Mixed Signals (1997) - full transcript

-(alarm clock rings, clicks)

-Radio host:
All right, they don't call it

the armpit of the world
for nothing.

Of course it's hazy
and there's traffic.

I'm a genius.
It's Zeke on K-Rock.

-(rock music plays)

-(police sirens)

-♪ We're just friends ♪

♪ Just friends
and we're in love ♪

♪ Talk about
a gut reaction ♪

-God, I hate mornings.



-♪ We're different ♪

♪ And so similar too ♪

(music fades)

-(explosion)
-I'm gonna send it
to my mother.

Ow.

I really think that they should
give you a little handbook

when you graduate
so you have all the rules

for a productive
and happy life

and the piece of paper
there to prove

that you're qualified
to do it.

But they don't.

I always told myself
that if I got a career,

I would never let a guy
come between me and it.

It's kind of like
Marlo Thomas in "That Girl."



I wanna have my Donald
and eat it, too.

-(rock music playing)

-Woman:
And you said
you were employed at...

-Associate Artists.

You mind if I smoke?

-Sorry, no smoking.

What do you do for them?

-I'm an agent.

I just got promoted.

-Great.

And you're gonna put

the down payment
on your credit card?

-Sure.

-My lunch break started
three minutes ago.

Do you want to get
something to eat?

-Sure.

-♪ A natural high ♪

♪ Lookin' for an easy way
to try and get by ♪

♪ Well, I'm just
standing in time ♪

♪ But it's stepping on me ♪

♪ Unnatural high ♪

♪ Lookin' for an easy way
to try and get by ♪

♪ Well, I'm just
standing in time ♪

♪ But it's stepping on me ♪

♪ Freeze, move ♪

♪ Tiptoe and a shake ♪

♪ Breeze, sky,
some latest quake ♪

♪ I'm not frozen,
I'm just freezing ♪

♪ Unnatural ♪

♪ Not natural ♪

♪ Unnatural ♪

-♪ So magical ♪
-♪ Let's try to get by ♪

♪ Try to get by ♪

-♪ Let's just try
and get by ♪

-(swing music playing)

-♪ Let me tell you
about my baby ♪

♪ She makes poor hearts
skip a beat ♪

♪ I love her
and don't mean maybe ♪

♪ She knocks me
off my feet ♪

-Thanks for rushing that.

-Nick:
Mm.

-Can I get you guys
anything else?

-Yeah. How 'bout a Dewars?

-Eddie: How 'bout a beer?
-How 'bout a Sam Adams?

-How 'bout Heineken?
-How about a Heineken?

It's worth a try.

-Two.
-Three.

-Cool.

-I did.
-Nick: How the hell can
you afford something like that?

-I can't.

But you only live
once, right?

-Do you have to smoke
while I eat?

-Yes.

What's your problem?

-My problem?
I'm almost 30.

I make 300 espressos a day
for minimum wage.

-And you're writing the novel
that will not die.

-Both: But it's gonna be great.
-It is.

-Yeah, doesn't Stephen King
write like three books a year?

-Five, and that proves my point.

-What's it up to,
uh, pound wise?

-1,800 pages, asshole.

You know, the thing is,
by the time I was 30,

I thought I'd have
a novel out there,

maybe a movie deal.
-I know.

-I didn't think I'd be
another guy slinging coffee.

-Look at me, Nick.
I have a 150 IQ

and I wipe the nose grease off
of glasses all day long.

-Yeah, but you have
a dental plan.

I don't even have
a college degree.

I don't know how
to do anything.

I've been like,
an office temp,

a house painter,
a Super Shuttle driver.

-You drove a Super Shuttle?

-He wrecked a Super Shuttle.

-Somehow, that
doesn't surprise me.

-Thing is, I just
want something different.

-Judy:
Ah, you're just like me, Nicky.

Waitin' for your life to start.

-I've spent my whole life
waiting for my life to start.

-Deep.
-Very.

-♪ My baby drives me wild ♪

-(blues music playing)

-♪ Well, it may ♪

♪ Look like splendor ♪

♪ Yeah, but I should
know better ♪

♪ I've been here before ♪

♪ And I've seen ♪

♪ Faces filled with fever ♪

♪ You pull down the lever ♪

♪ They flow right out the door ♪

-(dog barking)

-(honking)

-(upbeat music playing)

-Man, Nicky, there better be
a lot of people at this party

'cause I feel
really silly.

-Nick:
Jude, don't worry,
I got the juice at this place.

-So why didn't that sexy
phantom roommate of yours
come out with us tonight?

-'Cause she thinks
you're sleazy.

-She loves me.
-(laughs)

And she thinks
Nick's pathetic.

-At least she's right
about something.

-(giggles)

Anyway, she's probably
recovering from whatever
she did last night.

-You mean "who"
she did last night.

-Don't worry,
she's a bitch anyway.

-Yeah, you don't have
to live with her.

-(car honking)

-So...

I got into Stanford.

-Alex:
Really?

That's terrific.

When did you find out?

-Today.
(chuckles)

-That's great.

-Yeah.

Yeah, it's great.

-Call me wacky,
but you don't seem so thrilled.

-No, it's great, really.

I don't know. Pfft!

-What does Bob think?

-Well, he assumes that
I'm gonna go to Idaho with him.

-This could be an issue.

-Yup.
(laughs)

(sighs)
It-- it could.

I don't know, you guys.

I just don't know
if I can see myself

as Ms. City Planner
in Pocatello, Idaho. Eh.

-City planner?

-Hey, it's ecologically-minded.
Job of the '90s.

At least he's doing
something that matters.

-Yeah, but what
am I gonna do in Idaho?

-Eat potatoes.

-Make potato soup,
potato pie.

-Ha. Fuck that.

-(jazz music plays)

-Oh, yeah, it's nice to see
that juice working there, buddy.

-Alex:
Yeah, it's like,
the hottest party in town.

-So what's the alternative?

Go for the house, the car,
the white picket fence...

-I don't know.
I don't know.

Bob moved, and...

well, they're coming
for my stuff next week.

-Judy!
-What?

I didn't know I was gonna
get accepted into Stanford.

-So he doesn't know
you're going?

-Well, I haven't
exactly said yes.

-But Bob thinks you're going.

He must have said something

like, "Are you coming
with me or..."

-No, he just assumed that.
-Assumed?

-Yeah.

Okay, we didn't talk about it.

-I thought you were
a Communications major.

-I was. I learned
that men and women speak
different languages.

-Hey.

-Bartender:
Be right with ya, chief.

-Whatever you say, guy.

-Nick:
Lose the attitude, man.

You're gonna get
us kicked out.

-Nick, look around you.

We're not gonna get
kicked out of here.

Believe me.

Nice ears.

-At least I dressed up.

-I didn't want
to look like you.

Besides, I'd rather go naked
than wear fur.

-What's wrong with
the way I look?

-I think you look cute.
-Cute?

-You're a bunny.

-And?

-Heineken.
-Heineken.

-Heineken.

-Hey.

-When did you get that?

-Alex:
I got it in the mail.

-What, are they
handing out gold cards

to all the flunkies
in the mailroom now?

-I'm an assistant now,
thank you very much.

-You know,
that's disgusting.

How do I get one?

-What, they don't take plastic?

-Not when it's declined.

-All you, buddy.

-Thanks, Nick.

Hey, Nicky, where are we?

-Uh, we're on the 10.

-Oh, good.

Get off on Fairfax.

I think we might have
missed your exit.

-What?

Where the fuck are we?

-Oh, I'd say about
30 miles from Palm Springs.

-Oh, no!
What are you fucking smoking?

I have to work today!

-We're almost there.

-Almost where?

-You'll see.

-Oh, man.

-Oh, my head.

Don't step on the seat.

-I-- I'm sorry,
I'm sorry.

-How do you feel?

-Like death.

-I'm gonna go get
something to eat, all right?

-No, no.

Alex, come on.
You have a real job too.

Make him take us home.

-If we go in there
with him in that bunny suit,

we're gonna get
our asses kicked,
I'm telling you.

-Who asked you?

-Listen, I'm starving.
It's just breakfast.

You'll feel better
if you get something
to eat too.

-(groans)

All right, maybe coffee.

All right? And then
we're going back to L.A.

-Deal.
-Alex?

-I don't know
if I'm hungry or bored.

-You guys go ahead.

I'm gonna make
a few phone calls.

-Who are you gonna call
at this hour of the morning?

-Some of us work, Nick.

-Sorry.

-(dial tone)

-(buttons beeping)

-(country music playing)

-Gosh. You know,
I've always wanted

a black velvet
Elvis painting.

-Don't talk about
The King like that.

-What?

-I'm not talking
about '50s Elvis.

'50s Elvis was a pussy.
I'm talking about '70s Elvis.

-300 pounds of Elvi.
-"Elvi"?

-Yeah, all packed
into a full-flavor

white satin jumpsuit
with rhinestones

and a collar
you could land a plane on.

-Do you ever frighten yourself?
Just no, yes?

-Where's our waitress?

Oh, there's...

-Nick:
Thanks, pretty lady.

-What is that?

-Grease.

-Waitress:
Eggs over easy, hashbrowns,

biscuits with gravy.

-That's why Elvis died fat.
-You know it, baby.

-You know what you want?

-Uh, yeah, can I get one
of those truckers with fries?

-Just a coffee, thanks.

-Uh, yeah, can I get
a plain croissant

with some kiwi
on the side, maybe?

-No.

-Okay, maybe some
low-fat yogurt

with some granola
on top?

-No.

-Okay, let me
ask you something.

Is there anything
you guys cook here

that is not prepared
with lard?

-No.

-Okay.

-So you folks on vacation?

-Actually, it's a kidnapping.

Thanks.

-You from Palm Springs?

-No. Actually, I'm a supermodel
and I waitress here for kicks.

-Really?

Yeah, I'm an agent.

I-- I-- Oh, I have no cards.

You're lovely.

-Judy:
Look at these great postcards
I got for my mother.

-Nick:
Great.

-Judy:
So where the hell
are you taking us?

-Nick:
It's a place called
The Salton Sea.

It was an old resort
in the '40s,

then something happened
to the water

and the place just
sort of died out.

-Alex:
A sea?
You mean like an ocean?

There are no oceans
in the desert, Nick.

-Nick:
There are no dinosaurs
in the desert either.

-Judy:
If we go to this place,
you'll be happy?

-Alex:
Who would ever
wanna leave L.A.?

Nice graffiti.

This place is a dump, Nick.

-Jeez. You know,
I haven't been out here
in a long time.

-I wonder why.

-I thought they tore it down.

-What's so special
about this place?

-Well...

-Judy:
Oh, my God.

-Nick:
You know how in the city
when there's no noise

that you can put
your finger on,

there's still
that background noise?

-Alex:
Urban static.

-Yeah.

Well, it's just
nice to be someplace
where you can't hear it.

You think
I'm a fuck up,
don't you?

-I think that you could
try a little harder.

-How much harder
could I try?

I make coffee all day

and I write that fucking
book all night.

You know, it takes
everything I got

just to get out
of bed in the morning.

-Why don't you try
typing "The End"?

-You make it sound
like I'm afraid.

-Aren't you?

-Man, fuck!

-No, I think it'd be great
to finish the book

and have everybody hate it,
you know, and find out

I'm not as brilliant
as I think I am.

-Alex:
Fuck!

-I'm concerned.

So, I've been meaning
to ask you,

how come you wanna
work in Hollywood?

-Because talking fast
is what I do best maybe?

-Yeah, I hadn't noticed.

-I dazzled you
with my bullshit too, huh?

-I know a lot of people smart,
just like you,

who do pretty much
whatever they want.

They all sell out
for the flash.

-Yeah, it's easy, Nick.

You should try it sometime.

Learn to loosen up,
have some fun.

-I'm not very good at fun.

-Really? I hadn't noticed.

You?

-So, what's your plan?

-Plan?
-Yeah.

-(chuckles)

Uh, I have no plan.

I have bills--

credit card payments,
stuff like that.

But what can you do?

Can't afford my life?
Oh well.

-What you doin'?

-Don't talk to me.

-What, you're mad?

-Yeah, I'm mad at you.

God, I've got shit
to do today.

because of your
little kidnapping here.
-Aw, come on, Jude.

You're hungover.
You don't feel well.

-No, yeah,
I really don't feel well.

There's 40 years
of dead fish everywhere

and I'm melting, okay?

-Just look at this place.

There's no smog,
no traffic.

Come on, don't be angry.

-Don't tell me how to feel.

I need to be pissed off
right now, okay?

Uh-oh.

-What?

-(Judy coughs)

-(register dings)

-Jude, is there a reason

that you didn't just buy
a new coffee cup?

-I broke the set.

It has to match.

-Oh, heaven forbid--
unmatched coffee cups.

-It has to match.

Do you have any idea how much
a whole set of coffee cups,

not to mention anything
with character costs?

-Alex:
Does it matter?

-Ta-da.

What do you think?

-Nick:
It's... it's colorful.

-Yes, very colorful.

-You don't like it.

-Oh, I love it.

It's beautiful.

Martha Stewart would be proud.

-Nick:
It's ready.

-Judy:
It's interesting, Nick.

I can see
what you're going for.

-Jesus, Jude,
be honest with him.

-Nick: What do you mean?
-Nick, that is the ugliest

The homeless guy
who roots through my garbage
would throw it back.

It's dark, it's moody.

You've no appreciation for art.

That's not art, Nick.
It's a bruise.

-(sighs)

Ugh.

-(phone beeps)

-(beep)

-Man on answering machine:
Hey, it's me.

I was just wondering
if you wanted to see a movie.

All right.

-Mmm. Iced coffee.

-(beep)

-Bob on answering machine:
Judy? It's, um, it's me.

It's Bob.

Yeah, well, the job's good
and, um, well, I was--

I was just thinking, I know
we talked about it before,

do you wanna get married?

To me?

Will you marry me?

-(gasps)

-(shatters)

-The ring is coming
tomorrow, express mail.

If you sign for it,
I guess that means yes.

I love you.

-He proposed to
my answering machine.

-Alex:
Proposed like marriage?

-To my answering machine!

Give me a cigarette.
I didn't have time to stop.

-So what about the ring?
Is he mailing it?

-Overnight express.

-Fuck, Jude, I was kidding.

-I-- I'm marrying a dork.

I mean, he is such a dork.

-So what if he's a dork?

If you love him,
marry him.

-I haven't signed
for the ring yet.

-So, do you want
to be Mrs. Dork?

-Shut up, Nick.

You're so jealous.

-What's up with you
and those shoes?

-What about 'em?

-Nick:
How many pairs
of shoes do you own?

-42 at last count. Why?

-Normal people don't own
42 pairs of shoes.

-I wanna tell you, last month,
I was in Barneys,

I found this really great pair
of black slip-ons,

made this incredible sound
when you walked on tile.

They were sort of post modern,
assuming you can

do that in a shoe, right?

Anyways, I had to have 'em.

I laid down the card.
350 right there.

-Nick:
That's almost my rent.

I get it.
You're sublimating rejection.

-Okay, I'm dating
this model, right?

And she's a really
beautiful girl.

She's a really fast
and hard girl.

-"Fast and hard"?

What exactly does that mean?

-Are you guys even
listening to me?

-She was, you know,
almost a Guess model.

And anyway, she was
into all this natural stuff

and I didn't really
want to look like I was
trying too hard, right?

So, I go to the Gap,
pick up this great denim shirt,

I figured it'd go with this
beautiful red Armani tie I have.

I mean, I look good in red.

Anyways, I know I need
the shoes to go with it,

so I go back,
another 300 bucks right there.

So, I take her out that night,
I give her all the bullshit

about the hellish life
of a creative exec--

okay, well, junior exec--
okay-- executive assistant.

She's a model,
what the fuck she know?

Anyways, a friend of mine

He had one of these
$3,000-a-month high rises
in Westwood.

I nailed her on the first date
on a black leather couch

looking over the ocean,
watching MTV.

It was so L.A.
I couldn't believe it.

-You are such a scumbag, Alex.

-No, I'm not
a womanizer or anything.

It's just that I'm a young guy
with a lot to learn.

But she didn't see it that way.

She told me to...

to go fuck myself, but...

-(laughs)

Yes!

-(distant siren)

-(helicopter whirring)

-(sirens approaching)

-(gunshot)

-(car alarms blaring)

-Judy:
Mrs. Judy...

Mrs... Mrs...

Judy...

(sighs)
This is not good.

-Excuse me.

Um, this may sound
terribly direct,

but I've been staring at you
for half an hour, and...

I was wondering,
would you like to get
some dinner with me sometime?

-No.

Man, he was gorgeous.

I mean, he's probably a jerk.

Bob, he's really, really sweet.

He's a really, really sweet...

dork.

-(rock music plays)

-"This item requires
your signature.

"After three delivery attempts,

the item will be
returned to sender."

So, all I gotta do is just
wait out two more attempts.

-Or just sign
for the damn thing.

-Or just say no.

So, what kind of guy
do you figure Bob for?

Two-month's-salary-upfront

or the sales-credit-plan
kind of guy?

-Don't forget
the Cracker-Jack-prize
kind of guy.

-Oh, what about
the candy-pacifier-ring
kind of guy?

-He'd keep that for himself.
-You're right.

-Would you guys just
leave Bob alone?

-No.
-Absolutely not.

-(Eddie hums)

Anything else?

-A life for my buddy Nick?

-No.

-So, what about this guy
that asked you out today?

-Judy: Nick!
-What?

Aren't you glad
Bob's not around

to witness your treachery,
you wanton whore?

-I'm not gonna go out
with him, okay?

-Oh, but you wanted to.

-I--
-You thought about it.

-Yeah.

When I met Bob,
I was dating somebody else.

I was always terrified
that, you know,

I was gonna miss something,
so I took all these chances

dating all these losers.

Then Bob told me
that this one time,

I'd be missing
the rest of my life.

-Ouch! I'm getting a cavity.

-We've been together ever since.

I knew when I met him
that he would never leave.

That he was the one.

I just...
(sighs)

-Afraid you're gonna
miss something?

-(rock music playing)

-What are you doing here?

-Dodging the mail guy.

-Ooh, that's adult.
The usual?

-Yeah.

So you think I'll be
making a huge mistake

if I marry Bob,
don't you?

-That stuff's gonna
give you a brain tumor.

-Great, like one
major-league headache
isn't enough.

-It's on me, by the way.

-Thanks.
Well, don't you?

-Don't I what?

-Think I'll be making
a huge mistake?

-Yes.

-Ah, you suck.

-Alex:
So we go back
to her house, right?

And, you know, we started
to get a little loose,

you know, she gets some wine,
I get a line,

we go back into her room,
we start messing around

a little bit, we start
getting hot and heavy,

tits and elbows
flying everywhere,

and she's only there for two
or three seconds, you know,
and she comes back,

and I'm like,
"What the hell were you doing?"

And she says, "Well, I was
putting in my diaphragm."

And-- and, uh...

I say, "You don't have
a diaphragm."

She says, "I know.
I borrowed my roommate's."

(chortles)

What? That's the closest
I ever came to being
with two women.

-(door opens)

-Cindy?

Did you gt my note
about the dishes?

-Cindy:
Yes, Mom. Thanks.

-Cin...

would you ever
borrow my diaphragm?

-You don't use
a diaphragm.

-But if I did,
would you ever borrow it?

-Depends on the guy.

-Can I take you
to dinner maybe?

I know
the maitre d' at Drai's.

I know it's expensive.

(snorts)

Yeah. Don't worry about it.

-Man:
Where the fuck is Alex?

Copies now.

And last time
I looked, Alex,

it's my fucking office!

-(rock music plays)

-♪ I sent a letter
with your name on it ♪

♪ And when it comes,
you gotta sign for it ♪

♪ To show you love me ♪

♪ Yeah, yeah,
to show you love me ♪

♪ Yeah, yeah ♪

♪ And when you do,
you're gonna come to me ♪

♪ And, girl, I'm gonna
make it up to you ♪

♪ I'm not myself,
not making sense ♪

♪ But all things said,
it's an easy test ♪

♪ To show you love me ♪

♪ Yeah, yeah,
to show you love me ♪
-(heavy knocking)

-♪ Yeah, yeah ♪

♪ And when you do,
you're gonna come to me ♪

♪ And, girl, I'm gonna
make it up to you ♪

♪ Love! ♪

♪ I'm not myself ♪

♪ Make no sense ♪

♪ All things said,
it's an easy test ♪
-(pounding)

-♪ To prove you love me ♪

♪ Yeah, yeah ♪

♪ To show you love me ♪

♪ Yeah, yeah ♪

♪ And when you do,
I'm gonna come to you ♪

♪ And, girl, I'm gonna
make it up to you ♪

♪ And when you do,
you're gonna come to me ♪

♪ And, girl, I'm gonna
make it up to you ♪

♪ Ooh ♪

♪ See you! ♪

-So, you guys,
check it out.

Two down,
one to go.

-Ooh, reprieve till Monday.

This calls for a celebration.

-Well, it is Friday night.
Let's do something.

-I don't know
what I wanna do.

Let's stay here and chain-smoke
and eat fried food.

-That sounds great!

-Do you guys have a cigarette?

God.

-You take your groceries home
in that thing?

-Is there anything
you don't have in this bag?

-Swiss Army knife...

-Nick:
Jeez, you're ready
for anything, eh?

-...the tape that you made me,

Alka-Seltzer for those
nasty hangovers,

condoms...

-Whoa! "Extra large."

Looks like Bob the Dork's
got some hidden qualities.

-You keep that.
You need that more than I do.

-Oh, I don't think so.

At least not this size.

-Oh, come on, Nicky.

You're a safety boy, aren't ya?

-Yeah, it's just--
it's been a while.

The way I see it,
there's three types
of people out there:

those in relationships
who are having sex--

though in most two-job couples
with one partner out of town,

I imagine it's pretty sporadic.

-Not with me and Bob.

-Whatever.

And then there's those people
who haven't gotten
laid in months

who are honest about it.

Oh, and then
there's that person

who hasn't been laid in months
who loves to bullshit

about all the women
he's bagged.

-What are you trying
to say, Nick?

-Nothing.

Although, I think all three
parties are represented here

at the table, and...

I can't remember
the last time I got laid.

-Oh, so that would
make me the liar?

-He is quick.
He's a sharp man.

Oh, don't tell me.

-I have to have them.

-Alex, you don't need
another pair of shoes.

-I know, but I want them.

-Judy:
Nick, check out these postcards!

My mother's gonna love these!

-I guess.

Hey, what's with the postcards?

Do you ever actually
send any to her?

-Well, I mean,
other than the postcards,
you hardly ever talk about her.

You wouldn't think
you even had a mother.

-Yeah, so what?
We just have a little
problem communicating.

-Doesn't listen?

-We just don't have
much to say.

-Mm.

-Where are you going?

-Oh!

"L'Annee Jolie."

We gotta go see that film.

-You want us to go see a movie
called "The Pretty Year"?

-Yeah. It's black and white,
French subtitles.

-Does it have guns?

-No.
-Is it a love story?

I don't want to spoil it
for you guys, you know?

I mean, we always go
to see Alex's shoot-'em-ups

and your dippy romances.

I mean, come see one
of my movies for a change.

-Okay.
-Worst case, you'll learn
something about me.

What's up?

-No offense, Nick,
but remind me to

never learn anything
about you ever again.

-What are you talking about?
It was a beautiful love story.

-"Love story"?
Nicky, everybody died.

-It was a tragic love story.

It exemplified
the pointlessness
of existence.

-Thank you, but I don't need
to be reminded

of how pointless
my existence is.

-Your existence isn't pointless.

You've got Bob,
the nice dork.

-You got us.

-(country music playing)

-Judy:
So why is it exactly is it

that you're spending $200
on somebody else's jeans?

-'Cause my old ones have
so many holes in them,

they look
like clam-diggers.

-Yeah, but why $200?

-Put it this way.
Would you rather date

the Calvin Klein model
or the boy next door?

-Well, if the boy is nice...

-Yeah, but would you want
to be seen with that boy?

Besides, it's hard to replace
an old pair of jeans.

You know, I've got memories
with jeans. History.

One time, I wore a pair
of jeans for two weeks straight.

-That's longer than
most of your relationships.

-Exactly.

Huh?

Huh? Huh?

-Oh, man.

Next.

-What?

What do you look for
in a pair of jeans?

-I don't know,
something cheap,

comfortable, and doesn't make
my ass look too big.

-So, you're just looking
for an article of clothing?

-Yes, Alex.

They're jeans.

-See, I'm looking
for a best friend.

You know,
something that won't care
if I don't do laundry.

In fact, that will appreciate
the increased comfort

that comes from weeks
of constant wear.

-Uh-huh.

Well, you struck out
with Cindy Crawford,

so why don't you
try on this one?

-♪ First it looked
too worn to play ♪

Mm-hmm. See?

Girl next door is not so bad.

-Let's see how she is in bed.

-(chuckles)

-Nick:
Alex, you owe me $1,500.

-I don't have
that kind of money.

-Well, you better find it,
and I mean quick,

'cause I'm not gonna
float you again.

All right, give me
your railroads.

-Is it just me,
or does it seem like

everybody pushing 40
just had a baby?

-There's nothing more boring
than listening to people

talk about their kids.

Listening to people
talk about their recovery.

Actually, that's not a bad idea.

I should go get myself
a heroin addiction.

Go into treatment.
Probably a good way
to meet models.

-Hm. Hey, what's wrong
with kids anyways?

I mean, there are no
Dork Juniors in your future?

-Oh, please.
Me? No.

I can't be tied down.

I want to be able to do
what I want to do

when I want to do it.

-Ha! Yeah.

-And, Jude, look in the mirror.
You're not exactly spontaneous.

-I'm very spontaneous.

-(clattering)
-Yeah, she's the queen
of whimsy.

-Yeah, I'm sure there's nothing
like a wacky night

in front of the TV
with you and good ol' Bob.

Corporate merger.

-What do you mean?
Why does she get all that?

-Because I want her
to beat you, Nick.

-You're not leaving.

-Yes, I am.

-Boy, you're gonna
break tradition.

-I have a date.

-With who?

-Would you believe the girl
who sold me my car?

-(chuckles)

What are you guys gonna do?

a Blockbuster night.
What do you think,
"9 1/2 Weeks" or "Showgirls"?

-That's like a '90s version of,
"You wanna see my etchings?"

When was the last time
you took a girl home

without her
taking her clothes off
and getting all over you?

-I don't own a VCR.

-You're pathetic, Nick.

Forfeit the condoms.

Thank you.

Good night.

-Good night.
-Night.

Bye.

-So what do you want
out of life?

-Are you being serious?
-Yeah.

-I don't know.
I used to think
I wanted it.

-The Diane Sawyer thing.
-Yeah, right, but
it's a myth, man.

She's probably miserable too.

-So what do you do?

-Well, you can't win
and you can't quit.

-No, you can quit.

It just doesn't look
too good on a resume.

-(mellow music playing)

-(both laugh)

-Dude, you suck.
-No.

Hey, you and Alex,
you never, um...

you know, like, uh...

-Huh?

-You guys never--
-Played charades?

I'm not following you. What?

-You guys never
slept together, did you?

-No!

Well, you know, no.

I mean, he put
the moves on me, but...

-It's Alex. Naturally.
-Naturally.

No, he's not my type.

-Really? So, um,
what's your type?

Tall, beefy frat boys?
Jocks? Everything I'm not?

-Oh, please.

Yeah, that's why
I'm with Bob, the nice dork.

You know, I think that
there are just couples

that are meant
to be together

and couples that are
just stuck together, right?

-My parents are like that.

I don't think
they really love each other.

I'm the youngest of eight,

and they stayed together
for the kids.

That's all just bullshit.

-Oh.

Well, it's either gonna work
or it's not, right?

-Right.

-Wow, eight kids.

-I'm really sorry about that.

You know, that one must have
been over the limit.

I'll send you a check
or something, you know?

-It's okay.
It's my treat.

-What do you say
we get another round?

-I think you've had plenty.

-Oh, no, just getting started.

-What do you say
we get some air?

-All right. Air is good.

-Air is good.

Come on, let's go.

Oh, my purse.

-Do you want to come back
to my apartment?

Maybe we could watch
a movie or something?

-(car door opens)

-Why didn't you bring your car?

-Like I could drive
in this condition.

-I could drive.

-(scoffs)

I need the exercise anyways.

-Oh, right here on the corner
of Crack and Eight-ball,

you decide that
you need exercise?

-Yeah.

Maybe a junkie-flunkie
or a Hutu rebel will kill me.

(chuckles)

-That's pessimism for ya.

-That's not pessimism.

That's wishful thinking.

-Ah.

Man.

Okay, I have a question for you.

-Okay.
-Okay.

What would you do
if you were me?

-I would dump Bob
and marry me.

-Come on, Nicky.
I'm serious.

What's happening?

I mean, do I get married?

I mean, what if I get married
and I miss something?
Do I go to school?

-Don't worry about it.

It's gonna be okay.

-Nicky.

-Listen. Listen to this:

"The only civilization
that matters is

the civilization that a man
and a woman build together."

-(laughs)

That's nice, Nicky.

-It's rather good, isn't it?

Anthony Burgess.

-Walk.

-I'm a wealth
of useless knowledge.

-♪ I'll make love to you ♪

♪ Slow if you want me to ♪

-Don't worry,
I'm gonna watch some TV.

-I don't have one.

-♪ When we're through ♪

♪ I'll be good... ♪

-(chuckles)

-Okay, you crash here tonight.

-What about your roommate?

-What about her?
Give me this.

You're drunk.

-I'm perfectly sober.

Maybe you're drunk.

-Maybe I am.

-(R&B music playing)

-Hold on. Hold on.

I'll be right back.

-I'm just gonna
go to the bathroom.
I'll be right back.

-(scoffs)
-(door opens)

(door closes)

-What the fuck
are you doing, Alex?

-(music continues)

-Shelli...

what do you look for
in a pair of jeans?

-What are you talking about?

-I gotta go.

-Look, maybe we can do this
some other time.

We just...
can't tonight, okay?

-Yeah. Right.

What is it, Alex?

Is it me?
I'm not pretty enough?

Get the fuck out.

You fucking asshole!

-(door opens)

-Come back!

-(door closes)

-How long have
we known each other?

-I don't know,
four years?

-Are you sure about this?

-Yeah, I'm sure.

-God, Nick, stop.

Oh, man.

Oh, I've done this before.

You know, sleeping
with a really good friend.

-Yeah?

-Yeah, well, it just
fucks things up, you know?

I mean, it just--
it's just really weird,

and you can never go back
to just being friends.

-I don't want to
just be friends.

-Look...

I've ruined really good
friendships this way,

and I don't want it
to happen to us.

-Oh, God.

-I just want to be sure.

-You know, I've been trying
to talk myself out of this

for a really long time,
telling myself

that it couldn't work.

And then I get
these bursts of optimism,

like this could be
the one thing in my life

that could work.

The thing is,
I'm in love with you.

-Oh, Nick.

-What?

I'm tired of dancing around,
flirting with you.

I don't want you
to go to Idaho.

-Nick--
-I want you to
stay here with me.

-Stop.
-I'm not gonna stop.

I'm not gonna stop.

I love you.

Doesn't that mean anything?

-I'm not in love with you.

I mean, I love you,
but I'm not in love with you.

-You're not in love
with Bob either.

Just look me in the eye.

Tell me you're
in love with Bob
and I'll stop.

-I can't think anymore.

-You don't have to.

-Do you have anything?

-Yeah, USDA choice
and a note from my doctor.

-You know what I mean.

-Oh, oh, oh.

-Oh, fuck. Alex.

Tell me you have condoms.

-Uh... yes.

Um, middle drawer
in the bedroom.

Jewelry box,
jewelry box.

-I will be right back.
-Okay.

(sighs)
Oh god.

-(phone ringing)

(ringing continues)

-(beep)

-Hello?
-Bob: Hi!

-Hi, honey.

-Did you get it?
-Get what?

Oh, yeah, the m--
Ah, no, I missed the mail guy

and I-- I think he's gonna
come again on-- on Monday.

-Judy, what the hell
is going on?

-What do you mean? Nothing.

-Then why are you doing this?

-Doing what?
I'm not doing anything.

-I can't believe
you didn't sign for the ring.

-I can't believe
you proposed to me
on the phone.

-Judy, you know
I couldn't get away, okay?

You always said I should
figure out what I wanted

and I figured it out.
I want you.

I love you, Judy.

I'm sorry I proposed
on your machine,

but I had to say it.
I-- I didn't want to wait.

-Bob...

this is not a good time.

-When is?

-I-- I can't do
this right now.

-Just tell me this--
is it Alex or Nick?

-Fuck you, Bob.

-(beep)

(sighs)

-(lighter clatters)

-Um, about last night...

-Listen, I was drunk, okay?

-Don't do that.

-I don't know
what I'm supposed to say.

-You don't have
to say anything.

Jesus, it's not like
I haven't thought about it.

-Like last night?

-Yeah, like last night.

-So, I'm off the hook?

-Yeah, you're off the hook.

-(upbeat music playing)

-What's up?

-Come on.

-What?

-I thought you
get off at 3:00.

-Yeah, I do, but I got--

-So, come on.
I got something
to show you.

-Okay. Belinda,

taking off.

That makeup's totally you.

-I don't mean
to be direct, but...

I've been watching you
for over half an hour and...

-Well, what about my car?

-Get it later.
Any word on the ring?

-Yeah. They're gonna try
delivering it again tomorrow.

-You gonna sign for it
or send it back?

-(sighs)

Alex, how do you know
if you're really in love

or if you just
think you're in love?

-(sighs)
What's the difference?

-(cars honking)

-This way.

-Are we allowed
to be in here?

-It's a church.

-Can I smoke in here?
-It's a church.

-(laughs)
-Jeez.

-In here?
-Yes.

-Where are we going?

-Just keep climbing.
-Oh, shit.

You didn't go
do something cheesy like--

like cater a lunch
up here or something, did you?

-No. That would have been
a good idea, though.

Keep going.
Close your eyes.

-No!
-Okay, come on,
close your eyes.

-What if I lose
my balance and fall?

-I will catch you.
-(laughs)

I was never
very good at that game.

-Me either.

I'd be scared
if I were you.

Up, up, up.
Keep going.

(speaking indistinctly)

-(laughs)

-Okay.

-Wow.

I didn't know
you were religious.

-I'm not really.

I was just walking
by this place one day
and I stuck my head in here.

I thought it was pretty cool.

I wanted to show somebody.

-Mm.
-And girls I date
wouldn't get it.

-It's beautiful.

Alex, what am I gonna do?

-I'm probably
not the best person
to ask about that.

Relationships aren't
exactly my strong point.

-All right.

I just don't know
if I love him.

I don't know
if I'm in love with him.

Bob.

I don't know
if I'm in love with Bob.

-I don't know
if I've ever really
been in love, you know?

I suppose I thought
I was at one point.

But you get so sucked up
into these relationship things,

you get like,
tunnel vision, you know?

And then you lose track
of what's really going on.

I thought I was
in love with this girl,
but it turned that she was...

seeing somebody else
and lying to me about it,

so we broke up.
The funny thing is,

I thought I'd be
really heartbroken,

and I got drunk.

By the time my hangover
was gone, I was over her.

-(both chuckle)

-I realized she was
just this other girl

You know,
I made it out to be...

something in my head
that it wasn't, you know?

-Yeah.

God, why didn't I just
sign for the ring?

And why am I not out there
looking for China patterns
right now?

Oh, man.
I can't take it.

I think-- I think
I obsess too much.

You know, I mean,
I get all analytical about love,

and-- and love's an emotion
and there's no logic
behind emotion.

You can't just--
you-- I can't--

I think I'm just analyzing
myself out of love.

-Judy, Judy, come back
with to us, babe. Please.

-I know.

Why am I acting like this?

Ugh. Yuck.

-You're scared.

Shitless.

I figure by the time
we're in our mid-20s,

we're just all damaged goods.

There's just some people
you can't turn in
for the refund.

-Oh, perfect.

-(rock music playing)

-Hey, Eddie.

-♪ Don't miss out ♪

♪ On the other things
that you love ♪

-Uh...

-Let's just use this one.
Nick, come on.

-That's our booth.

-Yeah, so what?
Give me a fanny.
-Don't worry about it.

Do you ever wonder
what happened to the guys
from "The Breakfast Club"?

No, I mean, what do
you think they're doing
10 years after high school?

Digging ditches?
Working the streets?

-Reality check here, Nick.

Those guys are
actors in movies.

-I know that.
You're missing my point.

-Oh, God.
-What?

-My 10-year reunion
is coming up.

I look old.

-You don't look old.

Big deal anyways.

I figure it's all
just one big show.

You know, see who made it
and who didn't,

brag about
your accomplishments.

The only thing I've accomplished
is an artful mastery

of the subtle differences
between regular and decaf.

-(industrial music playing)

-(elevator dings)

-(phone ringing)

-(chuckles)

(snickers)

-Alex:
What are you looking at?

You think it's funny? Huh?

Huh? Come on!
Come on! Huh? Do ya?

-(people chattering)

-(footsteps approaching)

-Can I ask you a question?

-Anything.

-Are you happy?

-What kind of question
is that, Eddie?

I drive a BMW.

Of course I'm happy.

-I don't give a shit
about your car, man.

You just don't seem
happy, that's all.

I mean, you date
a different girl every week

and I see you in here
talking smack all the time.

You don't think
Nick and Judy buy

any of that bullshit,
do you?

-I don't know.
-You don't?

'Cause I don't,
and I'm pretty much
an amateur.

-What are you trying
to say, Eddie?

-I see how
you're living, my friend.

And I say the dream
you're clinging to

is pretty much
kicking your arse.

Just think about it.

One day you'll kick off

and have nothing to show for it
but a bad credit rating.

-But I'll look good.

-♪ He two-timed the moments ♪

♪ And it tethered you ♪

-Hey, baby.

-♪ Made you think twice
on what you love ♪

-I got sacked.

-Alex.

-Don't ask.

-What'd you do?

-A lot of shit...

just piled up.

Went in this morning
and found a pink slip
on my desk.

-Oh, man.

-That's not even
the best part.

-There's more?

-I figured I was due
for some shoes,

so I went shopping...

and the Nazi behind the counter
wouldn't take my gold card.

Fucker actually cut it up
right there in front of my face.

I'm unemployed
and totally broke.

-You can't be
that much in debt.
-Mm-mm.

-Not on one card.

I put my car on my AMEX,

and I'm paying it off
with my Visa and my Mastercard,

so if you count those,
they're both, what,

about seven each?

Figure if you add in
department store cards,

gas card, student loan...

probably 40 or 50 thou'.

-40 or $50,000?

-I can't believe you.

-I'm pretty appalling, huh?

-Judy:
It's not funny, Alex.

-They need anybody
at the coffee shop, Nick?

-No. What about your car?

-I don't know.
I figure if I move

into a smaller place
and get a different job,

I can probably swing that.

How are your tips?

-They suck.
Move where?

-I don't know.
-There's always
your mom and step-dad.

-Yeah. Yeah, I can just imagine
Marsha and Dave's reaction

whenever I'm living
at their house

up to my ass in debt
and driving a $40,000 car.

-How the hell did you ever
get that car anyways?

-I lied, Nick.

It's the American way.

-It had to happen sometime.

-Alex:
Did it?

-Mm-hmm.

-Look, I know. I know.

-I could never
move in back with my mom.

-That reminds me,

did you ever send
any of those postcards?

-No, I didn't have any stamps.

-Please.

-I never knew what to say.

"Wish you were here"
just didn't seem quite right.

-(helicopter whirring)

-(police sirens)

-(acoustic music playing)

-♪ Ooh ♪

♪ She paces the room ♪

♪ From the coffee machine
to the bed ♪

♪ Stares out the window ♪

♪ And her face
is done in dread ♪

♪ Wading through
her pool of thoughts ♪

♪ Stepping on all the things
that she forgot ♪

♪ I could have done that ♪

♪ If I'd only tried ♪

♪ "I could have done that" ♪

♪ She cried ♪

♪ Ooh ♪

♪ Idle Sarah ♪

♪ Ooh ♪

♪ Idle Sarah ♪

♪ She thumbs through a book ♪

♪ Languid and flowing ♪

♪ Gets up and forgets
where she was... ♪

-(classical music playing)

-♪ Oh ♪

♪ Idle Sarah ♪

♪ Oh ♪

♪ Idle Sarah ♪

♪ Ties her shoes
with a shiny string ♪

♪ To walk the block
and daydream ♪

♪ Maybe outside
the back door ♪

♪ She finds someone
to handle it... ♪

-(sighs)

-(classical music playing)

-♪ I could have done that ♪

♪ If I'd only tried ♪
-(doorbell rings)

-♪ I could have done that ♪

-Judy? What are you doing here?

-Uh, I was passing by.

-What's wrong?
You're pregnant?

-No, no.

Aren't-- aren't you
glad to see me?

-Yeah, it's just a shock.

Couldn't you pick up the phone
once in a while?

I pay for the damn thing.

-You don't pay
for anything anymore.

Um... sorry.

I'm-- I'm engaged.

Well, sort of engaged.

Um...

I have to--
I have to sign for the ring.

I have to sign for it.
-What?

-And we're moving
to Idaho, so...

I, uh...

I just thought
that you should know.

-Now wait a second.
Come inside.

-No.
-Let's talk.

-I can't. I'm sorry.
-Okay. Okay, do you
want some money?

You can go shopping.

-I can't.
-Judy, come inside.

-Just take those.
Thanks. Okay.

-Judy...

-♪ Oh ♪

♪ Idle Sarah ♪

-(engine starts)

-(classical music plays)

-(blows nose)

-(knock on door)

-(breathing heavily)

-(knocking)

-(mutters) Fuck!

Wait!

-(rock music playing)

-♪ I am dying ♪

♪ Too slow for me ♪

♪ I am smiling ♪

♪ As I burn in the sun ♪

♪ It's over, alone ♪

♪ I am living ♪

♪ Too fast ♪

♪ Fast for me ♪

♪ We all die alone ♪

♪ Oh, oh ♪

♪ We all die alone ♪

♪ All die alone,
all die alone ♪

♪ We all die alone ♪

♪ All die alone,
all die alone ♪

-(cars honking)

-Got an idea.

Why don't we play
a little game of Show and Tell?

You first, Alex.

-(scoffs)

You're out
of your fucking mind.

-Be glad I didn't
pick Career Day.

-I got my first letter

from the collection agency
today, Nick.

-Nick!

-It's over.
It's finished.

-What?

-I was at the bookstore
the other day

and I found my book.

Same premise,
same story, same everything.

I even finished writing it.

Just too late.

-You can't sue this guy?

-What guy?
-The guy that stole your book.

-He didn't steal it.

He just got there first.

There's nothing illegal
about coming up

with the same premise
or the same...

Fuck it. I don't care!
I don't care!

-Why are you acting
like you don't give a shit
when you know damn well--

-Because I don't.

I mean, you just don't get it.
You never understand me.

-Oh, right.

No, no, tell me.
I really wanna know.

-You wanna know?

Look, 'cause it's
not cool, all right?

Everybody's trying
so fucking hard to be cool,

you know,
and I don't fit in.

I feel like I'm like,
out of the 19th century
or something.

You know what I hate?
I just--

I hate the fact
that you can't talk

about anything
that really matters
without being ridiculed.

What if somebody said
that their soul is dying?

People would just
roll their eyes and say,

"What a fucking
pretentious freak."

Like now.

What if somebody's soul
really was dying?

You know, that feeling?

That feeling
like everything

in the world is just
sucking the life out of you?

How else do you say it?

Your soul is going dead.

But don't say that.

No, 'cause you gotta be cool.

Right, Alex?

Look at you.
Spend all your time

and your money
trying to look cool.

You don't have
a pot to piss in.

It's like the goal is
not to be touched by anything.

Not to care
about anything, you know?

Try to pretend
that there's nothing out there

that can really
fuck you up.

It's like everybody else
is trying to turn

things that matter
into something to sell.

Anybody that ever thinks
about writing a novel, you know,

they always think
that their novel

is gonna be
the next great American novel,

and they're gonna be
the next great American writer.

Well...

not everybody
can pull it off.

I mean, what if Warhol's right?

We all get 15 minutes
of the big time, you know?

There's a fuck of a lot
of people out there.

I could be 80
before my number's up.

I mean, that's a long time
to work nine to five.

What do you do?

-Well, could always wallow
in self-pity for years,

talking about
what a great writer you are,

or you could
write another book.

-I think I'll try wallowing
in self-pity for a few years.

-No one's gonna
hand you anything, Nick.

-Just so you know, you sound
more like my mother every day.

What's wrong with you?

I mean, you're like, totally
different all of a sudden.

-Okay.

My turn.

-Alex:
Holy shit.

-I signed for the ring.

-Oh, oh.

-So, you went
for the house, the car,
and the white picket fence?

-Uh, I-- I wouldn't
exactly go that far.

I'm just trying to deal
with the whole marriage thing.

-What about law school?

-I don't want
to go back to school.

I really don't.

I am so tired
of hiding from everything.

I'm not scared anymore.

I wanna try.

It is important
for me to try.

-Send us a postcard.

-(chuckles)

-(country music playing)

-Thank you.

-Thanks for the couch.

-Ah, thank you
for helping me.

-Hey, no problem.

-So you gonna be okay?

-Nope.

But I'll deal with it.

I'm not gonna stop
being in love with you.

-Last chance.
Wanna marry me?

-(laughs)

-Kay, how 'bout a cigarette?

-(laughs)

You don't smoke.

You haven't smoked
if five months.

-That's right,
and I feel great.

I feel really good
about not smoking now.

I feel good.

-♪ You used to never think
you'd ever grow old ♪

♪ And how the hell
you ever made it this far ♪

♪ Is a testament
of who you are ♪

-(kissing)

-♪ Who you'll be ♪

-(chuckles)

-♪ Followin' a star ♪

-(sighs)

I didn't think
I was gonna see you.

-What, like I wasn't
gonna say goodbye?

I just didn't want to
help Nick move that couch.

Here.

I actually put
a stamp on mine.

-(laughs)

-And not that I wanna,
you know, condone

your addiction to nicotine
any more than my own, but...

I got you a couple
of packs for the road.

-(laughs)

-Man.

-♪ That light shines bright
it feels like it might burn ♪

♪ How the hell
you ever made it this far ♪

♪ Is a testament
of who you are ♪

-Now get out of here.

The only thing I hate
worse than sappy goodbyes...

are credit card payments
and hospitals.

-I'm gonna miss you so much.

-Alex:
No, you won't.

I'll miss you too.

Get out of here.

-♪ Followin' a star ♪

-(engine starts)

-You wanna get faced?

-Yup.

-You buy.

-I knew that.

-♪ Remember once
that you had gotten down ♪

♪ Lower than the floor ♪

♪ But you found how
not to run away? ♪

♪ It was a lesson that
I thought you'd never learn ♪

♪ All them folks
you knew would come around ♪

♪ Have opened up their door ♪

♪ And now they know
you're here to stay ♪

♪ That light shines so bright ♪

♪ It feels like
you might burn ♪

-What do ya think?

I don't know if I can
get into this small town stuff,

but school was
so easy, you know?

You decide what
you want to do,

you make a plan,
and you get your degree

and everything looks great,
and then all of a sudden,

you wake up
and you realize that

you're going
a whole lot of nowhere,

and it's kind of
like your parents said:

things don't always go
according to plan.

your mother had
some really good insights,

well, you are your mother.

-Bob: Honey?
Honey, the meatloaf is on fire!

-I mean,
I don't know

if this is
the right thing for me,

you know, but I do know that
marriage isn't for everybody

and there are
no guarantees.

I don't know where
I'm gonna be in five years.

But I do know
that I'm gonna be there

because I wanna be there

and not because
I ended up there.

It's my life,
it's my choice,

and if you don't take
a chance on yourself,

what's the point?

-(rock music playing)

-(rock music playing)

♪ Well, thanks
for the sage opinions ♪

♪ Now tell me
something I don't know ♪

♪ And once
you're finished bitchin' ♪

♪ Go ♪

♪ I said "Go" ♪

♪ Go, go, go, go ♪

♪ Don't wait for invitations ♪

♪ I said,
"Go, go, go, go" ♪

♪ Well, God gave
the woman instinct ♪

♪ But how's he
supposed to know ♪

♪ That you'd smudge
it up like lipstick ♪

♪ Go ♪

♪ I said, "Go" ♪

♪ I said,
"Go, go, go, go" ♪

♪ Don't wait for
divine intervention ♪

♪ I said,
"Go, go, go" ♪

-♪ Is it the way
he loves you now? ♪

-♪ Go, go ♪

-♪ Is it the way
he loves you now? ♪

-♪ Go, go ♪

-♪ Is it the way
he loves you now? ♪

-♪ Well, you might
leave here graciously ♪

♪ Or you could
make the show ♪

♪ But either way
you're history ♪

♪ Go ♪

♪ I said, "Go" ♪

♪ Go, go, go, go ♪

♪ Don't wait
for standing ovations ♪

♪ Go ♪

♪ I said, "Go" ♪

♪ I said,
"Go, go, go, go, go" ♪

♪ You broke your obligations ♪

♪ Now I,
I say, "Go" ♪

♪ Go, go ♪

-(industrial music playing)