Money Money Money (1972) - full transcript
When they realize the times are changing, five crooks decide to switch from bank robberies to personality abductions. Among their hostages are singer Johnny Hallyday and an ambassador in Latin America. They get framed by a guerrilla leader, who had been kidnapped by them before, and while being tried the French Government decides to let them flee to Africa where they get on with the same old game.
- Did he behave?
- He tried to bribe me.
- A good price, I hope.
- The Revolution's broke.
We'll show him how to get rich
with a few phone calls.
With late charges,
it'll be $300,000.
$200,000 for the ambassador
and $100,000 for Juarez.
$200,000 for the ambassador
and $100,000 for Juarez?
$300,000 for two kidnappings.
A real bargain.
Where's Juarez?
In the shack, up there.
- I see no one.
- One second.
Charlot, are you listening?
Bring out Ernesto.
Have him wave.
Enough.
He can go back in.
You saw him?
Now, give us the money.
What if I refuse?
Young man,
you want Juarez alive?
One second, please.
Thanks a lot!
Charlot!
They're off and running!
Bring Ernesto out.
Have him wave.
He can go back in.
And if I refuse?
You want Juarez alive?
One second, please.
Quick!
- The pictures for our posters!
- Lino'll paint some!
We got it!
Holy shit!
Interesting.
Politics isn't all bad.
I wondered
why people went into it.
- Now I know.
- They paid!
- Call that chicken feed?
- You too?
Curly's getting mad.
They've got problems up there!
Look at the Yanks.
$1,000 the Yanks
get there first.
- $2,000 on mine!
- $3,000 on the Yanks.
- I call you.
- Three on the Yanks.
- Why the Yanks?
- Mine have no style.
5,000 on the Yanks,
the capitalists.
Mine look bad right now,
but look at Curly!
10,000 on the Marxists!
- 12 on the capitalists.
- 15 on the Yanks!
15 each on the capitalists!
I'll give you boys a break.
30 says I take you both.
Okay?
Damn fools!
- You see that!
- $30,000!
The next war will be like that.
One big bang!
No one'll ever know who won.
You know something?
I liked Ernesto.
The best man we've met.
A man has to die
to be appreciated.
Another thing.
He was straight.
Coming or not?
The money, Lino!
We're rich!
Are you sure
you speak English?
To perfection!
- Where did you learn?
- High school.
- You went to high school?
- Till eighth grade.
Go on.
Stop.
- Was it good?
- Fine.
I think you'd better keep that.
Aldo can't speak English,
but he has a good accent.
Paris traffic is bad,
but so is New York's.
"I speak fluent English."
- Fluent!
- I do!
- We get to choose?
- Of course!
You're heartwarming
in that skirt. It suits you well.
- Do you have a magazine?
- Right away, sir.
You're overdoing it.
My glasses.
One second.
Fluent!
- Where were we?
- We stopped there.
Relax, Charlot.
Next job in English,
we send Jacques and Aldo.
- It went fine.
- We'll see in a little while.
I've seen some
good-looking broads.
"Ate Daze"?
Not listed.
Nothing.
Jacques said
it was all here.
No "Ate Daze,"
no "Wick."
I'll take care of it.
Let's sit down.
- What'd you say?
- I asked if we could wait.
You're sure you said that?
I'm sure.
We're waiting, aren't we?
Fine.
How's my hat?
My hat.
The hat's fine,
but the rest...
Y'know, you really
are heartwarming.
- Oh, hello.
- It's gloomy up here.
Downstairs is gay and lively,
but here it's gloomy.
You're right.
Would you like a drink?
- Champagne!
- I'll get it for you.
I make 71,000 francs
a month.
- Interesting!
- Belgian francs.
You're Belgian?
I work soil and beasts.
- You work what?
- Soil and beasts.
- I'm an agricult!
- Agriculturist.
I'd like five glasses
of champagne.
- All for you?
- For a small celebration.
Where are the men
who fly the plane?
The pilots?
Over there.
Over there?
We can't go see them?
No visitors allowed
because of the hijackings.
The fifth glass.
Better be safe than sorry!
With all these imbeciles...
Anything can happen.
So they're over there, you say.
- Aren't they bored?
- Who gets these?
I'll show you.
Make sure no one
hijacks the champagne!
- What is it?
- A passenger's treat.
Evening, Captain.
Thanks for your help.
Don't you panic.
We're used to it.
- So are we. Altitude?
- 8,000.
Go up to 12,000
and keep circling to the left.
Contact the president
of the airline's insurance company.
He has an urgent appointment
with Mr. Smith
and Mr. Wesson.
You speak French?
Great!
Put that away!
Well, now...
we've just heard
that one of the planes you insure,
a 747, to be exact,
has been hijacked.
It so happens,
quite by incidentally,
that we specialize
in rescuing such planes.
Two what?
- Two million.
- In what?
Dollars, naturally.
10%
- 10% of what?
- Of the price of the plane.
What if, unfortunately,
they were to blow it up?
20 million is what
you'd owe the airline.
And you want
these two million in cash.
Naturally.
- And at once.
- Yes, that, too!
And where do I find
that much at this hour?
That's your problem.
You're the insurer!
This lady next to me
kept pestering me.
"How do they fly at night
and not get lost?"
I said we'd ask the captain.
So he told her,
because I already knew.
He said,
"See the little green light
on the tip of the left wing?
And you see
the little red light
on the tip of the right wing?
Well, we just fly between them!"
Suppose I accept?
Then it's all arranged.
Don't worry.
An hour from now,
if we're not followed,
we'll phone you a password
to transmit to the pilot.
And the plane will go beddy-bye
in New York tonight.
"Ginette's striptease
isn't as good as Julie's."
Perfect!
And now please,
turn off your radio.
Say nothing
and take me to Montreal.
If you like, you can then go
beddy-bye in New York.
Are we rich?!
We're rich, you know.
How'll you spend it?
I can't believe...
I was a car thief,
and now I've got billions!
Millions!
Maybe I don't have the build,
but I have a right to dream,
to have lofty thoughts
sometimes.
I always love
other men's wives.
- How do you get rid of them?
- Get rid of them?
It's easy.
You tell them to go,
and they go?
Once I tell them, that's it.
I can't fall in love.
I can't.
Do you know
how much a girl costs?
We've got money now!
You never know
what can happen.
You've got to stay focused!
He's going to hurt somebody!
Lunge, Lino!
Good.
Ad out! Ad out.
117-love!
Be courteous, gentlemen,
or I'll stop the match.
11!
Carrying anything?
A little.38, why?
I've got a fun job.
Here?
The casino cash-box
leaves in 10 minutes.
There'll be a driver and a guard.
Let's have some fun.
Just us two?
Maybe our friend
needs a laugh, too.
Doing all right?
"Our nature must
always come out."
What're you talking about?
What was the point
of starting a new career?
You're going
to blow off our vacation
for a lousy $20,000!
It's not for money,
it's to have some fun!
To kill time, Simon!
Can't you just relax
and do nothing?
There goes
our society of leisure!
- You call this fun?
- You're challenging the whole theory!
Take Aldo and Charlot.
They're enjoying themselves.
Yours, mademoiselle?
Want to knock over
the casino cash-box?
Fuck you! We're on vacation!
Let me pick up the girl!
Sure, this is how
we'll pick up girls!
Look at that fool!
Looks like a train starting.
That's walking!
- Come on, you too!
- Who walks like that?
I always walk like that
for the girls.
Watch the way I move.
Not like that, Simon!
- The leg like that.
- Smoother!
You have to see it
to believe it!
That really does
something for you!
Terrific!
That's how you pick up girls.
- He's riding a bike!
- Style and class!
- Not like that!
- Yes, like that!
I taught him!
I'll show you.
- Italian-style!
- Not like that!
Like this!
Smooth!
Simon, watch!
Let yourself go!
Lino, how do you
want the pasta?
- What'd he say?
- Tomato sauce.
Show me where we are.
We're there.
- Where are we going?
- There, to Haknan-Hwahwa.
Is there an airport?
At Haknan-Hwahwa?
A small one.
So, to Hakna-whatever.
Aldo, the dog and I
will take the plane.
Because I can't stand
any more vacation!
But why stop
at Haknan-Hwahwa?
Just look at
what's become of us!
And look at him!
He's sick!
No, no!
Paris, Paris, Paris!
Lino, the tanning lotion!
Charlot, give me a hand!
You must've caught a whale!
Easy!
You nut, I was sunbathing!
A Michelin 42/12.
A Michelin 42/12,
a very good snow-tire!
- You've had too much sun!
- It's not the sun. I know tires.
Why did we rent a sailboat?
If we had a boat with a motor,
there'd be five girls here.
Why a boat with sails?
What's that?
What's that?
A friend of mine,
a leftwinger,
runs a summer holiday camp.
He gives suntanning lessons.
He told me
there's a triangle right there,
that nobody thinks about.
Jacques, ever study suntanning?
When do we turn in the boat?
When do we turn in the boat?
Are you being funny?
I told you, Paris!
Aldo! The girls!
What'd I tell you
about those girls?
- What'd I tell you?
- "Something's fishy."
And here we are...
going where?
I know one thing:
They're not cops.
It's not the way
they do things!
"Yoo-hoo!
Come have some pasta,
come have some spaghetti!"
He's right, you two
are morons, animals!
How many times...
how many times have I told you
girls mean trouble!
- How many times?
- Never!
If we can't get broads,
with all our money,
what good is it?
I like men, not so much
because they're men,
but because
they're not women!
I didn't see you two
fighting off those girls!
Who shut the door
when you left Ernesto?
- Aldo did.
- You're sure?
I was there.
Mr. Ernesto, you know that...
Jacques, you tell him.
What'd I say about him?
He said that...
of all the men we'd met...
General, you were the best.
He said you were straight.
I even added
you were honest.
Yes, that's right.
Thank you very much.
You know the procedure:
One, kidnapping;
two, ransom.
I'll only ask for the $2 million
from the plane.
Give me your Swiss bank
account number and you're free.
So, what's the number?
Mr. Ernesto, how did you find us?
You're noticeable
when you're on vacation.
Your behavior
isn't very Marxist.
But you aren't Marxists.
You're cheap hoodlums!
Easy, there!
I'll bet $1,000 he talks.
$2,000, he doesn't.
I'm with you, Jacques.
Well?
$2,000 he doesn't talk.
$3,000, he does.
$5,000.
$10,000, he misses,
and $20,000, he doesn't talk.
Double that.
What about that Swiss
account number?
Screw you.
Screw you!
I'm not as good a shot
as you are.
Screw you!
Paper tiger!
You're a paper tiger.
Relax, it's phony.
- What'd he say?
- $10,000 he won't talk.
- I'm in.
- How much?
$15,000.
I won!
- $15,000 he talks.
- $15,000 he talks.
I'll cover all three
for $50,000, okay?
Well, Mr. Bandit?
The Swiss account.
I don't remember.
We'll see.
Drop your pants.
Drop your pants.
Why should I
drop my pants?
You'll see.
It's funny!
Lino, try it!
It's funny!
It's funny, Ernesto!
Does little Poupoune
know Switzerland?
- I've got an offer...
- No!
UBS in Zurich, 9461.
Ask for Hugo Frichthafen,
he'll take care of it.
You are a humanist!
Lt'll surprise Frichthafen!
- But...
- But what?
- Ernesto, can I say...
- Shut up!
Go ahead, tell him in Italian!
- Go f...
- Very good, Lino.
Juarez!
I thought he was honest,
and straight!
He was a bastard!
Know what he did?
I gave him the number,
and he took the $2 million.
But that's not all!
He pumped us dry!
Took all the money we had!
And that's not all.
He turned us in to the police.
And yes, to the French police!
These men are not innocent,
I know.
But they are prophets!
The innocent have full hands
and light hearts.
The accused have empty hands
but their hearts are heavy
with the threat of death!
Where, Mr. Prosecutor,
is their fortune?
Do the accused have
sumptuous villas by the sea?
Or mansions in rich suburbs?
No! They own nothing!
They own nothing
because they are fighting
against a political system
based on property!
With all due respect,
Mr. Prosecutor,
the growing unrest
in the world today,
the solidarity strikes,
the riots,
add proof,
if it's needed,
this is a political trial!
In fact, politics
is on trial here!
The real defendant
is not sitting here today.
The real defendant
is our immoral modern world,
its electoral chicanery,
its tactical pacts
and tactical wars!
These men, the accused,
have simply tried to blow up
an unsanitary atoll
called politics!
He's oversimplifying.
The system is not on trial here.
The accused placed it on trial
before I did.
Not to oversimplify, but...
The system is on trial here.
Its survival may even
depend on the verdict.
We know the political opinions
of the accused.
If any doubt still exists,
this revelation
should clarify it.
All the money
from the hijacked plane
was turned over spontaneously
to Ernesto Juarez
so that the Revolution
might triumph in South America.
I assume that
the defense has proof?
Of course, Mr. Prosecutor.
A $2 million transfer
from anonymous account
UBS Zurich 9461
to equally anonymous
account 26578 ZK.
What if they escaped?
What are you saying?
They escape, you're safe.
You haven't given in to pressure.
The protesters will stop...
protesting.
And you are no longer
embarrassed.
An escape!
That sounds good, but...
someone will have
to be declared responsible!
Of course,
I'll assume full responsibility.
The accused will rise.
Everybody stay calm!
This is about those three clowns
dressed in red!
Let's go, baby-doll!
This is an escape,
and we want no trouble.
So let's all sing
"The Marseillaise."
All together!
One, two, three!
Sing, sing!
Sing out!
Louder!
Aldo, the government's with us.
Slow down.
Leaving Paris
always means trouble!
But this time,
they've been very fair!
Fixed us up with an escape.
We have to go to Africa,
we promised.
Where's that damn plane!
Where the hell is it?
I've got it!
I know where it is.
It's behind us.
We have to go back.
It's behind a hill back there.
Hang on!
I'll make a U-turn!
I've already told you
this is a phony escape!
Take your time!
You'll kill us.
I'm telling you,
nobody is following us!
Slow down, we've got time.
There!
Unbelievable!
Stop.
- Stop!
- We can make it!
- I said stop.
- They can't catch me!
Stop!
We'll have to explain.
You missed a stop sign.
- Did you see a stop sign?
- Where was it?
Where?
- 150 yards back.
- There's no stop sign.
There's no stop sign.
- Officer...
- Tell him!
This car isn't ours,
it's a government car.
The plane over there
is a government plane!
The plane is
taking us to Africa.
We're not wanted here,
so we have to go.
Jacques, you try!
Well, it's an African problem.
Above all,
it's an African problem.
Because your bosses
made a deal with us.
They said, "We'll arrange for it."
They arranged it.
"But you'll go to Africa!"
You are blocking us...
and they just unblocked us!
You're making a big mistake.
They asked us to go to Africa.
You heard him.
They just unblocked us!
You can't block us
when they unblocked us!
He can't explain it.
He's a cyclical neuropath.
I'll have to explain it to you.
Silence! This neuropath
did plenty for you!
One at a time.
One at a time?
We're all together.
It's a question of Africa!
Gentlemen, please,
one at a time.
Your establishment is
uncoordinated!
You block us
when they unblocked us!
Makes no sense.
Your job is to unblock
so things flow.
Over that hill. Fast!
Not so fast, take the road!
- Faster!
- Not so fast.
- Not so fast!
- Not so fast.
- The road's faster!
- Watch out!
Stop pushing!
Well, let go!
He's holding me. Let go!
He had me by the tie.
That moron!
Come out of there!
A driving neuropath!
- Where is he?
- We never should've left Paris!
Let me tell you.
We're going to have a talk,
a nice little talk!
- You neuropath!
- Imbecile!
What's wrong?
There's the plane!
Here's the spectacular climax
of the recent trial in Paris
that has attracted
so much attention.
The Minister of Justice
has resigned.
This news seems
directly related
to another item
reaching our desk.
Arriving in Africa
without hindrance,
the five fugitives
who were on trial
have been welcomed
like true heroes.
Let's admit that men
capable of donating $2 million
to the cause of a Revolution
do not grow on trees,
even in Africa!
Citizens!
Comrades!
Brothers!
Hi, everyone!
Ladies and gentlemen!
Thank you for granting us
political asylum!
I want to tell you one thing.
I, the cyclical neuropath,
the head of Occidental Paranoia,
say that power is
at the end of a gun!
We wanted to be free
and we are free!
Better a good master
than a bad servant!
The shortest road
from barbarism to decadence
runs through civilization!
Comrades! Politics is nothing
but show business!
We have declared in high places
that all free men should have
neither work,
nor family, nor country!
We are paper tigers
but we are live tigers!
And we are against
self-management
in whorehouses!
I'm selling a 1971 Mercedes
convertible, a one-owner car
with 4,000 miles on it!
Long live Mao!
Long live Mao,
who never stole a Ferrari
and never ran over anybody!
And long live Free Switzerland!
The present government
is hanging by a thread.
Strikes, unemployment...
socialist ideas...
everything's rotten.
Honey, shall we have coffee here
or in the living room?
In the living-room.
I'll finish my business first.
The President is a puppet.
If you wish,
we'll overthrow him
and take power.
- Us?
- Is power really profitable?
Very profitable!
But if power is very profitable,
General,
why not take it yourself?
What, a military putsch?
No, very unpopular.
But with five idols like you...
General,
when it comes to politics,
we know approximately nothing.
Don't oversimplify,
we do have a certain grounding.
You are Marxists?
Marx taught us, primarily,
the notion of capital.
Excuse me, General,
I have one question.
Once in power, what do we do?
Make money.
Lots of money.
- We'd have to live here?
- At first.
So, General,
when do we take power?
Monday won't be possible.
The army is on a mission.
Tuesday, the Pope is arriving
on an official visit.
Wednesday!
Does that suit you?
After arriving in
the East African Republic this morning,
the Pope was kidnapped.
Later on, the kidnappers called,
demanding as ransom
one franc from all the Catholics
in the world.
Yes, one franc
to free the Pope.
That seems surprising,
but the telex was reviewed
before reaching our desk.
It seems authentic
since the Vatican
has confirmed it.
Further confirmation
is expected from Africa.
Astonishment persists,
since security measures
were taken.
How could the Pope disappear,
be kidnapped between
the airport and his residence?
It's hard to understand.
Furthermore,
one franc per Catholic
makes a large sum.
Alms for gangsters!
Those are
all the details we have.
Other reports
should be coming in soon.
Please, stay tuned!
We'll interrupt our programs
to report the news.
The Pope caper?
We cleared about...
I mean net...
$ 12 million,
and no taxes.
None!
The Pope is marvelous!
Everyone knows that,
but not to that point.
It sells very well,
very well.
So many people love him.
The Pope was just fine.
Just fine!
Yes, I'm very happy
about the Pope.
That's adventure.
SHORT-TERM PROJECTS
ABDUCTIONS OF...
The End
- He tried to bribe me.
- A good price, I hope.
- The Revolution's broke.
We'll show him how to get rich
with a few phone calls.
With late charges,
it'll be $300,000.
$200,000 for the ambassador
and $100,000 for Juarez.
$200,000 for the ambassador
and $100,000 for Juarez?
$300,000 for two kidnappings.
A real bargain.
Where's Juarez?
In the shack, up there.
- I see no one.
- One second.
Charlot, are you listening?
Bring out Ernesto.
Have him wave.
Enough.
He can go back in.
You saw him?
Now, give us the money.
What if I refuse?
Young man,
you want Juarez alive?
One second, please.
Thanks a lot!
Charlot!
They're off and running!
Bring Ernesto out.
Have him wave.
He can go back in.
And if I refuse?
You want Juarez alive?
One second, please.
Quick!
- The pictures for our posters!
- Lino'll paint some!
We got it!
Holy shit!
Interesting.
Politics isn't all bad.
I wondered
why people went into it.
- Now I know.
- They paid!
- Call that chicken feed?
- You too?
Curly's getting mad.
They've got problems up there!
Look at the Yanks.
$1,000 the Yanks
get there first.
- $2,000 on mine!
- $3,000 on the Yanks.
- I call you.
- Three on the Yanks.
- Why the Yanks?
- Mine have no style.
5,000 on the Yanks,
the capitalists.
Mine look bad right now,
but look at Curly!
10,000 on the Marxists!
- 12 on the capitalists.
- 15 on the Yanks!
15 each on the capitalists!
I'll give you boys a break.
30 says I take you both.
Okay?
Damn fools!
- You see that!
- $30,000!
The next war will be like that.
One big bang!
No one'll ever know who won.
You know something?
I liked Ernesto.
The best man we've met.
A man has to die
to be appreciated.
Another thing.
He was straight.
Coming or not?
The money, Lino!
We're rich!
Are you sure
you speak English?
To perfection!
- Where did you learn?
- High school.
- You went to high school?
- Till eighth grade.
Go on.
Stop.
- Was it good?
- Fine.
I think you'd better keep that.
Aldo can't speak English,
but he has a good accent.
Paris traffic is bad,
but so is New York's.
"I speak fluent English."
- Fluent!
- I do!
- We get to choose?
- Of course!
You're heartwarming
in that skirt. It suits you well.
- Do you have a magazine?
- Right away, sir.
You're overdoing it.
My glasses.
One second.
Fluent!
- Where were we?
- We stopped there.
Relax, Charlot.
Next job in English,
we send Jacques and Aldo.
- It went fine.
- We'll see in a little while.
I've seen some
good-looking broads.
"Ate Daze"?
Not listed.
Nothing.
Jacques said
it was all here.
No "Ate Daze,"
no "Wick."
I'll take care of it.
Let's sit down.
- What'd you say?
- I asked if we could wait.
You're sure you said that?
I'm sure.
We're waiting, aren't we?
Fine.
How's my hat?
My hat.
The hat's fine,
but the rest...
Y'know, you really
are heartwarming.
- Oh, hello.
- It's gloomy up here.
Downstairs is gay and lively,
but here it's gloomy.
You're right.
Would you like a drink?
- Champagne!
- I'll get it for you.
I make 71,000 francs
a month.
- Interesting!
- Belgian francs.
You're Belgian?
I work soil and beasts.
- You work what?
- Soil and beasts.
- I'm an agricult!
- Agriculturist.
I'd like five glasses
of champagne.
- All for you?
- For a small celebration.
Where are the men
who fly the plane?
The pilots?
Over there.
Over there?
We can't go see them?
No visitors allowed
because of the hijackings.
The fifth glass.
Better be safe than sorry!
With all these imbeciles...
Anything can happen.
So they're over there, you say.
- Aren't they bored?
- Who gets these?
I'll show you.
Make sure no one
hijacks the champagne!
- What is it?
- A passenger's treat.
Evening, Captain.
Thanks for your help.
Don't you panic.
We're used to it.
- So are we. Altitude?
- 8,000.
Go up to 12,000
and keep circling to the left.
Contact the president
of the airline's insurance company.
He has an urgent appointment
with Mr. Smith
and Mr. Wesson.
You speak French?
Great!
Put that away!
Well, now...
we've just heard
that one of the planes you insure,
a 747, to be exact,
has been hijacked.
It so happens,
quite by incidentally,
that we specialize
in rescuing such planes.
Two what?
- Two million.
- In what?
Dollars, naturally.
10%
- 10% of what?
- Of the price of the plane.
What if, unfortunately,
they were to blow it up?
20 million is what
you'd owe the airline.
And you want
these two million in cash.
Naturally.
- And at once.
- Yes, that, too!
And where do I find
that much at this hour?
That's your problem.
You're the insurer!
This lady next to me
kept pestering me.
"How do they fly at night
and not get lost?"
I said we'd ask the captain.
So he told her,
because I already knew.
He said,
"See the little green light
on the tip of the left wing?
And you see
the little red light
on the tip of the right wing?
Well, we just fly between them!"
Suppose I accept?
Then it's all arranged.
Don't worry.
An hour from now,
if we're not followed,
we'll phone you a password
to transmit to the pilot.
And the plane will go beddy-bye
in New York tonight.
"Ginette's striptease
isn't as good as Julie's."
Perfect!
And now please,
turn off your radio.
Say nothing
and take me to Montreal.
If you like, you can then go
beddy-bye in New York.
Are we rich?!
We're rich, you know.
How'll you spend it?
I can't believe...
I was a car thief,
and now I've got billions!
Millions!
Maybe I don't have the build,
but I have a right to dream,
to have lofty thoughts
sometimes.
I always love
other men's wives.
- How do you get rid of them?
- Get rid of them?
It's easy.
You tell them to go,
and they go?
Once I tell them, that's it.
I can't fall in love.
I can't.
Do you know
how much a girl costs?
We've got money now!
You never know
what can happen.
You've got to stay focused!
He's going to hurt somebody!
Lunge, Lino!
Good.
Ad out! Ad out.
117-love!
Be courteous, gentlemen,
or I'll stop the match.
11!
Carrying anything?
A little.38, why?
I've got a fun job.
Here?
The casino cash-box
leaves in 10 minutes.
There'll be a driver and a guard.
Let's have some fun.
Just us two?
Maybe our friend
needs a laugh, too.
Doing all right?
"Our nature must
always come out."
What're you talking about?
What was the point
of starting a new career?
You're going
to blow off our vacation
for a lousy $20,000!
It's not for money,
it's to have some fun!
To kill time, Simon!
Can't you just relax
and do nothing?
There goes
our society of leisure!
- You call this fun?
- You're challenging the whole theory!
Take Aldo and Charlot.
They're enjoying themselves.
Yours, mademoiselle?
Want to knock over
the casino cash-box?
Fuck you! We're on vacation!
Let me pick up the girl!
Sure, this is how
we'll pick up girls!
Look at that fool!
Looks like a train starting.
That's walking!
- Come on, you too!
- Who walks like that?
I always walk like that
for the girls.
Watch the way I move.
Not like that, Simon!
- The leg like that.
- Smoother!
You have to see it
to believe it!
That really does
something for you!
Terrific!
That's how you pick up girls.
- He's riding a bike!
- Style and class!
- Not like that!
- Yes, like that!
I taught him!
I'll show you.
- Italian-style!
- Not like that!
Like this!
Smooth!
Simon, watch!
Let yourself go!
Lino, how do you
want the pasta?
- What'd he say?
- Tomato sauce.
Show me where we are.
We're there.
- Where are we going?
- There, to Haknan-Hwahwa.
Is there an airport?
At Haknan-Hwahwa?
A small one.
So, to Hakna-whatever.
Aldo, the dog and I
will take the plane.
Because I can't stand
any more vacation!
But why stop
at Haknan-Hwahwa?
Just look at
what's become of us!
And look at him!
He's sick!
No, no!
Paris, Paris, Paris!
Lino, the tanning lotion!
Charlot, give me a hand!
You must've caught a whale!
Easy!
You nut, I was sunbathing!
A Michelin 42/12.
A Michelin 42/12,
a very good snow-tire!
- You've had too much sun!
- It's not the sun. I know tires.
Why did we rent a sailboat?
If we had a boat with a motor,
there'd be five girls here.
Why a boat with sails?
What's that?
What's that?
A friend of mine,
a leftwinger,
runs a summer holiday camp.
He gives suntanning lessons.
He told me
there's a triangle right there,
that nobody thinks about.
Jacques, ever study suntanning?
When do we turn in the boat?
When do we turn in the boat?
Are you being funny?
I told you, Paris!
Aldo! The girls!
What'd I tell you
about those girls?
- What'd I tell you?
- "Something's fishy."
And here we are...
going where?
I know one thing:
They're not cops.
It's not the way
they do things!
"Yoo-hoo!
Come have some pasta,
come have some spaghetti!"
He's right, you two
are morons, animals!
How many times...
how many times have I told you
girls mean trouble!
- How many times?
- Never!
If we can't get broads,
with all our money,
what good is it?
I like men, not so much
because they're men,
but because
they're not women!
I didn't see you two
fighting off those girls!
Who shut the door
when you left Ernesto?
- Aldo did.
- You're sure?
I was there.
Mr. Ernesto, you know that...
Jacques, you tell him.
What'd I say about him?
He said that...
of all the men we'd met...
General, you were the best.
He said you were straight.
I even added
you were honest.
Yes, that's right.
Thank you very much.
You know the procedure:
One, kidnapping;
two, ransom.
I'll only ask for the $2 million
from the plane.
Give me your Swiss bank
account number and you're free.
So, what's the number?
Mr. Ernesto, how did you find us?
You're noticeable
when you're on vacation.
Your behavior
isn't very Marxist.
But you aren't Marxists.
You're cheap hoodlums!
Easy, there!
I'll bet $1,000 he talks.
$2,000, he doesn't.
I'm with you, Jacques.
Well?
$2,000 he doesn't talk.
$3,000, he does.
$5,000.
$10,000, he misses,
and $20,000, he doesn't talk.
Double that.
What about that Swiss
account number?
Screw you.
Screw you!
I'm not as good a shot
as you are.
Screw you!
Paper tiger!
You're a paper tiger.
Relax, it's phony.
- What'd he say?
- $10,000 he won't talk.
- I'm in.
- How much?
$15,000.
I won!
- $15,000 he talks.
- $15,000 he talks.
I'll cover all three
for $50,000, okay?
Well, Mr. Bandit?
The Swiss account.
I don't remember.
We'll see.
Drop your pants.
Drop your pants.
Why should I
drop my pants?
You'll see.
It's funny!
Lino, try it!
It's funny!
It's funny, Ernesto!
Does little Poupoune
know Switzerland?
- I've got an offer...
- No!
UBS in Zurich, 9461.
Ask for Hugo Frichthafen,
he'll take care of it.
You are a humanist!
Lt'll surprise Frichthafen!
- But...
- But what?
- Ernesto, can I say...
- Shut up!
Go ahead, tell him in Italian!
- Go f...
- Very good, Lino.
Juarez!
I thought he was honest,
and straight!
He was a bastard!
Know what he did?
I gave him the number,
and he took the $2 million.
But that's not all!
He pumped us dry!
Took all the money we had!
And that's not all.
He turned us in to the police.
And yes, to the French police!
These men are not innocent,
I know.
But they are prophets!
The innocent have full hands
and light hearts.
The accused have empty hands
but their hearts are heavy
with the threat of death!
Where, Mr. Prosecutor,
is their fortune?
Do the accused have
sumptuous villas by the sea?
Or mansions in rich suburbs?
No! They own nothing!
They own nothing
because they are fighting
against a political system
based on property!
With all due respect,
Mr. Prosecutor,
the growing unrest
in the world today,
the solidarity strikes,
the riots,
add proof,
if it's needed,
this is a political trial!
In fact, politics
is on trial here!
The real defendant
is not sitting here today.
The real defendant
is our immoral modern world,
its electoral chicanery,
its tactical pacts
and tactical wars!
These men, the accused,
have simply tried to blow up
an unsanitary atoll
called politics!
He's oversimplifying.
The system is not on trial here.
The accused placed it on trial
before I did.
Not to oversimplify, but...
The system is on trial here.
Its survival may even
depend on the verdict.
We know the political opinions
of the accused.
If any doubt still exists,
this revelation
should clarify it.
All the money
from the hijacked plane
was turned over spontaneously
to Ernesto Juarez
so that the Revolution
might triumph in South America.
I assume that
the defense has proof?
Of course, Mr. Prosecutor.
A $2 million transfer
from anonymous account
UBS Zurich 9461
to equally anonymous
account 26578 ZK.
What if they escaped?
What are you saying?
They escape, you're safe.
You haven't given in to pressure.
The protesters will stop...
protesting.
And you are no longer
embarrassed.
An escape!
That sounds good, but...
someone will have
to be declared responsible!
Of course,
I'll assume full responsibility.
The accused will rise.
Everybody stay calm!
This is about those three clowns
dressed in red!
Let's go, baby-doll!
This is an escape,
and we want no trouble.
So let's all sing
"The Marseillaise."
All together!
One, two, three!
Sing, sing!
Sing out!
Louder!
Aldo, the government's with us.
Slow down.
Leaving Paris
always means trouble!
But this time,
they've been very fair!
Fixed us up with an escape.
We have to go to Africa,
we promised.
Where's that damn plane!
Where the hell is it?
I've got it!
I know where it is.
It's behind us.
We have to go back.
It's behind a hill back there.
Hang on!
I'll make a U-turn!
I've already told you
this is a phony escape!
Take your time!
You'll kill us.
I'm telling you,
nobody is following us!
Slow down, we've got time.
There!
Unbelievable!
Stop.
- Stop!
- We can make it!
- I said stop.
- They can't catch me!
Stop!
We'll have to explain.
You missed a stop sign.
- Did you see a stop sign?
- Where was it?
Where?
- 150 yards back.
- There's no stop sign.
There's no stop sign.
- Officer...
- Tell him!
This car isn't ours,
it's a government car.
The plane over there
is a government plane!
The plane is
taking us to Africa.
We're not wanted here,
so we have to go.
Jacques, you try!
Well, it's an African problem.
Above all,
it's an African problem.
Because your bosses
made a deal with us.
They said, "We'll arrange for it."
They arranged it.
"But you'll go to Africa!"
You are blocking us...
and they just unblocked us!
You're making a big mistake.
They asked us to go to Africa.
You heard him.
They just unblocked us!
You can't block us
when they unblocked us!
He can't explain it.
He's a cyclical neuropath.
I'll have to explain it to you.
Silence! This neuropath
did plenty for you!
One at a time.
One at a time?
We're all together.
It's a question of Africa!
Gentlemen, please,
one at a time.
Your establishment is
uncoordinated!
You block us
when they unblocked us!
Makes no sense.
Your job is to unblock
so things flow.
Over that hill. Fast!
Not so fast, take the road!
- Faster!
- Not so fast.
- Not so fast!
- Not so fast.
- The road's faster!
- Watch out!
Stop pushing!
Well, let go!
He's holding me. Let go!
He had me by the tie.
That moron!
Come out of there!
A driving neuropath!
- Where is he?
- We never should've left Paris!
Let me tell you.
We're going to have a talk,
a nice little talk!
- You neuropath!
- Imbecile!
What's wrong?
There's the plane!
Here's the spectacular climax
of the recent trial in Paris
that has attracted
so much attention.
The Minister of Justice
has resigned.
This news seems
directly related
to another item
reaching our desk.
Arriving in Africa
without hindrance,
the five fugitives
who were on trial
have been welcomed
like true heroes.
Let's admit that men
capable of donating $2 million
to the cause of a Revolution
do not grow on trees,
even in Africa!
Citizens!
Comrades!
Brothers!
Hi, everyone!
Ladies and gentlemen!
Thank you for granting us
political asylum!
I want to tell you one thing.
I, the cyclical neuropath,
the head of Occidental Paranoia,
say that power is
at the end of a gun!
We wanted to be free
and we are free!
Better a good master
than a bad servant!
The shortest road
from barbarism to decadence
runs through civilization!
Comrades! Politics is nothing
but show business!
We have declared in high places
that all free men should have
neither work,
nor family, nor country!
We are paper tigers
but we are live tigers!
And we are against
self-management
in whorehouses!
I'm selling a 1971 Mercedes
convertible, a one-owner car
with 4,000 miles on it!
Long live Mao!
Long live Mao,
who never stole a Ferrari
and never ran over anybody!
And long live Free Switzerland!
The present government
is hanging by a thread.
Strikes, unemployment...
socialist ideas...
everything's rotten.
Honey, shall we have coffee here
or in the living room?
In the living-room.
I'll finish my business first.
The President is a puppet.
If you wish,
we'll overthrow him
and take power.
- Us?
- Is power really profitable?
Very profitable!
But if power is very profitable,
General,
why not take it yourself?
What, a military putsch?
No, very unpopular.
But with five idols like you...
General,
when it comes to politics,
we know approximately nothing.
Don't oversimplify,
we do have a certain grounding.
You are Marxists?
Marx taught us, primarily,
the notion of capital.
Excuse me, General,
I have one question.
Once in power, what do we do?
Make money.
Lots of money.
- We'd have to live here?
- At first.
So, General,
when do we take power?
Monday won't be possible.
The army is on a mission.
Tuesday, the Pope is arriving
on an official visit.
Wednesday!
Does that suit you?
After arriving in
the East African Republic this morning,
the Pope was kidnapped.
Later on, the kidnappers called,
demanding as ransom
one franc from all the Catholics
in the world.
Yes, one franc
to free the Pope.
That seems surprising,
but the telex was reviewed
before reaching our desk.
It seems authentic
since the Vatican
has confirmed it.
Further confirmation
is expected from Africa.
Astonishment persists,
since security measures
were taken.
How could the Pope disappear,
be kidnapped between
the airport and his residence?
It's hard to understand.
Furthermore,
one franc per Catholic
makes a large sum.
Alms for gangsters!
Those are
all the details we have.
Other reports
should be coming in soon.
Please, stay tuned!
We'll interrupt our programs
to report the news.
The Pope caper?
We cleared about...
I mean net...
$ 12 million,
and no taxes.
None!
The Pope is marvelous!
Everyone knows that,
but not to that point.
It sells very well,
very well.
So many people love him.
The Pope was just fine.
Just fine!
Yes, I'm very happy
about the Pope.
That's adventure.
SHORT-TERM PROJECTS
ABDUCTIONS OF...
The End