Moving (1988) - full transcript

[clinks and crashes]

Ah...

[belches]

[engine sputtering and stalling]

[no audio]

[engine sputtering]

[engine starts and revs]

Oh, no!
I don't believe it!

Oh, my god, monica.

It's frank crawford.

The man's got maybe 30
square feet of lawn, right?



He's on a lawn tractor!

I believe you.

Lawn tractor.

Come back to bed.

I can't sleep!

The noise!

I mean, listen to that thing!

It sounds like
a 20-ton jackhammer!

Well, then go downstairs

and tell him to stop.

That's the neighbor from hell.

He was in the marines
for 15 years.

You saw the movie rambo.

We gotta consider
the rambo factor here.



[laughs]

Arlo, why don't you
go downstairs and talk to him

or, better yet,
come back to bed.

You shouldn't just stand there

getting yourself all worked up.

You know what happens.
Your nose starts bleeding.

My nose bled once.

Once!

For 5 days.

Shit!

[mower drowns out audio]

[children giggling]

Arlo: They're called
rocket launchers.

Mm-hmm.
How many you want?

Oh, I want a dozen of 'em.

Boy: Ok.

I knew I could count on you.

[both laugh]

Monica: Marshall?
Yes?

It's your turn to feed flipper.

Come on.

Ok.

Wait a minute.
There's whitney houston!

Daddy, please.

Well, I didn't believe it.

It was whitney houston.

Hi, mom.

Hi, sweetheart.

I can have the car today, right?

[laughs] wrong.
You may not.

You know, I really would
like to know what the use

of having a license is
if I can't drive.

Girlfriend, I need my car today.

Ok? I have my art class,

and then I have choir rehearsal.

Dad, how about you?

Can I borrow your car

and you take the bus to work?

Um, let me get this right.

You take my $24,000
brand-new saab,

and I take the bus.
Is that your plan?

Yeah. Can I?

Mmm. I have to
mull that over.

I think not.

Daddy.

You know, natalie townsend
has her own car.

Then your problem's solved.

You ride to school
with natalie townsend.

[monica and boys laugh]

That's not funny.

You know, you're
treating me like a child.

Well, I wonder why.

Ok. Just wait till
I'm 18, and I'm gone.

You're gonna be
out of my pocket?

Great! [Laughs]

I'm going. Mmm.

See you guys!

Boys: Bye.
Bye, sweetie.

[honks horn]

Good morning,
mr. Pear.

Good morning, victor.

Take care of my baby.

You bet.

I'll help you with that, ma'am.

Oh, why, thank you.

You hold this for me.

Yes.

Thanks.

Hunh!

[grunting]

Excuse me.

[laughs]
you work out?

No. I used to.

Well, you gotta keep at it.

No pain, no gain.

Oh, really?

I have a different motto.

No pain...

sounds good to me.

[elevator dings]

Well, this is me.

Me, too.

Oh.

You work here?

Starting today.

Huh. Welcome aboard.

Arlo pear.

Oh, helen fredericks.

Listen, why don't
you just leave that

with the receptionist,
and I'll pick it up later.

Ok. I'll do that.

Arlo: I do all
our mass transit stuff,

you know, bus lines,
subway, stuff like that?

It's a battle to the death...
Me versus gridlock.

Helen:
Sounds very exciting.

Oh, it is.
Good morning.

How ya doin'?
Morning, john.

John: Hi.

You're gonna like it here.
Everybody's real nice.

Well, this is where I live.

Feel free to stop by anytime.

Woman: Poor guy.
He doesn't know yet.

Helen: Oh...

arlo, arlo, relax.

Now, this isn't easy
for me, either.

Who's the woman?

Name's helen.
Helen fredericks.

She, uh, works with jansen.

So, the merger went through.

Yeah, the merger went through.

We signed the deal friday night.

Congratulations!

You got a bulb
burnt out here, roy.

Arlo, listen...

with a merger like this,

there are always certain...

changes.

Don't bullshit me.

Roy, if you're gonna
let me go, just tell me.

Arlo, I'm sorry.

So, that's it?

After 15 years?

Arlo, listen, this is, uh...

This is my home number, huh?

Why don't you call me
if you need a little...

Any assistance, anything.

Fuck you, roy!

After 15 years!

Fuck you!

The wrong finger.

I gave the man the wrong finger!

Sweetheart, it's all right!

No, it's not.
I stood in his face

for 10 minutes arguing

and held up my index finger.

The wrong finger!

Arlo, sit down.

Listen to me.
Don't torture yourself.

Ok? We'll be fine.

You are a terrific
transportation engineer,

one of the best in the country.

Now, tomorrow morning,

we'll put a new résumé together,

and by the end of the week,

you'll have your choice
of jobs. You'll see.

I gave him the wrong finger!

I said on the porch!

Is this a porch?

Huh? Does it look
like a porch to you?

It looks like a shrub to me!

Now pay attention!

Shrub!

Green, leafy!

Shrub!

Porch!

Flat, concrete,

hard, brick!

Porch!

Shrub!

Porch!

You got it now,
soldier?! huh?

[crying] yes, sir.
Sorry, sir.

Hey!

What are you starin' at?

Get in the house, boys.

Come on. Don't make
eye contact.

Is your old man still
lookin' for a job?

Tell him we could use
a good paperboy around here!

This kid ain't cuttin' it!

[hoarsely] I'm calling
about the ginsu knives.

Arlo pear.

P... e... a... r.

He won't remember me.

Sure he will.

He danced with you
3 times that night.

But, natalie, he's different.

I mean, look at him.

Will you shut up
and get in there?

Come on, move your feet.
Left, right.

That's it.
It's called walking.

No problem.
You got it.

Hi. Can I help you?

I'm just looking.

Hey, we met at the party.

Party?

Right. At duane's house.
I'm kevin.

Oh, yeah, right.
[laughs]

I thought I'd never
find you again.

Really?

I wanted to call you,

but I didn't know your number.

Well, it's in the book.

I didn't know your name.

Well, that's in the book, too.

How about puttin' it
in this book?

Ok.

Ok. Bye.

Bye.

So, what happened?
Come on.

We're going out friday night!

Oh, casey, that's great!

I know, and he has
his own apartment.

Oh, that's even better.

Yes, and he goes
to fairleigh dickinson,

and he's majoring in pharmacy.

Oh, right, right, sure.

I can just see you
living on a farm.

[helicopter]

Man, on megaphone:
Arlo pear.

Stand away from that car.

Yeah. You, move it!

[buzzing]

Man: Ha ha ha!
I fooled you, didn't I?

And now we go in for the kill!

You're not going anywhere, pear.

I got you right
where I want you!

Cut it out, frank!

It's just you and me now, sport.

What's your problem, frank?!

I'll tell you
what my problem is.

I have a brain tumor.

I'll tell you
what my problem is.

I have a brain tumor!

[to ride of the valkyries]
♪ I see you, arlo pear ♪

♪ you can run,
but you cannot hide ♪

♪ we're on our own,
sport, you and me ♪

♪ a toss of a coin ♪

♪ a toss of a coin ♪

cut the shit, frank!

[laughs]

[slurping]

Arlo?

Honey, telephone.

Ohh!

Mayday, mayday.
We've been hit. We're going in.

Mayday, mayday.

Honey, I'm going.
See ya later.

Who is it?

Yes, this is arlo pear.
What do you want?

What?

Yes, I'd be interested.

Well, that was very nice of him.

Yes, I know where that is.

Yes, an hour? I could
be there in an hour.

I'll see you then.

Thank you very much.

Whoo! Ho ho ho!
[laughing]

Whoo h-oww!

Yoww! Hey! Ohh!

[laughing]

Good luck.

Thank you, judy.

Arlo pear.
Yes, sir.

Hi. Simon eberhard.

Gee, I'm glad you could make it.

I've wanted
to meet you for years.

Have a seat.

Can I get you
anything? Coffee?

No, mr. Eberhard.
Thank you very much.

Please, call me simon.

We're gonna be working
together every day.

Excuse me.

Would you find gary?

Tell him arlo pear's here.

That's gary marcus,
chairman of the board.

Canceled a flight today
so he could meet you.

Now, let's see,
you're the man who does...

Where is he?

Hi. Gary marcus.

Heard nothing but
great things about you.

Welcome to g.t.i.

have you been
filling in our friend?

Well, yeah, I was just about to.

Um, here, arlo.
Take a look at this.

We call it
the phase one shuttle.

It's a fully automated
monorail commuter train,

the fastest, most advanced
train in the world.

180 miles an hour.

Who's gonna drive
this thing, my wife?

[both laugh]

Arlo, we want you to head

our research and
development division.

You'll have complete autonomy.

You can set your own staff,

set your own schedule,
whatever you want.

Let's be perfectly frank, arlo.

I'm sure there are a number

of other offers
that you're considering.

Mmm...

arlo, we know what you
were getting at metro,

and this job pays 20,000 more.

We'll treat you like a king.

Full staff, secretaries.

Stock options, profit sharing.

Expense accounts,
state-of-the-art equipment.

Arlo, whatever you want,
you got it.

I personally guarantee it.

How's that sound?

Terrific. Well,

I guess the first thing
on the agenda

is we gotta get him out there

as soon as possible.

Out there?

Didn't someone talk about this?

Well, no, I...

well, it was probably
just an oversight.

[laughs]

Arlo, the job is in boise.

Boise.

Great.

Idaho.

Idaho.

Great.

That's where
we're headquartered.

That's where the prototype

for the shuttle is.

Simon: Oh, we'll do
everything that we can.

Your wife is gonna love it.

We'll fly both of you
out there next week,

help you find a home, huh?

Arlo, I lived
in idaho all my life.

It's beautiful country.
Great fishing.

Do you like the outdoors?

Is it outdoors?

Well...

this is a big decision.

Maybe you wanna go home
and talk it over

with the wife and family.

Monica: Come on, case.

I already bought you a ticket.

No, mom, I'm sorry.
I can't come hear you sing.

I've made other plans.

Marshall: Other plans
with kevin?

We saw what you and kevin
were doing last night.

Both: ♪ sitting in a tree ♪

♪ p-o-r-k-i-n-g ♪

casey: Shut up.
Shut up!

Dad, will you please
tell them to shut up?

Well, why don't you
invite kevin?

Oh, right, mom.
That's a fun date,

to bring my boyfriend
to hear my mother sing soprano?

I don't think so.

Darling...

these potatoes are delicious.

Thank you, sweetie.

Um, do you have enough?

You know...

kevin just might enjoy it.

No, mom.

Are these idaho potatoes?

I don't know, arlo.

I bet they are. I bet
these are idaho potatoes.

I know.

Why don't you tape it,

and I'll listen to it later.

It's the country's
leading producer

of silver, you know.

Monica: What is?

I'm sorry. I thought we
were talking about idaho.

Dad, are you all right?

Yeah, I'm fine.

But I read an article
this afternoon,

about idaho,

our 43rd state, the gem state.

Which, by the way, is where
whitney houston was born.

In new jersey.

Well, she sang so good,

you'd think she was
born in idaho.

What's going on here?

Arlo...

you got a job!

Maybe.

[laughs]

With who, the idaho
tourist bureau?

No. I'd be honored
if it were, but, ahem...

it's this company
called g.t.i. transit.

It's a new opportunity,
a big raise.

Well, there's more.
What is it?

Well, I didn't tell them yes.

Well, what is it?

I didn't tell them yes.

Well, what?

[mumbles] it's in boise, idaho.

Bois... did you say boise, idaho?

No way!
Boise!

[all talking at once]

Arlo, come on, now.
That's not fair!

You promised me!

No way. There's no way.

No way I'm moving.

The phone hasn't been
ringing off the hook,

ladies and gentlemen.

You can commute.

To idaho?
Baby, it's 2,000 miles.

It's not fair.

This is my last year of school.

I have kevin here
and all my friends.

I know, baby,

but it's not that easy.

Well, there's no way I'm moving.

No fucking way!

Wait a minute!

That's a quarter in
the swear jar, young lady.

Fine.

25 cents in the swear jar?

Here's $1.00, dad.

Because there's no goddamn way
I'm goddamn movin'

to any son-of-a-bitch,
shit-eating,

goddamn-ida, goddamn, shitty-ho!

That's...

leave the room.

Arlo: Well, you guys,
don't you want dessert?

Both: Oh, yeah!

Now!

Wait a minute. I helped
you guys last week.

Cowards!

I love this house.

Arlo: So do i.

I love this town.

I love our friends.

I don't wanna move.

I don't wanna move,
either, baby,

but things change.

You could always work
for my father.

I'm sure that offer's
still good.

Making mustard.

But you wouldn't be
making mustard.

You'd be supervising people.

Who are making mustard.

I am a transportation engineer.

That's what I do.

That's what I do.

This job offer out there...

it's a good job, huh?

[whispering]
once in a lifetime.

[groans] I can't believe
I'm moving again.

No, not this time.

I'm gonna take care
of everything.

If they kiss, we're dead.

You swear?

That's it.

We're moving.

[thud]

Arlo: All right, ladies
and gentlemen, listen up.

We're gonna take
it from the top,

and this time, I want
some feeling in it, ok?

Operation idaho.

5 weeks to go,
and what's the plan?

All: We sell the house
for as much as we can.

And what do we do
with 4 weeks to go?

Buy a new house in idaho.

3 weeks to go, what do you say?

Clean up the attic
and throw stuff away.

2 weeks to go,
and the big yard sale...

arrange with the mailman
to forward the mail!

One week to go,
and what's the job?

Hire somebody to drive the saab!

Moving day, and we're
out of jersey!

We're gonna start a new life
in a town called boise!

Great! That was excellent!

Hey, case. Fries
or onion rings?

Fries.

Have you told him yet?

No!

Why not?

Because I'm not moving.

What do you mean?

I mean I'm not moving.

Even if I have to kill someone.

[applause and cheering]

Where did you get him, coach?

It ain't over till it's over.

Come on, freddy, go!

One more lap!

Come on, let's go, randy!

One more lap, baby!

You can do it!

You've done it before!
Let's go!

[cheering grows louder]

I can't believe
you're leaving me!

Woman: As you can see,

the entire house is very sunny.

It's wonderful for plants.

Philip, wouldn't our brown couch

look good in here?

Uh-huh, and, honey,
look at the paneling.

And here are the 2
downstairs bedrooms.

Sounds like they like it.

If they make an offer,
let me do the talking.

Don't even nod your head.
I'll handle everything.

Ok.

Aah! Oh, my god! Aah!

[screaming]

Oh, my god!

[door shuts]

What the hell?

Where's casey?

[whispering]
ohh, stop...

stop what?

Stop me.

[chuckles] what's this?

Oh, I was just doing
some work around the house.

Monica: You'll love
the kitchen.

It has all the
top-of-the-line appliances.

Oh, this is our stove.

It has the grill and a fan
with a downdraft.

It's great.

And over here, this operates
the garbage disposal.

Arlo: What...

[all screaming]

Ohh!

Casey!
Casey!

Here they are!

Is that a working fireplace?

Yes, it is.
We use it all winter.

Very nice, very nice.

This would be perfect for us.

Well, I'm glad you like it.

Why don't you come outside here?

I'll show you the barbecue...

Um, uh, where does this go?

Oh, it's just a basement.

You've seen one,
you've seen 'em all.

Well, could we
have a look at it?

Look at that? Jesus!

It's just a... just
a storage area now,

you know,
washing machine, dryer.

Well, we'd still like to see it.

[gasps] oh, but, no!

You see, it's a mess.

It's... damn watch!

Is there a problem
with the basement?

No, there's no problem

with the basement,

except to be honest
with you, uh,

the door is stuck.

It's been stuck for 6 months.

I've tried to open it.

You can't open it.

Well, let... but you can't.

Well, I'll just give it a try.

I know you'll give it a try...

Here, I'll just...

Well, I'll just...

Wow!
[laughs]

That's... honey!

Well, uh,

we should've had you
here 6 months ago.

[laughs]
at least.

Well, we're going.

Yeah, let's have a look.

Well, this is the garage door.

And the basement
is really dry...

oh, my god.
Who's that?

Oh, that's our daughter casey.

Hi, honey.
These are the seegers.

We'll be taking the washer
and dryer with us.

What are you doing
to this child?!

Oh...

she's a student.

It's a class project.

Class project?

Yeah. She's studying
sensory deprivation.

She's doing a damn good job.

She's gonna get
an "a."

Aren't you, dear?

We'll be out of your way

in just a minute, sweetheart.

[mumbling]

Yeah. Uh-huh.

Come on this way.

This here is the storage room.

[mumbling]

Well, mr. Pear,

now, uh...

about your asking price.

[laughing] yes, um,

how firm is it?

Ahem.

Well, we have had
other interest.

Heh heh. But we'd be
willing to consider

anything, say, within 5%.

My god.

Uh, of course,
that is negotiable.

Arlo?

Frank, what in the hell
are you doing here?

Hey, neighbor.

I saw the car parked out front.

Somebody looking at the house?

Yes, they are. Uh...

can you come back
in 10 minutes, please?

Just thought I'd say hi.

That's the kind of guy I am.

They're showing a snuff film

on cable, frank.

Why don't you check it out?

[laughing]

Frank, don't go in the house.

Frank. Frank.

[knocking]

Mrs. pear.

Hi. I-i'm frank crawford.

Hi.
I live right next-door.

Iarry seeger.
This is my wife cleo.

Hi.
Cleo.

Oh, what a beautiful name.

You know, one of the, uh, women

that I work with
at the teen center

is named cleo.

Get him out of here!

Ok.

Cleo: Really?
Frank: Mm-hmm.

Frank has to be going now.

Do you play golf, larry?

Iarry: Well, I try.

Well, you know,
there's a new course

that just opened up
down the road.

And maybe you and me,

we could break it in
together sometime.

Oh...

it's a deal.

Oh, I almost forgot.

It's... heh... a little welcome

to the neighborhood gift.

Aren't you sweet.

It's a bundt cake.

Mmm...

it's, uh...

my mother's recipe.

Cleo: Thank you.

Iarry: Say, arlo,

how much did you pay
this guy to come over?

Ha ha ha.

Frank?

Oh, I couldn't pay him enough,

could I, frank?

Money? No, thanks.

Uh, listen, frank,
could I talk to you?

Certainly, neighbor.

I'm at your disposal.

So, if you'll excuse us.

Uh-huh.

Very nice meeting you...

Oh, heh... meeting you both.

And, um...

real pleasure.
You go ahead.

Nice to meet you.

Nice meeting you, too.

I'm gonna do
a little refurbishing

on the house, so, uh,

I hope it won't disturb you.

Oh, come on.

Don't forget it's a date.

Oh, yeah, we... right there.

Mrs. pear.

Frank! Come here!

Jesus christ!
What are you doing?!

I'd say I'm selling your house.

Why?!

Because you people bore me.

I want you out!

I crave new blood.

Ain't you gonna peel that?

I know what's in it.

Jesus, that's disgusting.

Mr. pear.
Hi.

Arlo, we've talked it over,

and we'd like to
make you an offer.

Oh, that's great.

Great!

Mom, we're coming back
as soon as we find a house.

We're not gonna
go stay this time.

Randy: May we have
our own bedroom?

Marshall:
Can we buy this one?

We're gonna do the best we can

to get you your own room,

but I need the book.
We gotta go.

Come on, guys. Unh.

Oh! Pull!

There you go.

Hey, take care
of your sister, ok?

She's not feeling well.

Ok.
I'll see you guys.

Ok, bye.

Oh, mother, thank you.

We really appreciate this.

Come on, dear.

We gotta get going.
We're gonna be late.

See you, dad.

Take care, ok?

I don't even know
where idaho is.

[tires screeching]

Monica: Sounds perfect.

It's "4 bedrooms,
sunken living room,

with fireplace,
needs some work."

And this, naturally,
is the living room.

Probably your dream house,
isn't it, dear?

Of course, you'd probably

decorate it differently.

Oh, yes. We'd get
bigger penises.

[monica whispering]
oh, arlo, this is great.

And they have 4 bedrooms.
Can you believe it?

[whispering]
you know how much

this place would cost
back in jersey?

Oh, god.

Look at these windows.

My plants
are gonna love it here.

Oh, oh, I'm sorry.

We're taking
all the windows with us.

[both laughing]

Oh, I'm kidding.
I'm kidding.

I'm a joker.
I'm a nut.

Come on in the kitchen.
I'll show you the kitchen.

Yeah, I built
these cabinets myself.

They're beautiful.

And tiles. Look.

And 2 sinks.

Yeah, unfortunately,
we're takin' 'em with us.

[both laughing]

No, I'm kidding.
I'm kidding.

Oh, he's irrepressible.

I like your jokes,

but the listing said something

about a new heating system?

Oh, yeah, yeah.
That's right.

New furnace. Gas.

Forced hot air.
Very efficient.

Come on out in the backyard.

Do you like these doors?

I love 'em.
Sorry.

We're taking
all the doors with us.

His material sucks,
but I like his delivery.

I don't care, arlo.
I want this house.

Arlo: It's beautiful!

You know, I have lived
in 14 different houses

and I've never had my own pool.

And I've always wanted one

ever since I was a little girl.

Well, sister, I've got
some bad news for you.

All:
We're taking it with us!

I really like to joke, roger,

but I'd like to talk to you
about financing this house.

Terrific, terrific.

Why don't we leave
the little ladies here,

you and I will go inside
and talk about it.

God, this is great,
alice, great.

Thank you.
Well, we love it.

So you found your dream house,

and right now you're asking

first boise savings and loan

to give you a mortgage.

As you can see,

I've had the same job
for 15 years.

Well, that's very nice,
but it's not enough.

I mean, al capone
had the same job

for 30 years.

But we've never had
any problem with credit.

Oh, don't get me wrong.

I trust you.
We trust all our customers.

Why, this bank
was built on trust.

Here. Sign here.

You gotta get closer.
This pen is chained down.

[intercom buzzes]

Woman: Mr. Hanks,

mr. Wilson wants to
see you right away,

and he wants you to
bring all your records

for the last 5 years.

I'll be there as soon as I can.

Whoo, I see you got twins.

Hey, I'm one of twins.

I'll tell you, though,
my twin brother,

he's not too smart.

I mean, last year,
he forgot my birthday.

[intercom buzzes]

Woman:
Mr. Wilson is waiting!

Is something wrong?

Oh, no, everything is ok.

Your application is fine.

But right now
I can't give you any money.

When can you give us the money?

Mr. pear, are you
a gambling man?

No, I'm not.

Well, you are now.

Look, I'm gonna level
with you people.

I just spent a big chunk

of the bank's money
on hannah blue

in the seventh
at hallmark downs.

That's embezzlement.

That's right, and that's exactly

what I've been doing here
for 22 years.

But I'll tell you,
this horse can't lose.

You'll get your money
for the house.

I did my homework.

This horse has never lost
on a wet track.

Announcer:
I can't remember

when I've ever seen
a track this dry.

[bell rings]

And they're off!

Lady paris gets the early lead,

with hannah blue second
along the inside...

hannah blue, baby, come on.

Come on, hannah blue.

Move it, move it, move it.

Pass 'em, pass 'em.

Go ahead, hannah blue, baby, go.

Hannah blue, come on, baby.
Oh, god, please, hannah blue.

I'll do anything.
I'll go back to my wife.

You heard him, god!
Hannah blue!

He said he'd be true
to his wife!

Take it easy, will you?

I said I'll go back to my wife.

[all shouting]

[all screaming]

This application's approved!

[knocking on door]

Hello.

Mr. pear?

Yes.

How's it hangin'?

How's what hangin'?

Your dick.

Huh? Oh, uh,

it's hangin' to the left.

I'm edwards, and this is perry.

We're here
to give you an estimate

for the cortez brothers
moving and storage company.

[door closes]

You got anything I can
write with around here?

By the phone.

Yeah. Mm-hmm.

Well, yeah, well,
like I was saying, well,

we generally start
upstairs, you know?

Upstairs. Ok. Um...

ahem.

Ok, we got here
the bedroom, huh?

Master bedroom, bed, 2 tables...

Antique tables?

Uh, yeah.

That's an antique clock, too.

Probably worth
a lot of money, huh?

Yeah, I suppose so.

A chest of drawers,
antique lamp.

Hey, this is a nice suit.

What?
Give me my suit.

This doesn't even fit you.

Give me my suit!

Jesus!

And we got here the, uh,
wardrobe closet, huh?

Hey.

What?

This your wife's underwear?

Put that down!

This is going, too, right?

Back up!

Give me this!

Now...

I don't care what you say.

I want you
out of here right now.

I've seen enough
of this shit, ok?

Let's go!

We got a deal for you.

We come here
to make a deal with you,

and we're gonna make this deal.

Now, we figured 25 cartons.

We'll make
the whole move for you

from door-to-door,
coast-to-coast.

That's loading everything
on the truck

and taking it off for $1,930.

We have your estimate,

and I thank you
gentlemen for coming by.

And I'll show you out now.

This is the door.
You remember the door.

It works both ways.

Good.
You'll be going out.

What are you doing in my purse?!

Arlo!
He was in my purse!

She's lying.
She's crazy.

I don't know what's
the matter with your wife.

She's lying.

What?! well,
get out of the house!

That's it!

Edwards: Hey, brother,
why don't you chill out?

You know how this thing goes.

We help you out,
and you help us out.

Here. There's out.
I helped you.

Now get out of my house.

Hey, man, I'll smack you
in the mouth.

What? You...

And stay out!

The shark son of a bitch.

[knock on door]

No!

Woman: Uh, mr. Pear?

Oh, hello.
I'm carol davenport.

I'm with the hummingbird
moving company.

I believe I spoke
with you on the phone.

Oh, yeah, uh, come in, please.

Oh, good.

Honey,
this is mrs. Davenport.

She's from hummingbird movers.

It's a completely
different company.

She's a professional.

Carol: It comes to $2,430.

Now, this figure includes
all transportation,

mileage, tolls, and insurance.

We've just a small fee
for packing and unpacking.

Sold.

Um, for that fee,

will you reassemble all the beds
once we get to idaho?

Absolutely.

We will do everything.

You two have enough
to worry about, am I right?

[indistinct conversation]

Thank you.
Thanks.

Enjoy 'em.

How much for everything?

Wrap it all up.

Will that cash or charge, sir?

Come on, arlo.
Give me the tour.

Ok, come on, arnie.

Monica:
Well, you can see

we never throw anything out.

You look around here,

you can tell this is
the sale of the century.

Well, at least
the sale of the decade.

285, 286...

monica: Believe me, ma'am.
They're all there.

It says 1,000 pieces.

Well, I'm sure
they're all there.

287, 288...

uh, how much for this?

This? Oh, this?

I'll pay you to take this.

Excuse me.
Does your dog bite?

Madam, that dog hasn't
farted since march of '78.

Here's some comic books,
mostly d.c.,

and here's some video games.

And here's some pictures
of my sister... naked.

I'll give you 140 for it.

Frank:
I'll give you 150.

170.

200.

Sorry. That's
too steep for me.

Nah.
I changed my mind.

[jars breaking]

There you go, kid,
a nice, short fuse for you.

All right, boys,
more bang for the buck.

Here we go.

Randy, marshall,
put those m-80s down.

Get back to your own yard, ok?

Wipe your feet.

Having a mustard sale, frank?

[laughing]

I hear you folks
are moving out west.

I got a brother
lives out that way.

I never visit him, though.

God-awful country.

I'm sorry to hear that, frank.

We're gonna miss you.

The wife and I,

maybe we could send you
a plane ticket.

You could come out and
visit us at christmas.

Could, but I won't.

Well, I'd be happy
to drive your car

to idaho for you,
mr. Pear.

In fact, when I saw your ad

up on the bulletin board
at school,

I couldn't believe it.

My family lives
right outside of boise.

I'd be going that way anyway.

Have you ever driven
a turbo saab?

Oh, yes, sir.

In fact, coincidentally,
my uncle owns

a saab dealership in illinois.

I used to work there
in the summertime.

Well, what did you do
for this uncle of yours

in the summertime?

Did you sell them?

Oh, no, sir, I repaired them.

I have some references
if you'd like to see them.

Ref... you know, I don't
need to see this.

Why don't you come on
in the house?

We'll talk about the trip.

Hey, I'll fix you a beer.

Oh, I don't drink, sir.

Some lemonade would be fine,

if it's not too much trouble.

[heavenly music]

[mouths words]

Uhh! Ooh!

[straining]

[thunder]

Ok, well, if you do
hear from him,

tell him to call me.

[doorbell rings]

Ok. I know. Bye.

Mrs. arlo pear?

Yes.

I'm with hummingbird movers.

Uh-huh.

I'm the packer.

[thunder]

Uh, you know,
you don't have to wrap

each one of those individually.

Oh, it's no problem.

Arlo...

aah!

Whoa!

If daddy doesn't come home,
do we still have to move?

Why did you say that?

Casey, have you done
something to your father?

No!

Come on, baby, tell me.

Honey, I'm not gonna be
angry with you.

I'm not gonna put you
on punishment.

I just want to know the truth.

Have you done something
to your father?

You're serious.

I'm not gonna stand here
and listen to this.

Why don't you ask
the man on the roof?

What man?

The man on your roof

that's screamin'
and wavin' his hands.

Maybe he's seen your husband.

[thunder]

That's one.

I'm just taking
a educated guess,

but you're being paid
by the hour, are you?

You got it.

[cup breaks]

[telephone rings]

[ring]

Hello?

Hi, arlo.
This is crystal.

Hi, crystal.

I hate to shock you,
but casey's getting married.

It... what?!

We're at the sullivan
wedding chapel.

Casey?!

Yes, arlo!

Are you serious?!

I'm afraid so.

Listen, I appreciate
you calling.

We'll be right there!

Ok?

Ok. Please hurry.

Monica! Our daughter's
getting married.

You want to come?

Crystal: Now,
hold still, dear.

Arlo: Casey,
what is going on?

I'm getting married,

as soon as the justice
of the peace gets here.

You can stay if you want.

Honey, now listen
to me, ok, case?

Now, I know that if
kevin really loves you,

he'll wait until
you're old enough...

Mom, I'm not marrying kevin.

I asked him, but he said no.

I'm marrying him.

His name is rudy something,
and I love him very much.

Your daughter's about to become

a very wealthy young woman.

Arnie: Casey called
us and asked us

to act as witnesses.

She said you knew about it.

I didn't think it was right,

so I thought I should call.

I don't think I have to tell you

how very special casey is.

Casey, where'd
you find this man?

Is there a asshole
convention in town?

No. I met him at the mall
this afternoon.

But I feel like I've
known her all my life.

I'll supervise
her career myself,

see that she's
photographed... properly,

sensuously...

tastefully.

Monica: Casey, honey,
you can't be serious.

Oh, yeah?

Sure, we'll have our problems,

like most young couples.

You're gonna have
a problem walking straight

if you don't take your hands
off my daughter.

Dad, you wouldn't listen to me.

I cannot leave now.

It's my last year of school.

Casey, we didn't know
how serious you were.

Excuse me, monica,

we have an extra room
in the house.

We were planning
on renting it out.

It's not very big.

That's all right.

Crystal: We already
think of you as family.

Please, just till I graduate?

Sure.

[crystal laughs]

We're going.

Arlo: Here. Marry these!

Monica: Second thoughts?

Hmm?

I couldn't sleep, either.

I was just thinking,

wondering if the kids
will remember this house.

I think so.

A lot of happy memories.

Do you remember marshall
took his first steps

right over there?

Yeah.

And randy didn't walk
until 6 months later.

Now look which one's
the track star.

Oh, arlo, I hope we're
doing the right thing.

It doesn't really matter
where we live

as long as we're together.

We hired the right movers.

Don't worry, honey.

Everything's gonna be ok.

Mrs. pear?

Yes, mr. Pear?

Would you have
one last dance with me

in new jersey?

Yes.

Yes.

Arlo: No!

Hey, mr. P,
sorry we're late.

Late?! you're not
supposed to be here!

Hide your underwear, dear!

Yeah, I know, I know.

You're expecting
another mover, huh?

Hummingbird movers?

We work for them now,
as of yesterday.

It's fate.

Fuckin' kismet.

Fuckin' kismet? Fate?

I don't give a damn about that.

I don't want you gentlemen

in my house,

touching anything that
belongs to my family,

damn it!

Gorgo, this man don't
want to pay us for the day.

Gorgo-schworgo!

I don't want you in my...

[bottle breaks]

Hey. Hey, you...
Look.

Aah!

Gorgo! You're gorgo?

You're gorgo... you can move
anything you like.

I was just kidding with the...

Move my car if you'd like.

Just pick it up
and put it on the lawn, ok?

Darling?
They're here!

Hey! What are you doing,
dragging that around?

I have a key inside

that you can unlock
that with, ok?

That won't be
necessary, mr. Pear.

[dishes break]

Jesus!
What are you doing?!

Hey, hey, nothin'
like a nice, cold drink.

Honey, I found this container

for our sandwiches and things,

and I'll put it in...

You guys enjoying yourself?

Yeah, this is great.

Perry:
I love it.

So where you folks movin' to?

Boise, idaho.
Remember?

Sure you don't want
to move to new orleans?

I beg pardon?

New orleans.

You know,
new orleans, louisiana?

It's mardi gras time.

Maybe you'd rather move there.

We bought a home
in boise, idaho,

and we're moving
to boise, idaho.

Suit yourself.

Heh heh heh heh!

Oh, shoot.

Hey, man, the leg
just jumped off.

Bullshit! This leg
didn't jump off.

This is... oh, my god!

My grandfather made this table

with his own hands!

It's irreplaceable!

[blows]

[footsteps]

I'm sorry I'm late, sir.

You're not late.

Mr. pear,
I'm 30 seconds late.

Here's the key.

I want you to park it
sideways when you park it,

'cause I don't want
any scratches on her.

Yes, sir.
I understand.

Don't worry about a thing, sir.

I'm not worried.

Take good care of my baby, now.

Yes, sir, I will.

55, stay alive.

Well, take care.

[engine starts]

Good-bye, mr. Pear.

[knock on door]

Hi, frank.

I know this may be
an oversight on your part,

but...

but a couple of years ago,

you borrowed
my weed whacker, remember?

Well, we're moving,
as you can see,

and, uh, I'd like to get
that weed whacker back

and take it with us,
so can I have it?

Mmm...

no.

It's our weed whacker, frank.

I mean, the whole family

went down to sears together.

[hawking phlegm]

We went to sears.

And, uh, it was on sale for $18.

The whole family likes it,
so I come over to ask you

to give it back to me.

No.

Frank, I knew you was gonna
do something like this.

I loaned you
the weed whacker 2 years ago

to cut your grass.

You haven't cut shit
with the weed whacker.

What did you do with it?

Keep the weed whacker,
frank. Ok?

That's the kind of guy
I am! Ok?

You love the weed whacker?

Be happy with the weed whacker,

'cause you have
no friends, frank.

Nobody wants to talk to you.

Edwards: Frank!
I don't believe it!

Perry: Hey, frank!
Frank crawford!

How the hell are you?

Edwards! Perry!
Well, choke my chicken!

When did you guys get out?!

A few months ago, man!

[laughing and talking]

Hey, man, is this your base?

Yeah, yeah, yeah!

Man, this is great!
I love it!

Come on in and have a brew.

We're gonna take a break.

[laughing and talking]

Frank: Come on in!

Edwards:
Whoa! Yeah, man!

I'm gonna miss you, baby.

Ohh!

Crystal, I want you
to take this, ok?

I won't hear of it.
Now come on.

Give me a hug.

Crystal.

Arlo, we're really
gonna miss you.

Gonna miss you, too, man.

Want you to take care
of my little girl, now.

We will.

You know, you're
a handful, little girl.

I know, but you love me.

Yes, I do.

Randy, marshall, check the dog.

Ok.
Ok.

She's alive, dad.

Then we're taking her with us.

Monica: Bye.

Bye, sweetie.
You be good.

Randy:
Take it easy, case!

Casey: Be good.

We won't.

Marshall:
We'll miss you!

Everybody say good-bye to frank.

Good-bye, frank

good-bye, frank!

Marshall and randy:
Good-bye, frank!

Arlo: Bye, frank!

Swing on this, frank!

[laughing]

Boom! Boom! Boom!

Ah ha ha ha ha!

[horns honking]

Dad, I have to use
the rest room.

And I'm hungry.

There's a restaurant over there.

[growls]

[monica laughs]

You like that? Good.

Uh, that corner table, ok?

And your mouth is shut.

Your mother and I
will order food.

May I help you?

Uh, yes, 2 cheeseburgers,

order of fires,

and 2 milks,

and one plain burger.

Dad, it's this famous guy
driving our car.

That's right.

No, the saab.

Monica: "the amazing 8
personalities of brad williams."

"A case study in mpd:

"Multiple personality disorder.

"Williams'
schizophrenic tendencies

"manifested themselves
at an unusually early age.

"He reportedly graduated

from 3 different
grade schools simultaneously."

♪ I wanna be naughty tonight ♪

♪ daddy, don't
make me be naughty ♪

oh, they never
put a vanity mirror

where a girl can use one.

[breathes heavily]

Damn nostril hair.

Giddy-up, mr. Car.

[laughing]

[engine revs]

Hey, stud, you wanna ride me?

Do you like my car?

It's got a real big engine.

Do you?

Have it your way,
mr. Perfect.

[tires screeching]

[honks]

I hope she's a good driver.

D.j.:
You're listening to boise's

number one
rock 'n' roll station: J-105.

I'm carl...

[radio clicks off]

Well, it's almost 3:30,

and the movers
should be there by now.

Boys, we're almost there.

Arlo: I got the key,

and I want everybody...

Close your eyes!

Come on, kids.
Close your eyes.

This is gonna be... you, too!

This is gonna be a surprise.

All right, close your eyes!

We're...

Can we open our eyes now?

No.

Where are the doors?

[clink]

[high-pitched gasps]

Oh! Ooh!

Ooooh!

Ooooh!

[whimpers]

[gasps]

[moans]

[screams]

[moans]

[laughs]

Aaaaah!

Kitchen!

The kitc...

The kitchen!

Where's the kitchen?

They took the goddamn kitchen!

There's no kitchen!

[telephone rings]

[ring]

[ring]

Hello?!

Hey, how's it hangin', man?

Arlo: How's it hangin'?

Where are you guys?

You're supposed to be here now!

Uh, well, we got lost.

I think I took
a wrong turn somewhere.

Uh, do you think, by chance,

you may have made a wrong turn

to new orleans?!

Yep, we're in new orleans,

and, uh, it's mardi gras time.

Mardi gras time, huh?

Listen, asshole,
I want my furniture here

in boise, idaho,

and I want it now!

Hey, all right, all right,
we're on our way, pal.

Hello?

Helloooo!

[scream]

Randy: I thought
you said we had a pool!

[echoing] aaaaaah!

Cadell, when I bought
this house from you

it had doors...

stairs, and a swimming pool!

Now where's the shit now?

Now, hold on, pear.
I distinctly told you

I was taking the pool
and the doors with us.

You said you were joking.

You were
just kidding about that.

No, sir. No, sir.

I recorded
the entire conversation.

I got the transcript right here.

I said just kidding

about the windows
and the kitchen sink,

so I never actually said

just kidding
about the doors and the pool.

Now, listen, cadell!

You're a bullshitter, ok?!

Now, if you don't have
workmen here in 2 days

putting my stuff back in order,

I'm gonna
kick your ass! [Click]

[crickets chirping]

Man on tv: Well,
mr. Maverick's in.

How 'bout you,
mr. Maverick?

Gentleman friend still not home?

No, and I don't understand it.

He told me to call him.

I'm sure he'll be back soon.

Meanwhile,

come here and watch
maverick with us.

Sit here.

Maverick: I'll see it
and raise you $200.

Man on tv:
That ain't money.

Oh, it's the same thing.

Here's my draft for $10,000.

Still ain't money.

We're not playin' table stakes.

Ya see, that's james garner.

He plays bret maverick.

And that's
his brother bart maverick.

They're gamblers
on the mississippi.

[chatter on tv]

I don't know who he is.

I think he's a desperado.

[chatter on tv]

Arlo: Honey?

Monica: Hmm?

You awake?
Mm-hmm.

Well...

the boys register
for school today.

Mm-hmm.

By noon today,

the movers should be
here with our stuff.

Mm-hmm.

I'm gonna get the furnace fixed.

Mm-hmm.

And by tonight,

everything should
be back to normal.

[engine sputtering]

[engine starts]

God, no.

[engine shuts off]

Your name wouldn't
be crawford, would it?

Yeah, that's right.

Cornell crawford.

What's it to ya?

Do you have a brother?

Well, choke my chicken.

Your name's pear, right?

You lived right
next-door to frank.

Am I right?

Yeah.

[laughing]

It's a small world, isn't it?

Too small.

Yeah, frank says
you're a real asshole,

and if you fuck with me,
I'll kill ya.

Ya understand?

Oh, yeah, I...

Good.

[engine starts]

Uh, randy and marshall pear?

Oh, I thought
there'd be 2 of you.

2 of me?

Yes, don't you have
a brother named marshall?

No, ma'am.
Marshall's my middle name.

Oh, I see.

You know, these computers

are gonna
be the death of us all.

Yes, ma'am.

They made the same mistake
at my other school.

Mm-mm-mm.

Well, randy marshall,

I guess you'll only
be needing one of these,

and your locker number's 54,

and that's straight
down this hall

and to your right.

Marshall, is that you?

How'd it go?

I pulled it off.

Ahh, great.

Do you think they'll catch on?

No one has yet.

I never thought
I'd say this, but...

I'm getting tired

of cheeseburgers and fries.

[machinery revs]

[knocks]

Is it the movers?

Arlo: The movers! Hooray!

It's the movers.

[engines fade away]

Sons of bitches!

Wait! Don't... no!

Please, back up.

Hello!

Mr. and mrs. Pear.

We're from the welcome
wagon committee.

I'm zelda messina.

Woman: Hi!

I'm elizabeth griffin.

Welcome to boise.
Hello.

Oh, these are some brochures.

It's a free gift

from our local merchants,

mrs. Pear.

Now, we can only come in
for just a minute.

Oh, uh, well,
we're not really fixed up yet.

Oh, I'm sure it's just lovely.

Oh, no, well, see...

Could you move the car?
Ladies? Uh, um...

Ah, I'll go around.

[tires screeching]

[musical horn blaring
la cucaracha]

[horn blaring]

[tires screeching]

Brad: Oh, man, that is...

That is a great car, man.

Fuck, it handles great, man.

Left, right.
It's great.

Brakes stop on a fuckin' dime.

Jesus christ,

you got power
in this thing, man.

The thing'll take a hairpin turn

at 120, no fuckin' problem.

You floor it,

it just says gimme more.

The car says gimme more, man.

Keys, dude?

A cop tried to pull me over.

I said eat this, man.

I put it in fifth.
Forget about it.

The only thing was

I couldn't get it in reverse,

but then I was pissed,

and then I said fuck,

I don't need reverse.

What do I need reverse for?

I don't wanna go
back in life, man.

I wanna go forward.

So the cop tries
to pull me over,

I say fuck it.
Ha ha.

Where... is my car?

Oh, I was supposed
to deliver this car

to, uh, [chuckles]

to a guy named arlo.

[laughs] is that you?

Is your name arlo, man?

That's a fuckin'
funny name. Arlo. Ha ha.

Oh, man, you must laugh
all the time, huh?

You come here
through a war zone?

Soda springs, man.
Back off, dude.

I'm just delivering
this car as a favor

for a friend of mine, man.

Brad williams.
Do you know him?

He's really fuckin' straight.

I mean, he's about my heighth.

Could I...

speak to brad... please?

No, man, you can't talk to brad.

I can't talk to brad.

No one knows who brad is, man.

I love him.

He's beautiful!

[sighs] I can't
get close to him.

Shit, man, nixon knew, man.

I don't even know
my political affil...

Huh?

Huh?

Teddy?
Ted... teddy?

Teddy.

What...

happened to my car?

Brad probably loaned
the car to the pope.

Don't let...

Don't let the hat fool ya, man.

The pope's a crazy fucker.

He probably blessed the car,

got wasted, and just drove it

off a fuckin' cliff.

Monica: Uh,
come back next week...

who are the chicks?

Well, we hardly ever
get into this neighborhood.

Hardly ever. Really.

Afternoon, ladies!

Oh... zelda?

[whispering]
I'm gonna kill you.

Do you hear me?

Mm-hmm.

So you got about
an hour to get outta town

before I find a gun

and I load it with 8 bullets

and I kill all crazy 8
of you son of a bitches.

Now, please go.
I don't wanna go to jail.

[whimpers] please.

You're squishin' teddy, man.

[whispering]
I'm gonna kill him, too.

♪ Row, row, row your boat ♪

♪ gently down the stream ♪

♪ merrily, merrily,
merrily, merrily... ♪

♪ Gently down the stream ♪

[multiple personalities singing
in the round]

How was the move?

Uneventful.

Terrific.

Good morning,
mr. Pear.

Good morning.

It is a pleasure to meet you.

Bob delaney, arlo pear.

Hi.

Come on. I want ya
to meet ted.

Ted, this is arlo pear,

the genius from new jersey.

Hey, at last.

Welcome.

Thank you.

I want to show you some drawings

as soon as you're settled.

Ok.

Come on, arlo.

Let me show you your office.

Isn't this place great?

Everybody's so nice here.

[laughs] yeah.

Oh, arlo, this is nina franklin.

She'll be your receptionist.

Hi. Welcome
to g.t.i.

would you like some coffee?

Oh, no. I have an
organizational meeting,

and it may keep me awake.

[laughing]

Come on, arlo.

[laughter] oh.

Well...
boy.

Here we are, home sweet home.

Do you like?
I love it.

Ha ha.
Well, I'm sure

you wanna get settled in,

so I'm gonna run,

but if you need anything,

anything at all,

don't hesitate to ask.

As far as I'm concerned,

you're the king of idaho!

Thank you very much.

[whispering] damn.

[chatter]

Oh, they bought it.

I got the job.

[giggles]
I'm the king of idaho.

Shh shh. Yeah.

Sharpen pencil.

[pencil sharpener runs]

[whispering] why not?

A little drumroll.

Back beat, please.

Woman: Come on,
let's set up over here.

Reporter: Sir,
would you care to comment

on the decision to scrap
the phase one shuttle project?

You better talk
to mr. Barnett.

Mr. barnett,
would you care to comment

on the decision to scrap
the phase one shuttle project?

About what?

I don't know
what you're talking about.

Ask mr. Pear.

[chatter]

Reporter: Thank you.

Reporter: Mr. Pear,

how do you explain
the $15-million cost overrun

on the phase one shuttle?

$15 million?

Where did the $15 million go,

mr. Pear?

I don't know.

What do you think
of the decision

to scrap the whole project?

Scrap the whole project?

Have you thought about
legal representation?

Now that your job
has been eliminated, sir,

what are your personal plans?

I just sharpened my pencil.

Newscaster on tv:
We'll have more on this story

on the 6:00 news. Chuck?

In another top story,

the g.t.i. scandal
continues to unfold.

The shutdown came as a shock

to local area residents,

hundreds of whom
work for g.t.i.

and whose jobs are in question.

Hey, they're talkin' about me!

Chuck: The project
coordinator offered

very little new information.

Reporter: Now that your job
has been eliminated, sir,

what are your personal plans?

I just sharpened my pencil!

Pussy!

Here, found some more for you.

Thanks.

[tv reporting continues]

Stop.

...whose latest book
is entitled go for it.

Dr. ames, exactly
what do you mean by...

go for it?

Well, chuck, the book
is about change.

I think it's about time
that people realize

a little bit of change

is a good thing.

Ha!

Dr. ames:
For example, chuck,

moving to a new town,
starting a new job,

well, for most people,

this is a high-stress
situation... but,

well, I think
we should embrace it.

I think it's the spice of life.

After all,

what's the worst thing
that could happen?

Ha ha.

Dr. ames: Don't be afraid
to shake things up.

[drunkenly]
I gotta meet that lady.

I gotta ask that lady,
where's my furniture?

Lady, where's my door?

What is it with you, fella?

You think life is one big joke?

No, no, no,

life is not a big joke.

It's a series

of 8,000 or 9,000 little jokes,

you know, all lined up in a row.

There they are,

and they slap you down.

Slap. Slap. Slap.

And the only way
you can survive that

is keep your head down!

Make the mustard!

Huh? Stay in new jersey,

and you make
the goddamn mustard!

After you're happy where ya are,

don't move!

Stay where ya are!

Keep your head down,
and don't move,

and you won't get hurt!

[crash]

[thud]

Hank, what'd you do that for?

I thought he was
holdin' the place up.

Bartender: Nah, the guy
was just spouting off.

Help him up.

[truck honking]

I'm awful sorry.

That's ok.

High point of my day.

[yelling & honking]

Come on! Come on,
put some movement in it!

Listen, you wanna
get your little old ass...

Excuse me...

people to kill.

Yo, man.

There's some crazy mother
in a saab following us.

Who is it, man?

I want my furniture!

Oh, shit.
It's arlo pear.

Oh, man.
Forget about him.

[shouts]

Hey, man! Watch the road!
Look out!

[horns honking]

Ha ha ha!

Arlo, I think you're taking this
much too seriously.

It's just business.

Get your ass in the car, marcus.

Tell them I'll be
about 10 minutes late.

Yes, mr. Marcus.

Buckle your seat belt.

Marcus, we can do it.

We can make up the money.

Look, I know
you're disappointed, arlo,

but I... I just don't think that...

Excuse me!

It's just a question

of accelerating the schedule.

All we need is 3 teams
working on the train itself.

Yes. Arlo!
[horn honks]

Arlo, I like what you're saying,

but who would coordinate it all?

You're looking at him.

Well, I don't know, arlo.

I... i'm not sure.
I... i'm...

Well, think about it.

And while you're
thinking about it,

take this goddamn wheel.

What?

Take the wheel.

Aah! Where
are you going?!

I... I can't drive
from the passenger seat!

Hey! Come on!

We don't need problems, mister.

I don't want your money.

I want those assholes.

All: Oh, those assholes.

Arlo: Let's
get those assholes.

Man: Get 'em, buddy.

That's arlo pear, man.

He's coming back for us.

Give him a hand.

Look it! This guy's
fuckin' crazy, man!

What are you talkin' about?!

He's climbing onto the truck.

Move!

All right. Hold on.
Hold on. Hold on.

[horn honks]

Yo, I don't see him
anymore, man.

I think he fell off.
Good.

Hyah!

He's on the roof, man!

Hey, what...

How's it hanging?

I can't see the road!

Ooh ooh!

Whoo!

Yo, man, he looks crazy.

That's right, fuckhead.
I'm crazy!

Come on.
I'll take care of you, man.

Ooh! Ha!

Yaah!

Now, look here,
mr. Pear.

If you got any complaints
about our service,

you better call the head office.

Shut the hell up.
No more talk!

I want my furniture!

Who you think you're talkin' to?

I'll stomp a mud hole
in your ass, poop-butt.

Aah!

[truck door slides open]

[growls]

[grunts]

Shit.

Yaah!

Ooh!

Honey, I'm home.

Look what I found.

I found our shit.

I brought our shit home.

This is our shit.

Like I said,
they key to a successful move

is proper preparation.

Well, I've got a surprise
for you, too.

Well, whup it on me.

Casey!

Get out of here!

Hello.

Daddy, what happened to you?

Nothing. I'm fine.

I'm the king of idaho.

Come on, you guys!
Let's move it!

Move it!

Excuse me, mrs. Pear.

Where would you like this?

Down the hall by the door.

I think that's the perfect
placement for it,

if you don't mind my saying so.

Arlo.

I've been thinking

about what you were
talking about,

and you can build the train,

but you can't drive the train.

All right!

Thank you.

Congratulations.

I'll see you at work.

I'll give you a ride home.

Oh, no. No, thanks.
I'll walk.

After all, it's a beautiful day.

Yes, it sure is.

[lawn mower sputters]

Excuse me, kids.

[engine revs]

[engine quits]

What the fuck are you doing?!

I want you to take
this big red motherfucker

and put it back in your garage.

Do you understand,
you son of a bitch?!

And go to the store and buy
you a human-sized mower!

Yeah?

And who's gonna make me?

You?

[dog snarling]

Flipper!

I don't want any trouble.

Come on, flipper.
Let's go home.

Boy, let's go!
Come on, flipper.

Cornell: You're all right,
neighbor.

We're gonna get along just fine.

Captioning made possible by
warner bros.