Misbehaviour (2020) - full transcript

Here we go, guys,

the man you've all
been waiting for...

Mr Bob Hope!

Welcome, everybody,
to Long Binh,

in what I like to call
the United States of Vietnam.

I hear you guys have been petitioning
the president to let me retire.

If you think you can
shake me off that easily,

you need to talk to
Raquel Welch.

- Come on, now.
- Give it to her, Bob!

Uh-huh.

- S. Alexander?
- Yes.



Right now, I want you
all to sit back and relax.

It's time to introduce the most
beautiful girl in the world.

Of course, that's not my opinion.
That's her actual title.

From Vienna, Austria,

please welcome
1969 Miss World...

Eva Rueber-Staier.

- 34-24-36.
- Wow. Yes!

There you go, boys.

This show just got
a lot hotter.

Yeah!

Eva, honey, would you like
to say hello to these fellas?

Hello.

The mature stu.

- Sally Alexander?
- Yes.



So, history.

Why have we never had
a revolution in Britain?

Eva Rueber-Staier.

Oh, boy!

Ooh! I'm telling you,

if the commies had someone
like that to go home to,

we'd be out of here by now.

Oh, yeah!

The Civil War was won by
the rebels, but, even then,

the new order
only lasted a generation.

So surely the real question is,

why have all
our revolutions failed?

It says here
you left school at 15.

My school didn't really
foster academic ambition.

It was more about preparing us
for marriage and so forth, so...

Which is why I would like
to get back into education.

I have just completed
my diploma in history.

- At Ruskin College?
- Yes.

Don't they require
a trade union background?

I... I have
a trade union background.

I was an Equity member.

So, you're an actress?

No, er...

After school,
I had to do something.

And my mother thought
that drama school

sounded better than
secretarial college, so...

I was never any good.

I don't like people
looking at me.

And after drama school?

I got married
and had a baby.

What does your husband
think about you

applying for university
as a mature student?

We're divorced, so it doesn't
really matter what he thinks.

You have a child,
Miss Alexander.

Studying here
is a big commitment.

Yes. Erm...

I managed my diploma whilst
looking after my daughter.

I got a distinction.

And the man I live with
shares the child care.

I would never be late for
lectures or miss deadlines.

I would be mature.

I would be a mature...
mature student.

Hurry.

Go, go, go! Come on!

Go, go, go!

I had to do that.

- Hello.
- Sally.

- We're gonna need more chairs.
- Oh, okay.

- Here's Mummy.
- Hello!

- Mummy!
- Hello!

[sigh.

It arrived this morning
after you left.

Oh.

Ah!

University College London.

They're offering me a place.
I got in!

- Course they bloody did!
- Ohh!

I'm...

Oh, give me a cuddle!
Give me a real cuddle!

"It's my great pleasure to offer
you a place to study history..."

I can't believ.
I can't believ, I can't believ.

This is a women's conference.
Why are there men everywhere?

They don't look that happy about
it, do they? Look at that face.

Oh, God!

Cheer up, mate.

We're not perm.
We're only here for the weeken.

You can have a party hat.

Don't you worry, mate.
We're not gonna leave you out.

Erm, excuse me.

Sorry. Do you?

Somebody's gonna have to
clean that up when you're gone.

What, cos...

Cos God forbid we shoud
offend the authorities?

Typical Oxford student.
No stomach for a fight.

Actually, I'm not
an Oxford student.

This is a place for people
trying to get into university.

Oh, right. So you don't want to
bring down the male establishment.

You just want t
at the table.

If I'm in it, it won't be the male
establishment any more, will it?

Ooh, there she is.

Let's sit down. Jo.

What does it mean
to be a woman?

That our work
will be underpaid

and our minds
undervalued.

Last year, when we proposed a
women's conference, men laughed,

and yet here we are,
on the road to liberation.

It won't be easy.

We have to recognise
the ways

in which
we've all been conditioned,

trained to be pleasing
rather than powerful,

told that our purpose
is to enable men,

serve them, service them.

We have to find a language
to describe injustices

we haven't even been able
to name until now.

If the word "racism"
describes one tyranny,

doesn't "sexism"
describe another?

The belief that women
are inferior to men.

We have to learn to look
at the world with new eyes.

We have to ask ourselves,
if there was no patriarchy,

how would I dress...

or work...

or think?

How would I have sex?

And who would
I have sex with?

No on.

But if we need to change,
so does the world.

Which is why today we are launching
the Women's Liberation Movement.

We demand
an end to discrimination!

Yes!

We demand equal pay
for equal work,

and the childcare
to enable that.

We want control
over our own bodies,

contraception and abortion
on demand.

Yes.

Up until now,
working as individuals,

we've just been a ripple
on the surface.

But together...

Together, I promise you,
we will be a revolution.

Miss Bristol.

Miss Bristol is 34-22-36.

Lovely face, obviously.
Good legs.

No defects... knock-knees,
wonky teeth, that sort of thing.

They also have
to be unmarried,

by which
I also mean untouched.

And if they're not
pretty much 36-24-36,

it goes without saying the curves
won't be in the right places.

But we really do believe

that beauty isn't
just skin deep.

The girls also get marks
on charm and grace, deportment.

Swimsuits.

And who's your money on?

Well, Miss Totnes
is definitely a corker.

Nice eyes.

And whatever she may be lacking
in the boob front,

she more than makes up for
in the derriere department.

And I wouldn't rule out
Miss Nantwich either.

Lovely blonde hair
and a very nice set of curves.

Very nice, Miss Nantwich.

And for the Miss World
competition,

what about this
year's special guest?

Who ht
lined?

Who indeed, boys, eh?
Who indeed?

Ladies and gentlemen,
a warm round of applause

for our seven
lovely finalists.

Who in-bloody-deed?

We have, in first place,

Miss Nantwich!

Golf?

Oh, I just have
a little work to do.

Hiring.

Again?

And you must be Joan.

- Wow.
- Bob.

Joan Billings.

- And right this way.
- Thank you.

- How old are you, honey?
- Eighteen.

Eighteen?
Pretty as springtime.

Good morning, Mr Hope.

Welcome to the Fort Knx
of laughter.

Wow.

Got a whole warehouse
full of this stuff.

Fifty years of memorabilia just
waiting for the Bob Hope Museum.

Just gotta get around
to building that museum.

We got all my gags,
538,000 of them.

Every cabinet is fireproof
and earthquake-proof.

Isn't it somet?

Wow, Mr Hope. Wow.

Academy Awards, Advertising,
Agriculture, Airplanes.

We got every subject
under the sun, A to Z.

Little group of writers down there
toiling 24/7 like worker bees,

just bzzz, bzzz, bzzz, bzzz.

Magicians, Malibu,
Marriage. Massage.

- Bob Hope's office.
- Go ahead, pick one out.

Sir, it's Mecca
calling again.

The Miss World people.

Wanna handle t, Miss Billings?
What do you th?

Show me what you can d.

Hello.

This s
Miss,

Mr Hope's
personal secre.

I'm sorry
to keep badgering you,

but if you could just
let us know either way,

we would be
so terribly grateful.

Yes, I underst.

Pleasd
for a.

She's asking someone.

Let's hope
it's not Mrs Hope.

After what he got up to
last time.

Do I wanna host
the Miss World competition?

Well, that's a big decision for
a boy to make all on his own.

What do you think,
Miss Billings?

Do I wanna host the Miss
World competition this year?

Sure, you do.
I've always lod that show.

All right, let them know.

Mr Hope has just confirmed that
he'll be delighted to join you again.

That is marvellous news.

Eric will be so pleased.

- Thank you. Many thanks.
- Yes!

Onwards and upwards.

Well done, Mrs Morley.

Well, thank you,
Mr Morley.

I think we should celebrate.
What do you say?

Oh, sure, Mr H.

What'll it be?
Scotch and sofa or gin and platonic?

It's not about context.
Some things are universal.

The point is
that it isn't true.

- Not when you consider historicism as a theory.
- But don't you think...

Historicism isn't a theory.

- It's just Marxist pseudo-science.
- But that wasn't the point.

Of course you'd say that.
You're a bloody imperialist!

- Argumentum ad hominem.
- All right, gentlemen, thank you.

Interesting opinions
all round.

I look forward to more
of the same next week.

Fantastic.

You've really made
some good choices.

- Excuse me? Hello?
- Can't talk now.

No, I don't want to talk.
I just want to tell you...

- Look, police.
- Oh, shit! Run!

Oi, you two! Come back!

Come on!

Come in here.

Oh, my God!
What is the point...

What is the point in getting
arrested just for sloganising?

I like slogans.

Blimey, that looks rac.

So, you enjoying
your seat at the table?

Very much, thank you.

I'm sg
a wom.

Every Wednesda.
29 Grosvenor A, Islington.

6:00. You should come.

I'm... I'm busy Wednesdays.

- You got homework?
- Leafleting.

Leafleting?

We're helping women cleaners unionise.
You should come along.

Er... Thanks, no.
I don't really do organised.

Well, that's all right.
I don't really do illegal.

Well, if you change your mind,
you know where to find us.

Just ask for the commune.

Enjoy your leaflets!

And she told me that her
daughter, who is also a divorcee,

remarried
in the sweetest little frock,

from Marks and Spencer,
would you believe?

Clothes from a clothes shop?
Who'd have thought?

The frock isn't the point,
as you know.

Come on, sweetheart.
Let Granny do your tangles.

You look tired, darling.

Is it still
all essays and reading?

Don't they ever have
socials

or dances you and Gareth
could go to?

You know me, Evelyn.
I'm not one for dancing.

Veteran comedian
Bob Hope has been confirmed

as the special guest at this
year's Miss World Competition.

- Leave it there.
- Last year, 100 million people

tuned in live to watch
Miss Austria take the crown,

more viewers than saw
either the moon landings

or the World Cup Final.

Oh, isn't she lovely?

Lovely long legs.
I wish I'd had legs like that.

Her Miss World win has taken Eva
Rueber-Staier all around the globe.

I'm a Miss World lady.

You look beautiful, darling.

Mum, don't.

You and your sisters used to
love playing Miss World.

We also liked o
eat our own sn.

...thrill of being
the most beautiful girl...

I don't want Abi watching that.
It's degrading and sexist.

For goodness' sake.
What does that even mean?

Right,
I'm gonna put supper on.

Well, I think that's sexist.

Making poor Gareth cook dinner.

I wish
you'd be careful, darling.

Some of your attitudes,
they're very... emasculating.

Look at you. Give us a twirl.

Hello.

"21st Century Schizoid Man."

Not "Court of
the Crimson Ki?

"Schizoid" every time.

You're talking about
sexism, not women's groups.

Who's looking
at their vagina anyway?

Have you bloody seen it?
Topless model on Page three.

We should go and burn
their bloody offices down.

That'd put women's liberation
on the map.

I've got matches.
Anyone got the bus fare to Fleet Street?

- I'm serious.
- Isn't arson a bit male, anyway?

Oh, e.

Everyone, this is...
What's your name?

- Sally.
- She's a student.

- Hello. Hi.
- Hi.

- Well, come in.
- Sorry.

I'm just saying,
you can talk all you like,

but unless we start taking direct
action, nothing's gonna change.

There's a motion to demonstrate
outside the Miss World contest.

Who proposed that?

Hazel Twort and Jan Williams from
the Peckham Rye women's group.

There's a meeting about it at
the women's liberation workshop.

What is the point in wasting
our time on a beauty pageant

when there are serious
injustices to worry about?

Sexual objectification
is serious.

Yeah, that competition is one big,
fat celebration of oppression.

What gets me is they sell it
as family entertainment.

My daughter was watching
a television report...

You've got a television?

Yes.

Haven't you?

The media is a mouthpiece
for the establishment,

which this commune doesn't
collude with on any level.

So, no, we don't have
a television.

But, erm...
if you won't talk to the media,

then how are you gonna
get your message out?

Well, come on, then.
Sarah, come with me.

- Where are we going?
- You'll see.

Do you like 'em?
They're good, aren't they?

Is this what you do?

Well, not for money,
if that's what you mean.

How do you live, then?

I do some clea.
Jo paints scen.

We shy like e every.

We keep it in a drawer in the kitchen.
Don't nick it, will you?

Jo went to art college.
She's very creative.

I've seen
some of her work.

I went to art college
too, actually.

Come on, then.
You write the message.

We'll make sure
everyone sees it.

You're an elusive man,
Mr Morley.

Peter Hain,
Anti-Apartheid Movement.

Never get involved
in anything political, son.

We're a family
entertainment show.

Well, taking oy
white candidats

from a predominantly black country
every yer is political, Mr Morle.

In fact, I'd say it's an unequivocal
endorsement of a racist regime.

80% of South Africa's population
are black or coloured,

and they have no right,
none.

Excuse me.

They tell me 27 million people
watch your show in the UK alone.

Jesus, man. That's an endorsement
that packs quite a punch.

You get the South African cricket
team banned, and now it's my turn?

Boycott the South African
candidate or we picket the show.

Trust me, your sponsors won't thank
you for that kind of publicity.

What if I was to tell you

we've decided to take a white
and a coloured girl this year?

You're joking, aren't you?

I thought that'd take
the wind out of your sails.

- See him out, will you?
- You heard the man. This way.

Get the South African office. Tell them
to find a decent-looking black girl.

Get her on the same flight
as the white girl ASAP.

South African office, please.

I think you'll find I'm a man not
much given to joking, Mr Hain.

Eric, I need a word.

Some group calling themselves
the Women's Liberation Movement.

Apparently they are going
to overthrow the patriarchy.

- Overthrow the what?
- The patriarchy.

Male establishment.

Men like you, Eric.

I'm getting calls from journalists.
They want to know our response.

Bloody women's liberation.

I told you,
by the time I found out,

she had already committed me to the
show, it was too late to pull out.

Hmm.

Did the naughty little intern
twist your arm?

Dol, I'm giving a show.

That's it.
In, out, end of story.

It wasn't how
the story ended last time.

You wanna stay home?
Is that what you're saying?

- You'd like that, wouldn't you?
- No, I wouldn't.

I...

Listen, I woult
like that one.

Come.

We can go to L,
have some fun.

Lord, you've got a sweet tongue
when you know you're in the wrong.

- I don't know what you want.
- An apology.

"Never again."
That's what you said.

"Miss World, never again."

- Ten years ago.
- It was still a promise.

Oh, my wife,

- because you are so good...
- Bob, don't.

...please forge

for the sins
that I have committed.

- Stop it, I said.
- And by your good grace,

I will not sin again.

Everything locked down, sir.

Lifts disabled. Second and third
floor sealed like Fort Knox.

Right, so we've had all kinds
of fun and games in the past

with amorous Romeos,
but this year,

our problem's a bunch of
anti-establishment mischief-makers.

So, chaperones, stick to
your contestants like glue.

Anything untoward,
Mrs Morley needs to know about it.

Any time, day or night.

First coach arriving.

You boys on security,
I'm not employing you

to stand around
looking like James Bond.

Eyes and ears open
the whole time, please.

- Is that understood?
- Yes, sir.

- Is that understood?
- Yes, sir!

Philippines.

Yugos.

Hi.

Austr.

Ceylon.

Japan.

Hong Kong.

Grenada.

Mexico.

Darling, that's it.

Spain.

Ecuador.

Portu.

Israel.

Jennifer Hosten.

Roger, we cannot have
a situation

where we have more contestants
than chaperones.

- Could somebody have gone to the toilet?
- It's possible.

- Could you check? Don't go in there, but check.
- I can do.

Oh, my! What a reception!

- Which country are you from?
- Grenada.

Oh, my.

Oh, my!

English, Mandarin, Cantonese.

First time away from home?

First time
away from home.

First time on a plane.

First time being so cold.

I'm the first black South African
to take part in Miss World.

I'm the first
Miss Grenada t.

It must be...
very different.

Yes.

Very different.

Afric?

I'm your chape.
I'm going to be looking after.

No need to look so worried.
We're going to take very good care of you.

Everyone has to have
a chaperone.

A chaperone?
Why do I need a chaperone?

It's a Mecca requirement,
Miss Sweden,

as stipulated
by the contract you signed.

Mrs McKenzie is trained
to the highest standards.

Come,
Miss.

- Up to measurements.
- I can walk, thank you.

I'll take your coat.

- No sticking out.
- I'm not.

Thirty five...

- Country?
- South Africa.

Thirty-three.

Twenty-seven.

- Country?
- Grenada.

Thirty-two.

- Country?
- Sweden.

Thirty-three.

Twenty-six.

Thirty-two.

Just a statutory
padding check, dear.

Next one, please.

- Country?
- United Kingdom.

- Thirty-two.
- Thirty-five.

- Thirty-three.
- Twenty-six.

- Twenty-six.
- Thirty-one.

You know, maybe things
are different in Sweden,

but you should try starting out
in Nowhere, Illinois.

I'm telling you, if I hadn't have won
a beauty pageant and kept on winning,

my life would have amounted
to jack shit.

The girl who wins this thing
is gonna take home $6,000,

maybe even earn 30 more.

Just accept that
the female of the species...

- Country?
- Grenada.

...and the smart girl just has to
work out how to wiggle around them.

If being smart
is all it takes,

then how come no black girl
has ever won this competition?

Maybe sometimes
wiggling isn't enough.

I'm sorry. I didn't mean to
imply that you couldn't win.

Nice big smiles. Teeth.

Nice tight bottoms.

So, ladies,
a big Mecca welcome to you all.

We're delighted to
have you with us.

Remember, you're the most
beautiful girls in the world.

- All right? Bring them in.
- Teeth.

- Look over here, love.
- Hello, London!

- Miss Sweden.
- Miss Sweden. Show us your legs.

- Miss Sweden.
- Go on, show us those blue eyes.

- Miss France!
- Miss Sweden, over here, love.

- Give us a smile, girl.
- Miss Sweden.

Give us a wink, love.
Over here.

Are you nervous or excited about
being the bookies' favourite?

Nervous?
Not particularly.

- Miss UK.
- That's it, lovely.

Hello.

- Blow us a kiss.
- Yes, thank you. Clear a path, gents.

There.

How about an arm
around each other, girls?

So which one are you, love?

Well, I'm Miss South Africa,
and she's Miss...

I think you're Miss South Africa
and I'm Miss Africa South, aren't I?

Anti-apartheid
spokesmen are g

South Africa should be banned
from the competition.

Where do you both stand
on that?

Back home, you wouldn't be
allowed in the same bus...

That's quite e.
You know the r.

Let's leave pos
to the politic.

- It's a perfectly...
- Thank you.

For Pete's sake!
Show us your legs, Julia.

Oi, oi, oi, oi! She's the organising
director, you disrespectful little toad.

- It's a perfectly valid...
- Get him out.

- It's a valid question.
- Come on. Come on.

"Anti-apartheid campaigners
have described the decision

to include both a white and
black South African contestat

as a spineless attempt to
whitewash a monstrous regime."

Oh, that rag!
It's only fit for chip.

It's the same in all of them.

Which judges do we have so far?

Oh, Joan Collins,
Glen Campbell,

the executive from the BBC.

And... Oh, God,
that folksy Danish singer.

- What's her name?
- Nina.

You know, sometimes I think for
Eric it will forever be the 1950s.

Well...

I'm afraid we must
either adapt or die.

Right.

Anyone who thinks
this isn't a good idea?

- No.
- Anyone against?

What about trying to find some other
women's groups from out of town?

Definitely. The more the merrier.

Hazel Twort
from Peckham R.

We'd like to know which group
released this communiqué to the press.

I don't think it
came from our group.

Er... Jo Robinson,
Grosvenor Avenue.

We...

Well, we thought we'd get the message
out in advance, put us on the map.

We agreed
at the last meg

to make the action at Miss
World a surprise happening.

You people
from Grosvenor Avenue,

you can't go around
making unilateral decisions.

We've a problem
with compliance.

Well, now the BBC want a spokesman to
represent our position on television.

Peckham Rye dot
have a spokesm.

And we don't engage
with the media, so...

Well, Sally Alexander, from the
Association of Student Leafleters.

She'll do it.

Right,
shall we get out of here?

- What the hell are you playing at?
- What?

- You wrote it.
- You printed it.

Well, no one else
is gonna do it.

You're the one who thinks
the media matters.

Doesn't mean that you can
volunteer me to go on television.

Don't be
so bloody spineless.

It was your id.
Stand by it.

Well, I'm afraid after all
these exciting pastimes,

judging a beauty contet
may seem rather tame.

- Absolutely not.
- Mrs Morley?

Forgive my interruption.

Sir Eric Gairy,
the Prime Minister of Grenada.

Delighted to meet you,
Mr Prime Minister.

Gentlemen.

Please.

Since this is the first year

my country has taken part
in the competition,

I thought it rude
not to introduce myself.

And I must confess
to some curiosity,

seeing so charming a woman
in the Commonwealth Club.

There's no great mystery,
I can assure you.

I have the very pleasant task

of briefing
our three new judges.

The Ambassador of Indonesia,

His Excellency,
the High Commissioner of Malawi,

and His Royal Highness,
the Maharaja of Baroda.

You'll prove your critics wrong,
Mrs Morley.

Miss World does move
with the times.

- It does indeed.
- And just think,

if you were also to
appoint me as a judge,

you'd have representatives from
Asia, Africa and the Caribbean.

What could be more progressive?

Indee.

This way, plea.

Take a seat here, please.
Thanks.

Lord Bly, Marjorie Jones.
Sally Alexander.

Do you think
you might be able to wangle

a couple of seats
for Miss World this year?

- Of course.
- I've taken a liking to Miss Sweden.

- Hello, Lord Bly.
- Robin.

Ladie.

Looking rather lovely,
if I may say.

We'll be going live
in ten seconds.

Well, my dear, you're certainly
kicking up a stink about something.

I simply don't understand
the problem.

Our objection isn't to the
women involved in Miss World.

So what exactly
is your objection?

Our objection
is not to the women.

You've already said that.
Answer the question.

Our objection is to the system
which accords value

solely on the basis of a culturally
imposed physical standard.

I don't even understand
what that means.

Maybe I'm just too pretty.

Beautiful girls have been
admired since time immemorial.

Women are not objects.
We are not ornaments.

We are not here for
the pleasure of others.

Sally's every t
as pretty as h.

...saying they
should be outlawed?

What possible harm can there be
in a pretty girl displaying her charms?

A woman like Marjorie is not forced
to take part in these competitions.

She enters of her own free will.

Exactly. I thik
you women's lis

are just a bunch of killjoys

who wanna deny the public
a bit of innocent fun.

We are not attacking Marjorie
or any other contestant.

We are protesting because this
competition symbolises our exploitation.

Why should Marjorie have to
earn her place in the world

by looking
a particular way?

Why should I?
Why should any woman?

You don't. He doesn't.

Why s?

Has she got a point?

I don't deny
her sincerity,

but to demand that
Miss World be banned?

I mean, it's over-emotional,
puritanical nonsense.

The only other forum
in which participants

are weighed, measured
and publicly examined

before being assigned their
value is a cattle market.

A cattle market? Well,
that's an unappealing analogy.

- And we're off air.
- Very good. Thank you very much, everyone.

- That went very well.
- Thank you, Robin.

Lord Bly and Miss Jones,
of course.

You did very well indeed.

It was extremely clear.

I really enjoyed my time
in the pageant.

I don't know what
she's talking about.

I'm sure everyone did
and enjoyed watching it.

Baffling.

This rehearsal is your
chance to get it righ.

Because if you fall flat on your
face down this hole or that hole

on the night, the world
and his wife will be watching.

- Isn't that right, Clive?
- That is correct.

What I need you all to do now is
to make a line all along here,

all along the hall,
from A to Z.

Alphabetical order, please.
Come on, hurry, hurry.

Not on the stage, darling, please.
Get her off the stage, Clive.

- A, B, C. Alphabetical order.
- Around the edge of the stage.

Come on, we've got a live show
in three days' time.

- Herd 'em! Herd 'em!
- Keep moving.

- Herd them up. Herd them, Clive.
- Keep moving.

- I'm Grenada.
- G.

Clive,
have a look at Japan.

- Right, Japan, find the right space.
- Lovely. Straight line.

Af...

Yugoslavia,
what are you doing up here?

That's A. Where does Y go?

Right at the back.
Let's get you down here.

Look at her go.
There we go.

F, G, H, I, J, K, L, M, N, O, P,
Q, R, S, T, U, V, W, X...

Yugoslavia.
Thank you very much.

And through the portal.

Through the portal,
and smiling all the time.

Brazil!
Brazil, eyes on me, please.

Stop.
Or there will be accidents.

This is a treacherous stage.

Smile to camer.

Lovely smile.

The whole world is watching.

And walking.

And walking and walking,

and mind the step.

Keep smiling,
looking up, looking up.

There we are.
And we stop here.

And we turn to camera two.

Where's camera two, Clive?

Where's camera two?
I'm telling her to turn to camera two.

There's no camera. Clive? I mean, come on.
It's not bloody rocket science.

Camera two. Where is it?
Can someone please find camera two?

- I'll stand in for...
- Chop, chop.

- She can smile at me.
- Clive's gonna stand in.

Clive is camera two,
everyone.

Clive's standing in. Don't do that, Clive.
Don't do the hands thing.

Just stand there.
Don't do anything a camera wouldn't do.

Maybe hold a two up so the
girls know it's a two, okay?

There we are.
So that's camera two.

Clive is camera two.

Give Clive a smile.
Keep smiling anywhere you like.

And back and back and back.

Mind the step. Good girl.
Good girl.

This is camera three.

This is camera three's
big derriere shot.

I'm going to get
some fresh air.

Oh, I'm afraid
you can't do that without me.

Miss Sweden?

My name is
Maj Christel Johansson.

Miss Johansson, please.

Just give me two minuts
while I get my bag.

This way. Step, step, step.

Maj, it's Jennifer.

- You all right?
- Come on in.

You're so serene.

I mean, how do you put up
with this bullshit?

You are a very lucky person if you
think this is being treated badly.

After all,
you're the favourite to win.

I don't want to be the favourite
if this is what it gets me.

There's no point
swimming against the tide.

One just has to rise with it.

What do you do when you're
not being ordered around

by a funny Englishman
with strange hair?

I'm an air hostess.

But my ambition
is to work in broadcasting.

For real?

Or just for them to say,
"Miss Grenada's ambition is..."

For real.

You'd be a good broadcaster.

You speak so nicely.

I was properly raised.

My father's a lawyer
and my mother's a teacher.

"Elocution and deportment
matter, Jennifer."

I work as a model.

But I'd like to study.

I thought with the prize money,
I could maybe come to England and...

But it's all just
people pushing you around

and flash bulbs in your face
the whole time.

Not so many flashbulbs
for me.

Like I said,
it's all bullshit.

I mean,
doesn't it make you angry?

You know...

I think maybe...
it makes me more determined.

- Congratulations.
- Bloody hell, Clive.

Don't take it so seriously.
Just leave the crown.

Do you want me to adjust
the little clamp?

I'll do the clamp. Just...

Big smile on the face.

Gold crown on the head.

Walking down the catwalk,
minding the step, of course.

It's a bloody dream come true.

Who would have believed it,
little me, Miss World?

And taking it all in.

Un, deux, troi.

Uno, due... Crying if you like.
You will cry.

Yes, yes, yes, I am sh.

I am Miss World.

I am the one,
the beautiful one.

I am free. I am she.

Miss Miss World.

I like that unm
of yours.

They should cut them
like that in the military.

We could dazzle the enemy
into submission.

Absolutely.

You are funny, Mr Hope.

No, I'm serious.
This man knows what I'm talking about.

Look at him. Him too.

You know,
it's the funniest thing, Archie.

The last time
Bob guested on this show,

oh, it must ben
years ago now,

he brought the winning girl
home with him.

Got it into his head he was going
to make a movie star out of he.

It turned out she didn't have
the least aptitude for it.

She's still in California,
as a matter of fact.

Though what she lives off,
Lord alone knows.

I suppose she found herself
a sugar daddy somewhere.

I'm sure she was grateful
for the break.

I know I am.

How's my script coming,
Archie?

We were thinking we could make something
of the fact your folks were British,

you know, as an opener.

"Of course,
I was born here in London.

You can probably tell
from the accent."

Idea is,
I'm supposed to be funny.

Let's try and keep it
that way, huh?

So, topics for your
dissertations.

How are you getting on?

No. N.

The Industrial Revolution
in Scotland.

Good choice.

Sally?

I was thinking about
looking at it

from the point of view
of women workers.

Mm, it's a bit niche.

You might want to rethink.

Or at least refocus.

Er... sorry?
Re... Refocus how?

Er, perhaps broaden
the scope a little.

You know, I saw you on TV.

- Sally was on TV? Oh!
- Yeah.

Interesting stuff, but don't let
it draw you into a cul-de-sac,

academically speaking.

Your subject needs to have
a genuine relevance.

Best to steer clear
of more... minority interests.

Lawrence...

you need to register
your topic by next week.

Right, that's loaded up.
All needs to go inside.

- Hiya.
- Sorry I'm late.

You haven't missed anything.

We've just been smoking and
watching, like in a heist film.

- You all right?
- Yes, I'm fine.

Well, there's obviously
something wrong.

Why don't you just say?

Turns out my seat at the table
is actually a high chair.

What,
and you're surprised?

- That's Eric Morley.
- Who?

Mr Miss World.

Is this gonna come forward?

The man who invented this
competition. That's his wife.

On the night, this area will be
shut down, cordoned off, nice and secure.

We're making sure we keep
on top of every situation.

We'd infiltrate
the theatre.

- I don't get what she's talking about.
- An unrehearsed happening.

- What does that mean?
- A planned invasion.

What do you mean, infiltrate?
Do you mean go inside?

Why not? That's where
the cameras will be.

It's probably against the law,
for a start.

They're turning oppression
into a spectacle.

Let's make
a spectacle of our own.

We'd still demonstrate
outside?

Of course. We'd just have
an action inside as well.

Who'd be prepared to go inside?

Hold on. How do we actually
get in without being caught?

We'd buy tickets.

Unless that's too organised.

And you lot would...
you'd have to blend in.

Communal clothes.

- Whoo!
- Ow, wow!

- Oh, I love them.
- No. You look like a bag lady.

What? I look like you.
It's what you're wearing.

This is your skirt.

I think we're gonna win.

I think we look great.

Look, just...
could you...

- She's getting serious.
- God, I can't breathe.

Shoes.

Oh, hello.

Ladylike.

I look
exactly like my mother.

I look like
my mother's sofa.

I look like the kind of woman
I never, ever want to be.

Perfect.

- What next?
- How about:

"I'm not beautiful,
I'm not ugly, I'm angry"?

Yeah!

Yay!

- Arriba!
- Thank you.

We're not beautiful!
We're not ugly!

We're angry!

I can go lower if you like.

This is so nic.

I know.

Sometimes I can't believe
it's really happening.

I'm a machinist
in a shoe fact.

And when the boss came to say
that I was going to London,

everyone on the shop floor
was cheering.

Standing up and cheering.

Now I'm here.

Will it be hard,
going back?

I can't talk about that.

I'm sorry.
I didn't mean to pry.

The authorities warned me.

They said
if I talk about home...

...they won't let me back.

I won't get to see
my parents again.

- What?
- Before I got on the plane,

they showed me
all these photographs

of people I'm supposed
te nothing to do.

What kind of people?

Certain journalists.
A man called Peter Hain.

Political peop.

Home.

I want to see
my parents aga.

Sorry.

Maybe home will be different
if you're Miss World.

We're not going
to be Miss Wor.

Girls,
you wanna dance a salsa?

Pearl, Jennifer,
we're gonna dance the salsa.

Come on. Come and danc.

All together.

And one step forward,
one step back.

Uh... uh.

A little Cupid bow lip.

Perfect.

Now, what do you think?

Oh, my.

Glamo.

Let's get your hair back.

Sorry. Sorry, I know,
I'm really late.

- What are you still doing up?
- Look at my face.

She didn't want to go to bed
until she'd seen you.

Mum, you've put lipstick
on her.

- Granny says you're very naughty.
- I'm really sorry.

What if I hadn't been here?
What if I'd had plans?

Mum, I really appreciate everything you do.
I am so sorry.

All this whining and complaining
about the patriarchy.

Other girls are perfectly
happy as they are.

Well, I'm not a girl.
I'm a woman.

For heaven's sake, Sally.
Look at yourself.

Divorced,
living in chaos,

and spending every spare hour
you've got campaigning.

What normal woman
would choose to live like you?

Abi, could you go and put your pyjamas
on, please, and wash that off your face?

I'll be in in a minute.
Thank you.

And while you're off
with your fanatics,

Gareth and I are looking
after your daughter.

Seems to me
liberation just means

getting someone else
to do your job for you.

So it's all right one half of
the world has all the power,

- and the other half just has to lump it?
- Don't be so melodramatic.

Don't be so bl.

You couldn't even get a bank
account without Dad's permission.

The doctor wouldn't give you
birth control.

That was one bank manager
and one doctor.

Just because you swallowed it
doesn't mean I have to.

Do you know what really
makes me laugh about all this?

You fighting for women's rights when
you always took your father's side.

"When I grow up,
I want to be like Daddy."

That's because
he did things.

He smoked cigarettes and went
in taxis and had adventures.

- I wanted to have adventures.
- I'm sorry that you found me so dull.

I didn't find you dull.
You were just trapped.

You were trapped in a restrictive,
poky little domestic world,

with no aspiration
and no opportunity.

Of course I didn't
want to be you.

Nobody should have to be you.
That's the point.

And what would have happened
to you and your sisters

if I'd thought like you,
if I'd done what you're doing?

Neglected my poky little
domestic world,

neglected my marriage,
neglected my children?

You think you can have the same
freedoms as a man, but you can't.

You ca.

- Yeah?
- Mr Morley?

We've got
a situation, sir.

Anarchists have attacked one
of the vans outside the venue.

- What's that?
- Anarchists.

Mr Morley? Sir?

Well, if the anarchists wanna have a
pop, they can join the bloody queue.

But they'll have to
get through me first.

Anarchists?

- She's sleeping.
- Sal. Sal.

- What?
- Something's happened.

There's been a bomb
outside the theatre.

So...

theree more, more.

I'm s.

About what?

Well, that you're gonna
have to call it off.

Well, no.

No. Erm... Well,
we'll just be more careful.

Careful?

It was a bomb.

Yes, I understand that.

If anything kicks off,
the authorities aren't gonna muck about.

What if you get arrested?

The university
will just chuck you out.

- What about Abi?
- It's not your decision.

No, but you know
bloody well I'm right.

Yeah, coming.

Oh. Blimey, you're early.
Come in.

- Do you want a brew? I just put the kettle on.
- Jo, I...

They're ramping up security at the theatre.
Somebody planted a...

Bomb, yeah, we heard.
It was The Angry Brigade.

Well, it's not gonna change
anything for us, though, is it?

We're not gonna let
their actions scupper ours.

Oh, I see.

What, has it got
a bit too risky now, has it?

A bit too much like
the real thing?

I... I came to warn yo.

But seeing as
you already kn.

Don't worry.
Go and bugger off home.

Leave it to us to make sure your
daughter doesn't have to grow up

in the same shitty world
we did.

But just remember, right,
you get the world you deserve,

and if you don't fight,
you deserve the world you fucking get.

- It wasn't in the venue itself.
- No, Julia.

I don't need any hand-holding, damn it.
I just...

Hell, I just wanna know you people
aren't gonna screw this thing up again.

Where's Eric in all this?
Where's your husband?

- Actually, I thought...
- I read there were protests planned.

Were you gonna mention that,
or did you figure they'd be more fun

if they came as a surprise?

We're not beautiful!
We're not ugly!

We're angry!

We're not beautiful!
We're not ugly!

We're angry!

We're not beautiful!
We're not ugly!

There we go, Mandy.
I'm gonna give you your medicine.

There we go, Mr Teddy.
Do you feel better now?

Now I'm gonna
bandage you up.

Does your arm hurt a little bit?
It's a very long bandage.

I just want you to be safe.

- I know.
- Sal...

I know.

Eric Morley
is king of the cattle market!

Beauty contests
degrade women!

We're not beautiful!
We're not ugly!

Equality for women!

Down to apartheid!

Shame on you! Shame on you!

Jobs for women as people!

We're not beautiful!
We're not ugly!

- Shame on you!
- We want equality!

We want equality now!
We want equality now!

Judge the judges,
not the women!

You're being exploited!

You're being exploited!

End this shameful
cattle market!

So this is the eye
of the revolution, huh?

My God.

Up close,
it sure is revolting.

We want libera!

Over here, miss.

- Open your bag, please.
- They're checking bags.

- Good evening.
- Good evening.

Everything all right?

Everything running
like clockwork, sir.

- Hello there.
- Thank you.

Miss? Miss? I need to
check your bag, please.

Here's my bag.

Before anyone sees.
You need this one as well, okay?

Miss?

Sorry. Sorry. Excuse me.

Quick, give me my ticket.

- No.
- What?

Why should I?
You already let us down once.

Well, I c...

I told the usher
that you've got it.

So, tell him you lost t
and then sod off.

We can't risk you
ballsing this up.

You are the one ballsing this up.
He's coming, and if he gets here,

he's gonna search you,
he's gonna search me.

We're so sorry.

- Thank you. Have a good evening.
- Thank you very much.

- Idiot.
- Individualist.

Almost 30
years after the coronation,

the eyes of the world are
once more focused on London

and the dream of a crown.

Fifty of the most beautiful
girls from across the globe

are arriving here tonight,
knowing that one of them will go home

as Miss World 1970.

North, south,
east, west,

who's the girl
we love the best?

Whatever the outcome,
one thing is certain:

One of these beauties is going to
become the luckiest girl in the world.

I think I'm supposed
to be Britannia.

I wonder if Britannia's
a goddess. Or maybe

she's just a symbol,
like the British bulldog.

At least they didn't dress me up
as Churchill.

Maybe if I just have it over the
eye, like Veronica Lake.

Oh, why?

I think it looks cute.

Hear that?

Someone always wants
to rain on your parade.

What are you meant to be?

A nutmeg princess.

Oh. I thought you were a tree.

Bob Hope is coming!

This way, Mr Hope.
Can I just say what an honour it is...

Hello, ladies. How are you?

Hi.

What is this,
the waiting room?

- Mr Hope.
- How are you, girls? How are you?

- USA.
- Yes.

Okay, everyone.

Standing by to go live.

In ten...

nine...

eight, seven...

six,

five...

Good evening,
or good morning,

depending on which part of the
planet you are tuning in from,

and welcome to
Miss World 1970.

That's it. Hurry, hurr.
Come on.

Ssh, ssh, ssh.

This parade of
international female perfection

is even more of a male pulse
racer than ever before.

Astronauts can go to the moon and
fetch back prime lumps of rock,

but they won'td
anything to eql

these treasures
of good old Ea.

And there's no need to look any further
than here tonight for heavenly forms.

Who from this stunning line-up
will be named

Miss Magnificent?

It may not be rocket science,
but it's certainly going to be

a difficult decision
for our judges.

And for all of you
watching at home.

Holland. Japan!
Japan, stop pushing. Japan!

- Where's... Come on, Mexico! ¡Arriba!
- Ssh, ssh!

I think we know
the audience's favourite.

Listen to that applause.

- Off, off, off.
- Tonight, Planet Earth

has just one thing
on its mind:

girls, girls, girls,
girls, girls.

Bloody Yugoslavia!

- Come on. Yugoslavia, please.
- Catch up.

Please, darling.
We haven't got time for this.

As we were enjoying the national
costume parade, the judges...

First-round selection.

...selection
for the final 15.

USA, Australia,
Ceylon, Ecuador...

Ecuador?

Ecuador?
Where's Ecuado?

Try Malta.

We'll be seeing the girls
in evening gowns,

and then it's a quick change
into swimwear.

So any ladies planning to lock
their husbands in the cellar

before the bathing suits make an
appearance, hold off just a little longer.

- I can't believe it.
- Just turn it around.

- We made it!
- Ssh, ssh!

We started the
evening with more than 50 girls

hoping to become Miss World.

We now have 15.

And, ladies and gentlemen,
if your favourite isn't among them,

time to get a new favourite.

First, number one,
Miss Africa South, Pearl Jansen.

Pah!

This is
your five-minute call, Mr Hope.

We're about to go to swimwear.

My favourite
destination.

Sandra is a hazel-eyed blonde
and works as a model.

Her measurements are
36-22-36.

Oh, good.
An English spe.

You do speak English,
don't you?

I certainly ho.

Well, I'm sure the audience will
agree you do it very charmingly.

Next, number 21,
Miss Grenada, Jennifer Hosten.

Go on, Jennifer!

Miss Grenada is 22
and works as an air hostess.

She has brown eyes
and black hair,

and her measurements are
34-25-36.

I'm sure it's a wonderful life
being an air hostess,

but do you have
any other ambitions?

Actually, I've always wanted
to work in broadcasting.

Sounds as if
you're after m.

Perhaps you should be
interviewing me.

- I'd love to.
- On second thoughts,

you look like the sort of person
who might get my secrets out of me.

So before I give away too much, perhaps
it's time for you to join the others.

- Quite a girl, wouldn't you say?
- Our final 15 contestants.

- ¡Arriba!
- Come on, girls.

Feedi.

That's it. Line up here
so they can see you.

That's it.
I think we're all here.

And a lovely lp
it is too.

As you all kno,
there are two s to every quest,

and this is your chance
to see both of them.

Girls, if you d
please turn.

Wait till
the girls are off stage.

Lovely though that view is,
please turn back.

And now, ladies, if you don't
mind, it's time to lead off.

We've seen a lot of hope
in this auditorium here tonight.

And we're about
to see some mo,

because while the judges
select their final seven,

here is the man
you've all been waiting for.

Ladies and gentlemen,
Mr Bob Hope.

Thank you.

Thank you so much, ladies and gentlemen.
Thank you.

It is so nice to be here.

I don't know about you, but I've had
about enough of these women libbers

claiming that this is nothing
more than a cattle market.

Talk about milking a grievance.

Oh, moo!

But, really,
as far as I'm concerned,

it goes in one ear
and out the udder.

The real reason that I'm here
is we take Miss World

down to our Christmas show
in Vietnam every single year.

It's a great morale booster.
And at my age, I need it.

I do love the girls
we have here tonight.

Beautiful girls here.
All so lovely.

I love these ladies,
in fact.

I don't want you to think
I'm some kind of brute

that doesn't consider the
feelings of women, of course.

I consider feeling women
all the time.

Fuck this.

No, but I would say
that about two...

Shame on you, Bob Hope!

Shame on you!

Ladies and...

- Shame on you!
- Ssh.

- Shame on you!
- Shame on you!

Shame on you!

- This is out of control.
- Stay where you are.

Please... Ladies, please.

Yeah!

Hey, you! What the hell
do you think you're doing?

Get out of it.

Stop that! Stop it! Stop!

Shame on you!

Where's Neville?
Neville?

Where's Neville?
Where's Neville?

Liberation for women!

I'm on my bloody own here,
Roger! Answer!

Neville!

Get those away!

Neville! Running around
like a bloody headless chicken!

Tell them to pull the plug!
We can't broadcast this shambles!

Right away, Mr Morley.

Come on. Come.

I'm so sorry, Michael.

Get off! That hurts me!
That hurts me!

Let her go!

Get her out of here!

Make an announcement.
We're going off air.

We do apologise,
ladies and gentlemen.

Proceedings here have been
temporarily interrupted.

But we'll be back with you
very shortly.

Fascist pig,
doing Mecca's dirty work.

Have you got a thought
of your own?

What are you doing?
Why are you doing this?

Do you think your mum would be proud
of you, the way you're treating women?

Get off! It's our bodies,
our right to protest!

Oh, the mess.

Ladies and gentlemen,

I am pleased to announce that
everything is now under control...

It's still on!
It's still on.

...and normal service
will resume.

Please give a warm hand
to a very brave man.

That's you, Mr Hope.

Very.

Ladies and gentlemen,
I just wanna say

that any type of person
that would try to destroy

such a joyous occasion
as this one,

upset all of these young ladies
back here, well,

as far as I'm concerne,
they just gotta be sick in the head.

And the finalists tonight are, in
alphabetical order, ladies and gentlemen:

Miss Africa South,
Pearl Jansen.

Also joining her on the stage,
Miss Brazil, Sônia Yara Guerra.

Number three, Miss Grenada,
Jennifer Hosten.

Miss Israel, Irith Lavi.

Miss South Africa
will be with us tonight,

Jillian Elizabeth Jessup.

Miss Sweden,
Marjorie Christel Johansson.

And finally,
you'll be very happy to know,

from the United Kingdom here,

Yvonne Anne Ormes
will be with us.

Oh, s.

If your nerves
are suffering...

I know mine ar-

spare a thought
for our seven lovely finalists,

waiting now with the eyes
of the world upon them.

As is customary, we shall reveal
the results in reverse order.

In third place,
Miss Israel, Irith Lavi.

In second place...

Miss Africa South,
Pearl Jansen.

Miss World 1970...

is Miss Grenada.

Congratulations.

Congratulations.

- Jennifer!
- Whoo!

And if anyone's got any bright
ideas about what I should say

to the BBC's director general when he
calls, then feel free to share them!

If you girls think this is the way
forward, then God help us all!

Excuse me!

I'm really sor.
I really need e the ladies'.

Sorry, I...

Oh. Er...

You won.

I thought if I could get a moment
alone, it might just sink in.

Wow.

Congratulations.

I don't think
you mean that.

It's not you
we're angry at.

It really isn't.

I saw.

You were on the television.

You know,

there will be little girls
watching tonight

who'll see themselves
differently because I won.

Who might just start to believe
that you don't have to be white

to have a place
in the world.

I'm glad.

I... I really hope
that the world opens up

for them and for you.

But making us compete with each
other over the way we look...

doesn't that make the world
narrower for all of us in the end?

What's your na?

Sally.

Well, Sally...

all I can say,

I look forward to havig
your choices in life.

Come on. You've had long enough.

I'm really sorry
if you were offended in any...

Time to go. Come on.
Move, move!

Please, be careful!

Move!

Don't hurt her!

I only came down
cos I heard it on the radio.

I left the baby
with a neighbour.

Christ,
you saw what happened.

The whole world
saw what happened. It..

If you're looking for someone to kiss
it better, try calling Miss World 1961.

3:00 pm California time.

- She should be up and about by now.
- Not now, Dol.

Just...

I don't...
I don't know what I did wrong.

Is anyone dead? Hmm?

Did we lose a war?

No.

Well, then.

Tonight may be
the start of something, Bob,

but it isn't the end of
anything, certainly not you.

People love you.

Nothing's gonna change that.

Dol?
Dol, where you going?

I'm gonna find myself a quiet little
club somewhere and get a drink.

Maybe even sing a little.
Who knows?

Don't worry, Bob.
I'll be back.

I always come back.

Those crazy women, huh?

They kept asking about the bomb.
They think we're part of the Angry Brigade.

- It's just scare tactics.
- They're talking about charges: affray, assault...

Sally, they're just
trying to rattle us.

Listen, nothing's changed.

We were having a shit time
because of the patriarchy,

and we're still having a shit
time because of the patriarchy.

It's just a bit more obvious
in here.

They went easy on me
cos I told them I was pregnant.

Are you?

As a matter of fact, yes.

Three months.

Are you all ri?

Are you?

When I was trying
to get away,

this copper,
he just threw himself at me.

And I, er, hit the ground
really hard.

Are you in pai?

- I really don't know.
- Any bleeding?

I've got bruised knees.

In about six m,
you'll be dreag of bruised kne.

- Congratulations.
- Thanks.

Who's the father?

Sally, you're hilarious.

Even in a prison cell, you're the
most bourgeois person I've ever met.

Every front page
in the world.

Clever girls.

- Here she is.
- Come on.

Oh, she looks exhauste,
poor girl.

Hello, Jo.

- You all right?
- Here she is.

You okay?

Mum.

Is there goinge
a court case?

Oh, well. We'll have to see about
getting you a nice, smart suit.

It's all right,
you know. I...

I never listened
to my mother either.

♪ Jennifer Hosten
Was crowned Miss World ♪

♪ What a magnificent girl ♪

Oh, my Lord.

♪ With grace, mannerism ♪

♪ And poise and magnetism... ♪

Thank you.

♪ With that lovely smile ♪

♪ Oh, how we love
Cousin Jennifer ♪

♪ I know we are all
Very proud of her ♪

♪ The most beautiful ♪

♪ Yes, the most wonderful ♪

♪ The most beautiful girl
In the world ♪

- I love ballet.
- Do you?

I rea.

- I don't really like ballet.
- Does everybody do ballet?

Justice for women!

Justice for women!

Women, join us!

Women, join us!

Women, join us!

Women, come and join us!

Hurry and come and join us!

Women's liberation
is people's liberation.

Very slowly walking.
Always slowly walking.