Monsoon Wedding (2001) - full transcript

Dube! Oh, Dube!

- He's not here yet!
- He's not? He'll never change.

Pimmi! Please, bring the phone!

Darling, you want something
else? Tea, Nimbo Bunny?

Oh, no, no. That bloody bastard

- Dube hasn't come yet.
- Oh, fool!

He wants money, but he doesn't want to work..

Dubeji? This is Lalit Verma. Thank
you for answering the phone.

What happened? I see no workers here!

- Alice! Alice!
- Yes, ma'am?

Alice, tell them to fry the "pakoras"
and bring some tea to your master.



Pimmi, Lalit takes on too much
tension. It's not good.

You see all these young men getting
heart attacks these days!

Don't say that! The wedding was
arranged in the last minute...

and Lalit is doing everything single-handedly.

There's so much to do! No wonder
he's so stressed out.

The flower hoopah is falling apart.
It's raining flowers. Now what?

There's no need to stress out like that!

As for the flowers, they're just flowers!

I can bring the Cashmere gardens
with me if it's necessary.

You're in charge here.

- But I am sitting in a traffic jam!
- Don't you be a smart ass! Do something!

I'll be there in around and exactly 10 minutes.

- Hu hu!
- I can't talk to you while I'm driving.

Yes, but hurry!



What is that fool doing?

Left, left, left! Go left, you idiot!

Stop the car! You're spoiling
the decorations also!

- Don't you know how to drive?
- I only have one hand to drive with.

Who told you to break your
hand at this time, idiot?

- Where were you?
- Getting your sister and her husband.

- Huh, where are they?
- I didn't see them.

Yeah, I can't believe you didn't see them.

- What do you mean: "I didn't see them"?
- I don't even know what they look like.

Didn't you hold a placard saying: "Mr. and Mrs.
Tej Puri from USA"? They could've seen you.

- Why are you yawning so much?
- Because I've hardly slept and...

not to mention I got back from
Australia just yesterday.

Yeah, you young people! What do
you need to sleep so much for?

What time the flight's coming?

- Yeah, about 9 o'clock.
- So make sure you're there on time...

- and take this car only, okay?
- Okay.

And don't run the AC when you're
going to receive them!

Only when you've receive them!

And park this car somewhere else!

- Chill!
- And take off that stupid topping!

Oh, God, Varun! What are you doing,
honey? Why haven't you got ready?

Didn't you hear papa? He's getting so angry.

Mom, it's the last step. The last
step of coconut curry, mom!

No, no, come on, hurry up. Don't give me
a hard time. Come on. And this TV!

I'm so sick of it! Take this off!

- Come on, hurry up.
- What are you doing? I can ready myself!

What readied yourself? I readied myself!

The guests are about to arrive
and you wearing pyjama!

- Did you change underwear?
- Mom!

What "mom"?

So, did you or did you not? Are you
wearing dirty ones from yesterday?

I just hope they're not smelly.
You're such a silly little boy!

- A little.
- Oh, God!

Just because India has gone global...

should we embrace everything?
What about our ancient culture...

our traditions, our values?

You are saying censorship is unnecessary.

- Absolutely unnecessary.
- So, what's your response, Mr. Bhatt?

Let's take the example of America.

- The first amendment...
- This is not America, this is India.

Our laws were not made up that way.

Make changes in the constitution,
and censorship will arise.

Just because you wear that and speak Hindi...
you represent the common man? You don't!

Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome...

one of our top dubbists in
Delhi: Shivani Tanakiya.

Shivani...

we'll hear a dialogue from
a new part in the script.

You may start.

Come on!

Come on!

Harder, you stud, harder! I like that!

Come on! I like it!

Harder!

Fuck me!

Come on!

Come on!

This is what the common man does!

So somebody is having sex!
So what is the problem?

We have to take a short break,
ladies and gentlemen.

- Hi.
- Hi.

- How have you been?
- Fine.

Are you happy?

Yeah.

I miss you.

Hi, Aditi. I'm sorry.

- We're starting in 20 seconds.
- I'll be right there.

Okay. Sorry.

I have to go.

Call me.

- Aditi, why are you doing this?
- Doing what? What am I doing?

I don't think you're ready for marriage.

- I just want to settle down.
- So what do you do?

Get marry some guy selected by mom and
daddy? You know him for 2 weeks!

You are so mature, Aditi!

I can't wait to see if Vikram's wife is
ever going to agree to divorce him.

I've read too many magazines, Ria.
I know it may never happen.

Do you get all your life's directions
from fucking Cosmopolitan?

Don't get so superior with me!

I'm your family and I can tell
you what I think and I will.

That's right! My older unmarried cousin Ria!
What could she know about passion?

I didn't mean that.

For all this talk of passion, how
about marrying for love, Aditi?

If he wants full quality service
he'll have to pay good money.

No more working for free!

Would you like some tea?

Four teas!

- Mr. Dube!
- At your will!

- It's an honor to have you here.
- Your daughter is my daughter.

- Why are you so worried?
- The wedding will be in 4 days.

The engagement is today. Her
fianc? is about to arrive.

- Do you wish my disgrace?
- This is an important call.

- Leave me a message!
- You have other things to do?

You're a event planner now! Fix this right now!

Yadav!

Tameez-ud-din!

Lottery!

- What?
- Get off there! Go fix that!

You lazy bunch! No tea for you! Start working!

- I want this done now!
- Calm down.

- I want him to fix this now!
- Start working!

- Hi, uncle.
- Hello.

- There's a car blocking the driveway.
- Dube, get the truck out of there.

Get the truck out of there!

- Where have you been?
- At the tailor and giving cards out.

- They'll be here. You're not dressed.
- Two seconds, papa.

- Come on, come on, hurry up!
- You're looking very handsome today.

- Yes, I know that.
- Papa!

- Go in and get ready.
- That is so beautiful!

- You should calm down.
- What are you doing here?

- Just chilling.
- "Just chilling". Idiot!

Mom, we're back!

No, mom.

I have to go to the temple. I'll be home late.
I won't eat at home. I'll be home late.

Save it for tomorrow.

My bad.

Mom, let me worry about the stock
market. I'll take care of it.

A cell phone call costs 12
rupiahs a minute. Hang up.

Aliya! God, what are you doing there?

You know, I saw cousin Aditi naked
and I almost saw you naked too.

You're so disgusting! Get out, now!

Out!

Out!

- What does this word mean?
- How can you be so irritating?

- How come you're still unmarried?
- Enough. Go get ready for the party.

Hello, sweetie! What is it, my darling?

What does this word mean?

God Almighty!

- What word is it?
- It's "uxurious".

- It's "uxurious".
- "Uxurious"?

This word doesn't exist, honey.
Yeah, spelling mistake.

It's missing an "L". They
meant "luxurious", okay?

Oh, so you are facing this way as barman.

I am the bar man, I'm facing this
way. And this acts as a roof.

Yes, yes, no need to be so happy about it.
You won't touch one drop. Understand?

A barman should be absolutely
sober. Keep this list.

Make sure the servants don't swipe anything.

Make sure all the bottles are there and
give small drinks for everybody.

The whisky hasn't come yet.
Uday was supposed to bring it.

Here he comes, my unpunctual brother.

Good morning!

- Did you bring the whisky?
- What do you think?

And we've got real scotch from Uday's client.

- Thanks, Sona. It's so nice of you.
- Hi, hello, uncle.

- Why aren't you staying over this?
- Uncle, sorry, I have to study for my exams.

- I hope my Aliya didn't trouble you.
- Not at all. She's such a little delight!

- Who could give us a hand?
- What we have?

We have to take it in! Australian
boy, get it up and take it in.

This is too much. This is no time
for family members to arrive.

It's only 4 o'clock. You get nervous for nothing.

Just relax!

Ayesha, this is your uncle CL and aunt
Shashi's son, Rahul. They live in Dubai.

- Mascar, actually.
- Mascar, Mascar, Mascar, okay.

- You have a tattoo?
- Yeah.

Huh? Speak up! I can't hear
you that well. Huh?

I'm coming down.

Give me a minute.

Go ahead. No, no. Uha! Yes. I'll be there.

All right. Ask for some money
upfront. Okay. Bye.

Life is so funny. There's no signal
up there, but there is down here.

You know, I think this saintly
look really suits me.

- I think your cousin Rahul would really like it.
- You have to know this.

I heard your mother tell your mom's
sister that your bra size is 36C.

- Why would she do that?
- Sorry to say, but it's 32A.

I know that, but you can't tell them
it's 32A. "She's got tiny"...

Quicky, come on! Okay,

It's your groom!

Your groom has arrived!

Shit.

Welcome, welcome!

- Congratulations, Mr. Rai.
- Thank you. Thank you.

Varun! This is Pimmi's brother from Mascar.

Varun, Rahul, come here!

It's okay, it's okay.

Hello, young man. How are you?

Have you got the blue box?

So, excited, yeah? Soon
to be in the family way!

- Do you like India?
- Yeah.

Better than Houston, huh?

Good, good, good. India needs
young men like you.

- Computer?
- Yes, yes, of course.

Computer engineers are India's biggest export.

They think I'm theirs!

- What would you like to drink?
- Scotch, please, "on the rockiolis".

"Rockiolis" means "ice"?

- Two lumps exactly.
- Exactly.

I'll have the same, thanks.

"Rockiolis".

Rahul, two whiskies, here.
Two cubes of ice exactly.

Oh, my goodness! Look at you!

- Oh, how lovely you look. "Namaste".
- Namaste.

Varun, take it to Mrs. Rai.

Go talk to your grandmother.

- Congratulations.
- Hi.

Look what I've got for you.

Do you know why God made
you marry so soon?

Because I told Him I wanted a grandchild
before I died. And He heard me!

She is so beautiful. She's adorable.

- Honey, say "hi" to Hemant.
- Hi.

- Hi. How are you?
- Fine.

Enough already. Give them some privacy.

You know, I met CL only
once, and we got married.

I must have another drink.

You don't want to get married?

Rahul, idiot! Come here.

Get come here, hold the camera. Listen,
do one thing right for once.

Camera on!

On the ring! On the ring!

Sweeten your mouths, my dears.

Thank you.

Just in time!

My dear brother-in-law! Look at him!

This is Varun? He's almost a young man!

I sent Rahul to the airport.
The flight was late?

No, it was not late. Nobody was
at the airport, so we took a cab.

You two take a cab?

Rahul, you idiot! I send you there,
and you say their flight is late?

You're such an idiot!

He's been working day and night.
He doesn't know India.

- But he's number one most stupid duffer!
- I'm sorry to say, but I don't like this.

He called my son stupid and then duffer.

Who does he think he is? I'll never
come back to India again.

Bhai-sahab, this is Mr. Tej Puri,
married to my sister, Vijaya.

After my older brother Surinder passed away...

Tej Bhai-sahab here has been
the head of the family.

He has really looked after us.
Come and meet Hemant.

Yes, excuse me.

Excuse me.

And you, my impatient niece.
Couldn't you have waited?

You know, really, he's look a tickets.

You know how difficult it was to
get tickets at this time of year!

We could've brought you first class.

- We couldn't have it without you.
- And nothing would've stopped us.

- Good afternoon, my sister-in-law.
- Good afternoon.

Ria!

Is that you? Come here.

Come here, come here.

God bless. Really good.

This jerk hasn't got a penny...

but he wanted the White House
for his daughter's wedding!

How can that be?

The pig starves but invites
other pigs for dinner!

- Dube?
- What? What?

- We need more ice.
- What?

Ice.

I told them!

I told them a million times:
"You are going to need ice."

But they never listen.

- Need anything else?
- Do you want water?

Water.

Take it.

From the fridge or the tap?

From the fridge.

Thank you.

# We stared each other in the eyes #

# I've met the woman of my life #

Shut up, you idiots!

- Would you like a cigar?
- No, no, I quit.

You quit? America makes
everyone quit smoking.

The Rais are very cultured.
A very cultured family.

You just need to speak English to become
a cultured family. Mr. Monroe!

Rai!

Tej, I wanted to talk to you about Ria's
plans. Ria, come here, please.

It's all right. I've got it.

Ria wants to study in America. We were
hoping you could give us advice.

- What do you want to do, darling?
- I'm applying for Creative Writing.

- She wants to be a writer.
- Very good.

Don't even think about it. Where do
you think the money will come from?

From my teacher's salary?
Explain it to her, my brother.

- Why not follow Aditi's example?
- Writers make good money these days.

The girl who won the Booker Award became
a millionaire with just one book.

- Absolutely, just one book. Who knows?
- Ria, let's go to the States.

You know, our son Umang is also there.

- Give us his phone number.
- He's coming here tonight.

We hope Ria and Umang will like each other.

Two marriages for the price of one!

- Umang! What are the chances?
- Very bad.

I have another joke. And
this one is not vegetarian.

Save the jokes for the "sangeet".
He'll be the M.C. at the "sangeet".

Then, I'm going to rehearse.

Varun, out.

- What's your problem anyway?
- Just go!

Can't I have some bloody
privacy in my own house?

It's my house too, you know?

Hey, Varun, what happened to you?

Mrs. Metta speaking. Who is this?

Okay, okay, I have an announcement to make.

I'm thinking that if Ria wants
to study in America...

I will fund her entire education.

No, no, no, no arguments, no
arguments. This is my family.

I don't want to know what
you or Ria's mother think.

Ria is a sensible girl. If she wants
to write, we must encourage her.

That's not what I meant. I
can still work, you know?

It's final! We'll talk about it later, okay?

- Now tell us, what needs to be done to ready?
- Absolutely!

Now, don't worry about anything.
We take care of everything.

Everything, everthing.

Oh-hu... oh, my God, I don't know what to say.

This is enough for me that
we are all here together.

My God. Pimmi, it's wonderful.
After so many years...

After Surinder passed away, this is the
first time we are all families together.

Oh, Ria. Ria, Ria!

Don't cry. I know you are missing him.

We are all missing your father.
But he's here with us.

Your papa will always be
on this family. Always.

This happens all the time!

- It's the worse problem in India.
- Dube! Hey Dube!

- Alice, go check the fuse.
- Alice, the phone is ringing.

Rahul, hey Rahul, go start the generator.

- I don't even know where it is.
- Behind the house, idiot.

- Come on, I'll show you.
- Hello? Umang?

Yeah, yeah. Just hold on a sec.

Hello? Hello, Umang? When will you be here?

Yes, she's right here, beside me.

Hello? Hello? We got cut off.

I burned myself!

- All the fuses are burned.
- What?

What's the fuse for the house? This one?

I'll change it right now.

Can you illuminate here, please?

Come on, come on, a little closer.

Go down a little.

You're creating a shadow.

Closer.

- You're sure you can handle it?
- Yeah, sure.

- Does that mean anything? It's so hot in here!
- Put the fuse back on. We have light again.

I'm such an idiot!

- Hi.
- Hi.

I'm glad I had some exercise. All I've been
doing is eating and eating, and eating.

"Eat, my son, eat!"

I'm sorry I had to wake you
up this early, though.

But this is the only time we'll have alone.
It's just so many ceremonies.

- And I don't even know who's who of the time.
- I know what you mean.

- I wanted to talk to you about...
- Here's your coffee, ma'am.

Thank you. Do you want something?

- I'll have a salt "lassi", please.
- Yeah, sure. I'll get it.

Thank you.

I want to know what's on your mind.

Sleep. That's all that's on my mind right now.

I saw you with your family yesterday.

You guys are so close.

Sometimes I worry about how it
would be for you in America.

You might just fell so alone.

I'm sure, I can handle it. It'll be really nice
to get away from this damn place.

- Why? You don't like Delhi?
- No, I love India.

I mean, I don't care. America is
going to be new for me anyway.

- My fianc?e.
- Sorry, I'm just not a morning person.

Uh, Vicky, is it okay if I don't go golfing today?

No, no, I'll be there. 100% .

Count on me, don't worry. Okay, bye.

Pimmi?

- Pimmi?
- What?

- What are you doing in there?
- Nothing.

Nothing! I know very well what you're doing.

- Come on, come out, I have to get ready.
- One minute.

What is it?

If you must hide and smoke, at
least use a better air freshener.

- I was a little tense.
- Tense?

What are you tense about? You're going
shopping. I'm the one who should be tense.

It's for our darling daughter now. You saw
they gave us so much. We can't look bad.

You look really good when you're
smoking in front of them?

Well, doesn't Saroj drink? Anyway,
just let me go and do it, okay?

- Poor Pimmi! She goes shopping again!
- And I'm telling you it's going to cost us.

So, I'll arrange the money! It's not like
I haven't arranged everything else.

You've organized everything else? Who's non
stop on her feet for days? Just tell me that.

You're so ungrateful!

I'm grateful to you, my dear
Pimmi. Thank you so much...

for working hard for your daughter's
marriage. Take off your curlers!

Oh fool, this wedding is driving me insane!

It's going to be a long day.

It's raining, but it's still hot.

May I have... a glass of water?

I'm parched.

What's your name?

- Alice.
- Alice.

It's an English name.

- Where are you from?
- Bihar.

What's your name?

Parbatlal Kanhaiyalal Dube.

I changed it to P.K. Dube.

But people still laugh. In town,
they call me Dubeji.

Parbatlal is a beautiful name.

These are brand new.

I'm an event planner. My address,
so we can talk on the computer.

E-mail?

You know what it is. That's right.

No, keep it. Have some more.

One is enough.

- Tell me you love me.
- What?

- Seen "Tell Me You Love Me"?
- Yes, I have.

- What's the matter?
- Nothing.

I have to go.

Tell me something.

How many weddings have I planned?

Some 150 or 175.

How come I haven't got married yet?

My poor mother keeps asking me...

"My son, find me a daughter-in-law".

Now I've decided...

I'm ending my life as a loner right now.

I'm going to find myself a decent
and simple young lady...

and start a family.

I hope the next tent I put up...

- will be for my own wedding.
- Bravo!

A genius revealed!

You lazy one!

Do I pay you for you to sit on your
butt all day? Start working!

Dube!

Shit!

- Dube!
- I'm coming, sir.

He won't leave me alone for one minute.

- Yes, sir?
- That's great! A white tent?

Yes, sir.

Dube! A white tent?

- Yes, sir.
- What the hell were you thinking?

It's the new trend. New millennium
style, year 2000.

New millennium?

A white tent! This is not a funeral!

Dube, I only have one daughter. I
don't want white, I want colors!

- Red, yellow, green, blue.
- Oh, okay... Yadav!

Put this down, he doesn't want it.
He prefers the old-fashioned style.

- Put it down!
- That's right.

Is it water-proof?

- That is not what we agreed on.
- What is that supposed to mean, Dube?

The peacocks are not dancing
anymore. It won't rain.

Peacocks? Have you been smoking weed?

- Okay, I'll need some money. Watch out!
- Money? What for?

Water-proof demands more money.
In other countries, that's business.

Look, sir...

this is a standard contract in
other countries. It's all here.

The number of plates and spoons,
but no water-proof tents.

You want more, you pay more.
That's how it works.

How much?

200,000 rhupias, exactly and approximately.

200,000? You think I'm rich?

You have a huge backyard.
Your daughter is my daughter.

Just some money upfront. We'll work today.

Tomorrow we're off, the day after, we
strike, and then it's the wedding day.

This is all I have. I'll pay you the rest later.

This is nothing.

Thank God it's air-conditioned.

- In Mascar, everything is air-conditioned.
- I'm going to have an ice cream.

- You'll be sick. Ice cream?
- Just one.

- This is for Hemant's sister.
- You bought one for Hemant's cousin.

He's got so many!

Check out this silk gown.

It's so smooth a fly would slide on it.

But, if the fly saw your beauty,
it would fly away.

- I think it's too loud.
- No, it's fabulous.

- Who's the bride?
- She went for an ice cream.

Aditi!

What are you doing in there?
They're waiting for you inside.

Come.

I don't really know what Hemant
thinks, what he expects of me.

So then call him instead of Vikram.

Now please go inside before they
start dancing on our heads.

Thank you.

Hey, you want a lift, baby?

Aliya, go and sit!

Cousin, we can try this step...

and then like this, like in a movie I saw.

Hi, sexy.

So, silly boy, can you move to this?

What's going on, guys?

Come on, cousin! That's enough!

No more interruptions! We'll
never get this right.

What is it, Rahul? We are rehearsing
for the "sangeet". What do you want?

Do it right! Put it right there.

That's right.

I see no flower up there yet!

I knew it. She's a thief!

Thief!

You sons of bitches!

She was not stealing it, you idiots!

Lalit and Sam are partners, and Vicky and me.

Let's take them on, partner.

- That's a great shot, partner.
- Thanks, Rajeev.

- Great shot there. Good shooting.
- Thank God we're partners.

- I have to talk to you, Rajeev.
- What is it? Where have you been?

I've been busy with the wedding.
Uh... I really was wondering if...

- How is Pimmi?
- Huh?

- How is Pimmi?
- Pimmi's fine, fine.

- How are the preparations going?
- Preparation's first class. But...

Sam, I'm having a cash problem. I was hopping
to borrow money just for expenses of wedding.

- How much do you need, partner?
- 500,000 rhupias.

- When will you be able to return it?
- Next month.

I have a huge order to Macy's next month.

Hey, guys, Mr. Verma here has got
some serious cash flow problems.

That's what weddings do.

Thank God I don't have any daughters.
I would be flat broke!

- But you've got a princess as wife.
- But at least she's self-financed.

# Oh, women of this house
adorn me with henna #

# Embellish my white hands with henna #

# Madhorama asked: "Which
one are we marrying?" #

# Madhorama answered: "With the fat one!" #

# There is no bed wide enough
for the fat one #

- # We'll leave her by the road #
- # Yes #

- # We want someone else! #
- # Yes #

- # We are wealthy gentlemen #
- # Yes #

- # Full of passion and desire #
- # Yes #

- # We like to enjoy life #
- # Yes #

- # Am I lying? #
- # No #

# Madhorama asked: "Which
one are we marrying to?" #

# Madhorama answered: "With
the fair-skinned one" #

# Your skin is buttercolored #

# She sleeps alone in her house #

# While her loved one suffers #

- # That's the one we want #
- # Yes #

- # She's the one who pleases us #
- # Yes #

- # We are going to marry her #
- # Yes #

Shashi, remember when we were just married?

Lalit and my brother would go to bed and
you would come and tell me dirty jokes.

Your Lalit would go to bed but my CL would
never sleep or let me go to sleep!

Hey, you idiot, come on! Let's enter the harem.

Hey, ladies!

CL has a very good song... CL has an act
which is most suitable for ladies.

- Please, please! Hear him!
- You'll listen to it and enjoy.

- Enjoy the pleasures of life with me!
- Please!

- I'm giving birth!
- Oh, Varun.

- Enjoying yourself among the women?
- Lemon juice. The henna is drying out.

- Come on, uncle. That's enough.
- Be a good girl.

- Don't say no.
- No.

Open your mouth. Do you like it?

And be a good girl and open your mouth.

- Hi. What?
- Hi. Nice henna, Ria.

She's angry.

Okay, Ria will give you samosa, okay?

- What were you doing here?
- Eating a big samosa.

- Why?
- Because I'm hungry.

- No, why were you eating it here?
- Because the samosas were in here.

- Why was he with you, Aliya?
- Who?

- Tej uncle.
- Alice said the samosa was on the top shelf,

and Tej uncle came to get
the box down for me.

Ok, let's rub our noses.

- I love you, cousin Ria.
- I love you too, my baby.

# Help me! #

# Go away, you jerk! #

Alice.

Alice.

# On the way #

# To my father-in-law's house #

# I take my dreams along with me #

# I have accepted the bracelet #

# Now I have to get married #

# My father #

# I leave your palace of love #

# And will become a total
stranger to you forever #

You know, Pimmi...

sometimes when I look at them...

I feel...

a love which I almost cannot bear.

They grew up so fast!

Uh... and when did we grow old?

If only their lives are happy...

For them I'm willing to take on every
trouble, every sorrow in the world.

- You need anything, honey?
- No, thanks.

So good night.

Good night, idiot.

I thought you weren't staying here.

I changed my mind.

Really?

How come you're not sleeping yet?

Just thinking.

About what?

About good Indian girls.

- Is this a scorpion?
- Yeah, it's my sign.

- I should go.
- It's okay.

- I should really go.
- Don't go. Please, don't.

- She teased you and left. How do you feel?
- Idiot.

Where would you like to go?

I just want to drive and drive and drive.

Why did you come to see me?

I...

wanted to be reminded why I broke up with you.

Somehow...

I can't remember.

Hello?

- What is it?
- Put the window down.

- What is it?
- What are you doing here?

- That's none of your business.
- You're bold, aren't you?

Let's go down to the station.

Come on! Get out!

To the police station? On what basis?

Indecent exposure. Who do you think you are?

- Who are you?
- He might be carrying a bomb.

- Don't be ridiculous. Do we look like terrorists?
- Come out now!

- You too.
- Hands up, pervert.

- No tricks.
- Hands up, you pervert!

- Home. Give it to me.
- Vikram!

Hello, darling.

- Vikram!
- Yes. I'll be home soon.

A bride with henna-painted hands.

- You couldn't wait, could you?
- Vikram!

- There was an emergency. Yes.
- Vikram!

That's just the television show
in the background. Don't worry.

- Vikram, don't leave me with them.
- You want us to call your lover?

You go get him.

Hey, lady, stop!

The little dove has run away.

What are you doing?

Lalit...

Let me sleep.

Lottery, I'm going to throw it.

Get it! I'm throwing it!

How should I combine the colors?

However you wish.

I'm nailing them down.

Brothers, I'm leaving.

Keep on working.

- What's the matter?
- I'm not feeling well.

I've been working with him for 5
years. I never saw him like that.

- He's not even eating the flowers.
- We should do something.

Alice! Alice! Alice!

So what are you going to say to Hemant?

- Everything.
- Oh, God. Then?

He's going to tell me that I'm a
slut and that I should get lost.

- How could I have been so stupid?
- Listen, you sure...

you want to tell Hemant everything? I mean
it's over between you and Vikram now.

Ria, I don't want to lie.

I don't want to start something
new based on lies and deceit.

It's just so wrong.

- You liked Hemant, no?
- Yeah.

- He's nice.
- He's good for you.

I can't do this to him.

I'm going mad. What is this music?

It's Ayesha practicing for the "sangeet" tonight.

- Maybe she shouldn't bother.
- What?

- Maybe she shouldn't bother.
- Aditi!

I'm really glad you called, you know. because
I was going to call you myself this morning.

- Why? What happened?
- Nothing happened.

It was great to see you along yesterday,
so I thought I'd try my luck again.

- You look nice when you laugh.
- Oh, yeah?

I need to tell you something.

You'll probably hate me by the end of it, but...

...I really need you to know.
- It's okay.

I'm not going to hate you, though.

This used to be my favorite place in
my IT days. Best chai in the world.

- It's really nice.
- Oh, yeah? I was hoping you'd like it.

- Jaichandji!
- How have you been?

I recognized you as soon as I saw you, my friend.

- It's been long I haven't seen you.
- I spent 4 years abroad.

- What would you like?
- Two special chai teas.

No sugar for me.

They brainwashed you in the
States. "No sugar for me".

Naresh Sharma was here. He lives in
the USA and asked for Sweet-N-Low!

We'll... we'll talk some other time.

No problem!

So, what was so important? You
don't want to marry me anymore?

Just look at these. Mama gave
these to me when I got married.

Still so shiny and beautiful.
I never used them once.

- I just hope Aditi will use them.
- Pimmi, why did you spread all over?

I have do my accounts and I can't find my
papers. Please don't put this stuff here.

Then, get a computer now.

You won't need any paper. Computers can
do everything for you in these days.

I'm too old to learn all this computer nonsense.

And do you know how much money
I have already spent? Huh?

Do you know how long it will
take me to repay all this?

Don't you worry so much, Lalit. Our
only daughter is getting married.

Nothing is a waste.

Look at these saris.

Do you know I bought this one
in Madras 22 years ago?

I've been collecting these since
the day Aditi was born.

This one is lovely.

Tomorrow she'll be gone.

Just like that, in one day.

I'm sorry.

Yeah, I'm sorry too.

Hey, get your bike out of the way.

Get it out of there!

You couldn't help yourself, huh?

You had to drag me into your mess as
well? What am I supposed to do, now?

"Mr. Verma, your daughter is such a rosebud.

We'll have a wonderful family
in Houston, Texas.

Be friends, take our kids to Disneyland,
send you a couple tickets every year.

It will be lovely. But hey, wait a minute...

you didn't tell me she's still screwing her ex-
boyfriend while you're fixing her marriage.

But that shouldn't be a such of problem.
I'm from America, we should fit right in!

You know, I've been thinking, Lalit.

- I don't want send Varun in a boarding school?
- Oh, come on.

- Pimmi don't start again now.
- I don't want to lose both my children.

Pimmi, don't start again now.

We've been through all this once. He's going
to boarding school and that's final.

He's just wasting his life staying here
watching TV the whole day.

There's no one here to discipline him. I just
don't know what to do with this one.

He also needs love and affection, now.

He's a such sensitive boy, Lalit. He's so
wonderful with all these creative things.

Creative thing! He likes singing and dancing
and cooking sesame chicken!

We'll find him a good boyfriend.

Don't say that, huh? Why do you always
look at everything like that?

You know what he told Tej what he
wants to be when he grows up?

- What?
- He said he wants to be a chef.

I'll tell you. Our son wants to be a cook!

Tej almost fainted. Our son, a cook!

He's just a boy, Lalit. It doesn't mean anything.

He's a fool! My son will be a man
when he's grow up, understand?

He will be an educated professional. He won't
be singing and dancing at people's "sageets".

- Mama?
- Yes, honey?

Can you do this for me? Make
a moustache and my eyes?

- Why, honey?
- For my dance with Ayesha tonight.

That's okay.

Why can't you do something useful, huh?

Like some exercise or reading your
school books for a change, huh?

Look at you, big huge hulk. Can't spend
your whole life singing and dancing.

- Why not?
- What do you mean, "why not"?

You want to be clown when you grow up?

You don't do exercise, you
don't even play cricket.

You don't read a book. Just sleep all day
watch TV. And now this nonsense dancing.

Why? You also took mama's "dupatta"
and danced the other night.

Don't you compare yourself with me.
You're just a kid, understand?

But right now you said I'm big now.

That's it. You're going to
boarding school. Decided.

- Since when?
- Honey, papa and me are only talking about it.

No, no, no, no, I have made
up my mind. We have not...

Please, let me talk to him. It's going
to be good for you, Varun.

Darling son, Aditi is going away, and
now you'll be so lonely at home.

So we thought that going to boarding
school you'd have so much fun.

You want to send me away too so you
are sending me to boarding school.

- No, honey.
- Listen, son...

No, honey, nothing is decided. That
school is better than this school.

There'll be boys your age.

- You'll really enjoy yourself.
- No!

I don't want to go. I won't go!
You do what you want!

Honey, we're doing this for you own good.

It'll make you a bit tougher.
I think it will be good for you.

I hate you! I hate you both! You don't even
understand one thing about me!

Don't you talk to me like
that! You're understand?

- Fine! I just won't talk to you at all!
- Honey!

- Varun, please!
- No!

- Honey, please, listen to me, my son.
- Leave me alone!

- Happy now? Happy with what you've done?
- I didn't mean to upset him like that.

- Why couldn't you say something?
- Don't talk to me, okay? Just don't talk to me.

Alice! Alice, Alice, wait a minute.

- We want to speak with you.
- Forgive us.

- We made a big mistake.
- We didn't mean to.

- We didn't see it right.
- We were wrong, Alice.

- Alice, please.
- Forgive us.

It won't happen again.

Aditi!

I'm sorry I lost it, Aditi. I didn't have
any right to talk to you like that.

You had every reason to be angry.

Someone broke my heart too a few years ago.

I know how hard and confusing it could be.

I really appreciate your telling me about Vikram.

You didn't have to, but you did.
That honesty means a lot to me.

I know it's a risk, but what
marriage isn't a risk?

If your parents introduced us or we
met at a club no difference makes.

I know we can put this behind us.

I really do.

I believe this can work.

I believe we can be happy.

As for the question of whether
we should get married or not...

is really for you to answer.

Thank the Lord! The price of the stocks went up!

I told you it would.

But you thought your mother was an idiot.

That's what you thought.

"She knows nothing about the stock market".

But it went up. You see?

Tomorrow you will sell our shares. And...

Oh, my God!

What is all this money for?

I'll die before he gives me a grandson.

His father's name will vanish without a trace.

Listen...

Did you talk to the neighbors
about the bathroom?

It's all clogged up again.

What sin did I commit?

You don't like any girl!

Don't you feel like settling down?

Ramesh is six months younger than
you and he has two children.

He earns half what you do.

His mother shows off her grandsons
to make me jealous.

What about you?

Oh, God! Have you gone mad?
Roaming around in underwear.

Here's yours.

- Of course.
- Specially my mom.

Yeah, exactly. Sure.

- How are you?
- Very well...

Ladies and gentlemen...

attention, please.

Welcome, beautiful, beautiful, beautiful ladies...

and gentlemen. And of course, lovely children.

- Listen to me now.
- Our beloved Aditi...

and our dear son-in-law.

And marriage will take place tomorrow.

Rahul! Rahul!

Are you the only bartender in here? I
ordered a Bacardi- Coke 20 min ago.

- Just a sec.
- Rahul!

- Gin tonic, no ice, lots of gin.
- Make that two!

After the separation, we got here empty
handed. No destiny, no future.

Tej's family took care of us. They
educated and helped us.

- Move, man.
- Sorry, man. Sorry. Chill.

You don't owe us anything. You're one of us now.

Welcome.

Their eyes shimmer with excitement.

- Their skin smells like rose petals.
- Who's that clown?

That's my dad, actually.

Varun, you can't say no now! Please, Varun!

Don't take out your anger of your parents
on me! Please, Varun! Please!

I told you I don't care about anything anymore.
I don't care. And that's decided.

May this enchanted night last forever
last forever, last forever!

In my opinion, you punjabis
are way too ostentatious.

In my opinion, you bengalis
are way too pretentious.

- Touch?, Ria.
- This is Jibesh, Vandana...

this is Mrs. Rai, Aditi's mother-in-law to be.

What's the funny? Yeah, what's the funny?

- Yes, Ria, get me a rum and coke.
- Please, go get it yourself.

Please, please, please!

I would, but I know so many people, who
know my parents. Please just girl. Please!

- We will start this evening...
- Okay.

...with an spectacular act by
our own beloved Ayesha.

- Please, Ayesha.
- What's the matter?

- Varun won't do the dance anymore.
- Shit!

- I'm so sorry to hear that.
- I don't know what to do. I need to just...

Rahul, you can do it. I mean you've seen
us rehearse the steps so many times.

- Are you crazy?
- You can... you can make up this dances.

You go... you said you love to dance.

Please, I'm begging you. I really need your help.

I can dance but at nightclubs in Melbourne,
you know, I can't dance to this music.

You're such a bloody foreigner.

- I just fell from grace.
- Excuse me, you have to be standing up

in order to be in fall. I mean, if you keep sitting
on your ass, nothing is going to happen.

"Only great warriors fall from
their horses in a battle".

How can a coward know what it is to fall?

Meaning sweetheart, the main thing
is you have to fight the battle.

We are related now.

The idiot is finally dancing!

Everybody come and dance!

I love you, my brother.

Let's stay up all night together.

Really. Let's talk.

Talk? What would you want to talk?

Alice.

Here comes my kissing cousin Aditi.

- Hi, love birds.
- Okay, okay, okay.

- I can handle one woman at a time.
- Oh, really?

Don't tire yourself out! Tomorrow
is the big night.

- Oh, yeah, and don't do bad to my little sister!
- We heard everyone, but Shashi.

We present Shashiji!

I have a sore throat, but I'll try.

- I don't like kissing.
- Typical man! Straight to the point!

No really, I get so confused about what to do.

Does the tongue go in and move
around, does it still stealth?

- It just makes me too nervous.
- Don't think. Just go with the flow.

Don't think? I wish I could do that.

I don't know, kissing is great, but my mind
starts whizzing with the weirdest thoughts

and suddenly I'm thinking of some banal
practical thing that needs to be done.

I don't know what the big deal
is. I know all about kissing.

- Really, baby?
- Everything?

- Yeah, what's the big deal?
- No big deal.

It's gross. You open your mouth,
and he sticks his tongue in.

Yeah, don't you know that's
how older people kiss?

Let's go. I'm completely exhausted.

Bye, bye.

- See you later.
- Bye.

Mama, I want to sleep. Please, Mama.

Yeah, Mr. Cochran, one moment, one moment.

- I'll go help.
- Okay.

- Aliya!
- She's so sleepy.

Would you like some ice cream? I'll
take her out for a drive, okay?

I don't want ice cream.

Oh, she's tired and cranky. I
thought I'd take her for a ride.

Yeah, yeah, sorry.

- Ria!
- Ria, what's happening?

Have you seen Tej uncle, a tall man...

- What's the matter, Ria?
- Just let her go.

- Is anything the matter? What is it?
- Just let her go.

- Let her go from what?
- From you, you bastard! You alright?

Ria, have you gone mad? I think
she's had too much to drink.

What happened?

It wasn't enough that he touched me
when I was a girl! That wasn't enoigh

- you taught Aliya how to be kiss?
- Ria, stop this nonsense!

What did you get out of it? I didn't
even have breasts, you sick mad...

You are insane and a liar!

Seven afternoons. Seven afternoons
of how older people kiss.

You took my clothes off.
"Open your mouth, Ria."

- Will you stop it!
- Don't touch me!

Don't touch me! Don't touch me!

- And now he's doing it all over again to Aliya!
- She's lying, Lalit. She's... she's lying.

You don't want to believe me?

That's fine. I'm not a part of this.

I'm not a part of you.

Say something, Lalit. She's lying.

You know I don't lie, uncle. You
know it! You know I don't lie!

She's lying, Lalit! Unmarried girls like Ria...

- they make up all these fantasies! She's lying.
- Ria! Ria! Ria, Ria...

Ria, Ria, Ria, Ria, Ria, you can't
go! Ria, Ria, please! Ria!

She's mad.

They're all going crazy.

Lalit?

I'm falling. Hold me, Pimmi.

Ria.

Ria?

Ria?

Don't do that, my dear.

Let's go home.

Come! I want you to come
home with me just now.

I don't want to hear anything.
Please, huh? Listen to me.

Change your clothes and come home with
me. I'll wait for you in the other room.

- Don't pretend like nothing happened.
- Ria.

- I'm not pretending.
- You are!

- You are! You are!
- I don't know how to console you, Ria.

What you've gone through,
I can't even imagine it.

- I'm confused. What can I do?
- You can't do anything, uncle.

Ria, if you don't come home, the
wedding will be cancelled.

Come home, Ria.

I don't even know what to do.

I don't know what to do,
Ria. My hands are tied.

Tej Bhai-sahab and our family
goes back a very long way.

We owe him so much.

- Come back home, please.
- Please, it's not your fault.

- Then why are you punishing me?
- I'm not.

And your sister and your
mother? Listen, darling.

I cannot break up my family.

I cannot.

Please, don't ask me to make that choice.

I don't know what your father himself
would have done... in my position.

I know I can never replace your
father, but you're my child, huh?

Aren't you my little girl?

My family means everything to me.

Please, don't leave us.

Please.

Ria, if you go...

everything will be destroyed.

- What's your name, little girl?
- Aliya.

Move to the left, please. Very nice.

Very nice.

Look up, smile.

A big smile.

Very nice. Beautiful. What a lovely family.

Uhm... what's your name, please?

- Ria.
- Stand there, please.

Up on the front.

By the gentleman here.

Hold it.

Eyes wide open. And one, two...

Okay, everybody smile together.
And watch the birdie!

And three. Very good.

Okay, last picture. Big smile, please.

Okay, thank you.

Honey, come receive the
blessing from the elderly.

I miss you so much, papa.

Please.

Go in, please.

- Uh, I'll go out and receive the guests.
- No. No.

Puri, I don't want you to receive the groom.

I can't do this. I can't, I'm sorry.

- Lalit...
- I don't even want you here. Please.

I cannot allow this, Puri. I cannot.

Both of you just leave my home
and my family and go.

- Lalit, what are you saying?
- I don't want to say anymore. Please.

Please don't make it worse.

- Lalit, it's nonsense...
- No, no, I don't want to say anything.

Please don't make it worse.

These are my children, Puri.

And I will protect them from myself
even if I have to. Please go.

Are you ready?

The groom's family is here.

Go ahead, Verma family! Get all wet, you idiots!

May I?

Take the groom inside. He'll get soaked.

Long live Mr. and Mrs. Dube!

Here come Dube and his beautiful wife!

This is your tent! You can't be in the rain.

Excellent water-proof tent, Dube!

Here comes the bride!

The nuptial necklaces!

Umang, my son!

My dear son, you're here!

- My dear son, you're here!
- Music!

We finally made you an Indian.

Come on, Mrs. Dube, come and dance!

CAPTlONS BY VlDEOLAR
Edited, ReSynced, more Completed by Klaff2004