Missing Link (2019) - full transcript

This tea is tepid, Mr. Lint.

I'm sorry, Sir Lionel.

It's a cold night,
and we're a long way from shore.

Shh! Do you hear that?

Mm-mm.

Ah, yes. The perfect spot.
Now, we have work to do.

Break out the bagpipes.

♪ Mi ♪

♪ La mi-mi-mi-mi ♪

♪ Mi-mi ♪

Very good. Okay, here we go.



Do you think
this will work, sir?

They do say music soothes
the savage beast, Mr. Lint.

I'm not sure
in this case, sir.

Is the camera to hand?
It is essential.

Under your seat, sir.

Good.

Let those fellows
at the club scoff

when faced
with irrefutable proof.

I should've joined
the army.

- Sir Lionel?
- Hmm?

Darwin's finches! She's real!

I knew it. I knew it.

Oh, she's a spirited one,
isn't she? Ha-ha!

- Hold this, will you?
- Whoa!



Ah, okay.

Oh!

Oh!

A little to the right, please.

No, no, no. My right.

That's it, that's it.
Now, what do we say?

Help me!

No, Mr. Lint.
What else do we say?

My hands are bleeding!

- Can we say "cheese"?
- Please!

Close enough.

Oh!

A carnivore. Huh.

Do buck up, Mr. Lint.
No harm done.

Aah!

Oh, fiddlesticks.

I quit!

I can't take any more of this.
I won't!

You were mauled
by a prehistoric lake monster.

How many people
can claim that?

None.
Because they're all dead!

I thought you
were made of sterner stuff.

What is wrong with you?
I'm a human being!

Yes, one of over
one-and-a-half billion.

But that creature,
on the other hand,

is one of a kind.
Don't you see?

Oh, I see perfectly well.

It's no wonder
you can't keep anyone around.

Do stay, Mr. Lint.

I'll make absolutely sure you
don't get eaten again. I promise.

You said that last time!

If I'm ever to be taken seriously
by the adventuring community,

I must...
I must provide proof, yes.

You see, my mistake was relying
on these newfangled cameras.

We'll go back.
We'll get some real evidence.

- We can...
- No, we shall not.

You, sir, are on your own.

Uh...

Oh, bother.

Ew.

"Dear Sir Lionel Frost,
as famed seeker of mythical beasts,

"you may be interested
in this proposition.

"I can reveal to you the
as-yet-undiscovered creature

"known as the Sasquatch.

"Follow the trail along Old
Kemp Creek in Washington State,

"and you will find him.

"I am truly the real deal,
and I...

I believe you are, too."

Huh.

Old Kemp Creek. I knew it.
Ha-ha!

The game is afoot!

Ha-ha! A foot.
It's a... Hmm. Right.

Oh, it's you. You know
I have strict orders not to...

Yes, yes, very good,
thank you.

There he stood before me,

his wicked heathen eyes
locked on mine.

No sound but the wind whistling
through his grass skirt.

Then, in a flash,
I fell to one knee,

thrust my hand down
my trouser leg,

whipped out a pistol I had
concealed against my inner thigh,

aimed it
right between his eyes,

and dropped him where he stood quicker
than you could say, "God save the Queen."

How do you like that, hmm?

A noble battle.

Thank heaven he wasn't armed.

And then what happened?

Uh, I wasn't
out of the woods yet.

Not by a long shot.

The one thing that still
stood in my way was...

Sir Lionel Frost!

Gentlemen...

I bring thrilling news.

Oh, it's the monster hunter.

This club is for members only.

What is it this time, Frost?

Did you come
to tell us about Nessie?

Ah, Lord Piggot-Dunceby.

Why don't you show us what proof
you found in the loch, hmm?

Yes, a regrettable conclusion to an
otherwise rather promising expedition.

Uh...

But I'm not here
to bemoan past misfortune.

I am here to unveil my latest

and most tantalizing enterprise,
gentlemen.

Here he goes again.

- Now wait.
- Give it up, man.

- What I have here is a cast...
- Oh!

...of a giant,
non-human footprint.

- That's a big foot.
- I bet he's a big fellow. Heh.

One of dozens of documented
eyewitness reports

of a mysterious creature.

- Do you mind?
- Oh.

Huge, hairy,
and walking upright.

Neither ape nor man,

but the link in between.

Yes, he's had many names:

Skookum, Rougarou,

Tse'nahaha, Loo Poo Oi'Yes...

...and most commonly known in... in a muddled
derivation of an old Halkomelem dialect,

- as Sasquatch.
- Heh. That'll never catch on.

I offer you a glimpse of a
legendary creature lost in time

and proof...
proof, I tell you...

that man's primate ancestors are not
just tall tales and flights of fancy,

but alive and well

and living in the New World.

Ha-ha!

- The very thought of it.
- Well, I never!

- Poppycock!
- But think of it.

Evidence of man's primitive
ancestry, the missing link!

No, sir, I shan't think of it.
I won't.

- Uh...
- Look around you.

You stand beneath the most
renowned adventurers of the world.

The members of this club
have crossed oceans,

tamed jungles,
conquered the tallest peaks.

We've butchered the ungodly...

...and brought good
British table manners

to savages the world over.

You, sir, seek to make
a mockery of us.

No, no, no.
I seek to join you.

And the discovery
of this creature

must surely secure
my place here.

I mean,
what do you say to that?

I say we are descended
from great men,

not great apes.

Well, I say you're wrong.

What?

I... I believe
the two go hand in hand,

- and what's more, I...
- What did he say to me?

I think he said you're wrong.

I have heard enough.

Your words are nothing.

My word is everything.
What is yours worth?

I beg your pardon?

I give you my word I'll bring
back proof of this creature,

and in return,
you'll admit you're wrong,

and you'll grant me
membership here,

so I might finally take my
place where I truly belong.

You do not belong here,
and you will fail.

Well, in that case,
you have nothing to lose.

Very well.

You'll swear on it?

I will.

Then you'll excuse me
if I take my leave.

I, uh...
I have much to prepare.

Thank you.

Until next we meet, gentlemen.

These are dark days, Collick.

Electricity, suffrage,
evolution.

We are on the brink
of a precipice.

Yes, mark my words.
And the ground beneath us

is clawed away by these...
these new thinkers.

They'll change the world,

and there'll be no room in it
for the likes of me.

But, my Lord,

Frost's frivolous escapades
usually amount to naught.

He can't possibly win
this wager.

I'm not taking any chances!

No, I must make a stand
for all that is civilized.

But how are you going
to do that, my Lord?

Gonna hire a thug to kill him.

Oh, yes. That'll do it.

Hello?

Hmm.

Shh!

Stop, please!

Please wait!

It's still there.

Excuse me. I think I've got a
little something stuck in my...

There it is.

In my throat.
Like a nut or a...

or a field mouse or something like that.
I don't know.

Am I rambling? I'm a little
nervous, if I'm being honest.

I...

Sir Lionel Frost, I presume.

Hi.

I don't believe it.

I mean, you can speak.

Yes. And, um, I write as well.

My penmanship isn't great,
but, uh...

you know,
opposable thumbs and...

fat fingers, you know?

How can you speak?

Good question.
How can I speak?

Well, I watched at first.
I listened.

I paid attention
to a lot of things.

I learned, I stole books,
newspapers here and there.

Um, an old shaman in the valley
helped me a little.

Not only that, he taught me
how to play chess.

- Smart shaman.
- Not really.

I mean, I beat him every time.
He's a lousy player.

And he cheats. He's a cheater.

You're exactly as I imagined.

Eight feet tall,
chest circumference 70 inches,

total weight
around 650 pounds.

Well, I'd say it's more like,
you know, 630 pounds.

You know, it's the hair that
makes me look heavier, I think.

It's a... It's a little deceptive.
It can be frustrating.

Oh! Look at the size
of those metatarsals.

Whoa, sir! Wow, your hands!

- Do you mind if I smell you?
- Um, yeah, sure.

I mean, I bathed recently.

You know, like,
two weeks ago in a creek.

Uh, so, should...
You didn't drink from the creek, did you?

Remarkable.

Uh, wait.
So, you called me by my...

How do you know me?

I wrote the letter.

You wrote this?

You asked me here
to discover you?

Oh, discov... No, no, no.

I asked you here to help me.

Over this way.

Oh, God, I'm so embarrassed.
Sorry if it smells a little.

I don't entertain that much.

Ever.

If I might ask,
how did you find me?

Oh, well,
I've read all about you.

I think that one's
my favorite, right there.

Let's see. I think
there might be a picture.

Yes. You can't believe
everything you read, can you?

Let's move along, shall we?

So, I need someone who knows
the wild places of the world,

someone who believes
in my existence,

but, you know,
doesn't want to shoot me.

You're not gonna shoot me, are you?

But if you'd explain,
what exactly do you ask of me?

Take me away from this place.

I'm lonely.

Your world,
it... it grows bigger.

Mine is eaten away.

You know, there's nothing
for me here anymore.

I've walked these woods year after
year, but I'm the last.

I have none of my kind
to live with,

no...
no family.

Really, nobody.

But...

many miles away,
on the other side of the world,

they talk of this...
this creature.

He's a snowman.

- A yeti?
- And... And look at this.

I think these yetis
are my cousins.

They're... They're my kind.

I want to go to that
cold place and find them.

And then...

um, I wouldn't have to spend
the rest of my life alone.

Can you just take me there?

Please?

Take you to the Himalayas?

I can't possibly.

Yes, you can.
If anyone can, it's you.

You're a...
You're a great man.

Mm, that's a tantalizing
proposition, I'll admit.

You must understand,

my objective here
was to find proof of you.

Um, my name depends upon it.

Proof? What kind of proof?

Incontrovertible evidence
of your existence

to prove my doubters wrong,

uh, like hair samples,
a tooth,

nail clippings, feces.

Well, I have all those things.
That seems like a fair deal.

In that case, why not?

I shall get you there,
to the place you belong.

And in return,
you will get me to mine.

Oh, yes. I'll prove the
existence of not just one,

but an entire evolutionary
branch of missing links.

Imagine the headlines then.

Oh, wow! You really mean that?
You're gonna take me?

Of course. I give you my word.

Okay. What is it?

- What?
- Your word.

No, it's a figure of speech.

Sounds good. What is it?

The word, my dear fellow,

is "trust."

Oh, so, you want
the poop now?

No, later will be fine.

Right. And...
what do I call you?

I mean, if we're to travel halfway
across the globe, you'll need a name.

Well, there's never really been anyone
around to give me a name, you know?

Hmm. That won't do.

I... I think I still carry the
papers of my valet, Mr. Lemuel Lint.

We'll simply change
the "T" to a "K,"

and then we have
the perfect cover story.

Mr. Link.

You know,
like... missing link.

Ah!

Wait, I don't get it.

Uh, fine. Then to business.
We have much to do.

Yes, sir. Where do we start?

With the work of the late
Aldous Fortnight.

He and I shared the same, um,
shall we say, pursuits.

Yes, before
his untimely death.

A singular man.
Primatologist, poet laureate,

and sometime fullback for
the Blackheath Football Club.

Oh, I like the sound
of that guy.

Spent much of his life
searching for the elusive yeti.

And the best part of all,
he drew a map.

- All right, let me just... Can I just ask a...
- Hmm?

You think Mr. Fortnight's widow
will give it to us, just like that?

Don't fret, Mr. Link.
You just leave Adelina to me.

Oh. Oh, so, the two of you
are acquainted.

Hoo-hoo!

You can say that again.

Okay. So, the two of you
are acquainted.

What I...
What I mean is, Adelina and I were...

well, more than
just acquaintances.

Oh.

Oh...

Oh!

Wait a second. I said, "Oh!" like I knew
what you were talking about, but I don't.

Never mind.
First things first.

We shall get some sleep
and sustenance.

Whoo! I barely know you.

What, here?

You know what? I'm fine.
I'll wait out here.

We'll keep a low profile

and be out of here
by first light.

- I can't go in there.
- Well, not as you are, no.

But at the very least,
we should cover up your, uh...

... modesty.

Put this on.

Sir Lionel, I'm a little
afraid that this isn't gonna work.

Oh, come now.
I imagine everyone in there

has hairy knuckles
and poor hygiene.

You'll fit right in.

Hmm.

Ooh! Excuse me.

Hmm.

What can I get you?

Hmm. We'll need lodging
for the night.

And a cup of Earl Grey tea
with a spot of milk.

And please don't let it steep
too long. Thanks so much.

I'm good.

Lionel Frost.

Sir Lionel Frost, actually.

Um, you seem to have me
at a disadvantage.

And that's just how I like it.

Willard Stenk.
Pleased to meet you.

Ah, Stenk.
Yes, I know of your work.

You've tracked,
trapped and butchered

every rare creature
from here to Borneo.

You're gonna make me blush here.

And by my reckoning,
there's one that has eluded you

for 30 years or more.

Is that right?

The Sasquatch appears
to have you beat, Mr. Stenk.

The Sasquatch? Ha!

If you think you can do better,
Frost, you're out of your mind.

You hear me? Barking mad.

Mm.

Woof.

No. It can't be.

Oh, but I'm afraid it can.
And it is.

And you didn't. And I did.

Mmm. You're beautiful.

Um, can you hold on one second?
I'm uncomfortable.

Don't believe a word of it.
He'd sooner see you stuffed

or have your head
mounted on a wall,

and perhaps use your foot as one of those,
you know, buckets you put umbrellas in.

Wha... No, thank you!

Gotta get myself a grip here.

That's better.
Regretfully, Sir Lionel,

turns out the job
I've been hired to do

ain't no fool's errand
after all.

- Oh?
- I've been paid a pretty sum

to stop you and this creature

from ever reaching
civilized society.

Quite a catch.

I get to bag two legends
in one day.

Oh, I wouldn't count on it.

Hmm?

Aah!

Aah!

Aah! Uh!

Uh!

Huh.

Oh! Uh!

Yes, I might've known Piggot-Dunceby
would send one of his rabid mutts

to do his dirty work.

No hard feelings, Frost.

- Hyah!
- Aah!

Except that one.

Do you think you have things
in hand, Mr. Link?

- I'll be right back.
- Okay.

Oh, no, you don't.

Ooh!

Sorry, old girl.

Oh, blast.

Aah!

Oh, boy. That is gonna let in
an awful draft.

Not to worry, Mr. Link.
We're not stopping after all.

It seems Piggot-Dunceby is set on
scuppering my success at any cost.

We must make haste
for Santa Ana, California.

Lord Piggot-Dunceby!

Lord Piggot-Dunceby,
a telegram!

You have a telegra...

It's from Stenk.

No. It can't be true.

- No... Mm.
- No one must know of this, do you hear?

- We must redouble our efforts.
- Yeah.

- Frost must not succeed!
- Eh?

Get word to Stenk, and...
and tell him to stay on their trail.

- Right.
- To the end of the world if he has to.

Do you hear me?
The end of the world!

Very good, Collick.
Run along now.

Running along, yes, running along.

Just running along.

Hmm.

All aboard!

So, how did
Mr. Fortnight die, exactly?

Buried by an avalanche
on the Hindu Kush.

- Didn't know what hit him.
- Ow!

I'm gonna say it was the snow
that hit him.

He never completed his quest.
Died in the trying.

This feels very confined.

I feel woozy.
Do I look pale? I feel pale.

Oh, stop fidgeting, Mr. Link.
You mustn't draw attention to yourself.

Well, I'm not very
comfortable stealing a man's clothes.

Well, you can't very well
walk around naked.

It's indecent.

Yeah, but... I mean,
his underwear, too?

It just seems a little...

I mean, I turned them
inside-out and all, but...

Is it hot in here?
I think I need some air.

Fine, fine. By all means,
crack open the win...

...dow.

Oh, that's better.

This way, please.

Señora doesn't normally
see guests.

Yeah. I'm the same way.
Probably because my cave smells like sh...

Should you perhaps wait here?

Try not to shed
on the cashmere.

Do you shed?

So,
let me see if I understand.

You plan to travel all the way
around the world to the Himalayas,

looking for this, uh,
legendary creature.

And to do this,
you need the map

that my dearest husband
was holding in his hand

when they pulled
his poor, dead body

out of the ice that killed him
on the mountain.

Yes, that's right.

Is this... everything that
you are here to say to me?

Did I leave something out?

He was your friend.

Oh, absolutely.
Like a brother to me.

And you did not even go
to his funeral.

Yes, well, goodbyes
are so tricky.

You and Aldous...
what happened to you?

Oh, come, now, Adelina.
I think you know the answer to that.

It was over
between us, Lionel.

And Aldous was there for me
in ways you never were.

Yes, how fortunate
for you both.

Ugh! I can't even look at you
right now.

- There.
- There?

There, there, Adelina.

There's no need to get upset.
Such a sensitive creature.

It saddens me to see you
shut away in this old house,

surrounded by memories
of times long past.

Like a... Like an unhappy bird
locked in a cage.

You were always such a...

such a vibrant, spirited,
intoxicating woman.

- Stop!
- Ow!

What is wrong with you?

You think I cannot see?

You come here
because you want something,

and you think you can charm me
and you can flatter me

and I will do just as you say.

Um... yes.

- No!
- No.

So, could we go
through it again?

Same old Lionel.

Eyes only for your legend,
for Lionel's prize.

You will get out of my house.

Adelina,
you have me all wrong.

I... I see how much your
husband's legacy means to you.

I would never wish
to obtain the map

by insincere flimflammery.

No. I will pay you for it.

Get out!

Come along, Mr. Link.

- Salga de mi casa!
- Um...

Fuera! Fuera de mi casa!

Váyase!

We aren't
gonna break in, are we?

I mean,
that's against the law.

Oh, please, Mr. Link.
This is America.

Put this on.

Hey, Sir Lionel. Sorry.

Do you have a size bigger?

I think I put a run in it.

On your head. It's a disguise.

We're not here
to perform burlesque.

Look, just forget
about the stocking.

Here. Now throw this rope
over the wall.

What... What did you just do?

Uh, what do you mean?
I threw the rope over the wall.

I didn't mean all of it.

Well, you never said that.
I'm very literal.

- Oh, you don't say?
- No, I do say.

I just said that right then.
Aren't you listening?

Now what are
we gonna do?

You said throw the rope over,
so I threw the rope over.

Why don't you just
throw this over as well?

Okay.

Oh.

Okay, never mind.

You'll have to climb the wall
and pull me up.

Okay, I'm not very good
at climbing.

Oh, for pity's sake. Of course you are.
Look at your arms.

Hmm. That's a good point.

That's a good point.

Okay.

Mm-hmm.

Ah...

Aah! No! Ooh! Aah!

Bravo.

Thank you.

Oh, do hurry up.

You're making too much noise.

Aah! Ow!

Oh, sorry.

- Ow.
- Do you think you can lift it?

- I guess so.
- Then get it over to the window

and throw it out
into the bushes.

I'll keep watch.

What are you doing?

Just one second, please.

Almost there.

Stop it.

Stop it.

- Is there a problem?
- Why don't you just play a trumpet

and sing "The Star-Spangled
Banner" while you're at it?

I could give it a try.
Oh, but I don't have a trumpet.

And I don't know
that song that well.

Wait. You don't want me
to do that.

I'm on to you, mister.
I am on to you.

I knew it!

- You terrible thieves!
- A fair assessment.

Oh!

Lionel!

Yes!

Lionel Frost!

I know this is you in there.

Ooh!

I do not even want to know
how you got this.

There was a nun.
We mugged her.

Oh, my dear.
I think you've made a mistake.

You're right, it's me.

How could you tell?

Give me back my husband's map.

Adelina, I think...

Huh?

Someone is shooting at you,
and it isn't me.

Did you steal from him
as well?

Oh...

Aah!

We really don't have time
for this.

I mean to get
to the Himalayas,

- and I need your map to do it.
- Not so fast.

Please, Adelina. What possible
need could you have for this?

Something you said to me.

It is time
for this unhappy bird...

...to break out of her cage.

- Adelina?
- That's right, Sir Lionel Frost.

And your big, hairy f...

- I'm sorry. Who's this?
- I'll explain later.

Oh, I don't care.
The point is, I'm coming with you.

I don't really have a say
in the matter, do I?

- Para nada.
- All right, fine.

Quickly!
We must climb aboard!

- Huh?
- The train is leaving!

Oh!

What? We will miss it.

Change of plan. We must give
this villain the slip.

Oh, no, you don't.

Follow me. We must find
an alternative route.

No time to dawdle.

Hyah! Hyah!

From New York,
we can find passage to London

and easily navigate the
European continent by rail.

On through India,
and from there,

it's just a tidy step to the
foothills of the Himalayas

and our ultimate destination:
Shangri-La.

Shangri-La? No!

I can't believe it!
Oh, my goodness! This sounds...

Oh, my goodness!
That is great!

This can't be happ...

What is that, exactly?

Is it a... Is it a place?

It has been called many names:

Shambhala, Agartha,

the Valley of the Blue Moon.

Legend says it is a place
of uncommon beauty.

An earthly Eden
where man never grows old.

Actually, Aldous believed

that this story
was not quite right.

He believed that the valley was not
the home of men who had never aged,

but of men
who had never evolved.

Early man.

- Like me?
- Like you.

Yes. Yes, that's right.

An undiscovered
civilization of yetis,

living and flourishing
in isolation.

Quite a tall tale, but I think
he was on to something.

And I will follow
in his footsteps

all the way to the prize.

But I don't see a
path to Shangri-La on this map.

Just directions to Gamu?
What's that?

Not what, but who.

The exact location of the
mythical valley was thought lost,

- but Aldous learned...
- Aldous, Aldous.

- Excuse me, it's my turn.
- Carry on.

Aldous learned of
a mountain guide named Gamu

who knew the secret ways
through the mountains.

Aldous believed
if we find Shangri-La,

we find the yeti.

Yes, and then, Mr. Link,

you will at last be united
with your lost brethren.

I'm a quiet guy at heart,

but do you mind
if I just kind of...

growl a little bit
in excitement?

That was fun.

Yes, let's not
get overexcited, shall we?

You know, I really
didn't think it was possible.

And yet here you are
in front of my face.

I cannot believe it.

All these years,
my husband searched for this.

I wish...

I wish he could have
been here to see it.

Hmm. Poor Adelina.

That does not mean
I'm happy about you.

That is really rather
unreasonable, I must say.

You know what?
I'm gonna just be over here.

I'm gonna stare out the window
for a long time.

Uh!

Oh, my word. Look at...
What is that, the sky?

Hyah! Hyah!

- Oh, do hurry it up.
- Be patient.

Can't you see poor Mr. Link
is nervous?

Oh, believe me, he's got a lot more to
worry about than boarding this boat.

What do you mean?

Oh, Adelina.

Let me say this very clearly.

The hunter that follows us

will not give up the chase easily.
You understand?

He's still on our tail.
Have no doubt.

If he catches us,
he will shoot you dead, skin you,

and have your pelt
as his hearthrug.

And if that happens,
well, then...

I mean, I have...
I'll have no chance of winning my wager.

Lionel!

Dios mío.

Stenk followed them on board
a cargo steamer bound for London.

He says he'll deliver them
to you, dot-dot-dot,

dead or alive,
exclamation mark.

Hire thugs.
Bribe the port authorities.

As soon as that ship
reaches dry land,

we'll be waiting for them.

Hmm.

Come in.

Qué es lo que quiere
éste ahora?

What do you say
to a peace offering?

Eh. I don't mind if I do.

Hmm. Yes, I thought perhaps
we might clear the air.

My air?

No, no, no.
My air is clear.

But Mr. Link? I think perhaps
his air is all stuffed up.

He thinks so highly
of you, Lionel.

He really believes in you.

And yet you treat him so poorly.

Name one time that
I've ever treated him poorly.

You poke him with your stick.

You make him carry your bag
like he's your servant.

- You tell him he smells of wet dog.
- Yes, I said name one.

You put yourself first
and always Mr. Link second.

Adelina,
that's simply not true.

Is that really
what you think of me?

Yes.

Oh, now, steady on...

You do not seem
so steady yourself.

Perhaps it is time
you made a step

in a different direction.

I haven't the faintest idea
of what you're talking about.

Hmm?

Look at him.

His hope rests
in your hand, Lionel.

Talk to him.

Can't you do it?

Go now,
or I'll throw you overboard.

Go.

Oh. Sir Lionel. I, uh...

was just getting
some fresh air.

Uh... you seem, um,

you seem troubled, Mr. Link.

Sir Lionel, have you ever
wanted something so bad

it hurt inside,
like gas, but sadder?

Hmm. Well... yes.

As a matter of fact, I have.

As long as
I can remember, I...

I wished to become
a great adventurer,

respected throughout
the Empire.

Well, it hasn't quite
worked out that way.

Not yet.

But someday.

Yes, someday people
will remember my deeds

and know my name.

Of course they will.

Your name is gonna
go down in history

as the world's
greatest adventurer.

Now,
not the greatest, surely.

At least you have a name.

One of your own, I mean.

I don't think
"Mr. Link" really counts.

Well, then...
perhaps we might remedy that.

- What do you mean?
- You must choose a name.

Um, a name that has
special meaning to you.

Yes, perhaps...

perhaps the name
of someone in your life

who touched you... here.

My nipple?

Heart. Your heart.

Oh. Yeah.

Well, some years back,

there was a young prospector
who came to live in the woods

to try their luck
on the high mountain rivers.

One day, they came
close to my cave,

while out picking berries.

And they saw me,
and they were just standing there.

And when I looked at them,

they didn't scream, didn't turn
and run away like most people do.

They just... They just smiled.

And that smile
meant the world to me.

Perfect.

And... And what was
the prospector's name?

Susan.

Su... Susan?

Yeah, Susan.
That should be my name.

So, this prospector
was a girl?

Yes, that's correct.

Well, then
that is a girl's name.

Uh-huh.

Well, yes, I...

Um... it suits you.

And now...

Now we must rest.

We have a long way to go,
but I assure you,

we will reach the Himalayas

and find this lost civilization of
yetis, this Shangri-La.

We will find your place.

Good night, uh...

Susan.

Susan.

Wow, that was positively
altruistic, if I do say so myself.

Adelina? What's wrong?

What, are you lost for words?

Stenk! Leave her alone.

- Your fight is with me.
- Mm-hmm.

Put your hands
where I can see 'em.

- Huh?
- Whoa. No.

Give me...

Aah!
Quit yankin' on my shooter!

Lionel, look out!
Get your hands off of him!

Get off of me!

Hey, you! Don't you touch him!

Oh!

Help me!

I got you now.

MR. - I can't reach!

The life buoy! The life buoy!

- Throw the life buoy!
- Okay.

Uh... Aha!

Wha...

Aah!

That's a little bit
below the belt, isn't it?

What?

Oh God. Okay...

I've got ya!

Over here!

Help!

Could you hold on a second?

I am!

I'm here!

Oh!

Yah!

Aah!

Huh?

A monster!

And he's got
a defenseless girl!

- Monster?
- Defenseless?

- Get 'em!
- Come on!

This way!

Oh, and-and, Mr. Link,
keep your trousers on, please.

There's a good chap.

Aw, shoot. The boss
ain't gonna like this.

Are you positive
about this, Mr. Stenk?

Oh, yeah. A whole lost world
is what he said.

Big-footed critters
as far as the eye can see.

No!

I won't stand for it.

It's a mockery of man!

A sham of civilized society!

I'll run this game to ground
if it's the last thing I do.

All things considered,
I think he took that quite well.

Come along, Mr. Link.

We're one step ahead
of our adversaries,

so let's keep it that way.

And, uh, well,
we can enjoy the view while we're about.

Uh,
are we gonna need the boat again?

There's so many
beautiful things in the world.

Yes.

Oh, Lionel, look.

Oh, remarkable.

This is just like old times,
wouldn't you say?

Hmm, yes.

Yes, uh... although
the Sasquatch is new.

Aw, he's all tuckered out.

He's come a long way.

I think we all have.

Oh!

Good morning.

- Mm-mm-mm.
- Oh, Lionel.

I say, old chap,
could you loosen your grip?

My, uh, arms have gone dead.

So, what's going on?
Are we nearly there yet?

Almost, Susan, almost.

We'll soon have you
frolicking in the snow

with huge, hairy ape-men.
Just you wait and see.

Oh, boy.
A guy could dream.

Yes, this is it.

But, Lionel...

where do we go from here?

From here, my dear,
we shall rely

on my extensive
anthropological knowledge

and my keen eye
for local custom.

Do you understand English?

Yes. Hello? Hello?
Excuse me, sir.

Would you
please direct us to Gamu?

Do you understand?

Ga... mu?

The Englishman abroad.

Nyah.

Well, that's a little bit rude.

I said it's rude!

Heh. We are walking untrodden paths
through the Himalayas, Mr. Link.

This is merely
a local greeting.

Oh.

Pleased to meet you!

Take care.

You seek Gamu?

She's my grandmother.

I will take you to her.

I must warn you,
she does not like visitors,

'cause she is old and rude
and prefers solitude.

Moo.

Also, please do not,
whatever you do,

mention the...
Chicken.

- The chicken?
- Yes, please.

Never, ever mention
the chicken.

- Of course not.
- We understand.

No chicken, got it. Zip.

Uh, greetings, venerable Gamu.

- It is an honor.
- What's with the chicken?

What is he talking about?

Hmm, she says
you must join her for supper.

I'm sorry, what is this?

Yak stew.

Oh, no, thanks.
I don't eat meat.

I mean, I do eat bacon
and squirrel and chicken.

No, not chicken.
I eat fish. I said fish.

We mustn't insult our host,
Mr. Link. Eat it.

Mmm. It's delicious.

Mmm.

Gamu...

perhaps we can try
some of your tea.

It is made from yak butter.

Um, do you have anything
that doesn't come from a yak?

Yak is our life.

Yak is milk, meat,
clothes, friend.

Unusual bouquet.

And it smells funny, too.

- Oh, that is not the tea.
- No? What is it?

Dung. We burn it for fuel.

Yak?

Yak, of course.

Cookie?

I really shouldn't be having
one of these,

but, oh, they're so good.

Mmm!

Gamu, if I may,

we have traveled
many thousands of miles

to find a place
lost in the mountains,

a place I think you know.

Some call it... Shangri-La.

This place you seek
is not lost.

It is hidden,
hidden by choice.

Perhaps it is the men
who seek it who are lost.

Then you know of it?

Yes, I do.

And I know
it is not a place for man.

It is not a place for you.

No.

It's for me.

- Um...
- You have killed my grandmother!

Quick, quick, quick!
Someone should give her the kiss of life!

You're the man for the job.

How's my breath?

You killed her again!

I was mistaken.

You are right to take him
to his kind, where he belongs.

Then you will guide us?

You got to be kidding.

I will give
my granddaughter directions.

Go! Get out!

Get out of my house!

I asked you nicely,

but I'm not gonna ask you again.

Tell us what you told them!

Oh, Mr. Stenk,
you're doing this all wrong.

You mustn't threaten
the defenseless old woman.

How about the chicken?

What chicken?

No! You must threaten her
defenseless grandson instead.

Over here!

Oh!

Ow!

Oh!

Aah!

Oh! Brother.

Who is it
that comes before us?

Sir Lionel Frost.

And if I might ask, how the devil
can you speak English so well?

How can you speak English
so well?

Well, Eton, obviously.

How do you know
I'm not speaking yeti?

Because...

Look, I'm not sure exactly
where this is taking us.

Is there anything wrong with
staying exactly where we are?

Do you always speak
in questions?

I don't know. Do I?

I have a question for you.

Why did you guide us here
at the tip of a spear?

We do not wield weapons
to threaten, but to defend.

That doesn't make them
any less sharp.

- You speak with some wisdom.
- I state the obvious.

Often that is the same thing.

Well, here is an absolute.

We do not seek glory
or riches.

We're not here
to pillage your temple

or disturb your tranquility.

We want nothing from you.

Then why are you here?

That is me. Sorry.

Oh, but of course.

The country cousin.

The... redneck.

Actually...

Sorry. Actually,
I'd say more...

I think it's more...
I think it's more of a rust, isn't it?

People say red.
I find I'm more of an auburn.

I have a lot of autumn in me,
a lot of autumn colors.

Um, so, you know, we...

Anyway, I figured maybe there was
a place for me here, among you.

Come this way.

So, this is it, Shangri-La.

Myth made real.

Shangri-La?
That is not our name.

We call it...

How phlegmatic.
What does it mean?

"Keep out. We hate you."

This valley is unsullied,
precious.

And so it shall remain.

There is no place
for you among us.

But you're my kind,
you're my fa... my family.

No. I think not.

It seems to me,
you did not have to travel

halfway around the world
to find your kind.

Man, killer of life,
of hope, of dreams.

Man talks of the magic
of the world,

but it is a prize,

something to be claimed
as proof of his worth.

I mean, she has a point.

These secrets you have seen,
they are ours, and ours alone.

The outside world
must never learn the truths

of our sacred valley.

That is something
we cannot allow.

She's gonna kill us!

Kill you?

We are not monsters.

Oh!

Oh, gosh.

For a minute there, I thought, just for
a second, that maybe you were going...

Throw them into the
Inescapable Pit of Isolation

and Miserable Disappointment.

Oh. I'm sorry, what?

There, you will spend
the rest of your lives

pondering
your ill transgressions.

You can't keep us here.

It's barbaric!

It is preservation.

You fiends!

Oh, this is awful.

Yes.

I'll be the laughingstock
of the club, again.

Yo no puedo creer.

Look at him.

Look!

His dream is crushed, and you...

you only talk of yourself.

Well, what about my dreams?

What?
To belong to that silly club?

These men do not like you,
they do not respect you,

they do not believe
the things that you believe.

So, why? Why do you wish
to be one of them?

Be... Because...

Because they said I couldn't.

You and Susan
are not different at all,

wanting to belong
in all the wrong places.

You could never understand.

You know something, Lionel?

All this time, I'm thinking you care
more about these legends you chase

than you do about people,
but I'm wrong.

There's only one legend Sir
Lionel Frost really cares about.

Is it a unicorn?

Oh. Wait.
You mean me, don't you?

You were never interested
in anyone but yourself.

And yet, you are surprised
that you always end up alone.

You have me wrong.

I am better
than you think I am.

Prove it.

You talk about proof,
but all you offer are words.

Where is this great man,
Sir Lionel?

Where is the proof of him?
Where is the proof of his worth?

I think perhaps
the great Sir Lionel Frost...

is a myth.

It is time to
settle our debt, Susan.

I promised I'd take you
to the place you belong,

and I'm a man of my word.

The Elder is right.
You don't belong here.

Now, get up. We're leaving.

Now, hold me tightly.

Are you... Are you sure?

Um, Adelina's watching.

What? No, no. I want you
to throw me out of the pit.

Uh, I don't know.
I think you might be a little too heavy.

Nonsense.
Now, give it all you've got.

Oh. It's hard to know
whose fault that was.

Let's do it again.

Oh!

Adelina, throw something down.

A rope would be better.

I don't know. Three more of
them, and we could build a ramp.

Oh, that feels lovely.

Oh, no!

Um...

nice place.

Aah!

The people we don't want here
are leaving!

Force them to stay!

Aah!

Tie this to your waist.

We have a treacherous climb
ahead of us. Quickly!

I don't think I have
my knot... Aah!

This is where it ends, Frost.

I can't allow you
to go any further.

Look at you.

Hand in hand
with apes and women.

You'll never be one of us.

Quite right. I never shall.

You know, I really
don't care to anymore.

I have changed my mind.

I... I have evolved.

What? Heh! That's...
That's preposterous.

Of course you want to be
one of us.

We are great men!

We shape the world!

It's funny...

I actually used to think that.

But now... now I rather think
the world shapes us.

That was pretty good,
wasn't it?

One of you should
write that down.

- Excuse me. Can I borrow your...
- Hmm?

You would cast aside
everything for that...

that... thing?

Yes. Yes, I would.

And I'll have you know
that that thing has a name.

It's Susan.

That thing is an abomination!

That thing is more of a man
than you'll ever be.

And what's more,
he's my friend,

which is a far better prize than any
fellowship with the likes of you.

If you are still intent
on doing him harm,

then you'll have to find
a way through me first.

And me also.

Yeah, and me.

- You don't do that.
- Oh, yeah. Right.

Go through... Go through them.

You can keep your missing link

and your lost world.

You're welcome to them.

No one will ever know
what you found here.

And no one will ever
remember your name.

Uh, my Lord?

Order will prevail!

Civilization endures!

You're a bad man.

Run.

Huh?

Oh, bugger.

Oh!

Oh, no, no!

Ugh! Why am I always dangly?

Are we dead?

Not yet.

Seems you've had
your day at last, Frost.

Now... Now here comes
the thaw.

It doesn't have to be
this way, Stenk.

Piggot-Dunceby's gone.

It ain't about the paycheck
no more.

Now it's just a matter of
shallow, self-centered pride.

Careful, Stenk. You know what
they say pride comes before.

Wait, I know this.

Is it Tuesday?

Hah!

Aah!

Wha...?

Aah!

Susan, try and reach the side!

Oh!

I can't get a hold!

Yes.

Oh, no!

Aah!

I wanted to say thank you

for what you said back there.

Ah, don't even mention it.

Okay.

So, what happens now?

I...

I don't know.

Uh, well, it turns out I'm on
the lookout for a new valet.

Partner.

Uh, partner.

You wouldn't happen
to know anyone, would you?

I could ask around
if you want.

Maybe the guy in the village with
the tongue. Would he be good?

You, Mr. Link. I mean you.

Me?

Oh, my goodness!
Yes, then. Well, yes.

Of course! I do know someone!

Hmm.

Look!

Your utopia sucks!

Come along, Mr. Link.

- Yeah, and get a haircut!
- That's enough.

And your accent's weird!

Bigger person, Mr. Link.
Be the bigger person.

You have seen the world.

Remember every moment
of it, Susan.

And you, Adelina?
What did you see?

I saw proof.

You are a great man,
Sir Lionel.

But I deserve greater.

It's time I went
on my own adventure.

Not for you, not for Aldous,
not even for you, Susan.

But for myself.

Goodbye, gentlemen.

Were you leaning in
for a kiss there?

I've been there before, yeah.
I mean, I haven't,

but I could imagine that's how
it would go down with me, too.

Ooh.

This is it, Mr. Link!

The Fiji mermaid!

This, Mr. Link,
might just provide the vital clue I need

to the greatest discovery
of the century.

But I thought
we did Shangri-La already.

- No, no. Atlantis.
- You don't say?

I do say. I'd swear on it.

And you know I'm nothing
if not a man of my...

Your word, yes, got it.

Don't dally, my friend.
Adventure awaits.

Ha-ha!

Oh, boy!

Do I have time to get
my bathing suit? No?