I'm here every Tuesday.

Try the veal.
(laughs)

This is cute.

You like that?
Yeah, it's pretty cool.

Hello.
Hey.

Hello. How are you?

You're really pretty.

That was dumb.
Corny.

Yeah.
You're the worst.

Oh, my God.

Put that down.

Oh. Hello.

Mmm. Oh.
Hey. Oh.

Hi.
Hi.

Hey, Sophie.
Hey.

Have we met before?
No.

I'm the crazy guy that Martha
met at the supermarket.

Now I know where you live.

- Hey, whoa!
- Oh.

(door slams)
Awesome.

Wow, you look great.
You really do like dragons, huh?

And bonus tigers. Why don't you
park those dragons right here?

(grunts)

So, I should let you know
I still feel, like,

a little messed up
over the, um...

the... the other thing,
previous thing, you know.

Scooby-Doo?
Yeah.

So I still want you to stay
if you wanna stay though.

Well...
(sighs)

Yeah! Hang out till infinity!
Yay! I'm down!

(laughs) Jumping on a bed!
Yay!

Sorry.

If I'm being jumpy, I'm just a
little nervous. I think I like you.

MAN: You don't think that
this is too much, do you?

Nah. I still think we should've cut
his head off though, you know?

Turns up the volume.

Johnny Moon,
you sick fuck.

This is the beginning
of a new era.

Once we are back in Jersey,
we're gonna be in charge.

We're not gonna be stuck
in this armpit of a city.

No offense. I know you grew up here.
No offense taken.

I like you. You're not a smart guy.
You're not a tough guy.

But you make big calls
and you got big balls.

Getting Clown Nose to kill Richie
so you can take over? Wow.

This is a terrible fuckin' plan,
but I believe in it.

It's gonna be fun.

Hey, check it out.

Houdini here is still alive.
(laughs)

Hey, Paco!

You having a rough night, buddy?
Huh?

(muffled grunting)
What?

All right.
Okay, let's get him up.

Ready?
(grunts)

All right. You ready?
Yeah.

One, two, three.
(muffled scream)

♪♪ (jazz)

GUS: That's him?
I like it.

HOPPER: Yeah.
I like it a lot.

How long you said
you've been trackin' him?

FBI's been on him
for 10 years,

the CIA for 15.

I've been running point
for five.

Why don't we just
grab him right now?

Lock up the street
with snipers and SWAT?

You really want to
clean up that many bodies?

Yeah!

I'm in love.

- Are you kidding me?
- I used to make breakfast for you all the time.

Yeah, in a microwave.

That guy last night, he seemed
really, like, fancy homeless.

Oh, my God. I just realized
I don't know his name.

- Who, Mr. Right?
- We were together for 10 hours. It never came up.

- You slept with him and don't know his name?
- I did not sleep with him.

We slept together.
We didn't have sex.

We cuddled.
It was adorable.

- Okay.
- I don't need a name for that.

But still,
he didn't tell you his name.

You're gonna just have to start
recognizing these red flags.

Why?
You think he's evil?

What if he is?

When I was little, I had this fantasy
I was dating Lex Luthor.

From Superman?
Wasn't he, like, a genius?

Your guy's more like
a sexy Rain Man or something.

Thank you. But I don't really
think this is about him.

I think you're just
in an unstable time,

and maybe you're just
latching onto this guy

because, you know,
the first guy you meet...

- I think I'm in love with him. Is that stupid?
- Yes. Hard yes.

What is that?
I want support.

- I made you a pancake. You have to be nice.
- You're saying crazy things.

I think you may be having
an early midlife crisis.

That doesn't sound like me.

Hmm. Pretty good.

He just makes me feel...

I don't know.
Like you said, Mr. Right.

Oh, my God.

- Can you fry whip cream?
- Why not?

Oh, what?

(phone ringing)

HOPPER: How come you're still alive?
What are you doing, Hopper?

The company says you stopped checking in.
What's your big plan?

Well, I'm bringing him in.
What the hell?

He killed
my whole fucking team!

He's mine,
and I'm taking him out.

- Really?
- You have a better idea?

Always.
Literally, always.

I will always have
a better idea than you.

I know this guy.
I know his weak spot.

I trained him.

So for now, we wait.

Mmm.
Yeah, like pussies, huh?

Yeah, okay.
Like pussies.

We're in
a big pussy parade.

Hey!
I'm not in a pussy parade, all right?

You watch
your fuckin' mouth, Hopper.

- It's the wife.
- I know what you mean.

- So what's the story on Hopper?
- Who?

Ed Hopper.
His name keeps coming up in the files.

He used to work
with our boy, right?

Some sort of master of disguise,
secret agent type dude.

- I didn't read the whole thing, but...
- Of course you didn't.

But if you had, you'd know that Hopper's
been missing almost 12 years now.

They worked together in the
ULTRA program at the CIA.

That went down in flames.
End of story.

Forget Hopper. Let's focus
on one psycho at a time.

All right.

♪♪ (piano)

♪♪ (piano continues)

Hey, Monster.

- Did you just call me "Monster"?
- It's like a nickname.

- Like Marth, Marthster, Monster, that sort of thing.
- Yeah, into it.

Worth noting that nicknames are supposed
to happen organically over time, but...

I can say it a thousand
times in 10 minutes.

Monster, Monster, Monster,
Monster, Monster, Monster.

Monster, Monster,
Monster, Monster...

Yeah, just Stockholm Syndrome me.
I love that album.

It's better than Agatha.
Who's Agatha?

Oh, I think Agatha
is a swell middle name.

It is "swell." It is swell
'cause it's basically from 1935.

And Martha Agatha, it's just a
double menopause punch in the...

Oh. It's brutal.

Hey, you wanna do,
like, a role-play thing?

Where I'm an old lady?

Yeah, I could get into that.
We could get a walker, a cane.

Actually,
it's my sort-of dream

to eventually be the old
lady in the neighborhood

that's like the crazy old lady,
like crazy old Martha,

and just have, like, messy white
hair and, like, ratty clothes,

and I just drive around all
day dead-eyeing teenagers.

- That's awesome.
- It's, like... It's my dream.

I can't wait
to be there for that.

(chuckles)

Hey, are you hungry?

Excuse me, waiter?
Can I...

I'm sorry. I have to just go outside
for a second. I'm really sorry.

Hey, buddy,
here's the thing.

I'm on a date, and I like this girl.
Can't we do this tomorrow?

I could kill you in a park, at the beach.
Rent a cozy hotel room?

I'd kill you there. We'll get a big
fruit plate, hang out, hold hands.

Fuck you, bitch.

(yelps)

Are we done?

Where the fuck
you going, pussy?

I'm gonna kill you and your fucking bitch.
You heard me.

What?
You fucking heard me.

- Come get some.
- Why'd you have to go and threaten her?

That's not
a nice thing to say.

All right.
Give me a second.

(muscles crack)
Yeah, come on, princess.

Let me know
when you're comfortable.

Let's go, bitch!

(screams)

- Hurts, don't it?
- Aaah!

Whoa.

Okay. Fucking guys.

- That guy's really homophobic.
- Get the fuck off me!

(shouts)

(gagging) All right.
Have you had enough?

You could've gotten blood on me.
This is a nice girl.

(sighs)
I just...

I want it to go well.

I like this girl.

- Hey, did you have to finish a book on tape?
- No, sorry.

Had to kill somebody in the parking lot.
Some asshole.

Yeah,
he was a real dickhead.

Hey, you mind if I come around to your
side of the table? Oh, yeah. Sure.

Yep. Okay.
I love it.

Let's fly in the face of
traditional face-to-face dining.

Yeah. There's too much
real estate between us.

Anarchy.
I'm starving.

After killing that guy,
you must be exhausted. Right?

Let's get some food.
Okay.

I don't understand.

(sighs)
Why would anybody kill Paco

and dump his body
under a bridge?

Well, to get at us,
Richie.

I mean, they're trying
to suss us out.

I think that it is this local big dick,
Hector Garcia.

Paco must have talked.

He probably let it slip that he was helping
to hide out big-money, up-north scaries.

Fuck.

(sighs)

- We have to tell Dad.
- What?

We don't have to
tell Dad shit.

They're still cleaning blood
off the walls back at home, Von.

And might I remind you
that this was your fucking mess?

(exhales slowly)

I apologize.

- Yeah.
- I got an idea.

There's word on a guy.
Big-time hit man, wears a clown nose.

Maybe he takes care of the job for us.
Yeah. This.

I like this.
He makes a statement.

No. I'm not hiring some straight-off-the-boat
asshole to fix our problems.

We're supposed to be lying low.
That's great. That's great.

That's a much better
fucking plan.

We'll just stay locked up
like a bunch of fucking rats

waiting for the FBI to knock
on our fucking door!

Oh, that's great, Richie. Eight years
of therapy is working out beautifully.

One, two, three, four, five, six,
seven, eight, nine, 10. I apologize.

(glass shatters)

(sighs)

I like what Johnny's saying
because this guy,

he's a real international
contractor.

He's this Bruce Lee, James Bond
type of bad-ass motherfucker.

We get him
to make a move on Garcia

and we stop this shit
before it starts.

(groans)
Okay.

Okay.

Go, uh, find
your professional.

I'll meet with him.

(slaps desk)
Okay?

♪♪ (whistling)

Here you go.
Thank you.

♪♪ (whistling resumes)
Where's Sophie?

She's with a guy who doesn't
wanna be in a relationship,

so it's a real treat
for her.

Ah.

What's your name?
My name?

Yeah. I realized I was kinda
having fun not knowing,

but now I think it's
more weird than adorable.

Is it hot in here?
I don't really like my name.

I just kind of... I kinda hate it,
and it makes me angry.

I've been really honest
with you about everything.

It's only been a couple of days,
and that's not a big accomplishment.

I just don't like my name,
and I don't wanna tell you. Is that okay?

Okay. Weirdo.

(laughing)

Um... how'd you do
that thing in the store?

What thing?

You know, like, the way
you move sometimes.

It's like...

It's like you know, um...

Oh, yeah, that thing.
Right. Yeah.

You wanna see a trick?
Okay.

Is this gonna get,
like, scary?

No scarier than usual,
I don't think.

There aren't
usually knives.

Well, first time
for everything.

Ever since
I was a little boy,

I've had an idea.

It's more of a theory, really.

Keep up.
I'm trying.

Everything we see,
like, physical things,

it's all just islands,
and under it, carrying it,

is this sweeping current.

And if you pay attention,
you can start to feel it.

Yeah.

You see how your hand
moves with mine?

You can feel it,
right?

Uh...
That's okay.

Just concentrate
on the knife.

Now, if we can feel
the current,

we can feel other things
in the current...

people.

Watch the knife.

We can feel how the current
will move them,

and we can see
where they'll go.

It's all in the movement.
You see, it pushes itself.

It's easier to move with it
than against it.

Jesus Christ!
What? What?

Why the fuck would you do that?

- I thought you were gonna catch it.
- Catch it?

- Did you see where it was gonna go?
- I can't catch a knife!

- Sure, you can.
- No, I can't!

Yes, you can.
Remember last night, we were dancing?

You have an energy.
You've got a knack for this.

Shit. This is crazy.
Oh, my God.

Look, I had a really
nice night or whatever.

I know you can feel it.

- You don't know how yet, but I can keep showing you.
- No, no.

You need to leave
right now.

- You can feel it.
- It doesn't matter what I feel!

Martha.

Yeah.

- Cool, right?
- That's so gnarly.

(laughing)

No, no more.

No more, no more.
I get it. It's okay.

I should be so freaked out.

Give me one of those back.
Okay.

Yeah.

Yeah, baby.

So, it's like a pulse?

Yeah, kind of. I never tried to
explain it to anybody before.

No?
Yeah.

- You never talked to anybody about it?
- No.

Why me?

Because I wanted you to know.
I needed you to know.

You have a... a grace.
I just knew you'd understand.

And that's how you knew
I'd catch a knife?

I didn't know you'd catch the knife.
(laughs)

I believed you could catch the knife.
I wanted you to catch the knife.

There was no way I could know. You're the
one who did it. You're the one who knew.

Are you mad?

No.
(chuckles) No, I'm not mad.

I think I'm crazy.

(laughing)
Me too.

And also, I want you.

I mean, really.

I really do.

I think that's doable.

Shut up.
I mean, immediately.

(gasps)

(grunts)

Hi.

You come here often?
Oh, you didn't like my breakfast?

I gotta do this
five-second stop,

and then maybe we could get
a little something.

Okay.
Yeah?

Cool.
Okay.

It's weird.
I feel like I've been in a coma with you.

Like I don't remember

what my life was like
before three days ago.

Yeah. Me too.

So, when we were
in bed last night...

Oh, no, it's fine.
I smelled it.

I know. Gumbo, hot dogs.
I get it. Oh, my God.

You're such an idiot.
It doesn't bother me.

It's fine.

I... saw your, um...
the scar on your back.

Oh, yeah.

Um, well,

uh, it's a long story.

I was in Serbia chasing this guy
all over the tundra,

and the whole area's
a war zone,

and I finally find the guy,
and he's already dead.

This is when I used to
work for the corporation.

The CIA, et cetera.
Yeah.

Anyway, a piece of ceiling tile missed
my heart by about two inches.

Some rubble hit my back.
That's what the scar is from.

Hit me in the head, and they said
I had brain damage.

Blah, blah, blah.
Doctors. Right?

And an old friend of mine
turned on me.

That's why
I blew up the building.

Pretty shitty, actually.

Anyway, I think it put
everything into perspective.

Maybe the brain damage
helped. I don't know.

Hey, there's my guy.
I'll be right back.

I'll finish the rest of the story.
Okay.

Okay? You look great.

Hey.

You the guy?

I'm a guy, sure. Yeah.

Everything's in there.
Nice.

Who's that guy?
Where the fuck is Richie?

Who hired you?

That's none
of your business.

Oh, yeah.
Well, it's kind of my business.

VON: What do you mean
Richie's not there?

Fucking Clown Nose
is supposed to kill him.

(radio stations tuning)

WOMEN:
♪ Sunshine ♪

♪ Shine, shine ♪

Let me see what you got here.
♪ Sunshine ♪

Hector Garcia?

Look at this guy. He looks like Serpico.
What are you doing?

You want me to kill Hector Garcia?
That's a bit ambitious.

You won't tell me who hired
you to hire me to kill Hector Garcia?

Fuck you, psycho.
Psycho?

Get the fuck out of here
before this shit gets ugly.

You're lucky I don't pop your ass
right here. You like clowns?

♪ Show me my wildest dreams ♪

♪ Sunshine ♪

♪ Shine, shine ♪

♪ Sunshine ♪

Shit! He just fucking killed the guy.
The wrong guy.

♪ Oh-oh, oh-oh ♪

Sorry. Whew.

That took a little longer
than I thought.

What's...
Are you okay?

What's...

Are you upset
'cause I killed that guy?

Martha, how I feel about that guy has
nothing to do with how I feel about you.

Are you...

Um, can I go home, please?

♪♪ (whistling)

(sighs)
Sh...

Fudge.

(engine starts)

MAN (on radio): The European
Central Bank on Wednesday...

Geez, look at that.

Mm-hmm.

There's blood spatters
all over the place.

The angle and the velocity
is all weird though.

Like he's spinnin'.
Dancing.

Huh?

He wasn't spinning.
He was dancing.

Oh, yeah. Look at that.

Martha, wait a second.
Wait a second.

Goddamn it.

Hold on.

Sweetheart, is...
(stammers)

Is this a fight?

You're really upset
about that.

Hey, Monster, it's me.
I'm not...

I'm...

I don't think
before I act sometimes,

but I'm not a bad person.

You think bad people
have the capacity

to... love and stuff?

I'm sorry.
You've been through a lot, and I'm...

H-Hold. Wait.
D-D-Don't go.

I just wanna talk to you,
that's all.

Please?

This is on your head.
All right, Clevon?

- You were supposed to do the hire yourself.
- Shut up for a second!

Why would anybody kill our hire in
the middle of public like that?

You know what doesn't
make any sense

is you,
here in your fortress.

Okay, listen to me.

If I'd been on that bridge,

your own brother
would be dead right now.

- Is that what you want?
- No.

I got an address.

Followed him back there.
He dropped off his girlfriend.

Apartment number's
on the back.

Okay, Von.

Go get 10 guys, local,
then go to this girl's place.

When this motherfucker
shows his face,

blow his face off.

What? Ten guys?

Other than you and Moon.
That sounds appropriate.

But, Richie,
what I'm trying to...

No buts.
Get outta here. Go.

(knocking)

(knocking continues)

Martha.

Martha. There's two guys
here from the FBI to see you.

Are you in there?

Uh...

HOPPER:
His name is Francis Munch.

Formerly one of the world's
most notorious professional killers.

He's been in the game
since he was a teenager.

Trained
at various programs,

privatized,
became a bullet-for-hire

and just a meat grinder
of a man.

About two years ago,
Munch had a nervous breakdown and quit.

He quit? Why?

The guy has something close
to emotions, always has.

Guilt. Remorse.

We're guessing these feelings
just finally caught up with him.

If he's not a hit man anymore,
why did he kill that guy on the bridge?

We think he developed
a kind of moral code.

He's still notorious.

People still try to hire him,
but now he kills them.

He kills the people
who hire him?

Yeah.

Because murder is wrong.

SOPHIE:
That's insane.

I would say that's
a reasonable diagnosis, yes.

Is this the place
where we...

GUS:
The restaurant, yeah.

He said he killed a guy in the parking lot.
I thought he was joking.

I mean,
how dangerous is he?

Well... Well, now...

how dangerous?

There's no kind of chart.

If there was,
I'd say he's near the top.

He's just... gifted.

Frighteningly gifted.

NSA, Interpol, FBI have made a combined
nine attempts to take him into custody

in the last two years.

Every direct confrontation has ended
in absolute, unmitigated disaster.

He dances in,

a storm of bullets and chaos,

and he dances out.

So now what?

If he makes
any attempt to contact you,

you call us immediately.

You get it?

(phone ringing)

FEMALE VOICE: Please leave a message
at the tone.

(beeps)
Martha, it's me.

Um, I know
the smart move here

is to give you
some time and some space,

but I need to see you
and I'm...

I'm coming over.
Okay?

I'm coming over.

(beeps)

(door opens)

- Hi.
- Hi.

Everything okay?

Everything is great.

Okay.

Do you think
I'm in danger?

We think he's in danger.

A man he killed has a lot of
dangerous people backing him up.

But then so did the Pirrellos,
and it didn't help them none. Who?

A little syndicate
in New Jersey.

Drugs.
Heroin mainly.

Tried to hire Munch,
and he killed 'em all.

Only a guy from the
Cartigan family made it out.

John...

Tom...
No.

I forget his name.
No. You misunderstand. I'm...

Do you think
I'm in any danger from him?

Well,

when you're a contract killer,
you have no friends.

You barely ever talk
to anyone.

Just spend hours
in endless motels,

cars,

planes,

just sitting there,

staring at nothing.

But around you,
his behavior is unique.

He expresses himself.

Emotions.

Other than that blank, happy thing
he's got going on.

You're the one person he's had any
kind of meaningful interaction with

that didn't end in a bullet.

So, are you safe?

Are you in danger?

Well, let me put it
to you this way...

you're clearly
an asset to him.

Which makes you
an asset to me.

So you can sleep tight,
Martha.

(door closes)

What the fuck, man?
This beauty's yours.

What the fuck
I supposed to do with this?

It's simple.
Bullets come out that end.

They hit people
and then people die.

This is like some
World War II-ass old shotgun.

You said this guy's a supersonic
psycho killer, right?

You want me to go out like I'm duck
hunting on this motherfucker?

I'm sorry, Steve.

It was the best that we
could do on short notice.

He has no idea we're coming.
Walk up to the guy, shoot him in the face.

Seen crackheads in Brooklyn
with better guns.

A cocksucker like you
could do it.

You watch your fucking mouth,
you blinged out, Cajun Green Goblin.

(laughs)
Look at this shit.

(sighs)

I'm like Elmer fucking Fudd,
man.

Oh, really?
A grenade?

I taught you that one,
Francis.

(whispers) Oi, mate.
Oh, for fuck's sake.

(electricity crackles)
(doorbell rings)

(door opens)

Oh.

(whispering)
I know, I know.

Is this guy dead, or...

Just unconscious.
Mm-hmm.

I'm really sorry.
Okay.

Do you have any...
You have a bathtub, right?

Hey, I'm not sure, um,
that you should be here.

(stammers)
'Cause...

I don't know,
I feel really confused,

and... like, we should
probably take a break.

What do you m...
A break?

Okay.

Okay.

(moaning)

No, wait, wait.
What? What?

Okay, like, this whole reverse
hit man thing is like...

It's weird. I know.
Awkward.

I kill
a whole bunch of people.

But they suck?
They're, like, bad people?

But that's not an excuse.
I should stop.

I'm just panic-rationalizing this
to myself.

Honey, you are, but you're doing great.
Really good.

Uh-huh. Okay.

Okay, whatever.

- What the fuck?
- Hey, Sophie.

- MARTHA: Hey, buddy.
- Is he dead?

Oh, he's just taking a nap.
I can see him breathing.

What the fuck?

(tires screech)

You gonna take
the east side, right?

Yeah. I see anything,
I'll let you know.

Shit! Shit.

Hey, uh, Knox,
look, we got trouble.

Twelve uglies heading in the
building right now. Knox? You copy?

- Who the hell is Knox?
- He's, uh, the FBI guy.

FBI? (chuckles)
No, no, no.

That guy Hopper's
a seriously mean bad guy.

Haven't seen him in a while.
He looks different every time. Who is he?

FRANCIS:
It's a long story.

After I left the agency,
he was...

We used to work together.
We were really close.

And then I said, "I don't wanna kill people"
and he was like, "You have to."

- He blew up a building on me in Serbia.
- What?

So he's not with the FBI?
Nope.

We're gonna be fine.

Oh, Francis, I just...
What?

What did you call me?

Did you just call me...

He told you my name?

Motherfucker! Motherfucker!
Fucking motherfucker!

That was unnecessary.
I'm sorry. Let's go. No, I'm not gonna go.

- Wh-Why not?
- 'Cause you're a criminal, and you lied to me.

- You can't go with him. He just killed a cop.
- Shut your face. Thank you.

I never lied to you.
Not once.

SOPHIE: Martha, listen...
I guess... Yeah, that's true.

I mean, I did think
you were joking, in fairness.

- Martha, we should call the police now.
- Please.

- I-I'm gonna shoot you in the armpit.
- Great, great. Can't wait.

- I would never do that.
- You brought a dead body into our home! Hello!

How about if I
shoot you in the eye?

- I'm not talking to you right now.
- I would never do that.

- I'm pretending.
- We could be dead in an hour! Martha. Martha!

- Get off of me!
- Live in there now, in silence.

I'll let you out later.
I never lied to you.

What do you want from me?
I'm here. That's real. I don't know though.

'Cause you show up, and you're, like,
the greatest thing ever,

and then
you kill people.

And this guy's from the FBI,
but then he's not from the FBI.

And I don't know.
It's just overwhelming, you know?

I don't think it's healthy.
(banging on door)

SOPHIE: Fuck you guys! Nobody's norm...
Nobody's normal. Nobody's healthy.

Listen. We don't have time.
So you've gotta decide now. Okay?

I love you. What are you gonna do
for the rest of your life?

You and me. You're all I got.
Am I being crazy?

Am I nuts?

Let's do this. This is it. Now, honey.
We gotta do this now.

Oh, my God, stop talking.
I'm totally into it. (laughs)

Yeah?
SOPHIE: You're both fucking insane!

Let's go.

This is gonna be tough.
Why?

I can't kill anybody. Last time
I killed somebody, you really freaked out.

No, no, I'm fine.

Okay, don't do that.
Don't do what?

'Cause later
you'll say... I'm not doing anything.

Trust me?
Yes.

You look hot.
You look beautiful.

Hold my hand.
Okay.

- (shouting)
- (Martha gasps)

(clicks tongue)

- (groans)
- (chamber cocks)

- (groans)
- (gunfire)

(woman screams)

Oh-ho! Nice shot!

(chuckles)
Yeah! Nice, baby.

(screams)

You all right?
Huh?

How'd you do that?

Some people waste time
with the fighting.

I skip straight to the winning.
We'd better get out of here.

(groaning)
Oh, my God.

Fuck.

Oh... Eh...

Fuck!

Was that even a shotgun?
What the hell was that? What just hit me?

You okay?
Fine. Fine.

- Is it bad?
- You look handsome.

Thanks.
How's my hair?

Hey!

Aah! Aah!

Fuck, it hurts!
Fuck, it hurts!

That was great. That was really...
I totally didn't see that coming.

You... You really got me.

What's your name?
Steve.

(groans) Too many things
happening, Steve...

Martha. Trying not to kill anybody.
I went ADD for a sec.

Why didn't you grab her?
Take her hostage?

I didn't think
that'd be cool, man.

Didn't that'd be cool?
Get a load of this guy.

You got talent. Why the fuck did they
give you that piece of shit shotgun?

I don't know.

Baby.
We should go.

Thank you
for not taking me hostage.

(gunfire)

Baby!

(Martha groaning)

Who the fuck are these guys now?
Seem super pissed, right?

- Yeah.
- Where the fuck is Johnny?

I'm gonna kill one of these guys.
Fine.

It's the last one, I promise.
No, I don't care.

You say that now, but later you'll be,
"Why'd you have to..."

No, I don't care!
Okay.

Son of a bitch!

Okay, fellas.

So you saw that I could basically
kill all of you guys from here, right?

Was that dude your buddy?
I mean, look at that guy. That's game over.

Imagine Christmas with his parents.
Maybe he's got kids.

Oh, what if he's got a cat?
Maybe he's got a cat.

Who's gonna feed his cat?
Who's gonna feed your cats?

I know they're paying you, but is it worth it?
We all know how this is gonna go down.

No shame here.

(whispers)
Good?

FRANCIS:
Anybody?

Hey! Where the fuck
are you going?

We paid you for the day!
Fuck this, man!

Okay.
Anyone else?

Go fuck yourself!

Oh.
(laughs)

That wasn't very nice.

Hey, we got some chips here.
We got some pitchers of lemonade.

Why don't we hang out and
talk about this for a second?

- What are you doing?
- Just give me a little push.

It's gonna be okay.

Ready?

One, two, three.

(grunts)

(groaning)

- (groaning)
- How you feeling, fellas?

I had fun.
Nobody got hurt.

Well, a little hurt.
You should call an ambulance.

Hey, you.
Wanna call an ambulance?

Okay, look, don't...
don't shoot.

This was just
a big mistake.

There you go.

- Have we met?
- Kinda.

New Jersey, right?

(chuckling) The Poconos, the Pinocchios,
or something?

Yeah.
Th-The Pirrellos.

- Pirrellos! Yeah.
- That's right. Yeah.

- Vinnie, right?
- It's Von, but don't...

Yeah. You were the guy
hiding under the table.

It was my first big gunfight.
It was scary.

- Vinnie, what did I tell you? Stay out of trouble, right?
- Stay out of trouble.

This isn't staying
out of trouble.

I'm not the one that hired you. That was my
brother, Richie. He is the one that you want.

I literally don't care.

(Martha gasping)

(groaning)

Okay, that's enough.
Get away from him.

(coughs)
Steve, is that you?

Good for you, pal.
You got me again.

Martha!

Clown nose. Wow.
That's a cute gimmick.

You know, one time
I was gonna wear bow ties.

Then I decided to be the guy who
just killed all your friends.

I don't get it, man. Why we taking this girl?
Just shoot that motherfucker.

Steve, just do
what you're told.

Okay?
(grunts)

Johnny, let's go!
(spits)

Wait a second, Vinnie.

You want her, you come and get her.
Fremont and Oleda.

This is a bad call.

MAN: Hey, what about us, man?
Fuckin' bums.

That's what happens
when you Craigslist criminals.

Wait a second.
Bad move. Bad move, man.

Bad move.

You're awake.

You having fun making a fool
out of yourself, Francis?

Don't call me that.

Wh-What happened to you?
(men groaning)

You used to be
like the grim reaper.

- I remember there was a...
- (gunshot)

a guy, he was
a yakuza twat, I think.

(man groans)

And he literally
pissed himself

just 'cause he heard
you was on the way.

What?

Clown nose is tacky.
Is there some kind of joke I'm not getting?

Knock knock.

- Who's there?
- The joke you're not getting.

Get it?
(laughs)

That's hilarious, Francis.

Well, now it's time
to go home.

You should smile more.

You'd be more popular.

That's a nice smile.
See?

Police! Put your hands where I can see 'em!
Stay on the ground!

- (British accent) What took you so long?
- I was waiting for backup.

- Nobody's here yet.
- You're here now, so relax. He's in custody.

Why are you talking
like that?

Why is everything
such a problem?

Oh, bollocks.

It's actually a very simple plan.
All right.

The girl is exactly where we want her.
She's in Richard's office.

So the bait is set.
We wait for that maniac to come here.

He kills everyone
that stands in his path.

We find an excuse, any excuse,
to get the fuck out of here.

And then, blip-blap-blop,
Richard's gone, I'm king of the castle.

What doesn't make sense about this?
I don't know. All of it?

Richard
is waiting for you.

Thanks, dickhead.
Peace to you too.

No.
Just him.

You're telling me
that you shot this guy in the face

and he just
survived?

It was your guys that gave me a
900-year-old fucking shotgun.

- Really?
- So with all due respect, mister,

I don't understand
what happened.

Just give me my fucking money
and I'm out the door.

I apologize.
What was your name again?

Steve.
Steve.

Steve, what do you like on your pizza?
(line: dial tone)

Uh, cheese, man.
Yeah?

(groans)
Yeah? Cheese?

How about
some extra cheese?

(line:
dial tone, beeping)

Still working.
It's a good phone.

Now... you.

No, listen.
This is what me and Johnny are gonna do.

We're gonna go out there,
get the word out.

Then we're gonna throw up
a 100-grand reward.

$100,000?
That's your plan? That's my plan.

(laughs)

That's
a stupid idea.

Bruce, what the fuck do you even do
around here, man?

If we don't know
where this guy is,

no one can afford
to leave this house.

Honestly, I think the safe bet
is to just let her go.

- Hmm?
- Let her go?

Really?
That's your fucking idea?

You know what?
You have no idea what you are doing.

You have no balls, no...
Oh, yeah?

Fuck!
Son of a bitch!

(groans, spits)

I'm going to work much harder
to control my anger.

But people are dead.

The bodies are piling up
and Dad is kinda gonna notice.

And the fault is yours,
you piece of shit worm-fuck.

I have been defending
your worthless coke-head ass

for years...
for fuckin' years.

And now I realize...

I was wrong.

You should've died
with the Pirrellos.

- Fuck you, Richie!
- Take the girl and get the fuck out of this room.

- (muffled screaming)
- And I don't give a shit if you tell Mom I beat your ass.

(door closes)
Bruce.

Nobody else leaves.
No more fuck-ups.

If that cocksucker has the balls
to show up here,

we hit him
with everything we got.

Okay, okay.

I lost track of my dumb
decisions a long time ago.

You guys had an automatic M-16
military issue with a laser scope,

and you give me
a fucking Elmer Fudd shotgun?

(sighs)
Fuck this shit.

Motherfuck,
we are totally fucked.

We're gonna be stuck here
when that psychopath shows up.

Will you get this for me? I can't do it.
Yeah, we're fucked. Big deal.

You started this ride,
Von.

You're the one who pushed the
shit ball rolling down the hill.

Seriously?
Mmm.

Will you please
shut the fuck up?

Watch your mouth
with me, man.

Or what?

Don't let this
become un-fun.

It's supposed to
be fun, right?

Or I get
a bad attitude.

Who the fuck
do you think you are?

I'm fucking Johnny Moon.

(Martha laughing)

What?

(chuckles)

(giggles)

Okay. You wanna have some fun?
Yeah.

You wanna
have some fun?

What's that, baby?
I couldn't hear you under there.

(tape rips)
(screams)

(sighs)
Okay.

This is you guys.

"Oh, no!
He's gonna come and kill us!"

"I'm Johnny Moon!
I love you, Von!"

"I love you too.
Wanna go on a camping trip?"

"Oh, anywhere with you,
buddy."

(laughing)
I like this bitch.

(gasps)

So,

why don't you tell me.

What's it like?

Having an IQ
over 17?

Dating a serial killer.

Now, I gotta slow you down
right there for a second,

'cause to be honest, I...

I don't understand
your plan.

Like, is it
a "get killed" plan?

Is it, like, a plan
to get killed?

Like an elaborate
sort of suicide pact?

(chuckles)

Stings, right?

Are you stupid?

You're so fucked.

When he gets here,
you better hope you're long gone.

Because he's
going to kill you.

And if he doesn't,
I will.

(laughs) You're gonna kill me?
You are?

Well, they tell me successful people
set achievable goals, so...

(groans, grunts)

How does it feel now?
Huh, bitch?

(laughing)

I feel...

(exhaling)

I feel motivated.

(laughing continues)

Motherfuckers... "Oh, do this, Steve.
Do that, Steve.

Come on, Steve, you can handle it.
Take the fucked-up shotgun."

(whistles)

Hey,
what's going on?

Uh-uh.

Ooh,
that looks good.

How many guys inside?

Got fucking Von, Johnny, Bruce, Richie.
So that's four.

Plus six other motherfuckers
with automatic weapons, man.

May I?

That oughta stir 'em up.

- What happened to your face?
- Fucking asshole Richie beat me with a phone.

Get outta town.

I'm serious, man. Motherfucker
beat me with a phone. What a jerk.

Yeah. Can I have some
of these gummy bears?

I like the green ones.
Help yourself.

That's funny. I hate
the fucking green ones. Really? Perfect.

You know what I mean?

Will I see you inside?

That's what
they pay me for.

Good luck, buddy.

This fucking guy
is crazy.

Von,
go to Richard's office

and take him down
in the basement.

You, upstairs.

- Don't worry, Richie. Everything's under control.
- (Francis whistles)

(gunfire)

(shouting)

(stifled giggling)

Motherfucker.

What's going on?
Having a hard time with that?

I'm used to a smaller caliber gun
than this

Let me take
a look at it.

It's a nice gun.
Thanks.

There you go.
You want your gun back?

Do you want it back?
Please?

- Psych.
- (groans)

Son of a bitch, man!

- Where's Martha?
- My foot!

Fuck you.

(exhales)

All right,
I'll find her myself.

What?

Wait. Wait, wait, wait.
Wait, wait, wait.

- Aren't you gonna kill him?
- What?

- You know, do your thing with the thing that you do?
- What?

The hit man thing where they try
to hire you and then you kill them

out of some fucking misguided moral fucking
purpose you have... that crazy bullshit.

No, no. I promised my girlfriend.
I don't do that anymore.

- What?
- Yeah. You ever met a girl and it's just like...

You can't eat, you can't stop
thinking about her.

Dude,
spare me the bullshit.

I brought you
all the way here to kill him!

And you tell me that you're not
killing anymore? What the fuck?

I'm sorry, man.
I don't mean to let you down.

I have no desire to kill you or your brother.
I'm just here to pick up my girlfriend.

What the fuck, Clevon?
Shut the fuck up, Richie!

You're letting me down
in a big way!

I think you two have some issues
to talk about.

I'm just gonna
leave you to it.

(grunting)
Richie, get off!

Give me that... Ow! Hey!
What's with you and the biting?

Fuck.

(Francis whistles)
(gunfire continues)

(man groans)

Hey, what's happening?

- Gorgeous.
- (grunting)

Okay. What are you doing? What is that,
like tae kwon do or something?

It's karate. The thing is,
I don't do karate. So that's not fair.

You got a fucking gun
in your hand.

(laughs) All right, well,
I'll tell you what.

If I promise to put the gun down,
will you not use karate?

Okay.

All right, I'm gonna put the gun down.
We're all good.

Ow! Fuck!
That was karate!

That's definitely karate!

Wait a sec!
Wait a second!

Oh-ho-ho!
That's a grenade.

What's the plan here?
It's a small room.

Th-This is bad.
It's real bad.

Why do you have
a grenade?

Never mind.

I don't wanna die.

Yeah.

Okay, hold on a second.
Just stay still. Okay.

Just breathe. Just breathe.
Now you're making me nervous.

Okay, you're shaking a little bit. Shh.
Be careful. Be careful.

We're gonna do this
together. Ready? One, two, three.

There we go.
Yeah.

We did that.
Why don't you sit down?

Go ahead, sit down.
Relax. Just breathe.

Out through the nose, in through the mouth.
(inhaling, exhaling)

- Freeze!
- Hey! Whoa! Steve!

Look at you.

That's my man Steve.
What's happening?

Well, there's no way I could get my gun.
You got a little red dot on my heart.

I mean, I don't think I could.
Could I?

(laughs)
Hey.

Your bosses are in the other room
trying to kill each other.

Do you hate me? You wanna kill me?
Is that important to you?

It's not worth it to me.
I'm just here to pick up my girlfriend.

So you know what? Here's what I'm gonna do.
I'm gonna put my gun down.

Okay?

What's the move, Steve?

You know what? I like you more than those
motherfuckers anyway, man.

I like you too, man.

Hey, you know Bruce?
Bruce, Steve. Yeah. We met at the office.

Bruce is having a hard day.
Maybe you could look after him for a while.

I gotta go. I'll see you.
(thunder rumbling)

(rain falling)

(muffled)
Hey!

- (muffled response)
- (laughs)

Hey, Monster.
(muffled) Hi, honey.

Oww!
Sorry.

That was thoughtless.

Terribly sorry.

What?
What are you waiting for?

Gosh, you're cute.

You just like me
tied up.

You pervert.

It's true.
Yes, I see it now.

It's true. Okay.
Get in here. Come here.

(muttering)
Mine now.

Like that?
It's mine now.

Why are we going
so slowly?

I'm a little afraid of that guy
with the tank top. Oh, Johnny Moon?

Yeah.
Is that his name?

I know.
It's so stupid. Ridiculous.

You know, he spit on my face.
What?

That's not the worst of it.
He made fun of my nose.

- Oh, no. I like how the nose looks.
- You do?

Yeah, 'cause it's like... it feels like
everybody's having a good time.

Yeah, well,
ideally they are, you know, but...

(gasps)

Oh!
(groaning)

Baby. Oh, my God.
Are you okay?

Knock it off, Francis.

(shotgun cocks)
FRANCIS: Get out!

Get outta here!
Get out! Run!

All right, wait a second.
Let's talk about this.

(groaning, coughing)

(gasps, grunting)

Come on.

He must really like you.

I sure hope so, 'cause otherwise coming
to save me and killing all these guys

is sending some
seriously mixed messages.

- (groans)
- (laughing)

God, can you not
laugh right now?

I've got blood in my ass crack
and my face hurts from you guys hitting me.

You're being a real ass,
you know.

You know, it's funny,
you being down there and me up here.

It reminds me of when I was little.
There was this kid, Eric.

This is gonna be a great story, I can tell.
No, no.

Now, this kid, he would
pick on me every day, man.

He would scrunch up
my lunch bag every day.

And I thought, you know, that kid,
he's bigger than me.

He's stronger than me.

But... And you're gonna like this.
He had this turtle.

The most important part is,
he loved this turtle.

And I thought, you know,
I'm bigger than a turtle.

I'm stronger than a turtle.

And you know the sound a turtle makes
when you crush it?

(imitates hissing whimper)

Screams.

Now you're catching my drift,
right?

Clown Nose shows up, he sees you bleeding out,
gets him thrown off his game.

Squish.
Johnny Moon wins. Done.

You know,

truth is,
it wasn't about Eric.

Truth is...

you know,
I just love crushing turtles.

(blade clicks)

Aah! Oww! Fuck! Aah!

(gasps)
Ow!

Ow! You mother...

Just fuckin' die.

I like turtles, you dick!

(grunts)

(chuckles)

Whoa!

(ringing)

(beeps)

Johnny, Richie's dead!

The guy you're calling is dead. Sorry.
What?

Hello? Hello!

Super-good.
Super-good.

It's not
that I'm angry with you.

It's just
that I'm disappointed.

I'm gonna take you
out into the desert,

I'm gonna dose you up
on something really, really special

and we're gonna reprogram
this shit out of your brain.

Too late for that.

- This is bad.
- (chuckles)

(groans)

(ankle snaps)
(groans)

Babe?
You here?

Where the fuck is Johnny?

(laughs)
And why do you have his phone?

Okay,
he told me to tell you

that he, um, wanted to go
to Canada to visit his girlfriend.

They met online. She designs jewelry.
She seems super-sweet.

- Shut the fuck up. Where is he?
- Okay.

Okay.

I did kill him.
I bashed him over the head with a statue.

And you're next.

No, you... You're lying.

- You're lying!
- (gunshot)

(ringing sound)

Shit.

Oh, fuck!
You fucking bitch!

Oh, I'm sorry.
Did that hurt?

Fuck!
My fucking hand!

(gasping)

I told you
this would happen!

I told you,
but you didn't listen to me!

Nobody listens to me!

God!

I am a T. rex!
I am invincible!

Oh, well done.
This is great. Thanks for this.

Yeah?

This isn't exactly
how I saw the day going.

Really?

I promised Martha
I wouldn't kill anybody.

Oh, well, that's a relief.

I'll tell you what,
Francis.

I might not be the good guy
or whatever,

but it takes one
to know one.

I mean, look at you.

You look like
a fucking psychopath right now.

You think you're just gonna
walk out of this life and settle down?

You'll never be normal.

Good.

(gunshot)

Hey!

Hey!

Who the fuck
wants to be normal anyway?

Oi, turn around,
you daft cunt!

Francis!

You're gonna make me
shoot you in the back?

The truth is,
you got boring, Hopper.

(gunshot)

- Hey, Steve!
- You all right, buddy?

Yeah, I'm okay now.

Look at you, man.

The bounty on Hopper's,
like, $5 million.

What? This motherfucker
worth $5 million?

I'm rich, bitch!
(laughs)

Hey, you got
any green ones?

I saved a couple
for you.

Thanks, man.
Hey, dancer.

Yeah?
Thank you.

Hey, right on.

Hey, dummy.
Hey, baby.

You're all wet.
I am wet.

(laughs)
I missed you. I missed you.

Oh, where did you
get these?

I got 'em from Steve.
Steve?

Hey, Steve.
You know Steve?

Baby, your pupils
are super-dilated. Really?

Did you get shot
in the face?

(laughs) Yeah.
I got shot in the face.

You did?
Yeah.

Who did that?
I'll bang him.

No, I banged him.

I banged him, and I banged
the other guy, yeah.

I banged them
right in their faces.

You banged two guys?
I banged two guys!

That's A-list killing,
Martha.

That's a clean sweep.
You got all the main bad guys.

Yeah?
Yeah.

Well, you know,
I... I make shit happen.

Confidence.
Yeah, confidence.

Fucking T. rex.

Rrrr!
(both laugh)

Hey, listen. We gotta go
to the hospital real bad. Okay.

Okay. Let's go.
Let's go. You're right.

Hey, Steve,
can you give us a ride?

(chattering)

Where do you wanna go first?
Don't make me choose. You know I'm bad at this.

I'm so indecisive, it's like torture.
Okay.

I'll tell you what.
I got a plan. Oh, yeah?

Jalapeño, we go to Thailand
for the allosaurus dig.

Lime, we go to Brazil
for the pterodactyls.

Whichever one you pick,
that's the one you really wanted.

(whispers)
Targets in sight.

Snatch and grab as soon
as they leave the market.

MAN (on radio): Copy that.
Alpha team in position.

Oh! Jalapeño!
I'm really happy.

- I wanted it to be the jalapeño.
- Thailand?

Yeah!
Thailand it is.

- He's got nowhere to go.
- MAN (on radio):Echo Team, prepare for lockdown.

Target has something
in his hand.

Wait.
Could be a weapon.

- What's he doing?
- Echo Team, what can you see?

What's he doing?
We've lost visual contact with the female target.

We've been spotted.
Shit!

Where's the girl?
Who's got eyes on the girl?

(clicks)
Oh, shit.

What you looking at?

♪♪ (pop)

MAN:
♪ Y-Y-You're just my type ♪

♪ Oh, you got a pulse
and you are breathin' ♪

♪ Y-Y-You're just my type ♪

♪ Oh, I think it's time
that we get leavin' ♪

♪ Y-Y-You're just my type ♪

♪ Oooh-ooh-ooh-ooh ♪

♪ When there's lovin'
in the air ♪

♪ Don't fight it ♪
Son of a bitch!

♪ Just keep breathin' ♪

♪ I can't help myself
but stare ♪

♪ Double-check
for double meanings ♪

♪ I'm a man who's got ♪

♪ Very specific taste ♪

♪ Y-Y-You're just my type ♪

♪ Oh, you've got a pulse and you are breathin' ♪
Ow! What the fuck!

♪ Y-Y-You're just my type ♪

♪ Oh, I think it's time
that we get leavin' ♪

♪ Y-Y-You're just my type ♪

♪ Oooh-ooh-ooh-ooh ♪

♪♪ (vocalizing)

♪♪ (continues)

♪ Oooh-ooh-ooh-ooh ♪

♪ Y-Y-You're just my type ♪

♪ Oh, you got a pulse
and you are breathin' ♪

♪ Y-Y-You're just my type ♪

♪ Oh, I think it's time
that we get leavin' ♪

♪ Y-Y-You're just my type ♪

♪♪ (ends)

WOMAN:
♪ One, I got you in my sight ♪

♪ Aimin' for Mr. Right ♪

♪ You're my target now
So don't you dare put up a fight ♪

♪ This is a love game ♪

♪ You're drivin' me insane ♪

♪ I just wanna go
bang-bang, bang-bang ♪

♪ One,
I'll pull your trigger ♪

♪ Two,
down goes the zipper ♪

♪ Ooh, I'm tops
You're bigger ♪

♪ What a fool
Better hit you quicker ♪

♪ One,
I'll pull your trigger ♪

♪ Two,
down goes the zipper ♪

♪ Ooh, I'm tops
You're bigger ♪

♪ What a fool
Better hit you quicker ♪

♪ Bang, bang
Get up after that ♪

♪ Bang, bang
Where you at now? ♪

♪ Get up after that ♪

♪ Love you with a bang-bang ♪

♪ Bang, bang
Get up after that ♪

♪ Bang, bang
Where you at now? ♪

♪ Get up after that ♪

♪ Love you with a bang-bang ♪

♪ Hey, hey, hey, hey ♪

♪ Boy, what you lookin' at? ♪

♪ Girl, those crosshairs
point to you ♪

♪ Love you with a gun
Go bang-bang that's just what I'll do ♪

♪ One,
I'll pull your trigger ♪

♪ Two,
down goes the zipper ♪

♪ Ooh, I'm tops
You're bigger ♪

♪ What a fool
Better hit you quicker ♪

♪ One,
I'll pull your trigger ♪

♪ Two,
down goes the zipper ♪

♪ Ooh, I'm tops
You're bigger ♪

♪ What a fool
Better hit you quicker ♪

♪ Bang, bang
Get up after that ♪

♪ Bang, bang
Where you at now? ♪

♪ Get up after that ♪

♪ Love you with a bang-bang ♪

♪ Bang, bang
Get up after that ♪

♪ Bang, bang
Where you at now? ♪

♪ Get up after that ♪

♪ Love you with a bang-bang ♪

♪ Oh, yeah, yeah, ooh ♪

♪ Oh, oh, oh ♪

♪ Oh, oh, oh ♪

♪ One ♪

♪ I'll pull your trigger ♪

♪ Two ♪

♪ Down goes the zipper ♪

♪ One,
I'll pull your trigger ♪

♪ Two,
down goes the zipper ♪

♪ Ooh, I'm tops
You're bigger ♪

♪ What a fool
Better hit you quicker ♪

♪ Bang, bang ♪

♪ Bang, bang
Get up after that ♪

♪ Bang, bang
Where you at now? ♪

♪ Get up after that ♪

♪ Love you with a bang-bang ♪

♪ Bang, bang
Get up after that ♪

♪ Bang, bang
Where you at now? ♪

♪ Get up after that ♪

♪ Love you with a bang-bang ♪♪