Mossad (2019) - full transcript
After an American tech-billionaire is kidnapped in Israel, the Mossad rushes to save him while the CIA send their best agent to help out.
Subtitles by explosiveskull
Leave us.
Not you.
You have no idea who
you're dealing with.
Aren't you Shuki?
The Mossad agent who
has been trying
to steal our nuclear plans?
So you do know who
you're dealing with.
You have got one
minute to tell me
who is trying
to rescue you!
Kanafeh, Ma'amoul!
Something exotic!
Matzah balls! Gefilte fish!
Kigel!
Agent Guy.
My true identity must
remain a secret.
Put this on, I know a
shortcut to your commander.
Oh no, we have company.
Quick, kiss me.
That one's always
kissing some agent.
Take your clothes off.
Listen, I know what
you're thinking,
but this isn't going to
work out between us.
This tunnel will take
you to your commander.
Why do you Israelis always
think you know best?
Because we do.
Hey! Ali Express!
It's much more fun to go
through the bad guys.
You're crazy!
Cotton candy, cotton candy.
Cotton candy, cotton candy.
The enemy is coming
your way, be prepared!
Cotton candy, cotton candy.
Welcome to our prison.
How many in your party?
Commander! We have
come to rescue you.
But tonight we have
a costume party.
Shuki, Shuki, Shuki.
I thought I would
never see you again.
You could always
look at pictures.
Quick, this is the
safest way out.
Can I?
Commander, I need to bring
you back in one piece.
Just so no one says that I didn't
do anything on this mission.
We have to go.
Guy! Guy! Wait!
Aaron, where are you?
Aaron?
I dropped a coin, but I
found it down there.
I'm here now.
Thief!
Thief!
Go! Go!
We did it!
Shuki, Shuki, Shuki.
Shuki, Shuki, Shuki, Shuki.
Are you guys nuts?
No!
The steering system
has a malfunction!
You're not going anywhere!
I told you the steering system
is still non-operational!
Shuki! Jump!
Use a power tool.
Come on!
Fire! Now!
I can't operate my rifle
without dropping Shuki!
Guy, let go of my hand!
It's the only way
you'll survive this.
Remember me as I was...
just a little thinner.
No!
"Agent search Demotion
Protocol activated"
"Senior agent, special
agent, field agent...
mall cop, guard
at bouncy castle"
THREE YEARS LATER...
Guy, I thought about it,
and I don't think we
should be together.
Guy, it's the veterinarian
calling about your dog,
he doesn't think you
should be together.
What's up Guy, you're not
answering, I'm coming up.
Also, switch to SMS,
answering machines only
exist in old movies.
Come in.
What's up, Guy?
What's that?
Cake.
Could be meat.
I think it was a cake.
Since the screw-up in Tunisia,
life has ended for the both of us.
Well not exactly, I got my wife,
you have nothing going on.
We can't talk about our
past and we have no future.
- What is left for us?
- Maybe you should go out on a date?
Since I left the organization I
lost my touch with the ladies.
Don't worry,
when god opens a window,
he closes two doors.
Let's find you a date.
Yeah, let's say that, I
take a girl out on a date
and she starts asking me
what do you do for a living?
What did you study?
What do I tell her?
I was once an assassin,
now I work as a security
guard at a bouncy castle?
- Let's do a simulation, hit on me.
- What?
Hi, my name is Dalit, I'm a young lady.
What is your name?
Look, I don't quite
like all of the...
You don't want me...
Ok, I have no money,
I have no respect
for myself.
And the senior agents
are making fun of you.
And the senior...
That's enough.
Come on, come on, be creative.
- It's a bar!
- It's a restaurant!
- It's a bar!
- No, it's a restaurant!
- No, it's a bar!
- Restaurant!
- Bar!
- Restaurant!
- It's a bar.
- It's a restaurant.
No, people drink
here, it's a bar.
People also eat here,
it's a restaurant.
But mostly drinking
so it's a bar!
They come here to eat,
it's a restaurant!
They're mostly come here to drink!
So it's a bar!
No, people eat here,
it's a restaurant!
Hello Abigail, I work
in a sausage factory.
What?
A demoted Mossad agent?
No, I work at a
sausage factory.
What can I get you?
Yes, grapefruit juice.
Addicted to the
hard stuff, huh?
Woman?
No, thanks, the
juice is enough.
They come here to eat!
It's a restaurant!
And what are they
doing afterwards?
Guy?
- Abigail!
- Hi!
Your picture online was...
No. In the picture
with the...
Yeah.
I googled you, and could
not find anything.
Are you a secret agent
or something like that?
What? No, no.
I managed a
sausage factory.
I mean it. I have a
few samples here.
Check it out. Here
is some Salami.
Don't you forget
why we are here.
Nothing happened,
everything is alright.
Did you...
Did you just hit someone?
The sausage industry
is a tough business.
Did you know that Salami
is the only food,
that even before you eat
it, it smells like burp?
Maybe he needs help?
Ah no, he's fine.
If you keep killing people
I'm not going out
with you anymore!
Wait a second! Wait!
We'll do things that
ordinary people do!
We'll take pictures
of our food!
Fighting again?
Sir, please take
a look at this,
you're going to forget everything
that has happened here.
Are you erasing my
memory with that?
No.
I'm smashing this bottle on your head.
Help me with this guy.
Excuse us. Excuse us.
Excuse us.
It's not good to keep
things inside, is it?
What are you doing?
I'm here to make sure there
won't be any mishaps.
Even if someone tries
to do something,
we have security cameras
all over the place.
And here.
With today's technology,
intelligence agencies are
a thing of the past.
Let's go home.
- Do you have any weapon on you?
- No.
They are children.
It will prepare them for
how cruel life can be.
Guy.
Pookie force.
Watch out for terrorists, they might
just punch a hole in your inflatables.
Or whatever.
The tech giant
Jack Sattelberg.
The world's biggest
smartphones manufacturer
just landed in Israel.
For the next 8 hours we
will repeat this sentence
in different phrasings.
Look at that beauty.
I like.
Haim! Have you met my wife?
Not this one.
I see you...
graduated high school!
How do you do?
I couldn't agree more with
what I've just heard.
Intelligence agencies are
a thing of the past!
How did you hear what
we were talking?
Your phones are constantly
collecting information.
There's no end to the amount of
information you can collect.
With today's technology, intelligence
agencies are a thing of the past.
Delete it! Delete it!
Excuse me, but...
This is the actual
phone that updates
all the artificial
intelligence of the world.
Actually, we're currently
working on something better.
Aey! Ai!
Exactly A.I.
Artificial Intelligence.
I'm for natural
intelligence.
Yes.
Excuse me.
Esteemed guests.
Mr. Sattelberg.
Invited guests,
uninvited guests.
And people who
didn't even show up.
Terrorism, it's like picking
your nose, it never ends.
He needs a diaper change.
I have to go to
the bathroom.
He's almost finished.
You are a true
friend of Israel
and as long as you
keep giving us money,
you will always be.
I'm sure this
special visit,
will turn into a waterfall
of collaborations.
What began as a dribble
in a cold puddle,
will grow into a mighty
flow of brotherhood.
We'll continue this
stream of trust.
- Now!
- Now.
And in when we're
done, we will shake.
Occupied!
I said, occupied!
And now for the Mossad's anthem
the crowd is asked to lip-sync.
♪ With grief we
shall cause hell.
♪ Every terrorist
and an enemy.
Jackie?
What did you eat?
Jackie?
Ladies and gentlemen,
kidnappers have taken
over the event.
Finally something
interesting.
There's nothing
to worry about,
you're in the hands of the
Israeli security forces.
Let's go home, Haim.
My husband! He's
been kidnapped!
We need back up.
We'll help you!
This is our chance
to make a come back.
Open up! Get out!
This vehicle is
confiscated.
- Why? Why?
- I'm coming with you.
You have children.
They are less experienced
than me, take me.
Shuki, Shuki, Shuki.
- Who are you?
- I run a sausage facto...
I'm an Mossad agent.
The name is Moran.
Guy Moran. Here is my card.
- It's blank.
- I'm a secret agent.
Ok.
This is Shuki Force speaking,
we're in pursuit of the suspect.
I repeat, Shuki Force speaking,
we're in pursuit of the suspect.
Eagle 1,
do you see him, over?
I don't.
Eagle 2,
do you see him, over?
Here is eagle 2 roger.
The kidnapper's truck just
went up Shazar avenue.
Highway 1 is busy for
traffic in both directions,
it's advised to take
the 443 highway.
Now we'll hear
the next tune.
Hey, what are you doing here?
How did you get here?
You drive!
Just so no one says that I didn't
do anything on this mission.
I'm going,
through the bad guys!
An accident is
going to happen!
Does anyone have a phone?
Not yet.
Now!
We have to abandon.
We're about to catch them.
- Jump.
- Just a sec.
Ouch.
Guy what's going on?
Are you all right?
I think he will make it.
Read all about it!
Billionaire, Jack Sattelberg
was kidnapped in Jerusalem.
Come in and put the
groceries in the kitchen.
One... two...
Three...
Agent Moran?
Jeez!
I need you.
Really?
To save my husband.
Why me?
When I was in trouble
you were there to help.
To help... sure, help.
It's so hot in here.
It's very, very hot.
You're cute.
I need a medic.
And I need your
special skills.
Are we friends?
I don't think you
want to be my friend
after what
happened to Aaron.
Who?
Aaron, he was a
true friend...
Like, like your brother,
like two sisters,
like five neighbors.
I do not think the chief of the
Mossad will let me back to the field.
Well, I have ways to
convince your chief
that you're the right
person for this mission.
Welcome to the
Israeli Knesset.
This in the Menora, made
by a German artist,
based on the arch
of Titus in Rome,
and at the gift shop
you can find a replica
that was made in China.
- It's Guy...
- It's Guy...
Indistinct muttering.
Yes, Mr. Prime Minister.
No, Mr. Prime Minister.
It won't get in without using
the cream, Mr. Prime Minister.
That was the
prime minister.
Let me get them.
20 years I've been holding off on
my retirement, keeping this job.
And for what?
On Independence Day,
to finally light a torch
on live television.
Since when does the chief
of Mossad light a torch?
Never and you know why?
Because there hasn't been a
single chief of the Mossad
who managed to
serve full term.
Everybody screwed up. Got fired.
Got into trouble.
Except me, not carrying out any actions.
Not initiating any operations.
I do nothing.
You're a perfect
chief of the Mossad.
What are you doing
with the terrorist?
I'm taking some work home.
So, let me catch them.
You will say just about anything that
will get you back in the organization.
I have the footage from
the security cameras.
THE KIDNAPPING OF SATTELBERG
No, no, no, no, no!
- But why?
- I'll tell you "why".
Everything you ever
touched had blown up...
- Haim, please.
- Don't touch me.
INCOMING CALL
Just what I needed now,
the Caribbean!
- What?
- The...
The Caribbean.
- Hello, Haim.
- Oh, Arnold.
- Where you hiding, Haim?
- What do you mean hiding?
The investigation
is moving so fast
I've got nothing to
do at the office.
Are you giving me the old
Caribbean backdrop trick?
What do you mean?
I'm on the beach.
What an insane beach.
Listen assholes.
I invented that trick.
In fact, I'm in the
Caribbean right now,
making people think
that I'm at work.
Show him, boys.
I'm reassigning the
mission to the CIA.
I'm sending...
agent Harris.
We know what we are doing.
Tell that crap to
your wife, not to me.
You know what?
I'm calling your wife.
No!
Quick, lend a hand!
- Haim?
- Rebecca?
Could it be that you
traveled abroad without me?
Can't you see that I'm
at the grocery store.
Did you want the
skim or whole milk?
And you're all alone?
At the grocery store?
What great deals, Huh?
Haim, what happened to us?
You work in espionage and that
requires a lot of facades.
But at home, I want honesty.
Come home, Haim.
We'll role play, you will
be the torch lighter,
and I will be the solider
accompanying you.
Agent Harris, no one knows
what he really looks like.
Master of disguise.
SOMEWHERE IN THE MIDDLE EAST
Then she put the
hummus in my coffee!
- Habibi.
- Ah?
We, your wives,
we all chipped in and got you
something to celebrate the wedding.
What surprise you have
got for me, Ms...
Linda.
Who came here from ...?
United States Of America.
The name is Harris.
You can call me
Agent Harris.
Linda, congratulations for
the successful mission.
One sec.
- Mission accomplished, sir.
- Great.
So, I've got good
news for you,
Jack Sattelberg has
been kidnapped!
I mean that's bad news,
and we're sad and stuff.
But the good news is
we're sending you immediately
on a mission to Israel.
In Israel, sir?
Ahh, and no selfies with
the tied-up guards.
The plan was a mission
in Milan, sir,
because of the terrorism,
and fashion week.
Not in that order.
You're breaking up.
I can't hear you.
You're breaking up.
You're breaking up.
I told her she
is breaking up.
How do you turn off
this damn thing.
You wanted Europe,
and they give you Isra...
SUJAIRA KIDNAPPERS LAIR
OPEN UNTIL 6 PM
I demand a UN representative,
and American rescue team!
And lip balm.
Lip balm you say.
Animals!
GOLDILOCKS AND THE THREE BEARS
There is no body?
- There is, there isn't.
- There isn't, there is.
- There is.
- There isn't.
So this funeral is
just a cover up.
My dear Aaron.
You always wanted to be buried
with your most precious stuff.
So here is your Waterman
pen you loved so much.
And here is the trophy you
won at the swimming contest.
And your crocs,
that you used to make noises
stepping in them at night
and I said you should have gotten
rid of them a long time ago.
And all these
notebooks you kept.
Why does anyone need to keep
coursework from second grade?
We are not a museum!
Karen, I'm really sorry.
You have the nerve to come here!
You know he was supposed to
celebrate his birthday this year?
I heard about your loss and
came to pay my respect!
- Linda Harris, sir, CIA.
- Linda, who?
Agent Harris.
Oh, I always believed
that Harris is a man.
You are really a
master of disguise.
If you want to light a torch,
you'd better cut it out.
I'm gonna need some
answers from you.
Yes, of course, answers,
answers, but later?
Next week. Hang tough.
- You are tough.
- Torch lighting.
Did you see how
I handled her?
If you take after me, you'll
end up just like I did.
They won't help you,
and you know it.
And you will?
I know the Mossad
inside out.
Well, well, going
for agent Harris?
Let's take a walk.
There are no girls left in Tunisia
that you picked up this one?
If someone was threatening or
sending him a ransom note,
we are sure to find it
in Sattelberg's room.
And you don't think the
Mossad already been there?
They wouldn't dare
breaking into his room.
I think this is
Sattelberg's suite.
What's that?
A souvenir I've borrowed
from the Mossad.
Sorry.
It's ok.
So here is another one.
Excuse me.
What are you doing?
I got you covered.
Anyone there?
Hello?
Mrs Sattelberg?
Guy? You sound muffled.
Take the handkerchief off.
I think someone
is in my room.
Did you check the closet?
Give us the password for
your phone, or else...
Watch it.
You stay here until you give
Dark Mind what he wants.
Dark who?
- You don't want to know.
- I want to know.
- You don't want to know.
- I want to know.
You don't want to know!
CHIEF OF THE MOSSAD
CONDUCTS AN URGENT MEETING
The media will ruin us.
Maybe we should
blame the Iranians.
CHIEF OF THE MOSSAD
TALKS ABOUT IRAN
In the meantime no one
talks to the press.
CHIEF OF THE MOSSAD: NO
ONE TALKS TO THE PRESS
Maybe it was the...
Syrians.
CHIEF OF THE MOSSAD
BLAMES SYRIA
Sorry. The Russians.
CHIEF OF THE MOSSAD
BLAMES RUSSIA
Ok, who is leaking
to the press?
Not only did they make
me work with that...
What a surprise!
I'm so glad to see
you're all here.
It was an emergency, so we all came
to the office but it's finished.
Why finished? I've
prepared a presentation.
There is a presentation.
We suspect that the kidnappers
came from this area.
That's just silly, can
you zoom in a little?
Wait, who are those guys?
We don't know who they are.
All we got was this
old archive photo.
They do not make them
like they used to.
Ethan, is there anything
else you didn't show her?
But take into consideration
these pictures are
hard to watch.
I told you it's a
bar, didn't I?
I told you it's a
bar, didn't I?
And who, who's laughing now?
Who's laughing now? Who?
Who had the last laugh?!
So, why did you ask
me to come here?
I just came from the Mossad,
and they are complete morons.
They really are.
But then I thought
maybe it's a ploy,
maybe they just want me to
think they're stupid...
They are very stupid!
I don't buy it. It's "stupidity
make believe" system.
They're smarter
than I thought.
So much whining.
It can't be,
it's the Mossad.
They truly are a
bunch of idiots.
I need you.
We need to work together.
If stupidity is a code you
can help me to decipher it.
You're lucky I'm too
stupid to be offended.
Linda Harris is here
with Guy.
What's going on, Guy?
Guy works for the CIA now.
Here's the confirmation
from Arnold.
Good thing you didn't bring
confirmation from your mom.
Just get inside already!
Come in to the lab and I will show
you, that you're unnecessary.
Open the door!
Let me get in!
Push, don't pull. Push!
Ah.
What have you
done to Aaron?
Chico, please.
Ladies and gentleman I'm very
pleased and proud to present to you
the new and improved Aaron.
Please welcome
Aaron-man!
Aaron-man!
The latest thing
in biocybernetics.
He has Night vision, X-ray
vision, goats vision.
Don't let this blue
metallic fool you,
Inside of Aaron-man
is the doomsday weapon.
- Aaron, do you hear me?
- He doesn't remember you.
We'll see.
Do you remember the mission
with the dwarfs in Libya?
Do you remember how we built
a snowman out of poop?
Aaron, to your room.
We taught him martial arts,
sailing, flying, goating.
Except for doors.
We still didn't get
to the door thing.
Even your gadgets are
copies from the CIA?
What's this, how do you
turn on the laser?
Laser?
Our is a gift lighter.
If you happen to go to a
friend's birthday party
and you forget a present,
you've got a lighter.
Well done, well done.
Aaron, Aaron! No, no!
He didn't try to hit me.
He is fine!
No!
You distract him, I'll
take out the motherboard.
- No, I will shut it down!
- Trust me!
Linda, please wait outside.
Nobody's supposed to
come here, not even me.
- Sigi.
- How are you doing, pretty boy?
What does the Mossad know about
the kidnapping of Sattelberg?
This information is classified
and you are not authorized.
Don't be sad. Maybe
a video of puppies?
Video of puppies my ass.
I'm on in.
Freeze image.
Guy, what are you doing
there with Sigi?
Unfortunately nothing.
Get out of there
right away.
Get me back on duty, I will
give you back Sattelberg.
Take a hike.
Who would you like to
invite to the hike?
If you screw this up, there won't
be any rank left to demote you to.
I owe this to Aaron.
Tough.
- Quiet, Sigi.
- Quiet, Sigi.
Ok, you have until Independent
Day to bring him back.
And one more thing,
operate Aaron,
I don't want to
lose him again.
Give him what he wants.
Pay attention, to our next product
this glorious washing machine
Antiochus model W5748
- This washing machine...
- What have they done to you?
...comes with a beautiful white
finish of stainless steel.
It has seven simultaneously
working programs,
look how beautiful she is.
Look how stunning she is.
This machine has an LCD that
shows duration of washing cycle
and has an AAA
energy ranking.
Do you know who
manufactures the phones
that you built your
empire on Mr. Sattelberg?
- I do.
- Yes, but who builds them for you?
We do, Mr. Sattelberg.
We do.
You are a third world
terrorist organization.
For you maybe we're
third woooorld.
- Third world.
- That's exactly what I said.
Third woooorld.
- Third
- Third...
- World
- Wooorld.
- Never mind.
- Never mind.
But for us this is home.
What?
- Flashback.
- Ah.
Life in Sugiria used
to be so simple.
Every morning, my sister would
wake me up with coffee.
When you realized we
were cheap labor,
you started moving your
American factories here.
When do we have a break?
In an hour.
I think.
Go back to work!
Come on! Come on!
Stop the machines!
Stop the machines!
Stop the machines!
Stop the machines!
Stop the machi...
Mujidra! Mujidra!
Mujidra!
I lost my sister
and my homeland.
But then we realized that
each phone had this in it.
So we packed every plastic
motherboard with explosives.
When it hardens,
it's indistinguishable
from regular plastic.
And there are seven billion phones
like these around the wooorld.
- World.
- Yes.
You wanted bigger phones,
you got bigger bombs.
Why did you kidnap me?
I want you to send
the special update
to every phone
in the wooorld.
World.
- Billions will die!
- Yes, I know.
- You're insane!
- Thank you, you're very kind.
What's the password?
I said, what's
the password?
What's the password?
Mr. Sattelberg, your wife
asked you to call her.
Ah, thanks.
Hey!
Sigi...
Sigi is busy now.
I'm not busy, since it's
never going to work.
Not when we have
guests, all right?
Ok, solve it
between yourself.
Sigi, shouldn't have the kidnappers
already made ransom demands?
Based on 60 kidnaps and
800 movies, you're right.
Why aren't they asking for a
ransom for Mr. Sattelberg?
It looks like Sattelberg has
something bigger than money.
Who was he talking
to at the ceremony?
This is the actual phone that
updates all the A.I. of the world.
All the phones in the world?
How much?
According to UN data,
there are 8 billion phones
per 7 billion people.
More phones than people.
- It looks like a nice ratio.
- Quiet Sigi.
Are you silencing women?
- Sigi, change to male profile.
- I'm on it.
What's up?
- Shut up!
- Shut up you, two bastards!
Who do you think
you are, uh?!
No, he can't talk to me!
Like that?!
He is a computer,
he is not worth it.
So called agent...
Hello?
- Thank you, Mr. Sattelberg.
- But no, no, no!
Let's make them understand
how serious we are
before we present
our demands.
Is it not working
for you either?
Cellular phones are shutting down
one by one, all over the world.
On line is our reporter that will
explain the situation, hello?
Hello... hello?
The abrupt intermission of the phone
interrupts the cognitive consciousness...
I'm standing here and I
see this phenomenon,
unfolding in front
of my very eyes,
and these emotions can very
often lead to violence.
2 minutes without phones.
That will do for now.
They decided to give up.
We won.
They are just demonstrating
their capabilities.
Ugh, these terrorists.
Think they are
going to beat us.
but not on my watch.
You heard?
Not on my watch.
Haim, I want to
change my shift.
Please take me to...
Oh, you need to get to the Mossad?
No problem.
Guy.
Guy.
Guy?
Agent Moron?
We've found this chick
outside the building.
She was screaming:
"Guy, Guy."
- Guy!
- Sharon!
That's fine, let her in.
You can leave. Thanks.
I need to talk to
you in private.
Oh Guy. I'll do anything
to help my husband.
Anything?
Anything.
Even this?
Wow.
You really would
do anything.
I know what you
think about me
and I think exactly the
same thing about you.
That I have great tits.
I probably come across
as a shallow woman
whose with Jackie
just for his money.
So, why are you together?
He's geeky, it's cute.
No kidding.
Whatever I did
I did to protect my
husband from his enemies.
From blackmail, extortion.
Do you think it's fun, spending
every night in someone else's bed?
Screaming and moaning,
moaning and screaming,
over and over.
Can you imagine that, Guy?
Yeah.
What the hell is this?
A combination of
a machine and...
Jewish person.
Ah?
It's the last person
who saw your husband.
If Jackie were here,
he'd find a way to combine
your technology and his
and find himself.
Combine Sattelberg's
technology
with technology
of the Mossad.
You were really good
friends, weren't you?
Updating.
Aaron!
Call Linda!
Put me on speaker.
You pick a color
and a number
and it can tell
you the future.
Got it.
Guy found a way to combine
Sattelberg's technology with Aaron-man
in order to locate
the kidnappers!
Come on!
Aaron-man.
He's...
learning.
FRENCH FOR ADVANCED LEARNERS
Are your parents home? I came
to fix the washing machine.
Please come in.
So many memories.
I have a dream!
The Temple Mount
in custody!
Frankly, my dear,
I don't give a damn.
May the Force
be with you.
LOVING THE KITCHEN
What does it mean you
operate Aaron-man that...
Aaron, do you remember me?
Guy.
You were a person,
with your own mind.
50% OFF WASHER
No, this is not cool.
Later.
The day of the kidnapping,
the people you saw,
Can you locate their
phone signature?
I'm giving him access to CIA
database, Interpol and...
Netflix.
Maybe he can tell us
where Sattelberg is.
He is searching on all the
phones around the world
for the required
information.
Later.
Can someone please fix
that clock already!
It's working! It's working!
The kidnappers belong
to RBG organization,
which means,
REALLY BAD GUYS.
LEVEL OF CLASSIFICATION 1
Sattelberg is here?
No, silly. That's
just a map.
You know, this is usually
the part of the mission
where the male agent and
the female agent...
Back at the lab when
your friend went crazy,
why didn't you trust me?
I trusted Aaron,
and what happened?
He crashed into a bridge, and the
lab turned him into a robot.
They saved his life,
not the soul.
Crashing into a bridge and
turning into a robot.
That could happen
to anyone.
Don't you have a family?
Family?
My parents died
in a marathon.
One day
they binged watched The
Simpsons without a break.
The neighbors found their
bodies after season 14.
Shuki, a friend
of my dad's,
recruited me
into the Mossad.
He said I could
fight bad guys.
And get girls.
Not necessarily
in that order.
Sometime you have to fight
girls and get bad guys.
So, you're alone too.
In our profession, you know,
you keep to yourself.
Expensive perfume?
Crap you don't need?
OK. Got it. Goodbye.
And what about you? Do
you have a boyfriend?
I tried to get one but,
every time they asked me
what I do for living
I kept saying I...
- run a sausage factory.
- Run a sausage factory.
Just when I thought
I lost my touch.
I found the one.
Yeah.
Who knows me.
Who doesn't want to
sleep alone anymore.
I don't want to sleep
alone anymore.
It's a matter of time until
Sattelberg dumps her.
What?
Sharon.
All the skydivers for Sugiria
please get ready for to jump.
Put your parachute on!
Darn it, the
freakin' parachute.
Do you have another one?
You don't have a parachute.
I have. At home.
You're crying.
I never cry.
I have allergies.
Use eye drops.
I did. I'm allergic
to eye drops.
LANDING POINT
Becca, did you send
me a blank SMS?
- Yes.
- Why?
Because I have nothing
to say to you.
You're not listening, I'm solving
this crisis and coming back home.
What crisis? I'm listening.
And don't give
me any excuses.
A terror organization has taken
over all phones around the world
and turned them off
for 2 minutes.
Goodbye Haim.
I have to go.
Don't look at me,
I'm divorced.
After this I will go
back to the field.
And I'll be
assigned to Milan.
And I will get a heart.
There are three
professional armed guards.
The rest are just friends
of the producer.
We'll break in at midnight.
Good night.
Ok, look I'm sorry.
I don't know what I did,
but let's just shake hands and
move on to my next mistake.
Good night.
We should spoon.
You never know when a terrorist
would pop out of the bushes.
Can you please
just shut up?
Hey!
There's a terrorist here!
Yeah, I'm sure.
Turn to me when I tell you.
What?
Are you insane? You
could kill me!
Trust me!
Now!
Who's your leader?
He's known as Dark Mind.
Dirty Mind?
Dark Mind!
In addition to being evil
he's also a pervert?
He's not so smart
your friend.
Thank you.
But I tired him
for you, yes?
Sure.
Agent Harris.
I've got good news. The whole
world thinks we're losers.
I mean that's bad news.
That's sad and stuff.
But there's a
change of plans!
I need you to
save Sattelberg.
Not the Israeli.
But you approved a
joint operation.
We can't let Israel
save the world.
Hey, hello, I made
you tired right?
Look, Guy's method
might be strange
but he is my partner.
Do you know who
this guy is?
He's a serial foul up, and
he's outlived his usefulness.
Now leave him there.
Do that, and I'll
assign you to Milan.
If we betray him like this,
it will be against
everything we stand for.
Are you listening to me,
or playing on your phone?
Hello?
Ah? You follow orders,
agent Harris!
Otherwise, don't
bother coming back.
We'll talk about that
when you come back.
Sir, I'm not coming back.
Wait! No, no!
Guy! You have to hear this.
Darn!
Hello?
Hi.
Is this the RBG
organization?
- Yes. This is the guard speaking.
- Great.
Could I speak to all
the guards, please?
- They're not here right now.
- I see.
Could you go and
get them, please?
- They're on patrol, so.
- It's urgent.
Uh, ok, I'll see
what I can do.
Wait, wait, wait.
How urgent is it?
Very.
Attention, all guards.
Attention, all guards.
Please come down
to the main gate.
There's an urgent phone
call for all of you.
Mr. Sattleberg, sir. Uh?
Oh great, let's
get out of here.
It was both our mission.
"Do you know who
this guy is?
He's a serial foul up!"
If you heard me out, you'd
know that I decided to...
She decided!
Just like an American, to think
the whole world belongs to you!
Excuse me, I...
You don't believe me?
I was the one who got
you back in action.
I was the one who
got you to Sugiria.
"I, I, I"!
Don't you ever
think about me?
Guys?
You know why you're alone?
Because just like Israel,
you blame the whole world for
your vexatious troubles!
I don't know those words!
Not in the surgery.
Excellent, just excellent.
Guy Moran and Linda
Biton Harris
destroying each other.
Destroying?
Excellent?
Biton?
Thank you, Sattelberg,
for bringing us Guy.
We don't need you anymore.
We will try and remember
you the way you were.
Just maybe a
little thinner.
Shuki?
Who the hell is Shuki?
Congratulations, Guy.
Commander.
What are you doing here?
Yes Guy, it's me, Shuki.
And I use a wheel chair because
it gives a dramatic effect.
Also because we got it for free
from the Red Cross.
Quick Guy, shoot him! That's
more important than my life!
Go ahead. Kill me,
just like you left me
to die in Tunisia.
Make sure he is not armed.
Shuki. Come home with us.
Shuki force needs his
commander back in action.
Aha Guy,
I used to be like you once.
Up until that day where you
left me fall into the gorge.
Wait, wait, wait, what?
You decided to jump!
Because I thought you'd
come back for me.
You know what's incredible,
those that rescued me,
were the Sugirians.
A convoy of Sugirian
smartphone dealers
found me without
any memory.
They gave from the
little they had.
Then they took me with them
from Tunisia to Sugiria.
When I began remembering
who I am, I was ashamed.
You created all this.
And you created me, when you
threw me into the gorge.
But you created me, when
you were my commander.
No, you created me when you
threw me into the gorge.
- You created me.
- No. You created me.
- You created me.
- No. You created me.
- You created me!
- You created me!
- You created me!
- You created me!
Silence!
"There is no greater regret
than the one which is useless".
Oliver Twist?
You guys are not big
book readers, huh?
- I saw the movie.
- Harry Potter.
- Twilight.
- Goosebumps.
We didn't know
you were alive.
Did anyone even bother
to look for me?
This is how you give up
government employee's 401K?
9400 shekels,
taking over the world.
I grew up on a farm,
I've seen how technology
replaces people,
in cowsheds, and
in chicken coops.
I'm just, saving you
from yourselves.
It's time.
What?
It's time.
Time. Ah, yeah. What?
It is time.
The time, isn't... now it is...
It is now the time.
Phone call from...
Sugiria.
This is the RBG
organization.
How stupid of you
to send us agents.
If you want to see
Mr. Sattelberg alive again
You'll do exactly
what we tell you.
Did you send a tape?
What? No. What tape?
People usually send a video
to prove that you
really have the person.
This is the video, I am the video.
You're watching it right now,
this is the video.
I just think, if you
were really serious
you'd send a proper tape.
It's basic. We have
seen all the movies.
He says we need
to send a tape.
So tape it now and
show it later.
Talk!
Dear world. I confirm that
I am in the hands of the RBG
For years the west
has been exploiting
the people of the
third world.
They would built a
phone for one cent,
and you sold it
for 700 dollars.
Unless you pay the people
of the third world,
700 dollars times
7 billion phones,
Minus one cent for each
phone, you've already paid.
That comes to...
Four zibillion, eight hundred
ninety nine thousand
nine hundred thirty
three dollars.
The capitalist west has 6 hours
to pay us back the money.
Or every smartphone
will blow up.
The whole woooorld
is rigged to blow.
- World.
- Wooooorld.
- Nevermind.
- Nevermind.
You brought it
on yourselves.
Could you say all
that on tape?
What tape? What
century are you from?
Where can you even
get tapes anymore?
So how do we know
it happened today?
People usually hold up
a copy of today's paper.
- Don't they?
- Totally.
Shut up! Shut up!
What's wrong with you?
Who buys newspapers anymore?
You're making a mistake.
Charlie! Finch!
He's really gonna...?
Exactly.
I can't watch this.
Shuki, come home with us!
Don't call me Shuki!
Now my name
is Hrabdlinghamgangendang!
What?
Herbdlingenjumbegendang!
- Jammgingang.
- Jambangang.
Great. Come home
with us, Slambang.
I'm most surprised
by you, Guy.
The system forgot about
you like it did with me.
But they built the Shuki
memorial, in your honor.
On television they counted
the days you were missing.
Instead of naming
places after me,
couldn't you just
look for me?
But we did,
we searched the
world using...
Sattelberg's satellites.
Sattelberg blocked the
communications with the Mossad,
to hide the fact that
Shuki was still alive.
That's not true.
You're blaming the
wrong Sattelberg!
Sharon? What are
you doing here?
You still don't
get it, do you?
I am Mujidra Markuk
from Sugiria!
Bob Marley is trimming
in his grave.
Sister?
That day, at the factory,
my brother asked them to
shut down the machines,
but a machine makes more money,
than a simple factory worker.
That was the day I decided
to take revenge on the west.
Jackie said, his
money would all go
to ease the suffering
of the third world.
So I took care
of that for him.
How I have waited
for this day,
I even went to
overacting school.
We are transferring the sum
of five zibllion dollars,
to the Sugirian
national bank.
Please, don't
take our phones.
You See? The world is saved.
Justice is done.
And now we will stop the
destruction of the world.
Abort phone destruct
sequence phase one.
Abort... phase...
What he said, phase two...
Yeah! Yeah!
I don't think so.
She's lost control.
Did you really believe
I'd stop here?
Brother, take
care of the rest!
Come on!
Yeah! Yeah!
This is not over yet.
This is the end
of the world.
Look at you, a failed Mossad
agent, and his frustrated commander.
It seems too easy.
Lock them up.
Now we just sit and watch
the birth of our new world.
- Why did you ask me here?
- Soon, you'll understand everything.
It's either me or her.
Commander? We need you...
Shouldn't you be at...?
The hell with the world.
Mademoiselle,
the Mossad is proud
to present you
your dinner.
- But you've already got the money!
- That's democracy for you!
A leader comes along, gains
the support of the people.
Then forgets the people
who voted for him
and gets rich at
their expense.
You and I, we are the same.
Yeah,
we're both called Guy,
except you're not.
Witty.
Join me and be a
winner for a change.
Oh, seems like
you fell in love
with the least popular
girl in the class.
Kill them.
That'll teach them
a lesson for next time.
Yes!
I'm surrounded by amateurs.
You tried to betray me,
and look where it got us.
I resigned from the CIA.
Wait!
You were right.
I need to renounce Israel.
9,400 Shekel,
ruling the world.
Tough decision.
You're playing with fire.
For starters,
kill her. Prove who's
side you're on.
As usual. The winning side.
Trust me.
Wait!
Now!
- Try to stop the countdown.
- Try to stop the countdown.
- I'll catch her!
- I'll catch her!
This will help us
to stay in touch.
- Hey, Guy?
- Yes?
I just wanted you to know.
I think you're
a really good spy.
Thank you.
Find anything?
All I found is shit.
Killing me?
That's your plan?
Killing you is too easy.
We're going to
keep you alive,
just to see your chief
and partner die!
He's in the fallout
shelter by now.
Along with the
doomsday weapon.
You introduced the trigger yourself,
when you put a phone in it.
Aaron.
How do you drink this
beverage of yours?
Shaken, not stirred.
Let it go!
Customer service how can I help?
This is Yevgeny speaking.
I can't seem to turn off
the phone in my belly.
Just a sec.
Why are you always
saying: "Just a sec?"
- Sir I'm asking you to calm down.
- Just a sec!
Sir I'm asking you
to calm down.
- Why all the time "Just a sec"?
- Here we go again...
Don't fight it, Aaron-man.
It's stronger than you.
Yevgeny, we'll
stay in touch.
Not in the surgery!
Haha! There was no
surgery, bitch!
Surgery.
Haim, Aaron is
trying to hurt...
You should answer it Haim.
Do you remember your
wedding proposal?
Yes.
You don't remember?
No.
Why did you say yes?
For a moment I
forgot who you were.
You know, I'm not
eighty anymore.
You've promised me
a life of honesty,
you got down on one
knee and asked:
"Would you like to
be my first wife?"
"Would you like to be the
mother to some of my children?"
Let's start a new chapter in
our lives as it should be.
Aaron, is everything OK?
20 seconds to activate
doomsday weapon.
Is something not right?
Aaron, there is something
I got to tell you.
Something is not right.
That day you got hit,
it wasn't your fault.
- 15 seconds.
- How do we get out of here.
- Aaron! Wall!
- Guy. I have no control over this.
- Ten...
- You're my friend and I love you,
- and because of me you got hit.
- Wow, seriously?
- Seven, six...
- You are like family to us.
- You're welcome to come by anytime.
- Call first.
Aaron-man. There is someone
waiting for you back home.
Stop confusing me! Two...
Goodbye. Robofriend.
I am Aaron Rahamim
from Giv'atayim.
Oh this is really
delicious.
Your chief got
his life back.
What are you doing?
Winning an Oscar.
I've fought the
wrong enemy.
Shuki, Shuki, Shuki.
You fools!
What is it?
A gift.
Hey, you aren't
coming with us?
No, our country
needs workers.
You'll go.
We will stay here and build
our homeland, brick by brick.
In Israel, you could
be foreign workers,
and build our homeland!
You're right. Bye.
Children, stop playing
with daddy's volume.
So where do you serve?
The military.
I'm next. I'm next.
- I'm next...
- Stop.
- Go on.
- I'm next...
- Stop.
- I'm next...
- Go on.
- I'm next...
The next torch will lit by
retiring chief of the Mossad,
- on his last day.
- This is me.
Snacks. Soft drinks.
Sponsored content.
There are real heroes
who should light
this torch.
In spite of that, I...
- What?
- Thank you!
I just wanted to
say that we won!
We're living in
a new world.
A world in which
collaboration
and mutual learning
are power.
A country that insists on
doing everything alone,
will weaken.
Let's build a better future!
Just like Herzl
built Herzliya
and just like John Lenon
built Leningrad.
It is this moment,
that we look for what
we have in common.
I have no idea what
you just said.
To the glory
that is Israel.
Haim, let's go home.
Ahh.
Ohh..
UUU.
Ouch.
Or in Hebrew, Aya.
TO BE CONTINUED...
Secret, yeah right.
But we're guards at
a bouncy castle.
Where am I supposed to find a bride?
Inside the castle?
She'll show up,
you will see.
All you need to do
is to act natural.
Be normal.
Alright.
Touch me one more time!
I saw you, I'm
watching you!
Watch it!
Where do you want it?
In the head? In the head?!
The man who invented the grocery
shop will lit the next beacon.
Dudi, from "Dudi's
grocery shop".
What?
- What what?
- Do you want one?
Make sure it doesn't drip.
So without Tehina.
Coming in or out?
We're incomers.
If you'll read one page
of the bible each day,
after one year you'll
get to page 365.
A pencil pusher's
life aren't so easy.
Here, together the
soldiers create...
A tea bag.
A shoe box.
Cup Noodles! What's not clear?
Cup Noodles with celery!
Why are you doing this?
Well, I always like to help poor,
desperate, developing countries,
and Israel is all three!
Why are we
interviewing you?
Character background.
When is my cast coming off?
In a month.
The perfect combination
between a man and a robot.
He doesn't take time
off, he doesn't get old.
And the first one had
to be my friend.
Actually, the first one
we made was Tom Cruise.
Bye-bye. Bye-bye.
Bye-bye.
Subtitles by explosiveskull
Leave us.
Not you.
You have no idea who
you're dealing with.
Aren't you Shuki?
The Mossad agent who
has been trying
to steal our nuclear plans?
So you do know who
you're dealing with.
You have got one
minute to tell me
who is trying
to rescue you!
Kanafeh, Ma'amoul!
Something exotic!
Matzah balls! Gefilte fish!
Kigel!
Agent Guy.
My true identity must
remain a secret.
Put this on, I know a
shortcut to your commander.
Oh no, we have company.
Quick, kiss me.
That one's always
kissing some agent.
Take your clothes off.
Listen, I know what
you're thinking,
but this isn't going to
work out between us.
This tunnel will take
you to your commander.
Why do you Israelis always
think you know best?
Because we do.
Hey! Ali Express!
It's much more fun to go
through the bad guys.
You're crazy!
Cotton candy, cotton candy.
Cotton candy, cotton candy.
The enemy is coming
your way, be prepared!
Cotton candy, cotton candy.
Welcome to our prison.
How many in your party?
Commander! We have
come to rescue you.
But tonight we have
a costume party.
Shuki, Shuki, Shuki.
I thought I would
never see you again.
You could always
look at pictures.
Quick, this is the
safest way out.
Can I?
Commander, I need to bring
you back in one piece.
Just so no one says that I didn't
do anything on this mission.
We have to go.
Guy! Guy! Wait!
Aaron, where are you?
Aaron?
I dropped a coin, but I
found it down there.
I'm here now.
Thief!
Thief!
Go! Go!
We did it!
Shuki, Shuki, Shuki.
Shuki, Shuki, Shuki, Shuki.
Are you guys nuts?
No!
The steering system
has a malfunction!
You're not going anywhere!
I told you the steering system
is still non-operational!
Shuki! Jump!
Use a power tool.
Come on!
Fire! Now!
I can't operate my rifle
without dropping Shuki!
Guy, let go of my hand!
It's the only way
you'll survive this.
Remember me as I was...
just a little thinner.
No!
"Agent search Demotion
Protocol activated"
"Senior agent, special
agent, field agent...
mall cop, guard
at bouncy castle"
THREE YEARS LATER...
Guy, I thought about it,
and I don't think we
should be together.
Guy, it's the veterinarian
calling about your dog,
he doesn't think you
should be together.
What's up Guy, you're not
answering, I'm coming up.
Also, switch to SMS,
answering machines only
exist in old movies.
Come in.
What's up, Guy?
What's that?
Cake.
Could be meat.
I think it was a cake.
Since the screw-up in Tunisia,
life has ended for the both of us.
Well not exactly, I got my wife,
you have nothing going on.
We can't talk about our
past and we have no future.
- What is left for us?
- Maybe you should go out on a date?
Since I left the organization I
lost my touch with the ladies.
Don't worry,
when god opens a window,
he closes two doors.
Let's find you a date.
Yeah, let's say that, I
take a girl out on a date
and she starts asking me
what do you do for a living?
What did you study?
What do I tell her?
I was once an assassin,
now I work as a security
guard at a bouncy castle?
- Let's do a simulation, hit on me.
- What?
Hi, my name is Dalit, I'm a young lady.
What is your name?
Look, I don't quite
like all of the...
You don't want me...
Ok, I have no money,
I have no respect
for myself.
And the senior agents
are making fun of you.
And the senior...
That's enough.
Come on, come on, be creative.
- It's a bar!
- It's a restaurant!
- It's a bar!
- No, it's a restaurant!
- No, it's a bar!
- Restaurant!
- Bar!
- Restaurant!
- It's a bar.
- It's a restaurant.
No, people drink
here, it's a bar.
People also eat here,
it's a restaurant.
But mostly drinking
so it's a bar!
They come here to eat,
it's a restaurant!
They're mostly come here to drink!
So it's a bar!
No, people eat here,
it's a restaurant!
Hello Abigail, I work
in a sausage factory.
What?
A demoted Mossad agent?
No, I work at a
sausage factory.
What can I get you?
Yes, grapefruit juice.
Addicted to the
hard stuff, huh?
Woman?
No, thanks, the
juice is enough.
They come here to eat!
It's a restaurant!
And what are they
doing afterwards?
Guy?
- Abigail!
- Hi!
Your picture online was...
No. In the picture
with the...
Yeah.
I googled you, and could
not find anything.
Are you a secret agent
or something like that?
What? No, no.
I managed a
sausage factory.
I mean it. I have a
few samples here.
Check it out. Here
is some Salami.
Don't you forget
why we are here.
Nothing happened,
everything is alright.
Did you...
Did you just hit someone?
The sausage industry
is a tough business.
Did you know that Salami
is the only food,
that even before you eat
it, it smells like burp?
Maybe he needs help?
Ah no, he's fine.
If you keep killing people
I'm not going out
with you anymore!
Wait a second! Wait!
We'll do things that
ordinary people do!
We'll take pictures
of our food!
Fighting again?
Sir, please take
a look at this,
you're going to forget everything
that has happened here.
Are you erasing my
memory with that?
No.
I'm smashing this bottle on your head.
Help me with this guy.
Excuse us. Excuse us.
Excuse us.
It's not good to keep
things inside, is it?
What are you doing?
I'm here to make sure there
won't be any mishaps.
Even if someone tries
to do something,
we have security cameras
all over the place.
And here.
With today's technology,
intelligence agencies are
a thing of the past.
Let's go home.
- Do you have any weapon on you?
- No.
They are children.
It will prepare them for
how cruel life can be.
Guy.
Pookie force.
Watch out for terrorists, they might
just punch a hole in your inflatables.
Or whatever.
The tech giant
Jack Sattelberg.
The world's biggest
smartphones manufacturer
just landed in Israel.
For the next 8 hours we
will repeat this sentence
in different phrasings.
Look at that beauty.
I like.
Haim! Have you met my wife?
Not this one.
I see you...
graduated high school!
How do you do?
I couldn't agree more with
what I've just heard.
Intelligence agencies are
a thing of the past!
How did you hear what
we were talking?
Your phones are constantly
collecting information.
There's no end to the amount of
information you can collect.
With today's technology, intelligence
agencies are a thing of the past.
Delete it! Delete it!
Excuse me, but...
This is the actual
phone that updates
all the artificial
intelligence of the world.
Actually, we're currently
working on something better.
Aey! Ai!
Exactly A.I.
Artificial Intelligence.
I'm for natural
intelligence.
Yes.
Excuse me.
Esteemed guests.
Mr. Sattelberg.
Invited guests,
uninvited guests.
And people who
didn't even show up.
Terrorism, it's like picking
your nose, it never ends.
He needs a diaper change.
I have to go to
the bathroom.
He's almost finished.
You are a true
friend of Israel
and as long as you
keep giving us money,
you will always be.
I'm sure this
special visit,
will turn into a waterfall
of collaborations.
What began as a dribble
in a cold puddle,
will grow into a mighty
flow of brotherhood.
We'll continue this
stream of trust.
- Now!
- Now.
And in when we're
done, we will shake.
Occupied!
I said, occupied!
And now for the Mossad's anthem
the crowd is asked to lip-sync.
♪ With grief we
shall cause hell.
♪ Every terrorist
and an enemy.
Jackie?
What did you eat?
Jackie?
Ladies and gentlemen,
kidnappers have taken
over the event.
Finally something
interesting.
There's nothing
to worry about,
you're in the hands of the
Israeli security forces.
Let's go home, Haim.
My husband! He's
been kidnapped!
We need back up.
We'll help you!
This is our chance
to make a come back.
Open up! Get out!
This vehicle is
confiscated.
- Why? Why?
- I'm coming with you.
You have children.
They are less experienced
than me, take me.
Shuki, Shuki, Shuki.
- Who are you?
- I run a sausage facto...
I'm an Mossad agent.
The name is Moran.
Guy Moran. Here is my card.
- It's blank.
- I'm a secret agent.
Ok.
This is Shuki Force speaking,
we're in pursuit of the suspect.
I repeat, Shuki Force speaking,
we're in pursuit of the suspect.
Eagle 1,
do you see him, over?
I don't.
Eagle 2,
do you see him, over?
Here is eagle 2 roger.
The kidnapper's truck just
went up Shazar avenue.
Highway 1 is busy for
traffic in both directions,
it's advised to take
the 443 highway.
Now we'll hear
the next tune.
Hey, what are you doing here?
How did you get here?
You drive!
Just so no one says that I didn't
do anything on this mission.
I'm going,
through the bad guys!
An accident is
going to happen!
Does anyone have a phone?
Not yet.
Now!
We have to abandon.
We're about to catch them.
- Jump.
- Just a sec.
Ouch.
Guy what's going on?
Are you all right?
I think he will make it.
Read all about it!
Billionaire, Jack Sattelberg
was kidnapped in Jerusalem.
Come in and put the
groceries in the kitchen.
One... two...
Three...
Agent Moran?
Jeez!
I need you.
Really?
To save my husband.
Why me?
When I was in trouble
you were there to help.
To help... sure, help.
It's so hot in here.
It's very, very hot.
You're cute.
I need a medic.
And I need your
special skills.
Are we friends?
I don't think you
want to be my friend
after what
happened to Aaron.
Who?
Aaron, he was a
true friend...
Like, like your brother,
like two sisters,
like five neighbors.
I do not think the chief of the
Mossad will let me back to the field.
Well, I have ways to
convince your chief
that you're the right
person for this mission.
Welcome to the
Israeli Knesset.
This in the Menora, made
by a German artist,
based on the arch
of Titus in Rome,
and at the gift shop
you can find a replica
that was made in China.
- It's Guy...
- It's Guy...
Indistinct muttering.
Yes, Mr. Prime Minister.
No, Mr. Prime Minister.
It won't get in without using
the cream, Mr. Prime Minister.
That was the
prime minister.
Let me get them.
20 years I've been holding off on
my retirement, keeping this job.
And for what?
On Independence Day,
to finally light a torch
on live television.
Since when does the chief
of Mossad light a torch?
Never and you know why?
Because there hasn't been a
single chief of the Mossad
who managed to
serve full term.
Everybody screwed up. Got fired.
Got into trouble.
Except me, not carrying out any actions.
Not initiating any operations.
I do nothing.
You're a perfect
chief of the Mossad.
What are you doing
with the terrorist?
I'm taking some work home.
So, let me catch them.
You will say just about anything that
will get you back in the organization.
I have the footage from
the security cameras.
THE KIDNAPPING OF SATTELBERG
No, no, no, no, no!
- But why?
- I'll tell you "why".
Everything you ever
touched had blown up...
- Haim, please.
- Don't touch me.
INCOMING CALL
Just what I needed now,
the Caribbean!
- What?
- The...
The Caribbean.
- Hello, Haim.
- Oh, Arnold.
- Where you hiding, Haim?
- What do you mean hiding?
The investigation
is moving so fast
I've got nothing to
do at the office.
Are you giving me the old
Caribbean backdrop trick?
What do you mean?
I'm on the beach.
What an insane beach.
Listen assholes.
I invented that trick.
In fact, I'm in the
Caribbean right now,
making people think
that I'm at work.
Show him, boys.
I'm reassigning the
mission to the CIA.
I'm sending...
agent Harris.
We know what we are doing.
Tell that crap to
your wife, not to me.
You know what?
I'm calling your wife.
No!
Quick, lend a hand!
- Haim?
- Rebecca?
Could it be that you
traveled abroad without me?
Can't you see that I'm
at the grocery store.
Did you want the
skim or whole milk?
And you're all alone?
At the grocery store?
What great deals, Huh?
Haim, what happened to us?
You work in espionage and that
requires a lot of facades.
But at home, I want honesty.
Come home, Haim.
We'll role play, you will
be the torch lighter,
and I will be the solider
accompanying you.
Agent Harris, no one knows
what he really looks like.
Master of disguise.
SOMEWHERE IN THE MIDDLE EAST
Then she put the
hummus in my coffee!
- Habibi.
- Ah?
We, your wives,
we all chipped in and got you
something to celebrate the wedding.
What surprise you have
got for me, Ms...
Linda.
Who came here from ...?
United States Of America.
The name is Harris.
You can call me
Agent Harris.
Linda, congratulations for
the successful mission.
One sec.
- Mission accomplished, sir.
- Great.
So, I've got good
news for you,
Jack Sattelberg has
been kidnapped!
I mean that's bad news,
and we're sad and stuff.
But the good news is
we're sending you immediately
on a mission to Israel.
In Israel, sir?
Ahh, and no selfies with
the tied-up guards.
The plan was a mission
in Milan, sir,
because of the terrorism,
and fashion week.
Not in that order.
You're breaking up.
I can't hear you.
You're breaking up.
You're breaking up.
I told her she
is breaking up.
How do you turn off
this damn thing.
You wanted Europe,
and they give you Isra...
SUJAIRA KIDNAPPERS LAIR
OPEN UNTIL 6 PM
I demand a UN representative,
and American rescue team!
And lip balm.
Lip balm you say.
Animals!
GOLDILOCKS AND THE THREE BEARS
There is no body?
- There is, there isn't.
- There isn't, there is.
- There is.
- There isn't.
So this funeral is
just a cover up.
My dear Aaron.
You always wanted to be buried
with your most precious stuff.
So here is your Waterman
pen you loved so much.
And here is the trophy you
won at the swimming contest.
And your crocs,
that you used to make noises
stepping in them at night
and I said you should have gotten
rid of them a long time ago.
And all these
notebooks you kept.
Why does anyone need to keep
coursework from second grade?
We are not a museum!
Karen, I'm really sorry.
You have the nerve to come here!
You know he was supposed to
celebrate his birthday this year?
I heard about your loss and
came to pay my respect!
- Linda Harris, sir, CIA.
- Linda, who?
Agent Harris.
Oh, I always believed
that Harris is a man.
You are really a
master of disguise.
If you want to light a torch,
you'd better cut it out.
I'm gonna need some
answers from you.
Yes, of course, answers,
answers, but later?
Next week. Hang tough.
- You are tough.
- Torch lighting.
Did you see how
I handled her?
If you take after me, you'll
end up just like I did.
They won't help you,
and you know it.
And you will?
I know the Mossad
inside out.
Well, well, going
for agent Harris?
Let's take a walk.
There are no girls left in Tunisia
that you picked up this one?
If someone was threatening or
sending him a ransom note,
we are sure to find it
in Sattelberg's room.
And you don't think the
Mossad already been there?
They wouldn't dare
breaking into his room.
I think this is
Sattelberg's suite.
What's that?
A souvenir I've borrowed
from the Mossad.
Sorry.
It's ok.
So here is another one.
Excuse me.
What are you doing?
I got you covered.
Anyone there?
Hello?
Mrs Sattelberg?
Guy? You sound muffled.
Take the handkerchief off.
I think someone
is in my room.
Did you check the closet?
Give us the password for
your phone, or else...
Watch it.
You stay here until you give
Dark Mind what he wants.
Dark who?
- You don't want to know.
- I want to know.
- You don't want to know.
- I want to know.
You don't want to know!
CHIEF OF THE MOSSAD
CONDUCTS AN URGENT MEETING
The media will ruin us.
Maybe we should
blame the Iranians.
CHIEF OF THE MOSSAD
TALKS ABOUT IRAN
In the meantime no one
talks to the press.
CHIEF OF THE MOSSAD: NO
ONE TALKS TO THE PRESS
Maybe it was the...
Syrians.
CHIEF OF THE MOSSAD
BLAMES SYRIA
Sorry. The Russians.
CHIEF OF THE MOSSAD
BLAMES RUSSIA
Ok, who is leaking
to the press?
Not only did they make
me work with that...
What a surprise!
I'm so glad to see
you're all here.
It was an emergency, so we all came
to the office but it's finished.
Why finished? I've
prepared a presentation.
There is a presentation.
We suspect that the kidnappers
came from this area.
That's just silly, can
you zoom in a little?
Wait, who are those guys?
We don't know who they are.
All we got was this
old archive photo.
They do not make them
like they used to.
Ethan, is there anything
else you didn't show her?
But take into consideration
these pictures are
hard to watch.
I told you it's a
bar, didn't I?
I told you it's a
bar, didn't I?
And who, who's laughing now?
Who's laughing now? Who?
Who had the last laugh?!
So, why did you ask
me to come here?
I just came from the Mossad,
and they are complete morons.
They really are.
But then I thought
maybe it's a ploy,
maybe they just want me to
think they're stupid...
They are very stupid!
I don't buy it. It's "stupidity
make believe" system.
They're smarter
than I thought.
So much whining.
It can't be,
it's the Mossad.
They truly are a
bunch of idiots.
I need you.
We need to work together.
If stupidity is a code you
can help me to decipher it.
You're lucky I'm too
stupid to be offended.
Linda Harris is here
with Guy.
What's going on, Guy?
Guy works for the CIA now.
Here's the confirmation
from Arnold.
Good thing you didn't bring
confirmation from your mom.
Just get inside already!
Come in to the lab and I will show
you, that you're unnecessary.
Open the door!
Let me get in!
Push, don't pull. Push!
Ah.
What have you
done to Aaron?
Chico, please.
Ladies and gentleman I'm very
pleased and proud to present to you
the new and improved Aaron.
Please welcome
Aaron-man!
Aaron-man!
The latest thing
in biocybernetics.
He has Night vision, X-ray
vision, goats vision.
Don't let this blue
metallic fool you,
Inside of Aaron-man
is the doomsday weapon.
- Aaron, do you hear me?
- He doesn't remember you.
We'll see.
Do you remember the mission
with the dwarfs in Libya?
Do you remember how we built
a snowman out of poop?
Aaron, to your room.
We taught him martial arts,
sailing, flying, goating.
Except for doors.
We still didn't get
to the door thing.
Even your gadgets are
copies from the CIA?
What's this, how do you
turn on the laser?
Laser?
Our is a gift lighter.
If you happen to go to a
friend's birthday party
and you forget a present,
you've got a lighter.
Well done, well done.
Aaron, Aaron! No, no!
He didn't try to hit me.
He is fine!
No!
You distract him, I'll
take out the motherboard.
- No, I will shut it down!
- Trust me!
Linda, please wait outside.
Nobody's supposed to
come here, not even me.
- Sigi.
- How are you doing, pretty boy?
What does the Mossad know about
the kidnapping of Sattelberg?
This information is classified
and you are not authorized.
Don't be sad. Maybe
a video of puppies?
Video of puppies my ass.
I'm on in.
Freeze image.
Guy, what are you doing
there with Sigi?
Unfortunately nothing.
Get out of there
right away.
Get me back on duty, I will
give you back Sattelberg.
Take a hike.
Who would you like to
invite to the hike?
If you screw this up, there won't
be any rank left to demote you to.
I owe this to Aaron.
Tough.
- Quiet, Sigi.
- Quiet, Sigi.
Ok, you have until Independent
Day to bring him back.
And one more thing,
operate Aaron,
I don't want to
lose him again.
Give him what he wants.
Pay attention, to our next product
this glorious washing machine
Antiochus model W5748
- This washing machine...
- What have they done to you?
...comes with a beautiful white
finish of stainless steel.
It has seven simultaneously
working programs,
look how beautiful she is.
Look how stunning she is.
This machine has an LCD that
shows duration of washing cycle
and has an AAA
energy ranking.
Do you know who
manufactures the phones
that you built your
empire on Mr. Sattelberg?
- I do.
- Yes, but who builds them for you?
We do, Mr. Sattelberg.
We do.
You are a third world
terrorist organization.
For you maybe we're
third woooorld.
- Third world.
- That's exactly what I said.
Third woooorld.
- Third
- Third...
- World
- Wooorld.
- Never mind.
- Never mind.
But for us this is home.
What?
- Flashback.
- Ah.
Life in Sugiria used
to be so simple.
Every morning, my sister would
wake me up with coffee.
When you realized we
were cheap labor,
you started moving your
American factories here.
When do we have a break?
In an hour.
I think.
Go back to work!
Come on! Come on!
Stop the machines!
Stop the machines!
Stop the machines!
Stop the machines!
Stop the machi...
Mujidra! Mujidra!
Mujidra!
I lost my sister
and my homeland.
But then we realized that
each phone had this in it.
So we packed every plastic
motherboard with explosives.
When it hardens,
it's indistinguishable
from regular plastic.
And there are seven billion phones
like these around the wooorld.
- World.
- Yes.
You wanted bigger phones,
you got bigger bombs.
Why did you kidnap me?
I want you to send
the special update
to every phone
in the wooorld.
World.
- Billions will die!
- Yes, I know.
- You're insane!
- Thank you, you're very kind.
What's the password?
I said, what's
the password?
What's the password?
Mr. Sattelberg, your wife
asked you to call her.
Ah, thanks.
Hey!
Sigi...
Sigi is busy now.
I'm not busy, since it's
never going to work.
Not when we have
guests, all right?
Ok, solve it
between yourself.
Sigi, shouldn't have the kidnappers
already made ransom demands?
Based on 60 kidnaps and
800 movies, you're right.
Why aren't they asking for a
ransom for Mr. Sattelberg?
It looks like Sattelberg has
something bigger than money.
Who was he talking
to at the ceremony?
This is the actual phone that
updates all the A.I. of the world.
All the phones in the world?
How much?
According to UN data,
there are 8 billion phones
per 7 billion people.
More phones than people.
- It looks like a nice ratio.
- Quiet Sigi.
Are you silencing women?
- Sigi, change to male profile.
- I'm on it.
What's up?
- Shut up!
- Shut up you, two bastards!
Who do you think
you are, uh?!
No, he can't talk to me!
Like that?!
He is a computer,
he is not worth it.
So called agent...
Hello?
- Thank you, Mr. Sattelberg.
- But no, no, no!
Let's make them understand
how serious we are
before we present
our demands.
Is it not working
for you either?
Cellular phones are shutting down
one by one, all over the world.
On line is our reporter that will
explain the situation, hello?
Hello... hello?
The abrupt intermission of the phone
interrupts the cognitive consciousness...
I'm standing here and I
see this phenomenon,
unfolding in front
of my very eyes,
and these emotions can very
often lead to violence.
2 minutes without phones.
That will do for now.
They decided to give up.
We won.
They are just demonstrating
their capabilities.
Ugh, these terrorists.
Think they are
going to beat us.
but not on my watch.
You heard?
Not on my watch.
Haim, I want to
change my shift.
Please take me to...
Oh, you need to get to the Mossad?
No problem.
Guy.
Guy.
Guy?
Agent Moron?
We've found this chick
outside the building.
She was screaming:
"Guy, Guy."
- Guy!
- Sharon!
That's fine, let her in.
You can leave. Thanks.
I need to talk to
you in private.
Oh Guy. I'll do anything
to help my husband.
Anything?
Anything.
Even this?
Wow.
You really would
do anything.
I know what you
think about me
and I think exactly the
same thing about you.
That I have great tits.
I probably come across
as a shallow woman
whose with Jackie
just for his money.
So, why are you together?
He's geeky, it's cute.
No kidding.
Whatever I did
I did to protect my
husband from his enemies.
From blackmail, extortion.
Do you think it's fun, spending
every night in someone else's bed?
Screaming and moaning,
moaning and screaming,
over and over.
Can you imagine that, Guy?
Yeah.
What the hell is this?
A combination of
a machine and...
Jewish person.
Ah?
It's the last person
who saw your husband.
If Jackie were here,
he'd find a way to combine
your technology and his
and find himself.
Combine Sattelberg's
technology
with technology
of the Mossad.
You were really good
friends, weren't you?
Updating.
Aaron!
Call Linda!
Put me on speaker.
You pick a color
and a number
and it can tell
you the future.
Got it.
Guy found a way to combine
Sattelberg's technology with Aaron-man
in order to locate
the kidnappers!
Come on!
Aaron-man.
He's...
learning.
FRENCH FOR ADVANCED LEARNERS
Are your parents home? I came
to fix the washing machine.
Please come in.
So many memories.
I have a dream!
The Temple Mount
in custody!
Frankly, my dear,
I don't give a damn.
May the Force
be with you.
LOVING THE KITCHEN
What does it mean you
operate Aaron-man that...
Aaron, do you remember me?
Guy.
You were a person,
with your own mind.
50% OFF WASHER
No, this is not cool.
Later.
The day of the kidnapping,
the people you saw,
Can you locate their
phone signature?
I'm giving him access to CIA
database, Interpol and...
Netflix.
Maybe he can tell us
where Sattelberg is.
He is searching on all the
phones around the world
for the required
information.
Later.
Can someone please fix
that clock already!
It's working! It's working!
The kidnappers belong
to RBG organization,
which means,
REALLY BAD GUYS.
LEVEL OF CLASSIFICATION 1
Sattelberg is here?
No, silly. That's
just a map.
You know, this is usually
the part of the mission
where the male agent and
the female agent...
Back at the lab when
your friend went crazy,
why didn't you trust me?
I trusted Aaron,
and what happened?
He crashed into a bridge, and the
lab turned him into a robot.
They saved his life,
not the soul.
Crashing into a bridge and
turning into a robot.
That could happen
to anyone.
Don't you have a family?
Family?
My parents died
in a marathon.
One day
they binged watched The
Simpsons without a break.
The neighbors found their
bodies after season 14.
Shuki, a friend
of my dad's,
recruited me
into the Mossad.
He said I could
fight bad guys.
And get girls.
Not necessarily
in that order.
Sometime you have to fight
girls and get bad guys.
So, you're alone too.
In our profession, you know,
you keep to yourself.
Expensive perfume?
Crap you don't need?
OK. Got it. Goodbye.
And what about you? Do
you have a boyfriend?
I tried to get one but,
every time they asked me
what I do for living
I kept saying I...
- run a sausage factory.
- Run a sausage factory.
Just when I thought
I lost my touch.
I found the one.
Yeah.
Who knows me.
Who doesn't want to
sleep alone anymore.
I don't want to sleep
alone anymore.
It's a matter of time until
Sattelberg dumps her.
What?
Sharon.
All the skydivers for Sugiria
please get ready for to jump.
Put your parachute on!
Darn it, the
freakin' parachute.
Do you have another one?
You don't have a parachute.
I have. At home.
You're crying.
I never cry.
I have allergies.
Use eye drops.
I did. I'm allergic
to eye drops.
LANDING POINT
Becca, did you send
me a blank SMS?
- Yes.
- Why?
Because I have nothing
to say to you.
You're not listening, I'm solving
this crisis and coming back home.
What crisis? I'm listening.
And don't give
me any excuses.
A terror organization has taken
over all phones around the world
and turned them off
for 2 minutes.
Goodbye Haim.
I have to go.
Don't look at me,
I'm divorced.
After this I will go
back to the field.
And I'll be
assigned to Milan.
And I will get a heart.
There are three
professional armed guards.
The rest are just friends
of the producer.
We'll break in at midnight.
Good night.
Ok, look I'm sorry.
I don't know what I did,
but let's just shake hands and
move on to my next mistake.
Good night.
We should spoon.
You never know when a terrorist
would pop out of the bushes.
Can you please
just shut up?
Hey!
There's a terrorist here!
Yeah, I'm sure.
Turn to me when I tell you.
What?
Are you insane? You
could kill me!
Trust me!
Now!
Who's your leader?
He's known as Dark Mind.
Dirty Mind?
Dark Mind!
In addition to being evil
he's also a pervert?
He's not so smart
your friend.
Thank you.
But I tired him
for you, yes?
Sure.
Agent Harris.
I've got good news. The whole
world thinks we're losers.
I mean that's bad news.
That's sad and stuff.
But there's a
change of plans!
I need you to
save Sattelberg.
Not the Israeli.
But you approved a
joint operation.
We can't let Israel
save the world.
Hey, hello, I made
you tired right?
Look, Guy's method
might be strange
but he is my partner.
Do you know who
this guy is?
He's a serial foul up, and
he's outlived his usefulness.
Now leave him there.
Do that, and I'll
assign you to Milan.
If we betray him like this,
it will be against
everything we stand for.
Are you listening to me,
or playing on your phone?
Hello?
Ah? You follow orders,
agent Harris!
Otherwise, don't
bother coming back.
We'll talk about that
when you come back.
Sir, I'm not coming back.
Wait! No, no!
Guy! You have to hear this.
Darn!
Hello?
Hi.
Is this the RBG
organization?
- Yes. This is the guard speaking.
- Great.
Could I speak to all
the guards, please?
- They're not here right now.
- I see.
Could you go and
get them, please?
- They're on patrol, so.
- It's urgent.
Uh, ok, I'll see
what I can do.
Wait, wait, wait.
How urgent is it?
Very.
Attention, all guards.
Attention, all guards.
Please come down
to the main gate.
There's an urgent phone
call for all of you.
Mr. Sattleberg, sir. Uh?
Oh great, let's
get out of here.
It was both our mission.
"Do you know who
this guy is?
He's a serial foul up!"
If you heard me out, you'd
know that I decided to...
She decided!
Just like an American, to think
the whole world belongs to you!
Excuse me, I...
You don't believe me?
I was the one who got
you back in action.
I was the one who
got you to Sugiria.
"I, I, I"!
Don't you ever
think about me?
Guys?
You know why you're alone?
Because just like Israel,
you blame the whole world for
your vexatious troubles!
I don't know those words!
Not in the surgery.
Excellent, just excellent.
Guy Moran and Linda
Biton Harris
destroying each other.
Destroying?
Excellent?
Biton?
Thank you, Sattelberg,
for bringing us Guy.
We don't need you anymore.
We will try and remember
you the way you were.
Just maybe a
little thinner.
Shuki?
Who the hell is Shuki?
Congratulations, Guy.
Commander.
What are you doing here?
Yes Guy, it's me, Shuki.
And I use a wheel chair because
it gives a dramatic effect.
Also because we got it for free
from the Red Cross.
Quick Guy, shoot him! That's
more important than my life!
Go ahead. Kill me,
just like you left me
to die in Tunisia.
Make sure he is not armed.
Shuki. Come home with us.
Shuki force needs his
commander back in action.
Aha Guy,
I used to be like you once.
Up until that day where you
left me fall into the gorge.
Wait, wait, wait, what?
You decided to jump!
Because I thought you'd
come back for me.
You know what's incredible,
those that rescued me,
were the Sugirians.
A convoy of Sugirian
smartphone dealers
found me without
any memory.
They gave from the
little they had.
Then they took me with them
from Tunisia to Sugiria.
When I began remembering
who I am, I was ashamed.
You created all this.
And you created me, when you
threw me into the gorge.
But you created me, when
you were my commander.
No, you created me when you
threw me into the gorge.
- You created me.
- No. You created me.
- You created me.
- No. You created me.
- You created me!
- You created me!
- You created me!
- You created me!
Silence!
"There is no greater regret
than the one which is useless".
Oliver Twist?
You guys are not big
book readers, huh?
- I saw the movie.
- Harry Potter.
- Twilight.
- Goosebumps.
We didn't know
you were alive.
Did anyone even bother
to look for me?
This is how you give up
government employee's 401K?
9400 shekels,
taking over the world.
I grew up on a farm,
I've seen how technology
replaces people,
in cowsheds, and
in chicken coops.
I'm just, saving you
from yourselves.
It's time.
What?
It's time.
Time. Ah, yeah. What?
It is time.
The time, isn't... now it is...
It is now the time.
Phone call from...
Sugiria.
This is the RBG
organization.
How stupid of you
to send us agents.
If you want to see
Mr. Sattelberg alive again
You'll do exactly
what we tell you.
Did you send a tape?
What? No. What tape?
People usually send a video
to prove that you
really have the person.
This is the video, I am the video.
You're watching it right now,
this is the video.
I just think, if you
were really serious
you'd send a proper tape.
It's basic. We have
seen all the movies.
He says we need
to send a tape.
So tape it now and
show it later.
Talk!
Dear world. I confirm that
I am in the hands of the RBG
For years the west
has been exploiting
the people of the
third world.
They would built a
phone for one cent,
and you sold it
for 700 dollars.
Unless you pay the people
of the third world,
700 dollars times
7 billion phones,
Minus one cent for each
phone, you've already paid.
That comes to...
Four zibillion, eight hundred
ninety nine thousand
nine hundred thirty
three dollars.
The capitalist west has 6 hours
to pay us back the money.
Or every smartphone
will blow up.
The whole woooorld
is rigged to blow.
- World.
- Wooooorld.
- Nevermind.
- Nevermind.
You brought it
on yourselves.
Could you say all
that on tape?
What tape? What
century are you from?
Where can you even
get tapes anymore?
So how do we know
it happened today?
People usually hold up
a copy of today's paper.
- Don't they?
- Totally.
Shut up! Shut up!
What's wrong with you?
Who buys newspapers anymore?
You're making a mistake.
Charlie! Finch!
He's really gonna...?
Exactly.
I can't watch this.
Shuki, come home with us!
Don't call me Shuki!
Now my name
is Hrabdlinghamgangendang!
What?
Herbdlingenjumbegendang!
- Jammgingang.
- Jambangang.
Great. Come home
with us, Slambang.
I'm most surprised
by you, Guy.
The system forgot about
you like it did with me.
But they built the Shuki
memorial, in your honor.
On television they counted
the days you were missing.
Instead of naming
places after me,
couldn't you just
look for me?
But we did,
we searched the
world using...
Sattelberg's satellites.
Sattelberg blocked the
communications with the Mossad,
to hide the fact that
Shuki was still alive.
That's not true.
You're blaming the
wrong Sattelberg!
Sharon? What are
you doing here?
You still don't
get it, do you?
I am Mujidra Markuk
from Sugiria!
Bob Marley is trimming
in his grave.
Sister?
That day, at the factory,
my brother asked them to
shut down the machines,
but a machine makes more money,
than a simple factory worker.
That was the day I decided
to take revenge on the west.
Jackie said, his
money would all go
to ease the suffering
of the third world.
So I took care
of that for him.
How I have waited
for this day,
I even went to
overacting school.
We are transferring the sum
of five zibllion dollars,
to the Sugirian
national bank.
Please, don't
take our phones.
You See? The world is saved.
Justice is done.
And now we will stop the
destruction of the world.
Abort phone destruct
sequence phase one.
Abort... phase...
What he said, phase two...
Yeah! Yeah!
I don't think so.
She's lost control.
Did you really believe
I'd stop here?
Brother, take
care of the rest!
Come on!
Yeah! Yeah!
This is not over yet.
This is the end
of the world.
Look at you, a failed Mossad
agent, and his frustrated commander.
It seems too easy.
Lock them up.
Now we just sit and watch
the birth of our new world.
- Why did you ask me here?
- Soon, you'll understand everything.
It's either me or her.
Commander? We need you...
Shouldn't you be at...?
The hell with the world.
Mademoiselle,
the Mossad is proud
to present you
your dinner.
- But you've already got the money!
- That's democracy for you!
A leader comes along, gains
the support of the people.
Then forgets the people
who voted for him
and gets rich at
their expense.
You and I, we are the same.
Yeah,
we're both called Guy,
except you're not.
Witty.
Join me and be a
winner for a change.
Oh, seems like
you fell in love
with the least popular
girl in the class.
Kill them.
That'll teach them
a lesson for next time.
Yes!
I'm surrounded by amateurs.
You tried to betray me,
and look where it got us.
I resigned from the CIA.
Wait!
You were right.
I need to renounce Israel.
9,400 Shekel,
ruling the world.
Tough decision.
You're playing with fire.
For starters,
kill her. Prove who's
side you're on.
As usual. The winning side.
Trust me.
Wait!
Now!
- Try to stop the countdown.
- Try to stop the countdown.
- I'll catch her!
- I'll catch her!
This will help us
to stay in touch.
- Hey, Guy?
- Yes?
I just wanted you to know.
I think you're
a really good spy.
Thank you.
Find anything?
All I found is shit.
Killing me?
That's your plan?
Killing you is too easy.
We're going to
keep you alive,
just to see your chief
and partner die!
He's in the fallout
shelter by now.
Along with the
doomsday weapon.
You introduced the trigger yourself,
when you put a phone in it.
Aaron.
How do you drink this
beverage of yours?
Shaken, not stirred.
Let it go!
Customer service how can I help?
This is Yevgeny speaking.
I can't seem to turn off
the phone in my belly.
Just a sec.
Why are you always
saying: "Just a sec?"
- Sir I'm asking you to calm down.
- Just a sec!
Sir I'm asking you
to calm down.
- Why all the time "Just a sec"?
- Here we go again...
Don't fight it, Aaron-man.
It's stronger than you.
Yevgeny, we'll
stay in touch.
Not in the surgery!
Haha! There was no
surgery, bitch!
Surgery.
Haim, Aaron is
trying to hurt...
You should answer it Haim.
Do you remember your
wedding proposal?
Yes.
You don't remember?
No.
Why did you say yes?
For a moment I
forgot who you were.
You know, I'm not
eighty anymore.
You've promised me
a life of honesty,
you got down on one
knee and asked:
"Would you like to
be my first wife?"
"Would you like to be the
mother to some of my children?"
Let's start a new chapter in
our lives as it should be.
Aaron, is everything OK?
20 seconds to activate
doomsday weapon.
Is something not right?
Aaron, there is something
I got to tell you.
Something is not right.
That day you got hit,
it wasn't your fault.
- 15 seconds.
- How do we get out of here.
- Aaron! Wall!
- Guy. I have no control over this.
- Ten...
- You're my friend and I love you,
- and because of me you got hit.
- Wow, seriously?
- Seven, six...
- You are like family to us.
- You're welcome to come by anytime.
- Call first.
Aaron-man. There is someone
waiting for you back home.
Stop confusing me! Two...
Goodbye. Robofriend.
I am Aaron Rahamim
from Giv'atayim.
Oh this is really
delicious.
Your chief got
his life back.
What are you doing?
Winning an Oscar.
I've fought the
wrong enemy.
Shuki, Shuki, Shuki.
You fools!
What is it?
A gift.
Hey, you aren't
coming with us?
No, our country
needs workers.
You'll go.
We will stay here and build
our homeland, brick by brick.
In Israel, you could
be foreign workers,
and build our homeland!
You're right. Bye.
Children, stop playing
with daddy's volume.
So where do you serve?
The military.
I'm next. I'm next.
- I'm next...
- Stop.
- Go on.
- I'm next...
- Stop.
- I'm next...
- Go on.
- I'm next...
The next torch will lit by
retiring chief of the Mossad,
- on his last day.
- This is me.
Snacks. Soft drinks.
Sponsored content.
There are real heroes
who should light
this torch.
In spite of that, I...
- What?
- Thank you!
I just wanted to
say that we won!
We're living in
a new world.
A world in which
collaboration
and mutual learning
are power.
A country that insists on
doing everything alone,
will weaken.
Let's build a better future!
Just like Herzl
built Herzliya
and just like John Lenon
built Leningrad.
It is this moment,
that we look for what
we have in common.
I have no idea what
you just said.
To the glory
that is Israel.
Haim, let's go home.
Ahh.
Ohh..
UUU.
Ouch.
Or in Hebrew, Aya.
TO BE CONTINUED...
Secret, yeah right.
But we're guards at
a bouncy castle.
Where am I supposed to find a bride?
Inside the castle?
She'll show up,
you will see.
All you need to do
is to act natural.
Be normal.
Alright.
Touch me one more time!
I saw you, I'm
watching you!
Watch it!
Where do you want it?
In the head? In the head?!
The man who invented the grocery
shop will lit the next beacon.
Dudi, from "Dudi's
grocery shop".
What?
- What what?
- Do you want one?
Make sure it doesn't drip.
So without Tehina.
Coming in or out?
We're incomers.
If you'll read one page
of the bible each day,
after one year you'll
get to page 365.
A pencil pusher's
life aren't so easy.
Here, together the
soldiers create...
A tea bag.
A shoe box.
Cup Noodles! What's not clear?
Cup Noodles with celery!
Why are you doing this?
Well, I always like to help poor,
desperate, developing countries,
and Israel is all three!
Why are we
interviewing you?
Character background.
When is my cast coming off?
In a month.
The perfect combination
between a man and a robot.
He doesn't take time
off, he doesn't get old.
And the first one had
to be my friend.
Actually, the first one
we made was Tom Cruise.
Bye-bye. Bye-bye.
Bye-bye.
Subtitles by explosiveskull