Milf (2010) - full transcript
A group of nerdy college guys who can't seem to connect with girls their own age discover the excitement of hooking up with sexy older women.
Did you get a good look
up there?
What?
You were checking out my ass.
I wasn't...
You're in my econ class, right?
I'm going to tell everyone
what a creep you are.
No.
Dick.
No. No.
What the heck
is wrong with you?
Dickhead!
Well, what's up, dickface?
Look, I'm headed
into econ class.
I'm telling you, blow it
off, you big nerd.
Spend the afternoon
with me and Lori.
Lori is my mom, dude,
and I can't miss econ again,
It's the only professor
I have the takes attendance.
Dude, stop calling my mom Lori.
Relax. I'm almost there.
She's single. I'm allowed.
That's my mom.
What? We're in college now.
I am now officially
one year older
Than she was
when she birthed you.
You don't call adults you've
known your entire life
By their first name.
It's that lack
of sophistication
That's keeping you from
getting laid, Brandon.
Look, dude, I'm headed
into econ class now.
Just go get the booze and
don't talk to Lor... To my mom.
Please, Anthony, I'm asking,
just focus, man.
We need to get the booze
for tonight's party.
Okay, I'm here.
I will tell Lori
you said hello.
Ass. I'll talk to you later.
Later.
Hey, lo...
Hi, Anthony.
Mrs. Murphy.
Where's Brandon?
Brandon is at econ class,
And he wanted me
To pick up a few things
in the garage.
Yeah, come in.
Okay. Cool.
So how's your mom?
I heard what happened.
Is she all right?
Oh, yeah, yeah. She's fine.
She's cool.
She just moved into
a new place.
And she's just enjoying
her new freedom.
I bet.
Well, I'm going to be
seeing holly tonight.
She just needs to get over
that loneliness.
That's all.
Yeah.
You know where the garage is.
I'm taking off, Mrs. Murphy.
I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
My towel!
Mrs. Murphy...
where is he?
The party started ages ago.
I don't know. He should
be back by now, though.
This sucks.
We can't dominate
this game properly
With three of us.
Yeah, well, if we had beer,
We could gain access
to the party.
If we gain access to the party,
We gain access to the pussy.
Hey, contact right! Frag out!
Damn it!
Oh, come on. Like you guys
Are going to get
anywhere at the party.
Returning fire!
Oh! Whatever.
Ross and I here read
a book the other day.
Oh, yeah.
It was pretty good stuff.
It was called
the mystery method.
We are gonna get laid
tonight, that's for sure.
Hey, skinny in the window.
Take 'em out.
To the right.
Mystery method? Does that work?
Contact frag!
It's pretty despicable stuff.
Doesn't go with my game.
Hey, Brandon, cover my six!
Oh, damn it!
Whatever.
Tell you what. All I know is
It works a hell of a lot
better if they are drunk.
Take that, newb!
It's about time, Mr. Slow.
What happened, man?
I was just...
I just...
Traffic.
Yes!
You already opened it?
What's in the box?
New camera gear.
Cameras? That'll be good
later on tonight
When I land a freshman
spinner on my dick.
No, you'll just break it.
Why didn't you just
get it sent here?
Because of him.
Brent the douchebag next door
would've taken it.
Okay nerds, enough tech talk.
Let's go get our sex on?
A philosophy major, eh?
What are you going
to do with that?
Contemplate for hours
About what a shitty idea it was
To become
a philosophy major? Yeah?
He just broke up with you?
I'm so sorry to hear that.
I know. And he's so mean.
You're so sweet
to listen to me.
Oh, thanks.
Randy?
Erica? I'm so glad I found you!
I'm so sorry I was
such a jerk earlier.
Can you forgive me?
Oh, randy.
For, like, seven days.
It was so gross.
So anyway I was, like,
in the middle of the jungle,
Like, in Thailand,
And I was, like,
riding an elephant.
I was just, like,
so totally, like,
Scared and nervous, but,
like, at the same time
I was, like, so in awe
of the natural beauty
And I just couldn't believe
It was, like, actually
happening, you know?
Hello?
Hello?
Okay. I'm gonna go.
No luck, buddy?
Yeah, that kind
of night, I guess.
Well, I'm going to get a beer.
Nice chatting.
God, why is it
at all these parties,
Everyone just drinks all
the crappy domestic beer?
How's this?
That's a good start.
A fool sees not the same tree
that a wise man sees.
Well, okay, there, Mr. Blake.
I'm impressed.
With your choice
in microbrews, that is.
I'm Brandon.
Alex.
So, Alex, you're not from
around here, are you?
Really?
I'm sorry. That was lame.
No, Brandon, I'm not
from around here.
I'm from across campus.
That's a neat pattern.
Look at that.
Oh, thanks. I made it myself.
Really? That's awesome.
Hey!
Nothing but this gay
microbrew crap!
Where's my bud?
Bud!
Must be tough to
live life as a clichй.
God.
Yeah.
You might want to...
come on! That is such
a weak move.
You can do better than that.
You know, you might...
So, Brandon,
How did you become
such a connoisseur
Of beer and generic
pick-Up lines?
Yeah, yeah.
I watch a lot of tits... Titles.
Movies, yeah.
More books than anything.
A lot of stuff in 'em.
It helps.
It helps me.
Oh, cool.
So... do you go to school here?
Yeah. Yeah.
Yeah, you nailed it. I'm here.
Yeah, I'm an econ major.
Economics. Same thing.
You know, small word.
It's loud in here.
Yeah.
I was thinking that, too.
'Cause I can't...
Did you say some...
I hear you, but I don't know...
are you okay?
Yeah. I've got a credit card
in my name. Of course.
What?
I said, are you okay?
Hey, Brando. How's it going?
Hey, your tit's hanging out.
Is that what
you were looking at?
You dog, you.
Come on, high five.
No, I wasn't...
Dick!
You're such an asshole.
God!
All right, bitches,
party on the roof!
Whoooo!
Come one, come all.
Single file line, ladies.
Don't push, don't shove,
don't fight much.
Speak forever under.
Not so fast there, broski.
We're having a little private
soiree tonight, amigos.
Are you kidding me?
Well, I can check to see
If you gentleman
are on the guest list.
Hey, Wyatt! Are our favorite
freshman here on the guest list?
Oh, these knobheads?
Hell, no. People are trying
to get laid tonight, guys.
Oh! Looks like you guys
aren't on the list.
But you have fun night
Jerking off on each other!
Ha ha ha ha!
On your way out.
Awesome. That was just perfect.
Hey, guys, I've got an idea.
Why don't we all hang out
together tonight
And talk about how much
pussy we don't get, yeah?
Brandon, you
should check this out.
This guy's going to town.
Oh, really... Oh, look
at that... Going to town.
Breaking news.
Loose freshman with shaved box
Getting railed
by frat meathead.
Is that big red?
No, it's a blonde,
a dirty, dirty blonde.
I'm pretty sure she's in
my physics class.
I'm pretty sure
She's not walking
to class tomorrow.
You know what? Screw it.
Let's just hang out
tonight, guys.
We have three bottles
of premium whiskey here,
And we can drink.
We can do whatever.
All right, peckerheads.
We need booze.
We hear you faggots
have a stash.
We don't have any.
Jackpot.
You can't take that.
What did you say, taint-Boy?
I said...
You know, I would have
Thrown you boys
in the recycling bin,
But I don't think
they recycle pussy weirdos.
Ha ha ha ha!
Oh! I'm god damned
tired of this shit!
Fuck.
Let's go to my mom's
guest house.
Hey, guys.
I found a burger over here.
Anyone want some?
Oh, you're disgusting.
Let's go.
It's still warm.
I really hate
All those stupid guys
at that party.
Silly frat jerks and their
silly little girlfriends.
They don't know a real man
when they see one.
The blonde in Brent's room
Seemed to be enjoying herself.
Shit.
Oh, crap, man. I forgot.
It's ladies night tonight.
That sounds good.
That's fine. They're
gonna be going out, right?
I think so.
Your mom is going to be
showing my mom
What it's like
to be single again.
This is gonna be awesome.
We're gonna get so much pussy!
What are you talking about?
MILFS!
Think about it, all right?
They're probably lonely,
Drinking a little wine,
Talking about
how much men suck,
And that's when
we'll roll in there
And satisfy their needs.
Blblblblblbl.
Man, this is gonna be amazing.
Hey, standard bet?
Yeah.
You're not betting on my mom.
What are you guys betting on?
We're betting on who's
going to bag the most MILFS
By the end of the year.
Yes.
Oh, yeah.
Anthony, I really wish
you would have called.
Mom...
what the hell is going on here?
Nothing.
Oh, right. Nothing.
Nice whip. What is
this, a lezbo sess?
What?
You're a lesbian.
No!
This is my fault.
Mom?
Nice. Nice whips.
Boys...
Boys, look...
this is a passion party.
No, no, no, no, no.
This is awesome.
This is gross.
We can leave.
No. Anthony, this is my time.
Mom, you got blue stringy
things on your boobies.
I know, okay? I know.
I know this looks bad,
all right?
I'm not going to lie.
But it's not...
No. No.
This is sick.
You guys...
Oh, Anthony, grow up.
Anthony! Baby, come...
We're staying
in the guest house.
Dude, that was intense.
I'm so jealous, man.
I just feel dirty.
I just want that
out of my head.
Like, I... No.
I saw your mom naked today.
What?
Cool.
When I went to get the hootch.
Bush and everything?
Shut up, guys. Shut.
No, he's right.
Bush and everything.
But she shaves, though, kinda.
It was like a runway.
Straight up... Never mind.
This isn't going to make things
weird between us, is it?
I don't know.
Damn, man.
I'm just finding out
all kinds of weird things
About my mom today.
This is nuts.
Brandon, I will do
anything you want
To make it up to you.
Anything you want.
How do we even get past
something like this?
I just want you
to forget about it, please.
Just pretend like
it never happened. Please.
Dude, don't you get it?
This is going to make things
so weird between us.
It's not gonna seem
like anything right now,
But eventually it's just going
to eat at our friendship,
And all I'm going to have left
is Nate and ross.
Hey, come on.
Dude, I will do anything
you want, man.
I will be your non-Gay servant
For the rest of the year.
That just seems like
it'll be weird.
Okay, okay, okay, fine.
Just pawn me off
to the wondertwins.
It's for the best.
Fair is fair.
It has to happen.
I just need some air, dude.
Don't go. I love you, man.
Hello?
Hi, Brandon.
Hi, Mrs. Reese.
Mrs. Reese?
You're a man now, Brandon.
And boy, how you have grown.
Oh, my god.
Oh, my god.
Dude.
Yeah.
Amigo.
More tongue. Just like that.
Dude.
I'm right here.
You gotta do that
on your own time.
I wasn't doing anything, man.
It's cool.
I rub one out
when you're asleep, too.
Oh, god.
Oh...
what happened last night?
You got drunk and passed out.
That's what you did.
Who drove?
Ross.
Yeah, he's the only one
who didn't drink.
Thank god, 'cause
we were all shithosed.
It was great.
Buddy, buddy.
Buddy...
you and me... bright spot.
Grubbin'. My treat.
I'm hungry. Sounds great.
Grubbin'.
Your treat?
Grubbin'.
I'm stoked.
¶ Grubbin' ¶
I can't find it.
What?
My wallet and my phone, dude.
I feel naked without it.
Well, I don't have mine,
either.
Dude, we have to go
to my mom's house.
What? We don't need
to do that. Why?
I think I left it there
when I was wasted, man.
I looked everywhere else.
We can just go back
to the room, man.
I'll grab my wallet.
It's much easier
if we just do that.
No, fuck that.
I need my wallet and my phone.
Don't think I forgot
about our deal, man.
Buying you breakfast
is just the start.
Besides, even if my mom
doesn't have my wallet,
She always has a nice spread.
What? Wha...
Food, guy. Breakfast.
You know my mom, man.
She always has
the ripest melons,
Sticky buns.
It's amazing.
She always brings it.
Fine, but just
find it quick, please.
I forgot about how much
of a bitch you turn into
When you're hungry.
Oh! Hi, Brandon.
Hi, Mrs. Reese.
Holly.
You've seen me naked.
You can call me holly.
No, I didn't...
Yes, you did.
Right. Yes, ma'am.
There's nothing wrong
with that.
I know. I know that.
I...
I was...
I should go...
I'm just waiting for Anthony...
So... okay.
You know, maybe I...
I'm gonna get going.
That was wrong.
That was nice.
Right. That was nice.
I just got divorced,
And my hormones
are all over the place.
I'm probably not
very stable right now.
Right. I understand.
I'm not crazy.
No, no. I didn't
even think that.
Do you have a phone?
Yeah, yeah.
You need to make a call?
Should I...
I got it.
Okay.
That's called sexting, right?
Oh, hey, mom.
Did you get your rocks off yet
From a cooter
'cause you're gay now?
What is wrong with you?
Sorry, mom.
Wouldn't want to disturb you
from flicking your bead.
Hey, got the keys. Let's roll.
I'm sorry, man.
It's just...
I still can't get over it, man.
It's not normal, right?
I mean, she was sitting there
Just ready to take it
with a whip.
That is weird. Am I right?
You know what I'm saying?
Are you having a seizure? What?
Stop being such a dick
to your mom.
Dude, easy, all right?
She was totally lezzing
with your mom, so...
Dude, they're just, you know,
confused or something.
It's the divorce
and everything.
Listen, dr. Phil,
I don't need the play
by play, all right?
I'd appreciate it...
God damn it, dude. My phone.
Don't start siding
with my mom, all right?
Dude, come on. Drive straight.
All right. All right.
Jesus Christ!
Dude, people are going to think
You're sucking my dick, dude.
Here, let me get it. I got it.
Grab the wheel.
Dude! Come on!
Grab the wheel!
What are you doing?
Come on. Come on.
Got it.
All right, dude. Give it here.
Oh, my...
those are some
nice titties, dude.
Whoop. Hold up.
Look at that ass!
Oh, my god, I would
lick that ass clean!
Dude, I am an ass man.
It is official.
You like that? You like that?
How did you get
such a good shot
Through that hole?
I mean, 'cause that
chow monkey Brent
Does not deserve tail
like this.
Yes! Yeah. I know, right?
That's where I got it
just a couple weeks ago.
Incoming call.
Give it. Dude, don't.
I got it.
You, talk dirty to me.
Who is it?
Oh, okay. Excellent.
Multiple women?
Yeah, we can do that.
Lesbians? Absolutely.
Send 'em over.
We'll be ready. Okay.
I'll talk to you soon. Later.
Nate and ross
want us to play wingman
To their little MILF quest.
I told them
you'd be cool with it.
Oh, my god. Seriously, though?
That is a hot little number.
Welcome to
the motherlode, boys.
Hello, darling.
Can I top you off?
Reeoowr!
Hey, you guys sure you don't
want in on this bet?
Yeah, I'm sure.
I don't know, man.
I don't have a prescription
for Viagra.
These chicks don't want
anything to do with me.
Anyway, I still got to
make up stuff to you.
Why? What'd he do,
bang his mom?
Dude, come on.
Whatever, man. Let's
just say I screwed up,
And I owe it to Brandon.
Whatever you need, man.
If you need a drink,
it's on me.
Whatever you want, man.
Just how about...
just wingman for ross.
Yeah, come on, man. Let's go.
Hi. How you doing?
You're here.
Is that a tom Collins?
You sure you don't
want to trade up
To a newer model?
Yeah? Awesome.
Reeowr.
Run away, little boy.
I dated guys older than you
when I was in high school.
Bye.
All right.
What do these wrinkle dicks
have that we don't?
Yeah, well, they have jobs
And cars and money.
Money.
I saw you out there
on the dance floor.
Are you going to hurt me?
Now you say ahh.
Cough.
Haven't you ever been
to the doctor? Cough.
Cough.
Okay.
You'll do.
Yeah.
All right. Shut up.
I told her, look,
You gotta just swallow
that thing, you know?
Hey, do you wanna
get out there and dance?
Do you wanna get out there?
Like, look at that.
Oh, no, man. Wingmanning
for ross is impossible.
Guys, guys, guys. I got one!
Got one.
I think she's a dude.
Guys, guys, guys, guys.
Guys, come on.
I need one of you guys
To drive us home
to her place, okay?
We've both had too many.
No way.
I'm on vacation.
You know what,
I'll drive you guys.
Let's go.
You and Nate
can go back together.
Might be a while,
by the looks of that.
But, yeah. It'll be fine,
dude. I'm fine.
You sure?
Come on. Stop
wasting time here.
Come on. Just drive us home.
All right. Good job.
Okay, man. I'm gonna go.
No! No, no, no. Don't go, man.
She scares the crap
out of me, all right?
Real serial killer shit.
Then let's fucking leave.
No, man.
I'm getting laid.
Awesome!
Stay here.
You want a cookie, little boy?
'Cause I'd like a cock. Strip.
Strip!
Jesus Christ!
Did you know I'm a yogi?
No, I did not,
but that's awesome.
It's a very spiritual
lifestyle.
I'm sure it is.
I take it very seriously.
So you should.
Like choosing partners
to make love with.
Oh.
Oh! Give me a bigger load!
Spank it! Make it squirt!
I'm squirting.
Make me squirt!
I'm squirting! I'm squirting!
I'm squirting. I'm squirting.
You like it?
Oh, yeah.
Yeah, suck it. Suck it.
Oh, suck it, suck it,
suck it, suck it!
Oh, Santa Claus
is coming to town.
Santa's gonna be here
riding on his reindeer.
Oh, Santa!
I love Santa.
You love Santa?
You kidding me? Creamy?
Could you please
knock off the fucking?
You're a new one.
Look here, bra,
Every damn night
it's the same routine.
I can't sleep.
My girl can't sleep.
The whole damn first
floor tryin' to sleep,
And every night
she's so damn loud
It sounds like somebody
getting murdered.
Somebody
gots to tell that bitch
People can't sleep when
you're always fucking.
I'll tell her.
Get down! I'm down!
Bitch, you got
to shut the fuck up.
I'm in love with you.
I love you.
I love you.
Oh, my gosh.
Oh, snap!
Oh, my god. That was
so fucking intense.
Dude, let's get out of here.
Yeah. That feels good.
It feels like
you've got four hands.
Just go with it.
Feel the warmth fill you
As our three energies
become entwined.
Oh, yeah.
What the hell?
This is Amir, my
yoga master and husband.
Amir.
I am Amir.
Husband?
You know, it's getting late.
Look at the time.
Maybe I should...
Do not lose the
energy of the moment.
This moment is special,
Like every moment.
Look, I really
should be going, you know.
Get out of your hair
and things, you know.
You are on a sexual
journey, are you not?
Well, yeah.
And we are here to
help you on your way.
Oh. Okay.
Well, how long does
this send-Off take?
It depends.
Usually four or five hours.
What? Oh, shit!
Dude!
Dude, ross sent
a video of himself
Getting laid last night.
Yeah, right.
Check this out.
Let me see.
Oh, my god.
He did it.
Dude, if I didn't know ross,
I'd totally jerk off to this.
But, I mean, actually if I...
I mean, it could work.
That's gross, man.
Come on.
Dude, if you didn't know
either party,
This would totally be porn.
Oh, and don't think I forgot
About your secret lady.
I don't have
a secret lady, dude.
I don't know what to tell you.
Okay, fine.
Honesty is not the most
important thing to me
Of best friendship.
Okay.
Okay. All right. Fine.
You remember the other night
at your mom's house?
Yeah.
This is funny.
Do you remember what
you said to me about...
Hold on. I got it.
I got to take it.
Mom.
No, I cannot
go to lunch with you.
I have a class.
God. Do you ever wish
That we went to school
further away from our moms?
Sure.
Well, I gotta go to women's lit
With Nate and ross.
I still can't believe you
didn't take that class with us.
You two jerkoffs took
the last free spots.
You know that.
Hey, no...
you...
check you later, man.
Yeah, later.
Okay, it's working.
Testing, 1, 2, 3.
Blblblblbl.
Let's see.
Hello?
I just came to apologize.
That was... my therapist said
That I should do
something impulsive,
But that was just...
weird.
Yeah. Definitely weird.
Like psycho.
Psycho. Ee-Ee-Ee-Ee.
So, that's it.
Oh, shit!
I'm so sorry, Mrs. Reese.
Are you okay?
I'm fine.
No, I was going to have
that done anyway,
So now I don't have to.
You wanna try that again?
Oh, sorry. I meant holly.
No, I meant...
the kiss?
Yeah.
Okay.
Dude, you're such a liar.
Dude, I totally nailed
that yoga lady
Three ways to Sunday, okay?
And it was just her, right?
There wasn't anyone else there.
Not like another dude
or anything, okay?
Just in case you're thinking.
Come on,
what do you want, proof?
Hell, yes, I want proof!
What are you boners doing here?
Class was cancelled.
Oh, wicked.
Yeah. There was
a note on the door.
Lepto-Something. Sounds gross.
Anthony, we need
a ruling, okay?
Cockface over here
won't give me credit
For nailing the yoga lady,
And only the yoga lady,
last night.
No video, no credit.
How was I supposed
to get a video?
I was between two bodies.
Okay, not her husband,
all right?
You know what?
Forget about it, okay?
Look, I lied, okay?
I lied. Yeah.
I couldn't seal the deal.
Yeah. Nailed her?
That's right.
With her friend or...
okay, all right, look, there
was someone else there,
But it was a girl, all right?
Oh, my god.
Her husband got in
on it too, didn't he?
That's why you're
so damn embarrassed.
You had a devil's
threeway. Homo.
No, okay? There was...
There was another girl there,
But she had boobs
and not a penis.
She had a vagina, and it
was warm and it was soft.
Stop laughing!
I am not a homo, okay?
I did not have
a devil's threeway.
I did not.
Not completely.
I'm going to give it to him.
Look, he's embarrassed,
the poor sap.
Fine, whatever. That's
only one, all right?
You don't get a bonus
'Cause you had some freaky
dude in there with you.
Shut up, asshole!
You guys are morons.
I'm going to go to the dorm
and crash.
Later, guys.
All right. See you,
man. Rest up.
You're going to need it.
Why did you
put me down like that?
Hold on. Hold on.
I think this will fit.
What... What is that?
It's a... it's for your...
it'll make you last longer.
Hold still.
See? It's like
a little inner tube.
Remember when we all went
camping up at lake Hemet?
You and Anthony had
inner tubes, and we had...
Okay, how about make
a little deal.
I won't call you
Mrs. Reese any more
If you don't bring up
stories of my childhood
While you're putting
a cock ring on me. Deal?
Okay. Hey, thanks.
Oh, no fucking way.
I'm gonna cum. I'm gonna cum.
Don't cum, Brandon. Don't cum.
Don't cum. Don't cum.
Hold the cum.
Oh, god.
Oh, no.
Oh, god!
This is when I need
the morning after pill.
I'll never ask a girl
to do it again.
That's great.
So...
what now?
Oh, don't worry.
You don't have to buy
me breakfast afterwards.
I'm just gonna go. And thanks.
All right.
Dude, I think Brent is melting.
Cool. He finally set it up.
Okay.
Testing, 1, 2, 3.
Yes! Yes!
Brandon, you are the man.
You are the...
Brandon, you dog.
My dog. My dog.
She's hot...
and she's blonde.
Maybe a little privacy.
Okay. Don't mind me.
I will just be right here.
Okay.
She's know exactly
what she's doing.
God.
I'm hungry.
Okay.
That is going to require
much more therapy.
I'm going to have to
drink a lot tonight
If I'm ever going to get
that image out of my brain.
If it's even possible.
But that aside, thank you.
It was wonderful.
I haven't felt that way
since I was in college.
Alex.
Oh, Mr. Blake.
The perv poet.
Here to compliment
my scarf again?
Actually, I came over
here to apologize.
It was inappropriate of me
To let you stand there exposed.
I should have been more tactful
And controlled
of the situation.
Really? And how would
you have done that?
Something like that.
Excuse me.
Anyway, I gotta get going.
I'll see you around.
Okay.
Oh, yeah. Sure, guys.
Help yourself.
Don't worry about it.
Thanks. Don't worry.
If we break it,
We'll return it good as new.
The last time you said that,
I had to buy
a new game console.
What do you need this for
anyways? What are you doing?
We are taking things,
my friend,
To the next level: MILFS!
Oh, yeah!
Yeah, if we get footage
Of us partying
with these MILFS,
We will be heroes...
It's okay, all right?
I know the ladies
will want what I've got.
Him, on the other hand,
Video is the only way to make
sure he's not making things up.
Yeah. You like that,
don't you? Yeah!
No, no. Give me that.
Come on! That crotch...
Give me back my shit.
I'm calm. My cock
is cool and ready.
Hey, when are we leaving?
Right now.
Actually, I'm not going
with you guys tonight.
What?
He's got some new friend
he's hanging out with.
Really?
Serious?
It's nothing serious.
Who is it, you dog? Who is it?
I bet she's that college girl.
You know. You know.
The one that likes
to air out her nipples
While she's talking.
Come on.
I wanna see some of it.
No. Don't worry about it.
Anyways, I'm out tonight,
so just...
Anthony, can you just
keep an eye on these guys?
I don't want 'em
to break my stuff,
And I don't trust you two.
I want to. I just can't.
Come on.
Just keep an eye
on 'em, please?
You're going to leave me
with these deviants?
Hey, man.
I'll see you later.
You're...
Cheers.
I hunt big animals.
Yeah, great big animals
like elephants.
I hunt bison.
You know, I ever used
to hunt sabertooth tigers.
They sound something like this.
Something like this.
Roarr, roarr, roarr.
Yeah, yeah, they're great.
Okay, what does that say?
Brandon, you better
be getting laid.
Send to my best friend.
My boy.
This one was great.
You should have seen
the size of her tits.
They were massive.
You could wrap
your whole cock around them.
Apparently she stuck
a whole pumpkin up there once
On Halloween.
Oh, Brandon.
It was like everything.
She could shove,
Like, five different
vegetables up there.
It was like she was having
a shower with my jizz.
She was rubbing it all over.
Mom, where do you keep
the detergent?
Honey.
Oh, hey. It's done.
Can you do this?
Awesome, 'cause I forget
how to do it.
I had my cock up her ass.
She's screaming for more,
I was just fucking pounding
her away.
She wanted me to stick
my balls in her mouth.
That is nasty, man.
Oh!
Well, look who's here.
What?
Where you been?
I've just been out, you know?
We haven't seen you in,
like, the past couple weeks.
Yeah, you've been
kind of an asshole.
I know. I'm sorry, man.
I've just been busy.
I knew it, man.
I knew this day was coming.
I knew you were
going to ditch me
For some chick and leave me
here with these two jackasses.
I didn't know it was gonna be
this soon, though.
That's not what's
happening, man. I promise.
And besides,
you said you wanted
To do something for me, right?
Yeah.
Okay, man. Well, tonight,
That means I want you to
hang out with these two.
Fine.
Whatever, man.
Nate says he found
a brand new spot.
We're gonna go check it out.
Yeah. Prime MILF real estate.
Awesome.
This is it?
Yeah.
This is your secret spot?
Yeah.
The market?
Not the market.
MILF central. Check it out.
All right, let's do this.
Spread out. Let's go. Come on.
Hold on. Wait a minute.
I'm not in on
your guys' stupid bet.
Who says? Come on.
For your information,
Maybe someone actually
goes to the grocery store
To get groceries
And not have sex with a mom.
Hey, what about
that one over there?
Come on, Anthony.
See that one bending over?
That one.
Right there.
Do it. Do it. Do it.
This is it. All right.
For the non-Believers.
He's going to make
such an idiot of himself.
He's doing all right.
Hey, is if MILFS or MILF?
For the plural.
You know, like,
one sheep is a sheep,
And many sheep are sheep.
Yes.
Is it the same rules for MILF?
Like, a MILF is a MILF,
And then many MILF are MILF.
No, no, no.
Remember your grammar.
Mom I like to fuck, right?
Yeah.
If it's plural, it can't be
mom I like to fucks.
So it must be MILF.
It must be MILF.
Moms I like to fuck.
I'm really glad
you came tonight.
You know, these past few months
Have been really tough for me.
I mean, just with
the divorce, moving,
And all this change.
But then you were there
To just make things
sort of... nicer.
And I'm not trying to
pressure you or anything,
But this has been
so very, very special.
That's all I'm saying.
So thank you.
Oh, me, too.
Thanks for helping me with
all those heavy groceries.
Oh, shit!
Can you keep it down?
Come on. Move it.
Come on. Move it.
Do it hard.
Just give me five more minutes.
God, can you get me
a water or something?
You are an animal.
Oh.
Are you my daddy?
No.
Are you my daddy?
Are you my daddy?
Holy third world.
Are you my daddy?
Are you my daddy?
Are you my daddy?
Are you my daddy?
Are you my daddy?
Are you my daddy?
Are you my daddy?
Are you my daddy?
Oh, my god!
Go! Please drive! Oh, god!
This isn't what it looks like.
Go, man, go!
Go! Go! Go!
Go, man! Come on!
Oh, my god!
Looks like you guys have
been having some fun?
Yeah, I guess.
Oh, hey, dude. Guess what.
What?
My dad's in town. He wants you
to come to dinner.
Your dad's in town? Really?
Tonight.
I haven't seen your dad
in forever.
Yeah, man. You should
totally come.
I actually do have a lot of
tests and stuff coming up.
Especially one tomorrow.
I got projects and stuff.
No, no, no. I said
my dad's in town,
And he wants you
to come to dinner.
Come on, man.
You're like family.
My mom's cooking.
You love my mom's meat.
Well, why don't you guys
Just hang out together
or something.
With the divorce
and everything,
It'd be nice, you know?
No, man. How weird
would that be?
No, they wouldn't last
one second with just them.
Trust me, dude. The divorce
went really smooth.
All right, fine.
Yeah. Okay. Cool.
Yeah, that's right. Dinner.
I'm there for you.
It'll be a blast
in all dimensions.
I'm so glad everyone's
here tonight.
I'm pretty sure my mom
Hasn't said three words
to my dad.
Really? Don't worry about it,
man. It'll be fine.
How are you, Mr. Reese?
Oh, I'm just wonderful.
And look at you.
A college man now.
I'm good and apparently
so is my ex-Wife.
Is that right?
Well, look at this place.
It's fabulous,
Everything brand new.
I should have
gotten one myself.
Oh, wait. I did pay for this.
She spared no expenses.
Perhaps you can get your nephew
To loan you a few dollars
and fix up your place.
So, Brandon, how are you?
Anthony tells me you're
really busy lately.
Oh. Yeah... kind of.
He's been seeing someone.
Really? Someone?
Well, you know, just...
I still don't know who
it is. He won't tell me.
I'm sure he has
a good reason for that.
Brandon, can I give you
a little advice?
Sure.
You've got to make sure
you enjoy college.
College is a time for
discovering who you are.
Experimenting.
I regret I didn't do
enough of that myself.
Thank you, sir.
I'm sure a lot of people
have that regret, Sheldon.
I'm being serious, Brandon.
You need to keep
an open mind in college.
I'm sure that Brandon
Is being plenty
adventurous in college.
Actually, Anthony over here,
He's got quite the funny
story about that.
Don't you, Anthony?
Remember the time that
we got all adventurous
At the... We did.
I have no idea what
you're talking about.
Well, I'm sure you two
Will find exactly
what you're looking for.
Maybe it's closer
than you think.
Or maybe it's something
You never
thought you'd consider.
But just, you know,
take your time.
Don't rush into anything.
On the contrary.
It's never too
late to change tack...
Enough!
God, can't you just
go through one dinner
Without fighting?
You got divorced for a reason.
Brandon isn't even your son.
I get it. He's like
a brother to me.
He's a good, loyal,
true friend.
But that doesn't mean
you have to fight over him
Like you do me.
Mom, I know you guys
just got divorced,
But I want you to know
That I think
it'd be good for you
To get out there, you know?
Find that special someone.
Thank you, dear.
Come on, mom. You're a catch.
You've got a great house,
A good job.
What guy wouldn't want you.
Am I right?
Yeah. What guy
wouldn't want you?
So, Mr. Reese,
Anthony over here
Tells me you just got
back from a trip?
Yes, that's right.
I was in southeast Asia.
What part of southeast Asia?
Actually, I was in Bangkok.
Did you travel alone
Or with a partner?
Oh, yeah, yeah. You went with
Your new recent partner,
The guy who invested
in the house with you.
Oh, you new business partner?
The guy you invested
in the house with.
Would that be in palm springs?
That's correct.
It's really great
in the springs now.
You guys would love it.
Feel free to come by anytime.
Someone pass me the salad.
Here you go, dad.
Night, boys.
Thanks. Night, dad.
Night.
Oh, dude, it's Nate.
He says he's got
an emergency, man.
We got to go.
No way, man. I really do
have a big econ test.
Can you just
drop me off at campus?
Man, that's on
the other side of town.
Man... I'll take a cab then.
Nonsense. I'm going
right by the campus.
I can take him.
Okay. I guess if that's
okay with you.
You go take care
of your friend.
He'll be safe with me.
All right. Thanks, dad.
Later.
Shall we?
Oh, here.
That door always sticks.
Let me help you.
Mr. Reese, what are you doing?
Brandon, there's something
I wanted to say to you.
You have to admit
There was some electricity
in that room tonight.
Excuse me?
You know what I'm
talking about. At the table?
Mr. Reese, look,
I'm flattered...
Do you understand what
I'm trying to ask you?
I don't know, man. What?
How long have you
been fucking my ex-Wife?
What?
I'm not... I haven't...
Oh, please. I see the way
she's looking at you.
And that little game
of crotch soccer,
That wasn't exactly her
being magnanimous.
I'm gay, not stupid.
I'm sorry.
You don't have
to apologize to me.
But you and Anthony have
been friends for so long.
I want you to
honestly think about
What this might do
to your friendship.
You just promise me that?
Yeah, I will.
I know you will.
Now let's get you
back to school.
Oh, that feels good.
It feels good doing that.
Yeah?
Is this... Where's Nate?
Are you Nate?
Yeah.
He's here.
Hello?
Hey, jerkoff, I'm in the lobby.
What's the emergency?
Dude, I am wasted.
You've got to give me
a ride, yeah?
So call a cab.
He wants me to call a cab.
But, dude, you're here now.
Just come up
and give me a ride.
Oh, yes.
Dude, I think I'm doing it
With our physic teacher's wife.
You know, Mrs. Hiller.
How cool is that, dude?
Hey, buzz him up, will ya?
Mr. Hiller!
He's here! He's here!
My husband!
Hey, Mr. Hiller.
Yes? And who are you?
It's me, Anthony Reese.
I'm in your physics class
in college.
How nice. Good
to see you, Mr. Reese.
Hey, wait, wait, wait.
Hi, sweetie.
Oh, you're early.
Did you forget about
the Anderson dinner party?
I must have.
I am so sorry, baby.
I'd better go
clean up right now.
Wanna come with me?
Oh, indeed I do.
Come on, come on,
cone on, jackass.
I'm sorry. I needed someone
to post up for me.
Did you get what
you wanted at least?
Yeah, she was
a straight up freak.
You should have seen
the size of them, man.
And the best bit...
I got it all on video.
I just need to dry it off.
Where's ross?
Last I saw, he was getting
a MILF of his own.
That feels so good.
Mrs. Reagan?
Oh, shit! 911, there's
an emergency! Thanks.
Morning.
Morning.
Last night was incredible.
You were incredible.
You, too.
Who wants pancakes?
Anthony?
What are you doing here?
I brought you strawberries,
your favorite.
Thanks, Anthony.
Come on, dad, don't
you want your pancakes?
What?
Strawberries, honey.
What is this?
Oh, god.
What the hell happened?
Okay, okay, look, it fell
in the hot tub, all right?
But we can fix it.
Besides, if I don't,
I'm don't get credit
for the last MILF.
So it'll be done. Don't worry.
Do you have any idea how
much this equipment costs?
And what happened to
the second button cam?
Okay, I'm not going to lie.
There was an incident.
You went for the crotch shot,
didn't you?
No. Okay, yes.
But it wasn't my fault.
Do you know there's
this suction thing...
That's it! Man, I've had it
with you two and your crap.
All you do is take and take
And you don't even care
about anyone else.
Why do you two jerkoffs
keep looking at your phones?
MILFS. They keep texting us.
Me, too. It's like
They think we're
dating or something.
Can you two focus, please?
I knew you were
gonna break my stuff.
I knew it. I let you
borrow it anyway.
Then really it's your fault.
That's what I'm talking
about right there, man.
You never take responsibility.
You just get into
all kinds of crap
And expect
it's going to work out.
You should be embarrassed, man.
I'm out. This is ridiculous.
Are we assholes?
You are.
Hey, man. Thanks for being cool
About me
digging out last night.
What happened with that?
Nate lied to me, man.
He needed someone
to run interference.
I'm gonna ask you something
about last night.
Sure.
There was a real weird vibe.
My parents fighting over you.
You don't think
They're getting
back together, do you?
I mean, because I love my dad,
But I've just never,
ever thought
That they were happy together,
And last night was just
a reminder of all it.
Who is it?
No one.
Okay, guys, hear us out.
We're done. We're through.
Right. The bet's off. I won.
I did, but who cares?
Okay, right. These women...
they're crazy.
Yeah. Hormonally unbalanced.
Sexually frustrated.
Menopausal.
Fine. Congratulations.
Wait. There's more.
Look, we need to stop 'em.
They call us 24/7.
They know where we live.
They just won't stop!
Yeah, I have finals
in two weeks.
And?
We need your mom's house.
Why's that?
This ought to be good.
Look, there's no way
The MILFS will come
to a party at a dorm.
Yeah, and there's no way
That people will pay for
a party in the dorms.
Hold on. Back it up.
Why do we need
the MILFS to show up
At my mom's house?
Think about it, right.
What if they had other
young guys to go after?
Right? Other young studs
To, like, tickle their fancy.
Then they'd finally
stop calling us.
No.
Come on! Aren't you
supposed to wingman for us?
Come on. Brandon,
Didn't you bequeath
your debt to us?
Sure.
Then technically,
You owe us.
Fine. I'll do it.
But this officially
pays off my debt.
Okay, awesome, because
we already started
Putting these up around campus.
And at the MILF bar.
Oh, my god.
Hey, stranger.
Hey, what's up?
I saw you guys are
having a house party.
That's pretty awesome.
Yeah. Not me, but...
Oh. But are you going to go?
Yes, but...
I think I'm going to go, too.
I could use the opportunity
To blow off some steam
after all these tests.
That is if you're
going to be having
Some of that sweet, sweet
Microbrew action
going on again.
No. I really think
It's just gonna be
the regular kind of beer.
Oh.
You don't want me to come?
No, of course not.
Great. Then I'll see you
there in a few hours.
Great.
Okay. Good-Bye.
Good-Bye.
You haven't returned
any of my calls.
I know.
We need to talk.
Okay. I've heard
that tone before.
Look, it's been fun,
all right? It has.
But we both knew this wasn't
going to last forever.
I mean, I really
don't want to hurt Anthony.
Well, what about me?
Don't you care what I think?
Of course, but...
Sheldon talked to you,
didn't he?
What?
Asshole. He doesn't
want me to be happy.
Holly...
Look, you are the first person
I've been attracted to
since the divorce.
And what, now you're
suddenly popular
And you're just gonna
dump me like trash? No.
How's it looking?
So far so good.
Oh, thank god.
She's alive.
Best way to spend the rest
of the year, you know?
Best buds hanging out.
Nice party, fellas.
It's not bad.
Oh, hey, man.
Hey, listen, you know,
It was really great living
right next to you, you know?
I'm sorry we didn't get
to hang out more.
Yeah. Sure. Whatever.
What happened to your eye?
Now he's captain asshole.
I'm gonna go wander
around for a bit. You cool?
Oh, yeah, man.
I'm cool. I'm cool.
Get out there, dude.
Cool.
Hey, you made it.
Yeah, I wouldn't miss it,
Especially since all
the cool kids are here.
Yeah, yeah.
Look at that.
Isn't that just silly?
I mean, why would you bother
With someone with
such a huge age gap?
Maybe... i don't know,
Maybe they've just got
a real connection or something.
So do you have plans
for summer?
Oh, actually,
I have an internship,
So I'm going to be around here.
So what about you?
Yeah, I just live
about 20 minutes away,
So I, too, I'll be right here,
Right in this area.
Cool. Cool.
Most of my friends are
going home for the summer,
So I'm going to need someone
To hang out with.
Oh, I'm gonna be here, so...
Okay. I'm going to
take you up on that.
Okay. Thank you.
Can you just excuse me
just for a moment?
Oh. Sure.
I just have
to take care of something.
I'll be quick. I'll be quick.
I'll be here.
All right. Bye.
Bye.
Hey, stud.
You had me worried.
I thought you were leaving,
but you didn't.
I was going to.
But you stayed. That
must mean something.
No, it's over.
Seriously...
No, not yet.
Mom, we're all out of beer...
Shit.
No.
- Dude!
- What?
Jesus, mom!
How long has this
been going on?
Since after the dorm party.
What?
Brandon...
you made me feel
so guilty, man,
And this whole time
you've been screwing my mom?
I'm sorry.
Sorry, man.
It just...
Anthony!
Hey!
My other eye!
Alex!
Alex, wait!
What's going on?
What's that noise?
I still can't see...
What the hell
kind of friend am I?
I, I...
you know, with your mom,
And I don't know why.
I'm sorry, man.
It's not cool.
I'm sorry.
And I let you keep thinking
it was okay to feel guilty
About just seeing my mom naked.
I don't know how
we're going to fix this, man.
I want to. I really do.
I just don't know how.
And I'm really...
I'm willing to do
whatever it takes.
Anything. I'll do anything.
Just say something, please.
Just say anything to me.
Well, I screwed your mom, too.
Dude, it was, like...
I'm sorry!
I thought you were gone.
I...I can't believe...
I'm sorry.
Mrs. Murphy.
The moment I opened that door,
She was, like, possessed, man.
She wanted it.
Drop 'em.
What?
You heard me.
You got to see me.
Now I get to see you.
Okay.
Yeah.
There was no
stopping her, dude.
Oh, this is crazy.
I am so confused right now.
Stop!
Just...
call it even? I don't know.
Yeah?
Call it even.
Could you give us a second?
Look, about the party...
I'll totally reimburse
any damage we caused...
I just came here to apologize.
Really?
Look, Brandon,
I'm not going to lie.
I think we had a really
great thing going.
But... you're right.
This wasn't supposed
to last forever,
And after seeing what it did
To you and Anthony's
friendship,
It's best that it end now
While you guys still have
a chance to be friends.
And it would be really weird
If we had a real relationship.
What if we got together?
You'd be Anthony's stepdad.
Yes, that would be weird.
See you around, kid.
Well, have a good
summer, ladies.
You're going to be
around, right?
Yeah. I got some units
to make up.
I'll be here.
You gonna be here?
Yeah.
Cool, cool, cool. All right.
Sweet. I'm taking off.
Hold on. Is that
the chocolate syrup girl?
Is that her?
Hey, dude, check it out.
I can see
straight down her shirt.
I can't believe
you're still seeing her.
I guess I'm
a romantic at heart.
Peace, guys. See you later.
Hey, guys, I'm out, too,
as well.
I have to see the ladies
one last time
Before I head out of town.
They get one more round
with the Nate-Man!
See you next year.
Later, man.
Well, that's everything.
Yeah, guess so.
Are you going to
come by the house later?
Or later on?
Yeah, probably.
Hey, man, I was thinking.
If anybody was going to
be sleeping with my mom,
I'm glad it was you.
Dude, what the hell?
Come on, man.
What, too soon?
Well, my dad wants
to meet me for dinner,
So I got to go.
Said he's got something
important to tell me.
Call you later?
Sure.
Cool.
So...
so...
how have you been?
Good. Good. I've been good.
I'm just packing.
I'm moving into
my new apartment off-Campus,
So I just came by to pick up
a few of my things.
I didn't think
you'd want to see me
After the incident
at the party.
Yeah, that was strange.
Yeah. But, you know...
That's okay.
Anthony came to see me.
He told me everything.
He did?
Yeah, yeah.
He told me that he ended up
dating your cousin
And he didn't
tell you about it,
So it ended up being weird
for you and your family.
So that's all right.
Don't worry about it.
Yeah.
But it was my fault, too.
That's a nice pattern.
Thanks. I made it myself.
Brandon, is that a peephole?
Yeah.
It's a long story,
But our neighbor
moved out already,
So it's fine.
We have this whole place
to ourselves.
Good.
up there?
What?
You were checking out my ass.
I wasn't...
You're in my econ class, right?
I'm going to tell everyone
what a creep you are.
No.
Dick.
No. No.
What the heck
is wrong with you?
Dickhead!
Well, what's up, dickface?
Look, I'm headed
into econ class.
I'm telling you, blow it
off, you big nerd.
Spend the afternoon
with me and Lori.
Lori is my mom, dude,
and I can't miss econ again,
It's the only professor
I have the takes attendance.
Dude, stop calling my mom Lori.
Relax. I'm almost there.
She's single. I'm allowed.
That's my mom.
What? We're in college now.
I am now officially
one year older
Than she was
when she birthed you.
You don't call adults you've
known your entire life
By their first name.
It's that lack
of sophistication
That's keeping you from
getting laid, Brandon.
Look, dude, I'm headed
into econ class now.
Just go get the booze and
don't talk to Lor... To my mom.
Please, Anthony, I'm asking,
just focus, man.
We need to get the booze
for tonight's party.
Okay, I'm here.
I will tell Lori
you said hello.
Ass. I'll talk to you later.
Later.
Hey, lo...
Hi, Anthony.
Mrs. Murphy.
Where's Brandon?
Brandon is at econ class,
And he wanted me
To pick up a few things
in the garage.
Yeah, come in.
Okay. Cool.
So how's your mom?
I heard what happened.
Is she all right?
Oh, yeah, yeah. She's fine.
She's cool.
She just moved into
a new place.
And she's just enjoying
her new freedom.
I bet.
Well, I'm going to be
seeing holly tonight.
She just needs to get over
that loneliness.
That's all.
Yeah.
You know where the garage is.
I'm taking off, Mrs. Murphy.
I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
My towel!
Mrs. Murphy...
where is he?
The party started ages ago.
I don't know. He should
be back by now, though.
This sucks.
We can't dominate
this game properly
With three of us.
Yeah, well, if we had beer,
We could gain access
to the party.
If we gain access to the party,
We gain access to the pussy.
Hey, contact right! Frag out!
Damn it!
Oh, come on. Like you guys
Are going to get
anywhere at the party.
Returning fire!
Oh! Whatever.
Ross and I here read
a book the other day.
Oh, yeah.
It was pretty good stuff.
It was called
the mystery method.
We are gonna get laid
tonight, that's for sure.
Hey, skinny in the window.
Take 'em out.
To the right.
Mystery method? Does that work?
Contact frag!
It's pretty despicable stuff.
Doesn't go with my game.
Hey, Brandon, cover my six!
Oh, damn it!
Whatever.
Tell you what. All I know is
It works a hell of a lot
better if they are drunk.
Take that, newb!
It's about time, Mr. Slow.
What happened, man?
I was just...
I just...
Traffic.
Yes!
You already opened it?
What's in the box?
New camera gear.
Cameras? That'll be good
later on tonight
When I land a freshman
spinner on my dick.
No, you'll just break it.
Why didn't you just
get it sent here?
Because of him.
Brent the douchebag next door
would've taken it.
Okay nerds, enough tech talk.
Let's go get our sex on?
A philosophy major, eh?
What are you going
to do with that?
Contemplate for hours
About what a shitty idea it was
To become
a philosophy major? Yeah?
He just broke up with you?
I'm so sorry to hear that.
I know. And he's so mean.
You're so sweet
to listen to me.
Oh, thanks.
Randy?
Erica? I'm so glad I found you!
I'm so sorry I was
such a jerk earlier.
Can you forgive me?
Oh, randy.
For, like, seven days.
It was so gross.
So anyway I was, like,
in the middle of the jungle,
Like, in Thailand,
And I was, like,
riding an elephant.
I was just, like,
so totally, like,
Scared and nervous, but,
like, at the same time
I was, like, so in awe
of the natural beauty
And I just couldn't believe
It was, like, actually
happening, you know?
Hello?
Hello?
Okay. I'm gonna go.
No luck, buddy?
Yeah, that kind
of night, I guess.
Well, I'm going to get a beer.
Nice chatting.
God, why is it
at all these parties,
Everyone just drinks all
the crappy domestic beer?
How's this?
That's a good start.
A fool sees not the same tree
that a wise man sees.
Well, okay, there, Mr. Blake.
I'm impressed.
With your choice
in microbrews, that is.
I'm Brandon.
Alex.
So, Alex, you're not from
around here, are you?
Really?
I'm sorry. That was lame.
No, Brandon, I'm not
from around here.
I'm from across campus.
That's a neat pattern.
Look at that.
Oh, thanks. I made it myself.
Really? That's awesome.
Hey!
Nothing but this gay
microbrew crap!
Where's my bud?
Bud!
Must be tough to
live life as a clichй.
God.
Yeah.
You might want to...
come on! That is such
a weak move.
You can do better than that.
You know, you might...
So, Brandon,
How did you become
such a connoisseur
Of beer and generic
pick-Up lines?
Yeah, yeah.
I watch a lot of tits... Titles.
Movies, yeah.
More books than anything.
A lot of stuff in 'em.
It helps.
It helps me.
Oh, cool.
So... do you go to school here?
Yeah. Yeah.
Yeah, you nailed it. I'm here.
Yeah, I'm an econ major.
Economics. Same thing.
You know, small word.
It's loud in here.
Yeah.
I was thinking that, too.
'Cause I can't...
Did you say some...
I hear you, but I don't know...
are you okay?
Yeah. I've got a credit card
in my name. Of course.
What?
I said, are you okay?
Hey, Brando. How's it going?
Hey, your tit's hanging out.
Is that what
you were looking at?
You dog, you.
Come on, high five.
No, I wasn't...
Dick!
You're such an asshole.
God!
All right, bitches,
party on the roof!
Whoooo!
Come one, come all.
Single file line, ladies.
Don't push, don't shove,
don't fight much.
Speak forever under.
Not so fast there, broski.
We're having a little private
soiree tonight, amigos.
Are you kidding me?
Well, I can check to see
If you gentleman
are on the guest list.
Hey, Wyatt! Are our favorite
freshman here on the guest list?
Oh, these knobheads?
Hell, no. People are trying
to get laid tonight, guys.
Oh! Looks like you guys
aren't on the list.
But you have fun night
Jerking off on each other!
Ha ha ha ha!
On your way out.
Awesome. That was just perfect.
Hey, guys, I've got an idea.
Why don't we all hang out
together tonight
And talk about how much
pussy we don't get, yeah?
Brandon, you
should check this out.
This guy's going to town.
Oh, really... Oh, look
at that... Going to town.
Breaking news.
Loose freshman with shaved box
Getting railed
by frat meathead.
Is that big red?
No, it's a blonde,
a dirty, dirty blonde.
I'm pretty sure she's in
my physics class.
I'm pretty sure
She's not walking
to class tomorrow.
You know what? Screw it.
Let's just hang out
tonight, guys.
We have three bottles
of premium whiskey here,
And we can drink.
We can do whatever.
All right, peckerheads.
We need booze.
We hear you faggots
have a stash.
We don't have any.
Jackpot.
You can't take that.
What did you say, taint-Boy?
I said...
You know, I would have
Thrown you boys
in the recycling bin,
But I don't think
they recycle pussy weirdos.
Ha ha ha ha!
Oh! I'm god damned
tired of this shit!
Fuck.
Let's go to my mom's
guest house.
Hey, guys.
I found a burger over here.
Anyone want some?
Oh, you're disgusting.
Let's go.
It's still warm.
I really hate
All those stupid guys
at that party.
Silly frat jerks and their
silly little girlfriends.
They don't know a real man
when they see one.
The blonde in Brent's room
Seemed to be enjoying herself.
Shit.
Oh, crap, man. I forgot.
It's ladies night tonight.
That sounds good.
That's fine. They're
gonna be going out, right?
I think so.
Your mom is going to be
showing my mom
What it's like
to be single again.
This is gonna be awesome.
We're gonna get so much pussy!
What are you talking about?
MILFS!
Think about it, all right?
They're probably lonely,
Drinking a little wine,
Talking about
how much men suck,
And that's when
we'll roll in there
And satisfy their needs.
Blblblblblbl.
Man, this is gonna be amazing.
Hey, standard bet?
Yeah.
You're not betting on my mom.
What are you guys betting on?
We're betting on who's
going to bag the most MILFS
By the end of the year.
Yes.
Oh, yeah.
Anthony, I really wish
you would have called.
Mom...
what the hell is going on here?
Nothing.
Oh, right. Nothing.
Nice whip. What is
this, a lezbo sess?
What?
You're a lesbian.
No!
This is my fault.
Mom?
Nice. Nice whips.
Boys...
Boys, look...
this is a passion party.
No, no, no, no, no.
This is awesome.
This is gross.
We can leave.
No. Anthony, this is my time.
Mom, you got blue stringy
things on your boobies.
I know, okay? I know.
I know this looks bad,
all right?
I'm not going to lie.
But it's not...
No. No.
This is sick.
You guys...
Oh, Anthony, grow up.
Anthony! Baby, come...
We're staying
in the guest house.
Dude, that was intense.
I'm so jealous, man.
I just feel dirty.
I just want that
out of my head.
Like, I... No.
I saw your mom naked today.
What?
Cool.
When I went to get the hootch.
Bush and everything?
Shut up, guys. Shut.
No, he's right.
Bush and everything.
But she shaves, though, kinda.
It was like a runway.
Straight up... Never mind.
This isn't going to make things
weird between us, is it?
I don't know.
Damn, man.
I'm just finding out
all kinds of weird things
About my mom today.
This is nuts.
Brandon, I will do
anything you want
To make it up to you.
Anything you want.
How do we even get past
something like this?
I just want you
to forget about it, please.
Just pretend like
it never happened. Please.
Dude, don't you get it?
This is going to make things
so weird between us.
It's not gonna seem
like anything right now,
But eventually it's just going
to eat at our friendship,
And all I'm going to have left
is Nate and ross.
Hey, come on.
Dude, I will do anything
you want, man.
I will be your non-Gay servant
For the rest of the year.
That just seems like
it'll be weird.
Okay, okay, okay, fine.
Just pawn me off
to the wondertwins.
It's for the best.
Fair is fair.
It has to happen.
I just need some air, dude.
Don't go. I love you, man.
Hello?
Hi, Brandon.
Hi, Mrs. Reese.
Mrs. Reese?
You're a man now, Brandon.
And boy, how you have grown.
Oh, my god.
Oh, my god.
Dude.
Yeah.
Amigo.
More tongue. Just like that.
Dude.
I'm right here.
You gotta do that
on your own time.
I wasn't doing anything, man.
It's cool.
I rub one out
when you're asleep, too.
Oh, god.
Oh...
what happened last night?
You got drunk and passed out.
That's what you did.
Who drove?
Ross.
Yeah, he's the only one
who didn't drink.
Thank god, 'cause
we were all shithosed.
It was great.
Buddy, buddy.
Buddy...
you and me... bright spot.
Grubbin'. My treat.
I'm hungry. Sounds great.
Grubbin'.
Your treat?
Grubbin'.
I'm stoked.
¶ Grubbin' ¶
I can't find it.
What?
My wallet and my phone, dude.
I feel naked without it.
Well, I don't have mine,
either.
Dude, we have to go
to my mom's house.
What? We don't need
to do that. Why?
I think I left it there
when I was wasted, man.
I looked everywhere else.
We can just go back
to the room, man.
I'll grab my wallet.
It's much easier
if we just do that.
No, fuck that.
I need my wallet and my phone.
Don't think I forgot
about our deal, man.
Buying you breakfast
is just the start.
Besides, even if my mom
doesn't have my wallet,
She always has a nice spread.
What? Wha...
Food, guy. Breakfast.
You know my mom, man.
She always has
the ripest melons,
Sticky buns.
It's amazing.
She always brings it.
Fine, but just
find it quick, please.
I forgot about how much
of a bitch you turn into
When you're hungry.
Oh! Hi, Brandon.
Hi, Mrs. Reese.
Holly.
You've seen me naked.
You can call me holly.
No, I didn't...
Yes, you did.
Right. Yes, ma'am.
There's nothing wrong
with that.
I know. I know that.
I...
I was...
I should go...
I'm just waiting for Anthony...
So... okay.
You know, maybe I...
I'm gonna get going.
That was wrong.
That was nice.
Right. That was nice.
I just got divorced,
And my hormones
are all over the place.
I'm probably not
very stable right now.
Right. I understand.
I'm not crazy.
No, no. I didn't
even think that.
Do you have a phone?
Yeah, yeah.
You need to make a call?
Should I...
I got it.
Okay.
That's called sexting, right?
Oh, hey, mom.
Did you get your rocks off yet
From a cooter
'cause you're gay now?
What is wrong with you?
Sorry, mom.
Wouldn't want to disturb you
from flicking your bead.
Hey, got the keys. Let's roll.
I'm sorry, man.
It's just...
I still can't get over it, man.
It's not normal, right?
I mean, she was sitting there
Just ready to take it
with a whip.
That is weird. Am I right?
You know what I'm saying?
Are you having a seizure? What?
Stop being such a dick
to your mom.
Dude, easy, all right?
She was totally lezzing
with your mom, so...
Dude, they're just, you know,
confused or something.
It's the divorce
and everything.
Listen, dr. Phil,
I don't need the play
by play, all right?
I'd appreciate it...
God damn it, dude. My phone.
Don't start siding
with my mom, all right?
Dude, come on. Drive straight.
All right. All right.
Jesus Christ!
Dude, people are going to think
You're sucking my dick, dude.
Here, let me get it. I got it.
Grab the wheel.
Dude! Come on!
Grab the wheel!
What are you doing?
Come on. Come on.
Got it.
All right, dude. Give it here.
Oh, my...
those are some
nice titties, dude.
Whoop. Hold up.
Look at that ass!
Oh, my god, I would
lick that ass clean!
Dude, I am an ass man.
It is official.
You like that? You like that?
How did you get
such a good shot
Through that hole?
I mean, 'cause that
chow monkey Brent
Does not deserve tail
like this.
Yes! Yeah. I know, right?
That's where I got it
just a couple weeks ago.
Incoming call.
Give it. Dude, don't.
I got it.
You, talk dirty to me.
Who is it?
Oh, okay. Excellent.
Multiple women?
Yeah, we can do that.
Lesbians? Absolutely.
Send 'em over.
We'll be ready. Okay.
I'll talk to you soon. Later.
Nate and ross
want us to play wingman
To their little MILF quest.
I told them
you'd be cool with it.
Oh, my god. Seriously, though?
That is a hot little number.
Welcome to
the motherlode, boys.
Hello, darling.
Can I top you off?
Reeoowr!
Hey, you guys sure you don't
want in on this bet?
Yeah, I'm sure.
I don't know, man.
I don't have a prescription
for Viagra.
These chicks don't want
anything to do with me.
Anyway, I still got to
make up stuff to you.
Why? What'd he do,
bang his mom?
Dude, come on.
Whatever, man. Let's
just say I screwed up,
And I owe it to Brandon.
Whatever you need, man.
If you need a drink,
it's on me.
Whatever you want, man.
Just how about...
just wingman for ross.
Yeah, come on, man. Let's go.
Hi. How you doing?
You're here.
Is that a tom Collins?
You sure you don't
want to trade up
To a newer model?
Yeah? Awesome.
Reeowr.
Run away, little boy.
I dated guys older than you
when I was in high school.
Bye.
All right.
What do these wrinkle dicks
have that we don't?
Yeah, well, they have jobs
And cars and money.
Money.
I saw you out there
on the dance floor.
Are you going to hurt me?
Now you say ahh.
Cough.
Haven't you ever been
to the doctor? Cough.
Cough.
Okay.
You'll do.
Yeah.
All right. Shut up.
I told her, look,
You gotta just swallow
that thing, you know?
Hey, do you wanna
get out there and dance?
Do you wanna get out there?
Like, look at that.
Oh, no, man. Wingmanning
for ross is impossible.
Guys, guys, guys. I got one!
Got one.
I think she's a dude.
Guys, guys, guys, guys.
Guys, come on.
I need one of you guys
To drive us home
to her place, okay?
We've both had too many.
No way.
I'm on vacation.
You know what,
I'll drive you guys.
Let's go.
You and Nate
can go back together.
Might be a while,
by the looks of that.
But, yeah. It'll be fine,
dude. I'm fine.
You sure?
Come on. Stop
wasting time here.
Come on. Just drive us home.
All right. Good job.
Okay, man. I'm gonna go.
No! No, no, no. Don't go, man.
She scares the crap
out of me, all right?
Real serial killer shit.
Then let's fucking leave.
No, man.
I'm getting laid.
Awesome!
Stay here.
You want a cookie, little boy?
'Cause I'd like a cock. Strip.
Strip!
Jesus Christ!
Did you know I'm a yogi?
No, I did not,
but that's awesome.
It's a very spiritual
lifestyle.
I'm sure it is.
I take it very seriously.
So you should.
Like choosing partners
to make love with.
Oh.
Oh! Give me a bigger load!
Spank it! Make it squirt!
I'm squirting.
Make me squirt!
I'm squirting! I'm squirting!
I'm squirting. I'm squirting.
You like it?
Oh, yeah.
Yeah, suck it. Suck it.
Oh, suck it, suck it,
suck it, suck it!
Oh, Santa Claus
is coming to town.
Santa's gonna be here
riding on his reindeer.
Oh, Santa!
I love Santa.
You love Santa?
You kidding me? Creamy?
Could you please
knock off the fucking?
You're a new one.
Look here, bra,
Every damn night
it's the same routine.
I can't sleep.
My girl can't sleep.
The whole damn first
floor tryin' to sleep,
And every night
she's so damn loud
It sounds like somebody
getting murdered.
Somebody
gots to tell that bitch
People can't sleep when
you're always fucking.
I'll tell her.
Get down! I'm down!
Bitch, you got
to shut the fuck up.
I'm in love with you.
I love you.
I love you.
Oh, my gosh.
Oh, snap!
Oh, my god. That was
so fucking intense.
Dude, let's get out of here.
Yeah. That feels good.
It feels like
you've got four hands.
Just go with it.
Feel the warmth fill you
As our three energies
become entwined.
Oh, yeah.
What the hell?
This is Amir, my
yoga master and husband.
Amir.
I am Amir.
Husband?
You know, it's getting late.
Look at the time.
Maybe I should...
Do not lose the
energy of the moment.
This moment is special,
Like every moment.
Look, I really
should be going, you know.
Get out of your hair
and things, you know.
You are on a sexual
journey, are you not?
Well, yeah.
And we are here to
help you on your way.
Oh. Okay.
Well, how long does
this send-Off take?
It depends.
Usually four or five hours.
What? Oh, shit!
Dude!
Dude, ross sent
a video of himself
Getting laid last night.
Yeah, right.
Check this out.
Let me see.
Oh, my god.
He did it.
Dude, if I didn't know ross,
I'd totally jerk off to this.
But, I mean, actually if I...
I mean, it could work.
That's gross, man.
Come on.
Dude, if you didn't know
either party,
This would totally be porn.
Oh, and don't think I forgot
About your secret lady.
I don't have
a secret lady, dude.
I don't know what to tell you.
Okay, fine.
Honesty is not the most
important thing to me
Of best friendship.
Okay.
Okay. All right. Fine.
You remember the other night
at your mom's house?
Yeah.
This is funny.
Do you remember what
you said to me about...
Hold on. I got it.
I got to take it.
Mom.
No, I cannot
go to lunch with you.
I have a class.
God. Do you ever wish
That we went to school
further away from our moms?
Sure.
Well, I gotta go to women's lit
With Nate and ross.
I still can't believe you
didn't take that class with us.
You two jerkoffs took
the last free spots.
You know that.
Hey, no...
you...
check you later, man.
Yeah, later.
Okay, it's working.
Testing, 1, 2, 3.
Blblblblbl.
Let's see.
Hello?
I just came to apologize.
That was... my therapist said
That I should do
something impulsive,
But that was just...
weird.
Yeah. Definitely weird.
Like psycho.
Psycho. Ee-Ee-Ee-Ee.
So, that's it.
Oh, shit!
I'm so sorry, Mrs. Reese.
Are you okay?
I'm fine.
No, I was going to have
that done anyway,
So now I don't have to.
You wanna try that again?
Oh, sorry. I meant holly.
No, I meant...
the kiss?
Yeah.
Okay.
Dude, you're such a liar.
Dude, I totally nailed
that yoga lady
Three ways to Sunday, okay?
And it was just her, right?
There wasn't anyone else there.
Not like another dude
or anything, okay?
Just in case you're thinking.
Come on,
what do you want, proof?
Hell, yes, I want proof!
What are you boners doing here?
Class was cancelled.
Oh, wicked.
Yeah. There was
a note on the door.
Lepto-Something. Sounds gross.
Anthony, we need
a ruling, okay?
Cockface over here
won't give me credit
For nailing the yoga lady,
And only the yoga lady,
last night.
No video, no credit.
How was I supposed
to get a video?
I was between two bodies.
Okay, not her husband,
all right?
You know what?
Forget about it, okay?
Look, I lied, okay?
I lied. Yeah.
I couldn't seal the deal.
Yeah. Nailed her?
That's right.
With her friend or...
okay, all right, look, there
was someone else there,
But it was a girl, all right?
Oh, my god.
Her husband got in
on it too, didn't he?
That's why you're
so damn embarrassed.
You had a devil's
threeway. Homo.
No, okay? There was...
There was another girl there,
But she had boobs
and not a penis.
She had a vagina, and it
was warm and it was soft.
Stop laughing!
I am not a homo, okay?
I did not have
a devil's threeway.
I did not.
Not completely.
I'm going to give it to him.
Look, he's embarrassed,
the poor sap.
Fine, whatever. That's
only one, all right?
You don't get a bonus
'Cause you had some freaky
dude in there with you.
Shut up, asshole!
You guys are morons.
I'm going to go to the dorm
and crash.
Later, guys.
All right. See you,
man. Rest up.
You're going to need it.
Why did you
put me down like that?
Hold on. Hold on.
I think this will fit.
What... What is that?
It's a... it's for your...
it'll make you last longer.
Hold still.
See? It's like
a little inner tube.
Remember when we all went
camping up at lake Hemet?
You and Anthony had
inner tubes, and we had...
Okay, how about make
a little deal.
I won't call you
Mrs. Reese any more
If you don't bring up
stories of my childhood
While you're putting
a cock ring on me. Deal?
Okay. Hey, thanks.
Oh, no fucking way.
I'm gonna cum. I'm gonna cum.
Don't cum, Brandon. Don't cum.
Don't cum. Don't cum.
Hold the cum.
Oh, god.
Oh, no.
Oh, god!
This is when I need
the morning after pill.
I'll never ask a girl
to do it again.
That's great.
So...
what now?
Oh, don't worry.
You don't have to buy
me breakfast afterwards.
I'm just gonna go. And thanks.
All right.
Dude, I think Brent is melting.
Cool. He finally set it up.
Okay.
Testing, 1, 2, 3.
Yes! Yes!
Brandon, you are the man.
You are the...
Brandon, you dog.
My dog. My dog.
She's hot...
and she's blonde.
Maybe a little privacy.
Okay. Don't mind me.
I will just be right here.
Okay.
She's know exactly
what she's doing.
God.
I'm hungry.
Okay.
That is going to require
much more therapy.
I'm going to have to
drink a lot tonight
If I'm ever going to get
that image out of my brain.
If it's even possible.
But that aside, thank you.
It was wonderful.
I haven't felt that way
since I was in college.
Alex.
Oh, Mr. Blake.
The perv poet.
Here to compliment
my scarf again?
Actually, I came over
here to apologize.
It was inappropriate of me
To let you stand there exposed.
I should have been more tactful
And controlled
of the situation.
Really? And how would
you have done that?
Something like that.
Excuse me.
Anyway, I gotta get going.
I'll see you around.
Okay.
Oh, yeah. Sure, guys.
Help yourself.
Don't worry about it.
Thanks. Don't worry.
If we break it,
We'll return it good as new.
The last time you said that,
I had to buy
a new game console.
What do you need this for
anyways? What are you doing?
We are taking things,
my friend,
To the next level: MILFS!
Oh, yeah!
Yeah, if we get footage
Of us partying
with these MILFS,
We will be heroes...
It's okay, all right?
I know the ladies
will want what I've got.
Him, on the other hand,
Video is the only way to make
sure he's not making things up.
Yeah. You like that,
don't you? Yeah!
No, no. Give me that.
Come on! That crotch...
Give me back my shit.
I'm calm. My cock
is cool and ready.
Hey, when are we leaving?
Right now.
Actually, I'm not going
with you guys tonight.
What?
He's got some new friend
he's hanging out with.
Really?
Serious?
It's nothing serious.
Who is it, you dog? Who is it?
I bet she's that college girl.
You know. You know.
The one that likes
to air out her nipples
While she's talking.
Come on.
I wanna see some of it.
No. Don't worry about it.
Anyways, I'm out tonight,
so just...
Anthony, can you just
keep an eye on these guys?
I don't want 'em
to break my stuff,
And I don't trust you two.
I want to. I just can't.
Come on.
Just keep an eye
on 'em, please?
You're going to leave me
with these deviants?
Hey, man.
I'll see you later.
You're...
Cheers.
I hunt big animals.
Yeah, great big animals
like elephants.
I hunt bison.
You know, I ever used
to hunt sabertooth tigers.
They sound something like this.
Something like this.
Roarr, roarr, roarr.
Yeah, yeah, they're great.
Okay, what does that say?
Brandon, you better
be getting laid.
Send to my best friend.
My boy.
This one was great.
You should have seen
the size of her tits.
They were massive.
You could wrap
your whole cock around them.
Apparently she stuck
a whole pumpkin up there once
On Halloween.
Oh, Brandon.
It was like everything.
She could shove,
Like, five different
vegetables up there.
It was like she was having
a shower with my jizz.
She was rubbing it all over.
Mom, where do you keep
the detergent?
Honey.
Oh, hey. It's done.
Can you do this?
Awesome, 'cause I forget
how to do it.
I had my cock up her ass.
She's screaming for more,
I was just fucking pounding
her away.
She wanted me to stick
my balls in her mouth.
That is nasty, man.
Oh!
Well, look who's here.
What?
Where you been?
I've just been out, you know?
We haven't seen you in,
like, the past couple weeks.
Yeah, you've been
kind of an asshole.
I know. I'm sorry, man.
I've just been busy.
I knew it, man.
I knew this day was coming.
I knew you were
going to ditch me
For some chick and leave me
here with these two jackasses.
I didn't know it was gonna be
this soon, though.
That's not what's
happening, man. I promise.
And besides,
you said you wanted
To do something for me, right?
Yeah.
Okay, man. Well, tonight,
That means I want you to
hang out with these two.
Fine.
Whatever, man.
Nate says he found
a brand new spot.
We're gonna go check it out.
Yeah. Prime MILF real estate.
Awesome.
This is it?
Yeah.
This is your secret spot?
Yeah.
The market?
Not the market.
MILF central. Check it out.
All right, let's do this.
Spread out. Let's go. Come on.
Hold on. Wait a minute.
I'm not in on
your guys' stupid bet.
Who says? Come on.
For your information,
Maybe someone actually
goes to the grocery store
To get groceries
And not have sex with a mom.
Hey, what about
that one over there?
Come on, Anthony.
See that one bending over?
That one.
Right there.
Do it. Do it. Do it.
This is it. All right.
For the non-Believers.
He's going to make
such an idiot of himself.
He's doing all right.
Hey, is if MILFS or MILF?
For the plural.
You know, like,
one sheep is a sheep,
And many sheep are sheep.
Yes.
Is it the same rules for MILF?
Like, a MILF is a MILF,
And then many MILF are MILF.
No, no, no.
Remember your grammar.
Mom I like to fuck, right?
Yeah.
If it's plural, it can't be
mom I like to fucks.
So it must be MILF.
It must be MILF.
Moms I like to fuck.
I'm really glad
you came tonight.
You know, these past few months
Have been really tough for me.
I mean, just with
the divorce, moving,
And all this change.
But then you were there
To just make things
sort of... nicer.
And I'm not trying to
pressure you or anything,
But this has been
so very, very special.
That's all I'm saying.
So thank you.
Oh, me, too.
Thanks for helping me with
all those heavy groceries.
Oh, shit!
Can you keep it down?
Come on. Move it.
Come on. Move it.
Do it hard.
Just give me five more minutes.
God, can you get me
a water or something?
You are an animal.
Oh.
Are you my daddy?
No.
Are you my daddy?
Are you my daddy?
Holy third world.
Are you my daddy?
Are you my daddy?
Are you my daddy?
Are you my daddy?
Are you my daddy?
Are you my daddy?
Are you my daddy?
Are you my daddy?
Oh, my god!
Go! Please drive! Oh, god!
This isn't what it looks like.
Go, man, go!
Go! Go! Go!
Go, man! Come on!
Oh, my god!
Looks like you guys have
been having some fun?
Yeah, I guess.
Oh, hey, dude. Guess what.
What?
My dad's in town. He wants you
to come to dinner.
Your dad's in town? Really?
Tonight.
I haven't seen your dad
in forever.
Yeah, man. You should
totally come.
I actually do have a lot of
tests and stuff coming up.
Especially one tomorrow.
I got projects and stuff.
No, no, no. I said
my dad's in town,
And he wants you
to come to dinner.
Come on, man.
You're like family.
My mom's cooking.
You love my mom's meat.
Well, why don't you guys
Just hang out together
or something.
With the divorce
and everything,
It'd be nice, you know?
No, man. How weird
would that be?
No, they wouldn't last
one second with just them.
Trust me, dude. The divorce
went really smooth.
All right, fine.
Yeah. Okay. Cool.
Yeah, that's right. Dinner.
I'm there for you.
It'll be a blast
in all dimensions.
I'm so glad everyone's
here tonight.
I'm pretty sure my mom
Hasn't said three words
to my dad.
Really? Don't worry about it,
man. It'll be fine.
How are you, Mr. Reese?
Oh, I'm just wonderful.
And look at you.
A college man now.
I'm good and apparently
so is my ex-Wife.
Is that right?
Well, look at this place.
It's fabulous,
Everything brand new.
I should have
gotten one myself.
Oh, wait. I did pay for this.
She spared no expenses.
Perhaps you can get your nephew
To loan you a few dollars
and fix up your place.
So, Brandon, how are you?
Anthony tells me you're
really busy lately.
Oh. Yeah... kind of.
He's been seeing someone.
Really? Someone?
Well, you know, just...
I still don't know who
it is. He won't tell me.
I'm sure he has
a good reason for that.
Brandon, can I give you
a little advice?
Sure.
You've got to make sure
you enjoy college.
College is a time for
discovering who you are.
Experimenting.
I regret I didn't do
enough of that myself.
Thank you, sir.
I'm sure a lot of people
have that regret, Sheldon.
I'm being serious, Brandon.
You need to keep
an open mind in college.
I'm sure that Brandon
Is being plenty
adventurous in college.
Actually, Anthony over here,
He's got quite the funny
story about that.
Don't you, Anthony?
Remember the time that
we got all adventurous
At the... We did.
I have no idea what
you're talking about.
Well, I'm sure you two
Will find exactly
what you're looking for.
Maybe it's closer
than you think.
Or maybe it's something
You never
thought you'd consider.
But just, you know,
take your time.
Don't rush into anything.
On the contrary.
It's never too
late to change tack...
Enough!
God, can't you just
go through one dinner
Without fighting?
You got divorced for a reason.
Brandon isn't even your son.
I get it. He's like
a brother to me.
He's a good, loyal,
true friend.
But that doesn't mean
you have to fight over him
Like you do me.
Mom, I know you guys
just got divorced,
But I want you to know
That I think
it'd be good for you
To get out there, you know?
Find that special someone.
Thank you, dear.
Come on, mom. You're a catch.
You've got a great house,
A good job.
What guy wouldn't want you.
Am I right?
Yeah. What guy
wouldn't want you?
So, Mr. Reese,
Anthony over here
Tells me you just got
back from a trip?
Yes, that's right.
I was in southeast Asia.
What part of southeast Asia?
Actually, I was in Bangkok.
Did you travel alone
Or with a partner?
Oh, yeah, yeah. You went with
Your new recent partner,
The guy who invested
in the house with you.
Oh, you new business partner?
The guy you invested
in the house with.
Would that be in palm springs?
That's correct.
It's really great
in the springs now.
You guys would love it.
Feel free to come by anytime.
Someone pass me the salad.
Here you go, dad.
Night, boys.
Thanks. Night, dad.
Night.
Oh, dude, it's Nate.
He says he's got
an emergency, man.
We got to go.
No way, man. I really do
have a big econ test.
Can you just
drop me off at campus?
Man, that's on
the other side of town.
Man... I'll take a cab then.
Nonsense. I'm going
right by the campus.
I can take him.
Okay. I guess if that's
okay with you.
You go take care
of your friend.
He'll be safe with me.
All right. Thanks, dad.
Later.
Shall we?
Oh, here.
That door always sticks.
Let me help you.
Mr. Reese, what are you doing?
Brandon, there's something
I wanted to say to you.
You have to admit
There was some electricity
in that room tonight.
Excuse me?
You know what I'm
talking about. At the table?
Mr. Reese, look,
I'm flattered...
Do you understand what
I'm trying to ask you?
I don't know, man. What?
How long have you
been fucking my ex-Wife?
What?
I'm not... I haven't...
Oh, please. I see the way
she's looking at you.
And that little game
of crotch soccer,
That wasn't exactly her
being magnanimous.
I'm gay, not stupid.
I'm sorry.
You don't have
to apologize to me.
But you and Anthony have
been friends for so long.
I want you to
honestly think about
What this might do
to your friendship.
You just promise me that?
Yeah, I will.
I know you will.
Now let's get you
back to school.
Oh, that feels good.
It feels good doing that.
Yeah?
Is this... Where's Nate?
Are you Nate?
Yeah.
He's here.
Hello?
Hey, jerkoff, I'm in the lobby.
What's the emergency?
Dude, I am wasted.
You've got to give me
a ride, yeah?
So call a cab.
He wants me to call a cab.
But, dude, you're here now.
Just come up
and give me a ride.
Oh, yes.
Dude, I think I'm doing it
With our physic teacher's wife.
You know, Mrs. Hiller.
How cool is that, dude?
Hey, buzz him up, will ya?
Mr. Hiller!
He's here! He's here!
My husband!
Hey, Mr. Hiller.
Yes? And who are you?
It's me, Anthony Reese.
I'm in your physics class
in college.
How nice. Good
to see you, Mr. Reese.
Hey, wait, wait, wait.
Hi, sweetie.
Oh, you're early.
Did you forget about
the Anderson dinner party?
I must have.
I am so sorry, baby.
I'd better go
clean up right now.
Wanna come with me?
Oh, indeed I do.
Come on, come on,
cone on, jackass.
I'm sorry. I needed someone
to post up for me.
Did you get what
you wanted at least?
Yeah, she was
a straight up freak.
You should have seen
the size of them, man.
And the best bit...
I got it all on video.
I just need to dry it off.
Where's ross?
Last I saw, he was getting
a MILF of his own.
That feels so good.
Mrs. Reagan?
Oh, shit! 911, there's
an emergency! Thanks.
Morning.
Morning.
Last night was incredible.
You were incredible.
You, too.
Who wants pancakes?
Anthony?
What are you doing here?
I brought you strawberries,
your favorite.
Thanks, Anthony.
Come on, dad, don't
you want your pancakes?
What?
Strawberries, honey.
What is this?
Oh, god.
What the hell happened?
Okay, okay, look, it fell
in the hot tub, all right?
But we can fix it.
Besides, if I don't,
I'm don't get credit
for the last MILF.
So it'll be done. Don't worry.
Do you have any idea how
much this equipment costs?
And what happened to
the second button cam?
Okay, I'm not going to lie.
There was an incident.
You went for the crotch shot,
didn't you?
No. Okay, yes.
But it wasn't my fault.
Do you know there's
this suction thing...
That's it! Man, I've had it
with you two and your crap.
All you do is take and take
And you don't even care
about anyone else.
Why do you two jerkoffs
keep looking at your phones?
MILFS. They keep texting us.
Me, too. It's like
They think we're
dating or something.
Can you two focus, please?
I knew you were
gonna break my stuff.
I knew it. I let you
borrow it anyway.
Then really it's your fault.
That's what I'm talking
about right there, man.
You never take responsibility.
You just get into
all kinds of crap
And expect
it's going to work out.
You should be embarrassed, man.
I'm out. This is ridiculous.
Are we assholes?
You are.
Hey, man. Thanks for being cool
About me
digging out last night.
What happened with that?
Nate lied to me, man.
He needed someone
to run interference.
I'm gonna ask you something
about last night.
Sure.
There was a real weird vibe.
My parents fighting over you.
You don't think
They're getting
back together, do you?
I mean, because I love my dad,
But I've just never,
ever thought
That they were happy together,
And last night was just
a reminder of all it.
Who is it?
No one.
Okay, guys, hear us out.
We're done. We're through.
Right. The bet's off. I won.
I did, but who cares?
Okay, right. These women...
they're crazy.
Yeah. Hormonally unbalanced.
Sexually frustrated.
Menopausal.
Fine. Congratulations.
Wait. There's more.
Look, we need to stop 'em.
They call us 24/7.
They know where we live.
They just won't stop!
Yeah, I have finals
in two weeks.
And?
We need your mom's house.
Why's that?
This ought to be good.
Look, there's no way
The MILFS will come
to a party at a dorm.
Yeah, and there's no way
That people will pay for
a party in the dorms.
Hold on. Back it up.
Why do we need
the MILFS to show up
At my mom's house?
Think about it, right.
What if they had other
young guys to go after?
Right? Other young studs
To, like, tickle their fancy.
Then they'd finally
stop calling us.
No.
Come on! Aren't you
supposed to wingman for us?
Come on. Brandon,
Didn't you bequeath
your debt to us?
Sure.
Then technically,
You owe us.
Fine. I'll do it.
But this officially
pays off my debt.
Okay, awesome, because
we already started
Putting these up around campus.
And at the MILF bar.
Oh, my god.
Hey, stranger.
Hey, what's up?
I saw you guys are
having a house party.
That's pretty awesome.
Yeah. Not me, but...
Oh. But are you going to go?
Yes, but...
I think I'm going to go, too.
I could use the opportunity
To blow off some steam
after all these tests.
That is if you're
going to be having
Some of that sweet, sweet
Microbrew action
going on again.
No. I really think
It's just gonna be
the regular kind of beer.
Oh.
You don't want me to come?
No, of course not.
Great. Then I'll see you
there in a few hours.
Great.
Okay. Good-Bye.
Good-Bye.
You haven't returned
any of my calls.
I know.
We need to talk.
Okay. I've heard
that tone before.
Look, it's been fun,
all right? It has.
But we both knew this wasn't
going to last forever.
I mean, I really
don't want to hurt Anthony.
Well, what about me?
Don't you care what I think?
Of course, but...
Sheldon talked to you,
didn't he?
What?
Asshole. He doesn't
want me to be happy.
Holly...
Look, you are the first person
I've been attracted to
since the divorce.
And what, now you're
suddenly popular
And you're just gonna
dump me like trash? No.
How's it looking?
So far so good.
Oh, thank god.
She's alive.
Best way to spend the rest
of the year, you know?
Best buds hanging out.
Nice party, fellas.
It's not bad.
Oh, hey, man.
Hey, listen, you know,
It was really great living
right next to you, you know?
I'm sorry we didn't get
to hang out more.
Yeah. Sure. Whatever.
What happened to your eye?
Now he's captain asshole.
I'm gonna go wander
around for a bit. You cool?
Oh, yeah, man.
I'm cool. I'm cool.
Get out there, dude.
Cool.
Hey, you made it.
Yeah, I wouldn't miss it,
Especially since all
the cool kids are here.
Yeah, yeah.
Look at that.
Isn't that just silly?
I mean, why would you bother
With someone with
such a huge age gap?
Maybe... i don't know,
Maybe they've just got
a real connection or something.
So do you have plans
for summer?
Oh, actually,
I have an internship,
So I'm going to be around here.
So what about you?
Yeah, I just live
about 20 minutes away,
So I, too, I'll be right here,
Right in this area.
Cool. Cool.
Most of my friends are
going home for the summer,
So I'm going to need someone
To hang out with.
Oh, I'm gonna be here, so...
Okay. I'm going to
take you up on that.
Okay. Thank you.
Can you just excuse me
just for a moment?
Oh. Sure.
I just have
to take care of something.
I'll be quick. I'll be quick.
I'll be here.
All right. Bye.
Bye.
Hey, stud.
You had me worried.
I thought you were leaving,
but you didn't.
I was going to.
But you stayed. That
must mean something.
No, it's over.
Seriously...
No, not yet.
Mom, we're all out of beer...
Shit.
No.
- Dude!
- What?
Jesus, mom!
How long has this
been going on?
Since after the dorm party.
What?
Brandon...
you made me feel
so guilty, man,
And this whole time
you've been screwing my mom?
I'm sorry.
Sorry, man.
It just...
Anthony!
Hey!
My other eye!
Alex!
Alex, wait!
What's going on?
What's that noise?
I still can't see...
What the hell
kind of friend am I?
I, I...
you know, with your mom,
And I don't know why.
I'm sorry, man.
It's not cool.
I'm sorry.
And I let you keep thinking
it was okay to feel guilty
About just seeing my mom naked.
I don't know how
we're going to fix this, man.
I want to. I really do.
I just don't know how.
And I'm really...
I'm willing to do
whatever it takes.
Anything. I'll do anything.
Just say something, please.
Just say anything to me.
Well, I screwed your mom, too.
Dude, it was, like...
I'm sorry!
I thought you were gone.
I...I can't believe...
I'm sorry.
Mrs. Murphy.
The moment I opened that door,
She was, like, possessed, man.
She wanted it.
Drop 'em.
What?
You heard me.
You got to see me.
Now I get to see you.
Okay.
Yeah.
There was no
stopping her, dude.
Oh, this is crazy.
I am so confused right now.
Stop!
Just...
call it even? I don't know.
Yeah?
Call it even.
Could you give us a second?
Look, about the party...
I'll totally reimburse
any damage we caused...
I just came here to apologize.
Really?
Look, Brandon,
I'm not going to lie.
I think we had a really
great thing going.
But... you're right.
This wasn't supposed
to last forever,
And after seeing what it did
To you and Anthony's
friendship,
It's best that it end now
While you guys still have
a chance to be friends.
And it would be really weird
If we had a real relationship.
What if we got together?
You'd be Anthony's stepdad.
Yes, that would be weird.
See you around, kid.
Well, have a good
summer, ladies.
You're going to be
around, right?
Yeah. I got some units
to make up.
I'll be here.
You gonna be here?
Yeah.
Cool, cool, cool. All right.
Sweet. I'm taking off.
Hold on. Is that
the chocolate syrup girl?
Is that her?
Hey, dude, check it out.
I can see
straight down her shirt.
I can't believe
you're still seeing her.
I guess I'm
a romantic at heart.
Peace, guys. See you later.
Hey, guys, I'm out, too,
as well.
I have to see the ladies
one last time
Before I head out of town.
They get one more round
with the Nate-Man!
See you next year.
Later, man.
Well, that's everything.
Yeah, guess so.
Are you going to
come by the house later?
Or later on?
Yeah, probably.
Hey, man, I was thinking.
If anybody was going to
be sleeping with my mom,
I'm glad it was you.
Dude, what the hell?
Come on, man.
What, too soon?
Well, my dad wants
to meet me for dinner,
So I got to go.
Said he's got something
important to tell me.
Call you later?
Sure.
Cool.
So...
so...
how have you been?
Good. Good. I've been good.
I'm just packing.
I'm moving into
my new apartment off-Campus,
So I just came by to pick up
a few of my things.
I didn't think
you'd want to see me
After the incident
at the party.
Yeah, that was strange.
Yeah. But, you know...
That's okay.
Anthony came to see me.
He told me everything.
He did?
Yeah, yeah.
He told me that he ended up
dating your cousin
And he didn't
tell you about it,
So it ended up being weird
for you and your family.
So that's all right.
Don't worry about it.
Yeah.
But it was my fault, too.
That's a nice pattern.
Thanks. I made it myself.
Brandon, is that a peephole?
Yeah.
It's a long story,
But our neighbor
moved out already,
So it's fine.
We have this whole place
to ourselves.
Good.