Monkey Business (1998) - full transcript

Hmm, don't we got it made?

Both of us sitting here,
eating a couple of kosher
ballparks.

Doesn't get much better than
this, does it?

You got a little ketchup right
there on the side of your
mouth.

WOMAN: [OVER RADIO]
All units, 211
in progress on the corner

of Ganesha
and Mendecito.

All available units, repeat,
all available units,
please respond.

This is Beddinger, I'm
responding to the 211,
I'm in the area.

Send backup.

That won't give me time to
drop you back at home,

so buckle up, kid.



[SIREN WAILING]

[GROANS]

I need a vacation.

You too, huh?

I'm really bummed.
Today Derek is leaving,
and so are my parents.

First you complain that
your parents aren't together,

and now that they are
together, you're still
complaining.

At least you have
both parents.

Besides, your babysitter
is hot.

I'd rather be bound and gagged
than be taken care of by her.

Anyway, all these changes
are really traumatic for me.

-I'm really gonna miss her.
-Did you tell him?

I tried, he wouldn't let me.

"No big deal goodbyes,"
he says.



Well, I'm not going to miss
Derek's wisecracks.

And what about
those stupid hats?

Oh, Derek!

Derek, Derek!

[TRUCK HONKS]

I'm gonna miss you, Derek.

You crying over him already?

Shut up.

Besides, you'll forget him
in a week.

You guys aren't only
disgusting, but you're
heartless as well.

Marla, wait. Marla, we wanna
talk to you about our new
recruit.

Don't you have
any dignity left?

-Derek's body isn't even
cold yet!
-You'll like him though.

His name's Wyatt.
He's cooler than Derek.

And so are his hats.

Nobody's cooler than Derek.

-I am.
-Says who?

You know, Rico, the difference
between champ and chump
is you.

You know,
we'll all miss Derek.

Here, doggie doggie.
Here, doggie doggie doggie.

[CHUCKLES]
Hey, doggie doggie.
Come here, you're a good dog.

You're so cute.

Come here, doggie.
[GROANS]

Nice dog.

Now, that's the way
to catch a dog.

No, I've tried that, George.

It just... It doesn't
work for me.
It's so deceitful.

Well, you can't just say,
"Here, doggie doggie," and
expect him to come to you.

Well, I think you're wrong,
George.

Because I think that they will
come to you if they trust you.

Now, maybe these dogs have
heard about our past.

-What, you think they got
a pooch Internet?
-No, George, not like that.

But haven't you noticed how
all the dogs in the shelter
are talking to each other?

Yeah, they're saying,
"Louie's a nutcase."

His elevator doesn't go
to the top floor.

He's a few sandwiches short
of a picnic.

Hey, that's not very nice,
George.

Hey, you know that I always
have enough sandwiches for my
picnics.

Look, I just want to do a good
job here,

so that we can stay on
when the Leader gets out of
jail, okay?

Yeah, yeah, I don't want to
work for him either.

Just the thought of him
skinning the dogs makes me
get nervous.

Hey, George, what if he gets
out of jail and he finds us?

Look, Louie, he's gonna be
there a long time.

And besides, we didn't tell
Beddinger anything he didn't
already know.

Yeah, but does the Leader
know that?

Hey, Cruella!

Time to reenter
the population.

Maybe next time you won't
punch the Warden. Come on.

You miss Derek,
don't you, honey?

Well, I'll tell you what.
We'll give him a call when
we get back, okay?

And your favorite show is on
tonight, sweetie.

We will be back before
you know it.

Now, be nice to Sheri.

Oh, no, not Miss Bimbo Sheri.

Come on, now,
don't be mad at us.
We can't go away with you mad.

Then don't go!

Look, I'm sorry, Dad.
But does Sheri have to
take care of me?

I'm afraid she does. She's
about the only babysitter left
that you haven't

karate chopped.

Besides, there's a whole lot
of creepy guys around here
that would like to kidnap

-a kid like you.
-Stop that, you're gonna
scare her.

Oh.

By the way, the Captain said
that he was gonna come by
and check on you two, okay?

I'm not a baby. I can take
care of myself, Mother.

[SCOFFS] Enough.
Stop encouraging her, Phil.

[LAUGHS]

-Hi, Mr. and Mrs. Beddinger.
-Hey, guys.

We hope you have a great time.

MRS. BEDDINGER: Thanks, kids.

Will you stay
here a few minutes until
Sheri gets here?

-Anything.
-Especially for Sheri.

That's a loser thing to say.

Bye, Mom! Bye, Dad!

Have a good trip.

So, when's Sheri coming?

Soon, but I suggest that you
leave before she gets here.

Why? She's just my type.

Get serious, shrimpster.

I know she digs me,
I can tell.

Stop it, Timothy. You're
becoming a total gross-oid.

Yeah, the star thing is really
going to your head.

-I miss the nerd
she used to be.
-Well, I'm not going back.

I spent more time on that
stupid computer than
having fun.

I just don't feel right about
replacing Derek so fast.

He's killer. He just moved
in from New York.

His dad works
at the university.

You could at least check
him out.

I think I'll pass.
I'm gonna go take Vulcan
for a walk. See you later.

Suit yourself.

MARLA: Dear Derek,
I really miss you.

I wish you hadn't moved,
but I guess that's life.

Well, I just had to let you
know what was happening
with the Cobras.

You won't believe the latest
mess we got into.

It all started when Rico and
Timothy were initiating this
new guy, Wyatt.

We could make him ask out
Frida Hothmeyer.

That is brutal.

How about eating a worm?

I heard old man Meyers
died from that.

-Gross.
-[KNOCKING]

Come in.

-Oh, hey, guys.
-Hey.

We're gonna ask you a few
questions to see if you, uh,
fit into our club.

Go for it.

You're on a secret mission,
and you get caught by your
parents. What do you do?

Rule number one is that I
never rat on my friends.

You have a really awful
teacher that picks on you,

humiliating you in front of
the entire class.

How do you get her back?

I pretend to throw up all over
my desk, making her leave in
sheer disgust.

-Just like Derek!
-Who?

Our last Cobra did just that.
He's an expert in fake
throw up.

Sounds like a pretty
killer dude.

So, you think you can take
his place?

I may not be as cool
as him, but I have some
tricks up my sleeve.

Well, there's still the
initiation for you to go
through.

Are you up for it?

-What initiation?
-Let's call Marla and have us
meet her there.

GUARD: Come on, let's go.
Come on, company's here.

Oh, wow. It looks like they
let a new animal out of
the zoo, huh, Frederick?

FREDERICK: Yeah. [LAUGHS]

I believe prison suits you,
my friend.

I've eaten men like you
for breakfast.

You need a mint, and I don't
eat breakfast.

Bad for my figure. Nothing
worse than an out of shape
criminal, you know.

[BURPS]

You know, when you ever have
anything useful to say,
let me know.

Otherwise, don't waste
my time.

[GROWLS]

Don't you ever touch me!

Especially when I'm tinkling.

[LAUGHS]

You're such a handsome boy!

Good puppy, isn't he?

-He's a handsome boy.
-Look at the shine
on his coat.

[INDISTINCT]

No, Louie, you're feeding him
too much. He's gonna explode.

George, that's disgusting.

He's not that cool.

What are they doing here?

Who are they?

You're on a need-to-know
basis.

Those are the goons that
stole Vulcan.

-They're here?
-Who?

-Oh, him.
-He's a she.

With a name like Vulcan?

We named her that because
she's so tough.

Vulcan means
protector of the fort.

So are you ready?

Okay.

Is that good?
You like that?

[CHITTERS]

[LAUGHING]

You like that?

-George?
-Yeah?

-The monkey?
-What?

The monkey!

Oh!

That was not funny.

You kids ought
to be ashamed...

Oh, no, the Cobras.

The Cobras,
they're the Cobras.

Affirmative.

And you two should be the ones
ashamed of yourselves.

I bet if this place knew what
kind of hideous things you've
done to animals,

and especially Vulcan,
they wouldn't even
let you work here.

LOUIE: Hey, I never did
anything bad to any animals.

Tell her, George.
I loved Vulcan.
It's true.

It's true,
I would never hurt her.

See, we got community service
for our punishment,

-but it's like it
wasn't really punishment,
right, George?

-Well, um...
-See, we love it here.

In truth, the community
service thing ended about
three months ago.

It did?

-I was gonna tell you
about that, George.
-I'll deal with you later.

I mean, the fact is,
we're kind of good at this.

Yeah, we're really sorry.

Well, I guess everybody's
allowed to make one mistake.

Hey, back off. I didn't say we
were at hugging stage yet.

[LAUGHS]

Let's help you round up
the animals.

Wait a minute, I think we have
some unfinished business
here.

I declare Wyatt to have passed
the initiation.

-I second the dude.
-All right.

All right, all right.
On a 30-day trial basis.

[WHISPERS] She likes you.

Can we just get on with it?

ALL: Cobras! [HISSING]

You know, after spending this
quality time with you,

I'm beginning to think I
could use a man like you.

I might even have a very
important job for you soon.

You know what?
I don't work for anyone.

That's why they call me
Leader.

Really?
Not even for a large sum
of money?

Depends how large.

So, what brings such a refined
felon as you here?

A man named Beddinger,
an Officer Beddinger.

-Me too.
-Really?

Well, you see, we have more
in common than I thought.

This guy Beddinger and the
police went to some extremes
to put me in jail.

You know, planting evidence,
tapping my mother's telephone,
following my lady friends,

and then concocting phony
testimony.

-How about you?
-Uh, dognapping.

[CHUCKLES]

-You're joking, right?
-[GROWLS]

I never joke.

I believe that.

Anyway, I made the mistake
of kidnapping Beddinger's
kid's dog.

She and her little gaggle of
friends called the Cobras
set me up.

So you were done in
by some kids?

Boy, that's different.

Hey, don't fool yourself.

These kids are ruthless.

Anyway, I was selling dogs to
Melanesia for skin
substitution serum.

-Dalmatians, actually.
-Boy, that sounds complicated.

It isn't. Unfortunately,
I had these two losers
working for me.

If they hadn't stolen that
brat's dog, I never would have
been caught.

Hmm, I'll be.

What do you think you're
doing?

MARLA: I don't think I'm doing
anything. I am doing it.

That is my sundae.

And my TV show is on
right now.

I'm staying here too.

In case you forgot,
I'm the boss of this house
while your parents are gone,

and if you don't behave,
I'll have you grounded.

That's it. [YELLS]

[STRUGGLING]

Stop it!

Get off me!

Stop it!

Hey!

Oh, no, not you!

Who are you?

I'm Harry Reynolds,
the police captain,

and you better get your
act together, young lady.

Hey, she jumped on me.

Well, she was eating my
ice cream!

And my TV show was
on right now.

I don't see her name
on the ice cream,

-and besides, I was
watching TV first.
-All right, girls.

-Come on.
-You are such a total and
complete bimbo.

-Yeah? Well you're a...
-Ladies!

A spoiled brat.

-Bimbo!
-Brat!

-Bimbo!
-Brat!

Bimbo! Bimbo!

-Brat!
-Bimbo!

-Brat!
-Bi...

[EXCLAIMS]

[LAUGHING]

[SHRIEKS]

There's a new sheriff in town.

[GIRLS SIGH]

Well, it just seems like some
vengeance is in order here.

You know, it's not the six
months that I've spent.

What it really is, is all the
money that I have been losing.

Dreadful food that they've
made me eat.

With any luck, and my
over-priced attorney, I'll be
out of here in a few days.

There's always a technicality
on appeal.

If you know the right people.

Yeah, well I'm getting out
tomorrow. The jail's so
overcrowded, I guess that

dognapping is low
on their list.

Well, then we'll have to meet
for a drink next week.

Discuss how we're gonna make
Beddinger pay for our time.

And the Cobras too.

[LAUGHS]

-I like it.
-Yeah.

-Aw, gee,
did you give me five or...
-Three aces.

[KNOCKING]

Sorry I'm late, son.
I left my...

Wallet, glasses, or keys?

Wallet in the office,
and then I locked myself
out of the car.

You know how it is.

-Sure, Dad.
-So, what you up to?

Trying to hack some code.

Ah, whose platform
we hacking today?

-NASA.
-Wyatt, I told you before,
you shouldn't messing with

-confidential architecture.
-I'm not doing anything
critical.

I'm just trying to see
if I can get in.

Their encryptions are
pretty good.

Hey, have you tried a Trojan
horse in their Unix system?

Break the connection.

You remember
what happened last
time you messed with

-government mainframes.
-Yeah, that was pretty cool.

Cool nothing!
We were interrogated
for how long? Two hours?

You know, that could have
jeopardized my job at the...

-University.
-Right, the university.

[COMPUTER BEEPS]

-All right. It's done.
-Thank you.

You know, sometimes, Wyatt,
I don't understand you.

Yes, you do, Dad. You did
worse things than that when
you were younger.

Ah...

By the time I was your age,
I had hacked into NASA,
the FBI, the CIA.

They were all
righteous acts...

-That's not the point...
-Wyatt.

Wyatt, right.
That's not the point.

-The point is, um, the...
-I'm not living up
to my potential.

Right, that's right.
You're not living up
to your potential.

I want you to do
better than me.

You have the potential
to do great things.

-Don't mess it up, okay?
-Sure, Dad.

Attaboy.

Hey, listen, I'm gonna go get
a Turbo Dog and a Slurpee
at the 7-Eleven.

-You have dinner yet?
-Thanks, I already ate.

Good lad...

Guess I'll go check in on
Record Boy.

Yo, Record Boy,
how's it hanging?

Space Cowboy, good to hear
from you, mate.
How you hanging?

Pretty good, what you up to?

-Just wiggin' out.
-So tell me about Bronies.

I heard they just
got a big record deal,
maybe a movie.

Everyone wants to be in the
movies these days.
They're old news.

-I wanna hear something new.
-Yeah, me too.

-Listen to this, mate.
-[TUNE PLAYS]

[LAUGHS] That was fun.

[OVER INTERCOM] Wyatt!
Could you come down here?

I got my tie caught
in the disposal.

Just a minute, Dad!

Later dude, my dad's
in the kitchen.

-Until we meet again,
Record Boy out.
-All right.

What the am I doing?

Working at a burger joint with
everyone there one third my
age!

[KNOCKS]

Who is it?

TEDESCO: Your fairy godmother,
now open up.

Are you gonna let me in,
or, um, do we exchange
our greetings vicariously?

Oh, there he is.
How's my old cell mate?

Tedesco, my golly.
[LAUGHS]

-So you actually made it out.
-Yeah.

Now, how in the world
did you do that?

Do? It was nothing to do,
it was meant to be.

Besides, after the judge saw
the naughty pictures I had
of him, that was that.

I see that you're keeping
yourself gainfully employed.

Now, who is
this little pretty, huh?

Hey, none of your business,
okay?

Everything is my business.
What is this, personal?

She certainly must take
after her mother.

I haven't seen her
for five years.

-You have a daughter. [SCOFFS]
-That was a long time ago.

Apparently not long enough.

Look, let's just get down to
business. Let me change.

What are you doing here?

Are we going to go through
this every time?

Yes, until you leave me alone.

Well, why don't you just start
thinking of me as your
guardian angel,

always here to protect you?

Aren't you a little big
for an angel?

Besides, angels don't smoke.

Very funny. Let's just go
inside, shall we?

After you, angel.

-Thank you.
-No problem.

[MARLA LAUGHS]

CAPTAIN: What?

What?

Just you... You get out
of here right now!

Hey, you leave him alone!

You...

You have no right
to do that to him.
We were just studying.

Studying? He should be
studying something a little
less private.

You forgot something!

[LAUGHING]

I'm glad you find this
so funny.

So now who's gonna take
care of me? You?

-My guardian angel.
-[LAUGHS SARCASTICALLY]

[PHONE RINGING]

Ah!

-Hello?
-BEDDINGER: Hey, Captain,
you stopped by.

Ah, Beddinger, yeah,
I was just checking
on your daughter.

-Everything's well...
-Dad?

-What's wrong?
-Well, we came upon a bit
of a situation here.

-Is Marla okay?
-Oh, yeah, she's just fine.

It's just that I sort of
fired the babysitter.

What is this,
early maintenance?

LEADER: What?

You know,
the style of your place.

Did you come here
to insult me,
or to talk business?

It's very tempting
to do both.

All right, I'll get down
to business.

I've spent many long hours
trying to come up with a way
to get back at Beddinger,

and still maintain my keen
sense of the absurd.

Excuse me, would you cut to
the chase already?

-Can I talk to Marla?
-Of course you can.

Here.

-Thank you.
-You're welcome.

-Dad.
-Sounds like you were right
about Sheri.

Uh-huh, you owe me big time.

I know you can take care of
yourself, but I'm gonna have
to have the Captain

stay with you until we can
find someone else.

But Dad!

Don't argue with me, honey.
Your mom and I are changing
hotels.

We'll let you know where we'll
be as soon as we can, okay?

Okay, Dad.

Oh, and Marla? Don't karate
chop the Captain, okay?

I love you too, Dad.

Bye.

All right, now I'm gonna order
some Chinese food.

What do you think?
Is that the sort of thing you
people do around here?

That's fine. But first,
you need to learn
the house rules.

Okay.
And just what might they be?

Number one, no smoking
in the house.

Second hand smoke is bad.

Number two,

no leaving your underwear
on the bathroom floor.

And always put the toilet
seat back down,
otherwise I fall in.

It's happened before.

Number three,
and most important,

I always watch Absolutely
Amazinon Monday nights,

so forget the football.

-No...
-Oh, unless it's the 49ers,

because that
Steve what's-his-name
is a total babe.

Oh, boy.

-Hu's? Yeah, you have an
obnoxious child's plate?
-Hey!

Because of the information
you've provided me,
I've been able to come up

with something I think that
even someone with your

limited mental faculties
could appreciate.

[GROWLS]

As I was saying,

I've come up with a plan that
has the joy of retribution
against our friend, Beddinger,

and your little Cobras.

And I also think we could
probably drag those two former
associates,

George and Louie, right
through the proverbial dirt.

I like it.

Please continue, I'm curious.

Do you know the name
Clive Bransom?

You mean the star-maker,
the recluse record
company mogul?

The richest man that no one
has ever seen.

Until now.

[LAUGHING]

[LAUGHING MANIACALLY]

MARLA: We made friends with
George and Louie after they
apologized to us for what they

did with Vulcan
and the other dogs.

When Leader was in jail,
he met that Tedesco guy.

He was
some criminal my dad
busted last year.

Anyway, they came up
with a plan to frame my dad
when he got out of jail.

They hired this guy named
Zipper to get the Cobras' band
to play in his concert.

[SNORING]

[LAUGHING]

Mmm.

What do you suppose this stuff
is made of, anyway?

I'm not sure.

At least it has 20 vitamins
and minerals.

Hmm.

More?

Three bowls is my limit.

You know, I've been thinking

about this whole getting
another babysitter thing.

I don't think we should.
You're doing a fine job.

Vulcan likes sleeping with you
on the couch,

and I don't think you're a
total and complete geekster
like I used to.

-Thanks?
-So, I called the station.

They said you had a week of
vacation left and I told them
that you'd take it now.

Well, that's
just great, Marla.

But don't you think we should
discuss these things first?

Funny. They almost sounded
happy to hear that you weren't
going to be there

for a whole week.

[DOORBELL RINGS]

Guys, I would like you to meet
my angel.

Hey, nice to meet you.

Looks more like the police
captain to me.

Duh.

You kids got any ID?

We're only 10, Mr. Angel.

Hey, speak for yourself.
I'm 11.

10 and three quarters?

Your parents know
where you are?

ALL: Yes.

Don't you think you're
overdoing it a little?

We're just going
to the clubhouse.
Only for a couple of hours.

We'll be back before dark.

Okay. You can go.
On one condition!

[CHUCKLES]

I think the fingerprinting
thing went a little too far.

Yeah.

WOMAN: Wow, look at the limo!

Come on, come on! We're late.

Mr. Hedley.

-I'll catch up with you later,
Mr. Hedley.
-Okay.

It's an honor to meet you,
Mr. Bransom. I can't...

[SHUSHES] Mr. Zipper Hedley,

you are correct to feel like
you're someone special

because I do not spend time
with people.

So I'm going to cut right to
the chase.

I want to start
a new record label.
I need someone to run it.

This person must be a blend of
vision, command, and panache.

That is you, Mr. Hedley.

You say you've been watching
my career for a long time?
I've been watching yours.

Now, you may be just an
insignificant promoter now,

but one day you're going to be
a force in this industry.

I'm your man, Mr. Bransom.

So as I was saying, I have
been following your moves,

and you have a concert coming
up in a few days, do you not?

I do.

I'm very interested
in a group.

They're kids actually.
They call themselves
The Little Cobras.

Now, if you move fast,
I'd like you to put them
on your bill.

I would consider that a great
favor, and then I could
select you to run

my west coast division.

I don't know what to say.

Good, let's just keep it
that way.

You take really good care
of these kids now, okay?

Because I'm going to put a
very big push behind them.

I'll get right on it. And how
do I get in touch with you?

You may not get in touch
with me.

You will go to this address,

they will play the concert
and nothing else.

And then I will contact you.

ZIPPER: Hey, this is my limo.

Where am I?

I'm looking for the Cobras.

Who wants to know?

I do. The name is Zipper,
Zipper Hedley.

What do you want, Mr. Hedley?

So you're the Cobras.

Listen, kids,
I represent Clive Bransom.

We're promoting a concert in
a couple of days, and we want
you to be in it.

You're kidding, right?

This has got to be a joke.

No joke about it.

Think about it and call me.
But don't think too long.

Ladies.

[RALPH CHITTERING]

Hey, Louie. Hi, Ralph.

Hey. You know, Ralph and I
were just having a little
conversation

and we decided we'd like to
take a little vacation.

We got bigger problems, Louie.
I got some bad news.

What?

Leader is out.

-What?
-Yeah.

What are we going to do,
George?

Hey, maybe we could take a
really long vacation and never
come back.

Maybe he'll never find us,
Louie.

George, but if he does,
he's gonna kill us. I saw
a movie just like this.

And they caught the guy, and
they put him in, like, a deep
freezer till he just cracked.

You are already cracked.

Yeah, but I don't want to be
cracked, like, to death.

I know, I know. Me neither.

RECORD BOY: Space Cowboy,
are you there?

Record Boy? It's good to hear
from you.

You too, pal. Any news?

Hey. Have you ever heard of
a guy named Clive Bransom?

[COMPUTER BEEPING]

Record Boy, Record Boy,
are you still there?

I'm here.
Did you say Clive Bransom?

Yeah, ever heard of him?

Can't say that I have, why?

You know the new band I'm
hanging out with, the Cobras?

Definitely.
I'd like to hear them.

Yeah, they're great. Anyways,
some guy showed up named
Zipper something.

He said he represented
Bransom.

Anyways, he said he wanted us
to play some big concert.

Sounds interesting.

Uh, no, something's wrong.

I'll do some research.
Play along with the guy,
and I'll talk to you later.

Signing off!

I've got some great news
you're not gonna...

Cute hat.

I hope you like
beef stroganoff.

What's the news?

-Well...
-[PHONE RINGING]

Ah!
Kid, it's gonna have to wait.

-But...
-I'm expecting a call
from the station.

[PHONE RINGING]

Hello.

Yeah.

Wait, I'm still on vacation.

Well, if I have to.

[COUGHING]

Now?

All right, I'll be there as
soon as I can. I'm babysitting
Beddinger's kid.

Okay.

Bye.

Marla?

It looks like your food has
taken up smoking as well.

I gotta go to work for a few
minutes, Marla, and it could
be something pretty big.

When I come back we'll talk
about getting you another
babysitter. A real one.

I was just kidding around.

It's nothing personal, Marla,
it's just that this news,
well,

it could be pretty bad.

Well, I don't need
a babysitter.
I can take care of myself!

You just stay put
until I get back.

[INDISTINCT]

[LAUGHING]

-Oh.
-So, they gave you the week
off, huh?

Yeah. There always seems to be
some big emergency the minute
my bags are packed.

Next time nobody knows
where I am.

Come on.

Life treating you well,
Captain?

Skip the pleasantries and get
right to the point.

If you insist.

It seems your boy Beddinger
has come into a little extra
cash lately.

Or maybe he has a hobby
involving Swiss bank accounts.

You wouldn't know anything
about this, would you?

I know before you start
accusing this department's
best detective,

you better have some pretty
strong evidence.

Relax. I'm just following
police procedure.

No hard proof
of foul play yet.

It just seems suspicious that
Detective Beddinger, with his
police salary and all,

has opened up Swiss bank
accounts.

Let me see that.

You noticed any strange or
unusual behavior from him in
the last few months?

We all work pretty hard,
you know.

We're under a lot of pressure
just putting food
on the table,

getting home in one piece.

[COUGHING]

That's touching.

Really, it is.
There's just one difference.

Beddinger has a $50,000
Swiss bank account.

So rather than defend him, why
don't you save us some time
and tell us what you know?

Are you insinuating that I'm
involved in some wrongdoing?

Or covering up
for one of my men?

Just a question, Captain.

You better have something
a lot more incriminating than
some bank transaction

before you talk to me
like that.

Look, we're not
the enemy here.

We're just trying to get
to the bottom of this.

And you have to admit.
This does not look good.

I agree. Something doesn't
sound right here,

but there's got to be
a logical explanation.

And don't forget
that old expression,

innocent until proven guilty.

It's probably nothing.

Who knows?

Maybe he won the lottery
and we just haven't heard
about it yet.

Huh.

Marla?

Marla?

I should have never
left her alone.

[BANGING]

[GRUNTS]

Hi!

I didn't hear you come in.

Come on. Come on!

I'm so glad you're back.

Now, just sit down here,

and I have a surprise for you.

Oh, I can't take too much more
of this, please. I give up.

Chasing murderers is easier
than this.

Oh, wow.

I thought I should make it up
to you for being so mean.

I don't want you to leave.
You're better than any
babysitter I've ever had.

Please stay?

Well...

Please?

[STAMMERING]
Well, I'll think about it.

Let's...
Let's dig in first, huh?

Well, I haven't gotten to tell
you about the concert yet.

Uh... So, tell me.

It's gonna be really cool.

Are you listening?

-Hmm?
-You okay?

Oh, yeah. I'm fine, I'm sorry.

So tell me about this...

-Concert.
-Concert, yeah.

So, there are gonna be way
cool bands there.

And one of them is so cool,
you know, they've been my
favorite forever, and...

What happened here?
It looks like someone died
or something.

Just as bad. Here.

It says they're tearing
this place down.

But how can they do that?
I mean, it's our clubhouse.

Yeah, but they don't know
that, dummy.

Don't call me dummy.

When did this come?

It was on the front door
this morning.

According to this, they're
demolishing our place in less
than a week.

So what are we going to do?

Maybe we can fight this.

Fight the city?
We don't have the time.

We've got a concert coming up.

I don't know,
there might be a way.

-Guys.
-Maybe my cousin can
help us out.

He has a place downtown.

Oh great, Rico, how are we
gonna get there?

-Guys!
-We could take the bus.

And carry all our gear, huh?
That plan stinks,
that's stupid.

-Guys!
-BOTH: What?

Why don't we just fix
the problem?

What do you mean?

Go to the source.
The Building Department.

Oh, yeah.

And all we have to do is get
into their files.

Their computer files!

-And bingo.
-No more eviction.

Cool.

Let's get to work!

TEDESCO: Yes, I'm only
going to be in town another
couple of days.

Did you complete
the transfers?

The wire transfers.

Yes, I'm going to need
confirmation that the funds
did go from their account

into my Cayman account.

Yes, it would be unfortunate
if the money stayed in their
accounts.

No, no, I think it's better
that we let them squirm.

And yes, we will be getting
rid of that concert promoter
as soon as we can.

All right. Good.

My best to the missus.
All right, bye-bye.

MARLA: So, Tedesco
put all this money

in a Swiss bank account to
frame my dad and the Captain.

You know, I think Wyatt was
really the only one

that didn't believe that
Zipper guy.

Wyatt had this Internet dude
named Record Boy
check him out.

None of this makes any sense.

This is crazy.

Someone is trying
to frame him.

But why?

How convenient too.

Just when Phil's out of town.

Someone is definitely trying
to get to him.

Besides Internal Affairs.

I better be right,

for Marla's sake.

I circled the Building
Department office that we need
to get into.

-MARLA: Way to go, Rico.
-You know, it's amazing what's
in public domain.

Wyatt, how are you coming?

Good. I've got everything
we need.

So which one of us
is gonna go?

Why can't we all go?

Good way of getting
caught, doofus.

I think Rico and I
should go.

Wyatt's too new. And don't
forget what Marla did on the
last mission.

Hey, it could happen
to anyone.

[SCOFFS]

I'm just not good with
computers.

I tried downloading off of my
dad's computer at the police
station

and the Captain caught me.
It was quite embarrassing.

My mom will be gone all day
tomorrow visiting her aunt.

And Rico's mom here
will be at work.

We'll be on call here in case
you need anything.

Hold on! Incoming.
It's my bud from England!

England? Isn't that going to
cost you a lot of money?

I'm on the Net.
It's a local call.

Cool.

COMPUTER: Good morning,
Space Cowboy.

Afternoon, Record Boy.
I'm here with the greatest
band in the world, the Cobras.

Greetings, Cobras, nice to
meet you.

So, Cowboy, I dug up
information

on your Mr. Bransom
from an inside source.

This guy's quite a character.
He loves to discover
new talent,

but doesn't come out
in public.

He supports five different
youth charities and two
orphanages.

He seems like a man of honor,
your Bransom.

Anyway, that's all I have
for now.

Whoa, how'd you get
all that info?

That guy that was supposed to
be so secretive.

I have my ways.

[COMPUTER BEEPING]

[LAUGHING]

I get into records. That's why
they call me Record Boy.

I thought that was supposed to
be for your cool sounds.

Well, that too.

What a goofball.

Why don't you Cobras
play a song?

Okay, but it'll have to be
a short one.

We have a lot of work to do.

Wow, Marla,
breakfast looks great.

But I can't stay, I gotta get
to the station.

But you have to eat breakfast.
It's the most important meal
of the day.

[CHUCKLES]
Sounds more like you're
babysitting me.

You're finally catching on.

You know, I read somewhere
that a 13-year-old girl has
the same emotional

maturity as a 50-year-old man.

Aren't you a little young to
be reading those trashy
tabloids?

You mean The New England
Journal of Medicine?

Just kidding.

Look I'm really sorry,
but I gotta run, all right?
I'll be back in a flash.

But I have to talk to you
about the clubhouse!

"It has come to our attention
from an unidentified source
that Detective Beddinger

"has been transferring a large
sum of money to a
Swiss bank account."

What?

This can't be right.

This is crazy!

-Oh, hey, just the guy
I'm looking for.
-Now's not a good time...

No, I disagree,
now is the perfect time.
This isn't a request.

Can we get right to it?
I got work to do.

Oh, I bet you do.

It seems that I have
uncovered something.

New troubling evidence.

Do you know what this is?

Yeah, it looks like
another one
of those bank transactions.

Oh, I've lost all semblance
of humor today, Captain.

That's a wire transfer by
phone for $50,000 sent to
a Swiss bank account

bearing your name.

You and Beddinger got some
kind of big plans?

-This is crazy!
-Two $50,000 wire transfers
made within a couple of hours

of each other.

Ah, this isn't crazy.
This is incriminating.

No, this is a setup!

Oh, I see, both you
and Beddinger were framed?

[CHUCKLES]
Maybe you were
both just sloppy.

You don't get it, do ya?
Somebody is going through a
lot of trouble to make me and

Beddinger look bad! Instead of
investigating your own men,
maybe you should be out there

trying to find a connection,

-like somebody
with a vendetta.
-Oh!

We'll make
a connection all right.

I'm afraid we both
know where it's gonna lead.

I'm telling you, neither
Beddinger nor I know anything
about this.

I know one thing for sure,
I will get to the bottom of it
with or without your help.

Nice. Sweet. Brief.

Just tone it down.

I'm the captain here.
And don't you forget it.

You know I wouldn't count on
that pension if I
were you, cappy.

Well, we really ought to have
a toast, 'cause things are
going as planned.

Transfers have been completed.
Trail has been left for the
police.

Two transactions are pending,

and when they get
a load of this, Beddinger and
the Captain will be buried

so deep in innuendo, they'll
wanna turn in their shields.

-To us.
-To the money.

Yeah.

You know, I don't know why I'm
sharing my money with you when
you're quite useless.

You'd better watch
yourself, Tedesco.

If it wasn't for me,
you wouldn't be pulling
this off to begin with.

Come on, don't be so touchy.
I'm just kidding.

Yeah, well I don't like that
kind of humor. It's two-faced.

Why don't we take our
masks off, okay?

Good idea,
because you know what?
I hate fakes!

Well, I don't care for you.

And I didn't care for you when
you invaded my cell.

I certainly
don't care for you now.

But the facts are you have
helped me make a big score
and gain some retribution

against some people that
have hurt me.

Yeah? Well, don't forget that!

Because I remember my friends,
and I never forget my enemies.

What is that, a threat? Huh?

You think you're gonna
threaten me, do ya? Huh? Huh?

No more complaints? Huh?

-She sounded pretty upset.
-Hope she's okay.

I can't believe all of this is
happening at the same time
as our big break.

And the playhouse
being demolished.

Get your priorities straight,
guys, Marla needs us.

-Man, what do you know?
You're just the new kid.
-Marla, what's up?

-Yeah, are you okay?
-No, I'm not.

-Well?
-I found these papers in the
kitchen while I was

-cleaning up.
They belong to the Captain.
-What do they say?

It's from Internal Affairs.
They think my father stole
money and put it into

a Swiss bank account.

-Get out of here!
-That's what it said!

-Maybe it was a fake.
-I can tell the difference.

Besides, there's a case
number and everything.

We've got to get to the bottom
of this and find those
bank records.

What? I'm not
Mr. Mission: Impossible.

I mean, I'm good,
but bank security and the

Swiss cheese heads?
We'll all end up in jail.

I might know a way. You two go
to the Building Department
while me and Marla

take care of this.

Wyatt, we'd better go over to
my house and
talk to the Captain.

Okay, good luck guys.

-ALL: Cobras! [HISSING]
-Let's go!

Yeah!

Don't pay any attention to
the man behind the liquor.

BOTH: He's lost it!

Um, I think it's time you
stopped drinking.

I don't drink usually...
Ever!

And if I ever catch you kids
drinking, that'll be the end
of you. Kabam!

Right in the slammer.

-I know what's wrong.
-Oh, really? I doubt that
very much.

We saw the memo
on Marla's dad.

Oh, no, I really messed up.

-We're trying
to clear his name.
-Oh, I think it's a setup.

I.A. is handling the case now.

-I'm gonna go make
some coffee.
-I'm gonna check things out

on my laptop.

-How do you make coffee?
-[SIGHS] I'll do it.

Ow! Excuse me.

-Ow!
-Ah!

Oh, while you're
on that thing,

see if there's, uh,
any news on recently
released criminals.

I think there's actually a
website, believe it or not.

[GROANS]

Here, you can use
my phone line
from over here.

Weird. It went dead.

Now it's busy. Hmm.

I'll call the Captain.

[SIGH] Machine...

Yeah, this is Beddinger.
I just tried to get
you over at our house,

but the line was busy.

Anyway, we're on Route 1
here at our little
secret destination.

Sorry I missed you.
Hope everything's okay, call
you tomorrow. Take care.

-Bye.
-Bye.

-Here it is.
-I don't believe it!

-What?
-Captain, come quick!

What's wrong?

-You're not going to
believe this.
-Let me see.

Leader and Tedesco were
released within two days
of each other.

-[CAPTAIN SIGHS]
-Leader is the guy
who stole Vulcan.

What a scumbag.

This whole thing smells like
a Tedesco operation.

He's a
pretty slick character,

mostly white collar crime.

Tedesco... Oh, I remember him.
My dad caught him last year.

Yeah, and we almost put him
away too, but he got off
on a technicality.

Hey, Wyatt, can you check out
Swiss bank accounts?

We already tried that,
but let me take
another crack at it.

No, still not working.
I'm locked out.

Okay, I gotta find Tedesco.
He's got the
information I need.

Sorry. Excuse me, I gotta
go to the
little boy's room.

[LAUGHING]

-So, what are we gonna do?
-I think it's pretty clear.
I can't find the information

on the Net.

The Parole Bureau will
have his address.

But Wyatt, isn't
that dangerous?

We won't do anything stupid.
We'll just check things out.

Besides, if we pull this off,
we'll set everything straight
with your dad.

There it is, Hall of Records
[CHUCKLES].
Come on, let's do this.

[TALKING INDISTINCTLY]

-Are you almost done yet?
-I told you that
this might work.

Give me some more time.

Some people are heading
this way. Hurry!

Shut up and let me work.
Man, make a diversion
if you have to.

[INAUDIBLE]

[TALKING INDISTINCTLY]

Help! I don't know what to do!

Oh, my God,
what's the matter, hon?

I was chased here by
a couple of gang guys.

I ran in that room.
Am I in trouble?

Oh, no, for criminey's sake,
you're not in trouble.

Can I get you something?
You want a Snapple maybe?

-That would be great.
-Okay, can you get him
a Snapple, hon?

Thanks, you're a peach.

Oh, my gosh,
are you all right?

I'm fine, I haven't eaten
since dinner last night.

Oh, for Pete's sake, poor
little dear, why don't I go
and get you something, huh?

A candy bar maybe?

Oh, you're cute. Okay, maybe.
I'll be back in just
a minute, okay?

-Sure.
-Okay.

-Are you almost through yet?
-Done, the files are changed.

-Cool!
-And I changed a couple
of other things

-for good measure.
-You're too much.

[CHUCKLES] Yeah.

MARLA: Here's where everything
gets really weird.

Wyatt's plan was to sneak into
Tedesco's office and get the
bank records.

We didn't even see the creep
that grabbed us.

Then out of nowhere comes
this cool karate guy
to help us.

We didn't find out until later
that he was really working for
Wyatt's friend Record Boy,

who was secretly keeping
an eye on us.

He was really protecting us
from the bad guys.

You joking me?
Two snotty little kids!

Beddinger's daughter.
Well, now I'm gonna remove
my gloves.

Get out of my sight!
Get up and get out!

Go on, get out!

Useless piece of...

TIMOTHY: You know,
we should've heard
from them already.

I know.
I'm getting a little worried.

Hey, what did you do
to the computer at the
Building Department?

-I just changed locations
for the demolition site.
-You didn't!

-Where?
-[FOOTSTEPS APPROACHING]

-Zipper! What's up, man?
-I came by to see if you kids
are in or out.

BOTH: Definitely, we're in!

Good, good, good.
Because the
concert's tomorrow.

I'll get you the contract and
you get ready to be big stars.

Hon.

It's real, man.
We're on our way!

BOTH: Ow!

[SHUSHES]

[SNORING]

Wyatt, we did it. With this,
we can clear my dad
and the Captain.

-You were great, Marla.
-Yeah. So were you.

Do you still think
I'm not cool?

I wouldn't say that now.

[PAGER BEEPING]

[MARLA CHUCKLES]

I'd better get going.
My dad's expecting me.

-Make sure you put the
papers in a safe place.
-I will.

See you later.

The police station.

Wyatt?

[MARLA SCREAMS]

Well, even you,
Mr. police chief,

have to admit that my little
plan is, shall we say,
flawless.

The poor distraught
police captain, upset over him
and his partner,

of course, Detective Beddinger
being caught embezzling,

decides out of sheer
desperation

to save the
unfortunate daughter of
Beddinger from all the pain

and humiliation by dispensing
of both of their lives
at the same time.

[CHUCKLES] Do you like that?
Sort of like a storyline
from a movie, isn't it?

A little overly dramatic
perhaps, but I
would say effective!

-What the going on here?
-I'm tying up some loose ends.

Little Miss Beddinger got her
fingers caught
in the cookie jar.

She almost got her hands
on our transactions.

All right,
you have your papers.
Now let them go.

Why, does she remind you
of some other little girl?

-What girl?
-You know, the little girl in
the picture, your daughter.

What do you know about her?

Hmm.

Listen. Don't even
think about it.

Besides, I don't know where
she is and I bet
you don't either.

You know, I make it my point
to know everything I can
about my employees.

Of course, you could
never have found her.

It took me about a
second to find out where
the little tyke was.

I'll put it
to you this way, it's either
Beddinger's kid or yours!

-You've gone too far!
-You wanna see your daughter
again, you leave me alone!

Now look, as soon as I get my
money, I'm gonna set them free
and I'll forget all

about your daughter.

There we go.

And if you talk, you're gonna
end up over there
with your friends.

I don't want any part of this.

You made a big mistake messing
with me. Now, I'll ask you
one more time!

-Let them go!
-You're in no position to
be giving orders.

Now get out!
Or you'll never see
your daughter again.

Get him out of here.
I said escort him out.

[HUMMING]

Kind of late,
aren't we, Sedgwick?

Make a wrong turn
or something?

Quit razzing me.
It is still early.

We've been up for
quite a while.

-Mr. Early Bird Sedgwick.
-George, make him stop.

Louie! Right, Sedgwick, what
do you have for us?

Well, let's see, I got two
stray cats, garden snake,

cockatoo!

[STAMMERING] And this
spotty one here.

What's she doing here?
Sedgwick, where did
you find her?

Out 'round Taylor Pass,
she looked kind of lost to me.

Hey, girl,
where's your master?

No, something's
not right here.

Yeah, Marla would never let
Vulcan out alone.

-What are we gonna do, George?
-Oh, I think we should
call the Cobras.

-The Cobras?
-Yeah.

Something's gotta be wrong.
I just called her and
no one answered.

-Okay, I'll see you in a few.
-Hey, pal, you ready yet?

-Ready for what?
-We're going to Grandma's
for her birthday.

-I hope you at least
got her a card.
-Dad, you must've

forgotten to tell me.

-I can't go.
-Why, you'll break her heart.
Come on, you got two minutes.

-I already promised my friend.
-Wyatt, you're starting to
upset me.

Now, I'm gonna count to three
for you to change your mind.

One. Two.

-Two and a half...
-Three!

You leave me
no choice, young man.

I'm gonna do something
I've never done before.

I'm... I...

Can't say it. This is gonna
hurt me a lot more than it's
gonna hurt you.

I can't believe you
made me do that.
I will see you downstairs.

[SIGHS]
Sorry, Dad, but I gotta
do what's right.

Marla!

Hello! Anybody ho...

Marla. Oh, man. Marla! Marla!

Marla! Captain!
Oh, man, Marla's in trouble.

-I hope Marla's okay.
-Yeah, I know what you mean.
I hope Ralph's okay too.

But he, uh, got adopted today.

-Some big movie producer.
-You let Ralph go!

-Hey, guys, I had no choice.
-What a chump.

-Hey, you know the difference
between a chump and a chimp?
-You.

[LAUGHING]

This is no time for jokes.
What about Marla?

-Hey, guys.
-What took you so long?

-I stopped at Marla's house.
-Is she okay?

No one was there and the
place was a mess.

-Something happened to
her and the Captain.
-This isn't cool.

Yeah, and our concert starts
in a few hours.

What's wrong with you? How can
you think about the stupid

concert when Marla's
in trouble?

-I'm not, I was just talking.
-GEORGE: Whoa, kids...

Quit bickering, we gotta
come up with a plan.

Let's call the cops.

I already did that and they
said the Captain
was on vacation.

And we couldn't do anything
about Marla for 24 hours.

-Oh, great.
-What are we gonna do?

I have an idea.
Captain has a pager.

If we track his pager,
we should be able

-to get a fix on his location.
-You can do that?

I think I remember
the phone number...

Next I uplink to Telecon's
satellite and put a track
on his pager.

COMPUTER: All systems ready.

Then I use the satellite
to track his location.

-Almost. Almost. Darn!
-What? What happened?

I don't know.
The satellite was tracking,

but it said the unit
isn't receiving.

-What does that mean?
-It means that
his pager's off.

-Or the batteries are dead.
-Or they're dead.

-They can't be dead.
-You've tried everything.

I'm not giving up, understand?

Let me try something.

I think I got it.

-What did you do?
-I retraced the last time his
pager went off with

his cellular company's pager.
Let's just hope the
address is correct.

Way to go, Timothy!
Once a nerd, always a nerd!

[CHUCKLES]

Come on, let's go get her!

Come on, you guys.
She'd be there for you
no matter what.

-There'll always be
another concert.
-It's too dangerous, guys.

-I live for danger.
-All right.

Yeah, we're the Cobras!

ALL: Cobras! [HISSING]

[LAUGHING]

[RUSTLING]

Hey, come on. Check it out.

Thank you.

I know you don't believe me,
but I'm not gonna let anything
happen to you.

But... But what about Captain?

I'll see what I can do.

But what about Captain?
He's my greatest hero.

I can't go anywhere
without him. [SOBBING]

[SHUSHING] I'll try okay?
I'll try...

Oh, please don't do that.

I once had a girl
just like you, okay?

No, no. Get down. Get down!

[MUFFLED CRIES]

Hey! Bozos! Police!

Didn't even muss my hair.

Hold it right there.

[SQUISHING]

-Got here as fast as I could.
-The coast is clear. Come on.

There we go.
Come on, let's get up.
There we go.

I... I'm sorry, Captain.
I never meant for any
of this to happen.

Ooh... That smarts.

-Are you okay, honey?
-Yeah, I'm fine.

Oh, good.

I need a cigarette. [SIGHS]

-Hey, what are you doing?
-Monkey see, monkey do.

Angel...

Excuse me, boys.

I really hope you find your
daughter someday.

Well, now I have a reason.

Let's go, buddy.
Taking you downtown.

What? Excuse me,
didn't I just save your life?

-There's still a small matter
of that conspiracy charge.
-Yeah, but, you know...

Captain, I mean, let me just
explain something to you.
We didn't mean anything by it.

I know, but I'm gonna put in
a good word for you
with the D.A.

-Just tell her it was
all in fun.
-Don't worry about it.

-Bye, boss.
-Oh, shut up!

-Are you okay?
-Yeah, I just
can't believe this.

-We were really worried
about you.
-Yeah!

-What about the concert?
-Forget the stupid concert!

-Yeah, we had to come
rescue you.
-Cobras to the rescue.

Go! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah!

ZIPPER: We took in
a lot of money.

Mr. Bransom. I wasn't
expecting to see you here.

No one really knows what to
expect from me, do they?

-May I offer you a drink?
-No, but there is, uh,
something you can get for me.

Mr. Bransom, I tried to
get the kids. I don't know
what happened to them.

Shut up! I am not interested
in these stupid kids.

Why would I care about some
snotty nosed children?

I am here for something
much more important.
Now hand me that briefcase.

Come on! Hand over the money!

Now, you see, we have you and
your boy compromised here,

and I have a bullet with your
name on it aimed
right at your temple.

If I were you, I would just be
a good little boy and not
give me any trouble. Okay?

Please...

Allow me to introduce myself.

My name is Clive Bransom.

All this play acting
is becoming extremely tedious.

I think it's time to flush
the rats from the sewer.

And get this one
right out of my sight.

[SIGHS]
Thank God that's over.

You wouldn't happen to have
a job for me, would you?

[SHUSHES] You just make sure
that all that money gets to
the right people.

Ah... Amateurs.

MARLA: Record Boy turned out
to be the real Clive Bransom.

Now we get to
record a real song.

Dad and the Captain got
off the hook.
I miss you, Derek,

and I'll write
you more tomorrow.
Bye for now.

[MUSIC PLAYING]

Good morning.

I am Clive Bransom.

Oh, no, not again.

[SIGHS]
Sorry, mister, but we've heard
that one already.

Ah, right. Well then...

Perhaps this will help.

Clive Bransom.

I hate to tell you this,
mister, but my brother
once had a card that said

Santa Claus.

Man, we think you're
just another fake.

Well, now that creates a
rather unique problem.

-I have never had to prove
who I am before.
-There's always a first.

You must be
Space Cowboy.

I think I'd better start
from the beginning.

It's true that my name
is Clive Bransom,

but you might now me
better as Record Boy.

Record Boy?

And it's been a pleasure
talking to you all these
last months.

As a matter of fact, I feel
like I know each and
every one of you.

You're Timothy.

A bit of a scamp, I hear,

but with a voice that is
sweeter than anything.

Are you really Clive Bransom?

Ah, now it's Mr. Rico
I presume.

-One and the same.
-I hear that you lay down
one mean rap.

Not bad.

Ah...

And you, of course, are Marla.

Now, I've heard quite
a bit about you.

It's nice to meet you,
Mr. Bransom.

And I would like to say that I
have never met a more
tenacious group

of young people than you.
In fact, if my entire
organization was made up of

kids like you, I'd be...

I'd be, uh,
even richer than I am today.

-Which is stinkin' rich...
Sir.
-That's right.

I think that now we ought to
get down to business.

-The record business.
-Yeah!

ALL: Cobras! [HISSING]

[LAUGHING]

Hey, guys! Hi!

Hey, sweetie. Oh, God, it's
good to be back home.

Everything back
to normal now, huh?

You know, we drove right by
the school, noticed there's
a bulldozer out front.

I didn't know they were
tearing down that place.

[CHUCKLES]

[RAP SONG PLAYING]