Milton's Secret (2016) - full transcript
Milton's Secret focuses on 11 year-old Milton Adams who is growing up in an uncertain world. With his parents constantly stressing about their careers and finances, and the neighborhood bully tormenting him, Milton feels his whole world is in crisis. But when his Grandpa Howard comes to visit, he discovers anxiety about the past and worrying about the future only make things worse and prevent him from finding true happiness moment to moment.
Ready? Set?
Now.
Subrip by DanDee
# When I look out
my window
# Many sights to see
# And when
I look in my window
# So many different
people to be
# That it's strange
# So strange
# You've got to
pick up every stitch
# You've got to
pick up every stitch
# You've got to
pick up every stitch
# Mmm-mm
# Must be the
season of the witch, yeah
# Must be the
season of the witch
People think our town is
a place where nothing happens.
They got
it all wrong.
Come on!
This is my mom,
really busy being an adult,
which means it's up to me
to take care of everything.
All I'm asking for is
for a line of credit
to borrow
against the house.
We've been with your
bank for ten years, Ben.
Okay, please consider it.
I've gotta go,
okay, bye.
Hi! What do you guys
think of it now?
Honey, this is
the one, right?
-Yeah.
-Come on.
Let's go!
Thank God.
How does your Mom
get all these codes?
It's a
real estate thing.
Hey, true or false,
Google says that parents
are our
stand-ins for God.
You've been spending
way too much time online.
Experiment number 18:
transmutation.
Fire.
Water.
Earth.
Give me some air.
The transmutation begins.
Whoa!
There must be easier
ways to make gold.
I hate you! I hate you!
I hate you!
Stop talking to me!
You! Don't look at me!
I hate you!
I hate you!
Wait till your
father comes home!
Get back here, young man!
Carter!
Carter!
Come on!
Get in the house!
See now, I thought that you
bought that as an investment?
Silent auction at my son's
school that's an investment.
Can't a man enjoy a glass
of wine in his own home?
A glass, yes...
but he could also take his
case of really expensive wine
and auction it
off on eBay.
Instead of drinking
the whole thing.
Your mom's right. Sometimes
it's best to be conservative.
And sometimes you gotta take
risks and enjoy life.
That's what the stock
market's all about.
-Mm. Earthy.
-Earthy?
Soil. Rainfall.
Sunlight. Grapes.
Blended together
and bottled perfection.
It's alchemy.
I have to do a
three-minute talk.
It's parents' night.
I need to pick a subject.
Jane, it's not a crisis,
it's a worry.
If we have to, we'll...
we'll take a loan out
against our retirement fund,
everything's gonna be fine.
Let's talk
about this later.
Bill Adams.
What were
you saying, Milton?
Reporting in
on the Adams Family.
Planet Dad, stuck in
orbit around the past,
when atmosphere conditions
were clear and bright.
Mom's planet, circling
the future,
where things have to be better
than they are now, guaranteed.
Me? I live on Planet Fear,
where there are thoughts
like storm clouds everywhere I look.
Gotta get up
early tomorrow.
Picking up Grandpa
before school.
Hey, you're late tonight.
I was starting to think
you were cheating on me
like my last two boyfriends.
Yeah, it's a bit
of a crazy time.
Chococadabra.
Bill Adams.
Don't sell the tech
stocks. Don't do that.
Milly Willy.
Make a fuss, perv,
and it'll hurt so bad
you won't believe that it could
hurt like that, all right?
Did you tell anyone
what you saw today?
-Did you?
-No, no one.
One word...
and you're dead, understand?
Let's go boys, clear out.
Nothing good's going on here.
Party's over.
I'll call you tomorrow.
So, how's that
latte coming?
Thank you.
Hey! I'm half naked here!
Can't you knock?
I'm sorry,
I'm... I'm not looking.
I have your
lunch money.
Thanks.
Good night, hon.
-No?
-No.
Okay.
Hey, Mom?
What's up
with you and Dad?
Everything is fine, okay?
What a day.
Join the club.
I was at the
top of my class.
I work at
a great agency.
Somebody explain it to me.
The market will
swing back, we'll be fine.
Don't keep
on saying that.
We're not fine.
Well, what do you
want me to do?
Jane, it's not an
issue right now.
You can't
control the future.
Why do you do that?
Why do you jump
to extremes all the time?
Just tell me
what to say.
I just want you
to listen to me.
Can you do that?
Milton? what's
going on in there?
I'm good! I'm in bed!
I'm sleeping!
Bill.
Are we gonna lose the house?
Can we just go one day
without you asking me that?
What's going on
in your head right now?
A lot of noise
and confusion?
Slow yourself down.
Small.
When a thought arises,
gently let it go.
And turn your attention
back to your breath.
Everyone on Planet
Fear worries about enough,
worried, am I getting enough?
Worried, am
I good enough?
Grandpa Howard
was enough.
# Way down below the ocean
# Where I wanna be
# She may be
# Way down below the ocean
# Where I wanna be
# She may be
# Way down below the ocean...
Milton Adams,
you're amazing.
Amazing that I'm
awake at six AM.
Just look at him!
Booyah!
That's good.
Great shape there, sir!
You know,
I'm taking classes.
Zumba!
Come on, let's go eat. Come on.
Excuse me,
thank you.
Do you do anything
normally, Grandpa?
Work out your body,
see results.
Work out your beauty,
see results.
That means no.
It's been five years, Dad,
since Mom passed away,
which has been
a very long time.
That is the truth.
I'm concerned
that some of...
Some of your life choices have
been very unconventional lately.
Bill? Right?
Yes, no, are you
seriously doing Zumba?
Something could happen,
you could fall and get hurt.
It smells like seaweed.
So, what would you
like for your big day?
-Hmm?
-I don't know.
Oh no,
let me get that.
Oh, no, no, no,
we got it.
-You're our guest.
-Thank you.
You're right, it does
smell a little like seaweed.
It tastes like tranquility.
Tastes like calm.
It is a wonder,
this tea.
Hey.
Timmy!
Is that you?
You sprouted
like ragweed, son.
Ragweed, that's me.
Grandpa, the name's Tim
now 'cause, you know...
-Yes, I do know.
-How do you know?
Because when I was a child,
I spake as a child,
felt as a child,
thought as a child.
But when I became a man,
I put away childish things.
It's Corinthians. Thirteen.
Milton, do you have
your lunch money?
-Yes, ma'am.
-Okay.
-See you later, G-pop.
-Bye Milton!
Bye Timmy! Tim.
See ya.
Does anybody have any
questions about Parents Night?
Speeches?
You doing some research, Anna?
Pay attention to
content and presentation.
You will be
getting graded.
My recommendation is you
use your electronics
to record yourself.
Does anybody know
the secret to public speaking?
Projectile vomiting?
It's to tell the truth,
straight from the heart.
Well, we don't know
about truth, Ms. Ferguson.
You'll know it when
you feel it, Tim.
Carter, have you
chosen a topic yet?
-No.
-How about climate change?
I hate that topic.
Football?
I hate that topic, too.
Is there any
topic you don't...?
I hate 'em all.
Fine.
Then that's your topic.
"Why I Hate Everything."
# Thrown like a star
in my vast sleep
# I opened my eyes
to take a peek
# To find that I was
by the sea
# Me gazing
with tranquility
# It was then when
the Hurdy Gurdy man
# Came singing
songs of love
# Then when
the Hurdy Gurdy man
# Came singing
songs of love
# "Hurdy gurdy, hurdy gurdy
hurdy gurdy, gurdy", he sang
# "Hurdy gurdy, hurdy gurdy
hurdy gurdy, gurdy", he sang
# "Hurdy gurdy, hurdy gurdy
hurdy gurdy, gurdy", he sang
# Histories of ages past
# Unenlightened shadows cast
# Down through all eternity
# The crying of humanity
You think
she's got a boyfriend?
Ms. Ferguson?
She's way out of your league.
Maybe now,
but one day.
You're completely crazy.
Hey.
Check it out.
You can't live your
life with no music.
Carly Rae, Taylor...
Maurice Ravel?
"Bolero."
Did you know rock is the same
beat as sexual intercourse?
That's why Ravel's "Bolero" is
the one piece of classical music
that's known and
well-liked by teens.
Hey, neighbor.
Oops.
-Carter, you're such a jerk.
-Stay out of this, princess.
-Carter.
-What?
What's Milly Willy
gonna do, huh?
You wanna do something,
Milly Willy?
-What's wrong, Milly Willy?
-Tim, get a teacher!
-Here are the rules, Milly Willy.
-Help, this dude's crushing me!
Somebody!
Get a teacher!
Your lunch
money every day.
If you think about
telling anybody,
you'll end up like a zombie.
All right?
Freakin' walking dead.
Give us a smile,
Milly Willy, come on.
Oh, you gonna
willy in your pants?
Say something
to the camera.
To the principal's
office, Mr. Crane.
I wasn't doing anything.
I'm sorry.
-Are you okay?
-Maybe I'm just messed up.
What can I say?
See you later, neighbor.
Okay.
Coming!
-Hey, ya!
-Is something wrong?
Something have to be wrong for
me to come see my girl at work?
I don't think so.
It's a nice street,
I love an open house.
Uh, well, it's a broker's open.
It's the second one.
Not that anyone's noticing.
Not a good
turnout, huh?
Dad.
Carrots were not pulled out
of the earth to be thrown away.
This couple they, uh, they
fell in love with this house.
If only their credit
wasn't a complete mess.
Do you know what happens
if a house is on the market
for more than two weeks?
You're afraid you're not
gonna be able to move it?
Bill and I...
This economy, it's just...
Sorry.
I'm so sorry.
I don't know where
I get this from.
I don't get it from you.
You trying to say that
I wasn't a sensitive father?
I can't redo the past.
That's too bad.
I mean, I couldn't...
I couldn't even get a hug from you.
And now you're just...
You're all peace
and tea ceremonies.
It's complicated.
You're too funny.
"If you can dream and not
make dreams your master.
If you can think and
not make thoughts your aim."
Notice Kipling wasn't
talking about heroic deeds,
money or fame.
Anybody?
Anne?
He needs
professional guidance.
He's introducing a
hypothetical situation.
He's in a mood...
This is why I never
should have looked at him.
It's all my fault,
why didn't I just go home?
I'm stupid.
I'm so stupid.
Come on! Give me a smile
for the camera, Milly Willy.
Gonna willy
in your pants?
"Keep your head...
...while all about you
are losing theirs."
What does he mean?
Milton?
Earth to Milton?
What?
Kipling's poem,
the first stanza.
What is he saying?
I... I lost my
train of thought.
Well, if it comes back
to you remember the point.
# You keep on knockin'
but you can't come in
# You keep on knockin'
but you can't, woo!
# You keep on knockin'
but you can't come in
# Come back tomorrow night
and try it again
# You said you love me'
but you can't come in
# You said you love me...
Slow yourself down.
Slow.
When a thought arises,
gently let it go
and turn your attention
back to your breath.
Hey.
You have anything
you want to discuss?
No.
The problems you got running
around in your head right now,
don't worry them
to death, just...
just let your heart
make sense of them.
They're house-guests
and they all go eventually.
Dad said you're a train
wreck waiting to happen.
He thinks something
happened to you at war.
And that's why you're
making all this stuff up.
Wow.
Bill is a skeptic.
Who knew?
It's good to be a skeptic.
But you have to be skeptical
of your skepticism.
The problem is, what he calls
open-mindedness is really gullibility.
who doesn't want to be
around happy free thinkers
who drum a lot, hug
creatively and get naked?
And more then likely, I'm gonna meet
those kinda people in your dad's crowd.
You're scaring me, Bill.
I mean, what's next?
Are you gonna start doing
yoga or get some crystals?
I mean, don't
even get me started.
Those people are
a bunch of spoiled
new age hippies
with way too much money.
Your dad's a combat-decorated
Forced Recon. He'll be fine.
So now you're
taking his side?
That's not fair,
you can't do that.
Right well, I don't feel
like being reasonable today.
I feel like hiding away.
Wake up Missy, let's go!
What!?
What...!?
The light's green.
Yeah, I can see that, Einstein.
I raised a
freaking genius, here.
So, this guy admits that
his broker's his cousin.
So I tell him he's your family.
He's telling you what you wanna hear.
I'm telling you the truth.
And he hangs up on me.
-Want some more rice, Stuart?
-No I'm good, thank you.
-Jane?
-Hmm?
-Rice?
-No.
-Milton?
-No.
You gonna get that?
We're having supper.
Stuart Howard's phone.
Uh, yeah,
just a second please.
It's Dusty.
Hiya, give me a sec.
So, how was
school today, champ?
Fine.
You all right?
Yes.
-Bill?
-Mm-hm?
That was a woman.
So?
Who's Dusty?
Dusty's my sweetheart.
What?
Oh, she's a
Zumba instructor.
She's teaching
me Zumba.
No, she's a...
she's a sweetie.
And I am showing her
how to get a good
comfortable seat on my "hog".
Oh, my God.
It's a motorcycle, Mom.
It's just a motorcycle.
What is it that
you're trying to prove?
You're upset.
You're a grandfather.
You are not a
twenty-year-old man.
Honestly, Dad.
Why are you
always on his case?
Hey. Hey.
Too far, Milt.
Don't talk to your
mother that way.
I gotta take this,
then we talk.
Seriously?!
What's wrong with us?
I'll deal with it.
Hey, uh,
I gotta call you back.
Hey.
I'm sorry about
what I said at dinner.
I know. I know you
didn't mean it.
I didn't
mean it at all.
The thing is, I can't
afford to lose another client.
I've... I've got
this account that I...
Dad! Seriously?
This sucks!
-What?
-You. This. Everything.
What are you
talking about?
How would you know?
You never listen.
Turn your cell off.
Okay,
I'm all yours.
Talk to me.
I can't.
If Carter finds out
he will obliterate me.
Hey, did that punk
do something to you?
Milton? Did he?
Hey, you can't let
him get away with it.
You've gotta
fight back, son.
Come on. Give me a smile for
the camera, Milly Willy.
What, you gonna willy
in your pants?
Is Milly gonna willy?
Dude, where art thou?
Experiment number 19,
remember?
Bro, answer the phone.
You're not mad at me.
Are you?
What am I gonna do?
Gently let it go.
Don't let him get away
with it, you gotta fight back.
Bill, are we
gonna lose the house?
And turn your
attention back...
And turn your
attention back to your breath.
Hi.
Your Dad told me
what's going on.
It's very scary.
Scary that dad
can't even keep a secret
for more
than five minutes.
You're practically twelve.
So you think you can handle
all this stuff by yourself.
I just didn't want to worry
you with another bad thing.
What could you do
about it, anyway?
Well, we can...
I could sit...
...and we can talk.
Talking doesn't
help anything.
Your dad and
I love you very much.
And sometimes we just
get caught up in...
in these other things,
but you always come first.
Okay?
Do you know that?
Okay.
Good night.
So?
You're helping,
that's a first.
Yeah, first time
for everything.
I've failed him.
Jane, you haven't.
I've been... I've been too worried
about keeping this house, my job.
-And you blame me for that?
-Yeah. Yeah. I do.
Sometimes.
Look, it happens,
he's a normal kid.
I wasn't there.
# In the chilly hours and
minutes of uncertainty
# I wanna be in the warm hold
# Of your loving mind
# To feel you
all around me
# And to take your hand
along the sand
# Ah, but I may as well try
and catch the wind
How come Snuggles is
always happy no matter what?
I have lived with
many Zen masters.
Each and every one
of them was a cat.
Contrary to the ways
of human kind.
Cats can let go of
whatever happened yesterday.
They don't worry about
tomorrow, next week.
They're just here.
Is that what you do?
Sometimes.
I'm not in the future now.
Not in the past,
I'm right here.
With you. Now.
Want to try?
Can't I just be skeptical?
How is that
working out for you?
A good bit of time ago,
I knew this bright boy...
...who figured out
how to purr like a cat.
How'd you do it?
I'm not gonna tell ya.
-But I want to know.
-That's a good thing.
Actually, that's
a great thing.
Okay.
-That one?
-Yep.
Put 'er in there.
So, uh, Mom says
you're a war hero.
Hoorah!
So you
had to kill people?
Shoot, that was a
messed up thing to say.
Okay.
Everything is okay.
You haven't
done anything wrong.
Taking a life, Milton...
causing hurt to someone...
steals a piece of you.
And then you have
to try and find a way
to forgive
yourself for it.
It's not easy.
But you have to try because
without forgiveness...
the past determines
who you are
in the present.
I... I don't expect you
to understand that.
But I do
expect you to try.
Did you
forgive yourself?
I'm a work
in progress, Milton.
Come here.
# We come on
the sloop John B
# My grandfather and me
# Around Nassau town
We did roam
# Drinking all night
# Got into a fight
# I feel so broke up
I want to go home
Here.
# So hoist up
the John B'ssail
-Keep it.
-Thanks.
I'm glad you're here.
Me, too.
I suck at this.
That's a fact, G-pop.
Tim, come on in.
Hey, Grandpa.
# I wanna go home
-Milton.
-Hey.
We still gotta decide
on our speeches.
-Gotta be ready tomorrow.
-So?
Want to do some research?
Sounds like a plan to me.
Hey, I get why you stood
me up. I should have helped.
I should have
done something.
You're my best friend.
Actually, you're
kind of my only friend.
Shut up, you have, like
a hundred Facebook friends.
Virtual.
The problem with real friends
is when they leave,
it hurts a lot more
than getting un-friended.
Just because your dad left,
doesn't mean
everyone's gonna leave.
You can't let your past
define what's happening now.
What the...!?
Sit down.
Well... if it
isn't Milly Willy.
Don't call me that.
I can call you
whatever I want.
Me and Milly Willy,
we have an understanding, right?
Carter...
What? You owe me
a hundred bucks, man
That's crazy! I don't
have a hundred bucks.
Hundred bucks by tomorrow,
or you'll be sorry.
Tell him.
Tell him!
You heard the man.
Tomorrow.
I'm the worst friend ever.
Where's Milton?
He's working on his school
project for Parents Night.
Did you speak with him about
the kid who's bullying him?
Yeah, I... I told him
how to deal with it.
Hey, did I mention that
client is suing our office?
When in doubt,
cry lawsuit, right?
Yeah, right. There's a fella'
suing Dusty right now.
Really? Why?
What'd she do?
Nothing.
She must have
done something.
Dear, darling, Jane.
My being in love with Dusty
is in no way a threat to you.
You gotta open
your eyes, Dad.
You're a widower
with a military pension.
So that makes you a target.
Excuse me.
If only Carter
could catch pneumonia,
I swear I'd stop surfing
inappropriate sites,
I'd never...
Hey.
What's with the door?
Trying to concentrate.
Your Grandpa's
worried about you.
That's impossible,
worry's in the future.
Grandpa only
deals in the present.
What are you talking about?
The "now," Dad.
This moment.
No one deserves
to be bullied.
Hey! I need
to talk to you.
I don't care what
time of night it is,
your kid is bullying
my kid, you dog is...
Get your foot
out of my door, pal.
Get out of here!
Go home!
What are you wearing?
I can see it.
Ah... you're beautiful,
sweetheart.
Just wonderful.
I miss you so much,
you cannot believe it.
Sometimes,
the lines get blurry.
Sometimes the worrying
gets so intense,
it's like force field.
You can't move.
And sometimes, even when
you think you're stuck,
...you have to figure out a
way to take that first step.
-Hey,Madre.
-Good morning.
Hey, uh, client meeting.
See you guys later.
What's up?
I was thinking, maybe
I could get a job this summer.
-He'll put around here.
-Sounds good.
Gotta run.
Milton! Wait! Wait!
Okay.
You listen.
You do not have to
take care of me.
I'm taking
care of you, okay?
-Yeah.
-Come here.
Okay, you go.
"Wonder is the
beginning of wisdom."
Now, who said this?
Someone from a long time ago.
Anyone?
Britney Spears?
No, not Britney Spears.
It was a famous philosopher.
Socrates.
That's right, Milton,
you're late.
Sorry, Ms. Ferguson.
Socrates was mostly
known for self-control.
It wasn't self
denial or his austerity.
Austerity.
Look up austerity for tomorrow.
Fierce.
Socrates also said,
"To find yourself,
you must think for yourself".
Now, I want you guys to consider
this before you Google,
copy and paste
your assignment.
Those margins
are pretty tight.
Market's looking
to head south, I would sell.
Yeah, I would.
Oh, excuse me.
Hey, my man?
What's up?
I thought I'd treat my son-in-law
to a healthier lunch.
Oh, yeah.
Score one
for the bully family.
Your family is worried.
You know.
That's what we do.
I'm an idiot.
I'm sorry.
Basically...
...I don't know
what to do.
And I don't do
"not knowing what to do".
Giving up
would be a relief.
I can assure you there are
plenty of ways to surrender.
So uh, you're... you're
toolin' around on a Harley now?
Is that...
Is that true?
Is it just me
or is Dusty smoking hot?
Where'd you guys
stay in Paris?
Right next door.
Eighty bucks a night,
Caesar's Palace.
Look at you,
free as a bird.
And I'm supposed to be
the family crackpot.
Hey.
Hey, Brutus.
It's all about the tail.
Some dogs you just
look at em' and it goes:
"Life is good.
life is good."
You know, they don't
need a reason why.
I used to watch
you play football.
Oh, yeah?
Want an autograph?
No, I'm good thank you.
That knee injury,
must have hurt, huh?
Pretty much
killed my career.
You're doing
pretty well now.
That's good.
May I give
your dog a bone?
Here, Brutus.
For you.
From me. Attaboy.
Well, you have
a lovely day.
Hi.
Hi.
Thank you.
You're welcome.
Dad, more stuff?
Really?
That's the last one.
I mean, what can I say,
I had something in mind
and it blossomed
and bore fruit.
What was that thing that
Grandma used to say about...
About a garden?
That a garden is not a garden
until it has garden esters.
-Look what I got.
-Oh, my...
Oh, that's...
that's wonderful.
-Good?
-Yeah, it's perfect.
Look at the sky.
My Dad called last night.
He's moving to New York.
For good.
-Wow.
-You know what's stupid?
When I told him
about Parents Night,
he said he'd try
and make it.
I believed him.
Maybe it's for the best.
We're both gonna fail tomorrow.
Worrying isn't
gonna change things.
There comes a time when it's not
enough to just experiment.
Let's go make
some gold, Tim.
Let's make so much gold,
so that you
can go visit your dad,
wherever he is.
All right,
let's make some gold!
Sometimes you
have to succeed,
otherwise, you risk
losing the whole planet.
I heard Carter say once
he got a black eye
from fighting
off a security guard.
Lot of black
eyes going around.
-What's that supposed to mean?
-Carter's dad is a jerk.
Screams all the time
and calls him names.
What goes
around comes around.
What? I'm supposed to
feel sorry for him?
Let's make our
lives golden, Tim.
Let's do this.
Our earth element.
One sterling silver baby
spoon, ground to powder.
One cup of mud.
Two tablespoons
of plant food.
And one bottle
of pinot noir.
I suppose you think
that's really hysterical.
-Act your age.
-This is my age!
I'm almost a teenager.
Come on, we're only young once.
So, how's it going
with your listing?
I asked, uh...
I advised the sellers they should
lower it by another $20,000
but I don't know,
if it's gonna move.
You don't seem
too upset about it.
Right now I feel okay,
I don't know why.
No need for why,
just be okay. Okay?
Okay.
We're missing
one element, air.
Fresh air in a can.
Holy crap! Holy crap!
Get some water! Water!
-Get some water!
-Holy crap! Crap!
Holy crap!
Lots of excitement, huh?
You wanted to make gold?
'Cause you thought we
needed the money, right?
And you were trying
to save the family?
It's okay.
It's okay.
Um...
I want to say I'm sorry.
What for?
Well, It's a long list.
For being gone
all the time.
For making you
worry about things
no kid should have
to worry about.
For making you wonder whether your
mom and I were gonna stay together.
Well?
We're not done yet.
-What now?
-Apologies.
For sending you off
to the library with Tim.
But you just
wanted us to make up.
I was interfering.
That is just another way of saying
I was not seeing you.
I have a history
of that.
# Just one look
# And I fell
so hard, hard, hard
# In love
# With you
# Oh-oh, oh-oh
# I found out
# How good it feels...
You sure see a lot
of stars tonight.
Yeah.
Your friend Mr. Newton,
he used to spend a good bit
of time looking at them.
Merlin, too.
Ah, he was a magician.
He was an alchemist.
He was.
Do you believe
in it, Grandpa?
Yeah, I've seen
it in action.
Come on. To bed!
In you get.
But I failed,
big time.
Oh, no,
you didn't.
You were looking in
the wrong beaker.
I saw you fill one up
with anger and fear.
But then you
added beauty
and you added
a little bit of mischief.
That, my dear Milton,
is alchemy.
-Goodnight.
-Goodnight.
# Happy birthday to you
Chococadabra.
So now, I want
you to make a wish, okay?
-Okay.
-One. Two. Three.
-Twelve years old.
-Hey.
I have something
for you.
That's the
alchemist's first tool.
It's a beauty.
You take good
care of that,
it'll serve you
for a long time.
I bought it
off a real wizard.
Okay, now I think
you're stretching it.
Don't believe
everything you think.
Happy Birthday, kiddo!
No, Dad.
I'm done with that.
Oh, okay.
-What's that?
-It's a beaker.
Ah.
Well, I'll see you tonight at
Parents Night tonight, right?
-Your coming?
-Of course, I'm coming.
You're my man.
I'm gonna cheer you on.
Proud of you.
-Thanks, Dad.
-Okay.
I'm okay.
There's nothing wrong.
This is not an emergency.
Call office.
Hey, Sharon.
Yeah, I'm not coming into the
office for the rest of the day.
I'll see you tomorrow. Bye.
What are you lookin' at?
Answer me!
Answer me.
You're just as
scared as I am.
What?
You don't know
anything about me, Milton.
Scared to death
to walk out on that stage.
Excuse me. Can I just
pass you guys? Sorry.
-Sorry. Hi, Dad.
-hi, darling.
-Hey.
-Hi, sorry, I'm late.
Hello, I'm Ms. Ferguson.
And were about to experience
something very special.
But first, I dare you
to silence your devices
for an entire 60 minutes.
Our speakers will
appreciate your effort.
Our first speaker
is Milton Adams.
And his topic is
"War Between the States."
I think The War
Between the States is over.
I learned that this week.
Go on.
That's the war
I'm talking about.
The one we're all in.
We argue with
each other so much,
hold grudges,
say awful things about each
other behind people's backs.
It's a big, big war.
Everybody walking
around wounded.
I got wounded, and it hurts.
I was so upset, so worried
about getting wounded again,
I couldn't do anything else.
There was a civil war
raging right inside me.
Then...
...my grandpa
came to visit.
And he taught me how
to stop the war...
...using this.
Imagine that
you're a beaker.
Whatever you choose
to put inside of you,
that's who you are.
You fill your glass
with hate and fear,
pour in your worries
about the past or the future,
you're probably
gonna be miserable.
If you fill your beaker
with love and caring,
miracles can happen.
Wars can end.
People can be different.
That's the secret.
We all can change.
You just have to take the empty
space and turn it into gold.
And when you do that,
the war is over.
My grandpa
calls it alchemy.
Which means that
my best friend...
my parents...
even my neighbors...
...are all alchemists.
Now I'm done.
Now, that was
from the heart.
I'm so posting this.
Hey, check it out.
Our next speaker
Carter Crane,
and his topic is
"Why I Hate Everything."
Carter.
Breathe.
Breathe.
I don't really hate everything,
but some things
I just can't stand.
My alarm clock going off
on a weekend
before I realized
I could have slept in...
Happy birthday.
Look at what your
grandfather made.
Come in.
-Hey.
-Hey.
Mom said you
wanted to see me.
I thought you
were leaving Sunday.
Sit down.
I don't want you
to leave.
Everything's
better when you're here.
Attaboy.
Up there on that stage.
You knocked my socks off,
Milton Adams.
-Yeah?
-Mm-hm.
You knocked it
right out of the park.
-It was good, huh?
-Yeah.
Isaac Newton good.
You can do it again,
and again, and again.
What do you mean?
What you did.
You let your heart make sense
of what your mind
couldn't figure out.
But... I was really,
really scared.
A bit of time ago,
I met this really bright boy...
...who figured out how
to purr like a cat.
No matter where you are,
or who you're with.
You hold the secret.
Don't you ever forget it, okay?
I love you, Grandpa.
I love you.
So much.
Socks.
Underwear.
I left it in
the laundry.
I'll go get it.
The Adams family:
reporting in.
Planet Dad has spun out of the
past and arrived on earth,
where atmospheric conditions
are clear and bright.
Mom's planet has returned
from orbiting the future,
put down some roots right here.
It might take a while.
And me, I'm trading
in Planet Fear
for something
a little brighter.
# It was then that
the hurdy gurdy man
# Came singing songs
# "Hurdy gurdy, hurdy gurdy,
hurdy gurdy, gurdy" he sang
Ready? Set?
Now!
# Histories of ages past
# Unenlightened shadows cast
# Down through all eternity
# The crying of humanity
# 'Tis then when
the Hurdy Gurdy Man
# Comes singing songs of love
# Then when
the Hurdy Gurdy Man
# Comes singing songs of love
# "Hurdy gurdy, hurdy gurdy
hurdy gurdy, gurdy" he sang
# "Hurdy gurdy, hurdy gurdy
# hurdy gurdy, hurdy gurdy
hurdy gurd
# Hurdy gurdy, hurdy gurdy
hurdy gurdy, gurdy" he sang
# "Hurdy gurdy, hurdy gurdy
hurdy gurdy, gurdy" he sang
# Here comes
the Roly Poly Man
# He's singing songs of love
# "Roly poly, roly poly
holy poly, poly" he sang
# "Hurdy gurdy, hurdy gurdy
hurdy gurdy, gurdy" he sang
# "Hurdy gurdy, hurdy gurdy
hurdy gurdy, gurdy" he sang #
Now.
Subrip by DanDee
# When I look out
my window
# Many sights to see
# And when
I look in my window
# So many different
people to be
# That it's strange
# So strange
# You've got to
pick up every stitch
# You've got to
pick up every stitch
# You've got to
pick up every stitch
# Mmm-mm
# Must be the
season of the witch, yeah
# Must be the
season of the witch
People think our town is
a place where nothing happens.
They got
it all wrong.
Come on!
This is my mom,
really busy being an adult,
which means it's up to me
to take care of everything.
All I'm asking for is
for a line of credit
to borrow
against the house.
We've been with your
bank for ten years, Ben.
Okay, please consider it.
I've gotta go,
okay, bye.
Hi! What do you guys
think of it now?
Honey, this is
the one, right?
-Yeah.
-Come on.
Let's go!
Thank God.
How does your Mom
get all these codes?
It's a
real estate thing.
Hey, true or false,
Google says that parents
are our
stand-ins for God.
You've been spending
way too much time online.
Experiment number 18:
transmutation.
Fire.
Water.
Earth.
Give me some air.
The transmutation begins.
Whoa!
There must be easier
ways to make gold.
I hate you! I hate you!
I hate you!
Stop talking to me!
You! Don't look at me!
I hate you!
I hate you!
Wait till your
father comes home!
Get back here, young man!
Carter!
Carter!
Come on!
Get in the house!
See now, I thought that you
bought that as an investment?
Silent auction at my son's
school that's an investment.
Can't a man enjoy a glass
of wine in his own home?
A glass, yes...
but he could also take his
case of really expensive wine
and auction it
off on eBay.
Instead of drinking
the whole thing.
Your mom's right. Sometimes
it's best to be conservative.
And sometimes you gotta take
risks and enjoy life.
That's what the stock
market's all about.
-Mm. Earthy.
-Earthy?
Soil. Rainfall.
Sunlight. Grapes.
Blended together
and bottled perfection.
It's alchemy.
I have to do a
three-minute talk.
It's parents' night.
I need to pick a subject.
Jane, it's not a crisis,
it's a worry.
If we have to, we'll...
we'll take a loan out
against our retirement fund,
everything's gonna be fine.
Let's talk
about this later.
Bill Adams.
What were
you saying, Milton?
Reporting in
on the Adams Family.
Planet Dad, stuck in
orbit around the past,
when atmosphere conditions
were clear and bright.
Mom's planet, circling
the future,
where things have to be better
than they are now, guaranteed.
Me? I live on Planet Fear,
where there are thoughts
like storm clouds everywhere I look.
Gotta get up
early tomorrow.
Picking up Grandpa
before school.
Hey, you're late tonight.
I was starting to think
you were cheating on me
like my last two boyfriends.
Yeah, it's a bit
of a crazy time.
Chococadabra.
Bill Adams.
Don't sell the tech
stocks. Don't do that.
Milly Willy.
Make a fuss, perv,
and it'll hurt so bad
you won't believe that it could
hurt like that, all right?
Did you tell anyone
what you saw today?
-Did you?
-No, no one.
One word...
and you're dead, understand?
Let's go boys, clear out.
Nothing good's going on here.
Party's over.
I'll call you tomorrow.
So, how's that
latte coming?
Thank you.
Hey! I'm half naked here!
Can't you knock?
I'm sorry,
I'm... I'm not looking.
I have your
lunch money.
Thanks.
Good night, hon.
-No?
-No.
Okay.
Hey, Mom?
What's up
with you and Dad?
Everything is fine, okay?
What a day.
Join the club.
I was at the
top of my class.
I work at
a great agency.
Somebody explain it to me.
The market will
swing back, we'll be fine.
Don't keep
on saying that.
We're not fine.
Well, what do you
want me to do?
Jane, it's not an
issue right now.
You can't
control the future.
Why do you do that?
Why do you jump
to extremes all the time?
Just tell me
what to say.
I just want you
to listen to me.
Can you do that?
Milton? what's
going on in there?
I'm good! I'm in bed!
I'm sleeping!
Bill.
Are we gonna lose the house?
Can we just go one day
without you asking me that?
What's going on
in your head right now?
A lot of noise
and confusion?
Slow yourself down.
Small.
When a thought arises,
gently let it go.
And turn your attention
back to your breath.
Everyone on Planet
Fear worries about enough,
worried, am I getting enough?
Worried, am
I good enough?
Grandpa Howard
was enough.
# Way down below the ocean
# Where I wanna be
# She may be
# Way down below the ocean
# Where I wanna be
# She may be
# Way down below the ocean...
Milton Adams,
you're amazing.
Amazing that I'm
awake at six AM.
Just look at him!
Booyah!
That's good.
Great shape there, sir!
You know,
I'm taking classes.
Zumba!
Come on, let's go eat. Come on.
Excuse me,
thank you.
Do you do anything
normally, Grandpa?
Work out your body,
see results.
Work out your beauty,
see results.
That means no.
It's been five years, Dad,
since Mom passed away,
which has been
a very long time.
That is the truth.
I'm concerned
that some of...
Some of your life choices have
been very unconventional lately.
Bill? Right?
Yes, no, are you
seriously doing Zumba?
Something could happen,
you could fall and get hurt.
It smells like seaweed.
So, what would you
like for your big day?
-Hmm?
-I don't know.
Oh no,
let me get that.
Oh, no, no, no,
we got it.
-You're our guest.
-Thank you.
You're right, it does
smell a little like seaweed.
It tastes like tranquility.
Tastes like calm.
It is a wonder,
this tea.
Hey.
Timmy!
Is that you?
You sprouted
like ragweed, son.
Ragweed, that's me.
Grandpa, the name's Tim
now 'cause, you know...
-Yes, I do know.
-How do you know?
Because when I was a child,
I spake as a child,
felt as a child,
thought as a child.
But when I became a man,
I put away childish things.
It's Corinthians. Thirteen.
Milton, do you have
your lunch money?
-Yes, ma'am.
-Okay.
-See you later, G-pop.
-Bye Milton!
Bye Timmy! Tim.
See ya.
Does anybody have any
questions about Parents Night?
Speeches?
You doing some research, Anna?
Pay attention to
content and presentation.
You will be
getting graded.
My recommendation is you
use your electronics
to record yourself.
Does anybody know
the secret to public speaking?
Projectile vomiting?
It's to tell the truth,
straight from the heart.
Well, we don't know
about truth, Ms. Ferguson.
You'll know it when
you feel it, Tim.
Carter, have you
chosen a topic yet?
-No.
-How about climate change?
I hate that topic.
Football?
I hate that topic, too.
Is there any
topic you don't...?
I hate 'em all.
Fine.
Then that's your topic.
"Why I Hate Everything."
# Thrown like a star
in my vast sleep
# I opened my eyes
to take a peek
# To find that I was
by the sea
# Me gazing
with tranquility
# It was then when
the Hurdy Gurdy man
# Came singing
songs of love
# Then when
the Hurdy Gurdy man
# Came singing
songs of love
# "Hurdy gurdy, hurdy gurdy
hurdy gurdy, gurdy", he sang
# "Hurdy gurdy, hurdy gurdy
hurdy gurdy, gurdy", he sang
# "Hurdy gurdy, hurdy gurdy
hurdy gurdy, gurdy", he sang
# Histories of ages past
# Unenlightened shadows cast
# Down through all eternity
# The crying of humanity
You think
she's got a boyfriend?
Ms. Ferguson?
She's way out of your league.
Maybe now,
but one day.
You're completely crazy.
Hey.
Check it out.
You can't live your
life with no music.
Carly Rae, Taylor...
Maurice Ravel?
"Bolero."
Did you know rock is the same
beat as sexual intercourse?
That's why Ravel's "Bolero" is
the one piece of classical music
that's known and
well-liked by teens.
Hey, neighbor.
Oops.
-Carter, you're such a jerk.
-Stay out of this, princess.
-Carter.
-What?
What's Milly Willy
gonna do, huh?
You wanna do something,
Milly Willy?
-What's wrong, Milly Willy?
-Tim, get a teacher!
-Here are the rules, Milly Willy.
-Help, this dude's crushing me!
Somebody!
Get a teacher!
Your lunch
money every day.
If you think about
telling anybody,
you'll end up like a zombie.
All right?
Freakin' walking dead.
Give us a smile,
Milly Willy, come on.
Oh, you gonna
willy in your pants?
Say something
to the camera.
To the principal's
office, Mr. Crane.
I wasn't doing anything.
I'm sorry.
-Are you okay?
-Maybe I'm just messed up.
What can I say?
See you later, neighbor.
Okay.
Coming!
-Hey, ya!
-Is something wrong?
Something have to be wrong for
me to come see my girl at work?
I don't think so.
It's a nice street,
I love an open house.
Uh, well, it's a broker's open.
It's the second one.
Not that anyone's noticing.
Not a good
turnout, huh?
Dad.
Carrots were not pulled out
of the earth to be thrown away.
This couple they, uh, they
fell in love with this house.
If only their credit
wasn't a complete mess.
Do you know what happens
if a house is on the market
for more than two weeks?
You're afraid you're not
gonna be able to move it?
Bill and I...
This economy, it's just...
Sorry.
I'm so sorry.
I don't know where
I get this from.
I don't get it from you.
You trying to say that
I wasn't a sensitive father?
I can't redo the past.
That's too bad.
I mean, I couldn't...
I couldn't even get a hug from you.
And now you're just...
You're all peace
and tea ceremonies.
It's complicated.
You're too funny.
"If you can dream and not
make dreams your master.
If you can think and
not make thoughts your aim."
Notice Kipling wasn't
talking about heroic deeds,
money or fame.
Anybody?
Anne?
He needs
professional guidance.
He's introducing a
hypothetical situation.
He's in a mood...
This is why I never
should have looked at him.
It's all my fault,
why didn't I just go home?
I'm stupid.
I'm so stupid.
Come on! Give me a smile
for the camera, Milly Willy.
Gonna willy
in your pants?
"Keep your head...
...while all about you
are losing theirs."
What does he mean?
Milton?
Earth to Milton?
What?
Kipling's poem,
the first stanza.
What is he saying?
I... I lost my
train of thought.
Well, if it comes back
to you remember the point.
# You keep on knockin'
but you can't come in
# You keep on knockin'
but you can't, woo!
# You keep on knockin'
but you can't come in
# Come back tomorrow night
and try it again
# You said you love me'
but you can't come in
# You said you love me...
Slow yourself down.
Slow.
When a thought arises,
gently let it go
and turn your attention
back to your breath.
Hey.
You have anything
you want to discuss?
No.
The problems you got running
around in your head right now,
don't worry them
to death, just...
just let your heart
make sense of them.
They're house-guests
and they all go eventually.
Dad said you're a train
wreck waiting to happen.
He thinks something
happened to you at war.
And that's why you're
making all this stuff up.
Wow.
Bill is a skeptic.
Who knew?
It's good to be a skeptic.
But you have to be skeptical
of your skepticism.
The problem is, what he calls
open-mindedness is really gullibility.
who doesn't want to be
around happy free thinkers
who drum a lot, hug
creatively and get naked?
And more then likely, I'm gonna meet
those kinda people in your dad's crowd.
You're scaring me, Bill.
I mean, what's next?
Are you gonna start doing
yoga or get some crystals?
I mean, don't
even get me started.
Those people are
a bunch of spoiled
new age hippies
with way too much money.
Your dad's a combat-decorated
Forced Recon. He'll be fine.
So now you're
taking his side?
That's not fair,
you can't do that.
Right well, I don't feel
like being reasonable today.
I feel like hiding away.
Wake up Missy, let's go!
What!?
What...!?
The light's green.
Yeah, I can see that, Einstein.
I raised a
freaking genius, here.
So, this guy admits that
his broker's his cousin.
So I tell him he's your family.
He's telling you what you wanna hear.
I'm telling you the truth.
And he hangs up on me.
-Want some more rice, Stuart?
-No I'm good, thank you.
-Jane?
-Hmm?
-Rice?
-No.
-Milton?
-No.
You gonna get that?
We're having supper.
Stuart Howard's phone.
Uh, yeah,
just a second please.
It's Dusty.
Hiya, give me a sec.
So, how was
school today, champ?
Fine.
You all right?
Yes.
-Bill?
-Mm-hm?
That was a woman.
So?
Who's Dusty?
Dusty's my sweetheart.
What?
Oh, she's a
Zumba instructor.
She's teaching
me Zumba.
No, she's a...
she's a sweetie.
And I am showing her
how to get a good
comfortable seat on my "hog".
Oh, my God.
It's a motorcycle, Mom.
It's just a motorcycle.
What is it that
you're trying to prove?
You're upset.
You're a grandfather.
You are not a
twenty-year-old man.
Honestly, Dad.
Why are you
always on his case?
Hey. Hey.
Too far, Milt.
Don't talk to your
mother that way.
I gotta take this,
then we talk.
Seriously?!
What's wrong with us?
I'll deal with it.
Hey, uh,
I gotta call you back.
Hey.
I'm sorry about
what I said at dinner.
I know. I know you
didn't mean it.
I didn't
mean it at all.
The thing is, I can't
afford to lose another client.
I've... I've got
this account that I...
Dad! Seriously?
This sucks!
-What?
-You. This. Everything.
What are you
talking about?
How would you know?
You never listen.
Turn your cell off.
Okay,
I'm all yours.
Talk to me.
I can't.
If Carter finds out
he will obliterate me.
Hey, did that punk
do something to you?
Milton? Did he?
Hey, you can't let
him get away with it.
You've gotta
fight back, son.
Come on. Give me a smile for
the camera, Milly Willy.
What, you gonna willy
in your pants?
Is Milly gonna willy?
Dude, where art thou?
Experiment number 19,
remember?
Bro, answer the phone.
You're not mad at me.
Are you?
What am I gonna do?
Gently let it go.
Don't let him get away
with it, you gotta fight back.
Bill, are we
gonna lose the house?
And turn your
attention back...
And turn your
attention back to your breath.
Hi.
Your Dad told me
what's going on.
It's very scary.
Scary that dad
can't even keep a secret
for more
than five minutes.
You're practically twelve.
So you think you can handle
all this stuff by yourself.
I just didn't want to worry
you with another bad thing.
What could you do
about it, anyway?
Well, we can...
I could sit...
...and we can talk.
Talking doesn't
help anything.
Your dad and
I love you very much.
And sometimes we just
get caught up in...
in these other things,
but you always come first.
Okay?
Do you know that?
Okay.
Good night.
So?
You're helping,
that's a first.
Yeah, first time
for everything.
I've failed him.
Jane, you haven't.
I've been... I've been too worried
about keeping this house, my job.
-And you blame me for that?
-Yeah. Yeah. I do.
Sometimes.
Look, it happens,
he's a normal kid.
I wasn't there.
# In the chilly hours and
minutes of uncertainty
# I wanna be in the warm hold
# Of your loving mind
# To feel you
all around me
# And to take your hand
along the sand
# Ah, but I may as well try
and catch the wind
How come Snuggles is
always happy no matter what?
I have lived with
many Zen masters.
Each and every one
of them was a cat.
Contrary to the ways
of human kind.
Cats can let go of
whatever happened yesterday.
They don't worry about
tomorrow, next week.
They're just here.
Is that what you do?
Sometimes.
I'm not in the future now.
Not in the past,
I'm right here.
With you. Now.
Want to try?
Can't I just be skeptical?
How is that
working out for you?
A good bit of time ago,
I knew this bright boy...
...who figured out
how to purr like a cat.
How'd you do it?
I'm not gonna tell ya.
-But I want to know.
-That's a good thing.
Actually, that's
a great thing.
Okay.
-That one?
-Yep.
Put 'er in there.
So, uh, Mom says
you're a war hero.
Hoorah!
So you
had to kill people?
Shoot, that was a
messed up thing to say.
Okay.
Everything is okay.
You haven't
done anything wrong.
Taking a life, Milton...
causing hurt to someone...
steals a piece of you.
And then you have
to try and find a way
to forgive
yourself for it.
It's not easy.
But you have to try because
without forgiveness...
the past determines
who you are
in the present.
I... I don't expect you
to understand that.
But I do
expect you to try.
Did you
forgive yourself?
I'm a work
in progress, Milton.
Come here.
# We come on
the sloop John B
# My grandfather and me
# Around Nassau town
We did roam
# Drinking all night
# Got into a fight
# I feel so broke up
I want to go home
Here.
# So hoist up
the John B'ssail
-Keep it.
-Thanks.
I'm glad you're here.
Me, too.
I suck at this.
That's a fact, G-pop.
Tim, come on in.
Hey, Grandpa.
# I wanna go home
-Milton.
-Hey.
We still gotta decide
on our speeches.
-Gotta be ready tomorrow.
-So?
Want to do some research?
Sounds like a plan to me.
Hey, I get why you stood
me up. I should have helped.
I should have
done something.
You're my best friend.
Actually, you're
kind of my only friend.
Shut up, you have, like
a hundred Facebook friends.
Virtual.
The problem with real friends
is when they leave,
it hurts a lot more
than getting un-friended.
Just because your dad left,
doesn't mean
everyone's gonna leave.
You can't let your past
define what's happening now.
What the...!?
Sit down.
Well... if it
isn't Milly Willy.
Don't call me that.
I can call you
whatever I want.
Me and Milly Willy,
we have an understanding, right?
Carter...
What? You owe me
a hundred bucks, man
That's crazy! I don't
have a hundred bucks.
Hundred bucks by tomorrow,
or you'll be sorry.
Tell him.
Tell him!
You heard the man.
Tomorrow.
I'm the worst friend ever.
Where's Milton?
He's working on his school
project for Parents Night.
Did you speak with him about
the kid who's bullying him?
Yeah, I... I told him
how to deal with it.
Hey, did I mention that
client is suing our office?
When in doubt,
cry lawsuit, right?
Yeah, right. There's a fella'
suing Dusty right now.
Really? Why?
What'd she do?
Nothing.
She must have
done something.
Dear, darling, Jane.
My being in love with Dusty
is in no way a threat to you.
You gotta open
your eyes, Dad.
You're a widower
with a military pension.
So that makes you a target.
Excuse me.
If only Carter
could catch pneumonia,
I swear I'd stop surfing
inappropriate sites,
I'd never...
Hey.
What's with the door?
Trying to concentrate.
Your Grandpa's
worried about you.
That's impossible,
worry's in the future.
Grandpa only
deals in the present.
What are you talking about?
The "now," Dad.
This moment.
No one deserves
to be bullied.
Hey! I need
to talk to you.
I don't care what
time of night it is,
your kid is bullying
my kid, you dog is...
Get your foot
out of my door, pal.
Get out of here!
Go home!
What are you wearing?
I can see it.
Ah... you're beautiful,
sweetheart.
Just wonderful.
I miss you so much,
you cannot believe it.
Sometimes,
the lines get blurry.
Sometimes the worrying
gets so intense,
it's like force field.
You can't move.
And sometimes, even when
you think you're stuck,
...you have to figure out a
way to take that first step.
-Hey,Madre.
-Good morning.
Hey, uh, client meeting.
See you guys later.
What's up?
I was thinking, maybe
I could get a job this summer.
-He'll put around here.
-Sounds good.
Gotta run.
Milton! Wait! Wait!
Okay.
You listen.
You do not have to
take care of me.
I'm taking
care of you, okay?
-Yeah.
-Come here.
Okay, you go.
"Wonder is the
beginning of wisdom."
Now, who said this?
Someone from a long time ago.
Anyone?
Britney Spears?
No, not Britney Spears.
It was a famous philosopher.
Socrates.
That's right, Milton,
you're late.
Sorry, Ms. Ferguson.
Socrates was mostly
known for self-control.
It wasn't self
denial or his austerity.
Austerity.
Look up austerity for tomorrow.
Fierce.
Socrates also said,
"To find yourself,
you must think for yourself".
Now, I want you guys to consider
this before you Google,
copy and paste
your assignment.
Those margins
are pretty tight.
Market's looking
to head south, I would sell.
Yeah, I would.
Oh, excuse me.
Hey, my man?
What's up?
I thought I'd treat my son-in-law
to a healthier lunch.
Oh, yeah.
Score one
for the bully family.
Your family is worried.
You know.
That's what we do.
I'm an idiot.
I'm sorry.
Basically...
...I don't know
what to do.
And I don't do
"not knowing what to do".
Giving up
would be a relief.
I can assure you there are
plenty of ways to surrender.
So uh, you're... you're
toolin' around on a Harley now?
Is that...
Is that true?
Is it just me
or is Dusty smoking hot?
Where'd you guys
stay in Paris?
Right next door.
Eighty bucks a night,
Caesar's Palace.
Look at you,
free as a bird.
And I'm supposed to be
the family crackpot.
Hey.
Hey, Brutus.
It's all about the tail.
Some dogs you just
look at em' and it goes:
"Life is good.
life is good."
You know, they don't
need a reason why.
I used to watch
you play football.
Oh, yeah?
Want an autograph?
No, I'm good thank you.
That knee injury,
must have hurt, huh?
Pretty much
killed my career.
You're doing
pretty well now.
That's good.
May I give
your dog a bone?
Here, Brutus.
For you.
From me. Attaboy.
Well, you have
a lovely day.
Hi.
Hi.
Thank you.
You're welcome.
Dad, more stuff?
Really?
That's the last one.
I mean, what can I say,
I had something in mind
and it blossomed
and bore fruit.
What was that thing that
Grandma used to say about...
About a garden?
That a garden is not a garden
until it has garden esters.
-Look what I got.
-Oh, my...
Oh, that's...
that's wonderful.
-Good?
-Yeah, it's perfect.
Look at the sky.
My Dad called last night.
He's moving to New York.
For good.
-Wow.
-You know what's stupid?
When I told him
about Parents Night,
he said he'd try
and make it.
I believed him.
Maybe it's for the best.
We're both gonna fail tomorrow.
Worrying isn't
gonna change things.
There comes a time when it's not
enough to just experiment.
Let's go make
some gold, Tim.
Let's make so much gold,
so that you
can go visit your dad,
wherever he is.
All right,
let's make some gold!
Sometimes you
have to succeed,
otherwise, you risk
losing the whole planet.
I heard Carter say once
he got a black eye
from fighting
off a security guard.
Lot of black
eyes going around.
-What's that supposed to mean?
-Carter's dad is a jerk.
Screams all the time
and calls him names.
What goes
around comes around.
What? I'm supposed to
feel sorry for him?
Let's make our
lives golden, Tim.
Let's do this.
Our earth element.
One sterling silver baby
spoon, ground to powder.
One cup of mud.
Two tablespoons
of plant food.
And one bottle
of pinot noir.
I suppose you think
that's really hysterical.
-Act your age.
-This is my age!
I'm almost a teenager.
Come on, we're only young once.
So, how's it going
with your listing?
I asked, uh...
I advised the sellers they should
lower it by another $20,000
but I don't know,
if it's gonna move.
You don't seem
too upset about it.
Right now I feel okay,
I don't know why.
No need for why,
just be okay. Okay?
Okay.
We're missing
one element, air.
Fresh air in a can.
Holy crap! Holy crap!
Get some water! Water!
-Get some water!
-Holy crap! Crap!
Holy crap!
Lots of excitement, huh?
You wanted to make gold?
'Cause you thought we
needed the money, right?
And you were trying
to save the family?
It's okay.
It's okay.
Um...
I want to say I'm sorry.
What for?
Well, It's a long list.
For being gone
all the time.
For making you
worry about things
no kid should have
to worry about.
For making you wonder whether your
mom and I were gonna stay together.
Well?
We're not done yet.
-What now?
-Apologies.
For sending you off
to the library with Tim.
But you just
wanted us to make up.
I was interfering.
That is just another way of saying
I was not seeing you.
I have a history
of that.
# Just one look
# And I fell
so hard, hard, hard
# In love
# With you
# Oh-oh, oh-oh
# I found out
# How good it feels...
You sure see a lot
of stars tonight.
Yeah.
Your friend Mr. Newton,
he used to spend a good bit
of time looking at them.
Merlin, too.
Ah, he was a magician.
He was an alchemist.
He was.
Do you believe
in it, Grandpa?
Yeah, I've seen
it in action.
Come on. To bed!
In you get.
But I failed,
big time.
Oh, no,
you didn't.
You were looking in
the wrong beaker.
I saw you fill one up
with anger and fear.
But then you
added beauty
and you added
a little bit of mischief.
That, my dear Milton,
is alchemy.
-Goodnight.
-Goodnight.
# Happy birthday to you
Chococadabra.
So now, I want
you to make a wish, okay?
-Okay.
-One. Two. Three.
-Twelve years old.
-Hey.
I have something
for you.
That's the
alchemist's first tool.
It's a beauty.
You take good
care of that,
it'll serve you
for a long time.
I bought it
off a real wizard.
Okay, now I think
you're stretching it.
Don't believe
everything you think.
Happy Birthday, kiddo!
No, Dad.
I'm done with that.
Oh, okay.
-What's that?
-It's a beaker.
Ah.
Well, I'll see you tonight at
Parents Night tonight, right?
-Your coming?
-Of course, I'm coming.
You're my man.
I'm gonna cheer you on.
Proud of you.
-Thanks, Dad.
-Okay.
I'm okay.
There's nothing wrong.
This is not an emergency.
Call office.
Hey, Sharon.
Yeah, I'm not coming into the
office for the rest of the day.
I'll see you tomorrow. Bye.
What are you lookin' at?
Answer me!
Answer me.
You're just as
scared as I am.
What?
You don't know
anything about me, Milton.
Scared to death
to walk out on that stage.
Excuse me. Can I just
pass you guys? Sorry.
-Sorry. Hi, Dad.
-hi, darling.
-Hey.
-Hi, sorry, I'm late.
Hello, I'm Ms. Ferguson.
And were about to experience
something very special.
But first, I dare you
to silence your devices
for an entire 60 minutes.
Our speakers will
appreciate your effort.
Our first speaker
is Milton Adams.
And his topic is
"War Between the States."
I think The War
Between the States is over.
I learned that this week.
Go on.
That's the war
I'm talking about.
The one we're all in.
We argue with
each other so much,
hold grudges,
say awful things about each
other behind people's backs.
It's a big, big war.
Everybody walking
around wounded.
I got wounded, and it hurts.
I was so upset, so worried
about getting wounded again,
I couldn't do anything else.
There was a civil war
raging right inside me.
Then...
...my grandpa
came to visit.
And he taught me how
to stop the war...
...using this.
Imagine that
you're a beaker.
Whatever you choose
to put inside of you,
that's who you are.
You fill your glass
with hate and fear,
pour in your worries
about the past or the future,
you're probably
gonna be miserable.
If you fill your beaker
with love and caring,
miracles can happen.
Wars can end.
People can be different.
That's the secret.
We all can change.
You just have to take the empty
space and turn it into gold.
And when you do that,
the war is over.
My grandpa
calls it alchemy.
Which means that
my best friend...
my parents...
even my neighbors...
...are all alchemists.
Now I'm done.
Now, that was
from the heart.
I'm so posting this.
Hey, check it out.
Our next speaker
Carter Crane,
and his topic is
"Why I Hate Everything."
Carter.
Breathe.
Breathe.
I don't really hate everything,
but some things
I just can't stand.
My alarm clock going off
on a weekend
before I realized
I could have slept in...
Happy birthday.
Look at what your
grandfather made.
Come in.
-Hey.
-Hey.
Mom said you
wanted to see me.
I thought you
were leaving Sunday.
Sit down.
I don't want you
to leave.
Everything's
better when you're here.
Attaboy.
Up there on that stage.
You knocked my socks off,
Milton Adams.
-Yeah?
-Mm-hm.
You knocked it
right out of the park.
-It was good, huh?
-Yeah.
Isaac Newton good.
You can do it again,
and again, and again.
What do you mean?
What you did.
You let your heart make sense
of what your mind
couldn't figure out.
But... I was really,
really scared.
A bit of time ago,
I met this really bright boy...
...who figured out how
to purr like a cat.
No matter where you are,
or who you're with.
You hold the secret.
Don't you ever forget it, okay?
I love you, Grandpa.
I love you.
So much.
Socks.
Underwear.
I left it in
the laundry.
I'll go get it.
The Adams family:
reporting in.
Planet Dad has spun out of the
past and arrived on earth,
where atmospheric conditions
are clear and bright.
Mom's planet has returned
from orbiting the future,
put down some roots right here.
It might take a while.
And me, I'm trading
in Planet Fear
for something
a little brighter.
# It was then that
the hurdy gurdy man
# Came singing songs
# "Hurdy gurdy, hurdy gurdy,
hurdy gurdy, gurdy" he sang
Ready? Set?
Now!
# Histories of ages past
# Unenlightened shadows cast
# Down through all eternity
# The crying of humanity
# 'Tis then when
the Hurdy Gurdy Man
# Comes singing songs of love
# Then when
the Hurdy Gurdy Man
# Comes singing songs of love
# "Hurdy gurdy, hurdy gurdy
hurdy gurdy, gurdy" he sang
# "Hurdy gurdy, hurdy gurdy
# hurdy gurdy, hurdy gurdy
hurdy gurd
# Hurdy gurdy, hurdy gurdy
hurdy gurdy, gurdy" he sang
# "Hurdy gurdy, hurdy gurdy
hurdy gurdy, gurdy" he sang
# Here comes
the Roly Poly Man
# He's singing songs of love
# "Roly poly, roly poly
holy poly, poly" he sang
# "Hurdy gurdy, hurdy gurdy
hurdy gurdy, gurdy" he sang
# "Hurdy gurdy, hurdy gurdy
hurdy gurdy, gurdy" he sang #