Mortuary Blues (1990) - full transcript

The rays of the moon bring a coven of female zombies back to life. A special police squad is assigned to stop them.

They always say reap what you sow.

300 years ago your village's ancestor...

...killed all the soldiers on board of a ship,

and took away all the Treasures of the Emperor

All of You,

who live on the loot have to pay back...

...and suffer in tragedy, no one can escape.

Apart from those ghosts soldiers...

...you also have the wrath of Shih Huang Ti
whose corpse was on that ship.

At that time, he had been waken up once.

Luckily, he had been weighed down
by a magic sword.



But the curse,

that was made by the death
3 centuries ago...

...is to be fulfilled now.

What do you mean, Priest?

A good pomelo doesn't sink, nor does good rice.

Village Elder, with angry souls haunted,
bad things will happen.

An opera show on the death anniversary

may keep those evil spirits at bay.

Well then, we'll proceed accordingly.

Hsiang, why aren't you in bed? Go to sleep.

It's very late now.

Be a good boy and sleep tight.

I'll take you to shop in Hong Kong tomorrow.

Close your eyes now,



or I won't take you out then.

Put down the pig cage.

After Tsung died,

we've been taking care of you & your son.

I'm now punishing you

not because you flirt with other men.

But you leaked our village secrets to outsiders.

What have you got to say now?

Granduncle,

please take care of my son
for the sake of Tsung.

Uncle Piao, he's that tramp's man!

Tomorrow, you go and get some money
from the Rural Committee.

And find someone in HK to finish him off.

We the 3 families of Yang,
Li, Chien now all count on you!

Good.

Chia-shu

Yes, Uncle Piao?

Do a clean job with the dead body
of Tsung's wife.

To avoid the suspicion of

that nosy policeman Shih.

Don't worry.

Is he still digging
at the back slope?

No, his assistant, Chen Lung-shih's doing it.

What is he up to?

Good.

Will you go with me to HK after work, Hua?

Sorry, I've to cook soup for Shih.

Him, again?

What has he got that attract you?

It's him!

Shin?

Do your village grow drugs for trafficking?

What?

We're so rich, we don't need to do that!

Seems it's too rich without anyone working. Why?

Seems it's too rich without anyone working. Why?

Either you involve in drugs or prostitute
business

Proof?

You talk tough now,

but Shih will interrogate you in a minute.

Don't threaten me. There are laws in Hong Kong.

Touch my hair and I'll sue you!

And take down your police station.

Sir!

You really want to take down my police station?

Yes, don't ever let me out if you've the guts.

Once out, I'll sue you for illegal detention.

Well, I will never let you out then.

Creep!

Where the drugs are grown?

Are you out of your mind?

I'll beat your wits out!

- Come on and confess?
- I've no ideal

No? Confess now?

Confess it!

I don't know.

Creep!

What a nightmare!

Now even running out of matches. Finance us!

There are only 3 persons in this police station.

Hua

Yes?

What soup you boiled today?

I am playing mahjong today.

I'm rushing for the next ferry to HK.

Leaving behind two cigarette stays for me?

You're definitely the worst policeman.

Sir, we've find some new info

we found...

I'm off!

Sir, you're right!

They do grow drugs there

Look, it's marijuana?

Let me smell it.

There are many of these plants at the back slope.

I've never seen such a breed.
Go in and taste it.

Sir, I've got diarrhea now,
after tasting for seven times.

That ancient Chinese doctor
tried hundreds more.

Now, get in.

Sir, it's not fair.

You will get bad luck.

That serious?

Why not? It's bought with the money
from drug-trafficking.

Have you got any tip-off?

Yes, a ship named Harvest Theatrical

The troupe is disembarking.

Offloading many cases.

Do you know what I mean, Sir?

Those must be costumes.

Even a moron knows that.

No, the troupe could be a cover-up.

Drug-trafficking is the real name of the troupe

All those cases are drugs, Idiot!

Next time come straight to the point
when speaking to me.

Shameful on you!

Sorry Sir!

Tell Chen Lung-shin to come here.

Where's he?

He's testing this new thing inside.

This is Snake Gall herb, it's extremely poison!

I feel so exciting!

Hi Master! Do you think fate puts us together?

Piss off!

Why are you doing this to me?

To remind you that female
lead roles are getting lesser.

You can never get her star role.

Or may be wait till she retires at 80.

Don't look down on me.

You never know.

Well then, pray that she got strike by lightning

and you'll take her place, idiot!

Miss.

Master.

Miss, are you going to the temple?

You bastard!

Why?

Still mad at your wife, Mei?

I found a love letter in her pocket.

I'll kill her if I've got proof she has
an affair.

Forget the proof, just Kill her.

I feel so sorry for you.

Spring breeze bring life to old trees.

How can I, young and vigor
resist the temptation?

Mr. Lin, what's this word?

- Cheng.
- Cheng? Cheng Cheng Daily.

Mr. Lin, you look excited.

I might as well tell you.

Excited is hardly the word.

You should say in a flirty mood.
Understand?

Yes, you mean looks on the face too.

Right! What do you prefer?

Girls or trainers?

Girls.

Dirty boy. Why?

I outgrow for trainers, but not for girls.

Ma, you're chatting again, not studying!

Lin, I paid you to teach my son,

not to chat with him.

Yesterday I asked him how to pronounce Dad.

He said Gorilla. How did you teach him?

Not my fault! He's a bad memory
and can't get it.

If he's good,

then he doesn't need a tutor!

How's he getting on in English?

When our troupe go aboard,

we need him to guide us.

Ma, show me what

he's taught you.

Oh, your father is a fat pig!

What does that mean?

A compliment, it means Thank you.

Good.

Teach him more.

Ma, this is nice!

Of course! You bastard!

What does that mean?

It means Certainly!

Your father is a fat pig!

No, should be, your father is a fat pig!

You have a good memory

Of course! You bastard!

You bastard

Ma, I'll teach you something new today

What?

My father is a bastard!

Go now!

Come out.

Don't feel shame, go now.

Permit me to leave.

Eudemonia

Who's that?

Male leading role, Ping.

Please help to keep him away from me

That's easy!

Sister.

So are you pregnant.

Who's pregnant?

- Have an abortion.
- Sister...

What? You think Master be responsible?

Master!

Right, that old jerk did it

since he got dumped.

He raped Chiu every day.

How do you know so much about him?

I'm the one who dumped him.

You must thank me for your staring lead role.

If I didn't turned him down.

I wouldn't have become a mere extra.

Master.

Oh, I didn't mean it. I am sure you won't mind.

Was I ever dumped by you?

No, you dumped me.

Did you rejected me?

Never. I'd have jumped at your word.

Stop dreaming. I have better taste.

Don't disparage me.

I may not be a beauty,
but I'm a sweet eighteen

- Still eighteen?
- Add 2 years.

No way!

I shaved 10 years off from your oath.

Don't tell anyone!

So what?

No man will pick you up even you fall down.

- Master, didn't you help me up?
- Yes, I did.

Where do you come from?

The Police Station.

Are you a yamen offical?

No, I'm a policeman.

Police.

Police!

What's wrong?

Good!

Police.

A policeman wrapped up liked that?

I am here for...

I've fallen in love.

We...

Great!

Miss, are you alright?

Love is sweetness after bitterness.

Are you OK? Get up!

I'm Shin Chun, the sergeant in this village.

That one gazing at her chest is my assistant,

3301 Sergeant Li Ching-wen.

My nickname is Big Bertha.

That one has his head wrapped up
is my No.2 assistant Chen Lung-shih.

Us three take care of the security here.

Just let us know if you have any trouble.

Are you an foreigner?

Do I look like a foreigner?

How come your eyes and face are green then?

I don't want to.

If you ever make trouble or break the law,

we will never let you get away.

Nothing can be hidden from us.

We've a tip-off of why

you come here to perform.

Tip-off?

You don't believe?

Don't!

Don't burst it!

Stay where you are!

Is your chest alright?

I hurt my finger.

Only a bruise!

But that kick on your chest...

Let me have a look at it!

My chest doesn't hurt, my finger does.

Pain on fingers go right to the heart!
Let me take a closer look!

Keep away, sex maniac.

You understand me well already
we've just met.

Master, she's seducing!

Tramp!

You dare to fight in front of me.

What's up?

Don't tell him for the sake of our troupe.

Something's wrong with this troupe
as I expected.

Master, don't worry.

Bad reputation hurts business.

Confess, or come with me to the station.

Are you going to confess?

Don't worry.

I'll call my lawyer to come right away.

You'll be released the latest tomorrow.

Fuck you! You bastard!

You threaten me?

That's a compliment, I've just leant it.

A compliment?

3301, arrest this woman.

You're so nice to me. Let's go home.

No, we'll go back to the police station.

Chen Lung-shih, take him along.

How about my opera tonight?

Do you want me to contact Chu Feng Ming? Go!

Where's the leading actresses?

Beg me, and I'll help you.

Ok, you'll be the star tonight.

Master, I was only joking.

I was only joking. Let me play it.

Beg me and I'll let you play the role.

What do you want to listen to?

Michael Jackson.

Great!...

You did well with your spear today.

Thank you.

You've your wish fulfilled,
but my wish is not.

What are you thinking of now?

Thinking?

No, we are going to action.

How?

I met a foreign inspector today.

It's not bad to emigrate to Bangladesh.

- Is Bangladesh in the U.S.?
- Yes.

Have you fixed everything?

Your girlfriend lie to you?

There isn't any building, let alone pagodas.

It is not easy for Hsiu
to steal the treasure map.

She would not lie.

Plum blossoms in the south of the village.

Water keeps dripping from the rocks.

Mists and clouds rise up the high mountains.

Flowing water from the south of the village.

A song?

You only knows Karaoke! Useless!

Listen,

the 1st couplet guides you to the pagoda.

The last one shows you how to open sesame.

Understand?

Why didn't they simply draw up a map?

The idea is to keep it a secret,

$0 no one knows it's a treasure map!

Open up the door.

A stomach-ache again?

What is wrong with you?

Must be the food tonight.

- Wait, I can't hold on.
- A stomach-ache too?

Yes

How could you two make together?

How could you two make together?

My ass is small.

Master, it's OK with me, but not with you.

You can go in now.

Don't close the door. Let's make together.

What's wrong with you? All over my feet now.

I couldn't help it.

A small ass is an asset.

Make a move if you like her.

I can't. She thinks I am a foreigner.

You hood your head, that's why she doesn't know.

Chen Lung-shih, come with me to the theater.

Yes, sir.

Here it is.

We're lucky.

Go down.

This emblem is the entrance.

Really?

Bring the hoe here.

We're lucky.

Let's go together to find the priest.

It really looks like Rebecca.

So he know I'm the White Snake?

Seven persons together?

No more space.
Go take a shit at the manure bridge.

Manure Bridge.

- You know where Manure Bridge is?
- Over there.

Move away the obstructing root of the big tree.

Make room for me.
I can't hold on any longer!

What? It's all over my head.

Ghost!

Sorry!

How strange, Sir!

I watched them all night
and they were all defecating.

Defecating or wiping it off.

One finished and another followed.

What do you think, sir?

Something wrong with the droppings.

Right, I'll go and get some shit for a test.

- Well done.
- Yes.

Great!...

The priest is here.

Shit, I must go to the toilet.

What are you doing?

What kind of order line shall we use now?

No idea. Be flexible.

Take it as she's mediating.

Oh, no, labor pains!

Could be a set-up.

I'm going to give birth.

How can a White Snake gives birth?

She got mixed up the role.

Ching, I'm going to give birth.

Hold on, Miss.

Miss, wait for me.

I can't, it's coming.

Can't you hold on for a few more minutes.

It'll be a mess if I waited any longer.

Come here. I'll tell you something.

I need to shit.

- Really?
- It's welling out.

Yes?

Any second.

Fix things up at once.

Just, keep calm.
I'll come out when I am done.

No, I mean after the delivery.

Make way, I need it urgently.

At this very moment?

I need the toilet too. Take my place.

Ghost!

- What now?
- I don't know.

What a relief!

I feel dizzy. Come back quickly, sister.

Where are they?

Doing the same thing as you did.

Go out and surrender to the pagoda,

or die.

- Uncle Sheng, as I said, you never know.
- Right!

Ching.

Ching, I'm back.

Good,

or I can't hold on any longer.

You bloody monk, this time, I'll fight with

you...

What are you up to again, Miss?

- I guess it's twins.
- Are you sure?

- I'm going to give birth again.
- Wait!

Me too... I must deliver.

Why so many childbirths?

- Possessed?
- What's wrong?

What are you doing?

I have to give birth again.

Are you pregnant?

Frankly, I've already been sleeping
with the Master.

So, now I'm pregnant.

Priest, where are you going again?

To give birth too.

A monk gives birth? What's wrong?

Nonsense. Where were we?

The priest's giving birth.

The priest giving birth, what a mess.

Put on the last scene!

Come and give me a hand.

Move away the foot of the bear quickly.

- Is the wiring up there fixed?
- Okay.

Watch Out!

It's the end, why so serious?

This is the treasure map of the pagoda.

Inside is the key for entry.

The richest in the world. Private property.

Master, oh no! Someone's got killed.

It's not me, I didn't kill him.

- He is not our man!
- What can we do now

- You said something?
- Yes, it's me.

I know everyone in this village,

include the owner of those dogs!

I have never seen this man before!
Are you trying to deny?

- We really don't know him!
- Nonsense, We never meet him before.

Well, you guys don't admit,
I can't do anything!

But at the mean time, you all can't leave here

and need to show up whenever I call!

- Sir, I've got the evidence at last.
- What evidence?

They were defecating everywhere
on the slope.

Bring the droppings back as evidence.

Goodbye, Johnny.

I'm not Johnny, I'm Richard.

- Bye-bye, Richard.
- Richard?

With this treasure map,
we're going to be a millionaire

We can't read, it's useless to us.

Ask Lin.

No way!

We can't let him

know our secret.

Right.

What are you doing?

What's this word say?

Mei.

And this?

Tao.

And this?

Ti.

- How about this?
- Show me. You are such a maniac!

- Come on, I'm going to sleep!
- Okay!

Shui, Hua, Fu, Chu.

Sounds like some kind of incantation.

One plum blossom grows at south of the village;
Rising from the rock;

Water dripping from the rock;

Mists and clouds rise up the high mountains;

Water flowing down the south of the village;

A hunchback seeks the pearl;
and helped by 8 demigods;

2 Yi begets 4 quadrants;
Chien turns and Kun moves;

Private property; The richest family of all.

Let's make it clear first,
it's a 30:70 split.

- You 30% and we 70%.
- Okay!

Well, let me sit down first.

It's too dark here now.

Let's come back in the daytime.

No,

everybody will see it in broad daylight.

- I've found it!
- Where?

This line means the plum blossom is

at the south of the village.

We all know that.

The plum blossom here

means a stone one.

Look at this stone bench I'm on.

It's a word "blossom".

Doesn't it look like a plum?

Yes, It does!

Chiu, you are so smart.

What the next line means then?

Damn you!

I am paying you to think.

Don't just keep asking questions!

- You Shit Head!
- Damn You!

Same to you too.

Now it's a 20:80 split.

So, you've an additional share.
Try to think.

This is easy.

Water drips from the rocks,

means a place with water.

I can hear sounds of drippings.

How can you piss here, Tom?

It sounds like pouring water!

Now I'm getting wet because of you.

Touch Wood!

Do you know where there are water drippings?

Water drippings? Lay on the stone table

and you know where the water comes from.

I know now!

Where?

Where?

How about a 10:90 split?

Chiu, over there.

What? Penalty for passing water?

Water keeps dripping from the rocks,

That's the place. Go up along the falls.

Mists and clouds rise up, the high mountains.

Water flowing down,

from the south of the village.

Come on up.

Private property,

The richest family of all.

This time we're going to be rich.

This octagram has a keyhole.

Another cave here.

What is inside?

I've dropped one earring!
It's so deep down there.

How come it echo so many times?

What's so interesting?

It's a pagoda.

Remember that man's last
words about a pagoda?

But this hole is too small for anyone to get in.

Right, I couldn't find the entrance anywhere.

What now?

I know.

Please come straight to the point.

Remember we still have some unsolved words?

Solve them now!

A Hunchback seeks the pearl.
and helped by 8 demigods.

2 Yi begets 4 quadrants;
Chien turns and Kun moves.

The last 2 sentences should
linked with the octagram.

The first 2 means we have to find
the hunchback to get the pearl.

And find 8 people with "sin" in theirs names
to help us.

Obviously, we don't have any here!

Let's try tomorrow morning

and come back tomorrow night.

It makes sense. Let's go

Come on.

I've got tangled. Wait up!

It's so late now, why still no hunch bag?

It is hunchback, not hunch bag.

You're a illiterate!

He's insulting you.

- Take care.
- It's for you.

Thank you!

You mean I'll not meet anyone nice?

No, but not true love.

You'll have a romantic clash soon.

- It's better than nothing!
- Thank you. Take care.

- A hunchback.
- Sir...

- It's so unbelievable!
- What?

I found you at last.

Let's be straight. Make an offer.

- Two of you?
- No, three.

He's useless to me. Just the two of you.

It makes no difference.
We all know the top secret now.

Even the two prostitutes know
that I'll have a clash soon.

It's God's plan that we meet,
so we shouldn't go against it.

How much then?

$3,000

$3,0007?

$5,000!

OK, Deal! Don't change your mind again.

Show us the thing and surprise us, OK?

Here?

Right, shouldn't let anyone see it.

Let me check in the back alley.

I'm the customer. I do not need to be checked.

Don't take me as a whore.

I take you for a procuress,
and her for a whore.

Me, a whore, you bloody pimp?

You're a pimp, not me!

You son of a bitch!

Forget it!

- But you do look like a pimp!
- Right.

See that fire pearl in the middle of the crack?

Yes, and the 8 demigods beside it

A Hunchback seeks the pear;
and helped by 8 demigods.

Yes.

Right? How about a 40:60 split now?

No, I found the hunchback first,

20:80.

Damn you, don't try to take advantage of me.

You dare too.

Stop this!
We'll come to look for the pearl tonight.

So long? Hurry up

Follow them

What now?

We must pray to get it.

- Yes, pray for it.
- Pray?

To seek for god's help? It's not working.
Let me do it.

Goddess Kuan Yin, Buddha, Jade Emperor

Please lend us the pearl!

You're not sincere enough. Let me have a go.

A sweet smile doesn't mean you're more sincere.

Surprise attack!

Damn you. Let's go.

The octagram changes all the time.

Remember, 2 Yi begets 4 quadrants,
which begets the octagram.

This is the emblem of the 2 Yi, Put it in.

Come on.

- Watch out!
- Okay!

Ok!

Now turn it.

- It doesn't work.
- Turn the other side.

So the drugs are hidden over here

Harder!

It works!

What is that sound?

What is that sound?

- I know.
- What is that?

The platform is going to collapse.

Go now.

Hold on.

Can you feel there're somebody else here

beside the 3 of us?

Yes, I heard something strange too.

There's a cave.

The sounds seem to have come from that wall.

Go over there.

Time's up. Follow me. Go up.

There seems to be two hidden layers

Maybe all the jewels are hidden in there.

- Great if it is true.
- Take a look inside and we'll know.

How can we jump from such a height?

Let me help you, sir.

Don't move, Police!

- Sir.
- Master.

Why're shivering. Did you do something bad?

You...

No, behind you.

It's only my assistant Chen Lung-shih.

What's happen to him? He's not in shape!

I'm here, sir.

You're here?

- Hold it!
- I'll hold you.

I'm going to take your life.

Shoot him!

Don't fight among yourselves.

Luckily I'm alright.

Luckily I'll alright.
Thanks to my brothers.

Don't put love before friendship.

Playing tricks?

I think we'd go down and hide.

You've been following me the whole day

Don't be so passionate

- A green-faced ghost!
- What ghost?

A green-headed?

Why did you lie to me that you're a foreigner?

I didn't.

Don't talk to me. I hate people who lie.

Master, why have you come to
this pagoda to look for me?

The pagoda?

She had a big mouth.

Time for me to strike back.
You slut and tramp!

Now, I know.
They need the moonlight to survive.

Without it, they'll withers.

If it keep on like this, I'd wither too.

He can't move!

Take off your clothes and shade the moonlight.

Come on quick!

Hurry up!

Excuse me please!

She's took it.

Run fast! He's keeping up.

Run!

Excuse me please!

What a big hoax!

Luckily I'm alright

Damn you! You scare me!

Sister, help me!

Moustache, help me!

You, never!

Where' re your clothes?

How strange!

She stopped moving once I squeezed her ass,

Is she an ass ghost?

Try it.

I'll help you, sir.

No, you wear nothing inside.

What can I do then?

At the back! At the front!

Did you undress to help me, Chiu?

No, Sister did, not me.

Master.

Master, you've seen my naked body now,

I'm yours forever!

Not me alone, Chen Lung-shih saw it too.

That's so ugly.

I won't take it seriously.

I only have eyes for Chiu.

Don't shirk the responsibility,

master.

No, I'vent even touch you yet!
How can I be?

This is not a problem.

Lin, help me.

Go away!

Help me!

Why didn't you hold her?

I don't want to get response.

You're mine again, master?

Come on!

Great!

It's my clothes that touched you!

Doesn't count!

Let me undress again then.

Forget it, why you like taking off your clothes?

I'm open-minded.

What does it say?

Come here.

What does it say?
I don't understand a word of it.

A fierce ghost is out to get
the families of Chiens, Lis and Yangs.

Let's tell the three families at once.

Go!

Listen, let's split up to inform their elders,
Let's tell the three families at once.

You go to the Lis.

You, the Chiens.
Me, the Yangs.

Good, I'll go with you.

- I'm with you.
- OK!

How about me? Who'll come with me?

Damn you, asshole.

Go to hell!

We're in troubles!

Troubles already started in the private property.

The corpse of Shih Huang Ti
must have woken up already.

I'm taping this,

Good, I'll go with you. Hope it'll help.

Oh no! Go and tell them now!

Darling...

Can you hear anything strange outside?

No.

No? It's so clear.
Could it be burglers?

We're so rich, let them take it.
Back to sleep.

Darling, hear that?

Darling, the sounds. Get up!

What?

Sounds again. Listen!

You're crazy.

Really horrible!

The whole Huang family are dead

Aren't we looking for the Lis

How come we're at the Huangs now?

I planned to call the Liz from the Huangs.

You're a chick jerk, how can you be a police!

Miss, I'm only a policeman, not a superman!

Anyone will be scared
by such a tragedy.

Wonder how it's going over there.

You want to go there and have a look?

My fingers!

The door is opened.

Go in

- Don't!
- Stay here if you're afraid.

I must notify Chen Lung-shih.

Where's he?

Oh, no! What now?

Pretend dead now!

No, safer to get covered up.

Who do this to me?

So you're pretending dead too.

That's the best way to hide from him.

Those things are stupid.

Don't you move.

Don't move.

Okay, but don't take advantage of me

What?

I'm a teacher!

I have sense.

Sense with No sexual desire?

Yes, but not for you.

Why are you erecting then?

What?

You've reaction on me!

Reaction? What reaction?

The reaction when a man is on top of a woman.

How does a man react to that?

You're erected.

What? Am 1?

Don't deny,

such a big thing on me.

Big?

You must be kidding.

No girls ever praise me for that!

Enough! It's on my stomach,
now coming up the chest?

Up to the chest?

No, what if

I can't get it back?

Coming up to the neck.

The neck?

Really gigantic! Let me have a look.

Much smaller than I thought.

It's a rat. Help me!

I am a corpse now. How can I help you?

No!

Help!

I'm a Corpse

It's so disgusting, how horrible!

Quite please,

they'll know we're here!

Just relax!

Don't take it as rat.

Imagine

it is your sweetheart...

...caressing and Kissing you.

My sweetheart doesn't kiss my ass.

Nor my hair.

Are you alright now?

Fine, It'll go away once it's full.

It's just like a second birth.

You're lucky, you've only one lover

I have one pair here.

No, there are now 3 of them.

Well, if it comes one after another

it would soon become one big happy family.

Right. Your mother-in-law and
relatives"re here for you.

My mother-in-law is not here with me.

They've all come to my side.

Right. Yours is bigger and airy.

Please take care of them.

There are over a dozen of them, so disgusting.

Take it as you're wearing a fur then!

Leave it on for yourself.

Leave it on for yourself.

I'll take it

Leave it on for yourself.
I'll take it as the carpet.

Well, that thing has left.

There's still one inside me.

One? Where?

Help me. list's down below.

Lower...

Enough!

Making love with her with clothes on!

I was catching a rat for her!

You think I'm a nut. Where's the rat?

There's one inside your pants. Take a look!

Inside my pants?

"Yangs Family"

Oh no, I'm late!

Uncle Yang's two grandchildren Fen and Chang.

Where's Uncle Yang?

Uncle Yang!

Arecorder here.

Master, come out please.

Yes?

I've found a recorder. Take a look

There's trouble at the private property.

The corpse of Shih Huang Ti's woken up.

I'm taping this,

hope it'll help.

They're so wicked.
They not only cut off the telephone line,

and also sunk the boat!

So we couldn't get to Hong Kong!

Luckily Master comes up
with the idea of a raft.

Balsy, are you going to die?

You have balls to play,
as long as you're alive.

It's not that easy.

Not superballs!

I was only away for the toilet...

...and return to see that creature
tore off her breasts.

Superballs,

when can I find
another one like yours?

What happened to you?

I was bitten by a snake.

A cobra? It's really poison.

Let me suck it out for you.

Good personality counts.

Doesn't matter the nationality.

Once we get the magic sword,
we can perish the corpse of Shih Huang Ti.

Okay, no more poison.

Thank you, Charcoal Head!

Charocal Head?

You must have sucked in the poison.

Am I going to die?

Don't worry. Last time you
took some snake gall herbs.

It could neutralized the poison.
Calm down.

I may change color again
if I take something wrong!

That makes life more colorful.

- Come here for a while.
- Master?

Stand still and listen.

I know the way to perish the
corpse of Shin Huang Ti.

I'll stay to deal with him.

You may leave if you want.

Chun, I'll stay with you.

Chen Lung-shih, How about you?

Yes, sir.

I'm also a HK policeman, I'll stay too.

What about you, 33017

I'll avenge for the superballs.

I'm so sorry. I'm dirty, cheap,

shameful and useless.

Sorry.

I'll send here the armed forces
once I got back to HK.

If it doesn't work, may be the 27th Army.

Long live liberty.

Long live liberty.

Chien said this is the
corpse of the Emperor, Shih Huang Ti.

Once he absorbs the power of the
sun and moon, he'll be unbeatable!

A normal mahogany sword nor any spell
can overpower him.

Only the magic sword and the 3 coins

can Kill him.

Then he can never be reincarnated.

Why we need the coins, Sir?

The coins canl break his spirit.

Only by putting them in his mouth first,

then the sword can get him. Understand?

- Yes.
- Wait for me!

- Why are you coming back?
- Wait for me.

Wonder who made that raft?

It scattered when hit by waves.

Luckily, I was able to swim back
to the shore!

What are your plans?

Mine?

Marry your mother and be your dad!

And have a son to be your brother.
Come on, brat.

- You're going to marry my mum?
- Yes.

Long live liberty.

I thought you went back to get your gun.

Why you brought back a hoe?
For Digging potatoes?

Just in case, understand?

What are you doing?

What did I do? You look so silly.

Why? Incredible!

Can you hear any strange sounds?

What sounds?

I just farted. Luckily, you didn't hear it

Is Chien trustable, sir?

We don't have any choice.

We'll be finished

if we can't get the magic sword.

Go down.

You're so clumsy.

- It looks very deep, sir.
- Really?

How deep?

We can have better estimation

if we know how deep it is.

You go down then.

Master.

What now?

At least we've three cushions.

Three cushions? You go down first then.

So, there are 4 now,
Chiu. Let's go down.

What's this?

- Are you alright?
- Yes

It's so high.

It's a fatal fall.

So many snakes!

Yes, so many!

Sir.

Watch out!

Calm down. I'm fine!

Are you alright, master?

Crazy! It's Not me, him!

What's wrong?

Just now he...

- Stop fooling around.
- You nut!

Again!

You dropped the money, stupid fool!

Is it because of the snake poison?

Here it is, there is the trap.

Chen, see if there's
a hidden triangular switch...

...springing out at the side.

Yes, sir.

I found it, sir!
There's a hidden switch here!

Just as Chien told us!

Chen, you must push it, not pull it.

Yes, sir.

- Don't ever pull back.
- Yes, sir.

What happened?

I don't know.

The wall's moving towards us.

What now?

Jump over, quickly!

Help!

Excuse me.

I'm coming too.

So scary!

Let's jump together.

Chiu, give me your hand, quick.

Just go, don't bother about me.

Another boulder is heading down from above!

There're 2 holes behind us.

Chiut!

This's our last chance, come on!

It's over.

Don't look down if you're scared.

Luckily, I can hold on with your belt.

It is not the belt.

Alright now.

Fixed.

THINK and it'll work!

At worst I'll just sacrifice my legs.

Al Lang-his is coming soon.

Why's that rock is pulled out?

Out again?

Chen Lung-shin.

Watch out!

Keep an eye on him.
Hit him if anything happens.

Yes sir, don't worry!

Quiet, or I'll beat you.

- You just farted!
- Well, beat him.

According to Chien I-mao,

there's a key in this water cave to the treasure.

And in it, is a tunnel.

Only we find the key,

we can open the door to the treasure room.

Why didn't you bring

the scuba outfit?

You want me drowned?

I've got them!

I have got a few goggles. Want it?

Better than nothing.

Give me one, master.

Master, let's match up in the water frolics.

Frolic in the water with her?

You go down first.

Me first?

Can tell he can't swim.

Master, you can't swim?

No.

Don't worry, I'll show you
how to hold the breath.

Look.

Sister.

Don't believe a big man can't swim.

Shameful!

I'd suicide if I am you.

Nonsense.

Oh no, sister's still down below.

I can't leave her behind.

There looks like a tunnel over there.

Let's go and have a look.

Should be here.

The keyhole is here.

- Why doesn't it move?
- No response.

This time we're going to be rich.

Yes!

The 3 coins?

The magic sword.

You farted again?

No, not me this time!

- You then?
- Yes.

He speaks again. He must be beaten

That's not fair!

I told you not to be greedy.

Now you hit the trap and
it's collapsing.

Run now!

Leaving the gold behind?

You can't live to own it. Run!

Come on up

- Oh no, now even the gold ingot is gone.
- Forget it.

Hurry up!

Go over there.

- Come over.
- Watch up.

Come over.

Master, I'll follow you.

Run! Run quickly.

Nothing can beat me...

Where's that thing now?

May be he knew that

we've got the magic sword?

Good.

This revenge thing is all over!

Let's go back to HK
and find some women to celebrate.

Just like that? Feel sorry for the superballs.

But you are alive.

You can grab as many as you can
if you've still got hands.

You want to know if he's here? Easy.

How?

He's already left. No point to find him.

Go away! How?

Just now we sneaked into the village,

he probably couldn't hear us.

But if we shout, he'll appear!

Right.

No, Don't!

It's too horrible!

Ass ghost?

Strike him!

Another one has fled away. Follow him.

I am much stronger than him,

he's 2000 years old.

This will kill you.

He can't fly now.

I'm invincible in the whole world!

That monster becomes berserk
after taking that coin.

What then?

We still have two more.
How can we get close to it?

The magic sword is with him.

Listen,

at that time, scholars if meddling
in politics and gatherings...

...would all be buried alive.

Repeat the history
by stabbing the emperor.

Get his trust

and get back the magic sword.

You are so smart, sir.

How come there's a layer
of red clouds from afar?

Must be the burned down of the Wupang Palace.

Long live Your Majesty!

Greetings to Your Majesty!

Hsu Fu salute, Your Majesty!

- Hsu Fu? Who's Hsu Foo to you?
- Godbrother.

Is he younger and under you?

Yes.

Bush, King of the Tartars.
Your Majesty, the Highest.

This is the elixir I brought from the East.

Exactly what I want.

Prince Tan ordered me to
offer his kingdom to you.

It's already mine.

What more territory've you got?

Prince Tan forgot these...

Kowloon, Hong Kong,
Sai Yeung Choy Street, Argyle Street?

What's this?

The Financial Center.

I don't understand what you're saying

but I'll take all that's good!

Yes, Your Majesty.

I stare, holding a lute on my own.

I, Hung Hsien-nu...

no, Wang Chao-chun, salute Your Majesty!

I thought you're marries to the tartars?

Your majesty, I remarried again.

I, Chao Fei-yen, Your Majesty, the Highest.

And you?

I, Yang Yu-huan.

The "Royal Queen out the bath"?

Absolutely, what a shame!

Your Majesty, this is the best place in the world

Ethiopia?

Yes, this is the wealthiest country.

And best suits for men...

Li Chin?

No, Chile

What's good in Chile?

What's wrong with you?

Well, bite with your teeth, stupid.

Don't put anything into your mouth.

This is the one.

So big? You think I've steel teeth?

Come on, bite it.

Come here.

Go now.

It'll burn for a long time.

I'll give you a chance
to sit beside the throne.

She's the most beautiful.

Yes, Your Majesty, she's the most.

She's the most beautiful.

Your Majesty. Cheers!

Cheers. Bring wine.

Cheers.

Cheers, Your Majesty.

Good, but you must kiss me first.

Very well, you drink first.

Drink now. Come on.

Drink it now, your Majesty,
then she'll kiss you!

Smoke coming out of your ass.

Lend this to me to put it out.

Your Majesty, What're you looking at?
Kiss first.

- Kiss first...
- No!

Hurry up!

Kiss him. Many people long for it in vain.

You go and kiss me then.

Me?

Your wish now come true.

Please do it for all sake.

This's enough.

Don't give up! We'll all be killed.

My Majesty, let go of her if she
doesn't want to.

You don't like it?

No...

This is my first kiss. Be brave.

Come quick and put in the last coin.

Feel my chest? I'll feel yours.

None of you bastards helped me!

Sir, the magic sword, Stab them!

Sir, you really are superhero!

I'm ready to be your lifetime slave.

We're Godbrothers.

Lock him up and bring him back.

Right, lock him up.

Good, Thank You.

Don't be afraid. Be brave!
We'll do it together.

Good.

Retract head, feet...

Retract head, feet...

Retract head, feet...

Hold on! You two just go on,

but don't make fun of me.

He lent me this gun.

It's none of my business!

Sister.

Unsheathe!

Sheathe it!

Master, how're you?

Come on here.

Why still not untied after all these time?

He's afraid of electricity.
Untie the red cloth quickly.

Give me your hand.

I don't want it.

Seven swordsmen from Heavenly Mountains?

No, only five.

Ladies & Gentleman

The vampire has lost his power!
Prepare to hang the steel wire.

We must gain the air supremacy to fight him.

Electrocute him at the first chance.
Understand?

Yes, sir.

Come on.

Your turn. Watch out.

Electricity cable?

Good, electrocute him!

Go down quickly to make a net!

Come on, hold it!

Master, get back the magic sword.

I'm going to die.

What're you looking at?
Fight if you have the gut.

Master, you'll be in trouble
if you let him go.

- Let me do it.
- Don't.

What?

The Crippled Kick?

This is King Tree's foot.

Next year today will be
your death anniversary.

Stop looking, fool. Take this!

Go to hell!

Go to hell!

Run?

Run?

Run?

Run?

Put the coin in his mouth.

Open the mouth!

Are you going to open it?

Piss Off.

Wait for me!

Run before the platform collapses. Hurry up!

- How canl I get down?
- Cling to me.

What's wrong?

My savings in the dresser

are all gone.

Forget it! Life's more important than money.

Well, we've been

through so much.

Now I treat valuables as nothing!

This is the best thing you ever said.

Chiu, what do you say?

Since you all think so,

I'll give up this diamond too.

Are you out of your mind?

Not again!